1
00:00:05,402 --> 00:00:06,904
This library's depressing.
2
00:00:07,404 --> 00:00:11,283
All they have in the Poetry section
is Jeff Foxworthy books.
3
00:00:11,367 --> 00:00:14,703
Well, we needed someplace deserted,
and there's no place more deserted
4
00:00:14,745 --> 00:00:18,207
than a public library in Arizona.
Now let's go, man!
5
00:00:18,374 --> 00:00:20,501
We only have a few hours
before we have to pick the gang up
6
00:00:20,584 --> 00:00:23,003
from the airport -
fire up Janet's memory gizmo.
7
00:00:23,379 --> 00:00:26,549
Flooding your brain with memories
from the afterlife is dangerous.
8
00:00:26,715 --> 00:00:29,593
In one of the reboots,
you and Chidi were in love.
9
00:00:29,677 --> 00:00:32,555
- Can't you just take my word for that?
- No, dude, I can't.
10
00:00:32,888 --> 00:00:35,349
My screwed-up relationship
with my parents made me believe
11
00:00:35,432 --> 00:00:38,394
I could never really love anyone.
I need to see it for myself.
12
00:00:38,853 --> 00:00:41,313
Those are my memories.
I want them back.
13
00:00:41,397 --> 00:00:43,232
OK. Fine. Have a seat.
14
00:00:44,441 --> 00:00:46,527
Luckily, before we shut
the Neighbourhood down
15
00:00:46,694 --> 00:00:50,406
Janet saved a complete record
of all the reboots.
16
00:00:50,531 --> 00:00:51,574
Put those in your ears.
17
00:00:56,579 --> 00:00:57,997
- What's all that for?
- You'll see.
18
00:00:58,080 --> 00:01:00,624
We're gonna start with a simple,
three-second memory.
19
00:01:01,083 --> 00:01:02,626
Why only three secon--?
20
00:01:03,377 --> 00:01:05,629
- Oh, hi, Eleanor!
- Buongiorno, Eleanor!
21
00:01:05,838 --> 00:01:07,590
Morning, Bambadjan! Morning, Vicky!
22
00:01:07,882 --> 00:01:10,759
Ugh. Those two are such forking dweebs.
23
00:01:11,552 --> 00:01:13,304
As I told you...
24
00:01:13,470 --> 00:01:17,933
Recalling afterlife memories here on Earth
has some... significant side-effects.
25
00:01:18,726 --> 00:01:21,478
You should be back to normal
in about 20 minutes.
26
00:01:33,240 --> 00:01:35,951
Ah, looking a little better.
The banana must have helped.
27
00:01:36,035 --> 00:01:38,704
Before we go any further,
I have one very important question...
28
00:01:38,913 --> 00:01:40,706
Did I look hot bald?
29
00:01:40,789 --> 00:01:42,833
Cos I always kinda
felt like I could pull it off.
30
00:01:42,917 --> 00:01:46,587
I have no real ability to gauge
physical attractiveness in humans.
31
00:01:47,755 --> 00:01:49,715
But no, you did not "pull it off."
32
00:01:49,757 --> 00:01:54,261
OK, that short clip should have
rewired your brain, like an inoculation.
33
00:01:54,470 --> 00:01:58,098
So, now I can show you the highlights
of reboot 119.
34
00:01:58,307 --> 00:02:00,684
I'm skipping all of the
sleeping and chewing.
35
00:02:00,976 --> 00:02:02,436
You guys are always either sleeping
36
00:02:02,519 --> 00:02:04,396
or chewing something.
37
00:02:06,148 --> 00:02:11,111
So... we are moving on to the subject
of free will versus determinism.
38
00:02:11,362 --> 00:02:13,072
We are officially done with Nietzsche.
39
00:02:13,239 --> 00:02:15,324
Aw. I'm gonna miss Nietzsche.
40
00:02:15,824 --> 00:02:18,494
I spent a lot of my life thinking
I was better than everyone else
41
00:02:18,744 --> 00:02:20,788
and he showed me why I was right.
42
00:02:21,247 --> 00:02:23,290
Gimme that reading list.
What have we got...?
43
00:02:23,624 --> 00:02:26,293
Oh, a little Aristotle, a little Descartes
44
00:02:26,669 --> 00:02:29,964
a little Tommy Quine-Quine.
That's what I call Saint Thomas Aquinas.
45
00:02:30,172 --> 00:02:32,633
Three months of philosophy class,
and you're already...
46
00:02:37,972 --> 00:02:38,973
Hm...
47
00:02:42,268 --> 00:02:44,228
What are you grinning at, weirdo?
48
00:02:46,188 --> 00:02:48,065
Come on, we're gonna be late
for the Neighbourhood meeting.
49
00:02:48,107 --> 00:02:49,817
I gotta say
50
00:02:49,942 --> 00:02:52,194
it seems like I was really
nailing that philosophy class.
51
00:02:52,695 --> 00:02:54,238
Can you believe my high school voted me
52
00:02:54,321 --> 00:02:56,323
"Most Likely to Die Young and
Unaccomplished"?
