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CHIDI:
This is an exciting day.
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We are going to tackle one of the most famous
ethical dilemmas
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The Trolley Problem.
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Is this a game? I go first! I call blue!
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There's no... No, this is...
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No.
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This is a thought experiment first introduced
by British philosopher Philippa Foot
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in 1967.
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You are driving a trolley
when the brakes fail.
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And on the track ahead of you
are five workmen that you will run over.
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Now, you can steer to another track
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but on that track
is one person you would kill
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instead of the five.
What do you do?
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Do we know anything about the people?
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Like, is one of them an ex-boyfriend
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or that snooty girl from Rite Aid
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who was always silently judging
my purchases?
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It's like, "Yeah, chicky! A Baby Ruth
and birth control."
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"I see the irony. Keep a-swiping!"
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You don't know any of the workers.
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OK, well then, that's easy.
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I switch tracks, kill one person
instead of five.
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But this is hard, cos the only trolley
I've ever been on
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is James Franco's ironic trolley
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it travels backwards from his penguin grotto
to his garage of adult tricycles.
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Um... kill one, save five.
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I kill the one guy, but me and the five
other guys
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we get together every year,
no matter how busy we are
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and we pour one out for our flat homie.
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Good!
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We'd all switch tracks.
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But there's a lot of other versions of this.
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Like, what if you knew one of the people?
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Does that change the equation?
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Or what if you're not the driver,
you're just a bystander?
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Or let's throw the trolley out altogether.
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Let's say you're a doctor,
and you can save five patients.
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But you have to kill one healthy person
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and use his organs to do it.
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But that's not the same thing.
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But why not?
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It's still choosing to kill one person
to save five, isn't it?
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Michael.
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You've been kind of quiet.
What do you think about all this?
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Well, obviously the dilemma is clear.
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How do you kill all six people?
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So, I would dangle a sharp blade
out the window
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to slice the neck of the guy
on the other track
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as we smoosh our five main guys.
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Oh...
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I did the thing again, didn't I?
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Yep. Ten more, buddy.
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MICHAEL:
People. Good. People... Gah.
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Why is that so hard to remember?
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People...
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what is it?
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Good.
- Good.
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Cool. Later, guys.
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Oh, hey, twerps. We have an hour before
we have to pretend to be tortured by Vicky.
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You wanna hang out? We could work on our
forced grins?
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Check mine out.
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SHE FAKE-SOBS:
"Oh, this place is miserable! Etcetera!"
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That sounds fun.
- Right?
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But I was going to dive into next week's
reading, I'm afraid, sorry.
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Jason, do you, um... care to join?
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Sure, dog.
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You're doing extra-credit work?
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What can I say? This class is more fun
than I thought.
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Eleanor seemed a little suspicious
earlier...
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snooping around.
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You didn't tell her about us, did you?
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No.
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Why are you so scared that someone will know
we're pounding it out?
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Precisely because you refer to love-making
as "pounding it out."
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Who cares about what other people might think
about us being together?
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Maybe you should talk about this
with a friend.
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But then that person would know
we were together.
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Right. Then you can talk about why it is
that you don't want anyone to know
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we're together.
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But then that person would know
and I don't want anyone to know.
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I know.
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I'm saying you should talk to someone
about how weird it is
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that you don't want to talk to someone
about how we're together.
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How's it going, Teach?
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Mm, kitchen looks nice and crazy.
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I've been wracking my brain, trying to find
a way to get through to Michael.
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What do you think about writing a rap musical
about Kierkegaard?
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I think that's a terrible idea.
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Cool.
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HE SIGHS
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Michael's not going to learn
how to be a good person overnight.
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He's not even a person. He's just a...
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bunch of evil shoved up
the butt of an evil mannequin.
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You know, teaching him to be good,
it's like...
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teaching me how to be not hot.
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How would you even do it?
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You'd have me hunch or something,
and stand there and say
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"Gurp."
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"Gurp."
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"Gurp."
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I don't even know. I can't even picture it
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because I've been hot my whole life.
- I'm sorry...
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who is this conversation for again?
- It's for you.
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I believe in you, nerd-boy.
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If you can teach me and Jason ethics,
you can teach anybody.
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Thanks.
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But definitely a "no" on the rap musical?
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I mean, if you really--
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♪ My name is Kierkegaard
and my writing is impeccable ♪
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♪ Check out my Teleological
suspension of the ethical! ♪
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No.
- No!
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Right?
- HE LAUGHS
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Nah, felt like a "no" when I was doing it.
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Janet?
- JANET CHIMES
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Hi there.
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If I were to tell you something personal
about myself
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you couldn't tell anyone about it, right?
- Right.
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So in a way, you're sort of like a therapist?
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Absolutely not.
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A therapist is a trained medical professional
with the ability to absorb and process
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complex ideas about human emotion.
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I am simply a vessel containing all of the
knowledge in the universe.
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Close enough.
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Jason and I are sleeping together.
- OK.
