1
00:00:00,205 --> 00:00:02,774
Previously on "You Me
Her"... I need a plan.

2
00:00:02,775 --> 00:00:04,375
- Yeah, no shit.
- Some way to get the two of them

3
00:00:04,376 --> 00:00:06,711
alone in an enclosed space.

4
00:00:07,512 --> 00:00:09,180
- Is that your dad?
- I'm sober.

5
00:00:09,181 --> 00:00:10,515
- How long?
- A little over a year.

6
00:00:10,516 --> 00:00:12,383
Wow. Only 26 years too late.

7
00:00:12,384 --> 00:00:13,718
The state of the millennial man.

8
00:00:13,719 --> 00:00:15,286
That's my thesis.

9
00:00:15,287 --> 00:00:17,722
So, I'm thinking that I should
meet all of my dates the same way.

10
00:00:17,723 --> 00:00:19,324
Right here, not too late, not too early.

11
00:00:19,325 --> 00:00:20,825
When did you stop wanting kids?

12
00:00:20,826 --> 00:00:23,227
It just kind of happened
gradually over the years.

13
00:00:23,228 --> 00:00:25,964
Have you guys talked about
some version of child care?

14
00:00:25,965 --> 00:00:28,866
We're more talking
about talking about it.

15
00:00:28,867 --> 00:00:32,543
We can't publish
almost-finished theater reviews.

16
00:00:32,544 --> 00:00:35,140
- Yeah.
- Divorce signing thing still on for Monday?

17
00:00:35,173 --> 00:00:36,474
Oh, buddy, is that what this is about?

18
00:00:36,475 --> 00:00:38,409
I just want to make sure that
we're still on for Monday.

19
00:00:38,410 --> 00:00:40,311
Yeah. We are totally a go.

20
00:00:40,312 --> 00:00:41,546
When do you have classes?

21
00:00:41,547 --> 00:00:43,900
Monday, I have a 10:00. Why?

22
00:00:43,949 --> 00:00:46,317
You hired an escort to
get your groove back,

23
00:00:46,318 --> 00:00:47,552
and then you got down
on your fucking knees

24
00:00:47,553 --> 00:00:48,987
and begged her to have your baby.

25
00:00:48,988 --> 00:00:50,655
You owe me 12 fucking years.

26
00:00:50,656 --> 00:00:51,923
Fuck you!

27
00:00:56,662 --> 00:00:58,663
What the fuck?

28
00:01:00,573 --> 00:01:04,573
- Synced and corrected by chamallow -
- www.addic7ed.com -

29
00:01:07,663 --> 00:01:10,832
Uh...

30
00:01:10,833 --> 00:01:13,434
Babe, I don't know
how it happened, okay?

31
00:01:13,435 --> 00:01:16,671
One minute she was leaving, and
the next minute we were all...

32
00:01:16,672 --> 00:01:17,939
well, I guess you saw.

33
00:01:17,940 --> 00:01:19,841
Iz. Izzy, look at me.

34
00:01:19,842 --> 00:01:23,511
You cannot break up with him over this.

35
00:01:23,512 --> 00:01:26,280
Do not tell me who I can
or cannot break up with

36
00:01:26,281 --> 00:01:27,682
for whatever fucking reason.

37
00:01:27,683 --> 00:01:29,117
No, I'm not telling you.

38
00:01:29,118 --> 00:01:31,152
I'm begging you. Look,
nothing's changed.

39
00:01:31,153 --> 00:01:33,054
I'm still in a committed
relationship in Seattle.

40
00:01:33,055 --> 00:01:35,357
You two are...

41
00:01:38,227 --> 00:01:40,361
Oh, this day has really taken a turn.

42
00:01:45,000 --> 00:01:47,201
Starting without me...

43
00:02:06,188 --> 00:02:07,856
Oh.

44
00:02:13,162 --> 00:02:14,896
Oh.

45
00:02:14,897 --> 00:02:16,397
Oh, fuck.

46
00:02:28,844 --> 00:02:32,280
Hi, babe.

47
00:02:51,680 --> 00:02:54,149
So, that happened.

48
00:02:57,119 --> 00:02:58,519
Oh, you're mad now?

49
00:02:58,720 --> 00:03:00,655
I thought this is
exactly what you wanted

50
00:03:00,656 --> 00:03:02,857
when you parent trapped us.

51
00:03:02,858 --> 00:03:07,161
I was hoping to find you guys
making nice, not making out.

52
00:03:07,162 --> 00:03:10,498
You sure that's all you were hoping for?

53
00:03:10,499 --> 00:03:14,902
Quit mining my subconscious
motivations, doctor dickhead.

54
00:03:14,903 --> 00:03:18,739
Does your subconscious buy
the beer, pizza, and candy?

55
00:03:18,740 --> 00:03:20,241
Oh, you think you're very funny.

56
00:03:27,249 --> 00:03:30,851
Em, are you okay?

57
00:03:30,852 --> 00:03:32,720
Was that Kylie?

58
00:03:32,721 --> 00:03:33,888
Yeah.

59
00:03:33,889 --> 00:03:35,523
Was she super pissed?

60
00:03:35,524 --> 00:03:38,092
No, because I just
lied my fucking ass off.

61
00:03:38,093 --> 00:03:39,894
Something I was really
hoping to eliminate

62
00:03:39,895 --> 00:03:41,195
as a defining character trait.

