1 00:00:04,442 --> 00:00:05,776 What are you doing? 2 00:00:06,152 --> 00:00:08,445 Dude, I'm freaked out about my meeting with Michael 3 00:00:08,530 --> 00:00:10,656 and if I spend one more second staring at Creepo the Clown 4 00:00:10,740 --> 00:00:11,698 I'm gonna lose it! 5 00:00:11,783 --> 00:00:14,201 You named the clowns? - Psycho, Creepo 6 00:00:14,285 --> 00:00:17,246 Crazy Head, Stupid Juggling Weirdo, Freaky Feet 7 00:00:17,622 --> 00:00:19,331 and Nightmare George Washington. 8 00:00:19,958 --> 00:00:21,333 One of them has to go. 9 00:00:23,711 --> 00:00:25,546 CHIDI: Oh. Sexy mailman. 10 00:00:25,797 --> 00:00:26,838 Much better. 11 00:00:26,923 --> 00:00:28,298 In five minutes, Michael wants my help 12 00:00:28,383 --> 00:00:30,217 investigating what's making the Neighbourhood go nuts 13 00:00:30,718 --> 00:00:32,094 which is, obviously, me. 14 00:00:32,178 --> 00:00:33,512 I mean, I did promise I would help. 15 00:00:33,596 --> 00:00:34,721 What do I do here? 16 00:00:35,098 --> 00:00:39,226 Actually, the answer is... - Right here? 17 00:00:39,352 --> 00:00:41,103 In this easily-understandable comic strip. - Nope. 18 00:00:41,187 --> 00:00:43,230 In this book, about the theory of contractualism. 19 00:00:43,523 --> 00:00:44,731 "What We Owe To Each Other?" 20 00:00:44,774 --> 00:00:45,899 SHE GASPS I saw this movie. 21 00:00:46,234 --> 00:00:47,776 Laura Linney cries in a lake house 22 00:00:47,860 --> 00:00:50,070 because Jude Law left her for his ex-wife's ghost. 23 00:00:50,280 --> 00:00:53,323 No. Quick summary of contractualism 24 00:00:53,366 --> 00:00:57,077 Uh, imagine a group of reasonable people... 25 00:00:57,370 --> 00:00:59,871 are coming up with the rules for a new society. 26 00:00:59,956 --> 00:01:02,749 Like, "If your Uber driver talks to you, the ride should be free." 27 00:01:02,834 --> 00:01:07,296 Sure. But anyone can veto any rule that they think is unfair. 28 00:01:07,380 --> 00:01:08,422 So if you said 29 00:01:08,506 --> 00:01:12,593 "We should be able to break our promises without any repercussions" 30 00:01:12,677 --> 00:01:15,470 someone would veto that rule. 31 00:01:15,555 --> 00:01:18,473 Well, my first rule would be that no one can veto my rules. 32 00:01:18,558 --> 00:01:21,226 Well, that's called "tyranny," and it's generally frowned upon. 33 00:01:22,145 --> 00:01:24,855 If you make a promise to someone, you should do it. 34 00:01:25,189 --> 00:01:30,277 Just like I promised to help you, and still am, despite your constant mockery. 35 00:01:30,361 --> 00:01:31,987 "Despite your constant mockery!" 36 00:01:32,864 --> 00:01:34,990 Whatever. You love it. So... 37 00:01:35,366 --> 00:01:39,661 either I help him find the problem, which is me, and I'm doomed. 38 00:01:40,163 --> 00:01:42,372 Or I don't help him 39 00:01:42,457 --> 00:01:44,207 and then I'm behaving unethically 40 00:01:44,292 --> 00:01:46,918 and the whole world goes crazy and I'm caught anyway. 41 00:01:48,171 --> 00:01:52,841 I need to figure out a way to both help him and not help him at the same time. 42 00:01:53,092 --> 00:01:55,302 That's literally not possible. - Oh, really? 43 00:01:55,762 --> 00:01:58,388 I once posed as a hot prom date for my cousin 44 00:01:58,765 --> 00:02:03,352 both helping him, and later, according to his therapist, "not helping" him. 45 00:02:11,694 --> 00:02:14,446 MICHAEL MUMBLES 46 00:02:16,032 --> 00:02:17,074 SHE KNOCKS ON THE DOOR 47 00:02:17,408 --> 00:02:19,201 Oh! Hey, Eleanor! Thanks for coming in. 48 00:02:20,787 --> 00:02:22,913 Sorry about the mess. HE CLEARS HIS THROAT 49 00:02:23,164 --> 00:02:25,749 Oh. I forgot you don't see in nine dimensions. 50 00:02:26,501 --> 00:02:29,586 There's just a lot of tension in the air right now. 51 00:02:30,880 --> 00:02:33,799 Are you okay, buddy? You seem kind of stressed. 52 00:02:33,841 --> 00:02:36,635 No, no, no, no, I'm fine. Top of my game actually. 53 00:02:36,761 --> 00:02:38,095 Here. Let me just, uh... 54 00:02:38,388 --> 00:02:39,971 Have a seat, Eleanor. 55 00:02:40,390 --> 00:02:41,431 There you go. 56 00:02:41,974 --> 00:02:45,352 So, to prepare to meet all of you 57 00:02:46,062 --> 00:02:49,523 I studied the human concept of "friends". 58 00:02:49,941 --> 00:02:52,693 I even watched all ten seasons of the show Friends. 