1 00:00:01,439 --> 00:00:04,775 So, Aristotle was Plato's student 2 00:00:04,817 --> 00:00:08,403 and Aristotle believes that your character is voluntary 3 00:00:08,446 --> 00:00:11,573 because it's just the result of your actions 4 00:00:11,616 --> 00:00:14,701 which are under your control! 5 00:00:16,162 --> 00:00:20,290 For example, right now, you have made the insane choice 6 00:00:20,333 --> 00:00:23,418 to ignore the person who is literally trying to save you 7 00:00:23,461 --> 00:00:26,004 from eternal damnation. - No, yeah, yeah, yeah, I'm listening. 8 00:00:26,047 --> 00:00:27,089 Uh, I just... 9 00:00:27,632 --> 00:00:30,008 are we sure we should be paying attention to these guys? 10 00:00:30,134 --> 00:00:32,970 It's like, who died and left Aristotle in charge of ethics? 11 00:00:34,639 --> 00:00:35,514 Plato. 12 00:00:35,557 --> 00:00:36,431 KNOCKING ON DOOR 13 00:00:36,891 --> 00:00:38,058 Uh, coming! 14 00:00:38,268 --> 00:00:40,269 Uhm... We're just kissing! 15 00:00:40,770 --> 00:00:43,272 And groping? - What? 16 00:00:46,901 --> 00:00:47,943 Hello! 17 00:00:48,611 --> 00:00:50,404 Tahani, hi! 18 00:00:50,446 --> 00:00:52,573 What brings you here? - You know, I was just, uh... 19 00:00:53,241 --> 00:00:54,658 "in the Neighbourhood." SHE LAUGHS 20 00:00:55,368 --> 00:00:56,285 Do you get it, Eleanor? 21 00:00:56,327 --> 00:00:58,161 Because you know we're all in the same afterlife 22 00:00:58,204 --> 00:00:59,621 so you know I'm always "in the Neighbourhood!" 23 00:00:59,664 --> 00:01:01,039 SHE CHUCKLES Do you get it? 24 00:01:01,082 --> 00:01:03,333 I do. And it's delightful. 25 00:01:03,376 --> 00:01:05,752 Anyway, this is for you. 26 00:01:06,087 --> 00:01:08,505 Just a housewarming plant! It's a little reminder that 27 00:01:08,548 --> 00:01:11,633 if there's ever anything that you need, I am right next door. 28 00:01:11,676 --> 00:01:12,968 How could I possibly forget? 29 00:01:13,469 --> 00:01:14,928 Have a great day, Tahani. 30 00:01:14,971 --> 00:01:15,887 Oh. Bye. 31 00:01:17,098 --> 00:01:18,098 DOOR CLOSES 32 00:01:18,474 --> 00:01:20,183 Ugh. Tahani. 33 00:01:20,685 --> 00:01:22,561 IN A MOCKING PITCH "Welcome to the Neighbourhood 34 00:01:22,604 --> 00:01:24,730 even though we all arrived here at the same time! 35 00:01:24,772 --> 00:01:28,066 Here's some dirt I put in a bowl, because I'm amazing!" 36 00:01:28,318 --> 00:01:29,276 LOUD THUD 37 00:01:29,527 --> 00:01:31,862 I thought it was kind of a nice gesture. 38 00:01:31,988 --> 00:01:35,240 Oh, Chidi. It's a total con. 39 00:01:35,533 --> 00:01:38,118 She only does things like this so that we will talk about 40 00:01:38,161 --> 00:01:41,788 how "thoughtful" and "wonderful" she is, but I see through her little act. 41 00:01:41,831 --> 00:01:45,917 Her act of being a nice person who brings you gifts? 42 00:01:45,960 --> 00:01:48,170 Bingo. - Okay, I'll... I'll remind you 43 00:01:48,212 --> 00:01:51,048 that you're trying to learn how to be a good person. 44 00:01:51,090 --> 00:01:52,507 Mm-hmm. - Maybe you should 45 00:01:52,550 --> 00:01:54,676 return the favour - bring her something. 46 00:01:54,719 --> 00:01:58,847 Oh, so now I'm supposed to be nice and make friends 47 00:01:58,890 --> 00:02:01,558 and treat her with mutual respect? - Yeah. 48 00:02:01,601 --> 00:02:04,978 That's exactly what she wants me to do, Chidi. Wake up! 49 00:02:06,814 --> 00:02:09,775 That... that's what everyone wants everyone to do. 50 00:02:17,200 --> 00:02:18,158 MICHAEL: Hello, Chidi! 51 00:02:18,368 --> 00:02:20,160 No frozen yoghurt for you this morning? 52 00:02:20,411 --> 00:02:22,496 Oh, uh... no, just, uh... doing some reading. 53 00:02:22,705 --> 00:02:23,789 Ah, been there, brother. 54 00:02:23,831 --> 00:02:26,041 Workin' hard or hardly workin', am I right? 55 00:02:26,084 --> 00:02:27,042 SHE CHUCKLES Hump day. 56 00:02:27,502 --> 00:02:28,585 MICHAEL: Uh, sorry. 57 00:02:29,253 --> 00:02:32,381 Janet's functioning as my assistant but she's a little stiff 58 00:02:32,423 --> 00:02:35,801 so I've been trying to get her to be a little more casual and conversational. 59 00:02:35,843 --> 00:02:37,928 I'll have what she's having! 60 00:02:37,970 --> 00:02:39,346 It's a work in progress. 61 00:02:39,389 --> 00:02:40,430 Listen, Chidi. 62 00:02:41,474 --> 00:02:44,893 I've been studying your file - you're a very interesting case. 63 00:02:44,936 --> 00:02:47,729 You essentially only did one thing while you were on Earth 64 00:02:47,939 --> 00:02:49,898 you thought and wrote about ethics. 65 00:02:49,941 --> 00:02:52,150 Yes. I... I spent eighteen years 66 00:02:52,193 --> 00:02:53,568 working on my manuscript... - Right. 