1 00:00:03,938 --> 00:00:05,731 Previously on "You Me Her"... 2 00:00:05,794 --> 00:00:07,860 There was this very s... specific moment 3 00:00:07,896 --> 00:00:11,125 - the other night behind the hedge. - The Almost Kiss? 4 00:00:11,298 --> 00:00:13,065 Is that Nathan? What the fuck, Iz? 5 00:00:13,100 --> 00:00:15,467 Is Coach Remi right? Do you want to see other people? 6 00:00:15,503 --> 00:00:17,102 Do you have any sequel ideas for me? 7 00:00:17,137 --> 00:00:18,282 I mean, you're the writer in the family. 8 00:00:18,306 --> 00:00:20,071 - Could you help... - Dick. 9 00:00:20,107 --> 00:00:21,885 Are you seriously asking me to take out that bag of trash? 10 00:00:21,909 --> 00:00:23,776 - Uh... - I quit, okay? 11 00:00:23,811 --> 00:00:25,651 Good luck finding another bartender with a PhD. 12 00:00:25,680 --> 00:00:27,379 Fun fact... seven of the applicants. 13 00:00:27,415 --> 00:00:28,781 Oh, Jesus, really? 14 00:00:28,816 --> 00:00:29,993 I'm the victim. Shaun did this to me. 15 00:00:30,017 --> 00:00:31,850 By getting his shit together? 16 00:00:31,885 --> 00:00:33,686 Naming his bar after you? 17 00:00:33,721 --> 00:00:35,454 Being really good at sex? 18 00:00:35,489 --> 00:00:37,154 I've been thinking about Dad a lot lately. 19 00:00:37,190 --> 00:00:39,490 Just... He was such a cool guy, you know? 20 00:00:39,526 --> 00:00:41,659 Like, he could just attract friends like flies. 21 00:00:41,695 --> 00:00:44,462 Every weekend, the basement was packed. 22 00:00:44,497 --> 00:00:45,896 How do you become a guy like that? 23 00:00:45,932 --> 00:00:47,543 Why don't you just tell us why we're here? 24 00:00:47,567 --> 00:00:50,401 Everything he thinks he knows about his own upbringing is a lie. 25 00:00:50,437 --> 00:00:51,681 He needs to know the truth about his dad 26 00:00:51,705 --> 00:00:53,504 to understand Mom. 27 00:00:54,874 --> 00:00:56,240 Jack. 28 00:00:56,275 --> 00:00:57,709 Mom. 29 00:01:11,757 --> 00:01:13,724 You gonna go first? 30 00:01:13,759 --> 00:01:14,991 Out here in the cold and damp? 31 00:01:15,026 --> 00:01:17,327 You're still trying to kill me, huh? 32 00:01:17,363 --> 00:01:18,662 Come on. 33 00:01:18,697 --> 00:01:20,330 Let's chat over a proper cocktail 34 00:01:20,366 --> 00:01:22,499 while Ding and Dong cook me one of my recipes 35 00:01:22,534 --> 00:01:24,374 like it's some kind of tribute to serve me food 36 00:01:24,403 --> 00:01:27,003 I make better at home. 37 00:01:27,038 --> 00:01:28,938 - I won't be staying for dinner. - Oh, come on! 38 00:01:28,974 --> 00:01:31,074 Let's have two proper cocktails. 39 00:01:31,109 --> 00:01:33,943 I'm better at pretending I like things when I'm half in the bag, 40 00:01:33,979 --> 00:01:36,880 especially people, but also food. 41 00:01:39,718 --> 00:01:41,684 We need to talk, Jack. 42 00:01:41,719 --> 00:01:43,886 That's why I came. It's why I'm here. 43 00:01:43,921 --> 00:01:46,722 I just need to say what I'm gonna say, and then I'll go. 44 00:01:50,561 --> 00:01:52,261 I'm having twins. 45 00:01:55,266 --> 00:01:57,600 So I guess I actually do have balls. 46 00:01:58,736 --> 00:02:00,529 Fuck it, I'm just here to ask you will you come 47 00:02:00,530 --> 00:02:02,405 to our party on Saturday night? 48 00:02:02,440 --> 00:02:05,173 Kid, I was coming whether you liked it or not, so thank you. 49 00:02:05,209 --> 00:02:07,513 - Mom! - What? 50 00:02:07,514 --> 00:02:08,878 Is that Jack-off Trakarsky? 51 00:02:08,913 --> 00:02:11,714 Since when can you talk and make a decent Manhattan 52 00:02:11,749 --> 00:02:13,282 at the same goddamn time? 53 00:02:13,397 --> 00:02:15,363 - Witch. - Fucktard! 54 00:02:15,398 --> 00:02:17,465 Wow. You two have a good thing going. 55 00:02:17,501 --> 00:02:18,900 Ah, don't we? 56 00:02:20,504 --> 00:02:22,303 Okay, well... 57 00:02:35,018 --> 00:02:36,684 That seems about right. 58 00:02:44,227 --> 00:02:46,494 Okay, girls, always remember this... 59 00:02:46,530 --> 00:02:48,562 if you never fall, 60 00:02:48,597 --> 00:02:50,864 you'll never learn how to get back up. 61 00:02:52,435 --> 00:02:55,736 And you're gonna fall a lot 'cause you're a Trakarsky, 62 00:02:55,771 --> 00:02:59,273 and we fall a lot. 63 00:02:59,308 --> 00:03:01,108 I'm your dad, by the way. 64 00:03:01,144 --> 00:03:04,011 - What are you doing? - Jesus, Batgirl. 