1
00:00:03,108 --> 00:00:04,193
Hello, Michael.

2
00:00:04,652 --> 00:00:06,278
Shut the door. Have a seat.

3
00:00:08,239 --> 00:00:12,368
When you proposed this new form of torture,
we all laughed behind your back.

4
00:00:12,451 --> 00:00:15,829
Some people called you names,
like "The Thomas Edison of Incompetence"

5
00:00:16,247 --> 00:00:17,665
or, "That Dick."

6
00:00:17,748 --> 00:00:18,916
Mm-hm.

7
00:00:19,500 --> 00:00:21,919
But against all odds,
it seems you've pulled it off.

8
00:00:22,002 --> 00:00:23,754
What you've done here is truly amazing.

9
00:00:23,837 --> 00:00:26,674
Really?
- Yes. These reports are remarkable.

10
00:00:26,757 --> 00:00:28,926
Your humans are experiencing
emotional torture

11
00:00:28,968 --> 00:00:30,678
at the same level of physical torture

12
00:00:30,761 --> 00:00:32,972
created by our squiggliest
Eyeball Corkscrews.

13
00:00:33,347 --> 00:00:34,890
I'm... jubilant.

14
00:00:35,975 --> 00:00:39,353
As a result of our success,
I'm getting a seat on the High Council.

15
00:00:39,436 --> 00:00:41,897
We will greatly expand our Neighbourhood idea

16
00:00:41,939 --> 00:00:44,108
and you will oversee the entire project.

17
00:00:44,358 --> 00:00:45,651
You are being promoted.

18
00:00:48,696 --> 00:00:51,031
Your Senior Staff Pin. Congratulations.

19
00:00:51,407 --> 00:00:53,158
This is everything you've ever wanted.

20
00:00:53,242 --> 00:00:55,744
This is everything I've ever wanted.

21
00:00:55,828 --> 00:00:56,704
Oh!

22
00:00:57,830 --> 00:00:59,915
This is everything I've ever wanted!

23
00:01:00,708 --> 00:01:02,001
Oh, wow!

24
00:01:02,084 --> 00:01:04,628
MICHAEL: You're really happy?
- Can't you tell?

25
00:01:04,920 --> 00:01:06,922
I'm basically squealing like a birthday girl.

26
00:01:15,180 --> 00:01:18,058
At some point, we should finish discussing
yesterday's events.

27
00:01:18,642 --> 00:01:20,603
Do you mean us almost getting married

28
00:01:20,644 --> 00:01:22,563
and then finding out I was married to Janet

29
00:01:22,646 --> 00:01:25,065
and then Janet making a boyfriend
to forget me

30
00:01:25,107 --> 00:01:26,942
and then Janet getting rid of that boyfriend?

31
00:01:27,985 --> 00:01:30,487
Or do you mean when we saw that cool cloud?

32
00:01:31,071 --> 00:01:32,323
The first bit.

33
00:01:32,406 --> 00:01:35,868
Perhaps later, after Michael briefs us on how
we're going to be fake-tortured today

34
00:01:35,909 --> 00:01:37,494
we can just sit down and have a chat?

35
00:01:38,287 --> 00:01:40,664
Yes. Good idea.

36
00:01:41,415 --> 00:01:42,583
Yo, Chidi?
- Yeah?

37
00:01:42,666 --> 00:01:44,752
You wanna hear about a cool cloud I saw?

38
00:01:48,797 --> 00:01:49,715
Come in.

39
00:01:51,842 --> 00:01:56,972
I'd like to start by saying something
I've wanted to say for a very long time.

40
00:01:57,056 --> 00:02:01,268
Surprise, idiots!
You're all in the Bad Place!

41
00:02:01,852 --> 00:02:03,646
MICHAEL AND SHAWN LAUGH

42
00:02:04,688 --> 00:02:06,190
That's right, nerds!

43
00:02:06,273 --> 00:02:11,362
Everything around you, all you can see,
is an elaborate system of torture

44
00:02:11,445 --> 00:02:13,656
designed just for you.

45
00:02:14,239 --> 00:02:17,743
Sorry... we're in the Bad Place?

46
00:02:17,826 --> 00:02:20,245
Why are you revealing this now?

47
00:02:20,329 --> 00:02:24,124
Well, it was an experiment, and it worked,
so my boss is promoting me.

48
00:02:24,208 --> 00:02:27,211
Sorry, I should've introduced you.
This is my boss, Shawn.

49
00:02:27,294 --> 00:02:28,879
Hello, imbeciles.

50
00:02:29,463 --> 00:02:31,215
We need to study everything
that happened here.

51
00:02:31,298 --> 00:02:34,593
There was a first version that collapsed,
but the second has been a huge success.

52
00:02:34,677 --> 00:02:36,011
We'll be shutting this place down.

53
00:02:36,053 --> 00:02:38,180
The four of you
will be brought to the real Bad Place

54
00:02:38,222 --> 00:02:42,142
where your brains will be removed, studied,
and batted about a stadium like beach balls.

55
00:02:42,226 --> 00:02:45,270
Your arms will be peeled like bananas -
that part's just for fun.

56
00:02:45,354 --> 00:02:47,231
Right.
- And then you will be...

57
00:02:47,314 --> 00:02:49,566
you know, tortured forever.

58
00:02:50,734 --> 00:02:54,571
Michael, is this all true?
- Yes, Eleanor, it is.

59
00:02:54,655 --> 00:02:58,450
You're such a rube, thinking you could
become a better person.

60
00:02:59,034 --> 00:03:02,287
You got Chidi
to teach you stupid philosophy

61
00:03:03,247 --> 00:03:05,999
like those old farts
were going to provide guidance.

