1
00:00:04,273 --> 00:00:05,270
MAN: Previously
on "Future Man"...
2
00:00:05,294 --> 00:00:07,934
‐ Another escape on your watch,
Saint Jackalope?
3
00:00:07,958 --> 00:00:09,479
‐ Get bent, Mathers.
4
00:00:09,503 --> 00:00:11,150
RANDALL: You know,
if they cancel the show,
5
00:00:11,174 --> 00:00:13,362
the network will take me
and Stanley away.
6
00:00:13,386 --> 00:00:14,447
SUSAN:
That's not gonna happen.
7
00:00:14,471 --> 00:00:15,908
JOSH:
This isn't Haven,
8
00:00:15,932 --> 00:00:17,118
but I believe that something
is happening tonight
9
00:00:17,142 --> 00:00:18,459
at midnight
that will take us there.
10
00:00:18,483 --> 00:00:19,916
‐ I think the universe
is ending.
11
00:00:19,940 --> 00:00:22,006
We're looking at temporal
decay, time overlapping,
12
00:00:22,030 --> 00:00:24,093
future and past
existing simultaneously.
13
00:00:24,117 --> 00:00:25,678
It's like a black hole
but for time.
14
00:00:25,702 --> 00:00:26,729
Eventually, it'll get so big,
15
00:00:26,753 --> 00:00:28,433
it'll suck every timeline
into it.
16
00:00:28,457 --> 00:00:31,146
MAN: Original Tim
ripped a whole in space‐time.
17
00:00:31,170 --> 00:00:33,652
The rip makes time travel
possible,
18
00:00:33,676 --> 00:00:39,346
but its continued use makes
the apocalypse inevitable.
19
00:00:43,988 --> 00:00:47,847
[thunder booming]
20
00:00:47,871 --> 00:00:49,976
JOSH: Ahh!
21
00:00:50,000 --> 00:00:52,210
WOLF: Ahh!
22
00:00:57,014 --> 00:00:58,618
‐ You came.
23
00:00:58,642 --> 00:01:00,372
WOLF: I knew you would.
24
00:01:00,396 --> 00:01:02,208
‐ [coughing] It burns.
25
00:01:02,232 --> 00:01:03,742
‐ My lungs are on fire.
26
00:01:04,446 --> 00:01:06,676
This air is poison.
27
00:01:06,700 --> 00:01:08,930
‐ Where are we?
Is this‐‐is it the past?
28
00:01:08,954 --> 00:01:10,794
Is it the future?
29
00:01:11,167 --> 00:01:12,772
‐ Is it even Earth?
30
00:01:12,796 --> 00:01:15,778
[dramatic music]
31
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♪ ♪
32
00:01:25,320 --> 00:01:27,426
‐ [gasps]
33
00:01:27,450 --> 00:01:29,790
I had sex with Marilyn Monroe.
34
00:01:30,790 --> 00:01:32,420
And Jesus.
35
00:01:33,211 --> 00:01:36,068
‐ Why can't you keep
a goddamn rhythm?
36
00:01:36,092 --> 00:01:38,114
[crowd jeering]
37
00:01:38,138 --> 00:01:39,450
‐ I'm so alone.
38
00:01:39,474 --> 00:01:40,871
‐ Ahh!
‐ Oof! Oh! Oh!
39
00:01:40,895 --> 00:01:42,127
‐ People as weak as you,
40
00:01:42,151 --> 00:01:44,209
well, they need protection,
not scorn.
41
00:01:44,233 --> 00:01:46,548
‐ Oh, shit.
42
00:01:46,572 --> 00:01:48,050
I was a loser.
43
00:01:48,074 --> 00:01:50,931
[dramatic music]
44
00:01:50,955 --> 00:01:53,937
‐ [breathing heavily]
45
00:01:53,961 --> 00:01:57,945
Balance is within.
Balance is within.
46
00:01:57,969 --> 00:01:59,740
Balance is within.
WOLF: [groans]
47
00:01:59,764 --> 00:02:02,913
‐ Balance is within.
‐ We gotta go!
48
00:02:02,937 --> 00:02:07,237
‐ Go? To where? How?
49
00:02:08,741 --> 00:02:10,261
Wait, the cubes.
50
00:02:10,285 --> 00:02:12,307
We can put the cubes together,
and Susan will come.
51
00:02:12,331 --> 00:02:14,437
He's gonna help us, okay?
Get your cubes‐‐
52
00:02:14,461 --> 00:02:16,986
‐ You, zip it.
You're not the boss of me!
53
00:02:17,010 --> 00:02:19,824
You took advantage of me
when I was in a weakened state.
54
00:02:19,848 --> 00:02:21,701
You made me feel so small!
55
00:02:21,725 --> 00:02:23,162
‐ You do that to me
all the time!
56
00:02:23,186 --> 00:02:24,874
‐ Well,
it's not a nice thing to do!
57
00:02:24,898 --> 00:02:26,795
We're going back to Iowa State.
58
00:02:26,819 --> 00:02:28,548
‐ What? Why?
‐ To save the universe.
59
00:02:28,572 --> 00:02:30,259
‐ Since when is that a thing
you care about?
60
00:02:30,283 --> 00:02:32,480
‐ I don't know.
Spending eternity
61
00:02:32,504 --> 00:02:36,648
in an existential
netherworld changes a person!
62
00:02:36,672 --> 00:02:37,733
‐ What?
63
00:02:37,757 --> 00:02:38,735
‐ The weak deserve
our protection.
64
00:02:38,759 --> 00:02:40,074
‐ No! I want to go home!
65
00:02:40,098 --> 00:02:42,868
I want‐‐I want to see‐‐
I want to see my parents!
66
00:02:42,892 --> 00:02:44,162
I want to forget!
67
00:02:44,186 --> 00:02:48,463
I‐‐I'm out of
the savior business!
68
00:02:48,487 --> 00:02:51,344
Oh, fuck.
That's‐‐that's the same thing
69
00:02:51,368 --> 00:02:53,305
I told Jesus
when I broke up with him.
70
00:02:53,329 --> 00:02:54,767
‐ Killer burn!
71
00:02:54,791 --> 00:02:57,988
Going home to Mommy
and Daddy's gonna have to wait.