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Obviously, no one can ever know.
I mean, I wouldn't shag Jason
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if he were the last man on Earth.
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But, well he sort of is and I am.
Shagging him, I mean.
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And I think I'm losing my mind.
So please help me.
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Well, my job is to make your experience here
in the afterlife more enjoyable
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so I will try to help you.
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I am going to need some time to read
every book ever written
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about human psychotherapy.
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And now I've done that, so let's begin.
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Have a seat.
- JANET CHIMES
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Hi. I'm your therapist, Janet.
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CHIDI: I just want to have a little chat
about your progress.
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In the last homework assignment,
I asked you to examine the ethics
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of "Les Miserables," in which a man
steals a loaf of bread
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to feed his starving family.
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Would you...
please read your first paragraph, here?
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"Everyone in this story sucks
and belongs in the Bad Place."
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"The thief is bad, the officer
chasing him is bad"
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"all the whiny prostitutes are bad"
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"plus they're all French so they're
going to the Bad Place automatically."
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Do you see how you're already off-topic?
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Chidi, I... I've been around a long time.
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Like, all of it.
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But I know for a fact that if you steal
a loaf of bread
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it's a negative seventeen points.
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Twenty if it's a baguette,
because that makes you more French.
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OK, sure
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but philosophy is about questioning things
that you take for granted
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and I just don't think
that you're doing that.
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I mean, "I personally know that Victor Hugo
is in the Bad Place"
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"being tortured."
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"He's a real wuss, too. If one of the lava
monsters even gets near the guy"
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"he's like, 'Sacré bleu, I peed in m'pants.'"
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I don't know what you want from me.
That... that's exactly what he said.
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Jason's a nice person, but...
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my suitors were always of a certain echelon.
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I used what I called the "Duke Rule"
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because "Duke" is both minimum acceptable
University and rank of nobility.
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You've never dated anyone
like Jason before.
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I mean, I've dallied below my station.
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I once had a brief fling with a non-famous
Hemsworth brother.
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But even Larry Hemsworth had more status
than Jason.
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Jason didn't even have a job.
- Mm.
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In a sad way, not in the good, rich way.
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Hi, guys. What are you doing?
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Sitting in a room?
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That's pretty cool.
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I took your suggestion, and I'm talking
to Janet about our relationship.
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Actually, it might help me if I could hear
Jason's side as well.
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Oh, no, no. That'll only slow things down.
Look, I'll tell you his side.
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He thinks that I have to control everything
and that he has no voice
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in this relationship. Right, Jason? Good.
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Now, where were we?
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I just heard that.
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OK, fine. I'll leave.
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CHIDI: I just don't feel like you're engaging
with the material.
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MICHAEL: Oh, come on.
- Like with the trolley problem.
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00:07:56,581 --> 00:07:58,625
That was just tricky, that's all.
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Why don't you just tell me the right answer?
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Well, that's what's so great about the
trolley problem
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is that there is no right answer.
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MICHAEL AND ELEANOR GROAN
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This is why everyone hates
moral philosophy professors.
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I'm on your side here, dude.
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But he is not wrong.
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OK. Michael, trust me.
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When it comes to human ethics,
I just know more than you.
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00:08:21,689 --> 00:08:23,983
I've been studying it my whole life.
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It's just that it's so theoretical, you know?
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00:08:26,861 --> 00:08:31,449
I mean, you know, maybe there's a more
concrete approach.
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Here. Let's... let's try this.
- HE CLICKS HIS FINGERS
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00:08:35,495 --> 00:08:37,288
Oh, God!
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00:08:37,330 --> 00:08:39,082
Michael, what did you do?
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TROLLEY BELL RINGS
- I made the trolley problem real
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00:08:41,501 --> 00:08:44,504
so we could see how the ethics
would actually play out.
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There are five workers on this track,
and one over there.
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00:08:47,715 --> 00:08:49,842
Here are the levers to switch the tracks.
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00:08:49,968 --> 00:08:50,843
Make a choice!
203
00:08:50,927 --> 00:08:52,971
The thing is... I mean, ethically speaking...
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00:08:53,012 --> 00:08:55,473
No time, dude! Make a decision!
- Well, it's tricky.
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00:08:55,515 --> 00:08:58,685
I mean on the one hand, if you ascribe to a
purely Utilitarian worldview...
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TROLLEY SCREECHES
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00:09:03,565 --> 00:09:04,899
OK. So...
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00:09:06,734 --> 00:09:07,610
What'd we learn?
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00:09:11,072 --> 00:09:11,948
Chidi?
210
00:09:12,615 --> 00:09:13,616
Talk it out, buddy.
211
00:09:15,076 --> 00:09:16,077
What are we thinking?
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00:09:16,119 --> 00:09:18,538
He thinks he just killed a bunch of people
with a trolley.
213
00:09:18,663 --> 00:09:19,914
It's just a simulation.
214
00:09:19,956 --> 00:09:22,125
I would never make you kill real people.
