1
00:00:01,814 --> 00:00:03,941
Good afternoon, Eleanor.
What can I get you today?
2
00:00:04,901 --> 00:00:06,944
Whoa! Lotta new flavours.
3
00:00:07,403 --> 00:00:10,322
Michael felt bad about the sinkhole,
so he wanted to give you all a little treat.
4
00:00:10,448 --> 00:00:13,075
I recommend "Full Cell phone Battery."
5
00:00:14,661 --> 00:00:15,577
Whoa.
6
00:00:16,162 --> 00:00:19,623
It somehow tastes how I felt
when my cell phone was fully charged.
7
00:00:20,124 --> 00:00:21,166
Oh, I'm so relaxed!
8
00:00:22,001 --> 00:00:23,043
But they all look good.
9
00:00:23,253 --> 00:00:24,378
This might take me a while.
10
00:00:25,004 --> 00:00:26,922
You know what, Gunnar?
Uh, why don't you go ahead?
11
00:00:27,215 --> 00:00:28,465
Thanks so much, Eleanor.
12
00:00:28,550 --> 00:00:29,716
Mm-hmm.
- What can I get you, Gunnar?
13
00:00:29,842 --> 00:00:32,135
Hi, Janet. Can I have some folded laundry?
14
00:00:32,470 --> 00:00:33,512
Coming up.
15
00:00:44,607 --> 00:00:45,649
Chidi!
16
00:00:46,192 --> 00:00:47,192
You'll never believe it.
17
00:00:47,277 --> 00:00:48,735
I was at the frozen yogurt place
18
00:00:48,820 --> 00:00:50,779
and I didn't know what I wanted
so I turned to the guy behind me
19
00:00:50,863 --> 00:00:53,198
and I was like: "Why don't you go ahead."
20
00:00:53,283 --> 00:00:55,367
Just like that! "Why don't you go ahead."
21
00:00:56,411 --> 00:00:57,327
Oh... okay.
22
00:00:57,412 --> 00:00:58,745
Dude, you don't understand.
23
00:00:58,913 --> 00:01:01,206
I never did stuff like that when I was on Earth!
24
00:01:01,332 --> 00:01:04,751
But now, thanks to your "good person" lessons
I didn't hold up the line,
25
00:01:04,794 --> 00:01:06,712
I didn't even try a dozen samples
26
00:01:06,796 --> 00:01:09,840
I didn't want, just to spite some jerk
who told me I was holding up the line.
27
00:01:10,174 --> 00:01:13,552
You do that?
- No, Chidi. I used to do that.
28
00:01:13,803 --> 00:01:16,930
Now I do selfless things,
without even thinking about it.
29
00:01:17,473 --> 00:01:19,349
I'm getting better.
- That's great.
30
00:01:19,475 --> 00:01:20,851
I'm... I'm proud of you.
31
00:01:21,394 --> 00:01:22,436
So where's our yogurt?
32
00:01:23,021 --> 00:01:24,354
Ugh, I forgot it.
33
00:01:24,564 --> 00:01:27,149
Oh. Can you go?
34
00:01:27,233 --> 00:01:28,317
I don't wanna go all the way back.
35
00:01:28,401 --> 00:01:30,777
I ran all the way here and it was so hot.
36
00:01:32,488 --> 00:01:36,199
I mean, I will happily get it
because I told you I would.
37
00:01:39,871 --> 00:01:40,912
Good person.
38
00:01:49,088 --> 00:01:51,965
So, to sum up. Utilitarianism posits that...
39
00:01:52,175 --> 00:01:55,218
the correct choice is the one
that causes the most good
40
00:01:55,386 --> 00:01:58,347
or pleasure, and the least pain and suffering.
41
00:01:58,431 --> 00:01:59,640
I like this one.
42
00:01:59,932 --> 00:02:03,602
It's simple. Ugh. Screw all the other
complicated theories.
43
00:02:03,686 --> 00:02:04,936
Why didn't you start with this one?
44
00:02:05,021 --> 00:02:06,313
Ah, but here's the problem.
45
00:02:06,481 --> 00:02:09,358
If all that matters is the sum total
of goodness
46
00:02:09,442 --> 00:02:12,235
the you can justify anything number
of bad actions like...
47
00:02:12,779 --> 00:02:16,114
torturing one innocent person
to save a hundred or pre-emptive war.
48
00:02:16,199 --> 00:02:19,284
Oh, dip, I get it!
It's like, I knew this girl Sheila?
49
00:02:19,619 --> 00:02:22,663
She was a black market alligator dealer,
with a pierced jawbone.
50
00:02:23,081 --> 00:02:25,290
Um. Okay. What?
51
00:02:25,375 --> 00:02:27,918
Sheila was gonna get married
to my boy Donkey Doug
52
00:02:28,169 --> 00:02:29,920
and make him move to Sarasota.
53
00:02:30,213 --> 00:02:31,922
It would have broken up my whole
breakdancing crew
54
00:02:32,006 --> 00:02:34,508
and Donkey Doug was our best pop-and-locker!
55
00:02:34,676 --> 00:02:39,012
So I hid a bunch of stolen boogie boards
in Sheila's garage and called the cops.
56
00:02:39,639 --> 00:02:44,267
I framed one innocent gator dealer, to save
a sixty-person dance crew.
57
00:02:44,435 --> 00:02:49,481
Shockingly, that is a relevant example
of the Utilitarian dilemma. Well done.
58
00:02:49,649 --> 00:02:51,191
Thanks! Um...
59
00:02:52,860 --> 00:02:53,902
Ah, yes, Jianyu?
60
00:02:54,028 --> 00:02:55,070
Can I be excused?
