1 00:00:01,981 --> 00:00:05,567 Hang on, hang on - you're not supposed to be here either? 2 00:00:05,902 --> 00:00:07,528 You're a mistake, just like me? 3 00:00:07,570 --> 00:00:08,904 Yeah, and I'm freaking out, dog! 4 00:00:08,947 --> 00:00:11,823 There's so much thoughts in my brain it's like my head is filled with rocks. 5 00:00:12,617 --> 00:00:15,077 How have you managed to stay undiscovered? 6 00:00:15,119 --> 00:00:18,705 Because I have had to dodge and weave and barely escape with my life 7 00:00:18,748 --> 00:00:23,252 and you don't seem... like a super genius. 8 00:00:25,004 --> 00:00:27,589 Hello, Jianyu, I'm Michael. 9 00:00:27,632 --> 00:00:32,719 Before we start, I know you were a Buddhist monk and kept a vow of silence. 10 00:00:32,762 --> 00:00:35,305 Would you prefer to remain silent here, as well? 11 00:00:37,141 --> 00:00:39,601 You literally haven't said a word since we got here? 12 00:00:39,644 --> 00:00:43,105 Yeah. When I say I'm meditating, I'm just trying to figure out 13 00:00:43,147 --> 00:00:44,356 what the fork is happening! 14 00:00:44,399 --> 00:00:46,066 I think we might be in an alien zoo. 15 00:00:46,109 --> 00:00:47,359 Or on a prank show. 16 00:00:47,777 --> 00:00:49,236 No, Jianyu, we're dead. 17 00:00:49,529 --> 00:00:51,154 Whoa, that's a dope prank. 18 00:00:51,197 --> 00:00:52,531 Whew, gotta give it up. 19 00:00:52,574 --> 00:00:57,411 Okay. I need to make sure that this isn't some sort of weird trap. 20 00:00:57,870 --> 00:00:59,371 Is your real name "Jianyu?" 21 00:00:59,414 --> 00:01:01,206 No, it's Jason Mendoza. 22 00:01:01,249 --> 00:01:03,792 And, by the way, everyone here thinks I'm Taiwanese. 23 00:01:03,835 --> 00:01:06,461 I'm Filipino. That's racist. 24 00:01:06,504 --> 00:01:07,838 Heaven is so racist! 25 00:01:07,880 --> 00:01:10,382 But Tahani said that you helped Michael 26 00:01:10,425 --> 00:01:14,136 by putting your hand on his chest and doing some sort of healing magic? 27 00:01:14,178 --> 00:01:18,557 Yeah, a nurse did that to calm me down once, when I crashed my jet ski into a manatee. 28 00:01:18,933 --> 00:01:20,934 You crashed your jet ski into a manatee? 29 00:01:20,977 --> 00:01:23,895 Yeah. I'm from Jacksonville, Florida. It happens a lot. 30 00:01:24,814 --> 00:01:26,023 What did you do for a living? 31 00:01:26,065 --> 00:01:28,400 I was an amateur DJ. specialising in EDM. 32 00:01:29,152 --> 00:01:30,193 Electronic Dance Music? 33 00:01:30,570 --> 00:01:32,863 I was also an amateur hip-hop backup dancer 34 00:01:32,905 --> 00:01:35,991 an amateur body spray inventor, um... I did pranks on Vine... 35 00:01:36,034 --> 00:01:37,200 None of those are jobs. 36 00:01:37,243 --> 00:01:38,410 What did you do to make money? 37 00:01:38,453 --> 00:01:40,412 Oh, I sold fake drugs to college kids. 38 00:01:40,455 --> 00:01:43,206 Okay. Good. 39 00:01:43,249 --> 00:01:45,125 Okay, here's my biggest question. 40 00:01:45,168 --> 00:01:48,712 How did you know that I didn't belong here? 41 00:01:48,755 --> 00:01:55,135 I figured it out the very first night, at the party, using my powers of deduction. 42 00:01:55,595 --> 00:01:57,095 I heard you don't talk. 43 00:01:57,138 --> 00:02:02,476 Well here's something for you to not talk about - I don't belong here! 44 00:02:02,518 --> 00:02:07,189 They made a mistake. Total phony. So, shh! 45 00:02:09,275 --> 00:02:11,234 Okay. Later, man. 46 00:02:12,070 --> 00:02:15,072 Okay, I vaguely remember that. 47 00:02:16,282 --> 00:02:17,991 I believe you, Jason. 48 00:02:18,034 --> 00:02:19,618 You're not supposed to be here. 49 00:02:20,119 --> 00:02:21,703 Welcome to the bottom of the barrel. 50 00:02:30,088 --> 00:02:31,171 Hello, Tahani! 51 00:02:31,547 --> 00:02:33,048 Oh! Hello, Michael! 52 00:02:33,091 --> 00:02:36,426 I was just picking out some fresh orchids for my nightly orchid bath. 53 00:02:36,469 --> 00:02:40,639 So, Tahani, one of your fellow residents is opening a new restaurant tonight. 