1 00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:04,900 2 00:00:04,902 --> 00:00:06,965 Previously on You, Me, Her... 3 00:00:06,966 --> 00:00:09,300 How often are you having sex? 4 00:00:09,301 --> 00:00:10,401 If I stuck my tongue in Emma's mouth, 5 00:00:10,402 --> 00:00:12,604 she's probably just crack up laughing. 6 00:00:12,605 --> 00:00:13,938 You do it with someone you don't know. 7 00:00:13,939 --> 00:00:16,507 Someone who doesn't laugh when you get your sexy on. 8 00:00:16,508 --> 00:00:17,642 I'm talking about an escort. 9 00:00:17,643 --> 00:00:20,278 - One more week. - There's my little hooker. 10 00:00:20,279 --> 00:00:22,046 We're escorts. It's different. 11 00:00:22,101 --> 00:00:23,442 I love you, weirdo. 12 00:00:23,444 --> 00:00:24,712 Fuck. 13 00:00:25,250 --> 00:00:26,951 Jesus, I can't do this. What's wrong with me? 14 00:00:26,952 --> 00:00:28,019 I came clean. 15 00:00:28,020 --> 00:00:29,354 Don't I get points for coming clean? 16 00:00:29,355 --> 00:00:30,612 - Show me. - Show you what? 17 00:00:30,614 --> 00:00:31,730 I want to see her. 18 00:00:31,781 --> 00:00:33,061 Wow, you are really pretty. 19 00:00:35,227 --> 00:00:36,160 Surprise. 20 00:00:36,161 --> 00:00:37,629 The reason why I hired you 21 00:00:37,630 --> 00:00:39,197 is to save my marriage, actually. 22 00:00:39,198 --> 00:00:40,932 - I met Izzy today. - What? 23 00:00:40,933 --> 00:00:42,533 And I probably should have told you this 24 00:00:42,534 --> 00:00:43,701 a long, long time ago, 25 00:00:43,702 --> 00:00:46,137 but, um... 26 00:00:46,138 --> 00:00:48,140 she wasn't my first girl. 27 00:01:04,356 --> 00:01:05,557 Hey. 28 00:01:07,726 --> 00:01:10,528 So, in the half hour or so that I actually slept, 29 00:01:10,529 --> 00:01:12,630 I had the weirdest dream. 30 00:01:12,631 --> 00:01:13,731 We did it on the kitchen floor... 31 00:01:13,732 --> 00:01:16,668 Wow. 32 00:01:16,669 --> 00:01:17,669 Yeah. 33 00:01:17,670 --> 00:01:19,370 And then you told me 34 00:01:19,371 --> 00:01:21,372 you got a foot job under the table 35 00:01:21,373 --> 00:01:23,574 from a girl. 36 00:01:23,575 --> 00:01:27,078 That's so much like my dream, 37 00:01:27,079 --> 00:01:30,448 except before that girl gave me a foot job under the table, 38 00:01:30,449 --> 00:01:32,217 you made out with her in a hotel room. 39 00:01:34,153 --> 00:01:35,153 What if it really happened? 40 00:01:35,154 --> 00:01:37,422 How crazy would that be? 41 00:01:37,423 --> 00:01:38,857 So crazy. 42 00:01:39,658 --> 00:01:42,593 So what now? 43 00:01:42,594 --> 00:01:44,796 Well, it's early. 44 00:01:49,134 --> 00:01:50,101 - Oh... Oh, God. - Yeah. 45 00:01:50,102 --> 00:01:51,569 Yeah. 46 00:01:51,570 --> 00:01:53,538 There's a reason why that only happens in movies. 47 00:01:53,539 --> 00:01:54,739 Call the CDC. 48 00:01:54,740 --> 00:01:56,374 I think we just created a plague. 49 00:01:56,375 --> 00:01:57,676 - Should we... - Yeah. 50 00:02:13,325 --> 00:02:15,093 You're disgusting. 51 00:02:15,094 --> 00:02:16,962 You make me sick. 52 00:02:27,473 --> 00:02:29,841 Go. Run. Save yourself. 53 00:02:29,842 --> 00:02:32,643 At least one of your organs is in there. 54 00:02:32,644 --> 00:02:33,644 So gross. 55 00:02:33,645 --> 00:02:36,281 Okay, then. 56 00:02:37,583 --> 00:02:41,285 Today is the first day of your life, Isabelle Marie Silva. 57 00:02:41,286 --> 00:02:42,453 You are stripped bare, 58 00:02:42,454 --> 00:02:43,654 born anew, 59 00:02:43,655 --> 00:02:45,723 and now you must wash all the sins of... 60 00:02:48,260 --> 00:02:50,661 Oh, fuck. 61 00:02:50,662 --> 00:02:52,330 Andy. 62 00:02:52,331 --> 00:02:54,332 Or you could just stop being a selfish cunt. 63 00:02:54,333 --> 00:02:56,401 Could you... could you do that for me? 64 00:02:57,703 --> 00:03:01,272 So, can we talk 65 00:03:01,273 --> 00:03:04,208 about this whole girl-girl-girl... 66 00:03:04,209 --> 00:03:05,309 phase, 67 00:03:05,310 --> 00:03:06,744 whatever it was? 68 00:03:06,745 --> 00:03:07,745 Like... 69 00:03:07,746 --> 00:03:09,781 why didn't you tell me about this? 70 00:03:11,450 --> 00:03:12,450 Um... 71 00:03:12,451 --> 00:03:15,086 Something we should have... 72 00:03:15,087 --> 00:03:17,455 I'm sorry. I should have. 73 00:03:17,456 --> 00:03:18,856 Maybe I should see 74 00:03:18,857 --> 00:03:20,892 if Dina has a cancellation later today or something? 75 00:03:20,893 --> 00:03:22,660 Does it bother you? 76 00:03:22,661 --> 00:03:23,795 It's... I think... 77 00:03:23,796 --> 00:03:25,263 we should talk about it at least. 78 00:03:25,264 --> 00:03:26,264 Okay. Yeah. 79 00:03:26,265 --> 00:03:28,566 Just to wrap our heads around it 80 00:03:28,567 --> 00:03:30,735 in the company of a professional? 