1
00:00:18,435 --> 00:00:21,229
Okay, let's see what we have.

2
00:00:21,230 --> 00:00:22,521
Yeah.

3
00:00:22,522 --> 00:00:25,392
Well, that is one
completely normal knee.

4
00:00:26,610 --> 00:00:28,194
Just stay off of it for
a couple of days...

5
00:00:28,195 --> 00:00:31,405
- Okay.
- And you'll be back to your old self.

6
00:00:31,406 --> 00:00:33,240
- So, nothing serious?
- Nothing serious.

7
00:00:33,241 --> 00:00:34,784
Yeah.

8
00:00:34,785 --> 00:00:37,696
It's just a little strain and, uh...
Yeah.

9
00:00:38,371 --> 00:00:40,831
When you go out there, you
wanna give it your all,

10
00:00:40,832 --> 00:00:43,209
but you know, you can
go too far and then...

11
00:00:43,210 --> 00:00:45,169
You just never know if it's...
if it's your day.

12
00:00:45,170 --> 00:00:49,382
Uh, at the game, I could feel that I
cranked it coming off the mini tramp,

13
00:00:49,383 --> 00:00:51,793
- and I knew... I thought...
- I was at the game.

14
00:00:52,385 --> 00:00:53,510
And I...

15
00:00:53,511 --> 00:00:55,263
- You were at the game?
- I was. I was.

16
00:00:55,264 --> 00:00:56,806
You're a Herons fan?

17
00:00:56,807 --> 00:00:58,474
- Herons all the way.
- Wow! All right.

18
00:00:58,475 --> 00:01:00,059
- Great work, by the way.
- Thank you.

19
00:01:00,060 --> 00:01:02,019
Both of you. Really enjoy it.

20
00:01:02,020 --> 00:01:04,230
- What are you doing?
- You just had a piece of fuzz in your...

21
00:01:04,231 --> 00:01:06,357
Okay, but you can tell me with
your mouth and not your hands.

22
00:01:06,358 --> 00:01:08,526
- Okay. Well, you can also relax.
- Okay.

23
00:01:08,527 --> 00:01:09,652
Just a little bit.

24
00:01:09,653 --> 00:01:11,403
- For heaven's sakes.
- All right. Do you...

25
00:01:11,404 --> 00:01:13,523
do you prescribe
antidepressants?

26
00:01:17,786 --> 00:01:19,996
<i>Mascotting is not
unlike a marriage</i>

27
00:01:19,997 --> 00:01:22,039
<i>- in that it's about cooperation...
- Mm-hmm.</i>

28
00:01:22,040 --> 00:01:24,667
<i>- It's about listening.
- Yeah.</i>

29
00:01:24,668 --> 00:01:28,087
Even if people are screaming at
you, you're not allowed to talk.

30
00:01:28,088 --> 00:01:30,715
- And that's a good lesson for a marriage.
- Yeah.

31
00:01:30,716 --> 00:01:32,967
Fun story. Initially,
we were going to be,

32
00:01:32,968 --> 00:01:35,803
uh, Kevin the Killer
Whale and Tammy Turtle,

33
00:01:35,804 --> 00:01:36,929
but then we discovered

34
00:01:36,930 --> 00:01:39,766
that the killer whale is the
natural enemy of the turtle.

35
00:01:39,767 --> 00:01:40,892
- Yeah.
- And they'll...

36
00:01:40,893 --> 00:01:43,394
You know, they'll just pop
'em open like a pistachio.

37
00:01:43,395 --> 00:01:44,770
Oh, it's like a special
treat for them, yeah.

38
00:01:44,771 --> 00:01:46,898
Yeah, and they'll toy with
them for a half hour,

39
00:01:46,899 --> 00:01:48,816
- and then just break their necks.
- Yeah.

40
00:01:48,817 --> 00:01:50,484
So, we had to switch it up.

41
00:01:50,485 --> 00:01:52,654
Sometimes not even to eat 'em.
Just... just for fun.

42
00:01:52,655 --> 00:01:53,988
- It's a sadistic thing.
- Yeah.

43
00:01:53,989 --> 00:01:56,407
It's one of the few instances
of sadism in the animal world.

44
00:01:56,408 --> 00:01:58,492
So, we thought, "Well, that's
not gonna work for..."

45
00:01:58,493 --> 00:02:00,452
- "That doesn't fit."
- "It's not for the families."

46
00:02:00,453 --> 00:02:03,372
And we don't just work
together on the field.

47
00:02:03,373 --> 00:02:06,417
We are off the field over at
Rhea Perlman Middle School,

48
00:02:06,418 --> 00:02:07,877
where we are both teachers.

49
00:02:07,878 --> 00:02:11,213
Yeah, and they say that
those who can't do, teach,

50
00:02:11,214 --> 00:02:13,549
and those who can't
teach, teach gym,

51
00:02:13,550 --> 00:02:15,592
and those who can't teach
gym, teach driver's ed.

52
00:02:15,593 --> 00:02:18,805
But, uh, joke's on them because
I teach gym and driver's ed.

53
00:02:18,806 --> 00:02:20,681
- I teach English.
- Yeah.

54
00:02:20,682 --> 00:02:22,558
Maybe just up a
little bit higher.

55
00:02:22,559 --> 00:02:23,559
There you go.

56
00:02:23,560 --> 00:02:26,854
Up, up, up, up, up and stop.

57
00:02:26,855 --> 00:02:28,397
<i>I have been running on fumes.</i>

58
00:02:28,398 --> 00:02:30,692
I've been running around like a
chicken with my head cut off,

59
00:02:30,693 --> 00:02:33,194
and I think I've
had maybe, oh...

60
00:02:33,195 --> 00:02:35,196
ten hours' sleep
this entire week.

61
00:02:35,197 --> 00:02:36,572
But it's all gonna be worth it

62
00:02:36,573 --> 00:02:39,450
the second the first mascot
walks through these doors.

63
00:02:39,451 --> 00:02:43,154
We give away three Fluffy Awards or,
as we like to call them, "Fluffies."

64
00:02:43,789 --> 00:02:47,083
Bronze Fluffy, Silver
Fluffy and Gold Fluffy.

65
00:02:47,084 --> 00:02:50,912
And believe me, every mascot knows just
how important those awards can be,

66
00:02:51,463 --> 00:02:55,091
because if one of the winners were
to sign a major league contract,

67
00:02:55,092 --> 00:02:57,259
and it is possible
that could happen,

68
00:02:57,260 --> 00:03:00,554
they could quite possibly end
up making a six-figure salary

69
00:03:00,555 --> 00:03:01,806
by this time next year.

70
00:03:01,807 --> 00:03:05,517
Mascots are coming from every
place you can imagine.

71
00:03:05,518 --> 00:03:09,480
Ohio, Indiana, Kentucky...

72
00:03:09,481 --> 00:03:10,682
Colorado...

73
00:03:11,608 --> 00:03:15,403
Oregon, Texas, New Mexico,

74
00:03:15,404 --> 00:03:17,606
Georgia, Florida...

75
00:03:18,281 --> 00:03:20,608
and then some other states, too.

76
00:03:22,202 --> 00:03:24,404
Wyoming, Utah...

77
00:03:25,038 --> 00:03:26,663
and several, several countries.

78
00:03:26,664 --> 00:03:29,333
This year is
especially important

79
00:03:29,334 --> 00:03:33,879
because the Gluten Free Channel is
sending two executives to watch our show

80
00:03:33,880 --> 00:03:36,673
and determine whether or not they
want to have it on television.

81
00:03:36,674 --> 00:03:39,962
And if that happens, well...
it's like a whole new level.

82
00:03:43,348 --> 00:03:46,475
Hello, uh, I'm Owen Golly Jr.

83
00:03:46,476 --> 00:03:49,304
Um, I'm a third-generation
mascot and butcher.

84
00:03:49,855 --> 00:03:53,315
- Uh, this is my wife, Sarah Golly.
- Hello.

85
00:03:53,316 --> 00:03:54,942
She's not a junior.

86
00:03:54,943 --> 00:03:58,988
Uh, if they're gonna put it
at the bottom of the screen,

87
00:03:58,989 --> 00:04:01,783
- it reads, like, "Owen Golly, Jr."
- Yeah.

88
00:04:01,784 --> 00:04:03,868
And it's not. It's "Jolly."

89
00:04:03,869 --> 00:04:08,122
Uh, granddad... my granddad came
up with a little family phrase,

90
00:04:08,123 --> 00:04:12,001
which is, "Golly, gosh, no!
We're not posh, no.

91
00:04:12,002 --> 00:04:14,246
We're jolly, as in gay."

92
00:04:14,963 --> 00:04:18,007
But it meant... "Gay" meant
something different...

93
00:04:18,008 --> 00:04:20,092
- It was different in olden times.
- In my granddad's day, uh,

94
00:04:20,093 --> 00:04:23,846
which I discovered on
my first day at school,

95
00:04:23,847 --> 00:04:25,340
when I corrected a teacher.

96
00:04:25,849 --> 00:04:28,517
My classmates loved that one.

97
00:04:28,518 --> 00:04:30,978
So, that was my
nickname for a bit.

98
00:04:30,979 --> 00:04:34,356
Golly the Gay, Golly
Gosh Gay, Gay Man Golly.

99
00:04:34,357 --> 00:04:37,276
- Um... Kids can be cruel.
- Kids can be cruel.

100
00:04:37,277 --> 00:04:39,653
What with that, and me
only having one bollock,

101
00:04:39,654 --> 00:04:42,156
it's amazing I made it
through school at all.

102
00:04:42,157 --> 00:04:44,942
Luckily, I could do this.

103
00:04:48,997 --> 00:04:53,167
<i>Yeah, so I'm a mascot,
for Willingham Rovers,</i>

104
00:04:53,168 --> 00:04:55,961
<i>a non-league team
in South Croydon.</i>

105
00:04:55,962 --> 00:04:59,924
Dad... Dad was Sid before me,
and his dad was Sid before him.

106
00:04:59,925 --> 00:05:02,093
- So, it's a bit of a family tradition.
- It's a family tradition.

107
00:05:02,094 --> 00:05:04,511
It's a bit of a legacy. It's
not what I dreamed of doing.

108
00:05:04,512 --> 00:05:06,848
Well, yeah, but your dad wouldn't
let you get away with not doing it.

109
00:05:06,849 --> 00:05:08,474
No. God, no. He was insistent.

110
00:05:08,475 --> 00:05:11,560
Once his knees started going, he
was insistent that I took over.

111
00:05:11,561 --> 00:05:13,687
But I enjoy it. It's fine.
It's all a bit of banter.

112
00:05:13,688 --> 00:05:16,232
There's the standard, "He runs,
he kicks, he's got 100 pricks.

113
00:05:16,233 --> 00:05:17,859
Sid the Hedgehog,
Sid the Hedgehog."

114
00:05:17,860 --> 00:05:19,102
There's, um...

115
00:05:29,830 --> 00:05:33,040
Which is not factually correct, 'cause
my mom didn't cut my bollock off.

116
00:05:33,041 --> 00:05:35,118
I lost it in a
skateboarding accident.

117
00:05:38,213 --> 00:05:39,421
<i>I'm Cindi Babineaux.</i>

118
00:05:39,422 --> 00:05:43,217
I'm Alvin the Armadillo, or Armadilla,
depending on where you're from.

119
00:05:43,218 --> 00:05:44,552
You can say both.

120
00:05:44,553 --> 00:05:48,973
I studied music and dance
therapy here at the college,

121
00:05:48,974 --> 00:05:51,558
and I was a cheerleader
in high school, so, um...

122
00:05:51,559 --> 00:05:53,886
But studying dance
was really, uh...

123
00:05:54,980 --> 00:05:56,147
was really fun.

124
00:05:56,148 --> 00:06:00,310
I love all kinds of dancing.
I can hip-hop. I can pop.

125
00:06:04,447 --> 00:06:07,908
See, this is Alvin right here.
I love him.

126
00:06:07,909 --> 00:06:11,412
I love, um... I love
putting on the mask,

127
00:06:11,413 --> 00:06:12,989
<i>and, um...</i>

128
00:06:13,999 --> 00:06:15,582
<i>just being inside of him.</i>

129
00:06:15,583 --> 00:06:17,585
<i>It's like I can be...</i>

130
00:06:17,586 --> 00:06:22,624
<i>I can move any way I want, and, um...
I love it.</i>

131
00:06:25,719 --> 00:06:29,013
<i>It took me seven and a half
years to graduate, but I did.</i>

132
00:06:29,014 --> 00:06:34,268
And I lived and breathed my
mascot life, like, 25/8.

133
00:06:34,269 --> 00:06:37,805
<i>I loved it. I've been
doing it for a long time.</i>

134
00:06:39,274 --> 00:06:43,478
I went to the Fluffies five years
ago, and I got honorable mention.

135
00:06:44,237 --> 00:06:46,697
And that means I'm...

136
00:06:46,698 --> 00:06:52,111
That's like first place, really, but
it's a weird first place, and, uh...

137
00:06:52,996 --> 00:06:55,031
So, I'm gonna go
back again, and...

138
00:06:59,044 --> 00:07:02,713
It could be my last time, you know?
This could be my last hurrah.

139
00:07:02,714 --> 00:07:03,998
Um...

140
00:07:05,842 --> 00:07:07,335
My swan song.

141
00:07:14,726 --> 00:07:17,887
<i>My name is Tommy, also
known as the Fist.</i>

142
00:07:18,438 --> 00:07:21,649
I am the official mascot
of the Blue Lake Mallards.

143
00:07:21,650 --> 00:07:25,277
<i>Lot of people say I'm the
bad boy of sports mascotry.</i>

144
00:07:25,278 --> 00:07:27,071
And to be fair, I am
currently serving

145
00:07:27,072 --> 00:07:29,991
six temporary suspensions
from different stadiums

146
00:07:29,992 --> 00:07:32,994
for some physical incidents
that took place between myself

147
00:07:32,995 --> 00:07:35,572
and some opposing players
and team mascots.

148
00:07:37,082 --> 00:07:42,787
I'm also currently serving a lifetime
ban from the Calgary Cavaliers

149
00:07:43,296 --> 00:07:44,539
for a...

150
00:07:45,340 --> 00:07:46,840
sexual incident

151
00:07:46,841 --> 00:07:49,627
that took place between myself
and their team owner's wife.

152
00:07:51,221 --> 00:07:53,555
Hey! What is...

153
00:07:53,556 --> 00:07:54,723
What?

154
00:07:54,724 --> 00:07:57,809
- Hey! Hey, stop!
- Get off! What are you...

155
00:07:57,810 --> 00:08:00,012
- Hey, stop humping my wife!
- Get off me! Jesus!

156
00:08:03,316 --> 00:08:04,900
I'm originally from Ireland.

157
00:08:04,901 --> 00:08:06,519
My parents founded a...

158
00:08:07,570 --> 00:08:10,690
religious commune, I
suppose you'd call it.

159
00:08:11,408 --> 00:08:16,370
A spiritual community
called Highway to Heaven,

160
00:08:16,371 --> 00:08:17,496
<i>based on the spiritual teachings</i>

161
00:08:17,497 --> 00:08:20,624
<i>of Michael Landon in
the 1980s' TV program.</i>

162
00:08:20,625 --> 00:08:23,244
It was around that time that
I got into sports mascotry.

163
00:08:23,670 --> 00:08:28,458
I started as Kenny the Kangaroo for
a local high school football team.

164
00:08:29,384 --> 00:08:32,761
And the part of the act that
people really responded to

165
00:08:32,762 --> 00:08:35,431
was the fighting that Kenny
would get into at the end.

166
00:08:35,432 --> 00:08:36,557
And so, eventually,

167
00:08:36,558 --> 00:08:39,552
I just cut out the middleman and
went straight to the fist...