54 00:02:40,682 --> 00:02:43,350 This Neighbourhood could use a real morale boost - 55 00:02:43,393 --> 00:02:45,477 and since you're an expert at event planning 56 00:02:45,520 --> 00:02:47,854 I was hoping that you would help with the Grand Opening. 57 00:02:47,897 --> 00:02:49,815 Oh, Michael! Say no more! 58 00:02:49,857 --> 00:02:51,692 I wasn't going to! I was done! 59 00:02:51,734 --> 00:02:54,528 Well, good! Because of course I will. 60 00:02:54,570 --> 00:02:55,821 Janet? - Hi there. 61 00:02:55,863 --> 00:02:57,114 Oh! Hello, darling. 62 00:02:57,156 --> 00:03:00,909 I would like to model tonight's event on my most successful gala. 63 00:03:00,952 --> 00:03:06,289 That would be 2006 fundraiser for stem cell research in Barcelona. 64 00:03:06,332 --> 00:03:08,041 "Barthelona," actually. 65 00:03:08,084 --> 00:03:09,918 Oh, it was a perfect evening. 66 00:03:09,961 --> 00:03:12,337 Princess Stephanie was there, as were Posh and Becks. 67 00:03:12,797 --> 00:03:16,299 You know, International Sophisticate Magazine gave us five Gwyneths! 68 00:03:17,427 --> 00:03:20,345 Tonight I'm going to select my jauntiest suit. 69 00:03:20,805 --> 00:03:23,140 And I may even wear suspenders. 70 00:03:23,266 --> 00:03:24,141 Ah! 71 00:03:24,183 --> 00:03:26,935 It's one of the human clothing items I'm most eager to try. 72 00:03:26,978 --> 00:03:28,687 Oh. Well, good luck. 73 00:03:28,730 --> 00:03:30,564 Thank you, yes, yes. 74 00:03:30,606 --> 00:03:32,691 I'm excited and... a little nervous. 75 00:03:32,942 --> 00:03:35,026 I'd say that I'm "cautiously optimistic." 76 00:03:36,154 --> 00:03:38,363 I hope I don't chicken out at the last second. 77 00:03:38,573 --> 00:03:40,949 Sorry, we are talking about suspenders, right? 78 00:03:40,992 --> 00:03:42,617 Like, these? 79 00:03:43,119 --> 00:03:44,327 You can do that with them? 80 00:03:44,370 --> 00:03:46,037 Oh! I cannot wait! 81 00:03:46,664 --> 00:03:47,581 Excellent. 82 00:03:47,957 --> 00:03:49,833 So Tahani has no idea about me? 83 00:03:50,168 --> 00:03:53,211 No. She thinks I'm a monk, and she thinks you're her best friend. 84 00:03:53,254 --> 00:03:54,963 Great. I mean, for us. 85 00:03:55,006 --> 00:03:56,423 That's a huge bummer for her. 86 00:03:57,258 --> 00:03:59,509 We need some place that we can talk in private. 87 00:03:59,552 --> 00:04:00,552 I agree. 88 00:04:01,679 --> 00:04:03,305 Let me show you my bud-hole. 89 00:04:03,848 --> 00:04:06,391 What? - I should warn you, it's a little messy. 90 00:04:09,854 --> 00:04:10,896 This is my Bud-Hole. 91 00:04:11,481 --> 00:04:14,608 It's just like a hole where me and my buds can hang out. 92 00:04:14,650 --> 00:04:18,153 Oh! "Bud-hole." Okay, now I get it. 93 00:04:18,488 --> 00:04:21,323 I wrote down on a piece of paper that I needed a private "meditation area." 94 00:04:21,866 --> 00:04:23,074 Tahani will never come in. 95 00:04:24,160 --> 00:04:27,245 Pretty unique decorating style you have here, Jianyu. 96 00:04:27,288 --> 00:04:31,166 It's like, "12 year-old boy" meets "13 year-old boy." 97 00:04:31,209 --> 00:04:34,628 Thanks! Janet helped me get all this stuff. She rules. 98 00:04:34,670 --> 00:04:37,839 Is she single? Or is she married to Michael? 99 00:04:37,882 --> 00:04:40,091 No, no, dude. You cannot date Janet. 100 00:04:40,134 --> 00:04:41,551 "A," she's not human 101 00:04:41,594 --> 00:04:44,846 and "B," you have to keep pretending to be Tahani's soulmate. 102 00:04:45,348 --> 00:04:47,557 Oh, yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Cool. 103 00:04:47,600 --> 00:04:50,143 Okay, just sit tight, dude. I have a class to get to. 104 00:04:50,478 --> 00:04:51,686 What? A... a class? 