61
00:02:55,154 --> 00:02:59,074
Tahani's doing a brunch party and I want to
get there before all the mini-waffles run out.
62
00:02:59,158 --> 00:03:02,411
Oh, it's the Good Place.
You can get all the mini waffles you want at any time.
63
00:03:02,745 --> 00:03:04,621
So, I'm not excused?
64
00:03:05,415 --> 00:03:07,040
Go ahead, man.
- Yes!
65
00:03:09,001 --> 00:03:11,211
So, you want to roll right into
another lesson?
66
00:03:12,130 --> 00:03:15,257
I am revved up to learn, man!
My brain is horny!
67
00:03:15,341 --> 00:03:18,552
Can we take a little break?
I've been standing at this chalkboard all day.
68
00:03:18,720 --> 00:03:20,512
Oh, yeah. I get it. Oh! You could, um...
69
00:03:20,680 --> 00:03:23,056
grade my paper I wrote
on the concept of Dharma.
70
00:03:23,224 --> 00:03:24,266
Six pages!
71
00:03:24,350 --> 00:03:27,185
And I didn't even do that thing
where I tried to make it longer
72
00:03:27,270 --> 00:03:29,646
by starting every sentence with,
"Interestingly".
73
00:03:29,772 --> 00:03:31,690
Sure, I'll... I'll do that and
74
00:03:32,859 --> 00:03:34,025
we can start another lesson.
75
00:03:38,114 --> 00:03:41,366
Oh, I hope you are both enjoying this brunch.
This is a fabulous jacket.
76
00:03:41,492 --> 00:03:44,327
Oh, you're both so attractive.
Hello, Jianyu.
77
00:03:44,454 --> 00:03:46,163
Syrup?
- Oh, right there.
78
00:03:46,831 --> 00:03:47,873
Chatty today, aren't we?
79
00:03:48,166 --> 00:03:52,377
Ah, Tahani. I've been working on
my Western Hemisphere brunch banter.
80
00:03:52,462 --> 00:03:53,670
Tell me what you think.
81
00:03:54,297 --> 00:03:56,339
"That New Yorker article was crazy."
82
00:03:56,632 --> 00:03:58,383
"You haven't seen Hamilton?"
83
00:03:58,634 --> 00:04:00,177
"Hey, did you hear about Stephanie?"
84
00:04:00,428 --> 00:04:02,929
- Very well done, Michael.
- Hi there!
85
00:04:02,972 --> 00:04:06,224
We have a category 55
Emergency Doomsday Crisis.
86
00:04:08,019 --> 00:04:11,646
A category 55 Emergency Doomsday Crisis?
- Mm-hmm.
87
00:04:11,773 --> 00:04:14,733
Sorry, what is a category 55
Emergency Doomsday Crisis?
88
00:04:15,067 --> 00:04:17,402
It's nothing.
It's a tiny little inconvenience.
89
00:04:17,779 --> 00:04:20,655
Tahani, dear,
could you show us to a private room
90
00:04:20,740 --> 00:04:24,785
where no one could see or hear us,
even if I yell very loudly out of fear?
91
00:04:30,374 --> 00:04:32,918
It appears that the sinkhole is not
repairing itself.
92
00:04:33,294 --> 00:04:35,086
This is very bad, Janet.
93
00:04:35,296 --> 00:04:37,756
We have to go into the sinkhole,
and fix it by hand.
94
00:04:37,965 --> 00:04:39,007
Get the tools.
95
00:04:39,342 --> 00:04:42,594
Sorry, can I be of any service?
- Ah! Tahani.
96
00:04:42,678 --> 00:04:46,306
Didn't see you there...
No, we're just having a slight problem
97
00:04:46,349 --> 00:04:48,934
with the enormous sinkhole.
98
00:04:49,018 --> 00:04:52,270
Yes, I meant to tell you.
I walked past it last night and I...
99
00:04:52,688 --> 00:04:53,980
I actually saw it get a little bit bigger.
100
00:04:55,650 --> 00:04:59,444
It got bigger? Ah, well. That's so so normal.
101
00:04:59,529 --> 00:05:03,573
This is the reaction I have when things
are incredibly mundane and expected.
102
00:05:03,658 --> 00:05:09,788
I'm going to leave now, at my regular pace,
as I do in most scenarios.
103
00:05:16,671 --> 00:05:19,214
Finally! Let's get back to it!
104
00:05:20,007 --> 00:05:22,926
Whip out that chalkboard, big boy,
show me what you're working with!
105
00:05:23,135 --> 00:05:27,848
Actually, I was going to head into town
and pick up some blankets.
106
00:05:28,349 --> 00:05:31,142
Great, I'll grab my sweater. Plus...
107
00:05:31,227 --> 00:05:33,061
I can practise letting people
cut in front of me.
108
00:05:33,688 --> 00:05:35,981
Please. You go ahead. I respect you.
109
00:05:36,148 --> 00:05:38,441
You're not just an obstacle
for me getting what I want.
110
00:05:38,526 --> 00:05:41,903
You know?
Uh, I just realised that I have blankets.
111
00:05:42,029 --> 00:05:46,700
So I'm going to take a nap using the several
blankets that I already have. Good night!
112
00:05:47,618 --> 00:05:50,704
Ah-ah-ah-ah-ah-ah!
What's wrong? Out with it.
113
00:05:50,788 --> 00:05:53,331
Fine, I'm just tired.
Need a break. No big deal.
114
00:05:53,416 --> 00:05:57,043
The way you're talking to me right now?
"Everything's cool, " "no big deal."
115
00:05:57,128 --> 00:05:57,961
I know that move.
