1
00:00:18,873 --> 00:00:21,042
We're finally headed
to the Good Place.
2
00:00:21,125 --> 00:00:23,085
It's the "me" of places.
3
00:00:23,169 --> 00:00:26,130
I got in. I can say stuff like that again.
4
00:00:26,213 --> 00:00:28,340
Are you sure
we're going the right way, Janet?
5
00:00:28,424 --> 00:00:30,718
Well, I've never been
to the Good Place before.
6
00:00:31,218 --> 00:00:33,012
But, yes, I am sure.
7
00:00:33,679 --> 00:00:34,722
How?
8
00:00:34,805 --> 00:00:35,765
Because...
9
00:00:36,640 --> 00:00:38,768
it feels like I'm on my way home.
10
00:00:40,811 --> 00:00:42,313
Flying puppy!
11
00:00:42,396 --> 00:00:44,899
You're almost there.
Just a little further.
12
00:00:44,982 --> 00:00:46,192
Flying puppies?
13
00:00:46,275 --> 00:00:47,526
Dang it, Michael.
14
00:00:47,610 --> 00:00:49,487
Why didn't you think of that
for your neighborhood?
15
00:00:49,570 --> 00:00:51,530
These guys are good.
16
00:01:05,961 --> 00:01:09,048
I feel just like
Dorothy when she lands in Oz,
17
00:01:09,131 --> 00:01:11,884
excited, incredulous,
18
00:01:11,967 --> 00:01:14,345
much taller than everyone else around me.
19
00:01:14,428 --> 00:01:16,639
What's everyone wanna do first?
20
00:01:16,722 --> 00:01:18,182
Racing go-karts with monkeys.
21
00:01:18,265 --> 00:01:19,266
Sure.
22
00:01:19,350 --> 00:01:21,352
It's my lifelong dream.
23
00:01:21,435 --> 00:01:23,562
Monkeys are the ideal go-kart opponents.
24
00:01:23,646 --> 00:01:26,899
They're funny enough to give the finger,
but not smart enough to win.
25
00:01:28,943 --> 00:01:31,195
- Does that mean me?
-You're a Good Janet.
26
00:01:31,278 --> 00:01:33,864
We're in the Good Place.
I don't know who else it would mean.
27
00:01:33,948 --> 00:01:35,699
Okay. No pressure.
28
00:01:35,783 --> 00:01:37,660
I was born to do this. Not born.
29
00:01:41,413 --> 00:01:42,414
Okay.
30
00:01:42,498 --> 00:01:44,500
So, I now know all the information
about the Good Place.
31
00:01:44,583 --> 00:01:46,544
In a nutshell, it slaps.
32
00:01:46,627 --> 00:01:47,711
First thing to tell you,
33
00:01:47,795 --> 00:01:52,007
humans can't see the Good Place all at
once or their brains will be scrambled.
34
00:01:52,091 --> 00:01:55,803
Cool. Maybe I'll finally get
some of those squigglies on my brain.
35
00:01:55,886 --> 00:01:58,139
Doctors said my brain's
as smooth as an egg.
36
00:01:58,222 --> 00:02:00,516
You all need to wait out here for a bit,
so you can adjust.
37
00:02:00,599 --> 00:02:03,185
When you're ready,
you will be honored with a welcome gala,
38
00:02:03,269 --> 00:02:06,689
magically planned by the Good Place,
based on your personalities.
39
00:02:06,772 --> 00:02:10,025
Like the targeted Instagram ad of parties.
40
00:02:10,109 --> 00:02:12,987
You know, I bought the coolest sunglasses
from one of those ads.
41
00:02:13,070 --> 00:02:13,904
Look.
42
00:02:14,738 --> 00:02:15,906
- Whoa!
43
00:02:16,365 --> 00:02:18,200
-It's like I'm inside the Internet.
44
00:02:18,868 --> 00:02:19,702
Okay.
45
00:02:19,785 --> 00:02:20,661
Could we just keep moving?
46
00:02:20,744 --> 00:02:21,912
You look a little pale.
47
00:02:21,996 --> 00:02:23,372
Did you get sick from the hot air balloon?
48
00:02:23,455 --> 00:02:25,291
I bet if you throw up
it'll just be butterflies or something.
49
00:02:25,374 --> 00:02:26,250
I'm fine.
50
00:02:26,333 --> 00:02:27,376
I just, um...
51
00:02:28,586 --> 00:02:29,795
I don't belong here.
52
00:02:29,879 --> 00:02:33,465
There's no telling what will happen
to a demon who steps foot in this place.
53
00:02:33,549 --> 00:02:36,594
Promise me, if I'm vaporized,
you guys just keep having fun.
54
00:02:37,678 --> 00:02:40,681
Oh, my goodness,
that chime is so soothing.
55
00:02:40,764 --> 00:02:42,892
Feels like my brain is being massaged...
56
00:02:42,975 --> 00:02:44,476
- ...by a baby deer.
- Oh, boy.
