1
00:00:00,695 --> 00:00:02,789
Good afternoon, Eleanor.
What can I get you today?

2
00:00:03,789 --> 00:00:05,822
Whoa. Lot of new flavors.

3
00:00:05,858 --> 00:00:07,458
Michael felt bad about the sinkhole,

4
00:00:07,493 --> 00:00:09,296
so he wanted to
give you all a little treat.

5
00:00:09,321 --> 00:00:12,398
I recommend "Full Cell Phone Battery."

6
00:00:13,532 --> 00:00:15,064
Whoa.

7
00:00:15,099 --> 00:00:17,567
It somehow tastes how I felt
when my cell phone

8
00:00:17,602 --> 00:00:19,169
was fully charged.

9
00:00:19,204 --> 00:00:20,770
Oh, I'm so relaxed.

10
00:00:20,838 --> 00:00:22,205
But they all look good.

11
00:00:22,240 --> 00:00:23,839
This might take me a while.

12
00:00:23,875 --> 00:00:26,208
You know what, Gunnar, uh,
why don't you go ahead?

13
00:00:26,243 --> 00:00:27,676
- Thanks so much, Eleanor.
- Mm-hmm.

14
00:00:27,711 --> 00:00:29,411
- What can I get you, Gunnar?
- Hi, Janet.

15
00:00:29,446 --> 00:00:32,214
- Can I have some Folded Laundry?
- Coming up.

16
00:00:41,225 --> 00:00:42,723
Chidi!

17
00:00:42,758 --> 00:00:43,933
You'll never believe it.

18
00:00:43,958 --> 00:00:45,059
I was at the frozen yogurt place

19
00:00:45,094 --> 00:00:46,394
and I didn't know what I wanted,

20
00:00:46,429 --> 00:00:48,128
so I turned to the guy behind
me, and I was like,

21
00:00:48,198 --> 00:00:49,797
"Why don't you go ahead?"

22
00:00:49,865 --> 00:00:52,733
Just like that!
"Why don't you go ahead?"

23
00:00:52,768 --> 00:00:54,068
O-okay?

24
00:00:54,103 --> 00:00:55,469
Dude, you don't understand!

25
00:00:55,538 --> 00:00:57,771
I never did stuff like that
when I was on Earth.

26
00:00:57,807 --> 00:01:00,073
But now, thanks to your
"good person" lessons,

27
00:01:00,108 --> 00:01:01,441
I didn't hold up the line.

28
00:01:01,476 --> 00:01:04,244
I didn't even try a dozen
samples I didn't want

29
00:01:04,279 --> 00:01:06,613
just to spite some jerk who told
me I was holding up the line.

30
00:01:06,648 --> 00:01:07,675
You do that?

31
00:01:07,700 --> 00:01:10,417
No, Chidi, I used to do that.

32
00:01:10,452 --> 00:01:13,553
Now I do selfless things without
even thinking about it.

33
00:01:13,589 --> 00:01:14,621
That's great.

34
00:01:14,648 --> 00:01:16,614
I-I'm proud of you.

35
00:01:16,657 --> 00:01:17,889
So where's our yogurt?

36
00:01:17,925 --> 00:01:19,592
Ugh. I forgot it.

37
00:01:19,627 --> 00:01:21,960
Oh... Can you go?

38
00:01:21,985 --> 00:01:23,429
I don't want to go all the way back.

39
00:01:23,454 --> 00:01:26,498
I ran all the way here
and it was so hot.

40
00:01:27,266 --> 00:01:31,337
I mean, I will happily get it,
because I told you I would.

41
00:01:34,772 --> 00:01:35,903
Good person.

42
00:01:41,149 --> 00:01:42,229
So, to sum up:

43
00:01:42,265 --> 00:01:45,199
Utilitarianism posits
that the correct choice

44
00:01:45,234 --> 00:01:48,036
is the one that causes
the most good or pleasure,

45
00:01:48,071 --> 00:01:50,203
and the least pain and suffering.

46
00:01:50,238 --> 00:01:52,873
I like this one. It's simple.

47
00:01:52,908 --> 00:01:55,676
Ugh, screw all the other
complicated theories,

48
00:01:55,711 --> 00:01:56,943
why didn't you start with this one?

49
00:01:57,012 --> 00:01:58,344
Ah, but here's the problem.

50
00:01:58,380 --> 00:02:01,548
If all that matters is the
sum total of "goodness,"

51
00:02:01,583 --> 00:02:03,884
then you can justify
any number of bad actions,

52
00:02:03,919 --> 00:02:06,886
like torturing one innocent
person to save a hundred,

53
00:02:06,921 --> 00:02:08,120
or preemptive war...

54
00:02:08,189 --> 00:02:09,621
Oh, dip, I get it.

55
00:02:09,691 --> 00:02:11,557
It's like, I knew this girl Sheila?

56
00:02:11,592 --> 00:02:14,894
She was a black market alligator
dealer with a pierced jawbone.

57
00:02:14,929 --> 00:02:17,196
Um, okay, what?

58
00:02:17,231 --> 00:02:19,965
Sheila was gonna get married
to my boy, Donkey Doug

59
00:02:20,034 --> 00:02:21,967
and make him move to Sarasota.

60
00:02:22,036 --> 00:02:24,135
It would've broken up
my whole break dancing crew

61
00:02:24,204 --> 00:02:26,738
and Donkey Doug
was our best pop-and-locker.

62
00:02:26,773 --> 00:02:28,807
So I hid a bunch of stolen boogie boards

63
00:02:28,875 --> 00:02:31,275
in Sheila's garage and called the cops.