63
00:03:42,264 --> 00:03:43,764
Why would you lie to her?

64
00:03:43,765 --> 00:03:45,405
Why don't you just
tell her what happened?

65
00:03:47,336 --> 00:03:48,736
Because she's going back.

66
00:03:48,737 --> 00:03:52,273
Uh, what?

67
00:03:52,274 --> 00:03:53,574
No, you're not.

68
00:03:53,575 --> 00:03:55,576
I told you, Izzy, this was a mistake.

69
00:03:55,577 --> 00:03:57,411
Whether it was the two
of us or the three of us,

70
00:03:57,412 --> 00:03:59,281
this never should have happened.

71
00:04:01,917 --> 00:04:04,785
Emma, could you just slow down, okay?

72
00:04:04,786 --> 00:04:06,354
It's not like we're gonna
throw a net over you.

73
00:04:06,355 --> 00:04:08,856
Wait, wait.

74
00:04:08,857 --> 00:04:11,425
What the three of us
did here was special,

75
00:04:11,426 --> 00:04:13,227
and you're just gonna bounce?

76
00:04:13,228 --> 00:04:15,629
Are you kidding me?

77
00:04:15,630 --> 00:04:17,031
I'm happy in Seattle

78
00:04:17,432 --> 00:04:19,633
at Pinnacle

79
00:04:20,134 --> 00:04:21,303
with Kylie.

80
00:04:24,106 --> 00:04:27,074
You guys make sense.

81
00:04:27,075 --> 00:04:29,443
I'm the piece that doesn't fit.

82
00:04:36,585 --> 00:04:39,253
We did this together,

83
00:04:39,254 --> 00:04:41,255
all three of us.

84
00:04:41,256 --> 00:04:43,058
Not just you.

85
00:04:45,360 --> 00:04:47,562
But you're right. It was a mistake.

86
00:04:51,933 --> 00:04:54,201
See you Monday.

87
00:04:54,202 --> 00:04:55,603
Yeah.

88
00:05:01,443 --> 00:05:03,944
Izzy?

89
00:05:03,945 --> 00:05:07,047
If you walk out that door,
don't call, don't text,

90
00:05:07,048 --> 00:05:09,083
and sure as fuck don't
think about dropping by.

91
00:05:09,284 --> 00:05:10,451
You are dead to me.

92
00:06:04,606 --> 00:06:06,473
Emma?

93
00:06:06,474 --> 00:06:08,176
Hey, Carm.

94
00:06:12,781 --> 00:06:15,449
What exactly are you
doing on my front porch?

95
00:06:15,450 --> 00:06:17,117
Not much.

96
00:06:17,118 --> 00:06:18,619
Crying, mostly.

97
00:06:18,620 --> 00:06:21,288
Um...

98
00:06:21,289 --> 00:06:24,992
- Jack and Izzy are...
- Oh, no. No, no, no.

99
00:06:24,993 --> 00:06:27,494
You do not get to show up
here after four fucking months

100
00:06:27,495 --> 00:06:29,263
and just pick this bullshit
up like you never left.

101
00:06:29,264 --> 00:06:31,332
Oh, Carm, I am begging
you. I am a disaster.

102
00:06:31,333 --> 00:06:32,967
Please.

103
00:06:32,968 --> 00:06:34,535
Uh, okay.

104
00:06:34,536 --> 00:06:36,971
I'm gonna count to five, and
then I'm gonna call the cops

105
00:06:36,972 --> 00:06:38,505
and say there's a skinny white woman

106
00:06:38,506 --> 00:06:40,307
kneeling on the porch
of my mixed-race house.

107
00:06:40,308 --> 00:06:42,476
Yeah, well, let's just
wait for them to get here,

108
00:06:42,477 --> 00:06:43,978
and then we'll tell them

109
00:06:43,979 --> 00:06:45,813
I'm your best friend
because cops love that.

110
00:06:45,814 --> 00:06:47,948
Oh, didn't you hear? I
have a new best friend now,

111
00:06:47,949 --> 00:06:50,684
and she's way cooler than the old one.

112
00:06:50,685 --> 00:06:55,556
Oh, is this Emma? Hi, Emma!

113
00:06:55,557 --> 00:06:58,093
So, why is she kneeling?

114
00:07:00,562 --> 00:07:02,229
Oh, yikes.

115
00:07:02,230 --> 00:07:03,797
Never seen her like that.

116
00:07:03,798 --> 00:07:05,165
Who... who are you?

117
00:07:05,166 --> 00:07:07,134
Oh, I'm Hannah.

118
00:07:07,225 --> 00:07:10,127
So, Carmen tells me that you
were a late-onset lesbian.

119
00:07:10,128 --> 00:07:13,230
That is so cool.

120
00:07:13,231 --> 00:07:14,898
- I can't...
- It's... it's just so brave.

121
00:07:14,899 --> 00:07:16,600
Carm!

122
00:07:16,601 --> 00:07:17,735
Oh.

123
00:07:22,774 --> 00:07:24,809
You weren't 100% sure it was over.

124
00:07:28,279 --> 00:07:30,315
No.

125
00:07:37,122 --> 00:07:39,657
But now I am.

126
00:07:43,461 --> 00:07:45,295
Are we doing the thing?