57
00:02:44,560 --> 00:02:47,605
What if that's some sort of demon alarm,
to alert the cops that I'm here?
58
00:02:47,688 --> 00:02:50,191
-You want me to hold your weed?
-I don't have weed.
59
00:02:51,525 --> 00:02:52,359
Oh...
60
00:02:53,027 --> 00:02:53,861
Wait a minute.
61
00:02:53,944 --> 00:02:55,779
Oh, yeah, okay, now, I do.
62
00:02:55,863 --> 00:02:56,947
Take this.
63
00:02:57,031 --> 00:02:58,324
They're ready
for you to move inside.
64
00:02:58,407 --> 00:03:00,034
The Good Place Committee
is waiting for us.
65
00:03:02,369 --> 00:03:05,497
Oh, man, look at this place.
66
00:03:06,332 --> 00:03:09,084
Karlie Kloss did like me.
67
00:03:09,168 --> 00:03:10,210
I knew it.
68
00:03:10,294 --> 00:03:11,670
-So, about this party...
- Yeah.
69
00:03:11,754 --> 00:03:13,255
Is everyone in the Good Place invited?
70
00:03:13,339 --> 00:03:15,049
Like, is Aristotle going to be there?
71
00:03:15,132 --> 00:03:18,636
Sorry, Chidi, Aristotle's in
the Bad Place. He defended slavery.
72
00:03:18,719 --> 00:03:20,095
-Socrates?
- No.
73
00:03:20,179 --> 00:03:21,764
Too annoying. Very loud chewer.
74
00:03:21,847 --> 00:03:23,682
-Plato?
-Slavery again.
75
00:03:23,766 --> 00:03:24,975
Ooh, you know who is here?
76
00:03:25,059 --> 00:03:27,686
Hypatia of Alexandria. Do you know her?
77
00:03:27,770 --> 00:03:28,896
Hypatia?
78
00:03:29,521 --> 00:03:31,106
-Of Alexandria?
-That's right.
79
00:03:31,190 --> 00:03:33,359
Uh, yeah, I know her.
80
00:03:35,527 --> 00:03:37,863
Hypatia. I'm gonna ask her
so many questions
81
00:03:37,947 --> 00:03:39,740
pertaining to grand ideas
about the universe.
82
00:03:39,823 --> 00:03:40,699
Like... "Why?"
83
00:03:40,783 --> 00:03:44,036
Oh, oh, and also... "How?"
84
00:03:44,119 --> 00:03:45,079
Ooh!
85
00:03:45,162 --> 00:03:46,830
Welcome to the Good Place, everyone.
86
00:03:46,914 --> 00:03:48,624
Michael, so happy you made it.
87
00:03:48,707 --> 00:03:50,000
You look radiant.
88
00:03:50,084 --> 00:03:53,671
You have the calming yet authoritative
presence of a bomb-sniffing dog.
89
00:03:53,754 --> 00:03:55,047
I'd just like to say
90
00:03:55,130 --> 00:03:58,175
thank you so much
for letting me be here with my friends.
91
00:03:58,259 --> 00:04:01,136
I know it's unorthodox
for someone like myself
92
00:04:01,220 --> 00:04:03,764
to visit the Good Place,
but it's just so wonderful.
93
00:04:03,847 --> 00:04:06,850
And I don't have any weed on me,
so no need for the cops.
94
00:04:06,934 --> 00:04:09,520
Michael, Michael,
you and your friends are heroes,
95
00:04:09,603 --> 00:04:11,438
and you're more than welcome here.
96
00:04:11,522 --> 00:04:13,607
In fact, we have some very exciting news.
97
00:04:13,691 --> 00:04:15,401
While the rest of you get settled in,
98
00:04:15,484 --> 00:04:17,820
we wanna give Michael
a swearing-in ceremony,
99
00:04:17,903 --> 00:04:20,239
so he can become
an official Good Place architect.
100
00:04:22,574 --> 00:04:24,076
Oh, my goodness.
101
00:04:24,159 --> 00:04:25,661
Michael, please, follow us.
102
00:04:27,663 --> 00:04:31,041
Holy fork, that is a soothing chime.
103
00:04:31,125 --> 00:04:34,712
It really is the most incredible chime
I've ever heard.
104
00:04:34,795 --> 00:04:36,463
And that is coming
from someone whose godfather
105
00:04:36,547 --> 00:04:38,424
is the most famous clock in the world.
106
00:04:38,507 --> 00:04:43,053
-Is Big Ben somehow your godfather?
-Mmm-hmm.
107
00:04:43,137 --> 00:04:44,388
That sound means...
108
00:04:44,972 --> 00:04:46,307
it's party time.
109
00:04:49,184 --> 00:04:51,520
When you walk through,
the event space will transform
110
00:04:51,603 --> 00:04:55,065
into a party perfectly tailored
to your essences.
111
00:04:55,649 --> 00:04:58,277
Let's link arms and walk through together.
112
00:05:06,493 --> 00:05:07,411
Weird.