168
00:08:42,522 --> 00:08:45,892
which I think works
well, artistically.

169
00:08:47,485 --> 00:08:49,145
<i>My name is Phil Mayhew.</i>

170
00:08:49,821 --> 00:08:52,698
<i>In my pretend life, I am
a real estate appraiser.</i>

171
00:08:52,699 --> 00:08:56,702
But in my real life, I
am Jack the Plumber...

172
00:08:56,703 --> 00:08:59,281
official mascot for the
Beaumont College football team.

173
00:08:59,664 --> 00:09:02,158
It is truly a dream
come true for me.

174
00:09:07,672 --> 00:09:09,916
Looking good, boys.
Looking good!

175
00:09:10,883 --> 00:09:13,052
Kirby, what's up, bro?

176
00:09:13,053 --> 00:09:14,587
Hey.

177
00:09:16,431 --> 00:09:19,175
Boys are looking good. Clemence!

178
00:09:19,892 --> 00:09:21,803
Clemence!

179
00:09:28,985 --> 00:09:30,625
What have we got, the
Cougars on Saturday?

180
00:09:31,154 --> 00:09:33,405
That is a tough group of boys.
We beat 'em last time,

181
00:09:33,406 --> 00:09:37,201
but, uh... you always gotta keep
your wits about you, don't ya?

182
00:09:37,202 --> 00:09:38,410
Mm-hmm.

183
00:09:38,411 --> 00:09:41,072
- All right, guys. See you Saturday.
- Hey, come on, man.

184
00:09:43,500 --> 00:09:45,292
Who was that guy?

185
00:09:45,293 --> 00:09:49,963
<i>I think the mascot is as important
as any member of the team.</i>

186
00:09:49,964 --> 00:09:53,300
'Cause when things are going good,
it's easy, but when they're bad,

187
00:09:53,301 --> 00:09:57,596
that's when I come out of the tunnel
with a T-shirt cannon or a beach ball.

188
00:09:57,597 --> 00:09:59,515
And I'm doing a pratfall,

189
00:09:59,516 --> 00:10:01,267
or I'm, like, pretending
to grab the ref's butt

190
00:10:01,268 --> 00:10:03,144
and turning around
and acting all coy.

191
00:10:03,145 --> 00:10:04,686
And that's when the crowd
is starting to laugh

192
00:10:04,687 --> 00:10:06,313
and they're starting
to get enthusiastic.

193
00:10:06,314 --> 00:10:10,184
For me, it is that sound.
The sound of that crowd.

194
00:10:11,611 --> 00:10:14,811
You can't really hear it inside the head,
but you can hear that there is a sound.

195
00:10:15,573 --> 00:10:18,860
And for me, the sound
of that sound...

196
00:10:19,661 --> 00:10:21,488
that is the greatest
sound in the world.

197
00:10:23,081 --> 00:10:25,081
Well, this is my playground.

198
00:10:25,082 --> 00:10:26,250
Isn't this something?

199
00:10:26,251 --> 00:10:29,670
This right here is where all the
mascots are gonna be performing.

200
00:10:29,671 --> 00:10:32,631
We're gonna have a judges' table
set up right over that way.

201
00:10:32,632 --> 00:10:34,341
And then, of course, the
audience is over here.

202
00:10:34,342 --> 00:10:35,467
A thousand seats,

203
00:10:35,468 --> 00:10:38,137
and I wouldn't be the least bit
surprised if we sell out this year.

204
00:10:38,138 --> 00:10:39,339
Wow!

205
00:10:39,597 --> 00:10:41,014
Uh, how high is this ceiling?

206
00:10:41,015 --> 00:10:43,142
What do you think?
Just guesstimate?

207
00:10:43,143 --> 00:10:45,144
Don't know. I'm not
in that business.

208
00:10:45,145 --> 00:10:46,353
Maybe 200 feet?

209
00:10:46,354 --> 00:10:48,480
I'm in the business of "it
needs to be higher," though.

210
00:10:48,481 --> 00:10:50,191
Hello, there. I'm Upton French.

211
00:10:50,192 --> 00:10:52,776
I'm the program manager of
the Gluten Free Channel,

212
00:10:52,777 --> 00:10:57,698
which is on your
basic-tier cable package

213
00:10:57,699 --> 00:10:59,991
that runs in over two
cities nationwide.

214
00:10:59,992 --> 00:11:01,577
Um...

215
00:11:01,578 --> 00:11:05,997
The channel's owned by Panorama Datacom,
and I've done a bunch of shows for them,

216
00:11:05,998 --> 00:11:09,418
starting with the sailing
networks, SN1 and 2.

217
00:11:09,419 --> 00:11:11,753
SN1 went under, as it were.

218
00:11:11,754 --> 00:11:14,673
You may remember, it was
a live television event.

219
00:11:14,674 --> 00:11:17,968
We did <i>Santa's Rocking
Holiday Regatta,</i>

220
00:11:17,969 --> 00:11:20,596
and the boat carrying
Santa Claus turtled,

221
00:11:20,597 --> 00:11:22,138
and Santa just went right down.

222
00:11:22,139 --> 00:11:23,932
He was gone,

223
00:11:23,933 --> 00:11:29,555
and we never really lived down the name
the Channel That Killed Santa Claus.

224
00:11:30,315 --> 00:11:32,892
But I licked my wounds.
I just kept going.

225
00:11:33,360 --> 00:11:35,652
FRC was next, the Fence
and Railing Channel.

226
00:11:35,653 --> 00:11:37,988
We did have a very good-looking
pole driver on there,

227
00:11:37,989 --> 00:11:42,701
a very messy personal life and
a terrible driving record,

228
00:11:42,702 --> 00:11:45,996
and then those things generally
play well with women.

229
00:11:45,997 --> 00:11:48,707
- We love the bad boys.
- Yeah, do you?

230
00:11:48,708 --> 00:11:51,494
- We love the bad boys.
- Isn't she funny?

231
00:11:52,211 --> 00:11:55,297
Anyway, on from there, we went
to the Varicose Vein Channel,

232
00:11:55,298 --> 00:11:58,342
which I had a big, uh...
a big success with.

233
00:11:58,343 --> 00:12:00,636
Pulled in some very big
numbers on a special I ran

234
00:12:00,637 --> 00:12:02,429
called <i>Do the Backs of My
Legs Look Like Waffles?</i>

235
00:12:02,430 --> 00:12:06,551
That brings me up to the day
that I met this one here.

236
00:12:07,685 --> 00:12:09,936
Well, I'm Jessica Mundt,

237
00:12:09,937 --> 00:12:13,023
and I'm a junior executive
at the Gluten Free Channel.

238
00:12:13,024 --> 00:12:16,818
And I am under this man's wing.

239
00:12:16,819 --> 00:12:18,111
He's showing me the ropes.

240
00:12:18,112 --> 00:12:21,114
I've never been out and
about like this before.

241
00:12:21,115 --> 00:12:22,324
In the field.

242
00:12:22,325 --> 00:12:24,910
So, I'm really enjoying
it quite a bit.

243
00:12:24,911 --> 00:12:28,455
Uh, this guy picked me up. I was
working at the Elevator Channel.

244
00:12:28,456 --> 00:12:32,952
Before that, I was a PA on the
hit show <i>Does That Smell Normal?</i>

245
00:12:44,722 --> 00:12:47,849
- Does this smell normal?
- I can't tell.

246
00:12:47,850 --> 00:12:50,352
Really, everybody involved
in that production

247
00:12:50,353 --> 00:12:53,730
caught my eye because they pulled
these incredible numbers out

248
00:12:53,731 --> 00:12:55,691
of this very difficult show.

249
00:12:55,692 --> 00:12:57,150
And particularly Jessica here.

250
00:12:57,151 --> 00:12:59,631
- "Lightning in a bottle" we called it.
- Yeah. There you go.

251
00:13:03,157 --> 00:13:05,158
Oh, that's it! Oh, that's it!

252
00:13:05,159 --> 00:13:07,536
Zook, let's go, man.
We gotta get going.

253
00:13:07,537 --> 00:13:09,739
Go away!

254
00:13:10,873 --> 00:13:12,374
We gotta hit the road, man.

255
00:13:12,375 --> 00:13:14,042
We gotta do 2,000
miles in three days.

256
00:13:14,043 --> 00:13:15,377
No, thank you!

257
00:13:15,378 --> 00:13:17,338
Okay, I'll drive the first shift.
Sure.

258
00:13:17,339 --> 00:13:19,590
<i>I've been a bouncer
here at Bushwackers</i>

259
00:13:19,591 --> 00:13:21,342
<i>for about a little
over two years.</i>

260
00:13:21,343 --> 00:13:24,636
Um, I actually met Zook
first time... Gosh.

261
00:13:24,637 --> 00:13:27,889
It would've been in my hometown. It
would've been in Medicine Hat, Alberta.

262
00:13:27,890 --> 00:13:30,517
And I was bouncing in a place
called the Cabbage Patch.

263
00:13:30,518 --> 00:13:32,811
And that was kind
of a crazy meeting

264
00:13:32,812 --> 00:13:37,065
because he actually got into
the club dressed as the Fist,

265
00:13:37,066 --> 00:13:40,861
<i>and my manager was like, "Shut it down."
I was like, "What? This is too good."</i>

266
00:13:40,862 --> 00:13:44,197
So, they suspended him for a little
while, and he just came back, you know.

267
00:13:44,198 --> 00:13:48,869
He came to me and he said, "I
need a straight man for my act,"

268
00:13:48,870 --> 00:13:51,955
and I was like, "Right on, dude.
I'm straight and I party."

269
00:13:51,956 --> 00:13:55,459
And he goes, "Well, not like that. You
would be in my act as a straight man."

270
00:13:55,460 --> 00:13:57,461
He explained it to me
and I figured it out,

271
00:13:57,462 --> 00:13:59,997
and it's been
unbelievable since.

272
00:14:07,680 --> 00:14:09,598
- Ah, got what you wanted?
- I got what I wanted.

273
00:14:09,599 --> 00:14:10,891
- What did you want?
- Cod and chips.

274
00:14:10,892 --> 00:14:12,518
- Did you get it? Good.
- I got cod and chips.

275
00:14:12,519 --> 00:14:13,644
- Hmm. Nice!
- Look at that.

276
00:14:13,645 --> 00:14:16,563
Willingham Rovers has been
sort of part of my whole life.

277
00:14:16,564 --> 00:14:20,567
I pretty much grew up
at Peacedale Park.

278
00:14:20,568 --> 00:14:23,195
I was probably this
high, you know...

279
00:14:23,196 --> 00:14:25,906
just a nipper when I first
went to the ground.

280
00:14:25,907 --> 00:14:29,743
I used to stand at the Flange
Road end behind the goal,

281
00:14:29,744 --> 00:14:32,871
and, uh... it grew
from there, really.

282
00:14:32,872 --> 00:14:37,292
And then, when I was 16, on
my 16th birthday, I got this.

283
00:14:37,293 --> 00:14:39,378
The uh... you know,
the club tattoo.

284
00:14:39,379 --> 00:14:42,589
There's a factory here, and
then there's two spoons.

285
00:14:42,590 --> 00:14:47,511
And in 1905, the club was formed by
the workers at the pudding factory.

286
00:14:47,512 --> 00:14:50,339
<i>And they decided they
wanted to have a mascot.</i>

287
00:14:50,723 --> 00:14:53,475
So they had... I think they
had trials that next week,

288
00:14:53,476 --> 00:14:55,602
and my father, um...

289
00:14:55,603 --> 00:14:59,690
Owen Golly Sr. Sr., got chosen
to be Sid the Hedgehog,

290
00:14:59,691 --> 00:15:04,027
and that began what is
really a family dynasty now.

291
00:15:04,028 --> 00:15:05,987
All right, guys, we've got
to go, go, go, go, go.

292
00:15:05,988 --> 00:15:07,155
- You got my bag?
- We're running late.

293
00:15:07,156 --> 00:15:08,740
- I got it.
- Don't worry. He's got everything.

294
00:15:08,741 --> 00:15:10,784
All right, Monty, we need
to step on it, buddy.

295
00:15:10,785 --> 00:15:12,702
Hon, it's fine.

296
00:15:12,703 --> 00:15:15,914
- Okay, we are late.
- We're really not that late.

297
00:15:15,915 --> 00:15:19,292
Okay, yeah, but I always get
chosen for a TSA pat-down,

298
00:15:19,293 --> 00:15:22,079
- so we need to...
- Well, you're very tall. It's obnoxious.

299
00:15:22,797 --> 00:15:25,340
You fit the lone-shooter
profile, I think.

300
00:15:25,341 --> 00:15:27,092
- Okay. You know what?
- Will you be careful with these?

301
00:15:27,093 --> 00:15:29,378
What did Dr. Ezefee say
about hate speech?

302
00:15:35,477 --> 00:15:36,928
Uh...

303
00:15:38,605 --> 00:15:40,347
Oh.

304
00:15:41,524 --> 00:15:43,517
- It hasn't always been easy.
- Yeah.

305
00:15:44,402 --> 00:15:46,604
You know, like any couple,
we have our ups and downs.

306
00:15:47,780 --> 00:15:49,148
Which is normal.

307
00:15:49,866 --> 00:15:51,199
Right.

308
00:15:51,200 --> 00:15:54,453
And, uh, I think what...

309
00:15:54,454 --> 00:15:58,574
sort of the watchword is
with us is "commitment."

310
00:16:00,042 --> 00:16:01,285
We're committed.

311
00:16:02,211 --> 00:16:04,379
Well, he slept with someone.

312
00:16:04,380 --> 00:16:07,583
So... probably mention that.

313
00:16:09,761 --> 00:16:12,262
- Cindi Babineaux.
- Yeah, Cindi Babineaux.

314
00:16:12,263 --> 00:16:15,717
Five years ago at a
mascot competition.

315
00:16:19,812 --> 00:16:21,187
Can I help who's next?

316
00:16:21,188 --> 00:16:23,439
- Remember that?
- And I would take the...

317
00:16:23,440 --> 00:16:26,485
- Ladies? Ladies? Can I help you?
- Hey.

318
00:16:26,486 --> 00:16:27,819
- Yes.
- Yeah.

319
00:16:27,820 --> 00:16:30,113
Identification, please.
Hi, there.

320
00:16:30,114 --> 00:16:33,449
When we were in high
school, I got a note.

321
00:16:33,450 --> 00:16:35,577
Laci passed me a note in class.

322
00:16:35,578 --> 00:16:37,287
- Yeah.
- In history class.

323
00:16:37,288 --> 00:16:40,991
And it said, "I'm your sister."

324
00:16:41,709 --> 00:16:45,253
And I was like, "Yeah, I'm your sister.
I love you."

325
00:16:45,254 --> 00:16:47,422
We go to the same church,
so I thought it was...

326
00:16:47,423 --> 00:16:49,007
- it was sister talk.
- Like sisters in Christ.

327
00:16:49,008 --> 00:16:50,175
Yeah.

328
00:16:50,176 --> 00:16:54,304
And she wrote me another
note and passed it.

329
00:16:54,305 --> 00:16:55,882
It was one of them
football notes.

330
00:16:56,724 --> 00:17:02,430
And, um... it said, "No,
you're really my sister.

331
00:17:03,439 --> 00:17:05,808
- We have the same daddy."
- We do.

332
00:17:06,526 --> 00:17:08,109
Our chemicals are the same.

333
00:17:08,110 --> 00:17:10,229
- Half of 'em.
- Half of 'em.

334
00:17:10,947 --> 00:17:12,698
So, apparently,

335
00:17:12,699 --> 00:17:16,910
and I found out when I was 16 that my
mother, who lives in Electric Mills,

336
00:17:16,911 --> 00:17:19,580
had an affair with her daddy,
who runs a filling station.