81 00:03:30,736 --> 00:03:31,836 Yeah. 82 00:03:31,837 --> 00:03:32,837 That is a good idea. 83 00:03:32,838 --> 00:03:33,871 Good, right? 84 00:03:33,872 --> 00:03:34,872 You're full of good ideas. 85 00:03:40,879 --> 00:03:42,413 So, it's me again, 86 00:03:42,414 --> 00:03:44,715 the loathsome, sociopathic no-show from last night? 87 00:03:44,716 --> 00:03:46,317 This is try number seven, Andrew, 88 00:03:46,318 --> 00:03:49,487 which legally constitutes cellular groveling. 89 00:03:49,488 --> 00:03:50,655 So, call now 90 00:03:50,656 --> 00:03:53,357 and receive one sexual favor in a semi-public place... 91 00:03:53,358 --> 00:03:55,760 Sorry, that was... that was weird. 92 00:03:55,761 --> 00:03:58,863 Um, just call me back, okay? 93 00:03:58,864 --> 00:04:00,632 I miss you. 94 00:04:02,868 --> 00:04:04,069 What is that? 95 00:04:07,206 --> 00:04:08,473 Hello. 96 00:04:09,408 --> 00:04:10,408 Whatcha doing? 97 00:04:10,409 --> 00:04:11,609 Don't distract me. 98 00:04:11,610 --> 00:04:13,578 I'm trying to, like, black out the last 60 seconds 99 00:04:13,579 --> 00:04:15,947 so that we can keep living together. 100 00:04:15,948 --> 00:04:18,182 Just, by the way, 101 00:04:18,183 --> 00:04:19,317 it's painfully transparent 102 00:04:19,318 --> 00:04:20,318 that you're only into Andy when he cuts you off. 103 00:04:20,319 --> 00:04:22,220 I'm just saying. 104 00:04:22,221 --> 00:04:24,455 What? 105 00:04:24,456 --> 00:04:25,756 Where are the dolls? 106 00:04:25,757 --> 00:04:27,391 You know what this is? 107 00:04:27,392 --> 00:04:29,227 You're, like, deep into 108 00:04:29,228 --> 00:04:30,928 another of your spastic, 109 00:04:30,929 --> 00:04:34,498 reactionary self-improvement programs, right? 110 00:04:34,499 --> 00:04:36,134 No, Nina. 111 00:04:36,969 --> 00:04:38,970 I'm getting my shit together. 112 00:04:39,771 --> 00:04:41,539 People do it all the time. 113 00:04:41,540 --> 00:04:42,907 No, you... 114 00:04:42,908 --> 00:04:44,442 You do it all the time, Iz. 115 00:04:44,443 --> 00:04:46,410 You ever consider just, like, keeping it together, 116 00:04:46,411 --> 00:04:48,579 relatively speaking? 117 00:04:48,580 --> 00:04:49,981 Or do you secretly dig 118 00:04:49,982 --> 00:04:51,215 this whole death and resurrection cycle 119 00:04:51,216 --> 00:04:52,583 that you're trapped in? 120 00:04:52,584 --> 00:04:53,684 Ahem. 121 00:04:53,685 --> 00:04:55,253 I do have a question for you, though? 122 00:04:55,254 --> 00:04:56,254 Okay. 123 00:04:56,255 --> 00:04:57,255 Yeah. What the fuck is that? 124 00:04:57,256 --> 00:04:58,456 How many times have I told you 125 00:04:58,457 --> 00:04:59,857 to not leave your nail polish up here? 126 00:04:59,858 --> 00:05:01,225 I didn't leave my nail polish up there. 127 00:05:01,226 --> 00:05:02,860 Every time. Does it... Does it look like it belongs? 128 00:05:13,505 --> 00:05:17,708 I don't care about your personal problems, 129 00:05:17,709 --> 00:05:20,411 Piper or Meghan, or whoever you are. 130 00:05:20,412 --> 00:05:22,481 Come in, please. 131 00:05:24,016 --> 00:05:25,616 Fred? Are you in there? 132 00:05:25,617 --> 00:05:27,919 Izzy? 133 00:05:29,488 --> 00:05:30,755 Remember that? 134 00:06:01,753 --> 00:06:03,922 So, here's the thing... 135 00:06:05,290 --> 00:06:08,359 I've been a very, very bad girl, Jack, 136 00:06:08,360 --> 00:06:12,697 and I need some firm counseling. 137 00:06:13,532 --> 00:06:14,733 Think you can do that? 138 00:06:35,420 --> 00:06:36,721 Jack, Jack, Jack. 139 00:06:36,722 --> 00:06:37,722 You know, you can schedule 140 00:06:37,723 --> 00:06:38,990 an emergency therapy session, 141 00:06:38,991 --> 00:06:40,057 lock the doors, 142 00:06:40,058 --> 00:06:41,359 build a moat, 143 00:06:41,360 --> 00:06:42,560 put some sharks in it, 144 00:06:42,561 --> 00:06:45,096 but there's just one little problem... 145 00:06:50,502 --> 00:06:51,703 I'm already inside. 146 00:06:55,941 --> 00:06:58,109 Surprise. 147 00:07:01,580 --> 00:07:02,580 Can you be cool? 148 00:07:02,581 --> 00:07:05,150 I think so. 149 00:07:37,916 --> 00:07:39,150 Ahem. Ahem. 150 00:07:39,151 --> 00:07:40,418 Oh, my God! 151 00:07:40,419 --> 00:07:41,585 Um... 152 00:07:41,586 --> 00:07:42,887 Jack? 153 00:07:43,722 --> 00:07:44,923 Jack? 154 00:07:47,826 --> 00:07:48,826 Dean Weinstock. 155 00:07:48,827 --> 00:07:49,860 Might I have a word? 156 00:07:49,861 --> 00:07:50,895 You may. 157 00:07:50,896 --> 00:07:52,763 May I suggest "capricious"? 158 00:07:52,764 --> 00:07:54,532 That's a favorite. 