113
00:05:07,494 --> 00:05:08,412
Whoa!
114
00:05:08,495 --> 00:05:12,291
This is the Jacksonville SuperSuites
hotel ballroom where I had my prom
115
00:05:12,374 --> 00:05:13,542
and also traffic court.
116
00:05:14,084 --> 00:05:16,211
But this has to be my party,
117
00:05:16,295 --> 00:05:20,215
because that's the bedpan
that Stone Cold Steve Austin
118
00:05:20,299 --> 00:05:24,428
used to beat up Vince McMahon
in 1998.
119
00:05:24,928 --> 00:05:27,097
It was a classic moment. Don't judge me.
120
00:05:27,181 --> 00:05:28,432
I'm so sorry, guys.
121
00:05:28,515 --> 00:05:32,186
The Good Place uses your life experiences
to plan the perfect party,
122
00:05:32,269 --> 00:05:34,396
but it's only designed
for one person at a time.
123
00:05:34,480 --> 00:05:36,273
When you walked in as a group,
it became...
124
00:05:36,357 --> 00:05:38,359
A mish-mash of all four of us.
125
00:05:44,531 --> 00:05:45,824
It's perfect.
126
00:05:46,408 --> 00:05:48,744
Um, no, it's not, Eleanor,
127
00:05:48,827 --> 00:05:51,371
because there's no go-kart track,
and no monkeys.
128
00:05:51,455 --> 00:05:53,207
No offense, but you're being
a real smooth-brain right now.
129
00:05:53,290 --> 00:05:54,374
See those green doors?
130
00:05:54,458 --> 00:05:58,796
You can use them to visit
any time or place, real or imagined.
131
00:05:58,879 --> 00:06:00,339
Just think about where you wanna go,
132
00:06:00,422 --> 00:06:03,133
and what you wanna do,
and walk on through.
133
00:06:03,217 --> 00:06:04,635
So, one could walk amongst the dinosaurs,
134
00:06:04,718 --> 00:06:08,472
or witness the very first production of
Hamlet at the Globe Theater.
135
00:06:08,555 --> 00:06:11,850
I'mma go Tokyo Drift with monkeys.
See you in a thousand years.
136
00:06:13,310 --> 00:06:15,020
Do you mind if I go find Hypatia?
137
00:06:15,104 --> 00:06:16,939
I promise it's strictly platonic.
138
00:06:17,022 --> 00:06:20,109
-Technically, Neoplatonic.
-Whoops.
139
00:06:20,192 --> 00:06:23,695
Forget I made that joke and come with me.
I'm so nervous to meet her.
140
00:06:23,779 --> 00:06:26,448
I need someone cool there to change
the subject if I say something dumb.
141
00:06:26,532 --> 00:06:27,741
Sure. Gimme one sec.
142
00:06:27,825 --> 00:06:30,119
Hey, Tahani, this room is filled
143
00:06:30,202 --> 00:06:33,080
with some of the most interesting people
that ever lived.
144
00:06:33,163 --> 00:06:35,249
Chat them up, learn about their lives,
145
00:06:35,332 --> 00:06:38,752
then meet back here
so that we can make fun of them.
146
00:06:39,419 --> 00:06:44,091
Eleanor Shellstrop, I have been training
for this day my entire life.
147
00:06:45,425 --> 00:06:48,053
I'm so honored by this gesture.
148
00:06:48,137 --> 00:06:51,098
This feels right.
This will be my new purpose.
149
00:06:51,181 --> 00:06:52,933
Everything's falling into place.
150
00:06:53,016 --> 00:06:56,103
Great. Let's get to it.
Just put on this ceremonial robe.
151
00:06:57,146 --> 00:06:59,982
Boy, do you have
the shoulders for a robe.
152
00:07:00,065 --> 00:07:01,984
-Oh.
-Just sign this scroll.
153
00:07:02,651 --> 00:07:04,987
I've never signed my name before.
154
00:07:05,612 --> 00:07:08,157
What signature type to choose?
155
00:07:08,240 --> 00:07:09,950
"Doctor Blob." Or, no...
156
00:07:10,033 --> 00:07:12,369
"Athlete who doesn't really care
about the kid."
157
00:07:12,995 --> 00:07:13,871
Oh, wait, no...
158
00:07:13,954 --> 00:07:16,748
"Middle school girl
with crush on Zac Efron."
159
00:07:16,832 --> 00:07:21,962
That way,
I can put a little heart over the "I."
160
00:07:22,045 --> 00:07:25,340
Perfect. And here is your official medal.
161
00:07:25,424 --> 00:07:27,759
Now I know what
Mary Lou Retton feels like.
162
00:07:27,843 --> 00:07:28,677
And great.
163
00:07:28,760 --> 00:07:30,971
Now, you are officially
in charge of the Good Place.
164
00:07:31,054 --> 00:07:33,849
-I'm sorry, "in charge"?
-Yup. You're the boss now.