337
00:17:19,581 --> 00:17:21,790
And then, we have
the same birthday.

338
00:17:21,791 --> 00:17:23,667
- Yeah.
- So that was the weird thing

339
00:17:23,668 --> 00:17:26,211
- which made it even more personal.
- You know, when it rains...

340
00:17:26,212 --> 00:17:27,337
- It pours.
- Right.

341
00:17:27,338 --> 00:17:29,548
- Yeah.
- It does. Well...

342
00:17:29,549 --> 00:17:31,458
Because, later on that year...

343
00:17:32,301 --> 00:17:33,426
Yeah.

344
00:17:33,427 --> 00:17:35,596
- You had your accident.
- I had an accident.

345
00:17:35,597 --> 00:17:39,716
Um, I had a little dream
in my heart of...

346
00:17:41,561 --> 00:17:43,436
going to college on a
cheerleading scholarship.

347
00:17:43,437 --> 00:17:45,272
Oh, baby.

348
00:17:45,273 --> 00:17:47,933
And I fell.

349
00:17:48,526 --> 00:17:52,654
And she was so good. She was...
You were so good.

350
00:17:52,655 --> 00:17:56,324
And I sprained my ankle,
and I had to hobble.

351
00:17:56,325 --> 00:17:58,785
And then, you couldn't do the pageants.
So, that was...

352
00:17:58,786 --> 00:18:00,954
Right. It kind of
just wiped me out.

353
00:18:00,955 --> 00:18:03,206
It wiped me out of pep
rallies and homecoming

354
00:18:03,207 --> 00:18:06,243
and cheerleading, and
scholarship, and, um...

355
00:18:08,087 --> 00:18:10,790
It took away a lot
of purpose from me.

356
00:18:11,507 --> 00:18:14,085
- But then you had your kids.
- Yes.

357
00:18:15,094 --> 00:18:17,178
Yes, thank you for reminding me.

358
00:18:17,179 --> 00:18:19,715
I have Ruby and Jamaica.

359
00:18:20,432 --> 00:18:21,801
And, um...

360
00:18:22,727 --> 00:18:27,147
They're 24 and 22 now, so they're big.
They're big girls.

361
00:18:27,148 --> 00:18:30,150
And Ruby has a little one.
Ruby Jr.

362
00:18:30,151 --> 00:18:33,069
- She's a grandma.
- So she's a... I am.

363
00:18:33,070 --> 00:18:34,814
She's a granny!

364
00:18:36,699 --> 00:18:38,825
<i>I'm excited to get down
to Anaheim because</i>

365
00:18:38,826 --> 00:18:40,368
<i>I'm gonna be around
like-minded people.</i>

366
00:18:40,369 --> 00:18:42,078
'Cause, for the most part,

367
00:18:42,079 --> 00:18:46,658
all of us are going down there because
we have a passion for this craft.

368
00:18:47,376 --> 00:18:48,960
Um...

369
00:18:48,961 --> 00:18:52,422
There's also another reason that I
am excited about going down there,

370
00:18:52,423 --> 00:18:58,470
and... full disclosure, I reconnected
with an old classmate on Facebook.

371
00:18:58,471 --> 00:19:01,841
Robin Wexler, the hottest
girl at Higbee High School.

372
00:19:02,934 --> 00:19:06,561
But yeah, she wound up marrying Steve
Nunan, captain of the soccer team,

373
00:19:06,562 --> 00:19:08,313
for which I was the mascot.

374
00:19:08,314 --> 00:19:11,191
And now she is divorced,

375
00:19:11,192 --> 00:19:13,193
and her grown son has
moved out of the house,

376
00:19:13,194 --> 00:19:14,986
and she's living in Orange
County, California.

377
00:19:14,987 --> 00:19:19,441
So... spoiler alert, we really hit
it off on Facebook Messenger.

378
00:19:20,326 --> 00:19:22,243
And I have volunteered
to perform

379
00:19:22,244 --> 00:19:25,822
at a charity event that she's organizing
for a group of disadvantaged children.

380
00:19:26,248 --> 00:19:28,825
So, I'm excited to
get down there.

381
00:19:36,467 --> 00:19:38,885
- Hello, there.
- Oh, hello. Welcome, sir.

382
00:19:38,886 --> 00:19:44,341
Blumquist, AJ. They should have
the John Wayne suite ready.

383
00:19:45,392 --> 00:19:47,803
Okay, we actually have you
for the Slim Pickens suite.

384
00:19:48,604 --> 00:19:51,106
I don't think so. I think I'm
in the John Wayne suite.

385
00:19:51,107 --> 00:19:53,233
I made a reservation. I got a
confirmation number right here.

386
00:19:53,234 --> 00:19:55,234
- Okay. Yeah, let me take a look at that.
- Sure.

387
00:19:57,154 --> 00:20:00,115
No, sir, you're actually
in the Slim Pickens suite.

388
00:20:00,116 --> 00:20:02,117
- Huh. Gabby.
- Let me go ahead and get your card.

389
00:20:02,118 --> 00:20:04,494
- How you doing?
- Hey, you... AJ.

390
00:20:04,495 --> 00:20:07,622
You think that name would be on
the tip of my tongue. I'm sorry.

391
00:20:07,623 --> 00:20:10,416
After all this time. Uh...

392
00:20:10,417 --> 00:20:13,003
I'm Gabby Monkhouse. I'm
in the John Wayne suite.

393
00:20:13,004 --> 00:20:14,129
Oh, all right.

394
00:20:14,130 --> 00:20:15,296
- One minute, Miss Monkhouse.
- All right.

395
00:20:15,297 --> 00:20:16,965
Let me just...

396
00:20:16,966 --> 00:20:19,426
I don't think it's
overstating anything

397
00:20:19,427 --> 00:20:25,306
to say that I was the first female
to bring notoriety to our field

398
00:20:25,307 --> 00:20:26,641
as Minnie the Moose,

399
00:20:26,642 --> 00:20:30,346
the Vernon Community College
baseball team's mascot.

400
00:20:31,063 --> 00:20:33,314
I once held the splits

401
00:20:33,315 --> 00:20:37,152
<i>for the entire length of an
extra inning baseball game</i>

402
00:20:37,153 --> 00:20:38,980
<i>in spite of excruciating pain...</i>

403
00:20:39,530 --> 00:20:44,784
and a severe severing of
my adductor longus muscle

404
00:20:44,785 --> 00:20:47,370
that eventually required
four hours of surgery

405
00:20:47,371 --> 00:20:51,541
and added two and a half inches to
my left leg, forcing me to retire.

406
00:20:51,542 --> 00:20:53,202
And I...

407
00:20:54,461 --> 00:20:58,506
I wrote a tale...
documenting that journey.

408
00:20:58,507 --> 00:21:05,214
<i>A- Moosing Grace. A Mascot's Journey
to God and Success in Real Estate.</i>

409
00:21:11,145 --> 00:21:15,523
Well, my name is AJ Blumquist, and I'm
a former mascot, Danny the Donkey.

410
00:21:15,524 --> 00:21:18,193
And I'm a judge this
year for the Fluffies.

411
00:21:18,194 --> 00:21:23,949
For the two people that don't know,
Danny the Donkey, my mascot, alter ego,

412
00:21:23,950 --> 00:21:27,111
was the first one to have an
anatomically correct costume.

413
00:21:28,120 --> 00:21:30,997
<i>That lasted all of one game.
Caused a lot of controversy.</i>

414
00:21:30,998 --> 00:21:34,709
But I have a lot of fans in
Mexico, south of the border,

415
00:21:34,710 --> 00:21:37,337
Tasmania, Finland.

416
00:21:37,338 --> 00:21:39,214
And I've had a lot
of personal growth.

417
00:21:39,215 --> 00:21:44,177
I see my role in the controversy
that was involved in that.

418
00:21:44,178 --> 00:21:48,056
Not just the costume that I designed and
went out one day onto the field with,

419
00:21:48,057 --> 00:21:51,510
but, you know, the muscle
cars and the large cigars.

420
00:21:51,811 --> 00:21:54,645
You know, I was overcompensating.
Classic overcompensation.

421
00:21:54,646 --> 00:21:57,649
But with support groups,
I've made a lot of progress.

422
00:21:57,650 --> 00:22:00,110
And, you know, I-I...

423
00:22:00,111 --> 00:22:02,403
I stay away from medical
terms like micropenis.

424
00:22:02,404 --> 00:22:04,239
I'm phallically challenged...

425
00:22:04,240 --> 00:22:07,659
and you know, some of the
great groups that I rely on

426
00:22:07,660 --> 00:22:10,703
are Tom Thumb and Tiny
Tim and Pinky Promise,

427
00:22:10,704 --> 00:22:12,698
that have helped me
accept who I am as a man.

428
00:22:13,582 --> 00:22:18,169
And right now, cochlear sex
is really trending very hot.

429
00:22:18,170 --> 00:22:19,629
You wanna just put
in, "hashtag..."

430
00:22:19,630 --> 00:22:22,673
In any of your social media,
"Hashtag, in your ear,"

431
00:22:22,674 --> 00:22:24,384
and you'll see what's going on.

432
00:22:24,385 --> 00:22:26,594
You have to be very careful
how you spell that, though.

433
00:22:26,595 --> 00:22:29,472
So, make sure you spell it
or say it, "In your ear."

434
00:22:29,473 --> 00:22:32,926
Otherwise, you know, people think
you're talking about something else.

435
00:22:34,603 --> 00:22:35,728
Have a good night.

436
00:22:35,729 --> 00:22:37,813
<i>We're two days away
from the competition,</i>

437
00:22:37,814 --> 00:22:39,399
<i>and I hope you're
proud of yourselves</i>

438
00:22:39,400 --> 00:22:41,109
because, literally,

439
00:22:41,110 --> 00:22:44,362
hundreds of mascots wanted to
compete in this year's competition.

440
00:22:44,363 --> 00:22:48,574
And the judges and I went through all the
applications and the audition tapes,

441
00:22:48,575 --> 00:22:50,576
and we even had to
hire translators

442
00:22:50,577 --> 00:22:53,121
because there are some kind
of weird languages out there.

443
00:22:53,122 --> 00:22:54,830
And believe me, it wasn't cheap.

444
00:22:54,831 --> 00:22:58,709
And we finally narrowed
it down to 20 finalists.

445
00:22:58,710 --> 00:23:00,253
That's you people.

446
00:23:00,254 --> 00:23:02,998
Give yourselves a
round of applause.

447
00:23:05,842 --> 00:23:08,803
I can see some of you out there
sizing up the competition,

448
00:23:08,804 --> 00:23:11,431
looking at 'em and thinking,
"That's my arch enemy."

449
00:23:11,432 --> 00:23:13,349
Well, not tonight.

450
00:23:13,350 --> 00:23:15,768
Tonight, we are all friends.

451
00:23:15,769 --> 00:23:17,062
In fact, could you all
just take a moment

452
00:23:17,063 --> 00:23:20,231
and say hello and meet- and-greet
somebody maybe you've never met before?

453
00:23:20,232 --> 00:23:23,109
It's what we always do at church.
Isn't that fun?

454
00:23:23,110 --> 00:23:25,403
Great. God bless each
and every one of you.

455
00:23:25,404 --> 00:23:27,898
Hey, let's have a party!

456
00:23:31,702 --> 00:23:33,244
- Hey, how's it going?
- Good evening.

457
00:23:33,245 --> 00:23:35,788
Tommy Zucarello, plus one.

458
00:23:35,789 --> 00:23:38,708
Uh, yeah. Tommy's in there,
but there's no plus one.

459
00:23:38,709 --> 00:23:40,661
There should be. Um...

460
00:23:41,753 --> 00:23:44,422
What about the Fist? Is
there the Fist plus one?

461
00:23:44,423 --> 00:23:47,258
- Uh, the Fist?
- Yeah.

462
00:23:47,259 --> 00:23:48,710
No plus one.

463
00:24:05,611 --> 00:24:06,944
No? Really?

464
00:24:06,945 --> 00:24:08,404
Sorry, yeah. It's
not on the list.

465
00:24:08,405 --> 00:24:11,324
Oh, you know what? He probably did
a nickname thing, "Dibs." D-I-B-S.

466
00:24:11,325 --> 00:24:12,784
- Okay. I'll check.
- Yeah, I'm sure it's there.

467
00:24:12,785 --> 00:24:13,909
- I'm sure it's there.
- Mm-hmm.

468
00:24:13,910 --> 00:24:15,362
Is that a margarita machine?

469
00:24:17,539 --> 00:24:20,291
That vanilla wrap is such a must-have.
I love it.

470
00:24:20,292 --> 00:24:22,835
- It's a vanilla wrap?
- It's called a vanilla wrap.

471
00:24:22,836 --> 00:24:24,254
- Oh, I've never heard that term.
- Mm-hmm.

472
00:24:24,255 --> 00:24:26,455
- All right, strawberry as requested.
- Oh, thank you.

473
00:24:32,929 --> 00:24:35,390
- I'm Mindy.
- Hi, Mindy. I'm Cindi.

474
00:24:35,391 --> 00:24:36,766
- Mike Murray.
- Hi, I'm Laci.

475
00:24:36,767 --> 00:24:37,934
- Yeah. Yeah.
- Good to see you. Hi.

476
00:24:37,935 --> 00:24:39,894
- You're a Babineaux?
- Yes.

477
00:24:39,895 --> 00:24:41,180
Okay.

478
00:24:41,981 --> 00:24:44,565
- Are you feeling okay?
- Yeah. Yeah, I feel great...

479
00:24:44,566 --> 00:24:46,359
Mike has IBS, so it's tough.

480
00:24:46,360 --> 00:24:47,485
Ouch!

481
00:24:47,486 --> 00:24:50,397
You know, you're having a
great time, and then...

482
00:24:52,033 --> 00:24:54,818
Well, I've had three yeast
infections since my divorce.

483
00:24:56,412 --> 00:24:58,780
I just wanna stick a hairbrush
down there and get it out.

484
00:25:00,499 --> 00:25:01,999
<i>This is our vendors' area.</i>

485
00:25:02,000 --> 00:25:05,628
<i>We have 24 booths in all.
Three more than last year.</i>

486
00:25:05,629 --> 00:25:08,298
<i>And this is, by far, the best
turnout we have ever had.</i>

487
00:25:08,299 --> 00:25:09,549
<i>I don't know if
you can smell it,</i>

488
00:25:09,550 --> 00:25:12,177
but the popcorn is really,
really going on strong,

489
00:25:12,178 --> 00:25:14,220
which means people are
staying and buying things.

490
00:25:14,221 --> 00:25:15,638
That's 'cause you're
probably smelling mine.

491
00:25:15,639 --> 00:25:18,766
- It's right here.
- Oh. You're right.

492
00:25:18,767 --> 00:25:20,435
But I also think it's
from other people, too.

493
00:25:20,436 --> 00:25:21,561
It might just be hers.

494
00:25:21,562 --> 00:25:22,728
- I think it's this.
- It could be.

495
00:25:22,729 --> 00:25:24,647
- Hi. What's your name?
- Hi. Tommy.

496
00:25:24,648 --> 00:25:27,608
- Tommy, this has been a delight.
- Oh, well, thank you so much.

497
00:25:27,609 --> 00:25:28,859
- You bet, darling.
- Take care.

498
00:25:28,860 --> 00:25:30,562
God bless, sweetheart.

499
00:25:32,156 --> 00:25:33,281
AJ.

500
00:25:33,282 --> 00:25:36,617
You know, I could nudge some
of my people towards you.

501
00:25:36,618 --> 00:25:38,161
They might enjoy meeting you...

502
00:25:38,162 --> 00:25:39,620
even if they don't
know who you are.

