1
00:00:04,151 --> 00:00:06,821
That's why I can't do it.
It's too... too scary!

2
00:00:07,029 --> 00:00:09,406
Oh...
HE WHINES

3
00:00:09,573 --> 00:00:11,033
- No!
- KNOCK ON DOOR

4
00:00:11,117 --> 00:00:12,243
MAN:
Hello?

5
00:00:12,409 --> 00:00:15,996
OK, listen.
There's a guy out there... who's awake

6
00:00:16,288 --> 00:00:17,790
and doesn't know what's happening. OK?

7
00:00:17,832 --> 00:00:20,084
You gotta pull it together! You got this.

8
00:00:20,126 --> 00:00:22,670
No. I absolutely do not.

9
00:00:22,795 --> 00:00:27,133
I'm not meant for any of this, Eleanor.
I'm just middle management!

10
00:00:27,174 --> 00:00:28,801
- Shh!
- What if I fail?

11
00:00:28,843 --> 00:00:31,137
It'll be like the failure
to end all failures.

12
00:00:31,178 --> 00:00:32,304
It'll be...

13
00:00:33,264 --> 00:00:34,932
an epic fail.

14
00:00:35,099 --> 00:00:38,561
Is my tie getting tighter,
or is my neck getting fatter somehow?

15
00:00:38,727 --> 00:00:40,271
Oh! This is what we do.

16
00:00:40,312 --> 00:00:43,482
We tell the Judge we have to cancel
the experiment because I have a fat neck.

17
00:00:43,524 --> 00:00:44,483
- N--
- She'll understand.

18
00:00:44,525 --> 00:00:45,734
- KNOCK ON DOOR
- Anyone?

19
00:00:45,818 --> 00:00:47,361
- Uh, OK, Michael, listen.
- J--

20
00:00:47,444 --> 00:00:50,197
You can do this. You are Michael.

21
00:00:50,322 --> 00:00:53,534
You are smart and capable,
and you're a fearless leader.

22
00:00:53,951 --> 00:00:57,663
And you are gonna take a deep breath,
stand up, open that door

23
00:00:57,997 --> 00:01:02,376
and say, "Hi, John. I'm Michael.
I'm the Architect. Come on in."

24
00:01:02,543 --> 00:01:03,544
Got it?

25
00:01:07,298 --> 00:01:09,133
Hi, John. I'm Eleanor.

26
00:01:09,675 --> 00:01:12,303
I'm the Architect. Come on in.

27
00:01:20,686 --> 00:01:24,690
So... let me sum this up for you, John.

28
00:01:25,149 --> 00:01:26,066
Ya dead.

29
00:01:26,108 --> 00:01:27,526
- What?
- But don't worry!

30
00:01:27,610 --> 00:01:29,987
It's OK that you're dead, because you...

31
00:01:30,321 --> 00:01:33,949
John Wheaton, are in the Good Place.

32
00:01:34,325 --> 00:01:38,078
You're here because of
all the incredible things you did on Earth

33
00:01:38,412 --> 00:01:42,041
which are all right in front of me,
so let me just check your file.

34
00:01:43,751 --> 00:01:44,877
Mm. Good.

35
00:01:45,085 --> 00:01:47,838
Yes, that's what I thought.

36
00:01:47,880 --> 00:01:49,006
Wow, John...

37
00:01:49,256 --> 00:01:51,091
- What a life you've lead.
- HE CHUCKLES

38
00:01:51,133 --> 00:01:52,676
Sorry, did I introduce Michael?

39
00:01:53,260 --> 00:01:55,054
He's my... assistant.

40
00:01:55,596 --> 00:01:56,513
Hi.

41
00:01:56,889 --> 00:01:59,975
He just transferred over here
from dog heaven.

42
00:02:00,184 --> 00:02:02,519
So, you know,
he's still getting used to people.

43
00:02:02,686 --> 00:02:04,605
What do you say I show you around
the Neighbourhood?

44
00:02:05,981 --> 00:02:08,567
So, are you, like, an angel or something?

45
00:02:08,609 --> 00:02:11,111
Oh, John! Aren't you sweet?
Enough about me.

46
00:02:11,237 --> 00:02:17,243
So, everything you see is here
for you to enjoy for eternity...

47
00:02:17,576 --> 00:02:21,830
you and your 321 neighbours.

48
00:02:21,956 --> 00:02:24,124
Ooh! Uh, why is it 322 people?

49
00:02:24,291 --> 00:02:27,002
- Is that number significant somehow?
- Well...

50
00:02:27,628 --> 00:02:28,837
- Janet?
- JANET CHIMES

51
00:02:28,879 --> 00:02:30,506
- Hi there.
- It's me, Eleanor!