165
00:07:33,932 --> 00:07:37,561
That was all legally binding,
and we all quit, effective immediately.
166
00:07:37,644 --> 00:07:40,272
That is irreversible,
so it's all your problem now.
167
00:07:40,355 --> 00:07:42,983
Don't try to find us.
No take-backs, okay, bye-bye!
168
00:07:43,066 --> 00:07:44,902
Hurry, move, move! Go, go, go!
169
00:07:49,948 --> 00:07:52,910
Hello? Fellow Good Placemen?
170
00:07:54,786 --> 00:07:55,746
Anyone in here?
171
00:07:57,122 --> 00:07:59,583
"Ideas for improving the Good Place." Oh.
172
00:07:59,666 --> 00:08:01,335
"Music you can eat."
173
00:08:01,418 --> 00:08:02,377
Oh, boy.
174
00:08:02,461 --> 00:08:06,632
"Giant mini-donuts,
not just regular donuts.
175
00:08:06,715 --> 00:08:08,133
Dave will explain."
176
00:08:09,051 --> 00:08:12,304
Dave? Can you explain?
177
00:08:13,013 --> 00:08:18,143
Um, hi, are you...
are you Hypatia of Alexandria?
178
00:08:18,227 --> 00:08:20,062
Yep. How's it hangin'?
179
00:08:20,145 --> 00:08:21,813
It's hangin' really well.
180
00:08:22,397 --> 00:08:27,653
Um, I gotta say, I was expecting you
to be, still, you know... ancient Greek.
181
00:08:27,736 --> 00:08:30,614
Oh! Well, no, we sort of stay current
in this place.
182
00:08:30,697 --> 00:08:32,866
What are the big things
from Earth recently?
183
00:08:32,950 --> 00:08:37,538
Um, the Industrial Revolution,
Manhattan Project, "Gangnam Style..."
184
00:08:37,621 --> 00:08:38,539
I feel like I get it.
185
00:08:38,622 --> 00:08:39,831
-It's really her!
-Yeah.
186
00:08:39,915 --> 00:08:42,709
I can just tell, somehow.
It's Hypatia of Alexandria.
187
00:08:42,793 --> 00:08:44,836
I know, babe. Yes, it is.
188
00:08:44,920 --> 00:08:48,423
Hi, sorry, I'm Eleanor.
This exuberant weirdo is Chidi.
189
00:08:48,507 --> 00:08:49,633
We're new in town.
190
00:08:49,716 --> 00:08:51,969
First question,
how do you get the "of" in your name?
191
00:08:52,052 --> 00:08:54,763
Is it where you hung out the most?
192
00:08:54,846 --> 00:08:58,767
Am I Eleanor of
the Cheesecake Factory Bar?
193
00:08:58,850 --> 00:09:02,020
Also, is it "Hy-pay-sha" or "Hy-pat-ia"?
194
00:09:02,104 --> 00:09:06,441
Or in the ancient Greek, "Who-put-tia"?
There's a lot of fun debate about this.
195
00:09:06,525 --> 00:09:07,985
You know what? Just call me Patty.
196
00:09:09,194 --> 00:09:13,740
Okay. Well, Patty, I'm a huge fan.
197
00:09:13,824 --> 00:09:16,618
I had a poster of you
on my wall in high school.
198
00:09:16,702 --> 00:09:19,621
Actually, it was just
a poster of Trinity from The Matrix.
199
00:09:19,705 --> 00:09:21,790
But that's how I imagined you would look.
Because you're so cool.
200
00:09:21,873 --> 00:09:24,167
Is she the reason you got beat up so much?
201
00:09:24,251 --> 00:09:25,294
She's one of them!
202
00:09:25,377 --> 00:09:26,753
Wanna get a milkshake?
203
00:09:26,837 --> 00:09:29,548
I haven't been around newbies in a while.
You're a little intense.
204
00:09:29,631 --> 00:09:31,425
Let's get a milkshake. Yeah.
205
00:09:31,508 --> 00:09:34,553
They make a milkshake here
that's made out of actual stardust.
206
00:09:34,636 --> 00:09:35,554
It's pretty good.
207
00:09:35,637 --> 00:09:39,016
Okay. Yeah. Getting milkshakes with Patty.
208
00:09:39,099 --> 00:09:40,017
Yeah.
209
00:09:40,100 --> 00:09:41,435
But can I ask you some questions first?
210
00:09:41,518 --> 00:09:44,104
You were a follower of Plotinus,
211
00:09:44,187 --> 00:09:46,481
who claimed that
contemplation of our ultimate reality--
212
00:09:46,565 --> 00:09:49,026
Wait, wait, wait, are you...
213
00:09:50,027 --> 00:09:53,947
What's it called, a think-book-man? Um...
214
00:09:54,573 --> 00:09:56,199
A think-read-book-man?
215
00:09:56,283 --> 00:09:57,284
A philosopher? Yes.
216
00:09:57,367 --> 00:10:00,787
Sorry, it's been so long,
my brain is foggy.
