1
00:00:01,856 --> 00:00:03,315
Number five is number one.
2
00:00:03,775 --> 00:00:05,150
Number seven, is number two.
3
00:00:05,193 --> 00:00:08,070
Number three and number four
are tied for number three.
4
00:00:08,112 --> 00:00:09,196
What are you talking about?
5
00:00:09,239 --> 00:00:11,365
I'm ranking my favourite
"Fast and the Furious" movies.
6
00:00:11,407 --> 00:00:14,785
You said you wanted to know who I am,
and this is the best way to get to know me.
7
00:00:14,827 --> 00:00:16,411
No. It isn't.
8
00:00:16,829 --> 00:00:18,872
You could tell me
your real name, for starters.
9
00:00:19,207 --> 00:00:20,874
My name is Jason Mendoza.
10
00:00:21,459 --> 00:00:24,461
I'm from Florida
and I'm a professional, amateur DJ.
11
00:00:24,837 --> 00:00:27,714
I showed up here and Michael thought
I was a Buddhist monk from Taiwan.
12
00:00:28,258 --> 00:00:31,510
I was scared, dog, but then I remembered
my parole officer's advice
13
00:00:31,553 --> 00:00:34,972
"Keep your mouth shut
or they'll throw a book at you."
14
00:00:36,140 --> 00:00:38,225
And, uh, is that a family member?
15
00:00:38,268 --> 00:00:43,313
I wish. That's Ariana Grande,
the sexiest woman alive.
16
00:00:43,356 --> 00:00:47,401
You wish that you were related
to a woman you want to have sex with?
17
00:00:48,152 --> 00:00:50,946
You know, it would be one thing
if you just weren't a Buddhist monk
18
00:00:50,989 --> 00:00:54,575
but you're barely even a regular,
functioning person.
19
00:00:54,993 --> 00:00:56,243
How did you get here?
20
00:00:56,286 --> 00:00:58,954
I don't know. But please, dog,
you can't tell Michael about me.
21
00:00:58,997 --> 00:01:03,750
You have some nerve asking me for favours
when you have spent weeks deceiving me
22
00:01:03,793 --> 00:01:07,588
making a fool out of me,
and bringing snack food into my house!
23
00:01:07,630 --> 00:01:09,172
Disgusting!
24
00:01:11,801 --> 00:01:15,262
Oh, Ariana, we're really in it now.
25
00:01:24,022 --> 00:01:26,231
Shawn, The Judge,
could show up at any moment
26
00:01:26,274 --> 00:01:28,775
so we need to have a rock-solid argument
27
00:01:28,818 --> 00:01:31,445
for why Fake Eleanor
should not be sent to The Bad Place.
28
00:01:32,030 --> 00:01:33,530
Should be fun.
- That's the spirit!
29
00:01:33,573 --> 00:01:36,700
Don't even think about the fact
that our slightest misstep
30
00:01:36,784 --> 00:01:39,620
could cause Fake Eleanor
to suffer for eternity!
31
00:01:39,662 --> 00:01:41,246
That's all I'm thinking about now.
- Yep.
32
00:01:41,289 --> 00:01:43,874
Shouldn't have said that,
regretted it immediately.
33
00:01:43,916 --> 00:01:46,251
Bambadjan was a human rights advocate
34
00:01:46,336 --> 00:01:49,630
so he and Real Eleanor
will build a sort of, legal argument.
35
00:01:50,089 --> 00:01:52,424
Um, could you please just say "Eleanor"
36
00:01:52,508 --> 00:01:56,011
and maybe point to
whichever one of us you're addressing?
37
00:01:56,054 --> 00:01:59,306
Well, actually the "fake-real" distinction
helps me.
38
00:01:59,349 --> 00:02:00,724
Oh does it, Bambadjan?
39
00:02:02,226 --> 00:02:04,561
Now, I know a fair amount
about your time on Earth.
40
00:02:04,604 --> 00:02:06,688
Why don't you tell me
about your time here?
41
00:02:06,731 --> 00:02:08,190
Anything that might help your case.
42
00:02:08,232 --> 00:02:12,653
Well, in the first 24 hours,
I caused the world to erupt into chaos
43
00:02:12,695 --> 00:02:14,363
and then I caused a garbage storm.
44
00:02:14,405 --> 00:02:15,656
It was kind of a rough start.
45
00:02:15,698 --> 00:02:19,910
But things calmed down after Chidi started
helping me learn about ethics.
46
00:02:19,952 --> 00:02:21,328
Okay, tell me about that.
47
00:02:21,788 --> 00:02:25,248
Well, I studied with Chidi every day
then Chidi got sick of me
48
00:02:25,291 --> 00:02:27,125
so I did some nice stuff
to make him feel better.
49
00:02:27,460 --> 00:02:31,505
And later, I confessed,
because Chidi was being tortured by guilt
50
00:02:31,547 --> 00:02:37,344
and I just felt awful
seeing his little nerdy face all contorted
51
00:02:37,428 --> 00:02:41,515
"Oh, Eleanor, I have a stomach ache
because of what you did".
52
00:02:43,101 --> 00:02:44,267
He is such a dork.
53
00:02:45,812 --> 00:02:51,191
You know, uh, a lot of death row inmates
feel regret about things they never said -
54
00:02:51,234 --> 00:02:55,237
admissions of guilt or anger or love.
55
00:02:57,990 --> 00:02:59,032
Are you making a move on me?
56
00:02:59,701 --> 00:03:01,410
It's fine, I just didn't see it coming.