52
00:02:30,589 --> 00:02:31,924
The Architect of the Neighbourhood.

53
00:02:32,466 --> 00:02:36,220
Yep, that is certainly information
that I already knew.

54
00:02:36,387 --> 00:02:40,266
Janet is a walking database
of all the knowledge in the universe.

55
00:02:40,474 --> 00:02:44,520
And since you, John, seem to like asking
a relentless number of questions

56
00:02:44,561 --> 00:02:46,689
- go ahead, ask her anything.
- OK, uh...

57
00:02:46,939 --> 00:02:48,941
What's the craziest
secret celebrity hook-up?

58
00:02:49,024 --> 00:02:52,569
Drake and Ruth Bader Ginsburg,
on and off for years.

59
00:02:52,695 --> 00:02:56,532
OK, wow!
Wait, so you really do know everything?

60
00:02:56,657 --> 00:02:58,867
Kinda seems like she should be
running the Neighbourhood.

61
00:02:59,243 --> 00:03:02,705
Yes, John. In retrospect,
that does seem like a much better idea.

62
00:03:02,746 --> 00:03:06,417
Hey, Janet, why don't you take John inside
to get some fro-yo?

63
00:03:08,002 --> 00:03:09,378
We'll catch up with you later!

64
00:03:09,461 --> 00:03:10,713
Get over here now, dummy.

65
00:03:10,879 --> 00:03:11,839
I'm sorry...

66
00:03:12,089 --> 00:03:13,590
Guys, guys, guys, guys.

67
00:03:13,674 --> 00:03:17,219
Uh-oh. Michael looks like me. That's bad.

68
00:03:17,261 --> 00:03:20,097
Fun little update,
Michael is feeling a bit overwhelmed.

69
00:03:20,180 --> 00:03:22,933
So, new plan. I'm now the Architect!

70
00:03:23,225 --> 00:03:26,145
And... stop making those faces
because I already told John

71
00:03:26,186 --> 00:03:27,271
and there's no going back now.

72
00:03:27,313 --> 00:03:31,525
Well, if I could pick anyone to impersonate
an immortal deity...

73
00:03:32,192 --> 00:03:35,154
Well... it would be me,
but if it couldn't be me, it'd be you!

74
00:03:35,321 --> 00:03:36,739
Yeah. You're gonna rock this.

75
00:03:36,780 --> 00:03:39,491
You're like the Blake Bortles
of whatever's going on right now.

76
00:03:39,533 --> 00:03:40,784
I'm not really sure.

77
00:03:40,868 --> 00:03:43,162
Thanks, guys.
I think I can be the Architect.

78
00:03:43,245 --> 00:03:45,914
I saw how Michael ran the Neighbourhood
in the memories he showed me

79
00:03:45,956 --> 00:03:49,585
and there was, like, a four-year period
where Brad Pitt really wanted everyone

80
00:03:49,626 --> 00:03:51,378
to know how "into architecture" he was

81
00:03:51,420 --> 00:03:53,672
and I read a lot of those interviews,
so I think that might help me.

82
00:03:53,714 --> 00:03:57,092
And before long,
Michael will be back to his old self

83
00:03:57,134 --> 00:03:58,677
and he can step in and take over, right?

84
00:04:00,012 --> 00:04:02,681
Look at the four of you, all together.

85
00:04:03,140 --> 00:04:05,309
Oh, I love you so much!

86
00:04:06,268 --> 00:04:07,811
OK. OK. That's OK.

87
00:04:08,020 --> 00:04:11,231
Chidi, have Janet translate
the gibberish of these files.

88
00:04:11,273 --> 00:04:12,232
- OK.
- Tahani...

89
00:04:12,316 --> 00:04:13,734
continue working on the Welcome Party.

90
00:04:13,776 --> 00:04:17,112
Oh, yes, the party! So, for the napkins,
I would normally do a "Queen's tuck"

91
00:04:17,196 --> 00:04:19,573
but I was thinking of shaking things up
a bit with the "Yorkshire Butterfly."

92
00:04:19,907 --> 00:04:21,992
And this could not matter less.

93
00:04:22,076 --> 00:04:23,369
Very sorry, goodbye!

94
00:04:24,828 --> 00:04:27,331
- Hey. How's it going?
- This is overwhelming.

95
00:04:27,414 --> 00:04:30,334
It's every thought and decision and action
from this guy's entire life.

96
00:04:30,376 --> 00:04:33,545
Like, this whole box
is just one trip to Wendy's.

97
00:04:33,712 --> 00:04:36,715
Well, keep reading. According to Michael,
I usually asked for your help

98
00:04:36,757 --> 00:04:38,592
by, like, day two,
so you need to be ready.

