1 00:00:06,902 --> 00:00:08,470 Last night, I woke up 2 00:00:08,471 --> 00:00:10,238 with one of those 3:00 a.m. panic attacks, 3 00:00:10,239 --> 00:00:12,541 realized our "One Year Fertility Break" 4 00:00:12,542 --> 00:00:13,642 had turned into three 5 00:00:13,643 --> 00:00:17,680 and now I am way closer to 40 than 30. 6 00:00:19,015 --> 00:00:20,216 Yeah. 7 00:00:21,417 --> 00:00:23,418 We're like "That Couple with No Kids" 8 00:00:23,419 --> 00:00:24,519 in a family neighborhood. 9 00:00:24,520 --> 00:00:28,056 The neighbors kind of think we're pitiful and weird, 10 00:00:28,057 --> 00:00:29,191 which is ridiculous, 11 00:00:29,192 --> 00:00:31,326 because we're objectively so much better than them. 12 00:00:31,327 --> 00:00:32,427 But we're ready to try again. 13 00:00:32,428 --> 00:00:33,462 Totally. Yeah. 14 00:00:33,463 --> 00:00:35,430 We wanna do this. We're... We're all in. 15 00:00:35,431 --> 00:00:37,132 We are all in this time. 16 00:00:37,133 --> 00:00:38,967 How often are you having sex? 17 00:00:38,968 --> 00:00:40,535 Excuse me? 18 00:00:40,536 --> 00:00:41,470 How often are we having sex? 19 00:00:41,471 --> 00:00:42,671 Uh... 20 00:00:42,672 --> 00:00:43,739 I mean, to be hon... 21 00:00:43,740 --> 00:00:45,240 we've been off our game a little bit lately. 22 00:00:45,241 --> 00:00:47,976 I've been working crazy hours on this huge pitch, 23 00:00:47,977 --> 00:00:50,078 for a fancy new theater at The Hamilton School, 24 00:00:50,079 --> 00:00:51,013 where Jack works? 25 00:00:51,014 --> 00:00:52,581 - She works... - So the last month... 26 00:00:52,582 --> 00:00:54,182 isn't really an accurate representation 27 00:00:54,183 --> 00:00:57,019 of how often we... have... 28 00:00:57,020 --> 00:00:58,353 intercourse. Ahem. 29 00:00:58,354 --> 00:00:59,388 Right. And also, 30 00:00:59,389 --> 00:01:01,490 I've been having this, like, 31 00:01:01,491 --> 00:01:04,192 persistent kind of acidy thing in my stomach here... 32 00:01:04,193 --> 00:01:06,128 That's... it's kind of a problem. 33 00:01:06,129 --> 00:01:07,229 Maybe the fact that I'm talking about it 34 00:01:07,230 --> 00:01:08,363 so incessantly 35 00:01:08,364 --> 00:01:09,498 is another factor 36 00:01:09,499 --> 00:01:12,934 in why we're not reaching our potential, I guess. 37 00:01:12,935 --> 00:01:16,004 I'd say we do it, uh... 38 00:01:16,005 --> 00:01:18,707 1.5 times a week? 39 00:01:18,708 --> 00:01:21,176 I mean, not that we have fractional intercourse, 40 00:01:21,177 --> 00:01:22,577 She means... 41 00:01:22,578 --> 00:01:23,678 we have it, like, six times a month. 42 00:01:23,859 --> 00:01:25,627 - Hmm. - She... she wrote it down. 43 00:01:25,628 --> 00:01:27,729 - Is that more than... - Okay, got it. 44 00:01:27,730 --> 00:01:28,930 That means we're doing well? 45 00:01:28,931 --> 00:01:30,165 That's pretty good, right? 46 00:01:30,166 --> 00:01:32,200 Yeah, that's pretty good I would say, right? 47 00:01:32,201 --> 00:01:33,201 I mean, what's your... 48 00:01:33,202 --> 00:01:34,202 National average? 49 00:01:34,203 --> 00:01:35,603 Yeah, we're doing good, right? 50 00:01:50,386 --> 00:01:51,954 Sorry. 51 00:02:00,463 --> 00:02:01,396 Trakarskys! 52 00:02:01,397 --> 00:02:03,131 How'd it go? 53 00:02:03,132 --> 00:02:06,701 The doctor asked us how often we had sex and we lied. 54 00:02:06,902 --> 00:02:08,636 With disturbing specificity. 55 00:02:08,637 --> 00:02:09,604 Oh, you gotta lie. 56 00:02:09,605 --> 00:02:11,673 Like I'm gonna tell the whole neighborhood 57 00:02:11,674 --> 00:02:13,508 we haven't had sex in two months? 58 00:02:13,509 --> 00:02:14,809 Well, you just did. 59 00:02:14,810 --> 00:02:16,611 Yoo-hoo! 60 00:02:16,612 --> 00:02:18,346 Oh, boy. 61 00:02:18,347 --> 00:02:21,783 Party time for the Real Housewives of Hawthorne Heights! 62 00:02:21,784 --> 00:02:22,984 Hey... Lori. 63 00:02:22,985 --> 00:02:23,985 Whoo! 64 00:02:23,986 --> 00:02:26,020 Okay, carry on. 65 00:02:26,021 --> 00:02:28,656 Why would she be coming to Jenna Weeden's divorce party? 66 00:02:28,657 --> 00:02:30,892 They used to work together or something. 67 00:02:30,893 --> 00:02:33,161 You're gonna change before we go out, right? 68 00:02:33,162 --> 00:02:36,164 Nobody under 40's gonna hit on that biz-cas bullshit. 69 00:02:36,165 --> 00:02:37,198 Hey what are you doing? 70 00:02:37,199 --> 00:02:38,633 Wanna crack a couple beers, watch a game, 71 00:02:38,634 --> 00:02:39,734 maybe get some pizza? 72 00:02:39,735 --> 00:02:43,905 Um... no, I gotta read over some college essays, so. 73 00:02:43,906 --> 00:02:45,573 Is it because he's crying? 74 00:02:45,574 --> 00:02:46,908 Do I actually have to answer that question? 75 00:02:46,909 --> 00:02:47,942 It's called teething, okay? 76 00:02:47,943 --> 00:02:49,544 He's trying to get teeth. 77 00:02:49,545 --> 00:02:51,045 Imagine that for the first time. 78 00:02:51,046 --> 00:02:52,881 Making teeth. 79 00:02:52,882 --> 00:02:53,882 It's a big deal. 80 00:02:53,883 --> 00:02:55,216 Yeah. Thank you, honey. 81 00:03:09,965 --> 00:03:11,166 What the hell? 82 00:03:12,568 --> 00:03:13,635 What? 83 00:03:13,636 --> 00:03:15,770 Are you jacking off to football? 