53
00:02:56,782 --> 00:02:58,867
You did die young and unaccomplished.
54
00:02:59,576 --> 00:03:00,953
- Fair enough.
- Put those back in.
55
00:03:02,246 --> 00:03:05,040
Ah! My favourite four residents!
56
00:03:05,582 --> 00:03:07,876
Don't tell the others.
57
00:03:08,210 --> 00:03:09,962
Welcome to "Pick a Pet Day".
58
00:03:10,087 --> 00:03:13,507
We have hundreds of beautiful animals
for you to choose from.
59
00:03:13,674 --> 00:03:19,305
And when you do make your choice,
your pet will bond to your soul forever.
60
00:03:19,471 --> 00:03:22,349
Fabulous! I haven't had a pet
since Barbara Streisand gave me
61
00:03:22,391 --> 00:03:23,976
one of her cloned Siamese cats
62
00:03:24,059 --> 00:03:26,020
- and it killed itself.
- Ah.
63
00:03:26,228 --> 00:03:28,939
I'm going to look at the mythical pets,
darling. Catch up when you're ready.
64
00:03:29,106 --> 00:03:30,107
- May I?
- Yes.
65
00:03:31,483 --> 00:03:34,403
Dude, we can get mythical animals?
Maybe I'll get a penguin!
66
00:03:34,737 --> 00:03:35,779
Penguins are real.
67
00:03:36,363 --> 00:03:37,948
That's the spirit, Eleanor!
68
00:03:38,407 --> 00:03:39,700
They're real to me too.
69
00:03:43,954 --> 00:03:48,125
Ooh! This one looks just like
the one I had when I was a little kid.
70
00:03:48,417 --> 00:03:50,127
He's so cute!
71
00:03:51,462 --> 00:03:53,922
But is... is... is this one a little...
a little cuter?
72
00:03:55,174 --> 00:03:57,885
I mean, this pup looks friskier, but...
73
00:03:57,968 --> 00:04:00,763
this one looks a little sweeter? Maybe?
74
00:04:00,971 --> 00:04:04,308
Uh-oh. It's Chidi kryptonite,
the choice between any two things.
75
00:04:04,516 --> 00:04:06,060
Settle in, lizard.
76
00:04:06,143 --> 00:04:07,353
This is gonna be a while.
77
00:04:08,812 --> 00:04:11,065
Michael? What's a "Mirror Centaur?"
78
00:04:11,398 --> 00:04:13,525
Ah, a stunning creature
79
00:04:14,068 --> 00:04:17,029
whose human half
takes on the image of its companion.
80
00:04:18,864 --> 00:04:23,160
Greetings. I am T'Hania, Goddess of Beauty.
81
00:04:24,578 --> 00:04:25,871
Oh, my!
82
00:04:26,955 --> 00:04:29,541
I mean, should I take the cutest
puppy, or is that shallow?
83
00:04:29,708 --> 00:04:34,046
And is it even OK to separate them?
Are they brother and sister, or...
84
00:04:34,213 --> 00:04:35,672
or perhaps married?
85
00:04:35,756 --> 00:04:37,091
Dude, they're heaven-puppies.
86
00:04:37,174 --> 00:04:39,676
I'm sure they're both incredible.
Just choose one.
87
00:04:40,219 --> 00:04:41,804
You're right. The black one!
88
00:04:42,137 --> 00:04:44,098
That was my first impulse,
and that is the one I'll take!
89
00:04:44,848 --> 00:04:47,518
I'm so sorry, Chidi...
both puppies have been taken.
90
00:04:47,643 --> 00:04:49,353
Yeah, I should've seen that coming.
91
00:04:49,853 --> 00:04:52,564
My indecision has once again
cost me happiness
92
00:04:52,773 --> 00:04:54,691
and I will now suffer the consequences.
93
00:04:55,442 --> 00:04:56,777
How many pets have gone unclaimed?
94
00:04:56,944 --> 00:05:00,406
Three. A 16-foot albino python...
Mm-mm!
95
00:05:00,572 --> 00:05:04,535
Something called a "tarantula-squid,"
and this owl!
96
00:05:04,576 --> 00:05:06,703
The tarantula-squid! Tarantula-squid!
97
00:05:06,787 --> 00:05:08,664
Tarantula-squid! Tarantula-squid!
98
00:05:08,747 --> 00:05:09,790
I'll take the owl.
99
00:05:10,416 --> 00:05:13,252
Check it out!
Janet made him a little cowboy hat!
100
00:05:13,335 --> 00:05:14,545
Isn't that stupid?
101
00:05:14,753 --> 00:05:17,423
Chidi? Hello?
102
00:05:17,506 --> 00:05:19,758
Shh! Spencer doesn't like loud voices!
103
00:05:20,300 --> 00:05:22,386
Yeesh, what happened, man?
104
00:05:22,469 --> 00:05:26,890
Well, I was trying to teach him to play
"fetch," like I did with my puppy as a kid.