215
00:09:22,292 --> 00:09:23,751
Oh, well, that's reassuring.
216
00:09:24,085 --> 00:09:28,506
Because some of the parts of the fake people
flew into my mouth!
217
00:09:28,673 --> 00:09:30,842
Michael, can we just go back
to the classroom?
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00:09:30,925 --> 00:09:31,801
We never left.
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00:09:31,843 --> 00:09:33,928
Here, I'll show you.
- HE CLICKS HIS FINGERS
220
00:09:35,346 --> 00:09:36,222
Ah...
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00:09:37,181 --> 00:09:38,057
Yeah.
222
00:09:38,099 --> 00:09:38,975
OK...
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00:09:39,017 --> 00:09:40,893
MICHAEL CLICKS HIS FINGERS
- Look, see, buddy?
224
00:09:40,935 --> 00:09:42,687
None of this was real.
- MICHAEL: Well...
225
00:09:42,729 --> 00:09:45,607
Uh... I... I mean, their pain is real.
226
00:09:45,898 --> 00:09:49,902
It's like they're fake people,
but their deaths are real.
227
00:09:50,069 --> 00:09:51,154
Does that make sense?
228
00:09:51,446 --> 00:09:54,115
There have to be stakes or it's just another
thought experiment.
229
00:09:54,324 --> 00:09:55,366
This is awful.
230
00:09:55,575 --> 00:10:00,079
You specifically asked me if there was a way
I could connect with the material more.
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00:10:01,456 --> 00:10:02,999
I'm trying, you guys.
232
00:10:05,251 --> 00:10:06,127
Sorry.
233
00:10:06,628 --> 00:10:07,503
You're right.
234
00:10:07,587 --> 00:10:10,548
I want to help you understand this.
- Thank you, Chidi.
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00:10:11,758 --> 00:10:13,926
So. Let's try again, mm?
- HE CLICKS HIS FINGERS
236
00:10:14,093 --> 00:10:17,055
Oh, um... I... I thought maybe we would
have a discussion.
237
00:10:17,096 --> 00:10:20,266
No, the whole point is to play out
the scenario in real time.
238
00:10:20,308 --> 00:10:21,851
Quick, Chidi! What's your decision?
239
00:10:21,893 --> 00:10:23,269
OK, OK, I can do this.
240
00:10:23,478 --> 00:10:27,774
I am choosing to switch tracks, so that way
I only kill one person.
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00:10:28,441 --> 00:10:29,984
MICHAEL: Oh, forgot to tell you...
242
00:10:30,026 --> 00:10:32,695
this is the scenario where you actually know
one of the people.
243
00:10:32,987 --> 00:10:34,489
It's your friend Henry, there.
244
00:10:34,947 --> 00:10:37,075
Chidi! How are you, mate?
245
00:10:37,116 --> 00:10:37,992
Henry! Move!
246
00:10:38,034 --> 00:10:39,702
Aw! Nice trolley!
247
00:10:39,744 --> 00:10:41,579
CHIDI: Move out of the way!
- HENRY: I can't, Chidi.
248
00:10:41,621 --> 00:10:43,873
My boots are stuck in the tracks.
- Henry, move!
249
00:10:43,915 --> 00:10:45,750
Anyway, long time no--
- CHIDI: Get outta there!
250
00:10:46,167 --> 00:10:48,670
HE SCREAMS
Oh, my God!
251
00:10:50,338 --> 00:10:52,173
Again, just the simulation.
252
00:10:52,507 --> 00:10:56,010
An almost impossibly life-like simulation.
253
00:10:56,052 --> 00:10:58,554
Would someone's foot really fly off
their body like that?
254
00:10:58,596 --> 00:10:59,889
That was kinda cool.
255
00:11:01,307 --> 00:11:02,475
Ethically speaking.
256
00:11:03,768 --> 00:11:05,269
Tahani's confusing.
257
00:11:05,311 --> 00:11:06,979
Mm.
- She's really smart.
258
00:11:07,105 --> 00:11:10,233
And she's all soft and smooth
like a bunch of water balloons
259
00:11:10,692 --> 00:11:13,820
but I tell her she's pretty
a hundred times a day
260
00:11:13,861 --> 00:11:16,572
and she's never said I'm pretty once.
261
00:11:16,739 --> 00:11:18,950
She always wants me to be different
from how I am.
262
00:11:19,409 --> 00:11:22,161
But I'm not different. I'm same!
263
00:11:22,620 --> 00:11:24,330
And how does that make you feel?
264
00:11:24,414 --> 00:11:27,166
I just feel like Tahani's embarrassed
that I'm not some sort of scientist
265
00:11:27,208 --> 00:11:28,668
who forecloses on banks.
266
00:11:28,918 --> 00:11:30,336
I need another session with Janet.
267
00:11:30,378 --> 00:11:32,463
It's my turn. I have a lot of problems too,
you know.
268
00:11:32,797 --> 00:11:36,759
Perhaps we could kill two birds
with one Janet, as it were.