84 00:03:16,772 --> 00:03:18,006 No! 85 00:03:18,007 --> 00:03:20,642 That is so fucked up. 86 00:03:20,643 --> 00:03:21,709 I was just... I was just cradling it. 87 00:03:21,710 --> 00:03:24,245 It's okay, 88 00:03:24,246 --> 00:03:26,114 because we... 89 00:03:26,115 --> 00:03:27,582 are about to do some intercourse. 90 00:03:32,521 --> 00:03:33,722 You ready for this? 91 00:03:36,058 --> 00:03:38,026 Meow! 92 00:03:39,261 --> 00:03:40,995 Do you know why... 93 00:03:40,996 --> 00:03:43,198 Jenna got divorced? 94 00:03:44,066 --> 00:03:45,199 I couldn't pick Jenna out of a lineup, 95 00:03:45,200 --> 00:03:46,935 so I have no idea who you're even talking about. 96 00:03:46,936 --> 00:03:49,270 Well, when the divorce party went "predictably dark... " 97 00:03:50,272 --> 00:03:51,673 Oh, my God. 98 00:03:51,674 --> 00:03:52,674 You have to have some water or something. 99 00:03:52,675 --> 00:03:54,709 She said they fell deeply 100 00:03:54,710 --> 00:03:57,579 "out of lust and deeply into like." 101 00:03:57,580 --> 00:04:00,014 You air quote so much when you're drunk. 102 00:04:00,015 --> 00:04:01,616 Does that sound familiar to you? 103 00:04:01,617 --> 00:04:02,917 Oh, yeah? You like that? 104 00:04:02,918 --> 00:04:03,918 I don't know. 105 00:04:03,919 --> 00:04:05,019 That's good, 106 00:04:05,020 --> 00:04:08,056 'cause it is about to get real dirty up in here. 107 00:04:08,057 --> 00:04:09,123 Can you even hear what you're saying? 108 00:04:09,124 --> 00:04:11,125 Can you even hear yourself? 109 00:04:11,126 --> 00:04:12,160 Can you? 110 00:04:12,161 --> 00:04:13,261 Yeah. 111 00:04:13,262 --> 00:04:14,796 I can hear you. 112 00:04:14,797 --> 00:04:16,131 What does that even me? 113 00:04:17,232 --> 00:04:19,512 Oh, God. Did you smoke the entire pack of cigarettes? 114 00:04:21,303 --> 00:04:23,271 Did you eat an entire bag of Funions? 115 00:04:23,272 --> 00:04:25,073 Of course not. 116 00:04:25,074 --> 00:04:26,074 There's till some left, I think. 117 00:04:26,075 --> 00:04:27,108 Good... 118 00:04:27,109 --> 00:04:30,278 'cause this is raw. 119 00:04:30,279 --> 00:04:31,980 This is cigarettes and Funions and shit. 120 00:04:31,981 --> 00:04:35,183 Come here. Come here. Slap me. 121 00:04:35,184 --> 00:04:36,184 What? 122 00:04:36,185 --> 00:04:37,185 - Spank me. - Spank you? No. 123 00:04:37,186 --> 00:04:38,186 Pull my hair and spank me. 124 00:04:38,187 --> 00:04:39,654 This is seriously what you want? 125 00:04:39,655 --> 00:04:40,888 Spank me. Come on. 126 00:04:40,889 --> 00:04:41,990 What are you talking about? 127 00:04:41,991 --> 00:04:43,791 Spank me. Spank me. Spank me. Spank me. 128 00:04:43,792 --> 00:04:45,960 - Like that. - I'm not doing it. 129 00:04:45,961 --> 00:04:47,095 - Try! - I'm not doing it. 130 00:04:47,096 --> 00:04:49,865 Ow! What the fuck? 131 00:04:50,799 --> 00:04:52,867 It was like a sexual atrocity. 132 00:04:52,868 --> 00:04:56,771 Seriously, arms were flailing, and breath was stinking. 133 00:04:56,772 --> 00:04:58,306 We should've filmed it for an abstinence PSA. 134 00:04:58,307 --> 00:05:01,876 Ah, the venerable cycle of masturbation. 135 00:05:01,877 --> 00:05:03,578 I don't think that's a thing. 136 00:05:03,579 --> 00:05:05,146 Oh, no. The less you get it on, 137 00:05:05,147 --> 00:05:06,247 the more you jack off. 138 00:05:06,248 --> 00:05:07,882 The more you jack off, the less you get it on. 139 00:05:07,883 --> 00:05:09,317 Well, maybe that is a thing. 140 00:05:09,318 --> 00:05:12,086 Shit, bro, you okay? 141 00:05:12,087 --> 00:05:13,955 I don't know, man. It's like... 142 00:05:13,956 --> 00:05:15,590 Is it really that serious? 143 00:05:15,591 --> 00:05:17,291 I think it might be. I think it is that serious. 144 00:05:17,292 --> 00:05:18,893 I mean, we love each other. 145 00:05:18,894 --> 00:05:21,162 That's... it's not a like, it's a love situation. 146 00:05:21,163 --> 00:05:22,263 That's not the problem at all. 147 00:05:22,264 --> 00:05:24,699 We're, like, trying to manufacture passion, 148 00:05:24,700 --> 00:05:27,769 and it's resulting in me getting a fucking black eye. 149 00:05:27,770 --> 00:05:28,770 I would love to blame it 150 00:05:28,771 --> 00:05:30,905 on two years of, like, robotic baby sex, 151 00:05:30,906 --> 00:05:32,006 but even before that, 152 00:05:32,007 --> 00:05:33,647 it wasn't like it was "9 1/2 Weeks." 153 00:05:37,146 --> 00:05:38,146 Can you say something, please? 154 00:05:38,147 --> 00:05:39,147 I may or may not 155 00:05:39,148 --> 00:05:41,883 have done something in another dimension 156 00:05:41,884 --> 00:05:43,785 that no one in this universe could ever know about. 157 00:05:43,786 --> 00:05:45,853 It's like a tree 158 00:05:45,854 --> 00:05:46,921 falling in the forest, 159 00:05:46,922 --> 00:05:48,990 except it's my dick going into another woman. 160 00:05:48,991 --> 00:05:50,024 You had an affair? 161 00:05:50,025 --> 00:05:51,759 Hey, shh! No, no. It's too messy. 162 00:05:51,760 --> 00:05:53,628 God. 163 00:05:53,629 --> 00:05:55,029 Why don't you yell it, huh? 164 00:05:55,030 --> 00:05:56,364 I was startled. 165 00:05:56,365 --> 00:05:57,435 Because the legally deaf woman 166 00:05:57,436 --> 00:05:59,430 on the other side of that bridge can hear it. 167 00:06:00,903 --> 00:06:02,904 So... you were with a hooker? 168 00:06:02,905 --> 00:06:04,906 No. I'm talking about an escort. 169 00:06:04,907 --> 00:06:06,374 What's the difference? 