57
00:03:01,452 --> 00:03:05,580
Uh well, hooking up with someone
with the same exact name
58
00:03:05,665 --> 00:03:08,583
it is kind of a fun, narcissistic fantasy.
59
00:03:08,626 --> 00:03:11,044
No, no, Eleanor. I'm talking--
- I could be into it.
60
00:03:11,087 --> 00:03:13,964
No, I'm talking about you and Chidi.
61
00:03:14,632 --> 00:03:17,634
Now, ordinarily, you having feelings
for my soulmate would be--
62
00:03:17,677 --> 00:03:19,469
Whoa, whoa, whoa.
- ...a conflict of interest.
63
00:03:19,512 --> 00:03:21,054
You think I'm into Chidi?
64
00:03:21,264 --> 00:03:23,223
Yes, Eleanor, I do.
65
00:03:23,975 --> 00:03:24,975
Because you are.
66
00:03:25,268 --> 00:03:28,812
You mentioned his name nine times
in the last ten minutes.
67
00:03:29,021 --> 00:03:30,397
Nobody asked you, Bambadjan!
68
00:03:32,358 --> 00:03:36,236
I'm not sure what will work with Shawn,
but we should have all our bases covered.
69
00:03:36,487 --> 00:03:38,321
Shall we start with the Greeks
70
00:03:38,406 --> 00:03:41,700
or would you prefer
the modern British masters?
71
00:03:43,953 --> 00:03:45,704
Chidi?
- I'm sorry
72
00:03:45,747 --> 00:03:47,497
choices are hard for me
when I'm under pressure.
73
00:03:47,540 --> 00:03:49,374
I know that, buddy,
but we're short of time here.
74
00:03:49,417 --> 00:03:51,418
And it's is kind of important for Eleanor.
75
00:03:51,461 --> 00:03:54,004
Right, which is why
I can't take this lightly.
76
00:03:54,046 --> 00:03:55,088
What if I screw up?
77
00:03:55,131 --> 00:03:58,425
Listen, I don't need the Chidi
who once had a panic attack
78
00:03:58,468 --> 00:03:59,968
during "Rock, Paper, Scissors"
79
00:04:00,011 --> 00:04:02,929
because there were, and I quote,
"Just too many variables."
80
00:04:03,598 --> 00:04:08,143
I need the Chidi who stormed in here
and told me to stop Eleanor's train
81
00:04:08,186 --> 00:04:10,103
without thinking of consequences!
82
00:04:11,314 --> 00:04:13,106
Oh boy, now I'm nervous
about that decision.
83
00:04:13,441 --> 00:04:17,027
Retroactively? I mean, how do you even--
- I don't know.
84
00:04:17,069 --> 00:04:20,822
Okay, we have so many big choices to make,
let's start small.
85
00:04:21,199 --> 00:04:25,994
Do you want to use a dry-erase board
or the regular pen and paper?
86
00:04:27,288 --> 00:04:28,205
Just pick.
87
00:04:29,207 --> 00:04:33,084
Chidi, just pick!
Come on, Chidi! Pick someone!
88
00:04:33,294 --> 00:04:36,797
Don't pressure me, Uzo.
I have to consider all the factors:
89
00:04:36,839 --> 00:04:39,758
athletic strategies,
the fragile egos of my classmates
90
00:04:39,801 --> 00:04:40,926
and gender politics!
91
00:04:41,219 --> 00:04:43,845
Should I pick a girl,
as a gesture towards women's equality?
92
00:04:44,472 --> 00:04:45,555
Or is that pandering?
93
00:04:45,765 --> 00:04:48,892
Or do I think it's pandering
because of my limited male point of view?
94
00:04:49,310 --> 00:04:51,144
I'm vexed, Uzo! Vexed!
95
00:04:51,187 --> 00:04:53,897
You're always vexed. Just pick!
96
00:04:54,148 --> 00:04:57,275
Okay, fine. I choose Femi.
97
00:04:58,069 --> 00:05:01,738
Wait, no, I don't want Femi,
he's terrible.
98
00:05:01,864 --> 00:05:03,406
Hey!
- Sorry Fem.
99
00:05:03,449 --> 00:05:04,950
I only chose you
because you're my friend
100
00:05:04,992 --> 00:05:07,077
and that isn't really fair
to the kids who are better.
101
00:05:07,495 --> 00:05:09,287
I'll pick Tokunbo.
102
00:05:10,414 --> 00:05:13,625
You can't draft the teacher!
Pick a kid!
103
00:05:13,668 --> 00:05:17,712
Come on, Chidi. Pick someone. Come on, Chidi.
104
00:05:19,715 --> 00:05:22,801
Congratulations Chidi,
you filibustered recess.
105
00:05:25,680 --> 00:05:27,305
No, no, no, you're wrong.
106
00:05:27,640 --> 00:05:30,767
There are way more things
I hate about Chidi than like about him.
107
00:05:31,102 --> 00:05:32,018
Like what?
108
00:05:32,270 --> 00:05:36,106
His stupid Clark Kent glasses,
his extensive turtleneck collection.
109
00:05:36,148 --> 00:05:38,483
Oh, and he loves ethics so much.
110
00:05:38,526 --> 00:05:41,486
He once talked about John Rawls
for two hours. I timed it!
111
00:05:41,529 --> 00:05:43,738
And he only stopped
because he saw me timing him.
112
00:05:43,781 --> 00:05:45,949
Granted, he laughed,
and kind of made fun of himself.