127
00:07:45,296 --> 00:07:46,830
The telepathy thing?

128
00:07:46,831 --> 00:07:49,334
I believe so.

129
00:07:52,637 --> 00:07:54,638
Here, try it.

130
00:07:54,639 --> 00:07:56,674
What am I thinking?

131
00:08:01,646 --> 00:08:03,113
How much you love me.

132
00:08:03,114 --> 00:08:04,281
Oh.

133
00:08:06,151 --> 00:08:08,853
You're turn.

134
00:08:13,024 --> 00:08:14,992
The same, I hope.

135
00:08:14,993 --> 00:08:16,827
No.

136
00:08:16,828 --> 00:08:19,663
I was thinking you should
go get us some Indian food.

137
00:08:22,534 --> 00:08:24,168
I'm kidding.

138
00:08:24,169 --> 00:08:28,305
I was thinking the same thing.

139
00:08:28,306 --> 00:08:30,040
Although now that I've
said it, the Indian food

140
00:08:30,041 --> 00:08:31,375
concept seems pretty good.

141
00:08:31,376 --> 00:08:32,810
Mm.

142
00:08:44,722 --> 00:08:46,891
Thank you.

143
00:08:49,994 --> 00:08:51,895
Are you serious? I don't get any?

144
00:08:51,896 --> 00:08:53,197
What is this, junior high?

145
00:08:53,198 --> 00:08:54,665
Oh, no. I'm sure we can give you a...

146
00:08:54,666 --> 00:08:56,500
No, this is for work.

147
00:08:56,501 --> 00:08:58,102
Hannah and I are reviewing

148
00:08:58,103 --> 00:09:01,839
a very nice Willamette Valley
Syrah for "The Heights."

149
00:09:01,840 --> 00:09:03,607
Okay, well, there is so
little in that sentence

150
00:09:03,608 --> 00:09:06,109
- that made sense to me.
- Gee, I wonder why.

151
00:09:06,110 --> 00:09:08,545
Okay, ladies. I am
sensing some seriously

152
00:09:08,546 --> 00:09:10,914
complicated relationship dynamics here.

153
00:09:10,915 --> 00:09:13,750
Emma, I need you to know I am
not trying to poach your bestie.

154
00:09:13,951 --> 00:09:15,586
Who is she? Who are you again?

155
00:09:15,587 --> 00:09:18,455
I'm Hannah.

156
00:09:18,456 --> 00:09:20,524
H... Hannah.

157
00:09:20,525 --> 00:09:22,192
Paul got transferred to Dallas.

158
00:09:22,193 --> 00:09:25,095
The Matherfields moved,
and Hannah came into my life

159
00:09:25,096 --> 00:09:27,598
- just when I needed her most.
- Aww.

160
00:09:27,599 --> 00:09:29,566
And now we're starting
a magazine together.

161
00:09:29,567 --> 00:09:30,968
I mean, with my Internet following

162
00:09:30,969 --> 00:09:32,402
and Carmen's writing experience,

163
00:09:32,403 --> 00:09:34,404
the idea kinda came up with itself.

164
00:09:38,610 --> 00:09:42,212
Well, okay, that's right
up in my personal space.

165
00:09:42,213 --> 00:09:43,914
Carmen Mae Amari,

166
00:09:43,915 --> 00:09:45,482
from the bottom of my heart
and the depths of my soul,

167
00:09:45,483 --> 00:09:47,251
I am so, so sorry for crawling

168
00:09:47,252 --> 00:09:50,888
so far up my own ass that
all I could see was...

169
00:09:50,889 --> 00:09:52,290
Your colon?

170
00:09:55,393 --> 00:09:57,094
Look, I never should have
pulled away like that,

171
00:09:57,095 --> 00:09:59,563
but everything here reminded
me of everything else here.

172
00:09:59,564 --> 00:10:01,231
Okay, just for scheduling purposes,

173
00:10:01,232 --> 00:10:03,433
how much longer are you
gonna be holding my face?

174
00:10:03,434 --> 00:10:06,803
Until you begin the
process of forgiving me.

175
00:10:06,804 --> 00:10:08,338
I can't stand it when you're mad at me.

176
00:10:08,339 --> 00:10:12,609
I mean, I physically cannot stand it.

177
00:10:12,610 --> 00:10:14,244
You're a dick.

178
00:10:14,245 --> 00:10:16,980
Yeah, I'm a ginormous dick.

179
00:10:16,981 --> 00:10:19,416
And I know it's gonna take you
a while to forgive me, but...

180
00:10:19,417 --> 00:10:20,918
Okay. That's all I wanted to hear.

181
00:10:20,919 --> 00:10:24,154
Oh, thank you. I love you.

182
00:10:24,155 --> 00:10:25,522
Oh.

183
00:10:25,523 --> 00:10:27,659
Oh!

184
00:10:30,461 --> 00:10:32,362
Okay. So, this is happening.

185
00:10:32,363 --> 00:10:34,097
Just let it happen. She's
a world-class hugger.

186
00:10:34,098 --> 00:10:36,867
Mm. When I spent a
summer living in a lavra

187
00:10:36,868 --> 00:10:39,102
- with Romanian hermits, I'd learned so...
- Hannah,

188
00:10:39,103 --> 00:10:41,471
I'm sure Carm's right and you
are really cool and everything,

189
00:10:41,472 --> 00:10:44,341
but I'm gonna need you to
disengage and give us a minute.

