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Last season on The Good Place...
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In the afterlife, there's a Good Place
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and there's a Bad Place.
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You're in the Good Place.
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Eleanor, you are my soulmate.
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Chidi, you'll stand by my side
no matter what, right?
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Of course I will.
- I'm not supposed to be here.
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Wait, what?
- Eleanor, Chidi
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I would like you to meet
Tahani and Jianyu.
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Boop!
- Oh!
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You booped me.
- I did.
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His real name is Jason.
He's a drug-dealing DJ from Florida.
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- What's up, homie?
- The problem in the neighbourhood
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is me.
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You have all done bad things
since you arrived here.
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The Bad Place is owed two people.
You can decide.
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Holy motherforking shirtballs.
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This is the Bad Place.
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Except for you four
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everyone in this neighbourhood
is one of us.
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You saw us all on Earth
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a selfish ass, an idiot DJ
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a tortured academic, a hot, rich fraud.
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You thought we would torture each other.
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The only thing you succeeded in doing
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was bringing us all together.
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That's it! My big mistake
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was having you be soulmates
living next to each other.
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Next time, I'll spread you out
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so it's more of a slow burn.
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I'm gonna erase your memories,
make a few changes
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and start over again. Just gotta
get the boss-man to sign off.
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If this thing goes sideways again,
you are done.
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Do your worst. We figured
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it out once, we can do it again. Janet.
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Open up.
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Because you know what, Michael?
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Ya basic--
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You, Eleanor Shellstrop,
are dead.
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Cool.
- I'm your soulmate.
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You'll stand by me no matter what, right?
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Hold that thought.
Is it OK if I go work out?
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I gotta stay jacked.
It's who I am.
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See you soon.
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Hi there.
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I'm Janet.
I think this is yours.
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After I was rebooted,
I found it in my mouth.
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What the fork is a "Chidi"?
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Why can't I say fork?
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OK, here we go.
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Confidence, Mikey.
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Project confidence.
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There he is! How's it going,
boss-man?
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Enough chit-chat. Is everything
in place for version two?
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Yup! We're keeping everything from
version one that made them miserable
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adding a bunch of new stuff that
they'll hate.
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For example, all the coffee is
from those little pods.
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Diabolical.
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Plus, they will all have new
soulmates, of course.
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You gotta trust me on this, boss.
I've thought of everything.
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I won't let you down.
- I think you will.
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I think this entire project of yours
is stupid and doomed to fail.
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I think you're going to be retired,
eliminated from existence
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and burned on the surface
of a billion suns.
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And I have no doubt that you
and your cockamamy experiment
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will go down in history
as colossal failures.
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You know, I think if--
- Toodle-oo.
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OK, take two, folks.
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Any last questions
before we start up again?
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Yes.
- Just so I'm clear...
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we're not pairing them up this time?
- Correct.
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Obviously, the eventual goal
is to get them to torture each other but...
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first we're going to create some nice,
individual torment.
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In version one, making them soulmates
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we probably bit off more
than we could chew.
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We could bite them?
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I didn't know we were allowed to
bite them!
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That's an expression, Chuck.
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Alright, go ahead, Vicky.
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Yeah, I have some questions
about my new character.
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I feel like I got Real Eleanor -
like, I got her, you know?
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But this new character, "Denise",
I mean, who is she?
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I don't get her.
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Is she a quirky best friend type,
or more of a...
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a femme fatale "sexuality is her weapon
of choice" type?
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Both, both those things.
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I have some questions
about my character too, like...
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can he bite them?
- No.
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OK, reminder.
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The most important thing tonight,
and this is crucial
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you need to get Eleanor drunk
at the welcome party
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so she will say and do
a bunch of bad stuff.
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And then we take that stuff
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and use it to build our chaos
sequence in the morning.
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For example, you remember last time?
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She stole all the cocktail shrimp
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and we made giant nightmare shrimp
fly through the sky?
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See, it's those details
that make her realise
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she's in danger of being found out.
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OK. I know that this kind of large-scale
deception
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is not what you were trained to do.
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There are gonna be days when you're just
sick of being around
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these disgusting humans, with their...
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weird, gross little mouths
and their stupid elbows.
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You're gonna be tempted
to say, "Screw it."
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"Can't we just go back to HQ
and do this the old-fashioned way?"
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"Pull out some fingernails,
toss someone in an acid pit"
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"fire up the old penis flattener?"
And sure...
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sure, that sounds nice.
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But it also sounds easy.
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We're all here because we believe
that there's a better way
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to make humans miserable.
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And I... I believe in you.
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So, "torture" on three.
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- Ready? One, two, three...
- Torture!
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And biting!
- Nope! No.
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Hey, lady?
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Can you come back?
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J...Joey?
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Janine?
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J... Jaja?
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Why don't I ever listen
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to people when they talk about themselves?
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No, it's annoying, and I'm right not to.
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OK, Chidi, where are you?
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Or what are you?
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A type of soup, maybe?
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Hi there.
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I'm Eleanor.
- Nice to meet you, Eleanor. I'm Nina.
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This is my soulmate, Bart.
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Love it.
Love people's names
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and love learning all about them.
Where are you all from?
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Well, oddly enough
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I was born in Mozambique--
- Cool.
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Listen, do you guys know if there's, like,
a Neighbourhood phone book
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with everybody's name listed in it?
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Oh, I don't think so, cos,
I mean, there's no phones here.
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There are no phones here?
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Of course.
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Duh!
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There's no use for 'em.
I always prefer talking to people anyway.
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People are like nature's apps.
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Huh.
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Anyway, we're on our way to get some pizza.
Would you like to join us?
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Maybe we could get to know each other
a little bit, chat.
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Uh, I'm good.
I'm gonna explore a little bit.
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But it was so nice to meet you Nina,
and B...
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bye-bye!
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Oh, sorry, I didn't see you.
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Chidi?
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Are you Chidi?
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Eleanor? What are you up to?
- Oh, hey there, Michael.
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Just getting to know everyone
in the neighbourhood.
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Oh!
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Who was that mysterious
gentleman wearing the nightgown?
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Oh, uh, that's Jianyu, a Taiwanese monk
who never speaks.
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Might be a little hard to get to know him.
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Eleanor, you and I both know
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that you're not like everyone else
in this neighbourhood.
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Everyone here led a remarkable life.
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But you...
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the work you did
as an environmental activist
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was just extraordinary!
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Ah. Well, it's the environment.
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I mean, I loved...
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um... mushrooms.
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I can honestly say that.
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Well, it paid off, because you
were the number one point-getter
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in this entire neighbourhood.
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As such, I was just hoping
that you could say a few words
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at tonight's welcome party.
You know, just to introduce yourself.
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How can I say no?
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Can I say "no"?
It doesn't feel like I can say "no."
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But if I can, Michael, I'm saying "no".
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OK, so, you'll speak for...
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maybe an hour or so?
Hey, you know what?
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I got you a little something to wear here.
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Now, all the top point-getters
wear these on the first night.
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Oh, you gotta be forking kidding me...
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So, long story short,
my heart is in the Pope
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my liver's in the Dalai Lama,
and my teeth were strung into a necklace
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for a child-king in French Polynesia.
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But it got me into the Good Place so,
can't complain.
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Wow. Can I...
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tell you something?
Just soulmate to soulmate?
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Hold that thought.
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I'm gonna head to the gym.
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Oh, you're serious. Again? Right now?
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Yeah. I'll catch you later!
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Hey there, Best Person!
You must be Eleanor.
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I'm Jessica, the host.
- Hi.
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Michael told us all about your speech.
I can't wait to hear what you have to say.
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Me neither, Jessica. Me. Neither.
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Aw, don't be nervous. Here.
195
00:09:11,072 --> 00:09:14,534
Liquid courage.
- Actually, um...
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you know what?
I think I need to keep a clear head.
197
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Can you imagine getting drunk
before giving a big speech?
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00:09:20,915 --> 00:09:22,584
Getting kicked out
of your niece's christening
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and then, only later,
once you've sobered up
200
00:09:24,627 --> 00:09:26,212
realise you don't even have a niece.
201
00:09:26,296 --> 00:09:27,547
It's like, who was that kid?
202
00:09:29,007 --> 00:09:31,801
So, Eleanor,
you were an environmental lawyer.
203
00:09:31,926 --> 00:09:33,469
That's fascinating.
- Yeah.
