1 00:00:01,273 --> 00:00:03,316 NARRATOR: Last season on The Good Place... 2 00:00:04,067 --> 00:00:06,236 MICHAEL: In the afterlife, there's a Good Place 3 00:00:06,319 --> 00:00:07,571 and there's a Bad Place. 4 00:00:07,654 --> 00:00:09,865 You're in the Good Place. - SHE SIGHS 5 00:00:10,407 --> 00:00:12,200 Eleanor, you are my soulmate. 6 00:00:12,325 --> 00:00:15,495 Chidi, you'll stand by my side no matter what, right? 7 00:00:15,954 --> 00:00:18,665 Of course I will. - I'm not supposed to be here. 8 00:00:18,915 --> 00:00:20,417 Wait, what? - Eleanor, Chidi 9 00:00:20,500 --> 00:00:22,961 I would like you to meet Tahani and Jianyu. 10 00:00:23,128 --> 00:00:24,004 Boop! - Oh! 11 00:00:24,296 --> 00:00:25,922 You booped me. - I did. 12 00:00:26,006 --> 00:00:28,884 His real name is Jason. He's a drug-dealing DJ from Florida. 13 00:00:28,967 --> 00:00:31,678 What's up, homie? - ELEANOR: The problem in the neighbourhood 14 00:00:31,928 --> 00:00:33,263 is me. - ALL GASP 15 00:00:33,430 --> 00:00:36,266 You have all done bad things since you arrived here. 16 00:00:36,725 --> 00:00:39,352 The Bad Place is owed two people. You can decide. 17 00:00:39,853 --> 00:00:43,774 Holy motherforking shirtballs. 18 00:00:44,816 --> 00:00:46,318 This is the Bad Place. 19 00:00:46,526 --> 00:00:47,652 HE CACKLES 20 00:00:47,778 --> 00:00:48,779 Except for you four 21 00:00:48,862 --> 00:00:51,740 everyone in this neighbourhood is one of us. 22 00:00:51,907 --> 00:00:54,159 You saw us all on Earth 23 00:00:54,910 --> 00:00:57,579 a selfish ass, an idiot DJ 24 00:00:57,913 --> 00:01:00,749 a tortured academic, a hot, rich fraud. 25 00:01:00,999 --> 00:01:03,043 You thought we would torture each other. 26 00:01:03,460 --> 00:01:05,712 The only thing you succeeded in doing 27 00:01:06,338 --> 00:01:07,798 was bringing us all together. 28 00:01:08,340 --> 00:01:10,342 That's it! My big mistake 29 00:01:10,801 --> 00:01:13,553 was having you be soulmates living next to each other. 30 00:01:13,970 --> 00:01:15,972 Next time, I'll spread you out 31 00:01:16,056 --> 00:01:17,432 so it's more of a slow burn. 32 00:01:17,599 --> 00:01:19,768 I'm gonna erase your memories, make a few changes 33 00:01:19,851 --> 00:01:22,437 and start over again. Just gotta get the boss-man to sign off. 34 00:01:22,813 --> 00:01:25,482 If this thing goes sideways again, you are done. 35 00:01:25,690 --> 00:01:27,025 ELEANOR: Do your worst. We figured 36 00:01:27,067 --> 00:01:29,111 it out once, we can do it again. Janet. 37 00:01:29,236 --> 00:01:30,320 Open up. 38 00:01:30,612 --> 00:01:31,947 Because you know what, Michael? 39 00:01:33,281 --> 00:01:35,200 Ya basic-- - HE CLICKS HIS FINGERS 40 00:01:35,325 --> 00:01:37,119 You, Eleanor Shellstrop, are dead. 41 00:01:37,536 --> 00:01:39,246 Cool. - I'm your soulmate. 42 00:01:39,496 --> 00:01:41,665 You'll stand by me no matter what, right? 43 00:01:41,748 --> 00:01:44,417 Hold that thought. Is it OK if I go work out? 44 00:01:44,626 --> 00:01:47,379 I gotta stay jacked. It's who I am. 45 00:01:47,712 --> 00:01:49,214 See you soon. - JANET CHIMES 46 00:01:49,297 --> 00:01:50,549 Hi there. - ELEANOR YELPS 47 00:01:50,632 --> 00:01:52,717 I'm Janet. I think this is yours. 48 00:01:53,093 --> 00:01:55,220 After I was rebooted, I found it in my mouth. 49 00:01:56,179 --> 00:01:57,973 What the fork is a "Chidi"? 50 00:01:58,765 --> 00:02:00,267 Why can't I say fork? 51 00:02:08,733 --> 00:02:10,485 OK, here we go. 52 00:02:11,444 --> 00:02:12,612 Confidence, Mikey. 53 00:02:13,238 --> 00:02:14,656 Project confidence. 54 00:02:15,949 --> 00:02:17,409 There he is! How's it going, boss-man? 55 00:02:17,492 --> 00:02:20,036 Enough chit-chat. Is everything in place for version two? 56 00:02:20,245 --> 00:02:24,040 Yup! We're keeping everything from version one that made them miserable 57 00:02:24,332 --> 00:02:26,710 adding a bunch of new stuff that they'll hate. 58 00:02:27,294 --> 00:02:30,881 For example, all the coffee is from those little pods. 59 00:02:31,298 --> 00:02:33,300 HE LAUGHS Diabolical. 60 00:02:35,010 --> 00:02:38,471 Plus, they will all have new soulmates, of course. 61 00:02:38,638 --> 00:02:41,141 You gotta trust me on this, boss. I've thought of everything. 62 00:02:42,392 --> 00:02:44,019 I won't let you down. - I think you will. 63 00:02:44,644 --> 00:02:47,022 I think this entire project of yours is stupid and doomed to fail. 64 00:02:47,522 --> 00:02:49,983 I think you're going to be retired, eliminated from existence 65 00:02:50,108 --> 00:02:51,735 and burned on the surface of a billion suns. 66 00:02:52,110 --> 00:02:54,529 And I have no doubt that you and your cockamamy experiment 67 00:02:54,654 --> 00:02:56,615 will go down in history as colossal failures. 68 00:02:57,199 --> 00:02:58,450 You know, I think if-- - Toodle-oo. 69 00:02:59,576 --> 00:03:01,578 MICHAEL: OK, take two, folks. 70 00:03:02,037 --> 00:03:03,914 Any last questions before we start up again? 71 00:03:04,372 --> 00:03:06,708 Yes. - Just so I'm clear... 72 00:03:06,791 --> 00:03:09,127 we're not pairing them up this time? - Correct. 73 00:03:09,419 --> 00:03:13,673 Obviously, the eventual goal is to get them to torture each other but... 74 00:03:13,965 --> 00:03:17,385 first we're going to create some nice, individual torment. 75 00:03:17,594 --> 00:03:20,555 In version one, making them soulmates 76 00:03:20,722 --> 00:03:23,433 we probably bit off more than we could chew. 77 00:03:23,725 --> 00:03:24,935 We could bite them? 78 00:03:25,018 --> 00:03:26,978 I didn't know we were allowed to bite them! 79 00:03:27,312 --> 00:03:29,064 That's an expression, Chuck. 80 00:03:29,439 --> 00:03:30,398 Alright, go ahead, Vicky. 81 00:03:30,482 --> 00:03:32,734 Yeah, I have some questions about my new character. 82 00:03:33,485 --> 00:03:37,364 I feel like I got Real Eleanor - like, I got her, you know? 83 00:03:38,198 --> 00:03:41,451 But this new character, "Denise", I mean, who is she? 84 00:03:41,660 --> 00:03:42,702 I don't get her. 85 00:03:42,911 --> 00:03:45,789 Is she a quirky best friend type, or more of a... 86 00:03:46,206 --> 00:03:48,833 a femme fatale "sexuality is her weapon of choice" type? 87 00:03:49,167 --> 00:03:50,168 Both, both those things. 88 00:03:50,502 --> 00:03:53,171 I have some questions about my character too, like... 89 00:03:54,089 --> 00:03:55,924 can he bite them? - No. 90 00:03:56,007 --> 00:03:57,175 MICHAEL: OK, reminder. 91 00:03:57,425 --> 00:03:59,970 The most important thing tonight, and this is crucial 92 00:04:00,428 --> 00:04:03,181 you need to get Eleanor drunk at the welcome party 93 00:04:03,765 --> 00:04:06,685 so she will say and do a bunch of bad stuff. 94 00:04:07,227 --> 00:04:08,645 And then we take that stuff 95 00:04:08,979 --> 00:04:12,649 and use it to build our chaos sequence in the morning. 96 00:04:12,941 --> 00:04:14,734 For example, you remember last time? 97 00:04:14,776 --> 00:04:16,736 She stole all the cocktail shrimp 98 00:04:17,195 --> 00:04:20,657 and we made giant nightmare shrimp fly through the sky? 99 00:04:21,408 --> 00:04:24,119 See, it's those details that make her realise 100 00:04:24,452 --> 00:04:26,204 she's in danger of being found out. 101 00:04:26,663 --> 00:04:28,206 CROWD MURMURS 102 00:04:28,248 --> 00:04:33,086 OK. I know that this kind of large-scale deception 103 00:04:33,211 --> 00:04:35,088 is not what you were trained to do. 104 00:04:35,505 --> 00:04:38,508 There are gonna be days when you're just sick of being around 105 00:04:38,591 --> 00:04:41,094 these disgusting humans, with their... 106 00:04:42,012 --> 00:04:46,182 weird, gross little mouths and their stupid elbows. 107 00:04:46,433 --> 00:04:49,477 You're gonna be tempted to say, "Screw it." 108 00:04:49,853 --> 00:04:53,189 "Can't we just go back to HQ and do this the old-fashioned way?" 109 00:04:53,565 --> 00:04:56,484 "Pull out some fingernails, toss someone in an acid pit" 110 00:04:56,776 --> 00:05:00,322 "fire up the old penis flattener?" And sure... 111 00:05:00,363 --> 00:05:02,115 sure, that sounds nice. 112 00:05:02,407 --> 00:05:04,284 But it also sounds easy. 113 00:05:04,617 --> 00:05:08,455 We're all here because we believe that there's a better way 114 00:05:08,496 --> 00:05:10,457 to make humans miserable. 