(GROANING)
(ANIMALS GRUNTING)
Ahh!
There he is!
My latest creation.
...right.
Double rainbow!
(CHUCKLES) Ahh!
(LAUGHS)
(RUMBLING, ANIMAL GRUNTING)
(CHUCKLES)
No.
No, no. I said "no," haven't I?
I've told you not to...
(GRUNTING)
Unh...
Argh!
(BELCHING)
You were tested
and you
have
failed!
(THEME MUSIC PLAYING)
I dunno, must've been the KY or somethin',
but the thing just flew outta my hand
and straight into the Jacuzzi...
I electrocuted two of my co-stars.
That was when I realized it was time to get out of the porn industry.
Airport, huh?
Where you goin'?
I'm gonna talk to God and save the world.
(LAUGHS)
It's a bit late for that, don'tcha think?
Come on, seriously. Where you headed?
To this... Penis?
It's a mountain...
Or rock.
I think.
You think?
(OMINOUS MUSIC)
Seriously?
You up and leave me and you don't know where you're going?
These people.
Always cryin' over somethin'.
You're not gonna stop?
Hell no.
Don't you worry, Father. That boy's either a leper, or thief or terrorist.
Or he's just a little kid. If you say so.
I'll tell you one thing, he damn sure ain't no Christia...
(ECHOING) Stop the truck!
(THUD)
(CHICKENS CLUCKING)
You go on, Father,
you save the world for us.
(SNIFFLES)
Hey...
My dog... Mister.
He dead!
(SNIFFLES)
What happened?
(JET ENGINE ROARS IN DISTANCE)
Whatcha you doin'?
Give me your shit, bitch!
Kid, you know...
I'm dead-ass right now. (COCKS GUN)
(DOG BARKING)
(ECHOING) Drop the gun.
(GUN FIRES) (DOG WHIMPERS)
Oh, no!
(SNIFFLES)
My dog...
Mister.
He's dead!
Hey.
Well, what now?
No, you're not getting the boots.
* Got those highway blues
* Can't you hear my motor runnin'
* Flyin' down the road with my foot on the floor
* All the way in town they can hear me comin'
* Ford's about to drop, she won't do no more
* Oh, ridin' down the highway
(DOOR OPENS)
* Oh, ridin' down the highway *
Patrol just reported a Custer sighting.
Send in the choppers and an assault unit now
or after the meet and greet?
Hm?
Custer's on the run, sir.
That vagina's not gonna carve itself.
Yes, yes... But for now, we have something else in mind...
We do, sir?
Of course. Tulip.
She'll still come for the vampire...
I wonder... The girl's the key.
She's his weakness. She's always been his... Is Frankie around?
Toscani, sir?
I may need some, uh,
surgical assistance.
So, what, you come all the way out here just for me, did you?
Is there no local torture work going down?
Globalization.
Used t'be a guy could work hard, support his family,
never leave the five boroughs.
Now?
It ain't the same.
I miss the old New York days.
'70s...
'80s.
Christ, I miss the really old New York days.
Puking behind the back of McSorley's
with Babe Ruth and Owney Madden. Ah.
No shit, you knew "Killer" Madden?
Yeah, I did. Yeah. Well...
You know, I once watched him...
He put a gun up a man's arse
and just blew his brains all over the ceiling, like.
(LAUGHS) Oh, man.
That's classic.
D'you like that?
What's funny is that's exactly how I'm gonna kill you.
(BELL RINGING)
(DOOR OPENS)
WOMAN: (OVER PA) Attention all Grail personnel,
please update your authorization...
Tell me somethin', tough guy.
Yer friend got you all the way to the exit.
What happened?
No, I'm curious.
Why didn't you just...
Leave?
Well...
You know us Irish.
Never miss an opportunity to miss an opportunity.
All right, kids.
We're back.
Now.
Who wants a go?
Oh, come on.
Unh!