67 00:02:53,611 --> 00:02:55,987 ...called "Who We Are and Who We Are Not..." - No, no, I... 68 00:02:56,030 --> 00:02:57,698 ..."colon - Practical Ethics and Their... - Mm-hmm. 69 00:02:57,740 --> 00:02:59,366 ...Application in the Modern World... - Yes. Right. 70 00:02:59,409 --> 00:03:01,451 ...semi-colon - a Treatise on the..." - Yes, yes, yes! 71 00:03:01,494 --> 00:03:02,828 That's... that's the one. 72 00:03:03,538 --> 00:03:07,874 But searching for moral truths isn't really relevant anymore. 73 00:03:08,626 --> 00:03:11,878 Because here in the Good Place we actually know all the answers. 74 00:03:12,255 --> 00:03:15,549 I think you should experience new adventures, you know 75 00:03:15,591 --> 00:03:17,634 do things that you haven't done on Earth. 76 00:03:18,094 --> 00:03:21,847 Right? So why don't we meet tomorrow and try out some new hobbies. 77 00:03:21,931 --> 00:03:23,807 Uh, why not? HE LAUGHS 78 00:03:24,058 --> 00:03:25,475 I'll... I'll see you guys tomorrow. 79 00:03:25,518 --> 00:03:26,852 Not if I see you first. 80 00:03:27,562 --> 00:03:29,396 Where's the beef? - MICHAEL LAUGHS 81 00:03:29,439 --> 00:03:31,064 I don't know. - Hump day. 82 00:03:31,858 --> 00:03:35,485 KNOCKING ON DOOR - Hello, Eleanor! 83 00:03:35,695 --> 00:03:38,155 Jianyu, darling, look - it's Eleanor from next door! 84 00:03:38,740 --> 00:03:39,614 Is he asleep? 85 00:03:40,450 --> 00:03:42,033 You know, there's really no way to tell. 86 00:03:42,243 --> 00:03:43,952 You know one time I actually thought he was dead. 87 00:03:43,995 --> 00:03:45,787 But then I remembered we're all dead, aren't we? 88 00:03:45,830 --> 00:03:48,123 Such fun. Come in! Come on in! 89 00:03:48,624 --> 00:03:50,250 What brings you to our home, my dear? 90 00:03:50,418 --> 00:03:53,628 Well, I'm simply repaying your kind gift 91 00:03:53,671 --> 00:03:56,715 with a housewarming gift of my own. Fresh pears. 92 00:03:57,258 --> 00:04:00,802 It's a plant, just like your gift, but you can actually eat them 93 00:04:00,845 --> 00:04:02,471 so maybe it's a better gift? 94 00:04:02,513 --> 00:04:05,390 Who's to say? - That's so kind. 95 00:04:05,641 --> 00:04:09,644 However, in, um... Chinese culture, pears are actually a symbol of bad luck. 96 00:04:09,687 --> 00:04:12,105 And I don't want to offend Jianyu, so I'm afraid 97 00:04:12,148 --> 00:04:13,482 I'm going to have to throw these in the garbage. 98 00:04:13,524 --> 00:04:15,025 But do come and sit down! 99 00:04:17,612 --> 00:04:20,947 We haven't even had a chance to discuss all of the mayhem in our neighbourhood yet. 100 00:04:20,990 --> 00:04:22,365 It's so disconcerting. 101 00:04:22,408 --> 00:04:24,659 Yes. What do you think is causing it? 102 00:04:24,869 --> 00:04:26,036 Oh, I'm sure I don't know. 103 00:04:26,078 --> 00:04:27,871 But we must keep our heads up. 104 00:04:27,914 --> 00:04:30,707 In fact, tomorrow I'm actually going door-to-door to make sure 105 00:04:30,750 --> 00:04:33,084 that every single person in this entire neighbourhood 106 00:04:33,127 --> 00:04:35,504 is "keeping calm and carrying on." 107 00:04:35,797 --> 00:04:37,088 'Cause I think that helping others 108 00:04:37,131 --> 00:04:39,549 will make me feel like I truly belong here, you know? 109 00:04:44,138 --> 00:04:46,681 Here's a brainstorm - why don't I go with you? 110 00:04:47,058 --> 00:04:50,268 I mean, I would love to do my part to help the neighbourhood - 111 00:04:50,311 --> 00:04:52,979 not to mention get a little bonding time with you, lady! 112 00:04:53,022 --> 00:04:54,272 Oh, hurrah! 113 00:04:54,774 --> 00:04:56,733 TAHANI LAUGHS Such fun! 114 00:04:57,860 --> 00:04:59,694 ELEANOR: I'm telling you, Tahani's out to get me. 115 00:05:00,112 --> 00:05:02,280 Wha-what are you talking about? 116 00:05:02,532 --> 00:05:05,158 This note was slipped under my door yesterday. 117 00:05:06,869 --> 00:05:08,286 It has to be Tahani. 118 00:05:08,454 --> 00:05:11,706 She just said to me, "I want to feel like I truly belong here." 119 00:05:11,874 --> 00:05:14,209 Well, where have I seen the word "belong" recently? 120 00:05:14,335 --> 00:05:15,544 Oh, yeah - Ka-plow! 121 00:05:15,586 --> 00:05:19,297 Okay, I really don't think she's the type of person who would write this. 122 00:05:19,340 --> 00:05:21,800 She is that kind of person, and she did write it. 123 00:05:22,134 --> 00:05:25,303 She wants everybody to think she's such a perfect princess 124 00:05:25,346 --> 00:05:29,349 just 'cause she's tall, and glamorous, and has cappuccino skin 125 00:05:29,392 --> 00:05:32,519 and curves everywhere, and now I'm complimenting her. 126 00:05:32,770 --> 00:05:34,020 And kind of turned on! 127 00:05:34,146 --> 00:05:36,690 The point is, she straight-up sucks, bro. 128 00:05:36,732 --> 00:05:37,691 CRACKING 129 00:05:38,651 --> 00:05:40,151 Whoa... 130 00:05:40,945 --> 00:05:42,028 Typical Tahani. 