1
00:00:05,260 --> 00:00:07,360
Previously on "You Me Her"...

2
00:00:07,360 --> 00:00:08,660
You did this, Em.

3
00:00:08,660 --> 00:00:11,030
I said I love it,
and I love you.

4
00:00:11,030 --> 00:00:13,200
Sorry, I'm just a little
overwhelmed.

5
00:00:13,200 --> 00:00:14,700
Is it possible that
the amount of "whelm"

6
00:00:14,700 --> 00:00:16,230
that you're feeling
is due in part

7
00:00:16,230 --> 00:00:17,700
to the magazine thing?

8
00:00:17,700 --> 00:00:19,140
You think you could
call it "the magazine"

9
00:00:19,140 --> 00:00:20,800
and not
"the magazine thing"?

10
00:00:20,800 --> 00:00:24,040
about some version of childcare?
Woman: Have you guys talked

11
00:00:24,040 --> 00:00:26,380
We're more talking about
talking about it.

12
00:00:26,380 --> 00:00:28,380
Men suck.
That's my thesis.

13
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Mm-hmm, okay.
Jot this one down --

14
00:00:30,180 --> 00:00:31,810
uh, we're confused.

15
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The vexing plight
of the millennial male.

16
00:00:34,250 --> 00:00:36,020
It is our two-month
anniversary.

17
00:00:36,020 --> 00:00:37,750
The things I'm gonna to do
to you when we get home.

18
00:00:37,750 --> 00:00:40,920
sleep with married women.
Oh, what a shame. I don't

19
00:00:40,920 --> 00:00:42,560
Uh, so this is
a bit awkward,

20
00:00:42,560 --> 00:00:45,060
but you postponed
the last two scheduled signings,

21
00:00:45,060 --> 00:00:47,330
and I just wanna make sure
that we're still on for Monday.

22
00:00:47,330 --> 00:00:50,000
Cool.
Cool, cool, coolio.

23
00:00:50,000 --> 00:00:51,970
You seriously need to stop
worrying about the Trakarskies

24
00:00:51,970 --> 00:00:53,540
and start sorting
your own shit.

25
00:00:53,540 --> 00:00:55,570
-Hey there, peanut.
-You saw your dad? How was that?

26
00:00:55,570 --> 00:00:57,210
Go the fuck away.

27
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I texted Emma that Jack and I
would be out of the loft

28
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all day so she can come
deal with all the shit

29
00:01:01,380 --> 00:01:02,250
that we've been storing.

30
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-Hey.
-Hey.

31
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♪♪

32
00:01:10,920 --> 00:01:16,990
♪♪

33
00:01:16,990 --> 00:01:18,660
Izzy said you
wouldn't be here.

34
00:01:18,660 --> 00:01:20,600
Oh, you talked to Izzy?

35
00:01:20,600 --> 00:01:22,470
said you'd both be gone
Yeah, she texted me,

36
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so I could deal with all
my shit you've been storing.

37
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See, she, uh --
she left a key.

38
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Okay, could you guys
give us some, uh...

39
00:01:33,610 --> 00:01:36,150
When did they leave?
[ Chuckles ]

40
00:01:42,490 --> 00:01:44,720
[ Chuckles ]

41
00:01:44,720 --> 00:01:46,760
Oh, good,
Well, I have a question.

42
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'cause another 10 seconds
of this excruciating silence,

43
00:01:49,760 --> 00:01:51,760
an aneurysm.
and I was gonna fake

44
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[ Laughs ]

45
00:01:54,630 --> 00:01:58,230
Ah. Um, did Izzy not
know you'd be here?

46
00:01:58,230 --> 00:02:01,540
Of course she knew
I'd be here. I...

47
00:02:01,540 --> 00:02:02,940
Oh.

48
00:02:02,940 --> 00:02:05,340
Did we just get
"Parent Trapped"?

49
00:02:05,340 --> 00:02:06,680
Apparently.

50
00:02:06,680 --> 00:02:08,480
Why would she do that?

51
00:02:08,480 --> 00:02:11,610
I think she wants us
to scream

52
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and throws things at each other,

53
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like I need that to move on.

54
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Well, do you need that?

55
00:02:16,150 --> 00:02:18,490
'Cause you can lob something
right at my head.

56
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No.

57
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I'm good.

58
00:02:21,990 --> 00:02:26,730
We're good. Me and Izzy.

59
00:02:26,730 --> 00:02:30,700
Um, I actually have
a pretty packed schedule.

60
00:02:30,700 --> 00:02:32,770
I got a lot of errands
to run, just so you know.

61
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What? On a Saturday?

62
00:02:34,540 --> 00:02:36,940
After watching basketball
and drinking beer?

63
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Well, that's new.

64
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Mm, it's all-new, Em.

65
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Everything.

66
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Hm. So you really are good,
the two of you?

67
00:02:46,520 --> 00:02:49,820
You're happy?

68
00:02:49,820 --> 00:02:54,490
I love her more than
I ever thought possible.

69
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Aww.

70
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That's awesome.

71
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That really makes me happy.

72
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♪♪

73
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Augh!

74
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Well, what am I supposed to do?
You won't answer my calls.

75
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Uh, maybe stop calling?

76
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Aw, come on, peanut.

77
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to call me that.
I told you not

78
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-Let's not --
-How did you find me?

79
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Your mom.

80
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Mom?
Yeah.

81
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Mom told you where I live?

82
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Yeah, she did.
She thinks we should talk.

83
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Isabelle. [ Sighs ]

84
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Did I invite you to
my side of the street?

85
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No, I didn't.
Go away!

86
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[ Sighs ]
Well, I'm not gonna...

87
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I'm sober.

88
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Can't say the same.

89
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Just downed a couple medicinal
bloodies to even out.

90
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You know what I'm saying?
Never mind. I know you do.

91
00:03:44,940 --> 00:03:49,050
No. I don't mean right now.
I mean I'm sober.

92
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[ Sighs ]

93
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Really?

