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subtitles by rubinmusicbox®

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[Musician] Here we go.

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[drumsticks clack]
One, two...

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[Frank] You guys wanna story?

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[Bar patrons' drunken cheering]

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Yeah, I got a story.
A fuckin' doozy.

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[Bar patrons] Is this the one
where you say you own Facebook?

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Starts like this.
On the seventh day, God rested.

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[drunkenly] I love God.
He's my favourite God.

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Yeah, but he's God, so he knew
that if after six days of

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crazy you gotta rest on Sunday.

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Rest every day.

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But what about those poor
bastards going through six days

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of crazy, not knowing that the
seventh day is going to be a day

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of rest, or just another
day at the shit storm?

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[laughing]

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Those are the poor
bastards we should toast.

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[All] To the shit storm!

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Who knows, maybe a couple
of angels come along

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and nudge him in the
right direction.

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But I'm getting ahead of myself.

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This is the story of
Frank and Nancy Teagarten.

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Their seven days started on
the morning they dropped

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their daughter off at college.

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[Frank] Wow.

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Seems just like yesterday
I was pushing you on the swings

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in Gardner Park.

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[Nancy] Yeah.

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And now,
look at our college girl,

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on her way to
becoming a veterinarian.

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[Frank] Now, baby.
We're just a phone call away,

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five hour car ride away,
50 minute plane ride away.

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[Nancy] You know we're there
for you, anything you need.

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You have our numbers.

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[Rachel] Yes, I practically
have them memorized.

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[Nancy] Good.

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But, don't call after 10:00 pm
cause we'll probably be asleep.

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That was a joke.
You know that was a joke, right?

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[laughs] I love
your jokes, daddy.

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[Nancy] Do you like your bed?

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Yeah.

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We should have gotten
her a better mattress.

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How come we didn't
think of that?

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Know what this room
needs, is a Medeco lock.

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- Medeco makes a very sturdy lock.
- Yeah.

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And what's with this co-ed dorm?
Why are we doing that?

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She's in a co-ed dorm,
whose idea was that?

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That's wrong.

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I love you guys so much.

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Thank you.

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Thank you for everything.

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[acoustic guitar plays softly]

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[large bell tolls]

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♪♪

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[Kid Cudi's REVOFEV plays]

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♪ Let go, life
does get tough ♪

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♪ No need to stress, ♪

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♪ Hold you back too much, ♪

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♪ Let's go
I heard they found a solution ♪

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♪ Where will you be
for the revolution? ♪

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♪ Woah woah, woah, woah ♪

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♪ Woah woah woah woah ♪

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♪ Woah woah woah woah ♪

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♪ I say to kids ♪

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♪ Wake up, things
might get rough ♪

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♪ No need to stress,
keeps you down too much ♪

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♪ Wake up, I heard they
found a solution ♪

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♪ Where will you be
for the revolution? ♪

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♪ Where will you be
for the revolution? ♪

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It's gonna be okay.

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Which part?

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All of it. I promise.

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[tow truck winch whines]

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Can I help you?

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[Driver] Sorry, guys.
Gotta hook it up.

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[Nancy] Shit!

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What, now?

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Hey, man. I'm just
doing my job, all right?

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We just dropped our daughter
off at college, and we've been

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really, really busy.

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I'll send a payment
in a few days.

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Look, it's not me,
it's Volvo, okay?

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They don't fuck around when
it comes to a lease. Okay?

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I just need a little more time.

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There is a back story, here.

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Always is, brother.
Always is.

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Would you like to hear it?

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[sighs]

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All right, shoot.

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I started a medical company.

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Put everything we had into it,
making a medical innovation

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that's been adding
years to people's lives.

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[lighter clicks]

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We rolled the dice hard,
but we believed in it.

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Then there was a problem.

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Small, but enough for
some news stories.

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They started calling us
"controversial," which is the

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toughest word in our business,

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and it's been bad
dominoes ever since.

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Now, our daughter doesn't
know at all about this.

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We've been holding it together
until she went off to college,

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and now we're gonna
hold it together

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until we get back
on our feet.

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What do you make?

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What, salary?

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Product.

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Artificial heart valves designed
for transfemoral placement,

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which means...

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Dual leg artery. I know.

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You know what I used to
do before this repo shit?

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Paramedic.

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Oh!

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Yeah. People used to
be glad to see me show up.

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Yesterday, I had to
take three child seats

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out of the back of a Lexus,

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lay em out on their lawn,
like I was setting up

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for some goddamn baby
Lollapalooza concert,

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The Wiggles or some shit.

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- Remember them?
- No.

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Fuckin' Yum Yum Fruit Salad.

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I got kids.
It was sad.

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Shit. Okay, look.

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I'll tell em you weren't here.

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But the most I can get
you is days, not weeks.

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All right?

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So, if I were you, I'd find a
way to put some loot in my suit.

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Sell some crack,
or I'll be back!

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[laughs]

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[forced laugh]

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[forced laugh]

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[Frank] Thank you.

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[Nancy] Thank you.

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Finally a break.

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[Jazz saxophone plays]

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[Frank] What about the,
uh, lamp in the den?

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It's broken.

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So, we sell it as-is,
or we fix it?

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We don't fix things,
Frank, we only ruin them.

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[Bert] Hi guys.
Having a yard sale?

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Uh, no, Bert. Our living
room puked all over our yard.

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What?

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Bye.

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[dog whines]

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[Nancy] Oh, look, Frank.

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A two thousand dollar Breville
Oracle espresso machine.

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And we just had to have it.

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But we never even took
it out of the damn box.

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Just be happy that the
thing is still in the box,

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it's worth two thousand dollars,
one eighth of that is a,

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it's a car payment.

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Why did we get all this stuff?

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Stuff, stuff, stuff everywhere,
and I can't even afford to get

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my roots done or
get a bikini wax.

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[Jason] Hey, guys.
You're having a yard sale?

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[Nancy] Hi, Jason.

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No, Jason, our house
got hit by a tidal wave.

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Just ours.
It's a freak of nature.

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Heh, well I'm glad it was yours.

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Cause, salt water, it's like
kryptonite for the wheelchair.

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Jason, are you making
a handicap joke?

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I'm sorry, I thought...

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Cause...

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I'm the one in the...
Uh, Rachel called me.

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It sounds like she
made it off fine.

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So, the two of you were trying
to make the long distance

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thing work? The odds
are against it, Jason,

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and she's ambitious
and you live at home.

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[Nancy] Frank...

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[Frank] Yes?

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Don't pay any attention
to him, Jason.

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[whispers] He's been drinking.

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Well, I'd better be
off to work, so...

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[Frank] Hey Jason, do you wear
your Staples uniform under your

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clothes like Superman, or do
you go home and change at your

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mom's, where you
live, with your mom?

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[lectures in Spanish]

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[argues in Spanish]

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Can't understand
the whispered Spanish.

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Mr. Teagarten, I'd really
like to get along with you,

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even if Rachel and I
are eventually just friends,

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nothing more, 'cause I think
you guys are amazing people.

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Thank you, Jason.

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Have a nice day.

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[Frank] Enjoy the ride.

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[slap] Ow.

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Ah, cause of the wheelchair.
That's...

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have a nice one.

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[cheesy ringtone]

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Nigel, how's it going
over there in London, huh?

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Are they still
driving backwards?

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[Nigel]
What are you talking about?

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[laughs] You know what I mean.

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You know, sideways,
the cars, the street?

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Have you been drinking?

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Oh, that's hilarious.

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Seriously.

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[laughs]

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Listen to me, I am gonna
be travelling for a while,

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all right? I'm gonna be gone to
Nepal, I'll be gone for about

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four months,
I'll be off the grid.

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Oh, that's weird.
Hey, listen, Nigel,

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while I have you on
the phone, I think I need

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to ask you for more
money to watch the house.

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Cause I'm over there
like three days a week.

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What are you talking about?

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It's not that hard
to watch my house.

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I live right next door to you.

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I can get the kid down the
street to do it for free,

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just so he can go in
and watch cable. Jesus.

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What did he say
about more money?

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I don't think he's into it.

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I'm going to Nigel's
for a minute.

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00:09:15,931 --> 00:09:18,642
[groovy spy music]

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00:09:38,870 --> 00:09:39,913
No.

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00:09:41,331 --> 00:09:43,458
[cheesy ringtone]

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00:09:44,626 --> 00:09:45,877
Hello, this is Frank.

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00:09:46,503 --> 00:09:48,213
Oh, hi. Uh...

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00:09:48,755 --> 00:09:50,382
Yes, I am going to pay you soon.

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00:09:51,550 --> 00:09:53,385
No, I don't know when,
but your credit card is very

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00:09:53,468 --> 00:09:54,803
important to me, so I...

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00:09:55,721 --> 00:09:57,306
Yes, I know that, but...

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00:09:58,557 --> 00:10:00,183
Well, I do want to work with
you, so how about this?

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00:10:00,267 --> 00:10:02,185
I'll send you the credit card,
and you just shove it up

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00:10:02,269 --> 00:10:04,354
your fucking ass.
Does that work?

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00:10:04,688 --> 00:10:05,564
[clicks off]

226
00:10:06,315 --> 00:10:08,984
[groovy spy music]

227
00:10:13,655 --> 00:10:14,448
Yes.

228
00:10:15,157 --> 00:10:16,783
Yes. Yes.

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00:10:20,495 --> 00:10:21,747
[Nancy] Absolutely not.

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00:10:21,830 --> 00:10:23,290
It's a Chateau Latour.

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00:10:23,373 --> 00:10:25,042
It's worth 800 dollars.

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Have you lost your mind?

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00:10:27,002 --> 00:10:27,794
Wait a minute.

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00:10:27,878 --> 00:10:30,339
Since when did
you start smoking?

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Just now.

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00:10:31,757 --> 00:10:33,216
Ha. Great timing.

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Just when we can't afford it.

238
00:10:35,093 --> 00:10:37,262
Nigel has hundreds
of bottles of wine.

239
00:10:37,346 --> 00:10:38,388
He doesn't need more wine.

240
00:10:38,472 --> 00:10:40,182
He needs a punch in the
face, but not more wine.

241
00:10:40,265 --> 00:10:41,808
Would you please
have some decency?

242
00:10:41,892 --> 00:10:44,645
You're supposed to be
looking after his property,

243
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not parting it out
like an old Chevy.

244
00:10:46,897 --> 00:10:47,397
What?

245
00:10:47,481 --> 00:10:48,649
What's next?

246
00:10:48,732 --> 00:10:51,818
You gonna put an ad on
Craigslist and rent it out?

247
00:10:53,320 --> 00:10:54,655
Rent out his house?

248
00:10:54,738 --> 00:10:56,823
Rent out Nigel's house?

249
00:10:56,907 --> 00:10:58,325
On Craigslist?

250
00:10:58,408 --> 00:10:58,825
[bird cawing]

251
00:10:58,909 --> 00:11:00,243
That's insane.

252
00:11:00,327 --> 00:11:01,912
Stop changing the subject.

253
00:11:01,995 --> 00:11:04,915
Put that bottle of wine back.

254
00:11:04,998 --> 00:11:06,208
Right now.

255
00:11:06,291 --> 00:11:08,293
Shame on you, Frank.

256
00:11:09,836 --> 00:11:12,506
[Donovan's
"Hurdy Gurdy Man" plays]

257
00:11:12,589 --> 00:11:15,425
♪ "Hurdy gurdy, hurdy gurdy,
hurdy gurdy gurdy" he sang ♪

258
00:11:15,509 --> 00:11:18,804
♪ Here comes the Roly Poly Man ♪

259
00:11:18,887 --> 00:11:21,473
♪ He's singing songs of love ♪

260
00:11:21,556 --> 00:11:24,810
♪ "Roly poly, roly poly,
roly poly poly" he sang ♪

261
00:11:24,893 --> 00:11:26,687
[drunkenly]
I love this album.

262
00:11:26,770 --> 00:11:28,939
Are they still called albums?

263
00:11:29,022 --> 00:11:31,024
Albummmmmms....

264
00:11:32,651 --> 00:11:35,237
See dee dee
dee dee dee...

265
00:11:36,071 --> 00:11:37,531
See dee dee dee dee...

266
00:11:39,366 --> 00:11:40,200
[laughs]

267
00:11:40,283 --> 00:11:42,035
You know the Filipinos?

268
00:11:42,119 --> 00:11:43,495
Bob and Teresa?

269
00:11:43,578 --> 00:11:45,205
From the Philippines.

270
00:11:45,288 --> 00:11:48,625
They used to strap coca tree
bark to their bodies before

271
00:11:48,709 --> 00:11:49,835
they went to battle.

272
00:11:49,918 --> 00:11:54,005
The cocaine would leech
into their bloodstream,

273
00:11:54,089 --> 00:11:58,385
and get them amped up to help
them overcome the fear of war.

274
00:11:58,468 --> 00:12:00,762
Frank, we're at war.

275
00:12:01,888 --> 00:12:04,141
I don't think we can get our
hands on that kind of bark.

276
00:12:04,224 --> 00:12:06,059
We ran out of vodka.

277
00:12:07,227 --> 00:12:10,063
I wonder what Rachel will
listen to in college.

278
00:12:10,147 --> 00:12:14,609
What music will transport
her back to her youth,

279
00:12:14,693 --> 00:12:16,945
back to a time when her whole
life was in front of her.

280
00:12:17,028 --> 00:12:19,531
[inhales deeply]
I don't know.

281
00:12:20,532 --> 00:12:22,492
I only know I'm sad
about that vodka.

282
00:12:22,576 --> 00:12:23,910
[cork pops loudly]

283
00:12:25,495 --> 00:12:27,038
Fuck it.

284
00:12:28,165 --> 00:12:29,666
La Tour baby!

285
00:12:31,668 --> 00:12:34,463
Whatever happens probably will.

286
00:12:35,964 --> 00:12:37,632
Let's finish it inside.

287
00:12:37,716 --> 00:12:38,383
Yeah.

288
00:12:38,884 --> 00:12:39,593
Yeah.

289
00:12:40,218 --> 00:12:42,596
Starts getting
better tomorrow...

290
00:12:43,805 --> 00:12:48,685
[sings] When I'm stuck with a
day that's grey, and lonely,

291
00:12:48,769 --> 00:12:52,147
I just stick out my
chin and grin...

292
00:12:52,230 --> 00:12:53,440
[heavy thud] Oh.

293
00:12:53,523 --> 00:12:54,775
And saaaaay...

294
00:12:54,858 --> 00:12:59,404
The sun will come out tomorrow

295
00:12:59,488 --> 00:13:03,784
[sings in Spanish]

296
00:13:06,745 --> 00:13:12,751
You're only a daaaay
aaaawaaaaaay!

297
00:13:16,338 --> 00:13:18,507
[Frank] Haha, you
fell on your ass, baby.

298
00:13:18,590 --> 00:13:21,259
♪♪

299
00:13:25,931 --> 00:13:28,058
[record player crackles]

300
00:13:48,161 --> 00:13:49,579
[Carl] Excuse me.

301
00:13:50,413 --> 00:13:51,915
Hi. [laughs]

302
00:13:53,041 --> 00:13:55,252
What can you tell
me about this house?

303
00:13:55,335 --> 00:13:56,753
I'm sorry?

304
00:13:56,837 --> 00:14:00,257
There was a rental ad for
this house on Craigslist,

305
00:14:00,340 --> 00:14:02,676
but no one's
answering the doorbell.

306
00:14:02,759 --> 00:14:04,845
An ad on Craigslist?

307
00:14:04,928 --> 00:14:05,804
Yeah.

308
00:14:07,222 --> 00:14:08,682
For Nigel's house?

309
00:14:08,765 --> 00:14:11,476
No, somebody named Frank?

310
00:14:11,560 --> 00:14:14,771
The ad's gone, it was
flagged for profanity.

311
00:14:14,855 --> 00:14:16,898
Okay, wait.
Back the fuck up.

312
00:14:16,982 --> 00:14:18,525
Let's start over.
What?

313
00:14:18,608 --> 00:14:21,945
Well, there was an ad, "For
rent, big beautiful fucking

314
00:14:22,028 --> 00:14:26,032
house furnished up the ass."
Obviously, I was intrigued.

315
00:14:29,411 --> 00:14:30,871
Are you okay?

316
00:14:32,581 --> 00:14:34,749
Not even in the ballpark.

317
00:14:35,584 --> 00:14:37,043
[cart clatters]

318
00:14:46,303 --> 00:14:48,346
Four dollars?

319
00:14:48,430 --> 00:14:50,640
Four dollars for a zucchini.

320
00:14:50,724 --> 00:14:54,603
And these people won't even
grease the wheels of their

321
00:14:54,686 --> 00:14:56,271
shopping cart.

322
00:14:56,354 --> 00:14:57,647
[loud clattering]

323
00:14:57,731 --> 00:14:58,773
Fuckers.

324
00:15:07,824 --> 00:15:09,075
[Heidi] Nancy?

325
00:15:09,159 --> 00:15:10,660
Are you okay?

326
00:15:10,744 --> 00:15:12,329
Oh, you.

327
00:15:12,412 --> 00:15:14,247
Heidi, hi.

328
00:15:14,331 --> 00:15:19,544
I'm fine, it's just that I saw a
spider, and I tried to get it.

329
00:15:19,628 --> 00:15:21,504
My foot got stuck.

330
00:15:21,588 --> 00:15:24,799
Um, are those box
wines in your cart?

331
00:15:26,384 --> 00:15:27,969
[laughs hysterically]

332
00:15:28,762 --> 00:15:30,680
No, I'm juicing.

333
00:15:30,764 --> 00:15:32,349
How are Chip and the kids?

334
00:15:32,432 --> 00:15:35,435
Oh, Chip pulled some strings
and got Carter into Yale.

335
00:15:35,518 --> 00:15:37,938
He won't light up the world but
he won't blow it up, either.

336
00:15:38,021 --> 00:15:39,314
Ah.

337
00:15:39,397 --> 00:15:42,150
Oh, totally off-subject, did
you hear about Lisa Chang?

338
00:15:42,233 --> 00:15:43,276
No, Lisa?

339
00:15:43,360 --> 00:15:45,862
She and Andrew split up,
younger woman, yadda yadda,

340
00:15:45,946 --> 00:15:46,905
you know the drill.

341
00:15:46,988 --> 00:15:51,076
But, Lisa is working
at Macy's now.

342
00:15:51,159 --> 00:15:51,743
[gasps]

343
00:15:51,826 --> 00:15:52,869
At the perfume counter.

344
00:15:52,953 --> 00:15:53,745
Oh my god.

345
00:15:53,828 --> 00:15:55,497
Oh my god.

346
00:15:55,580 --> 00:15:58,917
She's waving those little
smelly cards in people's faces.

347
00:16:00,752 --> 00:16:02,712
She gained ten pounds.

348
00:16:02,796 --> 00:16:04,631
And she's about to gain more.

349
00:16:04,714 --> 00:16:06,967
Because you have to
be rich to be skinny.

350
00:16:07,050 --> 00:16:11,012
All the cheap foods are
the ones that pork you up.

351
00:16:11,096 --> 00:16:13,765
The sugars, the carbs,
the corn syrup.

352
00:16:13,848 --> 00:16:18,103
I do not understand why the more
preservatives and chemicals

353
00:16:18,186 --> 00:16:21,106
they put in the food,
the cheaper it is.

354
00:16:21,189 --> 00:16:25,360
And the food that just comes out
of the earth, it's so expensive.

355
00:16:25,443 --> 00:16:26,444
Bastards!

356
00:16:26,528 --> 00:16:30,448
It's those hippies,
They see they're so going

357
00:16:30,532 --> 00:16:34,744
"hey Dude, look
at this zucchini, man.

358
00:16:34,828 --> 00:16:38,581
It's so beautiful, a
gift from mother earth.

359
00:16:38,665 --> 00:16:40,583
How much should
we charge for it?"

360
00:16:40,667 --> 00:16:45,213
"Uh, I dunno, $4,20?
Heheheh."

361
00:16:45,296 --> 00:16:47,048
[laughs weakly]

362
00:16:48,091 --> 00:16:49,884
[laughs]

363
00:16:55,515 --> 00:16:57,767
Okay, bye. Bye.
Nice to see you.

364
00:16:58,393 --> 00:16:59,853
Bye. Bye.

365
00:16:59,936 --> 00:17:00,854
Bye.

366
00:17:01,604 --> 00:17:03,481
[phone rings]

367
00:17:03,565 --> 00:17:05,358
Oh my god, oh my god.