64
00:02:31,311 --> 00:02:33,745
I framed one innocent gator dealer

65
00:02:33,780 --> 00:02:36,380
to save a 60-person dance crew.

66
00:02:36,416 --> 00:02:39,617
Shockingly, that is a relevant example

67
00:02:39,652 --> 00:02:41,085
of the Utilitarian dilemma.

68
00:02:41,120 --> 00:02:42,886
- Well done.
- Thanks!

69
00:02:42,922 --> 00:02:45,055
Um...

70
00:02:45,091 --> 00:02:47,057
- Uh, yes, Jianyu?
- Can I be excused?

71
00:02:47,093 --> 00:02:49,226
Tahani's doing a brunch party
and I want to get there

72
00:02:49,261 --> 00:02:50,994
before all the mini-waffles run out.

73
00:02:51,063 --> 00:02:53,630
- Go ahead, man.
- Yes!

74
00:02:54,734 --> 00:02:57,834
So, you want to roll
right into another lesson?

75
00:02:57,902 --> 00:02:59,769
I am revved up to learn, man.

76
00:02:59,804 --> 00:03:01,137
My brain is horny!

77
00:03:01,172 --> 00:03:02,638
Um, can we take a little break?

78
00:03:02,673 --> 00:03:04,306
I've been standing at this
chalkboard all day.

79
00:03:04,342 --> 00:03:05,407
Oh, yeah, I get it.

80
00:03:05,443 --> 00:03:07,409
Oh, you could, um,
grade my paper I wrote

81
00:03:07,445 --> 00:03:09,112
on the concept of Dharma.

82
00:03:09,147 --> 00:03:11,948
Six pages, and I didn't even
do that thing

83
00:03:11,983 --> 00:03:14,616
where I try to make it longer by
starting every sentence with

84
00:03:14,651 --> 00:03:15,651
"Interestingly..."

85
00:03:15,685 --> 00:03:17,953
Sure, I'll do that and, uh...

86
00:03:17,988 --> 00:03:20,155
we can start another lesson.

87
00:03:23,511 --> 00:03:24,977
Ah, Tahani.

88
00:03:25,013 --> 00:03:28,147
I've been working on my Western
Hemisphere brunch banter.

89
00:03:28,182 --> 00:03:30,115
Tell me what you think.

90
00:03:30,150 --> 00:03:32,417
That "New Yorker" article was crazy.

91
00:03:32,452 --> 00:03:34,319
You haven't seen "Hamilton"?

92
00:03:34,354 --> 00:03:36,154
Hey, did you hear about Stephanie?

93
00:03:36,189 --> 00:03:38,957
- Very well done, Michael.
- Hi, there!

94
00:03:38,992 --> 00:03:43,795
We have a Category 55
Emergency Doomsday Crisis.

95
00:03:43,830 --> 00:03:46,952
A Category 55 Emergency Doomsday Crisis?

96
00:03:46,977 --> 00:03:47,998
- Mm-hmm.
- Sorry,

97
00:03:48,034 --> 00:03:50,773
what is a Category 55
Emergency Doomsday Crisis?

98
00:03:50,798 --> 00:03:53,503
It's nothing, it's a tiny
little inconvenience.

99
00:03:53,539 --> 00:03:56,506
Tahani, dear, could you show us
to a private room

100
00:03:56,542 --> 00:03:59,143
where no one can see
or hear us, even if I yell

101
00:03:59,178 --> 00:04:01,845
very loudly out of fear?

102
00:04:06,551 --> 00:04:08,851
It appears that the sinkhole
is not repairing itself.

103
00:04:08,886 --> 00:04:11,054
This is very bad, Janet.

104
00:04:11,122 --> 00:04:13,990
We have to go into the
sinkhole and fix it by hand.

105
00:04:14,025 --> 00:04:15,191
Get the tools.

106
00:04:15,226 --> 00:04:17,217
Sorry, can I be of any service?

107
00:04:17,242 --> 00:04:18,625
- Ah, Tahani.
- _

108
00:04:18,650 --> 00:04:20,996
Didn't see you there. Uh, no, no.

109
00:04:21,031 --> 00:04:22,331
We're just having a slight problem

110
00:04:22,366 --> 00:04:25,044
with the enormous sinkhole.

111
00:04:25,069 --> 00:04:26,669
Yes, I meant to tell you...

112
00:04:26,694 --> 00:04:28,570
I walked past it last night and I...

113
00:04:28,595 --> 00:04:30,107
I actually saw it
get a little bit bigger.

114
00:04:31,475 --> 00:04:32,640
It got bigger?

115
00:04:32,676 --> 00:04:35,210
Ah, well, that's... that's so normal.

116
00:04:35,245 --> 00:04:37,346
Um, this is the reaction
I have when things

117
00:04:37,381 --> 00:04:39,546
are incredibly mundane and expected.

118
00:04:39,582 --> 00:04:40,982
I'm gonna leave now...

119
00:04:41,017 --> 00:04:42,984
at my regular pace,

120
00:04:43,019 --> 00:04:45,919
as I do in most scenarios.

121
00:04:50,900 --> 00:04:52,566
Finally!

122
00:04:52,602 --> 00:04:54,400
Let's get back to it.

123
00:04:54,435 --> 00:04:56,282
Whip out that chalkboard,
big boy, show me

124
00:04:56,307 --> 00:04:57,570
what you're working with.

125
00:04:57,606 --> 00:05:00,907
Actually, I was going to head
into town and pick up some...

126
00:05:01,568 --> 00:05:02,634
blankets.

