1 00:00:05,319 --> 00:00:07,780 OK, OK, OK. Let's do sophomore year of high school. 2 00:00:07,863 --> 00:00:09,031 Uh, Nathan Burlingame. 3 00:00:09,115 --> 00:00:10,783 - Didn't like you. - Huh. 4 00:00:11,158 --> 00:00:12,284 Kylie Mansard? 5 00:00:12,326 --> 00:00:13,953 Thought you were cool but intimidating. 6 00:00:14,036 --> 00:00:16,914 No way! I thought she was intimidating! 7 00:00:16,997 --> 00:00:18,874 That's why I shoved her into that creek. 8 00:00:19,333 --> 00:00:24,255 Well, after my chilli episode, I asked the administration for a one-year sabbatical 9 00:00:24,296 --> 00:00:25,214 and good news. 10 00:00:25,339 --> 00:00:26,715 They fired me! 11 00:00:26,841 --> 00:00:30,427 So, I am free and easy. 12 00:00:30,469 --> 00:00:33,931 Well, the rest of the Soul Squad is off helping Jason's dad. 13 00:00:34,014 --> 00:00:34,974 Who are we saving? 14 00:00:35,057 --> 00:00:38,018 No one from my high school, I will tell you that much. 15 00:00:38,102 --> 00:00:42,356 Well, before we do anything, I have to break things off with Simone. 16 00:00:42,481 --> 00:00:45,818 If I slip up and tell her about the universe, it could doom her for eternity. 17 00:00:46,152 --> 00:00:49,405 And I've avoided talking to her for so long, she assumed I had laryngitis 18 00:00:49,446 --> 00:00:51,699 and it went too far, and now I'm on antibiotics! 19 00:00:51,740 --> 00:00:55,161 OK, settle down. Your moral code means you can't lie, right? 20 00:00:56,120 --> 00:00:57,329 You need to just ghost her. 21 00:00:57,413 --> 00:00:59,248 Disappear, block her number. 22 00:00:59,373 --> 00:01:02,877 Bonus, anything she left in your apartment now legally belongs to you. 23 00:01:02,960 --> 00:01:05,629 I've done that to dozens of people, and all of them got over it. 24 00:01:05,713 --> 00:01:07,798 Actually, none of your exes have ever gotten over you. 25 00:01:07,965 --> 00:01:09,133 You're damn right they didn't. 26 00:01:09,466 --> 00:01:13,387 I just wish I could end things in a way that I knew wouldn't hurt her. 27 00:01:13,679 --> 00:01:14,889 JANET: Bing! 28 00:01:15,890 --> 00:01:19,059 I usually appear out of thin air and there would be a pleasant "bing" sound 29 00:01:19,101 --> 00:01:22,479 but I don't have my powers so I'm doing my own "bings" now. 30 00:01:22,813 --> 00:01:23,731 Bing! 31 00:01:25,399 --> 00:01:27,943 Chidi, what if I could create a virtual reality simulation 32 00:01:27,985 --> 00:01:29,904 where you could practice different break-up scenarios? 33 00:01:29,945 --> 00:01:31,614 - You can do that? - I think so. 34 00:01:31,739 --> 00:01:35,367 I do know everything about you, and Simone, and computer programming 35 00:01:35,409 --> 00:01:37,369 and virtual reality and artificial intelligence 36 00:01:37,411 --> 00:01:39,079 and the human brain and everything else. 37 00:01:39,205 --> 00:01:42,625 I'm kind of a nerd. I'll start building the simulator now. 38 00:01:43,000 --> 00:01:43,918 Bing! 39 00:01:45,419 --> 00:01:46,962 SHE CHUCKLES 40 00:01:47,755 --> 00:01:48,672 Don't... 41 00:01:49,215 --> 00:01:50,090 Turn around. 42 00:01:50,841 --> 00:01:51,926 It's embarrassing. 43 00:01:53,260 --> 00:01:54,178 Bing! 44 00:02:03,729 --> 00:02:06,148 JASON: Jacksonville! What up! 45 00:02:06,565 --> 00:02:08,567 Duval! 46 00:02:08,692 --> 00:02:10,486 DISTANT SHOUTS: Duval! 47 00:02:10,653 --> 00:02:11,695 Poor Larry. 48 00:02:12,696 --> 00:02:13,614 But... 49 00:02:14,240 --> 00:02:16,951 "If you love someone, set them free." 50 00:02:17,493 --> 00:02:21,288 My good friend and yoga pupil Sting, no last initial, told me that. 51 00:02:21,455 --> 00:02:24,208 I can't wait to show you guys all the cool sights in Jacksonville. 52 00:02:24,250 --> 00:02:27,503 Like, that swamp is where me, Pillboi and Donkey Doug 53 00:02:27,544 --> 00:02:30,381 used to stand and try and blind pilots with laser pointers. 54 00:02:30,464 --> 00:02:33,259 - And, oh-- - Maybe we should do the tour after we... 55 00:02:33,384 --> 00:02:35,761 you know, save your father's soul. 56 00:02:35,844 --> 00:02:39,139 Oh, I've been meaning to ask, why are you trying to save your father? 