115 00:05:10,623 --> 00:05:13,626 And I... I believe in you. 116 00:05:15,003 --> 00:05:17,589 So, "torture" on three. 117 00:05:17,797 --> 00:05:20,884 Ready? One, two, three... - ALL: Torture! 118 00:05:21,092 --> 00:05:23,511 And biting! - Nope! No. 119 00:05:32,520 --> 00:05:33,480 Hey, lady? 120 00:05:34,606 --> 00:05:35,607 Can you come back? 121 00:05:36,608 --> 00:05:37,484 J...Joey? 122 00:05:38,860 --> 00:05:39,778 Janine? 123 00:05:41,321 --> 00:05:43,323 J... Jaja? 124 00:05:44,824 --> 00:05:46,242 SHE SCOFFS Why don't I ever listen 125 00:05:46,284 --> 00:05:48,078 to people when they talk about themselves? 126 00:05:48,286 --> 00:05:50,205 No, it's annoying, and I'm right not to. 127 00:05:50,663 --> 00:05:53,083 OK, Chidi, where are you? 128 00:05:53,416 --> 00:05:54,667 Or what are you? 129 00:05:55,919 --> 00:05:57,587 A type of soup, maybe? 130 00:06:02,467 --> 00:06:03,343 Hi there. 131 00:06:03,718 --> 00:06:06,888 I'm Eleanor. - Nice to meet you, Eleanor. I'm Nina. 132 00:06:07,138 --> 00:06:08,473 This is my soulmate, Bart. 133 00:06:08,890 --> 00:06:11,518 Love it. Love people's names 134 00:06:11,768 --> 00:06:14,521 and love learning all about them. Where are you all from? 135 00:06:15,021 --> 00:06:16,064 Well, oddly enough 136 00:06:16,106 --> 00:06:18,233 I was born in Mozambique-- - Cool. 137 00:06:18,358 --> 00:06:21,611 Listen, do you guys know if there's, like, a Neighbourhood phone book 138 00:06:21,653 --> 00:06:23,113 with everybody's name listed in it? 139 00:06:23,363 --> 00:06:26,616 Oh, I don't think so, cos, I mean, there's no phones here. 140 00:06:26,658 --> 00:06:27,742 There are no phones here? 141 00:06:29,452 --> 00:06:30,328 Of course. 142 00:06:30,537 --> 00:06:31,913 Duh! - THEY CHUCKLE 143 00:06:32,080 --> 00:06:35,375 There's no use for 'em. I always prefer talking to people anyway. 144 00:06:35,625 --> 00:06:39,254 People are like nature's apps. 145 00:06:40,922 --> 00:06:41,798 Huh. 146 00:06:41,881 --> 00:06:44,717 Anyway, we're on our way to get some pizza. Would you like to join us? 147 00:06:44,801 --> 00:06:46,845 Maybe we could get to know each other a little bit, chat. 148 00:06:46,928 --> 00:06:48,721 Uh, I'm good. I'm gonna explore a little bit. 149 00:06:48,805 --> 00:06:51,015 But it was so nice to meet you Nina, and B... 150 00:06:52,434 --> 00:06:53,309 bye-bye! 151 00:06:57,814 --> 00:06:59,149 Oh, sorry, I didn't see you. 152 00:07:01,526 --> 00:07:02,402 Chidi? 153 00:07:02,735 --> 00:07:03,695 Are you Chidi? 154 00:07:08,658 --> 00:07:11,703 Eleanor? What are you up to? - Oh, hey there, Michael. 155 00:07:12,162 --> 00:07:13,830 Just getting to know everyone in the neighbourhood. 156 00:07:13,913 --> 00:07:14,789 Oh! 157 00:07:15,039 --> 00:07:17,709 Who was that mysterious gentleman wearing the nightgown? 158 00:07:18,626 --> 00:07:23,006 Oh, uh, that's Jianyu, a Taiwanese monk who never speaks. 159 00:07:23,590 --> 00:07:25,383 Might be a little hard to get to know him. 160 00:07:25,425 --> 00:07:26,468 HE LAUGHS 161 00:07:26,759 --> 00:07:29,762 Eleanor, you and I both know 162 00:07:29,804 --> 00:07:32,807 that you're not like everyone else in this neighbourhood. 163 00:07:33,766 --> 00:07:37,103 Everyone here led a remarkable life. 164 00:07:38,146 --> 00:07:39,814 But you... 165 00:07:39,856 --> 00:07:42,984 the work you did as an environmental activist 166 00:07:43,276 --> 00:07:45,570 was just extraordinary! 167 00:07:45,653 --> 00:07:49,115 SHE CHUCKLES Ah. Well, it's the environment. 168 00:07:49,616 --> 00:07:51,534 I mean, I loved... 169 00:07:51,576 --> 00:07:53,328 um... mushrooms. 170 00:07:54,704 --> 00:07:55,955 I can honestly say that. 171 00:07:56,206 --> 00:07:59,918 Well, it paid off, because you were the number one point-getter 172 00:08:00,001 --> 00:08:01,753 in this entire neighbourhood. 173 00:08:02,128 --> 00:08:04,923 As such, I was just hoping that you could say a few words 174 00:08:05,048 --> 00:08:08,176 at tonight's welcome party. You know, just to introduce yourself. 175 00:08:08,635 --> 00:08:10,428 How can I say no? SHE LAUGHS 176 00:08:10,470 --> 00:08:12,680 Can I say "no"? It doesn't feel like I can say "no." 177 00:08:12,764 --> 00:08:14,516 But if I can, Michael, I'm saying "no". 178 00:08:14,599 --> 00:08:16,935 OK, so, you'll speak for... 179 00:08:16,976 --> 00:08:18,937 maybe an hour or so? Hey, you know what? 180 00:08:18,978 --> 00:08:21,481 I got you a little something to wear here. 181 00:08:21,648 --> 00:08:24,734 Now, all the top point-getters wear these on the first night. 182 00:08:26,402 --> 00:08:28,404 Oh, you gotta be forking kidding me... 183 00:08:29,280 --> 00:08:31,908 So, long story short, my heart is in the Pope 184 00:08:32,242 --> 00:08:35,537 my liver's in the Dalai Lama, and my teeth were strung into a necklace 185 00:08:35,662 --> 00:08:37,789 for a child-king in French Polynesia. 186 00:08:38,331 --> 00:08:41,376 But it got me into the Good Place so, can't complain. 187 00:08:41,834 --> 00:08:43,253 Wow. Can I... 188 00:08:44,128 --> 00:08:46,005 tell you something? Just soulmate to soulmate? 189 00:08:46,089 --> 00:08:47,006 Hold that thought. 190 00:08:47,465 --> 00:08:49,551 I'm gonna head to the gym. - SHE LAUGHS 191 00:08:50,385 --> 00:08:52,220 Oh, you're serious. Again? Right now? 192 00:08:53,471 --> 00:08:55,181 Yeah. I'll catch you later! 193 00:08:56,766 --> 00:09:00,353 Hey there, Best Person! You must be Eleanor. 194 00:09:00,478 --> 00:09:02,313 I'm Jessica, the host. - Hi. 195 00:09:02,605 --> 00:09:05,775 Michael told us all about your speech. I can't wait to hear what you have to say. 196 00:09:05,942 --> 00:09:08,403 Me neither, Jessica. Me. Neither. 197 00:09:08,903 --> 00:09:10,738 Aw, don't be nervous. Here. 198 00:09:11,072 --> 00:09:14,534 Liquid courage. - Actually, um... 199 00:09:14,576 --> 00:09:16,536 you know what? I think I need to keep a clear head. 200 00:09:17,161 --> 00:09:19,706 Can you imagine getting drunk before giving a big speech? 201 00:09:20,915 --> 00:09:22,584 Getting kicked out of your niece's christening 202 00:09:22,667 --> 00:09:24,586 and then, only later, once you've sobered up 203 00:09:24,627 --> 00:09:26,212 realise you don't even have a niece. 204 00:09:26,296 --> 00:09:27,547 It's like, who was that kid? 205 00:09:29,007 --> 00:09:31,801 So, Eleanor, you were an environmental lawyer. 206 00:09:31,926 --> 00:09:33,469 That's fascinating. - Yeah. 207 00:09:33,553 --> 00:09:35,388 I know. Just don't ask me any questions about it. 208 00:09:35,430 --> 00:09:37,640 I am so sick of describing exactly what it means. 209 00:09:38,141 --> 00:09:40,184 Hey, I'm headed to the bar. Can I grab you something? 210 00:09:40,351 --> 00:09:42,061 How about a margarita? - No, I'm good. 211 00:09:42,812 --> 00:09:45,064 Actually, I'm the best, according to the sash. 212 00:09:48,318 --> 00:09:49,611 She's still not drinking? - Nope. 213 00:09:49,986 --> 00:09:52,614 Something's off. - Should we...? 214 00:09:52,989 --> 00:09:54,657 Om-nom-nom-nom... 215 00:09:54,699 --> 00:09:55,825 No. - Mm-mm. 216 00:09:55,867 --> 00:09:56,784 Keep it together. 217 00:10:00,788 --> 00:10:02,165 SHE SIGHS Ah, screw it. 218 00:10:02,540 --> 00:10:04,792 Couple of quick shots... SHE GASPS 219 00:10:05,501 --> 00:10:07,754 And then I'm coming for you, shrimpies. 220 00:10:13,134 --> 00:10:15,720 WOMAN: Please don't make this harder than it already is, Chidi. 221 00:10:19,974 --> 00:10:20,850 These are for you. 222 00:10:21,976 --> 00:10:22,852 Drink up. 223 00:10:24,646 --> 00:10:26,773 Hi. Is your name Chidi? 224 00:10:27,273 --> 00:10:28,149 Yes? 225 00:10:28,274 --> 00:10:31,611 Ah! I knew you weren't a soup. - What? 226 00:10:31,694 --> 00:10:35,365 Listen to me very carefully. My name is Eleanor Shellstrop. 