269
00:11:36,801 --> 00:11:39,303
How would you feel about giving Jason and me
"couples therapy?"
270
00:11:39,554 --> 00:11:40,888
I'd feel great.
271
00:11:46,477 --> 00:11:48,438
Janet? What's happening?
272
00:11:48,813 --> 00:11:49,689
Unclear.
273
00:11:49,731 --> 00:11:52,150
My guess is I'm operating in a way
I'm not designed for
274
00:11:52,191 --> 00:11:53,735
and it's creating a small glitch.
275
00:11:54,110 --> 00:11:56,070
But if I'm helping you guys, I say
276
00:11:56,237 --> 00:11:58,573
"What has one thumb and wants to keep going?"
277
00:11:58,823 --> 00:12:00,199
"This not-lady."
278
00:12:00,658 --> 00:12:01,534
Eh?
279
00:12:02,326 --> 00:12:03,202
Eh?
280
00:12:05,371 --> 00:12:08,541
OK, so that was Trolley Problem version
number seven.
281
00:12:08,624 --> 00:12:11,961
Chidi opted to run over five
William Shakespeares
282
00:12:12,003 --> 00:12:14,881
instead of one Santa Claus.
283
00:12:14,964 --> 00:12:17,967
OK, as much as I'm enjoying watching random
people's heads fly off
284
00:12:18,426 --> 00:12:21,095
I think we've taken this trolley thing
as far as it can go.
285
00:12:21,387 --> 00:12:22,638
You might be right, Eleanor.
286
00:12:23,222 --> 00:12:24,098
Thank you.
287
00:12:24,307 --> 00:12:26,642
Let's try the doctor one.
- HE CLICKS HIS FINGERS
288
00:12:27,101 --> 00:12:28,561
Dude! What the fork?
289
00:12:28,728 --> 00:12:32,148
MICHAEL: These five people all need organ
transplants or they will die.
290
00:12:32,315 --> 00:12:33,733
Eleanor's perfectly healthy.
291
00:12:33,775 --> 00:12:35,610
Chidi, do you want to slice her open
292
00:12:35,651 --> 00:12:37,528
and use her organs to save the five
sick people?
293
00:12:37,612 --> 00:12:39,113
Chidi! Chidi. Think about this.
294
00:12:39,280 --> 00:12:40,573
I'm your hottest friend.
295
00:12:40,782 --> 00:12:41,699
No. Tahani.
296
00:12:41,741 --> 00:12:43,576
I'm your nicest fr...
No. Jason.
297
00:12:43,743 --> 00:12:44,911
I'm your friend.
298
00:12:45,286 --> 00:12:46,829
Save five people.
299
00:12:47,663 --> 00:12:48,915
No, I... I won't do it.
300
00:12:49,457 --> 00:12:52,335
As a doctor, I've taken the Hippocratic oath,
to do no harm.
301
00:12:52,376 --> 00:12:53,628
And although five people will die
302
00:12:53,669 --> 00:12:57,173
I cannot harm one innocent person
to save them, and forsake my oath.
303
00:12:57,507 --> 00:12:58,424
It's unethical.
304
00:12:59,884 --> 00:13:00,760
MICHAEL:
OK.
305
00:13:01,010 --> 00:13:02,220
Tell their families.
- What?
306
00:13:02,261 --> 00:13:03,346
HE CLICKS HIS FINGERS
307
00:13:06,140 --> 00:13:07,266
GIRL:
Doctor Chidi?
308
00:13:07,975 --> 00:13:11,854
My daddy needed a heart transplant.
Did you save his life?
309
00:13:12,271 --> 00:13:14,565
I don't know what I would do
without my daddy.
310
00:13:15,191 --> 00:13:19,529
He was working, then a really bad man
ran him over with a trolley.
311
00:13:19,779 --> 00:13:21,948
Oh, come on!
312
00:13:22,198 --> 00:13:23,074
What?
313
00:13:23,449 --> 00:13:25,076
I'm finding this incredibly helpful.
314
00:13:25,117 --> 00:13:27,119
I think I'm really starting to get it.
315
00:13:27,245 --> 00:13:28,120
Oh, I know.
316
00:13:28,162 --> 00:13:31,040
We'll do the one where you're in a boat
next to a volcano
317
00:13:31,082 --> 00:13:35,336
and you can either save 50 people
or one awesome dog or whatever.
318
00:13:35,378 --> 00:13:37,213
No, no, no, no, no, no, no...
- ELEANOR: Hey!
319
00:13:37,630 --> 00:13:38,840
Are you torturing us again?
320
00:13:39,590 --> 00:13:40,466
What?
321
00:13:40,883 --> 00:13:42,802
You don't care about learning ethics lessons.
322
00:13:42,844 --> 00:13:44,846
You're just torturing Chidi again,
aren't you?
323
00:13:46,430 --> 00:13:47,515
Busted!
- What?