217
00:10:00,871 --> 00:10:04,750
Listen carefully
before I forget how to say this.
218
00:10:04,833 --> 00:10:08,128
You gotta help us. We are so screwed.
219
00:10:09,546 --> 00:10:10,631
We are?
220
00:10:11,965 --> 00:10:14,801
Hello! I'm Tahani Al-Jamil.
221
00:10:14,885 --> 00:10:17,596
I'm Paltibaal. Welcome to paradise.
222
00:10:17,679 --> 00:10:19,431
So, what's your story?
223
00:10:19,514 --> 00:10:22,559
Did you cure something?
Or invent something?
224
00:10:22,643 --> 00:10:24,978
I helped the poor in ancient Phoenicia.
225
00:10:25,062 --> 00:10:26,647
Excellent.
226
00:10:26,730 --> 00:10:29,107
I once had a SoulCycle instructor
named Phoenicia.
227
00:10:32,110 --> 00:10:33,403
How did you die?
228
00:10:33,487 --> 00:10:35,572
I got a cut on my hand.
229
00:10:36,156 --> 00:10:39,785
The year was 2491 BC,
so that's pretty much all it took.
230
00:10:39,868 --> 00:10:40,827
You got a cut
231
00:10:40,911 --> 00:10:44,373
or you drank water that wasn't hot enough,
and then, boom, dead.
232
00:10:45,248 --> 00:10:47,042
I would've killed for a vaccine.
233
00:10:47,125 --> 00:10:48,085
Any vaccine.
234
00:10:48,168 --> 00:10:51,630
It's crazy that you guys
just don't like them now.
235
00:10:51,713 --> 00:10:54,925
So, what's your favorite part
about living here?
236
00:10:55,008 --> 00:10:56,718
I mean, it's perfect.
237
00:10:56,802 --> 00:10:59,596
We're all having orgasms
literally all the time.
238
00:10:59,680 --> 00:11:00,972
I died a virgin,
239
00:11:01,723 --> 00:11:03,141
so that's real crazy.
240
00:11:04,726 --> 00:11:05,727
Okay.
241
00:11:05,811 --> 00:11:08,397
It's so nice to get to work alongside
another Good Janet!
242
00:11:08,480 --> 00:11:10,065
Yes, it is.
243
00:11:10,148 --> 00:11:11,733
Janet, can I get a Coke?
244
00:11:13,193 --> 00:11:14,486
No, a water.
245
00:11:15,404 --> 00:11:16,863
No, a lamp.
246
00:11:17,781 --> 00:11:18,949
No, a cat.
247
00:11:19,783 --> 00:11:22,994
So, people just ask you for things
with no rhyme or reason?
248
00:11:23,078 --> 00:11:26,206
Yes! And then I get them for them.
It's great.
249
00:11:27,290 --> 00:11:28,458
Can I get a spaceship?
250
00:11:29,668 --> 00:11:31,586
No, one huge Junior Mint.
251
00:11:32,504 --> 00:11:33,839
No, a Coke.
252
00:11:37,467 --> 00:11:40,720
Wow! This milkshake is incredible.
253
00:11:40,804 --> 00:11:43,306
Right? This is how I spend
most of my time.
254
00:11:43,390 --> 00:11:46,351
Sitting in beautiful places,
drinking my milkshake,
255
00:11:46,435 --> 00:11:48,103
slowly peeing into my pants,
256
00:11:48,186 --> 00:11:51,398
which instantly evaporates
and leaves no trace.
257
00:11:51,481 --> 00:11:52,607
-Sounds fun.
- Mmm.
258
00:11:52,691 --> 00:11:54,443
But didn't you want to tell us
how we're all screwed?
259
00:11:55,318 --> 00:11:57,446
Ah! Damn it.
260
00:11:57,529 --> 00:12:00,031
This is the exact problem.
261
00:12:00,115 --> 00:12:02,617
On paper, this is paradise.
262
00:12:02,701 --> 00:12:04,911
All of your desires and needs are met.
263
00:12:04,995 --> 00:12:06,163
But it's infinite.
264
00:12:06,246 --> 00:12:12,544
And when perfection goes on forever,
you become this glassy-eyed, mush person.
265
00:12:12,627 --> 00:12:17,340
But... no, because... no.
266
00:12:17,424 --> 00:12:18,925
Because... Patty, no!
267
00:12:19,009 --> 00:12:22,554
Yes, I'm telling you.
I used to be cool, man.
268
00:12:22,637 --> 00:12:25,390
I studied so much... things!
269
00:12:25,474 --> 00:12:29,603
Art and music, and, uh...
270
00:12:29,686 --> 00:12:32,189
the one with the number... piles?
271
00:12:32,272 --> 00:12:35,317
Where I'd be like, "Two!"
And you'd be like, "Six!"
272
00:12:35,400 --> 00:12:36,776
-Math?
-Yes.