159 00:07:54,533 --> 00:07:56,167 Um, so is that my lamp, 160 00:07:56,168 --> 00:07:58,436 or are you just happy to see me? 161 00:07:58,437 --> 00:07:59,970 Wow. Why would I say that? 162 00:07:59,971 --> 00:08:01,972 I sound like I'm offering you sexual favors, 163 00:08:01,973 --> 00:08:03,574 which... 164 00:08:03,575 --> 00:08:04,975 which I guarantee you I'm not. 165 00:08:05,811 --> 00:08:07,812 Are you somebody's son? 166 00:08:07,813 --> 00:08:08,813 I mean, like, 167 00:08:08,814 --> 00:08:10,181 everybody's somebody's son, 168 00:08:10,182 --> 00:08:12,616 but are you, like, somebody's son, 169 00:08:12,617 --> 00:08:13,818 like a big client or something? 170 00:08:13,819 --> 00:08:15,619 Please tell me you're not. 171 00:08:15,620 --> 00:08:17,655 I'm going to write you a really good recommendation 172 00:08:17,656 --> 00:08:18,923 when you go back to school. 173 00:08:18,924 --> 00:08:21,792 Oh, don't bother clearing that browsing history. 174 00:08:21,793 --> 00:08:24,095 Your porn's already been logged and ostracized. 175 00:08:24,096 --> 00:08:26,831 I don't... porn on this... 176 00:08:26,832 --> 00:08:28,165 on the computers, no. 177 00:08:28,166 --> 00:08:29,166 That's not my... 178 00:08:29,167 --> 00:08:30,734 I'm joking. 179 00:08:30,735 --> 00:08:32,036 Okay. 180 00:08:32,037 --> 00:08:33,204 Funny. 181 00:08:33,205 --> 00:08:35,365 However, there is something we need to talk about. 182 00:08:41,046 --> 00:08:43,481 Whatever you feel matters only to you. 183 00:08:43,482 --> 00:08:47,218 Whatever you do about it matters to the world. 184 00:08:47,219 --> 00:08:50,054 Your life and your relationships 185 00:08:50,055 --> 00:08:52,424 are a sum of your choices and actions. 186 00:08:53,792 --> 00:08:55,126 Meatloaf is just an excuse 187 00:08:55,127 --> 00:08:57,094 to serve a giant bunless hamburger. 188 00:09:04,202 --> 00:09:07,471 Andy! Hi. Hi. You called. 189 00:09:07,472 --> 00:09:08,806 Um, choose your favorite greeting. 190 00:09:08,807 --> 00:09:09,807 One... 191 00:09:09,808 --> 00:09:12,843 I am a nice guy, Iz, 192 00:09:12,844 --> 00:09:16,514 but don't mistake that for me being a pushover. 193 00:09:16,515 --> 00:09:19,217 How about we just move on to something healthier? 194 00:09:21,586 --> 00:09:23,121 Please? 195 00:09:24,523 --> 00:09:25,489 Okay. 196 00:09:25,490 --> 00:09:26,891 All right, all right. 197 00:09:30,862 --> 00:09:32,596 You know what, it worked. 198 00:09:32,597 --> 00:09:33,597 I can't believe I'm saying this, 199 00:09:33,598 --> 00:09:36,534 but your stupid moron plan actually worked. 200 00:09:36,535 --> 00:09:38,035 Em and I are having crazy sex. 201 00:09:38,036 --> 00:09:39,937 We mopped the kitchen floor with each other last night. 202 00:09:39,938 --> 00:09:41,071 Mm-hmm. 203 00:09:41,072 --> 00:09:42,206 Like, real sex. 204 00:09:42,207 --> 00:09:44,175 We were engaged and looking at each other... 205 00:09:44,176 --> 00:09:45,509 and making out. 206 00:09:45,510 --> 00:09:46,710 We haven't made out in years. 207 00:09:46,711 --> 00:09:47,878 I think we're going to do it tonight, too. 208 00:09:47,879 --> 00:09:50,548 You're welcome. 209 00:09:50,549 --> 00:09:51,649 My work here is done. 210 00:09:51,650 --> 00:09:53,817 Why am I still fantasizing about Izzy, though, 211 00:09:53,818 --> 00:09:54,952 instead of Emma? 212 00:09:54,953 --> 00:09:57,087 Dude, honestly, 213 00:09:57,088 --> 00:10:00,157 does anybody fantasize about their wife? 214 00:10:00,158 --> 00:10:01,625 I mean, I own 215 00:10:01,626 --> 00:10:04,161 an obscenely expensive black sports car 216 00:10:04,162 --> 00:10:06,163 that does 0 to 140 in, like, six seconds. 217 00:10:06,164 --> 00:10:07,765 Do you think I fantasize 218 00:10:07,766 --> 00:10:08,933 about driving 219 00:10:08,934 --> 00:10:10,234 an obscenely expensive black sports car 220 00:10:10,235 --> 00:10:12,136 that does 0 to 140 in six seconds? 221 00:10:12,137 --> 00:10:13,938 That makes no sense whatsoever. 222 00:10:13,939 --> 00:10:16,173 I'll get the Meaty Jackson 3 223 00:10:16,174 --> 00:10:17,675 and he'll have The Hot Angie. 224 00:10:17,676 --> 00:10:19,743 Thank you. 225 00:10:19,744 --> 00:10:20,911 So, just to be clear, 226 00:10:20,912 --> 00:10:24,081 my wife is the car in your metaphor? 227 00:10:24,082 --> 00:10:25,182 - Yeah. Yeah. - I don't get it. 228 00:10:25,183 --> 00:10:26,917 A very sexy car. 229 00:10:26,918 --> 00:10:28,185 If there was a reasonable method, 230 00:10:28,186 --> 00:10:30,522 I'd totally fuck my car. 231 00:10:31,690 --> 00:10:33,891 Why do I come... 232 00:10:33,892 --> 00:10:35,159 What? What? 233 00:10:36,161 --> 00:10:37,328 What is your problem? 