65 00:03:04,047 --> 00:03:05,812 Clear your throat or something. 66 00:03:05,848 --> 00:03:07,814 What's going on in there? 67 00:03:07,850 --> 00:03:09,517 He's practicing his dad face. 68 00:03:09,552 --> 00:03:10,862 It's pretty adorable. 69 00:03:10,886 --> 00:03:12,153 Well, I love adorable things. 70 00:03:12,188 --> 00:03:14,221 So get your ass back in here. 71 00:03:20,629 --> 00:03:24,897 So, tell us your dad's other wisdom nuggets 72 00:03:24,933 --> 00:03:28,034 besides the, um, the falling down thing. 73 00:03:28,070 --> 00:03:29,536 - I remember that one... - Mm-hmm. 74 00:03:29,571 --> 00:03:31,337 ... and then something about standing closer 75 00:03:31,373 --> 00:03:34,074 to the toilet when you pee. 76 00:03:34,109 --> 00:03:36,342 You are gonna be an amazing dad, 77 00:03:36,378 --> 00:03:37,888 and you're gonna craft way better wisdom 78 00:03:37,912 --> 00:03:39,679 than "stand close to pee" 79 00:03:39,714 --> 00:03:42,048 - and "if you fall, remember to get back up." - It's true. 80 00:03:42,084 --> 00:03:46,219 Jizzy and Jamma are going to bore the shit 81 00:03:46,254 --> 00:03:47,787 out of their future partners 82 00:03:47,822 --> 00:03:52,758 with exaggerated tales of your fatherly exploits. 83 00:03:52,794 --> 00:03:54,439 You know, I always felt like there was something more 84 00:03:54,463 --> 00:03:57,496 that he was trying to tell me. 85 00:03:57,531 --> 00:04:00,485 Um, we have our consultation at Bill's Baby Shop today. 86 00:04:00,486 --> 00:04:02,768 - Remember? - Babe, that's the whitest sentence ever. 87 00:04:02,804 --> 00:04:05,537 Oh. 88 00:04:05,573 --> 00:04:07,406 It's mine. 89 00:04:08,643 --> 00:04:10,509 Oh! It's your partner in crime. 90 00:04:10,544 --> 00:04:13,245 Shut up. 91 00:04:13,280 --> 00:04:14,981 Hey, Nathan. What's up? 92 00:04:17,085 --> 00:04:18,283 You're leaving? 93 00:04:18,319 --> 00:04:20,486 But it's the middle of the semester. 94 00:04:20,521 --> 00:04:21,887 He's leaving Hawthorne? 95 00:04:21,923 --> 00:04:23,433 What is he, in love with you or something? 96 00:04:23,457 --> 00:04:25,324 What? 97 00:04:25,359 --> 00:04:26,558 Why would you say that? 98 00:04:26,594 --> 00:04:29,428 No. No, no, no, no, no. 99 00:04:29,463 --> 00:04:30,962 Iz... 100 00:04:30,998 --> 00:04:32,431 No, babe, I was saying no. 101 00:04:32,466 --> 00:04:34,733 It was just weird that you would say that. 102 00:04:34,768 --> 00:04:36,735 You're being crazy. 103 00:04:36,740 --> 00:04:37,740 - Okay. - Yeah. 104 00:04:37,771 --> 00:04:39,104 Hey. 105 00:04:39,140 --> 00:04:41,340 He's going to California at the border 106 00:04:41,375 --> 00:04:43,142 to work with those kids in cages 107 00:04:43,177 --> 00:04:46,478 who are separated from their parents. 108 00:04:46,514 --> 00:04:49,047 Wow. He's really doing it. 109 00:04:49,082 --> 00:04:51,483 - Good on him, right? - Totally. 110 00:04:51,519 --> 00:04:53,118 Yeah. 111 00:04:53,234 --> 00:04:57,636 Um, well, I'm glad he has time to save the world 112 00:04:57,671 --> 00:05:01,072 because this gal has got party errands to run. 113 00:05:03,944 --> 00:05:04,976 Hey, Iz? 114 00:05:05,011 --> 00:05:06,878 Yeah. 115 00:05:06,913 --> 00:05:09,380 You know when Nathan... 116 00:05:09,415 --> 00:05:11,082 almost kissed you on that security camera? 117 00:05:11,118 --> 00:05:12,917 Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yep. 118 00:05:12,953 --> 00:05:14,152 Did you want him to? 119 00:05:14,187 --> 00:05:15,486 No. 120 00:05:16,021 --> 00:05:17,688 Look, Iz, you're right. 121 00:05:17,724 --> 00:05:20,091 We're all gonna have to make compromises, for sure. 122 00:05:20,127 --> 00:05:23,394 But we just really want you to be happy. 123 00:05:23,429 --> 00:05:25,563 Yeah, this whole thing doesn't work if you aren't. 124 00:05:25,598 --> 00:05:28,399 Well, I am. 125 00:05:28,434 --> 00:05:30,368 I promise. Okay? 126 00:05:30,403 --> 00:05:34,572 So have fun with Bill and his bougie-ass cribs. 127 00:05:34,607 --> 00:05:37,742 I have party planning to do. You guys won't be disappointed. 