131 00:05:42,488 --> 00:05:45,615 Brings us a faulty plant, so she can brag about being a better gardener. 132 00:05:45,825 --> 00:05:51,413 No - I think this is another way in which your negative actions affect this world. 133 00:05:51,497 --> 00:05:54,624 This plant represents your relationship to Tahani 134 00:05:54,667 --> 00:05:58,336 so when you're mean to her, it starts to wilt. 135 00:05:58,754 --> 00:06:01,798 Well, then this plant is doomed, because tomorrow I'm going with her 136 00:06:01,841 --> 00:06:06,177 and I'm gonna prove to you and to everyone that she is secretly a two-faced 137 00:06:06,220 --> 00:06:08,263 calculating, phony bench. 138 00:06:08,431 --> 00:06:10,140 WHINING - SHE CHUCKLES 139 00:06:10,433 --> 00:06:13,143 Yeah, truth hurts, doesn't it, plant? 140 00:06:16,480 --> 00:06:17,689 SHE IMPERSONATES TAHANI Hello! 141 00:06:17,899 --> 00:06:19,357 Oh! Come on in. 142 00:06:19,400 --> 00:06:20,483 I'll be ready in a jiff. 143 00:06:20,693 --> 00:06:23,236 Jianyu, darling, look - it's Eleanor from next door again! 144 00:06:23,613 --> 00:06:24,738 The one who brought the offensive fruit. 145 00:06:25,031 --> 00:06:28,491 Ah, yes. What an embarrassing blunder on my part. 146 00:06:28,618 --> 00:06:30,243 Oh, no. Don't give it a second thought. 147 00:06:30,286 --> 00:06:33,371 I wouldn't expect anyone else to have my understanding of international etiquette. 148 00:06:35,082 --> 00:06:37,959 Hey, um... any idea why they gave you such a big house? 149 00:06:38,419 --> 00:06:42,505 I mean, if we were in America and... and you had like a big truck 150 00:06:42,965 --> 00:06:45,258 I would think you might be compensating for something. 151 00:06:45,509 --> 00:06:48,428 Yes, well American men can be very silly. 152 00:06:48,554 --> 00:06:49,971 You know I used to do quite a cutting impression 153 00:06:50,014 --> 00:06:51,890 of an ex-boyfriend of mine from the States. 154 00:06:52,099 --> 00:06:55,685 He'd be all like, "Hey, I'm so rich. I have nine houses. 155 00:06:55,728 --> 00:06:57,562 I'm Leonardo DiCaprio." SHE LAUGHS 156 00:06:57,605 --> 00:06:59,689 It's just so silly. 157 00:06:59,774 --> 00:07:02,817 Anyway, I should've guessed that you would want to help our neighbourhood. 158 00:07:03,527 --> 00:07:05,153 We are birds of a feather, you and I. 159 00:07:05,488 --> 00:07:08,239 We make every effort to be our best selves. 160 00:07:08,449 --> 00:07:09,324 Mmm. 161 00:07:10,910 --> 00:07:12,327 Hey, babe. Got you coffee. 162 00:07:12,703 --> 00:07:13,578 Ah, great. 163 00:07:13,996 --> 00:07:14,913 Oh. Andy's Coffee? 164 00:07:14,956 --> 00:07:17,082 Uh, we shouldn't go there. Everybody's boycotting. 165 00:07:17,124 --> 00:07:19,834 Yeah, I know that one guy found a scorpion in his latte. 166 00:07:19,877 --> 00:07:21,753 I don't really care, though, 'cause it's so close to here. 167 00:07:21,879 --> 00:07:23,880 No, no, no, no, it's because he's sexually harassing people. 168 00:07:24,173 --> 00:07:27,300 Look, a journalist went undercover for an interview and recorded him. 169 00:07:27,551 --> 00:07:28,426 Here, watch. 170 00:07:29,845 --> 00:07:32,347 Here's the thing, sweetheart. You are very qualified, but you're also 171 00:07:32,390 --> 00:07:35,058 what we call in the coffee shop game, a "dog-face." 172 00:07:35,351 --> 00:07:37,560 You're a three, and you have to be a nine to work here. 173 00:07:37,603 --> 00:07:38,561 It's just math. 174 00:07:39,313 --> 00:07:41,356 GIRL: So, I didn't get the job? - HE LAUGHS 175 00:07:41,774 --> 00:07:44,317 No! Dog-face, you didn't get the job. 176 00:07:44,944 --> 00:07:46,903 All right, I'll check your references. 177 00:07:48,239 --> 00:07:49,739 Just to be... - Hey, my breasts! 178 00:07:49,782 --> 00:07:52,325 ...nice, I'll check them. Oh! They're good. Honk! 179 00:07:52,451 --> 00:07:54,452 I mean this guy's a monster. We can't support this guy. 180 00:07:54,704 --> 00:07:56,246 Okay, hey, you're not better than me 181 00:07:56,288 --> 00:07:59,040 just 'cause you won't support a guy who grabbed a boob once. 182 00:07:59,333 --> 00:08:01,710 No, I'm just saying we shouldn't go there. 183 00:08:01,752 --> 00:08:03,044 We can get coffee somewhere else. 184 00:08:03,254 --> 00:08:04,504 Did you know your left reference 185 00:08:04,547 --> 00:08:06,256 is a little bit bigger than your right reference? 186 00:08:06,424 --> 00:08:08,508 It's not a bad thing. It's just... it's a thing. 187 00:08:09,885 --> 00:08:12,012 This is the perfect hobby for you, Chidi. 188 00:08:12,221 --> 00:08:13,096 Cartography! 189 00:08:13,264 --> 00:08:16,182 Your neighbourhood stretches way beyond what you've already seen. 190 00:08:16,392 --> 00:08:18,852 And you can map it 191 00:08:19,228 --> 00:08:22,230 revealing all of the mysteries, like an explorer! 