105
00:05:27,266 --> 00:05:31,019
But instead of retrieving the stick,
he attacked my face
106
00:05:31,228 --> 00:05:32,729
with his razor-sharp talons.
107
00:05:33,230 --> 00:05:35,357
Why don't you just ask Michael for a dog?
108
00:05:35,566 --> 00:05:38,235
Because it was my mistake
to not pick a puppy fast enough.
109
00:05:38,610 --> 00:05:41,155
I made my bed, and now I'll... bleed in it.
110
00:05:41,864 --> 00:05:43,365
Let me do that, dummy. Come here.
111
00:05:44,533 --> 00:05:47,161
What if I talk to Michael for you?
112
00:05:47,286 --> 00:05:50,456
That way you don't have to worry about
feeling ungrateful, or whatever
113
00:05:50,539 --> 00:05:53,834
and maybe you'll still get a puppy,
instead of...
114
00:05:53,917 --> 00:05:54,835
Ow!
115
00:05:54,960 --> 00:05:56,170
Deep wounds.
116
00:05:56,628 --> 00:05:58,964
- You'd do that?
- Of course! It's the least I can do
117
00:05:59,047 --> 00:06:01,008
considering everything you've done for me.
118
00:06:04,636 --> 00:06:05,762
So you get it, right?
119
00:06:05,846 --> 00:06:06,805
- Hey!
- What?
120
00:06:07,055 --> 00:06:08,432
You liked him, he liked you
121
00:06:08,515 --> 00:06:10,058
you did nice things for each other.
122
00:06:10,142 --> 00:06:12,895
Your lack of parental affection
did not make you numb
123
00:06:12,978 --> 00:06:14,521
to love, blah, blah, blah.
124
00:06:14,605 --> 00:06:15,898
"Blah, blah, blah?"
125
00:06:15,981 --> 00:06:18,692
Why don't you want me to see this?
What are you hiding?
126
00:06:18,984 --> 00:06:22,196
Nothing.
It's just the rest is not interesting.
127
00:06:22,488 --> 00:06:24,490
Yeah, no, you're right,
"not that interesting."
128
00:06:24,573 --> 00:06:27,576
Just watching myself fall in love
for the first time in fake heaven.
129
00:06:27,659 --> 00:06:28,619
What else is on?
130
00:06:29,369 --> 00:06:33,081
I am going to put this back in my ear,
and you are going to show me
131
00:06:33,290 --> 00:06:36,502
how thoughtful and caring I am,
or I'm gonna rip off your demon head
132
00:06:36,585 --> 00:06:40,005
and shove it up whatever's where
your butt should be. Roll it!
133
00:06:43,717 --> 00:06:46,386
Oh...
a lizard was a perfect choice, Eleanor.
134
00:06:46,553 --> 00:06:48,305
You both have combination skin!
135
00:06:48,764 --> 00:06:52,726
Thanks. Hey, this is a weird question to ask,
I'll just throw it out there
136
00:06:52,809 --> 00:06:54,019
can I ride your centaur?
137
00:06:54,102 --> 00:06:58,315
I'm afraid T'Hania's quite particular
about whom she allows to ride her.
138
00:06:58,440 --> 00:07:01,818
I tried, and she gave me a withering stare.
139
00:07:02,236 --> 00:07:03,779
Turns out centaurs are a bit tricky.
140
00:07:03,946 --> 00:07:06,907
You didn't have, like,
a stable full of horses growing up?
141
00:07:07,199 --> 00:07:09,117
Oh, of course, but they just pulled
our carriages
142
00:07:09,159 --> 00:07:11,620
or performed in our horse ballets.
They weren't so...
143
00:07:12,204 --> 00:07:13,330
what's the word?
144
00:07:13,830 --> 00:07:14,831
Judgmental.
145
00:07:14,957 --> 00:07:17,167
With whom can I speak
about acquiring new shoes?
146
00:07:17,376 --> 00:07:19,294
You can't expect me to walk around
in these flats all day
147
00:07:19,378 --> 00:07:21,713
like some common glue-factory hobo horse.
148
00:07:21,797 --> 00:07:23,215
Eleanor? You were looking for me?
149
00:07:23,298 --> 00:07:24,633
Uh, yeah! So...
150
00:07:24,883 --> 00:07:27,719
Chidi chose an owl,
because he froze up trying to decide
151
00:07:27,803 --> 00:07:30,389
between two puppies.
Is it possible for him to swap?
152
00:07:30,597 --> 00:07:32,474
Of course! This is the Good Place!
153
00:07:33,392 --> 00:07:35,185
But he might want to hold off.
154
00:07:35,852 --> 00:07:38,855
Tonight we're having a party,
where everyone gets to transform
155
00:07:38,939 --> 00:07:41,149
into their pets for a few minutes,
as a treat!
156
00:07:41,692 --> 00:07:43,902
Chidi can fly like an owl, and you can...
157
00:07:44,236 --> 00:07:45,612
do whatever lizards do!
158
00:07:46,655 --> 00:07:49,449
Tahani, would you host the party
at your mansion?
159
00:07:49,700 --> 00:07:51,618
Of course! I'd love to.