59 00:02:53,361 --> 00:02:56,279 Boy, those friends really were friends, weren't they? 60 00:02:56,948 --> 00:02:59,783 Although... and I realise this is the kind of observation 61 00:02:59,867 --> 00:03:03,203 that would only occur to the mind of an eternal being - 62 00:03:03,830 --> 00:03:06,164 HE SIGHS how did they afford that apartment? 63 00:03:07,291 --> 00:03:11,169 A waitress and a chef? With those Manhattan real estate prices? 64 00:03:11,879 --> 00:03:13,672 Yeah, we were all confused about that, too. 65 00:03:13,756 --> 00:03:18,427 And why would they be jumping around in a fountain if they also had umbrellas? 66 00:03:18,511 --> 00:03:21,471 I mean was the fountain full because it had been raining? Or were they... 67 00:03:21,723 --> 00:03:23,890 Were they testing the durability of the umbrellas? 68 00:03:24,434 --> 00:03:28,228 I don't know, man. - Anyway, the reason why you're here is... 69 00:03:28,855 --> 00:03:31,732 HE SIGHS - It's been a tough couple of days. 70 00:03:32,150 --> 00:03:37,112 And right now, I could really use a "friend" by my side. 71 00:03:37,655 --> 00:03:43,160 Well, you know me, the person who has audibly promised to help you. 72 00:03:44,454 --> 00:03:46,371 Dude, it's a sweet house. 73 00:03:46,706 --> 00:03:48,498 What did you pay for it? Six hundred K? 74 00:03:49,250 --> 00:03:51,126 You know it's considered impolite to ask that question? 75 00:03:51,753 --> 00:03:53,336 Well, I was being polite. 76 00:03:53,671 --> 00:03:55,380 I already "Zillowed" it, I know the price. 77 00:03:55,923 --> 00:03:58,508 So you need me to housesit the whole week? 78 00:03:59,218 --> 00:04:01,261 Sounds like somebody's gonna have a sweet vay-cay! 79 00:04:01,387 --> 00:04:03,638 As I told you before, my mom is very sick. 80 00:04:04,140 --> 00:04:05,807 I'm going to help her move into assisted living. 81 00:04:07,018 --> 00:04:08,560 Well, I'm here for you. 82 00:04:08,644 --> 00:04:11,188 And your Wi-Fi is way better than my neighbour's, so I'm in. 83 00:04:11,272 --> 00:04:13,398 It's gonna mean taking care of Lester, too. 84 00:04:13,566 --> 00:04:16,109 Walk and feed him twice a day, give him his kidney medicine. 85 00:04:16,360 --> 00:04:17,444 Yup, got it. Feed his kidneys. 86 00:04:17,820 --> 00:04:18,862 Eleanor? - Yeah? 87 00:04:18,946 --> 00:04:20,906 This is gonna be a very stressful week for me. 88 00:04:20,990 --> 00:04:22,532 I need to know that I can count on you. 89 00:04:22,658 --> 00:04:24,034 I'm not gonna let you down. 90 00:04:24,285 --> 00:04:25,327 I promise. 91 00:04:25,703 --> 00:04:29,247 I will faithfully protect this six hundred and eighty thousand-dollar house. 92 00:04:32,126 --> 00:04:34,336 INDISTINCT CHATTER 93 00:04:46,974 --> 00:04:49,351 Oh! Sachveer, Jessica. Shopping for lunch? 94 00:04:49,727 --> 00:04:52,646 Yup! He loves to cook and I love to eat. 95 00:04:52,897 --> 00:04:55,023 He loves washing the dishes, I love drying them. 96 00:04:55,399 --> 00:04:58,777 He loves putting them back in the cabinets, I love closing cabinet doors. 97 00:04:58,861 --> 00:05:02,614 Yes, no, I see, you're... you soulmates. It's so wonderful. 98 00:05:02,698 --> 00:05:05,033 Later we're going to the new spa for the couples treatment. 99 00:05:05,535 --> 00:05:07,160 You should come and bring Jianyu. 100 00:05:11,249 --> 00:05:13,333 Jianyu, my love! How are you? 101 00:05:15,127 --> 00:05:16,962 I am decidedly so. 102 00:05:17,922 --> 00:05:19,714 That's very profound. Um.. 103 00:05:20,007 --> 00:05:21,508 Soulmate, an idea! 104 00:05:21,843 --> 00:05:24,928 Our Neighbourhood now features a spa and offers couples packages. 105 00:05:25,012 --> 00:05:28,557 And I thought maybe we could get facials and do yoga 106 00:05:28,599 --> 00:05:32,269 and talk in long discursive sentences. 107 00:05:33,479 --> 00:05:34,354 What do you say? 108 00:05:36,315 --> 00:05:37,357 Signs point to yes. 109 00:05:37,775 --> 00:05:40,986 Oh! Marvelous. We'll go today. 110 00:05:44,490 --> 00:05:46,700 Dude, you gotta come with us to the spa. 111 00:05:46,784 --> 00:05:49,411 What? No. No way. 112 00:05:49,579 --> 00:05:50,871 No, that's really weird. 113 00:05:50,955 --> 00:05:53,623 You can't make small talk with her for one day without being caught? 114 00:05:53,708 --> 00:05:55,417 No, I can't and she freaks me out! 115 00:05:55,585 --> 00:05:58,003 She's so pretty. Like Nala, from The Lion King. 116 00:05:58,254 --> 00:06:00,213 And she talks so smart. Like, um... 117 00:06:01,090 --> 00:06:02,591 Nala, from the Lion King. 118 00:06:02,675 --> 00:06:03,466 You gotta help me. 119 00:06:03,551 --> 00:06:06,428 Well, if I feel sympathy for anyone, it's Tahani. 