324
00:13:47,557 --> 00:13:49,851
MICHAEL CACKLES
325
00:13:50,935 --> 00:13:53,563
I'm sorry. Old habits die hard.
326
00:13:54,063 --> 00:13:56,691
Not as hard as those people you crushed
with the trolley, though.
327
00:13:56,732 --> 00:13:58,150
Boom!
- I'm sorry, is this...
328
00:13:58,192 --> 00:13:59,068
is this funny to you?
329
00:13:59,151 --> 00:14:01,404
Yeah, I thought that was clear
from my laughter.
330
00:14:02,154 --> 00:14:03,447
Oh, come on.
331
00:14:03,948 --> 00:14:06,993
My bad. Look, I'm still on your team.
332
00:14:07,034 --> 00:14:09,954
OK? I just needed to let off a little steam.
333
00:14:10,204 --> 00:14:11,581
Whoo...
- HE CLICKS HIS FINGERS
334
00:14:11,622 --> 00:14:13,291
See? Back home, all good.
335
00:14:13,541 --> 00:14:15,960
No. No. Not all good.
336
00:14:16,210 --> 00:14:19,714
You keep saying that we need you
or we'll end up getting tortured forever
337
00:14:19,755 --> 00:14:23,426
but then when we do help you out,
we still end up getting tortured
338
00:14:23,467 --> 00:14:27,221
I'd rather just be tortured than choose it.
339
00:14:27,889 --> 00:14:29,515
You are no longer welcome in my class.
340
00:14:30,182 --> 00:14:31,392
Get the fork out!
341
00:14:37,106 --> 00:14:38,983
But I said, "My bad."
342
00:14:39,025 --> 00:14:40,359
Out!
343
00:14:42,820 --> 00:14:45,364
That was some pretty impressive
nerd rage yesterday.
344
00:14:45,698 --> 00:14:46,949
Didn't know you had it in you.
345
00:14:48,826 --> 00:14:49,702
You OK?
346
00:14:49,744 --> 00:14:52,496
You've been staring at the second page
of this book for an hour.
347
00:14:52,663 --> 00:14:58,127
When I'm really upset, concentrating on a
Table of Contents helps me calm down.
348
00:14:58,419 --> 00:15:02,131
It's like a menu, but the food is words.
349
00:15:02,590 --> 00:15:03,883
Oh... OK.
350
00:15:03,925 --> 00:15:07,094
I can't believe I actually thought he wanted
to learn from us.
351
00:15:07,219 --> 00:15:08,930
What he really wanted was to torture me.
352
00:15:09,055 --> 00:15:10,973
Using the thing that I love most
in the world.
353
00:15:11,015 --> 00:15:11,933
Woven belts?
354
00:15:12,725 --> 00:15:13,893
Oh, teaching, right.
355
00:15:15,394 --> 00:15:16,854
I'm sorry about this, Chidi.
356
00:15:17,188 --> 00:15:20,608
I made him take the classes
and I feel a little responsible.
357
00:15:20,942 --> 00:15:22,360
No, no, it's not your fault.
358
00:15:22,401 --> 00:15:24,153
Yeah, you're right, it isn't,
and no take-backs!
359
00:15:24,195 --> 00:15:25,988
No, a tiger can't change his stripes.
360
00:15:26,864 --> 00:15:28,616
This is what he always wanted.
361
00:15:28,658 --> 00:15:32,536
Me trying desperately to teach him something
that he never intended to learn
362
00:15:32,578 --> 00:15:35,581
so I'd end up miserable with my glasses
all smudged up
363
00:15:35,623 --> 00:15:37,500
from sweaty forehead stress-grease.
364
00:15:37,541 --> 00:15:41,545
OK. Gross. Also, I really don't think
that's true.
365
00:15:41,796 --> 00:15:42,713
Oh, no?
366
00:15:42,880 --> 00:15:46,717
What possible other reason could he have
to behave that way?
367
00:15:47,093 --> 00:15:50,054
Actually, I can think of one.
368
00:15:51,222 --> 00:15:53,391
JANET:
Yesterday, Tahani gave us her reasons
369
00:15:53,432 --> 00:15:55,559
not to take this relationship public.
370
00:15:55,935 --> 00:15:56,811
Jason.
371
00:15:57,561 --> 00:15:58,813
How did that make you feel?
372
00:15:59,063 --> 00:16:00,481
Like she's being a jerk.
373
00:16:00,523 --> 00:16:04,068
OK, let's try that again, and this time,
I want you to use an "I" statement.
374
00:16:04,276 --> 00:16:05,319
OK, um...
375
00:16:05,861 --> 00:16:11,033
"Tahani is being a jerk," said I, Jason
376
00:16:12,034 --> 00:16:14,245
Tahani, what do you value about Jason?
377
00:16:14,537 --> 00:16:17,373
Well, he's nice, thoughtful.
378
00:16:18,374 --> 00:16:20,042
Picks flowers and brings them to me.
379
00:16:20,876 --> 00:16:23,045
Often, they're ones I've just planted but...