160
00:07:52,786 --> 00:07:54,288
Is that what you're going to wear?
161
00:07:54,871 --> 00:07:56,540
What? N-no, no...
162
00:07:56,623 --> 00:07:58,292
Of course not!
163
00:07:58,417 --> 00:08:00,961
Why? Is it unflattering?
164
00:08:01,378 --> 00:08:02,588
I... I can change!
165
00:08:04,047 --> 00:08:05,757
Guys, I can't find my lizard.
166
00:08:05,882 --> 00:08:07,926
He was just out there,
like, one second ago.
167
00:08:08,510 --> 00:08:09,845
No big deal. Janet can find it.
168
00:08:09,970 --> 00:08:11,388
No, I can't risk it.
169
00:08:11,471 --> 00:08:14,641
These pets are supposed to, like,
bond to our souls forever.
170
00:08:14,725 --> 00:08:17,060
If Michael finds out mine ran away,
he could figure out
171
00:08:17,144 --> 00:08:18,478
I'm not the real Eleanor.
172
00:08:18,729 --> 00:08:20,564
Just, um... go without me.
173
00:08:20,981 --> 00:08:23,191
And tell people that I'm hanging out
with my lizard
174
00:08:23,275 --> 00:08:27,696
because we are so meshed together or
whatever, circle of life, crap like that.
175
00:08:28,196 --> 00:08:29,364
- You sure?
- Yeah.
176
00:08:29,698 --> 00:08:31,867
Go enjoy flying. I'll meet you there.
177
00:08:31,992 --> 00:08:32,868
Come on, Blake!
178
00:08:34,661 --> 00:08:36,455
Lizard? Lizard!
179
00:08:37,664 --> 00:08:40,125
Where the fork are you? Lizard!
180
00:08:41,168 --> 00:08:42,753
Ugh! Why didn't I name you?
181
00:08:44,588 --> 00:08:45,631
Hey.
182
00:08:45,714 --> 00:08:46,882
- Why?
- Oh!
183
00:08:47,132 --> 00:08:48,717
Oh, no... Chidi!
184
00:08:50,052 --> 00:08:52,429
Sorry I shoved you, man.
Just been a little jumpy.
185
00:08:53,764 --> 00:08:55,682
Hey, you didn't happen to see
my lizard in the lake
186
00:08:55,724 --> 00:08:56,975
when you were thrashing around down there?
187
00:08:57,184 --> 00:09:00,187
No. It was cold and dark and scary.
188
00:09:00,604 --> 00:09:01,647
But, don't worry.
189
00:09:01,938 --> 00:09:03,190
We'll find him.
190
00:09:03,273 --> 00:09:06,401
Michael and Janet are busy
transforming people anyway
191
00:09:06,485 --> 00:09:08,153
so they didn't even
notice you weren't there.
192
00:09:08,528 --> 00:09:10,614
Holy crap, you're supposed
to be flying right now!
193
00:09:10,906 --> 00:09:13,116
It's no big deal.
I just decided I'd rather be...
194
00:09:14,076 --> 00:09:15,077
helping you.
195
00:09:15,494 --> 00:09:17,829
Than soaring through the air like an owl?
196
00:09:18,789 --> 00:09:19,873
That's amazing.
197
00:09:21,416 --> 00:09:22,668
You're amazing.
198
00:09:26,088 --> 00:09:28,632
After that,
you spent all your time together.
199
00:09:28,924 --> 00:09:30,801
You studied philosophy together.
200
00:09:31,009 --> 00:09:33,345
You even got Chidi
hooked on popcorn shrimp.
201
00:09:34,221 --> 00:09:37,015
Eventually, you became suspicious of me
and escaped
202
00:09:37,099 --> 00:09:39,267
to Mindy Saint Claire's house on a train.
203
00:09:39,810 --> 00:09:42,396
That was the first time you actually
said it out loud.
204
00:09:43,188 --> 00:09:44,231
I love you.
205
00:09:45,148 --> 00:09:46,817
And you don't need to respond, cos...
206
00:09:47,651 --> 00:09:50,237
- I know you have trouble saying how you feel.
- I love you, too.
207
00:09:54,866 --> 00:09:55,867
That's the story.
208
00:09:56,243 --> 00:09:59,746
You're capable of human love.
Congrats! Can we go now?
209
00:10:00,038 --> 00:10:01,081
How did it end?
210
00:10:01,415 --> 00:10:03,834
Like it always did, with me rebooting you.
211
00:10:04,042 --> 00:10:06,336
There's... there's no need to--
Show me, please.
212
00:10:08,839 --> 00:10:10,048
Alright, let's get this over with.
213
00:10:10,132 --> 00:10:12,968
- So, listen, guys...
- No! You... listen!
214
00:10:13,260 --> 00:10:17,848
We just went to Mindy Saint Claire's,
and when she wasn't trying to trick us
215
00:10:17,931 --> 00:10:21,017
into having a threesome, she filled us in on
everything that you've been up to here.
216
00:10:21,268 --> 00:10:22,269
Oh, yeah?