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00:09:33,553 --> 00:09:35,388
I know. Just don't ask me any questions
about it.
205
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I am so sick of describing
exactly what it means.
206
00:09:38,141 --> 00:09:40,184
Hey, I'm headed to the bar.
Can I grab you something?
207
00:09:40,351 --> 00:09:42,061
How about a margarita?
- No, I'm good.
208
00:09:42,812 --> 00:09:45,064
Actually, I'm the best,
according to the sash.
209
00:09:48,318 --> 00:09:49,611
She's still not drinking?
- Nope.
210
00:09:49,986 --> 00:09:52,614
Something's off.
- Should we...?
211
00:09:52,989 --> 00:09:54,657
Om-nom-nom-nom...
212
00:09:54,699 --> 00:09:55,825
No.
- Mm-mm.
213
00:09:55,867 --> 00:09:56,784
Keep it together.
214
00:10:00,788 --> 00:10:02,165
Ah, screw it.
215
00:10:02,540 --> 00:10:04,792
Couple of quick shots...
216
00:10:05,501 --> 00:10:07,754
And then I'm coming for you,
shrimpies.
217
00:10:13,134 --> 00:10:15,720
Please don't make this harder
than it already is, Chidi.
218
00:10:19,974 --> 00:10:20,850
These are for you.
219
00:10:21,976 --> 00:10:22,852
Drink up.
220
00:10:24,646 --> 00:10:26,773
Hi. Is your name Chidi?
221
00:10:27,273 --> 00:10:28,149
Yes?
222
00:10:28,274 --> 00:10:31,611
Ah! I knew you weren't a soup.
- What?
223
00:10:31,694 --> 00:10:35,365
Listen to me very carefully.
My name is Eleanor Shellstrop.
224
00:10:36,324 --> 00:10:37,367
We need to talk.
225
00:10:45,083 --> 00:10:46,918
Chidi? Come on in.
226
00:10:48,461 --> 00:10:50,088
So there really is an afterlife?
227
00:10:50,755 --> 00:10:55,051
I can't wait to have breakfast
with Kant and lunch with Michel Foucault
228
00:10:55,343 --> 00:10:56,594
and then have dinner with Kant again
229
00:10:56,636 --> 00:10:58,304
so we can talk about
what came up at breakfast.
230
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I'm sorry, Chidi, all the great philosophers
in history
231
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ended up in the Bad Place.
232
00:11:04,310 --> 00:11:08,231
All of my heroes are...?
- Being tortured. Yes, I'm afraid so.
233
00:11:08,398 --> 00:11:13,027
Actually, it is kind of clever
how they punish philosophers.
234
00:11:13,736 --> 00:11:17,240
Every day, they make them
go to school naked
235
00:11:17,824 --> 00:11:21,160
and then they take a test
in a class they've never been to.
236
00:11:22,495 --> 00:11:24,080
And then they smash them
with hammers.
237
00:11:24,247 --> 00:11:25,915
And that part is not so clever.
238
00:11:26,332 --> 00:11:30,753
But the point is, Chidi,
you were way better than all of them.
239
00:11:31,462 --> 00:11:32,588
You're safe.
240
00:11:34,674 --> 00:11:38,052
No way. Soulmates are real?
- They sure are.
241
00:11:38,553 --> 00:11:41,347
Although, your soulmate situation
is a little unusual.
242
00:11:41,597 --> 00:11:44,350
Oh, no.
I don't have one, do I?
243
00:11:44,434 --> 00:11:45,810
That's fine. I mean, who needs
a soulmate, anyway?
244
00:11:46,102 --> 00:11:47,812
My soulmate will be...
245
00:11:48,521 --> 00:11:49,397
books!
246
00:11:49,856 --> 00:11:51,858
No, no, it's not that you don't have
a soulmate
247
00:11:51,941 --> 00:11:54,527
it's that you have multiple soulmates.
248
00:11:55,361 --> 00:11:56,237
Here. Now...
249
00:11:56,863 --> 00:11:59,073
Normally, our omniscient system
250
00:11:59,115 --> 00:12:01,659
perfectly analyses each person's profile
251
00:12:02,034 --> 00:12:04,287
and then matches him or her
with another person.
252
00:12:04,370 --> 00:12:07,790
But in your case, the system matched you
with two other people.
253
00:12:08,499 --> 00:12:12,044
It's a rare occurrence,
like a double rainbow
254
00:12:12,170 --> 00:12:15,631
or someone on the Internet saying,
"You know what?"
255
00:12:16,257 --> 00:12:17,717
"You've convinced me I was wrong."
256
00:12:17,842 --> 00:12:19,635
So, how do you choose
who I should be with?
257
00:12:19,802 --> 00:12:21,262
Oh, I don't choose.
You do, Chidi.
258
00:12:21,387 --> 00:12:24,307
I... what?
259
00:12:24,390 --> 00:12:27,685
This is Angelique, Pedro, and Pevita.
260
00:12:28,019 --> 00:12:31,355
According to the system, either Pedro
261
00:12:31,439 --> 00:12:34,692
or Chidi could be matched perfectly
with either Angelique
262
00:12:34,776 --> 00:12:36,569
or Pevita. So figure it out.
263
00:12:36,903 --> 00:12:37,820
Should be fun.
264
00:12:39,405 --> 00:12:41,491
Cool... beans.
265
00:12:41,657 --> 00:12:43,242
One second, guys. Um, so... so...
266
00:12:43,284 --> 00:12:44,285
So...
- Yeah?
267
00:12:44,327 --> 00:12:48,498
So... making decisions isn't necessarily
my strong suit.
268
00:12:48,748 --> 00:12:51,542
I know that, buddy.
You once had a panic attack
269
00:12:51,584 --> 00:12:54,378
at a make-your-own-sundae bar.
- There were too many toppings.
270
00:12:54,587 --> 00:12:58,132
And very early in the process
you had to commit to a chocolate palate
271
00:12:58,216 --> 00:12:59,801
or a fruit palate,
and if you couldn't decide
272
00:12:59,884 --> 00:13:03,179
you wound up with kiwi, Junior Mint, raisin,
and it just ruins everyone's night.
273
00:13:03,554 --> 00:13:07,517
Chidi, I am so sorry.
I literally cannot choose for you.
274
00:13:07,725 --> 00:13:11,562
This has to be your decision.
Buddy, you gotta trust me.
275
00:13:12,730 --> 00:13:16,275
I would never place you
in a painful situation.
276
00:13:17,235 --> 00:13:18,110
Right.
277
00:13:18,236 --> 00:13:20,238
- Um...
- You ready, Chidi?
278
00:13:21,447 --> 00:13:22,865
Here you go, Chidi.
279
00:13:22,990 --> 00:13:25,493
One slice of Hawaiian,
straight out the oven for you.
280
00:13:25,743 --> 00:13:27,620
I'm Denise.
Welcome to my pizza place.
281
00:13:27,703 --> 00:13:29,789
Thanks, Denise.
- And here's one for you.
282
00:13:29,872 --> 00:13:30,748
Have a nice day.
283
00:13:31,749 --> 00:13:34,544
It's interesting that Hawaiian pizza
is so popular here.
284
00:13:34,961 --> 00:13:36,963
Yeah, I guess a lot
of the residents here love it.
285
00:13:37,171 --> 00:13:39,465
Kinda makes you wonder what type of pizza
they have in the Bad Place, huh?
286
00:13:41,759 --> 00:13:44,095
So, I can't believe you studied in Brisbane.
287
00:13:44,220 --> 00:13:46,931
We must have just missed each other.
What was your thesis on?
288
00:13:47,056 --> 00:13:48,975
Oh, gosh. It was so boring.
289
00:13:49,642 --> 00:13:52,436
It was called, "Cultural Relativism
and Moral Absolutism"
290
00:13:52,520 --> 00:13:55,898
"An Exploration of Values As Seen
Through The Works of Alain LeRoy"
291
00:13:55,940 --> 00:13:57,650
"...Locke and Immanuel Kant."
292
00:13:58,025 --> 00:13:59,819
Shut up. You read it?
293
00:13:59,861 --> 00:14:02,947
No, but that pairing
is the most obvious pairing
294
00:14:03,072 --> 00:14:04,532
to employ in a paper with that title
295
00:14:04,574 --> 00:14:06,742
and I wanna read it so bad!
296
00:14:07,785 --> 00:14:09,161
What about Morocco?