127
00:05:02,659 --> 00:05:04,110
Great, I'll grab my sweater.

128
00:05:04,178 --> 00:05:06,045
I can practice letting people
cut in front of me.

129
00:05:06,080 --> 00:05:08,047
You know, uh, I just realized

130
00:05:08,082 --> 00:05:11,583
that I have blankets,
so I'm going to take a nap

131
00:05:11,619 --> 00:05:13,919
using the several blankets
that I already have.

132
00:05:13,954 --> 00:05:15,186
Good night.

133
00:05:15,222 --> 00:05:16,889
Ah, ah, ah, ah, ah.

134
00:05:16,924 --> 00:05:18,590
What's wrong? Out with it.

135
00:05:18,626 --> 00:05:20,959
I'm just tired, need a break.
No big deal.

136
00:05:21,123 --> 00:05:22,794
The way you're talking to me right now?

137
00:05:22,863 --> 00:05:25,989
"Everything's cool, no big
deal"... I know that move.

138
00:05:26,014 --> 00:05:28,465
When I told a boyfriend
something was "no big deal,"

139
00:05:28,535 --> 00:05:31,569
it meant anything from "I just
bought weed from your nephew,"

140
00:05:31,604 --> 00:05:34,138
to "I secretly befriended your
ex-girlfriend last year,

141
00:05:34,206 --> 00:05:36,206
things got out of hand,
and now I'm her bridesmaid."

142
00:05:36,242 --> 00:05:37,608
Wow.

143
00:05:37,644 --> 00:05:40,546
Okay, well, in this case,
it really is no big deal.

144
00:05:40,571 --> 00:05:42,146
Dude, you're hiding something!

145
00:05:42,214 --> 00:05:44,881
- What's wrong?
- Nothing!

146
00:05:45,548 --> 00:05:48,919
What... is...

147
00:05:48,954 --> 00:05:50,954
wrong?

148
00:05:58,357 --> 00:05:59,857
Jianyu second.

149
00:05:59,925 --> 00:06:02,958
Oh, well done, my love.

150
00:06:02,994 --> 00:06:05,009
So where am I?

151
00:06:05,034 --> 00:06:06,534
Eleanor... 6th?

152
00:06:06,720 --> 00:06:08,330
Come on.

153
00:06:17,008 --> 00:06:18,306
Oh, no.

154
00:06:18,341 --> 00:06:21,476
I'm second to last.

155
00:06:21,512 --> 00:06:23,311
Mummy, I made you this.

156
00:06:23,346 --> 00:06:25,680
It's the pretty bird
we saw in the garden.

157
00:06:25,716 --> 00:06:28,817
Thank you, Tahani. It's very competent.

158
00:06:28,852 --> 00:06:30,852
I made a bird, as well.

159
00:06:30,888 --> 00:06:34,988
I worked in a reflective alloy,
holding up a mirror to mankind

160
00:06:35,024 --> 00:06:37,658
and its mistreatment of these
defenseless animals.

161
00:06:37,693 --> 00:06:39,493
Excellent, Kamilah.

162
00:06:39,529 --> 00:06:42,863
I sense the influence of
Brancusi and Kapoor.

163
00:06:42,899 --> 00:06:44,998
It seems you're moving out of
your structural period,

164
00:06:45,034 --> 00:06:47,000
and more into conceptual abstraction.

165
00:06:47,036 --> 00:06:48,335
Good eye, Mother.

166
00:06:48,370 --> 00:06:50,571
I grew tired of
objective representation.

167
00:06:50,640 --> 00:06:52,806
I trust my audience.

168
00:06:52,841 --> 00:06:54,344
My birdie has a hat.

169
00:06:54,369 --> 00:06:56,242
Yes, well done, Tahani.

170
00:06:58,070 --> 00:06:59,139
- What's wrong?
- Nothing's wrong.

171
00:06:59,164 --> 00:07:00,391
- What's wrong?
- Nothing's wrong.

172
00:07:00,416 --> 00:07:01,930
- What's wrong?
- Nothing's wrong.

173
00:07:01,955 --> 00:07:03,305
- Would you stop doing that?
- What's wrong?

174
00:07:03,330 --> 00:07:04,692
- Okay, fine!
- What's wrong?

175
00:07:04,719 --> 00:07:05,852
You want to know what's wrong?

176
00:07:05,887 --> 00:07:07,844
You are a full-time job.

177
00:07:07,869 --> 00:07:09,453
I wake up, there's Eleanor.

178
00:07:09,478 --> 00:07:11,437
I spend all day teaching Eleanor.

179
00:07:11,462 --> 00:07:13,203
And then it's, "Good night, Eleanor."

180
00:07:13,228 --> 00:07:15,527
Oh, this is a nice dream,
my grandma's here.

181
00:07:15,563 --> 00:07:16,995
Wait, she's got Eleanor's face!

182
00:07:17,030 --> 00:07:18,864
And tentacles for some reason.

183
00:07:18,899 --> 00:07:21,032
I thought you liked teaching me.

184
00:07:21,068 --> 00:07:23,502
So now I'm just
some huge burden for you?

185
00:07:23,537 --> 00:07:24,503
Yes!

186
00:07:24,538 --> 00:07:25,503
Of course you are!

187
00:07:25,538 --> 00:07:26,871
I am in paradise!

188
00:07:26,906 --> 00:07:28,673
I should be doing paradise things,

189
00:07:28,708 --> 00:07:31,108
like rowing out on a lake
with a good bottle of wine,

190
00:07:29,970 --> 00:07:33,505
reading French poetry.
- That's your idea of paradise?