57 00:02:39,390 --> 00:02:42,351 I've heard you mention your friend Pillboi many times 58 00:02:42,434 --> 00:02:43,811 but you've not mentioned your father once. 59 00:02:44,436 --> 00:02:47,564 What do you mean? I talk about Donkey Doug all the time. 60 00:02:51,193 --> 00:02:52,194 I'm sorry... 61 00:02:52,486 --> 00:02:55,781 the man you call "Donkey Doug" is your father? 62 00:02:56,073 --> 00:02:56,949 Yeah. 63 00:02:57,658 --> 00:03:01,745 The "Donkey Doug" with whom you tried to blind airline pilots with laser pointers? 64 00:03:01,829 --> 00:03:02,705 Yeah. 65 00:03:02,746 --> 00:03:05,207 The "Donkey Doug" who is banned from Disney World 66 00:03:05,249 --> 00:03:07,209 for biting Buzz Lightyear? 67 00:03:07,293 --> 00:03:10,170 In his defence, he thought it was someone else. 68 00:03:11,588 --> 00:03:12,548 Who? 69 00:03:12,673 --> 00:03:15,801 So, Michael and I have a plan to save my dad. 70 00:03:16,135 --> 00:03:19,013 My whole life, Donkey Doug was always getting in trouble 71 00:03:19,054 --> 00:03:21,432 because of some get-rich-quick scheme. 72 00:03:21,557 --> 00:03:23,350 He sold counterfeit truck nutz 73 00:03:23,642 --> 00:03:26,979 he created a sport that was a cross between dodgeball and horseshoes 74 00:03:27,021 --> 00:03:28,522 and everybody died. 75 00:03:28,605 --> 00:03:30,149 - He glued-- - This should be easy. 76 00:03:30,274 --> 00:03:31,942 We have plenty of money. 77 00:03:32,026 --> 00:03:36,780 If we just give him money, he'll blow it. He's gotta feel like he did it himself. 78 00:03:36,905 --> 00:03:41,076 A few years ago, Donkey Doug was very close to getting his electrician's licence. 79 00:03:41,118 --> 00:03:44,788 So, if we get him to finish the training, he can earn an honest living 80 00:03:44,872 --> 00:03:47,458 and be on his way to getting more Good Place points 81 00:03:47,499 --> 00:03:49,668 which is why we're all here. 82 00:03:49,752 --> 00:03:52,421 OK, let's go save ma dad! 83 00:03:52,755 --> 00:03:54,340 - Taxi! - WHISTLE BLOWS 84 00:03:54,423 --> 00:03:56,842 METAL MUSIC BLARES 85 00:03:59,970 --> 00:04:01,889 - Ha! - MAN: Need help with your bag? 86 00:04:01,972 --> 00:04:02,890 Nah, I got it! 87 00:04:04,141 --> 00:04:05,684 KNOCK ON DOOR 88 00:04:06,268 --> 00:04:07,895 Oh, dip! Jason! 89 00:04:07,978 --> 00:04:09,355 Aw, dip! Donkey Doug! 90 00:04:09,980 --> 00:04:12,149 You call him "Donkey Doug" in person? 91 00:04:12,232 --> 00:04:13,650 Me and Jason are cool like that. 92 00:04:13,734 --> 00:04:17,654 I don't think of him as my son, I think of him as ma boy! 93 00:04:17,738 --> 00:04:20,199 I mean, I am ya boy. 94 00:04:20,282 --> 00:04:21,617 Yeah, but it's more like... 95 00:04:21,700 --> 00:04:23,619 "That's my son right there, son!" 96 00:04:23,702 --> 00:04:28,415 But not, like, "son-son", but, like, "ma boy". But not, like... 97 00:04:28,499 --> 00:04:30,542 Yes, Yes, we get it. Thank you. 98 00:04:30,584 --> 00:04:32,252 Oh, this is my friend, Michael. 99 00:04:32,669 --> 00:04:34,505 Aw, crap! You look like a cop! 100 00:04:34,588 --> 00:04:37,424 Are you a cop? Because if you are, you have to tell me 101 00:04:37,508 --> 00:04:39,676 and you're not allowed to arrest me for anything you saw 102 00:04:39,718 --> 00:04:41,345 before I knew you were a cop. 103 00:04:41,470 --> 00:04:44,223 - I'm not a police officer. - Yeah, Michael's cool. 104 00:04:44,598 --> 00:04:47,684 And this is Tahani, who is my wife, I guess. 105 00:04:47,768 --> 00:04:49,520 Dang, nice pull, son! 106 00:04:49,978 --> 00:04:53,440 How about you and me go check out my Jacuzzi and put stuff in each other? 107 00:04:53,524 --> 00:04:55,567 Again, I'm his wife. 108 00:04:55,651 --> 00:04:56,568 Wow. 109 00:04:56,693 --> 00:04:59,154 That's the first time that line has ever failed. 110 00:04:59,363 --> 00:05:01,115 You must really love him. 111 00:05:01,615 --> 00:05:04,326 Welcome to the family! Come on in! 112 00:05:04,910 --> 00:05:07,162 This programme knows everything about your personality 113 00:05:07,246 --> 00:05:09,748 Simone's personality, and all human relationships. 