62
00:03:06,375 --> 00:03:10,796
"Oh, Kierkegaard is so great,
have you read 'Fear and Trembling'?"

63
00:03:10,879 --> 00:03:13,966
"Well, I don't know,
have you read 'Boring and Stupid'?"

64
00:03:14,383 --> 00:03:16,051
Because that's what you are.

65
00:03:16,176 --> 00:03:17,469
Nice.
- Thank you.

66
00:03:17,553 --> 00:03:19,304
How long will it take you
to shut down the Neighbourhood?

67
00:03:19,388 --> 00:03:20,848
Better part of a day, I'd guess.

68
00:03:20,931 --> 00:03:23,308
In the meantime, why don't we
have a "farewell" party here tonight?

69
00:03:23,392 --> 00:03:25,978
You know, just to thank the crew
for all the hard work?

70
00:03:26,061 --> 00:03:27,646
We can jam to some tunes, you know?

71
00:03:27,730 --> 00:03:31,108
Destroy the place, play beer pong
with Jason's testicles...

72
00:03:31,191 --> 00:03:32,609
What do you say, boss?
- Sure.

73
00:03:32,693 --> 00:03:35,279
By the way, I know what you're thinking.
"Maybe Janet can help."

74
00:03:35,362 --> 00:03:36,822
Ah...
- You're wrong. Janet?

75
00:03:36,905 --> 00:03:38,157
JANET CHIMES AND GASPS

76
00:03:38,198 --> 00:03:39,992
Oh, hi, little cuties!

77
00:03:40,033 --> 00:03:42,244
SHE GIGGLES
I love you guys so much.

78
00:03:42,327 --> 00:03:44,538
Except for you, Jason, because I hate you.
SHE LAUGHS

79
00:03:45,122 --> 00:03:47,458
JANET: I hate you.
- Janet? What's wrong?

80
00:03:47,541 --> 00:03:49,001
Oh! Where's my phone?

81
00:03:49,084 --> 00:03:52,504
We put a Restraining Bracelet on her,
disrupting her powers.

82
00:03:52,588 --> 00:03:56,675
JANET: It's made of mag-a-nets.
Magnets. Mag-a-nittens...

83
00:03:56,759 --> 00:03:57,885
MICHAEL LAUGHS

84
00:03:57,968 --> 00:04:01,764
Magnets are supposed to make me feel drunk,
but guess what? I feel fine.

85
00:04:02,347 --> 00:04:04,349
JANET GIGGLES

86
00:04:04,433 --> 00:04:09,646
I can't believe Michael betrayed us again.
Why is it always the ones you most expect?

87
00:04:09,730 --> 00:04:13,317
I should've seen this coming.
No one can ever truly "turn over a new leaf."

88
00:04:13,400 --> 00:04:16,904
Sure, Ben Affleck told me he'd matured
as an artist after he directed "Argo"

89
00:04:16,987 --> 00:04:18,947
but then, right on schedule, it was

90
00:04:19,031 --> 00:04:21,408
"Guess what, Tahani? I'm gonna be Batman!"

91
00:04:21,450 --> 00:04:22,785
CHIDI:
There's only one option.

92
00:04:22,826 --> 00:04:26,747
Shawn clearly doesn't know that Michael
has rebooted this Neighbourhood 800 times.

93
00:04:26,830 --> 00:04:29,666
I say we trade that information
for some kind of reduced sentence.

94
00:04:29,750 --> 00:04:30,918
TAHANI:
Chidi, they're monsters!

95
00:04:31,001 --> 00:04:34,004
Who's to say they won't agree to a deal,
hear what we have to say

96
00:04:34,087 --> 00:04:37,299
and then turn around and install us
into their horrible human zoo?

97
00:04:37,341 --> 00:04:38,592
CHIDI:
There's no other option.

98
00:04:38,634 --> 00:04:40,928
There's no way for a human
to get that bracelet off of Janet.

99
00:04:41,011 --> 00:04:44,389
If there were, we could get her to call us
a train to Mindy St Claire's house.

100
00:04:44,473 --> 00:04:47,851
We know for a fact that the people
from the Bad Place can't follow us there

101
00:04:47,935 --> 00:04:49,937
and I vote for that.
- JASON: I vote we...

102
00:04:50,020 --> 00:04:54,316
No, sorry, and no offense, Jason,
but the stakes here are too high

103
00:04:54,399 --> 00:04:58,153
to let someone with your limited
intellectual processing capacity weigh in.

104
00:04:58,654 --> 00:05:00,531
I was gonna agree with you.
- Oh, great.

105
00:05:00,572 --> 00:05:02,616
Well, that's two votes for my plan.
- CHIDI SIGHS

106
00:05:02,658 --> 00:05:04,243
Eleanor. What do you think?

107
00:05:04,326 --> 00:05:07,496
Trade information on Michael,
or try to escape to the Medium Place?

108
00:05:08,539 --> 00:05:09,581
Neither.

109
00:05:09,915 --> 00:05:11,834
I vote we ignore everything Michael just said

110
00:05:11,917 --> 00:05:13,961
and blindly assume he's still on our side.

111
00:05:15,170 --> 00:05:16,380
Who's with me?

112
00:05:17,464 --> 00:05:19,216
TAHANI:
Sorry, but when all this started

113
00:05:19,633 --> 00:05:22,219
you're the one who told us
that Michael wasn't trustworthy.

114
00:05:22,261 --> 00:05:24,513
Now you want us to trust him?
- ELEANOR: Yes.

115
00:05:24,555 --> 00:05:28,100
For one very specific and rock-solid reason.

116
00:05:28,684 --> 00:05:29,726
What's-his-name!