380
00:16:23,087 --> 00:16:26,424
That's how I know they're fresh.
- He's the least self-aware person
381
00:16:26,465 --> 00:16:27,383
I've ever met.
382
00:16:27,425 --> 00:16:30,094
He has massive amounts of unearned confidence
383
00:16:30,136 --> 00:16:33,347
and he's utterly unaware of his own
absurdity.
384
00:16:33,639 --> 00:16:35,474
Therefore, quite good at sex.
385
00:16:35,850 --> 00:16:39,061
But I'm sorry, I still don't want anyone
to know that we're together.
386
00:16:39,895 --> 00:16:40,896
JASON:
Here's the thing
387
00:16:41,188 --> 00:16:44,150
I'm nice to you, and you're mean to me.
388
00:16:45,234 --> 00:16:48,821
There's something wrong about that
but I can't put my finger on what it is.
389
00:16:48,946 --> 00:16:52,074
Oh, Jason. I genuinely like you.
390
00:16:52,533 --> 00:16:55,119
But I need you to be patient with me.
391
00:16:55,161 --> 00:16:58,497
Back on Earth, all of my relationships were
either yacht-based flings
392
00:16:58,539 --> 00:17:02,752
on international waters, or glorified
photo-ops arranged by publicists.
393
00:17:02,793 --> 00:17:04,879
It's hard to change all at once.
394
00:17:05,171 --> 00:17:06,964
Can you give me a little more time?
395
00:17:07,423 --> 00:17:08,299
OK.
396
00:17:08,924 --> 00:17:11,635
I agree to keep this on the DL for now
397
00:17:12,011 --> 00:17:15,056
if you agree to grab my butt in public
once a week.
398
00:17:15,723 --> 00:17:19,101
You can say I sat in gum and that you're
trying to scrape it off.
399
00:17:19,560 --> 00:17:21,729
You do sit in a lot of gum.
400
00:17:22,980 --> 00:17:25,149
JANET:
Aw, I'm happy for you guys.
401
00:17:25,733 --> 00:17:28,110
SHE GAGS
402
00:17:30,446 --> 00:17:32,031
FROG CROAKS
403
00:17:32,740 --> 00:17:34,116
FROG CROAKS
- Huh.
404
00:17:34,408 --> 00:17:38,496
Look, I don't know what to tell you.
If Chidi can't take a joke, that's on him.
405
00:17:39,330 --> 00:17:40,831
Just like all that blood was.
406
00:17:41,165 --> 00:17:43,501
HE CHUCKLES
- I can't high-five that!
407
00:17:44,335 --> 00:17:46,003
No matter how badly I want to.
408
00:17:46,045 --> 00:17:49,673
Look, this isn't about Chidi not being able
to take a joke.
409
00:17:49,715 --> 00:17:50,883
This is about you.
410
00:17:51,175 --> 00:17:52,885
You're doing what I used to do.
411
00:17:53,302 --> 00:17:54,929
You're "Pulling an Eleanor."
412
00:17:55,387 --> 00:17:57,890
Posting my cousin's credit card number
on Reddit
413
00:17:57,932 --> 00:17:59,308
because she said I looked tired?
414
00:17:59,725 --> 00:18:01,310
SHE SNORTS
- HE CHUCKLES
415
00:18:01,352 --> 00:18:03,521
I forgot I did that.
- THEY LAUGH
416
00:18:03,562 --> 00:18:04,438
No!
417
00:18:04,480 --> 00:18:05,356
No.
418
00:18:05,397 --> 00:18:09,276
"Pulling an Eleanor" in this case
is lashing out when you feel like a failure.
419
00:18:09,401 --> 00:18:10,986
You couldn't hack the classes.
420
00:18:11,237 --> 00:18:14,365
They made you feel dumb and small
so you took it out on the teacher.
421
00:18:14,532 --> 00:18:16,826
You think I feel dumb and small?
422
00:18:17,201 --> 00:18:20,162
I'm an eternal being who can see
in nine dimensions.
423
00:18:20,371 --> 00:18:23,290
I can see from your aura
that you're about to fart quietly
424
00:18:23,332 --> 00:18:27,044
and then lie about it. And please don't,
because I can also see what you ate today.
425
00:18:27,086 --> 00:18:29,338
Dude, you can bluster and insult
all you want.
426
00:18:29,380 --> 00:18:33,884
Also Classic Shellstrop moves, by the way,
but deep down you know I'm right.
427
00:18:33,926 --> 00:18:36,929
Whatever. Eventually, Chidi will get over it.
428
00:18:37,054 --> 00:18:38,430
Ah! Ha-ha!
429
00:18:38,472 --> 00:18:40,891
Leaving it up to the other person
to be the grown-up
430
00:18:40,933 --> 00:18:43,060
yet another Classic Shellstrop move!
431
00:18:43,394 --> 00:18:45,312
You and I are really very similar.