297
00:14:09,412 --> 00:14:11,622
You ever travel there?
298
00:14:14,292 --> 00:14:15,167
No.
299
00:14:17,044 --> 00:14:18,254
What about anywhere else?
300
00:14:18,296 --> 00:14:20,047
You been anywhere else?
- No.
301
00:14:22,633 --> 00:14:24,927
So, first impressions?
302
00:14:25,469 --> 00:14:28,264
Anyone?
- I kinda wanna hear what Chidi thinks.
303
00:14:29,432 --> 00:14:31,893
Well. Um, I mean, you're both
304
00:14:31,934 --> 00:14:35,563
brilliant, accomplished women,
and Pedro, you're great too.
305
00:14:35,646 --> 00:14:38,149
Just amazing people. I'm surrounded. Ah!
306
00:14:38,316 --> 00:14:42,153
Ahh! But, if I had to say
307
00:14:42,194 --> 00:14:47,325
who I sort of immediately bonded to
on a gut level
308
00:14:47,491 --> 00:14:50,328
I think I would say that I...
309
00:14:50,369 --> 00:14:53,497
kind of feel like my soulmate is...
310
00:14:53,539 --> 00:14:54,415
Angel--
311
00:14:54,498 --> 00:14:56,375
Wait, wait!
312
00:14:57,919 --> 00:14:59,754
There was a mistake in the calculations.
313
00:14:59,921 --> 00:15:03,758
We had a four-hour time gap
in your profiles on May 10, 2003.
314
00:15:04,050 --> 00:15:08,346
I corrected that day's events for all of you,
and ran the numbers again and...
315
00:15:08,596 --> 00:15:11,182
and the final result proves definitively
316
00:15:11,390 --> 00:15:13,643
that Pedro is Angelique's soulmate
317
00:15:13,726 --> 00:15:16,187
and Chidi, your soulmate is Pevita.
318
00:15:17,647 --> 00:15:19,857
That was close.
319
00:15:20,566 --> 00:15:22,693
Hey, you guys hadn't made a decision yet,
had you?
320
00:15:23,069 --> 00:15:25,446
No! We did not.
No one said anything.
321
00:15:25,529 --> 00:15:27,406
I didn't hear anything,
and I certainly didn't say anything.
322
00:15:27,490 --> 00:15:28,908
That's for darn sure.
323
00:15:36,999 --> 00:15:39,001
OK. Alright.
324
00:15:39,669 --> 00:15:40,586
See you later.
325
00:15:43,923 --> 00:15:46,676
This is fun. It's a fun party.
326
00:15:46,801 --> 00:15:49,553
There's no question about it,
this is a fun situation.
327
00:15:50,262 --> 00:15:51,889
Hey, you guys are here.
328
00:15:52,014 --> 00:15:54,392
The fun continues, nay, increases!
329
00:15:55,101 --> 00:15:56,769
You two look nice.
330
00:15:57,019 --> 00:15:58,771
Thanks! And you look...
331
00:16:01,399 --> 00:16:02,400
fine.
332
00:16:03,150 --> 00:16:05,069
Would I say you look better
than anyone else here?
333
00:16:05,152 --> 00:16:06,153
No, I wouldn't say that.
334
00:16:06,278 --> 00:16:07,697
Do you look bad? No.
335
00:16:07,780 --> 00:16:09,949
But good? Would I go as far as to say
that you look good?
336
00:16:10,783 --> 00:16:11,951
Doubtful. Hey, wine.
337
00:16:12,743 --> 00:16:14,453
Mmm. Uh...
338
00:16:14,495 --> 00:16:15,997
Do I feel like red or white?
- Oh...
339
00:16:16,539 --> 00:16:17,957
deep down in your heart of hearts
340
00:16:17,999 --> 00:16:19,709
you probably already know
which one you want.
341
00:16:23,004 --> 00:16:24,463
Why isn't anyone talking?
342
00:16:24,547 --> 00:16:26,757
Janet, could you show me to the bar, please?
- Mm-hm!
343
00:16:32,888 --> 00:16:34,390
Oh, hey!
344
00:16:34,557 --> 00:16:36,392
Chidi, right? Denise.
345
00:16:36,684 --> 00:16:40,229
We met earlier, remember?
- Oh, yeah, hi.
346
00:16:40,521 --> 00:16:42,356
Are you limping?
- Yeah, I am.
347
00:16:42,440 --> 00:16:43,649
Crazy story.
348
00:16:43,899 --> 00:16:47,194
See, I was a trapeze artist
in an illegal circus in Bangladesh...
349
00:16:47,278 --> 00:16:49,780
Angelique.
- Hey. How are you doing?
350
00:16:50,781 --> 00:16:53,701
Oh, well, uh... Heh. You know...
351
00:16:54,577 --> 00:16:56,787
My stomach's in knots,
I'm stress-grinding my teeth
352
00:16:56,954 --> 00:16:58,998
and it feels like my soul is being
suffocated.
353
00:16:59,123 --> 00:17:00,750
You know, just your standard
paradise stuff.
354
00:17:01,584 --> 00:17:04,420
How about you?
- It's been a little uncomfortable.
355
00:17:05,046 --> 00:17:09,050
I think Pedro maybe heard you say
that thing you were gonna say.
356
00:17:09,258 --> 00:17:11,719
Oh, no. I'm so sorry. I...
357
00:17:12,595 --> 00:17:13,471
but I have to ask.
358
00:17:14,180 --> 00:17:17,016
Do you feel the way I feel?
- We can't talk about this.
359
00:17:17,183 --> 00:17:20,728
Well, I know, but if the numbers
were that close, Angelique
360
00:17:20,811 --> 00:17:22,229
I think I'm supposed to...
- Stop!
361
00:17:23,105 --> 00:17:25,316
Please don't make this harder
than it already is, Chidi.
362
00:17:29,236 --> 00:17:30,154
These are for you.
363
00:17:31,739 --> 00:17:33,783
Hi. Is your name Chidi?
364
00:17:34,742 --> 00:17:37,411
Yes?
- Ah! I knew you weren't a soup.
365
00:17:38,329 --> 00:17:40,372
What?
- Listen to me very carefully.
366
00:17:40,581 --> 00:17:42,792
My name is Eleanor Shellstrop.
367
00:17:43,209 --> 00:17:44,460
We need to talk.
368
00:17:44,585 --> 00:17:45,753
About what?
369
00:17:45,836 --> 00:17:48,589
Just shut your mouth, smile at me,
and walk over here.
370
00:17:49,006 --> 00:17:52,468
OK, you're definitely my least favourite
person I've met so far.
371
00:17:53,427 --> 00:17:55,137
OK, I'm sorry,
this is really not a good time.
372
00:17:55,179 --> 00:17:56,263
I'm right in the middle of something.
- Dude.
373
00:17:56,305 --> 00:17:58,224
I'm guessing we have
about 30 seconds to talk
374
00:17:58,307 --> 00:17:59,475
before someone notices.
375
00:17:59,725 --> 00:18:04,105
When I got here, some robot lady
appeared out of thin air and gave me this.
376
00:18:04,230 --> 00:18:06,482
You mean Janet?
- Oh, that's it! Janet.
377
00:18:06,607 --> 00:18:07,817
Hi there.
378
00:18:07,858 --> 00:18:09,151
Not now, Janet. Buzz off.
379
00:18:09,235 --> 00:18:10,361
OK.
380
00:18:10,486 --> 00:18:12,738
Now, I have no memory of writing this
381
00:18:12,822 --> 00:18:14,406
but it is my handwriting.
382
00:18:14,907 --> 00:18:16,075
And that's your name, right?
383
00:18:16,283 --> 00:18:20,830
So, for some reason, at some point,
I put this note into
384
00:18:21,330 --> 00:18:23,666
that whatever-lady's robot mouth.
385
00:18:24,125 --> 00:18:25,960
You already forgot her name?
- No, I didn't.
386
00:18:26,627 --> 00:18:28,295
Her name is...
387
00:18:28,838 --> 00:18:29,713
Janet.
388
00:18:29,755 --> 00:18:30,631
Hi there.
389
00:18:30,673 --> 00:18:32,091
Fork off!
- OK.
390
00:18:32,133 --> 00:18:33,843
- From the second I got here
391
00:18:33,884 --> 00:18:35,511
these nerds have been acting real weird
392
00:18:35,636 --> 00:18:36,846
trying to get me drunk.