120 00:06:06,679 --> 00:06:08,972 She's going through the same thing I am, but she doesn't know it. 121 00:06:09,807 --> 00:06:12,017 Which means maybe I'm obligated to tell her? 122 00:06:12,602 --> 00:06:16,229 Although, maybe it's better not to know? Is ignorance bliss? 123 00:06:16,355 --> 00:06:18,481 Or will the painful truth actually be... 124 00:06:18,566 --> 00:06:19,691 healing... - Ready, Jianyu? 125 00:06:20,109 --> 00:06:24,487 Oh, I cannot wait to just relax and talk and chat and just 126 00:06:25,239 --> 00:06:27,407 you know, get to know each other. 127 00:06:28,451 --> 00:06:29,492 Hey... 128 00:06:30,036 --> 00:06:31,828 Maybe I'll come too! 129 00:06:32,538 --> 00:06:34,664 Oh, Chidi. 130 00:06:35,833 --> 00:06:39,461 I... I would love your company. It's just that this is, um... 131 00:06:39,962 --> 00:06:41,254 This is really more of a... 132 00:06:41,923 --> 00:06:43,548 couples thing. 133 00:06:43,633 --> 00:06:46,676 I know. But Eleanor's off with Michael 134 00:06:46,761 --> 00:06:49,971 and Jianyu feels comfortable when I'm around. Right? 135 00:06:51,349 --> 00:06:53,642 Made in Taiwan. - Yes, you were. 136 00:06:54,560 --> 00:06:56,353 You were made in Taiwan, so... 137 00:06:56,979 --> 00:06:59,606 couples date! Let's go! 138 00:07:01,859 --> 00:07:04,986 I never really looked around your office the first day. 139 00:07:05,196 --> 00:07:06,196 What is all this junk? 140 00:07:06,989 --> 00:07:10,700 Well, technically, architects aren't allowed to own any human objects, but... 141 00:07:11,661 --> 00:07:13,328 I just love them so much. 142 00:07:13,663 --> 00:07:14,871 And over here, look at this. 143 00:07:15,247 --> 00:07:17,999 Aren't paperclips the most amazing things in the world? 144 00:07:18,084 --> 00:07:20,502 Yeah. Sure. - Anyway... 145 00:07:20,836 --> 00:07:23,797 my current theory is that some object in the Neighbourhood 146 00:07:23,881 --> 00:07:26,841 has a design flaw, which is causing everything to go haywire. 147 00:07:26,926 --> 00:07:30,512 So we need to find that object. We're gonna start with the rocks! 148 00:07:30,596 --> 00:07:34,182 Now I've investigated all of the rocks in the Neighbourhood 149 00:07:34,517 --> 00:07:37,227 these seventy-eight are the most suspicious. 150 00:07:38,187 --> 00:07:40,814 Maybe to an "Architect" they might look suspicious 151 00:07:40,940 --> 00:07:43,942 but to me they just look like rocks. So I'm not sure how I can help. 152 00:07:44,151 --> 00:07:47,487 Do any of them look defective, sinister? 153 00:07:47,571 --> 00:07:51,491 You know, like they're taunting you, always one step ahead. 154 00:07:52,576 --> 00:07:54,703 Oh, you devious little monsters, you. 155 00:08:00,501 --> 00:08:04,504 Hello, Janet. Jianyu and I are here for the couples' package, please. 156 00:08:04,672 --> 00:08:07,132 HE CLEARS THROAT - And also I will be joining them. 157 00:08:07,258 --> 00:08:09,134 Great! And who is the other half of your couple? 158 00:08:09,677 --> 00:08:12,929 Oh, no, no, it's just me. - Couples are pairs of people. 159 00:08:13,180 --> 00:08:16,016 Yup! And... uh, there is a pair of people, Tahani and Jianyu. 160 00:08:16,392 --> 00:08:19,019 And then also I am here. 161 00:08:19,145 --> 00:08:20,270 Great! And who will be joining you? 162 00:08:21,188 --> 00:08:23,732 No one. Um, it's... It's really quite simple, Janet. 163 00:08:23,816 --> 00:08:28,611 They are a couple, and I am a third part of that couple 164 00:08:28,863 --> 00:08:33,033 a helper part who is here for fun and excitement. 165 00:08:33,325 --> 00:08:34,367 It's a three-person couple! 166 00:08:35,786 --> 00:08:37,370 Does not compute. 167 00:08:37,872 --> 00:08:39,289 Does not compute. 168 00:08:39,832 --> 00:08:41,416 Does not compute. 169 00:08:42,668 --> 00:08:44,252 I'm just kidding. - JANET LAUGHS 170 00:08:44,587 --> 00:08:47,547 I mean, it doesn't compute, but I'm not gonna explode or anything. 171 00:08:47,757 --> 00:08:50,759 Right. Well. I'll see you inside, darling. 172 00:08:53,596 --> 00:08:55,096 Okay, you have to step up. 173 00:08:55,389 --> 00:08:58,600 Find a way to connect with her without, you know, being you. 174 00:08:58,893 --> 00:09:02,353 But what does that even mean? Do I talk or not talk? 175 00:09:02,772 --> 00:09:06,107 Do I be nice to Tahani, or do I throw all her jewellery in the toilet? 