114 00:05:09,790 --> 00:05:14,002 It can't tell you exactly what will happen, but it will approximate Simone's reaction 115 00:05:14,044 --> 00:05:15,295 to anything you say to her. 116 00:05:15,337 --> 00:05:17,589 Plus... it has Tetris! JANET LAUGHS 117 00:05:17,673 --> 00:05:21,176 Hm. Would this work with, say, me, and, say... 118 00:05:21,260 --> 00:05:24,138 uh, Jason Statham, and uh, instead of a café 119 00:05:24,221 --> 00:05:27,933 it was, say, a room with a futon and a bunch of Red Bull? 120 00:05:28,016 --> 00:05:30,227 Why is it that every time a new thing is invented 121 00:05:30,269 --> 00:05:32,896 humans immediately try to use it for porn? 122 00:05:33,021 --> 00:05:34,189 Because we're disgusting. 123 00:05:34,231 --> 00:05:36,650 Huh. Eleanor and I will be watching on the monitor. 124 00:05:36,733 --> 00:05:38,735 We'll see what you see. Put these in your ears. 125 00:05:38,777 --> 00:05:41,572 They'll play a tone that will trick your brain into seeing what I've programmed. 126 00:05:42,156 --> 00:05:44,408 HIGH-PITCHED DISTORTION 127 00:05:44,533 --> 00:05:45,576 HE GROANS 128 00:05:47,244 --> 00:05:50,706 Wow! Uh, so, this is... I'm here. 129 00:05:50,831 --> 00:05:51,707 Hey, babe. 130 00:05:52,666 --> 00:05:53,917 What did you wanna talk about? 131 00:05:54,626 --> 00:05:56,545 JANET: Go ahead, Chidi. Practice what you want to say to her. 132 00:05:56,628 --> 00:06:00,257 Right, um... Simone, this has been the best year of my life 133 00:06:00,424 --> 00:06:01,592 because of you. 134 00:06:01,675 --> 00:06:05,137 Unfortunately, I have come to learn some information 135 00:06:05,596 --> 00:06:09,600 and it means that we have to end this relationship. 136 00:06:09,808 --> 00:06:12,978 - What information? - I can't say. 137 00:06:13,187 --> 00:06:14,730 - Why not? - Uh... 138 00:06:14,855 --> 00:06:16,315 I-I can't say. 139 00:06:16,398 --> 00:06:18,901 Well, you've either gone crazy or you're too much of a coward 140 00:06:18,942 --> 00:06:22,196 - to tell me how you feel. Which is it? - I-I can't, because of... 141 00:06:23,113 --> 00:06:24,364 HE SIGHS Janet! 142 00:06:24,448 --> 00:06:26,700 Who's Janet? And why are you screaming her name into the sky? 143 00:06:27,117 --> 00:06:28,869 You know what... whatever. Goodbye, Chidi. 144 00:06:28,952 --> 00:06:30,037 No, no, no, wait! 145 00:06:30,746 --> 00:06:32,498 HE GROANS So! 146 00:06:33,373 --> 00:06:35,375 - That didn't go great. - I disagree! 147 00:06:35,542 --> 00:06:37,294 I thought it was hilarious. 148 00:06:37,669 --> 00:06:38,962 MICHAEL: So, Donkey Doug... 149 00:06:39,087 --> 00:06:43,926 Jason told us about your electrician licence, and we have a career opportunity for you. 150 00:06:44,009 --> 00:06:45,719 Yo! Later for that. 151 00:06:45,969 --> 00:06:48,722 I got a business proposition for you. 152 00:06:49,056 --> 00:06:50,390 Pillboi! 153 00:06:51,850 --> 00:06:54,436 - Oh, dip! Jason! - Oh, dip! Pillboi! 154 00:06:54,478 --> 00:06:56,897 - Oh, dip! Pillboi! - Oh, dip! Donkey Doug! 155 00:06:57,022 --> 00:06:59,149 - THEY CONTINUE YAMMERING - This is remarkable. 156 00:06:59,233 --> 00:07:01,610 It explains so much. 157 00:07:01,652 --> 00:07:02,986 Jason, I thought you were dead! 158 00:07:03,028 --> 00:07:06,615 But I was alive! I was in Australia. I talked to you on the phone last week! 159 00:07:06,823 --> 00:07:08,200 Yeah, but I forgot! 160 00:07:08,283 --> 00:07:09,159 Oh...! 161 00:07:09,493 --> 00:07:13,121 Me and Pillboi have been cooking up something real special. 162 00:07:13,330 --> 00:07:15,874 And this time, it's not fake meth. 163 00:07:17,376 --> 00:07:20,420 Alright, Pillboi, tell him about our new product! 164 00:07:20,629 --> 00:07:25,175 Sharks, how much do you spend on energy drinks and body spray in one week? 165 00:07:25,425 --> 00:07:26,510 $300? 166 00:07:26,760 --> 00:07:27,970 Ten hundred dollars? 167 00:07:28,470 --> 00:07:32,140 What if I told you there was a product that combined these two things 168 00:07:32,224 --> 00:07:36,645 for one solution to all of life's problems and more? 169 00:07:37,020 --> 00:07:39,606 I give to you, "Double Trouble." 170 00:07:39,690 --> 00:07:43,277 The world's first energy drink-slash-body spray. 