1
00:00:02,149 --> 00:00:04,734
You, Eleanor Shellstrop, are dead.

2
00:00:05,027 --> 00:00:05,901
Cool!

3
00:00:06,236 --> 00:00:08,654
Eleanor, you are my soulmate.

4
00:00:08,780 --> 00:00:10,573
There's been a big mistake...

5
00:00:11,575 --> 00:00:13,492
I'm not supposed to be here.

6
00:00:13,618 --> 00:00:14,493
Wait, what?

7
00:00:14,786 --> 00:00:16,912
APPLAUSE
- These people might be "good"

8
00:00:16,997 --> 00:00:19,165
but are they really
that much better than me?

9
00:00:19,458 --> 00:00:21,083
THUNDER
- RUMBLING

10
00:00:22,461 --> 00:00:25,296
CHIDI: Eleanor,
this is all happening because of you!

11
00:00:25,464 --> 00:00:28,215
Give me a chance.
Let me earn my place here.

12
00:00:28,300 --> 00:00:30,176
Let me be your ethical guinea pig.

13
00:00:30,343 --> 00:00:32,428
My soul is in your hands, soulmate.

14
00:00:35,223 --> 00:00:37,266
CHIDI:
I, uh... I don't know what to do here.

15
00:00:37,434 --> 00:00:39,602
This is a mess - morally speaking.

16
00:00:39,728 --> 00:00:43,814
This is a putrid,
disgusting bowl of ethical soup.

17
00:00:43,899 --> 00:00:46,358
Okay, well, how about we just chill

18
00:00:46,818 --> 00:00:50,112
and go to the town meeting
and talk it out after.

19
00:00:50,447 --> 00:00:51,447
Wha-
- Great! Hey

20
00:00:51,490 --> 00:00:53,491
how do I make
that helper woman show up?

21
00:00:54,242 --> 00:00:56,118
Hello... front desk lady...

22
00:00:56,536 --> 00:00:59,038
magical slave robot?
- Excuse me, Janet?

23
00:00:59,081 --> 00:01:00,706
Hi, there.
- SHE GASPS

24
00:01:01,124 --> 00:01:03,626
Still not used to it.
Um, Janet, I need...

25
00:01:04,503 --> 00:01:07,963
quick question - can anyone
access our search history

26
00:01:08,006 --> 00:01:10,716
or is this an incognito browsing situation

27
00:01:10,759 --> 00:01:12,927
like when you're stalking
a hot mailman from your work computer?

28
00:01:12,969 --> 00:01:14,929
It is one hundred percent confidential.

29
00:01:14,971 --> 00:01:18,057
No one can access what you ask me,
including Michael.

30
00:01:18,100 --> 00:01:20,684
Now, what kind of pornography
would you like to see?

31
00:01:20,727 --> 00:01:22,103
No, no, no, no, not porn...

32
00:01:22,145 --> 00:01:25,981
I, um, I need clothes - like yours
and Chidi's with the stripes.

33
00:01:26,358 --> 00:01:27,399
SOFT BEEP
- There you go.

34
00:01:28,485 --> 00:01:29,777
INDISTINCT CHATTER

35
00:01:29,945 --> 00:01:32,488
MICHAEL: Everybody,
everybody, gather round, please.

36
00:01:32,531 --> 00:01:33,531
Thank you. Thank you.

37
00:01:33,824 --> 00:01:36,992
Obviously, there's something
very wrong with this neighbourhood.

38
00:01:37,369 --> 00:01:41,831
We don't know what it is,
how long it will last, or what caused it.

39
00:01:42,124 --> 00:01:43,249
What do we know, Janet?

40
00:01:43,416 --> 00:01:45,876
We know where it happened - here.

41
00:01:45,919 --> 00:01:47,128
Yes, thank you, Janet.

42
00:01:47,170 --> 00:01:48,546
The chaos happened here.

43
00:01:49,005 --> 00:01:51,423
See, that's the trouble
with these perfect systems -

44
00:01:51,466 --> 00:01:53,092
one little flaw can lead to...

45
00:01:54,344 --> 00:01:57,388
well, it can lead to Gary over there.

46
00:01:58,515 --> 00:01:59,515
Hey, Gary.
- SOME GASP

47
00:01:59,724 --> 00:02:00,808
Hang in there, buddy.

48
00:02:02,185 --> 00:02:03,519
My armpits are leaking.

49
00:02:04,020 --> 00:02:05,437
What is that called again?
- Sweat.

50
00:02:05,480 --> 00:02:07,773
Right, right, still not used to being
in a human body.

51
00:02:08,024 --> 00:02:09,191
And what do you do with sweat?

52
00:02:09,234 --> 00:02:10,317
Do... do you lick it away?
Is that right?

53
00:02:10,861 --> 00:02:13,612
Nope, you dab it with a cloth.
- Oh, right.

54
00:02:14,781 --> 00:02:16,073
And then you lick the cloth?

55
00:02:16,616 --> 00:02:17,533
That seems weirder.

56
00:02:19,161 --> 00:02:21,287
TAHANI:
Michael, look.