190
00:10:44,342 --> 00:10:46,109
And by "give us a minute,"

191
00:10:46,110 --> 00:10:48,679
I mean you got to go. No offense.

192
00:10:48,680 --> 00:10:51,515
I totally understand.

193
00:10:51,516 --> 00:10:53,684
Oh.

194
00:10:53,685 --> 00:10:54,885
Okay.

195
00:10:54,886 --> 00:10:56,053
I love you.

196
00:10:56,054 --> 00:10:57,755
Well, I'm very lovable.

197
00:11:07,832 --> 00:11:09,900
What's wrong?

198
00:11:09,901 --> 00:11:12,502
Remember when you said
that I can't just drop in

199
00:11:12,503 --> 00:11:15,005
and dump throuple bullshit on you.

200
00:11:15,006 --> 00:11:17,207
Yeah, you mean like 20 minutes ago?

201
00:11:17,208 --> 00:11:19,509
It seems longer.

202
00:11:19,510 --> 00:11:21,178
So here's the thing.

203
00:11:21,179 --> 00:11:22,679
I threw an octopus at Jack's head.

204
00:11:22,680 --> 00:11:24,314
I had sex with him and Izzy.

205
00:11:24,315 --> 00:11:27,050
Izzy said if I walked out
the door, I was dead to her.

206
00:11:27,051 --> 00:11:29,152
Which I obviously did
because I am now standing here

207
00:11:29,153 --> 00:11:33,323
with you drinking wine like a huge dick.

208
00:11:33,324 --> 00:11:34,925
But enough about me. How are you?

209
00:11:34,926 --> 00:11:36,260
Tell me about "The Heights."

210
00:11:36,261 --> 00:11:37,494
Do you really get paid to drink wine?

211
00:11:37,495 --> 00:11:40,198
Because that is awesome.

212
00:11:49,040 --> 00:11:53,744
Okay, so I'm still struggling,
I don't know why, to understand.

213
00:11:53,745 --> 00:11:55,612
You guys hadn't spoken in months,

214
00:11:55,613 --> 00:11:57,581
but then you pulled a quickie ménage,

215
00:11:57,582 --> 00:12:02,519
and why did anybody think
that was a good idea?

216
00:12:02,520 --> 00:12:04,087
Okay, you know that
ridiculous movie thing

217
00:12:04,088 --> 00:12:06,056
where two people wake up
staring at the ceiling like,

218
00:12:06,057 --> 00:12:07,524
how the hell did this happen?

219
00:12:07,525 --> 00:12:08,792
You know, like they
just got sucked up into

220
00:12:08,793 --> 00:12:10,293
a giant sex tornado?

221
00:12:10,294 --> 00:12:11,928
Okay.

222
00:12:11,929 --> 00:12:14,265
Yeah, okay, it is so real,
even with three people.

223
00:12:16,267 --> 00:12:18,235
But you're still getting divorced Monday

224
00:12:18,236 --> 00:12:20,103
and driving back to Seattle?

225
00:12:20,104 --> 00:12:22,472
Yes.

226
00:12:22,473 --> 00:12:24,474
Okay.

227
00:12:24,475 --> 00:12:25,542
Okay.

228
00:12:25,543 --> 00:12:27,277
Hey. Look,

229
00:12:27,278 --> 00:12:30,947
Dave speaks to Jack all the
time, right, so he'd know.

230
00:12:30,948 --> 00:12:32,949
Jack and Izzy really are happy?

231
00:12:32,950 --> 00:12:35,318
Yeah. I mean, they're... they're good.

232
00:12:35,319 --> 00:12:37,621
If that crazy throuple shit
just woke you up in a life

233
00:12:37,622 --> 00:12:39,389
you didn't want anymore,

234
00:12:39,390 --> 00:12:43,260
then dragging it out would
have only made things worse.

235
00:12:43,261 --> 00:12:45,929
Are you sure that you
left for the right reasons,

236
00:12:45,930 --> 00:12:48,965
and not just because you
felt like Jack left you first?

237
00:12:51,769 --> 00:12:53,470
Wash that around for a little bit

238
00:12:53,471 --> 00:12:56,941
because I'm gonna have
some words with Mr. Amari.

239
00:12:58,776 --> 00:13:00,277
Hey, hon.

240
00:13:00,278 --> 00:13:03,413
So, I start a business
and ask for some support,

241
00:13:03,414 --> 00:13:05,115
and suddenly you're
working on a Saturday,

242
00:13:05,116 --> 00:13:07,851
and you come home after the
girls are fed and in bed?

243
00:13:07,852 --> 00:13:10,153
I'm working on a pitch. You
know what that's like, right?

244
00:13:10,154 --> 00:13:12,122
You guys, you know what?
I'm gonna take a tour

245
00:13:12,123 --> 00:13:13,790
around the old 'hood, see if everything

246
00:13:13,791 --> 00:13:15,592
really seems smaller, like they say.

247
00:13:15,593 --> 00:13:16,927
Good to see you.

248
00:13:16,928 --> 00:13:18,495
Sorry, Emma. I can't talk to you.

249
00:13:18,496 --> 00:13:19,830
Team Jack, no offense.