(GROANS) Oh, he's a mean one.
(BIRDS CALLING)
(WHOOSHING)
(GRUNTS)
(EXPLOSION)
(SNARLING)
Hello?
Friend?
(SNARLING)
What are you doing?
(SNARLING)
Hey, in there!
Where the hell did he go?
(KEY TURNS IN LOCK)
What the hell?
(SCREAMING)
(CRUNCHING, BLOWS LANDING)
(SNARLING)
Oh!
My goodness... He's a wild one!
(GRUNTING)
Oh, yeah? Well, you better keep looking!
'Cause if this guy gets out it'll be somebody else's dick on the knife.
WOMAN: (OVER PA) Attention all Grail personnel,
the car wash will be open regular hours
during the Festival of Homogenous Bloodline.
(BEEPING)
W-who are you?
I am the walrus.
What do you want?
I want you... Huh?
(TAPPING GLASS)
Proud die the Soldiers of the Grail!
Trumpet the men and the glorious fight they made.
Gunner, Pigeon Foot,
K-Paso... ALL: To the Grail.
Looking for someone.
Terrorist, criminal.
Been checking the local establishments. You seen her?
She looks very scary, huh?
But no... I would, uh, remember her.
Huh.
This exactly the sort of piss pot shit hole she's drawn to.
Are you sure?
Very sure.
If I see a scary muhtal such as this?
I will say so.
Yeah...
I believe you will.
Otherwise?
This will happen. (GUNSHOT)
(GROANS)
Put down the beer and grab some Kleenex,
you babies.
I want that bitch's head on a pike!
(RATCHETING)
They are looking for you now.
Um-hmm.
I mean they are really looking for you.
Good. (TOOL CLATTERS)
Damn.
Uh, a crowsfoot with a breaker bar is maybe better, huh?
You gotta crowsfoot, Kamal?
(SCOFFS)
Gotta tweak the mixture on the carb.
If we lower the air/fuel ratio
we'll get more power this time round.
Won't get another chance.
Is bad job, Nissa.
To take on Masada, huh?
And very bad husband to leave with such a job.
Why not wait for him to come back?
I told you, Kamal.
He ain't my husband...
...and he ain't comin' back.
(SINGING IN ARABIC)
(CAMEL GRUNTS)
(CONTINUES SINGING)
Son of bitch.
(SHOUTING IN ARABIC)
What's the problem?
Ahmad. Filthy Muslim.
(MEN SHOUTING IN ARABIC)
Aren't you Muslim?
Me?
I am Coptic!
(SHOUTING IN ARABIC)
(SHOUTING CONTINUES)
Guys.
(SHOUTING CONTINUES)
JESSE: All right...
Come on.
(ECHOING) Stop fighting.
Good...
(ECHOING) Now be friends.
(GUNSHOT, KNIFE STICKS)
(GROANING, GUNSHOT)
(CAMEL GROANS) (MAN SCREAMS)
(GROANING STOPS)
What the hell happened?
I told him to "stop fighting"!
He does not speak English.
What is wrong with you people?
If I walked out on the only good thing in my life
for this bullshit,
I'm gonna be so, so...
So...
(JET ENGINE WHINES)
MAN: The Allfather is dead! (TAPPING GLASS)
(FANFARE)
Long live the Allfather!
ALL: Hear! Hear!
(APPLAUSE)
Are you well, Allfather?
We heard about the terrorist attack?
I'm fine.
The attack on the citadel was, uh,
easily repulsed.
And the Holy Child?
Is He safe?
The Holy Child?
(GRUNTING)
Aah!
(GRUNTING)
(MUSIC PLAYING THROUGH LOUDSPEAKER)
Come on, now, dance.
(MUSIC CONTINUES)
(GRUNTING, LAUGHING)
It's not Him. (GUNSHOT)
...he's fit as a fiddle.
So? When will the Grail be presenting
Him to the world?