217
00:10:22,352 --> 00:10:24,730
We know this is like the hundredth time
you've tried to torture us
218
00:10:24,771 --> 00:10:26,106
but this time it's different
219
00:10:26,481 --> 00:10:27,566
because...
220
00:10:28,275 --> 00:10:29,276
we're in love.
221
00:10:30,026 --> 00:10:32,654
And love is stronger than anything
you can throw at us.
222
00:10:33,321 --> 00:10:34,281
No, it's not.
223
00:10:34,614 --> 00:10:36,700
"Love is stronger than anything
I can throw at you?"
224
00:10:37,409 --> 00:10:38,785
I could throw an elephant at you.
225
00:10:38,994 --> 00:10:41,705
You think a thrown elephant wouldn't
crush you because of love?
226
00:10:42,122 --> 00:10:43,707
She was speaking metaphorically.
227
00:10:43,915 --> 00:10:45,500
Even metaphorically, it's lame.
228
00:10:45,751 --> 00:10:46,626
It's OK.
229
00:10:46,752 --> 00:10:49,796
No matter what he does,
we will find each other
230
00:10:50,422 --> 00:10:53,383
and we will help each other,
because we're soulmates.
231
00:10:56,136 --> 00:10:59,431
There's no such thing
as "soulmates", you dingus!
232
00:11:00,557 --> 00:11:01,933
I made it up!
233
00:11:02,309 --> 00:11:04,686
I put clowns in your house
because you hate them.
234
00:11:04,936 --> 00:11:06,563
I forced you to choose the lizard
235
00:11:06,813 --> 00:11:09,191
and then I made that lizard run away!
236
00:11:09,483 --> 00:11:11,234
I made it all up!
237
00:11:11,443 --> 00:11:13,779
Don't you understand that? Ugh.
238
00:11:15,655 --> 00:11:18,033
That's why I didn't want to give you
your memories back.
239
00:11:18,200 --> 00:11:20,619
I didn't want you to see how cruel
I used to be.
240
00:11:21,536 --> 00:11:23,914
Plus, I wore a lot of French cuff shirts
back then
241
00:11:23,997 --> 00:11:27,209
I thought it made me look classy.
But it's... it's... it's all embarrassing.
242
00:11:27,375 --> 00:11:29,294
I'm different now, I promise.
243
00:11:29,669 --> 00:11:31,838
I'll swear on a Bible like you humans do.
244
00:11:32,047 --> 00:11:33,298
I could grab one right now, it...
245
00:11:33,465 --> 00:11:35,550
it's the only book they have
in the Sex-Ed section.
246
00:11:35,634 --> 00:11:37,052
I'm not mad at you.
247
00:11:37,302 --> 00:11:39,513
Can't be mad at a demon for being evil.
248
00:11:39,971 --> 00:11:46,269
I'm just sad because I thought
for a second, I could love someone.
249
00:11:46,728 --> 00:11:51,066
But really, it was just you manipulating me
into thinking I loved someone.
250
00:11:52,400 --> 00:11:55,320
So I guess I was right.
I'm incapable of love.
251
00:11:58,365 --> 00:12:00,367
Eh. That's no biggie.
Do you wanna get burgers?
252
00:12:03,453 --> 00:12:06,706
Hang on now, how did you draw
that conclusion?
253
00:12:06,957 --> 00:12:09,584
You just watched yourself fall in love
with Chidi.
254
00:12:10,126 --> 00:12:14,714
No, I didn't. I watched a puppeteer pull
a bunch of strings to make us think
255
00:12:14,798 --> 00:12:15,966
we were in love.
256
00:12:16,132 --> 00:12:18,051
You said it yourself - you made it all up.
257
00:12:18,301 --> 00:12:21,763
OK, yes, I put you and Chidi
in close proximity
258
00:12:21,847 --> 00:12:24,140
because I needed you to drive
each other crazy.
259
00:12:24,474 --> 00:12:27,185
But I never intended for you
to fall in love.
260
00:12:27,352 --> 00:12:29,980
Once you made us bond,
the romance was inevitable.
261
00:12:30,105 --> 00:12:34,276
It's a basic reality show playbook:
put a bunch of attractive young people
262
00:12:34,359 --> 00:12:36,486
in stressful situations,
so they act like idiots
263
00:12:36,570 --> 00:12:37,654
and have sex with each other.
264
00:12:37,821 --> 00:12:40,198
This is all just... determinism.
265
00:12:41,074 --> 00:12:41,950
What?
266
00:12:42,117 --> 00:12:46,246
"Determinism is the theory that we have
no control over our own actions.
267
00:12:46,371 --> 00:12:49,040
Everything we do happens
because of some external force
268
00:12:49,165 --> 00:12:51,251
which exists outside of our control."
269
00:12:51,710 --> 00:12:55,547
I didn't choose to fall in love with Chidi,
because some all-knowing demon, you
270
00:12:55,630 --> 00:12:58,258
- brought us together and scripted our lives.
- That's ridiculous.
271
00:12:58,425 --> 00:13:00,760
I didn't make you kiss Chidi by that lake.