171 00:07:43,443 --> 00:07:47,072 So, uh, do you spray it on yourself or do you drink it? 172 00:07:47,197 --> 00:07:48,240 You both it! 173 00:07:48,448 --> 00:07:51,660 This is the one, Jason! We're gonna be so rich. 174 00:07:51,868 --> 00:07:55,831 I'll finally be able to pay to have my calf implants moved back up from my feet! 175 00:07:56,206 --> 00:07:57,874 This is gonna be a lot tougher than we thought. 176 00:07:58,584 --> 00:08:01,044 Tell me about it. "Double Trouble" sounds amazing! 177 00:08:01,128 --> 00:08:04,006 We should bid fast, the other Sharks are gonna want in. 178 00:08:06,633 --> 00:08:10,429 So, I just have to be simple, honest, and declarative 179 00:08:10,512 --> 00:08:12,806 and somehow still protect her feelings. 180 00:08:12,848 --> 00:08:13,849 I don't know, man. 181 00:08:13,932 --> 00:08:15,976 - Maybe just tell her that you're gay. - I'm not gay. 182 00:08:16,059 --> 00:08:17,352 Fine, bi. 183 00:08:17,561 --> 00:08:19,146 - I'm not bi either. - Why not? 184 00:08:19,229 --> 00:08:23,483 More guys should be bi. It's 2018, it's like, get over yourselves! 185 00:08:23,567 --> 00:08:27,571 Is there any way I can try a bunch of different things in a row 186 00:08:27,613 --> 00:08:28,739 to see what works? 187 00:08:28,822 --> 00:08:29,823 Bing! Sure. 188 00:08:29,948 --> 00:08:31,867 If you want to reset, just snap your fingers. 189 00:08:31,950 --> 00:08:35,871 Also, I made some modifications to the tone, so it should make your transition easier. 190 00:08:35,954 --> 00:08:36,830 Oh. 191 00:08:37,998 --> 00:08:40,626 SMOOTH JAZZ PLAYS 192 00:08:43,754 --> 00:08:44,921 SIMONE: Hey, babe. 193 00:08:46,048 --> 00:08:47,174 What did you want to talk about? 194 00:08:47,257 --> 00:08:49,384 Well, I don't love you anymore. 195 00:08:49,551 --> 00:08:50,427 What? 196 00:08:50,469 --> 00:08:52,012 No, no, you don't understand. 197 00:08:52,346 --> 00:08:58,226 I don't technically love you in the same way, because of circumstances. 198 00:08:58,977 --> 00:08:59,853 What? 199 00:09:00,437 --> 00:09:01,355 Hang on. 200 00:09:03,899 --> 00:09:07,110 I don't know how to tell you this, but I'm dying. 201 00:09:07,444 --> 00:09:09,112 - No, you're not. - Yes, I am. 202 00:09:09,279 --> 00:09:12,324 Because we're all dying, slowly, when you think about it. 203 00:09:12,449 --> 00:09:16,119 We start dying the moment we're born, so, not a lie. 204 00:09:18,455 --> 00:09:20,499 HE SIGHS OK, here it is. 205 00:09:20,582 --> 00:09:22,417 I'm just going to be perfectly honest. 206 00:09:23,418 --> 00:09:26,463 My real name is Special Agent Rick Justice, FBI. 207 00:09:27,589 --> 00:09:28,548 Nope. 208 00:09:30,759 --> 00:09:31,677 Simone... 209 00:09:32,678 --> 00:09:38,183 the last year has been truly amazing. And with that in mind... 210 00:09:40,977 --> 00:09:42,646 - SHE GASPS - Will you marry me? 211 00:09:42,688 --> 00:09:43,563 Yes! 212 00:09:43,689 --> 00:09:46,191 Yes, of course I will! Oh! 213 00:09:46,483 --> 00:09:48,360 PEOPLE APPLAUD 214 00:09:48,485 --> 00:09:51,238 Wait, what-what am I doing? Why did I think this would work? 215 00:09:51,279 --> 00:09:53,198 JANET: Chidi, I'm gonna go ahead and reboot this one myself. 216 00:09:53,240 --> 00:09:54,116 Yeah, good call. 217 00:09:54,616 --> 00:09:56,326 - So, Simone-- - Wait. 218 00:09:56,660 --> 00:09:59,579 Before you say anything, I think we should break up. 219 00:10:00,163 --> 00:10:01,331 - You do? - Yes. 220 00:10:01,373 --> 00:10:05,001 I love and respect you very much, but we're heading in different directions. 221 00:10:05,377 --> 00:10:07,295 And don't worry, we don't have to make a big "thing" of it. 222 00:10:07,796 --> 00:10:09,715 Oh, my God. OK. This is the one. 223 00:10:09,798 --> 00:10:11,383 Remember everything, right leg crossed over left. 224 00:10:11,425 --> 00:10:12,509 Coffee's right there... 225 00:10:12,801 --> 00:10:13,802 Oh, one more thing. 226 00:10:14,052 --> 00:10:16,096 Suck it, ya doink! 227 00:10:16,596 --> 00:10:18,265 - Sorry? - SHE LAUGHS 228 00:10:18,348 --> 00:10:20,350 IN AMERICAN ACCENT: This is Eleanor, you idiot! 