432
00:18:46,230 --> 00:18:47,982
What does that say about me?
Ugh...
433
00:18:48,023 --> 00:18:49,150
Look, bro.
434
00:18:49,191 --> 00:18:54,238
The fact that Chidi straight up told you
to fork off should tell you how upset he was.
435
00:18:54,405 --> 00:18:56,323
That's the most decisive I've ever seen him.
436
00:18:56,574 --> 00:18:59,243
He once went to a Chinese restaurant
and couldn't choose between
437
00:18:59,285 --> 00:19:00,828
sweet and sour chicken.
438
00:19:01,120 --> 00:19:02,538
That's one thing!
439
00:19:03,789 --> 00:19:06,625
It's 100% on you to make this up to him.
440
00:19:10,546 --> 00:19:11,714
MICHAEL:
I screwed up.
441
00:19:12,423 --> 00:19:13,299
I'm owning it.
442
00:19:13,340 --> 00:19:17,261
I mean, I'm a superior being.
I ought to act like one.
443
00:19:17,303 --> 00:19:18,762
Right? So...
444
00:19:19,054 --> 00:19:21,056
I really thought about each one of you
445
00:19:21,098 --> 00:19:23,434
and I got you something
that will make you happy.
446
00:19:23,684 --> 00:19:24,643
I call them...
447
00:19:25,519 --> 00:19:26,979
"opposite tortures."
448
00:19:27,271 --> 00:19:28,397
Do you mean "presents"?
449
00:19:28,647 --> 00:19:30,024
Yes, that's better. Thank you.
450
00:19:30,316 --> 00:19:31,775
Tahani, here's yours.
451
00:19:31,859 --> 00:19:32,943
JANET CHIMES
452
00:19:33,736 --> 00:19:36,947
Holy mama! Is this a diamond?
453
00:19:37,531 --> 00:19:40,117
MICHAEL:
Yeah. Honestly, I... I don't get the appeal.
454
00:19:40,242 --> 00:19:44,788
Diamonds are literally carbon molecules
lined up in the most boring way.
455
00:19:44,872 --> 00:19:46,624
They're worthless space garbage.
456
00:19:46,665 --> 00:19:49,835
What you're holding right now,
that's basically meteorite poop.
457
00:19:50,336 --> 00:19:51,712
And I have the biggest piece!
458
00:19:52,046 --> 00:19:54,715
Eleanor, I had Janet make you...
459
00:19:54,882 --> 00:19:57,718
a never-ending shrimp dispensary.
460
00:19:57,760 --> 00:19:59,303
JANET CHIMES
- ELEANOR GASPS
461
00:19:59,386 --> 00:20:01,305
ELEANOR GASPS AGAIN
- MICHAEL CHUCKLES
462
00:20:01,805 --> 00:20:03,474
MACHINE WHIRS
- ELEANOR: Oh!
463
00:20:03,515 --> 00:20:04,725
SHE LAUGHS
464
00:20:06,685 --> 00:20:07,770
This is the dream.
465
00:20:07,937 --> 00:20:08,812
It is?
466
00:20:08,896 --> 00:20:09,772
Yeah!
467
00:20:10,064 --> 00:20:11,982
Jason, here you go.
468
00:20:12,233 --> 00:20:13,817
JANET CHIMES
- JASON GASPS: Pikachu!
469
00:20:14,068 --> 00:20:15,903
Guys, it's Pikachu!
470
00:20:16,445 --> 00:20:17,363
This is awesome!
471
00:20:17,404 --> 00:20:18,697
POP
472
00:20:19,573 --> 00:20:20,783
Aw, man...
473
00:20:22,326 --> 00:20:23,661
That was awesome though.
474
00:20:24,078 --> 00:20:24,954
Thanks, Michael.
475
00:20:25,496 --> 00:20:27,456
And finally... Chidi.
476
00:20:27,748 --> 00:20:30,960
You were a tough nut to crack,
but I think I figured it out.
477
00:20:31,126 --> 00:20:32,419
JANET CHIMES
478
00:20:34,546 --> 00:20:40,261
This is a replica of a lost notebook
from the desk of Immanuel Kant.
479
00:20:40,886 --> 00:20:44,974
It contains never-before-seen
thoughts and musings
480
00:20:45,182 --> 00:20:49,144
and several, uh... crude erotic doodles.
481
00:20:49,186 --> 00:20:50,437
Interesting guy, actually.
482
00:20:51,230 --> 00:20:54,400
The point is, no one on Earth
has ever seen this...
483
00:20:55,192 --> 00:20:56,110
except for you.
484
00:20:56,902 --> 00:20:57,778
Cool.
485
00:20:59,113 --> 00:21:02,950
This isn't an apology, it's a bribe,
and I'm not interested.
486
00:21:02,992 --> 00:21:04,576
MOUTH FULL:
Yeah, we can't be bought!
487
00:21:04,785 --> 00:21:08,539
What do you want from me, man?