191
00:07:33,540 --> 00:07:35,840
You know, and I can't stop helping you,

192
00:07:35,876 --> 00:07:38,477
because then I am
shirking my ethical duty.

193
00:07:38,512 --> 00:07:39,878
It's an impossible position!

194
00:07:39,913 --> 00:07:41,879
You know what, if you're so
stressed from writing

195
00:07:41,914 --> 00:07:43,981
on a chalkboard,
why don't you just leave?

196
00:07:44,016 --> 00:07:45,683
We can pretend to be
soul mates in public,

197
00:07:45,718 --> 00:07:47,685
but other than that, we don't
have to see each other!

198
00:07:47,720 --> 00:07:49,282
Fine with me! I'll move out right now.

199
00:07:49,307 --> 00:07:50,321
Fine!

200
00:07:51,491 --> 00:07:52,923
Good afternoon.

201
00:07:52,992 --> 00:07:55,225
As you all may remember,
a sinkhole recently

202
00:07:55,261 --> 00:07:57,261
opened up in the town center.

203
00:07:57,330 --> 00:07:59,729
The situation, sadly, has worsened.

204
00:07:59,765 --> 00:08:01,931
Starting right now,
no one may go outside

205
00:08:02,000 --> 00:08:04,367
under any circumstances.

206
00:08:04,403 --> 00:08:07,870
Leaving your homes could result
in catastrophic damage,

207
00:08:07,906 --> 00:08:10,707
to you and to the very fabric
of the universe.

208
00:08:10,742 --> 00:08:12,875
Okay, bye.

209
00:08:12,907 --> 00:08:14,940
Or we could both just stay here.

210
00:08:16,244 --> 00:08:19,860
We hope you enjoy your
eternal stay in the Good Place.

211
00:08:20,150 --> 00:08:23,268
Take advantage of our day spa,
or Janet...

212
00:08:23,588 --> 00:08:26,822
a magical assistant who can get
you whatever you want.

213
00:08:26,890 --> 00:08:28,424
You mind turning that off?

214
00:08:28,459 --> 00:08:30,258
It's been playing
on a loop for two days.

215
00:08:30,293 --> 00:08:32,760
The whole Neighborhood is offline.

216
00:08:32,795 --> 00:08:34,662
We only get the welcome channel.

217
00:08:34,731 --> 00:08:37,502
I would love to not watch TV,

218
00:08:37,527 --> 00:08:39,642
but you canceled school.

219
00:08:40,746 --> 00:08:43,330
What have you done to me, you monster?

220
00:08:43,728 --> 00:08:45,906
Look at all these dishes piling up.

221
00:08:45,942 --> 00:08:47,659
I used to just throw them in the sink,

222
00:08:47,684 --> 00:08:50,010
and they'd be magically
cleaned by morning.

223
00:08:50,027 --> 00:08:51,595
I did that. I cleaned the dishes.

224
00:08:51,620 --> 00:08:52,894
Oh.

225
00:08:52,929 --> 00:08:54,431
Then what's up with these bad boys?

226
00:08:54,456 --> 00:08:57,432
You are unbelievable.

227
00:08:57,467 --> 00:08:58,766
Are you still upset?

228
00:08:58,801 --> 00:09:00,402
- You're not over it yet?
- How can I be over it?

229
00:09:00,437 --> 00:09:03,238
We haven't discussed it
or even spoken for days.

230
00:09:03,273 --> 00:09:05,572
Well, it sounds like you've
had a really nice "vacation"

231
00:09:05,607 --> 00:09:07,241
from your "full-time job."

232
00:09:07,276 --> 00:09:08,655
Get your story straight, bro!

233
00:09:09,701 --> 00:09:12,067
Hey, guys, it's Michael.

234
00:09:12,953 --> 00:09:15,176
Hi, Michael, what a lovely surprise.

235
00:09:15,201 --> 00:09:18,085
Oh, I'd love to make small
talk... I've been practicing, too.

236
00:09:18,120 --> 00:09:20,421
I'm amazing at it... but I'm in
a bit of a rush here.

237
00:09:20,456 --> 00:09:22,255
This is Bart and Nina.

238
00:09:22,290 --> 00:09:25,124
They live right next door
to the, uh, sinkhole,

239
00:09:25,160 --> 00:09:27,493
so they obviously need a place to stay.

240
00:09:27,562 --> 00:09:29,429
I was wondering, as my
assistant, maybe you could

241
00:09:29,464 --> 00:09:30,963
put them up for a while?

242
00:09:30,998 --> 00:09:32,298
Oh, of course.

243
00:09:32,333 --> 00:09:33,399
Don't... don't think twice.

244
00:09:33,435 --> 00:09:34,600
Okay, shouldn't take long.

245
00:09:34,635 --> 00:09:36,602
Between an hour and, um...

246
00:09:36,637 --> 00:09:37,603
11 months.

247
00:09:37,638 --> 00:09:39,971
Somewhere in there. Okay, bye.

248
00:09:41,141 --> 00:09:42,607
Don't go outside.

249
00:09:44,978 --> 00:09:45,978
Ha...

250
00:09:50,684 --> 00:09:53,418
Hello, everyone,
and welcome to day three

251
00:09:53,454 --> 00:09:55,019
of our brunch siege.

252
00:09:55,088 --> 00:09:59,022
I stayed up all night to plan
a full day of fun activities.

253
00:09:57,458 --> 00:10:01,893
Just check the schedule I made.
- Tahani, you are truly the best.

254
00:10:01,962 --> 00:10:05,363
Yes, you would think so,
wouldn't you, Henriette?