72
00:02:58,012 --> 00:02:59,694
‐ We can do both.
73
00:02:59,718 --> 00:03:01,535
We use the cubes
to summon Susan.
74
00:03:01,559 --> 00:03:02,950
He's expecting Haven.
75
00:03:02,974 --> 00:03:04,501
We take him to Iowa State,
show him the way.
76
00:03:04,525 --> 00:03:06,084
Josh, you go home from there
77
00:03:06,108 --> 00:03:08,753
knowing that you honored
the deal in good faith.
78
00:03:08,777 --> 00:03:11,634
Wolf, you stay,
fulfilling your new calling
79
00:03:11,658 --> 00:03:14,475
as a man who serves others,
not just himself.
80
00:03:14,499 --> 00:03:19,317
Our journeys, they only
conflict if we allow them to.
81
00:03:19,341 --> 00:03:24,327
‐ Okay.
82
00:03:24,351 --> 00:03:29,611
Ready? Three, two, one!
83
00:03:31,322 --> 00:03:33,428
SUSAN: All right,
another meteor arrives in ten,
84
00:03:33,452 --> 00:03:34,599
so let's make this quick.
85
00:03:34,623 --> 00:03:36,268
I got a rendition team
on standby.
86
00:03:36,292 --> 00:03:38,607
Show me the stronghold.
I assume it's subterranean?
87
00:03:38,631 --> 00:03:40,149
‐ Sorry, Susan.
88
00:03:40,173 --> 00:03:43,782
This isn't Haven,
but we're gonna take you there.
89
00:03:43,806 --> 00:03:46,078
JOSH: Oh, fire.
WOLF: Holy shit.
90
00:03:46,102 --> 00:03:48,082
We should probably leave soon.
91
00:03:48,106 --> 00:03:49,084
JOSH: Uh‐huh.
92
00:03:49,108 --> 00:03:52,090
[upbeat electronic music]
93
00:03:52,114 --> 00:03:56,432
♪ ♪
94
00:03:56,456 --> 00:04:00,166
[thunder booming]
95
00:04:03,302 --> 00:04:05,074
SUSAN: Wow, this is Haven.
96
00:04:05,098 --> 00:04:07,621
WOLF: No,
it's Iowa State University,
97
00:04:07,645 --> 00:04:10,335
home of the Cyclones,
gateway to Haven.
98
00:04:10,359 --> 00:04:11,838
Also, it's the end
of space‐time,
99
00:04:11,862 --> 00:04:14,219
and the universe
is collapsing in on itself.
100
00:04:14,243 --> 00:04:17,014
SUSAN: Hmm?
What is that horrible noise?
101
00:04:17,038 --> 00:04:19,185
JOSH: That's new.
102
00:04:19,209 --> 00:04:21,526
SUSAN: Can someone tell me
what's happening here?
103
00:04:21,550 --> 00:04:23,987
WOLF: Overlapping timelines,
other realities
104
00:04:24,011 --> 00:04:26,996
colliding into our own
faster and faster and faster
105
00:04:27,020 --> 00:04:29,707
until they all become one,
and that one gets‐‐
106
00:04:29,731 --> 00:04:33,840
‐ Sucked into a big fucking
time hole.
107
00:04:33,864 --> 00:04:35,969
You're telling me
the Big Suck is real?
108
00:04:35,993 --> 00:04:37,810
WOLF: Very, and from the looks
of things outside,
109
00:04:37,834 --> 00:04:39,100
it's happening right now.
110
00:04:39,124 --> 00:04:42,441
‐ This is bullshit.
‐ No, it's not.
111
00:04:42,465 --> 00:04:45,196
If what he's saying
is true, then‐‐
112
00:04:45,220 --> 00:04:47,640
‐ Yeah, but‐‐
but how do we know?
113
00:04:49,019 --> 00:04:50,540
I've been in a room
just like this
114
00:04:50,564 --> 00:04:51,841
looking at a blackboard
with a bunch of shit on it
115
00:04:51,865 --> 00:04:53,128
that's all made up.
116
00:04:53,152 --> 00:04:55,299
We're not scientists.
You are a game show host.
117
00:04:55,323 --> 00:04:57,560
‐ My Daytime Emmy
says "presenter."
118
00:04:57,584 --> 00:04:59,683
‐ Okay.
You're a chef‐slash‐
119
00:04:59,707 --> 00:05:03,107
wheel maker‐slash‐guy who used
to blow stuff up with bombs.
120
00:05:03,131 --> 00:05:06,906
Let's check in
with our fearless leader.
121
00:05:06,930 --> 00:05:08,952
‐ Amazing.
‐ Yeah, see?
122
00:05:08,976 --> 00:05:10,372
No one's home there,
123
00:05:10,396 --> 00:05:12,918
and I failed
high school chemistry twice.
124
00:05:12,942 --> 00:05:15,715
You think that this team
of ragtag heroes
125
00:05:15,739 --> 00:05:17,346
is gonna solve the mysteries
of the universe
126
00:05:17,370 --> 00:05:18,888
in a 20‐minute jam session?
127
00:05:18,912 --> 00:05:21,228
‐ Not with that attitude.
‐ We're doing it again.
128
00:05:21,252 --> 00:05:22,855
We're trying
to make things better,
129
00:05:22,879 --> 00:05:24,236
and we're just gonna end up
making things worse.
130
00:05:24,260 --> 00:05:27,280
‐ This time is different.
131
00:05:27,304 --> 00:05:29,711
This device allows me
to access any moment
132
00:05:29,735 --> 00:05:33,918
across every timeline,
but it's telling me
133
00:05:33,942 --> 00:05:39,053
that near here is a time
and place that is singular.
134
00:05:39,077 --> 00:05:42,352
‐ So?
‐ So infinite universes
135
00:05:42,376 --> 00:05:43,773
with infinite timelines,
136
00:05:43,797 --> 00:05:46,402
do you know how many moments
in space exist uniquely?
137
00:05:46,426 --> 00:05:48,197
‐ You obviously know that we
don't know the answer to that.
138
00:05:48,221 --> 00:05:50,117
I barely understand
the premise of the question.
139
00:05:50,141 --> 00:05:52,623
‐ 60. A trillion.
‐ None.
140
00:05:52,647 --> 00:05:55,462
‐ Oh, the ultimate anomaly.