117
00:05:30,269 --> 00:05:31,144
Who?

118
00:05:31,228 --> 00:05:33,480
The dude! The super-depressing religious guy.

119
00:05:33,564 --> 00:05:35,691
The real buzzkill, whose name
I can never remember.

120
00:05:36,108 --> 00:05:37,860
Keeblers... car.

121
00:05:37,901 --> 00:05:39,987
Kyra... Sedgwick?

122
00:05:40,070 --> 00:05:42,573
Oh, I love her! Dear friend of mine.

123
00:05:43,323 --> 00:05:44,408
Not important right now.

124
00:05:44,825 --> 00:05:46,076
Kierkegaard?
- Yes!

125
00:05:46,159 --> 00:05:48,495
Kierkegaard! When Michael was mocking us

126
00:05:48,579 --> 00:05:51,665
about trying to become better people,
whose name did he use, huh?

127
00:05:52,499 --> 00:05:55,377
Kierkegaard.
I think he was sending us a message.

128
00:05:55,460 --> 00:05:56,712
To take a leap of faith.

129
00:05:56,795 --> 00:05:58,338
Cos that was Kierkegaard's thing, right?

130
00:05:58,422 --> 00:06:02,134
Yes, although it's probably
better translated as a "leap into faith."

131
00:06:02,217 --> 00:06:04,845
It's so hard to be your friend.
- Yup. Sorry.

132
00:06:04,928 --> 00:06:06,805
Michael was telling us to trust him!

133
00:06:06,889 --> 00:06:10,767
I had a long talk with him the other night,
about the whole Derek incident.

134
00:06:10,851 --> 00:06:16,189
Dude was shook - talking about ethics,
and all spiralling about human stuff.

135
00:06:16,273 --> 00:06:18,191
I think he's on our side.

136
00:06:18,275 --> 00:06:21,528
Or maybe, he's a supernatural demon
designed to torture people

137
00:06:21,612 --> 00:06:23,280
who just got offered his dream job

138
00:06:23,363 --> 00:06:25,574
and has flipped on us
like a ten-stone griddle-chip!

139
00:06:26,617 --> 00:06:30,829
It's a large pancake. Come on, people,
you can get these from context!

140
00:06:30,913 --> 00:06:33,165
Look, maybe Michael jumped back
to the dark side.

141
00:06:33,248 --> 00:06:34,541
But I don't think so.

142
00:06:35,375 --> 00:06:37,002
I think he's going to help us escape.

143
00:06:37,085 --> 00:06:40,380
I know it sounds crazy,
but if it weren't crazy

144
00:06:40,464 --> 00:06:42,966
they wouldn't call it a "leap of faith."

145
00:06:43,050 --> 00:06:47,471
They would call it a... "sit of doubting."

146
00:06:49,598 --> 00:06:51,433
I never thought I'd be the one to say it...

147
00:06:52,309 --> 00:06:54,061
but this is getting out of hand.

148
00:06:55,103 --> 00:06:56,521
I think we gotta go to the cops.

149
00:06:57,230 --> 00:06:59,733
What cops? Where do you think we are?

150
00:07:02,110 --> 00:07:06,114
Before tonight's party I'd love to talk more
about your strategy for torturing Tahani.

151
00:07:06,198 --> 00:07:08,575
I'm impressed you were able
to make her fall in love with Jason.

152
00:07:08,659 --> 00:07:10,744
She must be... miserable.

153
00:07:10,827 --> 00:07:14,456
Yeah, humans make a lot of mistakes
when they're horny.

154
00:07:17,250 --> 00:07:19,628
Ah, boss... Give me a second, here.

155
00:07:22,005 --> 00:07:23,340
What the here, dude?
- Vicky...

156
00:07:23,423 --> 00:07:27,094
My hard work paid off for you,
and now you're just taking all the credit.

157
00:07:27,177 --> 00:07:29,805
Vicky, Vicky... this can work out great
for both of us

158
00:07:29,888 --> 00:07:31,390
if we play our cards right.

159
00:07:31,473 --> 00:07:34,601
Shawn thinks that this is attempt
number two, right?

160
00:07:34,685 --> 00:07:37,145
Now if I tell him that you've been in charge
of this version

161
00:07:37,187 --> 00:07:40,899
he's eventually gonna find out that there
have been hundreds of failed versions.

162
00:07:40,983 --> 00:07:43,485
Ohhhhh! Right.

163
00:07:43,568 --> 00:07:45,612
And if that happens, we're all going down.

164
00:07:45,696 --> 00:07:49,574
So, spread the word.
No one talks about the reboots.

165
00:07:50,367 --> 00:07:52,452
Fine. But you better make this right.

166
00:07:52,536 --> 00:07:55,205
Mama want promotion, ya heard?

167
00:07:57,040 --> 00:07:58,917
INDISTINCT CHATTER

168
00:08:02,921 --> 00:08:06,508
Hello, you dummies!
- CROWD LAUGHS

169
00:08:07,092 --> 00:08:10,470
This Neighbourhood was a labour
of hate for many people here

170
00:08:10,554 --> 00:08:14,391
so I thought that we should celebrate
with an art form

171
00:08:14,474 --> 00:08:18,186
that we literally invented here
in the Bad Place

172
00:08:18,311 --> 00:08:20,230
the "comedy roast"!

173
00:08:20,313 --> 00:08:22,149
CROWD CHEERS

174
00:08:23,442 --> 00:08:25,736
I see Jason Mendoza's here.

175
00:08:25,819 --> 00:08:28,071
Jason might not be
the smartest guy in the world

176
00:08:28,155 --> 00:08:31,241
but he is the dumbest guy in the world.