192 00:08:23,024 --> 00:08:24,024 I see how that might be fun. 193 00:08:24,734 --> 00:08:27,110 Uh, but exploring makes me nervous. 194 00:08:27,153 --> 00:08:29,904 I have what doctors call "directional insanity." 195 00:08:30,031 --> 00:08:31,823 I once got lost on an escalator. 196 00:08:32,116 --> 00:08:34,034 So, not exactly Christopher Columbus. 197 00:08:34,076 --> 00:08:36,411 Fun fact - Columbus is in the Bad Place 198 00:08:36,454 --> 00:08:39,122 because of all the raping, slave trade, and genocide. 199 00:08:39,790 --> 00:08:43,501 The fact that it makes you nervous is exactly why you should do it. 200 00:08:43,794 --> 00:08:45,170 You know, get out of your comfort zone. 201 00:08:45,212 --> 00:08:46,421 Become a trailblazer. 202 00:08:46,547 --> 00:08:50,759 Fun fact - all deceased members of the Portland Trail Blazers basketball team 203 00:08:50,801 --> 00:08:52,761 are also in the Bad Place. 204 00:08:52,803 --> 00:08:54,012 Ah. Yeah. - SHE LAUGHS 205 00:08:54,180 --> 00:08:57,098 Sorry about this. I steered her away from colloquialisms 206 00:08:57,141 --> 00:08:59,976 and into "fun facts" and trivia titbits. 207 00:09:00,019 --> 00:09:02,020 I thought it'd be more in her wheelhouse. 208 00:09:02,063 --> 00:09:04,731 Fun fact - a "wheelhouse" is a part of a boat. 209 00:09:04,815 --> 00:09:06,232 Okay, thank you, Janet. Thank you. 210 00:09:06,275 --> 00:09:07,776 Fun fact - Janet is me. 211 00:09:07,860 --> 00:09:09,611 All right, let's forget about exploring. 212 00:09:10,029 --> 00:09:11,696 Plenty more ideas for hobbies. 213 00:09:11,739 --> 00:09:13,323 Let's walk back to town, shall we? 214 00:09:13,574 --> 00:09:16,242 MICHAEL: Okay. Hang on. 215 00:09:16,827 --> 00:09:18,161 Wrong way! - Yep! 216 00:09:20,456 --> 00:09:23,750 So all I want to do is just check in, see how everyone's holding up - 217 00:09:23,793 --> 00:09:26,419 just bring some cheer to these extraordinary people. 218 00:09:26,712 --> 00:09:27,587 Cool. 219 00:09:28,339 --> 00:09:30,298 So tell me about yourself. 220 00:09:30,633 --> 00:09:35,136 I mean, I want to hear it all, girlfriend! The good, the bad, the really bad, 221 00:09:35,179 --> 00:09:36,846 the embarrassing, the humiliating... 222 00:09:36,889 --> 00:09:38,264 just... let's bond! 223 00:09:38,641 --> 00:09:43,061 Okay. Well, I... I was born in Pakistan, raised in London, schooled in Paris. 224 00:09:43,104 --> 00:09:45,105 But I think the primary reason I'm in the Good Place 225 00:09:45,147 --> 00:09:47,690 is that I raised quite a lot of money for non-profit groups. 226 00:09:47,775 --> 00:09:51,945 Oh! Did you ever, uh... skim a little off the top, for yourself? 227 00:09:52,279 --> 00:09:55,865 Gracious, no! No! Every penny was accounted for. 228 00:09:56,158 --> 00:09:58,243 And as I raised nearly sixty billion dollars 229 00:09:58,285 --> 00:10:00,036 that was quite a lot of pennies! - SHE CHUCKLES 230 00:10:00,079 --> 00:10:02,247 But I also dabbled in some other professions. 231 00:10:02,414 --> 00:10:06,167 I was a model, a museum curator, and "It Girl," and... 232 00:10:06,710 --> 00:10:08,711 oh, I was Baz Luhrmann's muse for a while. 233 00:10:08,754 --> 00:10:09,671 That was quite fun. 234 00:10:09,713 --> 00:10:12,006 Modelling - that's a crazy life. 235 00:10:12,216 --> 00:10:14,759 Wanna tell me about that rock-bottom you probably hit? 236 00:10:14,802 --> 00:10:15,969 Oh, I didn't really do it for long. 237 00:10:16,011 --> 00:10:17,387 Couture just doesn't fit my body. 238 00:10:17,429 --> 00:10:18,972 I'm cursed with ample bosom. 239 00:10:19,265 --> 00:10:21,641 And yet, you soldier on! - Oh, this is silly. 240 00:10:21,684 --> 00:10:24,727 So, "Tahani" means "congratulations" in Arabic 241 00:10:24,770 --> 00:10:26,396 and Al-Jamil means "beautiful." 242 00:10:26,438 --> 00:10:27,689 So my full name all together means... 243 00:10:27,731 --> 00:10:29,274 "Congratulations, Beautiful." 244 00:10:29,316 --> 00:10:31,609 Thanks, Eleanor! You big flirt. SHE CHUCKLES 245 00:10:34,530 --> 00:10:36,197 Extra! Extra! 246 00:10:36,615 --> 00:10:38,616 Read all about you! 247 00:10:38,742 --> 00:10:42,579 Chidi, this is the perfect hobby for you - journalism. 248 00:10:42,788 --> 00:10:45,206 Well, obviously, I... I like to write. 249 00:10:45,833 --> 00:10:48,084 But I don't love deadlines. 250 00:10:48,127 --> 00:10:49,669 I prefer to take my time with things. 251 00:10:49,712 --> 00:10:50,587 Yes, I know. 252 00:10:50,629 --> 00:10:53,131 Uh, you never even named your dog, did you? 253 00:10:53,174 --> 00:10:57,760 When it ran away, you posted signs saying, "Responds to long pauses." 254 00:10:57,970 --> 00:11:02,056 Look, Chidi. I'm just trying to find you a hobby that - the hat - 255 00:11:02,349 --> 00:11:04,726 that will bring you a positive experience. 