113
00:05:45,992 --> 00:05:47,367
It was kind of a nice moment, but still!
114
00:05:47,827 --> 00:05:50,787
He always twitches his eyebrows
when he says "absolutism"
115
00:05:50,830 --> 00:05:53,415
and he tilts his head
whenever I say anything ignorant
116
00:05:53,457 --> 00:05:56,626
but he never makes fun of me,
which is nice.
117
00:05:56,669 --> 00:06:00,630
He's also incredibly patient, and kind,
and surprisingly jacked
118
00:06:00,673 --> 00:06:02,799
and-- oh fork, I'm in love with Chidi.
119
00:06:05,011 --> 00:06:06,261
Let's take a little break.
120
00:06:07,388 --> 00:06:11,266
Obviously, I'm not thrilled
about you having feelings for my soulmate.
121
00:06:11,309 --> 00:06:14,185
Yeah, I keep accidentally
stealing your stuff.
122
00:06:14,228 --> 00:06:18,815
However, as your advocate,
and I hope, friend
123
00:06:18,900 --> 00:06:20,775
I think you should tell Chidi how you feel.
124
00:06:23,696 --> 00:06:25,071
Would a hug make you feel better?
125
00:06:25,281 --> 00:06:28,199
No, I don't think that--
- Too late. You're getting one.
126
00:06:28,868 --> 00:06:30,702
Thanks Bambadjan,
that does make me feel better.
127
00:06:30,745 --> 00:06:31,786
Mm-hmm.
128
00:06:32,955 --> 00:06:36,958
What were you doing all those times
you said you were "meditating?"
129
00:06:37,001 --> 00:06:41,004
If I say it you can't "unhear" it.
130
00:06:41,255 --> 00:06:45,091
I've just realised, there's no way
you could have done this.
131
00:06:45,343 --> 00:06:46,760
You got Janet to do it.
132
00:06:46,802 --> 00:06:47,928
No, no, no, Chidi did it!
133
00:06:47,970 --> 00:06:49,971
I got you an awesome painting,
but then he switched it
134
00:06:50,014 --> 00:06:51,765
to this one because he said
you'd like it more.
135
00:06:51,807 --> 00:06:55,435
And he made me memorise stuff to say to you,
so you wouldn't be so sad.
136
00:06:55,478 --> 00:06:57,729
This is all his fault.
You should yell at him.
137
00:06:57,939 --> 00:07:00,482
Why would Chidi help you make me happy?
138
00:07:01,192 --> 00:07:02,359
It's almost as if he was trying to--
139
00:07:03,611 --> 00:07:06,529
Oh. Oh, my.
140
00:07:08,950 --> 00:07:10,367
Of course.
141
00:07:11,243 --> 00:07:12,994
This is the cool painting I made.
142
00:07:13,371 --> 00:07:16,623
This guy is famous.
I mean, who even are those ladies?
143
00:07:18,417 --> 00:07:21,920
It would be easier to sort out
the issue of "dry-erase versus paper"
144
00:07:21,963 --> 00:07:24,255
if I could write down
the pros and cons for each.
145
00:07:24,298 --> 00:07:26,716
But of course,
I would have to use one of them
146
00:07:26,759 --> 00:07:28,843
to write down the pros and cons for them
147
00:07:28,886 --> 00:07:30,887
which is problematic.
148
00:07:30,930 --> 00:07:31,846
Wow!
149
00:07:32,515 --> 00:07:35,100
Ethics Team! How's it going?
- Terribly.
150
00:07:35,184 --> 00:07:38,520
Cool. Well, you guys are kind of
my last hope, so that's not great.
151
00:07:39,814 --> 00:07:42,565
Hey, do you mind if I borrow
"Professor Stomach Ache" here, for a second?
152
00:07:42,608 --> 00:07:45,402
Please. Take him for an hour.
Take all the time you want.
153
00:07:48,155 --> 00:07:50,031
Okay, sit down, maybe.
154
00:07:53,035 --> 00:07:56,121
I dated many annoying guys, okay.
155
00:07:56,163 --> 00:07:59,124
They would call me
at all times of the day "just to talk"
156
00:07:59,166 --> 00:08:03,128
or ask me if I had taken cash out
of their wallets... stupid stuff.
157
00:08:03,629 --> 00:08:06,339
And when I stopped
having fun with them, I'd leave.
158
00:08:06,382 --> 00:08:09,926
Usually wouldn't even call or anything,
I just bounced.
159
00:08:09,969 --> 00:08:11,553
Gotta go spend that money you stole.
160
00:08:11,595 --> 00:08:17,308
Point is, you are way more of a buzzkill
than any of those dudes.
161
00:08:17,601 --> 00:08:19,519
Okay, thanks for this conversation.
162
00:08:19,562 --> 00:08:24,399
But, somehow, I never want to leave you.
163
00:08:24,817 --> 00:08:27,444
I want to stay in the Good Place,
because of you.
164
00:08:28,863 --> 00:08:31,740
Because I love you. I think.
165
00:08:32,825 --> 00:08:35,535
No, I'm pretty sure. Yeah, I love you.
166
00:08:35,786 --> 00:08:38,496
Ugh, that's embarrassing.
I feel so itchy.
167
00:08:39,123 --> 00:08:41,332
Sorry. Don't say anything.
168
00:08:41,375 --> 00:08:43,418
I just needed to get that off my chest.