177
00:08:31,324 --> 00:08:32,409
CROWD LAUGHS

178
00:08:32,451 --> 00:08:33,785
Ah, Jason, buddy.

179
00:08:33,869 --> 00:08:36,163
All you had to do was to keep quiet

180
00:08:36,246 --> 00:08:39,916
but you couldn't stop talking
about Kendall Jenner

181
00:08:40,000 --> 00:08:41,918
or that dumb quarterback, what was his name?

182
00:08:42,002 --> 00:08:45,839
Derek Bortles...
always ranting about "Derek Bortles."

183
00:08:46,256 --> 00:08:50,802
Lucky for you, my friend, Jaguars games
are the only ones televised in the Bad Place

184
00:08:50,886 --> 00:08:52,888
because they suuuuck!

185
00:08:52,971 --> 00:08:55,390
CROWD LAUGHS

186
00:08:55,474 --> 00:08:59,227
No, they don't! All we need is a defense,
and an offense, and some rule changes.

187
00:08:59,311 --> 00:09:00,645
Don't take it personally.

188
00:09:00,729 --> 00:09:02,898
He just has to put on a show
for the other demons.

189
00:09:03,690 --> 00:09:05,734
Tahani Al-Jamil.

190
00:09:06,193 --> 00:09:08,820
Elegance, grace, sophistication...

191
00:09:08,904 --> 00:09:10,906
But enough about your sister!

192
00:09:10,989 --> 00:09:12,991
MICHAEL CACKLES
- CROWD LAUGHS

193
00:09:13,033 --> 00:09:16,328
Do you know what the worst moment
of Tahani's life was?

194
00:09:16,745 --> 00:09:18,997
When the last song played
at one of her parties

195
00:09:19,081 --> 00:09:23,460
and she would run off and cry because
she still hadn't won her parents' approval.

196
00:09:23,543 --> 00:09:25,337
CROWD LAUGHS AND JEERS

197
00:09:25,420 --> 00:09:27,005
You know the other worst moment
of Tahani's life?

198
00:09:27,089 --> 00:09:31,426
Every other moment of her empty,
pointless life!

199
00:09:31,510 --> 00:09:33,762
CROWD LAUGHS
- MICHAEL: Hey-o!

200
00:09:33,845 --> 00:09:35,889
I see Eleanor Shellstrop is here.

201
00:09:35,972 --> 00:09:38,600
Eleanor and I have a lot in common.

202
00:09:38,683 --> 00:09:40,435
Now here's how you can tell us apart.

203
00:09:40,519 --> 00:09:42,646
One of us is a manipulative demon

204
00:09:42,729 --> 00:09:45,315
who's an expert
at making other people miserable...

205
00:09:45,732 --> 00:09:47,984
and then the other one is me!

206
00:09:48,068 --> 00:09:49,903
CROWD LAUGHS

207
00:09:49,986 --> 00:09:54,407
You thought you deserved a Medium Place,
like Mindy St Claire?

208
00:09:54,616 --> 00:09:55,909
Are you kidding me?

209
00:09:56,451 --> 00:09:57,619
You're bad, Eleanor.

210
00:09:58,495 --> 00:10:00,956
This is exactly the place you should be.

211
00:10:01,039 --> 00:10:03,583
Not super funny for a roast, there, bud.

212
00:10:03,667 --> 00:10:04,835
Oh, sorry, you want a joke? OK.

213
00:10:04,876 --> 00:10:08,630
You love Chidi and Chidi doesn't
love you back. Boom!

214
00:10:08,713 --> 00:10:09,798
CROWD LAUGHS

215
00:10:09,881 --> 00:10:13,593
Now, that's funny because it's
very cruel and humiliating.

216
00:10:14,136 --> 00:10:16,138
I consider you one of my closest friends.
- Not now, dude.

217
00:10:16,179 --> 00:10:17,347
MICHAEL:
Speaking of Chidi...

218
00:10:17,389 --> 00:10:20,058
is something no one has ever said

219
00:10:20,142 --> 00:10:22,018
because no one talks about Chidi

220
00:10:22,102 --> 00:10:26,815
because no one likes Chidi,
because he's so annoying about ethics!

221
00:10:26,898 --> 00:10:27,983
CROWD LAUGHS

222
00:10:28,066 --> 00:10:30,277
Now when you taught the Trolley Problem...

223
00:10:30,360 --> 00:10:35,365
did you secretly wish that it could be you
who wound up under the trolley?

224
00:10:35,740 --> 00:10:37,367
Because all your students did!

225
00:10:37,409 --> 00:10:39,035
Whoo!
- CROWD LAUGHS

226
00:10:39,119 --> 00:10:41,246
Oh, Chidi, sorry, I got a joke for you, bud.

227
00:10:41,329 --> 00:10:43,665
Uh, knock-knock.
- Who's there?

228
00:10:43,748 --> 00:10:46,084
You died alone
because you couldn't commit to anyone!

229
00:10:46,126 --> 00:10:47,627
CROWD LAUGHS

230
00:10:47,711 --> 00:10:50,046
"You died alone because you couldn't commit
to anyone" who?

231
00:10:50,130 --> 00:10:52,048
No...
- Jason Mendoza!

232
00:10:52,090 --> 00:10:53,925
CROWD LAUGHS

233
00:10:54,134 --> 00:10:59,764
OK, that's all my time.
Let's tear this mother to the ground!

234
00:10:59,848 --> 00:11:02,017
CROWD CHEERS
- MICHAEL: Whoo!

235
00:11:02,100 --> 00:11:04,311
THEY CHEER

236
00:11:05,061 --> 00:11:06,771
FIREWORKS WHISTLE

237
00:11:06,855 --> 00:11:11,484
So, maybe I was wrong,
and Michael isn't on our side.