105 00:04:52,146 --> 00:04:54,189 I... I didn't know there were classes! I was sick. 106 00:04:54,690 --> 00:04:56,149 I have a note. - No, no, no. 107 00:04:56,192 --> 00:05:00,487 Chidi is trying to teach me to be a good person, and it's really hard. 108 00:05:00,530 --> 00:05:03,323 Also, Michael has asked me to be his "assistant," whatever that means. 109 00:05:03,366 --> 00:05:06,535 My whole situation here is getting like more and more dicey. 110 00:05:07,119 --> 00:05:10,705 So I'm actually really glad to have a place I can come when I just want to be myself. 111 00:05:11,249 --> 00:05:15,460 Yeah. I miss being myself. Myself was the best. 112 00:05:22,260 --> 00:05:23,802 Whoo! 113 00:05:27,640 --> 00:05:29,099 What's up, man? You Jason? 114 00:05:30,101 --> 00:05:31,101 You got two minutes. 115 00:05:31,185 --> 00:05:34,229 Fred Durst is throwing an orgy on a partially capsized yacht. 116 00:05:34,272 --> 00:05:36,439 My dad just texted, it already started. 117 00:05:36,482 --> 00:05:40,193 So I'll get right to the point, I listened to your demo. You're terrible. 118 00:05:41,821 --> 00:05:42,779 Really? - Yeah. 119 00:05:43,197 --> 00:05:44,739 Okay, you just don't have any... 120 00:05:44,782 --> 00:05:46,783 what's the word? Talent. 121 00:05:47,451 --> 00:05:49,619 But don't worry, you got something better than talent, man. 122 00:05:49,662 --> 00:05:51,788 You got my approximate size and weight. 123 00:05:52,248 --> 00:05:54,249 I'm supposed to play this club for the rest of the week 124 00:05:54,292 --> 00:05:57,043 but I just got an offer to DJ Scott Disick's afterparty 125 00:05:57,086 --> 00:05:58,879 for the Amateur Porn Awards in Reno. 126 00:05:58,921 --> 00:06:01,548 Whoa! Congrats, bro! That's the dream! 127 00:06:01,591 --> 00:06:03,216 It's your dream, man. It's my Tuesday. 128 00:06:03,259 --> 00:06:04,759 I just need somebody to fill in. 129 00:06:05,261 --> 00:06:07,178 Put on the helmet, press "space bar" on the computer - 130 00:06:07,221 --> 00:06:08,555 those idiots won't know the difference. 131 00:06:09,015 --> 00:06:12,017 For the next week, Jason, you are "Acidcat." 132 00:06:14,020 --> 00:06:16,605 Whoa! There's a lot of old gum in here! 133 00:06:18,107 --> 00:06:20,025 Tahani! How are things going in the front of the house? 134 00:06:20,067 --> 00:06:23,278 Because to be perfectly frank, things in the kitchen are going great! 135 00:06:23,321 --> 00:06:25,447 Okay, I am right on schedule! 136 00:06:25,948 --> 00:06:29,409 Chef Patricia, I have triple-checked every single detail. 137 00:06:29,452 --> 00:06:32,829 Your restaurant opening is going to be the talk of the entire Neighbourhood! 138 00:06:33,247 --> 00:06:35,165 Thank you for your thoughtfulness and hard work! 139 00:06:35,207 --> 00:06:37,042 I could not have done this without you! 140 00:06:37,084 --> 00:06:38,335 Ah! Hello, Tahani. 141 00:06:40,129 --> 00:06:41,546 Sorry, I should've warned you. 142 00:06:42,173 --> 00:06:46,551 Patricia is actually very happy but she's also very intense. 143 00:06:46,802 --> 00:06:47,802 It can be confusing. 144 00:06:47,845 --> 00:06:49,721 No, no, no, that's not what's bothering me. 145 00:06:49,764 --> 00:06:50,889 It's just that, well... 146 00:06:51,390 --> 00:06:54,559 I looked at the guest list earlier and Jianyu isn't invited? 147 00:06:55,478 --> 00:06:56,353 Right. 148 00:06:57,021 --> 00:06:58,855 Jianyu is a beautiful spirit. 149 00:06:59,565 --> 00:07:01,066 But he literally doesn't talk. 150 00:07:01,525 --> 00:07:04,319 And since this will be an evening of lively conversation 151 00:07:04,779 --> 00:07:06,071 and you'll be busy working, 152 00:07:06,697 --> 00:07:08,531 I didn't want him to feel uncomfortable. 153 00:07:08,574 --> 00:07:10,492 I totally understand. 154 00:07:11,118 --> 00:07:12,452 Well-reasoned, Michael. 155 00:07:12,495 --> 00:07:17,123 As us Brits are fond of saying, "Try your best to hide your sadness." 