94
00:03:55,590 --> 00:03:58,050
Yep.

95
00:03:58,050 --> 00:03:59,420
How long?

96
00:03:59,420 --> 00:04:00,860
Little over a year.

97
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Wow.

98
00:04:02,430 --> 00:04:04,430
Only 26 years too late.

99
00:04:04,430 --> 00:04:08,400
[ Sighs ]

100
00:04:08,400 --> 00:04:12,340
-Traffic okay?
-Uh, yeah, I used this app.

101
00:04:12,340 --> 00:04:14,500
Left at precisely
the optimal time

102
00:04:14,500 --> 00:04:17,740
to minimize both departure
and arrival, so...

103
00:04:17,740 --> 00:04:19,810
Wow.

104
00:04:19,810 --> 00:04:22,450
I know. Amazing.

105
00:04:22,450 --> 00:04:25,950
What's it called?

106
00:04:25,950 --> 00:04:28,180
Um, I don't know
off the top of my head,

107
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but I could get my phone.

108
00:04:29,620 --> 00:04:31,350
[ Chuckles ]
Actually, I couldn't care less.

109
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Just couldn't think of
anything else to say.

110
00:04:34,320 --> 00:04:36,260
So, how's everything else
going with you?

111
00:04:36,260 --> 00:04:38,030
I mean, aside from being
more in love

112
00:04:38,030 --> 00:04:39,600
than you ever
thought possible.

113
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Well, it'd be
easier for me

114
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to make a list
of the parts of my body

115
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the dancing I've been doing.
that don't ache from all

116
00:04:45,500 --> 00:04:51,240
Like, my hair and...
that's about it actually.

117
00:04:51,240 --> 00:04:52,680
You -- You dance now?

118
00:04:52,680 --> 00:04:55,080
Oh, yeah. Publicly.

119
00:04:55,080 --> 00:04:57,080
And we're on
the highly-unrecommended

120
00:04:57,080 --> 00:04:59,620
vodka, pot,
and delivery food diet.

121
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[ Chuckles ]

122
00:05:01,780 --> 00:05:04,350
But I get to wake up
every morning, look at her,

123
00:05:04,350 --> 00:05:07,690
and fall in love all over again,
so there's that.

124
00:05:07,690 --> 00:05:11,860
Huh. Mm-hmm.

125
00:05:11,860 --> 00:05:14,730
with what's-her-name?
So, how's, uh, things

126
00:05:14,730 --> 00:05:16,470
Smiley?

127
00:05:16,470 --> 00:05:17,300
Wiley?

128
00:05:17,300 --> 00:05:18,330
Kylie.

129
00:05:18,330 --> 00:05:19,200
Kylie.

130
00:05:19,200 --> 00:05:20,970
[ Chuckles ]

131
00:05:20,970 --> 00:05:22,310
She is awesome.

132
00:05:22,310 --> 00:05:23,470
Mm.

133
00:05:23,470 --> 00:05:24,970
"Smiley," really?

134
00:05:24,970 --> 00:05:26,910
That's a name.
Yeah?

135
00:05:26,910 --> 00:05:28,680
Totally gonna name
my first-born daughter

136
00:05:28,680 --> 00:05:29,980
"Smiley Jane Trakarksy."

137
00:05:29,980 --> 00:05:31,410
Yeah, assuming you want her

138
00:05:31,410 --> 00:05:33,180
to grow up to be
a deformed comic-book villain.

139
00:05:33,180 --> 00:05:34,820
[ Chuckles ]

140
00:05:34,820 --> 00:05:38,890
♪♪

141
00:05:38,890 --> 00:05:41,990
So, the lesbian thing
is working out for you?

142
00:05:41,990 --> 00:05:45,700
Um, it is -- it is --
it is going very well.

143
00:05:45,700 --> 00:05:50,730
Thank you for asking.

144
00:05:50,730 --> 00:05:52,300
Can we take a second
just to acknowledge

145
00:05:52,300 --> 00:05:53,700
how weird
this conversation is?

146
00:05:53,700 --> 00:05:55,300
imagine that --
I mean, did you ever

147
00:05:55,300 --> 00:05:57,570
No, Em.

148
00:05:57,570 --> 00:05:59,910
This is not what
I imagined.

149
00:05:59,910 --> 00:06:01,810
At all.

150
00:06:01,810 --> 00:06:03,250
Yeah.

151
00:06:03,250 --> 00:06:06,480
Can you give me five minutes
without storming off?

152
00:06:06,480 --> 00:06:11,420
[ Sighs ]
Okay, four?

153
00:06:11,420 --> 00:06:14,560
I'm getting my shit
together, Isabelle.

154
00:06:14,560 --> 00:06:17,560
I'm here for a pretty major
construction project.

155
00:06:17,560 --> 00:06:20,330
than I ever have before.
I'm managing a bigger crew

156
00:06:20,330 --> 00:06:22,370
It's "Izzy."
Don't call me "Isabelle."

157
00:06:22,370 --> 00:06:25,800
Right, Izzy. I'm not bragging.
I'm just saying I've changed.

158
00:06:25,800 --> 00:06:28,440
Here's a thought -- what if
you gave up the bottle too late

159
00:06:28,440 --> 00:06:30,070
and you just suddenly die
right in front of me

160
00:06:30,070 --> 00:06:31,710
and that's why you're here --
karmic justice?

161
00:06:31,710 --> 00:06:32,940
[ Laughs ]

162
00:06:32,940 --> 00:06:34,440
I'm imagining you
dropping dead.

163
00:06:34,440 --> 00:06:35,780
Why are you laughing?

164
00:06:35,780 --> 00:06:37,410
when you try to be mean.
Because you're funny

165
00:06:37,410 --> 00:06:39,420
Oh, my God.

166
00:06:39,420 --> 00:06:43,150
Uh, it's mid-Swedish
Mm, nope.
modernalism.

167
00:06:43,150 --> 00:06:46,460
"Mid-Swedish" isn't a thing,
and "modernalism" isn't a word.