57
00:02:21,329 --> 00:02:23,330
Okay, that's a good sign.

58
00:02:23,373 --> 00:02:25,624
It... it... it could mean
that this is almost over.

59
00:02:25,667 --> 00:02:27,710
Oh, such relief.

60
00:02:28,044 --> 00:02:31,338
That was my first time as a fashion "don't"
and I did not care for it.

61
00:02:39,222 --> 00:02:42,224
ELEANOR:
Okay, things are settling down outside

62
00:02:42,267 --> 00:02:47,021
I think it's time to make me good, partner.

63
00:02:47,314 --> 00:02:48,189
How do we do it?

64
00:02:48,231 --> 00:02:50,983
Is there a pill I can take
or something I could vape?

65
00:02:51,610 --> 00:02:52,985
Where did you get a chalkboard?

66
00:02:53,028 --> 00:02:56,280
It's The Good Place, you can get
anything you want at any time.

67
00:02:56,323 --> 00:02:57,698
And you chose a chalkboard?

68
00:02:58,533 --> 00:02:59,408
What are you reading?

69
00:03:00,076 --> 00:03:02,620
<i>The Metaphysics of Morals</i>
by Immanuel Kant.

70
00:03:02,662 --> 00:03:05,039
It's a treatise
on the aesthetic preconditions

71
00:03:05,081 --> 00:03:06,624
of the mind's receptivity to duty.

72
00:03:08,043 --> 00:03:09,335
It's a book on how to act good.

73
00:03:09,377 --> 00:03:11,837
Oh, great!
So you've decided to help me?

74
00:03:11,880 --> 00:03:14,715
I don't know.
There's a thousand questions.

75
00:03:14,799 --> 00:03:17,343
Is there a moral imperative to help you?

76
00:03:17,802 --> 00:03:20,262
Do I have a greater obligation
to my community?

77
00:03:20,305 --> 00:03:23,224
Are you taking someone else's spot -
someone who deserves to be here?

78
00:03:23,266 --> 00:03:24,433
Ooh! On that question

79
00:03:24,768 --> 00:03:28,062
I honestly think
I was just put here by mistake

80
00:03:28,104 --> 00:03:30,606
because Michael called me
Eleanor Shellstrop

81
00:03:30,649 --> 00:03:32,274
so he knows I'm me -

82
00:03:32,317 --> 00:03:36,445
he... he's just wrong
about my overall quality level.

83
00:03:36,780 --> 00:03:40,241
Please help me, man.
I swear I am worth it.

84
00:03:40,700 --> 00:03:43,077
Tell me one fact
that you know about me.

85
00:03:43,787 --> 00:03:46,580
We spent the whole day together.
You must remember something.

86
00:03:48,083 --> 00:03:49,083
What country am I from?

87
00:03:49,209 --> 00:03:51,919
SHE GROANS
Is it racist if I say, "Africa?"

88
00:03:52,337 --> 00:03:55,714
Yes, and Africa is not a country.
I am from Senegal.

89
00:03:56,132 --> 00:03:58,801
Do I have any siblings?
Where did I go to college?

90
00:03:58,843 --> 00:04:01,470
Trick question - you didn't.

91
00:04:01,721 --> 00:04:04,598
I was literally a college professor.

92
00:04:04,641 --> 00:04:07,351
Do you not remember
one single thing about me?

93
00:04:07,394 --> 00:04:09,687
Dude, things have been nuts around here.

94
00:04:09,729 --> 00:04:11,438
I bet you don't know anything about me!

95
00:04:11,481 --> 00:04:13,941
You were born in Phoenix.
You went to school in Tempe.

96
00:04:13,984 --> 00:04:14,858
You're an only child.

97
00:04:14,901 --> 00:04:17,653
Your favourite show is something called,
<i>The Real Housewives of Atlanta.</i>

98
00:04:17,696 --> 00:04:22,199
And your favourite book is
Kendall Jenner's Instagram feed.

99
00:04:23,368 --> 00:04:24,618
How did you know all that?

100
00:04:24,661 --> 00:04:28,831
Because you are constantly
talking about yourself.

101
00:04:28,873 --> 00:04:32,084
You are the most self-obsessed person
I have ever met.

102
00:04:32,377 --> 00:04:34,878
You should see
Kendall Jenner's Instagram feed.

103
00:04:34,921 --> 00:04:36,588
See, this is my fear about you, Eleanor -

104
00:04:36,631 --> 00:04:40,009
you are too selfish to ever be a good person.

105
00:04:40,719 --> 00:04:43,012
Well, I think you're wrong.
- What country am I from again?

106
00:04:43,054 --> 00:04:46,181
"Sen... sodyne"

107
00:04:46,516 --> 00:04:47,850
That is a brand of toothpaste.

108
00:04:48,351 --> 00:04:50,352
Look, the only thing
that you are concerned with

109
00:04:50,603 --> 00:04:51,979
is your own happiness.

110
00:04:53,398 --> 00:04:54,356
That's your problem.