272
00:13:00,969 --> 00:13:01,970
You kinda did.
273
00:13:02,304 --> 00:13:04,389
You orchestrated the whole "Pet Day" thing
274
00:13:04,472 --> 00:13:07,058
manipulated us into
choosing specific animals
275
00:13:07,183 --> 00:13:10,186
made my lizard run away,
which led to Chidi coming to help me find it
276
00:13:10,353 --> 00:13:12,981
which led to us kissing,
which led to us "falling in love."
277
00:13:13,273 --> 00:13:14,566
None of that was my choice.
278
00:13:14,858 --> 00:13:19,571
Everything in my life has been determined
by my upbringing, my genetics
279
00:13:20,030 --> 00:13:23,366
or my environment, and everything
in my afterlife was determined by you.
280
00:13:23,450 --> 00:13:25,744
There is no such thing as free will.
281
00:13:26,036 --> 00:13:27,829
We're closing up soon, guys.
282
00:13:27,913 --> 00:13:30,832
Yeah, can we just have 15 minutes?
We're kind of in the middle of something.
283
00:13:30,916 --> 00:13:32,167
I'd take off if I were you.
284
00:13:32,292 --> 00:13:34,711
The second we close,
they use this place to shoot pornos.
285
00:13:36,504 --> 00:13:37,380
OK.
286
00:13:38,548 --> 00:13:41,176
- You want something to drink?
- Maybe I do, maybe I don't.
287
00:13:41,426 --> 00:13:45,263
But whatever I choose will be the result
of millions of biological
288
00:13:45,347 --> 00:13:48,391
genetic and societal factors
that are entirely outside my control.
289
00:13:50,644 --> 00:13:51,645
Iced tea?
290
00:13:51,937 --> 00:13:53,480
Oh, that sounds good. I'll have one too.
291
00:13:54,147 --> 00:13:56,274
OK. You think you have no free will
292
00:13:56,358 --> 00:14:00,403
because I scripted everything
that happened, right?
293
00:14:00,987 --> 00:14:06,326
All I have to do is prove that you made
one choice that I couldn't anticipate.
294
00:14:07,452 --> 00:14:08,370
Easy.
295
00:14:10,622 --> 00:14:13,083
OK! Here's a perfect example!
296
00:14:13,166 --> 00:14:15,085
In the very first attempt...
297
00:14:15,210 --> 00:14:16,169
- Y--
- Dude, dude, dude!
298
00:14:16,711 --> 00:14:17,879
- What?
- Yelling. You're...
299
00:14:18,713 --> 00:14:21,341
- You're yelling, like, so loudly.
- Oh, sorry.
300
00:14:21,967 --> 00:14:22,926
- Sorry.
- Yeah.
301
00:14:23,969 --> 00:14:26,471
Watch this. It's from the very first attempt.
302
00:14:27,472 --> 00:14:29,182
If anyone...
303
00:14:29,683 --> 00:14:30,934
has any information...
304
00:14:31,142 --> 00:14:32,769
- Oh, boy.
- About any of this...
305
00:14:32,852 --> 00:14:34,062
OK, easy...
306
00:14:34,270 --> 00:14:36,022
I beg you. Tell me.
307
00:14:36,606 --> 00:14:38,191
Hey... I love you, man.
308
00:14:40,193 --> 00:14:41,111
Michael?
309
00:14:41,861 --> 00:14:43,697
The problem in the Neighbourhood...
310
00:14:45,323 --> 00:14:46,741
is me.
311
00:14:47,409 --> 00:14:51,329
You saw your friend in pain,
and you decided to sacrifice yourself
312
00:14:51,538 --> 00:14:52,414
to help him.
313
00:14:52,831 --> 00:14:55,750
That wasn't me pulling a string,
or manipulating you.
314
00:14:56,459 --> 00:14:58,420
In fact, it was the last thing I wanted.
315
00:14:58,753 --> 00:15:00,422
Ruined my whole plan.
316
00:15:01,297 --> 00:15:03,216
- Free will.
- No, dude.
317
00:15:03,425 --> 00:15:07,345
The only reason I cared enough
about Chidi to do that
318
00:15:07,429 --> 00:15:09,681
was because you forced us together
319
00:15:10,306 --> 00:15:12,392
made me feel bad for causing him pain...
320
00:15:12,517 --> 00:15:13,601
- OK, yeah.
- Yeah.
321
00:15:13,685 --> 00:15:17,272
But no, you were constantly doing stuff
I couldn't anticipate.
322
00:15:17,522 --> 00:15:20,442
As a matter of fact,
I complained to you once, right...
323
00:15:20,525 --> 00:15:24,320
right to your face.
I think it was reboot 444.
324
00:15:24,612 --> 00:15:26,614
Now, is Chidi trapped
325
00:15:26,656 --> 00:15:28,074
in the purple space bubble?
326
00:15:28,408 --> 00:15:30,785
Yes. Is he in pain? Almost certainly.
327
00:15:30,994 --> 00:15:32,328
Will he ever get out? No.