229 00:10:20,434 --> 00:10:22,644 Janet let me mess with the simulator to screw with you! 230 00:10:22,686 --> 00:10:23,645 Janet, come on! 231 00:10:23,687 --> 00:10:25,772 IN JANET-LIKE VOICE: Hi, Chidi, this is Janet now. 232 00:10:25,856 --> 00:10:27,649 - Sorry, it won't happen again. - Thank you! 233 00:10:27,691 --> 00:10:29,276 Psych! It's still Eleanor! 234 00:10:29,359 --> 00:10:32,612 I can't believe you fell for that, ya doink! SHE CACKLES 235 00:10:33,363 --> 00:10:34,281 We need to break up 236 00:10:34,322 --> 00:10:36,700 but here's a puppy! 237 00:10:36,742 --> 00:10:38,368 Aw! Wait, what? 238 00:10:38,452 --> 00:10:41,246 He's a puppy, it's over between us, and he's cute! 239 00:10:41,288 --> 00:10:43,665 Do you think I don't hear the bad parts of these sentences? 240 00:10:43,707 --> 00:10:46,168 His name is Martin, I need my keys back, and he's a puppy! 241 00:10:47,794 --> 00:10:49,546 You are very bad at this. 242 00:10:49,588 --> 00:10:51,798 Well, it's because I don't actually want to break up with her! 243 00:10:51,840 --> 00:10:53,800 What, do you need me to break up with her for you 244 00:10:53,842 --> 00:10:57,137 - like we're in middle school or something? - Yeah, yeah, yeah, yes. 245 00:10:57,345 --> 00:10:59,598 - Please do that for me, please! - Fine. 246 00:10:59,765 --> 00:11:01,600 SMOOTH JAZZ PLAYS 247 00:11:02,309 --> 00:11:03,435 SIMONE: Hey, Eleanor! 248 00:11:03,769 --> 00:11:04,644 Hey. 249 00:11:05,061 --> 00:11:06,521 What did you want to talk about? 250 00:11:06,730 --> 00:11:09,941 Well, first of all, you and Chidi are so great together. 251 00:11:10,108 --> 00:11:12,778 He really loves you, and I can see why, you know? 252 00:11:12,861 --> 00:11:15,071 You're brilliant, charming, obviously gorgeous. 253 00:11:15,155 --> 00:11:16,782 Aww, you're sweet to say that. 254 00:11:16,823 --> 00:11:19,367 - And your accent is so cute! - Your accent is so cute. 255 00:11:19,785 --> 00:11:21,703 What? I don't think I have an accent. 256 00:11:21,912 --> 00:11:23,538 IN AMERICAN ACCENT: I don't think I have an accent. 257 00:11:23,580 --> 00:11:25,874 - Stop it! - THEY LAUGH 258 00:11:26,666 --> 00:11:28,794 ELEANOR GIGGLES 259 00:11:29,336 --> 00:11:30,629 SHE SIGHS 260 00:11:31,546 --> 00:11:35,550 What... is... happening? 261 00:11:38,011 --> 00:11:38,929 CHIDI: Nope. No. 262 00:11:38,970 --> 00:11:39,846 This is over. 263 00:11:39,930 --> 00:11:42,474 Whoa, man, come on! It was just getting good! 264 00:11:43,016 --> 00:11:44,476 MICHAEL: Let's remember the mission. 265 00:11:44,643 --> 00:11:48,271 Your father needs to focus on long-term stability. 266 00:11:48,730 --> 00:11:50,690 Also, and perhaps this is less important 267 00:11:50,774 --> 00:11:55,529 but there's an awful lot of dog hair on the furniture, and I have not seen a dog. 268 00:11:56,154 --> 00:11:57,280 Not bad, right? 269 00:11:57,864 --> 00:12:00,826 "Double Trouble" comes in three delicious smell-flavours. 270 00:12:01,076 --> 00:12:04,204 Raspberry-Perspirant, Cedarwood Melon Blast 271 00:12:04,496 --> 00:12:07,707 and 24-Hour Lemon Musk Xtreme. 272 00:12:07,958 --> 00:12:10,168 That one is also a lube. 273 00:12:10,252 --> 00:12:13,380 Look, Donkey Doug, "Double Trouble" is dope. 274 00:12:13,505 --> 00:12:15,590 On that much, we can all agree on. 275 00:12:15,882 --> 00:12:18,009 But you got to think long-term. 276 00:12:18,468 --> 00:12:20,262 You were good at electricity stuff. 277 00:12:20,387 --> 00:12:24,516 You hooked us up with free porno channels every year, ever since the third grade. 278 00:12:24,599 --> 00:12:25,934 It's good honest work. 279 00:12:26,017 --> 00:12:27,936 "Honest work?" Whatever, Dad. 280 00:12:28,520 --> 00:12:30,146 You're his dad. 281 00:12:30,647 --> 00:12:32,482 This is huge, J! 282 00:12:32,816 --> 00:12:36,611 When "Double Trouble" pops off, I'll be able to quit my job at the old folks' home. 283 00:12:36,820 --> 00:12:38,446 Buy a big-ass mansion. 284 00:12:38,780 --> 00:12:42,158 Every day I'd wake up, get out of bed, brush my teeth 285 00:12:42,284 --> 00:12:45,370 rinse, go downstairs, open the fridge 286 00:12:45,453 --> 00:12:47,497 Damn, we outta milk. Get in my car... 287 00:12:47,581 --> 00:12:50,625 You don't have to run through the whole imaginary day. 288 00:12:50,709 --> 00:12:54,796 Jason, I believe in "Double Trouble." Why won't you believe in me? 289 00:12:58,049 --> 00:12:59,009 Well... 290 00:12:59,134 --> 00:13:02,929 I suppose a little entrepreneurial spirit never hurt anyone. 