111
00:04:58,778 --> 00:05:03,073
Okay, names in the hat -
time to pick a designated driver.

112
00:05:03,116 --> 00:05:04,700
And the loser is...

113
00:05:06,244 --> 00:05:07,119
Betsy.

114
00:05:07,662 --> 00:05:08,871
Wait, you never get picked

115
00:05:08,913 --> 00:05:10,789
and you're always the one
who draws the name.

116
00:05:10,832 --> 00:05:12,207
Let me see that.
- There's no need.

117
00:05:12,459 --> 00:05:15,502
Everyone here believes in my integrity,
one hundred percent. Right, guys?

118
00:05:16,463 --> 00:05:17,546
Give it to me.

119
00:05:18,798 --> 00:05:19,757
For the record

120
00:05:20,925 --> 00:05:23,802
I did that out of principle
because it absolutely had your name on it.

121
00:05:24,179 --> 00:05:27,514
If I check the other ones I can figure it out
by process of elimination.

122
00:05:30,810 --> 00:05:33,896
MUFFLED
Again, out of principle

123
00:05:33,938 --> 00:05:35,564
better watch over you, Betsy.

124
00:05:35,899 --> 00:05:37,524
This is what integrity looks like.

125
00:05:40,945 --> 00:05:42,529
MICHAEL:
All right, everyone, let's get started.

126
00:05:42,864 --> 00:05:44,281
Things have settled down.

127
00:05:44,324 --> 00:05:45,407
Whoo!
HE CHUCKLES

128
00:05:45,784 --> 00:05:47,284
So, hopefully, we're off and running.

129
00:05:47,619 --> 00:05:50,412
Welcome to orientation, day two.

130
00:05:50,497 --> 00:05:52,623
Now, today we're going to start
with something

131
00:05:52,665 --> 00:05:54,875
that everyone has always wanted to do...

132
00:05:54,918 --> 00:05:56,668
SOOTHING BELLS SOUNDS
- ...flying.

133
00:05:56,711 --> 00:05:58,670
THEY CHEER AND CLAP

134
00:05:59,381 --> 00:06:01,924
Now that you're dead,
let's live a little, right?

135
00:06:02,092 --> 00:06:06,220
Uh, sorry... uh, Michael, if I might -

136
00:06:06,262 --> 00:06:09,515
I was just thinking... earlier today
in all of the chaos

137
00:06:10,058 --> 00:06:12,434
large swaths of this neighbourhood
were destroyed.

138
00:06:12,769 --> 00:06:14,561
We thought perhaps
some of us could... uh...

139
00:06:14,604 --> 00:06:16,563
volunteer to help clean up
the debris, you know

140
00:06:16,606 --> 00:06:19,691
it's quite a fun way to band together
as a community.

141
00:06:19,734 --> 00:06:20,776
Isn't that right, Jianyu?

142
00:06:22,112 --> 00:06:24,238
Oh, uh, yes, sorry,
for those of you don't know -

143
00:06:24,280 --> 00:06:26,407
my soulmate Jianyu here
is a Buddhist monk.

144
00:06:26,449 --> 00:06:29,118
He took a vow of silence
that he's still observing -

145
00:06:29,577 --> 00:06:31,453
even here, in The Good Place.

146
00:06:31,913 --> 00:06:33,705
It's truly inspiring.

147
00:06:33,748 --> 00:06:36,583
Well, Tahani,
it's not really your job to clean up

148
00:06:36,626 --> 00:06:39,586
but I suppose there's no harm
if you really want to.

149
00:06:39,796 --> 00:06:41,004
Oh, well, "Hurrah!"

150
00:06:41,381 --> 00:06:43,340
We need about, uh, twelve volunteers.

151
00:06:44,134 --> 00:06:46,009
Oh!
- I can't believe all these people

152
00:06:46,094 --> 00:06:48,971
are passing on flying
to pick up garbage all day.

153
00:06:49,097 --> 00:06:51,223
SHE LAUGHS
Have fun, nerds.

154
00:06:51,641 --> 00:06:54,435
I'll be soaring through the air
like a forking bird.

155
00:06:55,145 --> 00:06:58,355
Eleanor and I would love to help.
- Oh, "Hurrah, hurrah!". Yay!

156
00:06:58,690 --> 00:07:00,732
Dude?
- You want to prove you're not selfish?

157
00:07:00,775 --> 00:07:02,151
Here's the perfect test -

158
00:07:02,193 --> 00:07:05,070
there's something fun that you want to do
and then there's something less fun

159
00:07:05,113 --> 00:07:06,822
that people are doing
for the common good.

160
00:07:07,031 --> 00:07:08,031
Which do you choose?

161
00:07:10,201 --> 00:07:11,076
Have fun.

162
00:07:12,704 --> 00:07:13,579
Whoo!

163
00:07:14,706 --> 00:07:16,123
WOMAN LAUGHS

164
00:07:17,417 --> 00:07:19,501
MEN:
Yay! Yeah! All right!

165
00:07:19,878 --> 00:07:21,753
Wee!

166
00:07:21,796 --> 00:07:26,675
Hey, up there - having fun
or does it maybe suck, probably?