169
00:08:43,461 --> 00:08:45,211
Okay, I'm gonna go.
170
00:08:45,713 --> 00:08:46,921
Catch you later, "Silly Billy".
171
00:08:47,757 --> 00:08:49,758
Ugh, love has made me a nerd.
172
00:08:50,634 --> 00:08:51,718
Bye.
173
00:08:53,721 --> 00:08:54,888
Jianyu is a fake!
174
00:08:55,473 --> 00:08:58,099
He's not supposed to be here,
just like your "soulmate."
175
00:08:58,851 --> 00:09:01,895
More importantly,
you did the ballerina painting
176
00:09:02,188 --> 00:09:04,189
because you were trying
to protect my feelings
177
00:09:04,774 --> 00:09:06,107
because you love me.
178
00:09:06,650 --> 00:09:08,068
Oh, Chidi, don't you see...
179
00:09:08,486 --> 00:09:10,862
This is the real mistake that was made
in our Neighbourhood:
180
00:09:11,030 --> 00:09:12,822
you and I are soulmates.
181
00:09:12,865 --> 00:09:15,492
It makes so much sense.
- Oh, but...
182
00:09:15,534 --> 00:09:17,744
No, Chidi. True love is rare.
183
00:09:18,120 --> 00:09:20,246
Like a desert flower betwixt two oases.
184
00:09:21,123 --> 00:09:23,083
But true love is also very simple.
185
00:09:23,584 --> 00:09:26,086
And right now, I'm just a girl
186
00:09:26,629 --> 00:09:31,049
towering over a boy,
asking him to admit he loves me.
187
00:09:32,885 --> 00:09:35,804
I feel like her confession of love
was a lot better than mine.
188
00:09:35,888 --> 00:09:37,180
Can I get a do-over?
189
00:09:40,226 --> 00:09:41,684
I need to step outside...
190
00:09:42,561 --> 00:09:44,270
for some air, and...
191
00:09:45,022 --> 00:09:46,731
I will not be back...
192
00:09:46,816 --> 00:09:48,399
for many days.
193
00:09:48,442 --> 00:09:50,860
Dude, you can't just run away!
You have to--
194
00:09:55,199 --> 00:09:57,742
It looks calm now
but the storm is imminent.
195
00:09:57,785 --> 00:10:00,203
What's up, Carson Daly,
my name is Jason.
196
00:10:00,246 --> 00:10:03,915
I wanna give a shout-out
to all my homies up in Jacksonville!
197
00:10:03,958 --> 00:10:05,875
I am not Carson Daly,
I'm a weather reporter.
198
00:10:05,960 --> 00:10:08,128
A hurricane is coming.
You need to seek shelter.
199
00:10:08,170 --> 00:10:10,255
I'm on TV!
- Okay.
200
00:10:11,090 --> 00:10:11,965
Hey Janet?
201
00:10:12,007 --> 00:10:13,258
Hi there.
202
00:10:13,717 --> 00:10:14,592
What are you watching?
203
00:10:15,553 --> 00:10:17,512
My greatest accomplishment ever.
204
00:10:17,555 --> 00:10:20,014
I'm trying to cheer myself up,
because I'm sad.
205
00:10:20,599 --> 00:10:22,183
I think I might be in big trouble.
206
00:10:22,518 --> 00:10:24,352
Can you bring me something
that will make me not sad?
207
00:10:24,436 --> 00:10:25,770
Let me think...
208
00:10:27,857 --> 00:10:30,066
Sorry that took so long. Here you go!
209
00:10:31,152 --> 00:10:32,068
Oh dang!
210
00:10:32,111 --> 00:10:34,612
Are these from my favourite restaurant,
Stupid Nick's Wing Dump?
211
00:10:34,655 --> 00:10:37,615
Stupid Nick's closed down
because a pelican fell into the flash fryer
212
00:10:38,033 --> 00:10:41,828
but he opened a new place,
called "Ugly Nick's Meat Trench."
213
00:10:42,121 --> 00:10:44,956
These are an exact replica of that recipe.
214
00:10:46,167 --> 00:10:47,500
Why are you so nice to me?
215
00:10:49,170 --> 00:10:52,589
Well, you were very nice to me
while I was rebooting.
216
00:10:53,257 --> 00:10:55,717
Also, I'm programmed to be nice to everyone.
217
00:10:57,136 --> 00:11:00,054
Janet, I just realised something.
218
00:11:01,265 --> 00:11:02,182
I love you.
219
00:11:03,225 --> 00:11:04,142
Okay.
220
00:11:05,227 --> 00:11:06,853
I have one more question for you.
221
00:11:08,772 --> 00:11:10,982
So, you also love Chidi?
222
00:11:11,192 --> 00:11:14,652
And you just told him just now,
right before I did.
223
00:11:14,945 --> 00:11:17,697
Technically you told him that he loves you.
But, yes.
224
00:11:18,699 --> 00:11:19,949
This isn't ideal.
225
00:11:20,826 --> 00:11:23,912
We must remain civil.
He's simply going to have to pick one of us
226
00:11:23,954 --> 00:11:26,164
and the loser
will just have to accept her fate
227
00:11:26,373 --> 00:11:27,999
with grace and equanimity.
228
00:11:28,042 --> 00:11:29,542
Maybe if you lose.
229
00:11:29,585 --> 00:11:32,253
If he doesn't pick me
"I'mma" start throwing stuff.
230
00:11:32,296 --> 00:11:33,296
Classy as always.