234 00:10:37,329 --> 00:10:38,562 There's a million people I could come to advice for, 235 00:10:38,563 --> 00:10:39,697 I come to you. I have a lot of my plate right now. 236 00:10:39,698 --> 00:10:40,831 I have... 237 00:10:40,832 --> 00:10:42,600 Weinstock is retiring as dean 238 00:10:42,601 --> 00:10:44,735 and he's recommending me as his replacement. 239 00:10:44,736 --> 00:10:46,136 I know. 240 00:10:46,137 --> 00:10:49,006 So... so, in addition 241 00:10:49,007 --> 00:10:51,141 to you being unable to avoid getting laid, 242 00:10:51,142 --> 00:10:52,977 even in your sleep, 243 00:10:52,978 --> 00:10:54,912 you're gonna be the dean 244 00:10:54,913 --> 00:10:57,181 of one of the top private high schools 245 00:10:57,182 --> 00:10:58,649 on the West Coast? 246 00:10:58,650 --> 00:11:00,584 I walked right into that one. 247 00:11:00,585 --> 00:11:01,719 Yeah. 248 00:11:01,720 --> 00:11:02,720 God! 249 00:11:02,721 --> 00:11:03,721 - Gotta get the food here. - Get the food. 250 00:11:03,722 --> 00:11:06,558 It's the least you can do after I pay for it. 251 00:11:07,692 --> 00:11:08,993 Thank you. 252 00:11:12,063 --> 00:11:13,831 Here's the thing, man, with Izzy, 253 00:11:13,832 --> 00:11:15,065 we didn't just make out. 254 00:11:15,066 --> 00:11:16,867 We went much further than that. 255 00:11:16,868 --> 00:11:19,236 What kind of guy does something like that? 256 00:11:19,237 --> 00:11:22,273 A guy with a dick? 257 00:11:22,274 --> 00:11:23,941 The other problem I have is 258 00:11:23,942 --> 00:11:25,876 Weinstock said that they monitor 259 00:11:25,877 --> 00:11:27,711 our Internet use at the office, 260 00:11:27,712 --> 00:11:29,647 and I used the office computer to contact Izzy. 261 00:11:29,648 --> 00:11:30,948 You what? 262 00:11:30,949 --> 00:11:32,816 Ow! Come on, man. Stop fucking smacking me. 263 00:11:32,817 --> 00:11:33,884 Stop being such a dumb-ass! 264 00:11:33,885 --> 00:11:35,152 - We are adults. - Adults? 265 00:11:35,153 --> 00:11:36,153 We are adults. 266 00:11:36,154 --> 00:11:38,923 Get your hands off my suit! 267 00:11:40,225 --> 00:11:41,225 - Oh, what? - Yeah. 268 00:11:41,226 --> 00:11:42,994 What was that? 269 00:11:44,162 --> 00:11:46,664 Sorry, sorry. He's my brother. I apologize. 270 00:11:46,665 --> 00:11:49,333 Listen, you better run. 271 00:11:55,140 --> 00:11:56,774 Stay with it. 272 00:11:56,775 --> 00:11:59,810 Say no to your brain's defense mechanism 273 00:11:59,811 --> 00:12:02,346 of retreat and surrender. 274 00:12:02,347 --> 00:12:06,083 Say yes to your will, your intentions. 275 00:12:06,084 --> 00:12:08,953 You're not going to have an orgasm, are you? 276 00:12:09,821 --> 00:12:10,854 Mm. No promises. 277 00:12:10,855 --> 00:12:14,325 I'm having some kind of mind-body renaissance. 278 00:12:14,326 --> 00:12:15,326 Stay present. 279 00:12:15,327 --> 00:12:18,429 Be with your body. 280 00:12:18,430 --> 00:12:20,297 Trust your body. 281 00:12:20,298 --> 00:12:23,100 Be thankful for all that she does for you. 282 00:12:23,101 --> 00:12:25,869 Hear her. 283 00:12:25,870 --> 00:12:28,138 I can hear this one Kegel-ing from over here. 284 00:12:28,139 --> 00:12:29,340 Shut up! 285 00:12:30,408 --> 00:12:33,844 Oh, wow, Emma, just beautiful. 286 00:12:33,845 --> 00:12:35,446 You're glowing. 287 00:12:35,447 --> 00:12:37,748 Everyone, if you can manage to look over here at Emma, 288 00:12:37,749 --> 00:12:42,086 this is what it looks like to trust your body. 289 00:12:42,087 --> 00:12:43,288 You inspire me, Emma. 290 00:12:46,024 --> 00:12:48,092 I have a great teacher. 291 00:12:48,093 --> 00:12:50,094 Namaste. 292 00:12:53,031 --> 00:12:55,199 And into downward dog. 293 00:13:01,873 --> 00:13:05,743 Got a little something on your nose, there, Moonbeam. 294 00:13:05,744 --> 00:13:07,277 Jealous much? 295 00:13:07,278 --> 00:13:08,946 I'm simply accustomed 296 00:13:08,947 --> 00:13:10,214 to being better than you at everything, 297 00:13:10,215 --> 00:13:11,882 especially yoga. 298 00:13:11,883 --> 00:13:14,418 You are not better than me at everything. 299 00:13:14,419 --> 00:13:16,253 I'm waiting. 300 00:13:16,254 --> 00:13:19,324 I'm better than you at hooking up with girls. 301 00:13:21,159 --> 00:13:22,493 Are we talking about 302 00:13:22,494 --> 00:13:25,062 the hideously deformed grad student? 303 00:13:25,063 --> 00:13:26,830 We are. 304 00:13:26,831 --> 00:13:29,166 We made out in the bathroom. 305 00:13:29,167 --> 00:13:31,127 After she gave me a foot job under the table. 306 00:13:32,504 --> 00:13:34,439 I can't stop thinking about it. 307 00:13:36,107 --> 00:13:37,107 Oh. 308 00:13:37,108 --> 00:13:39,743 What's wrong? 309 00:13:39,744 --> 00:13:40,978 Just... 310 00:13:40,979 --> 00:13:43,046 If you're back into chicks, why not me, you big lesbo? 