156 00:07:19,627 --> 00:07:24,673 So the concept of the "self" is a key subject for a lot of great thinkers. 157 00:07:24,715 --> 00:07:26,633 In the Tao Te Ching, Lao Tzu wrote - 158 00:07:27,259 --> 00:07:30,345 "Knowing others is wisdom. 159 00:07:30,680 --> 00:07:33,515 But knowing the self is enlightenment." 160 00:07:33,557 --> 00:07:35,934 Ah! "Knowing yourself?" 161 00:07:36,435 --> 00:07:39,062 Is he talking about what I think he's talking about? 162 00:07:39,313 --> 00:07:41,189 No, Eleanor, once again 163 00:07:41,232 --> 00:07:44,859 none of these philosophers is ever talking about masturbation. 164 00:07:45,486 --> 00:07:48,363 Let's, uh... move on to this week's main event... 165 00:07:49,448 --> 00:07:51,741 David Hume's "A Treatise of Human Nature." 166 00:07:51,784 --> 00:07:53,410 You read this, right? - I did. 167 00:07:53,703 --> 00:07:54,869 Well, I tried to. 168 00:07:54,912 --> 00:07:56,496 Well, I tried to want to. 169 00:07:56,998 --> 00:07:59,165 Um, actually, could we postpone this lesson? 170 00:07:59,542 --> 00:08:04,004 I've befriended Jianyu from next door, and I thought I could learn from him. 171 00:08:04,338 --> 00:08:05,588 That's a great idea. 172 00:08:05,631 --> 00:08:09,509 Hume's "bundle theory" of the self is fairly close to Buddhism. 173 00:08:09,802 --> 00:08:12,429 Yeah, no "durr!" That's why I'm doing it. 174 00:08:14,932 --> 00:08:15,932 Do you hear music? 175 00:08:16,392 --> 00:08:17,684 That's not music. 176 00:08:20,021 --> 00:08:21,396 That's EDM! 177 00:08:25,568 --> 00:08:26,609 What are you doing? 178 00:08:26,819 --> 00:08:28,486 Eleanor, you were right! 179 00:08:28,529 --> 00:08:30,697 No more pretending! It's time for me to be myself! 180 00:08:31,365 --> 00:08:32,240 What's up, homey? 181 00:08:32,992 --> 00:08:35,368 Eleanor? You broke Jianyu! 182 00:08:40,458 --> 00:08:42,208 Okay, did we miss anything? 183 00:08:42,251 --> 00:08:44,169 Ugh! Take that jersey off, you goofball! 184 00:08:45,421 --> 00:08:47,464 Okay. This is not my fault, I swear. 185 00:08:47,506 --> 00:08:51,051 Eleanor, one hour ago, that man was a silent Buddhist monk! 186 00:08:51,093 --> 00:08:52,844 Right, but here's the thing. 187 00:08:52,887 --> 00:08:54,637 Jianyu is actually... 188 00:08:54,680 --> 00:08:57,891 a guy who is nice! Hi, Tahani! 189 00:08:58,142 --> 00:09:00,310 Eleanor! Chidi! What a lovely surprise. 190 00:09:00,352 --> 00:09:02,312 Don't mind me, I'm just dropping off my afternoon gloves 191 00:09:02,354 --> 00:09:04,105 and picking up my early evening gloves. 192 00:09:04,774 --> 00:09:06,608 How are you, soulmate? - I'm cool. 193 00:09:09,737 --> 00:09:14,991 I'm sorry, am I going mad or did I just hear you say, "I'm cool?" 194 00:09:15,034 --> 00:09:17,535 Mmm. Mm-mm. I don't think so. 195 00:09:17,578 --> 00:09:19,454 I don't think that happened. You're... you're wrong. 196 00:09:20,664 --> 00:09:21,706 Oh, I see what's going here. 197 00:09:22,625 --> 00:09:24,667 You've got a Whisper in your Snicker box! 198 00:09:25,252 --> 00:09:29,047 You're both helping Jianyu to regain his confidence 199 00:09:29,090 --> 00:09:30,840 to be able to speak again! 200 00:09:31,383 --> 00:09:35,011 As a surprise for me! - Oh, busted. 201 00:09:36,055 --> 00:09:37,806 My heart is soaring! 202 00:09:39,433 --> 00:09:42,185 So Jianyu is talking? Oh, how wonderful! 203 00:09:42,645 --> 00:09:45,230 I will do everything in my power to encourage him. 204 00:09:45,272 --> 00:09:46,272 Well, not everything. 205 00:09:46,315 --> 00:09:48,775 I won't give him a second mouth - unless that would be helpful? 206 00:09:48,818 --> 00:09:50,318 No. Better not risk it. 207 00:09:50,486 --> 00:09:51,945 I've actually had a better idea. 208 00:09:52,279 --> 00:09:54,697 Oh! - Let's add Jianyu to the guest list. 209 00:09:54,907 --> 00:09:56,491 Chidi and Eleanor have been working with him 210 00:09:56,534 --> 00:09:58,243 and they're going to be here. - What a great idea! 211 00:09:58,285 --> 00:10:00,870 Patricia? We can fit another chair, right? 