128 00:05:37,777 --> 00:05:39,477 Okay? 129 00:05:54,627 --> 00:05:56,160 Hey. 130 00:05:56,195 --> 00:05:58,696 Are you kidding me with that incredible book idea? 131 00:05:58,731 --> 00:06:01,399 Reiko Robin learns the value of diversity and tolerance 132 00:06:01,434 --> 00:06:03,434 when an evil cockatoo with an orange comb-over 133 00:06:03,469 --> 00:06:06,370 blames all the migrant birds for pooping on all the nice cars? 134 00:06:06,406 --> 00:06:07,638 And that romance angle? 135 00:06:07,674 --> 00:06:09,151 Birds may have brains the size of insects, 136 00:06:09,175 --> 00:06:11,608 but their hearts are as big as the Idaho sky! 137 00:06:11,643 --> 00:06:14,143 Carmen, you saved my ass. I'm serious. 138 00:06:14,179 --> 00:06:16,413 Uh, my heart has wings for you. 139 00:06:19,117 --> 00:06:21,451 - Sweetheart? - I almost didn't send it. 140 00:06:21,486 --> 00:06:23,205 What? What do you mean, you almost didn't send it? 141 00:06:23,206 --> 00:06:25,700 - What are you talking about? - Because I just recently concluded 142 00:06:25,724 --> 00:06:28,925 that fulfillment wasn't enough, 143 00:06:28,960 --> 00:06:32,161 and I wanted the gold star, the smiley face, the spotlight. 144 00:06:32,197 --> 00:06:34,997 I wanted you to be the wind beneath my sheets for once. 145 00:06:35,033 --> 00:06:37,500 So I wished for my own husband to not only crash and burn 146 00:06:37,536 --> 00:06:39,803 but also shit his pants on the way down. 147 00:06:39,838 --> 00:06:41,237 Oh, my. 148 00:06:41,272 --> 00:06:44,741 Carmen, that is quite dark and jarringly thorough. 149 00:06:44,776 --> 00:06:46,142 Have I been that much of a dick? 150 00:06:46,177 --> 00:06:48,878 I feel certain that no one else 151 00:06:48,913 --> 00:06:52,414 has written and sold a children's book with less effort. 152 00:06:52,450 --> 00:06:54,817 And, all of a sudden, now you're just regaling moms 153 00:06:54,853 --> 00:06:57,186 in strip mall bookstores up and down the West Coast, 154 00:06:57,222 --> 00:07:00,189 and I can't even get a local awards nomination 155 00:07:00,225 --> 00:07:03,826 with so many categories, one is literally called Best Condiment Blog. 156 00:07:06,164 --> 00:07:08,497 - Oh, that's real? - Here's the thing, Dave. 157 00:07:08,532 --> 00:07:10,867 I'm an undercover asshole, 158 00:07:10,902 --> 00:07:14,170 and, uh, everybody thinks I'm the nice one, 159 00:07:14,205 --> 00:07:15,872 but I... I know better. 160 00:07:15,907 --> 00:07:17,539 Okay, then I'm gonna say this. 161 00:07:17,575 --> 00:07:20,541 Uh, uh, women get saddled with this morally pristine 162 00:07:20,577 --> 00:07:23,678 Earth mother bullshit that just is completely unfair 163 00:07:23,713 --> 00:07:25,546 and unattainable and unhealthy 164 00:07:25,582 --> 00:07:28,316 that makes actual Earth angels like you feel like shit. 165 00:07:28,352 --> 00:07:29,517 Really? 166 00:07:29,552 --> 00:07:30,864 Hey, listen, I have wished for you 167 00:07:30,888 --> 00:07:33,188 to have explosive, debilitating diarrhea 168 00:07:33,223 --> 00:07:35,335 - just for being better than me at Pictionary. - Oh, Dave. 169 00:07:35,359 --> 00:07:37,692 There are at least five pets in our neighborhood 170 00:07:37,727 --> 00:07:39,239 who are better than you at Pictionary. 171 00:07:39,263 --> 00:07:41,407 Yeah, listen, I... I am not okay without you, all right? 172 00:07:41,431 --> 00:07:43,564 And you are the best writer this family has. 173 00:07:43,600 --> 00:07:45,144 I don't even need to say that, quite frankly. 174 00:07:45,168 --> 00:07:47,380 And you know what? I'm getting you a cowriter credit, all right? 175 00:07:47,404 --> 00:07:49,737 And next time, we're doing this book tour together. 176 00:07:49,773 --> 00:07:52,740 Finished, Mommy! Wipe my bum-bum! 177 00:07:52,776 --> 00:07:56,210 Well, FaceTime's going hard R at 8:00 sharp tonight. 178 00:07:56,245 --> 00:07:58,078 - Ya feel me? - Oh! 179 00:07:58,114 --> 00:07:59,380 Uh, yas queen! 180 00:07:59,415 --> 00:08:00,915 Ugh, make it 8:30. 181 00:08:00,950 --> 00:08:02,527 I'm gonna need a half-hour to forget you said that. 182 00:08:02,551 --> 00:08:05,219 Mommy, I sat on Lily, and now she's poopy, too! 183 00:08:05,254 --> 00:08:06,353 You be brave, my love. 184 00:08:06,389 --> 00:08:08,755 Okay. Come home soon. 185 00:08:14,063 --> 00:08:16,730 Uh, what the fuck? 186 00:08:16,765 --> 00:08:20,234 Well, I hope your exit lines are better than your entry lines. 187 00:08:20,269 --> 00:08:23,137 Why would you call Jack to tell him that you were leaving? 