231
00:11:33,964 --> 00:11:36,257
I suppose you knew
that Jianyu was a fake, didn't you?
232
00:11:37,134 --> 00:11:38,009
Yes, I did.
233
00:11:38,052 --> 00:11:40,762
Figured you two charlatans
would sniff each other out
234
00:11:40,804 --> 00:11:44,307
like two mangy rats
sharing a pizza crust in a sewer!
235
00:11:44,350 --> 00:11:45,350
Okay!
236
00:11:46,560 --> 00:11:48,603
No. We're not gonna do this.
237
00:11:48,979 --> 00:11:51,856
We are not gonna be those women
who fight over a guy
238
00:11:51,899 --> 00:11:54,275
and find any excuse to rip each other apart.
239
00:11:54,526 --> 00:11:59,239
I am not going to apologise for being angry.
You knew that my soulmate was lying to me.
240
00:11:59,990 --> 00:12:01,991
Yes, I did and I'm very sorry.
241
00:12:02,076 --> 00:12:08,581
Listen, you and I have a weird, complicated,
forked-up friendship
242
00:12:08,666 --> 00:12:11,209
but it's our friendship, and I care about it.
243
00:12:11,752 --> 00:12:14,587
Let's do something fun.
What would make you feel happy, right now?
244
00:12:16,257 --> 00:12:20,510
You have a fine home, Deirdre.
I absolutely adore your chaise!
245
00:12:21,178 --> 00:12:23,554
I don't know bugger all about a "chaise."
246
00:12:23,639 --> 00:12:26,432
I've been using this
as a bloody toilet, I have!
247
00:12:26,976 --> 00:12:28,351
What's this show called again?
248
00:12:28,769 --> 00:12:32,021
It's "Deirdre and Margaret".
It ran for sixteen years on the BBC.
249
00:12:32,064 --> 00:12:33,648
They did nearly 30 episodes.
250
00:12:34,191 --> 00:12:36,734
It's about two women
from very different worlds
251
00:12:36,777 --> 00:12:37,694
who become friends.
252
00:12:37,778 --> 00:12:39,070
Sort of like us.
253
00:12:39,113 --> 00:12:41,823
Oh, Deirdre, no, that's priceless art!
254
00:12:41,907 --> 00:12:43,741
I thought it was fruit, innit?
255
00:12:43,784 --> 00:12:45,201
Deirdre.
256
00:12:45,286 --> 00:12:49,038
I take it the moron is me?
- Well, it's not a direct parallel.
257
00:12:49,331 --> 00:12:52,083
Okay. We did your thing, now it's my turn.
258
00:12:52,376 --> 00:12:55,253
Are you ready to take our bonding
to the next level?
259
00:12:58,799 --> 00:13:00,049
Oh good. You're back.
260
00:13:00,092 --> 00:13:01,843
Um, I I know we're short on time
261
00:13:01,927 --> 00:13:03,803
but I need your help
with a personal dilemma.
262
00:13:03,846 --> 00:13:07,348
I need to make a choice between two...
263
00:13:08,475 --> 00:13:09,434
frozen yoghurts.
264
00:13:09,768 --> 00:13:11,269
Frozen yoghurt?
- Yes.
265
00:13:11,312 --> 00:13:14,480
And um, each of these yoghurts
has a unique flavour
266
00:13:14,523 --> 00:13:17,942
and it's possible that one of them
is perfect for me
267
00:13:17,985 --> 00:13:18,985
but I don't know which
268
00:13:19,069 --> 00:13:22,697
and someone might be hurt
if I choose the wrong yoghurt.
269
00:13:23,240 --> 00:13:24,449
What are you trying to say?
270
00:13:24,992 --> 00:13:27,118
That there's a wrong yoghurt
that hurts people?
271
00:13:27,369 --> 00:13:30,121
You know, frozen yoghurt is the only thing
that's keeping this Neighbourhood together.
272
00:13:30,164 --> 00:13:33,791
I'm going to have to destroy the stores
and then rebuild from scratch.
273
00:13:33,834 --> 00:13:37,795
No, no yoghurts fine. Yoghurts are fine.
I'm talking about my soulmates.
274
00:13:37,838 --> 00:13:39,922
Oh, thank goodness.
275
00:13:40,382 --> 00:13:42,425
This is about Fake Eleanor and Real Eleanor?
276
00:13:42,593 --> 00:13:45,011
Yes. Which person is my soulmate?
277
00:13:45,429 --> 00:13:48,639
Real Eleanor.
That's what the system determined.
278
00:13:48,682 --> 00:13:51,809
Okay.
- Of course, the system did screw up
279
00:13:51,894 --> 00:13:54,187
by letting Fake Eleanor in.
280
00:13:54,229 --> 00:13:58,191
You know, it's interesting
Fake Eleanor being selected accidentally
281
00:13:58,233 --> 00:14:02,236
and then you bonding with her,
could have shifted the formula.
282
00:14:02,363 --> 00:14:04,197
But it's one of those two people.
283
00:14:04,406 --> 00:14:05,740
Well, I don't know.
284
00:14:05,783 --> 00:14:08,242
I mean, the system might be
so screwed up at this point
285
00:14:08,285 --> 00:14:10,036
that maybe you don't belong
to either Eleanor.
286
00:14:11,747 --> 00:14:12,955
Oh...
287
00:14:14,208 --> 00:14:17,543
"You" is spreading.
- What?
288
00:14:17,669 --> 00:14:20,421
Your indecisiveness is infecting me,
like a virus.