255
00:10:08,068 --> 00:10:10,158
Still second to last.

256
00:10:15,808 --> 00:10:17,174
Tahani!

257
00:10:17,209 --> 00:10:20,845
This auction threatens to be
an embarrassing failure.

258
00:10:20,880 --> 00:10:23,514
5.2 million isn't bad.

259
00:10:23,549 --> 00:10:25,683
It's very "middle-thermometer."

260
00:10:25,718 --> 00:10:30,419
Your public failure
is our public failure.

261
00:10:30,489 --> 00:10:32,822
You know what has to be done.

262
00:10:32,858 --> 00:10:35,391
I'm very pleased to announce
that there has been

263
00:10:35,426 --> 00:10:38,394
an addition to today's docket.

264
00:10:38,429 --> 00:10:41,698
I'm sure you all know
my sister, Kamilah.

265
00:10:44,402 --> 00:10:46,101
Yes. Kamilah.

266
00:10:46,169 --> 00:10:48,537
Kamilah, of course,
is the youngest person ever

267
00:10:48,572 --> 00:10:50,506
to graduate from Oxford University,

268
00:10:50,541 --> 00:10:54,409
she's a world-class painter,
social activist, iconoclast,

269
00:10:54,444 --> 00:10:57,880
Olympic gold medalist for archery,

270
00:10:57,915 --> 00:11:00,716
a BAFTA Award-winner for her documentary

271
00:11:00,751 --> 00:11:02,950
on her Grammy Award-winning album,

272
00:11:03,019 --> 00:11:07,187
and the person voted
"Most Likely to be Banksy."

273
00:11:07,223 --> 00:11:09,924
So without further ado,

274
00:11:09,959 --> 00:11:11,559
take it away from me!

275
00:11:11,594 --> 00:11:14,395
Sorry, I mean take it away, Kamilah.

276
00:11:17,867 --> 00:11:20,214
I am auctioning off
a lunch date with me.

277
00:11:21,325 --> 00:11:24,738
The bidding shall commence
at £3 million.

278
00:11:26,607 --> 00:11:27,807
5 million!

279
00:11:35,150 --> 00:11:37,115
Thank you guys so much.

280
00:11:37,151 --> 00:11:40,118
- Sorry for the imposition.
- Oh, bah.

281
00:11:40,154 --> 00:11:41,820
Oh, well, if you want to know the truth,

282
00:11:41,889 --> 00:11:43,622
we asked Michael
if we could stay with you.

283
00:11:43,658 --> 00:11:45,891
We are obsessed with your relationship.

284
00:11:45,927 --> 00:11:48,894
Always whispering, locking
yourself in the house all day.

285
00:11:48,930 --> 00:11:51,797
I thought I was an expert in
true love 'cause of my old job,

286
00:11:51,832 --> 00:11:54,231
but I have a lot to learn from you guys.

287
00:11:53,040 --> 00:11:56,208
Your job? What was your job?
- I was a marriage counselor.

288
00:11:56,243 --> 00:11:59,277
You could say I wrote the book
on healthy relationships.

289
00:11:59,347 --> 00:12:00,446
And I did!

290
00:12:01,849 --> 00:12:04,450
It's called, "How to Spot
Problems in a Marriage

291
00:12:04,518 --> 00:12:05,917
From 100 Miles Away."

292
00:12:05,953 --> 00:12:07,386
Oh, cool.

293
00:12:07,421 --> 00:12:08,619
- Really cool.
- Cool.

294
00:12:08,688 --> 00:12:10,221
- Really, really cool.
- Cool, cool.

295
00:12:10,256 --> 00:12:11,522
And what about you, Bart?

296
00:12:11,558 --> 00:12:13,891
Oh, well, my job wasn't nearly
as interesting.

297
00:12:13,926 --> 00:12:16,527
I started a company that
investigated identity theft.

298
00:12:16,563 --> 00:12:18,796
Analyzing body language,
tracking and catching people

299
00:12:18,865 --> 00:12:20,431
pretending to be someone they're not.

300
00:12:20,467 --> 00:12:22,533
It's... pssh, snooze, am I right?

301
00:12:24,704 --> 00:12:25,802
They're gonna catch us!

302
00:12:25,871 --> 00:12:28,304
This is an extremely
precarious situation!

303
00:12:28,374 --> 00:12:29,740
I am vexed, Eleanor!

304
00:12:29,775 --> 00:12:31,975
A marriage counselor
and a human lie detector

305
00:12:32,043 --> 00:12:34,411
isn't my first choice
for company, either.

306
00:12:34,446 --> 00:12:36,913
But they have no reason to suspect us!

307
00:12:36,948 --> 00:12:40,751
Plus, I think they may have
actually just come here

308
00:12:40,786 --> 00:12:44,052
to, you know, swing.

309
00:12:44,088 --> 00:12:45,588
I say we do it.

310
00:12:45,623 --> 00:12:47,055
It'll get 'em to stop asking questions.

311
00:12:47,091 --> 00:12:49,592
No, I am not going to
have sex with someone

312
00:12:49,627 --> 00:12:51,594
to get them to stop talking to me!

313
00:12:50,625 --> 00:12:52,759
Really? You and I are very different.

314
00:12:52,794 --> 00:12:55,428
Yeah, I noticed!
- You know what, man?

315
00:12:55,463 --> 00:12:57,326
I have spent every second in this place

316
00:12:57,351 --> 00:12:58,430
worried I was gonna get caught,

317
00:12:58,465 --> 00:12:59,931
but if we go down right now,

318
00:12:59,966 --> 00:13:01,500
that's on you, okay?