227 00:10:36,324 --> 00:10:37,367 We need to talk. 228 00:10:39,952 --> 00:10:41,204 WHOOSH 229 00:10:42,789 --> 00:10:43,665 DOOR OPENS 230 00:10:45,083 --> 00:10:46,918 Chidi? Come on in. 231 00:10:48,461 --> 00:10:50,088 CHIDI: So there really is an afterlife? 232 00:10:50,755 --> 00:10:55,051 I can't wait to have breakfast with Kant and lunch with Michel Foucault 233 00:10:55,343 --> 00:10:56,594 and then have dinner with Kant again 234 00:10:56,636 --> 00:10:58,304 so we can talk about what came up at breakfast. 235 00:10:58,388 --> 00:11:01,808 I'm sorry, Chidi, all the great philosophers in history 236 00:11:02,350 --> 00:11:03,685 ended up in the Bad Place. 237 00:11:04,310 --> 00:11:08,231 All of my heroes are...? - Being tortured. Yes, I'm afraid so. 238 00:11:08,398 --> 00:11:13,027 Actually, it is kind of clever how they punish philosophers. 239 00:11:13,736 --> 00:11:17,240 Every day, they make them go to school naked 240 00:11:17,824 --> 00:11:21,160 and then they take a test in a class they've never been to. 241 00:11:21,244 --> 00:11:22,161 MICHAEL CHUCKLES 242 00:11:22,495 --> 00:11:24,080 And then they smash them with hammers. 243 00:11:24,247 --> 00:11:25,915 And that part is not so clever. 244 00:11:26,332 --> 00:11:30,753 But the point is, Chidi, you were way better than all of them. 245 00:11:31,462 --> 00:11:32,588 You're safe. 246 00:11:34,674 --> 00:11:38,052 No way. Soulmates are real? - They sure are. 247 00:11:38,553 --> 00:11:41,347 Although, your soulmate situation is a little unusual. 248 00:11:41,597 --> 00:11:44,350 Oh, no. I don't have one, do I? 249 00:11:44,434 --> 00:11:45,810 That's fine. I mean, who needs a soulmate, anyway? 250 00:11:46,102 --> 00:11:47,812 My soulmate will be... 251 00:11:48,521 --> 00:11:49,397 books! 252 00:11:49,856 --> 00:11:51,858 No, no, it's not that you don't have a soulmate 253 00:11:51,941 --> 00:11:54,527 it's that you have multiple soulmates. 254 00:11:55,361 --> 00:11:56,237 Here. Now... 255 00:11:56,863 --> 00:11:59,073 Normally, our omniscient system 256 00:11:59,115 --> 00:12:01,659 perfectly analyses each person's profile 257 00:12:02,034 --> 00:12:04,287 and then matches him or her with another person. 258 00:12:04,370 --> 00:12:07,790 But in your case, the system matched you with two other people. 259 00:12:08,499 --> 00:12:12,044 It's a rare occurrence, like a double rainbow 260 00:12:12,170 --> 00:12:15,631 or someone on the Internet saying, "You know what?" 261 00:12:16,257 --> 00:12:17,717 "You've convinced me I was wrong." 262 00:12:17,842 --> 00:12:19,635 So, how do you choose who I should be with? 263 00:12:19,802 --> 00:12:21,262 Oh, I don't choose. You do, Chidi. 264 00:12:21,387 --> 00:12:24,307 HE STAMMERS I... what? 265 00:12:24,390 --> 00:12:27,685 This is Angelique, Pedro, and Pevita. 266 00:12:28,019 --> 00:12:31,355 According to the system, either Pedro 267 00:12:31,439 --> 00:12:34,692 or Chidi could be matched perfectly with either Angelique 268 00:12:34,776 --> 00:12:36,569 or Pevita. So figure it out. 269 00:12:36,903 --> 00:12:37,820 Should be fun. 270 00:12:39,405 --> 00:12:41,491 Cool... beans. 271 00:12:41,657 --> 00:12:43,242 One second, guys. Um, so... so... 272 00:12:43,284 --> 00:12:44,285 So... - Yeah? 273 00:12:44,327 --> 00:12:48,498 So... making decisions isn't necessarily my strong suit. 274 00:12:48,748 --> 00:12:51,542 I know that, buddy. You once had a panic attack 275 00:12:51,584 --> 00:12:54,378 at a make-your-own-sundae bar. - There were too many toppings. 276 00:12:54,587 --> 00:12:58,132 And very early in the process you had to commit to a chocolate palate 277 00:12:58,216 --> 00:12:59,801 or a fruit palate, and if you couldn't decide 278 00:12:59,884 --> 00:13:03,179 you wound up with kiwi, Junior Mint, raisin, and it just ruins everyone's night. 279 00:13:03,554 --> 00:13:07,517 Chidi, I am so sorry. I literally cannot choose for you. 280 00:13:07,725 --> 00:13:11,562 This has to be your decision. Buddy, you gotta trust me. 281 00:13:12,730 --> 00:13:16,275 I would never place you in a painful situation. 282 00:13:17,235 --> 00:13:18,110 Right. 283 00:13:18,236 --> 00:13:20,238 Um... - ANGELIQUE: You ready, Chidi? 284 00:13:21,447 --> 00:13:22,865 Here you go, Chidi. 285 00:13:22,990 --> 00:13:25,493 One slice of Hawaiian, straight out the oven for you. 286 00:13:25,743 --> 00:13:27,620 I'm Denise. Welcome to my pizza place. 287 00:13:27,703 --> 00:13:29,789 Thanks, Denise. - And here's one for you. 288 00:13:29,872 --> 00:13:30,748 Have a nice day. 289 00:13:31,749 --> 00:13:34,544 It's interesting that Hawaiian pizza is so popular here. 290 00:13:34,961 --> 00:13:36,963 Yeah, I guess a lot of the residents here love it. 291 00:13:37,171 --> 00:13:39,465 Kinda makes you wonder what type of pizza they have in the Bad Place, huh? 292 00:13:39,549 --> 00:13:41,050 THEY LAUGH 293 00:13:41,759 --> 00:13:44,095 So, I can't believe you studied in Brisbane. 294 00:13:44,220 --> 00:13:46,931 We must have just missed each other. What was your thesis on? 295 00:13:47,056 --> 00:13:48,975 Oh, gosh. It was so boring. 296 00:13:49,642 --> 00:13:52,436 It was called, "Cultural Relativism and Moral Absolutism" 297 00:13:52,520 --> 00:13:55,898 "An Exploration of Values As Seen Through The Works of Alain LeRoy" 298 00:13:55,940 --> 00:13:57,650 BOTH: "...Locke and Immanuel Kant." 299 00:13:58,025 --> 00:13:59,819 Shut up. You read it? 300 00:13:59,861 --> 00:14:02,947 No, but that pairing is the most obvious pairing 301 00:14:03,072 --> 00:14:04,532 to employ in a paper with that title 302 00:14:04,574 --> 00:14:06,742 and I wanna read it so bad! - SHE LAUGHS 303 00:14:07,785 --> 00:14:09,161 What about Morocco? 304 00:14:09,412 --> 00:14:11,622 You ever travel there? - SHE SUCKS HER TEETH 305 00:14:14,292 --> 00:14:15,167 No. 306 00:14:17,044 --> 00:14:18,254 What about anywhere else? 307 00:14:18,296 --> 00:14:20,047 You been anywhere else? - No. 308 00:14:22,633 --> 00:14:24,927 So, first impressions? 309 00:14:25,469 --> 00:14:28,264 Anyone? - I kinda wanna hear what Chidi thinks. 310 00:14:29,432 --> 00:14:31,893 Well. Um, I mean, you're both 311 00:14:31,934 --> 00:14:35,563 brilliant, accomplished women, and Pedro, you're great too. 312 00:14:35,646 --> 00:14:38,149 Just amazing people. I'm surrounded. Ah! 313 00:14:38,316 --> 00:14:42,153 Ahh! But, if I had to say 314 00:14:42,194 --> 00:14:47,325 who I sort of immediately bonded to on a gut level 315 00:14:47,491 --> 00:14:50,328 I think I would say that I... 316 00:14:50,369 --> 00:14:53,497 kind of feel like my soulmate is... 317 00:14:53,539 --> 00:14:54,415 Angel-- 318 00:14:54,498 --> 00:14:56,375 MICHAEL POUNDS ON WINDOW - Wait, wait! 319 00:14:56,709 --> 00:14:57,793 MICHAEL PANTS 320 00:14:57,919 --> 00:14:59,754 There was a mistake in the calculations. 321 00:14:59,921 --> 00:15:03,758 We had a four-hour time gap in your profiles on May 10, 2003. 322 00:15:04,050 --> 00:15:08,346 I corrected that day's events for all of you, and ran the numbers again and... 323 00:15:08,596 --> 00:15:11,182 and the final result proves definitively 324 00:15:11,390 --> 00:15:13,643 that Pedro is Angelique's soulmate 325 00:15:13,726 --> 00:15:16,187 and Chidi, your soulmate is Pevita. 326 00:15:17,647 --> 00:15:19,857 That was close. - CHIDI GROANS QUIETLY 327 00:15:20,566 --> 00:15:22,693 Hey, you guys hadn't made a decision yet, had you? 328 00:15:23,069 --> 00:15:25,446 No! We did not. No one said anything. 329 00:15:25,529 --> 00:15:27,406 I didn't hear anything, and I certainly didn't say anything. 330 00:15:27,490 --> 00:15:28,908 That's for darn sure. HE CHUCKLES 331 00:15:28,991 --> 00:15:31,994 THEY LAUGH 332 00:15:32,411 --> 00:15:33,871 CHIDI LAUGHS 333 00:15:34,580 --> 00:15:35,998 THEY SIGH 334 00:15:36,999 --> 00:15:39,001 OK. Alright. 335 00:15:39,669 --> 00:15:40,586 See you later. 