167
00:07:26,759 --> 00:07:28,385
Well, I wouldn't call it fun...

168
00:07:28,428 --> 00:07:32,764
I'd say it's like it's like fifty million
simultaneous orgasms, but better.

169
00:07:33,308 --> 00:07:34,766
How's volunteer garbage pickup?

170
00:07:35,101 --> 00:07:38,896
About the same.
- Great. Wee!

171
00:07:42,150 --> 00:07:44,776
You know, this really reminds me
of my time in Vietnam

172
00:07:44,986 --> 00:07:47,988
picking up mortar shells
with my Godmother, Diana.

173
00:07:48,239 --> 00:07:50,073
Doesn't really matter
what she's a princess of.

174
00:07:50,116 --> 00:07:50,991
It's not really important.

175
00:07:51,117 --> 00:07:52,910
Tahani, how goes the cleaning?

176
00:07:52,952 --> 00:07:54,703
Oh, swimmingly, Michael.

177
00:07:54,746 --> 00:07:59,166
And I have to say, this neighbourhood
that you built is truly a masterpiece

178
00:07:59,209 --> 00:08:00,709
the likes of which I've never seen

179
00:08:00,752 --> 00:08:03,212
and I've been to Johnny Depp's
private bird sanctuary.

180
00:08:03,254 --> 00:08:05,047
Well, thank you.
That's very kind of you to say.

181
00:08:05,089 --> 00:08:08,300
HE SNIFFS
But it's also dead wrong.

182
00:08:08,885 --> 00:08:10,761
This neighbourhood is a disaster.

183
00:08:11,429 --> 00:08:15,015
See, I must have made a mistake somewhere
and it led to all this chaos

184
00:08:15,058 --> 00:08:17,684
and now I'm just... I'm just terrified
that it's going to happen again.

185
00:08:17,936 --> 00:08:19,811
I'm trying to put a good face on...

186
00:08:20,438 --> 00:08:23,357
well, this face
that I've constructed for myself

187
00:08:23,399 --> 00:08:27,110
but the truth is, I'm just miserable.

188
00:08:28,363 --> 00:08:29,238
I have to go.

189
00:08:29,572 --> 00:08:31,240
Thank you so much for your service.

190
00:08:32,033 --> 00:08:35,327
Oh, no... powerful people
do not handle failure well.

191
00:08:35,370 --> 00:08:37,621
Michael could be heading
for a total meltdown.

192
00:08:39,499 --> 00:08:42,376
Soulmate, are you thinking
what I'm thinking?

193
00:08:42,585 --> 00:08:43,877
Should we say it at the same time?

194
00:08:43,920 --> 00:08:47,965
All right, one, two, three -
we must help Michael.

195
00:08:48,591 --> 00:08:50,634
Oh, you sly devil

196
00:08:50,885 --> 00:08:52,636
you're going
to keep me on my toes, aren't you?

197
00:08:52,887 --> 00:08:54,596
All right, come on, let's go.

198
00:08:54,806 --> 00:08:56,223
THEY LAUGH

199
00:08:56,891 --> 00:08:59,393
Oh, boy!
- Hey, Gunnar. Hey, Antonio.

200
00:08:59,435 --> 00:09:01,061
Hey, Eleanor, isn't this great?

201
00:09:01,104 --> 00:09:03,772
Uh, yeah - when I thought of the afterlife

202
00:09:03,815 --> 00:09:08,110
I totally pictured being an unpaid,
nonflying janitor.

203
00:09:08,319 --> 00:09:09,653
Us, too.
HE LAUGHS

204
00:09:09,696 --> 00:09:11,947
SHE LAUGHS
You guys are so fun -

205
00:09:12,282 --> 00:09:14,366
just relentlessly fun.
I keep thinking -

206
00:09:14,409 --> 00:09:16,159
when are they going to stop being fun?

207
00:09:16,369 --> 00:09:17,744
And the answer is, never.

208
00:09:17,787 --> 00:09:20,539
You're never going to stop.
- THEY LAUGH

209
00:09:22,208 --> 00:09:25,919
Well, I have had a pretty full day
of being unselfish.

210
00:09:25,962 --> 00:09:29,464
I've made some new friends,
my area is almost garbage free

211
00:09:29,757 --> 00:09:32,634
so you're going to help me
figure out how to stay, right?

212
00:09:32,802 --> 00:09:34,469
Oh, that is a really tough question.

213
00:09:34,679 --> 00:09:38,181
Most great philosophers would say
helping you is pointless -

214
00:09:38,224 --> 00:09:39,600
that you can't try to be good

215
00:09:39,642 --> 00:09:42,144
especially when your motivations
are so obviously corrupt.

216
00:09:42,186 --> 00:09:45,147
Yeah, but what do
most great philosophers know?

217
00:09:45,189 --> 00:09:47,274
On the other hand,
Aristotle thought that moral virtue

218
00:09:47,317 --> 00:09:48,984
is something
that you could get better at.