256 00:11:05,060 --> 00:11:05,935 What do you say? 257 00:11:06,353 --> 00:11:07,937 I'm loving that hat on you. 258 00:11:08,606 --> 00:11:12,233 It would look even better on my floor. - What is happening now? 259 00:11:12,276 --> 00:11:13,818 I suggested she be friendlier. 260 00:11:13,861 --> 00:11:17,113 She seems to have slipped right into overt sexuality. 261 00:11:17,323 --> 00:11:18,823 I got something you can slip into. 262 00:11:18,866 --> 00:11:22,327 Oh... - Janet, no! No, Janet! 263 00:11:24,038 --> 00:11:25,788 Well, Glenn, we just wanted to make sure you were all right. 264 00:11:25,831 --> 00:11:27,123 Tahani! You're too sweet! 265 00:11:27,458 --> 00:11:29,584 Oh. - Isn't she just the nicest person? 266 00:11:29,627 --> 00:11:30,501 Mm-hmm. 267 00:11:30,669 --> 00:11:32,587 That is what a lot of people are saying. 268 00:11:32,796 --> 00:11:34,672 Oh, everyone I know is saying that. - Yeah. 269 00:11:34,715 --> 00:11:37,675 It's just a big neighbourhood full of enormous mansions 270 00:11:37,718 --> 00:11:39,052 and people who love Tahani! 271 00:11:39,428 --> 00:11:41,638 There's also a heck of a lot of yoghurt. 272 00:11:41,680 --> 00:11:45,558 Excellent observation, Glenn. - THEY LAUGH 273 00:11:46,644 --> 00:11:49,395 Eleanor and I just want to see if there's anything we can do to help you? 274 00:11:49,438 --> 00:11:51,022 Oh, Tahani, you are so thoughtful! 275 00:11:51,190 --> 00:11:54,776 Despite all the chaos earlier, we simply couldn't be happier. 276 00:11:54,818 --> 00:11:56,527 Oh, I'm so glad to hear it, Cualli! 277 00:11:56,570 --> 00:11:58,196 Please take a maple butter scone. 278 00:11:58,239 --> 00:11:59,614 I made them fresh this morning! 279 00:11:59,865 --> 00:12:01,699 Ooh, they look a bit burnt. 280 00:12:04,703 --> 00:12:05,745 But they're not. 281 00:12:05,913 --> 00:12:08,206 Hmm. Oh, fork, that's good! 282 00:12:08,624 --> 00:12:10,291 Okay! - SAW NOISES 283 00:12:10,334 --> 00:12:12,377 Arc welding! You could learn sculpture 284 00:12:12,461 --> 00:12:13,753 you could make furniture 285 00:12:13,796 --> 00:12:16,381 you could get your hands a little greasy, you know, and you make things! 286 00:12:16,882 --> 00:12:21,594 And, by the way, this is an exact replica of Brancusi's workshop in Paris. 287 00:12:21,637 --> 00:12:23,930 HE LAUGHS - This equipment is very scary. 288 00:12:24,473 --> 00:12:26,766 Don't be a baby. It can't hurt you. 289 00:12:27,184 --> 00:12:29,644 Watch. I'll blowtorch your face off. - Janet! 290 00:12:29,895 --> 00:12:32,146 Whatever. This whole thing is stupid. 291 00:12:32,815 --> 00:12:33,690 Oh, brother. 292 00:12:33,774 --> 00:12:36,359 I told her to be less flirty. - METAL HITS THE FLOOR 293 00:12:36,402 --> 00:12:38,987 Now she's cruel and distant, apparently. 294 00:12:39,196 --> 00:12:40,363 I just can't get this right. 295 00:12:40,489 --> 00:12:43,449 Thank you for trying to find me a new hobby, uh... 296 00:12:43,617 --> 00:12:45,493 but I just want to be an academic. 297 00:12:45,869 --> 00:12:48,121 I want to keep working on my manuscript. 298 00:12:49,748 --> 00:12:51,457 Chidi, here's the thing. 299 00:12:51,500 --> 00:12:55,503 See, I... I read your whole book - all thirty-six hundred pages of it. 300 00:12:55,754 --> 00:12:58,298 It's, um... how shall I put this? 301 00:12:58,465 --> 00:12:59,340 It's a mess, dude. 302 00:13:00,259 --> 00:13:01,134 Hey! 303 00:13:01,844 --> 00:13:02,719 She's right. 304 00:13:02,886 --> 00:13:07,348 You see, Chidi, I can read the entirety of the world's literature in about an hour. 305 00:13:07,975 --> 00:13:10,351 This took me two weeks to get through. 306 00:13:10,477 --> 00:13:12,020 I mean, it's so convoluted! 307 00:13:12,062 --> 00:13:14,897 I just kept reading the same paragraph over and over again 308 00:13:15,190 --> 00:13:17,233 trying to figure out what the heck you were saying. 309 00:13:17,276 --> 00:13:18,401 Oh, no. - I mean, on... 310 00:13:18,444 --> 00:13:22,905 on page one thousand, you start section two with the sentence - 311 00:13:23,282 --> 00:13:25,950 "Of course, the exact opposite might be true." 312 00:13:26,618 --> 00:13:32,415 You're a brilliant guy, Chidi, but you just kept revising, and rewriting 313 00:13:32,458 --> 00:13:34,083 and adding words to your title. 314 00:13:34,126 --> 00:13:36,627 I think you just twisted yourself up into a knot. 315 00:13:37,296 --> 00:13:38,463 I have a very bad stomach ache. 316 00:13:41,216 --> 00:13:42,300 Oh, Jianyu, darling, would you like some tea? 317 00:13:45,054 --> 00:13:46,637 That nod meant "no," apparently. 318 00:13:46,680 --> 00:13:49,349 Well, it was nice to get out and meet all of our wonderful neighbours. 