273
00:12:36,860 --> 00:12:41,448
And then I came here,
where time stretched out forever,
274
00:12:41,531 --> 00:12:44,534
and every second of my existence
was amazing,
275
00:12:44,618 --> 00:12:47,454
but my brain became this big dumb blob.
276
00:12:47,537 --> 00:12:49,623
So, we finally make it into
the Good Place,
277
00:12:49,706 --> 00:12:51,625
and now we're just
going to become zombies?
278
00:12:51,708 --> 00:12:53,960
Why haven't you told anyone about this?
279
00:12:54,753 --> 00:12:55,962
-About what?
-Dude.
280
00:12:56,630 --> 00:12:57,631
Damn it!
281
00:12:59,216 --> 00:13:01,092
We have to find the others, right now.
282
00:13:02,052 --> 00:13:04,679
-Look, there's math on my shirt.
-Come on.
283
00:13:04,763 --> 00:13:06,473
Is it an "S" or a math?
284
00:13:06,556 --> 00:13:08,266
Have you seen Eleanor and Chidi?
285
00:13:08,350 --> 00:13:10,018
There's something
very wrong with this party.
286
00:13:10,101 --> 00:13:13,730
And it's not just that the caviar
is being served on top of Jell-O shots.
287
00:13:13,813 --> 00:13:18,985
We are the first new people here
in 500 years, and no one seems to care.
288
00:13:19,069 --> 00:13:21,738
I know, even the Good Janets
are kinda weird.
289
00:13:21,821 --> 00:13:23,323
They're like, "Hi, there!"
290
00:13:24,241 --> 00:13:26,660
When I do it, it's cool,
but when they do it, it's lame.
291
00:13:27,577 --> 00:13:30,330
Hey, guys. Having fun? Great.
So, little update.
292
00:13:30,413 --> 00:13:32,582
Um, the Good Place is a disaster.
293
00:13:32,666 --> 00:13:36,169
Everyone here is a happiness zombie,
and no one is doing anything about it,
294
00:13:36,253 --> 00:13:38,171
because by the time
they realize it's happening,
295
00:13:38,255 --> 00:13:39,548
everyone is too far gone to care.
296
00:13:39,631 --> 00:13:41,007
Oh, dear!
297
00:13:41,091 --> 00:13:42,676
Oh, hello, I'm Tahani.
298
00:13:42,759 --> 00:13:45,303
Hi, I'm Milkshake.
Do you want a milkshake?
299
00:13:45,387 --> 00:13:48,807
Okay. We need to tell someone before we're
too zonked out to remember why we're here.
300
00:13:48,890 --> 00:13:50,183
We need to find the Committee.
301
00:13:50,267 --> 00:13:53,186
The Committee is me.
I am Committee. It me.
302
00:13:53,270 --> 00:13:54,354
What?
303
00:13:54,437 --> 00:13:57,232
They tricked me,
and put me in charge of the Good Place,
304
00:13:57,315 --> 00:13:58,858
and then literally ran away.
305
00:13:58,942 --> 00:14:03,405
And then what happened, the Sorting Hat
put you in Hufflepuff? Roasted.
306
00:14:03,488 --> 00:14:05,615
Come on, I know we have problems,
but you can't expect me to ignore this.
307
00:14:05,699 --> 00:14:07,284
-Hang on. We're in paradise.
308
00:14:07,367 --> 00:14:09,578
Surely some people here
are enjoying themselves.
309
00:14:09,661 --> 00:14:11,288
Hey, guys. I'm back.
310
00:14:11,371 --> 00:14:13,456
Go-karting with monkeys
got boring really fast.
311
00:14:13,540 --> 00:14:14,416
It did?
312
00:14:14,499 --> 00:14:15,959
- Damn it.
- Oh, no!
313
00:14:17,752 --> 00:14:21,673
Jason, your lifelong dream
got old that quickly?
314
00:14:21,756 --> 00:14:24,801
I mean, monkeys in go-karts
was fun for a while.
315
00:14:24,885 --> 00:14:26,052
Then I was like,
316
00:14:26,136 --> 00:14:28,847
"You know what would be cool?
Hippos in go-karts!"
317
00:14:28,930 --> 00:14:32,642
And I was like,
"Yo, what about Draculas with jet-packs?"
318
00:14:32,726 --> 00:14:34,185
I did 50 combos,
319
00:14:34,269 --> 00:14:37,522
and then I just kinda wanted to
hang out with you guys again.
320
00:14:37,606 --> 00:14:39,774
Okay, that's it, in a nutshell.
321
00:14:39,858 --> 00:14:43,153
'Cause you get here and you realize
that anything is possible
322
00:14:43,236 --> 00:14:45,822
and you do everything
and then you're done.
323
00:14:45,906 --> 00:14:47,908
But you still have infinity left.
324
00:14:47,991 --> 00:14:52,412
This place kills fun, and passion,
and excitement and love,
325
00:14:52,495 --> 00:14:54,873
till all you have left are milkshakes.
326
00:14:54,956 --> 00:14:57,500
The Good Place Committee
obviously knew about this.