168
00:06:46,460 --> 00:06:50,330
Mm, my original
Jorgen Erikson --

169
00:06:50,330 --> 00:06:52,130
the first furniture
acquisition

170
00:06:52,130 --> 00:06:55,630
I could honestly refer to
as a piece.

171
00:06:55,630 --> 00:06:57,770
could afford. [Chuckles]
It was way more than we

172
00:06:57,770 --> 00:07:00,040
Yeah, we had to sleep on
a mattress on the floor

173
00:07:00,040 --> 00:07:01,540
for six months
so you could buy that.

174
00:07:01,540 --> 00:07:03,610
No, we slept on a mattress
for six months

175
00:07:03,610 --> 00:07:06,480
because you couldn't figure out
how to build the IKEA bed frame.

176
00:07:06,480 --> 00:07:09,680
As I recall,
neither could the architect.

177
00:07:09,680 --> 00:07:12,620
Pretty sure the Swedes
are fucking with us.

178
00:07:14,620 --> 00:07:16,150
I haven't
looked through this stuff.

179
00:07:16,150 --> 00:07:18,720
this is all yours?
Are you sure

180
00:07:18,720 --> 00:07:25,660
♪♪

181
00:07:25,660 --> 00:07:33,170
♪♪

182
00:07:33,170 --> 00:07:36,540
Alex: Okay, so, I stuck
my widget in your launch pad.

183
00:07:36,540 --> 00:07:38,610
Whoa! He stuck your what
in my what?

184
00:07:38,610 --> 00:07:40,280
Buy a girl a drink first.

185
00:07:40,280 --> 00:07:43,010
I...you --
the -- [clears throat]

186
00:07:43,010 --> 00:07:44,310
The, uh --

187
00:07:44,310 --> 00:07:45,610
Oh, that's great.
You broke Alex.

188
00:07:45,610 --> 00:07:46,980
the muscles, babe.
Well, you gotta flex

189
00:07:46,980 --> 00:07:48,450
Use 'em or lose 'em.

190
00:07:48,450 --> 00:07:51,690
It's, uh, cloud-based,
and, uh, mm...whew!

191
00:07:51,690 --> 00:07:52,890
[ Chuckles ]

192
00:07:52,890 --> 00:07:54,860
And now he's reverted
to puberty.

193
00:07:54,860 --> 00:07:57,030
So we can
all access the files,

194
00:07:57,030 --> 00:07:59,130
and we can see the layout
in progress,

195
00:07:59,130 --> 00:08:02,130
get notes on the page
like...this.

196
00:08:02,130 --> 00:08:05,430
Oh, God, Alex,
you're amazing.

197
00:08:05,430 --> 00:08:09,710
[ Chuckles ]
Th-Thank you so much.

198
00:08:09,710 --> 00:08:12,040
Oh, uh, hey, Carmen.

199
00:08:12,040 --> 00:08:13,740
When did --
When did you get here?

200
00:08:13,740 --> 00:08:15,340
Unbelievable.
[ Door opens, closes ]

201
00:08:15,340 --> 00:08:17,280
Hey, Carm.

202
00:08:17,280 --> 00:08:18,280
Hey.

203
00:08:18,280 --> 00:08:20,220
Hey. Hey, Hannah.

204
00:08:20,220 --> 00:08:23,420
Oh, you got a little,
uh...adolescent male
on your shirt there.

205
00:08:23,420 --> 00:08:25,920
Oh, Alex works for
the printing company.

206
00:08:25,920 --> 00:08:27,120
He's 24.

207
00:08:27,120 --> 00:08:29,260
-Great.
-People are still 24?

208
00:08:29,260 --> 00:08:31,560
And you're doing earmuffs on him
like he's some sort of child.

209
00:08:31,560 --> 00:08:33,760
That's great. Do you guys have
an HR department yet, or...?

210
00:08:33,760 --> 00:08:35,770
-Mnh-mnh.
-I don't mind. [ Chuckles ]

211
00:08:35,770 --> 00:08:37,830
Okay, so, what's wrong?
What's going on?

212
00:08:37,830 --> 00:08:41,040
Thing's kinda went south
pretty fast over there.

213
00:08:41,040 --> 00:08:42,770
Like, Deep South.
Like Alabama.

214
00:08:42,770 --> 00:08:44,570
over there.
Things went Alabama

215
00:08:44,570 --> 00:08:46,180
I left the house
40 minutes ago.

216
00:08:46,180 --> 00:08:48,080
I know.
It was all very sudden.

217
00:08:48,080 --> 00:08:49,850
I'm gonna go ahead and blame
the uprising on hunger,

218
00:08:49,850 --> 00:08:51,950
because we are literally
out of everything.

219
00:08:51,950 --> 00:08:53,880
Hey. Why don't you and I
take a break?

220
00:08:53,880 --> 00:08:55,180
Give this two some space.

221
00:08:55,180 --> 00:08:56,950
For sure. Absolutely.
[ Chuckles ]

222
00:08:56,950 --> 00:09:00,590
-Bye...Alex.
-Bye.

223
00:09:00,590 --> 00:09:03,130
He only intermittently
knows I exist,

224
00:09:03,130 --> 00:09:05,290
but he melts into a puddle
every time Hannah speaks.

225
00:09:05,290 --> 00:09:07,760
Can we get back to
the Amari famine of 2018 please?

226
00:09:07,760 --> 00:09:09,930
Right. Right, okay,
well, listen close,

227
00:09:09,930 --> 00:09:12,940
because this is incredibly
useful information.

228
00:09:12,940 --> 00:09:16,010
There are these large,
regulated establishments

229
00:09:16,010 --> 00:09:18,140
filled with every type of food
you can possibly imagine,

230
00:09:18,140 --> 00:09:19,740
can't find something,
and if you

231
00:09:19,740 --> 00:09:22,340
kindly Samaritans with
name tags will guide you.

232
00:09:22,340 --> 00:09:23,680
That's very clever.