311 00:13:43,047 --> 00:13:45,416 I mean, I'd refuse you, of course, but... 312 00:13:45,417 --> 00:13:47,117 Okay, first of all, I am not a "big lesbo," 313 00:13:47,118 --> 00:13:48,919 which is offensive, by the way. 314 00:13:48,920 --> 00:13:50,354 And second... 315 00:13:50,355 --> 00:13:53,056 I don't even know if I'm "back into chicks." 316 00:13:53,057 --> 00:13:54,258 Double air quotes. Mine. 317 00:13:56,027 --> 00:13:58,095 So did she initiate? 318 00:13:58,096 --> 00:14:01,498 Were you, like, a passive participant or... 319 00:14:01,499 --> 00:14:05,002 I was no lady in the ladies room. 320 00:14:05,003 --> 00:14:06,236 What does that mean? 321 00:14:06,237 --> 00:14:07,237 How far did you go? 322 00:14:07,238 --> 00:14:09,540 Were you guys, like, eating at the Y? 323 00:14:09,541 --> 00:14:10,808 Ew. I don't even know what that means. 324 00:14:10,809 --> 00:14:13,977 Have you told Jack? 325 00:14:13,978 --> 00:14:16,080 Yeah. 326 00:14:18,016 --> 00:14:19,283 I kind of feel like 327 00:14:19,284 --> 00:14:22,720 I'm dangling my marriage out a 10-story window right now. 328 00:14:24,055 --> 00:14:25,055 But at the same time, 329 00:14:25,056 --> 00:14:27,424 I'm into him more than ever. 330 00:14:27,425 --> 00:14:29,259 You know, I want him again. 331 00:14:29,260 --> 00:14:32,196 Does that make sense? 332 00:14:33,965 --> 00:14:35,365 People jump out of perfectly good airplanes 333 00:14:35,366 --> 00:14:37,468 for a reason, babydoll. 334 00:14:39,270 --> 00:14:40,772 Maybe. 335 00:14:42,140 --> 00:14:45,108 Are you and Carmen having your post-yoga wine? 336 00:14:45,109 --> 00:14:46,109 A little Pinot? 337 00:14:46,110 --> 00:14:47,177 She took mine 338 00:14:47,178 --> 00:14:49,346 when I air quoted twice in the same sentence. 339 00:14:49,347 --> 00:14:50,647 Okay, good, 340 00:14:50,648 --> 00:14:53,450 because I just booked a time with Dina in about 30 minutes. 341 00:14:53,451 --> 00:14:54,518 I'll meet you there. 342 00:14:54,519 --> 00:14:55,853 I'm gonna get there early, 343 00:14:55,854 --> 00:14:56,854 and just kind of establish my position 344 00:14:56,855 --> 00:14:57,855 as the good guy in this situation. 345 00:14:57,856 --> 00:14:59,490 A, our shrink is a chick, 346 00:14:59,491 --> 00:15:00,858 B, you started the whole thing 347 00:15:00,859 --> 00:15:01,992 by calling a hooker, 348 00:15:01,993 --> 00:15:03,494 so C, you are screwed. 349 00:15:03,495 --> 00:15:04,495 Wait, did you just say 350 00:15:04,496 --> 00:15:05,863 all this in front of Carmen? 351 00:15:05,864 --> 00:15:07,264 No. No, of course not. 352 00:15:07,265 --> 00:15:08,265 She's, uh... 353 00:15:08,266 --> 00:15:09,667 she's pooping. 354 00:15:10,935 --> 00:15:13,103 I'm sure she'll be thrilled 355 00:15:13,104 --> 00:15:14,471 you're outing her pooping habits. 356 00:15:14,472 --> 00:15:15,873 Yeah. 357 00:15:15,874 --> 00:15:17,074 It's... it's a yoga thing. 358 00:15:17,075 --> 00:15:19,977 You know, run to the bathroom, 359 00:15:19,978 --> 00:15:21,211 occasional fight over a stall. 360 00:15:21,212 --> 00:15:23,113 You know, yoga. 361 00:15:23,114 --> 00:15:24,982 Okay. I love you. See you there. 362 00:15:24,983 --> 00:15:27,050 Love you, Babe. Bye. 363 00:15:27,051 --> 00:15:28,051 I'm sorry. 364 00:15:28,052 --> 00:15:31,388 Anything but poo. Anything but poo. 365 00:15:31,389 --> 00:15:33,390 You know what, just next time, tell him I died. 366 00:15:41,165 --> 00:15:42,366 There you are. 367 00:15:51,910 --> 00:15:53,377 Okay. 368 00:15:54,312 --> 00:15:55,312 I'm trying really hard 369 00:15:55,313 --> 00:15:57,614 to be... patiently submissive here, 370 00:15:57,615 --> 00:16:00,484 but this steely silence thing 371 00:16:00,485 --> 00:16:01,618 is... is... 372 00:16:01,619 --> 00:16:04,087 just about to cross the line 373 00:16:04,088 --> 00:16:06,123 between self-empowerment and douchebaggery. 374 00:16:06,124 --> 00:16:08,258 I think you might be my penance. 375 00:16:08,259 --> 00:16:10,894 For the evil man-deeds of your past? 376 00:16:10,895 --> 00:16:11,862 You gotta see it 377 00:16:11,863 --> 00:16:14,298 through now, right? 378 00:16:14,299 --> 00:16:16,633 Suffer. Be cleansed. 379 00:16:16,634 --> 00:16:19,903 I'm all done suffering, Iz. 380 00:16:19,904 --> 00:16:22,072 I know. 381 00:16:22,073 --> 00:16:23,674 Yeah, you do? 382 00:16:23,675 --> 00:16:25,576 I do. Yes. 383 00:16:25,577 --> 00:16:27,077 Good, 384 00:16:27,078 --> 00:16:31,682 'cause you are going to take me on a proper date. 385 00:16:31,683 --> 00:16:33,684 Is that right? 386 00:16:33,685 --> 00:16:36,920 You are going to court me first. 