[***]
[dryer completion alert sounds]
[groans in frustration]
My life is over!
The dryer is broken!
What setting did you use?
Doesn't it just... start?
Yes,
and then the tooth fairy adds fabric softener.
[sighs] Liam gave it to me!
Oof!
Say what?
Who now?
The star pitcher of the baseball team.
And why are we interested in him
this fine morning?
Uh, we're... you know.
No, I don't.
You're kinda... what, Mirabel?
Nothing, Daddy.
He's cute, that's all.
What happened to Cole?
Eh... it's over.
And it's starting.
Okay, then.
And, uh, what are we reading this morning?
An eye-opening introduction
to feminism.
Ah. Okay.
Liam just posted a selfie of us,
so we're practically engaged.
Relax, Daddy.
I'm kidding.
[sighing]
Marriage
is an archaic institution built to barter women.
You need to chill ever so slightly,
mini Miss Steinem.
Breakfast is served!
It's a breakfast taco.
That's not a thing.
You really need to do
a load of dishes.
Let's just call Abuela.
Mm, not an option.
Your grandmother's moved out.
We are on our own,
and we can handle this, girls.
[crunching]
I don't understand,
we were doing so well at first.
Well, Abuela did fire the last housekeeper.
And the one before that,
and the one before that.
You really need to go shopping, Daddy.
It's your job.
All right, all right, um, let's make a...
a list.
Abuela never had a list.
Well, isn't she perfect?
* Ah, can I get a witness?
* Wow, I'm feelin' all right *
* Just like I should, should, should *
* Best day of my life *
* It feels so good, good, good *
* I'd bottle up this feeling if I could *
* Oh yeah! *
[***]
-Hey. -Hey.
So?
Gluten-free low-cal brown-rice pasta?
Really?
You're letting them push you around, Hijo.
No, no, it's fine.
I like to try new things...
that sound like they taste like cardboard.
[laughs]
So, how's everything at home?
Good.
Great, actually.
Yeah....
I bet you don't miss pushing this tank around.
You know, I didn't mind those workouts.
How are my girls?
[cell phone rings, novelty baseball themed]
Hang on, Rosa.
Hello?
You need to get here, stat!
This isn't a good time.
I'm, uh, I'm grocery shopping.
I would love to be grocery shopping,
but every trainer was hit with the flu,
and I'm here by myself,
and the A.C. broke!
[groaning] O-Okay.
Okay, I'll get there when I can.
I've got single Dad stuff going on up in here, Steph.
Is everything all right?
Yup! Yup, just gotta get to the gym.
Can I help you in any way?
Oh, no thanks, I'm good!
Hmm.
All right, everyone, pencils down.
[pencils clattering]
I know pop quizzes are not popular,
but they do keep you on your toes.
What's this?
I'm sorry, I...
I fell asleep.
What happened to this place?
Where have you been?
We are roasting alive in here!
Okay, I'm on it.
[flicking switches]
Hmm... maybe just one quick check-in.
[telephone ringing]
[Gigi]: Someone get the phone!
[Mirabel]: I'm already on the phone!
The house phone!
Elisa, get the phone!
Guess no one needs their Abuela anymore.
[sighs sadly]
Maybe I'll get a cat.
[cell phone rings]
[panel banging]
Hey, Rosa.
Ricky?
I can't get a hold of anyone.
Where are the girls?
Everything's fine.
But nobody's answering their phone.
[stammering] I'm kind of in the middle of something here,
I gotta jump.
Where are you jumping to?
I'm going over there.
No, you don't need to go over there, it's fine.
Look, I-I'll talk to you later.
[gasps in outrage]
[cell phone rings]
[groaning]
[sighs] Steph?
Where are you?
Things are falling apart here.
I'm here.
I'm in the back, trying to fix this stupid panel.
Okay, could you hurry up?
Doing my best, boss.
[grumbling in frustration]
[panel clattering heavily]
[shutter clicks]
What the--?
It's for my project on Feminism.
There's so many patriarchal,
pre-conceived notions of women's work
that still affects us to this day.
I mean, look at you,
cooking, barefoot in the kitchen.
I don't do carbs.