233
00:09:23,680 --> 00:09:25,920
Now, if I go to
this magical place,

234
00:09:25,920 --> 00:09:27,850
Absolutely not!
can I leave the kids here?

235
00:09:27,850 --> 00:09:29,450
Okay, so then,
how does that work?

236
00:09:29,450 --> 00:09:32,660
[ Groaning ]

237
00:09:32,660 --> 00:09:34,920
Oh, you're doing the thing
where you...

238
00:09:34,920 --> 00:09:37,330
but your mouth is sealed shut,
wanna say something,

239
00:09:37,330 --> 00:09:39,960
and your eyebrows
are dancing.

240
00:09:39,960 --> 00:09:41,800
I mean, you've taken
the kids to the store

241
00:09:41,800 --> 00:09:43,130
countless times, right?

242
00:09:43,130 --> 00:09:44,970
Somehow we all keep
coming back alive!

243
00:09:44,970 --> 00:09:46,740
You think I like coming
over here like some
hapless Neanderthal?

244
00:09:46,740 --> 00:09:49,240
I am very disappointed
with myself right now!

245
00:09:49,240 --> 00:09:51,310
This is hard.

246
00:09:53,510 --> 00:09:56,310
Well, that's a start.

247
00:09:56,310 --> 00:09:58,950
Yeah?

248
00:09:58,950 --> 00:10:02,250
Well, what's going on here?
Are you coming home soon-ish?

249
00:10:02,250 --> 00:10:05,690
I will come home when I'm
done-ish, just like you.

250
00:10:05,690 --> 00:10:08,290
Okay.

251
00:10:08,290 --> 00:10:09,990
Mm.

252
00:10:09,990 --> 00:10:12,030
Go to the store
with your children.

253
00:10:12,030 --> 00:10:13,430
Women will swoon.

254
00:10:13,430 --> 00:10:14,930
Intriguing.

255
00:10:14,930 --> 00:10:16,530
Trust me.
Super-fucking hot.

256
00:10:16,530 --> 00:10:17,430
All right, go.
Hop to.

257
00:10:17,430 --> 00:10:18,800
Back to work, people!

258
00:10:18,800 --> 00:10:22,440
♪♪

259
00:10:22,440 --> 00:10:24,110
Are you gonna do
your ceremonial breath cleaning

260
00:10:24,110 --> 00:10:26,610
of a single glass,
or is now a bad time?

261
00:10:26,610 --> 00:10:29,810
Okay, so the experiment's
definitely gonna need
what we call controls.

262
00:10:29,810 --> 00:10:31,410
Yeah, no, I'm familiar
with the concept.

263
00:10:31,410 --> 00:10:33,420
That means we need to keep
a lot of things the same

264
00:10:33,420 --> 00:10:35,350
so that we can accurately
measure the differences

265
00:10:35,350 --> 00:10:37,120
between my test subjects.

266
00:10:37,120 --> 00:10:39,360
Yeah. [ Chuckles ]

267
00:10:39,360 --> 00:10:41,290
Did you just
womansplain me?

268
00:10:42,530 --> 00:10:43,490
Is that too soon?

269
00:10:43,490 --> 00:10:45,830
Way too fuckin' soon.

270
00:10:45,830 --> 00:10:47,460
So, I'm thinking that
I should meet all of my dates

271
00:10:47,460 --> 00:10:49,670
the same way and go to
the same place with them.

272
00:10:49,670 --> 00:10:52,740
I was thinking a dating app
and right here,

273
00:10:52,740 --> 00:10:54,340
not too late,
not too early.

274
00:10:54,340 --> 00:10:55,840
Those are the controls.

275
00:10:55,840 --> 00:10:57,070
Right here?

276
00:10:57,070 --> 00:10:58,510
Yeah, you got a problem
with that?

277
00:10:58,510 --> 00:11:00,740
No, no.
Date on, Garth.

278
00:11:03,480 --> 00:11:05,010
Date like nobody's watching',
huh?

279
00:11:05,010 --> 00:11:06,880
Date -- Date
till the cows come home.

280
00:11:06,880 --> 00:11:08,250
Date like...

281
00:11:08,250 --> 00:11:10,490
Did you hit your head on
that same shelf again?

282
00:11:10,490 --> 00:11:12,220
♪♪

283
00:11:12,220 --> 00:11:14,690
Boom! First date's
gonna be tomorrow night.

284
00:11:14,690 --> 00:11:16,190
a little sure of themselves.
Okay, well, someone's

285
00:11:16,190 --> 00:11:17,830
So, one cleavage shot,

286
00:11:17,830 --> 00:11:20,260
and all the men of Portland
are instantly reduced

287
00:11:20,260 --> 00:11:23,100
to horny, right-swiping zombies?
Come on.

288
00:11:23,100 --> 00:11:24,830
[ Cellphone chimes ]

289
00:11:24,830 --> 00:11:25,830
Well, that's just...

290
00:11:25,830 --> 00:11:29,570
[ Cellphone chiming ]

291
00:11:29,570 --> 00:11:32,140
Well, co--
[ Chiming continues ]

292
00:11:32,140 --> 00:11:33,840
I'm sorry.
What did you say?

293
00:11:33,840 --> 00:11:36,050
over the teeming horde
I-I can't hear you

294
00:11:36,050 --> 00:11:37,750
of lustful suitors.

295
00:11:37,750 --> 00:11:39,750
Okay -- The --
[ Chiming continues ]

296
00:11:39,750 --> 00:11:42,990
The point is --
How about you --

297
00:11:42,990 --> 00:11:45,690
[ Chiming continues ]

298
00:11:45,690 --> 00:11:47,720
Never mind.

299
00:11:47,720 --> 00:11:50,260
[ Chuckles ] Oh, my God, this
guy's dressed like a wizard.

300
00:11:50,260 --> 00:11:55,430
Shaun, look.
Shaun?

301
00:11:55,430 --> 00:11:57,170
Shaun?

302
00:11:57,170 --> 00:11:58,700
Hmm. Maybe.