289
00:14:20,464 --> 00:14:24,133
Oh, Chidi, this could send us
down a very dangerous path.
290
00:14:24,426 --> 00:14:28,096
If you can't make a choice,
this whole Neighbourhood could fall apart.
291
00:14:28,889 --> 00:14:30,515
Okay getting close here.
292
00:14:31,141 --> 00:14:33,559
Just mulling the ethical ramifications
of various soups.
293
00:14:33,602 --> 00:14:35,478
Ah, same old Chidi.
294
00:14:35,562 --> 00:14:37,313
Now can I come back for a fifth time?
295
00:14:37,356 --> 00:14:38,898
Yeah, maybe that's smart.
296
00:14:40,442 --> 00:14:42,527
How are you, Uzo? It's been too long.
297
00:14:42,569 --> 00:14:46,197
It has. It has. Look, as you know,
Ellen and I are engaged.
298
00:14:46,532 --> 00:14:48,574
You're my oldest friend,
and I love you like a brother.
299
00:14:49,284 --> 00:14:51,619
And that's why I'd like you
to not be my best man.
300
00:14:52,746 --> 00:14:54,580
Sorry?
- Look, if you were my best man
301
00:14:54,623 --> 00:14:57,291
you'd have to plan the bachelor party,
decide what to say in your toast
302
00:14:57,626 --> 00:14:59,627
handle problems that pop up the day-of...
303
00:14:59,670 --> 00:15:01,212
it would drive you up the wall.
304
00:15:01,255 --> 00:15:04,173
Uzo, this isn't choosing soccer teams
on a playground.
305
00:15:04,216 --> 00:15:06,717
When something is important to me,
I can make a decision.
306
00:15:06,760 --> 00:15:09,595
Watch. Um, excuse me, excuse me?
I've decided.
307
00:15:09,638 --> 00:15:12,765
I would like to unequivocally
order the pumpkin soup.
308
00:15:12,808 --> 00:15:13,724
Perfect.
309
00:15:16,437 --> 00:15:19,272
You kinda want to change your order?
- Yeah, I don't know what was I thinking?
310
00:15:19,314 --> 00:15:21,732
Excuse me? Risotto! Risotto!
311
00:15:22,901 --> 00:15:25,361
As much as I'm enjoying this
shouldn't you be working on your case
312
00:15:25,404 --> 00:15:26,320
trying to stay here?
313
00:15:26,363 --> 00:15:29,907
Honestly, how am I going to help them?
They are much smarter than me.
314
00:15:30,242 --> 00:15:32,785
Now, hair extensions: this is where I shine.
315
00:15:33,120 --> 00:15:35,872
You are already at almost maximum hotness
316
00:15:35,914 --> 00:15:39,459
but now you look like a sexy, tan Rapunzel.
317
00:15:40,461 --> 00:15:41,544
The dream.
318
00:15:41,628 --> 00:15:43,838
And how exactly did you learn how to do this?
319
00:15:45,507 --> 00:15:47,967
When I was 14,
I had to make myself look older
320
00:15:48,218 --> 00:15:49,260
to get a job.
321
00:15:49,928 --> 00:15:53,347
These were the ones I used
and they are real cheap.
322
00:15:53,849 --> 00:15:55,600
You're gonna wanna stay away
from open flames
323
00:15:56,018 --> 00:15:58,311
and altercations at outlet malls.
324
00:16:00,981 --> 00:16:01,814
Hey...
325
00:16:02,900 --> 00:16:06,319
I'm really sorry that I didn't tell you
about Jianyu.
326
00:16:07,112 --> 00:16:09,113
And that you got saddled with him.
327
00:16:09,156 --> 00:16:10,990
Yes, that is regrettable.
328
00:16:11,700 --> 00:16:14,452
But... I forgive you.
329
00:16:16,413 --> 00:16:17,663
Maybe you two are soulmates.
330
00:16:20,834 --> 00:16:22,084
Holy shirt.
331
00:16:23,253 --> 00:16:24,212
Maybe we are.
332
00:16:24,713 --> 00:16:26,756
I know it seems crazy, but think about it.
333
00:16:27,382 --> 00:16:29,675
Jianyu is a hot dummy, definitely my type.
334
00:16:29,718 --> 00:16:30,676
We both love to dance
335
00:16:30,719 --> 00:16:33,930
we were both banned from
public transit systems in our cities...
336
00:16:33,972 --> 00:16:35,556
I think this is the answer!
337
00:16:35,599 --> 00:16:38,392
People come in pairs here
and if the system paired us up
338
00:16:38,435 --> 00:16:41,938
then maybe somehow
I do belong here, with him!
339
00:16:41,980 --> 00:16:42,897
Hi there.
340
00:16:43,273 --> 00:16:46,859
Jason and I are getting married
in ten minutes, and you're invited.
341
00:16:52,699 --> 00:16:55,243
Here we've got your soulmate options:
342
00:16:55,285 --> 00:16:59,997
Eleanor, Real Eleanor,
and a theoretical third person -
343
00:17:00,249 --> 00:17:02,291
let's call her Strawberry Mango Twist.
344
00:17:02,876 --> 00:17:04,293
Okay, close your eyes.
345
00:17:04,711 --> 00:17:06,128
Think about each of the women.
346
00:17:08,215 --> 00:17:09,215
Open your eyes.
347
00:17:09,841 --> 00:17:11,425
The answer is Real Eleanor.
348
00:17:11,802 --> 00:17:12,969
How do you know?