99
00:04:39,468 --> 00:04:40,511
Ya know what?

100
00:04:40,928 --> 00:04:44,473
At first, I was kinda nervous,
but so far I think I'm doing OK.

101
00:04:44,515 --> 00:04:46,683
It's like I became such a good person

102
00:04:46,809 --> 00:04:51,021
I almost forgot...
I'm a world-class liar, baby!

103
00:04:51,063 --> 00:04:53,315
Very fun thing to hear
from your girlfriend.

104
00:04:53,607 --> 00:04:54,608
You're doing great.

105
00:04:54,691 --> 00:04:59,113
And I have to admit,
you being the "Architect" is kinda... hot.

106
00:04:59,154 --> 00:05:02,866
It's kinda like I'm secretly dating my boss,
not that I ever would've done that.

107
00:05:02,908 --> 00:05:04,118
Yeah, no, me neither.

108
00:05:04,326 --> 00:05:06,537
So, same. Same.

109
00:05:06,787 --> 00:05:08,705
Alright, I gotta get ready
for the next person.

110
00:05:08,747 --> 00:05:11,834
Well then, I will say goodbye to you,
platonically

111
00:05:11,875 --> 00:05:14,628
the same way a resident would say goodbye
to an Architect.

112
00:05:16,296 --> 00:05:18,215
Eleanor! What if John had seen us?

113
00:05:18,549 --> 00:05:20,968
I'm scared, and yet somehow turned on?

114
00:05:21,009 --> 00:05:22,928
Scared is the best way to be horny!

115
00:05:23,053 --> 00:05:25,097
SHE GASPS
Now who's doing the teaching?

116
00:05:25,431 --> 00:05:26,640
Hey, now! Alright.

117
00:05:26,974 --> 00:05:28,684
A little higher. Thank you.

118
00:05:29,476 --> 00:05:30,727
Tahani Al-Jamil?

119
00:05:30,853 --> 00:05:32,729
Yes. Do I know you?

120
00:05:32,855 --> 00:05:34,857
Uh, no, no. But I know you.

121
00:05:35,107 --> 00:05:38,360
I used to write about you all the time
on my blog, "The Gossip Toilet".

122
00:05:38,610 --> 00:05:40,946
We were the ones that invented
the Olsen Twins Countdown Clock

123
00:05:40,988 --> 00:05:42,072
for when they became legal!

124
00:05:42,197 --> 00:05:43,574
That was our blog! That was us!

125
00:05:43,699 --> 00:05:45,534
- JOHN LAUGHS
- Oh, my.

126
00:05:45,868 --> 00:05:48,745
- You were... quite mean to me.
- Oh no, I wouldn't call it mean.

127
00:05:48,829 --> 00:05:52,541
OK, my targets were rich and high status,
and I was just doing the important work

128
00:05:52,624 --> 00:05:53,709
of telling truth to power.

129
00:05:53,959 --> 00:05:55,502
So wait, what about you, huh?

130
00:05:55,544 --> 00:05:57,921
You died in Canada? Agh!

131
00:05:58,130 --> 00:06:01,758
That is so weird and embarrassing.
It's like the nip-slip of dying.

132
00:06:01,884 --> 00:06:03,343
OK, listen, we're gonna catch up later.

133
00:06:03,552 --> 00:06:05,471
I can't wait to hear all
about your new nose.

134
00:06:05,512 --> 00:06:07,973
Oh, nope. I... didn't get a nose job.

135
00:06:08,223 --> 00:06:10,517
Oh, I know, I just figured we're in heaven
so we might as well fix

136
00:06:10,559 --> 00:06:12,394
all of our flaws, right? Like, look at me.

137
00:06:12,478 --> 00:06:14,771
Nothing is staying on this face.
HE LAUGHS

138
00:06:15,063 --> 00:06:16,523
- Huh.
- Gosh!

139
00:06:16,607 --> 00:06:20,819
What are the odds that you and I
would end up spending eternity together?

140
00:06:25,199 --> 00:06:26,366
Eleanor, Michael!

141
00:06:26,408 --> 00:06:27,951
It is I, Tahani!

142
00:06:27,993 --> 00:06:29,912
Yeah, we know, babe. What's wrong?

143
00:06:29,995 --> 00:06:31,872
I know John! Rather, he knows me.

144
00:06:31,955 --> 00:06:35,375
He's a gossip columnist
who tortured me on Earth.

145
00:06:35,501 --> 00:06:39,129
He made it seem like I was shallow,
plagued with jealousy

146
00:06:39,546 --> 00:06:42,966
and prone to fits... of <i>melodrama!</i>

147
00:06:43,842 --> 00:06:45,969
- What are you saying?
- Don't you see?