250
00:13:19,831 --> 00:13:21,531
I get it.

251
00:13:23,501 --> 00:13:24,868
So you seriously think I stayed at work

252
00:13:24,869 --> 00:13:27,471
late on a Saturday to piss you off?

253
00:13:27,472 --> 00:13:28,939
Okay.

254
00:13:28,940 --> 00:13:31,174
I seriously think that
nobody leaves this room

255
00:13:31,175 --> 00:13:33,810
until we agree on a plan for the girls.

256
00:13:33,811 --> 00:13:36,446
Well, it's a good thing we
came up with a plan two years

257
00:13:36,447 --> 00:13:37,647
and nine months ago.

258
00:13:37,648 --> 00:13:40,650
Wow. That is some freaky ass shit.

259
00:13:40,651 --> 00:13:42,619
What, that I know my
daughter's age to the month?

260
00:13:42,620 --> 00:13:44,387
How much you sound like your dad.

261
00:13:44,388 --> 00:13:46,623
That's not cool, okay?

262
00:13:46,624 --> 00:13:47,991
I'm not like my dad.

263
00:13:47,992 --> 00:13:49,526
Just in case I wasn't clear,

264
00:13:49,527 --> 00:13:51,661
I'm talking about your
wildly misogynistic,

265
00:13:51,662 --> 00:13:53,897
but otherwise charming, Turkish father.

266
00:13:53,898 --> 00:13:55,365
I am not like my father.

267
00:13:55,366 --> 00:14:00,303
I am progressive and
evolved and feminist A.F.

268
00:14:00,304 --> 00:14:02,172
which I was recently
told stands for "as fuck."

269
00:14:02,173 --> 00:14:04,975
Okay, here's the thing.

270
00:14:04,976 --> 00:14:06,843
I'm not asking for permission.

271
00:14:06,844 --> 00:14:09,079
Okay, I think I get what's
happening here, all right?

272
00:14:09,080 --> 00:14:11,581
Hannah's life seems
all shiny and perfect

273
00:14:11,582 --> 00:14:13,884
with her after-school care
and her imaginary husband,

274
00:14:13,885 --> 00:14:16,520
but I'm standing here
all three-dimensional

275
00:14:16,521 --> 00:14:18,388
with actual opinions on
my daughter's upbringing.

276
00:14:18,389 --> 00:14:19,689
Now, I was under the impression

277
00:14:19,690 --> 00:14:21,391
that that's the way you liked it.

278
00:14:21,392 --> 00:14:23,427
Nobody twisted your arm. We
came up with this together.

279
00:14:23,428 --> 00:14:24,728
You think this has to do with Hannah?

280
00:14:24,729 --> 00:14:26,430
This has nothing to do with Hannah,

281
00:14:26,431 --> 00:14:29,366
and I resent you being so
reductive about my feelings.

282
00:14:29,367 --> 00:14:35,405
Now, me and this amazing Syrah
are gonna take a bath together,

283
00:14:35,406 --> 00:14:37,308
and you're gonna clean the kitchen.

284
00:14:43,514 --> 00:14:46,383
Oh, bummer.

285
00:14:46,384 --> 00:14:47,617
Good luck with that.

286
00:16:27,785 --> 00:16:32,022
I didn't know how you took it,
so I brought you cream and sugar.

287
00:16:32,023 --> 00:16:33,857
What's the idea here?

288
00:16:33,858 --> 00:16:37,494
I'm walking you to school.

289
00:16:37,495 --> 00:16:40,797
Well, I am walking myself to a meeting.

290
00:16:40,798 --> 00:16:42,532
What you do is your call.

291
00:16:42,533 --> 00:16:44,835
Free country and all that.

292
00:16:50,408 --> 00:16:52,375
God, this is so weird.

293
00:17:00,985 --> 00:17:03,687
I'm sure you know why I
wanted to see you today.

294
00:17:03,688 --> 00:17:06,256
Yeah. As you are my thesis advisor,

295
00:17:06,257 --> 00:17:07,824
I would assume that it has to...

296
00:17:07,825 --> 00:17:09,926
Please tell me that
you're making progress.

297
00:17:09,927 --> 00:17:12,996
Oliver, how do I put this?

298
00:17:12,997 --> 00:17:18,168
Um, I am in the "ironing
out the details" phase.

299
00:17:18,169 --> 00:17:23,707
I'm just, like, hacking through
the tall grass of the, um...

300
00:17:23,708 --> 00:17:26,443
I've had a lot going on lately.

301
00:17:26,444 --> 00:17:29,245
Like last semester when
you more or less went AWOL?

302
00:17:29,246 --> 00:17:31,881
No, no, no. This is...
this is different.

303
00:17:31,882 --> 00:17:33,383
My dad, who was dead,

304
00:17:33,384 --> 00:17:35,585
came back to life...

305
00:17:35,586 --> 00:17:38,254
like Jesus.

306
00:17:38,255 --> 00:17:42,792
Except my dad wasn't so much
dead as he was "dead to me."

307
00:17:42,793 --> 00:17:45,795
Izzy, I know having a
resurrection in the family

308
00:17:45,796 --> 00:17:47,297
must be very distracting.

309
00:17:47,298 --> 00:17:48,798
See? Thank you.

310
00:17:48,799 --> 00:17:50,400
Yes, of course.