170 00:06:06,375 --> 00:06:07,375 - No penetration. - What? 171 00:06:07,376 --> 00:06:08,876 No penet... is that even a thing? 172 00:06:08,877 --> 00:06:10,078 Okay, okay. 173 00:06:10,079 --> 00:06:13,214 Sometimes, there's penetration, okay? 174 00:06:13,215 --> 00:06:15,883 But there's not supposed to be, right? 175 00:06:15,884 --> 00:06:16,818 That's why they can advertise. 176 00:06:16,819 --> 00:06:19,053 12, I don't know, something like that, 177 00:06:19,054 --> 00:06:20,088 sites here in Portland alone. 178 00:06:20,089 --> 00:06:21,923 When's the last time you guys made out? 179 00:06:21,924 --> 00:06:23,858 If I stuck my tongue in Emma's mouth, 180 00:06:23,859 --> 00:06:25,293 she'd probably just crack up laughing. 181 00:06:25,294 --> 00:06:26,461 You do it with someone you don't know, 182 00:06:26,462 --> 00:06:29,263 someone who doesn't laugh when you get your sexy on. 183 00:06:29,264 --> 00:06:30,898 This actually worked for you? 184 00:06:30,899 --> 00:06:32,633 You took this back into your bedroom? 185 00:06:32,634 --> 00:06:34,402 Fuckinay right I did. 186 00:06:34,403 --> 00:06:38,941 This is a lot for me to process over fuckin' hot cocoa. 187 00:06:39,908 --> 00:06:41,709 On today's Home Seekers, 188 00:06:41,710 --> 00:06:44,011 zookeeper Amanda and her accountant husband... 189 00:06:44,012 --> 00:06:46,414 Oh, God... 190 00:06:46,415 --> 00:06:48,149 Oh, God. 191 00:06:48,150 --> 00:06:51,819 Homer, lock it down, buddy. 192 00:06:51,820 --> 00:06:53,422 Unbelievable. 193 00:06:56,125 --> 00:07:00,361 I have officially hit the age where a hangover lasts 24 hours. 194 00:07:00,362 --> 00:07:02,897 We've got our work cut out for us. 195 00:07:02,898 --> 00:07:04,265 One thing I know about women, 196 00:07:04,266 --> 00:07:06,968 they never stop talking about bathtubs or closets. 197 00:07:06,969 --> 00:07:08,336 If I hear that line one more time, 198 00:07:08,337 --> 00:07:10,338 "Where do your clothes go?" 199 00:07:10,339 --> 00:07:11,372 I'm going to... 200 00:07:11,373 --> 00:07:13,074 I'm going to piece together 201 00:07:13,075 --> 00:07:15,009 why you never got married. 202 00:07:15,010 --> 00:07:17,145 Claw-footed tub, authentic Victorian staircase... 203 00:07:17,146 --> 00:07:18,346 What are you doing? 204 00:07:19,882 --> 00:07:22,817 I just thought maybe we could, you know... 205 00:07:22,818 --> 00:07:24,452 Are you seriously proposing sex right now, 206 00:07:24,453 --> 00:07:27,155 when I'm one pug fart away from regurgitating vital organs? 207 00:07:27,990 --> 00:07:29,891 Suddenly over it. 208 00:07:34,897 --> 00:07:36,932 If I die, know that I loved you. 209 00:07:40,169 --> 00:07:42,204 Love you more. 210 00:07:47,342 --> 00:07:48,442 What kind of monster 211 00:07:48,443 --> 00:07:51,946 lets a guy pay her 400 bucks to treat him like shit? 212 00:07:51,947 --> 00:07:54,115 You don't look like you're begging. 213 00:07:54,516 --> 00:07:57,385 You don't realize what kind of a bargain you gave that dude. 214 00:07:57,386 --> 00:08:00,955 He can have any woman, any thing he wants... 215 00:08:00,956 --> 00:08:02,456 except not getting what he wants. 216 00:08:02,457 --> 00:08:03,457 Crawl. 217 00:08:05,928 --> 00:08:07,061 Until you. 218 00:08:07,062 --> 00:08:08,296 Izzy Silva. 219 00:08:08,297 --> 00:08:09,397 His angel of denial. 220 00:08:09,398 --> 00:08:11,833 Okay, Nina, that actually didn't suck, 221 00:08:11,834 --> 00:08:13,935 but do you have any idea how guilty I felt? 222 00:08:13,936 --> 00:08:15,102 This morning, 223 00:08:15,103 --> 00:08:16,938 there was a homeless guy outside of our apartment, 224 00:08:16,939 --> 00:08:18,372 who asked me for a cigarette. 225 00:08:18,373 --> 00:08:20,174 So I gave him 80 bucks, 226 00:08:20,175 --> 00:08:22,276 hugged him, and said, "God bless you." 227 00:08:22,277 --> 00:08:24,946 I've never said that to anyone in my life before. 228 00:08:24,947 --> 00:08:26,314 "God bless you?" Who says that? 229 00:08:26,315 --> 00:08:27,415 I am so disappointed in you, Iz. 230 00:08:27,416 --> 00:08:28,983 Translation: 231 00:08:28,984 --> 00:08:31,252 you don't want to float my half of the rent again. 232 00:08:31,253 --> 00:08:33,120 Si, senora. 233 00:08:33,121 --> 00:08:34,222 Fine. 234 00:08:34,223 --> 00:08:36,057 One more week. 235 00:08:36,058 --> 00:08:37,491 There's my little hooker. 236 00:08:37,492 --> 00:08:39,393 We're escorts. It's different. 237 00:08:39,394 --> 00:08:41,229 Oh, right, absolutely. 238 00:08:41,230 --> 00:08:43,231 It is different. 239 00:08:43,232 --> 00:08:46,133 - That's what you told me. - It is. Don't worry about it. 240 00:08:46,134 --> 00:08:48,903 I texted you, like. 20 times last night... 241 00:08:48,904 --> 00:08:50,572 Oh. 242 00:08:51,373 --> 00:08:53,007 Oh, my God, I think I just sprouted ovaries. 243 00:08:53,008 --> 00:08:54,008 You did? 244 00:08:54,009 --> 00:08:55,376 Yeah. 245 00:08:55,377 --> 00:08:57,378 I think I'm officially the chick in this relationship. 246 00:08:57,379 --> 00:08:59,313 That is so fucking sexist, Andy. 247 00:08:59,314 --> 00:09:02,484 Both genders pursue that which retreats from them. 248 00:09:04,152 --> 00:09:05,920 Oh, so you're baiting me, huh? 249 00:09:05,921 --> 00:09:06,921 Oh, get over yourself. 250 00:09:06,922 --> 00:09:10,058 You free tomorrow night, Andrea? 