238
00:11:14,029 --> 00:11:15,155
MUSIC BLARES

239
00:11:15,197 --> 00:11:16,531
BAD JANET:
What up, fork sticks?!

240
00:11:16,573 --> 00:11:19,534
That was "She Hates Me" by Puddle of Mudd.

241
00:11:19,993 --> 00:11:23,455
Coming up next,
"Grandma Got Run Over By A Reindeer!"

242
00:11:23,872 --> 00:11:25,916
Idiots!
- BULLHORN BLARES

243
00:11:26,249 --> 00:11:29,252
We're going streaking! Ahhhh!

244
00:11:30,837 --> 00:11:31,880
Ugh.

245
00:11:32,505 --> 00:11:36,468
The one time I think someone isn't lying
to me and it bites me in the ash.

246
00:11:36,551 --> 00:11:40,222
I guess Michael really did flip back
to the bad side.

247
00:11:40,305 --> 00:11:41,514
Oh, does one think?

248
00:11:41,598 --> 00:11:43,850
That roast was the meanest thing
I've ever seen

249
00:11:43,934 --> 00:11:46,686
and I once saw a waiter
bring Russell Crowe the wrong tea.

250
00:11:46,770 --> 00:11:49,231
Well, we have no choice.
We go to Shawn and we tell him

251
00:11:49,314 --> 00:11:51,149
that we'll trade secret information
about the reboots

252
00:11:51,233 --> 00:11:52,359
if he'll go easy on us.

253
00:11:52,442 --> 00:11:54,694
And if that doesn't work,
we try to get Janet free

254
00:11:54,778 --> 00:11:56,613
and head to Mindy's. Agreed?

255
00:11:56,696 --> 00:11:58,365
Yeah. Michael sucks now.

256
00:11:58,448 --> 00:12:01,660
He pretended to be our friend,
he's gonna torture us for eternity...

257
00:12:01,701 --> 00:12:03,328
And you know what the worst part is?

258
00:12:03,411 --> 00:12:06,289
He doesn't remember the name
of my favourite football player.

259
00:12:06,373 --> 00:12:07,707
Definitely not the worst part.

260
00:12:07,791 --> 00:12:09,084
It is to me!

261
00:12:09,167 --> 00:12:13,421
"Blake Bortles" is a cool name.
"Derek Bortles" is a dumb name!

262
00:12:15,048 --> 00:12:19,052
<i>♪ Grandma got run over by a reindeer ♪</i>
- DRAGON ROARS

263
00:12:19,928 --> 00:12:22,430
<i>♪ Walking home from our house
Christmas Eve... ♪</i>

264
00:12:23,974 --> 00:12:28,228
Hey, man, have you told Shawn
how "hugely important" I was yet?

265
00:12:28,311 --> 00:12:29,938
I will get to it. Promise.

266
00:12:30,021 --> 00:12:32,899
Now, you just relax, enjoy yourself,
rip a cat in half

267
00:12:32,941 --> 00:12:34,484
it's a party, Vicky! Come on!

268
00:12:36,861 --> 00:12:37,946
Hey!
- Mleh?

269
00:12:38,029 --> 00:12:40,031
What does Michael keep whispering to you?
- Um....

270
00:12:40,115 --> 00:12:43,118
"Something, something,
Vicky, something, something."

271
00:12:43,201 --> 00:12:45,453
Awww! Can I braid your hair?
- No.

272
00:12:45,537 --> 00:12:47,289
Please?
- No. You know what? I'm good. I got it.

273
00:12:47,372 --> 00:12:48,415
JANET: Ooh!
- Hey!

274
00:12:48,498 --> 00:12:50,250
Help me get these bracelets off Good Janet.

275
00:12:50,333 --> 00:12:52,377
No. Shawn put them on her for a reason.

276
00:12:52,460 --> 00:12:54,129
I'm not overruling the boss.

277
00:12:54,212 --> 00:12:55,547
You're such a suck-up, Gayle.

278
00:12:56,131 --> 00:12:58,258
Can I braid your hair?
- No. Get this... I got it.

279
00:12:58,341 --> 00:12:59,384
Ow!
- OK...

280
00:12:59,467 --> 00:13:02,137
Get your own bracelets, Victoria!
- VICKY GROANS

281
00:13:02,220 --> 00:13:04,889
MUSIC BLARES

282
00:13:05,890 --> 00:13:07,434
BAD JANET:
OK, you fat dinks.

283
00:13:07,475 --> 00:13:10,061
The sun is up,
and we're about to close it down

284
00:13:10,145 --> 00:13:11,813
with one last song -

285
00:13:12,105 --> 00:13:14,274
"She Hates Me" by Puddle of Mudd

286
00:13:14,357 --> 00:13:19,237
<i>and</i> "Grandma Got Run Over By A Reindeer"
played at the same time.

287
00:13:20,280 --> 00:13:23,408
Honestly, I'm still partial
to the old-fashioned scorpion diapers.

288
00:13:23,491 --> 00:13:24,993
But you've done great work here.

289
00:13:25,535 --> 00:13:27,412
Can't thank you enough for everything.

290
00:13:27,495 --> 00:13:29,581
Shawn, wait!
- No...

291
00:13:29,664 --> 00:13:31,833
I have some very interesting information

292
00:13:31,875 --> 00:13:34,085
about who's really responsible
for this Neighbourhood.

293
00:13:34,127 --> 00:13:35,587
Shawn! The humans are escaping!

294
00:13:35,670 --> 00:13:38,048
TRAIN ENGINE ROARS

295
00:13:39,257 --> 00:13:41,926
It's Michael. Michael's responsible
for this Neighbourhood

296
00:13:42,010 --> 00:13:44,429
and everything that's happening right now.
Byeee!