219
00:09:49,027 --> 00:09:51,153
He... he compared it
to playing the flute -

220
00:09:51,195 --> 00:09:52,904
the more you practice,
the more you improve.

221
00:09:53,114 --> 00:09:55,073
Aristotle
- that's my boy right there!

222
00:09:55,408 --> 00:09:58,493
He was the best. I mean,
most people agree he was the best one.

223
00:09:58,953 --> 00:10:03,457
So it sounds to me like you are
on board the "help Eleanor train."

224
00:10:03,666 --> 00:10:06,460
Well, I've narrowed it down
to two possibilities - yes and no.

225
00:10:07,337 --> 00:10:10,631
Well, no worries - just hit me up

226
00:10:10,673 --> 00:10:13,175
when you're done
weighing my life in your hands.

227
00:10:13,217 --> 00:10:17,262
I'll just keep doing what I do best -
being super-considerate and selfless.

228
00:10:18,097 --> 00:10:19,598
SHE SIGHS

229
00:10:19,974 --> 00:10:22,184
Hey, guys.
- Okay, Eleanor, reminder -

230
00:10:22,226 --> 00:10:24,186
we switched to a rotating system

231
00:10:24,228 --> 00:10:27,272
for choosing a designated driver
and it's your turn.

232
00:10:27,440 --> 00:10:28,315
Got it.

233
00:10:28,775 --> 00:10:31,693
Full disclosure - I forgot
we were doing this new system.

234
00:10:31,736 --> 00:10:32,986
I got off work early.

235
00:10:33,029 --> 00:10:36,406
I've been here for about an hour
and I'm already pretty drunk.

236
00:10:37,283 --> 00:10:39,409
Someone else will do it.
- Good call.

237
00:10:39,452 --> 00:10:42,579
I guess the only place I'll be driving
is through the giant loophole

238
00:10:42,622 --> 00:10:45,415
in the system I accidentally discovered.

239
00:10:45,625 --> 00:10:47,751
Beep, beep!
SHE LAUGHS

240
00:10:49,754 --> 00:10:50,629
Whoo!

241
00:10:51,255 --> 00:10:54,383
ALL:
Whoo!

242
00:10:54,467 --> 00:10:57,344
I can't believe they managed
to mix one million flavours together

243
00:10:57,387 --> 00:11:00,138
and yet, somehow I can taste
each individual one.

244
00:11:00,181 --> 00:11:01,306
It's remarkable.

245
00:11:01,724 --> 00:11:02,974
I got no flavour.

246
00:11:04,185 --> 00:11:05,894
It's all I deserve really.
- No.

247
00:11:05,937 --> 00:11:08,230
Look, I... I appreciate
you trying to cheer me up

248
00:11:08,272 --> 00:11:10,273
I really do,
but you don't understand -

249
00:11:10,316 --> 00:11:13,819
this was the very first neighbourhood
that I got to design.

250
00:11:14,028 --> 00:11:17,155
It was my chance to prove myself
and now I've blown it.

251
00:11:17,198 --> 00:11:20,367
You know, sometimes a flaw
can make something even more beautiful -

252
00:11:20,535 --> 00:11:22,411
like with Cindy Crawford
and how short she is.

253
00:11:22,453 --> 00:11:26,164
Oh, Tahani, if I made
one tiny mistake in my design

254
00:11:26,207 --> 00:11:28,375
if there's a single glitch
in the system

255
00:11:28,751 --> 00:11:32,879
if even one blade of grass
is angled a fraction of a degree off...

256
00:11:34,382 --> 00:11:35,424
DOG WHINES

257
00:11:36,008 --> 00:11:39,386
the whole neighbourhood is...
compromised.

258
00:11:40,179 --> 00:11:43,682
Whose dog is that?
Guys, whose dog is that?

259
00:11:44,934 --> 00:11:46,017
Whose dog is that!

260
00:11:46,602 --> 00:11:50,063
See, this is one of those glitches
I was talking about.

261
00:11:50,606 --> 00:11:52,065
Nice try, puppy.

262
00:11:53,359 --> 00:11:55,068
DOG BARKS

263
00:11:59,907 --> 00:12:00,824
DOG BARKS
- POOF

264
00:12:01,617 --> 00:12:02,868
Whoo!
HE LAUGHS

265
00:12:02,910 --> 00:12:03,994
That was a close one.

266
00:12:04,495 --> 00:12:05,370
Teacup?

267
00:12:06,581 --> 00:12:09,207
Hey, have you seen my dog?

268
00:12:13,129 --> 00:12:14,087
SHE GRUNTS

269
00:12:16,340 --> 00:12:19,176
SHE GASPS
Shouldn't these be magical trash bags?

270
00:12:19,761 --> 00:12:22,262
Five more minutes,
flyers, five more minutes.

271
00:12:22,722 --> 00:12:23,722
Oh, man, really?

272
00:12:32,940 --> 00:12:35,734
Janet, I'm finished with clean up
and I'm ready to fly.

273
00:12:35,943 --> 00:12:37,527
How do I start?
- Hop on the launch pad

274
00:12:37,570 --> 00:12:40,238
and conjure
an image that brings you pure joy.