141
00:05:55,486 --> 00:05:58,008
‐ So the portal that opens
at midnight is the only portal.
142
00:05:58,032 --> 00:06:00,349
‐ And the Big Time that presses
that button at midnight
143
00:06:00,373 --> 00:06:02,099
is the only Big Time.
144
00:06:02,123 --> 00:06:04,107
We stop him,
we stop the rip in space‐time
145
00:06:04,131 --> 00:06:06,484
from ever happening,
save the universe.
146
00:06:06,508 --> 00:06:11,159
‐ And we can end
time travel forever.
147
00:06:11,183 --> 00:06:13,247
‐ What?
148
00:06:13,271 --> 00:06:15,258
No, please no more circles.
It's a sickness.
149
00:06:15,282 --> 00:06:20,285
‐ This is the rip
that made time travel possible.
150
00:06:22,289 --> 00:06:24,355
‐ This tracks.
SUSAN: Sure does.
151
00:06:24,379 --> 00:06:25,855
‐ Just gonna add
one more circle.
152
00:06:25,879 --> 00:06:27,275
SUSAN: Yeah, yeah, yeah.
JOSH: Do not add one more‐‐
153
00:06:27,299 --> 00:06:28,987
Wolf, please, I‐‐stop! Stop!
154
00:06:29,011 --> 00:06:30,657
This was not the deal.
The deal was,
155
00:06:30,681 --> 00:06:32,828
we get you to Haven,
and you give us our freedom.
156
00:06:32,852 --> 00:06:34,289
‐ Well, I'm in.
157
00:06:34,313 --> 00:06:37,128
Universe isn't gonna
save itself.
158
00:06:37,152 --> 00:06:40,134
Tiger?
159
00:06:40,158 --> 00:06:43,225
‐ Oh, my path is unclear.
I'll know when it appears.
160
00:06:43,249 --> 00:06:45,537
‐ That's a soft yes
if ever I heard one.
161
00:06:50,888 --> 00:06:53,035
‐ Futturman, I loved my job
in the entertainment
162
00:06:53,059 --> 00:06:57,084
division of the government,
but the network has a way
163
00:06:57,108 --> 00:07:01,051
of sucking the joy
out of any endeavor,
164
00:07:01,075 --> 00:07:02,804
including hunting humans
for sport,
165
00:07:02,828 --> 00:07:06,854
which is pretty cool,
166
00:07:06,878 --> 00:07:09,985
but we end time travel,
I'm free.
167
00:07:10,009 --> 00:07:13,493
Sure, I'll be stuck in 1999,
but I'll be stuck here
168
00:07:13,517 --> 00:07:16,937
with the only ones
who I really care about.
169
00:07:19,403 --> 00:07:22,890
This is my family, and it's
totally normal in my time.
170
00:07:22,914 --> 00:07:25,224
‐ Well, uh,
I don't keep my family
171
00:07:25,248 --> 00:07:27,525
in little cubes in my pocket,
and you guys clearly do not
172
00:07:27,549 --> 00:07:29,858
need my help to go
and stop a guy in his dorm room
173
00:07:29,882 --> 00:07:31,699
from doing whatever the fuck
he's about to do,
174
00:07:31,723 --> 00:07:33,326
so please just send me home.
175
00:07:33,350 --> 00:07:35,411
‐ All right.
176
00:07:35,435 --> 00:07:36,956
This TTD is preprogrammed
177
00:07:36,980 --> 00:07:40,507
to take you back to the moment
that you defeated Biotic Wars.
178
00:07:40,531 --> 00:07:41,926
If you wear this
when you travel,
179
00:07:41,950 --> 00:07:43,218
you will have no memory
180
00:07:43,242 --> 00:07:45,559
of anything
that happened afterwards.
181
00:07:45,583 --> 00:07:48,019
‐ Wow.
‐ If you're gonna use that,
182
00:07:48,043 --> 00:07:49,648
use it before midnight,
183
00:07:49,672 --> 00:07:51,159
'cause that's when
we're gonna close the portal,
184
00:07:51,183 --> 00:07:52,612
end time travel
once and for all.
185
00:07:52,636 --> 00:07:55,910
‐ Come on, Josh.
There's a Viking long ship
186
00:07:55,934 --> 00:07:58,916
docked outside
this building right now.
187
00:07:58,940 --> 00:08:01,006
You're seriously
just gonna walk away?
188
00:08:01,030 --> 00:08:02,549
This has the trappings
of perhaps
189
00:08:02,573 --> 00:08:04,179
our greatest adventure yet.
190
00:08:04,203 --> 00:08:05,518
‐ I'm done adventuring.
191
00:08:05,542 --> 00:08:08,519
I'm just‐‐
just ready to go home.
192
00:08:08,543 --> 00:08:10,565
‐ Okay.
193
00:08:10,589 --> 00:08:12,219
You better get going then.
194
00:08:15,641 --> 00:08:16,744
‐ Ooh!
195
00:08:16,768 --> 00:08:20,710
Does this version of you
do good‐byes or‐‐
196
00:08:20,734 --> 00:08:22,051
‐ Endings and beginnings
197
00:08:22,075 --> 00:08:25,970
are just constructs
of an imprisoned mind.
198
00:08:25,994 --> 00:08:30,229
‐ I'm out.
199
00:08:30,253 --> 00:08:31,946
‐ All right,
plan's pretty simple.
200
00:08:31,970 --> 00:08:33,235
There's a mad computer genius
201
00:08:33,259 --> 00:08:34,696
holed up
in his dorm room plotting
202
00:08:34,720 --> 00:08:36,408
to rip the world
a new one at midnight.
203
00:08:36,432 --> 00:08:39,126
We got 20 minutes,
there are three of us,
204
00:08:39,150 --> 00:08:41,042
and we know exactly
where to find him,
205
00:08:41,066 --> 00:08:44,593
and in my experience, computer
geniuses turtle pretty fast.
206
00:08:44,617 --> 00:08:46,512
How could we possibly fail?
207
00:08:46,536 --> 00:08:51,730
[explosion and clattering]
208
00:08:51,754 --> 00:08:54,945
Okay, I see one way.
209
00:08:54,969 --> 00:08:56,030
SUSAN: Mathers.