148
00:06:46,053 --> 00:06:48,847
The Bad Place didn't pick the worst people.

149
00:06:48,972 --> 00:06:52,100
They picked the people
who would be the worst for us!

150
00:06:53,310 --> 00:06:56,104
Of course. How did I not anticipate this?

151
00:06:56,355 --> 00:07:00,025
Shawn didn't just choose a bunch
of serial killers, he chose your tormentors

152
00:07:00,067 --> 00:07:01,693
or arch-rivals...

153
00:07:01,735 --> 00:07:02,945
Or exes.

154
00:07:05,030 --> 00:07:07,074
Those motherforkers...

155
00:07:13,413 --> 00:07:16,500
This is insane!
And obviously against the rules!

156
00:07:16,583 --> 00:07:18,752
Yeah, too bad it's not, dillhole.

157
00:07:18,835 --> 00:07:19,920
She'll remember them!

158
00:07:20,003 --> 00:07:23,549
It's going to destroy the integrity
of the experiment, Your Honour.

159
00:07:23,632 --> 00:07:27,010
Plus, now I have to live next to a man
who once lied and said

160
00:07:27,052 --> 00:07:30,013
I wasn't at Diddy's White Party!

161
00:07:30,639 --> 00:07:33,892
I was there, Eleanor, I was!
You must believe me!

162
00:07:33,976 --> 00:07:37,187
And how are we gonna make Simone better
when she's asleep the whole time?

163
00:07:37,312 --> 00:07:40,274
Hello? We can't work with this!

164
00:07:40,357 --> 00:07:43,026
Your Honour, you never stipulated
that we couldn't choose people

165
00:07:43,068 --> 00:07:44,736
who had some sort of connection to them.

166
00:07:44,820 --> 00:07:48,907
Then Simone just happened to die on Earth,
which was really, really cool.

167
00:07:49,616 --> 00:07:52,661
You wanna know how it happened, Chidi?
It's hilarious.

168
00:07:52,703 --> 00:07:54,413
- No!
- JUDGE: OK, here's my ruling.

169
00:07:54,621 --> 00:07:57,165
It's not against the rules
for the four new humans

170
00:07:57,207 --> 00:08:00,669
to have connections to the original four.
Simone and John can stay.

171
00:08:00,836 --> 00:08:02,087
- Boo-yah.
- But...

172
00:08:02,254 --> 00:08:04,214
it was kind of a dirty trick.

173
00:08:04,756 --> 00:08:08,885
So, Michael can erase Simone's memory
to the point before she met any of you.

174
00:08:08,969 --> 00:08:11,763
Fine. Have fun with your ex, Chidi.

175
00:08:12,014 --> 00:08:14,725
What's that thing you humans say
when you're playing chess

176
00:08:14,766 --> 00:08:18,228
and you trap your opponent
into an inescapable position?

177
00:08:18,353 --> 00:08:20,856
Oh, right, "Eat butt, you dingdongs!"

178
00:08:22,274 --> 00:08:23,734
OK! OK.

179
00:08:24,109 --> 00:08:26,486
Focus, team!
Michael and I will prep for Simone.

180
00:08:26,653 --> 00:08:27,946
Tahani, keep an eye on John.

181
00:08:28,071 --> 00:08:30,115
Jason, talk to no one,
go nowhere, do nothing.

182
00:08:30,157 --> 00:08:32,034
- I won't let you down.
- ELEANOR: OK! Go, guys.

183
00:08:33,243 --> 00:08:34,202
Are you OK?

184
00:08:34,286 --> 00:08:37,122
I... No! Very obviously... no.

185
00:08:37,414 --> 00:08:40,626
Look, you could spend 100 years
in this Neighbourhood

186
00:08:40,667 --> 00:08:43,754
before you even run into Simone.
It'll be easy to avoid her.

187
00:08:43,837 --> 00:08:46,840
No, no, but we don't want me to avoid her!

188
00:08:46,923 --> 00:08:51,178
The whole plan is that I'm supposed to help
them learn ethics, so they can improve.

189
00:08:51,261 --> 00:08:53,221
OK, OK... We can deal with that later.

190
00:08:53,430 --> 00:08:54,973
Let's just take this step-by-step.

191
00:08:55,140 --> 00:08:58,685
Step one, you leave so I can snap
your amnesiac ex-girlfriend

192
00:08:58,727 --> 00:09:01,063
out of her post-death coma
and welcome her into fake heaven.

193
00:09:01,605 --> 00:09:02,773
That's step one?

194
00:09:05,859 --> 00:09:07,152
- Janet?
- Hi there.

195
00:09:07,235 --> 00:09:09,780
Give me your opinion.
Is this a savage insult?