503
00:25:39,621 --> 00:25:41,164
- No, no. I'm fine. I got a whole...
- You good?

504
00:25:41,165 --> 00:25:42,540
There's a busload
of people coming.

505
00:25:42,541 --> 00:25:44,459
- Is that right?
- They must be a little bit late.

506
00:25:44,460 --> 00:25:45,751
- I better call 'em.
- Yeah.

507
00:25:45,752 --> 00:25:48,497
- Hi! What's your name?
- Hi. Lindsay.

508
00:25:55,679 --> 00:25:58,306
Have you ever spent any time
inside a mascot outfit?

509
00:25:58,307 --> 00:25:59,599
No, I never have.

510
00:25:59,600 --> 00:26:02,101
It's like, you know, walking
around with a porta-potty.

511
00:26:02,102 --> 00:26:03,686
Porta-potties, I've been in.
Many of them.

512
00:26:03,687 --> 00:26:05,396
Then you know what
that smells like.

513
00:26:05,397 --> 00:26:06,481
Ooh.

514
00:26:06,482 --> 00:26:09,900
- Let me share with you what I do.
- Oh, wow, please. Okay, I'm all ears.

515
00:26:09,901 --> 00:26:11,777
I'm an aromatic engineer.

516
00:26:11,778 --> 00:26:13,404
- Kind of an inventor.
- Right.

517
00:26:13,405 --> 00:26:15,281
- So, I'm gonna show you...
- Yeah, please.

518
00:26:15,282 --> 00:26:19,986
I've come up with what I like
to call the scented cup.

519
00:26:21,455 --> 00:26:23,373
I've got bruschetta.

520
00:26:23,374 --> 00:26:25,082
- Bruschetta? Are you serious?
- Oh, yeah.

521
00:26:25,083 --> 00:26:27,210
And then we have anchovy.

522
00:26:27,211 --> 00:26:30,713
People from the northwest are going
crazy for this, this anchovy.

523
00:26:30,714 --> 00:26:31,923
Oh, very interesting ones.

524
00:26:31,924 --> 00:26:33,424
- Yeah, no...
- Anchovy and bruschetta.

525
00:26:33,425 --> 00:26:35,009
You know, "Where's
dinner?" "Down here."

526
00:26:35,010 --> 00:26:37,178
I can't tell you how
excited I am to be here.

527
00:26:37,179 --> 00:26:40,723
You know, I first fell
in love with mascotting

528
00:26:40,724 --> 00:26:43,226
when my second wife,
Lordes, and I,

529
00:26:43,227 --> 00:26:47,355
we took our kids, Muffy,
Ponce, Sugito and um...

530
00:26:47,356 --> 00:26:48,856
Oh, boy, what's her name?

531
00:26:48,857 --> 00:26:50,150
She's always running around,

532
00:26:50,151 --> 00:26:53,611
hiding under coffee
tables and behind sofas.

533
00:26:53,612 --> 00:26:55,321
Never comes out in the day...
Maria.

534
00:26:55,322 --> 00:26:56,697
Took 'em to a ball game.

535
00:26:56,698 --> 00:26:59,700
And so, I found, as the
game progressed, that...

536
00:26:59,701 --> 00:27:02,620
Well, they were watching the mascots
more than they were watching the game.

537
00:27:02,621 --> 00:27:04,122
And I popped a lot of
money for those tickets,

538
00:27:04,123 --> 00:27:06,916
so, you know, that got me
interested in mascotting.

539
00:27:06,917 --> 00:27:09,294
And I go home, and I start
researching a little bit,

540
00:27:09,295 --> 00:27:10,419
and it's fascinating

541
00:27:10,420 --> 00:27:14,583
because so many people think
mascotting's been around for 200 years.

542
00:27:15,133 --> 00:27:16,467
Wrong. So wrong.

543
00:27:16,468 --> 00:27:19,011
I mean, you can go
back to like 1500 BC.

544
00:27:19,012 --> 00:27:22,056
<i>The Egyptians, you know, they only paint
with everybody looking to the left.</i>

545
00:27:22,057 --> 00:27:25,518
You ever noticed that? Life is one
big left turn to these people.

546
00:27:25,519 --> 00:27:29,272
If I lived then, I'd be on the right, be
something different, be fun, go nuts.

547
00:27:29,273 --> 00:27:31,057
But I didn't live
then, sadly enough.

548
00:27:48,292 --> 00:27:49,667
Mr. Gammons, sir.

549
00:27:49,668 --> 00:27:51,836
- Sorry I'm late.
- Oh, hi, Phil.

550
00:27:51,837 --> 00:27:53,671
Yeah, I had a bit of a mesh
tear inside the helmet.

551
00:27:53,672 --> 00:27:55,840
I had to find some electrical
tape, but we're all good.

552
00:27:55,841 --> 00:27:57,918
Dogs are funny, aren't they?

553
00:27:58,677 --> 00:27:59,760
You like dogs?

554
00:27:59,761 --> 00:28:00,970
I like 'em, yeah.

555
00:28:00,971 --> 00:28:03,389
- Hey, you put on some weight?
- Well...

556
00:28:03,390 --> 00:28:04,974
I like the outfit.

557
00:28:04,975 --> 00:28:07,185
I've weighed 161 pounds
since 11th grade.

558
00:28:07,186 --> 00:28:09,979
What have you got planned here?
I've been thinking about this act.

559
00:28:09,980 --> 00:28:13,274
Um, well, you know, there's gonna be...
The toilet is up here.

560
00:28:13,275 --> 00:28:14,567
- Center stage, in the back there.
- All right.

561
00:28:14,568 --> 00:28:17,820
I'm gonna enter from over here.
Got my bag of... bag of tricks.

562
00:28:17,821 --> 00:28:19,489
- Yeah.
- So, music starts.

563
00:28:19,490 --> 00:28:20,990
I give it a beat or two.

564
00:28:20,991 --> 00:28:24,159
Jack the Plumber enters, and he's
kind of big and looking around,

565
00:28:24,160 --> 00:28:25,661
you know, "What's this?
What's..."

566
00:28:25,662 --> 00:28:27,872
I'm gonna drop my
stuff, my gear, there.

567
00:28:27,873 --> 00:28:30,040
And that's when I
clock the audience,

568
00:28:30,041 --> 00:28:33,628
and then it's like, "Come on, let's go.
Let's go."

569
00:28:33,629 --> 00:28:35,296
All the way across
the front there.

570
00:28:35,297 --> 00:28:39,634
Then I give 'em a little, "I can't
hear you. I can't hear you."

571
00:28:39,635 --> 00:28:42,796
All right, let me stop you right there.
Why can't you hear them?

572
00:28:45,140 --> 00:28:48,058
- I can't hear them...
- So, I like all this up to a point.

573
00:28:48,059 --> 00:28:50,436
- Okay.
- But nevertheless, as a plumber,

574
00:28:50,437 --> 00:28:52,813
you're gonna be very
concerned about your job.

575
00:28:52,814 --> 00:28:54,357
- I'm sorry to interrupt you there...
- No,

576
00:28:54,358 --> 00:28:55,650
that's when I'm gonna
take a bit of a break

577
00:28:55,651 --> 00:28:56,734
'cause I'm gonna dance.

578
00:28:56,735 --> 00:28:58,854
That's why I've been working
really hard on the...

579
00:28:59,655 --> 00:29:01,155
And if you throw a
little twist in,

580
00:29:01,156 --> 00:29:03,616
the white-haired crowd
is gonna go mad, right?

581
00:29:03,617 --> 00:29:05,576
Yeah. It's fun.
It's generational.

582
00:29:05,577 --> 00:29:10,206
But I'd like another button on there.
Something that's a little more satisfying.

583
00:29:10,207 --> 00:29:12,625
And I think we can do it.
We'll put our heads together.

584
00:29:12,626 --> 00:29:15,253
And plus, there's gonna be
some plumbers in the audience.

585
00:29:15,254 --> 00:29:16,421
They're gonna be your
toughest critics.

586
00:29:16,422 --> 00:29:18,714
And they're gonna say, "Hey,
a plumber wouldn't do that."

587
00:29:18,715 --> 00:29:20,917
So, you'll fool 'em and
show 'em the right moves.

588
00:29:32,979 --> 00:29:34,305
Punt.

589
00:29:46,785 --> 00:29:48,369
The ladder comes down from...

590
00:29:48,370 --> 00:29:49,745
Whoa! Hold on, hold on.
What are you doing?

591
00:29:49,746 --> 00:29:52,415
I'm gonna do the ladder routine
that I've been working on.

592
00:29:52,416 --> 00:29:53,749
Come on now. We
talked about this.

593
00:29:53,750 --> 00:29:56,251
I know we talked about it.
We've talked about it a lot.

594
00:29:56,252 --> 00:29:58,296
But I really think
now is the moment

595
00:29:58,297 --> 00:30:00,548
for me to finish with
the big ladder routine.

596
00:30:00,549 --> 00:30:01,841
Now, because there's
a ladder here...

597
00:30:01,842 --> 00:30:04,344
No, Dad, there wasn't just a ladder there.
I bought that ladder.

598
00:30:04,345 --> 00:30:06,512
- You bought it? When?
- Yeah, I bought it yesterday.

599
00:30:06,513 --> 00:30:09,348
I've been working on this routine
for months, Dad, and it's good.

600
00:30:09,349 --> 00:30:11,559
- You didn't tell me about it.
- I have told you.

601
00:30:11,560 --> 00:30:13,769
I've told you time and time
again about the ladder routine,

602
00:30:13,770 --> 00:30:15,062
and you keep knocking it down.

603
00:30:15,063 --> 00:30:18,607
I've seen the Americans' acts. They're
bigger. They've got big finishes.

604
00:30:18,608 --> 00:30:20,860
They've got fireworks and
pyros and dancing girls.

605
00:30:20,861 --> 00:30:23,404
- So we have to become American now?
- No, we're not coming...

606
00:30:23,405 --> 00:30:25,114
We've got a beautiful routine.
It's lovely.

607
00:30:25,115 --> 00:30:28,493
What we've got is a British
act that has tradition.

608
00:30:28,494 --> 00:30:30,202
- I know.
- Tradition is good!

609
00:30:30,203 --> 00:30:31,454
Our tradition is great.

610
00:30:31,455 --> 00:30:34,582
Do you wanna piss on tradition?
Do you? Go to Her Majesty.

611
00:30:34,583 --> 00:30:38,293
"Ma'am, why don't you go out next
time without your crown and scepter,

612
00:30:38,294 --> 00:30:39,420
and wear a fez?"

613
00:30:39,421 --> 00:30:42,089
Oh, yeah. "And carry
a selfie stick.

614
00:30:42,090 --> 00:30:45,001
And while you're at it, have
Philip bring along a ladder."

615
00:30:45,511 --> 00:30:46,927
That's not what he's
saying, though, is it?

616
00:30:46,928 --> 00:30:48,178
You're not listening to him.

617
00:30:48,179 --> 00:30:50,139
- It is what he's saying.
- No, he's not.

618
00:30:50,140 --> 00:30:51,474
He's just... If you listen...

619
00:30:51,475 --> 00:30:53,142
Oh, now, I'm not
a good listener?

620
00:30:53,143 --> 00:30:54,268
No, you're not a
brilliant listener.

621
00:30:54,269 --> 00:30:56,061
You don't tell him how
good he is often enough.

622
00:30:56,062 --> 00:30:57,980
I'm always telling
him how good he is!

623
00:30:57,981 --> 00:30:59,982
Are you? Do you? I mean...

624
00:30:59,983 --> 00:31:01,108
- Yes!
- When?

625
00:31:01,109 --> 00:31:02,818
Well, maybe not in words.

626
00:31:02,819 --> 00:31:04,612
But I love him!

627
00:31:04,613 --> 00:31:06,147
I love him like a son.

628
00:31:06,740 --> 00:31:08,032
He is your son.

629
00:31:08,033 --> 00:31:09,700
Well, I know, but
that's why I love him.

630
00:31:09,701 --> 00:31:12,662
Well, you don't tell him. And
words are useful, aren't they?

631
00:31:12,663 --> 00:31:14,414
Well done. You should be a
therapist, you should be.

632
00:31:14,415 --> 00:31:15,539
Okay, right.

633
00:31:15,540 --> 00:31:19,502
Well, all I'm saying is, sometimes,
you need to listen to other people.

634
00:31:19,503 --> 00:31:20,920
All right, well, I'm
listening to you now.

635
00:31:20,921 --> 00:31:24,339
You take a few minutes, play
around with the ladder,

636
00:31:24,340 --> 00:31:27,635
do what you wanna do, then take
it back and get your money back.

637
00:31:27,636 --> 00:31:28,761
And I hope you've
got the receipt,

638
00:31:28,762 --> 00:31:30,930
'cause then you can get the
tax back at the airport.

639
00:31:30,931 --> 00:31:34,134
So, have fun. I'm gonna have a cup of tea.
I'll see you in a while.

640
00:31:34,643 --> 00:31:37,395
And I'll find a Jaffa
Cake and all if I can.

641
00:31:37,396 --> 00:31:39,104
Behind the kettle, Dad.

642
00:31:39,105 --> 00:31:40,230
<i>Buddy.</i>

643
00:31:40,231 --> 00:31:42,232
- Oh, hey, Langston.
- Oh, we have got a problem.

644
00:31:42,233 --> 00:31:43,943
- We got a big problem.
- Why? What? Why? What is it?

645
00:31:43,944 --> 00:31:45,903
Benny the Banana Slug
failed his drug test.

646
00:31:45,904 --> 00:31:48,573
- What? Why?
- Yeah, he's on ecstasy.

647
00:31:48,574 --> 00:31:51,451
Apparently because he needs it
to do a pogo stick routine.

648
00:31:51,452 --> 00:31:53,994
I don't know, but I found him
licking his lips and saying,

649
00:31:53,995 --> 00:31:56,581
"Life is good. Life is good." He
just wouldn't shut up about it.

650
00:31:56,582 --> 00:31:58,458
Well, you know what?

651
00:31:58,459 --> 00:32:00,375
The Gluten Free Channel
can't find out about this.

652
00:32:00,376 --> 00:32:02,169
- No, I know they can't find out about it.
- That'd be awful.

653
00:32:02,170 --> 00:32:04,046
- That's the whole problem.
- What is it? What's happening?

654
00:32:04,047 --> 00:32:07,132
Nothing. It's just... I think a furry
snuck in, and he's scritching.

655
00:32:07,133 --> 00:32:08,759
- What's a furry?
- It's not a big deal.

656
00:32:08,760 --> 00:32:10,219
- What's a furry?
- A furry is simply

657
00:32:10,220 --> 00:32:13,431
just someone who likes to dress up like
an animal with human characteristics.

658
00:32:13,432 --> 00:32:15,140
It's a form of roleplay.
It's huge.

659
00:32:15,141 --> 00:32:16,266
- Yeah, that's great.
- Yeah.

660
00:32:16,267 --> 00:32:18,185
But then, the scritching thing
you said, what is that?

661
00:32:18,186 --> 00:32:20,521
Scritching is simply light
scratching or grooming.

662
00:32:20,522 --> 00:32:22,982
It's a form of affection.
Furries love to do it.

663
00:32:22,983 --> 00:32:24,066
- I do that.
- It's fun for them.

664
00:32:24,067 --> 00:32:25,526
- Yeah. Sure.
- Exactly. We all do it.

665
00:32:25,527 --> 00:32:26,735
There was a bit of a
thing in your voice.

666
00:32:26,736 --> 00:32:29,155
I'm good at hearing things in voices, and
you had a thing with the scritching.

667
00:32:29,156 --> 00:32:32,074
- What is it? Tell me.
- It has absolutely nothing to do with sex.

668
00:32:32,075 --> 00:32:33,200
- Nothing.
- Nothing?