251 00:09:12,427 --> 00:09:15,764 Don't fuck with me, I'm menstruating, okay? 252 00:09:18,133 --> 00:09:19,600 Yes, I'm free. 253 00:09:19,601 --> 00:09:20,601 Because of the complicated nature 254 00:09:20,602 --> 00:09:22,837 of rationalist thinking... 255 00:09:26,541 --> 00:09:28,342 Who is it? 256 00:09:28,343 --> 00:09:30,144 Another hubby lost his mojo. 257 00:09:30,145 --> 00:09:31,846 Easy-peasy. Bread and butter. 258 00:09:38,453 --> 00:09:39,520 It's probably not fair, 259 00:09:39,521 --> 00:09:41,923 but I kinda wanna pop you in the other eye. 260 00:09:41,924 --> 00:09:43,591 You do? Why? 261 00:09:43,592 --> 00:09:45,393 I don't know. I'm missing our old apartment, 262 00:09:45,394 --> 00:09:46,394 living downtown, 263 00:09:46,395 --> 00:09:47,461 being in the middle of everything. 264 00:09:47,462 --> 00:09:48,829 Why? Is there something else 265 00:09:48,830 --> 00:09:50,898 I should be violently enraged about? 266 00:09:50,899 --> 00:09:52,833 No. No. I can't think of anything. 267 00:09:52,834 --> 00:09:54,101 Are you drunk already? 268 00:09:54,102 --> 00:09:55,603 Maybe a little bit. 269 00:09:55,604 --> 00:09:57,271 Get drunker. You sound weird. 270 00:09:57,272 --> 00:09:58,472 I'll be home around 9:00. 271 00:09:58,473 --> 00:10:00,608 Okay. Have fun. I love you, weirdo. 272 00:10:00,609 --> 00:10:03,445 I love you more. 273 00:10:04,646 --> 00:10:06,881 Fuck. What the fuck am I doing? 274 00:10:06,882 --> 00:10:08,750 Oh, my God. 275 00:10:11,987 --> 00:10:14,122 Okay, this can be undone. Undo it. 276 00:10:16,325 --> 00:10:18,293 This is, um... 277 00:10:19,094 --> 00:10:21,128 Something came up at work. 278 00:10:21,129 --> 00:10:22,129 I have to cancel. 279 00:10:22,130 --> 00:10:24,165 Something... 280 00:10:24,166 --> 00:10:27,068 Something came up at work. 281 00:10:27,069 --> 00:10:29,103 Very sorry. 282 00:10:29,104 --> 00:10:31,239 I have to cancel. 283 00:10:33,075 --> 00:10:35,443 ... And send. 284 00:10:38,080 --> 00:10:39,013 Fred, are you in there? 285 00:10:39,014 --> 00:10:40,948 Um, no. 286 00:10:42,084 --> 00:10:43,285 Funny. 287 00:10:47,222 --> 00:10:49,190 - Hi, you. - Hi. 288 00:10:49,191 --> 00:10:51,492 Um, so I haven't exactly 289 00:10:51,493 --> 00:10:53,527 settled on a formal cancellation policy, 290 00:10:53,528 --> 00:10:55,596 but this is definitely not it. 291 00:10:55,597 --> 00:10:57,298 You need to get paid. 292 00:10:57,299 --> 00:10:58,366 I really do. 293 00:10:58,367 --> 00:11:00,201 - Could you just wait a second? - Yep. 294 00:11:02,070 --> 00:11:04,438 I'm sorry. Something came up at work. 295 00:11:04,439 --> 00:11:06,708 I had a... 296 00:11:07,676 --> 00:11:10,544 Um... um... 297 00:11:10,545 --> 00:11:11,746 It's a long story. 298 00:11:14,649 --> 00:11:15,716 Here it is. 299 00:11:15,717 --> 00:11:18,553 You are so not a Fred. 300 00:11:19,521 --> 00:11:20,588 What do you mean? What's... what's wrong with Fred? 301 00:11:20,589 --> 00:11:21,589 I have an Uncle Fred. 302 00:11:21,590 --> 00:11:22,623 Okay. 303 00:11:22,624 --> 00:11:25,259 Oh, my God. My scalp is sweating. 304 00:11:25,260 --> 00:11:26,940 Can you see that from here? The way... 305 00:11:27,562 --> 00:11:28,562 What do I owe you? 306 00:11:28,563 --> 00:11:30,203 So what was your excuse to the wife? 307 00:11:31,233 --> 00:11:32,433 My wife? 308 00:11:32,434 --> 00:11:34,035 Your wife. Yes. 309 00:11:34,036 --> 00:11:36,605 Um... Happy hour? 310 00:11:38,273 --> 00:11:40,041 Well, you have a mini-bar. 311 00:11:40,042 --> 00:11:40,975 I do? 312 00:11:40,976 --> 00:11:42,611 Yep. 313 00:11:52,354 --> 00:11:53,421 So when did you know 314 00:11:53,422 --> 00:11:56,424 you wanted to be a high school counselor? 315 00:11:56,425 --> 00:11:59,493 I'm not a high school counselor, first of all. 316 00:11:59,494 --> 00:12:02,563 I am Assistant Dean, Head of Student Services. 317 00:12:02,564 --> 00:12:04,098 Oh... 318 00:12:04,099 --> 00:12:05,266 Yup. 319 00:12:05,267 --> 00:12:06,267 Sorry. That's very different. 320 00:12:06,268 --> 00:12:07,668 It's a big difference, yeah. 321 00:12:07,669 --> 00:12:09,070 Is it? 322 00:12:09,071 --> 00:12:10,938 Kind of like the difference between prostitute and escort. 323 00:12:10,939 --> 00:12:13,307 Mm. Okay, well, as clearly stated 324 00:12:13,308 --> 00:12:15,509 on my profile, I don't screw my clients, 325 00:12:15,510 --> 00:12:17,545 so, yeah, it is very different. 326 00:12:17,546 --> 00:12:19,046 You can answer the question now. 327 00:12:19,047 --> 00:12:23,751 I was kind of a hot mess in high school, and... 328 00:12:23,752 --> 00:12:25,186 Don't look at me like that. 329 00:12:25,187 --> 00:12:26,554 This isn't... this is a true story. 330 00:12:26,555 --> 00:12:29,557 I wasn't too popular with the faculty, really, 331 00:12:29,558 --> 00:12:30,791 except for this one counselor, 332 00:12:30,792 --> 00:12:32,660 and she was really great, and she kind of saved me... 333 00:12:32,661 --> 00:12:34,261 Fred, this sounds like a story 334 00:12:34,262 --> 00:12:36,130 that you've told at a few dozen barbecues. 335 00:12:36,131 --> 00:12:37,398 Why don't you give me the real shit? 336 00:12:37,399 --> 00:12:38,599 Ouch. 337 00:12:38,600 --> 00:12:40,701 My father was a cheating asshole 338 00:12:40,702 --> 00:12:42,069 in a V-neck sweater, 339 00:12:42,070 --> 00:12:44,038 so my bullshit detector is, like, wicked sensitive. 