393
00:18:37,304 --> 00:18:39,723
My soulmate ditches me
every time I try to talk to him
394
00:18:40,057 --> 00:18:44,728
and this Zen-master guy gave me
this magic bracelet thing
395
00:18:45,146 --> 00:18:46,272
and then he just ran away.
396
00:18:46,564 --> 00:18:50,651
Something very strange is going on here,
and the only person I trust is me
397
00:18:50,734 --> 00:18:52,361
and me told me to find you.
398
00:18:52,486 --> 00:18:55,489
So, what's the deal?
What's happening? What have you got?
399
00:18:55,573 --> 00:18:57,449
Uh... OK, I...
400
00:18:58,284 --> 00:19:02,413
Look, I'm, I'm sorry, but none of this
means anything to me
401
00:19:02,496 --> 00:19:05,124
and I've got my own problems to deal with.
I'm sorry, I can't help you.
402
00:19:06,625 --> 00:19:09,670
Attention, everyone!
403
00:19:09,712 --> 00:19:10,671
Speech time!
404
00:19:12,047 --> 00:19:15,509
I know you're probably not a magic wizard
trapped in an amulet but if you are
405
00:19:15,593 --> 00:19:17,178
please get me out of this speech.
406
00:19:26,395 --> 00:19:28,272
Tahani. Come on in.
407
00:19:29,982 --> 00:19:32,026
You're in the Good Place, Tahani.
408
00:19:32,568 --> 00:19:34,987
Ooh, what a surprise!
409
00:19:36,822 --> 00:19:37,990
But yes, I accept.
410
00:19:38,908 --> 00:19:41,118
This is your soulmate, Tomas.
411
00:19:41,535 --> 00:19:45,122
Now, Tomas was a doctor
with the International Rescue Alliance
412
00:19:45,206 --> 00:19:47,499
and you raised money that ultimately
413
00:19:47,541 --> 00:19:50,878
funded his medical missions.
It's just so perfect!
414
00:19:50,920 --> 00:19:53,172
Wow.
- It's lovely to meet you, Tahani.
415
00:19:53,214 --> 00:19:54,465
Charmed, I'm...
416
00:19:54,506 --> 00:19:55,424
short.
417
00:19:56,675 --> 00:19:58,802
I'm sorry, did I just say "short"?
I-I meant to say
418
00:19:58,886 --> 00:20:02,348
"charmed, I'm sure," of course,
because I am charmed to meet you.
419
00:20:02,473 --> 00:20:05,476
It's just an unfortunate Freudian short.
420
00:20:07,519 --> 00:20:08,771
Shall we?
421
00:20:10,606 --> 00:20:12,608
So, where did you attend medical short?
422
00:20:12,983 --> 00:20:17,488
So, this is the living room as well as
the kitchen and the bedroom.
423
00:20:18,405 --> 00:20:20,449
It's so... cosy.
424
00:20:21,617 --> 00:20:23,452
I feel like the walls are just hugging me.
425
00:20:23,619 --> 00:20:25,704
Michael, I don't mean to be rude
426
00:20:25,788 --> 00:20:28,082
but this is simply absurd.
427
00:20:28,374 --> 00:20:31,502
Yes, thank you.
I didn't want to say anything but...
428
00:20:31,669 --> 00:20:34,463
There's only two of us,
and we don't need all this space.
429
00:20:35,047 --> 00:20:36,799
- "All this space"?
- Oh, of course.
430
00:20:36,882 --> 00:20:39,843
You two humanitarians don't want
anything so extravagant.
431
00:20:39,969 --> 00:20:41,262
I'll just get rid of the second floor.
432
00:20:43,305 --> 00:20:46,350
OK, I'll let you two have some alone time.
I will see you at the party.
433
00:20:49,478 --> 00:20:52,314
Well... certainly is quite quaint.
434
00:20:52,398 --> 00:20:54,775
So, it's just... fun.
435
00:20:55,901 --> 00:20:58,696
I daresay even quite charm... ahhh, no.
436
00:20:59,405 --> 00:21:00,406
What's the matter?
437
00:21:00,572 --> 00:21:04,243
Sorry, it's just a self-portrait of my...
my sister.
438
00:21:05,160 --> 00:21:08,205
Wonderful.
- Your sister is Kamilah Al-Jamil?
439
00:21:08,289 --> 00:21:09,915
I used to play her music for my patients.
440
00:21:10,082 --> 00:21:13,627
At times, it felt like Kamilah's songs
were curing the malaria for us.
441
00:21:14,545 --> 00:21:15,963
Great.
442
00:21:16,922 --> 00:21:19,466
Well, I best be getting changed for tonight.
- Mm.
443
00:21:19,883 --> 00:21:21,885
Can hardly wear a day dress
to an evening event.
444
00:21:22,011 --> 00:21:24,263
Sounds good.
I'm ready whenever you are.
445
00:21:25,514 --> 00:21:27,349
Is that what you're wearing?
446
00:21:27,683 --> 00:21:28,559
Oh, yeah.
447
00:21:28,892 --> 00:21:32,438
My years treating remote villagers
taught me to favour comfort over style.
448
00:21:32,813 --> 00:21:34,481
But you should wear whatever you prefer.
449
00:21:35,190 --> 00:21:36,442
Well, I mean...
450
00:21:37,067 --> 00:21:40,321
as we are soulmates, perhaps I,
I should also...
451
00:21:41,447 --> 00:21:42,823
dress down.
452
00:21:48,037 --> 00:21:49,330
You alright, my dear?
453
00:21:50,289 --> 00:21:51,206
Yes
454
00:21:51,540 --> 00:21:54,168
just not used to dressing
like a plumberess.
455
00:21:55,252 --> 00:21:58,172
Is that what you call a female plumber,
or is it a toilet sweep?
456
00:21:58,797 --> 00:22:00,257
Or clog wench?
457
00:22:00,924 --> 00:22:03,552
In any case, that's how I'm dressed.
458
00:22:03,719 --> 00:22:08,140
My darling, you are in the Good Place. Relax.
459
00:22:08,807 --> 00:22:11,727
Feel the breeze on your feet.
That's why Crocs have holes in them.
460
00:22:12,644 --> 00:22:15,439
I'll get us a drink. Lower that
beautiful face for me, won't you?
461
00:22:16,231 --> 00:22:18,317
Lower-lower-lower-lower-lower...
Mwah!
462
00:22:21,820 --> 00:22:23,447
Tahani? You alright?
463
00:22:23,489 --> 00:22:25,240
Michael, hello! Yes.
464
00:22:25,407 --> 00:22:27,493
I'm having a splendid time.
465
00:22:28,452 --> 00:22:30,662
Although, if I'm being honest
466
00:22:30,788 --> 00:22:34,375
a few aspects of my day
have been sub-optimal.
467
00:22:34,708 --> 00:22:36,627
Really? Like what?
468
00:22:36,919 --> 00:22:38,587
Well... my house
469
00:22:39,004 --> 00:22:43,634
is a bit small, which is fine,
it's just not what I'm used to and...
470
00:22:43,967 --> 00:22:48,138
Tomas is lovely,
but we haven't really "clicked" yet
471
00:22:48,347 --> 00:22:50,641
to use a mundane colloquialism
472
00:22:50,682 --> 00:22:52,101
which I suppose I should do
473
00:22:52,434 --> 00:22:55,270
now that I'm wearing cargo pants.
474
00:22:55,396 --> 00:22:59,608
Tahani, it's very common
to experience adjustment pains.
475
00:22:59,942 --> 00:23:03,612
But the system matched you and Tomas,
and the system is never wrong.
476
00:23:04,822 --> 00:23:06,907
But guess what?
This is the Good Place.
477
00:23:07,074 --> 00:23:09,284
If you want your house to be larger,
then just ask.
478
00:23:09,410 --> 00:23:11,912
Do you want something this big?
479
00:23:11,954 --> 00:23:13,831
Or maybe bigger, like the Taj Mahal.
480
00:23:14,289 --> 00:23:16,041
I know, I know. How about a moon?
481
00:23:16,417 --> 00:23:18,585
Would you like to live
on your own private moon?
482
00:23:19,044 --> 00:23:21,630
No, no, no. My house is wonderful.
483
00:23:22,131 --> 00:23:23,841
And really, it's so silly
484
00:23:23,924 --> 00:23:26,510
to want a bigger house of all things,
here in paradise.