336 00:15:40,795 --> 00:15:43,547 CLASSICAL MUSIC PLAYS 337 00:15:43,923 --> 00:15:46,676 CHIDI: This is fun. It's a fun party. 338 00:15:46,801 --> 00:15:49,553 There's no question about it, this is a fun situation. 339 00:15:50,262 --> 00:15:51,889 Hey, you guys are here. 340 00:15:52,014 --> 00:15:54,392 The fun continues, nay, increases! 341 00:15:55,101 --> 00:15:56,769 You two look nice. 342 00:15:57,019 --> 00:15:58,771 Thanks! And you look... 343 00:16:01,399 --> 00:16:02,400 fine. 344 00:16:03,150 --> 00:16:05,069 Would I say you look better than anyone else here? 345 00:16:05,152 --> 00:16:06,153 No, I wouldn't say that. 346 00:16:06,278 --> 00:16:07,697 Do you look bad? No. 347 00:16:07,780 --> 00:16:09,949 But good? Would I go as far as to say that you look good? 348 00:16:10,783 --> 00:16:11,951 Doubtful. Hey, wine. 349 00:16:12,743 --> 00:16:14,453 Mmm. Uh... 350 00:16:14,495 --> 00:16:15,997 Do I feel like red or white? - Oh... 351 00:16:16,539 --> 00:16:17,957 deep down in your heart of hearts 352 00:16:17,999 --> 00:16:19,709 you probably already know which one you want. 353 00:16:23,004 --> 00:16:24,463 Why isn't anyone talking? 354 00:16:24,547 --> 00:16:26,757 Janet, could you show me to the bar, please? - Mm-hm! 355 00:16:32,888 --> 00:16:34,390 Oh, hey! 356 00:16:34,557 --> 00:16:36,392 Chidi, right? Denise. 357 00:16:36,684 --> 00:16:40,229 We met earlier, remember? - Oh, yeah, hi. 358 00:16:40,521 --> 00:16:42,356 Are you limping? - Yeah, I am. 359 00:16:42,440 --> 00:16:43,649 Crazy story. 360 00:16:43,899 --> 00:16:47,194 See, I was a trapeze artist in an illegal circus in Bangladesh... 361 00:16:47,278 --> 00:16:49,780 Angelique. - Hey. How are you doing? 362 00:16:50,781 --> 00:16:53,701 Oh, well, uh... Heh. You know... 363 00:16:54,577 --> 00:16:56,787 My stomach's in knots, I'm stress-grinding my teeth 364 00:16:56,954 --> 00:16:58,998 and it feels like my soul is being suffocated. 365 00:16:59,123 --> 00:17:00,750 You know, just your standard paradise stuff. 366 00:17:01,584 --> 00:17:04,420 How about you? - It's been a little uncomfortable. 367 00:17:05,046 --> 00:17:09,050 I think Pedro maybe heard you say that thing you were gonna say. 368 00:17:09,258 --> 00:17:11,719 Oh, no. I'm so sorry. I... 369 00:17:12,595 --> 00:17:13,471 but I have to ask. 370 00:17:14,180 --> 00:17:17,016 Do you feel the way I feel? - We can't talk about this. 371 00:17:17,183 --> 00:17:20,728 Well, I know, but if the numbers were that close, Angelique 372 00:17:20,811 --> 00:17:22,229 I think I'm supposed to... - Stop! 373 00:17:23,105 --> 00:17:25,316 Please don't make this harder than it already is, Chidi. 374 00:17:29,236 --> 00:17:30,154 These are for you. 375 00:17:31,739 --> 00:17:33,783 Hi. Is your name Chidi? 376 00:17:34,742 --> 00:17:37,411 Yes? - Ah! I knew you weren't a soup. 377 00:17:38,329 --> 00:17:40,372 What? - Listen to me very carefully. 378 00:17:40,581 --> 00:17:42,792 My name is Eleanor Shellstrop. 379 00:17:43,209 --> 00:17:44,460 We need to talk. 380 00:17:44,585 --> 00:17:45,753 About what? 381 00:17:45,836 --> 00:17:48,589 Just shut your mouth, smile at me, and walk over here. 382 00:17:49,006 --> 00:17:52,468 OK, you're definitely my least favourite person I've met so far. 383 00:17:53,427 --> 00:17:55,137 OK, I'm sorry, this is really not a good time. 384 00:17:55,179 --> 00:17:56,263 I'm right in the middle of something. - Dude. 385 00:17:56,305 --> 00:17:58,224 I'm guessing we have about 30 seconds to talk 386 00:17:58,307 --> 00:17:59,475 before someone notices. 387 00:17:59,725 --> 00:18:04,105 When I got here, some robot lady appeared out of thin air and gave me this. 388 00:18:04,230 --> 00:18:06,482 You mean Janet? - Oh, that's it! Janet. 389 00:18:06,607 --> 00:18:07,817 JANET CHIMES - Hi there. 390 00:18:07,858 --> 00:18:09,151 Not now, Janet. Buzz off. 391 00:18:09,235 --> 00:18:10,361 OK. JANET CHIMES 392 00:18:10,486 --> 00:18:12,738 Now, I have no memory of writing this 393 00:18:12,822 --> 00:18:14,406 but it is my handwriting. 394 00:18:14,907 --> 00:18:16,075 And that's your name, right? 395 00:18:16,283 --> 00:18:20,830 So, for some reason, at some point, I put this note into 396 00:18:21,330 --> 00:18:23,666 that whatever-lady's robot mouth. 397 00:18:24,125 --> 00:18:25,960 You already forgot her name? - No, I didn't. 398 00:18:26,627 --> 00:18:28,295 Her name is... 399 00:18:28,838 --> 00:18:29,713 Janet. 400 00:18:29,755 --> 00:18:30,631 JANET CHIMES: Hi there. - ELEANOR GASPS 401 00:18:30,673 --> 00:18:32,091 Fork off! - OK. 402 00:18:32,133 --> 00:18:33,843 JANET CHIMES - From the second I got here 403 00:18:33,884 --> 00:18:35,511 these nerds have been acting real weird 404 00:18:35,636 --> 00:18:36,846 trying to get me drunk. 405 00:18:37,304 --> 00:18:39,723 My soulmate ditches me every time I try to talk to him 406 00:18:40,057 --> 00:18:44,728 and this Zen-master guy gave me this magic bracelet thing 407 00:18:45,146 --> 00:18:46,272 and then he just ran away. 408 00:18:46,564 --> 00:18:50,651 Something very strange is going on here, and the only person I trust is me 409 00:18:50,734 --> 00:18:52,361 and me told me to find you. 410 00:18:52,486 --> 00:18:55,489 So, what's the deal? What's happening? What have you got? 411 00:18:55,573 --> 00:18:57,449 CHIDI STAMMERS Uh... OK, I... 412 00:18:58,284 --> 00:19:02,413 Look, I'm, I'm sorry, but none of this means anything to me 413 00:19:02,496 --> 00:19:05,124 and I've got my own problems to deal with. I'm sorry, I can't help you. 414 00:19:06,625 --> 00:19:09,670 Attention, everyone! - GLASS TINKLES 415 00:19:09,712 --> 00:19:10,671 Speech time! 416 00:19:12,047 --> 00:19:15,509 I know you're probably not a magic wizard trapped in an amulet but if you are 417 00:19:15,593 --> 00:19:17,178 please get me out of this speech. 418 00:19:21,390 --> 00:19:22,516 WHOOSH 419 00:19:24,059 --> 00:19:24,935 DOOR OPENS 420 00:19:26,395 --> 00:19:28,272 Tahani. Come on in. 421 00:19:29,982 --> 00:19:32,026 You're in the Good Place, Tahani. 422 00:19:32,568 --> 00:19:34,987 Ooh, what a surprise! 423 00:19:35,070 --> 00:19:36,780 SHE LAUGHS - MICHAEL CHUCKLES 424 00:19:36,822 --> 00:19:37,990 But yes, I accept. 425 00:19:38,908 --> 00:19:41,118 This is your soulmate, Tomas. 426 00:19:41,535 --> 00:19:45,122 Now, Tomas was a doctor with the International Rescue Alliance 427 00:19:45,206 --> 00:19:47,499 and you raised money that ultimately 428 00:19:47,541 --> 00:19:50,878 funded his medical missions. It's just so perfect! 429 00:19:50,920 --> 00:19:53,172 Wow. - It's lovely to meet you, Tahani. 430 00:19:53,214 --> 00:19:54,465 Charmed, I'm... 431 00:19:54,506 --> 00:19:55,424 short. 432 00:19:56,675 --> 00:19:58,802 I'm sorry, did I just say "short"? I-I meant to say 433 00:19:58,886 --> 00:20:02,348 "charmed, I'm sure," of course, because I am charmed to meet you. 434 00:20:02,473 --> 00:20:05,476 It's just an unfortunate Freudian short. SHE GIGGLES 435 00:20:07,519 --> 00:20:08,771 Shall we? 436 00:20:10,606 --> 00:20:12,608 So, where did you attend medical short? 437 00:20:12,983 --> 00:20:17,488 So, this is the living room as well as the kitchen and the bedroom. 438 00:20:18,405 --> 00:20:20,449 It's so... cosy. 439 00:20:20,616 --> 00:20:21,533 THEY CHUCKLE 440 00:20:21,617 --> 00:20:23,452 I feel like the walls are just hugging me. 441 00:20:23,619 --> 00:20:25,704 MICHAEL LAUGHS - Michael, I don't mean to be rude 442 00:20:25,788 --> 00:20:28,082 but this is simply absurd. 443 00:20:28,374 --> 00:20:31,502 Yes, thank you. I didn't want to say anything but... 444 00:20:31,669 --> 00:20:34,463 There's only two of us, and we don't need all this space. 445 00:20:35,047 --> 00:20:36,799 - "All this space"? - Oh, of course. 446 00:20:36,882 --> 00:20:39,843 You two humanitarians don't want anything so extravagant. 447 00:20:39,969 --> 00:20:41,262 I'll just get rid of the second floor. 448 00:20:41,303 --> 00:20:43,138 WALLS CLATTER 449 00:20:43,305 --> 00:20:46,350 OK, I'll let you two have some alone time. I will see you at the party. 