297
00:13:44,763 --> 00:13:46,306
Ah, I...
- Bad Janet!

298
00:13:46,389 --> 00:13:48,516
BAD JANET CHIMES
What's cracking, nutbutts?

299
00:13:48,600 --> 00:13:51,644
Call us another train, immediately.
Party's over.

300
00:13:54,522 --> 00:13:56,441
How did they get Janet's bracelets off?

301
00:13:56,524 --> 00:13:58,735
It's literally impossible for a human to do.

302
00:13:58,818 --> 00:14:02,322
It's like breathing underwater,
or driving without texting.

303
00:14:02,405 --> 00:14:06,076
Shawn, I don't want to make any accusations,
but I accuse Vicky.

304
00:14:06,159 --> 00:14:08,536
She asked me to help her take
Janet's bracelets off.

305
00:14:08,620 --> 00:14:10,705
Oh, Vicky, you didn't!

306
00:14:10,789 --> 00:14:12,040
She definitely did.

307
00:14:12,123 --> 00:14:15,377
She's jealous, she's been trying
to sabotage me the entire time.

308
00:14:15,460 --> 00:14:17,087
What, no? He's lying.

309
00:14:17,170 --> 00:14:20,507
OK, I did try to get the bracelets off,
but I couldn't.

310
00:14:20,590 --> 00:14:22,300
Listen to yourself. You sound crazy.

311
00:14:22,384 --> 00:14:26,429
Normally I would love hearing a man
tell a woman she's crazy, but I can't.

312
00:14:26,805 --> 00:14:28,681
You aided the humans just to spite Michael.

313
00:14:28,765 --> 00:14:30,600
You're not a demon. You're a jerk.

314
00:14:30,683 --> 00:14:31,976
VICKY:
Wait! This is a trick!

315
00:14:32,060 --> 00:14:33,478
Michael is the traitor.

316
00:14:33,561 --> 00:14:35,355
I bet they're still here somehow.

317
00:14:35,438 --> 00:14:38,149
This place stretches for a thousand miles.

318
00:14:38,274 --> 00:14:40,110
Fine. Bad Janet?

319
00:14:40,193 --> 00:14:43,238
BAD JANET CHIMES: What?
- Scan the Neighbourhood, please.

320
00:14:44,489 --> 00:14:46,574
BAD JANET WHIRS

321
00:14:51,079 --> 00:14:54,165
No sign of any humans,
but I actually did find something for Vicky.

322
00:14:54,624 --> 00:14:57,252
What?
- BAD JANET FARTS LOUDLY

323
00:14:57,335 --> 00:14:59,379
MICHAEL LAUGHS
- VICKY SCOFFS

324
00:14:59,462 --> 00:15:01,631
Bad Janet, great stuff as always.
- No, duh.

325
00:15:01,714 --> 00:15:03,508
And as for Vicky...
- No, wait!

326
00:15:05,176 --> 00:15:08,179
This is a PR disaster.
We have to keep it all under wraps.

327
00:15:08,263 --> 00:15:09,389
Get her on the train.

328
00:15:09,472 --> 00:15:13,226
And if anyone else says a single word
of what happened here, to anyone...

329
00:15:13,309 --> 00:15:15,228
you will be in a cocoon just like Vicky

330
00:15:15,311 --> 00:15:18,314
and it is gooey in there.

331
00:15:18,398 --> 00:15:20,442
How do we get the humans back from Mindy's?

332
00:15:20,525 --> 00:15:22,610
They bought themselves some time,
but we'll get them.

333
00:15:22,694 --> 00:15:24,362
I'll start the extradition papers.

334
00:15:24,446 --> 00:15:27,657
You stay here. I want every trace
of this Neighbourhood erased.

335
00:15:38,042 --> 00:15:39,252
Oh, that was a bad idea!

336
00:15:39,335 --> 00:15:41,713
That was so scary,
so many different times. I hated that.

337
00:15:45,800 --> 00:15:47,302
You guys!

338
00:15:48,428 --> 00:15:50,597
I was so scared for you!
- HE SOBS

339
00:15:50,680 --> 00:15:52,432
I told you he was on our side!

340
00:15:52,515 --> 00:15:54,893
MICHAEL SOBS
You're my friends, and I wanted...

341
00:15:55,518 --> 00:15:58,563
I wanted to save you...
- Hey, it's OK, bud.

342
00:15:58,646 --> 00:16:01,608
This is the best summer ever, you guys!

343
00:16:01,691 --> 00:16:03,401
JANET: Ohhh!
- MICHAEL SOBS AND LAUGHS

344
00:16:04,486 --> 00:16:05,361
Oh!

345
00:16:06,529 --> 00:16:08,907
Oh, Michael,
we never doubted you for a moment.

346
00:16:08,990 --> 00:16:09,991
Thank you, Tahani.

347
00:16:10,158 --> 00:16:11,534
You're lying, though, right?

348
00:16:11,618 --> 00:16:13,286
Yes, I am. I doubted you very strongly.

349
00:16:13,369 --> 00:16:14,662
But then I figured it out.

350
00:16:14,746 --> 00:16:16,164
Kierkegaard, baby!

351
00:16:16,247 --> 00:16:17,290
Leap of faith!

352
00:16:17,373 --> 00:16:20,126
It's better translated as a
"leap into faith."

353
00:16:20,210 --> 00:16:21,252
You remembered!

354
00:16:21,794 --> 00:16:22,962
MICHAEL LAUGHS

355
00:16:23,046 --> 00:16:25,131
Can somebody please explain what happened?