212 00:10:01,330 --> 00:10:04,249 Change the floor plan? An hour before opening? 213 00:10:05,501 --> 00:10:07,293 Of course! The more the merrier! 214 00:10:08,129 --> 00:10:09,129 Oh, hurrah! 215 00:10:09,380 --> 00:10:13,633 I knew tonight was going to be perfect, but now it is going to be even perfect-er! 216 00:10:14,093 --> 00:10:17,303 Obviously, it's impossible for something to be more perfect than perfect. 217 00:10:17,429 --> 00:10:19,514 Well, it isn't, actually. 218 00:10:19,557 --> 00:10:22,308 Any place or thing in the universe 219 00:10:22,393 --> 00:10:26,354 can be up to one hundred and four percent perfect. 220 00:10:26,397 --> 00:10:27,647 That's how you got Beyoncé. 221 00:10:27,690 --> 00:10:28,690 Oh! 222 00:10:30,651 --> 00:10:33,903 Oh. "Bud-hole." 223 00:10:34,321 --> 00:10:36,156 Okay. Now, tell me everything. 224 00:10:36,490 --> 00:10:39,534 Okay. Jianyu is a fraud 225 00:10:40,286 --> 00:10:41,161 just like me. 226 00:10:41,328 --> 00:10:42,370 His real name is Jason. 227 00:10:42,663 --> 00:10:44,998 He's a drug-dealing DJ from Florida. 228 00:10:46,417 --> 00:10:48,126 It's gonna be fine. We just need a plan. 229 00:10:48,335 --> 00:10:49,878 Oh, I got a plan. 230 00:10:50,588 --> 00:10:52,005 We hack into Michael's phone 231 00:10:52,256 --> 00:10:55,633 download all his nudes, and then blackmail him. 232 00:10:56,177 --> 00:10:57,927 No. What are you ta-- No! 233 00:10:57,970 --> 00:10:59,596 Yo, you should listen to me! 234 00:10:59,638 --> 00:11:01,181 I came up with hundreds of plans in my life 235 00:11:01,223 --> 00:11:02,515 and only one of them got me killed. 236 00:11:02,808 --> 00:11:04,225 Dude! Be quiet! 237 00:11:04,268 --> 00:11:07,228 You are not Jason. You are a monk named Jianyu. 238 00:11:07,479 --> 00:11:08,438 Got it? 239 00:11:17,156 --> 00:11:19,032 Whoo-hoo-hoo! 240 00:11:19,658 --> 00:11:21,659 Dude, another great set, Jason. 241 00:11:21,702 --> 00:11:22,744 They love you, dude! 242 00:11:23,204 --> 00:11:25,830 They don't love me, man. They love Acidcat. 243 00:11:26,582 --> 00:11:27,707 These cheers are fake. 244 00:11:28,334 --> 00:11:31,127 They hit my ears like boxing gloves of sadness. 245 00:11:31,420 --> 00:11:34,547 Whoa. That's some poetic thoughts, "B." 246 00:11:35,007 --> 00:11:36,049 I gotta be myself! 247 00:11:41,555 --> 00:11:43,514 Attention Jacksonville. 248 00:11:43,891 --> 00:11:45,058 I'm not Acidcat. 249 00:11:47,061 --> 00:11:52,732 I'm Mr Music, the DJ. And this is a Mr Music, the DJ original! 250 00:11:52,983 --> 00:11:54,442 "NO!" - Pow! 251 00:12:11,043 --> 00:12:13,670 Welcome to the opening of "The Good Plates". 252 00:12:16,882 --> 00:12:17,757 I just got that. 253 00:12:18,759 --> 00:12:19,884 That's hilarious! 254 00:12:20,469 --> 00:12:22,512 Anyway, at some point or another 255 00:12:22,554 --> 00:12:27,850 every resident in this Neighbourhood will fulfill his or her soul's true purpose. 256 00:12:27,893 --> 00:12:32,981 Chef Patricia has done that tonight, by opening this restaurant! 257 00:12:34,942 --> 00:12:38,361 Now, if you'd all like to take a look at tonight's menus. 258 00:12:40,364 --> 00:12:41,614 That's right! 259 00:12:41,782 --> 00:12:42,949 With Michael's help 260 00:12:43,033 --> 00:12:47,161 Chef Patricia has recreated each person's favourite meal on Earth! 261 00:12:47,204 --> 00:12:48,413 Fun! 262 00:12:56,505 --> 00:12:57,964 It's my Grandmother's maafe! 263 00:12:58,882 --> 00:13:01,259 Fresh perch, slow roasted in a peanut sauce. 264 00:13:01,468 --> 00:13:04,846 Almost makes me forget how miserable I am right now. 265 00:13:05,514 --> 00:13:06,806 You want to try a bite? 266 00:13:06,849 --> 00:13:07,932 Fish and peanut butter? 