176 00:09:06,567 --> 00:09:08,193 That's the opposite of "being nice?" 177 00:09:08,444 --> 00:09:09,486 So no toilet? 178 00:09:10,654 --> 00:09:12,697 Okay. So we have two piles. 179 00:09:13,365 --> 00:09:15,742 Seemingly fine, where we have placed 180 00:09:16,786 --> 00:09:18,953 three of the rocks, and... 181 00:09:19,747 --> 00:09:23,833 further examination needed, where we've placed the other seventy-five. 182 00:09:24,835 --> 00:09:28,296 Only ninety minutes in and we're eliminated three rocks. We're making progress. 183 00:09:30,132 --> 00:09:33,510 Although, I have to say I'a little suspicious of the second one right here. 184 00:09:33,803 --> 00:09:37,013 Could we just move that back in the further examination needed? 185 00:09:37,098 --> 00:09:42,018 You... you... you need to chill a little 'cause you have a very psycho, burnout 186 00:09:42,103 --> 00:09:46,147 guy muttering to himself at a library computer" type of vibe. 187 00:09:46,273 --> 00:09:48,608 I cannot stop until I find the problem. 188 00:09:48,692 --> 00:09:51,986 I just... it's my responsibility to solve the problem. 189 00:09:52,071 --> 00:09:55,115 What else can I do, except keep working? 190 00:09:57,284 --> 00:09:59,369 You could stop working. 191 00:09:59,954 --> 00:10:01,996 Look, I promised to help you and, honestly 192 00:10:02,081 --> 00:10:04,499 the way I can help you is to force you to take a break. 193 00:10:04,667 --> 00:10:07,627 And not working will help me work? 194 00:10:07,711 --> 00:10:10,755 Yes. Recharge the old batteries. 195 00:10:10,840 --> 00:10:15,093 I promise, this is gonna help both of us. Let's go. 196 00:10:16,178 --> 00:10:17,220 Okay. 197 00:10:18,013 --> 00:10:22,392 Let's keep our eyes peeled for twigs that may have a nefarious agenda. 198 00:10:22,518 --> 00:10:24,102 Okay, crazy, come on. 199 00:10:27,148 --> 00:10:28,731 What is it with you and frozen yogurt? 200 00:10:29,483 --> 00:10:30,900 Have you not heard of ice cream? 201 00:10:31,026 --> 00:10:33,486 Oh, sure. But I've come to really like frozen yogurt. 202 00:10:33,654 --> 00:10:36,739 There's something so human about taking something great 203 00:10:37,199 --> 00:10:39,659 and ruining it a little, so you can have more of it. 204 00:10:40,035 --> 00:10:41,327 SHE LAUGHS - That is very human. 205 00:10:42,454 --> 00:10:44,664 Why do you need a human to be your assistant? 206 00:10:44,874 --> 00:10:49,544 I mean, aren't there more of whatever you are? 207 00:10:50,087 --> 00:10:52,338 Well since we're becoming "friends" 208 00:10:53,340 --> 00:10:54,799 like Ross and Phoebe 209 00:10:54,925 --> 00:10:56,467 Weird combo to pick, but okay. 210 00:10:56,677 --> 00:10:57,844 I'm gonna tell you a secret. 211 00:10:59,638 --> 00:11:03,349 Usually Architects don't live in their Neighbourhoods. 212 00:11:03,809 --> 00:11:06,102 Usually, the people show up, we play the movie 213 00:11:06,729 --> 00:11:09,439 Janet is there to answer questions, and you're on your own. 214 00:11:09,773 --> 00:11:10,982 But I had this theory. 215 00:11:11,066 --> 00:11:15,278 I thought transition would be easier if the Architect were on site 216 00:11:15,529 --> 00:11:17,071 for at least the first thousand years or so. 217 00:11:17,656 --> 00:11:20,909 That's why you've been so freaked out, 'cause your butt is on the line. 218 00:11:24,872 --> 00:11:25,914 Do you have a butt? 219 00:11:27,416 --> 00:11:28,917 Well I thought I did. Ouch. 220 00:11:29,126 --> 00:11:31,628 No, I'm sorry. It's a great butt. I... - No I'm... 221 00:11:32,296 --> 00:11:34,255 just... this is weird. - Anyway... 222 00:11:34,590 --> 00:11:38,343 my boss thought I was nuts, and if this Neighbourhood doesn't work 223 00:11:38,427 --> 00:11:40,595 I am in big trouble. 224 00:11:41,305 --> 00:11:44,474 Just like Chandler and Joey when they left Ross's baby on a bus. 225 00:11:44,767 --> 00:11:49,938 But more importantly, I promised all of you that you would be safe and happy 226 00:11:50,064 --> 00:11:51,898 and you just don't break a promise. 227 00:11:53,234 --> 00:11:55,985 Unlike Ross, when he promised Emily not to talk to Rachel. 228 00:11:56,654 --> 00:11:58,404 Wow, you are really into that show. 229 00:11:58,697 --> 00:12:00,990 You know something? I feel better already. 