485
00:23:27,010 --> 00:23:28,595
So no, no changes needed.
486
00:23:28,720 --> 00:23:29,888
OK, alright.
487
00:23:30,055 --> 00:23:31,807
But if you change your mind, just ask.
488
00:23:32,099 --> 00:23:34,685
Because all the other residents
are very happy
489
00:23:34,726 --> 00:23:38,021
so it'll give me plenty of time to deal with
whatever requests you make.
490
00:23:38,564 --> 00:23:40,941
No demand is too...
491
00:23:40,983 --> 00:23:42,234
what's the word? Oh, "frivolous".
492
00:23:42,526 --> 00:23:44,570
OK? Wow...
493
00:23:44,862 --> 00:23:45,821
That is rough.
494
00:23:49,867 --> 00:23:52,244
Please don't make this harder
than it already is, Chidi.
495
00:23:56,457 --> 00:23:58,500
These are for you.
Drink up.
496
00:23:59,126 --> 00:24:00,419
Oh, no, no, I...
497
00:24:00,502 --> 00:24:02,921
Hey, hey, hey! Twinsies!
498
00:24:03,464 --> 00:24:04,715
I'm sorry?
- Look!
499
00:24:05,507 --> 00:24:07,092
cargo-pants buddies!
500
00:24:07,843 --> 00:24:09,928
I bet we have a lot in common.
501
00:24:10,095 --> 00:24:14,349
I was a garbage man in Winnipeg.
How about you?
502
00:24:14,975 --> 00:24:16,059
OK.
503
00:24:17,811 --> 00:24:19,104
Crocs also?
504
00:24:21,106 --> 00:24:22,107
Speech time!
505
00:24:22,232 --> 00:24:25,903
I know you're probably not a magic wizard
trapped in an amulet, but if you are
506
00:24:25,944 --> 00:24:27,279
please get me out of this speech.
507
00:24:27,321 --> 00:24:29,114
I've asked our top point-getter, here
508
00:24:29,156 --> 00:24:32,534
to say a few words.
So, take it away, Eleanor!
509
00:24:39,208 --> 00:24:41,710
The dictionary defines "best"
510
00:24:41,752 --> 00:24:43,754
- as being--
- Oh, God, boring!
511
00:24:44,630 --> 00:24:46,548
I'd like to say a few words if nobody minds.
512
00:24:46,840 --> 00:24:48,175
Thank you, wizard.
513
00:24:48,383 --> 00:24:51,220
I am Tahani. Tahani am me.
514
00:24:51,386 --> 00:24:54,515
And even though I wasn't
the "number one point-getter"
515
00:24:55,057 --> 00:24:57,351
I just wanted to welcome you all
to the Neighbourhood.
516
00:24:57,809 --> 00:25:01,480
You all look so beautiful tonight,
with your regular-sized pockets
517
00:25:02,439 --> 00:25:03,899
regular-sized soulmates.
518
00:25:04,525 --> 00:25:06,527
Oh, no offense, darling, wherever you are.
519
00:25:07,110 --> 00:25:08,237
Probably somewhere down there.
520
00:25:08,445 --> 00:25:11,949
Why don't you try to ease her off
the stage and take over yourself?
521
00:25:12,115 --> 00:25:14,326
The point is, we're all good people, right?
522
00:25:15,035 --> 00:25:17,913
We all did the right thing
whenever we could.
523
00:25:18,080 --> 00:25:20,832
And that's why it's so nice to be here
among you in this...
524
00:25:21,291 --> 00:25:23,335
massive house that I want.
525
00:25:24,086 --> 00:25:25,879
I want this house. Give it.
526
00:25:26,046 --> 00:25:29,550
No, I'm just kidding.
But really, give me the house.
527
00:25:30,133 --> 00:25:32,302
Hey there, hot stuff.
Can I get you a cup of coffee?
528
00:25:32,427 --> 00:25:34,054
Get your hands off me!
529
00:25:34,596 --> 00:25:37,432
Oh, you think you're better than I am,
don't you, just cos you're wearing that.
530
00:25:37,724 --> 00:25:39,726
Look at that terrible placement and angle.
531
00:25:39,977 --> 00:25:41,687
Is this your first time ever wearing a sash?
532
00:25:41,937 --> 00:25:44,022
Yeah, it is, but I think if we all just--
533
00:25:44,064 --> 00:25:45,274
Well, give it to me then!
534
00:25:51,071 --> 00:25:52,072
I got her off the stage.
535
00:26:00,706 --> 00:26:02,332
Jianyu? Come on in.
536
00:26:04,376 --> 00:26:07,004
Before we start,
I know you were a Buddhist monk
537
00:26:07,170 --> 00:26:08,922
who kept a vow of silence.
538
00:26:09,381 --> 00:26:12,342
Would you prefer to remain silent
here as well?
539
00:26:15,721 --> 00:26:18,724
Every resident here in the Good Place
has a soulmate.
540
00:26:18,849 --> 00:26:22,603
Now, some of the pairings are platonic,
some are romantic
541
00:26:23,020 --> 00:26:26,231
but what you have
with your soulmate is unique.
542
00:26:26,607 --> 00:26:31,653
You have a spiritual connection
that transcends the physical realm.
543
00:26:33,864 --> 00:26:35,949
This person's gonna be your best bud.
544
00:26:41,705 --> 00:26:46,084
Jianyu, let me introduce you
to your soulmate, Luang.
545
00:26:46,376 --> 00:26:48,378
He is also a Buddhist monk
546
00:26:48,420 --> 00:26:50,464
from the Lumbini zone of Nepal.
547
00:26:50,672 --> 00:26:55,927
You and Luang share an identical
soul like binary stars
548
00:26:56,094 --> 00:26:59,056
orbiting one another in a perfect,
reflective harmony.
549
00:26:59,264 --> 00:27:02,643
You won't ever have a single moment
of loneliness
550
00:27:03,143 --> 00:27:07,481
because you'll always be
right next to each other for eternity.
551
00:27:08,732 --> 00:27:10,901
OK, I'm gonna let you two get acquainted.
552
00:27:10,984 --> 00:27:14,655
I'm sure you have a lot to not talk about.
553
00:27:15,030 --> 00:27:17,574
Because... well, you get it, you get it.
554
00:28:06,123 --> 00:28:07,666
Oh, sorry, I didn't see you.
555
00:28:08,750 --> 00:28:10,877
Chidi? Are you Chidi?
556
00:28:15,382 --> 00:28:18,093
Eleanor? What are you up to?
- Oh, hey there, Michael.
557
00:28:19,386 --> 00:28:20,262
Just getting to know everyone
558
00:28:20,303 --> 00:28:21,179
- in the neighbourhood.
- Oh.
559
00:28:22,305 --> 00:28:23,682
Who was that mysterious...
560
00:28:44,161 --> 00:28:46,163
Hello, you beautiful spirits.
561
00:28:46,246 --> 00:28:48,498
Can I offer you two something to drink?
562
00:28:48,749 --> 00:28:49,958
- Janet!
- Hi there.
563
00:28:51,376 --> 00:28:52,586
This is Janet.
564
00:28:52,669 --> 00:28:56,173
Now, she can get you literally
anything you want.
565
00:28:56,256 --> 00:28:57,299
All you have to do is ask.
566
00:28:57,382 --> 00:29:02,596
Of course, you two won't ever want anything,
because you're perfectly content.
567
00:29:03,930 --> 00:29:05,557
Oh, I know.
How about something special?
568
00:29:05,849 --> 00:29:08,602
Janet, two yak's milks, please.
569
00:29:08,685 --> 00:29:10,061
Enjoy.
570
00:29:27,245 --> 00:29:30,081
Speech time!
571
00:29:30,248 --> 00:29:32,292
If we all just--
- Well, give it to me then!
572
00:29:35,921 --> 00:29:37,047
I got her off the stage.
573
00:29:37,297 --> 00:29:40,967
Tahani? Are you alright?
- Yes, fine.
574
00:29:41,343 --> 00:29:44,095
Never better.
Top of my game, actually.
575
00:29:44,471 --> 00:29:47,766
You'll have to excuse me,
cos I've got to go, so... Oh, look!
576
00:29:48,683 --> 00:29:49,726
I've got some shrimp.
577
00:29:50,268 --> 00:29:53,396
In one of my many, many cargo-pants pockets.
578
00:29:55,106 --> 00:29:57,192
What the fork is happening?