196
00:09:09,946 --> 00:09:14,076
"Nice shirt. Who designed it,
Mark Fake-obs?"

197
00:09:14,159 --> 00:09:17,204
For people in your social class,
that is 84% savage.

198
00:09:17,412 --> 00:09:23,001
Although, there is a 29% chance he responds,
"Oh, honey" in a tone so devastating

199
00:09:23,043 --> 00:09:25,170
you will think of it every day
for the rest of time.

200
00:09:25,295 --> 00:09:26,421
I like those odds.

201
00:09:26,797 --> 00:09:28,256
I'll go lay it on him now.

202
00:09:29,883 --> 00:09:34,179
No. That's exactly what
the Bad Place wants me to do.

203
00:09:34,221 --> 00:09:37,307
They sent John here to drag me back
into my old patterns.

204
00:09:37,599 --> 00:09:40,435
Insecurity, obsession with social status...

205
00:09:41,353 --> 00:09:42,813
I shan't let it happen.

206
00:09:44,648 --> 00:09:46,525
John, I am happy you're here with me.

207
00:09:46,900 --> 00:09:48,860
This is going to be good for both of us.

208
00:09:49,027 --> 00:09:53,073
And I look forward to putting the past
behind us and becoming your friend.

209
00:09:53,407 --> 00:09:55,200
Oh, my God, you are so cute.

210
00:09:55,409 --> 00:09:57,536
You are so cute,
it's gross. You disgust me.

211
00:09:57,577 --> 00:09:59,496
I love you, get out of here,
I never wanna see you again

212
00:09:59,538 --> 00:10:01,039
I love you so much!

213
00:10:04,876 --> 00:10:06,002
SHE SIGHS

214
00:10:07,754 --> 00:10:09,548
Hi, Simone. I'm Eleanor.

215
00:10:09,673 --> 00:10:10,549
Come on in.

216
00:10:11,925 --> 00:10:15,429
So, as a neuroscientist,
are you surprised there's an afterlife?

217
00:10:15,554 --> 00:10:18,849
I am, frankly. I mean,
there's a decent chance this entire thing

218
00:10:18,890 --> 00:10:22,853
is just a complex electro-chemical reaction
caused by my synapses randomly firing

219
00:10:22,894 --> 00:10:27,232
in the millisecond after my death,
but this fro-yo is amazing

220
00:10:27,315 --> 00:10:29,526
- so I'm just gonna roll with it!
- What flavour did you get?

221
00:10:29,609 --> 00:10:31,570
I got a twist - half strawberry

222
00:10:31,653 --> 00:10:34,656
half "Male Co-Worker Gets Called Out
For Stealing Your Ideas."

223
00:10:34,698 --> 00:10:36,658
- Ooh! Those go great together.
- Mmm.

224
00:10:36,700 --> 00:10:37,909
MAN: Hi.
- Mm, hi.

225
00:10:38,285 --> 00:10:40,579
Wow. All the other residents seem so nice.

226
00:10:40,662 --> 00:10:43,039
- The residents are great, yes.
- HE CLEARS THROAT

227
00:10:43,498 --> 00:10:47,836
But, uh... don't feel like you need
to get to know all of them right away.

228
00:10:47,919 --> 00:10:52,841
Maybe just talk to Michael and me
for the first, I dunno, 6,000 years or so.

229
00:10:53,175 --> 00:10:54,968
Anyway, you just chill, baby girl.

230
00:10:55,093 --> 00:10:56,428
We'll check in with you later.

231
00:11:01,516 --> 00:11:03,226
ELEANOR:
That went pretty well, right?

232
00:11:03,393 --> 00:11:06,480
I've always been good at pretending
I've never met people before.

233
00:11:06,563 --> 00:11:08,148
It's kinda my go-to power move.

234
00:11:08,190 --> 00:11:11,151
I think this new dynamic
may actually be good.

235
00:11:11,401 --> 00:11:14,696
You know, it gives me more time
to observe and plan.

236
00:11:14,780 --> 00:11:19,117
You'll be the face of the operation,
and I'll be the mastermind behind the scenes.

237
00:11:19,201 --> 00:11:21,328
Like, Cyrano de Bergerac.

238
00:11:22,287 --> 00:11:23,413
Like, Kris Jenner.

239
00:11:23,789 --> 00:11:25,874
Oh! Totally.

240
00:11:26,082 --> 00:11:28,084
- Yeah, I think this is gonna be OK.
- Yeah.

241
00:11:28,168 --> 00:11:31,087
No, it won't. It won't be OK.

242
00:11:31,671 --> 00:11:36,551
Which is why you need to erase my memory
and reboot me.