340 00:12:44,039 --> 00:12:46,140 So you're an escort with daddy issues? 341 00:12:46,141 --> 00:12:47,074 That's so rare. 342 00:12:47,075 --> 00:12:48,275 Blow me, Fred. 343 00:12:49,644 --> 00:12:50,912 Well... 344 00:12:53,281 --> 00:12:54,348 I know what you were saying before, 345 00:12:54,349 --> 00:12:56,250 by the way, about, like, your family, 346 00:12:56,251 --> 00:12:57,618 because my family, also, was, like... 347 00:12:57,619 --> 00:12:59,753 a quiet little corner of hell. 348 00:12:59,754 --> 00:13:03,090 Mine was shiny perfection right up until it wasn't. 349 00:13:03,091 --> 00:13:04,458 Yeah, Mom's been on 350 00:13:04,459 --> 00:13:05,826 the Geese 'n' Oxy diet ever since. 351 00:13:05,827 --> 00:13:07,194 Is that something I should know? 352 00:13:07,195 --> 00:13:11,365 Vodka and pain pills. Yeah. I'll never be like her. 353 00:13:11,366 --> 00:13:13,634 So instead, you just do this? 354 00:13:13,635 --> 00:13:14,602 Hmm? 355 00:13:14,603 --> 00:13:16,363 Just kind of like an emotional tourist. 356 00:13:18,140 --> 00:13:21,009 Damn, Fred. That's... that's pretty good, actually. 357 00:13:25,647 --> 00:13:26,647 I'm Jack, by the way. 358 00:13:26,648 --> 00:13:28,082 I can't do this any longer. 359 00:13:28,083 --> 00:13:29,450 It's Jack Trakarsky. 360 00:13:29,451 --> 00:13:31,085 Jack Trakarsky. 361 00:13:31,086 --> 00:13:32,353 I'm Izzy Silva. 362 00:13:32,354 --> 00:13:33,621 Izzy Silva. 363 00:13:33,622 --> 00:13:35,582 I've never told a client my full name before. 364 00:13:43,198 --> 00:13:44,198 It's a long handshake. 365 00:13:44,199 --> 00:13:45,400 Yeah. 366 00:13:47,335 --> 00:13:48,636 It might be the light beer, 367 00:13:48,637 --> 00:13:52,273 the craft beer, the vodka, and the wine talking, 368 00:13:52,274 --> 00:13:54,408 but... 369 00:13:54,409 --> 00:13:56,210 I don't think that I stayed 370 00:13:56,211 --> 00:13:57,779 just because you have a mini-bar. 371 00:13:59,314 --> 00:14:00,481 No? 372 00:14:00,482 --> 00:14:02,449 You're not too old or too annoying. 373 00:14:02,450 --> 00:14:03,484 So... 374 00:14:03,485 --> 00:14:04,485 Thank you. 375 00:14:04,486 --> 00:14:05,419 I figured there are worse ways 376 00:14:05,420 --> 00:14:07,354 to avoid doing a sociology essay. 377 00:14:07,355 --> 00:14:10,625 And you are also unhideous. 378 00:14:11,526 --> 00:14:14,828 You think I'm unhideous? 379 00:14:14,829 --> 00:14:16,431 That's cool. 380 00:14:18,233 --> 00:14:19,834 Do you wanna make out? 381 00:14:21,703 --> 00:14:23,204 Shit. Sorry. 382 00:14:23,205 --> 00:14:26,407 Nope. 383 00:14:26,408 --> 00:14:27,675 I sound crazy. 384 00:14:27,676 --> 00:14:29,310 I promise I won't boil your rabbit. 385 00:14:29,311 --> 00:14:31,579 I don't have a rabbit, so you can't. 386 00:14:31,580 --> 00:14:32,546 I have a pug. 387 00:14:32,547 --> 00:14:33,781 Who boils a pug? 388 00:14:33,782 --> 00:14:35,249 I'm not a monster. 389 00:14:35,250 --> 00:14:37,485 Do you have a cat, though? 390 00:14:38,587 --> 00:14:40,488 No, I don't have a cat. 391 00:14:50,832 --> 00:14:52,499 Um... 392 00:14:52,500 --> 00:14:53,500 oh, shit. 393 00:14:53,501 --> 00:14:54,435 We're... we're over. 394 00:14:54,436 --> 00:14:55,769 I'm sorry. I should... 395 00:14:55,770 --> 00:14:56,971 Thank you. 396 00:14:58,206 --> 00:15:01,910 So I guess you better make a move on me now, right? 397 00:15:03,645 --> 00:15:07,181 That's the hole in your game, isn't that what you said? 398 00:15:07,182 --> 00:15:09,083 Show me what you got. 399 00:15:10,385 --> 00:15:12,153 Um... 400 00:15:12,954 --> 00:15:14,956 Okay. 401 00:15:16,758 --> 00:15:17,825 I mean, come on, 402 00:15:17,826 --> 00:15:19,260 we're never gonna see each other again, right? 403 00:15:19,261 --> 00:15:21,195 Okay. Okay. 404 00:15:21,196 --> 00:15:22,496 Um... I'm bringin' it. 405 00:15:22,497 --> 00:15:24,265 No. Don't say that. 406 00:15:24,266 --> 00:15:26,501 It's been a while for me. 407 00:15:28,670 --> 00:15:30,171 Um... 408 00:15:32,274 --> 00:15:33,173 Hi. 409 00:15:33,174 --> 00:15:34,875 Hi. 410 00:15:34,876 --> 00:15:37,045 You're like a unicorn. 411 00:15:38,747 --> 00:15:41,315 Okay... 412 00:15:41,316 --> 00:15:43,684 that's not what I was going for, but... 413 00:15:43,685 --> 00:15:45,753 we can keep going. 414 00:15:45,754 --> 00:15:48,222 No, I mean you're the rare girl that looks better up close. 415 00:15:48,223 --> 00:15:49,256 Like, the closer I get to you, it's... 416 00:15:49,257 --> 00:15:51,325 No, that... that was nice. 417 00:15:51,326 --> 00:15:52,526 - Was it? - Yeah. 418 00:15:53,495 --> 00:15:55,562 You're nice, I think. 419 00:15:55,563 --> 00:15:57,532 Sorry. 420 00:16:32,634 --> 00:16:33,701 - Fuckinay. - No, it's fine, it's fine. 421 00:16:33,702 --> 00:16:35,969 It's my roommate's. Keep your focus. 422 00:16:37,739 --> 00:16:38,906 I'll pay for that... 423 00:16:38,907 --> 00:16:40,641 No, it's... Shush. 424 00:16:44,779 --> 00:16:46,447 I'm sorry. This is not... 425 00:16:46,448 --> 00:16:47,915 That was way too far. 426 00:16:47,916 --> 00:16:49,750 Jesus, I can't do this. What's wrong with me? 427 00:16:49,751 --> 00:16:50,751 No, you know, I... 428 00:16:50,752 --> 00:16:52,553 It's all good. This is my bad. 429 00:16:52,554 --> 00:16:54,588 The booze and the unicorn line definitely factored in, but... 430 00:16:54,589 --> 00:16:56,457 you know what, 431 00:16:56,458 --> 00:16:57,891 let's take it back. 432 00:16:57,892 --> 00:16:58,992 Let's pretend this didn't happen. 