303
00:11:58,700 --> 00:12:00,500
[ Birds chirping ]

304
00:12:00,500 --> 00:12:04,510
but I could eat.
I don't know about you,

305
00:12:04,510 --> 00:12:06,480
Um...yeah,
I don't think --

306
00:12:06,480 --> 00:12:08,040
We don't have
anything here, but...

307
00:12:08,040 --> 00:12:09,650
That's fine.
...we could get delivery
or something?

308
00:12:09,650 --> 00:12:10,980
I'm sorry.
That was a bad idea.

309
00:12:10,980 --> 00:12:14,580
It's not a party.
Let's just, um...

310
00:12:14,580 --> 00:12:16,050
Oh, my God.
Why do we have

311
00:12:16,050 --> 00:12:19,590
of ear buds?
23 perfectly-good sets

312
00:12:19,590 --> 00:12:22,990
And 19 half-burned
holiday candles.

313
00:12:22,990 --> 00:12:25,160
You'd think just once
we would look for leftovers.

314
00:12:25,160 --> 00:12:27,730
Can I please light all the
pumpkin spice candles for Izzy?

315
00:12:27,730 --> 00:12:28,930
Best or worst idea ever?

316
00:12:28,930 --> 00:12:30,270
[ Scoffs ]

317
00:12:30,270 --> 00:12:32,640
It's kinda -- Wh-What
does that mean? Huff?

318
00:12:32,640 --> 00:12:36,040
I mean,
what the fuck is that?

319
00:12:36,040 --> 00:12:37,070
Are you serious?

320
00:12:37,070 --> 00:12:40,240
Yeah.

321
00:12:40,240 --> 00:12:42,440
Izzy set this up.
It's what she wanted.

322
00:12:42,440 --> 00:12:44,080
You think this is
what she wanted --

323
00:12:44,080 --> 00:12:47,220
for us to continue
not talking about it?

324
00:12:47,220 --> 00:12:51,720
Trade quips about ear buds
and fucking holiday candles?

325
00:12:51,720 --> 00:12:54,260
I was just...trying to --
You know what?

326
00:12:54,260 --> 00:12:57,590
We can just have the movers
take the rest of this stuff.

327
00:12:57,590 --> 00:13:00,900
You should go.

328
00:13:00,900 --> 00:13:05,970
♪♪

329
00:13:05,970 --> 00:13:07,640
Okay.

330
00:13:07,640 --> 00:13:13,710
♪♪

331
00:13:13,710 --> 00:13:15,780
Make your amends
and go away already.

332
00:13:15,780 --> 00:13:19,210
Okay, well, I-I called you
when I got my one-month chip

333
00:13:19,210 --> 00:13:21,220
and then my three-month chip
and then my one-year --

334
00:13:21,220 --> 00:13:24,020
I heard the messages.
I just assumed you were lying.

335
00:13:24,020 --> 00:13:25,690
Uh, n-no.

336
00:13:25,690 --> 00:13:27,820
Not to rub it in
or anything.

337
00:13:27,820 --> 00:13:29,630
It's kinda hard
to work construction

338
00:13:29,630 --> 00:13:31,790
of other people drinking.
if you can't handle the concept

339
00:13:31,790 --> 00:13:34,500
Cool, 'cause those bloodies
are starting to wear off,

340
00:13:34,500 --> 00:13:37,870
and this surprise visit of yours
is accelerating my headache.

341
00:13:37,870 --> 00:13:39,940
Guess it's 4:00 somewhere.

342
00:13:39,940 --> 00:13:41,940
Are you suggesting that
I'm an alcoholic like you?

343
00:13:41,940 --> 00:13:43,440
No.

344
00:13:43,440 --> 00:13:44,940
You know, you can't just
drop back into my adult life

345
00:13:44,940 --> 00:13:46,140
and parent me.

346
00:13:46,140 --> 00:13:48,110
Okay, fine.
Fine. Understood.

347
00:13:48,110 --> 00:13:50,210
to be --
I just want a chance

348
00:13:50,210 --> 00:13:51,180
What?

349
00:13:51,180 --> 00:13:52,680
[ Sighs ] I don't know.

350
00:13:52,680 --> 00:13:56,820
Whatever you'll let me be,
I guess.

351
00:13:56,820 --> 00:13:58,350
Well, here's a tip --

352
00:13:58,350 --> 00:14:00,060
Don't do the annoying
12-step thing

353
00:14:00,060 --> 00:14:01,490
where everybody
has to get into

354
00:14:01,490 --> 00:14:04,130
the same rickety,
joyless boat as you.

355
00:14:04,130 --> 00:14:06,260
You're right.
What?

356
00:14:06,260 --> 00:14:08,900
I won't.
I said you're right.

357
00:14:08,900 --> 00:14:11,400
Good!

358
00:14:11,400 --> 00:14:16,270
♪♪

359
00:14:16,270 --> 00:14:20,180
You know what?
No.

360
00:14:20,180 --> 00:14:21,580
"No" what?

361
00:14:21,580 --> 00:14:23,580
I'm not leaving.

362
00:14:23,580 --> 00:14:25,910
Oh, and this?

363
00:14:25,910 --> 00:14:28,620
This is mine.

364
00:14:28,620 --> 00:14:29,890
What is that?

365
00:14:29,890 --> 00:14:31,290
That is the kind of mix
a guy makes

366
00:14:31,290 --> 00:14:33,060
when he's trying to prove
that he's too cool

367
00:14:33,060 --> 00:14:35,060
has ever heard of.
to listen to music anyone else

368
00:14:35,060 --> 00:14:36,930
Okay, 'cause I originally
got that

369
00:14:36,930 --> 00:14:38,390
from a philosophy
grad assistant

370
00:14:38,390 --> 00:14:40,060
who I dated
for like five minutes.

371
00:14:40,060 --> 00:14:45,100
So, you remixed me, and you
never came clean about it?

372
00:14:45,100 --> 00:14:48,840
Yeah.
That was my big secret.