210
00:08:56,054 --> 00:08:58,034
I'll hold them off. You go.
211
00:08:58,058 --> 00:09:00,058
Stop Big Time.
212
00:09:01,482 --> 00:09:04,662
I'm re‐doing my living room.
Go!
213
00:09:11,544 --> 00:09:12,674
[thunder booming]
214
00:09:20,729 --> 00:09:23,779
‐ [exhales]
215
00:09:25,989 --> 00:09:27,969
I'm out?
216
00:09:27,993 --> 00:09:31,003
That's a shitty good‐bye.
217
00:09:33,421 --> 00:09:34,733
I got time.
218
00:09:34,757 --> 00:09:37,614
JOSH: Guys, quick,
we're gonna lose him.
219
00:09:37,638 --> 00:09:39,283
There. There he is.
220
00:09:39,307 --> 00:09:40,495
SUSAN: Act like you've stalked
the internet
221
00:09:40,519 --> 00:09:42,540
measuring time and space before.
222
00:09:42,564 --> 00:09:45,091
TIGER: Yeah,
stick to the shadows, rook.
223
00:09:45,115 --> 00:09:48,081
JOSH: Okay, sorry.
224
00:09:58,555 --> 00:10:02,622
That was weird.
225
00:10:02,646 --> 00:10:04,668
Oh, the dorm.
226
00:10:04,692 --> 00:10:07,674
[dramatic music]
227
00:10:07,698 --> 00:10:13,394
♪ ♪
228
00:10:13,418 --> 00:10:15,940
‐ Shit, unstoppable murder bot.
229
00:10:15,964 --> 00:10:18,934
I hate that guy.
230
00:10:21,809 --> 00:10:22,979
‐ I must face him.
231
00:10:25,859 --> 00:10:27,254
That's my path.
232
00:10:27,278 --> 00:10:30,177
‐ Okay, okay, look, uh,
233
00:10:30,201 --> 00:10:32,058
I understand you went through
a little something in Haven.
234
00:10:32,082 --> 00:10:35,772
We all did, but that's
a straight‐up suicide mission.
235
00:10:35,796 --> 00:10:37,609
‐ Haven't they all been
suicide missions?
236
00:10:37,633 --> 00:10:39,449
‐ I mean, we call them
suicide missions,
237
00:10:39,473 --> 00:10:41,700
because it sounds cool,
but, well,
238
00:10:41,724 --> 00:10:45,123
to be honest, most of them
are homicide missions.
239
00:10:45,147 --> 00:10:49,382
This, this is suicide.
240
00:10:49,406 --> 00:10:52,472
‐ Perhaps. I mean,
I know I can't defeat him,
241
00:10:52,496 --> 00:10:55,456
but I can make sure
he doesn't defeat us.
242
00:10:56,838 --> 00:10:58,191
Go.
243
00:10:58,215 --> 00:11:02,742
Complete your transformation
from selfish to selfless.
244
00:11:02,766 --> 00:11:05,498
‐ I need you to know
245
00:11:05,522 --> 00:11:08,462
that no matter what happens,
246
00:11:08,486 --> 00:11:10,633
you will always be like
an incredibly hot
247
00:11:10,657 --> 00:11:13,597
former stepsister to me.
248
00:11:13,621 --> 00:11:16,081
‐ I have complicated feelings
for you as well.
249
00:11:23,056 --> 00:11:26,038
[ominous music]
250
00:11:26,062 --> 00:11:33,094
♪ ♪
251
00:11:33,118 --> 00:11:36,118
[electricity crackling]
252
00:11:40,132 --> 00:11:43,991
‐ Susan.
253
00:11:44,015 --> 00:11:47,790
Susan.
254
00:11:47,814 --> 00:11:53,176
♪ ♪
255
00:11:53,200 --> 00:11:56,098
[electricity crackling]
256
00:11:56,122 --> 00:12:02,235
♪ ♪
257
00:12:02,259 --> 00:12:04,532
Oh, Susan.
258
00:12:04,556 --> 00:12:08,122
Only you would try
to hide on a stage.
259
00:12:08,146 --> 00:12:11,253
‐ "The Matrix," all right,
Keanu Reeves, Carrie Ann Moss,
260
00:12:11,277 --> 00:12:13,049
I mean, it's so good.
261
00:12:13,073 --> 00:12:15,429
‐ We've identified witnesses.
Awaiting your command.
262
00:12:15,453 --> 00:12:17,642
‐ Terminate them.
‐ Copy.
263
00:12:17,666 --> 00:12:19,771
WOLF: These aren't
time rogues; they're nerds.
264
00:12:19,795 --> 00:12:21,065
JOSH: Not cool.
WOLF: You're telling me.
265
00:12:21,089 --> 00:12:22,318
Look at these dweebs.
266
00:12:22,342 --> 00:12:23,988
JUAN: The theme is,
"The Next Millennium."
267
00:12:24,012 --> 00:12:25,999
WOLF: Make the theme "Girls,"
and maybe some will show up.
268
00:12:26,023 --> 00:12:27,328
Am I right?
269
00:12:27,352 --> 00:12:28,459
[echoing]
Right? Right? Right? Right?
270
00:12:28,483 --> 00:12:32,797
Redemption, thy name is Wolf.
271
00:12:32,821 --> 00:12:35,260
[dramatic music]
272
00:12:35,284 --> 00:12:37,014
I got time.
273
00:12:37,038 --> 00:12:39,309
‐ Ahh!
274
00:12:39,333 --> 00:12:42,358
[gasping]
275
00:12:42,382 --> 00:12:43,694
Fuck that hurts.
276
00:12:43,718 --> 00:12:46,450
‐ [sighs]
277
00:12:46,474 --> 00:12:49,581
I'm bringing you in,
Saint Jackalope,
278
00:12:49,605 --> 00:12:52,044
and with the capital
that earns me,
279
00:12:52,068 --> 00:12:55,468
you're looking at
the next network president.
280
00:12:55,492 --> 00:12:59,934
‐ You're just a bureaucrat
whose only real skill
281
00:12:59,958 --> 00:13:02,440
is blind ambition,
282
00:13:02,464 --> 00:13:04,989
none of the traits
of a network president.