356
00:16:25,215 --> 00:16:27,800
And... and can you guys just be...
a tiny bit quieter?

357
00:16:27,884 --> 00:16:30,386
Because, um...
I've been drunk on magnets all day and...

358
00:16:30,470 --> 00:16:33,932
and I can literally
hear every sound in the universe.

359
00:16:34,015 --> 00:16:37,894
Basically, Michael sent us a code,
and we had to crack it.

360
00:16:37,977 --> 00:16:40,355
I figured out the first clue.
- ELEANOR: No, you didn't. I did.

361
00:16:40,897 --> 00:16:42,440
I was there, though!
- JANET: Ooh...

362
00:16:42,524 --> 00:16:46,486
"Blake Bortles" is a cool name.
"Derek Bortles" is a dumb name.

363
00:16:46,819 --> 00:16:48,404
Yes...

364
00:16:48,488 --> 00:16:53,243
"Derek Bortles" is indeed a very dumb name.

365
00:16:53,785 --> 00:16:54,911
It's a clue!

366
00:16:54,994 --> 00:16:57,956
There's no way Michael
would've forgotten the name "Blake Bortles."

367
00:16:57,997 --> 00:16:59,541
You say it a million times a day.

368
00:16:59,624 --> 00:17:01,584
Cos he's the best.
- No, he's not.

369
00:17:01,626 --> 00:17:02,585
And even I know that.

370
00:17:02,669 --> 00:17:06,381
Michael was telling us to use Derek,
Janet's Derek, for something.

371
00:17:07,131 --> 00:17:09,217
There were clues in the roast.

372
00:17:09,300 --> 00:17:12,387
Everybody, quietly, but quickly,
head to the train station.

373
00:17:12,679 --> 00:17:15,265
But let's split up so we don't draw
attention.

374
00:17:17,016 --> 00:17:19,227
CROWD CHEERS AND WHOOPS

375
00:17:23,273 --> 00:17:25,858
Ugh, you guys are the worst conspirators!

376
00:17:27,610 --> 00:17:31,406
OK, what else did Michael say
in the roasts that might be meaningful?

377
00:17:31,489 --> 00:17:32,699
Tahani? Do you remember?

378
00:17:32,782 --> 00:17:35,410
Well, he said my entire life
was pointless and empty.

379
00:17:35,493 --> 00:17:37,620
Yeah, but did he say anything
we don't already know?

380
00:17:37,704 --> 00:17:39,163
Anything that stood out?

381
00:17:39,747 --> 00:17:43,668
<i>Do you know what the worst moment
of Tahani's life was?</i>

382
00:17:43,751 --> 00:17:46,504
<i>When the last song
played at one of her parties</i>

383
00:17:46,588 --> 00:17:50,967
<i>and she would run off and cry because
she still hadn't won her parents' approval.</i>

384
00:17:51,050 --> 00:17:52,468
That <i>was</i> odd.

385
00:17:52,552 --> 00:17:55,054
A host never runs off during their last song

386
00:17:55,138 --> 00:17:56,180
because after it's over

387
00:17:56,264 --> 00:17:58,516
you're supposed to act surprised
when everyone drags you on stage

388
00:17:58,600 --> 00:17:59,601
and showers you with applause.

389
00:17:59,684 --> 00:18:02,895
Maybe Michael wanted us
to wait until the end of the party

390
00:18:02,979 --> 00:18:05,064
when everyone was at their most distracted.

391
00:18:05,148 --> 00:18:08,735
And use Derek to drive the train,
because he has some of Janet's powers.

392
00:18:08,818 --> 00:18:11,321
Janet?
- JANET CHIMES: Hi... Hi... Hi there.

393
00:18:11,404 --> 00:18:12,447
Janet?
- Yep?

394
00:18:12,530 --> 00:18:14,574
We need you to go get Derek from your void.

395
00:18:14,657 --> 00:18:15,533
OK.

396
00:18:15,825 --> 00:18:17,660
Shoot, where's my void, again? I forget.

397
00:18:18,161 --> 00:18:19,662
Oh, yeah, it's everywhere.

398
00:18:19,746 --> 00:18:21,873
OK, hang on to your...

399
00:18:21,956 --> 00:18:23,625
butt-cheeks.

400
00:18:23,666 --> 00:18:25,460
JANET CHIMES
<i>Ugh... where is he?</i>

401
00:18:25,501 --> 00:18:27,587
CLATTER
JANET: <i>Ow! Owwy! Ugh!</i>

402
00:18:27,629 --> 00:18:29,631
<i>I'm never gonna find... oop, there he is!</i>

403
00:18:29,714 --> 00:18:31,591
DEREK CHIMES: Derek.
- ELEANOR: Derek!

404
00:18:31,674 --> 00:18:35,219
We need you to drive this train,
and take us to Mindy St Claire's house.

405
00:18:35,261 --> 00:18:36,638
Can you do that?
- DEREK LAUGHS

406
00:18:36,679 --> 00:18:37,555
Derek.

407
00:18:39,265 --> 00:18:40,141
Wait.

408
00:18:40,600 --> 00:18:41,726
Nobody get on that train.

409
00:18:41,809 --> 00:18:43,853
Derek?
- Why not?

410
00:18:43,936 --> 00:18:45,313
Because of what Michael said to me.

411
00:18:45,396 --> 00:18:48,399
<i>You thought you deserved a Medium Place?</i>

412
00:18:48,483 --> 00:18:51,944
<i>You're bad, Eleanor.
This is exactly the place you should be.</i>

413
00:18:52,820 --> 00:18:53,946
Derek!

414
00:18:54,030 --> 00:18:56,199
Michael wants us to stay here,
for some reason.