116
00:05:58,379 --> 00:06:01,923
When I told a boyfriend something was
"no big deal," it meant anything from
117
00:06:02,174 --> 00:06:03,800
"I just bought weed from your nephew,"
118
00:06:03,885 --> 00:06:06,553
to "I secretly befriended
your ex-girlfriend last year
119
00:06:06,637 --> 00:06:08,722
things got out of hand
and now I'm her bridesmaid."
120
00:06:08,806 --> 00:06:12,767
Wow. Okay, well,
in this case, it really is no big deal.
121
00:06:12,935 --> 00:06:16,813
Dude, you're hiding something. What's wrong?
- Nothing.
122
00:06:18,024 --> 00:06:22,611
What is wrong?
123
00:06:31,829 --> 00:06:35,540
Jianyu second! Oh, well done, my love.
124
00:06:36,542 --> 00:06:37,959
So where am I?
125
00:06:38,794 --> 00:06:41,254
Eleanor sixth? Come on.
126
00:06:50,806 --> 00:06:53,934
Oh, no. I'm second to last.
127
00:06:55,978 --> 00:06:58,313
I barely made it.
128
00:06:59,273 --> 00:07:03,109
Mummy, I made you this.
It's the pretty bird we saw in the garden.
129
00:07:03,653 --> 00:07:06,154
Thank you, Tahani. It's very competent.
130
00:07:07,198 --> 00:07:08,239
I made a bird as well.
131
00:07:08,741 --> 00:07:10,408
I worked in reflective alloy
132
00:07:10,576 --> 00:07:12,869
holding up a mirror to mankind and its
133
00:07:12,954 --> 00:07:14,829
and its mistreatment of
these defenceless animals.
134
00:07:14,914 --> 00:07:20,502
Excellent, Kamilah. I sense the influence
of Brancusi, and Kapur.
135
00:07:20,628 --> 00:07:22,295
It seems you're moving out
of your structural period,
136
00:07:22,380 --> 00:07:24,464
and more into conceptual abstraction.
137
00:07:24,548 --> 00:07:27,842
Good eye, mother.
I grew tired of objective representation.
138
00:07:27,927 --> 00:07:29,177
I trust my audience.
139
00:07:30,096 --> 00:07:31,429
My birdie has a hat!
140
00:07:31,639 --> 00:07:33,473
Yes. Well done, Tahani.
141
00:07:35,142 --> 00:07:36,226
What's wrong?
- Nothing.
142
00:07:36,310 --> 00:07:37,352
What's wrong?
- Nothing.
143
00:07:37,436 --> 00:07:38,478
What's wrong?
- Nothing.
144
00:07:41,983 --> 00:07:43,900
Nothing's wrong.
Would you stop doing that?
145
00:07:43,985 --> 00:07:46,194
Okay, fine.
You want to know what's wrong?
146
00:07:46,654 --> 00:07:48,446
You are a full-time job.
147
00:07:48,698 --> 00:07:52,117
I wake up there's Eleanor.
I spend all day teaching Eleanor.
148
00:07:52,201 --> 00:07:55,370
And then, it's "Good night, Eleanor.
Oh, this is a nice dream.
149
00:07:55,454 --> 00:07:56,329
My grandma's here... wait!
150
00:07:56,414 --> 00:07:59,582
She's got Eleanor's face!
And tentacles for some reason."
151
00:07:59,667 --> 00:08:03,003
Don't blame me for your weird grandma dreams.
That's on you, dude.
152
00:08:03,295 --> 00:08:05,839
And I thought you liked teaching me.
153
00:08:06,007 --> 00:08:10,093
So now I'm just some huge burden for you?
- Yes! Of course you are!
154
00:08:10,177 --> 00:08:11,511
I am in paradise!
155
00:08:11,595 --> 00:08:14,764
I should be doing paradise things,
like rowing out on a lake
156
00:08:14,849 --> 00:08:17,058
with a good bottle of wine,
reading French poetry.
157
00:08:17,184 --> 00:08:20,228
That's your idea of "paradise?" That sucks!
158
00:08:20,438 --> 00:08:22,731
You know, and I can't stop helping you
159
00:08:22,815 --> 00:08:25,108
because then I am shirking my ethical duty.
160
00:08:25,192 --> 00:08:28,570
It's an impossible position!
- Well, excuse me
161
00:08:28,612 --> 00:08:30,280
for trying to stay out of the Bad Place.
162
00:08:30,448 --> 00:08:33,199
You know what, if you're so stressed
from writing on a chalkboard
163
00:08:33,409 --> 00:08:34,492
why don't you just leave?
164
00:08:34,577 --> 00:08:36,411
We could pretend to be soulmates in public
165
00:08:36,495 --> 00:08:38,121
but other than that
we don't have to see each other!
166
00:08:38,164 --> 00:08:40,290
Fine with me. I'll move out right now.
- Fine!
167
00:08:41,625 --> 00:08:42,667
Good afternoon.
168
00:08:42,752 --> 00:08:44,127
As you all may remember
169
00:08:44,211 --> 00:08:47,047
a sinkhole recently opened up
in the town centre.
170
00:08:47,298 --> 00:08:49,758
The situation, sadly, has worsened.
171
00:08:50,134 --> 00:08:54,137
Starting right now no one may go outside
under any circumstances.
172
00:08:54,680 --> 00:08:57,766
Leaving your homes
could result in catastrophic damage
173
00:08:58,225 --> 00:09:01,061
to you and to the very fabric of the universe.
174
00:09:01,520 --> 00:09:02,562
Okay, bye!
175
00:09:03,898 --> 00:09:05,982
Or we could both just stay here.
176
00:09:08,944 --> 00:09:12,447
We hope you enjoy
your eternal stay in the Good Place.