188 00:08:23,172 --> 00:08:25,483 Didn't you get the e-mail blast? It went out to the whole school. 189 00:08:25,507 --> 00:08:27,207 Oh, really? How about... how about... 190 00:08:27,243 --> 00:08:30,477 how about this e-mail blast? Or h... how about this one? 191 00:08:30,512 --> 00:08:32,312 Wow, you're... you're flipping me off 192 00:08:32,347 --> 00:08:34,659 for helping children who have been ripped from their parents 193 00:08:34,683 --> 00:08:36,082 and held in cages. 194 00:08:36,117 --> 00:08:37,717 Well, you should pack linen, Izzy, 195 00:08:37,753 --> 00:08:40,554 'cause, uh, the forecast in Hell calls for extreme heat 196 00:08:40,589 --> 00:08:42,789 - and intermittent lapping flames. - Okay. 197 00:08:42,825 --> 00:08:45,959 Let's pretend for a moment that your reasons for leaving 198 00:08:45,994 --> 00:08:47,928 have nothing to do with me. Let's do that. 199 00:08:47,963 --> 00:08:50,797 You know, it's like we say a... at Grigio... 200 00:08:50,833 --> 00:08:52,866 I'm getting hints of egocentricity 201 00:08:52,901 --> 00:08:54,468 with bass notes of narcissism. 202 00:08:54,503 --> 00:08:56,202 Oh, fuck your weird white wine bar. 203 00:08:56,237 --> 00:08:59,639 You don't have to leave just because, you know, because... 204 00:08:59,675 --> 00:09:02,407 - W... we... - Okay, this should be good. 205 00:09:03,778 --> 00:09:05,878 I believe we can be friends. 206 00:09:05,913 --> 00:09:07,513 That's what I came here to say. 207 00:09:09,149 --> 00:09:11,083 Jack and Emma would never be okay with that. 208 00:09:11,118 --> 00:09:13,552 Well, then that's too bad for them. 209 00:09:13,588 --> 00:09:15,821 Neither will I. 210 00:09:15,857 --> 00:09:20,092 Look, since we met, I... I exist in one of two states... 211 00:09:20,127 --> 00:09:23,796 with you and waiting to see you. 212 00:09:23,831 --> 00:09:26,799 Nathan, you've known me for, like, less than a month. 213 00:09:26,834 --> 00:09:29,935 Yeah. It took me about four days 214 00:09:29,971 --> 00:09:31,704 to realize I was in love with you. 215 00:09:32,939 --> 00:09:34,773 It took a lot longer than that 216 00:09:34,809 --> 00:09:38,743 to accept that you are in love with the Trakarskys. 217 00:09:43,484 --> 00:09:45,283 I'll quit. You stay, I'll go. 218 00:09:45,319 --> 00:09:47,552 Look, we... we both know you can't do that. 219 00:09:47,587 --> 00:09:49,988 You're gonna lose the house. 220 00:09:51,225 --> 00:09:54,692 Kind of all-or-nothing for you guys now, huh? 221 00:09:54,728 --> 00:09:58,196 Is that by your own design, or, I don't know, just theirs? 222 00:09:58,232 --> 00:10:00,165 Oh, we're being dicks now? 223 00:10:00,200 --> 00:10:01,933 Okay. Let's be dicks. 224 00:10:01,968 --> 00:10:03,568 How about you quit pretending to pack 225 00:10:03,603 --> 00:10:06,238 and stop acting like a spoiled brat who didn't get his way? 226 00:10:07,707 --> 00:10:10,707 I'm sorry I... I can't spare the time. 227 00:10:10,743 --> 00:10:13,377 I wasted too much of that already... 228 00:10:13,413 --> 00:10:16,447 being angry at a wife who never loved me, 229 00:10:16,482 --> 00:10:19,750 working a job I never really loved, 230 00:10:19,785 --> 00:10:22,219 pining after you. 231 00:10:23,289 --> 00:10:27,291 Izzy, I want to do something with my life that matters, 232 00:10:27,326 --> 00:10:29,960 and I want to matter to someone. 233 00:10:29,995 --> 00:10:31,628 You matter to me. 234 00:10:33,166 --> 00:10:38,669 You... you helped me realize that I have a life out there... 235 00:10:38,704 --> 00:10:41,838 my life, my journey. 236 00:10:43,142 --> 00:10:46,843 My only regret is, uh, I just... 237 00:10:46,879 --> 00:10:50,447 I couldn't make you see that that's true for you. 238 00:10:52,718 --> 00:10:54,585 Later, friend. 239 00:10:54,620 --> 00:10:56,252 Fuck off, Nathan. 240 00:11:03,361 --> 00:11:05,740 For the record, I am different from all these bougie assholes 241 00:11:05,764 --> 00:11:09,800 because I am self-aware, which, you know, makes it okay. 242 00:11:09,835 --> 00:11:11,902 It's more than okay. 243 00:11:11,937 --> 00:11:14,004 It's everything I've ever wanted. 244 00:11:15,540 --> 00:11:17,773 You know, I think, um... 245 00:11:17,809 --> 00:11:19,509 You think what? 246 00:11:19,544 --> 00:11:21,744 Well, I think maybe that's how Izzy feels. 