669
00:32:33,201 --> 00:32:36,746
Only... Well, 37% of them
apparently enjoy sex very much,

670
00:32:36,747 --> 00:32:37,872
but that's not the point.

671
00:32:37,873 --> 00:32:41,792
I was in the other room, and one
of them kind of bumped into me.

672
00:32:41,793 --> 00:32:44,629
I thought the guy was going for my
wallet, so I turned around real quick.

673
00:32:44,630 --> 00:32:45,880
Uh...

674
00:32:45,881 --> 00:32:47,507
It seemed different. The...

675
00:32:47,508 --> 00:32:48,875
Did he yip or did he yiff?

676
00:32:49,259 --> 00:32:51,511
He said, "Skip," and I said,
"No, my name's Buddy."

677
00:32:51,512 --> 00:32:54,138
Okay, he yipped. If he
yipped, that means "hello."

678
00:32:54,139 --> 00:32:57,182
If he yiffs... If that happens,
well, then you got a problem.

679
00:32:57,183 --> 00:32:58,559
Yeah, you know what?
Might have been a yiff.

680
00:32:58,560 --> 00:33:00,644
Might have been "yiff." And I
said he was going for the wallet.

681
00:33:00,645 --> 00:33:03,355
More like he was going for loose change,
if you know what I'm saying. All right?

682
00:33:03,356 --> 00:33:05,024
Well, if it happens
again, just go...

683
00:33:05,025 --> 00:33:06,526
I'm gonna say, "Pal,
you're gonna get this."

684
00:33:06,527 --> 00:33:08,861
We have bigger fish to fry.
We have a drug problem.

685
00:33:08,862 --> 00:33:09,987
And we got a sex problem

686
00:33:09,988 --> 00:33:12,749
if you got people yipping and yiffing
and skipping and all that stuff.

687
00:33:20,456 --> 00:33:21,657
Hello!

688
00:33:22,751 --> 00:33:24,001
- Corky!
- Hi, Cindi.

689
00:33:24,002 --> 00:33:25,252
- How are you?
- Oh, it's so good to see you.

690
00:33:25,253 --> 00:33:28,255
- Come here, you look so beautiful. Oh!
- Oh, so do you. Oh!

691
00:33:28,256 --> 00:33:29,965
It is so good to see you.

692
00:33:29,966 --> 00:33:31,216
And you too.

693
00:33:31,217 --> 00:33:32,342
Oh, I've missed you.

694
00:33:32,343 --> 00:33:34,303
I missed you, too. Mmm.

695
00:33:34,304 --> 00:33:36,681
- How was your flight?
- It was a little bumpy, you know.

696
00:33:36,682 --> 00:33:40,601
It was one of those small
commuter planes, and I kind of...

697
00:33:40,602 --> 00:33:42,436
little bit on my blouse.

698
00:33:42,437 --> 00:33:45,439
I had to wash it away with
a little moist towelette,

699
00:33:45,440 --> 00:33:46,691
which was fun.

700
00:33:46,692 --> 00:33:49,359
Well, you look great. I don't
see anything on your shirt.

701
00:33:49,360 --> 00:33:51,772
- Thank you.
- I need you.

702
00:33:52,155 --> 00:33:53,113
I need you.

703
00:33:53,114 --> 00:33:56,033
You have this fairy dust that just...
It just helps me.

704
00:33:56,034 --> 00:33:59,411
You are my favorite student
ever in the whole world.

705
00:33:59,412 --> 00:34:00,705
You're my favorite teacher.

706
00:34:00,706 --> 00:34:02,039
- You know that.
- Thank you.

707
00:34:02,040 --> 00:34:03,248
- Thank you for coming.
- Thank you.

708
00:34:03,249 --> 00:34:04,792
Knock, knock, knock. Hello.

709
00:34:04,793 --> 00:34:06,586
- Hello.
- Hi! I'm Laci.

710
00:34:06,587 --> 00:34:07,753
- What's your name?
- Laci.

711
00:34:07,754 --> 00:34:10,631
Laci. Oh, you are beautiful.

712
00:34:10,632 --> 00:34:12,007
Oh, thank you.

713
00:34:12,008 --> 00:34:13,592
- May I?
- Okay.

714
00:34:13,593 --> 00:34:15,094
Mm-hmm.

715
00:34:15,095 --> 00:34:16,261
Oh!

716
00:34:16,262 --> 00:34:19,098
Yes. Boner!

717
00:34:19,099 --> 00:34:21,433
- Really?
- Definitely, yes.

718
00:34:21,434 --> 00:34:23,762
- Let me check.
- Oh.

719
00:34:24,938 --> 00:34:26,731
We're gonna talk for
a little bit, okay?

720
00:34:26,732 --> 00:34:30,150
About some of the prep, that
I call it, for the show.

721
00:34:30,151 --> 00:34:33,487
And I know that you have the...
whole physical thing going.

722
00:34:33,488 --> 00:34:36,574
- I do.
- I wanna get inside that noodle.

723
00:34:36,575 --> 00:34:42,371
Her inner soul, heart, mind, all
the nerves, that whole world.

724
00:34:42,372 --> 00:34:45,249
- But we'll talk about it together, okay?
- Yeah.

725
00:34:45,250 --> 00:34:47,418
We'll probably see you
later then, I guess.

726
00:34:47,419 --> 00:34:50,004
- Okay. All right. Bye.
- Mm-hmm. Yeah.

727
00:34:50,005 --> 00:34:51,130
- Bye.
- Okay.

728
00:34:51,131 --> 00:34:53,173
<i>Nature is the great teacher,</i>

729
00:34:53,174 --> 00:34:57,261
and this exercise that
I'm gonna teach you

730
00:34:57,262 --> 00:35:00,715
is nature personified, okay?

731
00:35:01,224 --> 00:35:04,101
I call this the
crabby walk, okay?

732
00:35:04,102 --> 00:35:06,604
So, you say, "Crabby
walk," and crabby walk...

733
00:35:06,605 --> 00:35:08,522
- Oh, okay.
- Is...

734
00:35:08,523 --> 00:35:10,190
And I'm not saying
crabs walk like that,

735
00:35:10,191 --> 00:35:13,193
'cause, obviously, they don't
have legs or big pants.

736
00:35:13,194 --> 00:35:16,864
But crabby walk gets you
in a frame of mind of...

737
00:35:16,865 --> 00:35:19,950
Yeah. That's crabby walk. And you
have to say it at the same time.

738
00:35:19,951 --> 00:35:21,535
Okay. Crabby walk.

739
00:35:21,536 --> 00:35:23,954
Right... but look up. Don't
be afraid of looking up.

740
00:35:23,955 --> 00:35:25,497
<i>There's something about
being in nature.</i>

741
00:35:25,498 --> 00:35:31,879
There's something about being in the wild
that always connected me to the world.

742
00:35:31,880 --> 00:35:37,134
Hanging from a cliff, you
know, from a technical climb,

743
00:35:37,135 --> 00:35:40,846
or... or having crampons on,
which I like to do anyway.

744
00:35:40,847 --> 00:35:44,099
But having crampons on a
glacier with an ice ax

745
00:35:44,100 --> 00:35:48,103
and making my way, you know, into
a crevasse. You know, rappelling.

746
00:35:48,104 --> 00:35:51,523
I love rappelling because
I love holding rope.

747
00:35:51,524 --> 00:35:54,652
Again, in any situation.

748
00:35:54,653 --> 00:35:57,446
But especially on the side of
a mountain, where you feel...

749
00:35:57,447 --> 00:36:02,159
It's like nature saying, with a big hand,
slapping you across the face and saying,

750
00:36:02,160 --> 00:36:05,955
"Listen. I'm here
and so are you,

751
00:36:05,956 --> 00:36:09,959
but in one second, you're not
here and I'm still here."

752
00:36:09,960 --> 00:36:13,746
Which is pretty much the best
acting advice you could have.

753
00:36:14,422 --> 00:36:15,673
- Keep your head low...
- Yeah, yeah.

754
00:36:15,674 --> 00:36:17,466
- So that Tammy's eyes are looking up.
- I know.

755
00:36:17,467 --> 00:36:18,843
- Okay.
- I know how it works. Go ahead.

756
00:36:18,844 --> 00:36:20,295
Okay. All right.

757
00:36:21,096 --> 00:36:22,763
Oh, sorry. That was my fault.

758
00:36:22,764 --> 00:36:24,139
- Okay.
- It was a little high, though.

759
00:36:24,140 --> 00:36:25,725
Right, but I think,
at this point,

760
00:36:25,726 --> 00:36:27,601
what's less important is
whether or not you hit it,

761
00:36:27,602 --> 00:36:28,686
more just where your eyes end up

762
00:36:28,687 --> 00:36:29,770
because that's what
people'd be looking at.

763
00:36:29,771 --> 00:36:30,855
Well, I'm not wearing a head,

764
00:36:30,856 --> 00:36:32,231
so how can you tell where
my eyes are gonna end up?

765
00:36:32,232 --> 00:36:33,357
- Because...
- That was perfect, by the way.

766
00:36:33,358 --> 00:36:36,110
Because it correlates
with where your head is.

767
00:36:36,111 --> 00:36:38,904
I thought we were practicing this...
this part.

768
00:36:38,905 --> 00:36:40,239
You're being impossible.

769
00:36:40,240 --> 00:36:42,700
- Would you throw the ball?
- Yeah, I'll throw it.

770
00:36:42,701 --> 00:36:43,826
But we're not on a team anymore?

771
00:36:43,827 --> 00:36:45,327
- We're just two individuals?
- Throw the ball. What?

772
00:36:45,328 --> 00:36:47,204
Okay, well, that was too...

773
00:36:47,205 --> 00:36:49,248
- That came so close to my head!
- Okay.

774
00:36:49,249 --> 00:36:50,374
You piece of garbage!

775
00:36:50,375 --> 00:36:51,500
- Don't touch me!
- Why do you do that?

776
00:36:51,501 --> 00:36:52,626
- You know what?
- Why do you do that?

777
00:36:52,627 --> 00:36:54,920
You're at the wrong event! You
don't belong at the Fluffies!

778
00:36:54,921 --> 00:36:57,005
- At the angry music club?
- You belong at the Succubus Olympics!

779
00:36:57,006 --> 00:36:58,966
- Hi.
- That's what you should...

780
00:36:58,967 --> 00:37:00,718
Hi!

781
00:37:00,719 --> 00:37:02,636
- Oh, my God! Hi!
- You guys are here.

782
00:37:02,637 --> 00:37:04,013
You snuck up on us.

783
00:37:04,014 --> 00:37:05,139
Mr. Lumpkin.

784
00:37:05,140 --> 00:37:06,682
- Oh, you look beautiful!
- Thank you.

785
00:37:06,683 --> 00:37:08,200
I'm sorry for my... I
don't know what I...

786
00:37:08,225 --> 00:37:08,976
That's all right.

787
00:37:08,977 --> 00:37:10,102
- We're just rehearsing.
- That's all right.

788
00:37:10,103 --> 00:37:11,228
- You look... Hello!
- Look at you.

789
00:37:11,229 --> 00:37:13,647
- Hi, how are you? How are you?
- Hello.

790
00:37:13,648 --> 00:37:14,857
Look at you. You
look like a sunrise.

791
00:37:14,858 --> 00:37:16,191
- It's great to see you.
- I'm okay.

792
00:37:16,192 --> 00:37:17,317
<i>I'm a lucky guy.</i>

793
00:37:17,318 --> 00:37:19,444
Yeah, I'm just...

794
00:37:19,445 --> 00:37:22,531
Well, I was gonna say I
don't know how it happened,

795
00:37:22,532 --> 00:37:26,285
but I know exactly how
it happened, and, uh...

796
00:37:26,286 --> 00:37:27,578
I was online one day.

797
00:37:27,579 --> 00:37:30,949
I was kind of browsing
around escort services,

798
00:37:31,374 --> 00:37:35,502
and this face stared at me.

799
00:37:35,503 --> 00:37:36,837
And I just...

800
00:37:36,838 --> 00:37:41,049
I mean, I remember, I
was like, "Oh, my God."

801
00:37:41,050 --> 00:37:43,294
And it wasn't the beauty alone.

802
00:37:43,762 --> 00:37:45,763
It was this sweet, sweet...

803
00:37:45,764 --> 00:37:48,675
Oh, my God. Honey,
did I ever tell ya?

804
00:37:49,059 --> 00:37:50,350
I'm crazy about you.

805
00:37:50,351 --> 00:37:51,977
Wow.

806
00:37:51,978 --> 00:37:53,812
That's really sweet.

807
00:37:53,813 --> 00:37:56,641
I like a guy that just thinks
everything I do is great.

808
00:37:57,025 --> 00:37:59,609
And not only that, but
I mean, he was like,

809
00:37:59,610 --> 00:38:01,987
"If you don't wanna do anything
tonight, you don't have to."

810
00:38:01,988 --> 00:38:03,398
He was not...

811
00:38:03,990 --> 00:38:08,160
he was not making me do a bunch
of weird stuff all in one night.

812
00:38:08,161 --> 00:38:09,661
I spread it out.

813
00:38:09,662 --> 00:38:11,830
But it felt respectful.

814
00:38:11,831 --> 00:38:15,417
And I like how that
felt, and he, uh...

815
00:38:15,418 --> 00:38:18,837
And you liked when I bought
you the baseball team.

816
00:38:18,838 --> 00:38:22,466
The day that I got her that baseball
team, the look on her face,

817
00:38:22,467 --> 00:38:25,469
she's like a nine-year-old
girl at Christmas.

818
00:38:25,470 --> 00:38:28,173
It was so sweet, and it just...

819
00:38:28,849 --> 00:38:31,558
He put the team in my name,
and that meant a lot, too.

820
00:38:31,559 --> 00:38:34,762
Yeah, my lawyer almost
killed me, but I did it.

821
00:38:35,730 --> 00:38:38,523
Well, I'm awfully glad I
have this woman in my life,

822
00:38:38,524 --> 00:38:41,151
and I hope she's here to stay.
And...

823
00:38:41,152 --> 00:38:43,896
I haven't left him, and
I think it's because...

824
00:38:44,697 --> 00:38:48,943
he continues to show me a good time.
He tells me whatever I do is cool.

825
00:38:49,744 --> 00:38:53,823
I mean, I'll make some
macramé shit bag, you know?

826
00:38:54,875 --> 00:38:58,418
And he'll just go, "That's a masterpiece,"
or something. You know what I mean?

827
00:38:58,419 --> 00:39:00,504
Just don't make me carry it.
Please.

828
00:39:00,505 --> 00:39:03,132
And then he wants to sniff it.
He wants to sniff all my bags.

829
00:39:03,133 --> 00:39:04,299
I do.

830
00:39:04,300 --> 00:39:05,501
That's weird, but...

831
00:39:06,261 --> 00:39:09,839
You know what? I'll take that over
some guy defecating on my head.

832
00:39:13,309 --> 00:39:14,684
Hey, leave that
cookie jar alone.

833
00:39:14,685 --> 00:39:16,228
You deserve a good spankin'.

834
00:39:16,229 --> 00:39:17,604
- What? Hi.
- Hey.

835
00:39:17,605 --> 00:39:18,939
What are you going
after there, sarge?

836
00:39:18,940 --> 00:39:20,690
- Just tryin' to get some almonds up there.
- Here, use me.

837
00:39:20,691 --> 00:39:22,359
- No. I'm okay. Thank you.
- All right.

838
00:39:22,360 --> 00:39:24,145
Thank you, though. I got this.

839
00:39:25,613 --> 00:39:27,865
I'm gonna take you with me
when I climb Mount Everest.

840
00:39:27,866 --> 00:39:29,033
That'll be a fun trip.

841
00:39:29,034 --> 00:39:30,701
Might be the first little
guy to be up there.