327
00:14:57,584 --> 00:14:58,960
Why didn't they try and solve it?
328
00:14:59,044 --> 00:15:01,087
They did. They tried everything.
329
00:15:01,171 --> 00:15:04,049
Just last week they made
the unicorns bigger,
330
00:15:04,132 --> 00:15:07,886
and then they gave them more horns,
and then they made them chubbier.
331
00:15:07,969 --> 00:15:12,724
I mean, really, they just made
a bunch of weird, fluffy rhinos.
332
00:15:12,807 --> 00:15:15,644
The Committee members aren't human,
so they couldn't understand the problem.
333
00:15:15,727 --> 00:15:17,270
The second I showed up,
334
00:15:17,354 --> 00:15:20,482
they jumped off this sinking ship
and made me captain.
335
00:15:20,565 --> 00:15:21,942
Well, I'm not giving up.
336
00:15:23,026 --> 00:15:25,946
We worked too hard
and went through too much.
337
00:15:26,029 --> 00:15:27,739
I'm not gonna just sit back
338
00:15:27,822 --> 00:15:31,409
and turn into some slack-jawed,
sweatpant-wearing orgasm machine!
339
00:15:31,493 --> 00:15:32,369
Oh, my God!
340
00:15:32,452 --> 00:15:34,329
I'm describing
my dream existence like it's bad.
341
00:15:34,412 --> 00:15:36,206
What is wrong with this place?
342
00:15:36,289 --> 00:15:37,958
We just redesigned this system,
343
00:15:38,041 --> 00:15:40,585
and soon millions of people
are going to start pouring in,
344
00:15:40,669 --> 00:15:43,755
thinking they're in paradise,
only to become a joyless husk.
345
00:15:43,838 --> 00:15:47,300
It's Coachella!
We've invented Cosmic Coachella!
346
00:15:47,384 --> 00:15:48,760
Oh, we have to fix this.
347
00:15:48,843 --> 00:15:52,806
What if we do what I did to you
in the original neighborhood?
348
00:15:52,889 --> 00:15:55,100
Erase their memory every once in a while.
349
00:15:55,183 --> 00:15:58,144
That way,
paradise would seem fresh and new.
350
00:15:58,228 --> 00:16:00,438
You were doing that to torture us.
351
00:16:00,522 --> 00:16:03,191
Actual paradise
can't use the same playbook as hell.
352
00:16:03,274 --> 00:16:06,152
Okay, well, I have a solution.
353
00:16:06,736 --> 00:16:09,322
Remember what I said to you,
when you were going through your
354
00:16:09,406 --> 00:16:12,117
"midlife crisis, one earring,
red convertible" phase?
355
00:16:12,200 --> 00:16:14,119
-"You look so stupid"?
-After that.
356
00:16:14,911 --> 00:16:18,748
You said that, "Every human is
a little bit sad all the time
357
00:16:18,832 --> 00:16:20,542
because you know you're gonna die.
358
00:16:21,543 --> 00:16:24,754
But that knowledge
is what gives life meaning."
359
00:16:26,214 --> 00:16:31,219
The way to restore meaning to the people
in the Good Place is to let them leave.
360
00:16:31,302 --> 00:16:34,723
Leave and go where? This is the last...
361
00:16:35,515 --> 00:16:36,349
Oh.
362
00:16:39,310 --> 00:16:40,562
Can we just do that?
363
00:16:41,938 --> 00:16:43,898
You're the head of the Good Place now.
364
00:16:44,899 --> 00:16:48,987
Seems to me you can do whatever you want.
365
00:16:50,989 --> 00:16:52,490
Where is Michael?
366
00:16:54,534 --> 00:16:56,327
Okay.
367
00:16:58,705 --> 00:17:01,541
Nothing to do but announce the big change.
368
00:17:01,624 --> 00:17:06,463
Whatever happens, it's cool, my babies.
It's very cool.
369
00:17:09,132 --> 00:17:10,550
Did you smoke that weed, bud?
370
00:17:13,386 --> 00:17:14,387
I did.
371
00:17:14,471 --> 00:17:17,724
I was kinda freaked out,
so I smoked some grass, but now I'm great.
372
00:17:17,807 --> 00:17:20,894
Let's change the afterlife, and then...
373
00:17:20,977 --> 00:17:22,395
-Taco Bell.
374
00:17:22,979 --> 00:17:26,191
Oh, baby!
375
00:17:26,274 --> 00:17:27,817
Okay, I'm gonna do the talking.
376
00:17:28,777 --> 00:17:31,154
Hi, everyone.
Can I have your attention, please?
377
00:17:31,237 --> 00:17:33,656
Hi, my name's Eleanor Shellstrop.
378
00:17:33,740 --> 00:17:39,746
Hope you're having fun at our
Flor-izona British Library Extravaganza.
379
00:17:41,247 --> 00:17:44,751
I guess you don't really
have fun anywhere, which is the point.