450 00:20:49,478 --> 00:20:52,314 Well... certainly is quite quaint. 451 00:20:52,398 --> 00:20:54,775 So, it's just... fun. 452 00:20:55,901 --> 00:20:58,696 I daresay even quite charm... ahhh, no. 453 00:20:59,405 --> 00:21:00,406 TOMAS: What's the matter? 454 00:21:00,572 --> 00:21:04,243 Sorry, it's just a self-portrait of my... my sister. 455 00:21:05,160 --> 00:21:08,205 Wonderful. - Your sister is Kamilah Al-Jamil? 456 00:21:08,289 --> 00:21:09,915 I used to play her music for my patients. 457 00:21:10,082 --> 00:21:13,627 At times, it felt like Kamilah's songs were curing the malaria for us. 458 00:21:14,545 --> 00:21:15,963 Great. SHE CHUCKLES 459 00:21:16,922 --> 00:21:19,466 Well, I best be getting changed for tonight. - Mm. 460 00:21:19,883 --> 00:21:21,885 Can hardly wear a day dress to an evening event. 461 00:21:22,011 --> 00:21:24,263 Sounds good. I'm ready whenever you are. 462 00:21:25,514 --> 00:21:27,349 Is that what you're wearing? 463 00:21:27,683 --> 00:21:28,559 Oh, yeah. 464 00:21:28,892 --> 00:21:32,438 My years treating remote villagers taught me to favour comfort over style. 465 00:21:32,813 --> 00:21:34,481 But you should wear whatever you prefer. 466 00:21:35,190 --> 00:21:36,442 Well, I mean... 467 00:21:37,067 --> 00:21:40,321 as we are soulmates, perhaps I, I should also... 468 00:21:41,447 --> 00:21:42,823 dress down. 469 00:21:43,115 --> 00:21:45,409 CLASSICAL MUSIC PLAYS 470 00:21:48,037 --> 00:21:49,330 You alright, my dear? 471 00:21:50,289 --> 00:21:51,206 Yes 472 00:21:51,540 --> 00:21:54,168 just not used to dressing like a plumberess. 473 00:21:55,252 --> 00:21:58,172 Is that what you call a female plumber, or is it a toilet sweep? 474 00:21:58,797 --> 00:22:00,257 Or clog wench? 475 00:22:00,924 --> 00:22:03,552 In any case, that's how I'm dressed. 476 00:22:03,719 --> 00:22:08,140 My darling, you are in the Good Place. Relax. 477 00:22:08,807 --> 00:22:11,727 Feel the breeze on your feet. That's why Crocs have holes in them. 478 00:22:12,644 --> 00:22:15,439 I'll get us a drink. Lower that beautiful face for me, won't you? 479 00:22:16,231 --> 00:22:18,317 Lower-lower-lower-lower-lower... Mwah! 480 00:22:21,820 --> 00:22:23,447 Tahani? You alright? 481 00:22:23,489 --> 00:22:25,240 Michael, hello! Yes. 482 00:22:25,407 --> 00:22:27,493 I'm having a splendid time. 483 00:22:28,452 --> 00:22:30,662 Although, if I'm being honest 484 00:22:30,788 --> 00:22:34,375 a few aspects of my day have been sub-optimal. 485 00:22:34,708 --> 00:22:36,627 Really? Like what? 486 00:22:36,919 --> 00:22:38,587 Well... my house 487 00:22:39,004 --> 00:22:43,634 is a bit small, which is fine, it's just not what I'm used to and... 488 00:22:43,967 --> 00:22:48,138 Tomas is lovely, but we haven't really "clicked" yet 489 00:22:48,347 --> 00:22:50,641 to use a mundane colloquialism 490 00:22:50,682 --> 00:22:52,101 which I suppose I should do 491 00:22:52,434 --> 00:22:55,270 now that I'm wearing cargo pants. 492 00:22:55,396 --> 00:22:59,608 Tahani, it's very common to experience adjustment pains. 493 00:22:59,942 --> 00:23:03,612 But the system matched you and Tomas, and the system is never wrong. 494 00:23:04,822 --> 00:23:06,907 But guess what? This is the Good Place. 495 00:23:07,074 --> 00:23:09,284 If you want your house to be larger, then just ask. 496 00:23:09,410 --> 00:23:11,912 Do you want something this big? 497 00:23:11,954 --> 00:23:13,831 Or maybe bigger, like the Taj Mahal. 498 00:23:14,289 --> 00:23:16,041 I know, I know. How about a moon? 499 00:23:16,417 --> 00:23:18,585 Would you like to live on your own private moon? 500 00:23:19,044 --> 00:23:21,630 No, no, no. My house is wonderful. 501 00:23:22,131 --> 00:23:23,841 And really, it's so silly 502 00:23:23,924 --> 00:23:26,510 to want a bigger house of all things, here in paradise. 503 00:23:27,010 --> 00:23:28,595 So no, no changes needed. 504 00:23:28,720 --> 00:23:29,888 OK, alright. 505 00:23:30,055 --> 00:23:31,807 But if you change your mind, just ask. 506 00:23:32,099 --> 00:23:34,685 Because all the other residents are very happy 507 00:23:34,726 --> 00:23:38,021 so it'll give me plenty of time to deal with whatever requests you make. 508 00:23:38,564 --> 00:23:40,941 No demand is too... 509 00:23:40,983 --> 00:23:42,234 what's the word? Oh, "frivolous". 510 00:23:42,526 --> 00:23:44,570 OK? Wow... 511 00:23:44,862 --> 00:23:45,821 That is rough. 512 00:23:49,867 --> 00:23:52,244 ANGELIQUE: Please don't make this harder than it already is, Chidi. 513 00:23:56,457 --> 00:23:58,500 These are for you. Drink up. 514 00:23:59,126 --> 00:24:00,419 Oh, no, no, I... 515 00:24:00,502 --> 00:24:02,921 MAN LAUGHS Hey, hey, hey! Twinsies! 516 00:24:03,464 --> 00:24:04,715 I'm sorry? - Look! 517 00:24:05,507 --> 00:24:07,092 cargo-pants buddies! 518 00:24:07,843 --> 00:24:09,928 HE CHUCKLES I bet we have a lot in common. 519 00:24:10,095 --> 00:24:14,349 I was a garbage man in Winnipeg. How about you? 520 00:24:14,975 --> 00:24:16,059 OK. 521 00:24:17,811 --> 00:24:19,104 Crocs also? 522 00:24:19,646 --> 00:24:20,898 GLASS TINKLES 523 00:24:21,106 --> 00:24:22,107 Speech time! 524 00:24:22,232 --> 00:24:25,903 I know you're probably not a magic wizard trapped in an amulet, but if you are 525 00:24:25,944 --> 00:24:27,279 please get me out of this speech. 526 00:24:27,321 --> 00:24:29,114 MICHAEL: I've asked our top point-getter, here 527 00:24:29,156 --> 00:24:32,534 to say a few words. So, take it away, Eleanor! 528 00:24:32,659 --> 00:24:34,495 CROWD APPLAUDS 529 00:24:39,208 --> 00:24:41,710 The dictionary defines "best" 530 00:24:41,752 --> 00:24:43,754 as being-- - TAHANI SLURS: Oh, God, boring! 531 00:24:44,630 --> 00:24:46,548 I'd like to say a few words if nobody minds. 532 00:24:46,840 --> 00:24:48,175 ELEANOR WHISPERS: Thank you, wizard. 533 00:24:48,383 --> 00:24:51,220 I am Tahani. Tahani am me. 534 00:24:51,386 --> 00:24:54,515 And even though I wasn't the "number one point-getter" 535 00:24:55,057 --> 00:24:57,351 I just wanted to welcome you all to the Neighbourhood. 536 00:24:57,809 --> 00:25:01,480 You all look so beautiful tonight, with your regular-sized pockets 537 00:25:02,439 --> 00:25:03,899 regular-sized soulmates. 538 00:25:04,525 --> 00:25:06,527 Oh, no offense, darling, wherever you are. 539 00:25:07,110 --> 00:25:08,237 Probably somewhere down there. 540 00:25:08,445 --> 00:25:11,949 Why don't you try to ease her off the stage and take over yourself? 541 00:25:12,115 --> 00:25:14,326 The point is, we're all good people, right? 542 00:25:15,035 --> 00:25:17,913 We all did the right thing whenever we could. 543 00:25:18,080 --> 00:25:20,832 And that's why it's so nice to be here among you in this... 544 00:25:21,291 --> 00:25:23,335 massive house that I want. 545 00:25:24,086 --> 00:25:25,879 I want this house. Give it. 546 00:25:26,046 --> 00:25:29,550 SHE LAUGHS: No, I'm just kidding. But really, give me the house. 547 00:25:30,133 --> 00:25:32,302 Hey there, hot stuff. Can I get you a cup of coffee? 548 00:25:32,427 --> 00:25:34,054 Get your hands off me! 549 00:25:34,596 --> 00:25:37,432 Oh, you think you're better than I am, don't you, just cos you're wearing that. 550 00:25:37,724 --> 00:25:39,726 Look at that terrible placement and angle. 551 00:25:39,977 --> 00:25:41,687 Is this your first time ever wearing a sash? 552 00:25:41,937 --> 00:25:44,022 Yeah, it is, but I think if we all just-- 553 00:25:44,064 --> 00:25:45,274 Well, give it to me then! 554 00:25:46,066 --> 00:25:47,734 CROWD SHOUTS AND GASPS 555 00:25:51,071 --> 00:25:52,072 I got her off the stage. 556 00:25:54,950 --> 00:25:56,159 WHOOSH 557 00:25:58,203 --> 00:25:59,079 DOOR OPENS 558 00:26:00,706 --> 00:26:02,332 Jianyu? Come on in. 559 00:26:04,376 --> 00:26:07,004 Before we start, I know you were a Buddhist monk 560 00:26:07,170 --> 00:26:08,922 who kept a vow of silence. 561 00:26:09,381 --> 00:26:12,342 Would you prefer to remain silent here as well? 562 00:26:15,721 --> 00:26:18,724 Every resident here in the Good Place has a soulmate. 