283
00:13:05,013 --> 00:13:07,786
MATHERS: I may not have
your flair for theater,
284
00:13:07,810 --> 00:13:10,585
but I do know a little bit
about entertainment.
285
00:13:10,609 --> 00:13:13,962
I'm not just gonna
cancel your show
286
00:13:13,986 --> 00:13:16,092
without a proper send‐off.
287
00:13:16,116 --> 00:13:20,893
There will be a series finale
featuring "The DieCathlon's"
288
00:13:20,917 --> 00:13:22,647
very own host
289
00:13:22,671 --> 00:13:26,822
as its final contestant.
290
00:13:26,846 --> 00:13:29,159
‐ Fuck, that's a good idea.
291
00:13:29,183 --> 00:13:32,040
‐ Oh, you thought you were
so clever,
292
00:13:32,064 --> 00:13:36,842
hacking your cerebellum,
turning off your DNA address.
293
00:13:36,866 --> 00:13:40,641
How would I possibly know
where you'd turn up?
294
00:13:40,665 --> 00:13:42,455
Unfortunately...
295
00:13:45,800 --> 00:13:47,827
The network
has all kinds of ways
296
00:13:47,851 --> 00:13:51,266
of tracking its property.
297
00:13:54,359 --> 00:13:56,548
NUT‐FACE JOSH: God damn it,
Gandhi, now is not the time
298
00:13:56,572 --> 00:13:58,677
to meditate!
Come on, guys.
299
00:13:58,701 --> 00:14:02,017
My best friend Osama bin Laden
says paradise awaits.
300
00:14:02,041 --> 00:14:03,019
Haven this way, let's go.
301
00:14:03,043 --> 00:14:06,093
‐ Oh, shit.
302
00:14:08,971 --> 00:14:12,287
WOMAN ON TV: A very excited
crowd here at Times Square.
303
00:14:12,311 --> 00:14:14,500
NUT‐FACE JOSH: I don't know
about you guys.
304
00:14:14,524 --> 00:14:17,213
But I am ready to want
for nothing.
305
00:14:17,237 --> 00:14:19,217
Come on. Come on. Come on.
306
00:14:19,241 --> 00:14:21,661
Haven awaits.
307
00:14:32,519 --> 00:14:35,459
‐ You know, for an unstoppable
killing machine,
308
00:14:35,483 --> 00:14:37,380
someone's got a sweet tooth.
309
00:14:37,404 --> 00:14:39,759
Trail ends here,
310
00:14:39,783 --> 00:14:43,623
but for you, my friend,
the journey is just beginning.
311
00:14:47,882 --> 00:14:50,948
Ahh!
312
00:14:50,972 --> 00:14:52,743
[dramatic music]
313
00:14:52,767 --> 00:14:54,437
WOLF: [grunts]
314
00:14:58,654 --> 00:15:02,303
BOTH: [grunting]
315
00:15:02,327 --> 00:15:03,807
‐ Ahh!
316
00:15:03,831 --> 00:15:05,728
Ugh!
317
00:15:05,752 --> 00:15:08,762
[grunting]
318
00:15:17,901 --> 00:15:18,991
‐ Awesome.
319
00:15:22,034 --> 00:15:23,754
‐ Keg's dusted, and so are you.
320
00:15:26,877 --> 00:15:29,066
Keg toss!
321
00:15:29,090 --> 00:15:31,738
Trying to shoot my nerd?
322
00:15:31,762 --> 00:15:32,823
‐ Ugh!
323
00:15:32,847 --> 00:15:34,137
‐ My nerd?
324
00:15:36,897 --> 00:15:40,296
They say the sodium
in this stuff will kill you.
325
00:15:40,320 --> 00:15:41,800
Guess my name's sodium.
326
00:15:41,824 --> 00:15:43,914
Ahh! Augh!
327
00:15:48,294 --> 00:15:51,276
[ominous music]
328
00:15:51,300 --> 00:15:55,243
♪ ♪
329
00:15:55,267 --> 00:15:56,647
Mm‐mm.
330
00:16:08,209 --> 00:16:12,444
‐ Bet you wish you'd turned
this thing's field level down.
331
00:16:12,468 --> 00:16:17,036
‐ Look, just wipe her memory
and reprogram her.
332
00:16:17,060 --> 00:16:19,249
Have her do small engine repair.
333
00:16:19,273 --> 00:16:22,631
Just don't kill her.
334
00:16:22,655 --> 00:16:26,764
‐ Her? You mean it,
and you can kiss it good‐bye.
335
00:16:26,788 --> 00:16:29,378
‐ No!
336
00:16:37,309 --> 00:16:40,041
‐ [screaming]
337
00:16:40,065 --> 00:16:41,669
SUSAN: She's not an it.
338
00:16:41,693 --> 00:16:44,132
Her name is Stanley,
339
00:16:44,156 --> 00:16:46,473
and she's my daughter,
you son of a bitch.
340
00:16:46,497 --> 00:16:47,890
‐ [screaming]
341
00:16:47,914 --> 00:16:52,594
‐ [gasping and coughing]
342
00:16:57,392 --> 00:17:00,415
You're conditioned to kill.
343
00:17:00,439 --> 00:17:02,293
It's what you do.
344
00:17:02,317 --> 00:17:05,842
It's who you are, but somewhere,
345
00:17:05,866 --> 00:17:07,596
somewhere in your programming
346
00:17:07,620 --> 00:17:11,980
there's a curious bit of code
wondering,
347
00:17:12,004 --> 00:17:14,844
"Is that all I am?"
348
00:17:18,141 --> 00:17:22,041
You're‐‐you're remembering
349
00:17:22,065 --> 00:17:25,006
a life in Sparta,
350
00:17:25,030 --> 00:17:28,346
a life that was all your own,
351
00:17:28,370 --> 00:17:31,352
life before wartime
352
00:17:31,376 --> 00:17:33,398
holding on to who we think
we are.
353
00:17:33,422 --> 00:17:35,234
It's a great‐‐
354
00:17:35,258 --> 00:17:39,660
it's a great comfort,
355
00:17:39,684 --> 00:17:41,234
but it's also a cage.
356
00:17:46,322 --> 00:17:49,472
‐ [screaming]
357
00:17:49,496 --> 00:17:52,226
‐ All right, Stanley, she's‐‐
358
00:17:52,250 --> 00:17:53,312
she's very dead.