Yeah, and I was kind of in the mood for pizza.
[tap running]
[***]
[camera shutter clicking rapidly]
Working hard, are we?
[camera shutter clicking]
It is work.
I've decided to become Instafamous.
What's that?
If I get enough followers,
companies will ask me
to take pictures of their products,
and then I'll be making cash money, baby.
That's what it means to become Instafamous.
So your self-confidence is dependent
on how many likes you get?
Of course not, it's how many hearts I get.
[dishes clanking in kitchen]
Can someone help me clean the dishes?
We still have no detergent.
Our schedule's pretty full.
I don't care!
Get in the kitchen and start scrubbing!
Oh, so just because I'm a woman,
I have to be in the kitchen scrubbing?
I'm a woman, too!
Mm... not so much.
I'll handle it.
[Mirabel's camera shutter clicking]
[sighing]
I'm pretty sure
I've almost figured out how to fix--
[parts snapping] this.
I think it's getting hotter.
Can you call someone, Ricky?
Stop being such a guy.
I can handle this.
[Ricky's cell phone rings]
Hello?
Yes, this is he.
O-o-okay, sure.
Tomorrow afternoon.
That was Elisa's teacher.
She wants to meet with me.
There he is!
Figured I'd up the security around here,
add some locks.
Plus, the book club's watchin Magic Mike.
Again.
[chuckles]
You're back late, you got a story for me?
There was so much sweat.
It was so hot.
That sounds like a story.
Oh... oh, relax,
the A.C. broke at the gym.
I'm exhausted,
and hungry.
Oh, God, the groceries.
[sighs in exasperation]
Welcome to parenting, my friend, it is never-ending.
The ice cream's all over everything.
Oh, my goodness,
Is that "Impeachment"? I love that flavor!
I'll help you out with that, buddy.
Todd, it- it's melted.
Yeah, I know.
I like to get out a big glass,
pour it in there, and just drink it like a smoothie.
That's gross.
I know.
See ya.
[sighs heavily]
Ice cream melted, groceries are ruined!
It's all going straight in the trash.
The trash is overflowing.
-Again? -Yeah.
Someone doesn't do her chores.
Says the girl who irons with a hair straightener.
It's perfect for collars.
Did you remember the dishwasher detergent?
I'll get it tomorrow.
Hey, wh-where's Elisa?
Hi, Daddy.
Hey there.
[moans groggily]
I'm so tired...
I know, honey.
Go back to sleep.
Just remember to unplug the toaster.
What?
And clean the coffee pot...
I got it.
I will.
I love you.
Where's Dad?
The A.C. at the gym is out.
He left early.
He could have at least opened them.
[Gigi]: Why can't you do it?
My nails are drying.
Your problem,
and that's the most ridiculous thing
I've ever heard.
One day, you'll understand.
I hope not.
[line ringing]
You've reached Rosa.
Please leave me a message.
Abuela?
It's me.
Things have gotten crazy since you left...
Hey, everybody, Frank here.
Today's video is going to be
how to replace a circuit breaker in an electrical panel.
Okay? Couple of really important steps.
Ugh...
Warm in here, isn't it?
[sneezing explosively]
I'm sorry,
I think I have Zika or something.
Go home.
All right.
Is it me, or is it...
it is hotter out here than it is there, right?
A little Column A,
and whole lotta Column B.
Please, call a repairman.
Call someone.
Pay someone. Ask for help.
No, see that's the problem.
Everyone wants to pass the buck when times get tough,
no one wants to try and do it themselves first.
You don't know what you're doing!
[sneezes explosively]
I'm sorry. I'm so sorry.
Are you sure you guys want me to go home?
[together]: Yes!
Okay, good call.
Are you okay?
Oh, it's just...
You know, I-I'm not gonna have time to get dinner tonight,
I didn't have time to get dinner last night, and--
I feel ya.
Between the gym and school,
I am on a Redbull and cereal diet...
But I-I don't have kids.
Your point?
I think you're spreading yourself thin.
I don't want to preach,
but I think your Dad duties should definitely come first.
Aw, I gotta meet Elisa's teacher,
and I'm already late!
No--
Aw...