311
00:17:50,401 --> 00:17:53,803
But writing and defending
a thesis is grueling work.

312
00:17:53,804 --> 00:17:55,705
You're behind on your
TA duties recently,

313
00:17:55,706 --> 00:17:59,075
and you haven't even
started community placement.

314
00:17:59,076 --> 00:18:02,479
Are you sure this is
still what you want?

315
00:18:02,480 --> 00:18:05,749
It is. It really, really is.

316
00:18:05,750 --> 00:18:08,551
Great. Well, no time like the present.

317
00:18:08,552 --> 00:18:10,720
Let's reach out to a few of my contacts

318
00:18:10,721 --> 00:18:12,222
who might have a slot for you.

319
00:18:12,223 --> 00:18:14,491
I mean, that's so cool
and proactive, Oliver.

320
00:18:14,492 --> 00:18:16,626
I mean, you're so good at your job.

321
00:18:16,627 --> 00:18:19,095
But the thing is, is I
had like a previous thing,

322
00:18:19,096 --> 00:18:22,999
and I'm gonna sit until you're done.

323
00:18:25,169 --> 00:18:27,070
How was the meeting with Oliver?

324
00:18:27,071 --> 00:18:29,639
Well, he went off on me.
Just like, no thesis topic,

325
00:18:29,640 --> 00:18:32,776
no community placement, worst
TA ever, blah, blah, blah.

326
00:18:32,777 --> 00:18:35,945
He's such a ball buster.

327
00:18:35,946 --> 00:18:38,182
What have you been doing?

328
00:18:40,751 --> 00:18:42,952
Okay, you really need to get
your head out of your ass, sister.

329
00:18:42,953 --> 00:18:45,622
Before you know it, you're
gonna be 35, married with kids,

330
00:18:45,623 --> 00:18:47,590
and every time you have
that second glass of Chard,

331
00:18:47,591 --> 00:18:49,859
you're gonna bore the living
shit out of the neighbor chicks

332
00:18:49,860 --> 00:18:53,530
- with vows of some day finishing your PhD.
- I know, I know.

333
00:18:53,531 --> 00:18:56,966
I'm actually on my
way to my first meeting

334
00:18:56,967 --> 00:18:59,202
at Directions Youth Services.

335
00:18:59,203 --> 00:19:02,105
It's a center for homeless teenagers.

336
00:19:02,106 --> 00:19:04,174
You working at a soup
kitchen for street kids?

337
00:19:04,175 --> 00:19:08,378
I said youth center, not soup
kitchen. What's your point?

338
00:19:08,379 --> 00:19:11,481
Fuck soup. They are gonna eat you alive.

339
00:19:11,482 --> 00:19:13,349
Jack and Emma signed the papers today.

340
00:19:13,350 --> 00:19:14,818
It only took me six months,

341
00:19:14,819 --> 00:19:16,486
but I finally destroyed their marriage.

342
00:19:16,487 --> 00:19:18,321
Bull fuck.

343
00:19:18,322 --> 00:19:20,490
Please use the more
conventional "bullshit."

344
00:19:20,491 --> 00:19:23,193
Bull fuck belongs in that sex dictionary

345
00:19:23,194 --> 00:19:26,796
with Cleveland steamer
and dirty Sanchez.

346
00:19:26,797 --> 00:19:28,832
Okay, look.

347
00:19:28,833 --> 00:19:32,502
Here's the true postmortem
on the Trakarsky marriage.

348
00:19:32,503 --> 00:19:34,370
Desperate suburban married couple brings

349
00:19:34,371 --> 00:19:39,142
a young, mediocre-looking
escort into their marriage

350
00:19:39,143 --> 00:19:40,810
only to discover that the real problem

351
00:19:40,811 --> 00:19:42,412
with their shitty sex life

352
00:19:42,413 --> 00:19:45,682
is that wifey's actually
gay and doesn't want kids.

353
00:19:45,683 --> 00:19:47,383
You were never the
villain in this picture.

354
00:19:47,384 --> 00:19:49,919
In the end, you guys all
made your own choices.

355
00:19:49,920 --> 00:19:51,521
Nobody got bull fucked.

356
00:19:51,522 --> 00:19:53,356
See? That works.

357
00:19:53,357 --> 00:19:55,024
Hmm, thanks.

358
00:20:03,567 --> 00:20:06,002
I was jacking around
with my friend's guitar,

359
00:20:06,003 --> 00:20:09,873
and he was, all, "Bro,
that's fucking amazing."

360
00:20:09,874 --> 00:20:11,774
Which is weird because, like,

361
00:20:11,775 --> 00:20:15,411
I've never taken a single lesson.

362
00:20:15,412 --> 00:20:18,248
Um, check it.

363
00:20:21,852 --> 00:20:23,720
Dude, that's something
special right there.

364
00:20:23,721 --> 00:20:25,288
Huh? You know?

365
00:20:25,289 --> 00:20:27,891
Don't let anyone tell you different.

366
00:20:27,892 --> 00:20:31,427
Hmm? See? Crazy, right?

367
00:20:31,428 --> 00:20:34,063
Yeah, crazy.

368
00:20:34,064 --> 00:20:37,534
Anyway, um, after you swiped right

369
00:20:37,535 --> 00:20:41,070
and said you were "way up into my ass,"

370
00:20:41,071 --> 00:20:42,906
you left everything else up to me.