247 00:11:21,779 --> 00:11:23,313 You know, everything we ever wanted... 248 00:11:23,348 --> 00:11:26,182 the house we want, the babies we want, the life we want. 249 00:11:26,218 --> 00:11:28,251 Now we're here without her. 250 00:11:30,155 --> 00:11:32,155 Although she did say that we should be... 251 00:11:32,190 --> 00:11:33,490 - start doing... - Yeah, well, 252 00:11:33,525 --> 00:11:35,158 she also got us a pumpkin spice candle. 253 00:11:35,193 --> 00:11:36,959 Doesn't mean she suddenly likes it. 254 00:11:36,995 --> 00:11:40,563 I wish she never said that human shit thing. 255 00:11:40,599 --> 00:11:42,532 I know. Gets in your head, right? 256 00:11:42,567 --> 00:11:44,200 Yes. 257 00:11:55,546 --> 00:11:57,646 What are you thinking? 258 00:11:57,681 --> 00:12:00,048 Eh, I was thinking about my parents. 259 00:12:02,219 --> 00:12:06,455 How happy they were, you know, before, when I was a kid. 260 00:12:06,490 --> 00:12:08,223 Thought it would last forever. 261 00:12:08,259 --> 00:12:09,924 When did you realize they weren't happy? 262 00:12:11,695 --> 00:12:13,828 I guess about a year before the accident. 263 00:12:13,864 --> 00:12:15,864 They stopped trying to hide it. 264 00:12:18,001 --> 00:12:20,669 What happened? I mean, was there a problem? 265 00:12:20,704 --> 00:12:22,904 My mother happened. 266 00:12:22,939 --> 00:12:28,309 She's a horrible human being who became horrible-er. 267 00:12:28,344 --> 00:12:31,179 You're gonna be better than your dad. 268 00:12:31,214 --> 00:12:33,481 Better than the best. 269 00:12:33,516 --> 00:12:35,550 - Hmm? - Thanks. 270 00:12:38,354 --> 00:12:39,953 Thank you. 271 00:12:41,558 --> 00:12:43,391 Fancy seeing you here. 272 00:12:43,426 --> 00:12:45,393 Because you sent me a text to meet you. 273 00:12:45,428 --> 00:12:46,894 Yes, so... 274 00:12:46,929 --> 00:12:48,796 - You did good, kid. - Mm-hmm. 275 00:12:48,831 --> 00:12:50,698 We're square, you and me. 276 00:12:50,733 --> 00:12:53,234 So, do you guys need anything cleaned? 277 00:12:53,269 --> 00:12:55,269 'Cause I've got that thing till the end of today. 278 00:12:55,305 --> 00:12:57,572 Well, aren't you suddenly lovely? 279 00:12:57,607 --> 00:12:59,273 - What do you want? - William! 280 00:12:59,309 --> 00:13:00,653 Maybe she's just being neighborly. 281 00:13:00,677 --> 00:13:02,810 Yeah. 282 00:13:02,845 --> 00:13:04,912 That could happen. 283 00:13:04,947 --> 00:13:06,847 Sometime. Not today. But eventually. 284 00:13:06,882 --> 00:13:07,915 Called it, this guy. 285 00:13:07,950 --> 00:13:11,651 Marty, um, you stage and decorate 286 00:13:11,687 --> 00:13:13,553 and host shit like Binge Club, right? 287 00:13:13,589 --> 00:13:14,955 You're like a Martha Stewart type? 288 00:13:14,990 --> 00:13:16,534 Well, I wouldn't put "shit" and "Binge Club" 289 00:13:16,558 --> 00:13:18,025 in the same sentence, 290 00:13:18,060 --> 00:13:19,927 and I'm more of an Ina than a Martha Stewart, 291 00:13:19,962 --> 00:13:22,362 - but, please, do go on. - So, here's the thing... 292 00:13:22,397 --> 00:13:25,032 I imagined blowing Jack and Emma away 293 00:13:25,067 --> 00:13:27,234 with this epic anniversary party. 294 00:13:27,269 --> 00:13:30,771 Meanwhile, in reality, all I have is 40 Solo cups 295 00:13:30,806 --> 00:13:33,573 and a bunch of ping-pong balls and a jumbo bag of chips, 296 00:13:33,609 --> 00:13:35,274 but I stress-ate them in the Lyft. 297 00:13:35,309 --> 00:13:37,243 Okay, so when's this soirée? 298 00:13:37,278 --> 00:13:39,378 T... tomorrow night? 299 00:13:39,413 --> 00:13:42,049 Oh, man, well, 40 cups and ping pong balls, 300 00:13:42,050 --> 00:13:45,251 - I think maybe we could just... - Oh, please with the deep pondering. 301 00:13:45,286 --> 00:13:47,186 We both know you'd pay her to let you do it. 302 00:13:47,222 --> 00:13:48,587 - Really? - Yeah. 303 00:13:48,623 --> 00:13:50,256 Oh, yes! Thank you, thank you. 304 00:13:50,291 --> 00:13:52,591 Okay, people. We have four hours until the stores close. 305 00:13:52,627 --> 00:13:54,861 - We got to get on it. - Wait. You're gonna help me? 306 00:13:54,896 --> 00:13:56,595 Well, somebody's got to be in charge. 307 00:13:56,631 --> 00:13:58,364 Well, that's me. 308 00:13:58,399 --> 00:14:00,099 - Oh, muffin. - Okay, whatever. 