[fan droning]
[sighing]
Yes.
[knocks]
I'm sorry I'm late, I--
Mr. Cooper, thank you for coming.
Oh, please, call me Ricky.
All right. Uh...
You look just as tired as Elisa.
Elisa?
Tired?
Yeah, that's why I called.
I'm concerned.
She fell asleep in class last week,
and then again yesterday,
only this time it was during a test.
Don't worry, I'm gonna let her do a make-up test.
Thank you.
You know, it's just not like her.
She seems exhausted and stressed out.
You're a single dad?
Yeah.
And does she end up doing
most of the housework at home?
The students,
they had a creative writing assignment on "fun."
While most of the kids wrote about the beach
or Pokemon Go...
she wrote about a vacuum cleaner.
"Ode to the Vacuum Cleaner, the only one that helps."
Poor kid, I...
She does take on a lot.
You know, if there's anything that I can do to help...
What, you want to come over
and spray some counter tops?
[laughs]
I was thinking more along the lines
of a coffee?
You know, I know Elisa pretty well
in a different context,
and, um, maybe I can offer some sort of insight?
Uh...
Yeah, yeah, okay,
I'd love that.
[***]
Ricky C.
Hey...
Ah, what are you reading?
Uh, "Forbidden Attraction, Acceptable Love."
Pretty powerful stuff, man.
I mean, a love like theirs?
I haven't read it.
Oh, yeah, no,
I mean, normally, I wouldn't,
but I'm just helping out the wife with her book club.
Uh-huh.
Well, you seem pretty engrossed.
Enough about me.
Uh, what about you? Any new dates?
Uh, maybe.
I, uh, I met Elisa's teacher.
She asked me out.
Are you flipping kidding me?
I love a woman who takes charge.
Hot for teacher.
Come on, over to the T-Cave.
I can't, I can't, I've got some work to do,
but you're welcome to help scrub floors.
I should really finish this up.
I just stopped by to say hi.
-Hi. -Bye.
Bye. [laughs]
[radio playing]
Mirabel!
Hey, Mirabel!
Mirabel!
And...cut.
Dad you're ruining my YouTube channel!
Th-there's a boy in your room,
and the door is closed,
and there's a camera,
and spandex?
This is over. Now!
But, Dad, we have to finish.
You're the new pitcher, huh?
Yeah, Liam.
Nice to meet you, sir.
Look, Mirabel, you know the rules,
no boys in your room,
until you're 30.
But, Dad--
No buts,
and we're having a family meeting in the kitchen.
So can just go
work on your change-up there, okay?
Bye-bye.
[imitates a rifle cocking]
Camera.
Dad!
A YouTube thing? Really?
[sighs]
[radio playing]
[***]
Is anyone doing anything normal?
[turns off music]
Normalcy, like gender, is a social construct, Dad.
Right.
I'm gonna need you in the kitchen.
Because that's my place?
As a woman?
It's your place as a member of this family.
Elisa...
It's great that you want to help out,
but I'm the Dad.
I want to apologize for depending on you so much.
I'm proud of you for stepping up, but, um...
I got the big stuff from now on.
And...
I want you to take a night off.
A night off?
What's that?
Go.
Good luck.
Your mother always used to say,
those who are happiest are those who help others.
And we help each other in this family.
That means we don't pass the buck--
or sponge--- to someone
when it's our responsibility, our duty.
We've gotta learn to do things ourselves.
Now, we've all abandoned ship here,
except Elisa.
I had a meeting with her teacher today,
and... she's been falling asleep in school.
But school's the best part of the day!
The reason why she's been so stressed
and falling behind
is because she's running this entire house herself.
Now, I'll be the first to admit it,
I-I've let things go,
and as captain of this team,
I need to keep our dugout in order.
I just assumed she liked folding my clothes.
She color coordinates everything.
She even Windexed my poster of the periodic table.
I just figured she was learning while cleaning.
In a way, I was helping her.
Let's surprise Elisa and clean up.
What do you say, girls?
In sisterhood, we stand!
In sister...hood, yeah!