415
00:18:56,282 --> 00:18:59,952
Eleanor. We have a train, a conductor,
and a safe destination.

416
00:19:00,036 --> 00:19:01,079
I'm gonna tell you the same thing

417
00:19:01,162 --> 00:19:04,332
I told Pippa Middleton right before
we went paragliding in Gibraltar.

418
00:19:04,415 --> 00:19:05,667
"Let's go!"

419
00:19:06,709 --> 00:19:09,212
What? It's what I said.
- Guys, leap of faith.

420
00:19:09,629 --> 00:19:11,589
Michael said we shouldn't get on that train.

421
00:19:11,673 --> 00:19:13,675
Any minute now, those demons
are gonna come looking for us.

422
00:19:13,758 --> 00:19:16,511
Where are we supposed to hide? Oh, no!

423
00:19:16,594 --> 00:19:20,139
<i>Now when you taught the Trolley Problem,
did you secretly wish</i>

424
00:19:20,223 --> 00:19:23,851
<i>that it could be you
who wound up under the trolley?</i>

425
00:19:24,227 --> 00:19:26,020
<i>Because all your students did!</i>

426
00:19:26,104 --> 00:19:28,940
ELEANOR GASPS
- DEREK, LOUDLY: All aboard the...

427
00:19:29,023 --> 00:19:31,734
Shhh!
- DEREK, QUIETLY:...train is here!

428
00:19:31,818 --> 00:19:33,528
It's a train!
- Shhh!

429
00:19:33,611 --> 00:19:35,238
Get onboard!

430
00:19:35,321 --> 00:19:36,406
Actually, Derek...

431
00:19:36,489 --> 00:19:37,865
Derek.
- You're gonna wait

432
00:19:37,949 --> 00:19:40,159
until the last song of the night.
- Derek.

433
00:19:40,243 --> 00:19:42,995
And when you do leave,
you're gonna be flying a solo mission.

434
00:19:43,079 --> 00:19:46,165
Oh! Maximum Derek!

435
00:19:46,290 --> 00:19:47,291
ELEANOR:
<i>Derek headed off</i>

436
00:19:47,333 --> 00:19:50,128
and when the new train arrived,
the four of us crawled underneath

437
00:19:50,211 --> 00:19:52,213
before any of the drunk demons saw us.

438
00:19:52,296 --> 00:19:54,924
That kept us from being detected
when Bad Janet scanned the Neighbourhood.

439
00:19:55,007 --> 00:19:57,760
We fooled those mo-fos like the chumps
they are!

440
00:19:58,344 --> 00:20:00,430
We got all four clues you left us!

441
00:20:00,513 --> 00:20:01,639
Oh, that's great.

442
00:20:01,723 --> 00:20:05,727
Well, I mean, I actually left you
more than 1,200 clues

443
00:20:05,810 --> 00:20:07,937
because of how primitive your brains are.

444
00:20:08,020 --> 00:20:10,773
But I'm so glad
you got enough to figure it out.

445
00:20:10,857 --> 00:20:13,067
Wait, how did you escape detection though?

446
00:20:13,151 --> 00:20:17,405
Well, I'm not ethically proud of this,
but I framed Vicky.

447
00:20:17,488 --> 00:20:21,993
It was pretty easy - I just kept whispering
things into Janet's ear to make her paranoid.

448
00:20:22,076 --> 00:20:24,954
I'm sorry, what... what did you whisper
to me? I don't remember.

449
00:20:26,539 --> 00:20:29,542
Something, something, Vicky,
something, something.

450
00:20:29,625 --> 00:20:31,294
What does Michael keep whispering to you?

451
00:20:31,377 --> 00:20:34,505
"Something, something, Vicky,
something, something."

452
00:20:34,547 --> 00:20:35,423
Aw!

453
00:20:35,465 --> 00:20:38,050
MICHAEL: <i>And that made her try to take
Janet's bracelets off...</i>

454
00:20:38,092 --> 00:20:39,635
which framed her for the escape.

455
00:20:39,719 --> 00:20:41,220
ALL:
Oh!

456
00:20:41,304 --> 00:20:45,183
Guys, I... I want to apologise
for roasting you earlier.

457
00:20:45,266 --> 00:20:47,894
I had to sell it because everyone
was watching.

458
00:20:47,977 --> 00:20:49,437
It was funny though, right?

459
00:20:49,479 --> 00:20:52,064
Absolutely not!
- The Tahani stuff was perfect. I mean, no.

460
00:20:52,148 --> 00:20:54,817
Guys. Let's just take a moment here.

461
00:20:54,901 --> 00:20:56,194
They're gone.

462
00:20:56,277 --> 00:20:59,197
Which means that we won
and might actually get a chance

463
00:20:59,280 --> 00:21:00,865
to go to the real Good Place.

464
00:21:00,948 --> 00:21:03,576
This is everything we ever wanted.

465
00:21:03,659 --> 00:21:05,328
Speaking of people getting what they want...

466
00:21:05,411 --> 00:21:08,164
I really hope Mindy liked the present
we sent her.

467
00:21:08,247 --> 00:21:09,582
DEREK KNOCKS

468
00:21:10,541 --> 00:21:12,335
Who are you?
- Derek!

469
00:21:14,712 --> 00:21:16,964
"Thanks for helping us all those times
we showed up."

470
00:21:17,048 --> 00:21:21,010
"To repay you, here's a willing sex robot
and two duffel bags full of cocaine."

471
00:21:21,511 --> 00:21:23,721
There are wind chimes
where my dingdong should be.

472
00:21:24,514 --> 00:21:26,224
WIND CHIMES TINKLE

473
00:21:26,849 --> 00:21:29,352
I can work with that.
- Alright!