328
00:15:33,163 --> 00:15:34,289
- However...
- Uh...
329
00:15:34,622 --> 00:15:36,708
Yeah, uh, wrong one, wrong one,
I mean, that's...
330
00:15:37,250 --> 00:15:39,127
worth watching - it's great, but, uh...
331
00:15:39,252 --> 00:15:40,795
not-not the one I was thinking.
332
00:15:40,879 --> 00:15:42,839
It's probably, uh... 445.
333
00:15:48,470 --> 00:15:49,929
You. In here.
334
00:15:53,641 --> 00:15:54,893
Where am I?
335
00:15:55,435 --> 00:15:56,311
Hell.
336
00:15:56,895 --> 00:15:58,980
You're in hell. Can I ask you something?
337
00:15:59,439 --> 00:16:02,776
Have I missed anything in that freaky
little noodle of yours?
338
00:16:03,193 --> 00:16:05,403
See, I... I've studied everything
about your life.
339
00:16:05,612 --> 00:16:09,532
I know your hopes, your fears,
your psychology, your tendencies.
340
00:16:10,533 --> 00:16:14,829
I know all your private shames, like that
you don't wash your feet in the shower.
341
00:16:15,121 --> 00:16:17,248
Your first concert was Barenaked Ladies
342
00:16:17,499 --> 00:16:23,004
and you have frequent sex dreams
about Sam the Eagle, from the Muppets.
343
00:16:23,338 --> 00:16:25,882
Well, he's very authoritative
and I find that reassuring.
344
00:16:26,341 --> 00:16:29,969
You keep making crazy choices
I don't understand.
345
00:16:32,013 --> 00:16:33,139
Am I missing something?
346
00:16:33,389 --> 00:16:35,016
I'm sorry, can we rewind for a second?
347
00:16:35,100 --> 00:16:36,893
Who are you? Who is that guy?
348
00:16:37,352 --> 00:16:38,311
Am I dead?
349
00:16:39,604 --> 00:16:40,939
Is Sam the Eagle here?
350
00:16:41,314 --> 00:16:42,190
No.
351
00:16:42,649 --> 00:16:45,318
I tried to script your whole afterlife.
352
00:16:45,819 --> 00:16:49,989
And I devised a 15 million-point plan
to torture you.
353
00:16:50,573 --> 00:16:53,326
You made choices I never saw coming.
354
00:16:54,119 --> 00:16:56,621
I call that free will.
355
00:16:59,749 --> 00:17:02,001
What if all your choices are predetermined?
356
00:17:02,293 --> 00:17:04,671
- Oh, you've gotta be kidding me.
- What? We don't know!
357
00:17:04,754 --> 00:17:08,049
Maybe there's a mega-demon
who built a torture chamber for demons
358
00:17:08,133 --> 00:17:10,093
and this whole thing
is just him torturing you?
359
00:17:10,552 --> 00:17:15,640
And maybe... all the mega-demons
are just fulfilling a destiny laid out
360
00:17:15,723 --> 00:17:19,102
by a bunch of super-intelligent
tarantula-squids
361
00:17:19,310 --> 00:17:20,728
who are torturing them...
362
00:17:27,026 --> 00:17:28,194
Why did you do that?
363
00:17:28,820 --> 00:17:30,530
Because I have free will.
364
00:17:30,613 --> 00:17:33,700
And because you're being so... annoying.
365
00:17:35,118 --> 00:17:37,620
Thank you. So sorry that he did that.
366
00:17:37,787 --> 00:17:39,581
Happens all the time.
367
00:17:39,664 --> 00:17:42,417
Usually it's the younger woman doing
it to the older guy, though.
368
00:17:43,960 --> 00:17:45,670
Dude! Not cool.
369
00:17:46,171 --> 00:17:47,172
Disagree.
370
00:17:47,255 --> 00:17:48,965
I think it's the coolest thing
I've ever done.
371
00:17:50,049 --> 00:17:52,302
Do you really not see
what's happening here?
372
00:17:52,760 --> 00:17:54,429
Do you want me to spell it out for you?
373
00:17:54,971 --> 00:17:57,807
This is a defence mechanism, Eleanor.
374
00:17:58,099 --> 00:18:01,686
You saw yourself fall in love with Chidi,
and it freaked you out
375
00:18:01,769 --> 00:18:05,773
to see yourself be so vulnerable,
so you're using determinism
376
00:18:05,857 --> 00:18:08,818
to convince yourself
that those feelings were not real.
377
00:18:08,943 --> 00:18:12,614
- You know, you don't know me, man!
- Yes, I do. I know everything about you.
378
00:18:13,198 --> 00:18:14,240
Remember?
379
00:18:14,741 --> 00:18:17,952
Including that nothing scares you
more than vulnerability.
380
00:18:18,077 --> 00:18:19,787
Ugh! Whatever. Who even cares?
381
00:18:19,871 --> 00:18:23,917
I do. Because if everything is determined,
and we have no free will
382
00:18:24,209 --> 00:18:28,296
then all this stuff we're doing to put
more good into the world is pointless
383
00:18:29,214 --> 00:18:31,132
and I want to believe that it matters.