In time.
Now if you'll excuse me...
No, but when?
Specifically?
Forgive me, Allfather.
You're a great man and I'm just a Deputy Prime Minister,
but it's just...
How can I follow what I cannot see?
With faith, of course.
Climb in the box.
Please.
Not that this is an excuse,
but I have had too much to drink.
No excuse.
(NAIL GUN FIRING)
Ooh! Someone, please, erase my search history!
(EXPLOSION, SQUELCHING)
Any other questions?
Good.
The Holy Child will be revealed to you all soon enough.
Blame it on the Australians.
KAMAL: Acceleration is very important...
Angle of inclination,
wind, dust, kilometers per hour...
This is bad job.
Nissa, I am worried for you.
Yeah. I'm gettin' that.
What're you worried about?
Out of everything? The impact.
(JET ENGINE WHINES)
What do you think?
Do I look smart? (GRUNTS)
Come here. Give me those. I'm so sorry.
There we go, lad, 'cause these should turn me into...
(CLEARS THROAT)
"Doctor Zhang"? Well enough.
What am I doctor of, anyway? "Chemical Pharmacology," Cool.
That's drugs, right?
Yeah, it is.
"Urban bli..." "Urban blight".
City wrecking, family breaking, soul-stealin' drugs.
N-no. No.
Absolutely not.
Nope. Give me those.
(MUSIC FROM EARBUDS) Zhang.
* Talkin' to a higher power, lift me up and...
You should be ashamed of yourself.
* ...without the damn powder
* Hit it fast, people are real when they got your back
* Show your love and you might relapse
* Like a mirror full of cracks
* Hey, who you talkin' to?
* Hold that, hold that Let me talk
* Talk is cheap But they got no walk
* And they got no right to play a part
* In my heart, in my soul Got my faith and I got my goals
* 24, I bet that mo', Why would they call me beast mode
* Hey, who you talkin' to
* Talkin', talkin', hey, hey
* Come around my way, okay
* I can, I can be that preacher
* Brother's keeper True believer
* Leader, leader To achieve it
* I can, I can Be that, be that *
All right. See you later.
How's it goin'? You all right?
Off to another boring conference.
Bloody Milwaukee.
Here's me ID.
Primo Ostium Magnam.
(RATCHETING)
(DOOR OPENING)
Thanks, man.
A-actually, you know what? Uh...
I am just such ijeet...
I-I left me thing... The... The...
Me little pharmacologic-ist-al thing.
I be right back.
(DOOR CLOSING)
Ready to go?
This friend of yours?
Vampires are big and strong, huh?
M-maybe he's okay.
Maybe, uh, he's escaped already?
Maybe.
So...
Maybe we wait and see?
I don't like this job for you, Nissa.
Nissa, this is bad job.
I'm going in that door.
And I'm gettin' Cass out, and that's that.
I don't "wait and see" shit
for anybody.
(DOOR CREAKS)
(INDISTINCT CHATTER)
(ELEVATOR DINGS, MUSIC PLAYING)
(SNIFFS)
(COUGHING)
What?
I'm not gonna blow ya, if that's yer game.
What?
I'm not gonna blow neither of you two neither.
That's too bad.
We trimmed our balls fer nothin'.
(GRUNTING)
(BLOWS LANDING, MEN GRUNTING)
(GUNSHOTS)
(ELEVATOR DINGS)
I got it.
Ready to go.
(THUD)
(PANTING)
(JET ENGINES ROAR)
(CLACKING)
(INDISTINCT CHATTER)
WOMAN: (ON PA) Your attention, please.
Flight number 22 to Hamburg
will be leaving from Gate 3.
There's no smoking at the airport.
(ECHOING) There is now.
Yeah.
There is now.
You recognize this?
It's a rock.
Oh, it's a rock, all right.
The Lost Apostle.
It's an ancient sacred site.
You need to get out more.