579
00:30:02,948 --> 00:30:04,366
OK, here we go.
580
00:30:05,408 --> 00:30:07,327
How's it going, boss-man?
- Enough chit-chat.
581
00:30:07,577 --> 00:30:08,954
Is everything in place for version two?
582
00:30:09,287 --> 00:30:10,956
Yup, I've thought of everything.
583
00:30:12,040 --> 00:30:12,999
I won't let you down.
584
00:30:13,458 --> 00:30:15,585
I was just hoping
that you could say a few words
585
00:30:15,710 --> 00:30:17,128
at tonight's welcome party.
586
00:30:17,212 --> 00:30:18,880
You know, just to introduce yourself.
587
00:30:19,422 --> 00:30:21,091
How can I say no?
588
00:30:21,216 --> 00:30:23,593
So... cosy.
589
00:30:24,427 --> 00:30:27,722
I feel like the walls are just hugging me.
590
00:30:27,848 --> 00:30:31,810
How about something special? Janet.
Two yak's milks, please.
591
00:30:33,019 --> 00:30:34,479
Why isn't anyone talking?
592
00:30:34,521 --> 00:30:36,398
Janet, could you show me to the bar, please?
- Mm-hmm.
593
00:30:39,025 --> 00:30:41,570
Michael, may I please speak
with you privately?
594
00:30:41,903 --> 00:30:42,904
Sure, sure.
595
00:30:44,614 --> 00:30:47,909
It just feels like I used to be Real Eleanor
596
00:30:47,951 --> 00:30:50,412
and now I'm Denise.
597
00:30:50,537 --> 00:30:53,915
Denise is a good part,
with a great backstory.
598
00:30:54,457 --> 00:30:58,169
You run the best pizza place
in the Neighbourhood.
599
00:30:59,254 --> 00:31:01,840
You have a cat, and that's cool.
600
00:31:02,215 --> 00:31:04,384
I took this job because it seemed
601
00:31:04,426 --> 00:31:05,927
fun and different
602
00:31:06,052 --> 00:31:08,847
and in the original version,
I got to break Chidi's heart
603
00:31:08,930 --> 00:31:11,349
like, 20 times, and it was great.
604
00:31:11,391 --> 00:31:13,393
I mean, he was miserable.
605
00:31:13,852 --> 00:31:17,105
And now, Angelique gets to torture him?
606
00:31:17,606 --> 00:31:18,815
Angelique is a hack.
607
00:31:18,982 --> 00:31:22,611
I can act circles around her!
But I have nothing to do!
608
00:31:22,819 --> 00:31:25,322
I am a Ferrari, OK?
609
00:31:25,363 --> 00:31:28,408
And you don't keep a Ferrari in the garage.
610
00:31:28,909 --> 00:31:30,493
I hear your concern. I do.
611
00:31:30,577 --> 00:31:31,912
And I promise you
612
00:31:31,953 --> 00:31:34,706
there is a great arc coming for Denise
the pizza lady
613
00:31:34,789 --> 00:31:36,499
in about 80 years or so.
614
00:31:36,666 --> 00:31:39,920
Chidi is going to accidentally kill your cat.
615
00:31:40,670 --> 00:31:42,714
It's gonna give you a great chance to shine.
616
00:31:42,797 --> 00:31:46,635
Can I just have something that makes me
stand out?
617
00:31:46,843 --> 00:31:50,347
A mysterious past, or a limp!
I want a limp.
618
00:31:50,430 --> 00:31:52,849
This is supposed to be the Good Place.
Why would...?
619
00:31:54,309 --> 00:31:56,186
OK, I, no, I hear you.
I'll tell you what.
620
00:31:56,645 --> 00:31:59,105
Go nuts. Limp your heart out.
621
00:32:01,107 --> 00:32:03,818
Oh, hey! Chidi, right?
622
00:32:03,860 --> 00:32:04,736
Hi.
623
00:32:04,861 --> 00:32:06,029
Are you limping?
624
00:32:08,239 --> 00:32:09,699
How's it going?
625
00:32:09,741 --> 00:32:11,159
We're having some trouble with Eleanor.
626
00:32:11,201 --> 00:32:13,787
She's not engaging in conversation,
she's not drinking.
627
00:32:14,079 --> 00:32:15,288
Eleanor's not drinking?
628
00:32:16,206 --> 00:32:19,876
She brought a flask in the car
during her driver's test!
629
00:32:20,502 --> 00:32:22,796
OK, we need to keep things moving here.
630
00:32:22,837 --> 00:32:25,048
I'm about to make her talk for an hour.
631
00:32:25,173 --> 00:32:27,050
She'll definitely end up insulting somebody.
632
00:32:27,175 --> 00:32:29,636
Speech time!
633
00:32:29,803 --> 00:32:31,179
We're all good people, right?
634
00:32:31,846 --> 00:32:34,808
We all did the right thing
whenever we could.
635
00:32:34,975 --> 00:32:37,018
I think if we all just--
- Well, give it to me then!
636
00:32:40,146 --> 00:32:43,358
Tahani? Are you alright?
- Yes, fine.
637
00:32:43,984 --> 00:32:44,859
Never better.
638
00:32:45,193 --> 00:32:47,028
You'll have to excuse me,
cos I've got to go.
639
00:32:47,070 --> 00:32:48,363
Oh, look...
640
00:32:49,322 --> 00:32:51,658
What the fork, man?
- I know that book.
641
00:32:52,242 --> 00:32:54,202
Is that some kind of nerd pick-up line?
642
00:32:54,244 --> 00:32:55,537
Because it's only kind of working.
- No.
643
00:32:55,829 --> 00:32:57,080
The note you showed me before.
644
00:32:58,707 --> 00:33:01,626
Alright, this is from a book called
"What We Owe to Each Other".
645
00:33:01,710 --> 00:33:02,585
I used to teach it.
646
00:33:02,627 --> 00:33:04,671
I was a professor of ethics
and moral philosophy.
647
00:33:04,796 --> 00:33:06,589
Alright, brag much?
- No, I'm trying to help you.
648
00:33:06,673 --> 00:33:07,674
Sorry. OK.
649
00:33:07,966 --> 00:33:10,218
I have never seen you before in my life
650
00:33:10,260 --> 00:33:14,556
but I think somehow
that we know each other.
651
00:33:17,308 --> 00:33:19,102
That definitely sounded like
a pick-up line.
652
00:33:19,185 --> 00:33:20,770
And I'm not not interested
653
00:33:20,854 --> 00:33:22,689
but we need to figure this out first.
654
00:33:23,064 --> 00:33:25,066
It's not that bad, right?
655
00:33:25,650 --> 00:33:28,361
I mean, we got a drunken speech.
That's good.
656
00:33:28,862 --> 00:33:31,239
No. It isn't.
657
00:33:31,531 --> 00:33:34,659
Tahani gave the drunken speech
instead of Eleanor.
658
00:33:34,743 --> 00:33:37,662
We can't build a chaos sequence
out of Tahani's speech
659
00:33:37,787 --> 00:33:40,498
because she thinks she belongs here...
660
00:33:41,374 --> 00:33:42,250
ding-dong.
661
00:33:42,917 --> 00:33:45,253
OK, we can still salvage this.
662
00:33:45,336 --> 00:33:47,922
Where's Eleanor?
- She's gone.
663
00:33:48,048 --> 00:33:50,592
I can't find her anywhere.
- Maybe she left with Chidi?
664
00:33:50,967 --> 00:33:52,594
He's gone too.
- What?
665
00:33:52,761 --> 00:33:55,263
Or maybe she left with Jason.
666
00:33:55,305 --> 00:33:58,058
You lost Jason?
How is that even possible?
667
00:33:58,725 --> 00:34:01,519
Your only job is to stand next to that idiot.
668
00:34:01,811 --> 00:34:03,688
I got distracted by the fire!
669
00:34:04,189 --> 00:34:05,398
I love fire.
670
00:34:05,565 --> 00:34:08,651
You know, my main job is
to burn people with fire.
671
00:34:08,777 --> 00:34:10,528
What's up, guys?
- What are you doing here?
672
00:34:10,612 --> 00:34:11,863
Why aren't you with Eleanor?
673
00:34:12,030 --> 00:34:13,865
Oh, I told her I was going to the
gym again.
674
00:34:14,574 --> 00:34:17,202
Why would you say that
in the middle of a party?