371
00:20:42,907 --> 00:20:46,142
Date, time, place, all of it.

372
00:20:46,143 --> 00:20:48,278
Why is that?

373
00:20:48,279 --> 00:20:50,781
What's your point, Nana?

374
00:20:52,983 --> 00:20:55,752
It's Nina, you imbecile.

375
00:20:55,753 --> 00:20:57,420
Nana means grandma.

376
00:20:57,421 --> 00:20:59,722
Why would anybody name their child Nana?

377
00:20:59,723 --> 00:21:01,424
Nana, that's awesome.

378
00:21:01,425 --> 00:21:03,259
God, what is wrong with your
entire generation of men?

379
00:21:03,260 --> 00:21:05,929
Should I just date grateful widowers

380
00:21:05,930 --> 00:21:09,399
and leave you goofy twats
to your vintage bicycles,

381
00:21:09,400 --> 00:21:12,802
multimedia projects,
and ridiculous hats?

382
00:21:12,803 --> 00:21:17,608
Mm, mm, mm.

383
00:21:19,977 --> 00:21:21,077
What the fuck was that?

384
00:21:21,078 --> 00:21:22,478
Oh, I know.

385
00:21:22,479 --> 00:21:24,247
Maybe some fleeting curiosity about me,

386
00:21:24,248 --> 00:21:27,450
like what I do or what I'm
into or anything about me.

387
00:21:27,451 --> 00:21:31,087
Well, actually, I just
wrote an entire song

388
00:21:31,088 --> 00:21:33,289
about this experience.

389
00:21:33,290 --> 00:21:34,791
Let's get you out of here before...

390
00:21:34,792 --> 00:21:38,161
Oh, oh, oh, oh! Whoa, wow.

391
00:21:38,162 --> 00:21:39,863
... before something worse happens.

392
00:21:39,864 --> 00:21:43,433
- Wow.
- Yeah, okay, off you go.

393
00:21:43,434 --> 00:21:45,802
Wow.

394
00:21:45,803 --> 00:21:47,437
Okay, take care.

395
00:21:47,438 --> 00:21:52,076
Don't deprive the world.
Oh, he's Snapchatting.

396
00:21:55,512 --> 00:21:57,714
And here is where they
check their e-mail,

397
00:21:57,715 --> 00:21:59,148
Facebook, et cetera.

398
00:21:59,149 --> 00:22:01,651
We help them with
résumés, job applications,

399
00:22:01,652 --> 00:22:03,853
doctors appointments,
that kind of thing.

400
00:22:03,854 --> 00:22:05,822
If anyone's looking
for an open shelter bed,

401
00:22:05,823 --> 00:22:08,558
or you ever have a question,
just grab one of us. Okay.

402
00:22:08,559 --> 00:22:11,628
Actually, I do just have one question.

403
00:22:11,629 --> 00:22:14,564
What do I do in the meantime?

404
00:22:14,565 --> 00:22:16,699
Hang out. Get to know them.

405
00:22:16,700 --> 00:22:19,036
You'll be fine.

406
00:22:23,474 --> 00:22:27,477
Check it out. New
counselor, comin' in hot!

407
00:22:27,478 --> 00:22:30,647
Hey! White guilt. How's it going?

408
00:22:44,261 --> 00:22:45,495
What are you even doing?

409
00:22:45,496 --> 00:22:47,730
I'm hiding.

410
00:23:13,724 --> 00:23:16,059
Hey.

411
00:23:23,567 --> 00:23:26,869
- Okay.
- What? You don't want to?

412
00:23:26,870 --> 00:23:28,771
Oh, I definitely want to.

413
00:23:28,772 --> 00:23:31,040
But first we're gonna talk
about what you just went through

414
00:23:31,041 --> 00:23:33,810
because that's what people
do when they're in a loving,

415
00:23:33,811 --> 00:23:36,646
committed relationship, yeah?

416
00:23:36,647 --> 00:23:38,448
Yeah.

417
00:23:38,449 --> 00:23:39,716
Scotch?

418
00:23:39,717 --> 00:23:41,884
Big yeah.

419
00:23:54,465 --> 00:23:56,833
What?

420
00:23:56,834 --> 00:23:58,969
- What?
- Nothing.

421
00:24:01,605 --> 00:24:03,740
So that's three consecutive guys

422
00:24:03,741 --> 00:24:08,010
that left cartoon vapor trails
trying to get away from me.

423
00:24:08,011 --> 00:24:10,580
Well, you did basically call
them all pointless dick bags,

424
00:24:10,581 --> 00:24:12,115
so I mean...

425
00:24:12,116 --> 00:24:13,783
If I have to listen to
one more millennial talk

426
00:24:13,784 --> 00:24:16,285
about the 19 things that he's
barely doing, I'm gonna...

427
00:24:17,955 --> 00:24:21,124
Okay, you know, they're just...

428
00:24:21,125 --> 00:24:22,792
They're rifling through
things that they're into,

429
00:24:22,793 --> 00:24:26,129
hoping that maybe something
interests you, too.

430
00:24:26,130 --> 00:24:28,798
And expect you to dive
in whenever, you know,

431
00:24:28,799 --> 00:24:30,933
not wait for an invitation.