563 00:26:18,849 --> 00:26:22,603 Now, some of the pairings are platonic, some are romantic 564 00:26:23,020 --> 00:26:26,231 but what you have with your soulmate is unique. 565 00:26:26,607 --> 00:26:31,653 You have a spiritual connection that transcends the physical realm. 566 00:26:33,864 --> 00:26:35,949 This person's gonna be your best bud. 567 00:26:38,076 --> 00:26:39,119 MICHAEL CHUCKLES 568 00:26:41,705 --> 00:26:46,084 Jianyu, let me introduce you to your soulmate, Luang. 569 00:26:46,376 --> 00:26:48,378 He is also a Buddhist monk 570 00:26:48,420 --> 00:26:50,464 from the Lumbini zone of Nepal. 571 00:26:50,672 --> 00:26:55,927 You and Luang share an identical soul like binary stars 572 00:26:56,094 --> 00:26:59,056 orbiting one another in a perfect, reflective harmony. 573 00:26:59,264 --> 00:27:02,643 You won't ever have a single moment of loneliness 574 00:27:03,143 --> 00:27:07,481 because you'll always be right next to each other for eternity. 575 00:27:08,732 --> 00:27:10,901 OK, I'm gonna let you two get acquainted. 576 00:27:10,984 --> 00:27:14,655 I'm sure you have a lot to not talk about. HE LAUGHS 577 00:27:15,030 --> 00:27:17,574 Because... well, you get it, you get it. 578 00:27:39,971 --> 00:27:40,972 HE SIGHS 579 00:28:06,123 --> 00:28:07,666 Oh, sorry, I didn't see you. 580 00:28:08,750 --> 00:28:10,877 Chidi? Are you Chidi? 581 00:28:15,382 --> 00:28:18,093 Eleanor? What are you up to? - Oh, hey there, Michael. 582 00:28:19,386 --> 00:28:20,262 Just getting to know everyone 583 00:28:20,303 --> 00:28:21,179 in the neighbourhood. - MICHAEL: Oh. 584 00:28:22,305 --> 00:28:23,682 Who was that mysterious... 585 00:28:44,161 --> 00:28:46,163 MICHAEL: Hello, you beautiful spirits. 586 00:28:46,246 --> 00:28:48,498 Can I offer you two something to drink? 587 00:28:48,749 --> 00:28:49,958 Janet! - JANET CHIMES: Hi there. 588 00:28:51,376 --> 00:28:52,586 This is Janet. 589 00:28:52,669 --> 00:28:56,173 Now, she can get you literally anything you want. 590 00:28:56,256 --> 00:28:57,299 All you have to do is ask. 591 00:28:57,382 --> 00:29:02,596 Of course, you two won't ever want anything, because you're perfectly content. 592 00:29:03,930 --> 00:29:05,557 Oh, I know. How about something special? 593 00:29:05,849 --> 00:29:08,602 Janet, two yak's milks, please. 594 00:29:08,685 --> 00:29:10,061 MICHAEL WHISPERS: Enjoy. 595 00:29:10,228 --> 00:29:11,271 JANET CHIMES 596 00:29:13,815 --> 00:29:14,858 JANET CHIMES 597 00:29:27,245 --> 00:29:30,081 GLASS TINKLES - Speech time! 598 00:29:30,248 --> 00:29:32,292 If we all just-- - Well, give it to me then! 599 00:29:33,418 --> 00:29:35,253 CROWD SHOUTS AND GASPS 600 00:29:35,921 --> 00:29:37,047 I got her off the stage. 601 00:29:37,297 --> 00:29:40,967 Tahani? Are you alright? - Yes, fine. 602 00:29:41,343 --> 00:29:44,095 Never better. Top of my game, actually. 603 00:29:44,471 --> 00:29:47,766 You'll have to excuse me, cos I've got to go, so... Oh, look! 604 00:29:48,683 --> 00:29:49,726 I've got some shrimp. 605 00:29:50,268 --> 00:29:53,396 In one of my many, many cargo-pants pockets. 606 00:29:53,438 --> 00:29:54,731 SHE SOBS 607 00:29:55,106 --> 00:29:57,192 What the fork is happening? 608 00:29:59,861 --> 00:30:01,112 WHOOSH 609 00:30:02,948 --> 00:30:04,366 OK, here we go. 610 00:30:05,408 --> 00:30:07,327 How's it going, boss-man? - Enough chit-chat. 611 00:30:07,577 --> 00:30:08,954 Is everything in place for version two? 612 00:30:09,287 --> 00:30:10,956 Yup, I've thought of everything. 613 00:30:12,040 --> 00:30:12,999 I won't let you down. 614 00:30:13,458 --> 00:30:15,585 I was just hoping that you could say a few words 615 00:30:15,710 --> 00:30:17,128 at tonight's welcome party. 616 00:30:17,212 --> 00:30:18,880 You know, just to introduce yourself. 617 00:30:19,422 --> 00:30:21,091 How can I say no? SHE LAUGHS 618 00:30:21,216 --> 00:30:23,593 So... cosy. 619 00:30:24,427 --> 00:30:27,722 I feel like the walls are just hugging me. - MICHAEL LAUGHS 620 00:30:27,848 --> 00:30:31,810 How about something special? Janet. Two yak's milks, please. 621 00:30:33,019 --> 00:30:34,479 Why isn't anyone talking? 622 00:30:34,521 --> 00:30:36,398 Janet, could you show me to the bar, please? - Mm-hmm. 623 00:30:39,025 --> 00:30:41,570 Michael, may I please speak with you privately? 624 00:30:41,903 --> 00:30:42,904 Sure, sure. 625 00:30:44,614 --> 00:30:47,909 It just feels like I used to be Real Eleanor 626 00:30:47,951 --> 00:30:50,412 and now I'm Denise. 627 00:30:50,537 --> 00:30:53,915 Denise is a good part, with a great backstory. 628 00:30:54,457 --> 00:30:58,169 You run the best pizza place in the Neighbourhood. 629 00:30:59,254 --> 00:31:01,840 You have a cat, and that's cool. 630 00:31:02,215 --> 00:31:04,384 I took this job because it seemed 631 00:31:04,426 --> 00:31:05,927 fun and different 632 00:31:06,052 --> 00:31:08,847 and in the original version, I got to break Chidi's heart 633 00:31:08,930 --> 00:31:11,349 like, 20 times, and it was great. 634 00:31:11,391 --> 00:31:13,393 I mean, he was miserable. 635 00:31:13,852 --> 00:31:17,105 And now, Angelique gets to torture him? 636 00:31:17,606 --> 00:31:18,815 Angelique is a hack. 637 00:31:18,982 --> 00:31:22,611 I can act circles around her! But I have nothing to do! 638 00:31:22,819 --> 00:31:25,322 I am a Ferrari, OK? 639 00:31:25,363 --> 00:31:28,408 And you don't keep a Ferrari in the garage. 640 00:31:28,909 --> 00:31:30,493 I hear your concern. I do. 641 00:31:30,577 --> 00:31:31,912 And I promise you 642 00:31:31,953 --> 00:31:34,706 there is a great arc coming for Denise the pizza lady 643 00:31:34,789 --> 00:31:36,499 in about 80 years or so. - SHE SIGHS 644 00:31:36,666 --> 00:31:39,920 Chidi is going to accidentally kill your cat. 645 00:31:40,670 --> 00:31:42,714 It's gonna give you a great chance to shine. 646 00:31:42,797 --> 00:31:46,635 Can I just have something that makes me stand out? 647 00:31:46,843 --> 00:31:50,347 A mysterious past, or a limp! I want a limp. 648 00:31:50,430 --> 00:31:52,849 This is supposed to be the Good Place. Why would...? 649 00:31:54,309 --> 00:31:56,186 OK, I, no, I hear you. I'll tell you what. 650 00:31:56,645 --> 00:31:59,105 Go nuts. Limp your heart out. 651 00:32:01,107 --> 00:32:03,818 Oh, hey! Chidi, right? 652 00:32:03,860 --> 00:32:04,736 Hi. 653 00:32:04,861 --> 00:32:06,029 Are you limping? 654 00:32:08,239 --> 00:32:09,699 How's it going? - SHE SIGHS 655 00:32:09,741 --> 00:32:11,159 We're having some trouble with Eleanor. 656 00:32:11,201 --> 00:32:13,787 She's not engaging in conversation, she's not drinking. 657 00:32:14,079 --> 00:32:15,288 Eleanor's not drinking? 658 00:32:16,206 --> 00:32:19,876 She brought a flask in the car during her driver's test! 659 00:32:20,502 --> 00:32:22,796 OK, we need to keep things moving here. 660 00:32:22,837 --> 00:32:25,048 I'm about to make her talk for an hour. 661 00:32:25,173 --> 00:32:27,050 She'll definitely end up insulting somebody. 662 00:32:27,175 --> 00:32:29,636 GLASS TINKLES - Speech time! 663 00:32:29,803 --> 00:32:31,179 We're all good people, right? 664 00:32:31,846 --> 00:32:34,808 We all did the right thing whenever we could. 665 00:32:34,975 --> 00:32:37,018 I think if we all just-- - Well, give it to me then! 666 00:32:37,143 --> 00:32:39,270 CROWD SHOUTS AND GASPS 667 00:32:40,146 --> 00:32:43,358 Tahani? Are you alright? - Yes, fine. 668 00:32:43,984 --> 00:32:44,859 Never better. 669 00:32:45,193 --> 00:32:47,028 You'll have to excuse me, cos I've got to go. 670 00:32:47,070 --> 00:32:48,363 CHIDI MURMURS - TAHANI: Oh, look... 671 00:32:49,322 --> 00:32:51,658 What the fork, man? - I know that book. 672 00:32:52,242 --> 00:32:54,202 Is that some kind of nerd pick-up line? 673 00:32:54,244 --> 00:32:55,537 Because it's only kind of working. - No. 674 00:32:55,829 --> 00:32:57,080 The note you showed me before. 