675
00:34:17,327 --> 00:34:18,745
You told me too.
- No, I didn't.
676
00:34:18,870 --> 00:34:21,414
You said if Eleanor tries to confess
that she doesn't belong here
677
00:34:21,498 --> 00:34:24,292
find a reason to avoid her, like saying,
"I'm going to the gym"
678
00:34:24,375 --> 00:34:25,335
so that's what I've been saying.
679
00:34:25,418 --> 00:34:28,880
That was a suggestion
of the type of thing you could say!
680
00:34:28,963 --> 00:34:29,839
Don't...
681
00:34:31,216 --> 00:34:35,929
How many times have you specifically
told her you were going to the gym?
682
00:34:36,763 --> 00:34:37,639
Five.
683
00:34:38,098 --> 00:34:39,015
No, nine.
684
00:34:39,265 --> 00:34:40,642
You dimwit!
685
00:34:40,683 --> 00:34:41,559
Hey, man!
686
00:34:41,935 --> 00:34:45,021
I was perfectly happy in my old job
in the twisting department.
687
00:34:45,313 --> 00:34:48,316
People came in, and I twist them
until they snapped in half
688
00:34:48,441 --> 00:34:49,818
and I move on to the next one.
689
00:34:50,110 --> 00:34:52,237
But this job is weird!
690
00:34:52,612 --> 00:34:54,864
It's all talk, no twisting.
691
00:34:55,073 --> 00:34:57,033
So if you don't like the way I do it,
get somebody else.
692
00:34:57,325 --> 00:34:59,744
I'm going to the gym!
- Fine. Yeah, you do that.
693
00:34:59,828 --> 00:35:00,703
You go to the gym.
694
00:35:01,204 --> 00:35:05,375
OK, we can still pull this off,
we just need to find the four humans. OK?
695
00:35:05,875 --> 00:35:06,751
OK.
696
00:35:06,918 --> 00:35:08,419
Right now.
697
00:35:10,839 --> 00:35:15,927
Everyone in this room,
find those four humans!
698
00:35:18,805 --> 00:35:21,182
Are you gonna talk, or just walk around
like a nerd
699
00:35:21,224 --> 00:35:23,017
trying to get a personal best
on his Fitbit?
700
00:35:23,101 --> 00:35:26,479
I'm sorry, I'm trying to process
a tremendous amount
701
00:35:26,563 --> 00:35:28,106
of insane information.
702
00:35:28,189 --> 00:35:29,899
I mean, you're not supposed to be here
703
00:35:30,024 --> 00:35:34,028
but you and I clearly met here, somehow,
before now.
704
00:35:34,112 --> 00:35:36,406
I mean... does that mean
that I'm not supposed to be here?
705
00:35:36,573 --> 00:35:37,615
I don't know, dude.
706
00:35:38,074 --> 00:35:40,285
Were you a good person on Earth?
- I... I think so.
707
00:35:40,410 --> 00:35:42,829
I spent my life in pursuit
of fundamental truths about the uni--
708
00:35:42,912 --> 00:35:44,080
Oh, no!
709
00:35:45,707 --> 00:35:47,167
I used almond milk in my coffee
710
00:35:47,292 --> 00:35:49,627
even though I knew about
the negative environmental impact.
711
00:35:50,211 --> 00:35:52,463
What?
- Eleanor, what do we do?
712
00:35:52,547 --> 00:35:53,548
I don't know, dude!
713
00:35:54,007 --> 00:35:56,593
But we better figure it out soon,
or we're doomed.
714
00:36:05,476 --> 00:36:06,644
Uh, Janet?
715
00:36:06,686 --> 00:36:07,937
Hi there, Jianyu.
716
00:36:08,354 --> 00:36:09,230
Hi, Janet!
717
00:36:09,689 --> 00:36:12,108
Um, can I tell you something?
- Sure.
718
00:36:12,650 --> 00:36:14,235
I'm not Jianyu.
719
00:36:14,569 --> 00:36:16,613
And I'm not a silent monk.
720
00:36:17,238 --> 00:36:19,699
My real name is Jason.
And I don't know what's going on.
721
00:36:19,782 --> 00:36:21,534
I got here and Michael said I'm a monk
722
00:36:21,576 --> 00:36:23,786
and he told me I was gonna
have a new best friend
723
00:36:23,870 --> 00:36:25,788
and that we were gonna live in a yogurt.
724
00:36:26,080 --> 00:36:28,249
A yurt.
- Oh, yeah, "yurt" for short.
725
00:36:28,416 --> 00:36:30,126
I was psyched to meet
my new best friend
726
00:36:30,376 --> 00:36:33,171
but he turned out to be this weird silent guy
727
00:36:33,213 --> 00:36:35,131
that won't leave me alone.
728
00:36:35,298 --> 00:36:37,342
I don't wanna go back to my yogurt.
729
00:36:39,093 --> 00:36:40,220
Can I go to your house?
730
00:36:40,553 --> 00:36:44,349
I don't have a house, Jason.
I live in a boundless void.
731
00:36:44,933 --> 00:36:46,517
Can I go there?
- No.
732
00:36:46,935 --> 00:36:48,603
It's a boundless void.
733
00:36:49,604 --> 00:36:50,480
OK.
734
00:36:50,855 --> 00:36:54,400
So, what you're saying is,
there are certain aspects of your existence
735
00:36:54,484 --> 00:36:56,903
here in the Good Place
that are confusing for you
736
00:36:57,487 --> 00:37:00,990
and you're searching for someplace
to go where you feel less lonely.
737
00:37:02,325 --> 00:37:03,534
I know somewhere you could go.
738
00:37:07,622 --> 00:37:08,498
Why did you do that?
739
00:37:08,581 --> 00:37:11,584
Because you were nice to me.
You're my friend.
740
00:37:12,252 --> 00:37:13,127
OK!
741
00:37:15,588 --> 00:37:16,506
OK!
742
00:37:18,007 --> 00:37:20,134
OK, so, if we got all the way
to Scanlon
743
00:37:20,218 --> 00:37:23,513
we must have been studying
very intensely for a very long time.
744
00:37:23,846 --> 00:37:27,058
Or, you grabbed a random book of mine
and just tore a page out.
745
00:37:27,183 --> 00:37:28,685
I'm gonna be honest,
that sounds more like me.
746
00:37:30,395 --> 00:37:31,354
Ah!
747
00:37:31,396 --> 00:37:34,148
Eleanor and Chidi.
What a pleasant surprise.
748
00:37:34,315 --> 00:37:35,984
I'm so happy you two have met.
749
00:37:36,359 --> 00:37:39,654
I'm just going door-to-door,
apologising for the commotion
750
00:37:39,737 --> 00:37:40,697
earlier tonight.
- Ah.
751
00:37:40,863 --> 00:37:44,367
The first night in the afterlife
can be a little overwhelming.
752
00:37:44,450 --> 00:37:46,786
Don't worry about us, Michael.
We are doing just fine.
753
00:37:46,911 --> 00:37:48,913
Oh, good, good.
Glad to hear that.
754
00:37:48,955 --> 00:37:50,039
Well, it's getting late.
755
00:37:50,665 --> 00:37:53,334
Chidi, allow me to escort you
back to your house.
756
00:37:53,501 --> 00:37:55,336
Um...
- Uh, hello, all.
757
00:37:55,753 --> 00:37:57,088
Sorry for the late hour, Eleanor.
758
00:37:57,338 --> 00:37:59,716
I wanted to stop by
and give you back your sash.
759
00:37:59,757 --> 00:38:01,259
That's OK.
You can just keep it.
760
00:38:01,342 --> 00:38:02,969
No! I don't deserve it.
761
00:38:03,428 --> 00:38:05,471
I made a complete fool
of myself tonight.
762
00:38:05,555 --> 00:38:08,641
I interrupted your big speech,
badly stained my cargo pants
763
00:38:08,808 --> 00:38:11,227
which, I have to admit,
are quite comfortable.
764
00:38:11,769 --> 00:38:13,646
Oh, God, what's happened to me?
765
00:38:14,063 --> 00:38:15,648
I'm praising off-the-rack separates!
766
00:38:15,815 --> 00:38:16,941
Tahani, please. It's late.
767
00:38:17,025 --> 00:38:18,234
I think what we should do is--
- No.
768
00:38:18,276 --> 00:38:21,571
Look, ever since I got here,
it feels like something's been off.