373
00:14:50,710 --> 00:14:52,510
Right.

374
00:14:55,410 --> 00:14:59,350
I'm sorry, Jack.

375
00:14:59,350 --> 00:15:01,350
I really am sorry.

376
00:15:13,260 --> 00:15:15,130
the only baby gift we got
You know that was

377
00:15:15,130 --> 00:15:17,130
before the miscarriage?

378
00:15:25,770 --> 00:15:28,140
First time I...

379
00:15:28,140 --> 00:15:30,980
I thought the universe was
trying to tell me something.

380
00:15:37,150 --> 00:15:40,620
Izzy's right.
We need to talk.

381
00:15:46,860 --> 00:15:48,630
Yeah.

382
00:15:53,400 --> 00:15:54,800
Could you clear
something up for me?

383
00:15:54,800 --> 00:15:56,340
I mean, it's not big deal.

384
00:15:56,340 --> 00:15:58,340
Just a vexing mystery
of my entire existence.

385
00:15:58,340 --> 00:16:01,280
Shoot.
Yeah, piece of cake.

386
00:16:01,280 --> 00:16:02,980
If you and Mom hated
each other so much,

387
00:16:02,980 --> 00:16:04,650
why did you get married?

388
00:16:04,650 --> 00:16:07,880
We didn't start out
hating each other.

389
00:16:07,880 --> 00:16:11,020
Things got dark
after I lost my job.

390
00:16:11,020 --> 00:16:14,220
That's your excuse?

391
00:16:14,220 --> 00:16:15,890
It had nothing to do
with the excessive drinking

392
00:16:15,890 --> 00:16:17,990
or the affairs?

393
00:16:17,990 --> 00:16:21,060
I'm an alcoholic,
and I was a shitty father.

394
00:16:21,060 --> 00:16:23,700
all out there,
And while I'm laying it

395
00:16:23,700 --> 00:16:25,470
your mother and I were
never really in love,

396
00:16:25,470 --> 00:16:27,140
so when things got
a little rough...

397
00:16:27,140 --> 00:16:30,640
That's nice.
...we took it out
on each other.

398
00:16:30,640 --> 00:16:32,240
I only stayed for you.

399
00:16:36,550 --> 00:16:38,310
Well, I guess
you got over me.

400
00:16:38,310 --> 00:16:40,550
Was it the braces?
Zits?

401
00:16:40,550 --> 00:16:44,320
Something I said?

402
00:16:44,320 --> 00:16:46,820
myself that it was
When I left, I-I told

403
00:16:46,820 --> 00:16:48,990
the best thing for you.

404
00:16:48,990 --> 00:16:51,430
But now I realize
that I was just doing

405
00:16:51,430 --> 00:16:53,260
what drunks do
when things get hard.

406
00:16:53,260 --> 00:16:57,100
I ran away.

407
00:16:57,100 --> 00:17:02,540
And I know they're just words,
but I need to say them.

408
00:17:02,540 --> 00:17:06,240
I'm sorry.

409
00:17:06,240 --> 00:17:11,250
[ Voice breaking ] And you
will never know how much, Izzy.

410
00:17:11,250 --> 00:17:14,880
♪♪

411
00:17:14,880 --> 00:17:16,950
There's one more stop.

412
00:17:16,950 --> 00:17:24,090
♪♪

413
00:17:24,090 --> 00:17:26,900
Hey. Hi, hi. Hello.

414
00:17:26,900 --> 00:17:29,130
Um, this,
what you're doing --

415
00:17:29,130 --> 00:17:30,730
It's against
FDA rules, okay?

416
00:17:30,730 --> 00:17:32,470
Something about saliva

417
00:17:32,470 --> 00:17:34,700
and the fact that
it's fucking annoying.

418
00:17:34,700 --> 00:17:36,240
Yeah, so if you guys
don't stop immediately,

419
00:17:36,240 --> 00:17:37,770
I'm gonna have to punch you
both in the face,

420
00:17:37,770 --> 00:17:39,310
and I don't wanna.

421
00:17:39,310 --> 00:17:41,980
Sorry.
It's the law, so...

422
00:17:41,980 --> 00:17:43,610
Shaun, what do you want?
Sorry.

423
00:17:43,610 --> 00:17:45,410
I'm not in the mood to be
berated about how little I work.

424
00:17:45,410 --> 00:17:47,580
Okay, for the record,
you basically get paid

425
00:17:47,580 --> 00:17:50,390
to hang around at a bar that
you already hung around at.

426
00:17:50,390 --> 00:17:51,790
Which, saying it out loud,

427
00:17:51,790 --> 00:17:53,620
makes me think that
it's a pretty cool idea.

428
00:17:53,620 --> 00:17:56,760
Hey, and you and your bestie
have violence issues!

429
00:17:56,760 --> 00:17:59,460
Deal with it.
Get a Groupon.

430
00:18:04,100 --> 00:18:08,540
What's wrong?

431
00:18:08,540 --> 00:18:10,970
Fucker keeps posting
these weird pictures

432
00:18:10,970 --> 00:18:12,810
of him and his dad
somewhere in the woods,

433
00:18:12,810 --> 00:18:14,280
smiling all over
themselves.

434
00:18:14,280 --> 00:18:16,710
Why the hell are they
in the woods all the time?!

435
00:18:16,710 --> 00:18:19,310
Right, I-I'm thinking
it's not so much the woods

436
00:18:19,310 --> 00:18:21,880
as it is
the excessive smiling.

437
00:18:21,880 --> 00:18:23,050
Am I right?

438
00:18:23,050 --> 00:18:25,220
how dare he be so happy?
I mean,

439
00:18:25,220 --> 00:18:27,320
Ow!
You gotta stop doing that!

440
00:18:27,320 --> 00:18:29,460
You got these bony,
little knuckles.

441
00:18:29,460 --> 00:18:33,500
Pussy.
Psycho.

442
00:18:33,500 --> 00:18:36,730
Okay.