267 00:13:07,975 --> 00:13:08,975 No, I'm good, thanks. 268 00:13:10,894 --> 00:13:12,770 Tofu? Aw, man! 269 00:13:12,813 --> 00:13:14,105 I'm ordering some jalapeño poppers. 270 00:13:14,148 --> 00:13:16,357 Shh! Be quiet and eat your white sponge. 271 00:13:20,487 --> 00:13:21,904 Janet? - Hi, there. 272 00:13:21,989 --> 00:13:23,489 Hi. I didn't get a meal. 273 00:13:23,532 --> 00:13:24,615 According to our files 274 00:13:24,658 --> 00:13:27,910 your favourite "meal" was the hunger strike you went on 275 00:13:27,953 --> 00:13:30,288 to protest Bolivian sex trafficking. 276 00:13:30,664 --> 00:13:33,166 Oh, right. Of course I did that. 277 00:13:34,168 --> 00:13:36,085 Tahani? Great party. 278 00:13:36,462 --> 00:13:37,712 Check it out. 279 00:13:37,755 --> 00:13:38,713 Oh! - Suspenders! 280 00:13:39,548 --> 00:13:42,175 So dumb. So much dumber than belts. 281 00:13:43,344 --> 00:13:45,636 Ah, congratulations, Michael. 282 00:13:45,971 --> 00:13:47,847 How's Jianyu doing? Is he opening up? 283 00:13:48,223 --> 00:13:51,309 Mmm... not yet. But I can tell he wants to. 284 00:13:51,769 --> 00:13:53,144 Don't worry. I've got a plan. 285 00:13:53,937 --> 00:13:55,438 May I have your attention please? 286 00:13:56,231 --> 00:13:57,482 Later this evening, 287 00:13:57,524 --> 00:14:00,485 we will be enjoying Chef Patricia's delicious dessert - 288 00:14:00,527 --> 00:14:05,114 a stunning, three-tiered cake that took her a full week to complete. 289 00:14:05,157 --> 00:14:07,241 But first, I'd like to try something fun. 290 00:14:07,618 --> 00:14:11,871 Each one of you has a very special memory attached to the meal you're eating. 291 00:14:12,498 --> 00:14:15,458 Why don't we go around the room and share our stories? 292 00:14:15,709 --> 00:14:16,709 Who'd like to begin? 293 00:14:18,504 --> 00:14:20,380 I'll start, Michael! 294 00:14:21,632 --> 00:14:24,133 One day, I wasn't feeling so great 295 00:14:24,176 --> 00:14:28,012 so I made myself a bowl of this chicken soup... 296 00:14:28,430 --> 00:14:31,682 When it gets to you, say something short and boring about tofu. 297 00:14:31,725 --> 00:14:35,853 No! I'm sick of pretending to be Jianyu the tofu man. 298 00:14:36,480 --> 00:14:38,481 I'm gonna tell the story about my real favourite meal. 299 00:14:38,732 --> 00:14:39,565 Which is? 300 00:14:39,608 --> 00:14:42,693 The Buffalo wings at Stupid Nick's Wing Dump in Gainesville. 301 00:14:43,320 --> 00:14:45,279 Wings were free for ladies if they took their top off! 302 00:14:45,322 --> 00:14:47,907 Oh, boy. Chidi? A word? 303 00:14:48,283 --> 00:14:52,954 Anyway, that's how this simple soup saved over ten thousand lives. 304 00:14:55,416 --> 00:14:59,377 If Jianyu starts talking about topless buffalo wing restaurants, we're all screwed! 305 00:14:59,420 --> 00:15:01,003 Well maybe we should just let him talk. 306 00:15:01,046 --> 00:15:02,380 He says he doesn't want to hide anymore. 307 00:15:02,423 --> 00:15:03,798 He doesn't know what he wants. 308 00:15:03,841 --> 00:15:05,967 He's an idiot from Florida. 309 00:15:06,009 --> 00:15:07,468 He's a "Floridiot." 310 00:15:07,719 --> 00:15:12,682 Jianyu Li, Taiwanese monk who took a vow of silence at the age of eight 311 00:15:13,267 --> 00:15:16,519 and hasn't spoken since, is ready to share with us. 312 00:15:20,482 --> 00:15:24,527 Let me tell you about Stupid Nick. 313 00:15:26,530 --> 00:15:29,490 We need a distraction! Right the fork now! 314 00:15:31,994 --> 00:15:33,870 No, no, no, no! Eleanor! 315 00:15:33,912 --> 00:15:36,122 Chef Patricia poured her heart and soul into this. 316 00:15:36,165 --> 00:15:38,082 Destroying it would be a truly cruel act. 317 00:15:38,125 --> 00:15:40,543 Yeah, no "durr." - No, no, no! 318 00:15:51,305 --> 00:15:54,891 Sinkhole! Everyone out, there's a sinkhole! 319 00:15:58,562 --> 00:15:59,770 Glenn! 320 00:16:00,230 --> 00:16:02,356 You broke the world! 