368
00:17:06,818 --> 00:17:08,069
Frank.

369
00:17:08,153 --> 00:17:10,572
I think I'm having an
anxiety attack, and...

370
00:17:13,908 --> 00:17:15,035
Wait, what?

371
00:17:15,118 --> 00:17:17,037
[funky dance music]

372
00:17:18,038 --> 00:17:20,290
[car engine roars]

373
00:17:28,214 --> 00:17:29,799
[door opens]

374
00:17:32,135 --> 00:17:33,428
Is this a joke?

375
00:17:35,889 --> 00:17:37,098
But when?

376
00:17:37,182 --> 00:17:38,266
The cheque?

377
00:17:38,349 --> 00:17:39,559
No, the ad.

378
00:17:39,642 --> 00:17:42,270
It must have been last night
when we were drinking.

379
00:17:42,353 --> 00:17:44,147
I thought you did it.
It was all your idea.

380
00:17:44,230 --> 00:17:45,690
My idea?

381
00:17:46,983 --> 00:17:50,779
Frank, I said it to make a
point about how we don't do

382
00:17:50,862 --> 00:17:52,155
anything stupid like that.

383
00:17:52,238 --> 00:17:53,448
Don't you remember?

384
00:17:53,531 --> 00:17:56,367
I don't remember us polishing
off that Chateau Latour,

385
00:17:56,451 --> 00:17:57,535
but we did that too, right?

386
00:17:57,619 --> 00:17:58,912
I remember that.

387
00:17:58,995 --> 00:18:01,956
I remember pulling the cork, it
made that pop sound like the

388
00:18:02,040 --> 00:18:05,418
crunch sound Eve probably
made when she bit the apple.

389
00:18:06,377 --> 00:18:07,587
Baby.

390
00:18:07,670 --> 00:18:09,881
It's six months in advance,
his name is Carl, and for

391
00:18:09,964 --> 00:18:12,467
what it's worth, I think
he was sent from God.

392
00:18:14,552 --> 00:18:17,430
Frank, do you understand
what this means?

393
00:18:18,556 --> 00:18:21,601
It means an entire year
of Rachel's tuition.

394
00:18:22,143 --> 00:18:24,270
Thank you Jesus!

395
00:18:26,981 --> 00:18:29,984
Does this mean we're
gonna celebrate?

396
00:18:31,402 --> 00:18:32,612
Heck yes.

397
00:18:32,695 --> 00:18:34,072
But...

398
00:18:34,155 --> 00:18:35,949
I gotta do something first.

399
00:18:36,616 --> 00:18:37,909
I'll be right back.

400
00:18:42,372 --> 00:18:45,416
[seductive music]

401
00:18:48,711 --> 00:18:50,505
[doorbell rings]

402
00:18:56,219 --> 00:18:57,804
[Carl] Hi, Frank.

403
00:18:57,887 --> 00:19:00,974
Hey. Is that
Dave Brubeck on the stereo?

404
00:19:01,057 --> 00:19:02,058
No.

405
00:19:02,142 --> 00:19:03,476
Too bad, I love Brubeck.

406
00:19:03,560 --> 00:19:06,354
Especially back when Stan
Getz was on tenor sax.

407
00:19:06,437 --> 00:19:09,274
Getz did the soundtrack for
Micky One, which is my favourite

408
00:19:09,357 --> 00:19:12,861
Warren Beatty film.
I wanna say '65, '66.

409
00:19:12,944 --> 00:19:15,155
Warren Beatty was
a handsome boy.

410
00:19:15,238 --> 00:19:17,240
Got all the lady women.
Right?

411
00:19:17,323 --> 00:19:18,867
But you know, Micky
One's not for everyone.

412
00:19:18,950 --> 00:19:20,034
You have to be patient.

413
00:19:20,118 --> 00:19:22,412
Unlike Star Wars, that
really trucks along.

414
00:19:22,495 --> 00:19:24,038
Right?
Same with Dances with Wolves.

415
00:19:24,122 --> 00:19:25,790
Kevin Costner, he
was definitely...

416
00:19:25,874 --> 00:19:27,292
[clears throat pointedly]

417
00:19:27,375 --> 00:19:30,420
Carl, that was bizarre, and
I didn't follow any of it.

418
00:19:30,503 --> 00:19:31,713
Is everything okay?

419
00:19:31,796 --> 00:19:33,173
Oh, it's...

420
00:19:33,256 --> 00:19:34,716
I love the house.

421
00:19:34,799 --> 00:19:36,926
Ha, I'm being rude.
This is my good buddy Joe.

422
00:19:37,010 --> 00:19:38,344
[clears throat]

423
00:19:38,428 --> 00:19:41,848
Well, less of a buddy
and more of a parole officer.

424
00:19:43,057 --> 00:19:44,350
I beg your pardon?

425
00:19:44,434 --> 00:19:48,646
Frank, uh, as a new neighbour,
I'm "legally required"

426
00:19:48,730 --> 00:19:52,066
to tell you that I'm a
registered sex offender.

427
00:19:52,150 --> 00:19:52,984
Come again?

428
00:19:53,067 --> 00:19:55,403
Wow, really? [laughs]

429
00:19:55,486 --> 00:19:56,529
Really what?

430
00:19:56,613 --> 00:19:58,448
I was, I was kidding.
You said "come again"

431
00:19:58,531 --> 00:20:00,950
and I'm a sex offender.
It was a joke.

432
00:20:01,034 --> 00:20:03,119
[Joe] Carl's a class 3 offender.

433
00:20:03,203 --> 00:20:07,123
He has to notify any resident
within a designated area.

434
00:20:07,207 --> 00:20:08,958
So we'll be going
house to house.

435
00:20:09,042 --> 00:20:10,752
It's kind of like trick or
treating, except we don't get

436
00:20:10,835 --> 00:20:14,339
candy, we tell people
I'm a pedophile.

437
00:20:14,422 --> 00:20:16,674
I'm sorry, I'm having
trouble with my ears.

438
00:20:16,758 --> 00:20:20,845
There's a really loud sound to
them, like a, like a roaring

439
00:20:20,929 --> 00:20:23,264
crashing ocean, so...

440
00:20:23,348 --> 00:20:24,974
What the fuck did you just say?

441
00:20:25,058 --> 00:20:28,436
Baby, tell little Frank that
I'm here, that I'm ready...

442
00:20:28,519 --> 00:20:29,646
Baby, get away from the door.

443
00:20:29,729 --> 00:20:31,773
[screams in Spanish]

444
00:20:32,899 --> 00:20:34,150
Wow. Frank.

445
00:20:34,234 --> 00:20:36,152
You really did well.

446
00:20:37,695 --> 00:20:39,989
[Frank]
I did not see that coming.

447
00:20:40,073 --> 00:20:42,492
[Nancy] Good.
I'm glad you didn't plan this.

448
00:20:42,575 --> 00:20:45,995
Gotta burn down the
house to cook the pig.

449
00:20:46,079 --> 00:20:47,038
What?

450
00:20:47,121 --> 00:20:49,082
I'm saying "I did
not see that coming."

451
00:20:49,165 --> 00:20:52,001
Oh, look. They're
going to the Templemans.

452
00:20:52,085 --> 00:20:53,586
Nice people, the Templemans.

453
00:20:53,670 --> 00:20:55,380
Their lawn is always so green.

454
00:20:55,463 --> 00:20:57,674
I've always wondered
what they use.

455
00:20:57,757 --> 00:21:00,969
Maybe you can call Carl.
You know, the fucking

456
00:21:01,052 --> 00:21:03,721
fucking sex offender,
and ask him to ask them.

457
00:21:05,056 --> 00:21:08,685
[heavy sigh] Probably
magnesium sulphate.

458
00:21:09,602 --> 00:21:11,854
You realize we're
going to jail, right?

459
00:21:11,938 --> 00:21:14,274
No. Nigel will
never press charges,

460
00:21:14,357 --> 00:21:16,192
I've pulled his fat out
of the fire too many times.

461
00:21:16,276 --> 00:21:18,528
Like last month, his smoke
detector was beeping,

462
00:21:18,611 --> 00:21:20,613
I changed the 9-volt,
didn't even charge him.

463
00:21:20,697 --> 00:21:23,825
Snap out of it, motherfucker.
We're going to jail.

464
00:21:23,908 --> 00:21:25,285
♪♪

465
00:21:25,368 --> 00:21:27,245
Don't forget your prescriptions
and anything else you might

466
00:21:27,328 --> 00:21:28,621
need for the next few weeks.

467
00:21:28,705 --> 00:21:30,206
Frank, help me.

468
00:21:30,290 --> 00:21:32,583
Hold this bag.
Hold this bag.

469
00:21:35,044 --> 00:21:37,380
Do you really need all these
panties and such, hun?

470
00:21:37,463 --> 00:21:39,257
No. I'm gonna hide
them in the attic.

471
00:21:39,340 --> 00:21:42,552
I don't want him going
all over my lingerie.

472
00:21:42,635 --> 00:21:44,137
The word is "cumming,"
Honey. Cumming.

473
00:21:44,220 --> 00:21:45,179
I don't give a damn.

474
00:21:45,263 --> 00:21:48,599
I do not want his DNA
on my private things.

475
00:21:48,683 --> 00:21:51,060
Baby, we really don't
know what he did.

476
00:21:51,144 --> 00:21:53,688
Then you should hide
your panties, too.

477
00:22:02,905 --> 00:22:03,740
Hi.

478
00:22:05,533 --> 00:22:09,620
Look, I know I should have
said something, but it's not

479
00:22:09,704 --> 00:22:12,749
like I told you I wasn't
a registered offender.

480
00:22:12,832 --> 00:22:14,375
Oh my god, he just said that.

481
00:22:14,459 --> 00:22:16,336
I saw his lips move
and everything.

482
00:22:16,419 --> 00:22:19,797
Carl. Part of me would like to
punch you in the face right now,

483
00:22:19,881 --> 00:22:21,883
but another part of me would
like to kick you in the balls.

484
00:22:21,966 --> 00:22:23,217
Which do you prefer?

485
00:22:23,301 --> 00:22:26,512
Uh, thanks.
I normally don't get a choice.

486
00:22:26,596 --> 00:22:29,599
But I, I don't know
anything about your house.

487
00:22:29,682 --> 00:22:32,477
How do I know your house
is as nice as this house?

488
00:22:33,102 --> 00:22:34,937
Our house is gorgeous.

489
00:22:35,021 --> 00:22:37,273
Carl, you don't have a choice.

490
00:22:37,357 --> 00:22:41,027
Our house could be a shack
cantilevered over hell's septic

491
00:22:41,110 --> 00:22:42,528
tank, and it wouldn't matter.

492
00:22:42,612 --> 00:22:44,447
You either move into our house,
or you're back on the street

493
00:22:44,530 --> 00:22:46,324
because you cannot stay here.

494
00:22:47,367 --> 00:22:51,120
I guess I could
just get my 25 grand back

495
00:22:51,204 --> 00:22:52,705
and find another place.

496
00:22:59,420 --> 00:23:01,005
You know what?

497
00:23:01,089 --> 00:23:02,465
Fine with me.

498
00:23:02,548 --> 00:23:05,343
Because I'm not even sure
that I want you in my house,

499
00:23:05,426 --> 00:23:09,013
sleeping in our bed,
inside our sheets,

500
00:23:09,097 --> 00:23:11,682
where I sleep
naked all the time.

501
00:23:11,766 --> 00:23:12,683
Ugh.

502
00:23:12,767 --> 00:23:14,811
And what if he finds
our home videos?

503
00:23:14,894 --> 00:23:17,271
Didn't I tell you
not to film that?

504
00:23:17,355 --> 00:23:19,357
Maybe I can make this work.

505
00:23:19,440 --> 00:23:21,818
Let me run something by you.

506
00:23:21,901 --> 00:23:24,654
The Swedish Duxiana mattress.

507
00:23:24,737 --> 00:23:27,657
I haven't been able to
sleep one night in it.

508
00:23:27,740 --> 00:23:31,577
I'm not really interested in
mattresses normally, but this is

509
00:23:31,661 --> 00:23:36,624
my one time for this mattress,
and I'm not even a mattress guy.

510
00:23:36,707 --> 00:23:38,000
- You want the mattress, Carl?
- Yeah.

511
00:23:38,084 --> 00:23:39,585
Are you out of
your fucking mind?

512
00:23:39,669 --> 00:23:40,962
You're not getting the mattress.

513
00:23:41,045 --> 00:23:42,713
Have you ever had
your head examined?

514
00:23:42,797 --> 00:23:44,424
What's in there, pop tarts?

515
00:23:44,507 --> 00:23:48,511
"I'm not even a mattress guy."
Jesus H Christ, Carl, you are

516
00:23:48,594 --> 00:23:49,679
not getting the
fucking mattress.

517
00:23:49,762 --> 00:23:50,805
♪♪

518
00:23:50,888 --> 00:23:53,015
[Carl] Why are we going
through the backyard?

519
00:23:53,099 --> 00:23:54,767
Why is the sky blue?

520
00:23:54,851 --> 00:23:58,646
Cause sunlight is refracted by
dust particles in the air and

521
00:23:58,729 --> 00:24:01,399
blue is the dominant
colour of the spectrum?

522
00:24:01,482 --> 00:24:05,236
Did you learn that in the 5th
grade, or from a 5th grader?

523
00:24:05,319 --> 00:24:06,612
[Carl] Ouch.

524
00:24:09,073 --> 00:24:11,492
[Nancy] Baby, only you would
think of turning Nigel's pool

525
00:24:11,576 --> 00:24:13,870
into our own private drive-in.

526
00:24:13,953 --> 00:24:16,080
[Frank]
Maybe I'm losing my mind.

527
00:24:16,164 --> 00:24:17,874
[simultaneously] Awww.

528
00:24:17,957 --> 00:24:19,375
[Nancy] Look at her.

529
00:24:19,459 --> 00:24:22,253
That was Rachel's
5th grade play.

530
00:24:22,336 --> 00:24:24,839
She was so good.
Rachel was the best thing in it.

531
00:24:24,922 --> 00:24:27,175
I'm being objective.
I mean, compared to Rachel,

532
00:24:27,258 --> 00:24:29,177
the rest of these
kids were all laughable.

533
00:24:29,260 --> 00:24:32,930
Their screechy voices
so hard on the ears.

534
00:24:34,348 --> 00:24:36,434
[Nancy] Ah, and there it is.

535
00:24:36,517 --> 00:24:40,813
Janice's grand
unforgettable party.

536
00:24:40,897 --> 00:24:44,484
Your sister only threw that
party to prove how rich she is.

537
00:24:44,567 --> 00:24:48,404
You know, I was in a
98 cents store today.

538
00:24:48,488 --> 00:24:49,947
[sighs]
I bet you anything

539
00:24:50,031 --> 00:24:53,284
that Janice would never
set foot in one of those.

540
00:24:53,367 --> 00:24:55,870
That's only because
she married Dan, not because

541
00:24:55,953 --> 00:24:58,539
she's any smarter than you.

542
00:24:58,623 --> 00:25:01,125
Do you remember when
we went together?

543
00:25:01,209 --> 00:25:04,212
You were craving Baby Ruths.

544
00:25:04,295 --> 00:25:06,255
I just had to have
that Baby Ruth.

545
00:25:06,339 --> 00:25:09,759
On a hunch we bought that
pregnancy test and eight months

546
00:25:09,842 --> 00:25:14,263
later, along came
our little Rachel.

547
00:25:14,764 --> 00:25:16,265
To Baby Ruths.

548
00:25:16,349 --> 00:25:18,017
To Baby Ruths.

549
00:25:18,100 --> 00:25:19,936
[cheesy ringtone]

550
00:25:23,022 --> 00:25:25,233
[fake English accent]
Hello?

551
00:25:25,942 --> 00:25:27,735
Mr. Teagarten's not at home.

552
00:25:27,818 --> 00:25:29,278
I'm sorry?

553
00:25:29,362 --> 00:25:30,780
He owes you money?

554
00:25:32,114 --> 00:25:35,618
Well, I'm his butler, not his
accountant, you fucking arse.

555
00:25:35,701 --> 00:25:36,744
[Mastercard agent yelling]

556
00:25:36,827 --> 00:25:37,745
[clicks off]

557
00:25:37,828 --> 00:25:38,955
[clears throat]

558
00:25:39,539 --> 00:25:41,165
That was Mastercard.

559
00:25:41,249 --> 00:25:44,335
Frank, why don't we
sell our funeral plots?

560
00:25:44,418 --> 00:25:48,005
We can get what, 2,000
dollars at least, right?

561
00:25:48,089 --> 00:25:49,799
Shit, baby, I'm sorry.

562
00:25:49,882 --> 00:25:51,717
School wanted a dorm deposit.

563
00:25:52,552 --> 00:25:53,803
Well, how lovely.

564
00:25:53,886 --> 00:25:56,722
I actually have to pee
really badly right now,

565
00:25:56,806 --> 00:25:58,933
and I would normally do it
right here in the pool,

566
00:25:59,016 --> 00:26:01,143
but I don't want to make our
problems any worse.

567
00:26:06,357 --> 00:26:08,317
[doorbell rings]

568
00:26:09,402 --> 00:26:10,945
Is that you, Carl?

569
00:26:13,864 --> 00:26:15,575
[Masked man] What's up, pervert?

570
00:26:15,658 --> 00:26:17,201
[Karl, muffled] What the
hell is going on here?

571
00:26:17,285 --> 00:26:20,246
[heavy punches]
Nancy, Nancy, call 911!

572
00:26:20,329 --> 00:26:21,664
Who you talking to?

573
00:26:21,747 --> 00:26:23,249
Nobody.

574
00:26:23,332 --> 00:26:24,542
There's nobody else here.

575
00:26:24,625 --> 00:26:25,710
[heavy punch]

576
00:26:31,424 --> 00:26:32,800
Oh my god.

577
00:26:34,927 --> 00:26:38,306
[Nancy] Run, run, ISIS has come!

578
00:26:39,265 --> 00:26:40,933
I am neutral!

579
00:26:41,350 --> 00:26:43,269
Put me down! Put me down!

580
00:26:48,858 --> 00:26:50,401
[engine revs]

581
00:26:52,194 --> 00:26:55,448
[tense music]

582
00:27:02,830 --> 00:27:04,040
[gun cocks]

583
00:27:05,458 --> 00:27:07,752
You know what this bitch was
doing when I grabbed her?

584
00:27:07,835 --> 00:27:10,671
Staring at a little
girl in a leotard.

585
00:27:10,755 --> 00:27:12,423
[muffled] That was my daughter.

586
00:27:12,506 --> 00:27:14,759
The law won't protect our
community from deviants

587
00:27:14,842 --> 00:27:15,968
like you.

588
00:27:16,052 --> 00:27:17,219
We will.

589
00:27:19,013 --> 00:27:23,267
So if we see you anywhere
near 112 Blue Jay...

590
00:27:24,685 --> 00:27:26,646
[shotgun fire]
[muffled screaming]

591
00:27:26,729 --> 00:27:28,606
[crows cawing]

592
00:27:32,485 --> 00:27:34,737
[Nancy] We just escaped death.

593
00:27:35,946 --> 00:27:37,990
They thought you were Carl,
because Carl gave out

594
00:27:38,074 --> 00:27:39,200
Nigel's address.

595
00:27:39,283 --> 00:27:41,077
[Frank yells] They thought
I was Carl because he gave

596
00:27:41,160 --> 00:27:42,244
out Nigel's address.

597
00:27:42,328 --> 00:27:44,664
That's what I just said,
why are you screaming?

598
00:27:44,747 --> 00:27:46,123
[yells] The gunshots.

599
00:27:46,207 --> 00:27:47,792
My ears are, you know.

600
00:27:49,543 --> 00:27:52,213
You know how you know when
your life is out of control?

601
00:27:53,631 --> 00:27:55,716
When there's a ringing in your
ears and you don't know if it's

602
00:27:55,800 --> 00:27:59,595
a creditor calling or a
kidnapper has fired a shotgun

603
00:27:59,679 --> 00:28:02,390
six inches from your head.
[loud truck horn]

604
00:28:06,018 --> 00:28:08,479
Is that
Spanx over tights?

605
00:28:08,562 --> 00:28:11,065
Yes, I'm double Spanking.

606
00:28:11,148 --> 00:28:13,734
Do you have to scream
it to the world?

607
00:28:15,152 --> 00:28:17,279
Cause right about now, I'd like
to have a pair of really tight

608
00:28:17,363 --> 00:28:20,449
Spanx around my fucking neck.