443
00:18:36,730 --> 00:18:39,500
My best, most logical guess
is that...

444
00:18:39,500 --> 00:18:42,200
clearly a zombie outbreak
has happened

445
00:18:42,200 --> 00:18:43,610
somewhere
near Salem, Oregon,

446
00:18:43,610 --> 00:18:45,610
to the woods to survive.
and they've taken

447
00:18:45,610 --> 00:18:47,940
And it's all
shits and giggles

448
00:18:47,940 --> 00:18:50,150
for, you know,
dad and son here,

449
00:18:50,150 --> 00:18:52,780
and they're just
shitting and -- and giggling

450
00:18:52,780 --> 00:18:54,780
and building lean-tos
until someone's face

451
00:18:54,780 --> 00:18:57,890
gets eaten off, which...

452
00:18:57,890 --> 00:19:02,360
clearly hasn't happened yet, and
that's why they're there, so...

453
00:19:02,360 --> 00:19:04,160
Mystery solved.
Occam's razor.

454
00:19:04,160 --> 00:19:05,790
You're welcome. Next.

455
00:19:05,790 --> 00:19:08,600
You are so fuckin' weird.
[ Chuckles ]

456
00:19:08,600 --> 00:19:13,140
♪♪

457
00:19:13,840 --> 00:19:16,510
[ Chuckles ]

458
00:19:16,510 --> 00:19:19,680
It's cute.
Mm.

459
00:19:22,410 --> 00:19:24,180
If you'd ask me a year ago
where would we be right now,

460
00:19:24,180 --> 00:19:26,780
I would've said,
"On your favorite rug

461
00:19:26,780 --> 00:19:29,750
in our perfect
Hawthorne Heights home,

462
00:19:29,750 --> 00:19:31,420
staring at our baby,

463
00:19:31,420 --> 00:19:34,120
interpreting
every burp or shit

464
00:19:34,120 --> 00:19:35,860
of future greatness."
as a sure sign

465
00:19:35,860 --> 00:19:37,360
[ Chuckles ] Yeah.

466
00:19:37,360 --> 00:19:38,860
We would've been that couple

467
00:19:38,860 --> 00:19:41,060
posting a hundred
indistinguishable baby photos

468
00:19:41,060 --> 00:19:44,400
on Instagram when really one
would be just boring enough.

469
00:19:44,400 --> 00:19:47,770
[ Chuckles ]

470
00:19:47,770 --> 00:19:51,540
When did you stop
wanting kids?

471
00:19:51,540 --> 00:19:53,080
There wasn't one moment.

472
00:19:53,080 --> 00:19:56,610
It just kinda happened
gradually over the years.

473
00:19:56,610 --> 00:20:01,680
to me about it?
Ever consider talking

474
00:20:01,680 --> 00:20:05,050
I did.
You just never heard me.

475
00:20:07,790 --> 00:20:09,860
So that's how you
sleep at night.

476
00:20:09,860 --> 00:20:11,060
I've wondered.

477
00:20:11,060 --> 00:20:12,430
Yeah, and how do you
sleep at night

478
00:20:12,430 --> 00:20:13,900
ever since Izzy's
high-functioning uterus

479
00:20:13,900 --> 00:20:15,860
became the center
of your world?

480
00:20:15,860 --> 00:20:18,700
[ Sighs ] Please tell
me I did not just
fucking hear that.

481
00:20:18,700 --> 00:20:20,400
Hold on a sec.

482
00:20:20,400 --> 00:20:22,000
I don't get a side
to this story?

483
00:20:22,000 --> 00:20:24,340
No. You absolutely,
100% do not.

484
00:20:24,340 --> 00:20:26,270
Jack, admit it --
it was just a matter of time

485
00:20:26,270 --> 00:20:28,010
before you and Izzy
thought of me

486
00:20:28,010 --> 00:20:30,180
as the barren first wife
who forget to leave.

487
00:20:30,180 --> 00:20:32,350
No, you do not get to be
the wounded one.

488
00:20:32,350 --> 00:20:34,120
You fucking imposter.

489
00:20:34,120 --> 00:20:37,090
this from the guy
"Imposter"? "Imposter" --

490
00:20:37,090 --> 00:20:39,520
who hands out mixes of songs
he's never heard of.

491
00:20:39,520 --> 00:20:41,960
You hired an escort
to get your groove back,

492
00:20:41,960 --> 00:20:43,530
and then you got down
on your fucking knees

493
00:20:43,530 --> 00:20:45,030
and begged her
to have your baby

494
00:20:45,030 --> 00:20:46,730
right in front of
your goddamn fucking wife.

495
00:20:48,730 --> 00:20:51,400
Bravo.
Author, author.

496
00:20:51,400 --> 00:20:52,970
Oh, my God, at least see
an actual play

497
00:20:52,970 --> 00:20:54,340
the jargon.
before you toss around

498
00:20:54,340 --> 00:20:55,540
What about our marriage?
Huh?

499
00:20:55,540 --> 00:20:56,740
I had a fucking
front-row seat

500
00:20:56,740 --> 00:20:59,340
to that bullshit piece
of theatre.

501
00:20:59,340 --> 00:21:01,510
Kudos on the surprise ending,
by the way.

502
00:21:01,510 --> 00:21:04,080
Corporate jet
and a six-line text?

503
00:21:04,080 --> 00:21:07,620
That's fuckin' nice.

504
00:21:07,620 --> 00:21:10,020
Jesus, Emma, how could you
do that to me?

505
00:21:12,520 --> 00:21:15,320
right now.
I can't do this with you

506
00:21:15,320 --> 00:21:17,330
If you won't leave,
I will.

507
00:21:18,360 --> 00:21:19,530
Jack.

508
00:21:19,530 --> 00:21:21,030
Jack!

509
00:21:21,030 --> 00:21:23,170
Just tell me what to do,
what to say, how to fix it.

510
00:21:23,170 --> 00:21:24,930
I want to fix this.
What do you want to do?