309 00:14:00,135 --> 00:14:01,567 I'll just drop these off at home. 310 00:14:03,571 --> 00:14:05,071 Izzy. 311 00:14:06,607 --> 00:14:08,374 So that should be as good as new. 312 00:14:08,409 --> 00:14:09,741 Mm-hmm. 313 00:14:11,311 --> 00:14:14,146 So Dada and I had alone time, and that's completely natural. 314 00:14:14,181 --> 00:14:16,281 That's great. 315 00:14:16,316 --> 00:14:18,950 Can you... can you... the power-washer. 316 00:14:18,986 --> 00:14:20,652 - Now? - Yeah. 317 00:14:20,687 --> 00:14:22,954 Okay. Great. 318 00:14:22,990 --> 00:14:25,456 - I'll see ya? - Yeah. Yeah. 319 00:14:25,492 --> 00:14:27,525 - Dad? - Okay. 320 00:14:27,560 --> 00:14:29,460 See you guys shortly. Thank you, guys, again. 321 00:14:29,496 --> 00:14:31,274 Are you fucking kidding me right now? Honestly? 322 00:14:31,298 --> 00:14:33,131 - What? I'm an adult! - Honestly. 323 00:14:39,840 --> 00:14:42,873 Hey, Sash. W... what's up? 324 00:14:44,010 --> 00:14:46,977 Uh, too casual, sounds rehearsed. 325 00:14:48,181 --> 00:14:50,447 Hey! Sasha, you work here? 326 00:14:50,482 --> 00:14:52,850 Bro, just say, "Dat ass tho!" 327 00:14:54,553 --> 00:14:56,586 Really? Straight for the butt? 328 00:14:56,622 --> 00:14:59,356 You could also offer to cut back on the hate crimes. 329 00:14:59,391 --> 00:15:01,292 Okay, I can do that. 330 00:15:01,327 --> 00:15:04,628 Hey, how about, uh, "Girrrl, I'm gonna let you cook me dinner." 331 00:15:04,663 --> 00:15:07,597 So good. Also, if she says she's not interested, 332 00:15:07,633 --> 00:15:09,700 just really turn up the heat. 333 00:15:09,735 --> 00:15:13,037 Chicks really respect relentless shark-like perseverance. 334 00:15:13,072 --> 00:15:14,805 Where you at? 335 00:15:16,908 --> 00:15:18,541 How can I help you today? 336 00:15:18,576 --> 00:15:20,844 I'm, uh, really into plants and trees and shit. 337 00:15:20,879 --> 00:15:22,278 It's kind of my jam. 338 00:15:22,314 --> 00:15:24,714 - Mm, like Pan-ism. - Exactly. 339 00:15:24,749 --> 00:15:28,751 I'm, uh, particularly fond of... ficus. 340 00:15:28,786 --> 00:15:30,686 Fike-eye? Whatever. 341 00:15:32,224 --> 00:15:34,891 I'm also very fond of you, and I want you to be my girlfriend. 342 00:15:36,061 --> 00:15:38,862 Um... 343 00:15:38,897 --> 00:15:41,664 You really don't want that. 344 00:15:41,699 --> 00:15:44,533 Oh, I... I really do. 345 00:15:44,569 --> 00:15:47,070 Gabriel... 346 00:15:47,105 --> 00:15:49,450 You don't live on the streets for almost a year 347 00:15:49,474 --> 00:15:53,208 without accumulating some serious fucking damage. 348 00:15:53,244 --> 00:15:56,412 It's just a part of me now. It always will be. 349 00:15:56,447 --> 00:15:58,213 Well, color me warned. 350 00:15:58,249 --> 00:15:59,915 I'm being serious. 351 00:15:59,950 --> 00:16:01,384 So am I. 352 00:16:01,419 --> 00:16:05,521 I'm 18, and I've never been asked out on a real date. 353 00:16:05,556 --> 00:16:07,256 Not once. 354 00:16:10,728 --> 00:16:13,028 Maybe we could start there. 355 00:16:13,063 --> 00:16:17,366 - You want to go see a movie? - Oh, with you? God no. 356 00:16:17,402 --> 00:16:20,569 What? I said I wanted to be asked. 357 00:16:20,605 --> 00:16:22,938 - You're horrible. - Color you warned. 358 00:16:24,074 --> 00:16:26,074 Can I kiss you now? 359 00:16:26,110 --> 00:16:27,876 If you must. 360 00:16:35,252 --> 00:16:36,651 I'm working! 361 00:16:41,325 --> 00:16:43,091 Yep. 362 00:16:43,127 --> 00:16:44,259 Living it. 363 00:16:44,295 --> 00:16:46,761 And living it. 364 00:16:48,765 --> 00:16:51,800 Neen! I know you're in there. 365 00:16:54,138 --> 00:16:55,603 You know I'm in here? 366 00:16:55,639 --> 00:16:56,917 What the hell is that supposed to mean? 367 00:16:56,941 --> 00:17:00,107 What, like, I don't have options? 368 00:17:00,143 --> 00:17:02,876 Or maybe I'm out having the time of my life, 369 00:17:02,912 --> 00:17:06,347 no longer burdened by the big ginger albatross. 370 00:17:06,382 --> 00:17:10,217 But you're not, babe, 'cause you're talking to me 371 00:17:10,253 --> 00:17:13,287 from the other side of the door, and I can see your eyeball. 372 00:17:14,790 --> 00:17:17,391 - Fuck. - Guess what? 373 00:17:17,427 --> 00:17:20,094 I've got something for you. 374 00:17:22,265 --> 00:17:24,131 What? What is it? Give it. 375 00:17:25,468 --> 00:17:27,601 You got a little... 