609
00:28:21,617 --> 00:28:23,494
[Nancy] No, Janice
would never understand.

610
00:28:23,577 --> 00:28:25,287
But she's your sister.

611
00:28:25,371 --> 00:28:27,373
She will ask too many questions.

612
00:28:27,998 --> 00:28:29,792
Our car broke down.

613
00:28:29,875 --> 00:28:31,085
Right.

614
00:28:31,168 --> 00:28:34,672
And I'm barefoot because
we have the Flintstone's car,

615
00:28:34,755 --> 00:28:37,133
and I peddled it like Wilma.

616
00:28:40,219 --> 00:28:41,971
What's your guess
on his net worth?

617
00:28:42,054 --> 00:28:43,347
I'd say at least
a hundred million.

618
00:28:43,431 --> 00:28:45,141
It's as high as two
hundred million.

619
00:28:45,224 --> 00:28:46,183
No, that's too high.

620
00:28:46,267 --> 00:28:48,018
At least a hundred million.

621
00:28:48,102 --> 00:28:49,812
He's definitely well fed.

622
00:28:49,895 --> 00:28:50,938
Please, let's go.

623
00:28:51,021 --> 00:28:53,482
She'll never buy our bullshit.

624
00:28:53,566 --> 00:28:56,694
And you can't tell her, or
anybody else for that matter.

625
00:28:56,777 --> 00:28:59,447
That's how this falling
from grace thing works.

626
00:28:59,530 --> 00:29:02,700
People find out, they look
away, they avert their eyes.

627
00:29:03,159 --> 00:29:04,827
Especially our friends.

628
00:29:04,910 --> 00:29:07,163
Are they really
our friends, then?

629
00:29:07,246 --> 00:29:09,415
Nancy, I'm too tired to have a
deep conversation right now.

630
00:29:11,876 --> 00:29:13,043
But no.

631
00:29:14,170 --> 00:29:16,714
No, Frank. Why are
you forcing me to do this?

632
00:29:16,797 --> 00:29:19,175
I cannot take this
shit right now.

633
00:29:19,258 --> 00:29:21,260
I'm going to get
an anxiety attack.

634
00:29:21,343 --> 00:29:22,678
Not Betty.

635
00:29:22,762 --> 00:29:25,681
Okay, I understand you didn't
want to stay at Janice's,

636
00:29:25,765 --> 00:29:27,349
but now you don't want to stay
at this sister's house?

637
00:29:27,433 --> 00:29:28,768
but we have nowhere to go.

638
00:29:28,851 --> 00:29:31,103
Carl's in our house, we can't go
back to Nigel's because those

639
00:29:31,187 --> 00:29:33,939
psychos said they'd kill us,
we don't have any credit cards,

640
00:29:34,023 --> 00:29:36,150
you're barefoot,
and I feel like hell.

641
00:29:36,233 --> 00:29:37,401
Of course you do.

642
00:29:37,485 --> 00:29:40,362
Cause we're almost there.
That is hell.

643
00:29:40,446 --> 00:29:43,199
It's like we're in Kansas,
and we're about to get sucked

644
00:29:43,282 --> 00:29:47,453
into a tornado and
drop into an inferno

645
00:29:47,536 --> 00:29:50,331
where Oompa-Loompa's on
speed are the gatekeepers.

646
00:29:50,414 --> 00:29:53,000
[Frank] Baby, I'm going to need
some time to sort through all

647
00:29:53,083 --> 00:29:56,170
those analogies.
Besides, it's not that bad.

648
00:29:56,253 --> 00:29:57,713
Just smile a lot.

649
00:29:57,797 --> 00:29:59,465
See? Smile.

650
00:29:59,548 --> 00:30:00,508
Like this.

651
00:30:00,591 --> 00:30:02,301
Let's see how long that lasts.

652
00:30:02,384 --> 00:30:04,094
[doorbell rings]

653
00:30:07,765 --> 00:30:09,099
Hi Tristan.

654
00:30:09,183 --> 00:30:09,892
Hi Tristan.

655
00:30:09,975 --> 00:30:11,477
[Tristan] Why is she barefoot?

656
00:30:11,560 --> 00:30:14,230
Uh, Tai Chi.
It's very relaxing.

657
00:30:14,313 --> 00:30:15,564
Uh, can we come in?

658
00:30:15,648 --> 00:30:17,608
I guess you could come in.

659
00:30:18,651 --> 00:30:21,278
Dad, Uncle Frank and
Aunt Nancy are here.

660
00:30:21,362 --> 00:30:23,155
[Frank] That's a really
cool walkie-talkie.

661
00:30:23,239 --> 00:30:26,158
Yeah, well not to me.
My fucking dad won't spring

662
00:30:26,242 --> 00:30:28,994
for the Ace 10s,
which are way more badass.

663
00:30:29,078 --> 00:30:30,496
Hmm.

664
00:30:30,579 --> 00:30:32,623
Navy Seals use Ace 10s, they
also use cool martial arts like

665
00:30:32,706 --> 00:30:34,333
Krav Maga and cool
shit like that.

666
00:30:34,416 --> 00:30:37,127
Tai Chi's for homos, but
you probably knew that.

667
00:30:37,211 --> 00:30:38,838
Smile, Frank.

668
00:30:39,463 --> 00:30:41,006
Oh, hi Trey.

669
00:30:41,090 --> 00:30:42,132
[Trey] I wish.

670
00:30:42,216 --> 00:30:45,594
My walkie talkie is
dead as a used dick.

671
00:30:45,678 --> 00:30:47,096
You have any 9-volt batteries?

672
00:30:47,179 --> 00:30:48,597
- Me?
- Can I search you?

673
00:30:48,681 --> 00:30:49,682
- What?
- Nothing.

674
00:30:49,765 --> 00:30:52,434
Dad, for god sakes, what
is this, a Becket play?

675
00:30:52,518 --> 00:30:53,894
When did this turn
into Waiting for Godot?

676
00:30:53,978 --> 00:30:56,438
That is quite a reference
for a young lad.

677
00:30:56,522 --> 00:30:58,524
Yeah.
I'm Vladimir and he's Estrago.

678
00:30:58,607 --> 00:31:00,484
- It's Estragon.
- Bullshit.

679
00:31:00,568 --> 00:31:03,612
Dad, chop-chop,
the small talk is getting a

680
00:31:03,696 --> 00:31:04,864
little thin out here.

681
00:31:04,947 --> 00:31:06,824
[Bob] All right, I'm coming,
I'm coming, don't get

682
00:31:06,907 --> 00:31:07,867
your panties in a wad.

683
00:31:07,950 --> 00:31:09,952
All hail Lord Douchington.

684
00:31:10,035 --> 00:31:11,036
Hi, Bob.

685
00:31:11,120 --> 00:31:12,955
Hey, you made it.
How's the trip?

686
00:31:13,038 --> 00:31:14,373
Found everything okay?

687
00:31:14,456 --> 00:31:15,165
[Trey] Douche.

688
00:31:15,249 --> 00:31:17,543
Hey, that's TV for a week, pal.

689
00:31:17,626 --> 00:31:19,044
Señor Douche.

690
00:31:19,128 --> 00:31:20,212
Yup.

691
00:31:21,422 --> 00:31:22,506
[furiously] God.

692
00:31:22,590 --> 00:31:23,841
Delightful.

693
00:31:23,924 --> 00:31:25,843
Hey, so Nance, how
come you're barefoot?

694
00:31:25,926 --> 00:31:27,511
You ain't going
hippie on me, are ya?

695
00:31:27,595 --> 00:31:28,596
[laughs weakly] Yeah.

696
00:31:28,679 --> 00:31:31,724
I'm like Wilma Flintstone.

697
00:31:32,516 --> 00:31:34,018
Fred was the one who drove.

698
00:31:34,101 --> 00:31:35,644
Wilma just rode shotgun.

699
00:31:35,728 --> 00:31:37,313
She drove sometimes.

700
00:31:37,396 --> 00:31:40,024
So, uh, they're termite
tending your house? What?

701
00:31:40,107 --> 00:31:42,318
Well yeah, we tried to sleep
in the den, but there were all

702
00:31:42,401 --> 00:31:45,321
these fumes, and then it was
like we were back in the 60s.

703
00:31:45,404 --> 00:31:46,614
[laughs]

704
00:31:46,697 --> 00:31:48,657
Well, I wouldn't know.
I'm way younger than you are.

705
00:31:48,741 --> 00:31:50,492
Hey, but I do know
the tending game.

706
00:31:50,576 --> 00:31:52,161
We got spiders.

707
00:31:52,244 --> 00:31:54,997
When those spider eggs pop,
those little spiders come out,

708
00:31:55,080 --> 00:31:56,582
they start biting
everything like crazy.

709
00:31:56,665 --> 00:31:58,417
Smile, Frank.

710
00:31:58,500 --> 00:31:59,418
Heh.

711
00:31:59,501 --> 00:32:01,879
Oh, yeah.
Do I sound defensive?

712
00:32:01,962 --> 00:32:02,838
[Frank] No.

713
00:32:02,922 --> 00:32:03,923
Is Betty coming down?

714
00:32:04,006 --> 00:32:05,507
[Bob] I was telling
Frank on the phone,

715
00:32:05,591 --> 00:32:07,301
she's laid up with diarrhea.

716
00:32:07,384 --> 00:32:09,720
Accidentally made a
sandwich out of cat food.

717
00:32:09,803 --> 00:32:12,097
Well, don't worry about us.
We had dinner already.

718
00:32:12,181 --> 00:32:13,933
I think I'm gonna go
see how she's doing.

719
00:32:14,016 --> 00:32:14,850
Hey, hey, hey.

720
00:32:14,934 --> 00:32:16,894
You don't wanna go
up there right now.

721
00:32:16,977 --> 00:32:20,522
She's on the throne, blowing
brown, if you catch my drift.

722
00:32:20,606 --> 00:32:21,815
I caught it, yup.

723
00:32:21,899 --> 00:32:23,734
Hey, but like I said,
you two are welcome to

724
00:32:23,817 --> 00:32:24,860
bunk in the twins' room.

725
00:32:24,944 --> 00:32:27,696
[Tristan on radio]
Our room? Why not your room?

726
00:32:27,780 --> 00:32:30,741
Because you two can sleep
on the couch tonight. Over.

727
00:32:31,158 --> 00:32:33,994
Ever hear of a Motel 6? Over.

728
00:32:34,078 --> 00:32:35,204
Hilarious.

729
00:32:35,287 --> 00:32:37,414
[Bob] I'm just gonna
show you to the room,

730
00:32:37,498 --> 00:32:39,041
hopefully we won't get lost.

731
00:32:39,124 --> 00:32:41,043
[whispers] Let's do
this every month.

732
00:32:47,007 --> 00:32:48,133
Sorry, fellas.

733
00:32:48,550 --> 00:32:50,094
Sorry enough to go away?

734
00:32:50,177 --> 00:32:51,136
Wow.

735
00:32:51,220 --> 00:32:52,680
The bed is small.

736
00:32:52,763 --> 00:32:55,808
If you're gonna do any stuff on
it, just wash the sheets after.

737
00:32:57,059 --> 00:32:58,227
Will do.

738
00:32:58,310 --> 00:33:00,020
It's gross.

739
00:33:00,980 --> 00:33:02,314
Are we talking about
the same thing?

740
00:33:03,023 --> 00:33:03,816
I'm serious.

741
00:33:03,899 --> 00:33:04,692
I'm sure you are.

742
00:33:04,775 --> 00:33:05,609
Do we have a problem?

743
00:33:05,693 --> 00:33:07,987
I don't think so.
Are we done now?

744
00:33:08,070 --> 00:33:10,072
Yeah. I think we're done.

745
00:33:10,155 --> 00:33:12,950
Did you know that you can
hack into baby monitors?

746
00:33:13,033 --> 00:33:16,412
We're teaching our neighbour's
baby how to say the N-word.

747
00:33:16,495 --> 00:33:17,538
[gasps]

748
00:33:17,621 --> 00:33:19,206
Nancy, would you join
me outside for a second?

749
00:33:19,289 --> 00:33:20,290
Yeah.

750
00:33:20,374 --> 00:33:23,002
You understand now what
I was talking about?

751
00:33:23,085 --> 00:33:24,837
Except the Oompa-Loompa's
are not on speed,

752
00:33:24,920 --> 00:33:27,381
they are on angel dust.

753
00:33:27,464 --> 00:33:29,466
How did we get so
lucky with Rachel?

754
00:33:29,550 --> 00:33:32,052
We communicated with her
directly, not through some

755
00:33:32,136 --> 00:33:35,014
CB radio. Let's start
there and reverse engineer it.

756
00:33:37,558 --> 00:33:40,853
I was thinking, we rented
Nigel's house to Carl but we had

757
00:33:40,936 --> 00:33:43,022
to move him over to our house,
which means that Nigel's house

758
00:33:43,105 --> 00:33:44,064
is still empty.

759
00:33:44,148 --> 00:33:46,108
I say we rent Nigel's
house again...

760
00:33:46,191 --> 00:33:47,359
Frank!

761
00:33:47,443 --> 00:33:48,944
Only this time to somebody
who isn't a sex offender.

762
00:33:49,028 --> 00:33:53,073
Or, why don't we just handcuff
ourselves and walk straight into

763
00:33:53,157 --> 00:33:55,117
the police station, Frank?

764
00:33:55,200 --> 00:33:57,453
This place is filled
with spider webs.

765
00:33:57,536 --> 00:33:58,912
Well, as you can see,
they don't clean.

766
00:33:58,996 --> 00:34:01,331
The original Craigslist
ad is still on my phone.

767
00:34:01,415 --> 00:34:03,208
I say we post it again.

768
00:34:03,292 --> 00:34:05,294
Are you not listening
to me, Frank?

769
00:34:05,711 --> 00:34:09,131
Absolutely no fucking way.

770
00:34:09,214 --> 00:34:10,799
This is where we draw the line.

771
00:34:10,883 --> 00:34:13,010
Baby, I don't know what's on
the other side of that line,

772
00:34:13,093 --> 00:34:14,887
but I do know what's on
this side of that line,

773
00:34:14,970 --> 00:34:16,180
and it is bleak.

774
00:34:16,263 --> 00:34:18,140
Okay, here's the
original Craigslist ad.

775
00:34:18,223 --> 00:34:19,308
- Don't you dare.
- We delete some of

776
00:34:19,391 --> 00:34:20,976
the bad words, I think
you were drunk at the time.

777
00:34:21,060 --> 00:34:22,811
I was drunk at the time?

778
00:34:22,895 --> 00:34:26,190
And it is done.

779
00:34:26,273 --> 00:34:28,859
You just posted it again?
Aaaah, Frank!

780
00:34:28,942 --> 00:34:30,319
You just smoked a spider!

781
00:34:30,402 --> 00:34:31,862
[gags]

782
00:34:33,947 --> 00:34:35,491
Give me the Heimlich!

783
00:34:36,075 --> 00:34:37,451
[gagging]

784
00:34:39,286 --> 00:34:40,996
[baby cries]

785
00:34:41,080 --> 00:34:43,957
[Man] What the hell's going on?
You woke up my baby.

786
00:34:44,041 --> 00:34:46,085
[Bob] Frank, I get it,
you smoked a spider.

787
00:34:46,168 --> 00:34:47,878
But can you keep it down?

788
00:34:48,712 --> 00:34:50,672
[gags] Hit me in the back.

789
00:34:52,132 --> 00:34:54,051
[yelps] Not with the shovel!

790
00:34:55,594 --> 00:34:58,639
[Man] Natalie, tell your kids
to stay off my baby monitor.

791
00:34:58,722 --> 00:35:00,891
[Bob] It's your fault for
having a baby monitor.

792
00:35:00,974 --> 00:35:02,351
It's an attractive nuisance.

793
00:35:02,434 --> 00:35:04,186
[Nancy] There it is.

794
00:35:06,605 --> 00:35:09,358
[breathes heavily]
Frank, are you okay?

795
00:35:09,441 --> 00:35:11,276
Do you want another cigarette?

796
00:35:11,360 --> 00:35:13,737
- [groans]
- Are you all right baby?

797
00:35:13,821 --> 00:35:15,322
[groans]

798
00:35:20,160 --> 00:35:22,913
♪♪

799
00:35:35,342 --> 00:35:37,678
[fake cries]

800
00:35:39,138 --> 00:35:40,597
Dad, come quick.

801
00:35:40,681 --> 00:35:42,766
Why is Uncle Frank
doing this to me?

802
00:35:45,644 --> 00:35:46,645
Oh my god.

803
00:35:46,728 --> 00:35:47,896
Yes?

804
00:35:47,980 --> 00:35:49,064
Frank!

805
00:35:50,190 --> 00:35:51,316
My god.

806
00:35:51,400 --> 00:35:53,360
[Betty] What is going on?

807
00:35:53,443 --> 00:35:55,737
Nancy, are you naked?

808
00:35:55,821 --> 00:35:58,323
No, I'm not naked.
It's a shirt.

809
00:35:58,407 --> 00:36:00,367
[Betty] Tristan, what are those?

810
00:36:00,450 --> 00:36:03,162
It's Aunt Nancy's Spanx,
Uncle Frank made me wear them.

811
00:36:03,245 --> 00:36:04,538
Now stop this.

812
00:36:04,621 --> 00:36:06,456
Frank, how could
you, he's just a boy.

813
00:36:06,540 --> 00:36:07,916
[cries]
I'm so scared right now.

814
00:36:08,000 --> 00:36:09,501
Oh shit.

815
00:36:09,585 --> 00:36:10,544
Jesus Christ.

816
00:36:10,627 --> 00:36:12,087
Betty...

817
00:36:12,171 --> 00:36:14,506
[Tristan] She just stuck
her tongue out at me. [cries]

818
00:36:14,590 --> 00:36:17,384
Frank, downstairs, now.

819
00:36:22,181 --> 00:36:23,599
Who are you?

820
00:36:23,682 --> 00:36:26,727
♪♪

821
00:36:28,520 --> 00:36:29,771
[Nancy] You know what, Frank?

822
00:36:29,855 --> 00:36:32,774
It's not pleasant to be
mistaken for a sex offender,

823
00:36:32,858 --> 00:36:37,070
and molesting your nephew
in less than 24 hours.

824
00:36:38,155 --> 00:36:40,908
But right now, I feel
sorry for my sister.

825
00:36:40,991 --> 00:36:43,452
I am actually really
worried for her.

826
00:36:43,535 --> 00:36:45,454
As you should be.

827
00:36:45,537 --> 00:36:48,248
Pretty soon, some court
appointed therapist

828
00:36:48,332 --> 00:36:50,167
is going to be white
knuckling with those two kids.

829
00:36:51,585 --> 00:36:53,212
I see that your sister
calmed down enough to lend

830
00:36:53,295 --> 00:36:54,421
you her wig, huh?

831
00:36:54,504 --> 00:36:57,507
Uh, yeah, I don't know whose
wig is it, in that house.

832
00:36:57,591 --> 00:36:59,468
Well, it helps us hide
from the kidnappers.

833
00:37:00,886 --> 00:37:02,971
Hey, are you Wayne, the
guy that answered the ad?

834
00:37:03,055 --> 00:37:04,223
- [Wayne] Yeah, yeah.
- I'm Frank.

835
00:37:04,306 --> 00:37:06,350
What are you two, in the
witness protection program?

836
00:37:06,433 --> 00:37:08,477
No, we were just sunning
ourselves in the backyard.

837
00:37:08,560 --> 00:37:09,853
- Is that your truck, Wayne?
- Yeah.

838
00:37:09,937 --> 00:37:11,230
Oh that's fantastic.
Step inside and we'll

839
00:37:11,313 --> 00:37:12,773
just take a look at the house.
Okay?

840
00:37:16,235 --> 00:37:18,654
The ad said the house
comes furnished?

841
00:37:18,737 --> 00:37:21,198
Uh, yep. It only needs
a mattress. Long story.

842
00:37:21,281 --> 00:37:22,699
The previous tenant took it.

843
00:37:22,783 --> 00:37:23,700
Short story.

844
00:37:23,784 --> 00:37:26,203
Okay then.
I wrote you a cheque.

845
00:37:26,995 --> 00:37:27,996
You uh, that's it?

846
00:37:28,080 --> 00:37:29,331
You don't want to
have a look around?

847
00:37:29,414 --> 00:37:30,415
It's not to be an asshole.

848
00:37:30,499 --> 00:37:31,708
You want to rent
the place or not?

849
00:37:31,792 --> 00:37:33,335
I mean, I got shit
tons of stuff to do.