384
00:18:31,883 --> 00:18:35,470
So if you'll excuse me,
I'm gonna use my free will right now
385
00:18:35,553 --> 00:18:37,764
to go pick up our friends at the airport.
386
00:18:38,264 --> 00:18:41,935
Worst possible use of free will,
but I'm gonna do it anyway
387
00:18:42,477 --> 00:18:43,895
because I care about them.
388
00:18:48,274 --> 00:18:49,609
You might wanna head out too.
389
00:18:49,943 --> 00:18:53,446
We're closing soon, and the second we do,
they use this place to shoot porn.
390
00:18:59,369 --> 00:19:01,287
First class was amazing!
391
00:19:01,371 --> 00:19:05,333
They give you so many free presents.
A shaving kit, an eye mask... Oh, a vest!
392
00:19:07,418 --> 00:19:11,214
Times like this, it's fun to remember
that we're legally married.
393
00:19:11,631 --> 00:19:13,800
That is fun!
394
00:19:13,883 --> 00:19:15,426
Oh, I call window seat!
395
00:19:23,309 --> 00:19:25,061
I'm sorry. You were right.
396
00:19:25,144 --> 00:19:29,774
I was scared about what it all meant,
and I went back to one of my favourite moves
397
00:19:30,149 --> 00:19:31,985
turn on the ol' Blame Hose.
398
00:19:32,277 --> 00:19:34,612
"This is all your fault!"
399
00:19:34,862 --> 00:19:35,947
Apology accepted.
400
00:19:36,489 --> 00:19:38,908
And I'm sorry I dumped
iced tea on your head.
401
00:19:39,158 --> 00:19:40,159
Are you kidding me?
402
00:19:40,285 --> 00:19:42,745
You did exactly what you should do
when your friend is being annoying.
403
00:19:42,829 --> 00:19:43,997
You snapped me out of it.
404
00:19:44,414 --> 00:19:46,332
That's what made me realise, in a weird way
405
00:19:46,457 --> 00:19:49,836
we're the only truly free beings
in the universe
406
00:19:50,003 --> 00:19:52,380
because we actually know
what's up with the afterlife.
407
00:19:52,922 --> 00:19:55,091
And I think that means we need
to be bold.
408
00:19:55,842 --> 00:19:57,802
Take the Soul Squad
to the next level somehow.
409
00:19:59,178 --> 00:20:00,138
You're right.
410
00:20:01,472 --> 00:20:04,142
We need to find someone
who can serve as a...
411
00:20:04,600 --> 00:20:06,311
as a blueprint for humanity.
412
00:20:06,394 --> 00:20:09,731
Someone whose life is so great,
that we can use it as a model
413
00:20:09,939 --> 00:20:12,650
to get as many points
for as many people as possible
414
00:20:12,734 --> 00:20:14,319
and I think I know the perfect person.
415
00:20:14,444 --> 00:20:15,528
Rihanna! Good call.
416
00:20:15,611 --> 00:20:17,655
I don't know her personally,
but I did see her in Vegas once
417
00:20:17,739 --> 00:20:19,782
and her calf brushed up against my tongue.
418
00:20:21,075 --> 00:20:22,618
I licked her leg. I was kicked out.
419
00:20:22,702 --> 00:20:25,330
It's not Rihanna, it's someone way cooler.
420
00:20:25,872 --> 00:20:27,248
Hey, everybody out of the car!
421
00:20:28,207 --> 00:20:29,292
Grab your bags!
422
00:20:29,667 --> 00:20:31,127
We're going to rural Canada!
423
00:20:36,758 --> 00:20:39,719
- Is it ready?
- I guess. We have no idea if it'll work.
424
00:20:40,011 --> 00:20:42,055
Oh, I'm sure it's perfect.
425
00:20:43,097 --> 00:20:44,766
- Give it a try, Shawn!
- Me?
426
00:20:45,266 --> 00:20:47,602
I'm not going through that thing.
She is.
427
00:20:48,478 --> 00:20:50,730
...ask Michael how many times
he rebooted them!
428
00:20:50,813 --> 00:20:52,023
He's lying...
429
00:20:52,106 --> 00:20:54,233
Yeah, zip it, toots. We're way past that.
430
00:20:54,650 --> 00:20:57,028
Where am I? How long was I in there?
431
00:20:57,487 --> 00:20:59,155
You have missed a lot.
432
00:20:59,572 --> 00:21:01,991
Now, go through that makeshift portal,
see if you explode.
433
00:21:04,786 --> 00:21:06,662
This might be gross!
434
00:21:12,168 --> 00:21:13,878
Am I... on Earth?
435
00:21:14,295 --> 00:21:17,757
Did you figure out a way to build
an illegal door to Earth?
436
00:21:18,841 --> 00:21:19,759
Yes.
437
00:21:20,593 --> 00:21:22,136
That's exactly what I did.
438
00:21:22,804 --> 00:21:25,014
- Well, we all helped.
- Shut up, Glenn.