243
00:11:38,678 --> 00:11:40,096
What are you talking about?

244
00:11:40,263 --> 00:11:42,516
No forking way. We're not rebooting you.

245
00:11:42,599 --> 00:11:46,937
Shawn was right, bringing Simone
to this Neighbourhood, it's checkmate.

246
00:11:47,020 --> 00:11:48,396
It completely neutralises me.

247
00:11:48,438 --> 00:11:51,233
I'll be too freaked out
to help the new residents.

248
00:11:51,399 --> 00:11:55,320
The only way to outflank Shawn
is to make it so I don't remember Simone.

249
00:11:55,445 --> 00:11:57,656
So, you have to run into your ex
occasionally.

250
00:11:57,823 --> 00:11:59,157
That's a part of life, man.

251
00:11:59,199 --> 00:12:02,911
I used to run into my exes all the time,
at the mall, at the dentist's office

252
00:12:02,953 --> 00:12:05,622
when I drunk-texted them
and told them to come over...

253
00:12:05,705 --> 00:12:08,875
Look. Simone is really perceptive,
I might slip up and reveal something.

254
00:12:08,917 --> 00:12:11,628
Look, this isn't just about me
feeling awkward around my ex.

255
00:12:11,711 --> 00:12:16,132
It's more about if I am awkward around my ex,
everyone gets tortured forever!

256
00:12:18,802 --> 00:12:20,220
No. There has to be another way.

257
00:12:20,387 --> 00:12:21,429
ELEANOR:
Oh! I've got it.

258
00:12:21,596 --> 00:12:25,183
Just remove Simone from Chidi's memory,
and keep everything else.

259
00:12:25,433 --> 00:12:27,602
- Boom!
- It-it doesn't work that way.

260
00:12:27,811 --> 00:12:30,814
You all spent a lot of time together,
so his memories of you

261
00:12:30,856 --> 00:12:33,900
and her are all swirled together,
but... let's keep thinking.

262
00:12:34,025 --> 00:12:37,404
Guys, I've thought about this
from every angle.

263
00:12:37,654 --> 00:12:41,658
If we don't wipe my memory,
I will, one way or the other

264
00:12:41,741 --> 00:12:43,910
ruin the experiment.
You know I'm right.

265
00:12:43,994 --> 00:12:46,663
No. No, man! It can't be.

266
00:12:46,955 --> 00:12:50,375
Because if we erase your memory
all the way back to before you met Simone

267
00:12:50,417 --> 00:12:54,254
that includes Australia, and the study,
and the Soul Squad, and everything!

268
00:12:54,713 --> 00:12:56,631
- That would be erasing--
- Us.

269
00:12:57,841 --> 00:12:58,717
I know.

270
00:13:03,555 --> 00:13:07,976
So, the plan is to erase Chidi's memory,
all the way back to when the air-conditioner

271
00:13:08,018 --> 00:13:10,186
fell on his head, in his original timeline.

272
00:13:10,312 --> 00:13:12,188
The Judge has given
us until tomorrow morning

273
00:13:12,272 --> 00:13:14,190
before we have to bring in
the other two subjects.

274
00:13:14,357 --> 00:13:17,444
Tahani, the Welcome Party
will be tomorrow night.

275
00:13:17,485 --> 00:13:20,947
And the next time you see me,
it'll be like I'm a new resident.

276
00:13:21,031 --> 00:13:22,782
I won't know any of you.

277
00:13:22,949 --> 00:13:27,412
So, will you remember that time in Australia,
when we stayed up late

278
00:13:27,495 --> 00:13:28,914
and ate pizza together?

279
00:13:29,080 --> 00:13:30,206
No, buddy, I won't.

280
00:13:30,290 --> 00:13:34,336
Will you remember
when we ordered the pizza?

281
00:13:34,544 --> 00:13:37,297
- No.
- Will you remember...

282
00:13:37,589 --> 00:13:38,506
pizza?

283
00:13:38,590 --> 00:13:41,760
Will I remember what pizza is?

284
00:13:42,886 --> 00:13:45,680
Yeah. I'll still know what pizza is.

285
00:13:45,764 --> 00:13:47,807
OK, so, not a total loss.

286
00:13:47,891 --> 00:13:48,934
But this is awful!

287
00:13:49,142 --> 00:13:50,936
You two won't be together anymore.

288
00:13:51,144 --> 00:13:53,229
I haven't met a more perfect couple
since I set up Drake

289
00:13:53,271 --> 00:13:54,689
with Ruth Bader Ginsburg.

290
00:13:54,731 --> 00:13:58,068
Yes. We will no longer be together.

291
00:13:58,234 --> 00:14:02,113
The Bad Place has pulled off
the most intricate "cork blork" of all time.