432
00:24:30,934 --> 00:24:33,336
Dudes, they get...
they get crazy anxious

433
00:24:33,337 --> 00:24:36,839
when they're sitting across
from a beautiful woman.

434
00:24:36,840 --> 00:24:38,107
Are you anxious right now?

435
00:24:38,108 --> 00:24:40,210
I'm always anxious around you.

436
00:24:43,981 --> 00:24:45,648
I don't know. Maybe Andy was right,

437
00:24:45,649 --> 00:24:48,284
what he said to me when we broke up.

438
00:24:48,285 --> 00:24:50,019
Why, what'd he say?

439
00:24:50,020 --> 00:24:53,490
"It's not me, it's you."

440
00:24:55,626 --> 00:24:57,827
- Fuck.
- Yeah.

441
00:24:57,828 --> 00:25:00,196
- That had to leave a mark.
- Yeah.

442
00:25:00,197 --> 00:25:01,831
Things were...

443
00:25:01,832 --> 00:25:05,201
they were really shitty
the last couple of weeks.

444
00:25:05,202 --> 00:25:06,837
Huh.

445
00:25:09,239 --> 00:25:12,708
Well, I will say this about you, Nana.

446
00:25:12,709 --> 00:25:14,744
You are...

447
00:25:14,745 --> 00:25:19,082
uniquely and completely you.

448
00:25:23,253 --> 00:25:26,923
How is that not just a nicer
version of what the fucker said?

449
00:25:26,924 --> 00:25:30,159
It's different because...

450
00:25:30,160 --> 00:25:32,195
because I wouldn't change a thing.

451
00:25:38,168 --> 00:25:39,368
Way to kill a conversation.

452
00:25:39,369 --> 00:25:41,037
Yeah, it's a gift of mine.

453
00:25:57,087 --> 00:25:58,521
Hi.

454
00:25:58,522 --> 00:26:01,090
Hey.

455
00:26:01,091 --> 00:26:04,560
I'm digging the morning 'do.

456
00:26:04,561 --> 00:26:08,397
Pretty sure a team of
deranged psycho stylists

457
00:26:08,398 --> 00:26:11,101
sneaks in and fucks
with my hair every night.

458
00:26:16,773 --> 00:26:19,475
What's wrong?

459
00:26:19,476 --> 00:26:22,945
I recently got divorced.

460
00:26:22,946 --> 00:26:25,182
I heard.

461
00:26:27,084 --> 00:26:29,452
So, why do I still feel like
the luckiest guy on the planet?

462
00:26:31,388 --> 00:26:34,591
I can get used to being looked
at like that every morning.

463
00:26:38,061 --> 00:26:39,395
Okay.

464
00:26:39,396 --> 00:26:40,429
Izzy.

465
00:26:40,430 --> 00:26:42,164
Hmm?

466
00:26:42,165 --> 00:26:44,634
From the moment I opened
that hotel room door

467
00:26:44,635 --> 00:26:46,335
and saw you for the very first time...

468
00:26:46,336 --> 00:26:48,404
Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.

469
00:26:48,405 --> 00:26:51,841
Are you about to
propose to me right now?

470
00:26:51,842 --> 00:26:55,077
What? No.

471
00:26:55,078 --> 00:26:58,848
I just got divorced a few days ago.

472
00:26:58,849 --> 00:27:02,785
Okay.

473
00:27:02,786 --> 00:27:04,921
- But if I...
- Just, just don't.

474
00:27:04,922 --> 00:27:07,423
- Just don't?
- Mm-hmm.

475
00:27:07,424 --> 00:27:10,760
Oh, maybe I'm not the
luckiest guy in the world.

476
00:27:10,761 --> 00:27:13,496
I'm a cautionary tale about
the dangers of polyamory.

477
00:27:13,497 --> 00:27:14,864
No, no, no.

478
00:27:14,865 --> 00:27:16,799
You are the luckiest man in the world.

479
00:27:19,036 --> 00:27:21,170
We just need to...

480
00:27:21,171 --> 00:27:24,941
slow the fuck down, just a little bit.

481
00:27:24,942 --> 00:27:26,776
Yeah?

482
00:27:26,777 --> 00:27:32,181
Just give it some air before
we start sprinting down aisles,

483
00:27:32,182 --> 00:27:33,816
popping out babies.

484
00:27:33,817 --> 00:27:36,953
Both of which I am totally into.

485
00:27:36,954 --> 00:27:38,688
And you.

486
00:27:38,689 --> 00:27:41,157
- I'm very into you.
- Oh?

487
00:27:41,158 --> 00:27:43,893
You even know how babies are made?

488
00:27:43,894 --> 00:27:45,962
Mm.

489
00:27:45,963 --> 00:27:49,266
I think I might have missed that class.

490
00:27:51,068 --> 00:27:52,335
Will you teach me, Doctor?

491
00:27:55,806 --> 00:27:58,240
Pay very close attention.

492
00:27:58,241 --> 00:27:59,542
Ooh, Doctor.

493
00:28:10,153 --> 00:28:11,821
Well, congratulations.

494
00:28:11,822 --> 00:28:13,523
You're pregnant.

495
00:28:15,359 --> 00:28:18,694
You have got to be fucking kidding me.

496
00:28:50,861 --> 00:28:55,861
- Synced and corrected by chamallow -
- www.addic7ed.com -