[***]
* All the places you will see *
* All the people that you'll meet *
* No matter what you need you can count on me *
* All the stars you wish upon *
* All the roads you'll travel on *
* No matter where they lead *
* You can count on me *
* I'm right behind you right on *
* So take it nice and stay on *
* There's nothing you can't be *
You can count on me
* Every mountain you will climb *
* Every secret you will find... *
This isn't so bad actually.
Yeah.
Look, it's so moisturizing.
Nice.
I feel bad about Elisa.
Me too.
At least we're helping out now, though, right?
Better late than never.
* You can count on me *
* So take it nice and stay on... *
I could totally work at the Genius Bar.
* Oh, if you just dream *
Whoa...
Is this the same house?
We thought we'd surprise you.
Thanks, guys!
And I'm getting dinner tonight.
Tomorrow, I'll cook us a real meal, I promise.
Seriously, this is nice.
Who clued you in that I needed some help?
It was your teacher, Lori.
Miss Addison?
She's nice.
I fell asleep in class, and...
Yeah, she told me.
I think she's nice, too.
We're going out for a drink later.
Whoa, Papi's got some game.
I love a learned woman.
I'm going to go finish my homework.
Okay.
See, Papi?
Elisa needed help, and now we're helping.
What are you getting at?
A foreign concept to the male brain,
refusing to ask for directions,
or help with parallel parking, or...
calling a cleaning service?
[chuckles]
[***]
Elisa's teacher?
Oh, please, not you, too.
Dude...
I mean, I get it, I was a boy,
and when you're a boy, you like your hot teacher,
that makes sense.
I remember Mrs. Ward,
she was like Cindy Crawford,
exactly.
Really?
No.
But...
that's in retrospect,
and at the time,
I thought they were twins.
You can't date the teacher, dude.
That's not a good idea.
It's one date,
one drink.
I'm not gonna marry her.
Definitely don't marry her.
Marry who?
Me. Don't marry me.
She's definitely not going to marry me,
so I'm definitely not going to marry her.
Oh, I'm sorry.
That's terrible.
Did you just ask her?
Last week.
And she just, uh, shut me down.
That sucks.
Yup.
Yup, it's hard out there.
It must be really tough for you, huh?
After everything you've been through?
Well, there's been a lot of figuring out as we go.
Hmm, I can't imagine.
I've got to say, it's okay, you know?
I mean, except here and there,
and the, uh, falling asleep in school bit.
Right.
I mean, three girls, that's a lot.
I know,
I'm like Superman.
Minus the cape, I hope?
No, no, I still have the cape.
I only wear it on special occasions.
[laughs]
So, how long
have you been teaching?
About five years now.
I really like this school.
Well, in a few years,
you're going to get my youngest, Gigi.
And what's she like?
Well, let's just say,
as long as you're up on your major philosophers,
Greek and Roman history, women's issues,
and basically all of American Literature,
you'll be fine.
Oh, boy.
Oh, yeah, she's gonna keep you on your toes.
Um, do you want to get some...
...f-food?
M-maybe, uh, get a table in the back?
Yeah, certainly, I can do that.
Cheers.
[knocks gently]
Hey, girl.
We have a little surprise for you.
-Come on. -What?
Come on.
What's going on?
TeePee time!
Oh, my gosh...
Isn't this awesome?
We built it for you.
Thanks, you guys, this is great.
We wanted to say we're sorry.
Our most sincere apologies.
We never meant to put everything on you.
If you're ever overwhelmed, you can always come to us.
I might just take you up on that.
To sisters in sanitation.
Boop!
It's been so long since we've hung out in here.
Remember when you and Dad
put up the treehouse?
[laughs] And Dad bashed his thumbnail with a hammer
so hard it turned black.
And Mirabel put nail polish on it when he was sleeping.
I was just trying to help.
[laughing]
[voicemail beeps]
Hey, Rosa, it's Richard.
If you're free this weekend, I'd love to take you to Aspen...
Not in the mood for Aspen.
Ciao, Rosa, lo vengo negli Stati Uniti domani.
Sarebbe bello vederti, amore.
No, grazie.
[Elisa, tearfully] Abuela? It's me.
Things have gotten crazy since you left...
Please call me.
[sighing in relief]
Sweet, glorious air conditioning.