850
00:37:33,418 --> 00:37:35,462
Yes, uh, no, uh, sure.

851
00:37:35,545 --> 00:37:37,756
It's just that normally
there's a process.

852
00:37:37,839 --> 00:37:39,633
We learned the hard
way to ask questions.

853
00:37:39,716 --> 00:37:42,052
[crackling noise]
Did you hear that?

854
00:37:43,136 --> 00:37:44,388
What's that?

855
00:37:45,681 --> 00:37:46,723
Good lord.

856
00:37:46,807 --> 00:37:48,058
Oh, there's
something on my face.

857
00:37:48,141 --> 00:37:49,977
No, don't touch your face!
Don't panic.

858
00:37:50,060 --> 00:37:52,104
You're covered in spiders.

859
00:37:52,187 --> 00:37:53,605
Jesus, baby don't move.

860
00:37:53,689 --> 00:37:55,816
[screams]
[coughs dramatically]

861
00:37:55,899 --> 00:37:57,693
Agh, they're
crawling on my body.

862
00:37:57,776 --> 00:37:59,945
[screaming hysterically]
Get them, get them!

863
00:38:00,946 --> 00:38:03,407
They're biting me,
they're biting me!

864
00:38:03,490 --> 00:38:06,576
[screams] They're
biting me, get them out!

865
00:38:06,660 --> 00:38:08,328
[screams]

866
00:38:12,499 --> 00:38:14,710
Get them out!

867
00:38:15,711 --> 00:38:16,670
[groans]

868
00:38:18,588 --> 00:38:20,299
[screams in Spanish]

869
00:38:24,594 --> 00:38:26,346
[continues screaming
hysterically]

870
00:38:34,229 --> 00:38:36,064
Oh Frank,
what have I done?

871
00:38:36,148 --> 00:38:37,733
Tell my Rachel I love her.

872
00:38:37,816 --> 00:38:39,443
[Frank] You're not going to die,
you're not going to die.

873
00:38:39,526 --> 00:38:40,986
You hear me? Woah! Woah!

874
00:38:41,069 --> 00:38:43,405
Stop scratching yourself, don't
antagonize it, for god sake's.

875
00:38:43,989 --> 00:38:45,407
Nancy! You're gonna be fine,

876
00:38:45,490 --> 00:38:47,159
the doctors will
give you an ointment.

877
00:38:47,242 --> 00:38:48,702
Hold on, hold on.

878
00:38:48,785 --> 00:38:50,454
God I hate spiders, don't you?

879
00:38:50,537 --> 00:38:52,706
Wait, there's another one.
[honks] Woah!

880
00:38:52,789 --> 00:38:56,168
[Flamenco guitar]

881
00:39:06,803 --> 00:39:09,264
♪ Kickin' up a storm,
black clouds of grey ♪

882
00:39:09,348 --> 00:39:12,059
♪ Interstate 40's
backing up fast ♪

883
00:39:12,142 --> 00:39:14,978
♪ Look to the east,
no relief in sight ♪

884
00:39:15,062 --> 00:39:17,731
♪ Pull yourself together
cause I gather we might ♪

885
00:39:17,814 --> 00:39:21,693
♪ The river's gone wild,
the river's gone wild ♪

886
00:39:22,194 --> 00:39:23,945
[bustling city ambience]

887
00:39:31,870 --> 00:39:33,705
Oh. [laughs]

888
00:39:34,373 --> 00:39:35,832
Tyler, how are you?

889
00:39:35,916 --> 00:39:38,543
[Tyler laughs]
Uh, Frank, how are you?

890
00:39:38,627 --> 00:39:41,046
I'm on the right side of the
grass my man, what's the happs?

891
00:39:42,255 --> 00:39:45,008
No offence Frank, but
how did you get in here?

892
00:39:45,092 --> 00:39:47,010
This is a restricted
access garage.

893
00:39:48,095 --> 00:39:50,013
Well, I still have
my Jensen parking pass,

894
00:39:50,097 --> 00:39:53,058
and I have an interview
today up on 16 with Gretina.

895
00:39:54,476 --> 00:39:57,062
Gretina's not on
16 anymore, Frank.

896
00:39:57,145 --> 00:39:58,605
What floor are they on?

897
00:39:58,688 --> 00:40:00,107
They moved to Seattle.

898
00:40:01,650 --> 00:40:04,319
[laughs] Well, don't remind me,
cause I'm dying for a Starbucks,

899
00:40:04,403 --> 00:40:06,321
but the meeting is on Skype.

900
00:40:06,405 --> 00:40:08,990
I'm gonna Skype to uh, Seattle.

901
00:40:12,536 --> 00:40:13,495
Don't, don't.

902
00:40:13,578 --> 00:40:15,372
Don't Tyler, don't
give me that look.

903
00:40:15,455 --> 00:40:17,165
I know that look. Please.

904
00:40:18,625 --> 00:40:19,876
Everything's fine.

905
00:40:19,960 --> 00:40:21,211
Everything with us is okay.

906
00:40:21,294 --> 00:40:24,172
Honey, you remember Tyler
Rector from Jensen Med?

907
00:40:24,256 --> 00:40:25,298
Baby, can you hear me?

908
00:40:25,382 --> 00:40:27,217
[frantic mumbling]

909
00:40:34,099 --> 00:40:35,308
How can I help?

910
00:40:37,102 --> 00:40:40,605
[Frank] So that's the long and
short but the silver lining is

911
00:40:40,689 --> 00:40:42,190
that, at least for now,

912
00:40:42,274 --> 00:40:44,151
we don't have to worry
about Rachel's college.

913
00:40:44,234 --> 00:40:45,402
But, we're homeless.

914
00:40:47,279 --> 00:40:49,614
Wow, that's quite a story.

915
00:40:50,615 --> 00:40:53,076
So all this started
with one mistake?

916
00:40:53,160 --> 00:40:56,037
[Nancy] With a bunch of
smaller ones shooting off it.

917
00:40:56,121 --> 00:41:00,917
Kind of like when a spider egg
pops, and all these little

918
00:41:01,001 --> 00:41:05,130
spiders come and
bite you in the ass.

919
00:41:05,213 --> 00:41:07,090
Are you gonna eat that?

920
00:41:07,174 --> 00:41:08,842
No, please.

921
00:41:09,426 --> 00:41:10,760
Thank you.

922
00:41:11,678 --> 00:41:13,013
Listen, guys.

923
00:41:13,096 --> 00:41:14,514
I know someone.

924
00:41:14,598 --> 00:41:16,933
His name's Randall.
Let me give him a call.

925
00:41:17,017 --> 00:41:18,768
Frank, he might have
something for you.

926
00:41:18,852 --> 00:41:19,936
It'd be a start.

927
00:41:20,020 --> 00:41:21,730
[Frank] Tyler,
that would be great.

928
00:41:21,813 --> 00:41:24,107
And we also still
have Wayne's cheque.

929
00:41:24,191 --> 00:41:25,984
We can always cash that.

930
00:41:27,319 --> 00:41:30,405
Frank, if you cash that cheque,
then it's no longer one mistake.

931
00:41:30,489 --> 00:41:31,656
It becomes a pattern.

932
00:41:31,740 --> 00:41:34,451
Exactly. That's what
I've been trying to tell him.

933
00:41:34,534 --> 00:41:37,787
But Tyler, desperation
is a bitch.

934
00:41:37,871 --> 00:41:42,459
Thank you so much for everything
that you've done to help us.

935
00:41:42,542 --> 00:41:45,629
So, you guys have your
work cut out for you.

936
00:41:45,712 --> 00:41:49,382
Just remember, grass can
grow through concrete.

937
00:41:50,634 --> 00:41:54,054
Did he say your ass can
grow through concrete?

938
00:41:54,137 --> 00:41:58,725
No, no, the phrase is "grass
can grow through concrete."

939
00:41:59,809 --> 00:42:01,561
Could I give you that, please?
Do you mind if I...?

940
00:42:01,645 --> 00:42:03,021
Thank you.

941
00:42:03,104 --> 00:42:05,982
♪♪

942
00:42:07,859 --> 00:42:10,529
[Nancy] Nancy, you're
gonna be all right.

943
00:42:12,155 --> 00:42:13,907
[screams, squealing tires]

944
00:42:14,991 --> 00:42:16,451
Don't panic, Nancy.

945
00:42:16,993 --> 00:42:18,745
You're gonna take a hot bath.

946
00:42:18,828 --> 00:42:20,956
You're gonna get fresh clothes,

947
00:42:21,039 --> 00:42:22,832
you're gonna do your
hair and makeup.

948
00:42:22,916 --> 00:42:25,252
In three minutes
you'll be yourself.

949
00:42:25,335 --> 00:42:27,462
[tires squeal]
What the fuck?

950
00:42:28,838 --> 00:42:30,674
[Frank] Thank you for taking
this lunch, I know you're busy.

951
00:42:30,757 --> 00:42:31,967
[Randall] No, of course.

952
00:42:32,050 --> 00:42:33,552
Tyler called me, told me a
little about your background.

953
00:42:33,635 --> 00:42:36,054
Well, I hope he exaggerated
in all the right places.

954
00:42:36,137 --> 00:42:37,973
[laughs]
[cheesy ringtone]

955
00:42:38,056 --> 00:42:39,724
That's my wife, I'm sorry.

956
00:42:40,267 --> 00:42:41,017
Hi honey.

957
00:42:41,101 --> 00:42:42,936
Dammit Frank. We're cursed.

958
00:42:43,019 --> 00:42:45,981
I am at Nigel's house,
and everything is gone.

959
00:42:46,064 --> 00:42:50,151
They took my purse, my
phone, Nigel's furniture.

960
00:42:50,235 --> 00:42:54,322
That guy Wayne was all
wrong, and we knew it.

961
00:42:54,406 --> 00:42:57,492
Now fuck it, they
stole everything!

962
00:42:57,576 --> 00:42:59,244
I see, uh.

963
00:42:59,327 --> 00:43:00,704
That's uh, yes.

964
00:43:00,787 --> 00:43:02,122
That's great.

965
00:43:02,205 --> 00:43:04,833
Thanks for calling, and
we'll celebrate later, okay?

966
00:43:04,916 --> 00:43:06,459
I'll see you. Bye.

967
00:43:06,543 --> 00:43:07,794
No, no, don't hang up.

968
00:43:07,877 --> 00:43:08,712
You okay?

969
00:43:08,795 --> 00:43:10,005
Uh, yeah, it's all good.

970
00:43:10,088 --> 00:43:13,925
My wife just got an article
published in Omni magazine.

971
00:43:14,759 --> 00:43:15,802
Great.

972
00:43:15,885 --> 00:43:17,429
Omni must be feeling good too.

973
00:43:17,512 --> 00:43:18,972
Be back up and running.

974
00:43:19,055 --> 00:43:20,098
I'm sorry?

975
00:43:20,181 --> 00:43:22,517
They folded about
two decades ago.

976
00:43:23,727 --> 00:43:25,145
Wow.
[laughs]

977
00:43:25,228 --> 00:43:28,148
Man plans and God
laughs, right? I mean-

978
00:43:28,231 --> 00:43:30,150
Everybody's got a
plan until you get...

979
00:43:30,900 --> 00:43:32,277
punched in the face.

980
00:43:32,360 --> 00:43:33,445
Jesus.

981
00:43:33,528 --> 00:43:34,779
Sorry, Frank.

982
00:43:35,614 --> 00:43:36,740
I'm sorry.

983
00:43:36,823 --> 00:43:37,699
No, no.

984
00:43:37,782 --> 00:43:39,284
I'm Frank, you're...

985
00:43:39,367 --> 00:43:41,369
- Randall.
- Randall. Right.

986
00:43:41,453 --> 00:43:43,538
I'm sorry.
Can we start over again?

987
00:43:44,122 --> 00:43:44,998
Sure.

988
00:43:46,833 --> 00:43:48,543
Hi, I'm Frank.

989
00:43:49,044 --> 00:43:51,004
♪♪

990
00:44:10,148 --> 00:44:11,483
For God sake!

991
00:44:11,566 --> 00:44:14,277
Carl!
I just need to get a few things.

992
00:44:15,278 --> 00:44:16,279
[sighs]

993
00:44:30,418 --> 00:44:31,628
[dog door clatters]

994
00:44:37,801 --> 00:44:39,678
[struggling grunts]

995
00:44:49,062 --> 00:44:51,648
You come in my house, you
come in my house, you like that?

996
00:44:51,731 --> 00:44:52,816
You like that?

997
00:44:52,899 --> 00:44:54,693
[screaming]

998
00:44:58,571 --> 00:45:02,325
I'm sorry, my gosh,
did you change your hair?

999
00:45:02,409 --> 00:45:04,703
[clubby electronic music]

1000
00:45:06,246 --> 00:45:08,081
I'm so sorry about
the pepper spray,

1001
00:45:08,164 --> 00:45:09,582
I thought you were an intruder.

1002
00:45:09,666 --> 00:45:11,209
Not that you look
like an intruder.

1003
00:45:11,292 --> 00:45:13,878
I'm against profiling,
not that I necessarily would

1004
00:45:13,962 --> 00:45:17,966
want sushi from a redhead,
I prefer an Asian chap,

1005
00:45:18,049 --> 00:45:19,551
if you know what I mean.

1006
00:45:19,634 --> 00:45:21,177
Why didn't my key work?

1007
00:45:21,261 --> 00:45:23,138
I had the locks changed.

1008
00:45:23,680 --> 00:45:24,806
You what?

1009
00:45:24,889 --> 00:45:26,474
You can't change our locks.

1010
00:45:26,558 --> 00:45:27,517
Carl?

1011
00:45:27,600 --> 00:45:28,977
Oh, um...

1012
00:45:29,728 --> 00:45:31,438
This is not your house, Carl.

1013
00:45:31,521 --> 00:45:32,647
I, look...

1014
00:45:32,731 --> 00:45:34,649
What are you wearing?

1015
00:45:34,733 --> 00:45:36,234
What, this?

1016
00:45:36,317 --> 00:45:39,070
You know what, I uh,
I got you guys a key.

1017
00:45:39,154 --> 00:45:40,488
Um.

1018
00:45:40,572 --> 00:45:42,240
Uh, there you go.

1019
00:45:43,199 --> 00:45:44,117
What the?

1020
00:45:44,200 --> 00:45:46,327
The wood's so you
don't misplace it.

1021
00:45:46,411 --> 00:45:47,495
Carl.

1022
00:45:48,246 --> 00:45:50,123
This is not a gas station.

1023
00:45:50,206 --> 00:45:51,833
What is wrong with you?

1024
00:45:52,751 --> 00:45:53,877
Whatever.

1025
00:45:54,753 --> 00:45:57,046
I just need to get some
stuff from my closet.

1026
00:45:58,214 --> 00:45:59,966
Your closet?

1027
00:46:01,885 --> 00:46:03,178
Wha- what is this?

1028
00:46:03,261 --> 00:46:05,305
I mean, what is this?

1029
00:46:05,388 --> 00:46:06,848
Where's my stuff?

1030
00:46:06,931 --> 00:46:08,349
What have you done
with my closet?

1031
00:46:08,433 --> 00:46:10,226
I made it into a panic room.

1032
00:46:10,310 --> 00:46:12,103
You can't do that, Carl.

1033
00:46:12,187 --> 00:46:14,147
Remember, this is
not your house.

1034
00:46:14,230 --> 00:46:15,982
Did you ever see the
Jody Foster movie?

1035
00:46:16,065 --> 00:46:17,567
And please put a shirt on.

1036
00:46:18,443 --> 00:46:21,070
I, I've been really
nervous lately.

1037
00:46:21,154 --> 00:46:24,324
People have been ringing the
doorbell all day asking about

1038
00:46:24,407 --> 00:46:27,869
the yard sale and then I was
really scared when I saw the

1039
00:46:27,952 --> 00:46:31,206
video on the internet of
you and Frank being kidnapped

1040
00:46:31,289 --> 00:46:32,540
with a shotgun.

1041
00:46:32,624 --> 00:46:33,958
There's a video on the internet?

1042
00:46:34,042 --> 00:46:35,668
Nancy, you're the
best part of it.

1043
00:46:35,752 --> 00:46:37,128
You came across really real.

1044
00:46:37,212 --> 00:46:40,006
I was real, you dumb fuck.

1045
00:46:41,174 --> 00:46:44,093
[door beeps]
Uh, we're locked in.

1046
00:46:45,303 --> 00:46:48,556
Did you say
"catalytic converters?"

1047
00:46:50,183 --> 00:46:52,644
Frank, I know it's not a
sexy business, but catalytic

1048
00:46:52,727 --> 00:46:55,063
converters are like
mini treasure chests.

1049
00:46:55,146 --> 00:46:58,191
We snip them off the cars,
smelt em down and sell off the

1050
00:46:58,274 --> 00:46:59,400
expensive metals.

1051
00:46:59,484 --> 00:47:01,653
Palladium, rhodium, platinum.

1052
00:47:02,779 --> 00:47:04,447
Most cases, cat cons
are worth more than the

1053
00:47:04,531 --> 00:47:05,573
junk cars themselves.

1054
00:47:05,657 --> 00:47:06,991
[laughs]

1055
00:47:07,075 --> 00:47:10,161
You mean I would crawl
underneath the car,

1056
00:47:10,245 --> 00:47:13,456
and snip them?
That's the job?

1057
00:47:15,375 --> 00:47:17,210
Listen, Frank.
I'm gonna be honest.

1058
00:47:18,545 --> 00:47:21,047
I could use the extra hand but
I don't need the extra hand.

1059
00:47:22,340 --> 00:47:24,425
Tyler told me you needed a
leg up, this is what I got.

1060
00:47:25,552 --> 00:47:27,637
I'm really glad you're here.

1061
00:47:27,720 --> 00:47:29,222
Me gusta.

1062
00:47:29,305 --> 00:47:30,181
[shrieks]

1063
00:47:30,265 --> 00:47:33,643
Ugh, aw jeez. That was...

1064
00:47:33,726 --> 00:47:35,103
Ugh.

1065
00:47:35,186 --> 00:47:36,855
That was--

1066
00:47:36,938 --> 00:47:41,067
If you ever try anything like
that again, I am gonna kick your

1067
00:47:41,150 --> 00:47:44,696
ass up and down this panic
room like an air hockey puck.

1068
00:47:45,697 --> 00:47:47,031
Oh, okay.

1069
00:47:47,115 --> 00:47:48,032
[grimaces]

1070
00:47:48,116 --> 00:47:50,326
[laughs]

1071
00:47:50,410 --> 00:47:56,040
Thank you virgin, for making
Carl such a breathtaking moron.

1072
00:47:58,167 --> 00:48:01,588
You forgot about the
attic hatch, Einstein.

1073
00:48:03,423 --> 00:48:07,802
Hey, I'm sorry about
the misunderstanding.

1074
00:48:07,886 --> 00:48:10,221
I guess I misread your signals.

1075
00:48:10,305 --> 00:48:11,639
What signals?

1076
00:48:11,723 --> 00:48:14,267
God, your legs are so strong.

1077
00:48:14,350 --> 00:48:16,811
I guess it's from
running track, huh?

1078
00:48:16,895 --> 00:48:18,146
I saw your medals.

1079
00:48:18,229 --> 00:48:19,647
How did you find my medals?

1080
00:48:19,731 --> 00:48:21,107
They were hidden in the garage.

1081
00:48:21,190 --> 00:48:22,692
Yeah, way back there.

1082
00:48:22,775 --> 00:48:24,569
And you should really
hide them better.

1083
00:48:24,652 --> 00:48:26,905
You were the fastest on
the team, but what I don't

1084
00:48:26,988 --> 00:48:30,158
understand is, in the relay,
why did you run fourth?

1085
00:48:30,241 --> 00:48:32,160
Shouldn't the fastest
runner go first?

1086
00:48:32,243 --> 00:48:33,870
Maybe you weren't the fastest.

1087
00:48:33,953 --> 00:48:35,872
I was the fastest.

1088
00:48:35,955 --> 00:48:37,457
That's not the way it works.

1089
00:48:37,540 --> 00:48:39,626
When you're the fastest, you...

1090
00:48:39,709 --> 00:48:42,128
Oh, what am I doing,
why am I talking to you?

1091
00:48:42,211 --> 00:48:43,671
Please help me out.

1092
00:48:44,797 --> 00:48:46,799
The bottom line
is, I'm interested.

1093
00:48:46,883 --> 00:48:51,888
And I, I work hard, and I take
any job I do very seriously.