275
00:12:40,448 --> 00:12:43,450
Some people think of their wedding
day or favourite vacation spot.

276
00:12:43,493 --> 00:12:46,203
SHE SIGHS
- People puking on rollercoasters.

277
00:12:46,913 --> 00:12:49,247
People puking on rollercoasters.

278
00:12:49,290 --> 00:12:51,625
SHE GASPS AND LAUGHS
It's working!

279
00:12:52,126 --> 00:12:54,044
Ow! What the fork?

280
00:12:54,086 --> 00:12:55,712
THUNDER CRACKS

281
00:12:57,548 --> 00:13:01,510
Janet, any chance this is
a scheduled trash storm?

282
00:13:03,346 --> 00:13:05,138
So, here's the situation, Pevita -

283
00:13:05,973 --> 00:13:08,391
I kind of kicked your dog into the sun.

284
00:13:08,893 --> 00:13:10,602
But, I got her back.
- DOG WHINES

285
00:13:10,645 --> 00:13:13,313
Everything... everything seems fine.

286
00:13:13,356 --> 00:13:16,107
Teacup, thank goodness you're okay.

287
00:13:16,150 --> 00:13:19,444
Everyone, it is merely
a construct of a dog.

288
00:13:19,487 --> 00:13:22,447
It feels no pain or joy or love.

289
00:13:23,115 --> 00:13:24,282
Teacup doesn't love me?

290
00:13:25,660 --> 00:13:29,162
Oh! Oh, no, no, no, no, no,
it definitely feels love.

291
00:13:29,664 --> 00:13:31,873
Do you actually want a dog
that loves you a little bit more?

292
00:13:31,916 --> 00:13:33,583
Because I can kick her
right back into the sun

293
00:13:33,626 --> 00:13:34,835
and get you another one, just like that.

294
00:13:34,877 --> 00:13:37,546
No!
- Oh, boy, I'm making things worse.

295
00:13:37,588 --> 00:13:40,298
Okay. All right... that's all right,
breathe, breathe... you breathe?

296
00:13:40,341 --> 00:13:42,133
Mm-hmm.
- If you do, then just breathe

297
00:13:42,176 --> 00:13:44,553
because everything is fine,
Michael, it's fine.

298
00:13:44,595 --> 00:13:45,470
Whoo!

299
00:13:46,889 --> 00:13:48,598
PEVITA:
It's raining garbage.

300
00:13:48,641 --> 00:13:49,516
Run!

301
00:13:50,726 --> 00:13:52,519
Whoa, whoa, whoa, I'll run this way.

302
00:13:59,318 --> 00:14:00,694
Chidi, hey

303
00:14:00,736 --> 00:14:01,862
before you say anything...

304
00:14:04,031 --> 00:14:05,657
that's it.
I just don't want you to say anything.

305
00:14:05,700 --> 00:14:07,492
What did you do?
- Nothing.

306
00:14:07,535 --> 00:14:11,913
It just started raining trash
out of nowhere for no reason at all.

307
00:14:12,081 --> 00:14:13,039
THUNDER CRACKS
- Ah!

308
00:14:13,499 --> 00:14:17,544
Okay, fine, fine - my bag broke
and I ditched the trash

309
00:14:17,587 --> 00:14:19,170
instead of taking it all the way
to the dumpster.

310
00:14:19,213 --> 00:14:22,674
But, in my defence
there were only five minutes left

311
00:14:22,717 --> 00:14:24,551
in flying and I wanted to go flying.

312
00:14:24,594 --> 00:14:27,220
How is that a defence?
You made a bad choice.

313
00:14:27,263 --> 00:14:28,430
I made a bad choice?

314
00:14:28,472 --> 00:14:30,807
We could have literally been flying

315
00:14:30,850 --> 00:14:33,059
and all you wanted to do
was talk about morals.

316
00:14:33,311 --> 00:14:35,645
I mean, you're like
the worst part of Superman.

317
00:14:35,938 --> 00:14:38,440
This is a relief.
I can stop my deliberations.

318
00:14:38,649 --> 00:14:41,484
You are a selfish person
and it is pointless to help you.

319
00:14:41,527 --> 00:14:43,445
You are on your own.
- ANTONIO: Oh, man.

320
00:14:45,323 --> 00:14:48,283
How about this trash storm, Gunnar?
- More cleaning up to do.

321
00:14:48,326 --> 00:14:49,993
It's a... it's a dream come true.

322
00:14:50,036 --> 00:14:51,578
CRASH
- SHE GASPS

323
00:14:54,749 --> 00:14:56,625
Whew.
- We're okay.

324
00:14:57,418 --> 00:14:58,418
You can't die here.

325
00:14:58,753 --> 00:15:01,963
Come on, I mean even you have
to admit - those guys are psycho.

326
00:15:05,635 --> 00:15:07,010
MICHAEL: I don't know
what's happening to me.

327
00:15:07,053 --> 00:15:11,932
I mean, it's my duty to be calm
and in control and I'm falling apart.