You want me to give you a golden nameplate
488
00:21:08,580 --> 00:21:09,456
for your office?
489
00:21:09,540 --> 00:21:11,667
You want a diamond bigger than Tahani's?
490
00:21:11,709 --> 00:21:12,584
No!
491
00:21:13,002 --> 00:21:14,503
Then this would be worthless.
492
00:21:14,795 --> 00:21:17,089
I don't want anything.
- Oh! Oh.
493
00:21:17,131 --> 00:21:19,758
OK. Oh, I get it. I get it.
494
00:21:19,800 --> 00:21:21,760
You want me to admit that I was wrong.
495
00:21:21,802 --> 00:21:24,888
And you want me to say,
"Oh, Chidi, I'm so sorry"
496
00:21:24,930 --> 00:21:29,893
"because I didn't understand human ethics
and you do, it made me feel insecure"
497
00:21:30,185 --> 00:21:32,521
"and I lashed out, and oh, please help me"
498
00:21:32,563 --> 00:21:35,983
"because I feel so, so lost and vulnerable."
499
00:21:37,776 --> 00:21:38,652
Yes.
500
00:21:43,365 --> 00:21:45,159
Oh, Chidi. I am so sorry.
501
00:21:45,200 --> 00:21:48,662
I, um... I didn't understand human ethics
502
00:21:48,704 --> 00:21:53,459
and... and you do and it made me
feel insecure and I lashed out.
503
00:21:54,835 --> 00:22:00,466
And I really need your help
because I feel so lost and vulnerable.
504
00:22:02,843 --> 00:22:03,802
Have a seat.
505
00:22:09,558 --> 00:22:10,642
Whoo!
506
00:22:11,226 --> 00:22:12,895
Nobody try "mystery flavour."
507
00:22:13,103 --> 00:22:15,189
It's white chocolate and it is nasty.
508
00:22:19,818 --> 00:22:21,153
CHIDI:
Here are your papers
509
00:22:21,195 --> 00:22:26,283
and I have to say, you all have shown
tremendous improvement
510
00:22:26,408 --> 00:22:27,785
over the past couple of weeks.
511
00:22:27,826 --> 00:22:28,702
A C minus?
512
00:22:29,203 --> 00:22:30,287
I aced it!
513
00:22:30,913 --> 00:22:32,373
Wow! A plus?
514
00:22:32,414 --> 00:22:33,791
Michael, that's impressive.
515
00:22:33,832 --> 00:22:36,418
But, I mean, I'm a superior being, so...
516
00:22:38,045 --> 00:22:42,508
who has a lot to learn,
and who is grateful to be here.
517
00:22:43,258 --> 00:22:44,551
OK, reminder
518
00:22:44,718 --> 00:22:47,262
today Vicky is torturing Jason and Eleanor.
519
00:22:47,304 --> 00:22:50,974
You two should walk through the town square
in 30 minutes
520
00:22:51,016 --> 00:22:53,936
and remember to act surprised
when the unicorn poops on you.
521
00:22:54,061 --> 00:22:57,398
Right. Also, we don't know how long we have
before Vicky catches on
522
00:22:57,439 --> 00:22:58,482
so we really gotta move.
523
00:22:58,649 --> 00:23:01,068
As soon as you clean the glittery faeces
out of your hair
524
00:23:01,110 --> 00:23:04,279
meet back here for the next lesson.
- I mean, I can just come straight here.
525
00:23:04,446 --> 00:23:05,322
No.
526
00:23:05,739 --> 00:23:07,533
Go ahead and shower first.
527
00:23:08,826 --> 00:23:09,701
OK.
528
00:23:10,285 --> 00:23:13,831
Listen, we just wanted to thank you...
for all of your help.
529
00:23:13,872 --> 00:23:16,875
Our relationship's grown so much stronger
over the past few weeks
530
00:23:16,917 --> 00:23:19,128
and we owe it all to you.
- Congratulations.
531
00:23:19,503 --> 00:23:21,630
I am very happy for the both of you.
532
00:23:21,672 --> 00:23:23,424
GROUND RUMBLES
533
00:23:23,465 --> 00:23:24,758
GLASS SHATTERS
534
00:23:24,800 --> 00:23:26,218
OK, bye!
535
00:23:26,385 --> 00:23:28,303
JANET CHIMES
- GROUND RUMBLES
536
00:23:32,057 --> 00:23:33,142
JANET CHIMES
537
00:23:34,309 --> 00:23:35,185
JANET:
Hi there.
538
00:23:35,436 --> 00:23:36,937
What's happening? What's wrong?
539
00:23:37,187 --> 00:23:38,063
I am wrong.
540
00:23:38,105 --> 00:23:41,024
I can't stop glitching.
I don't know why and it's getting worse.
541
00:23:41,525 --> 00:23:44,111
I fear this Neighbourhood is in danger
of total collapse.
542
00:23:45,320 --> 00:23:46,738
So, that's the main thing.
543
00:23:46,780 --> 00:23:47,781
How are you?