387 00:16:36,921 --> 00:16:38,221 Okay. 388 00:16:38,222 --> 00:16:39,656 Then you're going to woo me... 389 00:16:39,657 --> 00:16:41,058 Uh-huh. 390 00:16:41,059 --> 00:16:43,227 And wine and dine me. 391 00:16:44,162 --> 00:16:45,696 Any chance I'm gonna get some? 392 00:16:45,697 --> 00:16:49,032 I'm a sure thing. Yeah. Complete slut. 393 00:16:49,033 --> 00:16:50,267 Sold. 394 00:16:50,268 --> 00:16:51,635 So when's the big date? 395 00:16:51,636 --> 00:16:53,370 Right now. 396 00:16:53,371 --> 00:16:55,105 No possibility of flaking 397 00:16:55,106 --> 00:16:56,640 or turning it into some sloppy booty call. 398 00:16:56,641 --> 00:16:57,641 Let's just go. 399 00:16:57,642 --> 00:16:58,642 Okay, just bag it up. 400 00:16:58,643 --> 00:17:01,178 What? 401 00:17:01,179 --> 00:17:02,412 Recall, if you will, 402 00:17:02,413 --> 00:17:04,281 literally counting down from 60 on your phone? 403 00:17:04,282 --> 00:17:06,216 You know when I get the O.C. 404 00:17:06,217 --> 00:17:07,317 I was cleaning, 405 00:17:07,318 --> 00:17:09,086 shit was crazy at the house. 406 00:17:09,087 --> 00:17:10,153 Like, I'm sweating. 407 00:17:10,154 --> 00:17:13,223 Like, I'm... I'm not... I'm vile right now. 408 00:17:13,224 --> 00:17:15,225 You really need to give me a minute. 409 00:17:15,226 --> 00:17:16,427 Suffer. Be cleansed. 410 00:17:17,495 --> 00:17:21,665 Why don't we... just meet here in an hour? 411 00:17:21,666 --> 00:17:22,666 Okay? 412 00:17:22,667 --> 00:17:25,736 I wanna be pretty for you. 413 00:17:35,980 --> 00:17:38,982 Um... you're cheating. 414 00:17:38,983 --> 00:17:39,983 What? 415 00:17:39,984 --> 00:17:41,685 - This is cheating. - What? No. 416 00:17:41,686 --> 00:17:45,355 Am I ever going to have any control in this thing? 417 00:17:45,356 --> 00:17:47,724 How honest do you want me to be? 418 00:17:52,497 --> 00:17:55,098 It was the summer of my junior year, 419 00:17:55,099 --> 00:17:58,035 and Barcelona was crawling with students. 420 00:17:58,036 --> 00:17:59,302 I... 421 00:17:59,303 --> 00:18:00,470 I was in this bar, 422 00:18:00,471 --> 00:18:01,705 and this girl comes in, 423 00:18:01,706 --> 00:18:03,507 and she was with this really good-looking dude, 424 00:18:03,508 --> 00:18:04,508 so I thought it was her boyfriend. 425 00:18:04,509 --> 00:18:05,676 Turns out he was her gay best friend. 426 00:18:05,677 --> 00:18:08,211 And... 427 00:18:08,212 --> 00:18:09,780 He dared us to make out. 428 00:18:09,781 --> 00:18:10,781 He took up a collection. 429 00:18:10,782 --> 00:18:13,083 Oh, God, this is... 430 00:18:13,084 --> 00:18:15,619 Well, Dina said we could unlock the memories. 431 00:18:15,620 --> 00:18:17,554 It's unhealthy to deny the past, 432 00:18:17,555 --> 00:18:18,722 especially from our partners. 433 00:18:18,723 --> 00:18:19,723 It's who we are. 434 00:18:19,724 --> 00:18:22,259 Awesome. Yeah. Keep going, honey. 435 00:18:22,260 --> 00:18:25,395 It turns out Evangeline had, um... put him up to it. 436 00:18:25,396 --> 00:18:28,432 Please. I'm sorry, Dina. 437 00:18:28,433 --> 00:18:29,566 Evangeline? 438 00:18:29,567 --> 00:18:31,001 No one's really called Evangeline. 439 00:18:31,002 --> 00:18:32,569 At first, we would just 440 00:18:32,570 --> 00:18:34,639 steal kisses in alleys... 441 00:18:36,040 --> 00:18:38,775 Then we would walk through town, holding hands... 442 00:18:38,776 --> 00:18:40,777 It's embarrassing how cool I thought I was. 443 00:18:40,778 --> 00:18:42,546 I'm currently embarrassed for you, 444 00:18:42,547 --> 00:18:44,749 your telling this story. 445 00:18:46,584 --> 00:18:49,786 You know, I think I was in love with her. 446 00:18:49,787 --> 00:18:51,488 Yeah. 447 00:18:51,489 --> 00:18:52,489 I was in love with... 448 00:18:52,490 --> 00:18:54,892 I almost fucked Izzy. 449 00:18:59,063 --> 00:19:00,831 Yeah. As long as we're unlocking secrets. 450 00:19:00,832 --> 00:19:02,499 I almost fucked Izzy. 451 00:19:02,500 --> 00:19:04,434 We were right on the border, man. 452 00:19:04,435 --> 00:19:06,203 It was like on the razor's edge. 453 00:19:06,204 --> 00:19:07,304 Oh, well, you know, 454 00:19:07,305 --> 00:19:08,305 If you have unfinished business, 455 00:19:08,306 --> 00:19:09,539 by all means, be my guest. 456 00:19:09,540 --> 00:19:10,540 Well, excuse me, 457 00:19:10,541 --> 00:19:11,808 I'm the one sitting here, 458 00:19:11,809 --> 00:19:13,710 listening to your dreamy lesbian nostalgia-gasm. 459 00:19:13,711 --> 00:19:15,378 Okay, you guys, let's not... 460 00:19:15,379 --> 00:19:17,781 Back up, Dina, okay? This is our moment. 