230 00:12:01,200 --> 00:12:03,660 Should we get back to work? Gah-gah-gah-gah-gah-gah! 231 00:12:03,827 --> 00:12:06,412 The whole point is to stop thinking about work 232 00:12:06,914 --> 00:12:07,914 and start having fun. 233 00:12:08,332 --> 00:12:10,458 Now, what should we do first? 234 00:12:10,918 --> 00:12:16,506 ♪ I'm going out in a blaze of glory ♪ 235 00:12:16,715 --> 00:12:20,385 ♪ Lord, I never drew first But I drew first blood ♪ 236 00:12:20,594 --> 00:12:22,220 ♪ I'm no one's son ♪ 237 00:12:22,638 --> 00:12:25,598 ♪ Call me young gun ♪ 238 00:12:27,226 --> 00:12:28,977 This is so interesting. 239 00:12:29,144 --> 00:12:32,981 I mean there's no point to it, the images on the screen relate to nothing 240 00:12:33,732 --> 00:12:35,275 some time passed, and then it was over! 241 00:12:35,776 --> 00:12:37,944 That's karaoke! - Let's do it again. 242 00:12:40,739 --> 00:12:44,659 Okay! My hands are heated to the ideal one hundred and five degrees. 243 00:12:45,035 --> 00:12:46,244 Who would like to go first? 244 00:12:46,328 --> 00:12:48,246 Oh well, uh... what if I go first, and then 245 00:12:48,330 --> 00:12:50,248 perhaps Jianyu could stand near me and 246 00:12:50,416 --> 00:12:52,166 share some intimate aspects of his life? 247 00:12:56,880 --> 00:12:59,007 Or what if 248 00:13:00,175 --> 00:13:02,635 while Janet massages Tahani 249 00:13:02,761 --> 00:13:06,014 I massage Jianyu? 250 00:13:10,602 --> 00:13:12,562 Jianyu, darling, let's discuss the arts. 251 00:13:14,273 --> 00:13:16,524 I adore the Impressionists. 252 00:13:18,193 --> 00:13:20,695 Who's your favourite artist? - I mean... 253 00:13:21,071 --> 00:13:23,323 Pitbull changed the game... - CHIDI: Hm. 254 00:13:24,074 --> 00:13:25,950 Sorry. I was working the... 255 00:13:26,869 --> 00:13:29,370 oft-neglected mandible area. - JIANYU MUMBLES 256 00:13:34,668 --> 00:13:36,961 SHE LAUGHS - Oh, man! 257 00:13:37,296 --> 00:13:39,964 I didn't even want that thing, why am I trying to win it? 258 00:13:40,049 --> 00:13:41,924 Because the machine says it's a prize. 259 00:13:42,968 --> 00:13:44,260 ELEANOR: Oh! - MICHAEL: Boom! 260 00:13:44,345 --> 00:13:45,720 MICHAEL: How many tickets do I get? 261 00:13:45,804 --> 00:13:47,930 Six? Is that all? - Well... watch this. 262 00:13:49,600 --> 00:13:50,641 SHE GRUNTS 263 00:13:50,893 --> 00:13:52,393 Is that allowed? - Not really. 264 00:13:52,478 --> 00:13:54,103 But it is a time-honoured tradition. 265 00:13:54,355 --> 00:13:56,064 Say no more. I got it. I got it. 266 00:13:59,109 --> 00:14:00,318 Yow! - Whoo! 267 00:14:01,278 --> 00:14:02,320 You know something? 268 00:14:02,404 --> 00:14:04,739 As much as I've always wanted to be around humans 269 00:14:04,823 --> 00:14:08,159 I think I've missed a big part of what makes them wonderful. 270 00:14:08,452 --> 00:14:12,497 Sometimes all you guys think about is how you can have the most fun! 271 00:14:12,915 --> 00:14:17,293 Exactly! That was practically my mantra. 272 00:14:18,754 --> 00:14:20,046 What's up, dongbait? 273 00:14:20,130 --> 00:14:21,756 BRITTANY LAUGHS - Drop everything you're doing. 274 00:14:22,091 --> 00:14:25,927 Rihanna is performing in Vegas. I got tickets. We are road tripping! 275 00:14:26,011 --> 00:14:27,470 Aw, I can't. 276 00:14:27,888 --> 00:14:31,557 I promised I'd housesit one more day, and I have to feed this stupid dog. 277 00:14:31,767 --> 00:14:34,894 I'm sorry, does this dog smoke blunts topless on a yacht, like a boss 278 00:14:34,937 --> 00:14:36,020 'cause that's how RiRi do. 279 00:14:36,563 --> 00:14:40,316 That's a very good point. - This is floor-seats, in Vegas, for Rihanna! 280 00:14:40,401 --> 00:14:41,984 The booze is free there. 281 00:14:42,111 --> 00:14:44,987 Do I really need to keep going? 282 00:14:47,324 --> 00:14:50,159 Okay. This is dinner tonight, breakfast tomorrow. 283 00:14:50,452 --> 00:14:51,494 I have an idea. This is in case of emergency. 284 00:14:54,289 --> 00:14:55,790 This is in case of emergency. 285 00:14:55,833 --> 00:14:59,043 Do not eat this unless it's an emergency. 286 00:14:59,920 --> 00:15:02,630 Wow. I'm ready to be a mom. 287 00:15:11,140 --> 00:15:13,182 I'm having trouble getting this mask to stick. 288 00:15:13,267 --> 00:15:16,144 Yes, it's because my pores are just so small. 