177
00:09:12,823 --> 00:09:17,535
Take advantage of our day spa,
or Janet, a magical assistant.
178
00:09:17,661 --> 00:09:19,287
who can get you whatever you want.
179
00:09:19,580 --> 00:09:23,333
And explore the grounds on one of our
complimentary pegasi.
180
00:09:23,417 --> 00:09:25,877
Do you mind turning that off?
It's been playing on a loop for two days.
181
00:09:26,170 --> 00:09:30,465
The whole Neighbourhood is offline.
We only get the welcome channel.
182
00:09:30,633 --> 00:09:33,009
I would love to not watch TV
183
00:09:33,427 --> 00:09:35,428
but you cancelled school.
184
00:09:36,639 --> 00:09:38,389
What have you done to me, you monster?
185
00:09:39,600 --> 00:09:41,476
Look at all these dishes piling up.
186
00:09:42,061 --> 00:09:45,688
I used to just throw them in the sink
and they'd be magically cleaned by morning.
187
00:09:45,898 --> 00:09:48,358
I did that. I cleaned the dishes.
- Oh.
188
00:09:49,026 --> 00:09:50,235
Then what's up with these bad boys?
189
00:09:50,861 --> 00:09:53,363
You are unbelievable.
190
00:09:53,447 --> 00:09:55,532
Are you still upset? You're not over it yet?
191
00:09:55,616 --> 00:09:59,119
How can I be "over" it?
We haven't discussed it, or even spoken for days.
192
00:09:59,203 --> 00:10:02,997
Well, it sounds like you've had a really nice
"vacation" from your "full-time job."
193
00:10:03,124 --> 00:10:05,500
Get your story straight, bro.
194
00:10:05,584 --> 00:10:06,751
Hey, guys? It's Michael.
195
00:10:08,838 --> 00:10:11,297
Hi, Michael! What a lovely surprise!
196
00:10:11,715 --> 00:10:13,716
Oh, I'd love to make small talk.
I've been practicing, too.
197
00:10:13,801 --> 00:10:16,469
I'm amazing at it.
But I'm in a bit of a rush here.
198
00:10:16,554 --> 00:10:17,887
This is Bart and Nina
199
00:10:18,430 --> 00:10:21,307
They live right next to the, uh...
sinkhole, so...
200
00:10:21,767 --> 00:10:23,309
they obviously need a place to stay.
201
00:10:23,394 --> 00:10:26,312
I was wondering, as my assistant,
maybe you could put them up for a while?
202
00:10:26,814 --> 00:10:30,191
Oh, of course. Don't... don't think twice.
- Okay. Shouldn't take long.
203
00:10:30,734 --> 00:10:33,611
Between an hour and, um... eleven months.
204
00:10:33,696 --> 00:10:35,780
Somewhere in there. Okay, bye!
205
00:10:37,575 --> 00:10:38,616
Don't go outside.
206
00:10:49,295 --> 00:10:50,336
We're doomed.
207
00:10:50,421 --> 00:10:52,589
Dude. You need to chill the fork out.
208
00:10:52,673 --> 00:10:54,382
How? We are living a lie.
209
00:10:54,592 --> 00:10:57,802
We are fighting and one small mistake
could blow our cover
210
00:10:57,887 --> 00:10:58,970
and make the whole world go crazy.
211
00:10:59,054 --> 00:11:02,098
All we need to do is make a little small talk.
212
00:11:02,391 --> 00:11:04,142
Just say things that aren't lies.
213
00:11:04,393 --> 00:11:10,148
Like, isn't Eleanor super hot?
Or, I'm Chidi, I lost my virginity to a book.
214
00:11:10,357 --> 00:11:11,399
Tea's ready!
215
00:11:11,483 --> 00:11:14,861
Thank you guys so much.
Sorry for the imposition.
216
00:11:14,945 --> 00:11:16,237
Oh, bah!
217
00:11:16,322 --> 00:11:19,449
If you want to know the truth,
we asked Michael if we could stay with you.
218
00:11:19,533 --> 00:11:21,910
We are obsessed with your relationship.
219
00:11:21,994 --> 00:11:24,746
Always whispering,
locking yourself in the house all day.
220
00:11:25,122 --> 00:11:27,790
I thought I was an expert in true love
'cause of my old job
221
00:11:27,875 --> 00:11:30,376
but I have a lot to learn from you guys.
222
00:11:30,502 --> 00:11:31,961
Your job? What was your job?
223
00:11:32,046 --> 00:11:33,213
I was a marriage counsellor.
224
00:11:33,714 --> 00:11:36,257
You could say I wrote the book
on healthy relationships
225
00:11:36,884 --> 00:11:38,635
and I did!
226
00:11:38,761 --> 00:11:43,181
It's called "How to Spot Problems
in a Marriage From 100 Miles Away."
227
00:11:43,265 --> 00:11:44,724
Oh! Cool.
- Oh, cool.
228
00:11:44,808 --> 00:11:46,434
Yeah, really cool.
- Cool. Cool.
229
00:11:47,061 --> 00:11:48,686
Cool. And what about you, Bart?
230
00:11:48,771 --> 00:11:50,897
Ah, well, my job wasn't nearly as
interesting.
231
00:11:51,023 --> 00:11:53,608
Nah, I started a company
that investigated identity theft.
232
00:11:53,692 --> 00:11:56,236
Analysing body language,
tracking and catching people
233
00:11:56,320 --> 00:11:57,403
pretending to be someone they're not.
234
00:11:57,780 --> 00:12:00,782
It was snooze, am I right?
235
00:12:00,950 --> 00:12:05,828
You know what? Forget this tea.