359
00:17:53,336 --> 00:17:55,107
That's‐‐
that's just overkill, sweetie.
360
00:17:55,131 --> 00:17:57,448
Oh, actually, you know what?
That's my bad.
361
00:17:57,472 --> 00:17:59,827
I've got you set way past
normal kill.
362
00:17:59,851 --> 00:18:02,163
There we go.
363
00:18:02,187 --> 00:18:03,477
‐ Daddy, you saved me.
364
00:18:05,235 --> 00:18:09,365
‐ No, sweetie, you saved me.
365
00:18:11,623 --> 00:18:16,316
‐ Augh.
366
00:18:16,340 --> 00:18:19,407
[groans]
367
00:18:19,431 --> 00:18:23,122
‐ Thank you for saving us.
368
00:18:23,146 --> 00:18:27,255
‐ No, no, thank you.
369
00:18:27,279 --> 00:18:28,596
I know your struggle.
370
00:18:28,620 --> 00:18:31,639
I know the pain
of being unloved.
371
00:18:31,663 --> 00:18:36,441
But I know now that my path
lies in helping others.
372
00:18:36,465 --> 00:18:38,361
‐ Well, what should we call you?
373
00:18:38,385 --> 00:18:41,032
‐ Oh,
374
00:18:41,056 --> 00:18:43,976
I don't need recognition.
375
00:18:45,816 --> 00:18:47,755
I'm nobody.
376
00:18:47,779 --> 00:18:51,011
‐ No, I mean should we call you
an ambulance,
377
00:18:51,035 --> 00:18:54,518
or do you want to take a taxi
to the hospital?
378
00:18:54,542 --> 00:18:57,691
NUT‐FACE JOSH: Jesus Christ,
hurry up. No, not you, Jesus.
379
00:18:57,715 --> 00:18:59,653
I know you're doing the best
you can in those sandals.
380
00:18:59,677 --> 00:19:01,449
What's your excuse,
Roberto Clemente?
381
00:19:01,473 --> 00:19:04,330
‐ Wow, what a dick.
382
00:19:04,354 --> 00:19:07,336
[tense music]
383
00:19:07,360 --> 00:19:14,370
♪ ♪
384
00:19:39,757 --> 00:19:41,737
WOMAN ON TV:
Let's go back to...
385
00:19:41,761 --> 00:19:48,781
♪ ♪
386
00:20:15,579 --> 00:20:17,266
‐ Whoa!
387
00:20:17,290 --> 00:20:20,210
‐ What exactly are you
doing, dude?
388
00:20:27,143 --> 00:20:28,630
‐ I had to use the whole dorm's
network to get all the movies
389
00:20:28,654 --> 00:20:31,629
so I could be the guy
who had all the movies.
390
00:20:31,653 --> 00:20:34,390
How was I supposed to know that
one of the files was corrupt?
391
00:20:34,414 --> 00:20:37,641
Fucking sliding doors.
392
00:20:37,665 --> 00:20:39,395
Sometimes I wonder
what my life would be like
393
00:20:39,419 --> 00:20:41,106
if I didn't download that movie.
394
00:20:41,130 --> 00:20:44,237
‐ So wait, all of this is
because you're trying to give
395
00:20:44,261 --> 00:20:46,367
everyone a new computer virus
396
00:20:46,391 --> 00:20:48,538
to cover up for the one
you already gave them?
397
00:20:48,562 --> 00:20:50,919
‐ Yeah, but they don't know
I gave it to them yet,
398
00:20:50,943 --> 00:20:52,508
and I can blame it all on Y2K.
399
00:20:52,532 --> 00:20:56,429
I got time. Last semester
was hell for me, no friends.
400
00:20:56,453 --> 00:20:59,770
Everyone calls me Big Time,
because once I mentioned
401
00:20:59,794 --> 00:21:01,814
I was JV tetherball captain.
402
00:21:01,838 --> 00:21:05,530
‐ Oof, Big Time.
‐ I know, and that was before
403
00:21:05,554 --> 00:21:07,119
I destroyed
everyone's computers.
404
00:21:07,143 --> 00:21:08,578
If they find out about this,
405
00:21:08,602 --> 00:21:11,375
next semester
will be even worse.
406
00:21:11,399 --> 00:21:13,629
‐ You know, I really understand
the feeling
407
00:21:13,653 --> 00:21:17,413
of wanting to press a button
and undo all your mistakes.
408
00:21:28,350 --> 00:21:29,745
‐ We got time.
409
00:21:29,769 --> 00:21:31,336
BIG TIME:
This is a good plan.
410
00:21:31,360 --> 00:21:33,377
It'll work.
411
00:21:33,401 --> 00:21:36,371
JOSH: Where are they?
412
00:21:38,285 --> 00:21:42,375
BIG TIME:
Come on, come on.
413
00:21:46,260 --> 00:21:47,640
I can fix this.
414
00:21:53,107 --> 00:21:57,133
I can fix this. I can fix this.
I can fix this.
415
00:21:57,157 --> 00:21:59,763
‐ Do you know how many times
416
00:21:59,787 --> 00:22:02,268
those exact words
have come out of my mouth?
417
00:22:02,292 --> 00:22:05,065
But you can't fix it.
418
00:22:05,089 --> 00:22:07,696
What's done is done.
419
00:22:07,720 --> 00:22:09,117
All you can do now is‐‐
420
00:22:09,141 --> 00:22:10,910
is try to handle
these consequences
421
00:22:10,934 --> 00:22:14,668
with a little bit of grace
and a little bit of courage.
422
00:22:14,692 --> 00:22:17,049
‐ You don't understand.
This is the end of the world.
423
00:22:17,073 --> 00:22:19,803
‐ I know that it feels
like that to you,
424
00:22:19,827 --> 00:22:22,183
but it isn't.
425
00:22:22,207 --> 00:22:25,481
The world has a sick,
sick sense of humor,
426
00:22:25,505 --> 00:22:26,859
and it will surprise you
how it reacts
427
00:22:26,883 --> 00:22:29,183
to all your little ways
to fix things.