511
00:21:24,930 --> 00:21:26,940
You want to be
fucking friends?

512
00:21:26,940 --> 00:21:29,340
You want to double date,
go to each other's weddings?

513
00:21:29,340 --> 00:21:31,070
Are you
fucking kidding me?

514
00:21:31,070 --> 00:21:33,110
who only builds things
You are a delusional psychopath

515
00:21:33,110 --> 00:21:34,780
to compensate for everything
she destroys.

516
00:21:34,780 --> 00:21:36,610
Fuck you and your diagnosis
of me.

517
00:21:36,610 --> 00:21:40,620
Fuck me? You owe me
12 fucking years.

518
00:21:40,620 --> 00:21:42,250
Fuck you!

519
00:21:42,250 --> 00:21:43,850
Fuck you!

520
00:21:43,850 --> 00:21:45,350
Fuck!

521
00:21:45,350 --> 00:21:47,590
[ Winces ]

522
00:21:47,590 --> 00:21:49,260
-I'm sorry.
-Jesus.

523
00:21:49,260 --> 00:21:51,190
Here, let me take a look.
Oh, here.

524
00:21:51,190 --> 00:21:53,330
[ Chuckles ]

525
00:21:53,330 --> 00:21:55,160
[ Groans ]

526
00:21:55,160 --> 00:21:56,530
Are you...

527
00:21:56,530 --> 00:21:57,870
Yeah, I don't know.
That's like some real

528
00:21:57,870 --> 00:21:59,630
"War of the Roses" type
shit, except...

529
00:21:59,630 --> 00:22:04,340
-It was -- It was soft.
-Softer. Yeah.

530
00:22:04,340 --> 00:22:05,970
Sorry.

531
00:22:05,970 --> 00:22:12,310
♪♪

532
00:22:12,310 --> 00:22:15,320
[ Chuckles ]

533
00:22:15,320 --> 00:22:18,550
♪♪

534
00:22:18,550 --> 00:22:20,560
people over?
So, you're having

535
00:22:20,560 --> 00:22:22,820
Nope. I'm consuming
an extra-large pizza,

536
00:22:22,820 --> 00:22:24,830
a case of beer,
and 29 bucks worth of candy

537
00:22:24,830 --> 00:22:26,530
all by myself.

538
00:22:26,530 --> 00:22:27,860
I call it "Saturday."

539
00:22:27,860 --> 00:22:29,830
Ah.

540
00:22:29,830 --> 00:22:33,570
So, what now, a-a hug?
A shake? A high five?

541
00:22:33,570 --> 00:22:35,700
Uh, I'm good,
but thanks.

542
00:22:35,700 --> 00:22:38,910
Ah. Thank you.

543
00:22:38,910 --> 00:22:41,580
Well, it's been a --
been a slice, Ben.

544
00:22:41,580 --> 00:22:44,180
S-Sorry.

545
00:22:44,180 --> 00:22:46,150
You sure you don't need
a hand with that?

546
00:22:46,150 --> 00:22:49,380
No, I got it.
It's not my first rodeo.

547
00:22:49,380 --> 00:22:50,850
Isabelle --

548
00:22:50,850 --> 00:22:53,260
Please don't say something
stupid and ruin it.

549
00:22:53,260 --> 00:22:56,320
"Don't ruin it"?

550
00:22:56,320 --> 00:22:58,430
So, you mean you thought
this went well?

551
00:22:58,430 --> 00:23:00,730
See? Like -- Like that.

552
00:23:00,730 --> 00:23:02,360
Okay.

553
00:23:05,130 --> 00:23:07,100
You seriously
still do that?

554
00:23:07,100 --> 00:23:08,700
[ Chuckles ]

555
00:23:08,700 --> 00:23:10,310
I gave you one for school,
remember?

556
00:23:10,310 --> 00:23:12,570
Well, I guess it worked.
Yeah.

557
00:23:12,570 --> 00:23:14,140
You didn't get kicked out
like I did.

558
00:23:14,140 --> 00:23:18,950
Actually, I did.
Junior year.

559
00:23:18,950 --> 00:23:20,820
I didn't know that.

560
00:23:20,820 --> 00:23:24,120
There's a lot
you don't know.

561
00:23:24,120 --> 00:23:27,790
Yeah.

562
00:23:27,790 --> 00:23:29,620
When do you have classes?

563
00:23:29,620 --> 00:23:32,930
I don't really have classes.
I'm getting my PhD.

564
00:23:32,930 --> 00:23:35,100
Right.

565
00:23:35,100 --> 00:23:40,440
But, uh...Monday I have
a 10:00 with my advisor.

566
00:23:40,440 --> 00:23:43,000
Why?

567
00:23:46,810 --> 00:23:50,650
Why?

568
00:23:50,650 --> 00:23:52,980
[ Door closes ]

569
00:23:52,980 --> 00:23:59,120
♪♪

570
00:23:59,120 --> 00:24:05,290
♪♪

571
00:24:08,560 --> 00:24:10,470
What the fuck?

572
00:24:10,470 --> 00:24:13,800
halfway ♪
♪ I tried to meet you there,

573
00:24:13,800 --> 00:24:16,940
such a long, long way ♪
♪ I had to go

574
00:24:16,940 --> 00:24:20,140
is it a "yes" today? ♪
♪ Now, is it,

575
00:24:20,140 --> 00:24:23,350
on and on and ♪
♪ Now, I'm gonna keep moving

576
00:24:23,350 --> 00:24:26,380
won't be... ♪
♪ Well, maybe you

577
00:24:26,380 --> 00:24:29,850
phenom-enoma-- ♪
♪ Oh, maybe you were

578
00:24:29,850 --> 00:24:32,890
halfway ♪
♪ I tried to meet you there,

579
00:24:32,890 --> 00:24:36,320
that you were M.I.A. ♪
♪ Only to find

580
00:24:36,320 --> 00:24:39,290
no way ♪
♪ No reason why,

581
00:24:39,290 --> 00:24:42,200
on my way ♪
♪ No running into me