328
00:15:11,974 --> 00:15:15,226
No, Michael,
you are a paragon of fortitude.

329
00:15:15,269 --> 00:15:16,978
You're a mountain of strength.

330
00:15:17,855 --> 00:15:19,773
I'm not a mountain of strength.

331
00:15:20,524 --> 00:15:21,691
I'm a canyon

332
00:15:22,902 --> 00:15:25,111
full of poo-poo.
HE SOBS

333
00:15:25,655 --> 00:15:28,990
Jianyu, the architect of this neighbourhood
has just referred to himself

334
00:15:29,033 --> 00:15:31,368
as a canyon full of poo-poo.

335
00:15:31,619 --> 00:15:33,703
Surely now
you will say something.

336
00:15:33,746 --> 00:15:35,205
Grace us
with your vocalised wisdom.

337
00:15:35,247 --> 00:15:36,790
Please, I'm begging you.

338
00:15:49,387 --> 00:15:51,096
HE BREATHES DEEPLY
Oh...

339
00:15:54,517 --> 00:15:56,601
Yes, yes I understand.

340
00:15:57,353 --> 00:15:58,770
The strength is inside me.

341
00:15:59,355 --> 00:16:00,730
It's been there all along.

342
00:16:01,440 --> 00:16:03,900
No, of course.
I can overcome any obstacle.

343
00:16:04,652 --> 00:16:06,653
Oh, thank you, Jianyu,
thank you.

344
00:16:09,448 --> 00:16:11,783
HE LAUGHS
- I'm back.

345
00:16:15,496 --> 00:16:16,371
You did it!

346
00:16:16,831 --> 00:16:19,207
Oh, you have so much to teach me.

347
00:16:19,333 --> 00:16:21,334
Maybe I should try
to be silent, too.

348
00:16:21,627 --> 00:16:23,795
No really... look, here I go.

349
00:16:27,091 --> 00:16:28,466
Oh! That was wonderful.

350
00:16:28,509 --> 00:16:29,634
So cleansing.

351
00:16:36,684 --> 00:16:38,101
THEY LAUGH

352
00:16:39,353 --> 00:16:40,395
Just water tonight, huh?

353
00:16:41,147 --> 00:16:43,690
Designated driver?
- Yeah, it sucks.

354
00:16:43,733 --> 00:16:46,151
I think it's awesome.
I mean, someone's got to do it, right?

355
00:16:46,777 --> 00:16:48,236
I think it's a cool thing
to do for people.

356
00:16:49,321 --> 00:16:50,822
Yeah, no, no, I meant...

357
00:16:50,865 --> 00:16:54,868
I meant I... it sucks that I can't
do it more often.

358
00:16:54,910 --> 00:16:57,078
You know,
I actually prefer it to drinking...

359
00:16:57,204 --> 00:17:00,707
staying sober, knowing my friends
will get home safe -

360
00:17:01,625 --> 00:17:02,876
that's my buzz.

361
00:17:06,464 --> 00:17:08,631
Hey guys, good news and bad news -

362
00:17:08,966 --> 00:17:10,842
see that hot bartender over there?

363
00:17:10,885 --> 00:17:13,094
He's into me
and we're gonna bang it out.

364
00:17:13,512 --> 00:17:15,638
The bad news is it means
I can't drive you guys home.

365
00:17:15,848 --> 00:17:18,683
But, I did call a cab for you guys

366
00:17:18,726 --> 00:17:21,436
but they recognised my number
and they didn't want to come.

367
00:17:21,896 --> 00:17:23,396
I've thrown up in a lot of cabs.

368
00:17:24,398 --> 00:17:25,440
So, are we good here?

369
00:17:26,567 --> 00:17:28,985
Eleanor, you have
a very important choice to make -

370
00:17:29,236 --> 00:17:34,032
if you blow us off, you are banned
from Thursday night drinks forever.

371
00:17:37,244 --> 00:17:39,454
Yeah, I'm good with that.
I'll see you guys at work.

372
00:17:39,580 --> 00:17:40,455
Peace!

373
00:17:40,790 --> 00:17:41,831
You - let's go.

374
00:17:44,293 --> 00:17:45,335
SHE SIGHS

375
00:17:55,221 --> 00:17:57,639
Hey, how did you know
I was here?

376
00:17:57,890 --> 00:17:59,265
I saw you from my window.

377
00:18:00,267 --> 00:18:03,186
That's where I live, by the way...
not that you ever asked.

378
00:18:04,522 --> 00:18:05,522
What are you doing?

379
00:18:06,148 --> 00:18:10,860
I went to all the places
where I dumped trash earlier

380
00:18:10,903 --> 00:18:13,404
and cleaned it up
so it couldn't be traced back to me.

381
00:18:14,240 --> 00:18:16,741
Well, it looks like
you cleaned up everything.

382
00:18:18,452 --> 00:18:19,786
You're doing this
because you feel bad

383
00:18:20,746 --> 00:18:22,539
and you're not even doing it
to get me to help you anymore

384
00:18:22,581 --> 00:18:24,541
because I told you,
that's not gonna happen.