1094
00:48:52,889 --> 00:48:53,848
Okay.

1095
00:48:53,932 --> 00:48:56,017
Here comes the cold water.

1096
00:48:57,393 --> 00:48:59,646
We can only offer you about a
third of what you were making.

1097
00:48:59,729 --> 00:49:01,731
Tyler told me your
ballpark salary.

1098
00:49:01,814 --> 00:49:03,942
You did very, very well.

1099
00:49:04,025 --> 00:49:05,068
A third?

1100
00:49:06,277 --> 00:49:07,695
Listen, I wish it was different.

1101
00:49:07,779 --> 00:49:10,198
I used to make high-end five
figures over at Brent Talbot,

1102
00:49:10,281 --> 00:49:11,616
then the fan hit the shit.

1103
00:49:11,699 --> 00:49:14,535
Now, I got a sales staff of guys
longing for the days

1104
00:49:14,619 --> 00:49:17,830
of Hugo Boss suits and
paychecks with commas in 'em.

1105
00:49:19,082 --> 00:49:20,500
Frank, you think I like
crawling around in the dirt

1106
00:49:20,583 --> 00:49:22,043
snipping smoke sacks?

1107
00:49:23,252 --> 00:49:25,088
Shit, some days I look at one of
those cat cons and think

1108
00:49:25,171 --> 00:49:28,883
"I'll just wrap my lips
around it, take a deep breath,

1109
00:49:28,967 --> 00:49:30,802
go meet some dead relatives."

1110
00:49:30,885 --> 00:49:33,346
How old are you? 65?

1111
00:49:34,472 --> 00:49:35,473
66?

1112
00:49:36,140 --> 00:49:36,975
Anyways.

1113
00:49:37,058 --> 00:49:39,811
Guys your age
gotta adapt or die.

1114
00:49:40,561 --> 00:49:42,647
That's the new America.
Trust me.

1115
00:49:42,730 --> 00:49:44,482
I miss the old one, brother.

1116
00:49:46,359 --> 00:49:47,902
Uh, will you excuse me?

1117
00:49:47,986 --> 00:49:51,739
I'm fairly positive I
need to use the bathroom.

1118
00:49:53,408 --> 00:49:54,784
Get your hands off my ass.

1119
00:49:54,867 --> 00:49:55,743
You said push.

1120
00:49:55,827 --> 00:49:57,662
I said push, not fondle.

1121
00:49:57,745 --> 00:49:58,705
Watch the thumb.

1122
00:49:58,788 --> 00:50:01,082
Do you do squats?

1123
00:50:01,165 --> 00:50:02,709
It feels like you do squats.

1124
00:50:04,544 --> 00:50:06,170
[groans]
You made it.

1125
00:50:06,254 --> 00:50:07,755
Now, lift me up.

1126
00:50:08,256 --> 00:50:09,799
I get claustrophobic.

1127
00:50:09,882 --> 00:50:11,467
No, no.

1128
00:50:12,510 --> 00:50:14,345
First you have to
tell me what you did.

1129
00:50:14,429 --> 00:50:16,764
And no lies, no bullshit.

1130
00:50:16,848 --> 00:50:19,308
You have to tell me, or
I'll leave you there.

1131
00:50:19,392 --> 00:50:21,227
You'll rot.
And I'll just come

1132
00:50:21,310 --> 00:50:24,272
and sprinkle some lime
just to mask the smell.

1133
00:50:25,314 --> 00:50:26,315
I...

1134
00:50:26,399 --> 00:50:29,652
you might not understand.

1135
00:50:31,529 --> 00:50:32,447
True.

1136
00:50:32,530 --> 00:50:34,574
It's a roll of the dice.

1137
00:50:38,119 --> 00:50:39,662
[sighs]

1138
00:50:40,288 --> 00:50:42,415
I was swimming in the ocean,

1139
00:50:42,498 --> 00:50:44,959
I was in the water
for a couple hours.

1140
00:50:45,043 --> 00:50:46,377
I...

1141
00:50:46,461 --> 00:50:50,339
I had to pee,
I took off my shorts,

1142
00:50:50,423 --> 00:50:53,259
then I felt something
brush against my leg.

1143
00:50:53,342 --> 00:50:54,802
I knew it was a shark.

1144
00:50:54,886 --> 00:50:58,765
I knew in that moment, and I
know to this day it was a shark,

1145
00:50:58,848 --> 00:50:59,974
and...

1146
00:51:01,350 --> 00:51:04,854
I started swimming to
shore, trying not to panic.

1147
00:51:06,064 --> 00:51:09,525
I saw that there were
some kids swimming there.

1148
00:51:10,818 --> 00:51:15,364
So I was carrying three of
them, trudging and tripping

1149
00:51:15,448 --> 00:51:16,657
and yelling for help.

1150
00:51:16,741 --> 00:51:19,619
The kids were screaming, I
thought they had seen the shark.

1151
00:51:19,702 --> 00:51:22,288
They hadn't, they, um,

1152
00:51:23,498 --> 00:51:26,918
they were frightened
of me, a naked guy.

1153
00:51:28,669 --> 00:51:30,880
My life...
[laughs]

1154
00:51:30,963 --> 00:51:33,466
got pretty hard after that.

1155
00:51:35,760 --> 00:51:37,345
It's true, isn't it?

1156
00:51:39,430 --> 00:51:40,640
Yeah.

1157
00:51:42,183 --> 00:51:43,559
It is.

1158
00:51:44,560 --> 00:51:49,357
You say all these
crazy stupid things.

1159
00:51:49,440 --> 00:51:53,111
But when you suddenly say
something without bullshit,

1160
00:51:54,195 --> 00:51:56,322
Now I know it's true and good.

1161
00:51:56,405 --> 00:51:59,784
But just in case, I'm gonna
leave you there until after

1162
00:51:59,867 --> 00:52:00,660
I take my shower.

1163
00:52:00,743 --> 00:52:02,870
Oh, you know what,
there's some...

1164
00:52:02,954 --> 00:52:05,790
shampoo in my purse on
the kitchen counter.

1165
00:52:05,873 --> 00:52:08,584
Oh, I refilled your
birth control pills.

1166
00:52:08,668 --> 00:52:10,169
You were running low.

1167
00:52:10,253 --> 00:52:11,712
[disgusted] Ha!

1168
00:52:13,548 --> 00:52:14,757
[truck horn]

1169
00:52:14,841 --> 00:52:17,760
No, no, no, no... No!

1170
00:52:17,844 --> 00:52:18,928
No! No!

1171
00:52:24,433 --> 00:52:28,855
♪♪

1172
00:52:38,948 --> 00:52:41,617
[muffled screams]

1173
00:52:43,077 --> 00:52:45,163
[Man] All you perverts
out there watching,

1174
00:52:45,246 --> 00:52:47,081
this might happen to you.

1175
00:52:47,165 --> 00:52:49,292
[gunshots]

1176
00:52:49,375 --> 00:52:50,877
You might die!

1177
00:52:50,960 --> 00:52:52,211
What the?

1178
00:52:52,295 --> 00:52:54,255
[Daniel] Holy shit, it's him.
The guy from the video!

1179
00:52:54,338 --> 00:52:55,506
No, this is a mistake.

1180
00:52:55,590 --> 00:52:56,924
[gunshot] Die!

1181
00:52:57,008 --> 00:52:58,551
Dude, you're like the No. 1

1182
00:52:58,634 --> 00:53:00,178
trending pervert on
the internet right now.

1183
00:53:00,261 --> 00:53:02,346
My god, why is this happening?

1184
00:53:02,930 --> 00:53:05,975
♪♪

1185
00:53:10,354 --> 00:53:12,398
[tires screech]
[honking]

1186
00:53:15,484 --> 00:53:17,236
[screams]

1187
00:53:18,070 --> 00:53:19,155
Stop the truck, Wayne.

1188
00:53:19,238 --> 00:53:20,448
Shit, you again?

1189
00:53:20,531 --> 00:53:21,908
You have my furniture.

1190
00:53:21,991 --> 00:53:24,660
Oh, it's not yours, that house
wasn't yours, and the furniture

1191
00:53:24,744 --> 00:53:25,995
definitely wasn't yours.

1192
00:53:26,078 --> 00:53:27,830
Pull over, Wayne, I
need that furniture.

1193
00:53:27,914 --> 00:53:29,498
You know what you're gonna need?
You're going to need to

1194
00:53:29,582 --> 00:53:31,792
go to a fucking hospital,
that's what you're gonna need.

1195
00:53:31,876 --> 00:53:33,211
I'm gonna put you
in jail, Wayne.

1196
00:53:33,294 --> 00:53:35,463
Oh, you don't have the
balls to call the cops.

1197
00:53:35,546 --> 00:53:38,007
You suck at this crime stuff.

1198
00:53:38,090 --> 00:53:39,425
You know what I'm gonna do?

1199
00:53:39,508 --> 00:53:40,384
You ain't gonna do shit.

1200
00:53:40,468 --> 00:53:42,345
Wayne, I'm gonna
throw a rock at you.

1201
00:53:42,428 --> 00:53:43,679
I pitched in college.

1202
00:53:43,763 --> 00:53:46,349
You probably caught in college.
Dickhead.

1203
00:53:48,643 --> 00:53:49,727
Oh shit...

1204
00:53:49,810 --> 00:53:52,146
[yelps] Son of a bitch.

1205
00:53:54,106 --> 00:53:55,608
[honking]

1206
00:53:56,609 --> 00:53:57,652
[groans]

1207
00:53:57,735 --> 00:53:59,111
[man] Holy shit,
are you okay?

1208
00:53:59,195 --> 00:54:01,113
You hit a fucking pedestrian.

1209
00:54:01,197 --> 00:54:02,573
[bike bell chimes]

1210
00:54:03,783 --> 00:54:06,202
[50's saxophone music]

1211
00:54:06,786 --> 00:54:07,870
Sorry, Wayne.

1212
00:54:09,372 --> 00:54:11,791
Hey! Hey!

1213
00:54:12,166 --> 00:54:14,335
Get back here, you asshole!

1214
00:54:25,054 --> 00:54:26,889
What fresh hell is this?

1215
00:54:28,140 --> 00:54:29,267
Dios mio!

1216
00:54:29,350 --> 00:54:30,810
No, no, no, I didn't...

1217
00:54:31,310 --> 00:54:33,020
Ohm...

1218
00:54:40,278 --> 00:54:42,446
Ommmm.

1219
00:54:47,660 --> 00:54:50,079
[Frank] Shit, shit.
Now what?

1220
00:55:03,467 --> 00:55:05,052
- Frank!
- Shit!

1221
00:55:05,136 --> 00:55:06,470
Panic room! Car gone!

1222
00:55:06,554 --> 00:55:07,763
Keep walking, the cops.

1223
00:55:07,847 --> 00:55:09,265
Found Nigel's stuff,
don't look over.

1224
00:55:09,348 --> 00:55:10,766
It's in the back of the truck.
Don't look over.

1225
00:55:10,850 --> 00:55:11,934
[Cop] Excuse me.

1226
00:55:13,311 --> 00:55:15,688
Hi. Are you
Mr. Bathgate's neighbours?

1227
00:55:16,230 --> 00:55:17,565
[Frank] Yes, officer.

1228
00:55:17,648 --> 00:55:20,109
Yeah, we got a report of
a burglary at his house,

1229
00:55:20,192 --> 00:55:22,820
suspicious activity.
Have you seen anything?

1230
00:55:22,903 --> 00:55:25,531
A burglary?
What, at Nigel's house?

1231
00:55:26,490 --> 00:55:27,867
Good sweet Christ,

1232
00:55:27,950 --> 00:55:30,745
what is happening to our
sweet little neighbourhood?

1233
00:55:30,828 --> 00:55:32,830
Uh, are you okay sir?

1234
00:55:32,913 --> 00:55:34,206
No.

1235
00:55:34,290 --> 00:55:37,752
I'm devastated beyond reason.

1236
00:55:43,049 --> 00:55:44,300
Sweet Christ.

1237
00:55:45,343 --> 00:55:47,178
You know, I wasn't into that.

1238
00:55:47,261 --> 00:55:48,804
[Nancy] Never?

1239
00:55:49,347 --> 00:55:50,639
Not really.

1240
00:55:51,640 --> 00:55:53,351
Not even in a school
play or anything?

1241
00:55:53,434 --> 00:55:54,769
Yeah, I was never into drama.

1242
00:55:54,852 --> 00:55:57,396
I mean, sure, in the third
grade I played a teacup.

1243
00:55:57,480 --> 00:56:00,608
Why all the questions
about acting?

1244
00:56:00,691 --> 00:56:02,693
You think I came across as fake?

1245
00:56:02,777 --> 00:56:04,820
I think there's better acting
every time Larry King says

1246
00:56:04,904 --> 00:56:07,323
- "til death do us part."
- That's very funny.

1247
00:56:07,406 --> 00:56:09,033
You wanna hear something
else that's funny?

1248
00:56:09,116 --> 00:56:11,327
There's a video of us getting
kidnapped on YouTube.

1249
00:56:11,410 --> 00:56:12,703
I know.

1250
00:56:19,919 --> 00:56:22,630
You don't know how many times
I've fantasized about getting

1251
00:56:22,713 --> 00:56:26,258
rid of you for at least two
months, but now that I'm going

1252
00:56:26,342 --> 00:56:30,346
to yail, I'm going to be
devastated without you.

1253
00:56:31,180 --> 00:56:32,598
You're going back to college?

1254
00:56:32,681 --> 00:56:36,394
You know that when I say
"yail" I mean prison.

1255
00:56:36,477 --> 00:56:39,397
♪♪

1256
00:56:42,441 --> 00:56:46,445
Using his mother's house, and by
that I mean his mother's garage.

1257
00:56:47,863 --> 00:56:50,866
I'm sure Jason's home, rubbing
his mother's feet or something.

1258
00:56:50,950 --> 00:56:52,618
We know you're in there, Jason.

1259
00:56:57,748 --> 00:56:58,958
[Nancy] Hi.

1260
00:56:59,041 --> 00:57:02,169
Oh, hey, hi Mr. and
Mrs. Teagarten. Is that...

1261
00:57:02,253 --> 00:57:03,671
actually, I wasn't hiding.

1262
00:57:03,754 --> 00:57:04,964
Is everything okay?

1263
00:57:05,047 --> 00:57:06,132
Why wouldn't it be, Jason?

1264
00:57:06,215 --> 00:57:07,883
It's just that you've
never been to my house

1265
00:57:07,967 --> 00:57:10,511
before in like two years
and it's what, 10:00 PM?

1266
00:57:10,594 --> 00:57:13,389
Actually, it isn't
okay, and you can help.

1267
00:57:13,472 --> 00:57:15,182
Rachel's always saying
that you're some kind

1268
00:57:15,266 --> 00:57:16,392
of computer genius.

1269
00:57:16,475 --> 00:57:18,227
She says I'm a computer genius?

1270
00:57:18,310 --> 00:57:19,687
That's very sweet.

1271
00:57:19,770 --> 00:57:21,522
I'm sure it was like a
throwaway, like an aside,

1272
00:57:21,605 --> 00:57:22,731
you know, "he's
a computer genius"

1273
00:57:22,815 --> 00:57:24,108
you know, just like saying...

1274
00:57:24,191 --> 00:57:25,943
Oh, you know what, I bet it's
cause she knows it's on my dream

1275
00:57:26,026 --> 00:57:28,112
boards to become a computer
genius. I bet that's where that

1276
00:57:28,195 --> 00:57:29,905
came from. Did she actually
say that, like in an email,

1277
00:57:29,989 --> 00:57:31,157
or was it in
person to you just...

1278
00:57:31,240 --> 00:57:32,950
Jason!
This isn't about you!

1279
00:57:33,033 --> 00:57:35,619
We need your help with
a video of me and Nancy.

1280
00:57:37,746 --> 00:57:38,706
Okay.

1281
00:57:38,789 --> 00:57:43,085
So you want me to make
a video of you guys?

1282
00:57:44,378 --> 00:57:45,212
No.

1283
00:57:45,296 --> 00:57:46,630
Get your mind
out of the gutter!

1284
00:57:46,714 --> 00:57:48,716
Good lord Jason,
you take the cake.

1285
00:57:51,093 --> 00:57:53,471
It's so much more
fucked up than that.

1286
00:57:53,554 --> 00:57:55,764
[gunshots] Die!!

1287
00:57:55,848 --> 00:57:58,100
Look at this.
This is insane.

1288
00:57:58,184 --> 00:57:59,602
When did this happen?

1289
00:57:59,685 --> 00:58:01,604
It feels like in
another lifetime.

1290
00:58:01,687 --> 00:58:03,481
Yet also like Tuesday.

1291
00:58:03,564 --> 00:58:05,107
Okay, well, we have
to call the police.

1292
00:58:05,191 --> 00:58:06,442
No, no. No police.

1293
00:58:06,525 --> 00:58:08,486
It was a misunderstanding
but everything's okay now.

1294
00:58:08,569 --> 00:58:10,070
It was a hiccup.

1295
00:58:10,154 --> 00:58:12,198
A hiccup?
You being kidnapped?

1296
00:58:12,281 --> 00:58:14,492
A hiccup.
It was a hiccup. A hiccup.

1297
00:58:14,575 --> 00:58:16,827
You don't call 911 every time
you have the hiccups do you, no.

1298
00:58:16,911 --> 00:58:18,329
I mean, maybe you
do, but I don't.

1299
00:58:18,412 --> 00:58:19,747
Listen, Jason.

1300
00:58:19,830 --> 00:58:22,249
We don't want
Rachel to see this.

1301
00:58:22,333 --> 00:58:23,751
She would only worry.

1302
00:58:23,834 --> 00:58:26,545
That's why we must
take this down.

1303
00:58:26,629 --> 00:58:28,422
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Shouldn't be a problem.

1304
00:58:28,506 --> 00:58:30,216
Although, these guys
should be punished though,

1305
00:58:30,299 --> 00:58:33,052
cause they cannot do that.
Especially to you guys. I mean-

1306
00:58:33,135 --> 00:58:34,178
[Skype notification]

1307
00:58:35,387 --> 00:58:37,056
Oh my god, okay, that's actually
Rachel Skyping me right now.

1308
00:58:37,139 --> 00:58:38,098
We're not here.

1309
00:58:38,182 --> 00:58:39,308
She'll know there's
something wrong.

1310
00:58:39,391 --> 00:58:41,143
We would only be here with
you if we were desperate.

1311
00:58:41,227 --> 00:58:43,938
No, no, I want to see her
little face, even if it's for

1312
00:58:44,021 --> 00:58:47,066
just a second. We can hide,
she won't know we're here,

1313
00:58:47,149 --> 00:58:48,108
please, please, please.

1314
00:58:48,192 --> 00:58:48,943
All right, go ahead.

1315
00:58:49,026 --> 00:58:50,569
[Jason] Really? Okay.

1316
00:58:52,696 --> 00:58:54,240
Yo, hey Rach.
What's up?

1317
00:58:54,323 --> 00:58:55,950
I can only talk
for a few minutes.

1318
00:58:56,033 --> 00:59:00,120
Jessie is a great roommate, but
she's throwing her third party

1319
00:59:00,204 --> 00:59:01,622
in four days, and she's...

1320
00:59:03,040 --> 00:59:04,291
Jason?

1321
00:59:04,375 --> 00:59:05,709
Are you okay?

1322
00:59:05,793 --> 00:59:07,253
What? I'm fine.

1323
00:59:07,336 --> 00:59:09,255
That's... how about you?

1324
00:59:09,338 --> 00:59:11,882
[sighs] Well, actually,
I'm a little worried.

1325
00:59:11,966 --> 00:59:14,385
My mom called, and
I tried calling her back,

1326
00:59:14,468 --> 00:59:15,594
and she's not picking up.

1327
00:59:15,678 --> 00:59:18,138
[nervously] Oh, uh,
that's, you know.

1328
00:59:18,222 --> 00:59:21,058
It's her, cause her phone,
it's um, her phone is broken.

1329
00:59:21,141 --> 00:59:22,476
You saw her?

1330
00:59:22,560 --> 00:59:23,936
Yeah, they had a
yard sale yesterday.

1331
00:59:24,019 --> 00:59:25,437
A yard sale?

1332
00:59:25,521 --> 00:59:27,606
No, that's.. I'm sorry,
"yard sale," what's...

1333
00:59:27,690 --> 00:59:29,650
no, they were, cause they
were in the yard, so...

1334
00:59:29,733 --> 00:59:31,318
I ran into them cause
I took a shortcut.