376 00:17:27,636 --> 00:17:31,272 - little something there. - God, okay, get over it. 377 00:17:31,307 --> 00:17:33,239 This is what rebirth looks like for a woman. 378 00:17:33,275 --> 00:17:34,641 - It's glorious. - Oh. 379 00:17:34,677 --> 00:17:37,511 It's much better now that you've made me blind. 380 00:17:37,546 --> 00:17:39,079 Wait, no, no, no, no! It was a joke. 381 00:17:39,114 --> 00:17:41,214 Remember, the gift? 382 00:17:41,249 --> 00:17:43,016 Fine. Give it. 383 00:17:54,563 --> 00:17:56,830 Your Hail Mary is S&M? 384 00:17:56,866 --> 00:17:58,799 Read the inscription. 385 00:17:58,834 --> 00:18:01,468 "You will always hold the key." 386 00:18:03,806 --> 00:18:06,438 You make me better, Neen. 387 00:18:06,474 --> 00:18:08,774 I'm nothing without you. 388 00:18:08,810 --> 00:18:10,409 You see, the handcuffs mean 389 00:18:10,444 --> 00:18:13,145 that you'll always have control of the relationship, 390 00:18:13,180 --> 00:18:16,048 so that even if I get off on some sort of wild... 391 00:18:16,083 --> 00:18:18,150 Stop mansplaining and turn around. 392 00:18:18,185 --> 00:18:20,219 - What? - Oh, did I stutter? 393 00:18:22,223 --> 00:18:24,624 Oh! Oh! Ha! 394 00:18:24,659 --> 00:18:27,226 You're gonna punish me, are ya? 395 00:18:27,261 --> 00:18:29,161 I've got a good one. 396 00:18:29,196 --> 00:18:31,964 Why don't you leave me in bed confused and alone 397 00:18:32,000 --> 00:18:36,135 while you take a good, long shower 398 00:18:36,170 --> 00:18:38,671 and get all that goop off your face and hair? 399 00:18:38,706 --> 00:18:40,650 That would really show me who's boss. 400 00:18:44,210 --> 00:18:45,309 Mm. 401 00:18:45,345 --> 00:18:47,345 Hmm. 402 00:18:47,380 --> 00:18:49,380 What? 403 00:18:49,416 --> 00:18:51,816 You're a lot of work, but I'm in love with you. 404 00:18:54,454 --> 00:18:56,721 Me, too. 405 00:18:56,757 --> 00:18:58,222 I mean, with you. 406 00:18:58,258 --> 00:18:59,524 Oh. 407 00:19:06,733 --> 00:19:10,001 I started feeling myself, and I stopped feeling you, 408 00:19:10,037 --> 00:19:13,171 and that won't happen again, boss. 409 00:19:13,206 --> 00:19:14,672 Oh! 410 00:19:14,707 --> 00:19:15,873 Mm. 411 00:19:17,276 --> 00:19:20,343 Let's see how many ways we can make you apologize, okay? 412 00:19:20,379 --> 00:19:21,379 - Okay. - Hmm? 413 00:19:21,413 --> 00:19:22,479 - Yeah. - Okay. 414 00:19:22,514 --> 00:19:23,647 Uh! 415 00:19:55,346 --> 00:20:01,718 David, I swear to God, I'm gonna fucking kill you. 416 00:20:01,753 --> 00:20:04,220 Did somebody say my name? 417 00:20:04,255 --> 00:20:06,122 I'm sorry I didn't answer your phone call. 418 00:20:06,157 --> 00:20:09,058 I've got my hands full of your favorite things in the world. 419 00:20:09,094 --> 00:20:11,995 - But... but... - Now, listen, I got to be back at the airport 420 00:20:12,030 --> 00:20:15,498 in 10 hours and 37 minutes, which, as you know, 421 00:20:15,533 --> 00:20:17,734 is 10 hours and 27 minutes more than I need. 422 00:20:17,769 --> 00:20:19,401 - You... - No. 423 00:20:21,172 --> 00:20:22,237 You. 424 00:20:38,922 --> 00:20:41,723 No screaming or swearing? 425 00:20:41,759 --> 00:20:43,859 Not yet. 426 00:20:43,894 --> 00:20:46,770 Well, it's a shame we can't actually put the babies in here, though. 427 00:20:46,771 --> 00:20:49,831 Very funny. It's only halfway done. 428 00:20:51,001 --> 00:20:52,433 Mm. 429 00:20:54,737 --> 00:20:56,737 You're gonna be an amazing dad. 430 00:20:56,773 --> 00:20:59,140 Why do you guys keep saying that? 431 00:20:59,175 --> 00:21:00,741 Because it's true. 432 00:21:04,547 --> 00:21:06,513 Is everything okay with you? 433 00:21:06,549 --> 00:21:08,582 Yeah. 434 00:21:08,617 --> 00:21:11,018 Because if you don't like this stuff, any of it, 435 00:21:11,054 --> 00:21:12,286 we can bring it all back. 436 00:21:12,321 --> 00:21:14,889 No. I think it's perfect. 437 00:21:22,398 --> 00:21:26,067 It's Gabe? Did you call Gabe? 438 00:21:26,102 --> 00:21:27,946 Honey, I can do the crib myself. I'm not a child. 439 00:21:27,970 --> 00:21:30,204 I... I know you can, babe. 440 00:21:30,239 --> 00:21:32,072 I know. 441 00:21:37,879 --> 00:21:41,047 He's not even using the right tool. 442 00:21:45,688 --> 00:21:47,654 - What? - Mom wants to talk to you. 443 00:21:49,191 --> 00:21:51,958 - Is she invisible? - Yeah, that's right. She's invisible. 