Enjoying yourself?
Oh, you have no idea.
How did you fix it?
I had a moment of clarity and, um...
hired someone.
Mm...
Everything's peaceful again.
[angrily] Ricky Cooper!
I'm gonna go take a Yoga class.
Bye.
I get a call from my granddaughter,
telling me that she's doing everything that I used to do!
Now, what kind of a man doesn't roll up his sleeves
and start cleaning?
Trust me, I know.
I have such doubts.
I don't know if I did the right thing by leaving.
Of course you did.
We're managing.
It-it's just that I...
I miss Isabella every day,
and I-I loved being with my girls all the time,
and now, I just feel...
alone and cast aside.
When you left, it was really hard.
Oh?
How hard?
The house looked like a war zone.
I thought I could do it.
I thought I could handle everything,
and that the girls would help out,
and I found out that, well, it...
[sighs]
It wasn't so easy.
Without the center,
things fall apart,
and you...
are our center.
Oh...
I only left because it was time,
and you can do this.
You just need help.
You and the girls can do this,
and will be stronger for it.
We have to learn to manage, but, um...
we'll always need you.
Oh...
Thank you.
[sighs] I needed to hear that.
And I'll always need you and my girls.
I knew
the first moment my daughter brought you home
that you were the one.
You're a good man, Ricky Cooper.
But not great.
I went by the house,
and, uh... [clears throat]
Elisa forgot her lunch.
[chuckling]
Aw...
[hum of conversation]
[kids whispering and gossiping]
I don't know--
Hey, Elisa,
is your Dad really dating Miss Addison?
Why are you asking me this?
I heard it from Girl Sam, who heard it from Boy Sam,
who heard it from the girl with the cast,
who heard it from your sister.
[bell rings]
The year is 1607,
and the first colony was founded
in Jamestown, Virginia.
With the help from...
Come on, can anyone tell me who helped the colonists?
Elisa?
The Native American Powahatans,
but if you ask me,
the settlers should have stayed in their own lands
and left the Powahatans alone.
[knocks]
Sorry to interrupt.
Not at all, come in.
Uh...
Elisa forgot her lunch.
That was nice of you to bring it.
Trying to be better.
Thanks for your help.
You're welcome.
[classmates giggling]
Sarah...
top of Page Four for me, would you?
...46, 47, 48, 49...
Ooh...
Only 50?
* L-oser *
Must be all the takeout.
So, um, any new dates?
Well, you could say
I have some after-school activities.
Oh?
Well, I just met her, but she seems great.
You know, smart, cool, cares about the girls.
Wow, she's already met the girls?
Well, she's Elisa's teacher.
Whoa, whoa.
You're dating Elisa's teacher?
Well, I mean, it was one date.
If my Dad dated one of my teachers,
I would throw up,
or drop out.
No way.
No, if it bothered Elisa, she would've said so.
I think...
That man is completely clueless.
[front door slams]
Why'd you have to tell the whole school
about Dad and Miss Addison?
I told one person.
Who told one person...
who told one more person.
You shouldn't have said anything!
[sighs] We need a sister talk.
She's...
actually studying.
[camera shutter clicks] It's like we're on safari.
Please.
These are personalized autographs.
Liam made them.
They're prizes people win for following me.
[wryly] Is framing included?
We need to talk.
I'm freaking out.
You know how you said I could come to you
if I was ever feeling overwhelmed?
What's up?
I thought about it,
and I don't want Dad to date Miss Addison.
It's too weird.
Today at school, everyone was talking about me.
You're thinking about it all wrong.
Capitalize on that fame.
Since when do you know words like "capitalize"?
Since Liam started a donate button on my page.
Can we get back to me?
Okay.
Look, nothing bad can come from this.
If Dad's dating Miss Addison,
you're guaranteed at least a "B".
Hey...
Those are not happy faces.
Everything okay?
[tersely] Yes.
Is this about me dropping off your lunch at school?
No.
Is this about me going out with Lori?
Her name is Miss Addison!
And, yes, this is about you going out with her.
Okay. Okay, lemme have it.
I tried to get used to the idea of you dating her,
but I just can't!
It's just...
Icky.