319 00:13:49,391 --> 00:13:52,185 They all truly belong here. 320 00:13:52,227 --> 00:13:54,479 Mmm. Yes, they do, cutie pants! 321 00:13:54,521 --> 00:13:55,396 Boop! 322 00:13:55,731 --> 00:13:57,190 Well! I should really be going. I have to begin 323 00:13:57,232 --> 00:13:59,776 my twelve-step Korean skin care regimen but, uh... 324 00:13:59,818 --> 00:14:01,152 I'll see you... oh, no, no, no. 325 00:14:01,195 --> 00:14:03,029 Please, stay and enjoy the evening tea. 326 00:14:03,072 --> 00:14:03,946 I'll see you soon. 327 00:14:05,532 --> 00:14:09,202 I can't even tell if you've kissed my cheek or the air around it. 328 00:14:09,244 --> 00:14:11,788 Oh. Thank you. That's the goal. 329 00:14:12,122 --> 00:14:13,039 Boop! 330 00:14:27,763 --> 00:14:29,847 ELEANOR: "The Diary of Tahani Al-Jamil." 331 00:14:32,184 --> 00:14:33,059 Hey, man! 332 00:14:33,685 --> 00:14:34,560 DOOR CLOSES 333 00:14:35,396 --> 00:14:36,270 What's wrong? 334 00:14:36,855 --> 00:14:37,814 Am I a good teacher? 335 00:14:38,482 --> 00:14:40,650 Am I... am I clear, do I make sense? 336 00:14:40,692 --> 00:14:43,820 Yeah, you're a great teacher! I'm super ethical now. 337 00:14:44,613 --> 00:14:45,696 What's that? - Hmm? 338 00:14:46,198 --> 00:14:47,573 Nah... Don't worry about it. 339 00:14:48,659 --> 00:14:49,742 SHE SIGHS 340 00:14:50,202 --> 00:14:54,580 I stole Tahani's diary so I could see if her handwriting matches the note 341 00:14:54,623 --> 00:14:58,584 and also read about all the mean and terrible things she's definitely done 342 00:14:58,627 --> 00:15:00,628 so I can prove she's actually evil. 343 00:15:00,796 --> 00:15:02,004 FIRE ROARS 344 00:15:04,758 --> 00:15:05,633 Huh. 345 00:15:07,177 --> 00:15:08,469 What do you think that means? 346 00:15:08,971 --> 00:15:10,471 It's tough to interpret. 347 00:15:11,348 --> 00:15:12,432 Feels positive though. 348 00:15:16,270 --> 00:15:18,980 You stole Tahani's diary? 349 00:15:19,022 --> 00:15:21,441 I know I broke some ethical rule but I had good reason. 350 00:15:21,483 --> 00:15:25,820 Eleanor. In order to be a good person you have to do good things. 351 00:15:26,155 --> 00:15:30,199 And not stealing people's stuff, that is just a basic kindergarten rule. 352 00:15:30,284 --> 00:15:33,536 I mean, do I also have to tell you to not throw sand? 353 00:15:33,787 --> 00:15:35,997 First of all, throwing sand is an excellent way to put out a vodka fire. 354 00:15:36,039 --> 00:15:37,039 Why would you even know that? 355 00:15:37,082 --> 00:15:39,375 Second of all, I know that it may not be "nice" 356 00:15:39,418 --> 00:15:42,587 but neither is pretending to be one hundred percent perfect 357 00:15:42,629 --> 00:15:43,796 like Tahani does. 358 00:15:43,964 --> 00:15:46,424 She wrote that note. - No, she didn't! 359 00:15:46,758 --> 00:15:47,758 You did! 360 00:15:48,719 --> 00:15:51,762 I... I was hoping you would come to this conclusion on your own 361 00:15:51,805 --> 00:15:56,184 but obviously, no one here would ever threaten you. 362 00:15:56,602 --> 00:16:00,313 That note is the Good Place manifesting your own guilt - 363 00:16:00,355 --> 00:16:05,610 like with the plant, or when you literally made giant shrimp fly through the air. 364 00:16:07,070 --> 00:16:08,488 I wrote myself the note! 365 00:16:09,323 --> 00:16:12,325 And as it turns out I do belong here 366 00:16:12,743 --> 00:16:14,327 because I'm just as good as everyone else. 367 00:16:14,912 --> 00:16:17,955 And... and nobody is at fault for anything. 368 00:16:18,081 --> 00:16:20,917 Oh! You, sir, are an excellent teacher. 369 00:16:20,959 --> 00:16:23,252 No, no, no. You don't belong here. 370 00:16:23,295 --> 00:16:26,255 And in this place, everyone is better than you. 371 00:16:26,298 --> 00:16:28,841 It has been proven by an infallible formula. 372 00:16:29,301 --> 00:16:33,679 Tahani might be a little British and condescending at times 373 00:16:33,722 --> 00:16:37,683 but she devoted her entire life to helping other people. 374 00:16:38,393 --> 00:16:41,604 I mean when you were with her today, did she do anything to indicate 375 00:16:41,647 --> 00:16:43,648 that she might be secretly out to get you? 376 00:16:43,815 --> 00:16:46,359 No. Because I was there to thwart her plan. 377 00:16:46,401 --> 00:16:50,696 Or because the only plan was to comfort people. 378 00:16:51,281 --> 00:16:53,157 She's a good person. Accept that. 379 00:16:56,745 --> 00:16:59,956 Hey, babe. Great news. I got us tickets to the Coyotes' game. 380 00:17:00,207 --> 00:17:02,667 Awesome! - But, ooh, yikes. 381 00:17:02,960 --> 00:17:04,961 Turns out two of the players have "DUI"s. 382 00:17:05,420 --> 00:17:07,380 Guess we can't cheer for that team. 383 00:17:07,422 --> 00:17:08,297 Eleanor... 