Who wants too much wine?
236
00:12:05,913 --> 00:12:08,248
Oh!
237
00:12:08,749 --> 00:12:09,791
Hello, everyone
238
00:12:09,875 --> 00:12:12,961
and welcome to Day Three
of our brunch siege!
239
00:12:13,045 --> 00:12:16,881
I stayed up all night
to plan a full day of fun activities
240
00:12:17,174 --> 00:12:18,800
just check the schedule I made!
241
00:12:19,593 --> 00:12:22,720
- Tahani, you are truly the best.
- Hear! Hear!
242
00:12:22,846 --> 00:12:25,014
Yes, you would think so,
wouldn't you, Henriette?
243
00:12:28,143 --> 00:12:31,896
Still second to last?
244
00:12:35,943 --> 00:12:36,985
Tahani.
245
00:12:37,027 --> 00:12:40,405
This auction threatens to be an
embarrassing failure.
246
00:12:41,115 --> 00:12:43,408
Five-point-two million isn't bad.
247
00:12:43,492 --> 00:12:45,576
It's very "middle-thermometer."
248
00:12:45,995 --> 00:12:50,039
Your public failure is our public failure.
249
00:12:50,124 --> 00:12:51,708
You know what has to be done.
250
00:12:52,584 --> 00:12:53,710
I'm very pleased...
251
00:12:53,794 --> 00:12:56,838
to announce that there has been an addition
to today's docket.
252
00:12:58,299 --> 00:13:01,551
I'm sure you all know my sister Kamilah.
253
00:13:04,346 --> 00:13:05,930
Yes. Kamilah.
254
00:13:06,265 --> 00:13:10,184
Kamilah, of course, is the youngest person
ever to graduate from Oxford University.
255
00:13:10,269 --> 00:13:13,563
She's a Eurovision Award-winning
singer-song writer
256
00:13:13,897 --> 00:13:16,357
a world-class painter, social activist
257
00:13:16,442 --> 00:13:20,611
sculptor, Olympic gold medallist for archery
258
00:13:20,696 --> 00:13:22,071
an iconoclast
259
00:13:22,823 --> 00:13:27,994
A Bafta Award-winner for her documentary
on her Grammy Award-winning album
260
00:13:28,287 --> 00:13:32,165
and the person voted
"Most Likely to be Banksy."
261
00:13:33,375 --> 00:13:36,544
So without further ado
take it away from me!
262
00:13:36,837 --> 00:13:39,130
Sorry, I mean take it away, Kamilah!
263
00:13:43,010 --> 00:13:45,178
I am auctioning off a lunch date with me.
264
00:13:46,347 --> 00:13:49,599
The bidding shall commence
at three million pounds.
265
00:13:53,187 --> 00:13:54,228
You're bidding?
266
00:13:54,438 --> 00:13:58,149
Of course.
It's an hour with Kamilah Al-Jamil!
267
00:13:58,817 --> 00:13:59,859
Five million!
268
00:14:07,659 --> 00:14:10,620
Wow. You guys must really love clowns, huh?
269
00:14:10,704 --> 00:14:13,873
Would two people who didn't love clowns
have this many clowns on their walls?
270
00:14:13,957 --> 00:14:16,709
It must be great to live with such
a positive person. Huh, Chidi?
271
00:14:16,794 --> 00:14:20,922
Well, it's um... at times it's... person.
272
00:14:24,635 --> 00:14:26,511
Ugh. That's my Chidi.
273
00:14:27,012 --> 00:14:28,888
One glass of wine, he's totally useless.
274
00:14:30,766 --> 00:14:32,475
You know what you need right now, dear?
275
00:14:32,518 --> 00:14:33,935
To get into something more comfortable
276
00:14:33,977 --> 00:14:36,729
like one of your trademark
taupe V-neck sweaters.
277
00:14:37,231 --> 00:14:39,524
You know how strongly I feel about those.
278
00:14:39,942 --> 00:14:40,983
- Aw.
- Ooh..
279
00:14:41,026 --> 00:14:42,360
So cute.
280
00:14:42,611 --> 00:14:44,779
Oh, love, love, love!
281
00:14:44,863 --> 00:14:46,280
Love, love, love!
282
00:14:49,618 --> 00:14:52,120
You couldn't think of one thing to say?
Get your head in the game, man.
283
00:14:52,204 --> 00:14:53,204
They're gonna catch us.
284
00:14:53,288 --> 00:14:57,208
This is an extremely precarious situation.
I am vexed, Eleanor!
285
00:14:57,292 --> 00:14:59,502
A marriage counsellor
and a human lie detector
286
00:14:59,586 --> 00:15:03,840
isn't my first choice for company either,
but they have no reason to suspect us.
287
00:15:04,842 --> 00:15:09,178
Plus, I think they may have actually
just come here to, you know?
288
00:15:09,555 --> 00:15:10,596
Swing.
289
00:15:11,598 --> 00:15:12,723
I say we do it.
290
00:15:13,016 --> 00:15:14,517
It'll get them to stop asking questions.
291
00:15:14,601 --> 00:15:18,896
I am not going to have sex with someone
to get them to stop talking to me.
292
00:15:18,981 --> 00:15:21,107
Really? You and I are very different.
293
00:15:21,191 --> 00:15:23,693
Yeah, I noticed.
- You know what, man?
294
00:15:23,902 --> 00:15:26,779
I have spent every second in this place
worried I was gonna get caught
295
00:15:26,864 --> 00:15:29,866
but if we go down right now,
that's on you. Okay?
296
00:15:30,451 --> 00:15:33,119
Oh, you spend all your time teaching a
charming, awesome lady?