380
00:17:45,835 --> 00:17:48,254
It doesn't seem like
this is paradise for you.
381
00:17:48,838 --> 00:17:51,716
You've basically been
on a never-ending vacation,
382
00:17:51,800 --> 00:17:55,386
and vacations are only special
because they end.
383
00:17:55,470 --> 00:17:57,597
So, we have an idea.
384
00:17:57,680 --> 00:18:00,892
We're going to set up a new kind of door,
um, somewhere peaceful.
385
00:18:00,975 --> 00:18:04,813
So that when you feel happy,
and satisfied and complete
386
00:18:04,896 --> 00:18:06,356
and you want to leave
the Good Place for good,
387
00:18:06,439 --> 00:18:11,402
you can just walk through it
and your time in the universe will end.
388
00:18:12,445 --> 00:18:17,033
You don't have to go through it,
if you don't want to, but you can.
389
00:18:17,117 --> 00:18:20,453
And hopefully,
knowing you don't have to be here forever
390
00:18:20,537 --> 00:18:22,122
will help you feel happier while you are.
391
00:18:22,705 --> 00:18:24,874
What will happen when we go through it?
392
00:18:26,543 --> 00:18:28,461
Well, we don't really know, exactly.
393
00:18:28,545 --> 00:18:33,508
All we know is it will be peaceful,
and your journey will be over.
394
00:18:34,300 --> 00:18:36,177
You led great lives.
395
00:18:36,261 --> 00:18:38,179
You earned your place here.
396
00:18:38,763 --> 00:18:41,224
So, stay here as long as you like.
397
00:18:41,307 --> 00:18:44,936
Use the green doors to see and do
398
00:18:45,019 --> 00:18:48,565
every single thing you want to see and do.
399
00:18:49,649 --> 00:18:51,359
And when you're ready,
400
00:18:51,943 --> 00:18:56,239
walk through one last door
and be at peace.
401
00:18:56,990 --> 00:18:59,951
Does that sound good?
402
00:19:06,666 --> 00:19:08,168
Seems like they're into it.
403
00:19:15,425 --> 00:19:19,554
It's DJ Music, make some noise!
404
00:19:19,637 --> 00:19:21,014
That's my boyfriend.
405
00:19:22,432 --> 00:19:24,350
I'm glad we'll be able to
enjoy things again.
406
00:19:24,434 --> 00:19:27,520
-Art, math, philosophy, like you used to.
-Yeah, me, too.
407
00:19:27,604 --> 00:19:33,276
I've been dreaming of ending the ennui
of this eternal existence for a long time.
408
00:19:33,359 --> 00:19:36,446
But now,
I think I'll stick around for a while.
409
00:19:36,529 --> 00:19:41,117
It felt good to make brain words.
410
00:19:41,201 --> 00:19:43,995
Still mushy. I'll get it back.
411
00:19:44,078 --> 00:19:45,914
We're lucky we ran into you.
412
00:19:45,997 --> 00:19:46,998
It saved us.
413
00:19:47,749 --> 00:19:50,210
That's not what saved you.
414
00:19:51,794 --> 00:19:53,671
-Hey!
- Hey!
415
00:19:54,839 --> 00:19:56,674
-It was your friendships.
-Yeah, no, I got it.
416
00:19:57,258 --> 00:19:59,719
Sorry. Still not sharp.
417
00:20:04,265 --> 00:20:05,642
Kept most of it the same.
418
00:20:05,725 --> 00:20:08,519
Even made myself an office nearby.
419
00:20:09,687 --> 00:20:14,108
Jason, I... I kinda took a wild guess...
420
00:20:15,193 --> 00:20:18,988
I finally get to accomplish
my goal of living in a Stupid Nick's!
421
00:20:19,072 --> 00:20:20,990
I know anything you do
for eternity gets boring,
422
00:20:21,074 --> 00:20:23,660
but I swear,
I will never get sick of wings.
423
00:20:24,702 --> 00:20:27,121
Well, I'll see you all tomorrow.
424
00:20:27,997 --> 00:20:29,707
And every tomorrow after that.
425
00:20:29,791 --> 00:20:32,794
You know, Michael, at the end of the day,
you were right.
426
00:20:34,921 --> 00:20:36,923
Everything is fine.
427
00:20:54,899 --> 00:21:00,238
This is what we've been
looking for since the day we met... time.
428
00:21:00,321 --> 00:21:03,574
I guess that's what
the Good Place really is.
429
00:21:03,658 --> 00:21:04,742
It's not even a "place," really.
430
00:21:04,826 --> 00:21:09,789
It's just having enough time
with the people you love.
431
00:21:09,872 --> 00:21:10,915
You're right.
432
00:21:12,417 --> 00:21:14,836
And we have as long as we want.
433
00:21:17,714 --> 00:21:18,798
If you keep hogging this blanket,
434
00:21:18,881 --> 00:21:21,509
I'm probably gonna walk through that door
in three days, though.
435
00:21:26,139 --> 00:21:27,598
- I'll miss you.