319
00:13:01,568 --> 00:13:03,468
Oh, you spend all your time teaching a

320
00:13:03,504 --> 00:13:04,770
charming, awesome lady?

321
00:13:04,805 --> 00:13:07,338
How sad for you. Face it, dude.

322
00:13:07,408 --> 00:13:08,940
I'm the best thing
that ever happened to you.

323
00:13:08,975 --> 00:13:10,742
Because guess what, Chidi?

324
00:13:10,778 --> 00:13:13,745
- Ya basic!
- Eleanor...

325
00:13:13,781 --> 00:13:15,781
Yeah, I know, you want to do
that thing where we're

326
00:13:15,815 --> 00:13:17,782
arguing and fighting,
but then suddenly it's like,

327
00:13:17,817 --> 00:13:19,817
"Whoa, this is hot,"
and we start making out.

328
00:13:19,852 --> 00:13:20,984
Dream on!

329
00:13:21,020 --> 00:13:22,586
Or, whatever, fine, let's just do it.

330
00:13:22,622 --> 00:13:23,987
No, Eleanor, look.

331
00:13:30,596 --> 00:13:32,751
So how much of that did you hear?

332
00:13:32,776 --> 00:13:34,502
We couldn't hear you,
but I'm an expert in

333
00:13:34,527 --> 00:13:36,511
non-verbal communication,
and it is clear...

334
00:13:36,547 --> 00:13:38,013
you are in conflict.

335
00:13:38,048 --> 00:13:39,380
We're not judging you.

336
00:13:39,416 --> 00:13:41,115
This has been a tough couple of weeks.

337
00:13:41,184 --> 00:13:43,885
I'm sure the stress of the
sinkhole has caused

338
00:13:43,921 --> 00:13:45,587
lots of soul mate squabbles.

339
00:13:45,622 --> 00:13:47,689
Yes, that's what it is.

340
00:13:47,724 --> 00:13:48,790
A squabble.

341
00:13:48,859 --> 00:13:50,524
- We're squabbling.
- Squabble, squabble!

342
00:13:49,449 --> 00:13:53,851
I can help. I'm gonna take your 
relationship and put it under a microscope

343
00:13:53,920 --> 00:13:56,954
and dig and poke and prod

344
00:13:56,989 --> 00:13:59,857
until you are back to soul mate harmony.

345
00:13:59,926 --> 00:14:01,425
Eleanor, why don't you...

346
00:14:01,461 --> 00:14:04,662
She never does the dishes.
I have to do them all the time.

347
00:14:04,697 --> 00:14:06,830
We just have different interests.

348
00:14:06,865 --> 00:14:09,632
I like relaxing, he likes
getting on my case

349
00:14:09,668 --> 00:14:10,700
about the dishes.

350
00:14:10,735 --> 00:14:12,635
I'm getting a lot of repressed anger.

351
00:14:12,671 --> 00:14:15,037
I suspected this when I arrived,
but now I'm sure.

352
00:14:15,073 --> 00:14:19,075
- You are hiding something.
- What on earth would I be...

353
00:14:19,143 --> 00:14:21,077
No, no, no, not you.

354
00:14:21,145 --> 00:14:24,012
Him.

355
00:14:25,549 --> 00:14:27,048
Please go back inside.

356
00:14:27,084 --> 00:14:29,751
It isn't safe to be out of your home.

357
00:14:29,820 --> 00:14:31,487
Please go back inside.

358
00:14:31,522 --> 00:14:33,421
Janet, could you see what's wrong?

359
00:14:33,491 --> 00:14:34,990
Everything.

360
00:14:35,025 --> 00:14:36,725
Ugh.

361
00:14:38,161 --> 00:14:39,427
My goodness!

362
00:14:39,496 --> 00:14:40,595
It's even worse than I thought.

363
00:14:40,663 --> 00:14:41,943
Tahani, what're you doing here?

364
00:14:41,998 --> 00:14:43,998
Well, everyone else might be
okay staying inside,

365
00:14:44,033 --> 00:14:45,566
but I wanted to help.

366
00:14:45,602 --> 00:14:47,935
So I've brought some cheer
and sustenance

367
00:14:48,004 --> 00:14:49,069
to raise your spirits.

368
00:14:49,105 --> 00:14:50,905
Look, I made donut holes.

369
00:14:50,940 --> 00:14:53,007
Do you get it? "Donut holes"?

370
00:14:53,042 --> 00:14:54,675
Sinkhole.

371
00:14:54,711 --> 00:14:56,576
- Funny, no?
- No, too soon.

372
00:14:56,612 --> 00:14:58,378
By exactly nine days.

373
00:14:58,413 --> 00:15:01,548
Tahani, this sinkhole
is incredibly dangerous.

374
00:15:01,583 --> 00:15:03,016
If a human gets too close to it,

375
00:15:03,051 --> 00:15:05,051
there could be disastrous side effects.

376
00:15:06,722 --> 00:15:08,622
What's... what's happening to me?

377
00:15:08,690 --> 00:15:10,056
Oh, that's one of the side effects.

378
00:15:10,091 --> 00:15:12,559
Janet, knock her out
while we still have time.

379
00:15:12,594 --> 00:15:13,926
Knock me out? What does that...

380
00:15:13,961 --> 00:15:15,394
Boop.

381
00:15:18,326 --> 00:15:20,966
Guys, really, it's no big deal.

382
00:15:21,035 --> 00:15:23,936
"It's not a big deal"
is nearly always code

383
00:15:23,971 --> 00:15:25,938
for "something is wrong."