297
00:15:33,203 --> 00:15:35,746
How sad for you. Face it, dude.
298
00:15:35,831 --> 00:15:40,460
I'm the best thing that ever happened to you.
Because guess what, Chidi? Ya basic.
299
00:15:41,795 --> 00:15:43,921
Eleanor.
- Yeah, I know. You wanna do that thing
300
00:15:44,006 --> 00:15:47,508
where we're arguing and fighting,
but then suddenly it's like "Whoa, this is hot,"
301
00:15:47,593 --> 00:15:49,385
and we start making out? Dream on!
302
00:15:49,678 --> 00:15:50,803
Or, whatever, fine, let's just do it.
303
00:15:51,054 --> 00:15:52,305
No! Eleanor, look.
304
00:15:59,980 --> 00:16:01,981
So, how much of that did you hear?
305
00:16:02,065 --> 00:16:04,650
We couldn't hear you but I'm an expert
in non-verbal communication
306
00:16:04,735 --> 00:16:07,069
and it is clear you are in conflict.
307
00:16:07,362 --> 00:16:10,156
We're not judging you.
This has been a tough couple of weeks.
308
00:16:10,532 --> 00:16:14,368
I'm sure the... the stress of the sinkhole
has caused lots of soulmate squabbles.
309
00:16:15,037 --> 00:16:19,999
That's what it is! A squabble. We're squabbling.
- Squabble-squabble!
310
00:16:20,209 --> 00:16:22,460
I can help.
I'm going to take your relationship
311
00:16:22,544 --> 00:16:24,295
and put it under a microscope
312
00:16:24,630 --> 00:16:27,340
And dig and poke and prod
313
00:16:27,424 --> 00:16:30,384
until you are back to soulmate harmony.
314
00:16:30,511 --> 00:16:31,719
Eleanor, why don't you tell...
315
00:16:31,803 --> 00:16:34,305
She never does the dishes.
I have to do them all the time.
316
00:16:35,224 --> 00:16:37,225
We just have different interests.
- Mm-hmm.
317
00:16:37,309 --> 00:16:40,978
I like relaxing, he likes getting
on my case about the dishes.
318
00:16:41,104 --> 00:16:42,855
I'm getting a lot of repressed anger.
319
00:16:42,940 --> 00:16:45,441
I suspected this when I arrived,
but now I'm sure.
320
00:16:45,901 --> 00:16:47,902
You are hiding something.
321
00:16:47,986 --> 00:16:50,446
What are earth would I be hiding?
- No, no, no, not you...
322
00:16:51,448 --> 00:16:52,490
Him.
323
00:16:55,869 --> 00:16:57,328
Please go back inside.
324
00:16:57,412 --> 00:17:01,457
It isn't safe to be out of your home.
Please go back inside.
325
00:17:01,542 --> 00:17:03,292
Janet, could you see what's wrong?
326
00:17:03,794 --> 00:17:04,835
Everything.
327
00:17:05,128 --> 00:17:07,255
Oh!
328
00:17:08,340 --> 00:17:10,550
My goodness. It's even worse than I thought.
329
00:17:10,717 --> 00:17:12,134
Tahani, what are you doing here?
330
00:17:12,386 --> 00:17:15,513
Well, everyone else might be okay
staying inside, but I wanted to help.
331
00:17:15,639 --> 00:17:19,308
So I brought some cheer
and sustenance, to raise your spirits.
332
00:17:19,393 --> 00:17:20,601
Look, I made donut holes.
333
00:17:21,103 --> 00:17:25,523
Do you get it? Donut holes,
sinkhole. Funny, no?
334
00:17:25,649 --> 00:17:28,651
No, too soon. By exactly nine days.
335
00:17:28,777 --> 00:17:31,737
Tahani, this sinkhole is incredibly
dangerous.
336
00:17:31,863 --> 00:17:35,449
If a human gets too close to it
there could be disastrous side effects.
337
00:17:35,909 --> 00:17:38,744
What's... what's happening to me?
338
00:17:38,787 --> 00:17:40,413
Ooh, that's one of the side effects.
339
00:17:40,497 --> 00:17:42,790
Janet, knock her out,
while we still have time, please.
340
00:17:42,874 --> 00:17:45,209
Knock me out? What does that...
341
00:17:48,672 --> 00:17:51,382
Guys, really, it's no big deal.
342
00:17:51,466 --> 00:17:56,178
"It's not a big deal" is nearly always
code for "something is wrong."
343
00:17:56,263 --> 00:17:58,139
Boom! That's what I said!
344
00:17:58,223 --> 00:17:59,557
I should've been a marriage counsellor.
345
00:17:59,641 --> 00:18:02,768
Lets take the positive aspects
of this relationship.
346
00:18:02,853 --> 00:18:04,270
Let's focus on that first.
347
00:18:04,688 --> 00:18:07,273
What do you do to make Eleanor feel valued?
348
00:18:08,066 --> 00:18:14,655
I spend every waking moment thinking
about her and supporting her.
349
00:18:15,115 --> 00:18:16,365
Beautifully said.
350
00:18:16,450 --> 00:18:18,993
Eleanor, what do you do to support Chidi?
351
00:18:19,453 --> 00:18:20,494
I...
352
00:18:21,872 --> 00:18:25,416
taught him how to reheat cold pizza
with a curling iron.
353
00:18:26,668 --> 00:18:30,171
But this isn't about me
or my awesome life hacks.
354
00:18:30,297 --> 00:18:32,673
He's hiding something,
and we need to get to the bottom of it.
355
00:18:32,841 --> 00:18:34,508
She's right, Chidi. Out with it.