289 00:15:16,937 --> 00:15:19,105 There's no way anything can ever adhere to my skin. 290 00:15:19,440 --> 00:15:20,481 It's a curse, really. 291 00:15:21,191 --> 00:15:24,110 Jianyu? What are your pores like? 292 00:15:26,363 --> 00:15:27,405 SHE SIGHS 293 00:15:27,739 --> 00:15:29,866 Seemed like such an easy question to answer. 294 00:15:30,617 --> 00:15:32,910 Janet, can you show me to the sauna, please? 295 00:15:37,541 --> 00:15:40,501 Dude! She's trying so hard, and you're giving her nothing. 296 00:15:40,586 --> 00:15:43,880 Just pick a fact that you know about her and just muddle through. She... 297 00:15:44,214 --> 00:15:46,215 She said she likes impressionist paintings. 298 00:15:46,633 --> 00:15:49,677 Oh! Impressionist paintings? Okay, say no more! 299 00:15:50,095 --> 00:15:53,389 No, no. I definitely feel like I need to say more. Jia--? 300 00:15:54,349 --> 00:15:55,933 HE LAUGHS - So... 301 00:15:56,768 --> 00:15:58,519 would you say I helped you today? 302 00:15:58,604 --> 00:16:03,024 Oh, so much! I had fun, I didn't think about my problems and I... 303 00:16:03,317 --> 00:16:05,151 I won this ugly yellow toddler 304 00:16:05,235 --> 00:16:07,445 which is one of the most beautiful things I've ever seen. 305 00:16:08,113 --> 00:16:10,448 Eleanor, thank you for being a friend. 306 00:16:11,450 --> 00:16:13,534 You're a pal and a confidante. 307 00:16:13,952 --> 00:16:16,370 After you watched Friends, did you also watch Golden Girls? 308 00:16:16,455 --> 00:16:17,872 Yes, I did. HE LAUGHS 309 00:16:18,540 --> 00:16:21,000 They love cheesecake and one of them loves intercourse. 310 00:16:21,084 --> 00:16:22,126 SHE LAUGHS 311 00:16:22,544 --> 00:16:24,253 All right. I'll see you tomorrow, friend. 312 00:16:25,380 --> 00:16:26,422 HE SIGHS 313 00:16:26,507 --> 00:16:28,925 CLASSICAL GUITAR PLAYS 314 00:16:39,603 --> 00:16:41,395 You sure this is where you want to be right now? 315 00:16:42,231 --> 00:16:45,107 At the "Tea for Two" Couples' Café. 316 00:16:45,275 --> 00:16:47,068 There's no use avoiding it, Chidi. 317 00:16:47,611 --> 00:16:48,653 I'm alone. 318 00:16:49,321 --> 00:16:51,697 Jianyu and I have nothing in common. 319 00:16:51,823 --> 00:16:55,368 I just want a soulmate. Someone I can share my passions with 320 00:16:55,452 --> 00:16:58,621 someone who I can talk to about the ethereal colours of a Degas. 321 00:16:58,705 --> 00:16:59,747 I love Degas! 322 00:16:59,831 --> 00:17:03,000 I took painting lessons as a kid, and Degas was always my inspiration. 323 00:17:03,585 --> 00:17:05,378 What's your favourite work? - Let's say it on three. 324 00:17:05,462 --> 00:17:08,631 Okay. - One, two, three. 325 00:17:08,715 --> 00:17:10,091 The Absinthe Drinker - Ballet Dancers in the Wings 326 00:17:11,385 --> 00:17:13,511 Well, at least we both still like Degas. 327 00:17:13,595 --> 00:17:16,973 Yes! And do you like France as much as I do? 328 00:17:17,099 --> 00:17:21,102 Well, they enslaved my country for three hundred years, so no. 329 00:17:21,603 --> 00:17:24,313 But they have great museums. - Yes. 330 00:17:24,731 --> 00:17:26,649 Welcome to my café you two! 331 00:17:26,733 --> 00:17:30,444 We have a special on soulmate muffins: two for the price of zero. 332 00:17:30,529 --> 00:17:32,863 Everything is free. - Oh, uh... well, we're not soulmates. 333 00:17:32,990 --> 00:17:34,490 TAHANI: No. - We're just, uh... 334 00:17:34,575 --> 00:17:36,576 Soul friends. - PILAR: Oh. 335 00:17:40,455 --> 00:17:43,708 Hey, buddy! I have all new fun stuff for us to do today. 336 00:17:44,001 --> 00:17:45,918 Also, you think you didn't do any work? 337 00:17:46,128 --> 00:17:49,046 Wait till you see how much work the Real Housewives don't do. 338 00:17:49,339 --> 00:17:51,465 Eleanor... Eleanor, I have huge news. 339 00:17:52,050 --> 00:17:54,760 "Not working" actually worked. 340 00:17:54,928 --> 00:17:55,970 It did what now? 341 00:17:56,054 --> 00:17:58,889 After our day off, with a completely clear head 342 00:17:59,308 --> 00:18:03,686 I realised part of what makes humans so fun is that they're unpredictable. 343 00:18:04,521 --> 00:18:06,522 The chaos we've been experiencing 344 00:18:06,607 --> 00:18:11,068 is exactly what would happen if a resident behaved unpredictably. 345 00:18:11,153 --> 00:18:15,448 The problem in our Neighbourhood, it's not a rock or an object... 346 00:18:15,991 --> 00:18:17,575 it's one of the people. 347 00:18:17,868 --> 00:18:19,869 Oh! We need to celebrate! 