384
00:15:25,973 --> 00:15:27,866
Boom! That's what I said.

385
00:15:27,891 --> 00:15:29,380
I should've been a marriage counselor.

386
00:15:29,405 --> 00:15:31,421
Okay, Chidi, out with it.

387
00:15:31,446 --> 00:15:34,559
What is so unsatisfying about
your soul mate relationship?

388
00:15:34,584 --> 00:15:36,199
Be honest, Chidi.

389
00:15:36,224 --> 00:15:40,762
Be, like, the exact
right amount of honest

390
00:15:40,787 --> 00:15:43,350
so that we can both be happy.

391
00:15:44,647 --> 00:15:47,991
I never had a soul mate on earth.

392
00:15:48,026 --> 00:15:50,727
I-I never even really had

393
00:15:50,796 --> 00:15:53,897
a girlfriend that I "loved."

394
00:15:53,966 --> 00:15:55,826
And when I got here,
and Michael said I would

395
00:15:55,851 --> 00:15:58,217
finally meet my actual soul mate,

396
00:15:58,241 --> 00:15:59,674
I was so excited.

397
00:15:59,710 --> 00:16:01,295
And it isn't...

398
00:16:02,546 --> 00:16:05,795
exactly... what I thought.

399
00:16:06,381 --> 00:16:09,282
You've never had
an intense relationship before.

400
00:16:09,352 --> 00:16:11,685
This is all uncharted territory.

401
00:16:11,721 --> 00:16:14,521
No wonder you're so tense.

402
00:16:14,557 --> 00:16:18,859
You know, Nina and I are skilled
in the art of massage.

403
00:16:18,894 --> 00:16:20,894
Uh, not erotic massage.

404
00:16:20,929 --> 00:16:23,295
Although, it can be, and it
often leads there, anyway...

405
00:16:23,365 --> 00:16:25,264
Okay, well, you know what?

406
00:16:25,299 --> 00:16:27,978
You guys have given us
so much to think about.

407
00:16:28,003 --> 00:16:29,236
And I think we should go to bed.

408
00:16:29,261 --> 00:16:31,564
Just the two of us, alone. Just us.

409
00:16:31,589 --> 00:16:33,675
I know it's not
the right time, but I told you.

410
00:16:34,659 --> 00:16:36,691
Tahani, wake up, dear.

411
00:16:36,727 --> 00:16:38,378
Michael.

412
00:16:39,175 --> 00:16:40,629
Did it work?

413
00:16:40,664 --> 00:16:43,399
Did I fix the sinkhole? Am I a heroine?

414
00:16:43,467 --> 00:16:46,480
No, you did something
catastrophically stupid

415
00:16:46,505 --> 00:16:48,129
and we had to knock you unconscious.

416
00:16:48,154 --> 00:16:50,755
Why in the world did you go outside?

417
00:16:50,782 --> 00:16:53,782
Because I saw the rankings
in the manual.

418
00:16:53,818 --> 00:16:56,085
That manual is only meant to be seen by

419
00:16:56,120 --> 00:16:57,753
Architects and Janets.

420
00:16:57,788 --> 00:17:00,193
It's got some very sensitive material.

421
00:17:00,218 --> 00:17:02,569
Plus some song lyrics
I've been working on,

422
00:17:02,594 --> 00:17:04,224
and I'd rather not let people see those

423
00:17:04,249 --> 00:17:05,529
until they're finished.

424
00:17:06,664 --> 00:17:11,032
Anyway, why did seeing the
rankings unravel you so?

425
00:17:13,136 --> 00:17:16,848
I was so sorry to hear
of your parents' passing.

426
00:17:16,873 --> 00:17:20,174
Please bear with me as I share
their last will and testament.

427
00:17:20,209 --> 00:17:22,911
"To Kamilah, we have left £68 million,

428
00:17:22,979 --> 00:17:25,480
"the home in Kensington, the yacht,

429
00:17:25,515 --> 00:17:28,048
and other assorted weekend boats."

430
00:17:28,083 --> 00:17:31,029
Well, what did they leave
their second favorite child?

431
00:17:31,054 --> 00:17:33,019
There's still quite a lot of money

432
00:17:33,055 --> 00:17:34,982
and property that goes to you.

433
00:17:35,007 --> 00:17:37,257
There is one issue, however.

434
00:17:37,292 --> 00:17:40,828
They have, um, spelled your
name incorrectly in the will.

435
00:17:40,896 --> 00:17:42,295
You've got to be kidding me.

436
00:17:42,331 --> 00:17:46,065
It says, "We bequeath the rest
of our estate to Tahini."

437
00:17:46,100 --> 00:17:47,266
Like the sauce.

438
00:17:47,301 --> 00:17:48,835
You know what?

439
00:17:48,903 --> 00:17:50,135
I don't want the money.

440
00:17:50,171 --> 00:17:52,839
My sister can have it all.

441
00:17:52,907 --> 00:17:56,175
My whole life,
I have lived in your shadow,

442
00:17:56,244 --> 00:17:58,503
but now I'm going to step out of it.

443
00:17:58,528 --> 00:18:02,229
I am going to reach heights of
success and sophistication

444
00:18:02,254 --> 00:18:03,854
that you can only dream of.

445
00:18:03,879 --> 00:18:05,456
Your cardigan's on inside out.

446
00:18:05,481 --> 00:18:06,985
I know!

447
00:18:07,020 --> 00:18:09,921
It's a new trend that I am starting.

448
00:18:09,956 --> 00:18:11,423
Just one example of how I'm going to

449
00:18:11,458 --> 00:18:12,957
step out of your shadow.