1335
00:59:31,402 --> 00:59:35,030
Um, to, to go to work at
Staples, where I am the

1336
00:59:35,114 --> 00:59:36,323
assistant manager.

1337
00:59:36,407 --> 00:59:39,326
This is weird.
Mom always calls me right back.

1338
00:59:39,410 --> 00:59:40,536
This isn't like her.

1339
00:59:40,619 --> 00:59:45,082
Well, it could be 'cause
she's singing and dancing,

1340
00:59:45,165 --> 00:59:46,500
and also blowing someone.

1341
00:59:46,584 --> 00:59:48,586
Uh, her birthday. Isn't
it her birthday pretty soon?

1342
00:59:48,669 --> 00:59:51,255
Oh of course, poor mom.

1343
00:59:52,214 --> 00:59:55,676
Jason, I should surprise her.

1344
00:59:56,760 --> 00:59:58,721
I'll come home for her
birthday, she'll love that.

1345
00:59:58,804 --> 01:00:00,014
Yeah, yeah, they both would.

1346
01:00:00,097 --> 01:00:01,223
Yeah, they would both
love that for sure.

1347
01:00:01,307 --> 01:00:02,224
You should come on down.

1348
01:00:02,308 --> 01:00:03,559
I'll try dad, he'll love it.

1349
01:00:03,642 --> 01:00:06,103
I'll get tulips, tulips are her
favourite flowers, and I'll

1350
01:00:06,186 --> 01:00:08,856
invite all her sisters, and
everyone will be there...

1351
01:00:08,939 --> 01:00:11,900
[cheesy ringtone]

1352
01:00:14,820 --> 01:00:16,196
That's funny, you hear that?

1353
01:00:17,406 --> 01:00:19,533
It's my dad's ringtone.

1354
01:00:22,911 --> 01:00:24,413
Okay, you know what, Rachel?

1355
01:00:24,496 --> 01:00:25,956
I really gotta
tell you something.

1356
01:00:26,040 --> 01:00:27,082
Actually, your parents...

1357
01:00:27,166 --> 01:00:28,417
[heavy crash]

1358
01:00:29,627 --> 01:00:32,921
Jason, you really are a little
quisling, you know that?

1359
01:00:33,005 --> 01:00:35,382
Okay, he was from Norway.

1360
01:00:35,466 --> 01:00:38,093
[sighs] I felt terrible
lying to Rachel.

1361
01:00:38,177 --> 01:00:40,638
I understand, because you never
know when the lies are going to

1362
01:00:40,721 --> 01:00:44,224
stop and they just keep coming.
Pushing you out of the way,

1363
01:00:44,308 --> 01:00:47,186
taking over
your life completely.

1364
01:00:47,269 --> 01:00:50,230
[sighs]
What a beautiful street.

1365
01:00:50,314 --> 01:00:51,607
Do you have raccoons?

1366
01:00:51,690 --> 01:00:53,901
Yeah, sporadically. [laughs]

1367
01:00:53,984 --> 01:00:55,027
I love them.

1368
01:00:55,110 --> 01:00:56,320
Is that your guy's moving truck?

1369
01:00:56,403 --> 01:00:59,323
No. Well, yes, we're just
trying to sell a few things.

1370
01:00:59,406 --> 01:01:01,075
From the back of a truck?

1371
01:01:01,158 --> 01:01:03,369
Eh, we're trying to
finish off our yard sale.

1372
01:01:03,452 --> 01:01:05,788
For the truck and the computer,
using that, uh, Skype thing.

1373
01:01:05,871 --> 01:01:06,789
Anyhow.

1374
01:01:06,872 --> 01:01:08,290
You mean like a
virtual yard sale?

1375
01:01:08,374 --> 01:01:11,085
Wow, did you come up with
that idea, Mr. Teagarten?

1376
01:01:11,168 --> 01:01:12,378
What? Uh, yeah, sure.

1377
01:01:12,461 --> 01:01:13,462
Anyway, thanks for
your help and...

1378
01:01:13,545 --> 01:01:14,838
That's genius!
Do you see the potential?

1379
01:01:14,922 --> 01:01:16,757
Not one iota.
We gotta run now.

1380
01:01:16,840 --> 01:01:19,468
Wait, Mr. and Mrs. Teagarten,
I think there's something

1381
01:01:19,551 --> 01:01:20,469
I need to show you.

1382
01:01:20,552 --> 01:01:22,680
For the love of Christ,
Jason, what is it?

1383
01:01:23,639 --> 01:01:26,809
♪♪

1384
01:01:28,143 --> 01:01:30,479
[Jason] So the park was actually
built in the '50s, it kind of

1385
01:01:30,562 --> 01:01:34,233
fell on hard times, was vacant
for a while, so some friends

1386
01:01:34,316 --> 01:01:37,319
and I we pooled our money and
bought it, and we spent the

1387
01:01:37,403 --> 01:01:39,363
last two years
just fixing it up.

1388
01:01:39,446 --> 01:01:41,448
Jason, this is amazing.

1389
01:01:41,532 --> 01:01:42,741
Thank you.

1390
01:01:45,327 --> 01:01:46,787
This is what I
wanted to show you.

1391
01:01:46,870 --> 01:01:49,623
All of our trailer homes have a
storage space, because people

1392
01:01:49,707 --> 01:01:52,042
are downsizing from
like 3500 square feet.

1393
01:01:52,126 --> 01:01:55,003
These days I guess it's
like that everywhere.

1394
01:01:55,087 --> 01:01:57,464
So this is where your
virtual yard sale comes in.

1395
01:01:57,548 --> 01:02:01,510
You can upload streaming video
and people can browse it,

1396
01:02:01,593 --> 01:02:02,886
like in real time.

1397
01:02:02,970 --> 01:02:06,140
So you've got almost a live yard
sale, but you're bidding like

1398
01:02:06,223 --> 01:02:10,185
eBay online, so you call
it something like YardBay.

1399
01:02:11,645 --> 01:02:14,523
I'm sure you've thought all this
through, but I'd love to help,

1400
01:02:14,606 --> 01:02:16,275
I can computer
code it all for you.

1401
01:02:16,358 --> 01:02:18,902
[cheesy ringtone]

1402
01:02:19,403 --> 01:02:20,362
Hello?

1403
01:02:21,572 --> 01:02:22,698
[fake Japanese accent]
No, Mr. Teagarten no here.

1404
01:02:22,781 --> 01:02:24,366
Call back later.

1405
01:02:25,701 --> 01:02:28,579
He in the shower now, washing
his body with shampoo and honey.

1406
01:02:29,580 --> 01:02:31,206
He have a shingles.

1407
01:02:31,749 --> 01:02:33,000
[clears throat]

1408
01:02:34,543 --> 01:02:36,920
That was an old fraternity
buddy of mine, Clyde Drexler.

1409
01:02:37,755 --> 01:02:39,214
I mean, he's a fan
of Clyde Drexler.

1410
01:02:39,298 --> 01:02:39,923
Mm-hmm.

1411
01:02:40,007 --> 01:02:41,008
Trailblazers.

1412
01:02:41,091 --> 01:02:43,677
Um, anyway, uh, thanks
for the tour Jason.

1413
01:02:43,761 --> 01:02:45,846
This was impressive.
Mobile homes and crap.

1414
01:02:45,929 --> 01:02:48,307
I'm sorry, that
sounded patronizing.

1415
01:02:48,390 --> 01:02:50,350
Food for thought.

1416
01:02:50,434 --> 01:02:51,852
Thanks for your
help with the video.

1417
01:02:51,935 --> 01:02:53,145
Anytime.

1418
01:02:57,649 --> 01:02:59,318
[Frank] Boy,
Jason sure can talk.

1419
01:03:00,444 --> 01:03:01,737
Okay, I better call Randall
and tell him I'll take that

1420
01:03:01,820 --> 01:03:03,614
catalytic converter job.

1421
01:03:05,032 --> 01:03:07,409
[Nancy] Okay, I'm
gonna go get a Baby Ruth.

1422
01:03:08,994 --> 01:03:10,662
A Baby Ruth?

1423
01:03:17,503 --> 01:03:18,504
Shit.

1424
01:03:22,925 --> 01:03:24,009
Excuse me.

1425
01:03:24,635 --> 01:03:26,053
Hey, I'm sorry to bother ya.

1426
01:03:26,136 --> 01:03:29,014
Do you have any change, or
better yet, do you mind if I use

1427
01:03:29,097 --> 01:03:31,141
your cell phone, it's
kind of an emergency.

1428
01:03:31,225 --> 01:03:33,018
[Nancy] A Baby Ruth candy bar.

1429
01:03:33,101 --> 01:03:34,937
[Cashier] Oh, Baby Ruth.

1430
01:03:35,020 --> 01:03:36,772
I thought you said Zagnut.

1431
01:03:36,855 --> 01:03:38,023
Uh, do you have one?

1432
01:03:38,106 --> 01:03:39,566
Yeah, let me check in the back.

1433
01:03:39,650 --> 01:03:41,401
I'll take two if you have em.

1434
01:03:43,278 --> 01:03:44,196
Buddy, cool off.

1435
01:03:44,279 --> 01:03:46,406
I'm not trying to cause
any problems here.

1436
01:03:46,490 --> 01:03:49,910
You act like you got 50 kilos
back there or something.

1437
01:03:49,993 --> 01:03:52,579
Oh, by the way, how much are...
What? What?

1438
01:03:52,663 --> 01:03:55,082
Frank? Frank! Frank!

1439
01:03:57,084 --> 01:03:58,627
[door dings]

1440
01:04:03,048 --> 01:04:05,968
[Cashier] I found the
king size, is that okay?

1441
01:04:06,677 --> 01:04:09,304
[screams angrily]

1442
01:04:09,930 --> 01:04:12,683
Hello? King size okay?

1443
01:04:13,392 --> 01:04:14,434
[yells]

1444
01:04:14,518 --> 01:04:17,437
You try that
again, motherfucker?

1445
01:04:17,521 --> 01:04:19,273
[Shope] I'm gonna bust
your fucking head open.

1446
01:04:19,356 --> 01:04:20,941
[police sirens]

1447
01:04:23,068 --> 01:04:24,862
[Cop] Everybody put your
hands where I can see em!

1448
01:04:24,945 --> 01:04:25,988
On the ground!

1449
01:04:26,071 --> 01:04:27,698
Get on the ground now!

1450
01:04:27,781 --> 01:04:29,366
[dogs barking]

1451
01:04:30,659 --> 01:04:31,785
[helicopter thrumming]

1452
01:04:37,332 --> 01:04:38,667
[Cop] Jackpot.

1453
01:04:45,382 --> 01:04:47,301
Turns out it was 120 kilos.

1454
01:04:47,759 --> 01:04:50,012
[Cop] Teagarten.
Frank Teagarten.

1455
01:04:53,640 --> 01:04:55,267
FBI wants to talk to you.
Come on.

1456
01:04:55,350 --> 01:04:57,269
The FBI wants to talk to me?
Why?

1457
01:04:58,228 --> 01:04:59,605
They think you're good lookin'.
Come on.

1458
01:05:02,608 --> 01:05:03,567
Not you.

1459
01:05:14,453 --> 01:05:15,495
Are you okay?

1460
01:05:18,206 --> 01:05:20,500
It seems to me you're
as scared as I am.

1461
01:05:21,752 --> 01:05:23,545
[Shope]
I'm not scared for myself.

1462
01:05:26,340 --> 01:05:27,674
For my daughter.

1463
01:05:28,842 --> 01:05:30,218
We're done talkin'.

1464
01:05:36,183 --> 01:05:37,935
I have a daughter, too.

1465
01:05:39,061 --> 01:05:41,897
Our biggest fear in life
was to disappoint her.

1466
01:05:44,232 --> 01:05:48,278
I'm so ashamed and
worried, and...

1467
01:05:48,362 --> 01:05:50,572
Don't be bitching
to me about your rich life

1468
01:05:50,656 --> 01:05:52,407
and your spoiled brat daughter.

1469
01:05:52,491 --> 01:05:54,076
You know, you're gonna be out
of here in a minute,

1470
01:05:54,159 --> 01:05:55,827
and she'll have her mommy back.

1471
01:05:55,911 --> 01:05:59,373
But now thanks to you, I'm stuck
in here for god knows how long.

1472
01:05:59,456 --> 01:06:00,791
Yeah.

1473
01:06:00,874 --> 01:06:06,463
I will get out, but I will still
be a good-for-nothing fuckup.

1474
01:06:07,881 --> 01:06:10,717
And that might not mean a lot to
you, since it looks like you've

1475
01:06:10,801 --> 01:06:15,847
been a fuckup for a while, but
we only fucked up for one week.

1476
01:06:15,931 --> 01:06:20,602
One week, is all it took
for us to ruin her life.

1477
01:06:20,686 --> 01:06:24,231
She's only 19, and now she's...

1478
01:06:24,314 --> 01:06:25,399
Are you kidding me?

1479
01:06:25,482 --> 01:06:27,234
Your daughter's 19.

1480
01:06:27,317 --> 01:06:28,694
She's supposed to be
taking care of herself.

1481
01:06:29,528 --> 01:06:33,031
My Rose, she's only 7.

1482
01:06:34,491 --> 01:06:38,161
And now, she's all
alone in the world.

1483
01:06:38,996 --> 01:06:40,247
She's got nobody.

1484
01:06:41,248 --> 01:06:42,499
[sniffs]

1485
01:06:44,376 --> 01:06:48,630
Woman, you have no
idea what shame is.

1486
01:06:49,840 --> 01:06:51,216
Shit.

1487
01:06:51,299 --> 01:06:53,051
You win.

1488
01:06:54,720 --> 01:06:55,804
[police sirens]

1489
01:06:55,887 --> 01:06:57,305
[Milhouse] Hey, Frank.

1490
01:06:57,389 --> 01:06:59,266
I'm special agent Milhouse.

1491
01:06:59,349 --> 01:07:01,685
This is special agent Barnes.

1492
01:07:01,768 --> 01:07:02,936
[Barnes] Weird night, huh?

1493
01:07:03,020 --> 01:07:04,104
- Yeah.
- God.

1494
01:07:04,187 --> 01:07:07,190
120 kilos of Norteno Cocaine.

1495
01:07:07,274 --> 01:07:08,775
A hell of a bust.

1496
01:07:08,859 --> 01:07:09,943
Yeah.

1497
01:07:10,027 --> 01:07:12,988
You know that we had nothing
to do with this, right?

1498
01:07:13,071 --> 01:07:16,450
Oh, so you think that
we just send out our whole

1499
01:07:16,533 --> 01:07:18,326
field office just for fun.

1500
01:07:19,244 --> 01:07:20,454
This is what we know.

1501
01:07:20,537 --> 01:07:22,789
We've been tailing Chope for
three days, since he entered

1502
01:07:22,873 --> 01:07:24,207
the United States.

1503
01:07:24,291 --> 01:07:26,793
Next thing we know, the three
of you are in a Kwik-E-Mart

1504
01:07:26,877 --> 01:07:29,963
parking lot free for all, so I
think we've got a problem here,

1505
01:07:30,047 --> 01:07:31,381
don't you?

1506
01:07:31,465 --> 01:07:33,008
Frank, if you want to get out
of here tonight, you've got to

1507
01:07:33,091 --> 01:07:35,302
convince us you're not
some big rich drug lord.

1508
01:07:35,385 --> 01:07:36,845
Like, for real.

1509
01:07:36,928 --> 01:07:38,889
[cheesy cell phone ring]

1510
01:07:38,972 --> 01:07:41,391
[fake Japanese accent] Hello?
Mr. Teagarten no home, his phone

1511
01:07:41,475 --> 01:07:44,853
went through a snow blower,
and he chop his head right off.

1512
01:07:44,936 --> 01:07:48,148
[slow blues]

1513
01:07:50,275 --> 01:07:52,819
[Frank] I guess owing 300
bucks to Mastercard helped

1514
01:07:52,903 --> 01:07:55,947
convince them we aren't
Mr. and Mrs. El Chapo.

1515
01:07:56,031 --> 01:07:58,950
[Nancy] I can't help thinking
about that little girl.

1516
01:07:59,034 --> 01:08:00,410
Nancy, what are you gonna do?

1517
01:08:00,494 --> 01:08:03,371
Have her come live with us in
this fucking Perri Winkle truck?

1518
01:08:06,625 --> 01:08:08,126
God, this day sucked.

1519
01:08:10,087 --> 01:08:13,090
Carl, he found my medals.

1520
01:08:13,924 --> 01:08:14,966
How did he find them?

1521
01:08:15,050 --> 01:08:16,426
He's a sneaky motherfucker.

1522
01:08:16,510 --> 01:08:20,972
But those medals made me
remember that I used to win.

1523
01:08:22,099 --> 01:08:23,809
I used to have an edge.

1524
01:08:25,102 --> 01:08:28,355
This week, I've cried more
than I have ever cried before,

1525
01:08:29,564 --> 01:08:31,775
and for things that I
would have never cried about

1526
01:08:31,858 --> 01:08:33,318
in the old days.

1527
01:08:35,112 --> 01:08:39,199
It's like I've become
this person I don't know,

1528
01:08:39,282 --> 01:08:40,534
and I don't like.

1529
01:08:41,701 --> 01:08:42,911
Where is this headed?

1530
01:08:44,246 --> 01:08:45,413
[exhales]

1531
01:08:45,497 --> 01:08:47,290
We need to talk to Dan.

1532
01:08:47,374 --> 01:08:48,750
Why, and beg for money?

1533
01:08:48,834 --> 01:08:49,876
That's not getting
your edge back.

1534
01:08:49,960 --> 01:08:51,545
That's surrendering,
not winning.

1535
01:08:51,628 --> 01:08:54,214
Guys like Dan, they take
advantage of weakness.

1536
01:08:56,216 --> 01:08:57,717
I'll figure it out.

1537
01:08:59,469 --> 01:09:00,720
I think.

1538
01:09:02,347 --> 01:09:05,684
I bet Rachel used to take
one of those buses to school.

1539
01:09:06,977 --> 01:09:09,646
Long ago, back in the time
when she used to look up to me

1540
01:09:09,729 --> 01:09:11,398
like I was Superman.

1541
01:09:12,774 --> 01:09:14,234
[cries]

1542
01:09:14,317 --> 01:09:16,278
Oh, Frank.

1543
01:09:20,824 --> 01:09:22,367
[Bum 1] You crying?

1544
01:09:23,994 --> 01:09:26,830
[Bum 2] You were crying.
What a pussy.

1545
01:09:26,913 --> 01:09:28,206
No, I'm not crying.

1546
01:09:28,290 --> 01:09:31,418
But if I was, it's
because good god.

1547
01:09:31,501 --> 01:09:32,794
It's because the
two of you reek.

1548
01:09:32,878 --> 01:09:34,296
Fuck you.

1549
01:09:34,379 --> 01:09:36,381
Hey, you got 10 bucks?
For gas?

1550
01:09:36,464 --> 01:09:39,009
Wow, what timing you have, bum.

1551
01:09:39,092 --> 01:09:40,844
No, actually, we don't
have 10 bucks for gas.

1552
01:09:40,927 --> 01:09:42,304
[Bum 1] Liar.

1553
01:09:42,387 --> 01:09:44,097
That's some high-end furniture
you got there, rich asshole.

1554
01:09:44,181 --> 01:09:45,348
Rich?

1555
01:09:45,432 --> 01:09:47,809
You have completely misread
our situation, my man.

1556
01:09:47,893 --> 01:09:49,769
Oh, woah, woah.
I'm not your man.

1557
01:09:49,853 --> 01:09:51,855
He's not your man, fish face.

1558
01:09:51,938 --> 01:09:53,190
[laughs]

1559
01:09:53,273 --> 01:09:55,400
I don't think anybody's ever
called me fish face before.

1560
01:09:55,483 --> 01:09:56,860
Good.

1561
01:09:56,943 --> 01:09:58,778
[Bum 1] You believe this pile of
fish face, calling me "his man?"

1562
01:09:58,862 --> 01:10:01,781
I'm not your man, so fuck you.

1563
01:10:01,865 --> 01:10:04,951
No, no. It's, uh,
it's more like fuck you.

1564
01:10:05,035 --> 01:10:07,287
I'm sorry, you're not
understanding what we're saying.

1565
01:10:07,370 --> 01:10:08,622
Fuck you.

1566
01:10:08,705 --> 01:10:09,706
What's your name?

1567
01:10:09,789 --> 01:10:10,540
Will.

1568
01:10:10,624 --> 01:10:11,458
What's your name?