444 00:21:51,993 --> 00:21:54,528 No, she's in the car, and she wants you to come to her. 445 00:21:54,563 --> 00:21:56,296 - I'm... - Just shut up. 446 00:21:56,332 --> 00:21:59,633 You think I don't know how fucking weird this is? 447 00:21:59,668 --> 00:22:03,402 Just save us both a lot of time, and just get out there. 448 00:22:03,438 --> 00:22:05,071 All right? 449 00:22:21,322 --> 00:22:22,455 Jackson. 450 00:22:22,490 --> 00:22:24,124 Mother. 451 00:22:25,727 --> 00:22:27,693 So you're a mob boss now? 452 00:22:27,729 --> 00:22:30,596 That's good to know. 453 00:22:30,632 --> 00:22:32,009 Women have always been underrepresented 454 00:22:32,033 --> 00:22:34,000 in the organized crime industry. 455 00:22:38,505 --> 00:22:41,373 I want to tell you how your father died. 456 00:22:41,408 --> 00:22:45,343 He was on a business trip at the home office in Scottsdale 457 00:22:45,379 --> 00:22:47,545 and got into a car wreck. 458 00:22:50,417 --> 00:22:52,417 That's just the end of the story. 459 00:22:57,124 --> 00:22:58,723 There's more? 460 00:22:58,759 --> 00:23:01,260 You were... 461 00:23:01,295 --> 00:23:05,363 about 10 months old when the affair started. 462 00:23:07,401 --> 00:23:12,370 Elizabeth McCray, VP of Marketing. 463 00:23:14,040 --> 00:23:15,840 I knew. 464 00:23:15,875 --> 00:23:17,341 He knew I knew. 465 00:23:17,376 --> 00:23:19,376 But that night he called from Scottsdale, 466 00:23:19,412 --> 00:23:22,146 that was the first time we ever spoke of it. 467 00:23:22,182 --> 00:23:26,684 First and last. 468 00:23:26,719 --> 00:23:28,986 Your father only knew himself 469 00:23:29,022 --> 00:23:31,189 as the sum of other people's approval. 470 00:23:31,224 --> 00:23:32,924 All the men huddled in the basement, 471 00:23:32,959 --> 00:23:35,827 laughing at his shitty jokes. 472 00:23:35,862 --> 00:23:38,196 And then her. 473 00:23:41,634 --> 00:23:44,401 Maybe it was real. 474 00:23:44,437 --> 00:23:47,404 I mean, 12 years is a long time. 475 00:23:52,311 --> 00:23:54,545 What did he say? 476 00:23:54,580 --> 00:23:56,246 When he called? 477 00:23:56,281 --> 00:24:01,084 He said he was gonna stay there a while, figure things out... 478 00:24:01,119 --> 00:24:03,320 with her. 479 00:24:03,356 --> 00:24:06,857 I told him we wouldn't be waiting around for him to decide. 480 00:24:06,892 --> 00:24:11,194 Four days later, they got in the car wreck. 481 00:24:11,630 --> 00:24:13,930 She made it, he didn't. 482 00:24:19,905 --> 00:24:21,438 Gabe knew? 483 00:24:21,474 --> 00:24:23,273 He was older. 484 00:24:23,308 --> 00:24:25,775 He put some pieces together. 485 00:24:25,810 --> 00:24:28,344 Why didn't you tell me? 486 00:24:30,782 --> 00:24:32,281 I lost him. 487 00:24:32,316 --> 00:24:34,751 Gabe lost him. 488 00:24:34,786 --> 00:24:37,620 You thought he hung the moon. 489 00:24:37,655 --> 00:24:40,823 Didn't see any reason you had to lose him, too. 490 00:24:42,827 --> 00:24:44,761 But I was wrong. 491 00:24:44,796 --> 00:24:47,430 I let you keep on loving him. 492 00:24:49,634 --> 00:24:52,234 But then I couldn't help hating you for it. 493 00:25:05,283 --> 00:25:07,649 - We fucked up. - Yeah, you did. 494 00:26:01,104 --> 00:26:03,136 I'm... 495 00:26:03,172 --> 00:26:04,972 sorry. 496 00:26:08,344 --> 00:26:10,210 Me too. 497 00:26:12,514 --> 00:26:14,647 Come in. 498 00:26:20,522 --> 00:26:22,555 - Get ready. - What do you mean? 499 00:26:22,591 --> 00:26:24,157 You'll see. 500 00:26:24,193 --> 00:26:26,493 It is freezing out there, and neither of you dummies 501 00:26:26,528 --> 00:26:28,628 thought a hot toddy might be in order? 502 00:26:28,663 --> 00:26:32,332 You know one good woman is better than two shitty ones. 503 00:26:32,368 --> 00:26:34,501 Is she serious? 504 00:26:34,536 --> 00:26:36,835 I never know. 505 00:26:36,871 --> 00:26:37,970 Go! 506 00:26:40,875 --> 00:26:43,509 Okay, who's up for some Euchre? 507 00:26:43,544 --> 00:26:46,379 You got any cards, or are you all too gay for that? 508 00:26:48,749 --> 00:26:51,384 - So I can leave her here? - Not a chance. No. 509 00:26:55,000 --> 00:27:00,000 - Synced and corrected by chamallow -