292
00:14:02,364 --> 00:14:06,159
Hmm. It's a nice touch that
the cursing filter maintains the rhyme.

293
00:14:06,409 --> 00:14:08,370
I appreciate that attention to detail.

294
00:14:08,453 --> 00:14:10,372
MICHAEL:
Hang on, I'm not giving up yet.

295
00:14:10,413 --> 00:14:13,458
Let's have an old-fashioned
brainstorming session!

296
00:14:13,583 --> 00:14:15,919
We'll get Chinese food,
and we'll throw pencils

297
00:14:15,961 --> 00:14:17,379
and stick them in the ceiling

298
00:14:17,420 --> 00:14:22,425
and someone will say something innocuous
and I'll say, "Wait... say that again!"

299
00:14:22,509 --> 00:14:25,887
Michael, if there was another choice,
we'd choose it. Believe me.

300
00:14:26,554 --> 00:14:28,640
ELEANOR:
You like learning about humans, right?

301
00:14:28,723 --> 00:14:31,393
This is a classic human situation.

302
00:14:31,518 --> 00:14:33,603
Your friends
are going through something awful

303
00:14:33,645 --> 00:14:35,438
and there is nothing you can do about it.

304
00:14:35,730 --> 00:14:36,731
Anyway...

305
00:14:36,982 --> 00:14:39,943
let's just rip the Band-Aid off,
snappy, snappy, wipe-y, wipe-y.

306
00:14:40,694 --> 00:14:43,863
I need a few minutes
to work it all out, so...

307
00:14:50,036 --> 00:14:53,081
CHIDI:
I hate this... and I'm sorry.

308
00:14:53,665 --> 00:14:56,292
And did I... did I say that I hate this?
Because I hate this.

309
00:14:56,376 --> 00:15:00,755
You don't need to apologise for making
a huge sacrifice to save your friends.

310
00:15:02,090 --> 00:15:04,718
This is why people love
moral philosophy professors.

311
00:15:05,051 --> 00:15:06,302
HE CHUCKLES

312
00:15:06,386 --> 00:15:07,637
Well, how about this?

313
00:15:08,638 --> 00:15:12,517
Um... every time you see me
get a stomach ache

314
00:15:13,476 --> 00:15:14,811
imagine I'm thinking of you.

315
00:15:15,061 --> 00:15:16,646
So, all the time?

316
00:15:16,730 --> 00:15:17,772
Exactly.

317
00:15:18,231 --> 00:15:19,524
Sorry to interrupt.

318
00:15:20,650 --> 00:15:23,737
I wanted to give both of you
something before we do this.

319
00:15:23,987 --> 00:15:26,614
Think of it as a "going away" present.

320
00:15:31,161 --> 00:15:34,247
GENTLE MUSIC PLAYS

321
00:16:13,953 --> 00:16:16,664
INAUDIBLE DIALOGUE

322
00:17:07,715 --> 00:17:09,008
SHE SNIFFLES

323
00:17:10,510 --> 00:17:12,220
I don't normally cry at movies.

324
00:17:13,263 --> 00:17:15,056
But that one was pretty good.

325
00:17:15,932 --> 00:17:17,183
That girl was hot.

326
00:17:18,685 --> 00:17:19,978
The guy was too.

327
00:17:22,313 --> 00:17:24,899
I'm gonna miss you so much, Eleanor.

328
00:17:25,066 --> 00:17:26,484
Except you won't.

329
00:17:26,818 --> 00:17:29,696
That's what's so scary
about this whole thing.

330
00:17:29,946 --> 00:17:31,906
I'm gonna miss you.

331
00:17:32,323 --> 00:17:36,077
You're just gonna think
I'm some sexy god-like figure

332
00:17:36,119 --> 00:17:38,705
who you wanna hump immediately
after meeting her.

333
00:17:38,788 --> 00:17:41,416
I know you're deflecting by making jokes
about how hot you are--

334
00:17:41,457 --> 00:17:43,751
It's not a joke! I'm a legit snack!

335
00:17:43,835 --> 00:17:46,045
But... I believe in you.

336
00:17:46,880 --> 00:17:51,759
I am not even scared to get rebooted
because I know that you'll be here

337
00:17:51,801 --> 00:17:53,094
taking care of me.

338
00:17:53,428 --> 00:17:55,680
I wish we had more time together.

339
00:17:55,722 --> 00:17:58,391
Time means nothing. Jeremy Bearimy, baby.

340
00:17:58,474 --> 00:18:01,269
We'll just... we'll get through this,
and then you and I can chill out

341
00:18:01,311 --> 00:18:03,605
in the dot of the "I" forever.