291 00:13:03,346 --> 00:13:07,309 You know, "Reach for the stars," as I said to my good friend Elon Musk. 292 00:13:08,143 --> 00:13:10,020 And then he shot his car into space. 293 00:13:10,937 --> 00:13:13,189 What a weird creep. Why was I friends with him? 294 00:13:13,523 --> 00:13:16,776 Maybe this is what'll put your father on the right path. 295 00:13:16,902 --> 00:13:19,863 And hey, it's not like he's robbing a bank. 296 00:13:19,988 --> 00:13:21,907 Yeah. It's a factory! 297 00:13:23,283 --> 00:13:24,159 Excuse me? 298 00:13:24,200 --> 00:13:27,329 Tonight, we're gonna steal some energy drinks from an energy drink factory 299 00:13:27,412 --> 00:13:29,247 then steal some cologne from a cologne factory 300 00:13:29,289 --> 00:13:31,458 so, it's actually two factories. 301 00:13:31,708 --> 00:13:33,793 Then we just gotta bottle it all up! 302 00:13:33,835 --> 00:13:36,129 Aw, dip, we gotta rob a bottle factory. 303 00:13:36,254 --> 00:13:38,256 - Three factories. - Three factories. 304 00:13:39,132 --> 00:13:43,303 Stupid Donkey Doug! I mean, two factories I can understand 305 00:13:43,345 --> 00:13:44,387 but... but three? 306 00:13:44,888 --> 00:13:50,018 You might want to consider the possibility that your father's a lost cause. 307 00:13:51,186 --> 00:13:53,563 I have an idea, but I need your help. 308 00:13:53,897 --> 00:13:55,065 Will you guys help me? 309 00:13:56,358 --> 00:13:59,235 I mean, yeah, that... that's why we're here, Jason. 310 00:13:59,319 --> 00:14:00,320 What's your idea, darling? 311 00:14:00,695 --> 00:14:02,948 We're gonna save Pillboi. 312 00:14:05,241 --> 00:14:07,535 CHIDI: OK, real life. I think I'm ready. 313 00:14:07,702 --> 00:14:10,205 I've analysed the ten most successful scenarios 314 00:14:10,246 --> 00:14:12,749 and compiled the statistically most effective break-up strategy. 315 00:14:12,916 --> 00:14:15,710 - Who said you weren't a romantic? - Every girlfriend I've ever had. 316 00:14:15,794 --> 00:14:18,088 Oh, there she is! OK, wish me luck. 317 00:14:19,381 --> 00:14:20,507 CHIDI EXHALES 318 00:14:23,093 --> 00:14:24,511 Oh. Hi. Uh... 319 00:14:24,719 --> 00:14:25,762 Something wrong? 320 00:14:25,887 --> 00:14:27,973 Er, no, it's just that we're usually over there. 321 00:14:29,391 --> 00:14:30,433 Doesn't matter. 322 00:14:31,518 --> 00:14:36,982 OK, so I've spent a lot of time thinking about everything that's happened 323 00:14:37,023 --> 00:14:38,274 - in the last year-- - Hi there! 324 00:14:38,316 --> 00:14:39,484 What can I get you to drink? 325 00:14:39,609 --> 00:14:41,861 - Uh, I'll have an iced tea, please. - Water, thanks. 326 00:14:42,362 --> 00:14:43,238 Um... 327 00:14:43,530 --> 00:14:46,783 It's been a time of massive personal and professional growth... 328 00:14:46,825 --> 00:14:49,327 - Sorry, sugar with that iced tea? - Yes, please. 329 00:14:49,619 --> 00:14:52,330 Um, all in all, it's been overwhelmingly positive 330 00:14:52,372 --> 00:14:54,916 and I think that's due in large part to you. 331 00:14:54,958 --> 00:14:58,253 Sorry, real quick. I'm gonna go on break, so Helmut will be taking care of you. 332 00:14:58,420 --> 00:15:01,214 Hello! Will you be eating with us today? 333 00:15:01,256 --> 00:15:03,466 - Just, please, give us one second! - Ja, OK. 334 00:15:04,009 --> 00:15:06,970 One! That was one second. Ha-ha, that was a joke! 335 00:15:07,012 --> 00:15:08,847 - Please get out of here, Helmut! - OK, ja. 336 00:15:09,097 --> 00:15:11,266 Alright, look. Just, um, we need to break up. 337 00:15:11,433 --> 00:15:13,518 - I am... I am breaking up with you! - Why? 338 00:15:13,560 --> 00:15:16,187 I can't... It's... I ju-- It's... it's complicated. 339 00:15:16,271 --> 00:15:18,398 But it's happening. Ya dumped! 340 00:15:20,692 --> 00:15:21,860 - OK. - Wait. 341 00:15:22,110 --> 00:15:23,153 Wait, no... 342 00:15:23,570 --> 00:15:24,904 Come back. Please. 