1569
01:10:11,541 --> 01:10:12,709
Colin.

1570
01:10:12,792 --> 01:10:14,628
Will, Collin.

1571
01:10:15,503 --> 01:10:16,796
Fuck you.

1572
01:10:18,256 --> 01:10:19,507
[Colin] Fish face.

1573
01:10:24,930 --> 01:10:26,014
[Nancy] So?

1574
01:10:26,097 --> 01:10:27,641
How long do we sit here for?

1575
01:10:27,724 --> 01:10:28,934
[Frank] I'm not sure.

1576
01:10:29,017 --> 01:10:29,809
[clunking]

1577
01:10:29,893 --> 01:10:32,145
Hey. What are
you doing out there?

1578
01:10:34,272 --> 01:10:35,607
So, what do we got here?

1579
01:10:36,608 --> 01:10:37,817
Where's the other bum?

1580
01:10:37,901 --> 01:10:38,818
Maui.

1581
01:10:38,902 --> 01:10:40,111
I could buy a couple of things.

1582
01:10:40,195 --> 01:10:42,113
Woah, woah, woah, you think
this is some kind of a store?

1583
01:10:42,197 --> 01:10:43,907
What else would
you be doing here?

1584
01:10:43,990 --> 01:10:46,409
Well, actually, it's kind
of a- an incredible story.

1585
01:10:46,493 --> 01:10:48,161
- Nancy!
- How much for the paint?

1586
01:10:48,245 --> 01:10:49,829
Spray paint, I'd
like to huff it.

1587
01:10:49,913 --> 01:10:51,122
[Frank] You want to huff it?

1588
01:10:51,206 --> 01:10:53,083
You want to huff the
can of spray paint?

1589
01:10:53,166 --> 01:10:55,377
You're like, the worst bum ever.

1590
01:10:55,460 --> 01:10:56,378
What is it, a pageant?

1591
01:10:56,461 --> 01:10:57,462
And you came in last.

1592
01:10:57,545 --> 01:10:58,838
Okay, five bucks.

1593
01:10:58,922 --> 01:11:01,258
Five bucks for a can of paint?

1594
01:11:01,341 --> 01:11:02,884
That's what I said.
Five bucks, yes or no.

1595
01:11:02,968 --> 01:11:04,552
There's a line
forming behind you.

1596
01:11:05,637 --> 01:11:07,681
[laughs] I made you
look, you fucking idiot.

1597
01:11:07,764 --> 01:11:08,807
Fuck off.

1598
01:11:08,890 --> 01:11:10,642
[liquid pouring]

1599
01:11:12,560 --> 01:11:14,354
Stop lookin at me.

1600
01:11:14,437 --> 01:11:15,981
Get away from the gas tank, bum.

1601
01:11:16,064 --> 01:11:17,399
Fuck you.

1602
01:11:17,482 --> 01:11:19,901
[explosion]
[screaming]

1603
01:11:20,277 --> 01:11:21,861
[screams]

1604
01:11:22,195 --> 01:11:23,196
Stop and drop.

1605
01:11:23,280 --> 01:11:26,032
[Will shrieks]
Why is this happening?

1606
01:11:26,116 --> 01:11:27,367
You're on fire!

1607
01:11:27,450 --> 01:11:29,160
Run, get the fire extinguisher!

1608
01:11:31,121 --> 01:11:33,581
You not gonna stop, man?
He's on fire!

1609
01:11:33,665 --> 01:11:35,834
I don't need this
shit in my life!

1610
01:11:35,917 --> 01:11:37,335
[screaming]

1611
01:11:42,132 --> 01:11:45,218
Oh yeah, lie
on me, get on me girl.

1612
01:11:45,302 --> 01:11:47,721
Oh yeah, grind me
out like a cigarette.

1613
01:11:48,555 --> 01:11:50,682
Yeah, let me return the favour.

1614
01:11:50,765 --> 01:11:52,142
I'm anything but a gentleman.

1615
01:11:52,225 --> 01:11:53,727
Are you okay...

1616
01:11:54,936 --> 01:11:56,229
That's my wife, bum.

1617
01:11:58,315 --> 01:11:59,482
[coughs]

1618
01:11:59,566 --> 01:12:01,276
She got on me, dude.

1619
01:12:02,777 --> 01:12:04,237
[coughs]

1620
01:12:04,321 --> 01:12:06,740
Bum, put those lamps back.

1621
01:12:08,116 --> 01:12:10,118
[Nancy] So,
that's the basic concept.

1622
01:12:10,201 --> 01:12:15,248
Mmm. Sounds like a good idea.
What, you're calling it YardBay?

1623
01:12:15,332 --> 01:12:16,041
YardBay.

1624
01:12:16,124 --> 01:12:18,043
Great name for a great idea.

1625
01:12:18,126 --> 01:12:19,377
Well, it's Frank's idea.

1626
01:12:19,461 --> 01:12:20,795
You hear that, bums?

1627
01:12:20,879 --> 01:12:22,672
The great idea was my idea.

1628
01:12:22,756 --> 01:12:25,216
A shovel swinging in your
face would be a good idea.

1629
01:12:25,300 --> 01:12:26,092
[laughs]

1630
01:12:26,176 --> 01:12:27,594
[laughing]

1631
01:12:27,677 --> 01:12:29,179
He already did that.

1632
01:12:29,262 --> 01:12:31,514
While smoking a spider.

1633
01:12:31,598 --> 01:12:33,016
[laughs]

1634
01:12:33,099 --> 01:12:35,393
Oh, I believe it,
cause he's a huge dumbass.

1635
01:12:35,477 --> 01:12:37,437
Look at his fat fish face.

1636
01:12:37,520 --> 01:12:38,271
[laughs]

1637
01:12:38,355 --> 01:12:41,441
Frank is a
banana split of shit.

1638
01:12:42,400 --> 01:12:43,693
I don't like that.

1639
01:12:43,777 --> 01:12:46,529
I hate to say it, but Frank
is right about one thing.

1640
01:12:47,197 --> 01:12:48,782
You got a good idea.

1641
01:12:48,865 --> 01:12:49,949
Okay?

1642
01:12:51,368 --> 01:12:53,370
But you gotta go in strong when
you're dealing with rich people.

1643
01:12:53,453 --> 01:12:54,996
Otherwise they'll prey on you.

1644
01:12:56,081 --> 01:12:59,167
I would know that, cause I used
to be one of those people.

1645
01:12:59,250 --> 01:13:00,210
[explosion]

1646
01:13:00,293 --> 01:13:03,338
[screams]
Put me out, fish face!

1647
01:13:03,421 --> 01:13:04,964
[screams]

1648
01:13:08,843 --> 01:13:11,179
All right,
I'm out, I'm out.

1649
01:13:11,262 --> 01:13:12,430
You okay?

1650
01:13:12,514 --> 01:13:13,181
Yeah.

1651
01:13:13,264 --> 01:13:14,057
What happened?

1652
01:13:14,140 --> 01:13:15,308
Cigarette.

1653
01:13:15,392 --> 01:13:17,394
Ah, yeah.
Same thing happened to me.

1654
01:13:17,477 --> 01:13:18,436
Feel stupid.

1655
01:13:18,520 --> 01:13:19,521
Yeah.

1656
01:13:19,604 --> 01:13:21,272
All right, well, goodbye Frank.

1657
01:13:21,356 --> 01:13:23,608
Hope a train falls on your face.

1658
01:13:23,691 --> 01:13:24,609
[laughs]

1659
01:13:25,568 --> 01:13:27,946
Go siphon some gas
and smoke a cigarette, bum.

1660
01:13:29,280 --> 01:13:30,323
Touché.

1661
01:13:31,324 --> 01:13:32,867
You sure you're all right?

1662
01:13:32,951 --> 01:13:35,370
Yeah. I did the same thing
and next thing you know,

1663
01:13:35,453 --> 01:13:37,038
the flames just jump on ya.

1664
01:13:37,122 --> 01:13:38,248
You think it's
the cigarette, or?

1665
01:13:38,331 --> 01:13:39,374
50/50 chance.

1666
01:13:39,457 --> 01:13:40,959
They were sweet.

1667
01:13:42,961 --> 01:13:44,504
Colin and Will.

1668
01:13:45,463 --> 01:13:46,589
Fuck them.

1669
01:13:47,549 --> 01:13:52,053
♪♪

1670
01:13:57,934 --> 01:14:00,186
[Rachel] Why is there
furniture on the lawn?

1671
01:14:03,648 --> 01:14:06,192
[Jessie]
Maybe they were partying.

1672
01:14:06,276 --> 01:14:08,403
They're not like that, Jessie.

1673
01:14:09,988 --> 01:14:11,364
You coming inside?

1674
01:14:11,448 --> 01:14:13,158
I want to start setting
up for the surprise.

1675
01:14:13,241 --> 01:14:15,118
Um, yeah, in a minute.

1676
01:14:15,201 --> 01:14:18,288
I got the spins, I'm just gonna
go back to bed for a little bit.

1677
01:14:18,371 --> 01:14:19,414
Okay.

1678
01:14:26,212 --> 01:14:27,464
That's weird.

1679
01:14:29,382 --> 01:14:30,300
Woah, woah, woah!

1680
01:14:30,383 --> 01:14:31,676
Hey.

1681
01:14:31,759 --> 01:14:34,262
If you're here for the yard
sale, it's in the yard.

1682
01:14:34,345 --> 01:14:35,388
Who are you?

1683
01:14:35,472 --> 01:14:36,556
Who am I?

1684
01:14:36,639 --> 01:14:38,433
I'm a guy holding pepper spray.

1685
01:14:38,516 --> 01:14:39,559
12 ounces...

1686
01:14:39,642 --> 01:14:43,021
3 ounces of pepper spray
at your eyes, all right?

1687
01:14:43,104 --> 01:14:44,022
Who are you?

1688
01:14:44,105 --> 01:14:46,065
I'm Rachel.

1689
01:14:46,149 --> 01:14:47,525
I live here.

1690
01:14:47,609 --> 01:14:50,069
Oh my god, Rachel?

1691
01:14:50,153 --> 01:14:50,904
Yeah.

1692
01:14:50,987 --> 01:14:52,572
Oh, I've heard so
much about you.

1693
01:14:52,655 --> 01:14:53,281
[laughs]

1694
01:14:53,364 --> 01:14:54,574
I'm Carl.

1695
01:14:57,160 --> 01:14:59,245
Carl, I think you're gonna

1696
01:14:59,329 --> 01:15:01,498
need to explain to
me what's going on.

1697
01:15:03,666 --> 01:15:05,293
[grimaces]

1698
01:15:05,376 --> 01:15:08,254
Baby, I think I
figured something out,

1699
01:15:08,338 --> 01:15:10,840
and we're gonna call it
"The Carl."

1700
01:15:13,218 --> 01:15:14,385
Feeling good?

1701
01:15:14,761 --> 01:15:16,846
If good means nervous.

1702
01:15:16,930 --> 01:15:18,223
A Baby Ruth?

1703
01:15:18,306 --> 01:15:21,017
Sometimes a Baby Ruth
is just a candy bar.

1704
01:15:25,104 --> 01:15:27,982
The tournament is cancelled but
I'm sure Dan is still here.

1705
01:15:28,316 --> 01:15:29,943
This has to work.

1706
01:15:30,026 --> 01:15:32,570
You heard what those bums said,
we have to make these rich guys

1707
01:15:32,654 --> 01:15:33,905
wanna give us money.

1708
01:15:33,988 --> 01:15:35,740
Make'em need to give it to us.

1709
01:15:35,823 --> 01:15:38,618
It's fourth and goal, no time
on the clock, you got the ball,

1710
01:15:38,701 --> 01:15:40,245
and I'll just follow your lead.

1711
01:15:47,043 --> 01:15:48,044
Keep it close.

1712
01:15:50,046 --> 01:15:53,132
Oh no, that's not
"fuck you,"

1713
01:15:53,216 --> 01:15:54,842
that's somebody else.

1714
01:15:56,511 --> 01:15:57,804
[Nancy] Can you wash it?

1715
01:15:58,388 --> 01:15:59,722
That's fine.

1716
01:16:01,057 --> 01:16:03,184
I have to go to the
locker room to clean up

1717
01:16:03,268 --> 01:16:04,936
and put on my secret weapon.

1718
01:16:05,019 --> 01:16:06,771
- Meet you at the golf carts.
- Okay.

1719
01:16:08,022 --> 01:16:11,150
Okay, well then, where
did they go after that?

1720
01:16:11,234 --> 01:16:12,986
[sighs]
I don't know.

1721
01:16:13,069 --> 01:16:16,239
I mean, it seems to
change every 16 minutes.

1722
01:16:16,948 --> 01:16:18,658
Frankly, I'm worried.

1723
01:16:18,741 --> 01:16:22,912
And your mother, I mean, maybe
you know her better than me,

1724
01:16:22,996 --> 01:16:25,582
but she seems a little unhinged.

1725
01:16:25,665 --> 01:16:29,335
But the point is, I think
your surprise birthday party

1726
01:16:29,419 --> 01:16:31,129
is a wonderful idea.

1727
01:16:31,212 --> 01:16:32,463
Have you ever seen
The Wedding Planner?

1728
01:16:32,547 --> 01:16:34,173
- Mm.
- With J-Lo?

1729
01:16:34,257 --> 01:16:35,925
That's short for Jennifer Lopez.

1730
01:16:36,009 --> 01:16:39,804
Anyway, I love J-Lo,
and not just because she's

1731
01:16:39,887 --> 01:16:42,640
a fellow Latina,
I love her for her dancing,

1732
01:16:42,724 --> 01:16:46,019
I love her for her singing,
I love her for her acting,

1733
01:16:46,102 --> 01:16:47,937
but I never liked her perfume.

1734
01:16:48,021 --> 01:16:49,230
It was gross.

1735
01:16:49,314 --> 01:16:52,942
Carl, I don't think
we're gonna have a party.

1736
01:16:53,026 --> 01:16:53,901
[door closes]

1737
01:16:53,985 --> 01:16:55,820
I need to call my
Aunt Betty, and...

1738
01:16:55,903 --> 01:17:00,325
Okay, I need like 12 billion
aspirin and one ounce...

1739
01:17:00,408 --> 01:17:03,995
[whispers] Oh my god, who is
this hunk of stud hunk...

1740
01:17:04,078 --> 01:17:06,039
Jessie, this is Carl.

1741
01:17:06,122 --> 01:17:09,542
He's, I guess, staying with us.

1742
01:17:09,626 --> 01:17:11,836
Hi. I'm Jessie.

1743
01:17:11,919 --> 01:17:13,921
- Hi.
- Nice to meet you.

1744
01:17:14,005 --> 01:17:17,800
Did you just call
me a hunk of stud?

1745
01:17:17,884 --> 01:17:21,888
If I was a shark, man,
I would just chomp

1746
01:17:21,971 --> 01:17:24,599
into you like a
little baby seal.

1747
01:17:30,188 --> 01:17:33,066
Please god, don't let
this be a fucking dream.

1748
01:17:33,775 --> 01:17:35,860
[laughs, coughs]

1749
01:17:40,698 --> 01:17:41,908
[Henderson] Hey, Andy.

1750
01:17:41,991 --> 01:17:43,284
[Andy] Danny boy.

1751
01:17:43,368 --> 01:17:45,495
[laughs] Mm.

1752
01:17:46,162 --> 01:17:47,580
Look at that, there's
Nancy at the bar.

1753
01:17:47,664 --> 01:17:48,498
[Rich guy] Ooh.

1754
01:17:48,581 --> 01:17:49,874
[drunkenly] Saluuut.

1755
01:17:49,957 --> 01:17:51,376
Fancy Nancy.

1756
01:17:51,459 --> 01:17:52,460
Hey guys.

1757
01:17:52,543 --> 01:17:54,170
Hey, Frank.

1758
01:17:54,253 --> 01:17:55,505
Yeah, she's having a few.

1759
01:17:55,588 --> 01:17:56,631
[Nancy laughs]

1760
01:17:56,714 --> 01:17:58,257
Right now, she couldn't
see the hole in a ladder.

1761
01:17:58,341 --> 01:17:59,550
[laughs]

1762
01:17:59,634 --> 01:18:01,469
We've been
celebrating some good news.

1763
01:18:01,552 --> 01:18:03,179
Oh, yeah?
What good news is that?

1764
01:18:03,262 --> 01:18:05,181
Some Silicon Valley news.

1765
01:18:05,264 --> 01:18:06,307
[intrigued] Ooh.

1766
01:18:06,391 --> 01:18:08,601
Hiiii guys.

1767
01:18:08,685 --> 01:18:12,605
Oh bummer, they
cancelled your game.

1768
01:18:12,689 --> 01:18:13,815
I know, I know.

1769
01:18:13,898 --> 01:18:15,483
White balls, white
snow, you know.

1770
01:18:15,566 --> 01:18:17,443
Well, white balls
are better than blue.

1771
01:18:17,527 --> 01:18:18,945
You ever run track?

1772
01:18:19,028 --> 01:18:21,280
Ever run track?
Ever run track?

1773
01:18:21,364 --> 01:18:22,532
You mean with our feet?

1774
01:18:22,615 --> 01:18:23,908
That's why they have golf carts.

1775
01:18:23,991 --> 01:18:25,868
Oh, stop right there baby.

1776
01:18:25,952 --> 01:18:29,330
I need you to pay
attention and to focus,

1777
01:18:29,414 --> 01:18:32,458
because I'm about
to organize you.

1778
01:18:32,542 --> 01:18:33,876
Baby can we talk for a second.

1779
01:18:33,960 --> 01:18:34,502
No.

1780
01:18:34,585 --> 01:18:35,795
No, Honey, I think...

1781
01:18:35,878 --> 01:18:38,840
I talk to you all the time,
I'm sick of talking to you,

1782
01:18:38,923 --> 01:18:39,882
I want to talk to them.

1783
01:18:39,966 --> 01:18:41,676
Stop trying to control me.

1784
01:18:42,802 --> 01:18:44,846
Enjoy the moment, fellas.

1785
01:18:45,722 --> 01:18:50,727
Well, I used to
run four-person relays,

1786
01:18:50,810 --> 01:18:52,145
and this is how it works.

1787
01:18:52,228 --> 01:18:57,066
The second fastest runner
usually starts the race.

1788
01:18:57,150 --> 01:19:00,403
That fucker needs
to get a good lead.

1789
01:19:00,486 --> 01:19:04,407
Andy, smart, hard worker.

1790
01:19:04,490 --> 01:19:07,368
You've earned your money.

1791
01:19:07,452 --> 01:19:08,453
Yes.

1792
01:19:08,536 --> 01:19:13,750
So, I am going to make
you the first runner.

1793
01:19:14,459 --> 01:19:16,210
Come with me.

1794
01:19:17,420 --> 01:19:22,717
The second runner needs to
be solid, and dependable.

1795
01:19:22,800 --> 01:19:23,801
That's you, Steve.

1796
01:19:23,885 --> 01:19:26,929
You've done well in Wall
Street, but you've never

1797
01:19:27,013 --> 01:19:28,890
done anything...

1798
01:19:29,766 --> 01:19:31,309
flashy.

1799
01:19:31,392 --> 01:19:32,643
[Chuckling]

1800
01:19:32,727 --> 01:19:36,272
I am so sorry Rob,
but the slowest

1801
01:19:36,355 --> 01:19:40,109
runner always runs third.

1802
01:19:40,193 --> 01:19:44,238
I know that you're rich,
but it's family money, baby.

1803
01:19:44,322 --> 01:19:47,074
You need to be hungry.

1804
01:19:47,158 --> 01:19:50,953
Maybe today,
shock us baby please.

1805
01:19:51,037 --> 01:19:51,954
[Clears throat]

1806
01:19:52,830 --> 01:19:54,999
And you, my Danny boy.

1807
01:19:56,334 --> 01:19:57,794
You're fourth.

1808
01:19:57,877 --> 01:19:59,253
I'm never fourth.

1809
01:19:59,337 --> 01:20:02,256
But the fourth runner is
always the fastest runner.

1810
01:20:02,340 --> 01:20:03,633
Ahh.

1811
01:20:03,716 --> 01:20:07,053
He's also the smartest runner.

1812
01:20:07,136 --> 01:20:10,181
Because he knows
what it takes to win.

1813
01:20:11,224 --> 01:20:14,727
Either dig deep to
make up for the lost time,

1814
01:20:14,811 --> 01:20:18,272
or run just fast
enough to hold the lead.

1815
01:20:18,356 --> 01:20:22,235
I was always the fourth runner.