385
00:18:25,543 --> 00:18:28,336
Okay, yeah, fine,
I felt bad for stupid Gunnar

386
00:18:28,379 --> 00:18:31,172
and stupider Antonio
and the whole neighbourhood.

387
00:18:31,215 --> 00:18:32,757
I felt bad about what I did.

388
00:18:32,842 --> 00:18:36,177
It was a weird feeling...
not used to it... didn't love it.

389
00:18:36,387 --> 00:18:39,931
Well, feeling remorse
about being wrong isn't as good

390
00:18:39,974 --> 00:18:42,475
as just doing something right,
but it's a start.

391
00:18:43,394 --> 00:18:45,520
Look, I think you're capable of change

392
00:18:45,980 --> 00:18:48,940
and I will help you try.

393
00:18:49,733 --> 00:18:52,360
Oh, wow, man -
I swear I won't let you down.

394
00:18:52,695 --> 00:18:55,446
Hi, there. I've collected
the worst smelling garbage that I could find.

395
00:18:55,865 --> 00:18:58,283
Do you still want me
to dump it inside of Antonio's house?

396
00:18:59,076 --> 00:19:00,785
IN A HIGH PITCH
What?

397
00:19:00,828 --> 00:19:03,454
No, I did not tell you to do that.

398
00:19:03,497 --> 00:19:05,206
You are loco girlfriend.

399
00:19:05,499 --> 00:19:07,375
Okay, I won't let you down
starting now.

400
00:19:14,717 --> 00:19:16,467
Ah, Eleanor, good morning.

401
00:19:16,510 --> 00:19:19,095
Michael, do you know
what the best part about this place is -

402
00:19:19,138 --> 00:19:21,055
you figured out
how to make a to-go cup

403
00:19:21,098 --> 00:19:23,808
that doesn't leak
right where the seam meets the lid.

404
00:19:24,059 --> 00:19:25,643
Oh, I'm so glad you noticed.

405
00:19:25,686 --> 00:19:26,811
I was very proud of that.

406
00:19:26,854 --> 00:19:28,688
One of the hardest problems
I had to solve.

407
00:19:29,690 --> 00:19:32,358
Eleanor, I know what you did...

408
00:19:34,195 --> 00:19:36,321
cleaning up the entire neighbourhood
by yourself.

409
00:19:36,697 --> 00:19:37,780
HE LAUGHS

410
00:19:37,823 --> 00:19:40,366
I knew you were special
but this is proof.

411
00:19:40,534 --> 00:19:43,036
Well, I was just doing my part,
you know.

412
00:19:43,412 --> 00:19:46,331
And... since I'm special -
your words -

413
00:19:46,540 --> 00:19:48,291
I didn't get to fly...

414
00:19:48,334 --> 00:19:51,628
I'm sorry. Now I had to ban flying
for a thousand years

415
00:19:51,670 --> 00:19:52,754
too many injuries.

416
00:19:52,880 --> 00:19:57,800
One resident hit a rotting turkey carcass
at a thousand miles an hour.

417
00:19:57,885 --> 00:20:03,848
It just exploded into this fireball
of turkey flesh and bones and sinew.

418
00:20:06,227 --> 00:20:09,854
Anyway, enjoy your coffee...
and the cup.

419
00:20:12,858 --> 00:20:17,403
So, I have moved out of my apartment
officially and into your guestroom

420
00:20:17,446 --> 00:20:20,240
figured it'd cause less suspicion
and make things easier

421
00:20:20,282 --> 00:20:21,449
for our "Good Person Lessons."

422
00:20:21,492 --> 00:20:24,577
Cool. Uh, just FYI, I'm a very loud snorer

423
00:20:24,620 --> 00:20:28,289
and I like to drip-dry in the nude,
so eyes to yourself, perv.

424
00:20:28,332 --> 00:20:29,415
Okay. Fine.

425
00:20:29,458 --> 00:20:32,585
Now, you got a long way to go
to pull this off.

426
00:20:32,628 --> 00:20:36,047
It will take hours and hours
of studying ethics

427
00:20:36,090 --> 00:20:37,215
and moral philosophy.

428
00:20:38,092 --> 00:20:41,844
We're going to have assignments
and quizzes and papers.

429
00:20:41,887 --> 00:20:43,888
It's going to be so much fun.

430
00:20:44,265 --> 00:20:45,932
Remind me
what I'm getting out of this again?

431
00:20:46,308 --> 00:20:48,059
You get to avoid eternal damnation.

432
00:20:48,394 --> 00:20:49,560
Oh, yeah, right.

433
00:20:49,853 --> 00:20:52,021
Hey, I got you a present.

434
00:20:52,064 --> 00:20:54,357
What?
- Senegal.

435
00:20:55,109 --> 00:20:57,277
That's not a present.
That's just common decency.

436
00:20:57,319 --> 00:20:59,153
Yeah, but I forking nailed it.

437
00:21:00,447 --> 00:21:01,322
Good talk.

438
00:21:20,467 --> 00:21:22,260
Aw, shirt!