348 00:18:20,412 --> 00:18:23,914 Okay. Whoo-hoo! Paperclip shower! HE GIGGLES 349 00:18:28,086 --> 00:18:31,672 So, do you think we're looking for a man? Or do you think we're looking for two men? 350 00:18:32,341 --> 00:18:35,343 Not sure. We don't know anything about this person. 351 00:18:35,427 --> 00:18:37,345 I mean does he or she 352 00:18:37,429 --> 00:18:40,306 even know that they caused all these problems? 353 00:18:40,974 --> 00:18:42,183 No, that can't be. 354 00:18:42,309 --> 00:18:45,102 I mean what kind of monster would wreak havoc and then say nothing? 355 00:18:45,187 --> 00:18:48,230 There are nice monsters, like Elmo. 356 00:18:48,315 --> 00:18:51,067 Elmo? I'm not familiar with that. 357 00:18:51,568 --> 00:18:52,610 Let me just quickly... 358 00:18:54,738 --> 00:18:57,823 HE LAUGHS Elmo's delightful. 359 00:18:57,991 --> 00:19:00,242 HE LAUGHS Uh-oh. 360 00:19:01,370 --> 00:19:03,996 They're over-using him. He's gotten annoying. 361 00:19:04,706 --> 00:19:05,748 Oh, well, too bad. 362 00:19:05,832 --> 00:19:07,124 Anyway, back to the hunt. 363 00:19:07,250 --> 00:19:10,544 So this is the main place where the garbage fell from the sky. 364 00:19:11,129 --> 00:19:12,588 Janet? - Hi there. 365 00:19:12,756 --> 00:19:17,093 I need a list of everyone that was here on garbage duty during Orientation. 366 00:19:17,135 --> 00:19:18,803 BEEP - Oh! 367 00:19:20,222 --> 00:19:21,263 Eleanor. 368 00:19:21,348 --> 00:19:24,433 Our criminal is on this very short list. - ELEANOR: Hm. 369 00:19:24,810 --> 00:19:27,728 People were flying that day, too. I'll add everybody who flew overhead. 370 00:19:28,480 --> 00:19:33,150 ELEANOR GROANS - Our criminal is on this much longer list. 371 00:19:33,402 --> 00:19:34,443 ELEANOR SIGHS 372 00:19:38,031 --> 00:19:39,615 Oh, hey, homey. Thanks for your advice. 373 00:19:39,825 --> 00:19:41,826 I'm about to give Tahani the best gift ever. 374 00:19:41,910 --> 00:19:42,952 Check it. 375 00:19:45,038 --> 00:19:49,458 What? I mean, what? 376 00:19:49,501 --> 00:19:51,043 She likes impressionist paintings, right? 377 00:19:51,169 --> 00:19:54,422 I got her a painting of the best impressionist of all time. 378 00:19:54,506 --> 00:19:55,548 Frank Caliendo. 379 00:19:55,674 --> 00:19:58,843 He can do it all: Fat Al Pacino, Fat Jerry Seinfeld, Regular John Madden-- 380 00:19:58,885 --> 00:20:04,223 Jianyu, I need you to take this oil painting of Frank Caliendo 381 00:20:04,349 --> 00:20:07,101 and put it in a very dark room where no one will ever see it. 382 00:20:07,310 --> 00:20:09,103 Perfect. It glows in the dark. Watch. 383 00:20:12,733 --> 00:20:14,150 JIYANYU GRUNTS - Huh? 384 00:20:14,985 --> 00:20:17,695 IN THE VOICE OF AL PACINO: Forget about it, forget about it. 385 00:20:17,988 --> 00:20:19,029 Huh? 386 00:20:20,365 --> 00:20:24,034 Okay, so the opening night party won't help us narrow our list 387 00:20:24,119 --> 00:20:25,953 because, well... everyone was there. 388 00:20:26,204 --> 00:20:27,788 Right. Everyone was there. 389 00:20:28,123 --> 00:20:30,332 Everyone drank the appropriate amount of alcohol. 390 00:20:30,667 --> 00:20:32,835 So that seems like a dead end. - But... 391 00:20:34,171 --> 00:20:39,842 This is where the sinkhole opened up, and the guest list that night was limited. 392 00:20:39,885 --> 00:20:43,012 BEEP - There were a total of 30 people that night. 393 00:20:44,055 --> 00:20:45,097 HE LAUGHS 394 00:20:45,307 --> 00:20:46,515 Only thirty, huh? 395 00:20:46,641 --> 00:20:49,143 Yay! How do you pump your fist again? 396 00:20:50,729 --> 00:20:51,771 HE LAUGHS Is this it? 397 00:20:51,855 --> 00:20:55,149 But sixty-six others passed through to take a look before it opened. 398 00:20:55,233 --> 00:20:58,027 And everyone else in the Neighbourhood was in a close radius. 399 00:20:58,111 --> 00:21:02,448 Oh, boy! That doesn't narrow it down at all. 400 00:21:03,158 --> 00:21:05,493 Feels like the end of the road. 401 00:21:07,287 --> 00:21:09,914 End of the Road. Boyz II Men. Karaoke! 402 00:21:10,290 --> 00:21:12,124 Let's go. Don't think about it too much. 403 00:21:12,292 --> 00:21:13,334 Janet. 404 00:21:13,794 --> 00:21:15,586 My hoodie please. - JANET BEEPS 405 00:21:20,634 --> 00:21:22,593 What's happening? - I give up. 406 00:21:24,012 --> 00:21:26,722 I can't help the people I promised that I would help. 407 00:21:29,392 --> 00:21:31,769 I feel like Friends in season eight 408 00:21:32,729 --> 00:21:38,025 out of ideas and forcing Joey and Rachel together even though it made no sense. 