433 00:16:58,993 --> 00:17:00,728 - Okay. - Okay, yeah. 434 00:17:01,896 --> 00:17:03,097 This is my wife. 435 00:17:05,433 --> 00:17:06,433 I'm gonna go. 436 00:17:06,434 --> 00:17:07,935 Yeah. 437 00:17:07,936 --> 00:17:09,137 Hey, babe. 438 00:17:10,438 --> 00:17:12,940 No. I... 439 00:17:12,941 --> 00:17:15,710 I'm going to be home... 440 00:17:23,885 --> 00:17:26,054 Okay, so... 441 00:17:26,955 --> 00:17:29,390 All right. I love you more. Bye. 442 00:17:29,391 --> 00:17:30,591 Fuck. 443 00:17:38,466 --> 00:17:41,435 Are you fucking kidding me? 444 00:17:41,436 --> 00:17:42,369 I came clean! 445 00:17:42,370 --> 00:17:43,904 Don't I get points for coming clean? 446 00:17:43,905 --> 00:17:45,038 "Points?" 447 00:17:45,039 --> 00:17:46,340 I don't know. 448 00:17:46,341 --> 00:17:47,808 You want fucking "points"? 449 00:17:47,809 --> 00:17:48,976 You get points for admitting 450 00:17:48,977 --> 00:17:50,911 to scarfing down the second half of my panini, 451 00:17:50,912 --> 00:17:52,880 not for confessing to spending happy hour 452 00:17:52,881 --> 00:17:54,381 in a hotel room with a hooker! 453 00:17:54,382 --> 00:17:55,382 She's an escort. 454 00:17:55,383 --> 00:17:56,717 Oh, great. 455 00:17:56,718 --> 00:17:58,986 She's an escort, okay? 456 00:17:58,987 --> 00:18:00,754 She's, like, getting her Master's in psychology, so. 457 00:18:00,755 --> 00:18:02,423 Mm-hmm. 458 00:18:02,424 --> 00:18:04,124 Sex was never part of the agenda, I swear. 459 00:18:04,125 --> 00:18:05,993 I made sure it wasn't. 460 00:18:05,994 --> 00:18:06,994 It said it right in the profile. 461 00:18:06,995 --> 00:18:08,930 You're a fucking idiot. 462 00:18:10,565 --> 00:18:11,498 Are you... 463 00:18:11,499 --> 00:18:14,768 figuring out ways to kill me? 464 00:18:14,769 --> 00:18:17,004 Tell me more. 465 00:18:17,005 --> 00:18:19,106 Tell me more about this fascinating young lady. 466 00:18:19,107 --> 00:18:20,140 It's not about her. 467 00:18:20,141 --> 00:18:22,243 Oh, so you did find her fascinating. 468 00:18:24,078 --> 00:18:25,713 I don't know. I mean... 469 00:18:26,915 --> 00:18:28,749 That was well said, Jack. 470 00:18:28,750 --> 00:18:31,185 Let me rephrase the question... 471 00:18:34,489 --> 00:18:35,790 Did you like her? 472 00:18:39,627 --> 00:18:40,561 Oh, my God. 473 00:18:40,562 --> 00:18:42,029 This has nothing to do with her. 474 00:18:42,030 --> 00:18:44,866 This is about us, okay? 475 00:18:50,905 --> 00:18:52,105 Did anything happen? 476 00:18:52,106 --> 00:18:54,808 We didn't have sex. We absolutely did not have sex. 477 00:18:54,809 --> 00:18:56,610 That's not what I asked, Jack. 478 00:18:56,611 --> 00:18:57,945 Did anything happen? 479 00:18:57,946 --> 00:19:01,849 I want you to tell me precisely what you did with that girl. 480 00:19:03,184 --> 00:19:07,421 We made out, for, like, a brief time... 481 00:19:07,422 --> 00:19:08,822 and then I snapped out of it, 482 00:19:08,823 --> 00:19:10,925 and I... and that was it, it was over. 483 00:19:22,203 --> 00:19:24,338 Show me. 484 00:19:25,206 --> 00:19:26,206 Show you what? 485 00:19:26,207 --> 00:19:27,441 I want to see her. 486 00:19:27,442 --> 00:19:29,510 Honey, that's not a good idea. 487 00:19:29,511 --> 00:19:31,245 Show me. 488 00:19:35,550 --> 00:19:36,550 Are you serious? 489 00:19:36,551 --> 00:19:37,752 Do it. 490 00:19:44,058 --> 00:19:46,026 I think maybe we should talk about this. 491 00:19:46,027 --> 00:19:48,096 Do it. 492 00:19:48,930 --> 00:19:50,197 I made him show me what she looked like. 493 00:19:50,198 --> 00:19:51,198 And did he? 494 00:19:51,199 --> 00:19:52,566 Yeah. 495 00:19:52,567 --> 00:19:53,734 Eventually. 496 00:19:53,735 --> 00:19:54,902 Was she a total skeeze? 497 00:19:54,903 --> 00:19:57,738 Actually... 498 00:19:57,739 --> 00:19:59,607 she looks... 499 00:20:00,708 --> 00:20:02,209 exactly like what she is... 500 00:20:02,210 --> 00:20:03,710 a grad student from Colorado. 501 00:20:03,711 --> 00:20:05,045 Look at her skin. 502 00:20:05,046 --> 00:20:06,046 Make it bigger. 503 00:20:06,047 --> 00:20:07,681 It's perfect. 504 00:20:07,682 --> 00:20:08,982 Do you ever see that movie "Mask" 505 00:20:08,983 --> 00:20:10,617 with Eric Stoltz in the '80s? 506 00:20:10,618 --> 00:20:12,658 It's like a Doppelganger. Turn it away. Please. 507 00:20:13,588 --> 00:20:14,788 You're a good friend. 508 00:20:14,789 --> 00:20:15,789 I try. 509 00:20:15,790 --> 00:20:17,257 I hate her! 510 00:20:17,258 --> 00:20:19,092 - You wish he hadn't told you? - I don't know. 511 00:20:19,093 --> 00:20:21,895 Probably. 512 00:20:21,896 --> 00:20:24,176 I mean, it's worse than if he just fucked her, right? 513 00:20:25,500 --> 00:20:26,934 He met up with her, he liked her, 514 00:20:26,935 --> 00:20:29,269 he confided in her... 515 00:20:29,270 --> 00:20:32,005 he made out with her... they made out. 516 00:20:32,006 --> 00:20:33,941 We don't make out anymore. 517 00:20:33,942 --> 00:20:35,576 It's so... 518 00:20:35,577 --> 00:20:36,843 intimate. 519 00:20:36,844 --> 00:20:39,746 He practically sprinted home to confess at your bedside. 520 00:20:39,747 --> 00:20:42,216 I mean, who does that, right? 