769
00:38:22,113 --> 00:38:25,783
Tahani. There you are.
I've been worried sick about you.
770
00:38:26,034 --> 00:38:27,410
That's her soulmate?
771
00:38:27,994 --> 00:38:29,203
Is there a second one of him
772
00:38:29,245 --> 00:38:30,913
- that stands on his shoulders?
- Chidi!
773
00:38:31,039 --> 00:38:33,583
There you are.
I've been worried sick about you.
774
00:38:33,791 --> 00:38:35,293
OK, alright, everybody.
775
00:38:35,418 --> 00:38:37,795
Now we are really imposing
on Eleanor here.
776
00:38:38,254 --> 00:38:40,673
Chidi, let's everybody take off...
- Hey, Eleanor.
777
00:38:40,715 --> 00:38:44,886
This person would like to speak
with you privately. About something.
778
00:38:45,303 --> 00:38:47,096
Oh, really?
- Yep.
779
00:38:47,764 --> 00:38:48,723
Bye!
780
00:38:48,806 --> 00:38:50,850
This is the wise monk
who gave me the magic amulet.
781
00:38:50,975 --> 00:38:52,143
I gotta figure out what it means.
782
00:38:52,226 --> 00:38:53,728
Could be the key to this entire mystery.
783
00:38:54,103 --> 00:38:55,605
Luang, perfect, uh...
784
00:38:55,897 --> 00:38:59,025
Why don't you take Jianyu
back to your yurt right away?
785
00:38:59,233 --> 00:39:01,027
Homie, no!
786
00:39:01,194 --> 00:39:04,030
I'm not spending another second
with this loser.
787
00:39:04,364 --> 00:39:07,033
You said he was gonna be my best friend,
but he is not.
788
00:39:07,116 --> 00:39:11,704
My best friend from Jacksonville
was named Pillboi and he was dope!
789
00:39:11,829 --> 00:39:15,708
We would talk together, get high together,
throw old batteries at drones together.
790
00:39:15,792 --> 00:39:18,169
But this guy can't hold a camel to Pillboi.
791
00:39:19,212 --> 00:39:20,922
OK, I no longer think he's a wise monk
792
00:39:20,963 --> 00:39:22,715
and I'm pretty sure
this is just a piece of garbage.
793
00:39:22,840 --> 00:39:25,385
Babe, there you are. I've been worried--
- Let me stop you.
794
00:39:25,426 --> 00:39:26,302
Can I guess?
795
00:39:26,344 --> 00:39:28,221
You've been "worried sick" about me.
796
00:39:29,680 --> 00:39:30,556
I'm headed to the gym.
797
00:39:32,517 --> 00:39:35,478
Sure, why not?
- I'm quite confused.
798
00:39:35,561 --> 00:39:39,148
Let me explain, gorgeous.
I don't know what this place is
799
00:39:39,232 --> 00:39:41,692
but it is certainly not the Good Place.
800
00:39:41,734 --> 00:39:43,945
Michael is forking with us.
801
00:39:44,612 --> 00:39:46,656
Like a prank show?
- Yeah, like a prank show.
802
00:39:46,781 --> 00:39:49,492
Except according to this note,
it's a prank show
803
00:39:49,617 --> 00:39:51,202
we've all been on before.
804
00:39:51,494 --> 00:39:53,788
What note?
- Apparently, I wrote myself a note
805
00:39:53,955 --> 00:39:55,706
and stuck it in that Jackie lady's mouth.
806
00:39:55,957 --> 00:39:57,750
Janet. Her name is Janet.
- Oh, right, Janet.
807
00:39:57,875 --> 00:39:58,960
- Hi there.
- Hi Janet!
808
00:39:59,127 --> 00:40:01,462
Hi Jason.
809
00:40:03,172 --> 00:40:05,174
Are you kidding me?
810
00:40:05,550 --> 00:40:09,220
Eleanor Shellstrop, you sneaky little
811
00:40:09,846 --> 00:40:13,558
so-and-so.
That was some very quick thinking.
812
00:40:13,599 --> 00:40:15,184
I'm extremely impressed.
813
00:40:15,351 --> 00:40:18,521
And to be honest, I'm relieved.
814
00:40:19,105 --> 00:40:22,984
At least there's an explanation
for why this all went south so fast.
815
00:40:23,317 --> 00:40:25,403
But you're not gonna be so lucky next time.
816
00:40:25,778 --> 00:40:27,029
Next time?
- What?
817
00:40:27,196 --> 00:40:28,656
- Yeah.
- He's gonna do it again!
818
00:40:29,532 --> 00:40:32,285
That's not gonna work this time, dummy.
819
00:40:32,368 --> 00:40:35,079
OK, excuse me.
I'm sorry, but this is unacceptable.
820
00:40:35,163 --> 00:40:37,874
I demand to speak to your superior.
- I am so sorry, madam.
821
00:40:37,915 --> 00:40:39,000
Please forgive me.
822
00:40:41,294 --> 00:40:45,506
Well, as humans like to say,
third time's the charm, right?
823
00:40:47,091 --> 00:40:50,344
I take full responsibility
for the false start.
824
00:40:50,928 --> 00:40:54,515
But I assure you all,
there is no note this time.
825
00:40:54,974 --> 00:40:56,684
I'll prove it to you. Janet!
826
00:40:56,809 --> 00:40:57,852
Hi there.
827
00:40:58,060 --> 00:41:00,229
Hi, Janet.
Open your mouth please.
828
00:41:01,564 --> 00:41:02,565
Thank you.
829
00:41:05,276 --> 00:41:06,402
See, no notes.
830
00:41:06,611 --> 00:41:09,780
No clues or loopholes, nothing in there!
831
00:41:11,157 --> 00:41:12,033
Thank you, Janet.
832
00:41:12,116 --> 00:41:13,659
So, let's all just pretend
833
00:41:13,743 --> 00:41:15,119
the last attempt never even happened.
834
00:41:15,328 --> 00:41:17,705
Questions?
- Maybe it's none of our business
835
00:41:18,039 --> 00:41:20,625
but did you tell Shawn what happened?
- Yes, I did.
836
00:41:20,750 --> 00:41:23,169
And he completely understood.
837
00:41:23,294 --> 00:41:25,922
As a matter of fact, he found the whole thing
kind of funny.
838
00:41:26,255 --> 00:41:27,715
But he was very supportive
839
00:41:27,798 --> 00:41:30,635
and he says he's very excited
for us to get going again.
840
00:41:30,718 --> 00:41:31,636
So, anyone else?
841
00:41:32,970 --> 00:41:34,931
Anybody? No?
842
00:41:35,306 --> 00:41:37,517
Then let's get out there
and make some miseries!
843
00:41:41,270 --> 00:41:43,105
Testing, one, two, three.
844
00:41:46,317 --> 00:41:47,610
Hey there, boss-man.
845
00:41:47,693 --> 00:41:49,737
You were supposed to call me
this morning, give me an update.
846
00:41:50,071 --> 00:41:51,405
Oh.
847
00:41:51,614 --> 00:41:53,908
Right, sorry. Yeah, it's just the, uh...
848
00:41:54,700 --> 00:41:56,786
the chaos sequence was going so well
849
00:41:57,078 --> 00:41:59,163
better than the first time, in my opinion.
850
00:41:59,413 --> 00:42:01,874
Eleanor got completely drunk last night.
851
00:42:02,375 --> 00:42:03,584
She talked for, like, an hour.
852
00:42:03,668 --> 00:42:06,754
You know, even flashed somebody,
so we had a lot to work with.
853
00:42:07,088 --> 00:42:09,882
So, attempt number two is on track so far?
- Oh, smooth as silk.
854
00:42:09,966 --> 00:42:12,176
Everything's great.
855
00:42:12,260 --> 00:42:15,012
Oh! Sounds like everything's going well
back there too.
856
00:42:15,096 --> 00:42:16,639
We're trying out the new butthole spiders.
857
00:42:17,014 --> 00:42:18,391
Ah!
- They're enormous.
858
00:42:18,683 --> 00:42:21,394
You know, good old-fashioned torture,
the way it's supposed to be.
859
00:42:22,562 --> 00:42:23,938
Good luck with attempt number two.
860
00:42:24,021 --> 00:42:26,774
And remember, there will be no
attempt number three.
861
00:42:31,445 --> 00:42:33,739
Eleanor.
Come on in.