356
00:18:34,760 --> 00:18:37,762
What is so unsatisfying about
your soulmate relationship?
357
00:18:37,846 --> 00:18:40,348
Be honest, Chidi. Be like...
358
00:18:40,641 --> 00:18:43,768
the exact right amount of honest
359
00:18:43,852 --> 00:18:46,228
so that we can both be happy.
360
00:18:47,981 --> 00:18:51,067
I never had a soulmate on earth.
361
00:18:51,360 --> 00:18:56,280
I never even really had a girlfriend
that I loved.
362
00:18:57,491 --> 00:19:01,452
And when I got here and Michael said
I would finally meet my actual soulmate
363
00:19:01,536 --> 00:19:03,954
I was so excited. And it isn't...
364
00:19:05,832 --> 00:19:06,874
exactly...
365
00:19:08,085 --> 00:19:09,126
what I thought.
366
00:19:09,795 --> 00:19:12,546
You've never had
an intense relationship before.
367
00:19:12,798 --> 00:19:14,965
This is all uncharted territory.
368
00:19:15,050 --> 00:19:17,343
No wonder you're so tense!
369
00:19:17,928 --> 00:19:21,722
You know, Nina and I are skilled
in the art of massage.
370
00:19:22,808 --> 00:19:24,433
Not erotic massage.
- Mm.
371
00:19:24,518 --> 00:19:27,186
- Although it can be, it often leads there anyway.
- Okay!
372
00:19:27,270 --> 00:19:28,521
Well, you know what?
373
00:19:28,772 --> 00:19:32,066
You guys have given us so much to think about
and I think we should go to bed.
374
00:19:32,109 --> 00:19:34,527
Just the two of us, alone.
Just us.
375
00:19:34,903 --> 00:19:36,821
I know it's not the right time,
but I told you.
376
00:19:36,905 --> 00:19:39,573
You know after an
emotional breakthrough like that
377
00:19:39,658 --> 00:19:42,326
you guys aren't gonna do much sleeping.
378
00:19:42,411 --> 00:19:43,828
Yeah, I know.
379
00:19:44,037 --> 00:19:49,709
We're gonna keep our clothes. I'll sleep on the floor
and we'll maintain a chilly silence until morning.
380
00:19:50,001 --> 00:19:51,544
Could you imagine?
381
00:19:54,297 --> 00:19:55,756
Well, that's terrifying.
- Mm.
382
00:19:58,844 --> 00:20:00,553
Tahani? Wake up, dear.
383
00:20:01,179 --> 00:20:04,181
Michael, did it work?
384
00:20:05,058 --> 00:20:06,434
Did I fix the sinkhole?
385
00:20:06,727 --> 00:20:07,601
Am I a heroine?
386
00:20:07,686 --> 00:20:12,148
No. You did something catastrophically stupid
and we had to knock you unconscious.
387
00:20:12,482 --> 00:20:14,692
Why in the world did you go outside?
388
00:20:14,985 --> 00:20:17,778
Because I saw the rankings in the manual.
389
00:20:17,988 --> 00:20:21,657
That manual is only meant to be seen
by Architects and Janets.
390
00:20:21,742 --> 00:20:24,368
It's got some very sensitive material.
391
00:20:24,536 --> 00:20:28,330
Plus some song lyrics I've been working on,
and I'd rather not let people see those
392
00:20:28,415 --> 00:20:29,498
until they're finished.
393
00:20:30,000 --> 00:20:31,292
But, anyway...
394
00:20:31,793 --> 00:20:34,712
Why did seeing the rankings unravel you so?
395
00:20:37,424 --> 00:20:40,801
I was so sorry to hear
of your parents' passing.
396
00:20:41,219 --> 00:20:44,138
Please bear with me as I share
their last will and testament.
397
00:20:44,473 --> 00:20:46,932
To Kamilah, we have left
sixty-eight million pounds
398
00:20:47,017 --> 00:20:52,021
the home in Kensington, their yacht,
and other assorted weekend boats.
399
00:20:52,481 --> 00:20:55,107
But what did they leave
their second-favourite child?
400
00:20:55,484 --> 00:20:58,944
There's still quite a lot of
money and property that goes to you.
401
00:20:59,404 --> 00:21:00,696
There is one issue, however.
402
00:21:01,406 --> 00:21:04,658
They have, um...
spelled your name incorrectly, in the will.
403
00:21:05,202 --> 00:21:06,076
You've got to be kidding me.
404
00:21:06,286 --> 00:21:11,081
It says, "We bequeath the rest
of our estate to Tahini." Like the sauce.
405
00:21:11,666 --> 00:21:14,293
You know what? I don't want the money.
406
00:21:14,753 --> 00:21:16,921
My sister can have it all.
407
00:21:17,297 --> 00:21:22,468
My whole life I have lived in your shadow,
but now I'm going to step out of it.
408
00:21:22,719 --> 00:21:27,681
I am going to reach heights of success
and sophistication you could only dream of.
409
00:21:28,099 --> 00:21:29,433
Your cardigan's on inside out.
410
00:21:29,684 --> 00:21:33,813
I know! It's a new trend that I am starting.
411
00:21:33,980 --> 00:21:36,774
Just one example of how I'm going
to step out of your shadow.
412
00:21:36,983 --> 00:21:40,152
Oh, please wait.
I'm obligated to say one more thing.
413
00:21:41,071 --> 00:21:43,155
Kamilah, I'm taken by you.
414
00:21:43,824 --> 00:21:46,784
Your very presence is magnetic.
415
00:21:47,369 --> 00:21:51,288
I may be married and I've never been interested
in any woman before
416
00:21:51,623 --> 00:21:55,709
but my attraction for you
goes beyond sexuality.