343 00:15:25,321 --> 00:15:26,489 Ja, OK, I'm back! 344 00:15:26,573 --> 00:15:28,033 Not you, Helmut! 345 00:15:31,327 --> 00:15:32,203 Hey. 346 00:15:32,287 --> 00:15:36,374 Now listen, Judy. You can't mix Xannys with these lil' pink fools. 347 00:15:36,624 --> 00:15:40,295 You'll be tripping balls like Clarence was when he crawled into the ice machine. 348 00:15:40,336 --> 00:15:41,796 - SHE GIGGLES - Here. 349 00:15:42,464 --> 00:15:46,634 Take half of one of these, wash it down with a five-hour energy 350 00:15:46,718 --> 00:15:50,013 and you'll be golden. Body high with mild visuals. 351 00:15:50,346 --> 00:15:51,973 Thanks, Pillboi. 352 00:15:52,432 --> 00:15:55,852 Yo, I gotta take off, cos I gotta go do a robbery. 353 00:15:56,686 --> 00:15:58,855 I mean... I'm sick. 354 00:16:01,733 --> 00:16:04,527 Hello, Pillboi. I'm here on behalf of Jason. 355 00:16:04,944 --> 00:16:09,074 You won't be attending the... job, with Donkey Doug today. 356 00:16:09,157 --> 00:16:10,492 There's been a change of plans. 357 00:16:11,618 --> 00:16:12,494 OK. 358 00:16:13,995 --> 00:16:14,954 That's it? 359 00:16:15,538 --> 00:16:17,540 You don't need any more information? 360 00:16:17,665 --> 00:16:19,501 I mean, do you wanna tell me? 361 00:16:19,667 --> 00:16:20,710 Not really. 362 00:16:20,877 --> 00:16:21,753 Cool. 363 00:16:22,670 --> 00:16:23,838 Want some pills? 364 00:16:26,591 --> 00:16:28,635 CHIDI: I hate this! What if I ruined her? 365 00:16:28,676 --> 00:16:31,179 What if I sent her down the wrong path and she ends up in the Bad Place? 366 00:16:31,513 --> 00:16:34,265 I have to undo what I did. Janet, fire up the simulator. 367 00:16:34,349 --> 00:16:38,019 Dude! No more simulations, just talk to her. 368 00:16:38,103 --> 00:16:42,690 Break-ups never end with both people feeling great, but she's a badass 369 00:16:42,774 --> 00:16:45,902 and her world is bigger than your relationship. 370 00:16:46,027 --> 00:16:47,654 - HE SIGHS - She'll recover. 371 00:16:47,946 --> 00:16:49,155 Just... Go. 372 00:16:49,572 --> 00:16:51,032 Be a person. 373 00:16:51,658 --> 00:16:52,534 Right. 374 00:16:53,493 --> 00:16:54,452 Here I go. 375 00:16:57,497 --> 00:16:59,749 Janet, can I use the simulator? 376 00:16:59,833 --> 00:17:03,628 There's a very specific Lenny Kravitz concert I wanna be front row at. 377 00:17:03,753 --> 00:17:08,466 Sure. FYI, when the system boots up, you might find yourself in a steam room 378 00:17:08,550 --> 00:17:11,553 with Jason, who will be wearing an old-timey strongman onesie. 379 00:17:11,636 --> 00:17:13,930 It's a... bug in the system. 380 00:17:17,267 --> 00:17:18,226 Pillboi? 381 00:17:18,768 --> 00:17:19,978 JASON: No, it's me. 382 00:17:20,061 --> 00:17:23,231 Pillboi's friend, Jason. Pillboi's not coming. 383 00:17:23,273 --> 00:17:26,359 If you're here to tell me an energy drink body spray is a bad idea 384 00:17:26,442 --> 00:17:27,610 I've heard it before. 385 00:17:27,694 --> 00:17:29,445 From a bank, and some doctors. 386 00:17:29,487 --> 00:17:33,908 I'mma help you make "Double Trouble" but you gotta leave Pillboi alone from now on. 387 00:17:34,033 --> 00:17:35,577 I'm trying to save him. 388 00:17:35,618 --> 00:17:38,955 Oh, dip. You got religious and shizz? 389 00:17:39,205 --> 00:17:40,165 Amen. 390 00:17:40,790 --> 00:17:41,749 Amen. 391 00:17:41,833 --> 00:17:43,877 OK, hurry up and get this crap in my truck. 392 00:17:44,002 --> 00:17:45,420 SIRENS WAIL 393 00:17:45,461 --> 00:17:48,756 OFFICER ON SPEAKER: Jacksonville Police. Come out with your hands up. 394 00:17:48,965 --> 00:17:52,177 Are you a cop? Cos if you are, you have to tell us! 395 00:17:52,427 --> 00:17:54,762 - SPEAKER CLICKS - Yes, this is the police. 396 00:17:54,846 --> 00:17:57,557 - Yup, I knew it, it's the cops! - Well, what do we do? 397 00:17:57,849 --> 00:17:59,434 - Yo, let's get out of here. - No. 398 00:18:00,685 --> 00:18:03,354 I know I haven't been the best father in the world. 399 00:18:03,688 --> 00:18:05,982 I might not have even been in the top five. 400 00:18:06,482 --> 00:18:10,653 I wanna make up for that. I'll distract 'em, you run out the back. 401 00:18:10,737 --> 00:18:11,654 No, that's crazy. 