461 00:19:17,782 --> 00:19:19,516 It's your obscenely expensive session, 462 00:19:19,517 --> 00:19:20,517 so have at it. 463 00:19:20,518 --> 00:19:22,853 Okay, since it is our session, 464 00:19:22,854 --> 00:19:24,554 can I talk about this fucking music, okay? 465 00:19:24,555 --> 00:19:26,156 This elevator music from hell. 466 00:19:26,157 --> 00:19:27,424 Is this music? 467 00:19:27,425 --> 00:19:29,392 I mean, it feels like... 468 00:19:29,393 --> 00:19:31,428 If it is, please turn it up so I can recognize it as music, 469 00:19:31,429 --> 00:19:32,529 otherwise turn it the fuck down, 470 00:19:32,530 --> 00:19:33,730 'cause I want to skull-fuck someone 471 00:19:33,731 --> 00:19:34,731 with this Guantanamo Bay shit! 472 00:19:34,732 --> 00:19:36,734 The music is really annoying. 473 00:19:38,302 --> 00:19:39,302 Please. 474 00:19:39,303 --> 00:19:40,537 That's so sweet. 475 00:19:40,538 --> 00:19:43,173 The enemy of my enemy. 476 00:19:43,174 --> 00:19:45,442 Okay, to both of you... 477 00:19:45,443 --> 00:19:47,744 how did it end with these respective lovers? 478 00:19:47,745 --> 00:19:49,513 Evangeline and Izzy? 479 00:19:51,115 --> 00:19:52,115 Um... 480 00:19:52,116 --> 00:19:54,117 You want to go first? 481 00:19:55,219 --> 00:19:56,753 Finish your story? 482 00:19:56,754 --> 00:19:58,455 Now, hold on just a second. 483 00:19:58,456 --> 00:20:00,123 Where is that remote? 484 00:20:00,124 --> 00:20:01,825 This just got interesting. 485 00:20:15,706 --> 00:20:16,873 Ugh... 486 00:20:16,874 --> 00:20:18,341 Hey. 487 00:20:18,342 --> 00:20:19,376 Hey, you. 488 00:20:19,377 --> 00:20:20,510 You were just really throwing it back. 489 00:20:20,511 --> 00:20:21,812 It's just a reasonable, 490 00:20:21,813 --> 00:20:25,783 moderate dose of, you know, liquid courage, I guess. 491 00:20:27,285 --> 00:20:28,486 You look gorgeous. 492 00:20:30,354 --> 00:20:31,555 You're such a nice guy. 493 00:20:32,790 --> 00:20:34,224 My balls just ran away from my body. 494 00:20:34,225 --> 00:20:36,660 No, no, no, no. I don't mean it like that! 495 00:20:36,661 --> 00:20:39,262 I mean, like, you're The Premium Package. 496 00:20:39,263 --> 00:20:41,464 You're, like, hot enough to be a dick and get away with it, 497 00:20:41,465 --> 00:20:42,666 but you're not. 498 00:20:44,368 --> 00:20:45,368 Okay, well, 499 00:20:45,369 --> 00:20:48,371 would it be better if I was a dick? 500 00:20:48,372 --> 00:20:50,173 If I made this, like, way harder? 501 00:20:50,174 --> 00:20:52,109 Hey, what if I was a married dick? 502 00:20:52,910 --> 00:20:54,811 Girls like you, you dig that kind of stuff, right? 503 00:20:54,812 --> 00:20:57,214 Girls like me? 504 00:20:57,215 --> 00:20:59,783 Oh, don't pretend to be the wounded one, okay? 505 00:20:59,784 --> 00:21:01,351 I couldn't even get you to be here 506 00:21:01,352 --> 00:21:02,352 until I shut you down. 507 00:21:02,353 --> 00:21:05,455 Shit. 508 00:21:05,456 --> 00:21:06,456 I guess... 509 00:21:06,457 --> 00:21:07,490 You do know women. 510 00:21:07,491 --> 00:21:10,894 I was raised by a mother and two big sisters. 511 00:21:10,895 --> 00:21:11,895 Might explain 512 00:21:11,896 --> 00:21:13,897 my debilitating emotional availability. 513 00:21:13,898 --> 00:21:15,532 Yeah, you are pretty fucked up. 514 00:21:15,533 --> 00:21:17,068 Ahem. 515 00:21:18,836 --> 00:21:20,670 Iz, I'm not gonna bullshit you, okay? 516 00:21:20,671 --> 00:21:23,941 This "date" of ours... 517 00:21:26,510 --> 00:21:28,211 This has to be the beginning of us, 518 00:21:28,212 --> 00:21:31,248 like, as a couple, okay? 519 00:21:31,249 --> 00:21:32,949 For full disclosure's sake, 520 00:21:32,950 --> 00:21:37,721 I very much want it to end with relatively sober-ish sex. 521 00:21:38,789 --> 00:21:41,591 Like, romantic sex, you know? 522 00:21:41,592 --> 00:21:44,561 I want to wake up in the morning with you, 523 00:21:44,562 --> 00:21:45,695 have you still be there. 524 00:21:45,696 --> 00:21:46,696 I want to make you breakfast. 525 00:21:46,697 --> 00:21:48,231 I want... 526 00:21:48,232 --> 00:21:49,833 I want to know the real thing with you. 527 00:21:49,834 --> 00:21:52,335 If that's not what you had in mind, 528 00:21:52,336 --> 00:21:53,303 and, you know, 529 00:21:53,304 --> 00:21:54,337 you're just luring me back in 530 00:21:54,338 --> 00:21:56,539 to prove that you can or whatever, 531 00:21:56,540 --> 00:21:59,743 let's just end it right here and now. 532 00:21:59,744 --> 00:22:01,511 Wow. Okay. 533 00:22:01,512 --> 00:22:03,413 That's, uh... 534 00:22:03,414 --> 00:22:04,948 I mean, I've let this go on for a really long time, right? 