I'm sorry, Dad.
It's just the way I feel.
"Icky" will not be on your SATs.
Shh.
I understand.
You know I want you to be happy, right?
Hel-lo?
[knocks]
Hi.
Hey.
So, um, I needed another parent-teacher conference.
For me.
Mm-hmm?
I think us seeing each other is a bit much for Elisa.
This whole dating thing is new to me,
and I need my girls to feel comfortable.
I get it.
You're a good dad, Ricky.
Those girls are so lucky.
No.
I'm the lucky one.
Thanks for understanding.
Well, thanks for stopping by.
Yeah.
Okay, then, I'm...
I'm gonna go.
Uh, Ricky?
Mr. Cooper?
Yeah?
The school year ends soon,
and as you know, Elisa's graduating.
[chuckles]
My thoughts exactly.
Bye.
[sighs sadly]
[cell phone rings]
Hey.
Wow, what a day.
Elisa didn't throw up, but she might as well have.
She was seriously upset with me.
She looked like she was on the verge of dropping out.
You were right.
Having second thoughts on the teacher?
I should get an "F" in Dating.
You and me both.
It's a long road ahead,
you know, with dating, with the girls,
with everything.
I'm glad you're my friend, Steph.
I'll talk to you later.
[sighs heavily]
Yo!
There's no ice cream, Todd.
Not here about the ice cream, bro.
Tell me everything.
Did you get detention?
I called it quits with the teacher.
I'm so destroyed.
I'm sorry, dude.
I know you were banking on this one.
I need to be alone now.
Okay.
Wait, are those gluten-free Pretzels?
I can eat those.
Mm...
I feel better already.
Thank you.
Y-y-you're taking...
you're taking them.
Okay.
All right.
All right, girls, we need to talk.
Not text, read, or sulk.
I want you to know that I won't be dating Lor--
Miss Addison.
It's my fault, isn't it?
Don't ever think that.
All right, if any of you feel a certain way
about someone I date,
I want you to come to me, and we'll talk it out.
Thanks, Dad.
Your happiness is everything to me.
Come here.
Aw...
And I thought I'd cook us dinner tonight.
[laughs]
Abuela's coming, too.
[***]
It's really good
to see you in the kitchen again, Abuela.
Thank you.
I'm sorry I missed your call, Elisa.
I'll do better next time.
And I can't believe how much I missed!
Well, my followers
seem to have flatlined.
Aw...
-I'm a Marxist Feminist now. -Oh.
"Si se puede!"
[laughing]
Let's do dinner
at least once a week together.
I can dig it, chica.
And I'll send you
a daily status report.
Well, I love that even more.
This is so much better than delivery.
[everyone] Mm-hmm.
And guess who will be here tomorrow?
Merry Maids!
Yeah, they'll be coming once a week
just to help out with the big stuff,
but that still means
you girls need to keep your rooms clean
and help out.
Well, well,
the great man asked for help.
I'm proud of you, Dad.
Aw, thanks.
We sure did miss your cooking, Abuela.
Mm-hmm, and your grocery shopping.
And I think your dad
did a super good job this time.
No, you actually wouldn't believe my first try.
It was crazy.
So, I'm walking over to the cheese section,
because I couldn't help myself,
then I realize, it's not real cheese,
it's like a soy tofu cheese.
Yeah, and you know what else they make?
Fake bacon, veggie bacon.
Yeah, I mean, who knows what it tastes like--
Fac-on?
Sorta like a-- "Facon!"
That's my girl right there...
[all laughing]
[***]
* When you're here with me *
* I have all I need *
* And when you're not around *
* All I want is to sit down with you... *
[knocks]
Still up?
I've got my re-test tomorrow.
This Powahatan history stuff is actually pretty fascinating.
Speaking of history...
This is the first ring I ever gave your mother.
I want you to have it.
Oh, Dad...
[***]
And I want to apologize again
for depending on you so much.
The way you take care of everything,
handle the house,
you're just like your mother.
You've got her spirit.
[***]
I love you.
I love you, too.
And, um...
no cleaning up after Merry Maids, deal?
No?
No.
[laughing]
* It doesn't get any better than this... *