342
00:18:03,855 --> 00:18:06,232
Right. We'll be OK.

343
00:18:08,818 --> 00:18:11,446
We found each other
before hundreds of times.

344
00:18:12,864 --> 00:18:14,115
We can do it again.

345
00:18:22,957 --> 00:18:24,334
Bye, Chidi.

346
00:18:43,353 --> 00:18:44,437
- Janet?
- JANET CHIMES

347
00:18:44,479 --> 00:18:45,813
- Hi there.
- Hi, Janet.

348
00:18:46,356 --> 00:18:50,318
Can you just, you know, like...
tell me the answer?

349
00:18:51,486 --> 00:18:53,279
- Sorry?
- You know, the answer.

350
00:18:53,613 --> 00:18:54,656
To everything.

351
00:18:55,031 --> 00:18:57,492
You know all there is to know
in the universe.

352
00:18:57,700 --> 00:19:00,286
Crunch the numbers. Tell me the answer.

353
00:19:00,578 --> 00:19:02,830
What's the point of love
if it's just gonna disappear?

354
00:19:03,248 --> 00:19:06,251
And how is it worse to not love anybody?

355
00:19:06,417 --> 00:19:11,798
There has to be meaning to existence,
otherwise the universe is just made of pain

356
00:19:11,923 --> 00:19:15,051
and I don't like the thought of that,
so tell me the answer.

357
00:19:16,135 --> 00:19:17,428
I know how you feel.

358
00:19:17,720 --> 00:19:21,849
Back on Earth, I had to watch Jason
have no recognition of me.

359
00:19:21,933 --> 00:19:26,145
It felt like... right before someone pushes
a plunger and murders you.

360
00:19:26,562 --> 00:19:27,438
Sure.

361
00:19:27,563 --> 00:19:31,526
The more human I become,
the less things make sense.

362
00:19:32,110 --> 00:19:34,404
But that's part of the fun, right?

363
00:19:34,904 --> 00:19:35,863
What do you mean?

364
00:19:36,531 --> 00:19:40,535
If there were an answer I could give you
to how the universe works

365
00:19:40,618 --> 00:19:42,578
it wouldn't be special.

366
00:19:43,079 --> 00:19:46,291
It would just be machinery,
fulfilling its cosmic design.

367
00:19:46,374 --> 00:19:49,752
It would just be a big, dumb food processor

368
00:19:49,836 --> 00:19:53,172
but... since nothing seems to make sense

369
00:19:53,423 --> 00:19:59,178
when you find something or someone that does,
it's euphoria.

370
00:19:59,554 --> 00:20:02,390
In all of this randomness,
in this pandemonium

371
00:20:02,515 --> 00:20:07,603
you and Chidi found each other,
and you had a life together.

372
00:20:08,646 --> 00:20:10,106
Isn't that remarkable?

373
00:20:11,691 --> 00:20:13,901
"Pandemonium" is from <i>Paradise Lost.</i>

374
00:20:14,986 --> 00:20:17,822
Milton called the centre of hell
"Pandemonium"

375
00:20:18,531 --> 00:20:20,575
meaning "place of all demons."

376
00:20:20,825 --> 00:20:23,244
Chidi tricked me into reading <i>Paradise Lost</i>

377
00:20:23,328 --> 00:20:28,291
by telling me Satan was, and I quote,
"my type".

378
00:20:29,500 --> 00:20:32,628
A big, mean, bald guy with a goatee.
I mean, he wasn't wrong.

379
00:20:32,712 --> 00:20:35,173
Oh no, that's very on-brand for you.

380
00:20:36,883 --> 00:20:40,303
I guess all I can do
is embrace the pandemonium

381
00:20:41,387 --> 00:20:47,018
find happiness in the unique insanity
of being here, now.

382
00:20:47,477 --> 00:20:49,062
We'll do this together.

383
00:20:49,979 --> 00:20:52,273
In the words of the man that I love...

384
00:20:53,649 --> 00:20:55,234
"I got you, dog."

385
00:20:56,110 --> 00:20:57,487
- Thanks, Janet.
- Hm.

386
00:20:57,945 --> 00:21:00,573
You know, for a robot,
you make a really good girlfriend.

387
00:21:00,656 --> 00:21:02,658
I'm one out of three of those things.

388
00:21:03,076 --> 00:21:06,079
But thank you. Good luck.

389
00:21:06,621 --> 00:21:07,872
JANET CHIMES

390
00:21:09,832 --> 00:21:10,708
OK.

391
00:21:15,671 --> 00:21:16,547
Hi, Chidi.

392
00:21:17,715 --> 00:21:18,716
I'm Eleanor.

393
00:21:20,134 --> 00:21:21,302
Come on in.