842
00:39:30,702 --> 00:39:32,995
Have a seat. Let me give
you a hand here, buddy.

843
00:39:32,996 --> 00:39:34,371
I can climb it. It's fine.

844
00:39:34,372 --> 00:39:36,373
- All right.
- It's okay. I'm okay.

845
00:39:36,374 --> 00:39:37,582
Yeah, I wanna help
you someway, man.

846
00:39:37,583 --> 00:39:41,454
It's okay. You can help me just
by sittin' down. That's fine.

847
00:39:42,547 --> 00:39:45,590
I can't take my eyes off of you.
You're a funny little guy.

848
00:39:45,591 --> 00:39:46,716
Thanks.

849
00:39:46,717 --> 00:39:48,677
You'd make a good mascot.

850
00:39:48,678 --> 00:39:50,971
- Actually, I am. I'm a mascot.
- Oh!

851
00:39:50,972 --> 00:39:52,139
My name is Ron. I'm the Worm.

852
00:39:52,140 --> 00:39:53,265
Oh, you're the Worm!

853
00:39:53,266 --> 00:39:54,516
- I've heard talk about you.
- Yeah. Yeah, yeah.

854
00:39:54,517 --> 00:39:56,143
I think I saw you.

855
00:39:56,144 --> 00:39:58,270
Oh, good. Hope you
liked what you saw.

856
00:39:58,271 --> 00:39:59,980
- Yeah! I sure did.
- Yeah?

857
00:39:59,981 --> 00:40:01,440
Is that how you
got to this size?

858
00:40:01,441 --> 00:40:02,566
Huh?

859
00:40:02,567 --> 00:40:05,860
I mean, did they make you this size
just to fit in the Worm costume?

860
00:40:05,861 --> 00:40:08,947
No, they made me this
size when I was born.

861
00:40:08,948 --> 00:40:10,615
I was born... I was
born like this.

862
00:40:10,616 --> 00:40:12,367
Oh, so, you're a
legitimate little person?

863
00:40:12,368 --> 00:40:14,119
Yeah, I'm not a
fake little person.

864
00:40:14,120 --> 00:40:17,206
Oh, I see. I thought maybe they
shrunk you down or somethin'.

865
00:40:17,207 --> 00:40:20,459
- No, it's not like they...
- 'Cause it's a very competitive contest.

866
00:40:20,460 --> 00:40:23,670
Yeah, I don't think that
technology exists yet.

867
00:40:23,671 --> 00:40:28,300
How do you drive a car? Does some...
Do you sit on someone's lap or what?

868
00:40:28,301 --> 00:40:29,676
No, I just...

869
00:40:29,677 --> 00:40:31,845
I bet it's a real tiny,
little car, is it?

870
00:40:31,846 --> 00:40:34,764
Tell me everything. This
fascinates the hell out of me.

871
00:40:34,765 --> 00:40:36,350
I have a pretty standard car.

872
00:40:36,351 --> 00:40:39,728
You have another little person down
there operatin' the pedals for you?

873
00:40:39,729 --> 00:40:44,775
No, I basically just have a metal
rod that goes on top of a pedal,

874
00:40:44,776 --> 00:40:45,984
and there's another
pedal on top of that.

875
00:40:45,985 --> 00:40:49,363
You just attach it with some bolts
and a wrench, and then you have a...

876
00:40:49,364 --> 00:40:51,365
It's a pedal extender.
And that's it.

877
00:40:51,366 --> 00:40:53,867
You lost me somewhere in there,
but I guess it's all kind of...

878
00:40:53,868 --> 00:40:56,370
I don't know if you know
who Jack the Plumber is.

879
00:40:56,371 --> 00:40:58,663
- Yeah, the mascot. Yep.
- Well, I manage him.

880
00:40:58,664 --> 00:41:01,041
- Oh, great.
- He's got a wonderful act.

881
00:41:01,042 --> 00:41:02,292
He's missin' somethin'.

882
00:41:02,293 --> 00:41:06,004
He's missin' a little button
at the end of his act,

883
00:41:06,005 --> 00:41:08,048
and I got somethin'
percolating in my brain.

884
00:41:08,049 --> 00:41:10,009
- Okay.
- But I need another person.

885
00:41:10,010 --> 00:41:13,254
- All right.
- It's got to be a person of your, uh...

886
00:41:13,972 --> 00:41:15,139
- Persuasion.
- Right.

887
00:41:15,140 --> 00:41:17,641
Okay, so you want me to recruit
a little person for you?

888
00:41:17,642 --> 00:41:20,102
Another little person,
shorter than you even.

889
00:41:20,103 --> 00:41:21,228
- Smaller the better.
- Shorter than me?

890
00:41:21,229 --> 00:41:22,437
'Cause we all know each other?

891
00:41:22,438 --> 00:41:25,357
Is that a fact? Well,
all I want is one.

892
00:41:25,358 --> 00:41:28,568
I'll go down into the
tunnel, where we all live

893
00:41:28,569 --> 00:41:32,114
and, uh... blow into
the magical horn

894
00:41:32,115 --> 00:41:33,782
- that lets...
- You're funnin' me, but okay.

895
00:41:33,783 --> 00:41:35,200
- You got a good sense of humor.
- I'll ask 'em.

896
00:41:35,201 --> 00:41:36,451
Ask me for five bucks.

897
00:41:36,452 --> 00:41:37,528
Uh...

898
00:41:37,996 --> 00:41:41,040
- I would like $5, please.
- I'm a little short this week.

899
00:41:41,041 --> 00:41:42,325
Get it?

900
00:41:44,710 --> 00:41:46,412
- Hi.
- Hi.

901
00:41:48,881 --> 00:41:51,716
- Waitin'.
- Yeah. How you doin'?

902
00:41:51,717 --> 00:41:53,336
I've been better.

903
00:41:53,719 --> 00:41:55,262
- Long day?
- Yeah.

904
00:41:55,263 --> 00:41:56,797
Yeah. Me too.

905
00:41:57,307 --> 00:42:01,435
My wife and I are doing this
never-go-to-bed-angry thing, you know.

906
00:42:01,436 --> 00:42:04,354
So, I'm just exhausted.

907
00:42:04,355 --> 00:42:07,683
- You know, we haven't been sleeping.
- I'm sorry.

908
00:42:09,819 --> 00:42:11,611
- It's hard, huh?
- Yeah, it's really hard.

909
00:42:11,612 --> 00:42:13,363
- Yeah.
- Yeah.

910
00:42:13,364 --> 00:42:16,283
- You have a nice... a beautiful laugh.
- Thank you.

911
00:42:16,284 --> 00:42:18,743
- I don't wanna be too forward, but you...
- No. No.

912
00:42:18,744 --> 00:42:20,329
- Thank you.
- Yeah.

913
00:42:20,330 --> 00:42:21,989
I don't hate your eyes.

914
00:42:23,124 --> 00:42:24,624
- Really?
- I don't.

915
00:42:24,625 --> 00:42:25,792
That's nice.

916
00:42:25,793 --> 00:42:28,746
They're like if two
clouds had babies.

917
00:42:30,631 --> 00:42:32,882
My wife says that I look
like I have cataracts.

918
00:42:32,883 --> 00:42:34,008
Oh!

919
00:42:34,009 --> 00:42:35,094
And she says it so much

920
00:42:35,095 --> 00:42:37,471
that I actually went to an
ophthalmologist and got it checked out,

921
00:42:37,472 --> 00:42:39,514
and he said, "No, those
are just your eyes."

922
00:42:39,515 --> 00:42:41,801
- Okay.
- I like your whistle.

923
00:42:43,061 --> 00:42:44,929
- Thank you.
- That's cool.

924
00:42:45,855 --> 00:42:47,348
I like to put my lips on it.

925
00:42:49,150 --> 00:42:51,519
It's like a friend in my mouth.

926
00:43:04,624 --> 00:43:06,375
Uh...

927
00:43:06,376 --> 00:43:08,168
Oh, you wanna try my gum?

928
00:43:08,169 --> 00:43:10,580
- What?
- You wanna try my gum?

929
00:43:10,804 --> 00:43:32,004
<b>www.ZooCine.CoM
Watch Movies And Series!</b>

930
00:43:32,026 --> 00:43:34,278
- Robin Wexler.
- Phil.

931
00:43:34,279 --> 00:43:35,654
Holy cow.

932
00:43:35,655 --> 00:43:37,239
- Hey.
- Look at you.

933
00:43:37,240 --> 00:43:39,241
- Oh.
- Oh, God!

934
00:43:39,242 --> 00:43:41,285
- It's so good to see you.
- Wow!

935
00:43:41,286 --> 00:43:42,827
- God.
- Nice to see you, too.

936
00:43:42,828 --> 00:43:44,704
- How long has it been?
- I don't know, it's...

937
00:43:44,705 --> 00:43:45,789
Twenty-three and a half years.

938
00:43:45,790 --> 00:43:47,082
So, you went to Higbee?

939
00:43:47,083 --> 00:43:49,501
Yeah, of course. Remember?
I was the mascot.

940
00:43:49,502 --> 00:43:51,420
You know, I just never
knew who was in there.

941
00:43:51,421 --> 00:43:53,713
I remember the mascot. I
didn't know that was you.

942
00:43:53,714 --> 00:43:55,924
- Yeah, that was me. That was me.
- Wow!

943
00:43:55,925 --> 00:43:58,593
- God, it's so good to see you.
- Well, thanks for doing this.

944
00:43:58,594 --> 00:44:00,053
Oh, are you kidding me?
It's my pleasure.

945
00:44:00,054 --> 00:44:03,473
It's like it's a reason to perform and
also to reconnect with an old friend.

946
00:44:03,474 --> 00:44:05,354
- Great.
- God, we had so much fun, didn't we?

947
00:44:05,560 --> 00:44:06,685
I guess.

948
00:44:06,686 --> 00:44:08,061
Do you remember Mr.
Drum's technology class,

949
00:44:08,062 --> 00:44:09,354
when you and I were
partnered up to build

950
00:44:09,355 --> 00:44:10,730
that bridge out of
popsicle sticks?

951
00:44:10,731 --> 00:44:13,692
And you were like, "I wish we could
have eaten these popsicles beforehand."

952
00:44:13,693 --> 00:44:15,026
We were crackin' up.

953
00:44:15,027 --> 00:44:16,195
I don't remember that.

954
00:44:16,196 --> 00:44:17,779
Oh, man. It was good times.

955
00:44:17,780 --> 00:44:19,198
I feel like I wanna
give you another hug.

956
00:44:19,199 --> 00:44:20,865
Oh, that's okay. Why
don't I give you a tour?

957
00:44:20,866 --> 00:44:21,950
Sure. Sure, sure.

958
00:44:21,951 --> 00:44:25,119
After Connor went to college, I had
all this free time, I thought,

959
00:44:25,120 --> 00:44:29,541
"I wanna work with disadvantaged children
that are really pretty disadvantaged."

960
00:44:29,542 --> 00:44:32,294
- Yeah, you wanna give back.
- I wanna give back. That's exactly right.

961
00:44:32,295 --> 00:44:34,796
- I completely... I'm with you.
- You know. But I mean, I get crazy.

962
00:44:34,797 --> 00:44:37,966
Sometimes, I'll go to a movie
in the middle of the afternoon.

963
00:44:37,967 --> 00:44:40,260
But I really wanna spend
my time giving back.

964
00:44:40,261 --> 00:44:42,095
- You know, I just...
- I celebrate that.

965
00:44:42,096 --> 00:44:46,550
I think mascotting is... To me, it's
all about giving back, you know.

966
00:44:47,268 --> 00:44:49,644
Robin, I don't know if
you're busy tomorrow,

967
00:44:49,645 --> 00:44:52,981
but I do have a ticket for the
mascot competition in Anaheim,

968
00:44:52,982 --> 00:44:56,818
and I was wondering if maybe
you'd like to be my guest.

969
00:44:56,819 --> 00:44:58,499
That's great. Do you
care if I bring David?

970
00:44:59,530 --> 00:45:00,947
I thought your son's
name was Connor.

971
00:45:00,948 --> 00:45:02,532
It is. David's my fiancé.

972
00:45:02,533 --> 00:45:04,444
We should get in. Let's go.

973
00:45:09,039 --> 00:45:11,408
Oh, the kids are so excited.

974
00:45:13,043 --> 00:45:16,080
- It says "center for the blind."
- Right. Right.

975
00:45:16,756 --> 00:45:19,841
- Are all these kids blind?
- Oh, yeah, they're all blind. All of them.

976
00:45:19,842 --> 00:45:23,378
I'm worried that my act is gonna
get kind of lost on them.

977
00:45:23,846 --> 00:45:26,806
Oh, no, these kids, they
just wanna have a good time.

978
00:45:26,807 --> 00:45:29,017
- And they're all blind?
- Yeah, they're all blind.

979
00:45:29,018 --> 00:45:30,226
But the teachers can see.

980
00:45:30,227 --> 00:45:32,854
Uh, no. Most of the
teachers are blind.

981
00:45:32,855 --> 00:45:35,399
Actually, we have one teacher
who's not completely blind.

982
00:45:35,400 --> 00:45:36,642
He's legally blind.

983
00:45:37,026 --> 00:45:39,145
- And where's he?
- He's home sick today.

984
00:45:39,612 --> 00:45:42,364
Okay. Right, okay. All right.

985
00:45:42,365 --> 00:45:44,484
Hey, you're gonna do great.

986
00:45:46,243 --> 00:45:47,528
Have fun.

987
00:46:04,136 --> 00:46:07,347
- Hi. Wow!
- Hey. Wow!

988
00:46:07,348 --> 00:46:09,140
- You look happy and relaxed.
- Thank you.

989
00:46:09,141 --> 00:46:10,434
You look good. What
do you wanna do?

990
00:46:10,435 --> 00:46:11,726
I definitely wanna do
this jousting thing.

991
00:46:11,727 --> 00:46:12,852
Mmm.

992
00:46:12,853 --> 00:46:15,855
And they have a ladies fishin' night.
We can all go out on a boat.

993
00:46:15,856 --> 00:46:18,650
Oh, no way. That is gonna be good.
This is Cindi.

994
00:46:18,651 --> 00:46:21,110
- That's only $11 to go out on a boat.
- Yeah.

995
00:46:21,111 --> 00:46:22,946
- Oh, two for one.
- Uh-huh.

996
00:46:22,947 --> 00:46:25,699
Two of us can go for the
same price as one ticket.

997
00:46:25,700 --> 00:46:26,901
I gotta go.

998
00:46:28,744 --> 00:46:29,994
Hey, you okay?

999
00:46:29,995 --> 00:46:31,906
I don't know!

1000
00:46:43,175 --> 00:46:44,501
What'd I do?

1001
00:46:44,885 --> 00:46:47,971
Miss Babineaux, a formal complaint
has been lodged against you.

1002
00:46:47,972 --> 00:46:49,639
It has come to our attention

1003
00:46:49,640 --> 00:46:52,976
that your college basketball team
is nicknamed the Leaping Squaws,

1004
00:46:52,977 --> 00:46:56,771
which means that your character
is in violation of rule 11B,

1005
00:46:56,772 --> 00:47:02,902
which states, "Mascots cannot represent
or be associated with anything offensive

1006
00:47:02,903 --> 00:47:07,699
based on race, creed, gender
or sexual orientation."

1007
00:47:07,700 --> 00:47:09,276
Well, um... I...

1008
00:47:10,036 --> 00:47:11,362
I'm an armadillo,

1009
00:47:11,871 --> 00:47:15,707
and the team isn't called
the Leaping Squaws anymore.

1010
00:47:15,708 --> 00:47:18,626
That was, like, 100
years ago or somethin'.

1011
00:47:18,627 --> 00:47:21,337
Unfortunately, it is
still on the Internet.