428
00:22:35,692 --> 00:22:37,254
You end up in a very,
429
00:22:37,278 --> 00:22:39,384
very weird place
with a very different vibe,
430
00:22:39,408 --> 00:22:41,388
and that tetherball thing
comes back in a big way.
431
00:22:41,412 --> 00:22:43,141
‐ What?
‐ The point is,
432
00:22:43,165 --> 00:22:45,270
you can't cover up
your mistakes, okay?
433
00:22:45,294 --> 00:22:48,444
You can own them.
You can learn from them.
434
00:22:48,468 --> 00:22:50,365
You can make them a part
of who you are.
435
00:22:50,389 --> 00:22:52,479
That is how you build character.
436
00:22:55,983 --> 00:23:00,300
Let this moment be the origin
story for your character.
437
00:23:00,324 --> 00:23:01,981
MAN: Get close to somebody
you love.
438
00:23:02,005 --> 00:23:04,601
‐ Say good‐bye to the old you.
439
00:23:04,625 --> 00:23:08,484
Grow up. Move on.
440
00:23:08,508 --> 00:23:09,486
MAN ON TV:
And we're gonna count...
441
00:23:09,510 --> 00:23:12,241
‐ We can't go back.
442
00:23:12,265 --> 00:23:14,830
MAN ON TV:
Are you ready?
443
00:23:14,854 --> 00:23:16,875
TIGER: Oh, no. Oh, no.
444
00:23:16,899 --> 00:23:20,967
WOLF: Oh, if we're out here,
we're out of time.
445
00:23:20,991 --> 00:23:22,512
MAN ON TV:
Six, five,
446
00:23:22,536 --> 00:23:26,353
four, three, two, one.
447
00:23:26,377 --> 00:23:29,377
[fireworks booming]
448
00:23:36,229 --> 00:23:38,919
‐ The anomalies have stopped.
449
00:23:38,943 --> 00:23:43,453
Just the calm before
the real shit storm.
450
00:23:47,419 --> 00:23:51,403
‐ We die together,
451
00:23:51,427 --> 00:23:54,177
a good death.
452
00:24:02,073 --> 00:24:03,993
‐ Oh, hey.
453
00:24:05,705 --> 00:24:09,021
I have a useless
pocket watch for you
454
00:24:09,045 --> 00:24:11,585
and a souvenir headband for you.
455
00:24:13,638 --> 00:24:15,451
Look, we've, uh,
456
00:24:15,475 --> 00:24:16,703
we've never been good
at good‐byes,
457
00:24:16,727 --> 00:24:18,874
so why start now?
458
00:24:18,898 --> 00:24:21,839
‐ You stopped him.
JOSH: You were right, Tiger.
459
00:24:21,863 --> 00:24:25,663
Our journeys only conflict
if we allow them to.
460
00:24:27,458 --> 00:24:29,270
Besides,
I think it was about time
461
00:24:29,294 --> 00:24:30,854
I moved out
of my parents' house anyhow.
462
00:24:32,551 --> 00:24:34,113
‐ [grunts]
463
00:24:34,137 --> 00:24:35,533
Well, that's all of them.
464
00:24:35,557 --> 00:24:37,579
Get these bad boys on ice,
you can set yourself up
465
00:24:37,603 --> 00:24:40,588
with a nice little
black market organ business.
466
00:24:40,612 --> 00:24:44,554
Me and Kiefer knew a guy in
Little Armenia back in the day.
467
00:24:44,578 --> 00:24:47,807
Oh, he would take these off
your hands tout de suite.
468
00:24:47,831 --> 00:24:51,028
‐ I think I'm actually gonna
dispose of any evidence
469
00:24:51,052 --> 00:24:54,529
that ties me to 3491,
but thanks.
470
00:24:54,553 --> 00:24:57,117
Well,
maybe not all the evidence.
471
00:24:57,141 --> 00:24:58,621
Guys, actually,
472
00:24:58,645 --> 00:25:01,292
these are the murderers
I was telling you about.
473
00:25:01,316 --> 00:25:04,633
‐ Oh, I have data‐sorbed
so much about you three.
474
00:25:04,657 --> 00:25:06,135
You know, I think deep down
475
00:25:06,159 --> 00:25:08,557
Susan
was rooting for you all along.
476
00:25:08,581 --> 00:25:10,520
‐ Don't tell them.
477
00:25:10,544 --> 00:25:12,071
Anyway,
who's ready for a road trip?
478
00:25:12,095 --> 00:25:16,030
‐ We are 254.8 miles
from the icon
479
00:25:16,054 --> 00:25:18,702
of the American capitalist
experiment,
480
00:25:18,726 --> 00:25:20,288
Mall of America.
481
00:25:20,312 --> 00:25:24,673
I suggest we chart
a course with alacrity.
482
00:25:24,697 --> 00:25:27,595
‐ How do you not love this kid?
It's impossible.
483
00:25:27,619 --> 00:25:31,937
Anyway, vehicle,
move in a forward fashion.
484
00:25:31,961 --> 00:25:34,609
Set a vector.
485
00:25:34,633 --> 00:25:36,393
Hello, vehicle?
486
00:25:38,265 --> 00:25:40,371
Hello, vehicle.
I'm your new owner, Susan.
487
00:25:40,395 --> 00:25:41,498
And I would like to chart
a course.
488
00:25:41,522 --> 00:25:42,799
‐ You think they're
gonna be okay?
489
00:25:42,823 --> 00:25:44,879
SUSAN: Respond to me, vehicle.
JOSH: Yeah.
490
00:25:44,903 --> 00:25:46,883
SUSAN: Vehicle?
491
00:25:46,907 --> 00:25:51,225
JOSH: Well, guys,
stuck in the year 2000.
492
00:25:51,249 --> 00:25:53,397
WOLF: Dawn of a new millennium.
493
00:25:53,421 --> 00:25:55,488
JOSH: Gotta say,
I did not expect this
494
00:25:55,512 --> 00:25:57,572
to turn out in this way.
495
00:25:57,596 --> 00:25:58,949
WOLF: Fun of the ride,
isn't it?
496
00:25:58,973 --> 00:26:01,538
JOSH: Yeah.
497
00:26:01,562 --> 00:26:03,500
TIGER: You know, it's taken me
10,000 lifetimes
498
00:26:03,524 --> 00:26:08,092
to learn how to say this,
but I finally can.