- I don't.
349
00:17:13,011 --> 00:17:16,847
But the minute I said that,
you knew instinctively whether it felt right.
350
00:17:16,890 --> 00:17:19,100
Well, hang on, let me think about that.
- No!
351
00:17:19,142 --> 00:17:22,478
No! No, more thinking, Chidi!
Just do something.
352
00:17:22,521 --> 00:17:25,481
Indecision caused you
so much agony in your life.
353
00:17:25,774 --> 00:17:27,066
Right up to the very end.
354
00:17:28,819 --> 00:17:31,112
I had a little trouble writing my speech.
355
00:17:31,196 --> 00:17:33,573
Um, I wrote eleven different versions.
356
00:17:33,615 --> 00:17:35,491
Wedding's in twenty minutes, buddy.
357
00:17:35,534 --> 00:17:38,327
Oh boy.
These run about 55 minutes apiece.
358
00:17:38,370 --> 00:17:39,453
I'm really hot.
359
00:17:39,496 --> 00:17:42,123
Is this air conditioner even working?
360
00:17:42,165 --> 00:17:44,375
Yes, it is.
You're just having a literal meltdown.
361
00:17:44,793 --> 00:17:47,628
Also you're not dressed yet.
And we haven't picked up the rings.
362
00:17:47,671 --> 00:17:49,380
Okay, well, uh, there's an issue, there
363
00:17:49,423 --> 00:17:53,134
involving what I consider to be
unfair labour practices
364
00:17:53,218 --> 00:17:54,218
on the part of the jeweller.
365
00:17:54,261 --> 00:17:55,511
And we never had a bachelor party
366
00:17:55,554 --> 00:17:57,930
because you could never settle on
a location or time.
367
00:17:57,973 --> 00:18:00,766
No, I chose a time: evening.
368
00:18:05,439 --> 00:18:07,440
I'm sorry. You were right.
369
00:18:07,482 --> 00:18:08,733
This is too much for me.
370
00:18:08,775 --> 00:18:11,360
You should just leave me here
and go get married.
371
00:18:11,570 --> 00:18:13,070
Yeah, here's the thing, bud.
372
00:18:13,572 --> 00:18:15,031
My wedding isn't for another month.
373
00:18:15,407 --> 00:18:18,075
This was a test, to see if you could handle
being my best man.
374
00:18:18,118 --> 00:18:20,453
And just as I predicted,
you failed miserably.
375
00:18:21,038 --> 00:18:26,208
Oh no. No, I mean, I'm relieved,
but this is embarrassing.
376
00:18:26,501 --> 00:18:29,545
It's okay, bud.
Femi is going to be my actual best man.
377
00:18:29,630 --> 00:18:30,671
It's all taken care of.
378
00:18:30,797 --> 00:18:33,424
Let's just go have a nice night.
I'll buy you a beer.
379
00:18:34,509 --> 00:18:35,593
Thirty minutes, Chidi!
380
00:18:35,636 --> 00:18:37,762
We have been trying to pick a bar
for 30 minutes!
381
00:18:37,804 --> 00:18:39,805
It is literally impossible to be your friend.
382
00:18:39,931 --> 00:18:41,891
You are incapable
of making a single decision.
383
00:18:41,933 --> 00:18:43,893
Look, I know I can be indecisive
384
00:18:43,935 --> 00:18:45,853
but what's the harm
in taking a few extra minutes
385
00:18:45,896 --> 00:18:47,063
to find the perfect--
386
00:18:50,817 --> 00:18:51,776
Chidi?
387
00:18:52,569 --> 00:18:53,694
You're right.
388
00:18:54,196 --> 00:18:55,655
I just need to make a decision.
389
00:18:55,781 --> 00:18:57,782
I am gonna look each of these women
in the eye
390
00:18:57,866 --> 00:19:00,493
trust my gut, and figure out how I feel!
391
00:19:00,535 --> 00:19:01,702
You're kidding. That worked?
392
00:19:02,454 --> 00:19:04,789
Great! Go do it!
393
00:19:06,541 --> 00:19:07,541
Ha!
394
00:19:08,043 --> 00:19:12,296
Ladies and gentlemen,
let's get ready to marry!
395
00:19:12,631 --> 00:19:14,173
"Here Comes the Bride"
396
00:19:21,306 --> 00:19:22,431
Yo, check it.
397
00:19:25,018 --> 00:19:27,603
This is great!
398
00:19:27,646 --> 00:19:29,689
At different moments during our time here
399
00:19:29,773 --> 00:19:32,900
we've both thought
that "Tragic Mike" over here
400
00:19:32,943 --> 00:19:33,859
was our one true love.
401
00:19:33,902 --> 00:19:37,363
And now he's marrying whatever Janet is.
402
00:19:37,447 --> 00:19:40,157
I suppose you're right.
It is a bit strange.
403
00:19:40,325 --> 00:19:41,492
I'd like to read a poem.
404
00:19:42,494 --> 00:19:46,622
Janet, my digital queen.
Janet, we can dare to dream.
405
00:19:46,998 --> 00:19:50,167
Send nude pics of your heart to me.
406
00:19:50,252 --> 00:19:51,252
Jacksonville Jaguars rule!
407
00:19:52,587 --> 00:19:55,840
Jason, when I was rebooted
and I lost all of my knowledge
408
00:19:55,882 --> 00:19:58,300
I was confused and disorientated.
409
00:19:59,136 --> 00:20:00,386
But you were always kind to me.