1012
00:47:21,338 --> 00:47:24,383
Yeah, but I've read on the Internet
that man's living on the moon,

1013
00:47:24,384 --> 00:47:25,842
and that's not true, so...

1014
00:47:25,843 --> 00:47:27,844
And you can't trust
Wikipedia, either.

1015
00:47:27,845 --> 00:47:30,221
Yeah, not everything
on Wikipedia is true.

1016
00:47:30,222 --> 00:47:31,390
Who made this complaint?

1017
00:47:31,391 --> 00:47:33,558
I'm sorry, but rule 22C

1018
00:47:33,559 --> 00:47:37,888
states that the president cannot disclose
the identity of the formal complainant.

1019
00:47:45,738 --> 00:47:49,282
- I don't know what to say. Um...
- Please don't cry.

1020
00:47:49,283 --> 00:47:53,153
I'm an armadillo. We're not
the Leaping Squaws anymore.

1021
00:47:54,955 --> 00:47:56,665
I understand that.

1022
00:47:56,666 --> 00:48:01,127
But since you are representing something
that might be considered offensive,

1023
00:48:01,128 --> 00:48:03,505
this could be grounds
for disqualification.

1024
00:48:03,506 --> 00:48:05,124
I'm Choctaw.

1025
00:48:05,716 --> 00:48:06,841
I'll tell you what,

1026
00:48:06,842 --> 00:48:09,795
why don't you step outside,
and the jury can deliberate.

1027
00:48:12,014 --> 00:48:14,633
Sweetheart. Oh!

1028
00:48:14,975 --> 00:48:16,225
I just feel horrible.

1029
00:48:16,226 --> 00:48:17,644
- Well, yeah.
- Me, too.

1030
00:48:17,645 --> 00:48:20,605
I've never thought of "squaw"
as being an offensive term.

1031
00:48:20,606 --> 00:48:21,731
Never. Me too.

1032
00:48:21,732 --> 00:48:24,734
And frankly, I'm more offended
by the word "leaping."

1033
00:48:24,735 --> 00:48:27,779
- Why?
- Well, it's blatantly homophobic.

1034
00:48:27,780 --> 00:48:29,280
What?

1035
00:48:29,281 --> 00:48:32,367
I'm just not offended by the word
"squaw." It means a little Indian girl.

1036
00:48:32,368 --> 00:48:33,993
I think "squaw" is sweet.

1037
00:48:33,994 --> 00:48:35,745
You gotta quit saying that word.

1038
00:48:35,746 --> 00:48:39,082
It's the s-word.
It's a bad term.

1039
00:48:39,083 --> 00:48:40,875
Talk to your Native
American friends.

1040
00:48:40,876 --> 00:48:43,753
It's the same as the c-word,
or the n-word or something.

1041
00:48:43,754 --> 00:48:46,715
You're comparing the term
"squaw" with the c-word?

1042
00:48:46,716 --> 00:48:48,174
- That's what it means.
- What?

1043
00:48:48,175 --> 00:48:49,801
- What?
- That's what it means.

1044
00:48:49,802 --> 00:48:52,762
You know, what we need to do is check
with the Indian guy in the gift shop

1045
00:48:52,763 --> 00:48:55,724
and ask him if he finds the
term "squaw" offensive.

1046
00:48:55,725 --> 00:48:58,267
But he's East Indian.
He's not Native American.

1047
00:48:58,268 --> 00:48:59,894
Well, what is the difference?

1048
00:48:59,895 --> 00:49:03,314
Well, one is in Asia. One is
in the American continent.

1049
00:49:03,315 --> 00:49:05,108
I always thought
he was Pakistani.

1050
00:49:05,109 --> 00:49:06,526
I just called him Eddy.

1051
00:49:06,527 --> 00:49:07,777
- Eddy? Is his name Eddy?
- Yeah.

1052
00:49:07,778 --> 00:49:09,946
Oh, God. I've been
calling him Kent.

1053
00:49:09,947 --> 00:49:12,323
Oh, my. Well, it
doesn't matter to him.

1054
00:49:12,324 --> 00:49:14,534
It doesn't matter to Eddy.
Call him whatever you want.

1055
00:49:14,535 --> 00:49:18,747
I'd like to make a motion that we reject
the claim against this young lady.

1056
00:49:18,748 --> 00:49:20,081
I would second that.

1057
00:49:20,082 --> 00:49:23,209
All in favor of the motion, say
"aye" and lift your hands up.

1058
00:49:23,210 --> 00:49:24,954
Aye.

1059
00:49:26,130 --> 00:49:27,755
- Hey, babe.
- Oh, my God.

1060
00:49:27,756 --> 00:49:30,466
I know. I know. I'm
not disqualified.

1061
00:49:30,467 --> 00:49:32,260
- You're not?
- I'm not.

1062
00:49:32,261 --> 00:49:33,469
- Babineaux.
- Babineaux.

1063
00:49:33,470 --> 00:49:36,681
- Whoo!
- Yeah, sister. Yeah. So I'm relieved.

1064
00:49:36,682 --> 00:49:39,468
- That was an ordeal. It was nuts.
- Yeah.

1065
00:49:39,852 --> 00:49:41,477
- I'm starvin'.
- All right.

1066
00:49:41,478 --> 00:49:42,770
- I'm really hungry.
- Okay.

1067
00:49:42,771 --> 00:49:45,982
- What do you want?
- I could go with, like, wings

1068
00:49:45,983 --> 00:49:47,609
or biscuits or like...

1069
00:49:47,610 --> 00:49:50,403
I kind of would
love to try sushi.

1070
00:49:50,404 --> 00:49:52,405
Mmm... I don't know about that.

1071
00:49:52,406 --> 00:49:54,240
- They have fried stuff.
- Okay.

1072
00:49:54,241 --> 00:49:55,783
- Yeah. I think it'll be fun.
- Ooh!

1073
00:49:55,784 --> 00:49:57,160
- That's exciting.
- Let's go. Did you pay?

1074
00:49:57,161 --> 00:49:58,988
I did. We're good.

1075
00:50:00,122 --> 00:50:01,748
- Mmm, delicious.
- Okay.

1076
00:50:01,749 --> 00:50:05,459
<i>Its 9:00 a.m. and 71 degrees
in beautiful Anaheim,</i>

1077
00:50:05,460 --> 00:50:08,087
<i>and people are already lining up</i>

1078
00:50:08,088 --> 00:50:11,550
<i>for the World Mascot
Association Championships.</i>

1079
00:50:11,551 --> 00:50:16,262
<i>Word on the street has it that
there are some unbelievable acts.</i>

1080
00:50:16,263 --> 00:50:19,182
<i>There are some seats
still available.</i>

1081
00:50:19,183 --> 00:50:24,187
<i>So, why don't you grab a friend,
head on down there and check it out?</i>

1082
00:50:24,188 --> 00:50:25,765
What was it all for, huh?

1083
00:50:26,524 --> 00:50:29,727
Dehydration, heat exhaustion, the
hours in the head, what was it for?

1084
00:50:30,194 --> 00:50:31,561
It was for today.

1085
00:50:32,404 --> 00:50:35,065
Failure is not an option.

1086
00:50:35,866 --> 00:50:41,738
Today is the day that you go out there and
you show the world who Phil Mayhew is.

1087
00:50:43,540 --> 00:50:44,825
Do it.

1088
00:50:48,253 --> 00:50:50,122
- Let me get that.
- Thank you.

1089
00:50:51,340 --> 00:50:52,749
Big ladder.

1090
00:50:55,052 --> 00:50:56,253
Thanks.

1091
00:51:05,730 --> 00:51:07,139
I know you.

1092
00:51:07,523 --> 00:51:09,357
- I don't think so.
- Yeah.

1093
00:51:09,358 --> 00:51:12,777
You're... We had the Mexican the other day.
It was spicy.

1094
00:51:12,778 --> 00:51:13,812
Mascots?

1095
00:51:15,698 --> 00:51:17,073
The Fist.

1096
00:51:17,074 --> 00:51:20,368
- What's the ladder for?
- Oh, this? The ladder, yeah.

1097
00:51:20,369 --> 00:51:21,911
It's for a new bit.

1098
00:51:21,912 --> 00:51:23,705
You know, for Anaheim,
the big show.

1099
00:51:23,706 --> 00:51:25,957
- Oh?
- I really want to smash it.

1100
00:51:25,958 --> 00:51:30,586
And I'd had a bit involving the
ladder, but my dad's not too keen.

1101
00:51:30,587 --> 00:51:32,881
- Your dad?
- My dad was Sid before me.

1102
00:51:32,882 --> 00:51:35,216
- Oh?
- And his dad was Sid before him.

1103
00:51:35,217 --> 00:51:38,469
So sort of it's a family tradition.
We've all done it.

1104
00:51:38,470 --> 00:51:41,555
- They're not Sid anymore.
- No. No, I'm Sid now. Yeah.

1105
00:51:41,556 --> 00:51:43,633
So, what does it matter
what they think?

1106
00:51:44,018 --> 00:51:45,427
Well, it shouldn't.

1107
00:51:46,562 --> 00:51:49,438
And I love Dad, and
I love his routine,

1108
00:51:49,439 --> 00:51:51,315
but it's just not...

1109
00:51:51,316 --> 00:51:53,352
I really think it
can be much better.

1110
00:51:54,612 --> 00:51:56,487
Sarah loves it. Sarah
loves the whole...

1111
00:51:56,488 --> 00:51:59,274
- Your mom?
- No. No, not... No, my wife.

1112
00:52:00,492 --> 00:52:02,118
Underneath that, there's a ring.

1113
00:52:02,119 --> 00:52:04,287
She's really supportive of...
She's my rock.

1114
00:52:04,288 --> 00:52:06,164
I don't know what
I'd do without her.

1115
00:52:06,165 --> 00:52:08,742
She's my best friend.

1116
00:52:09,584 --> 00:52:11,085
Can I give you some
advice, Hedgehog?

1117
00:52:11,086 --> 00:52:12,628
Yeah, of course.

1118
00:52:12,629 --> 00:52:15,965
There once was a boy
who wanted a father,

1119
00:52:15,966 --> 00:52:18,878
but instead, he was
promised an empire.

1120
00:52:19,428 --> 00:52:21,680
So when he didn't get
love from his father,

1121
00:52:21,681 --> 00:52:23,840
he went looking for that empire.

1122
00:52:26,852 --> 00:52:29,270
Not my words. The words
of Michael Landon.

1123
00:52:29,271 --> 00:52:31,648
Season 1, Episode 8
of <i>Highway to Heaven.</i>

1124
00:52:31,649 --> 00:52:33,983
<i>Highway to Heaven.</i> Wow, yeah.

1125
00:52:33,984 --> 00:52:35,651
Think about it.

1126
00:52:35,652 --> 00:52:37,396
Was he an angel?

1127
00:52:39,364 --> 00:52:42,241
- Keep climbing, Hedgehog.
- Thanks, Tommy.

1128
00:52:42,242 --> 00:52:44,660
Oh, good luck, mate.

1129
00:52:44,661 --> 00:52:45,988
Thank you.

1130
00:53:02,763 --> 00:53:05,799
- Hey, Cindi?
- It's open.

1131
00:53:10,729 --> 00:53:12,806
Oh, my God. What happened?

1132
00:53:13,440 --> 00:53:14,934
The sushi...

1133
00:53:15,943 --> 00:53:17,443
it had bugs in it.

1134
00:53:17,444 --> 00:53:19,188
I'm so sorry.

1135
00:53:20,655 --> 00:53:22,482
People aren't supposed
to eat live fish.

1136
00:53:23,367 --> 00:53:26,653
I know.

1137
00:53:31,959 --> 00:53:34,043
Pull over.

1138
00:53:34,044 --> 00:53:37,130
Oh, God. Oh, God. Oh, shit.

1139
00:53:37,131 --> 00:53:39,799
- Pull over, now.
- Is that for me? Oh, bugger.

1140
00:53:39,800 --> 00:53:42,176
What do I do? What do I do?
What? Pull over.

1141
00:53:42,177 --> 00:53:44,846
You're driving on the
wrong side of the street.

1142
00:53:44,847 --> 00:53:46,298
Pull over immediately.

1143
00:53:47,391 --> 00:53:48,800
Laci...

1144
00:53:50,936 --> 00:53:53,097
I'm not gonna be able...

1145
00:53:54,606 --> 00:53:57,351
- to go on stage.
- What?

1146
00:53:58,402 --> 00:54:00,111
I'm too sick.

1147
00:54:00,112 --> 00:54:02,196
No, you gotta do it.

1148
00:54:02,197 --> 00:54:04,323
You're Alvin. You gotta
get up there and do it.

1149
00:54:04,324 --> 00:54:05,985
Listen to me.

1150
00:54:06,827 --> 00:54:09,328
I put you down...

1151
00:54:09,329 --> 00:54:10,739
as my alternate.

1152
00:54:12,750 --> 00:54:15,869
You're gonna go out
there and perform.

1153
00:54:16,587 --> 00:54:17,711
I can't do that.

1154
00:54:17,712 --> 00:54:19,255
You know it.

1155
00:54:19,256 --> 00:54:22,008
I don't know it like you do.
You are Alvin.

1156
00:54:22,009 --> 00:54:24,593
- It doesn't matter.
- But you've been doing it your whole life.

1157
00:54:24,594 --> 00:54:27,055
I can't go up there and do something
you've been doing your whole life.

1158
00:54:27,056 --> 00:54:29,557
Alvin is Alvin.

1159
00:54:29,558 --> 00:54:33,345
You'll put on the mask,
and you'll be great.

1160
00:54:43,864 --> 00:54:47,192
<i>Ladies and gentlemen,
please take your seats.</i>

1161
00:54:48,702 --> 00:54:53,532
<i>Welcome to the 8th World Mascot
Association Championships.</i>

1162
00:54:55,375 --> 00:54:58,920
<i>Please welcome our
celebrity judges.</i>

1163
00:54:58,921 --> 00:55:02,090
Well, thank you. Hi!
Good to see you all.

1164
00:55:02,091 --> 00:55:04,843
- When did you last see him?
- This morning at the hotel.

1165
00:55:04,844 --> 00:55:07,428
After his Coco Pops, he said he was
gonna go and take that ladder back

1166
00:55:07,429 --> 00:55:08,679
and meet me here.

1167
00:55:08,680 --> 00:55:10,056
Well, why didn't he
do it yesterday?

1168
00:55:10,057 --> 00:55:12,600
He wouldn't have had to do it at all
if you hadn't told him to do it.

1169
00:55:12,601 --> 00:55:15,478
- Biggest day of his life.
- Biggest day of your life, more like.

1170
00:55:15,479 --> 00:55:17,856
He's never late for anything.
It doesn't make sense.

1171
00:55:17,857 --> 00:55:19,357
<i>Ladies and gentlemen,</i>

1172
00:55:19,358 --> 00:55:21,526
<i>our first contestants,</i>

1173
00:55:21,527 --> 00:55:24,653
<i>from the Chanderaihi
Cricket Club in India,</i>

1174
00:55:24,654 --> 00:55:27,232
<i>Pointy and Grindy.</i>

1175
00:55:30,202 --> 00:55:32,571
She's a pencil.

1176
00:55:59,147 --> 00:56:00,515
He'll get out, so...

1177
00:56:00,691 --> 00:56:01,607
Whoa, whoa, whoa!

1178
00:56:01,608 --> 00:56:03,151
- What?
- What are you doing?

1179
00:56:03,152 --> 00:56:04,872
- Getting out the car.
- Stop right there.

1180
00:56:05,320 --> 00:56:07,155
I thought I was meant to
get out and come and...

1181
00:56:07,156 --> 00:56:09,073
- No. No, put your paw down.
- Okay.