384 00:17:08,340 --> 00:17:12,843 You know what? Instead, let's just stay in, watch a Roman Polanski movie 385 00:17:12,970 --> 00:17:15,304 listen to R. Kelly, and eat Chik-Fil-A. 386 00:17:15,556 --> 00:17:17,181 Does that sound good? - HE SIGHS 387 00:17:17,224 --> 00:17:19,433 There's bad stuff everywhere, man. 388 00:17:19,476 --> 00:17:21,185 It's impossible to avoid. 389 00:17:21,478 --> 00:17:23,312 Yeah, but... shouldn't we just try? 390 00:17:23,355 --> 00:17:25,773 Shouldn't we just try to do the right thing, whenever we can? 391 00:17:25,816 --> 00:17:29,193 Why? It's so much harder to live like that, and it's not like someone's keeping score. 392 00:17:29,403 --> 00:17:31,904 HE SIGHS - Look, I know you're gonna break up with me. 393 00:17:31,947 --> 00:17:33,239 Okay? I'm not an idiot. 394 00:17:33,282 --> 00:17:34,740 I read your emails to your dad. 395 00:17:34,866 --> 00:17:35,741 Oh, my God. - Have fun being 396 00:17:35,784 --> 00:17:37,285 so amazing and perfect until you die. 397 00:17:37,327 --> 00:17:40,454 And by the way, I'm talking really fast because I still go to Andy's Coffee 398 00:17:40,497 --> 00:17:41,914 and I got a full punch card, bro! 399 00:17:46,044 --> 00:17:47,128 SHE BREATHES DEEPLY 400 00:17:49,423 --> 00:17:50,965 Good people make me insecure. 401 00:17:51,633 --> 00:17:54,176 When I'm around someone who I think is "better" than me 402 00:17:54,219 --> 00:17:55,803 I try and drag them down to my level. 403 00:17:56,054 --> 00:17:59,599 That's why perfect Tahani is like my kryptonite. 404 00:17:59,641 --> 00:18:02,393 Did it ever occur to you that maybe Tahani 405 00:18:02,436 --> 00:18:05,646 has her own set of insecurities and anxieties? 406 00:18:05,939 --> 00:18:06,814 Never. 407 00:18:07,232 --> 00:18:09,150 That woman has zero problems. 408 00:18:09,568 --> 00:18:12,194 Her biggest flaw is that she makes a weird face 409 00:18:12,237 --> 00:18:15,865 when she sneezes and even that is actually charming 410 00:18:16,074 --> 00:18:17,575 because she looks like a baby deer. 411 00:18:18,952 --> 00:18:21,078 The point is... you were right. 412 00:18:22,039 --> 00:18:24,498 About why I reacted to her the way I did. 413 00:18:24,666 --> 00:18:27,710 Well, maybe even admitting that is an important step. 414 00:18:28,587 --> 00:18:30,046 And also, maybe don't listen to me. 415 00:18:30,088 --> 00:18:31,797 I would love not to listen to you. 416 00:18:32,049 --> 00:18:32,923 Wait, what? 417 00:18:32,966 --> 00:18:38,804 Basically, my life's work is thirty-six hundred pages of garbage. 418 00:18:38,847 --> 00:18:40,806 Even, Michael couldn't understand it. 419 00:18:40,849 --> 00:18:42,892 So? What does Michael know? 420 00:18:42,934 --> 00:18:43,809 Everything. 421 00:18:43,935 --> 00:18:47,355 That's my point - he knows everything, and it was too convoluted even for him. 422 00:18:47,939 --> 00:18:49,774 Michael does not know everything. 423 00:18:50,317 --> 00:18:52,652 Michael does not know I'm not supposed to be here. 424 00:18:53,445 --> 00:18:55,029 You wrote four thousand pages 425 00:18:55,072 --> 00:18:58,199 on one of the most complicated subjects in the world! 426 00:18:58,325 --> 00:19:01,077 I mean I used to get bored halfway through writing a text message. 427 00:19:01,620 --> 00:19:02,703 Be proud! 428 00:19:08,085 --> 00:19:11,462 I want to broaden my horizons and try new things and I will. 429 00:19:11,588 --> 00:19:13,798 But even though I might have gotten lost in the weeds 430 00:19:13,840 --> 00:19:18,427 I loved writing this book, and I want to try again. 431 00:19:18,762 --> 00:19:19,679 So... 432 00:19:20,555 --> 00:19:22,515 will you be my advisor? - Chidi 433 00:19:22,849 --> 00:19:25,142 all I want is for you to be happy. 434 00:19:25,811 --> 00:19:30,272 So if spending eternity getting blunt feedback on your circular 435 00:19:30,315 --> 00:19:35,403 rambling ideas will make you happy, then of course I will be your advisor! 436 00:19:35,445 --> 00:19:39,156 Let's throw that monstrosity in the trash and start over! 437 00:19:40,909 --> 00:19:42,535 Aren't there maybe some parts worth salvaging? 438 00:19:42,786 --> 00:19:45,538 Honestly, man, I don't even know. I mean that thing is unreadable. 439 00:19:45,789 --> 00:19:49,417 I literally learned what headaches were because that thing gave me a headache. 440 00:19:50,043 --> 00:19:50,918 Okay. 441 00:19:52,629 --> 00:19:55,131 There you go! New beginnings! Well done. 442 00:20:10,939 --> 00:20:12,773 WHINING 443 00:20:15,026 --> 00:20:16,277 TAHANI SOBS 444 00:20:18,155 --> 00:20:19,989 SHE GASPS Oh! Hello, Eleanor. 445 00:20:20,031 --> 00:20:22,450 SHE LAUGHS NERVOUSLY Hi. Sorry, I was just cleaning up. 446 00:20:23,577 --> 00:20:24,452 You okay? 447 00:20:25,412 --> 00:20:28,164 Do you want to talk about it? 448 00:20:28,290 --> 00:20:29,206 Desperately. 