535 00:22:04,949 --> 00:22:08,519 Like, I'm sure we could both agree on that. 536 00:22:10,621 --> 00:22:12,255 Moment of truth, Iz... 537 00:22:12,256 --> 00:22:15,459 Like, you're all in, or I'm out. 538 00:22:26,304 --> 00:22:29,240 Is that a good sigh or a bad sigh? 539 00:22:31,642 --> 00:22:33,511 I love you so fucking much. 540 00:22:36,847 --> 00:22:38,048 I love you. 541 00:22:39,417 --> 00:22:40,784 You know that, right? 542 00:22:42,520 --> 00:22:43,720 Like a rock. 543 00:22:43,721 --> 00:22:45,723 Like a rock? 544 00:22:46,891 --> 00:22:49,093 It's, like, a '70s song. 545 00:22:50,828 --> 00:22:51,828 Don't cry. 546 00:22:51,829 --> 00:22:53,764 Please don't cry. I'm not mad. 547 00:22:54,899 --> 00:22:57,034 I'm not crying. 548 00:22:58,569 --> 00:23:00,670 So how did it end? 549 00:23:00,671 --> 00:23:02,038 I just want to know how it ended, you know? 550 00:23:02,039 --> 00:23:04,007 I think... 551 00:23:04,008 --> 00:23:06,443 this whole thing with this... 552 00:23:06,444 --> 00:23:08,678 this girl... 553 00:23:08,679 --> 00:23:10,447 that told you her name was Evangeline... 554 00:23:10,448 --> 00:23:12,382 I wasn't fooled. 555 00:23:12,383 --> 00:23:14,617 It was part of the game. 556 00:23:14,618 --> 00:23:15,919 I told her my name was Lyric. 557 00:23:15,920 --> 00:23:17,020 You did not? 558 00:23:17,021 --> 00:23:18,455 I did. 559 00:23:18,456 --> 00:23:19,689 She bought that? 560 00:23:19,690 --> 00:23:21,225 Yeah. 561 00:23:22,693 --> 00:23:25,095 And then you just never tried to contact her? 562 00:23:26,430 --> 00:23:27,430 I don't know. 563 00:23:27,431 --> 00:23:29,632 Summer ended. I went home. 564 00:23:29,633 --> 00:23:33,003 I just went back to being me, Emma. 565 00:23:34,338 --> 00:23:35,505 And then there was Girl Number Two? 566 00:23:35,506 --> 00:23:37,708 Mm-hmm. 567 00:23:41,946 --> 00:23:42,946 And another. 568 00:23:42,947 --> 00:23:44,581 There's other girls? 569 00:23:44,582 --> 00:23:46,049 How many girls are we talking about? 570 00:23:46,050 --> 00:23:47,584 That was it. 571 00:23:47,585 --> 00:23:48,685 I swear. 572 00:23:48,686 --> 00:23:51,021 It wasn't like that. It wasn't... 573 00:23:51,022 --> 00:23:53,123 It wasn't a thing. 574 00:23:53,124 --> 00:23:54,357 It's totally a fucking thing. 575 00:23:54,358 --> 00:23:55,525 How can you say that? 576 00:23:55,526 --> 00:23:56,526 I mean, this is... 577 00:23:56,527 --> 00:23:57,994 It just never came up. 578 00:23:57,995 --> 00:24:00,030 What is... why didn't you tell me? 579 00:24:01,098 --> 00:24:02,832 Well, how did you end it? 580 00:24:02,833 --> 00:24:04,367 With who? 581 00:24:04,368 --> 00:24:05,602 With who? With Izzy. 582 00:24:05,603 --> 00:24:06,970 Izzy's an escort. 583 00:24:06,971 --> 00:24:10,341 You don't have to end things. You just don't call them again. 584 00:24:12,743 --> 00:24:14,444 You've had no contact with her since the hotel? 585 00:24:14,445 --> 00:24:15,812 Like, at all? 586 00:24:15,813 --> 00:24:17,047 Why are you saying it like that? 587 00:24:17,048 --> 00:24:18,481 'Cause I'm asking you, 588 00:24:18,482 --> 00:24:20,482 have you or have you not had contact with her? 589 00:24:21,685 --> 00:24:22,920 I... 590 00:24:23,721 --> 00:24:24,721 I saw her once. 591 00:24:24,722 --> 00:24:25,855 I saw her outside. 592 00:24:25,856 --> 00:24:27,023 I just wanted to tell her 593 00:24:27,024 --> 00:24:28,024 that I couldn't see her ever again, 594 00:24:28,025 --> 00:24:29,025 and that it was over, 595 00:24:29,026 --> 00:24:30,026 and goodbye. 596 00:24:30,027 --> 00:24:31,094 I just wanted to say goodbye. 597 00:24:31,095 --> 00:24:32,796 I was going to tell you. 598 00:24:37,501 --> 00:24:39,670 I wanted to see her, too. 599 00:24:41,872 --> 00:24:43,807 This is fucked up. 600 00:24:44,675 --> 00:24:45,675 Yeah. 601 00:24:45,676 --> 00:24:47,211 What the fuck is happening? 602 00:24:48,012 --> 00:24:50,014 I don't know. 603 00:24:57,888 --> 00:25:00,858 Are you proposing... 604 00:25:11,001 --> 00:25:12,001 Mom! 605 00:25:12,002 --> 00:25:13,436 What are you doing? 606 00:25:13,437 --> 00:25:15,171 You scared the feces out of me! 607 00:25:15,172 --> 00:25:16,739 I'm 16. 608 00:25:16,740 --> 00:25:18,608 Please just say "shit" like everybody else. 609 00:25:18,609 --> 00:25:19,776 Language. 610 00:25:19,777 --> 00:25:21,044 What? 611 00:25:21,045 --> 00:25:23,847 "Feces" is grosser. 612 00:25:25,082 --> 00:25:27,050 Why are we spying on the Trakarskys? 613 00:25:27,051 --> 00:25:29,853 Don't be ridiculous. 614 00:25:29,854 --> 00:25:32,155 We aren't spying, honey. 615 00:25:32,156 --> 00:25:33,623 We're just... 616 00:25:33,624 --> 00:25:34,825 wondering. 617 00:25:36,060 --> 00:25:37,394 Okay. 618 00:25:54,613 --> 00:25:56,615 - So, hi. - Hi. 619 00:25:56,801 --> 00:25:58,282 Hi.