521 00:20:44,218 --> 00:20:45,586 Oh, fuck. 522 00:20:45,587 --> 00:20:48,255 He took relationship advice from his loser brother? 523 00:20:48,256 --> 00:20:50,124 Was John Mayer out of the country? 524 00:20:53,628 --> 00:20:55,730 So what are you gonna do? 525 00:21:04,272 --> 00:21:07,375 So which one of you lovely ladies is Lola? 526 00:21:09,811 --> 00:21:11,012 Well... 527 00:21:21,022 --> 00:21:23,590 Okay, Lola... 528 00:21:23,591 --> 00:21:24,992 tell me something about yourself. 529 00:21:24,993 --> 00:21:26,093 What're you into? 530 00:21:26,094 --> 00:21:27,995 What's... what's... What's your jam? 531 00:21:27,996 --> 00:21:28,996 What's my jam? 532 00:21:28,997 --> 00:21:30,197 I don't know. 533 00:21:33,601 --> 00:21:35,302 Okay... 534 00:21:35,303 --> 00:21:38,672 Can I be honest with you? 535 00:21:38,673 --> 00:21:39,673 I'm a little drunk. 536 00:21:39,674 --> 00:21:41,575 No shit. Really? 537 00:21:41,576 --> 00:21:43,877 Okay, but here's the thing... 538 00:21:43,878 --> 00:21:46,013 I usually... I usually get drunk, 539 00:21:46,014 --> 00:21:47,748 because I get so nervous before these things, 540 00:21:47,749 --> 00:21:49,049 but you are my first lady date, 541 00:21:49,050 --> 00:21:51,818 so I got, like, double... 542 00:21:51,819 --> 00:21:53,019 double super nervous. 543 00:21:54,222 --> 00:21:55,423 Well, you're doing well. 544 00:21:57,258 --> 00:21:59,626 Wow, you are really pretty. 545 00:21:59,627 --> 00:22:01,261 Okay... 546 00:22:01,262 --> 00:22:02,864 For my age? 547 00:22:03,898 --> 00:22:06,767 And very angry. 548 00:22:06,768 --> 00:22:09,370 Are you shrinking me now, Izzy? 549 00:22:10,605 --> 00:22:12,573 Wait. What? How did you... 550 00:22:13,608 --> 00:22:15,209 Never mind. 551 00:22:24,819 --> 00:22:25,886 Do you ever read a book 552 00:22:25,887 --> 00:22:27,847 and you know exactly what's on the next page? 553 00:22:29,557 --> 00:22:32,993 There are zero surprises... 554 00:22:32,994 --> 00:22:34,061 you know, 555 00:22:34,062 --> 00:22:38,365 and you think, "I must've read this before." 556 00:22:38,366 --> 00:22:42,336 But... no way, because it just came out. 557 00:22:46,974 --> 00:22:48,542 I'm gonna go. 558 00:22:50,244 --> 00:22:51,311 I helped make this mess, 559 00:22:51,312 --> 00:22:53,947 and I'm gonna go home and... 560 00:22:53,948 --> 00:22:55,015 What was that? 561 00:22:55,016 --> 00:22:56,250 Oh, you dropped your... 562 00:22:57,585 --> 00:22:59,353 Oh. 563 00:23:00,188 --> 00:23:01,889 Surprise. 564 00:23:03,091 --> 00:23:04,391 Can you be cool? 565 00:23:04,392 --> 00:23:06,560 Yeah. 566 00:23:09,430 --> 00:23:10,797 A little cooler than that, 567 00:23:10,798 --> 00:23:12,132 because you look like somebody 568 00:23:12,133 --> 00:23:13,934 who's getting a foot job under the table. 569 00:23:13,935 --> 00:23:16,237 I am getting a foot job under the table. 570 00:23:23,144 --> 00:23:24,277 Hi. 571 00:23:24,278 --> 00:23:25,479 Am I doing it right? 572 00:23:27,281 --> 00:23:28,315 Do you want me to stop? 573 00:23:28,316 --> 00:23:31,284 Shit, am I freaking you out? 574 00:23:31,285 --> 00:23:32,452 This was Nina's idea 575 00:23:32,453 --> 00:23:33,453 and then you said you had no surprises in your life, 576 00:23:33,454 --> 00:23:36,123 and that made me really sad, actually, 577 00:23:36,124 --> 00:23:37,624 and have I mentioned that I'm pretty drunk? 578 00:23:37,625 --> 00:23:40,360 Okay, I'm gonna need you to stop blathering 579 00:23:40,361 --> 00:23:43,497 and look me in the eye. 580 00:24:16,831 --> 00:24:18,466 Okay. 581 00:24:22,737 --> 00:24:23,937 Are you okay? 582 00:24:28,176 --> 00:24:30,510 I don't think so. 583 00:24:30,511 --> 00:24:33,380 But... but... 584 00:24:33,381 --> 00:24:35,082 Lola! 585 00:24:43,324 --> 00:24:44,558 Lola? 586 00:24:46,761 --> 00:24:48,061 I just wanted to make sure... 587 00:24:48,062 --> 00:24:49,796 Make sure you got paid? 588 00:24:49,797 --> 00:24:51,798 No. 589 00:24:51,799 --> 00:24:55,001 I was actually... worried about you. 590 00:24:55,002 --> 00:24:56,203 Oh, the venerable hooker with a heart of gold. 591 00:24:56,204 --> 00:24:58,606 Lucky me. Take it. 592 00:24:59,507 --> 00:25:01,842 A, I am not a hooker, 593 00:25:01,843 --> 00:25:03,476 and B, you called me, 594 00:25:03,477 --> 00:25:05,478 so... 595 00:25:05,479 --> 00:25:07,348 My name is Emma. 596 00:25:08,149 --> 00:25:10,417 Hi, Emma. 597 00:25:10,418 --> 00:25:13,387 I'm Jack's wife. 598 00:25:14,255 --> 00:25:15,456 Okay... 599 00:25:17,391 --> 00:25:19,092 Minibar Makeout Guy from last night? 600 00:25:19,093 --> 00:25:20,527 What? 601 00:25:20,528 --> 00:25:21,862 Yeah. 602 00:25:21,863 --> 00:25:24,097 Why would you do this? 603 00:25:24,098 --> 00:25:25,999 He liked you. 604 00:25:26,000 --> 00:25:28,102 I wanted to find out why. 605 00:25:28,903 --> 00:25:30,638 Well, did you? 606 00:25:32,540 --> 00:25:35,576 I mean, find out why he liked me? 607 00:25:37,912 --> 00:25:39,346 Yeah. 608 00:25:41,415 --> 00:25:43,150 Unfortunately, I did. 609 00:25:49,257 --> 00:25:51,459 I like you right back, Emma. 610 00:25:57,331 --> 00:25:58,431 So, I'm... I'm just gonna... 611 00:25:58,432 --> 00:26:00,768 Izzy? 612 00:26:25,426 --> 00:26:27,261 Surprise. 