321 00:16:03,150 --> 00:16:04,442 It's not a compliment! 322 00:16:07,946 --> 00:16:09,739 Glenn? Stay calm! 323 00:16:09,781 --> 00:16:11,199 We're gonna get you out of there! 324 00:16:11,241 --> 00:16:14,202 And we'll put your soup in the fridge, so it won't go to waste! 325 00:16:16,288 --> 00:16:19,499 I know that may not be your number one concern right now, but... 326 00:16:19,541 --> 00:16:21,959 It was up there. It's real good soup! 327 00:16:22,294 --> 00:16:23,211 Let's go. 328 00:16:24,922 --> 00:16:25,630 Hey, buddy! 329 00:16:26,131 --> 00:16:27,173 You okay? 330 00:16:27,674 --> 00:16:30,593 No. I was just about to tell an awesome story 331 00:16:30,636 --> 00:16:32,553 about a wing-eating contest that I lost 332 00:16:33,013 --> 00:16:34,889 and a barfing contest that I won 333 00:16:34,932 --> 00:16:36,724 but then a hole opened up in the ground! 334 00:16:36,767 --> 00:16:40,061 I know. I made the hole, to save you from yourself. 335 00:16:40,521 --> 00:16:43,314 You cannot let people know who you really are. 336 00:16:43,357 --> 00:16:46,234 It would be very, very bad. 337 00:16:49,029 --> 00:16:51,531 Beautiful, beautiful Jacksonville. 338 00:16:53,325 --> 00:16:55,910 What's wrong, dog? You look like you're freaking out. 339 00:16:56,495 --> 00:16:57,912 Things are bad, Pillboi. 340 00:16:58,247 --> 00:17:01,499 Acidcat is suing me for "bleach of contract." 341 00:17:01,792 --> 00:17:03,834 I should have never pretended to be someone else. 342 00:17:04,253 --> 00:17:05,878 It could cost me all my dreams in life. 343 00:17:06,171 --> 00:17:08,464 You got dreams in life? That's lit! 344 00:17:08,715 --> 00:17:10,258 Course I have dreams, man! 345 00:17:10,801 --> 00:17:12,885 I don't want to be a DJ in Jacksonville forever. 346 00:17:14,054 --> 00:17:18,975 I want to DJ in Daytona, Tallahassee, Tampa, even. 347 00:17:19,476 --> 00:17:20,560 I want it all. 348 00:17:21,061 --> 00:17:22,770 That's big goals, man. 349 00:17:23,105 --> 00:17:25,147 I know. But I believe in myself. 350 00:17:25,857 --> 00:17:28,150 Someday, the world will see what I already know - 351 00:17:28,694 --> 00:17:33,322 that Jason Mendoza is a beautiful, unique soul 352 00:17:33,865 --> 00:17:35,783 who has so much to give this world. 353 00:17:38,704 --> 00:17:40,538 Okay, that's Acidcat's speedboat. 354 00:17:40,581 --> 00:17:41,497 Hand me the thing that blows it up. 355 00:17:43,542 --> 00:17:44,458 That's lit. 356 00:17:53,176 --> 00:17:55,720 Michael, I hereby tender my resignation. 357 00:17:56,054 --> 00:17:58,764 I can no longer, in good conscience, coordinate any further events 358 00:17:58,807 --> 00:18:02,018 in the Good Place, so I am turning in my evening gloves. 359 00:18:02,144 --> 00:18:04,520 Tahani... - Don't try to make me feel better. 360 00:18:05,105 --> 00:18:06,689 The launch was a disaster. 361 00:18:06,773 --> 00:18:10,151 Poor Jianyu was so terrified that I fear he may never speak again. 362 00:18:10,193 --> 00:18:12,612 My hair is barely cascading down my shoulders! 363 00:18:12,654 --> 00:18:13,946 Tahani, please. 364 00:18:15,073 --> 00:18:18,242 I know your journey with Jianyu has been frustrating. 365 00:18:18,827 --> 00:18:22,038 But your situation is actually very typical. 366 00:18:22,414 --> 00:18:25,458 Soulmates sometimes take months to really click. 367 00:18:25,751 --> 00:18:26,917 You have to be patient. 368 00:18:27,461 --> 00:18:31,255 And if anyone should take the blame for the restaurant disaster, it's me. 369 00:18:31,465 --> 00:18:34,050 I thought this Neighbourhood's troubles were behind us. 370 00:18:34,885 --> 00:18:36,218 Now I fear the worst. 371 00:18:37,095 --> 00:18:38,012 Michael. 372 00:18:39,014 --> 00:18:41,390 I hereby rescind the tendering of my resignation. 373 00:18:41,892 --> 00:18:43,100 We must keep the Neighbourhood together. 