450
00:18:15,390 --> 00:18:18,225
Oh, I'm sorry that I looked at
the rankings, Michael.

451
00:18:18,265 --> 00:18:21,265
But I just don't understand
how I'm so low.

452
00:18:21,334 --> 00:18:24,565
My entire life, I have tried
to be extraordinary,

453
00:18:24,590 --> 00:18:26,246
but it just never seemed to be enough.

454
00:18:26,535 --> 00:18:27,847
Ah.

455
00:18:27,872 --> 00:18:30,207
And you thought you could
increase your ranking

456
00:18:30,242 --> 00:18:33,678
by helping us fix the sinkhole.

457
00:18:33,713 --> 00:18:38,181
Tahani, the point evaluations
stop the moment you die.

458
00:18:38,216 --> 00:18:41,951
But also, out of literally billions,

459
00:18:42,020 --> 00:18:46,122
you were one of the most
remarkable people on Earth.

460
00:18:46,191 --> 00:18:49,892
You have nothing left to prove,
to anyone.

461
00:18:50,556 --> 00:18:51,922
Hi, there.

462
00:18:51,947 --> 00:18:54,029
The sinkhole has begun to repair itself.

463
00:18:54,064 --> 00:18:55,564
It has?

464
00:18:55,589 --> 00:18:56,671
- Could it be...
- But how...

465
00:18:56,696 --> 00:18:57,668
Did I...?

466
00:18:57,693 --> 00:18:59,936
- "Tahani saves the un..."
- No, no, no.

467
00:18:59,970 --> 00:19:01,624
Still not you.
You have nothing to do with it.

468
00:19:01,649 --> 00:19:03,104
We've got to leave immediately.

469
00:19:04,241 --> 00:19:06,163
It's now safe to go outside.

470
00:19:07,577 --> 00:19:09,381
It's now safe to go outside.

471
00:19:10,797 --> 00:19:12,711
It's now safe to go outside.

472
00:19:14,951 --> 00:19:17,284
- Morning, teach!
- Morning.

473
00:19:17,320 --> 00:19:19,086
What's this about?

474
00:19:19,121 --> 00:19:20,788
Well, here's what I realized.

475
00:19:20,824 --> 00:19:23,257
It's not just that helping me
is a full-time job

476
00:19:23,292 --> 00:19:25,727
that you feel you have to do.

477
00:19:25,762 --> 00:19:28,261
The real problem is,
that the more you help me,

478
00:19:28,296 --> 00:19:30,831
the greater the chance is
that I can stay here,

479
00:19:30,899 --> 00:19:32,932
and me staying here means

480
00:19:32,968 --> 00:19:36,002
you'll never get a real soul mate.

481
00:19:36,071 --> 00:19:39,256
I'm basically a Utilitarian nightmare.

482
00:19:39,281 --> 00:19:42,409
Every ounce of my happiness
leads to a ton of pain for you.

483
00:19:42,444 --> 00:19:46,144
So every time the simple fact
of my existence

484
00:19:46,180 --> 00:19:48,277
starts to bum you out,

485
00:19:49,149 --> 00:19:51,089
I want you to hold this up.

486
00:19:52,801 --> 00:19:55,487
At which point, I will leave you alone

487
00:19:55,956 --> 00:19:57,289
for as long as you need.

488
00:19:57,324 --> 00:20:01,760
I know we'll never be soul
mates, but we're friends.

489
00:20:01,795 --> 00:20:04,996
Now get in this boat and read
some boring French poetry.

490
00:20:15,842 --> 00:20:17,875
I... I've never actually
done this before.

491
00:20:17,943 --> 00:20:19,710
This is a theoretical fantasy.

492
00:20:20,060 --> 00:20:21,625
How do you row a boat?

493
00:20:22,448 --> 00:20:23,781
I'll tell ya, it's good as new.

494
00:20:23,816 --> 00:20:25,148
Go ahead, if you want, just... here.

495
00:20:25,183 --> 00:20:26,283
Whoo! See?

496
00:20:26,318 --> 00:20:27,451
You can jump up and down on it.

497
00:20:27,486 --> 00:20:29,887
Hey, boss. So you fixed the sinkhole.

498
00:20:29,955 --> 00:20:32,222
Yup, good as new. Crisis averted.

499
00:20:32,291 --> 00:20:33,724
Everybody have a wonderful day,

500
00:20:33,793 --> 00:20:36,225
because I fixed the sinkhole.

501
00:20:36,294 --> 00:20:38,728
- I didn't fix the sinkhole.
- Sorry?

502
00:20:38,797 --> 00:20:41,030
I tried and I tried, but nothing worked.

503
00:20:41,065 --> 00:20:42,331
And then all of a sudden...

504
00:20:42,366 --> 00:20:44,333
this morning, out of the blue,
it just... whoop!

505
00:20:44,368 --> 00:20:47,036
It just closed over.

506
00:20:47,071 --> 00:20:48,738
Huh.

507
00:20:48,807 --> 00:20:50,406
How 'bout that?

508
00:20:50,475 --> 00:20:52,173
Well, as your assistant,

509
00:20:52,208 --> 00:20:54,420
I officially declare this good news.

510
00:20:54,445 --> 00:20:56,978
No, this is terrible news!

511
00:20:57,013 --> 00:20:59,414
I have no idea what caused it, Eleanor.

512
00:20:59,483 --> 00:21:01,850
And no idea what fixed it.

513
00:21:01,885 --> 00:21:05,019
I want you to come to my office
first thing in the morning.

514
00:21:05,054 --> 00:21:08,800
You and I are gonna find this problem.