675 00:32:58,707 --> 00:33:01,626 Alright, this is from a book called "What We Owe to Each Other". 676 00:33:01,710 --> 00:33:02,585 I used to teach it. 677 00:33:02,627 --> 00:33:04,671 I was a professor of ethics and moral philosophy. 678 00:33:04,796 --> 00:33:06,589 Alright, brag much? - No, I'm trying to help you. 679 00:33:06,673 --> 00:33:07,674 Sorry. OK. 680 00:33:07,966 --> 00:33:10,218 I have never seen you before in my life 681 00:33:10,260 --> 00:33:14,556 but I think somehow that we know each other. 682 00:33:17,308 --> 00:33:19,102 That definitely sounded like a pick-up line. 683 00:33:19,185 --> 00:33:20,770 CHIDI SIGHS - And I'm not not interested 684 00:33:20,854 --> 00:33:22,689 but we need to figure this out first. 685 00:33:23,064 --> 00:33:25,066 MICHAEL GROANS - It's not that bad, right? 686 00:33:25,650 --> 00:33:28,361 I mean, we got a drunken speech. That's good. 687 00:33:28,862 --> 00:33:31,239 No. It isn't. 688 00:33:31,531 --> 00:33:34,659 Tahani gave the drunken speech instead of Eleanor. 689 00:33:34,743 --> 00:33:37,662 We can't build a chaos sequence out of Tahani's speech 690 00:33:37,787 --> 00:33:40,498 because she thinks she belongs here... 691 00:33:41,374 --> 00:33:42,250 ding-dong. 692 00:33:42,917 --> 00:33:45,253 OK, we can still salvage this. 693 00:33:45,336 --> 00:33:47,922 Where's Eleanor? - She's gone. 694 00:33:48,048 --> 00:33:50,592 I can't find her anywhere. - Maybe she left with Chidi? 695 00:33:50,967 --> 00:33:52,594 He's gone too. - What? 696 00:33:52,761 --> 00:33:55,263 Or maybe she left with Jason. 697 00:33:55,305 --> 00:33:58,058 You lost Jason? How is that even possible? 698 00:33:58,725 --> 00:34:01,519 Your only job is to stand next to that idiot. 699 00:34:01,811 --> 00:34:03,688 I got distracted by the fire! 700 00:34:04,189 --> 00:34:05,398 I love fire. 701 00:34:05,565 --> 00:34:08,651 You know, my main job is to burn people with fire. 702 00:34:08,777 --> 00:34:10,528 What's up, guys? - What are you doing here? 703 00:34:10,612 --> 00:34:11,863 Why aren't you with Eleanor? 704 00:34:12,030 --> 00:34:13,865 Oh, I told her I was going to the gym again. 705 00:34:14,574 --> 00:34:17,202 Why would you say that in the middle of a party? 706 00:34:17,327 --> 00:34:18,745 You told me too. - No, I didn't. 707 00:34:18,870 --> 00:34:21,414 You said if Eleanor tries to confess that she doesn't belong here 708 00:34:21,498 --> 00:34:24,292 find a reason to avoid her, like saying, "I'm going to the gym" 709 00:34:24,375 --> 00:34:25,335 so that's what I've been saying. 710 00:34:25,418 --> 00:34:28,880 That was a suggestion of the type of thing you could say! 711 00:34:28,963 --> 00:34:29,839 Don't... 712 00:34:31,216 --> 00:34:35,929 How many times have you specifically told her you were going to the gym? 713 00:34:36,763 --> 00:34:37,639 Five. 714 00:34:38,098 --> 00:34:39,015 No, nine. 715 00:34:39,265 --> 00:34:40,642 You dimwit! 716 00:34:40,683 --> 00:34:41,559 Hey, man! 717 00:34:41,935 --> 00:34:45,021 I was perfectly happy in my old job in the twisting department. 718 00:34:45,313 --> 00:34:48,316 People came in, and I twist them until they snapped in half 719 00:34:48,441 --> 00:34:49,818 and I move on to the next one. 720 00:34:50,110 --> 00:34:52,237 But this job is weird! 721 00:34:52,612 --> 00:34:54,864 THEY MURMUR - It's all talk, no twisting. 722 00:34:55,073 --> 00:34:57,033 So if you don't like the way I do it, get somebody else. 723 00:34:57,325 --> 00:34:59,744 I'm going to the gym! - Fine. Yeah, you do that. 724 00:34:59,828 --> 00:35:00,703 You go to the gym. 725 00:35:01,204 --> 00:35:05,375 OK, we can still pull this off, we just need to find the four humans. OK? 726 00:35:05,875 --> 00:35:06,751 OK. 727 00:35:06,918 --> 00:35:08,419 HE CHUCKLES Right now. 728 00:35:10,839 --> 00:35:15,927 Everyone in this room, find those four humans! 729 00:35:18,805 --> 00:35:21,182 Are you gonna talk, or just walk around like a nerd 730 00:35:21,224 --> 00:35:23,017 trying to get a personal best on his Fitbit? 731 00:35:23,101 --> 00:35:26,479 I'm sorry, I'm trying to process a tremendous amount 732 00:35:26,563 --> 00:35:28,106 of insane information. 733 00:35:28,189 --> 00:35:29,899 I mean, you're not supposed to be here 734 00:35:30,024 --> 00:35:34,028 but you and I clearly met here, somehow, before now. 735 00:35:34,112 --> 00:35:36,406 I mean... does that mean that I'm not supposed to be here? 736 00:35:36,573 --> 00:35:37,615 I don't know, dude. 737 00:35:38,074 --> 00:35:40,285 Were you a good person on Earth? - I... I think so. 738 00:35:40,410 --> 00:35:42,829 I spent my life in pursuit of fundamental truths about the uni-- 739 00:35:42,912 --> 00:35:44,080 HE GASPS Oh, no! 740 00:35:45,707 --> 00:35:47,167 I used almond milk in my coffee 741 00:35:47,292 --> 00:35:49,627 even though I knew about the negative environmental impact. 742 00:35:50,211 --> 00:35:52,463 What? - Eleanor, what do we do? 743 00:35:52,547 --> 00:35:53,548 I don't know, dude! 744 00:35:54,007 --> 00:35:56,593 But we better figure it out soon, or we're doomed. 745 00:36:05,476 --> 00:36:06,644 Uh, Janet? 746 00:36:06,686 --> 00:36:07,937 JANET CHIMES Hi there, Jianyu. 747 00:36:08,354 --> 00:36:09,230 Hi, Janet! 748 00:36:09,689 --> 00:36:12,108 Um, can I tell you something? - Sure. 749 00:36:12,650 --> 00:36:14,235 I'm not Jianyu. 750 00:36:14,569 --> 00:36:16,613 And I'm not a silent monk. 751 00:36:17,238 --> 00:36:19,699 My real name is Jason. And I don't know what's going on. 752 00:36:19,782 --> 00:36:21,534 I got here and Michael said I'm a monk 753 00:36:21,576 --> 00:36:23,786 and he told me I was gonna have a new best friend 754 00:36:23,870 --> 00:36:25,788 and that we were gonna live in a yogurt. 755 00:36:26,080 --> 00:36:28,249 A yurt. - Oh, yeah, "yurt" for short. 756 00:36:28,416 --> 00:36:30,126 I was psyched to meet my new best friend 757 00:36:30,376 --> 00:36:33,171 but he turned out to be this weird silent guy 758 00:36:33,213 --> 00:36:35,131 that won't leave me alone. 759 00:36:35,298 --> 00:36:37,342 I don't wanna go back to my yogurt. 760 00:36:39,093 --> 00:36:40,220 Can I go to your house? 761 00:36:40,553 --> 00:36:44,349 I don't have a house, Jason. I live in a boundless void. 762 00:36:44,933 --> 00:36:46,517 Can I go there? - No. 763 00:36:46,935 --> 00:36:48,603 It's a boundless void. 764 00:36:49,604 --> 00:36:50,480 OK. 765 00:36:50,855 --> 00:36:54,400 So, what you're saying is, there are certain aspects of your existence 766 00:36:54,484 --> 00:36:56,903 here in the Good Place that are confusing for you 767 00:36:57,487 --> 00:37:00,990 and you're searching for someplace to go where you feel less lonely. 768 00:37:02,325 --> 00:37:03,534 I know somewhere you could go. 769 00:37:07,622 --> 00:37:08,498 Why did you do that? 770 00:37:08,581 --> 00:37:11,584 Because you were nice to me. You're my friend. 771 00:37:12,252 --> 00:37:13,127 OK! 772 00:37:15,588 --> 00:37:16,506 JASON: OK! 773 00:37:18,007 --> 00:37:20,134 OK, so, if we got all the way to Scanlon 774 00:37:20,218 --> 00:37:23,513 we must have been studying very intensely for a very long time. 775 00:37:23,846 --> 00:37:27,058 Or, you grabbed a random book of mine and just tore a page out. 776 00:37:27,183 --> 00:37:28,685 I'm gonna be honest, that sounds more like me. 777 00:37:28,768 --> 00:37:29,894 KNOCK AT THE DOOR 778 00:37:30,395 --> 00:37:31,354 Ah! 779 00:37:31,396 --> 00:37:34,148 Eleanor and Chidi. What a pleasant surprise. 780 00:37:34,315 --> 00:37:35,984 I'm so happy you two have met. 781 00:37:36,359 --> 00:37:39,654 I'm just going door-to-door, apologising for the commotion 782 00:37:39,737 --> 00:37:40,697 earlier tonight. - Ah. 783 00:37:40,863 --> 00:37:44,367 The first night in the afterlife can be a little overwhelming. 784 00:37:44,450 --> 00:37:46,786 Don't worry about us, Michael. We are doing just fine. 785 00:37:46,911 --> 00:37:48,913 Oh, good, good. Glad to hear that. 786 00:37:48,955 --> 00:37:50,039 Well, it's getting late. 787 00:37:50,665 --> 00:37:53,334 Chidi, allow me to escort you back to your house. 