1816
01:20:22,318 --> 01:20:25,780
Because I was very, very good.

1817
01:20:26,948 --> 01:20:30,076
So, let's stretch.

1818
01:20:30,159 --> 01:20:32,119
Warm up.

1819
01:20:32,203 --> 01:20:34,622
And assume the position.

1820
01:20:34,705 --> 01:20:36,082
Okay, now I like this part.

1821
01:20:36,165 --> 01:20:38,501
[laughs]
Isn't she something?

1822
01:20:38,584 --> 01:20:39,418
Stand up, baby.

1823
01:20:39,502 --> 01:20:41,546
So now what, we actually run?

1824
01:20:41,629 --> 01:20:46,050
Yes, and Frank is going to tell
you what's at the finish line.

1825
01:20:46,133 --> 01:20:47,301
No. no, baby...

1826
01:20:47,385 --> 01:20:49,512
We have no more room
for investors...

1827
01:20:49,595 --> 01:20:52,181
Please, please,
Frank. I mean, you cannot

1828
01:20:52,265 --> 01:20:56,602
trust those millionaires
from Silicon Valley.

1829
01:20:56,686 --> 01:21:01,649
Silicon is fake,
like the fake silicon boobs,

1830
01:21:01,732 --> 01:21:04,277
they're fake millionaires,
they're nouveau rich.

1831
01:21:04,360 --> 01:21:05,528
It's just a pitch,
it's a pitch...

1832
01:21:05,611 --> 01:21:07,196
Now you have to tell
him about the pig.

1833
01:21:07,280 --> 01:21:07,989
Say the pitch, come on.

1834
01:21:08,072 --> 01:21:10,283
Tell them about the pig.
The pig!

1835
01:21:10,366 --> 01:21:11,701
All right, all right, all right.

1836
01:21:13,578 --> 01:21:16,581
You know the phrase "burn down
the house to cook a pig?"

1837
01:21:17,832 --> 01:21:19,125
You don't have a lot of house
left, we have a lot of

1838
01:21:19,208 --> 01:21:20,877
cooked pig?

1839
01:21:22,169 --> 01:21:23,504
A lot of bankruptcy filings
in this country right now,

1840
01:21:23,588 --> 01:21:24,547
people have lost everything.

1841
01:21:24,630 --> 01:21:26,048
They gambled
and they got wiped out.

1842
01:21:26,841 --> 01:21:28,175
Have I got your attention?

1843
01:21:31,888 --> 01:21:35,558
We help them sell
the barbecued pork.

1844
01:21:36,475 --> 01:21:40,062
People browse yard
sales from home.

1845
01:21:40,897 --> 01:21:42,565
It's called YardBay.

1846
01:21:44,150 --> 01:21:45,693
Yeah baby.

1847
01:21:48,571 --> 01:21:49,572
I like it.

1848
01:21:50,323 --> 01:21:51,699
I like it.

1849
01:21:51,782 --> 01:21:53,200
Let's talk.

1850
01:21:53,284 --> 01:21:56,037
[Nancy] And the winner is....
Dan!

1851
01:21:56,120 --> 01:21:58,164
[Frank laughing]
My wife is so...

1852
01:21:59,457 --> 01:22:00,666
[Nancy]
Your acting was brilliant.

1853
01:22:00,750 --> 01:22:01,792
[Frank] Well, I couldn't
have gotten home

1854
01:22:01,876 --> 01:22:03,252
if you didn't put me on 3rd,
baby.

1855
01:22:03,336 --> 01:22:04,629
I feel great.

1856
01:22:04,712 --> 01:22:05,838
Boy, it really was, wasn't it?

1857
01:22:05,922 --> 01:22:07,173
I just did a Carl.

1858
01:22:07,256 --> 01:22:10,676
My crazy made you look good,
and now they want YardBay!

1859
01:22:10,760 --> 01:22:12,053
I'm gonna call Jason.

1860
01:22:12,136 --> 01:22:14,180
I need to have something to
show Dan over lunch tomorrow.

1861
01:22:14,263 --> 01:22:15,431
Yes.

1862
01:22:16,223 --> 01:22:17,892
Oh, Frank, is it over?

1863
01:22:17,975 --> 01:22:20,645
Are we finally out
of this shit-storm?

1864
01:22:20,728 --> 01:22:23,230
I don't know how, but I
think we did it, didn't we?

1865
01:22:23,314 --> 01:22:25,566
Who said you can't
unring a bell?

1866
01:22:26,567 --> 01:22:28,152
Mom, Dad...

1867
01:22:28,235 --> 01:22:29,612
Rachel.

1868
01:22:29,695 --> 01:22:31,030
[Stammers]

1869
01:22:31,113 --> 01:22:33,199
And I see you've met Carl.

1870
01:22:33,282 --> 01:22:34,659
Nancy. I've been so worried.

1871
01:22:34,742 --> 01:22:36,410
Carl told me everything.

1872
01:22:36,494 --> 01:22:40,790
I've tried piecing it
together, but I don't know.

1873
01:22:40,873 --> 01:22:43,626
I called Aunt Betty,
she's on her way here.

1874
01:22:43,709 --> 01:22:44,835
Great.

1875
01:22:44,919 --> 01:22:47,296
[cheesy ringtone]
Honey, it's Nigel.

1876
01:22:48,047 --> 01:22:49,340
Yes...

1877
01:22:50,049 --> 01:22:51,092
Nige.

1878
01:22:51,175 --> 01:22:53,177
I'm sorry, did you
just call me "Nige?"

1879
01:22:53,260 --> 01:22:55,972
Uh, it's possible. I knew
a guy called Adolf Dick once,

1880
01:22:56,055 --> 01:22:57,223
that's a tough name, isn't it?

1881
01:22:57,306 --> 01:23:02,228
Listen, I just had an amazing
conversation with the police

1882
01:23:02,311 --> 01:23:06,107
who informed me that my
house has been burglarized.

1883
01:23:06,190 --> 01:23:09,944
I'm about to board this flight,
and come home and start ripping

1884
01:23:10,027 --> 01:23:12,029
some new assholes.
All right?

1885
01:23:12,113 --> 01:23:14,782
No, no, they caught the culprit,
everything's back in the house.

1886
01:23:14,865 --> 01:23:16,534
It's all good in
the hood, Nigel.

1887
01:23:16,617 --> 01:23:18,869
Oh, oh the police found him?

1888
01:23:18,953 --> 01:23:21,205
They didn't let me know that.
All right, listen.

1889
01:23:21,288 --> 01:23:24,000
I want the perpetrators,
I want them prosecuted

1890
01:23:24,083 --> 01:23:25,835
and I want them sent to jail,
okay?

1891
01:23:25,918 --> 01:23:26,961
No, no, Nigel.

1892
01:23:27,044 --> 01:23:29,880
The thief was hit by a
car and a bike and a rock.

1893
01:23:29,964 --> 01:23:31,590
Isn't that punishment enough?

1894
01:23:31,674 --> 01:23:34,844
You know, even 5000 miles away
I can still smell the bullshit.

1895
01:23:34,927 --> 01:23:36,178
I'm getting on this plane.

1896
01:23:36,262 --> 01:23:38,014
Or, I could go take a
picture of your living room

1897
01:23:38,097 --> 01:23:40,808
and send it to you, and you
could see how it's pristine.

1898
01:23:41,726 --> 01:23:43,185
[flight announcement]

1899
01:23:43,269 --> 01:23:44,770
Yeah. Send it.

1900
01:23:44,854 --> 01:23:47,648
[mischievous music]

1901
01:23:50,943 --> 01:23:54,488
All right, I understand
that you must be mad.

1902
01:23:54,572 --> 01:23:58,075
Mom, I'm mad that you didn't
trust me enough to tell me

1903
01:23:58,159 --> 01:23:59,452
what was going on.

1904
01:23:59,535 --> 01:24:03,831
And also, I'm mad
that I missed out

1905
01:24:03,914 --> 01:24:07,001
on seeing my amazing
parents in action.

1906
01:24:07,793 --> 01:24:09,503
I wish I could have been there,

1907
01:24:09,587 --> 01:24:12,923
because I'll never stop
learning from you guys.

1908
01:24:13,674 --> 01:24:15,551
Rachel.

1909
01:24:16,218 --> 01:24:18,387
[car engine rumbles]

1910
01:24:20,347 --> 01:24:21,766
Come upstairs to my closet.

1911
01:24:21,849 --> 01:24:23,434
It's now a panic room.

1912
01:24:24,226 --> 01:24:25,311
Hey pervert.

1913
01:24:26,187 --> 01:24:28,397
What did we tell you
about coming back here?

1914
01:24:30,107 --> 01:24:31,400
[yelps]

1915
01:24:32,985 --> 01:24:34,278
Where's the main deviant?

1916
01:24:34,361 --> 01:24:35,362
[Rachel] Jason?

1917
01:24:35,446 --> 01:24:37,823
Don't worry, Rach.
I got this.

1918
01:24:37,907 --> 01:24:40,618
[Nancy] No Jason,
don't mess with these guys.

1919
01:24:40,701 --> 01:24:43,662
[yells] Frank, we
have a problema!

1920
01:24:43,746 --> 01:24:47,249
No, no, no. Nobody speaks to
Mrs. Teagarten like that.

1921
01:24:48,209 --> 01:24:50,377
What you got there, ironsides?
A cap gun?

1922
01:24:50,461 --> 01:24:51,629
Tasers.

1923
01:24:51,712 --> 01:24:52,880
I carry rent money.

1924
01:24:52,963 --> 01:24:54,924
[horn honks]
[brakes squeal]

1925
01:24:57,676 --> 01:24:59,762
Holy shit,
those are police tasers.

1926
01:24:59,845 --> 01:25:01,680
Oh, I want that fucker.

1927
01:25:01,764 --> 01:25:03,265
- Be prepared to meet your...
- Give me one.

1928
01:25:03,349 --> 01:25:04,934
Hey, kids.
What are you guys doing here?

1929
01:25:05,017 --> 01:25:06,352
An X-26-6000?

1930
01:25:06,435 --> 01:25:08,020
I'm just right in the middle
of something super important.

1931
01:25:08,104 --> 01:25:10,523
- We really don't want these...
- Back off you stupid fuck.

1932
01:25:10,606 --> 01:25:11,565
Fight me!

1933
01:25:11,649 --> 01:25:12,525
Who are you kids?
Please leave me be...

1934
01:25:12,608 --> 01:25:13,651
Suck a fat one.

1935
01:25:13,734 --> 01:25:14,860
My girlfriend is watching!

1936
01:25:14,944 --> 01:25:15,945
Pussy!

1937
01:25:16,028 --> 01:25:17,154
Take the tasers,
you wore me down.

1938
01:25:18,239 --> 01:25:19,323
[mumbles]

1939
01:25:20,491 --> 01:25:21,325
Who are you?

1940
01:25:21,408 --> 01:25:22,493
I'm Plumber.

1941
01:25:23,119 --> 01:25:24,453
[heavy crack]
Ugh!

1942
01:25:24,537 --> 01:25:26,622
Ready for some shock
and awe, fuckers?

1943
01:25:26,705 --> 01:25:27,748
Amen.

1944
01:25:27,832 --> 01:25:29,416
[taser buzzes and clicks]

1945
01:25:30,835 --> 01:25:32,419
Kneel before your god.

1946
01:25:33,504 --> 01:25:35,047
You guys are wonderful children.
Both of you.

1947
01:25:35,131 --> 01:25:36,215
All right guys.

1948
01:25:37,424 --> 01:25:38,759
All right, we're good.

1949
01:25:38,843 --> 01:25:40,803
Yeah, for once we're having
fucking fun in our lives,

1950
01:25:40,886 --> 01:25:43,139
because you never gave us a good
childhood, so can you just like,

1951
01:25:43,222 --> 01:25:44,390
let us have fun?

1952
01:25:47,476 --> 01:25:49,812
[taser buzzes and clicks]
[yelling]

1953
01:25:54,483 --> 01:25:56,193
Nice.

1954
01:25:56,277 --> 01:25:57,236
All right. We're done.

1955
01:25:57,319 --> 01:25:58,112
...that was amazing.

1956
01:25:58,195 --> 01:25:59,113
Thanks, baby.

1957
01:26:01,115 --> 01:26:02,867
Okay, I understand the impulse.

1958
01:26:04,118 --> 01:26:06,245
But let's have no more of
this vigilante justice, okay?

1959
01:26:06,328 --> 01:26:08,664
We have to have law and order.
Believe me, I would know.

1960
01:26:10,583 --> 01:26:12,251
[tires squeal]

1961
01:26:16,130 --> 01:26:17,965
All right, listen up.

1962
01:26:18,048 --> 01:26:19,466
We've got two minutes.

1963
01:26:19,550 --> 01:26:20,885
Everything inside.

1964
01:26:22,845 --> 01:26:24,805
Sir, you really need to board.

1965
01:26:24,889 --> 01:26:26,515
Yeah, all right, all right.

1966
01:26:29,643 --> 01:26:33,314
All right, uh, pull my bags off
the plane, I'm going to Nepal.

1967
01:26:33,397 --> 01:26:34,648
You can't be serious.

1968
01:26:34,732 --> 01:26:36,984
Yeah, hurry up, come on, lady!
Let's go.

1969
01:26:37,067 --> 01:26:38,777
Pull the trigger on my bags.

1970
01:26:38,861 --> 01:26:42,615
Uh, airport security
to Gate B31.

1971
01:26:42,698 --> 01:26:44,909
Wait, why, 'cause
I called you lady?

1972
01:26:44,992 --> 01:26:46,118
You said the word "trigger."

1973
01:26:46,202 --> 01:26:47,953
It's not a great word
around here these days.

1974
01:26:48,037 --> 01:26:50,789
Oh, you called the pigs,
you fucking stupid...

1975
01:26:50,873 --> 01:26:53,667
Oh. He is a lady,
that's his... Ugh.

1976
01:26:55,294 --> 01:26:56,295
[glass clinks]

1977
01:26:56,378 --> 01:26:57,129
[cork pops]

1978
01:26:58,172 --> 01:27:00,716
[cheesy 70s music]

1979
01:27:18,025 --> 01:27:19,068
[door opens]

1980
01:27:19,777 --> 01:27:21,153
[Guard] Good luck.

1981
01:27:21,237 --> 01:27:22,238
[Nancy] Bye.

1982
01:27:22,321 --> 01:27:23,739
Oh, Frank.

1983
01:27:23,822 --> 01:27:26,450
So, I can't talk you
out of this, right?

1984
01:27:26,533 --> 01:27:28,202
No, honey, you can't.

1985
01:27:28,285 --> 01:27:29,578
Good.

1986
01:27:29,662 --> 01:27:30,829
More than good.

1987
01:27:32,539 --> 01:27:35,876
[airplane roars]

1988
01:27:44,385 --> 01:27:47,805
♪♪

1989
01:27:48,347 --> 01:27:50,057
[Nancy] Is this Rose?

1990
01:27:51,558 --> 01:27:54,144
Hi Rose, I am Nancy.

1991
01:27:54,228 --> 01:27:55,688
[Rose] Where's my daddy?

1992
01:27:55,771 --> 01:27:58,357
Your daddy couldn't come,
but he sent me to get you

1993
01:27:58,440 --> 01:28:00,985
and you're going to see
him really, really soon.

1994
01:28:01,068 --> 01:28:03,821
Meanwhile, I'm gonna
be taking care of you.

1995
01:28:03,904 --> 01:28:04,780
Is that all right?

1996
01:28:04,863 --> 01:28:06,031
Is he in jail?

1997
01:28:06,115 --> 01:28:07,950
Sometimes he goes to jail.

1998
01:28:08,033 --> 01:28:11,578
You shouldn't worry about
that, you must be so tired.

1999
01:28:11,662 --> 01:28:13,872
And hungry.
Are you hungry?

2000
01:28:15,666 --> 01:28:17,209
Thank you very much.

2001
01:28:17,293 --> 01:28:20,296
You're so brave that
you came all that way.

2002
01:28:20,379 --> 01:28:21,380
Were you scared?

2003
01:28:21,463 --> 01:28:22,381
A little.

2004
01:28:25,092 --> 01:28:27,052
[happy chattering]

2005
01:28:32,891 --> 01:28:34,643
[Trey] Turkey, turkey!

2006
01:28:36,103 --> 01:28:37,438
[glass taps]

2007
01:28:38,856 --> 01:28:41,400
O'Henry once said that
love and family and country

2008
01:28:41,483 --> 01:28:44,570
are nothing but shadows of
words when a man is starving.

2009
01:28:46,071 --> 01:28:47,489
And today, we are not starving.

2010
01:28:47,573 --> 01:28:49,116
I'm glad you're all here.

2011
01:28:49,199 --> 01:28:53,245
[mockingly] O'Henry once said
that love and family and country

2012
01:28:53,329 --> 01:28:55,289
all together is...

2013
01:28:56,457 --> 01:28:57,583
Uh...

2014
01:28:59,626 --> 01:29:00,836
You're right.

2015
01:29:00,919 --> 01:29:02,046
I'm a douche.

2016
01:29:03,839 --> 01:29:05,049
[laughs] Yes!

2017
01:29:05,132 --> 01:29:09,219
Yes, you most
certainly are a douche.

2018
01:29:09,303 --> 01:29:11,138
[all laugh]

2019
01:29:11,221 --> 01:29:13,932
And that is the first
step towards recovery.

2020
01:29:14,016 --> 01:29:14,933
Thank you.

2021
01:29:15,017 --> 01:29:17,895
[glass taps]
Okay, okay, here we go.

2022
01:29:19,313 --> 01:29:22,816
I'm thankful that we got rid of
our stuck up, useless friends.

2023
01:29:23,692 --> 01:29:26,111
Our new ones
are a little strange,

2024
01:29:26,195 --> 01:29:28,280
but they are true friends.

2025
01:29:29,531 --> 01:29:32,993
I am so thankful that I
married the love of my life

2026
01:29:33,077 --> 01:29:38,082
and that I know my Frank
and I can overcome anything,

2027
01:29:38,165 --> 01:29:40,667
as long as we are together.

2028
01:29:43,128 --> 01:29:44,922
Rose, Rachel?

2029
01:29:45,881 --> 01:29:48,467
Thank god for Baby Ruths.

2030
01:29:48,550 --> 01:29:50,302
[laughing]

2031
01:29:50,386 --> 01:29:51,720
Okay, who's hungry?

2032
01:29:51,804 --> 01:29:53,013
Me.

2033
01:29:53,097 --> 01:29:54,181
For my new friend.

2034
01:29:54,264 --> 01:29:57,267
♪ Welcome back, it's so
good to have you home ♪

2035
01:29:57,351 --> 01:30:00,437
♪ Welcome back,
you've been gone so long ♪

2036
01:30:00,521 --> 01:30:02,606
[Frank] Well, that's our story.

2037
01:30:02,689 --> 01:30:05,692
Frank and Nancy lived in Jason's
trailer court for a while,

2038
01:30:05,776 --> 01:30:08,320
and Frank took the job
snipping catalytic converters.

2039
01:30:08,404 --> 01:30:09,988
He's pretty darn good at it.

2040
01:30:10,072 --> 01:30:13,325
They rented the house to Carl,
and they all worked night

2041
01:30:13,409 --> 01:30:14,618
and day on YardBay.

2042
01:30:14,701 --> 01:30:17,162
Last time we checked it was
getting pretty darn huge.

2043
01:30:17,246 --> 01:30:20,165
And it all started
when they got drunk.

2044
01:30:20,249 --> 01:30:21,708
And because they were drunk,

2045
01:30:21,792 --> 01:30:23,877
drunk with love
for their daughter.

2046
01:30:23,961 --> 01:30:26,880
And like the saying goes,
a drunk man's actions are

2047
01:30:26,964 --> 01:30:28,549
a sober man's thoughts.

2048
01:30:28,632 --> 01:30:31,427
They were drunk parents.

2049
01:30:31,510 --> 01:30:35,264
♪ Oh, oh, oh, oh... ♪

2050
01:30:37,099 --> 01:30:38,642
♪ Welcome home, ♪

2051
01:30:40,894 --> 01:30:42,020
♪ Welcome home ♪

2052
01:30:42,104 --> 01:30:43,772
♪ Oh, oooh, ♪

2053
01:30:52,030 --> 01:30:53,866
♪ Welcome home, Ooh. ♪

2054
01:30:53,949 --> 01:30:56,368
♪ Oh, oh, oh, oh. ♪

2055
01:30:56,452 --> 01:30:59,913
♪♪