409 00:21:39,528 --> 00:21:42,696 I hope the sinkhole opens up again and swallows me whole. 410 00:21:52,541 --> 00:21:56,502 Paula! Hey, girl! How's the dog? 411 00:21:56,878 --> 00:21:59,338 Still fat, Eleanor. Still fat. 412 00:22:00,090 --> 00:22:03,551 The vet said his stomach expanded to the size of a basketball. 413 00:22:03,635 --> 00:22:05,344 And that it will never shrink. 414 00:22:05,428 --> 00:22:07,555 Mmm. Well, that's not my fault. 415 00:22:07,639 --> 00:22:11,433 How was I supposed to know he would literally eat all of the food? 416 00:22:11,518 --> 00:22:13,102 It shouldn't have been an issue. 417 00:22:13,603 --> 00:22:16,313 You were supposed to be there but you broke your promise 418 00:22:16,690 --> 00:22:21,902 as soon it wasn't convenient for you, and now I have a very bulbous dog. 419 00:22:23,071 --> 00:22:25,364 Well, you know what? You're rude. 420 00:22:25,699 --> 00:22:28,534 'Cause you didn't even ask me how the Rihanna concert was. 421 00:22:29,494 --> 00:22:33,205 She was very late and a little drunk. 422 00:22:40,046 --> 00:22:42,548 I promised to help you, and I will 423 00:22:43,341 --> 00:22:44,383 however I can. 424 00:22:44,885 --> 00:22:49,597 If you want to look at a million rocks like a psychopath, I'll be there. 425 00:22:49,931 --> 00:22:54,310 If you want to just lay here and cry in your hoodie, I'm cool with that. 426 00:22:54,519 --> 00:22:57,146 Honestly, I don't know how I can help you 427 00:22:57,772 --> 00:22:59,815 'cause I'm just a person 428 00:22:59,900 --> 00:23:05,237 and you're like this super, magical, Orville Redenbacher type guy 429 00:23:05,405 --> 00:23:07,948 who invented this entire universe 430 00:23:08,074 --> 00:23:10,200 but I'll do my best. 431 00:23:11,953 --> 00:23:12,995 I'm right here. 432 00:23:13,747 --> 00:23:14,997 Oh, my gosh... 433 00:23:18,793 --> 00:23:19,877 Of course. 434 00:23:21,171 --> 00:23:22,379 How did I not see it? 435 00:23:23,006 --> 00:23:26,842 Janet, I've found the answer to the problem. 436 00:23:27,052 --> 00:23:28,135 Call a Neighbourhood meeting. 437 00:23:28,678 --> 00:23:32,514 Should it be "Festive and Casual," or "Moribund and Devastating?" 438 00:23:32,599 --> 00:23:35,100 Moribund and Devastating, please. - Great! 439 00:23:42,108 --> 00:23:43,734 Hello, Jianyu. Chidi. 440 00:23:46,821 --> 00:23:49,907 What's this? - I made you a "art". 441 00:23:50,200 --> 00:23:54,620 It's three of me! As ballerinas! 442 00:23:54,955 --> 00:23:57,122 Painted in the style of the impressionists! 443 00:23:57,374 --> 00:23:58,415 Of course! 444 00:23:59,626 --> 00:24:03,379 You don't say things, but you do things 445 00:24:03,797 --> 00:24:05,422 and you feel things. 446 00:24:06,758 --> 00:24:10,761 Only my true soulmate could ever give me such a perfect gift. 447 00:24:10,845 --> 00:24:12,429 Thank you. - SHE KISSES JIANYU 448 00:24:20,855 --> 00:24:22,231 Do you need anything else from me? 449 00:24:22,816 --> 00:24:26,568 No, no. I just want you to stand right there. 450 00:24:30,115 --> 00:24:32,825 What's going on? - Well, I did what you said. 451 00:24:32,909 --> 00:24:36,537 I honoured my agreement to help Michael find the problem 452 00:24:36,579 --> 00:24:40,082 and he found the problem. 453 00:24:40,166 --> 00:24:41,208 Oh, I'm so sorry. 454 00:24:43,253 --> 00:24:46,338 Maybe I broke my promise, too. I agreed to help you. 455 00:24:47,215 --> 00:24:49,675 Don't worry, you did. 456 00:24:51,845 --> 00:24:54,680 After I'm gone, take down the rest of those clown paintings. 457 00:24:55,098 --> 00:24:59,685 But leave up the sexy mailman, to remember me by. 458 00:25:00,937 --> 00:25:04,106 Thank you all for your patience with the problems in our Neighbourhood. 459 00:25:04,858 --> 00:25:07,192 I have finally discovered the cause. 460 00:25:08,236 --> 00:25:11,280 There was one common link among every incident. 461 00:25:12,157 --> 00:25:14,616 And when I figured it out it was a shock 462 00:25:14,951 --> 00:25:16,326 but there's no escaping it 463 00:25:18,204 --> 00:25:19,246 the problem... 464 00:25:20,623 --> 00:25:21,665 is me. 465 00:25:21,750 --> 00:25:23,208 EVERYONE GASPS - And now... 466 00:25:24,711 --> 00:25:27,588 I have to leave you, forever.