402 00:18:11,696 --> 00:18:14,407 It's what my dad did for me, and his dad for him 403 00:18:14,616 --> 00:18:17,994 and some day, you'll do this exact thing for your son. 404 00:18:18,119 --> 00:18:20,079 I mean, I hope not. 405 00:18:20,496 --> 00:18:22,790 But thanks, Donkey Doug. 406 00:18:22,874 --> 00:18:23,833 Hey. 407 00:18:24,584 --> 00:18:26,544 - Call me "Donkey Dad". - OK. 408 00:18:27,629 --> 00:18:29,005 Donkey Dad. 409 00:18:29,255 --> 00:18:32,091 Nah, that sounds wack! Call me Donkey Doug! 410 00:18:32,926 --> 00:18:33,843 Cool. 411 00:18:38,640 --> 00:18:40,683 DONKEY DOUG: Bortles! 412 00:18:48,358 --> 00:18:49,442 Uh... 413 00:18:51,694 --> 00:18:53,738 Here's the truth. You're amazing. 414 00:18:54,989 --> 00:18:57,325 And my feelings have changed. 415 00:18:57,367 --> 00:19:01,537 I wish I could tell you why, I really, really do. 416 00:19:01,829 --> 00:19:02,872 But... 417 00:19:04,749 --> 00:19:05,875 I can't. 418 00:19:07,085 --> 00:19:08,044 Well... 419 00:19:09,254 --> 00:19:13,091 You seem to know what you want, which is rare for you. 420 00:19:13,633 --> 00:19:16,469 Well, I... I... I hope you keep the study going. 421 00:19:18,179 --> 00:19:19,973 It might help a lot of people. 422 00:19:20,139 --> 00:19:21,349 SHE SIGHS 423 00:19:21,474 --> 00:19:22,392 Well. 424 00:19:23,351 --> 00:19:24,978 - See you in the next life. - What? 425 00:19:25,019 --> 00:19:26,396 Why would you say that? What do you know? 426 00:19:27,313 --> 00:19:28,773 It's a figure of speech. 427 00:19:29,232 --> 00:19:31,192 You're so weird, man. 428 00:19:31,234 --> 00:19:33,194 I think maybe this is for the best. 429 00:19:34,988 --> 00:19:39,200 So, your covert mission is to continue to report to this job 430 00:19:39,242 --> 00:19:41,661 until you receive our signal. 431 00:19:41,786 --> 00:19:44,289 Now, this is the most important thing. 432 00:19:44,706 --> 00:19:47,458 You cannot commit any more crimes 433 00:19:47,875 --> 00:19:52,255 and you must help these people as much as you can. 434 00:19:52,880 --> 00:19:54,382 The mission depends on it. 435 00:19:54,465 --> 00:19:55,466 PILLBOI: Roger that. 436 00:19:55,591 --> 00:19:58,219 Man, I can't believe this whole time 437 00:19:58,344 --> 00:20:00,138 you guys were with NASA! 438 00:20:00,388 --> 00:20:03,891 Yes, we are secret astronaut spies. 439 00:20:04,350 --> 00:20:06,144 That is indeed what Jason told you. 440 00:20:07,478 --> 00:20:11,566 Take good care of these old fools, and stay out of trouble. 441 00:20:12,483 --> 00:20:13,901 I love you, bro. 442 00:20:14,277 --> 00:20:15,695 I love you, bro. 443 00:20:20,325 --> 00:20:23,244 THEY SOB 444 00:20:25,663 --> 00:20:27,165 - Psych! - I got you, bro! 445 00:20:27,290 --> 00:20:28,333 I got you, bro. 446 00:20:28,458 --> 00:20:29,417 - Jag... - ...uars 447 00:20:29,459 --> 00:20:30,335 BOTH: Rule! 448 00:20:31,669 --> 00:20:33,379 THEY SOB 449 00:20:39,010 --> 00:20:41,346 Well, my sister's museum exhibit opens tomorrow. 450 00:20:41,429 --> 00:20:44,807 Are you all ready for some Al-Jamil family reconciliation? 451 00:20:44,891 --> 00:20:45,892 You know it, wifey! 452 00:20:45,975 --> 00:20:47,352 Soul Squad is on a roll! 453 00:20:47,685 --> 00:20:51,606 I pretty much nailed that Pillboi thing, and I got closure with my dad, Donkey Doug. 454 00:20:51,773 --> 00:20:54,942 That remains depressing. But I'm happy for you, bud. 455 00:20:55,318 --> 00:20:57,612 I never got to do that with my parents, and now they're both dead 456 00:20:57,653 --> 00:20:59,364 so it's impossible. 457 00:21:00,406 --> 00:21:02,408 So, the thing is... 458 00:21:02,533 --> 00:21:06,662 one of your parents is not technically, actually... 459 00:21:07,163 --> 00:21:08,122 dead. 460 00:21:08,623 --> 00:21:09,624 What are you talking about? 461 00:21:09,665 --> 00:21:13,503 Your mother's alive. She faked her own death. 462 00:21:15,213 --> 00:21:18,633 I'm sorry, Tahani, I don't think I'll be able to stay with you here in Budapest. 463 00:21:19,175 --> 00:21:23,262 Turns out my mum isn't dead, so I need to fly back to America 464 00:21:23,388 --> 00:21:25,264 to murder her.