417
00:21:56,878 --> 00:21:59,213
Though it certainly is deeply sexual.
418
00:21:59,756 --> 00:22:03,217
Oh, for crying out loud! Come on!
419
00:22:05,554 --> 00:22:08,472
Oh, I'm sorry that I looked
at the rankings, Michael.
420
00:22:08,557 --> 00:22:11,559
But I just don't understand
how I'm so low.
421
00:22:11,852 --> 00:22:14,812
My entire life I have tried to be
extraordinary
422
00:22:14,896 --> 00:22:16,522
but it just never seemed to be enough.
423
00:22:17,065 --> 00:22:22,695
Ah. And you thought you could increase
your ranking by helping us fix the sinkhole.
424
00:22:23,488 --> 00:22:24,530
Tahani.
425
00:22:25,282 --> 00:22:28,492
Tahani, the point evaluations stop
the moment you die.
426
00:22:28,618 --> 00:22:32,162
But also, out of literally billions
427
00:22:32,622 --> 00:22:35,875
you were one of the most remarkable people
on Earth.
428
00:22:36,668 --> 00:22:40,170
You have nothing left to prove, to anyone.
429
00:22:40,922 --> 00:22:41,964
Hi there!
430
00:22:42,173 --> 00:22:44,466
The sinkhole has begun to repair itself!
431
00:22:44,593 --> 00:22:45,634
It has?
432
00:22:45,927 --> 00:22:47,052
Could it be?
- But how?
433
00:22:47,137 --> 00:22:50,890
Did I, "Tahani saves the uni--"
- No, no, no, still not you.
434
00:22:51,016 --> 00:22:53,225
You had nothing to do with it.
We'd better leave immediately.
435
00:22:57,898 --> 00:22:58,939
Oh. Morning, Chidi.
436
00:22:59,024 --> 00:23:01,108
Michael just lifted the lockdown.
We can all go outside again.
437
00:23:01,192 --> 00:23:04,486
Say goodbye to Eleanor for us.
Oh, she left you a note by the dishes.
438
00:23:06,239 --> 00:23:09,909
And if you ever want to come to our house,
break out the massage oils
439
00:23:10,243 --> 00:23:12,161
And, uh... see what unfolds.
440
00:23:12,829 --> 00:23:15,873
Okay. Great. Thank you, Nina.
441
00:23:24,424 --> 00:23:25,466
Morning, teach!
442
00:23:25,550 --> 00:23:28,344
Morning. What's this about?
443
00:23:28,678 --> 00:23:30,179
Well, here's what I realised.
444
00:23:30,513 --> 00:23:34,099
It's not just that helping me is a full-time
job that you feel you have to do.
445
00:23:35,185 --> 00:23:38,062
The real problem is that
the more you help me
446
00:23:38,146 --> 00:23:42,483
the greater the chance is that I can stay
here, and me staying here means
447
00:23:42,692 --> 00:23:44,526
you'll never get a real soulmate.
448
00:23:45,612 --> 00:23:47,863
I'm basically a Utilitarian nightmare.
449
00:23:49,074 --> 00:23:51,867
Every ounce of my happiness
leads to a ton of pain for you.
450
00:23:51,952 --> 00:23:55,829
So, every time
the simple fact of my existence
451
00:23:56,206 --> 00:23:57,539
starts to bum you out
452
00:23:58,750 --> 00:24:00,626
I want you to hold this up.
453
00:24:01,628 --> 00:24:03,337
At which point
454
00:24:03,380 --> 00:24:06,298
I will leave you alone,
for as long as you need.
455
00:24:07,050 --> 00:24:10,010
I know we'll never be soulmates,
but we're friends.
456
00:24:10,720 --> 00:24:13,097
So I'm going to help you have the paradise
you always wanted.
457
00:24:14,140 --> 00:24:17,393
Side note, I can't believe this is
the paradise you always wanted, but...
458
00:24:18,770 --> 00:24:20,980
get in this boat,
and read some boring French poetry.
459
00:24:32,283 --> 00:24:35,786
I... I've never actually done this before.
This is... this is a theoretical fantasy.
460
00:24:36,454 --> 00:24:37,830
How do you row a boat?
461
00:24:38,915 --> 00:24:41,250
I tell you, it's good as new.
Go ahead, if you want. Just here.
462
00:24:41,459 --> 00:24:43,794
Whoo! See? You can jump up and down on it.
463
00:24:43,878 --> 00:24:46,088
Hey boss, so you fixed the sinkhole?
464
00:24:46,172 --> 00:24:48,424
Yep! Good as new! Crisis averted!
465
00:24:48,508 --> 00:24:52,261
Everybody, have a wonderful day
because I fixed the sinkhole.
466
00:24:52,721 --> 00:24:54,054
I didn't fix the sinkhole.
467
00:24:54,472 --> 00:24:57,224
Sorry?
- I tried and I tried but nothing worked.
468
00:24:57,308 --> 00:25:00,561
And then all of a sudden, this morning,
out of the blue! Just whoop!
469
00:25:00,770 --> 00:25:02,521
It just closed over.
470
00:25:03,523 --> 00:25:06,358
Huh! How about that?
471
00:25:07,027 --> 00:25:10,779
Well, as your assistant,
I officially declare this good news!
472
00:25:10,864 --> 00:25:12,656
No, this is terrible news.
473
00:25:13,324 --> 00:25:17,494
I have no idea what caused it,
Eleanor, and no idea what fixed it.
474
00:25:18,204 --> 00:25:20,956
I want you to come to my office
first thing in the morning.
475
00:25:21,583 --> 00:25:24,960
You and I are gonna find this problem.