499
00:26:08,116 --> 00:26:11,975
It's "Futturman,"
not "Foo‐tturman."
500
00:26:11,999 --> 00:26:13,311
I know that now.
501
00:26:13,335 --> 00:26:14,939
JOSH: Very good.
502
00:26:14,963 --> 00:26:18,237
TIGER: And I'm happy
to know you.
503
00:26:18,261 --> 00:26:21,243
JOSH: You too.
504
00:26:21,267 --> 00:26:25,795
Wolf, anything else
you care to add?
505
00:26:25,819 --> 00:26:28,176
WOLF: I'm proud of everything
you've accomplished.
506
00:26:28,200 --> 00:26:29,803
JOSH: Oh, thanks.
507
00:26:29,827 --> 00:26:31,598
WOLF: With my penis.
JOSH: Okay.
508
00:26:31,622 --> 00:26:33,936
Hey, um, question,
509
00:26:33,960 --> 00:26:36,692
how did you guys design,
mass produce,
510
00:26:36,716 --> 00:26:38,737
and send a video game
back through time
511
00:26:38,761 --> 00:26:40,578
when you were living in a sewer.
512
00:26:40,602 --> 00:26:43,162
WOLF: Well, Josh,
the answer to that
513
00:26:43,186 --> 00:26:44,606
is remarkably simple, see...
514
00:26:49,282 --> 00:26:51,178
[indistinct chatter]
515
00:26:51,202 --> 00:26:54,017
WOMAN: Whoo!
516
00:26:54,041 --> 00:26:57,051
[indistinct chatter]
517
00:26:59,678 --> 00:27:00,718
WOMAN: Whoo!
518
00:27:04,521 --> 00:27:07,920
‐ [sighs]
519
00:27:07,944 --> 00:27:09,716
‐ You don't know me.
520
00:27:09,740 --> 00:27:11,511
I'm from the future,
521
00:27:11,535 --> 00:27:15,936
and in another timeline.
We were best of friends.
522
00:27:15,960 --> 00:27:19,527
We accomplished
amazing things together.
523
00:27:19,551 --> 00:27:21,197
You're better than this place,
524
00:27:21,221 --> 00:27:24,871
but I'm here to take you away
from all this.
525
00:27:24,895 --> 00:27:27,145
‐ Okay.
526
00:27:32,577 --> 00:27:33,889
WOLF: You got a gym bag?
527
00:27:33,913 --> 00:27:34,974
‐ Nope.
528
00:27:34,998 --> 00:27:37,229
‐ You just drove here like that?
529
00:27:37,253 --> 00:27:38,649
‐ Yeah.
530
00:27:38,673 --> 00:27:41,696
‐ Classic Blaze.
531
00:27:41,720 --> 00:27:45,078
We're told we only have
one life to live,
532
00:27:45,102 --> 00:27:47,290
but that's not really true.
533
00:27:47,314 --> 00:27:50,761
And that's why Corey Wolfhart's
Home for Wayward Nerds
534
00:27:50,785 --> 00:27:55,516
is the philanthropic endeavor
I'm most excited about for Q3.
535
00:27:55,540 --> 00:27:59,231
We grow, change, evolve,
536
00:27:59,255 --> 00:28:03,239
sometimes in ways
that surprise even ourselves.
537
00:28:03,263 --> 00:28:06,245
[dramatic music]
538
00:28:06,269 --> 00:28:11,464
♪ ♪
539
00:28:11,488 --> 00:28:12,967
How bad is it?
540
00:28:12,991 --> 00:28:15,768
‐ People in the street are
calling him the Squiggler.
541
00:28:15,792 --> 00:28:20,482
However, I don't know why.
542
00:28:20,506 --> 00:28:22,862
WOLF: I'm coming for you,
Squiggler.
543
00:28:22,886 --> 00:28:29,751
♪ ♪
544
00:28:29,775 --> 00:28:34,217
TIGER: We can create newer,
better versions of who we are,
545
00:28:34,241 --> 00:28:37,808
open to all of life's
wonders and possibilities...
546
00:28:37,832 --> 00:28:40,842
[sheep bleating]
547
00:28:57,121 --> 00:29:00,729
Finding strength
we didn't know we had,
548
00:29:00,753 --> 00:29:05,823
peace where before
there was chaos.
549
00:29:05,847 --> 00:29:07,200
JOSH:
You just have to be willing
550
00:29:07,224 --> 00:29:11,710
to get out of your room
when the chance arrives,
551
00:29:11,734 --> 00:29:13,839
and maybe let go of some things
552
00:29:13,863 --> 00:29:15,140
you didn't think
you could live without.
553
00:29:15,164 --> 00:29:18,055
‐ Are we pushing him too high?
‐ Not high enough.
554
00:29:18,079 --> 00:29:19,099
‐ Well, with that kind of
mixed messaging,
555
00:29:19,123 --> 00:29:20,610
how do we not fuck this kid up?
556
00:29:20,634 --> 00:29:22,898
WOMAN:
[laughs]
557
00:29:22,922 --> 00:29:24,109
Hey, there's that weirdo again.
558
00:29:24,133 --> 00:29:26,823
MAN: Oh.
559
00:29:26,847 --> 00:29:29,537
What's your problem, man?
560
00:29:29,561 --> 00:29:30,789
Hey, beat it, you perv.
561
00:29:30,813 --> 00:29:34,323
Yeah, keep walking.
562
00:29:36,825 --> 00:29:38,638
We'll always be here for you,
Joshie.
563
00:29:38,662 --> 00:29:41,561
‐ Always.
‐ [laughs]
564
00:29:41,585 --> 00:29:43,063
‐ That's right.
‐ Yeah!
565
00:29:43,087 --> 00:29:44,776
JOSH: Figuring out just who
you are can take time...
566
00:29:44,800 --> 00:29:47,787
WOMAN: Someone went a little
nuts with the Sunny D.
567
00:29:47,811 --> 00:29:51,831
JOSH: For some a lot more
than others,
568
00:29:51,855 --> 00:29:56,105
but we all get there sooner
or later.
569
00:30:13,524 --> 00:30:16,506
[sweeping orchestral music]
570
00:30:16,530 --> 00:30:23,540
♪ ♪