788 00:37:53,501 --> 00:37:55,336 Um... - Uh, hello, all. 789 00:37:55,753 --> 00:37:57,088 Sorry for the late hour, Eleanor. 790 00:37:57,338 --> 00:37:59,716 I wanted to stop by and give you back your sash. 791 00:37:59,757 --> 00:38:01,259 That's OK. You can just keep it. 792 00:38:01,342 --> 00:38:02,969 No! I don't deserve it. 793 00:38:03,428 --> 00:38:05,471 I made a complete fool of myself tonight. 794 00:38:05,555 --> 00:38:08,641 I interrupted your big speech, badly stained my cargo pants 795 00:38:08,808 --> 00:38:11,227 which, I have to admit, are quite comfortable. 796 00:38:11,769 --> 00:38:13,646 Oh, God, what's happened to me? 797 00:38:14,063 --> 00:38:15,648 I'm praising off-the-rack separates! 798 00:38:15,815 --> 00:38:16,941 Tahani, please. It's late. 799 00:38:17,025 --> 00:38:18,234 I think what we should do is-- - No. 800 00:38:18,276 --> 00:38:21,571 Look, ever since I got here, it feels like something's been off. 801 00:38:22,113 --> 00:38:25,783 Tahani. There you are. I've been worried sick about you. 802 00:38:26,034 --> 00:38:27,410 ELEANOR: That's her soulmate? 803 00:38:27,994 --> 00:38:29,203 Is there a second one of him 804 00:38:29,245 --> 00:38:30,913 that stands on his shoulders? - PEVITA: Chidi! 805 00:38:31,039 --> 00:38:33,583 There you are. I've been worried sick about you. 806 00:38:33,791 --> 00:38:35,293 OK, alright, everybody. 807 00:38:35,418 --> 00:38:37,795 Now we are really imposing on Eleanor here. 808 00:38:38,254 --> 00:38:40,673 Chidi, let's everybody take off... - Hey, Eleanor. 809 00:38:40,715 --> 00:38:44,886 This person would like to speak with you privately. About something. 810 00:38:45,303 --> 00:38:47,096 Oh, really? - Yep. 811 00:38:47,764 --> 00:38:48,723 Bye! - JANET CHIMES 812 00:38:48,806 --> 00:38:50,850 This is the wise monk who gave me the magic amulet. 813 00:38:50,975 --> 00:38:52,143 I gotta figure out what it means. 814 00:38:52,226 --> 00:38:53,728 Could be the key to this entire mystery. 815 00:38:54,103 --> 00:38:55,605 Luang, perfect, uh... 816 00:38:55,897 --> 00:38:59,025 Why don't you take Jianyu back to your yurt right away? 817 00:38:59,233 --> 00:39:01,027 Homie, no! 818 00:39:01,194 --> 00:39:04,030 I'm not spending another second with this loser. 819 00:39:04,364 --> 00:39:07,033 You said he was gonna be my best friend, but he is not. 820 00:39:07,116 --> 00:39:11,704 My best friend from Jacksonville was named Pillboi and he was dope! 821 00:39:11,829 --> 00:39:15,708 We would talk together, get high together, throw old batteries at drones together. 822 00:39:15,792 --> 00:39:18,169 But this guy can't hold a camel to Pillboi. 823 00:39:19,212 --> 00:39:20,922 OK, I no longer think he's a wise monk 824 00:39:20,963 --> 00:39:22,715 and I'm pretty sure this is just a piece of garbage. 825 00:39:22,840 --> 00:39:25,385 Babe, there you are. I've been worried-- - Let me stop you. 826 00:39:25,426 --> 00:39:26,302 Can I guess? 827 00:39:26,344 --> 00:39:28,221 You've been "worried sick" about me. 828 00:39:29,680 --> 00:39:30,556 I'm headed to the gym. 829 00:39:32,517 --> 00:39:35,478 Sure, why not? - I'm quite confused. 830 00:39:35,561 --> 00:39:39,148 Let me explain, gorgeous. I don't know what this place is 831 00:39:39,232 --> 00:39:41,692 but it is certainly not the Good Place. 832 00:39:41,734 --> 00:39:43,945 Michael is forking with us. 833 00:39:44,612 --> 00:39:46,656 Like a prank show? - Yeah, like a prank show. 834 00:39:46,781 --> 00:39:49,492 Except according to this note, it's a prank show 835 00:39:49,617 --> 00:39:51,202 we've all been on before. 836 00:39:51,494 --> 00:39:53,788 What note? - Apparently, I wrote myself a note 837 00:39:53,955 --> 00:39:55,706 and stuck it in that Jackie lady's mouth. 838 00:39:55,957 --> 00:39:57,750 Janet. Her name is Janet. - Oh, right, Janet. 839 00:39:57,875 --> 00:39:58,960 JANET CHIMES: Hi there. - Hi Janet! 840 00:39:59,127 --> 00:40:01,462 Hi Jason. MICHAEL CACKLES 841 00:40:03,172 --> 00:40:05,174 Are you kidding me? 842 00:40:05,550 --> 00:40:09,220 Eleanor Shellstrop, you sneaky little 843 00:40:09,846 --> 00:40:13,558 so-and-so. That was some very quick thinking. 844 00:40:13,599 --> 00:40:15,184 I'm extremely impressed. 845 00:40:15,351 --> 00:40:18,521 And to be honest, I'm relieved. 846 00:40:19,105 --> 00:40:22,984 At least there's an explanation for why this all went south so fast. 847 00:40:23,317 --> 00:40:25,403 But you're not gonna be so lucky next time. 848 00:40:25,778 --> 00:40:27,029 Next time? - What? 849 00:40:27,196 --> 00:40:28,656 HE LAUGHS: Yeah. - He's gonna do it again! 850 00:40:29,532 --> 00:40:32,285 That's not gonna work this time, dummy. 851 00:40:32,368 --> 00:40:35,079 OK, excuse me. I'm sorry, but this is unacceptable. 852 00:40:35,163 --> 00:40:37,874 I demand to speak to your superior. - I am so sorry, madam. 853 00:40:37,915 --> 00:40:39,000 Please forgive me. - HE CLICKS HIS FINGERS 854 00:40:41,294 --> 00:40:45,506 Well, as humans like to say, third time's the charm, right? 855 00:40:45,590 --> 00:40:46,757 CROWD GRUMBLES 856 00:40:47,091 --> 00:40:50,344 I take full responsibility for the false start. 857 00:40:50,928 --> 00:40:54,515 But I assure you all, there is no note this time. 858 00:40:54,974 --> 00:40:56,684 I'll prove it to you. Janet! 859 00:40:56,809 --> 00:40:57,852 JANET CHIMES - Hi there. 860 00:40:58,060 --> 00:41:00,229 Hi, Janet. Open your mouth please. 861 00:41:01,564 --> 00:41:02,565 Thank you. 862 00:41:05,276 --> 00:41:06,402 See, no notes. 863 00:41:06,611 --> 00:41:09,780 No clues or loopholes, nothing in there! 864 00:41:11,157 --> 00:41:12,033 Thank you, Janet. 865 00:41:12,116 --> 00:41:13,659 JANET CHIMES - So, let's all just pretend 866 00:41:13,743 --> 00:41:15,119 the last attempt never even happened. 867 00:41:15,328 --> 00:41:17,705 Questions? - Maybe it's none of our business 868 00:41:18,039 --> 00:41:20,625 but did you tell Shawn what happened? - Yes, I did. 869 00:41:20,750 --> 00:41:23,169 And he completely understood. 870 00:41:23,294 --> 00:41:25,922 As a matter of fact, he found the whole thing kind of funny. 871 00:41:26,255 --> 00:41:27,715 But he was very supportive 872 00:41:27,798 --> 00:41:30,635 and he says he's very excited for us to get going again. 873 00:41:30,718 --> 00:41:31,636 So, anyone else? 874 00:41:32,970 --> 00:41:34,931 Anybody? No? 875 00:41:35,306 --> 00:41:37,517 Then let's get out there and make some miseries! 876 00:41:41,270 --> 00:41:43,105 Testing, one, two, three. 877 00:41:43,356 --> 00:41:44,482 PHONE RINGS 878 00:41:46,317 --> 00:41:47,610 Hey there, boss-man. 879 00:41:47,693 --> 00:41:49,737 You were supposed to call me this morning, give me an update. 880 00:41:50,071 --> 00:41:51,405 Oh. HE LAUGHS 881 00:41:51,614 --> 00:41:53,908 Right, sorry. Yeah, it's just the, uh... 882 00:41:54,700 --> 00:41:56,786 the chaos sequence was going so well 883 00:41:57,078 --> 00:41:59,163 better than the first time, in my opinion. 884 00:41:59,413 --> 00:42:01,874 Eleanor got completely drunk last night. 885 00:42:02,375 --> 00:42:03,584 She talked for, like, an hour. 886 00:42:03,668 --> 00:42:06,754 You know, even flashed somebody, so we had a lot to work with. 887 00:42:07,088 --> 00:42:09,882 So, attempt number two is on track so far? - Oh, smooth as silk. 888 00:42:09,966 --> 00:42:12,176 Everything's great. - TORTURED SCREAMS 889 00:42:12,260 --> 00:42:15,012 Oh! Sounds like everything's going well back there too. 890 00:42:15,096 --> 00:42:16,639 We're trying out the new butthole spiders. 891 00:42:17,014 --> 00:42:18,391 Ah! - They're enormous. 892 00:42:18,683 --> 00:42:21,394 You know, good old-fashioned torture, the way it's supposed to be. 893 00:42:22,562 --> 00:42:23,938 Good luck with attempt number two. 894 00:42:24,021 --> 00:42:26,774 And remember, there will be no attempt number three. 895 00:42:31,445 --> 00:42:33,739 Eleanor. Come on in.