374 00:18:43,268 --> 00:18:44,268 What can I do? 375 00:18:44,311 --> 00:18:48,022 Oh! Well, the sinkhole should be repairing itself in about three days. 376 00:18:48,065 --> 00:18:50,149 Well, as soon as it does, we shall relaunch the restaurant! 377 00:18:50,817 --> 00:18:52,693 I'll hang posters to get the word out. 378 00:18:52,736 --> 00:18:55,696 And in the meantime, I'll host a brunch party, every morning, 379 00:18:55,739 --> 00:18:56,947 to lift people's spirits. 380 00:18:57,324 --> 00:19:01,494 While you "re-pair" the universe, I shall "pre-pare" the eggs! 381 00:19:01,536 --> 00:19:03,329 Oh! Fanciful wordplay! 382 00:19:03,372 --> 00:19:06,832 Indeed! That is the Tahani that you know and love! 383 00:19:09,586 --> 00:19:10,711 So what do we do, here? 384 00:19:10,754 --> 00:19:11,837 There's nothing to do. 385 00:19:12,464 --> 00:19:16,217 He's just gonna blab and get him and me both sent to the Bad Place. 386 00:19:16,760 --> 00:19:17,677 It's hopeless. 387 00:19:21,807 --> 00:19:27,311 Can't believe I'm doing this but, Jason, please come to my classroom. 388 00:19:27,896 --> 00:19:31,440 I will teach you ethics, like I'm doing with Eleanor 389 00:19:31,525 --> 00:19:34,193 and if you work hard and absorb the material 390 00:19:34,736 --> 00:19:36,570 you just might be able to earn your place here. 391 00:19:40,242 --> 00:19:41,242 Nah, I'm good. 392 00:19:43,036 --> 00:19:46,956 Dude! Chidi is giving you a lifeline right now and you need to take it. 393 00:19:47,374 --> 00:19:48,416 Because you suck! 394 00:19:48,667 --> 00:19:50,751 You suck! - I know! 395 00:19:51,294 --> 00:19:52,920 That's what I'm trying to tell you. 396 00:19:52,963 --> 00:19:55,047 We both suck! You know who doesn't suck? 397 00:19:55,716 --> 00:19:59,093 Chidi. He is putting himself in danger to help us 398 00:19:59,136 --> 00:20:02,138 because he, unlike us, is an amazing person. 399 00:20:02,806 --> 00:20:05,349 I didn't get into heaven to go to school. 400 00:20:05,600 --> 00:20:08,519 You didn't get into heaven at all, shirt for brains! 401 00:20:08,603 --> 00:20:09,729 I just want to be myself. 402 00:20:09,771 --> 00:20:11,897 That's a very, very bad idea. 403 00:20:11,940 --> 00:20:13,482 Do not be yourself. 404 00:20:13,525 --> 00:20:16,110 You need to be a better version of yourself, okay? 405 00:20:16,153 --> 00:20:17,361 And I do, too. 406 00:20:17,404 --> 00:20:21,574 And our only hope right now is this kind, selfless, amazing nerd. 407 00:20:21,825 --> 00:20:22,992 Think about that. 408 00:20:23,034 --> 00:20:24,827 Eh, do you have to call me a "nerd" so much? 409 00:20:24,870 --> 00:20:26,954 I said a lot of other nice things, okay? 410 00:20:26,997 --> 00:20:27,913 Toughen up, nerd. 411 00:20:32,753 --> 00:20:33,794 Let's get cracking, teach! 412 00:20:34,379 --> 00:20:37,173 I read this entire David Hume book, and then I read it again 413 00:20:37,215 --> 00:20:39,633 because I didn't understand it the first time, and now I'm ready to go! 414 00:20:39,968 --> 00:20:43,554 Wow. Uh, that's really impressive. Uh, where's Jianyu? 415 00:20:44,139 --> 00:20:45,681 Honestly, I don't even know if he's coming. 416 00:20:47,350 --> 00:20:50,060 I am here to learn about "ethnics". 417 00:20:51,772 --> 00:20:53,731 Wow! That's great, man! 418 00:20:54,149 --> 00:20:56,650 Um, I mean, it's "ethics" but that's great. 419 00:20:57,110 --> 00:20:58,027 Pretty sure it's "ethnics." 420 00:20:58,445 --> 00:21:00,488 Hey, buddy? I'm proud of you. 421 00:21:01,198 --> 00:21:03,282 This is your first step towards not sucking. 422 00:21:03,533 --> 00:21:05,743 Cool. I just have two questions. 423 00:21:06,369 --> 00:21:09,997 When are football tryouts, and does this school have a prom? 424 00:21:10,832 --> 00:21:13,626 Oh, no. - Oh, wow. 425 00:21:14,711 --> 00:21:18,005 For the first time ever, I'm the smartest kid in class.