Well, where is it?
(DIDGERIDOO PLAYING)
All right then.
WOMAN: (ON PA) All passengers with a destination of Melbourne, Australia...
Shit. Where's my...
Need a light, Preacher?
All passengers to Melbourne, Australia...
(BRAKES SQUEAL)
Shit.
Please don't hurt her.
She's not a bad person just...
Her husband left her.
Makes her crazy.
Weapons cold.
WOMAN: (ON RADIO) Tango, 3 o'clock!
Go! Go! Go! Go! Go!
(GRUNTS)
Garage!
Back to the cars!
What the...
Someone took my car!
* Met her in a border town
* We proceeded to get down
* She turned me on
* I dropped the telephone
* Moonlight hits the Rio Grande
* And the touch of her hand
* It makes me high
* Like the Fourth of July
We got her. We got her.
* The bad bandito came into town
* But, man, I'm gonna hunt that gringo down
* But these words keep ringing in my ear *
She's trapped. We've got her!
What's she doing?
(REVVING ENGINE)
I see her!
She's gone!
Any eyes on her?
MAN 1: No, I don't see a thing.
MAN 2: Negative, nothing here.
Wait...
Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait.
MAN 1: I got eyes on her! There she goes.
Whoa, she's good.
I can't see anything with all this dust!
(ENGINE REVVING) (GLASS BREAKING)
(MAN 1 SCREAMS)
Report in, report in!
Aah! I can see the bone! I can see the bone!
Aah!
WOMAN: I just saw her! I got her! I got her!
On your six on your six! Wait, no!
(CRASH)
Oh, my God, she's coming right at us!
(REVVING)
MAN 1: She got Charlie! MAN 2: She's mine!
WOMAN: All units... (GARBLED)
Coming in on your right!
MAN 1: On your right. Watch out. Over on your right!
(CRASH, EXPLOSION)
Report in. Who has eyes?
What?
We're all that's left!
Aah! Oh, she's not backing off!
(SCREAMS)
Hold on!
(WHIMPERS)
(ENGINE REVVING)
(SCREAMS)
(RELIEVED LAUGHTER) Aah!
(SCREAMS) No, no, no! Mind the... Mind the tip!
Aah!
Bloody amateur.
That's okay.
Come on.
Just always remember when it comes to torture,
mistakes are a part of it.
Here you go, doc.
Phew.
I got it now.
I worked with guys like you before.
Screw-ups, meatheads.
The repeat clients.
Guys who couldn't get outta their own way.
You know, they piss and moan
about being "unlucky" or some shit.
But it ain't luck that keeps 'em comin' back,
it's guilt.
They think they deserve it.
(ECHOING) Wait for me.
Let's go.
Look.
Did you see that?
You gotta go help him.
There's, like, a... A preacher's code, right?
You have to help people.
Well, there sure as shit's a pilot code!
Now, a certain amount of discharge is to be expected...
How does it look?
O-oh!
You were right, Allfather.
Wonderful idea.
Call me if you notice any discoloration or foul odor.
I'll keep some extras on ice,
in case we need to shore it up.
(DOORBELL CHIMES)
(SIREN BLARES, INDISTINCT VOICES SHOUTING)
MAN: Come on, I need a medic!
MAN 2: We got another one!
I got you.
Yup, that's probably the last we'll see of her.
(FLICKING LIGHTER)
Australia, eh?
That's quite the adventure, isn't it?
Snakes, wallabies, and kangaroos...
I can't believe you left me, Padre...
Mind you, you left her too, didn't you?
The captain... Me... Has turned off the no-smoking sign.
(CHUCKLES) Man, I've always wanted to do that.
The flight time is a little over 16 hours to Australia,
If you need anything, Preacher, just bang on the cockpit door.
(SOFT JAZZ PLAYING)
(CHICKENS CLUCKING IN BACKGROUND)
(OPENS CAN)
(POURING)