410
00:20:00,971 --> 00:20:05,725
And according to the central theme
of 231,600 songs
411
00:20:05,767 --> 00:20:07,601
movies, poems, and novels
412
00:20:07,644 --> 00:20:09,812
that I researched for these vows
in the last three seconds
413
00:20:09,855 --> 00:20:11,021
that's what love is all about.
414
00:20:11,857 --> 00:20:14,066
Does anybody here object to this marriage?
415
00:20:14,109 --> 00:20:16,193
Of course we do, how could be not?
- It's a terrible idea.
416
00:20:16,236 --> 00:20:18,738
Overruled. Jason,
- Mm-hmm.
417
00:20:18,780 --> 00:20:20,156
Do you want me to be your wife?
- Yeah!
418
00:20:20,198 --> 00:20:21,991
I want you to be my husband.
- Tight!
419
00:20:22,075 --> 00:20:24,785
So, by the power vested in me, by me
420
00:20:24,828 --> 00:20:26,954
I now pronounce us husband and wife.
421
00:20:27,122 --> 00:20:28,372
We did it!
422
00:20:28,790 --> 00:20:31,000
Can I kiss you, or will I be electrocuted?
423
00:20:31,042 --> 00:20:32,501
Only one way to find out!
424
00:20:33,712 --> 00:20:35,546
Whoo! Get some!
425
00:20:35,964 --> 00:20:38,507
Go get it, girl!
I'm just going with it now.
426
00:20:46,808 --> 00:20:47,892
It's funny.
427
00:20:47,976 --> 00:20:51,771
I was devastated when I found out
that he wasn't my soulmate, but...
428
00:20:52,939 --> 00:20:54,774
now I think I've dodged a bullet.
429
00:20:55,484 --> 00:20:57,318
He's a simple man.
430
00:20:57,360 --> 00:21:00,279
I once watched him eat electrical tape
right off the roll.
431
00:21:00,864 --> 00:21:02,907
He thought it was a Fruit by the Foot
that had gone bad.
432
00:21:03,533 --> 00:21:07,578
Michael will certainly find out about this,
and sooner rather than later.
433
00:21:07,621 --> 00:21:09,371
But I won't be the one who tells him.
434
00:21:10,707 --> 00:21:12,041
I can't do that to Jianyu.
435
00:21:12,542 --> 00:21:13,542
I think that's the right call.
436
00:21:14,878 --> 00:21:17,379
Thank you for being
such a great friend to me today.
437
00:21:17,798 --> 00:21:19,924
Of course, hot stuff. I got your back.
438
00:21:21,927 --> 00:21:25,679
Eleanor, hey, I just wanted to see
if you talked to Chidi?
439
00:21:25,722 --> 00:21:27,097
Uh, yeah, I did.
440
00:21:27,140 --> 00:21:28,599
I mean, you don't have to tell me
what you said
441
00:21:28,642 --> 00:21:30,184
I just wanted to see if you were okay.
442
00:21:31,019 --> 00:21:32,478
Oh, man, you are a good person.
443
00:21:33,021 --> 00:21:36,148
I swear, if I had known you
and Tahani and Chidi on Earth
444
00:21:36,191 --> 00:21:38,234
I might've for real gotten
into the Good Place.
445
00:21:39,444 --> 00:21:43,239
Oh, hey, it's my three favourite yoghurts!
446
00:21:43,740 --> 00:21:46,242
Hey, um, about what happened earlier.
447
00:21:47,118 --> 00:21:48,828
I've been kind of all over the place today.
448
00:21:49,246 --> 00:21:52,164
An hour ago,
I thought Jianyu was my soulmate
449
00:21:52,207 --> 00:21:54,416
and the fact that that kinda made sense
450
00:21:54,459 --> 00:21:56,502
means you and I ever
could be meant for each other.
451
00:21:56,670 --> 00:21:59,505
Plus, Jianyu's married to Janet now.
- Okay.
452
00:22:01,174 --> 00:22:03,092
What?
- I do love you
453
00:22:03,134 --> 00:22:08,639
but I think more in a best friend
afterlife-saviour kind of way.
454
00:22:08,682 --> 00:22:10,558
I'm not so much "hot for teacher"
455
00:22:10,600 --> 00:22:16,021
as I am "eternally grateful
for semi-cute, surprisingly ripped teacher".
456
00:22:16,064 --> 00:22:18,816
Chidi, I also have to apologise.
457
00:22:18,859 --> 00:22:21,402
It's just that when I found out
that Jianyu wasn't my soulmate
458
00:22:21,444 --> 00:22:24,280
I desperately needed something
to keep me afloat, and...
459
00:22:25,198 --> 00:22:26,740
you were the nearest lifeboat, as it were.
460
00:22:27,367 --> 00:22:29,076
And yes, we do have the sort of connection
461
00:22:29,160 --> 00:22:31,579
that only two highly-educated
sophisticates could have
462
00:22:31,621 --> 00:22:33,998
but it's not true love.
463
00:22:34,541 --> 00:22:38,878
True love is what Janet and Jianyu have.
- Yeah. What?
464
00:22:38,920 --> 00:22:41,881
Oh, we would love to stay and chat,
but we need to find Michael.
465
00:22:42,048 --> 00:22:45,426
Eleanor, I think I figured out
a way for you to stay.
466
00:22:46,469 --> 00:22:48,262
Really? I'll come too!
467
00:22:53,643 --> 00:22:54,643
What?