613 00:26:42,977 --> 00:26:44,044 Hi. 614 00:26:44,045 --> 00:26:46,413 Oh... 615 00:26:49,150 --> 00:26:50,450 Are you eating here, or? 616 00:26:50,451 --> 00:26:52,486 No, I... You know what, it's... 617 00:26:53,321 --> 00:26:55,322 Interesting fact... it turns out four out of five 618 00:26:55,323 --> 00:26:58,125 Griffin grad students actually live in this building, so... 619 00:26:59,226 --> 00:27:00,226 Plus, I saw 620 00:27:00,227 --> 00:27:03,163 your name on the directory in the foyer. 621 00:27:03,164 --> 00:27:05,265 I've been pushing the button non-stop. 622 00:27:05,266 --> 00:27:07,201 Okay. 623 00:27:11,038 --> 00:27:11,972 Can we sit down for a sec? 624 00:27:11,973 --> 00:27:14,208 Yeah, sure. 625 00:27:17,945 --> 00:27:18,878 I love my wife. 626 00:27:18,879 --> 00:27:21,081 I really do. 627 00:27:21,082 --> 00:27:22,983 Just so you know that. 628 00:27:22,984 --> 00:27:25,352 And I, um... 629 00:27:25,353 --> 00:27:26,686 She's one of the few things in my life 630 00:27:26,687 --> 00:27:29,423 that I'm actually sure of. 631 00:27:30,691 --> 00:27:32,525 Jack, I was your escort. 632 00:27:32,526 --> 00:27:34,327 You don't have to break up with me. 633 00:27:34,328 --> 00:27:35,688 You just don't call me again. 634 00:27:37,331 --> 00:27:40,000 - Right, right. - Right? 635 00:27:40,001 --> 00:27:43,237 Um... 636 00:27:47,241 --> 00:27:50,143 I like you, like, a lot, 637 00:27:50,144 --> 00:27:52,346 and... we can't have that, so. 638 00:27:54,715 --> 00:27:56,549 I don't know when I'm gonna stop thinking about you. 639 00:27:56,550 --> 00:27:59,620 I just really, really hope it's soon. 640 00:28:01,689 --> 00:28:03,657 That's what I wanted to... 641 00:28:20,374 --> 00:28:22,076 - Okay. Bye. - Bye. 642 00:28:25,312 --> 00:28:26,446 The reason why I hired you 643 00:28:26,447 --> 00:28:28,515 is to save my marriage, actually. 644 00:28:28,516 --> 00:28:29,749 I don't think 645 00:28:29,750 --> 00:28:32,018 I'm like the other guys that hire you, to be honest. 646 00:28:32,019 --> 00:28:33,053 I came to this 647 00:28:33,054 --> 00:28:34,087 with, like, really... 648 00:28:34,088 --> 00:28:35,455 good intentions. 649 00:28:35,456 --> 00:28:37,357 That sounds so crazy. 650 00:28:50,438 --> 00:28:51,438 My marriage is in this, like, weird place. 651 00:28:51,439 --> 00:28:52,405 Hey. 652 00:28:52,406 --> 00:28:55,075 Hey. 653 00:28:55,076 --> 00:28:56,476 I really don't talk about it with anyone, 654 00:28:56,477 --> 00:28:57,544 but for some reason, 655 00:28:57,545 --> 00:28:59,312 I feel comfortable talking about it with you. 656 00:29:02,116 --> 00:29:03,417 What's that about? 657 00:29:05,186 --> 00:29:06,387 You're beautiful. 658 00:29:07,588 --> 00:29:08,755 Yeah? 659 00:29:08,756 --> 00:29:10,323 What's rockin' your world hardest, 660 00:29:10,324 --> 00:29:12,493 my Pebbles' 'do or my thermal socks? 661 00:29:13,227 --> 00:29:16,596 I thought that this might help... 662 00:29:16,597 --> 00:29:19,199 in my wife and I's situation. 663 00:29:19,200 --> 00:29:20,701 I'm sorry. 664 00:29:23,537 --> 00:29:24,805 So am I. 665 00:29:31,445 --> 00:29:32,913 What're you doing? 666 00:29:35,182 --> 00:29:36,182 Can I turn this off? 667 00:29:36,183 --> 00:29:37,717 What're you doing? 668 00:29:37,718 --> 00:29:39,219 This is gonna take longer than three minutes. 669 00:29:39,220 --> 00:29:40,353 - Yeah? - Yeah. 670 00:29:40,354 --> 00:29:41,488 Yeah? 671 00:29:41,489 --> 00:29:44,625 Although probably no more than eight. 672 00:29:46,527 --> 00:29:48,528 Are we seriously gonna do it on the kitchen floor? 673 00:29:48,529 --> 00:29:50,431 Mm-hmm. 674 00:29:54,668 --> 00:29:56,570 I'll take that as a yes. 675 00:29:59,840 --> 00:30:04,377 What the fuck? 676 00:30:04,378 --> 00:30:05,846 Izzy? 677 00:30:14,655 --> 00:30:16,523 Oh, my God! 678 00:30:19,126 --> 00:30:20,894 What the hell happened? 679 00:30:21,762 --> 00:30:22,762 You're what happened. 680 00:30:22,763 --> 00:30:24,764 What? What the hell did I do? 681 00:30:24,765 --> 00:30:27,367 Listen to me closely, Nina. 682 00:30:27,368 --> 00:30:28,835 I quit. 683 00:30:28,836 --> 00:30:32,272 Yup. I'm serious this time, okay? 684 00:30:32,273 --> 00:30:34,641 I'm done getting tangled in people's lives, 685 00:30:34,642 --> 00:30:36,676 and if you try to talk me out of it, 686 00:30:36,677 --> 00:30:37,877 I will snap, 687 00:30:37,878 --> 00:30:39,646 like, go the fuck off. 688 00:30:39,647 --> 00:30:40,680 Do you understand me? 689 00:30:40,681 --> 00:30:42,348 Yup. 690 00:30:42,349 --> 00:30:44,084 Yeah. Roger that. 691 00:30:48,255 --> 00:30:49,589 I'm very resentful 692 00:30:49,590 --> 00:30:51,591 that I don't have a fucking solid door right now. 693 00:30:51,592 --> 00:30:53,159 You chose that room! 694 00:30:53,160 --> 00:30:55,028 Stop talking to me! 695 00:31:03,737 --> 00:31:05,105 What're you thinking? 696 00:31:08,576 --> 00:31:09,777 I met Izzy today. 697 00:31:11,245 --> 00:31:12,212 What? 698 00:31:12,213 --> 00:31:14,481 We made out. 699 00:31:16,750 --> 00:31:20,120 After she gave me a footjob under the table. 700 00:31:24,425 --> 00:31:25,658 And I probably should've told you this 701 00:31:25,659 --> 00:31:27,293 a long, long time ago, 702 00:31:27,294 --> 00:31:29,329 but, um... 703 00:31:29,330 --> 00:31:31,131 she wasn't my first girl. 704 00:31:33,701 --> 00:31:36,003 Or my second. 705 00:32:19,913 --> 00:32:24,913 - Synced and corrected by chamallow - - www.addic7ed.com -