449 00:20:30,375 --> 00:20:31,417 It's Jianyu. 450 00:20:31,793 --> 00:20:33,627 I just can't seem to connect with him. 451 00:20:33,712 --> 00:20:35,379 I know that he took a vow of silence 452 00:20:35,881 --> 00:20:38,132 but he won't even talk to me, his soulmate! 453 00:20:39,050 --> 00:20:40,509 And I adore talking. 454 00:20:40,844 --> 00:20:42,553 I know. You do. 455 00:20:42,596 --> 00:20:44,889 Eleanor, you don't know what it's like to be in paradise 456 00:20:44,931 --> 00:20:47,349 and feel like there's something just not quite right. 457 00:20:48,059 --> 00:20:49,351 Well... 458 00:20:50,437 --> 00:20:54,148 I may not know exactly what you're feeling, but I do understand. 459 00:20:54,733 --> 00:20:57,610 And you deserve to be happy, because... 460 00:20:59,070 --> 00:21:01,989 you are an impressive, thoughtful, and special person. 461 00:21:04,201 --> 00:21:05,451 Not to mention... 462 00:21:07,037 --> 00:21:09,038 you have a rockin' bod. - SHE LAUGHS 463 00:21:09,080 --> 00:21:12,958 I mean, Jianyu may be mute, but he's not blind. 464 00:21:13,585 --> 00:21:17,797 You two belong here, and you belong together. 465 00:21:17,964 --> 00:21:20,049 And, you have all of eternity 466 00:21:20,091 --> 00:21:22,426 so there's plenty of time for things to change. 467 00:21:22,636 --> 00:21:25,930 Oh, thank you. I really needed to hear that. 468 00:21:25,972 --> 00:21:26,847 Come here. 469 00:21:28,350 --> 00:21:30,935 Ugh! Of course your hugs are amazing. 470 00:21:36,233 --> 00:21:37,650 SHE YAWNS 471 00:21:38,109 --> 00:21:38,984 SHE GASPS 472 00:21:39,569 --> 00:21:42,404 Stupid ledge. No stairs. 473 00:21:43,740 --> 00:21:44,615 Hmm! 474 00:21:44,950 --> 00:21:46,992 Everyone here is really into hugging. 475 00:21:48,954 --> 00:21:50,830 Looks like someone learned something. 476 00:21:54,668 --> 00:21:58,879 Well... it's 'cause someone else is a really good teacher. 477 00:22:02,133 --> 00:22:03,676 Eleanor! Hello. 478 00:22:03,718 --> 00:22:06,095 How are you, my dear, sweet "bestie?" SHE LAUGHS 479 00:22:06,471 --> 00:22:08,264 Never better. What's up? 480 00:22:08,306 --> 00:22:10,641 Well, Janet has been acting as my assistant. 481 00:22:10,684 --> 00:22:14,895 It... it's not what she was designed to do. It didn't go "great." 482 00:22:14,938 --> 00:22:16,272 But now I'm back to normal. 483 00:22:16,523 --> 00:22:18,274 It turns out that the best Janet 484 00:22:18,316 --> 00:22:21,193 was the Janet that was inside Janet all along. 485 00:22:21,403 --> 00:22:22,862 She was feeling a little lost 486 00:22:22,904 --> 00:22:26,532 so I gave her a self-help book to restore her confidence. 487 00:22:26,783 --> 00:22:29,493 Now I'm living my truth and creating my bliss. 488 00:22:29,536 --> 00:22:31,745 Yes. But anyway, um... look 489 00:22:31,788 --> 00:22:34,331 Michael asked me if I would serve as his assistant 490 00:22:34,374 --> 00:22:37,334 but I'd quite like to focus on my relationship with Jianyu. 491 00:22:37,919 --> 00:22:40,963 So, I recommended you for the job. 492 00:22:41,089 --> 00:22:45,342 SHE LAUGHS - Eleanor, you and I could work side by side 493 00:22:45,385 --> 00:22:48,178 to figure out what's going wrong with this neighbourhood. 494 00:22:48,471 --> 00:22:49,346 Will you help me? 495 00:22:50,307 --> 00:22:51,515 How could I say no? 496 00:22:51,558 --> 00:22:53,225 Hurrah! Hurrah! - Hurrah! 497 00:22:54,644 --> 00:22:55,936 SHE SIGHS 498 00:22:57,439 --> 00:22:58,397 What now? 499 00:23:06,907 --> 00:23:11,785 Relax, Eleanor. You sent this to yourself. 500 00:23:11,828 --> 00:23:15,664 This is your own guilt, manifesting itself. 501 00:23:17,375 --> 00:23:18,500 I've been waiting for you. 502 00:23:19,711 --> 00:23:22,129 Jianyu? You talk now? 503 00:23:25,467 --> 00:23:27,176 You sent me these threatening notes? 504 00:23:27,218 --> 00:23:28,510 What the fork, man? 505 00:23:28,553 --> 00:23:29,970 Some Buddhist monk you are! 506 00:23:30,305 --> 00:23:32,431 You don't belong here. Admit it. 507 00:23:35,060 --> 00:23:37,603 Okay, you're right. I don't belong here. 508 00:23:37,646 --> 00:23:39,897 Michael made a mistake. But I'm trying, dude. 509 00:23:39,940 --> 00:23:44,068 I'm really trying to be a good person, and I think I'm changing, for the better. 510 00:23:44,110 --> 00:23:46,695 So just please, please don't rat me out. 511 00:23:47,948 --> 00:23:50,491 Don't worry. I won't. - SHE SIGHS 512 00:23:50,825 --> 00:23:52,451 Because I'm not supposed to be here either! 513 00:23:52,744 --> 00:23:55,371 I don't know how I got here, I have no idea what's going on 514 00:23:55,413 --> 00:23:56,872 and I'm freaking out, homey! 515 00:23:57,165 --> 00:23:59,291 You gotta help me! I'm scared! 516 00:24:01,628 --> 00:24:02,503 What?