1182
00:56:09,074 --> 00:56:11,325
I need to see your driver's license
and proof of registration.

1183
00:56:11,326 --> 00:56:13,953
Yeah, of course. I've got it.
It's in... It's...

1184
00:56:13,954 --> 00:56:16,956
You need to be honest with me right now.
Have you been drinking?

1185
00:56:16,957 --> 00:56:18,325
- Yeah.
- What?

1186
00:56:18,709 --> 00:56:20,168
- Yeah.
- Have you been drinking today?

1187
00:56:20,169 --> 00:56:21,794
Yes. No. Yes.

1188
00:56:21,795 --> 00:56:24,088
- I'm gonna ask you one more time.
- Okay.

1189
00:56:24,089 --> 00:56:25,589
Have you drank any
alcohol today?

1190
00:56:25,590 --> 00:56:28,051
No. No. God, no.

1191
00:56:28,052 --> 00:56:29,677
- Never drink and drive.
- Alcohol. Sir...

1192
00:56:29,678 --> 00:56:30,929
- have you been drinking alcohol?
- No,

1193
00:56:30,930 --> 00:56:32,972
I'm trying to get pregnant,
so I'm not drinking.

1194
00:56:32,973 --> 00:56:34,216
My wife's... I'm not.

1195
00:56:40,689 --> 00:56:41,814
Hey, Mr. Gammons, sir.

1196
00:56:41,815 --> 00:56:43,899
Hey, Phil. How are you feeling?
Nervous?

1197
00:56:43,900 --> 00:56:44,984
Excited.

1198
00:56:44,985 --> 00:56:46,819
You got every reason in
the world to be nervous.

1199
00:56:46,820 --> 00:56:49,322
It all comes down to
the next few minutes.

1200
00:56:49,323 --> 00:56:50,698
You ever see anything like this?

1201
00:56:50,699 --> 00:56:53,076
A pencil and a pencil sharpener.

1202
00:56:53,077 --> 00:56:56,579
That's one of the last joys
in life, sharpening a pencil.

1203
00:56:56,580 --> 00:56:58,706
It's hard to do that wrong.

1204
00:56:58,707 --> 00:56:59,832
<i>Jack the Plumber to the stage.</i>

1205
00:56:59,833 --> 00:57:00,917
That's me.

1206
00:57:00,918 --> 00:57:02,793
Remember, in this country, you
could be anything you want to be.

1207
00:57:02,794 --> 00:57:04,371
Now, go get 'em.

1208
00:57:06,715 --> 00:57:09,050
I want you to look at the tip of my pen.
All right?

1209
00:57:09,051 --> 00:57:10,509
With your eyes only, follow it.

1210
00:57:10,510 --> 00:57:12,053
- Okay.
- I'm gonna start again.

1211
00:57:12,054 --> 00:57:13,972
- You moved your head. You moved your head.
- No, I didn't.

1212
00:57:13,973 --> 00:57:16,474
If I told you you moved your head,
you moved your head. Correct?

1213
00:57:16,475 --> 00:57:18,101
- Yeah. I didn't think I did. Sorry.
- Tip of the pen.

1214
00:57:18,102 --> 00:57:19,227
- Yeah.
- With your eyes only.

1215
00:57:19,228 --> 00:57:20,478
Here we go. Other side.

1216
00:57:20,479 --> 00:57:22,313
- I'm gonna start again.
- Let's do it.

1217
00:57:22,314 --> 00:57:24,690
- To the left. Eyes only.
- Yeah, eyes only.

1218
00:57:24,691 --> 00:57:26,692
- Okay. We're gonna move on.
- Are we done?

1219
00:57:26,693 --> 00:57:28,527
- Yeah.
- No. That seemed rude.

1220
00:57:28,528 --> 00:57:30,363
- I'll let you know when we're done.
- No, no. I know.

1221
00:57:30,364 --> 00:57:32,573
- All right, Mr. Golly? Feet on the line.
- It's "jolly."

1222
00:57:32,574 --> 00:57:34,700
'Cause I've got to
get to the WMAs.

1223
00:57:34,701 --> 00:57:38,863
<i>Let's give a big hand
to Pointy and Grindy.</i>

1224
00:57:43,543 --> 00:57:45,245
Get out of the way.

1225
00:57:45,837 --> 00:57:48,047
Why did you tell him not
to bring his phone?

1226
00:57:48,048 --> 00:57:50,083
It costs a fortune to
phone foreign, don't it?

1227
00:57:50,800 --> 00:57:53,052
- Owen!
- Owen!

1228
00:57:53,053 --> 00:57:56,139
<i>Ladies and gentlemen,
please welcome,</i>

1229
00:57:56,140 --> 00:58:00,434
<i>from Beaumont College
in Modesto, California,</i>

1230
00:58:00,435 --> 00:58:02,136
<i>Jack the Plumber.</i>

1231
00:58:16,910 --> 00:58:19,495
Oh, hello. You're too young
to be drinking that.

1232
00:58:19,496 --> 00:58:23,124
Oh, thank you. Thank you.

1233
00:58:23,125 --> 00:58:25,293
- Dutch courage, is it?
- Huh?

1234
00:58:25,294 --> 00:58:27,211
Courage. You're
drinking for courage.

1235
00:58:27,212 --> 00:58:29,422
I'm drinking for courage.
I'm in it to win it.

1236
00:58:29,423 --> 00:58:31,424
- Oh, good for you.
- Thank you. I'm gonna win this thing.

1237
00:58:31,425 --> 00:58:32,925
What's the act like, then?

1238
00:58:32,926 --> 00:58:35,636
What, you lie down and a truck
goes over you or something?

1239
00:58:35,637 --> 00:58:39,807
Um, sort of. It's really...
It's a modern dance piece.

1240
00:58:39,808 --> 00:58:43,186
- Oh.
- It's about women and fertility.

1241
00:58:43,187 --> 00:58:45,729
My favorite kind of
dance is modern.

1242
00:58:45,730 --> 00:58:49,525
Okay, well, I hope you have
two eyes on the show tonight.

1243
00:58:49,526 --> 00:58:50,977
I will.

1244
00:58:52,446 --> 00:58:53,654
What did you say your name was?

1245
00:58:53,655 --> 00:58:55,448
Laci, with an "I."

1246
00:58:55,449 --> 00:58:56,574
Oh, that's beautiful.

1247
00:58:56,575 --> 00:58:59,819
- I put a heart over it.
- 'Course you do.

1248
00:59:02,914 --> 00:59:04,157
I'm Tommy.

1249
00:59:05,542 --> 00:59:08,412
- Hi. I have metal on my hands, silver.
- We'll just...

1250
00:59:09,171 --> 00:59:11,540
- Oh, okay.
- That's all right.

1251
00:59:12,257 --> 00:59:14,758
- Maybe I'll see you afterwards.
- Okay.

1252
00:59:14,759 --> 00:59:16,586
I'll be the tall one
looking at you.

1253
01:00:07,771 --> 01:00:08,805
Oh, my God.

1254
01:01:31,396 --> 01:01:33,189
<i>That was Jack the Plumber</i>

1255
01:01:33,190 --> 01:01:37,477
<i>from Beaumont College
in Modesto, California.</i>

1256
01:01:40,655 --> 01:01:43,316
<i>Heshe and the Worm to
the stage, please.</i>

1257
01:01:44,033 --> 01:01:45,234
Go get 'em, Tiny.

1258
01:01:46,411 --> 01:01:49,413
<i>From the Tussolon Tigers
Canoe Team in Israel,</i>

1259
01:01:49,414 --> 01:01:51,365
<i>Heshe and the Worm.</i>

1260
01:01:58,131 --> 01:01:59,548
- Whoo!
- Hey, two things.

1261
01:01:59,549 --> 01:02:04,345
First, FYI, I found out it's free sausage
night tonight at the waffle place.

1262
01:02:04,346 --> 01:02:05,513
All you can eat.

1263
01:02:05,514 --> 01:02:09,767
Secondly, and more important, how
do you feel it went out there?

1264
01:02:09,768 --> 01:02:12,770
To be honest, I was a little
nervous about the poo,

1265
01:02:12,771 --> 01:02:15,598
but you know, they ate
it up, so to speak.

1266
01:02:16,149 --> 01:02:19,151
Couple of beats after the solo, I
missed a couple of steps, you know...

1267
01:02:19,152 --> 01:02:21,570
I didn't watch the whole thing,
but you did a great job.

1268
01:02:21,571 --> 01:02:22,863
- Okay.
- Hey, look at this.

1269
01:02:22,864 --> 01:02:25,157
That's Tiny. Did you meet him?
The Worm?

1270
01:02:25,158 --> 01:02:26,784
No, I was distracted.

1271
01:02:26,785 --> 01:02:28,994
You know, they can
criticize our country,

1272
01:02:28,995 --> 01:02:31,955
but if a rabbi can get
together with a worm

1273
01:02:31,956 --> 01:02:35,543
and entertain our citizens,
we got a pretty solid future.

1274
01:02:35,544 --> 01:02:37,503
Well, my head's still kinda
in the head right now,

1275
01:02:37,504 --> 01:02:39,547
so I'm gonna walk it off.

1276
01:02:39,548 --> 01:02:42,049
- Great job.
- Thank you.

1277
01:02:42,050 --> 01:02:43,752
I wonder if that's a real rabbi.

1278
01:02:45,804 --> 01:02:48,131
<i>That was Heshe and the Worm</i>

1279
01:02:48,515 --> 01:02:51,468
<i>from the Tussolon
Tigers in Israel.</i>

1280
01:02:54,438 --> 01:02:55,854
Are you centered?

1281
01:02:55,855 --> 01:02:57,064
- I feel good. I feel great.
- Okay.

1282
01:02:57,065 --> 01:02:59,275
It looks, from your breathing,
like you might not be centered.

1283
01:02:59,276 --> 01:03:00,935
I'm doing the best I can with...

1284
01:03:02,362 --> 01:03:03,612
- What are you doing?
- What?

1285
01:03:03,613 --> 01:03:04,697
<i>Tammy and Ollie to the stage.</i>

1286
01:03:04,698 --> 01:03:06,365
- What are you doing?
- What do you mean what am I doing?

1287
01:03:06,366 --> 01:03:08,158
- Will you stop being stupid right now?
- Okay.

1288
01:03:08,159 --> 01:03:10,035
- Did you see what your face did?
- Okay. I hear you.

1289
01:03:10,036 --> 01:03:13,831
- Do you know what your face did?
- I hear your criticism, and I validate it.

1290
01:03:13,832 --> 01:03:16,041
<i>Our next contestants,</i>

1291
01:03:16,042 --> 01:03:19,378
<i>from the South Fork
Herons in Kansas,</i>

1292
01:03:19,379 --> 01:03:20,789
<i>Tammy and Ollie.</i>

1293
01:03:39,983 --> 01:03:41,358
Hey, partner.
What's the problem?

1294
01:03:41,359 --> 01:03:45,779
Oh, the greedy little bugger.
Do you have any coins?

1295
01:03:45,780 --> 01:03:47,072
Coins?

1296
01:03:47,073 --> 01:03:48,574
For the paper machine.

1297
01:03:48,575 --> 01:03:50,659
Whatever you're smoking,
you got any more of that?

1298
01:03:50,660 --> 01:03:52,745
I've got loads of it in the
motor home if you want.

1299
01:03:52,746 --> 01:03:54,447
Lead the way, my honor.

1300
01:04:11,681 --> 01:04:13,424
Oh!

1301
01:04:21,149 --> 01:04:23,734
You almost hit me with the
ball, you dumb dumbhead.

1302
01:04:23,735 --> 01:04:26,278
Okay. Round two, coming up.

1303
01:04:26,279 --> 01:04:27,446
Whoa!

1304
01:04:27,447 --> 01:04:29,365
- Too hard.
- What are you doing?

1305
01:04:29,366 --> 01:04:31,825
What do you mean what am I doing?
Is this what's happening right now?

1306
01:04:31,826 --> 01:04:35,037
Now, you're upset. I need you to
get out of my face right now.

1307
01:04:35,038 --> 01:04:36,830
- Idiot.
- Oh, I'm an idiot?

1308
01:04:36,831 --> 01:04:38,700
You're a criminal moron.

1309
01:04:45,924 --> 01:04:47,883
- You wanna drag us to hell?
- Idiot!

1310
01:04:47,884 --> 01:04:49,718
I'll go to hell with ya.

1311
01:04:49,719 --> 01:04:52,714
Oh, my shell! Oh, my shell!

1312
01:04:54,516 --> 01:04:56,308
What are you doing?
You're ruining this!

1313
01:04:56,309 --> 01:04:57,560
You are really...

1314
01:04:57,561 --> 01:04:59,345
What's going on?

1315
01:05:06,694 --> 01:05:08,654
Whoa.

1316
01:05:08,655 --> 01:05:12,441
- What are you doing?
- It's a huge part of my life!

1317
01:05:12,909 --> 01:05:14,736
I don't know what went wrong.

1318
01:05:17,330 --> 01:05:18,364
Whoa.

1319
01:05:22,376 --> 01:05:24,837
What? What?

1320
01:05:24,838 --> 01:05:26,714
- What are you doing?
- We're okay.

1321
01:05:26,715 --> 01:05:28,173
- No, we're not okay!
- We're okay.

1322
01:05:28,174 --> 01:05:30,258
- You ruined it. You ruined it.
- We're okay.

1323
01:05:30,259 --> 01:05:31,927
This place is massive.

1324
01:05:31,928 --> 01:05:33,762
He ain't in the building.
We've already been here!

1325
01:05:33,763 --> 01:05:35,013
This is the last place we look.

1326
01:05:35,014 --> 01:05:36,724
If he ain't here, we're gonna
have to call the police.

1327
01:05:36,725 --> 01:05:37,850
Call the morgue.

1328
01:05:37,851 --> 01:05:39,267
- Oh, my God.
- Hey!

1329
01:05:39,268 --> 01:05:40,644
- Well, where have you been?
- I'm here.

1330
01:05:40,645 --> 01:05:42,062
- Sorry, sorry.
- We've been going mental.

1331
01:05:42,063 --> 01:05:44,147
- I got pulled over by the Old Bill.
- You what?

1332
01:05:44,148 --> 01:05:46,191
And then my policeman
Tourette's kicked in.

1333
01:05:46,192 --> 01:05:47,943
- You're joking.
- I said stuff that I shouldn't have said.

1334
01:05:47,944 --> 01:05:49,319
- Oh, my God.
- You could have got shot!

1335
01:05:49,320 --> 01:05:50,446
- No, he did have...
- What's this doing here?

1336
01:05:50,447 --> 01:05:51,780
Stop worrying about the
poor little ladder, Dad.

1337
01:05:51,781 --> 01:05:54,032
- Shut up about the fucking ladder.
- Right. Okay.

1338
01:05:54,033 --> 01:05:55,868
- I love you.
- Oh, God.

1339
01:05:55,869 --> 01:05:57,620
I love you. You're an old
pillock, but I love you.

1340
01:05:57,621 --> 01:05:58,871
- Right, go.
- Smash it, babe.

1341
01:05:58,872 --> 01:06:00,581
Sit down, shut up.
Enjoy the show.

1342
01:06:00,582 --> 01:06:02,408
- Give 'em hell.
- Touchdown.

1343
01:06:22,353 --> 01:06:23,479
That's a match.

1344
01:06:23,480 --> 01:06:24,848
- Yeah, a match.
- Oh, yeah.

1345
01:07:01,184 --> 01:07:02,426
Okay.

1346
01:07:14,531 --> 01:07:16,107
I made it.

1347
01:07:16,658 --> 01:07:18,200
Oh, sweetie.

1348
01:07:18,201 --> 01:07:19,618
- I made it.
- Oh, my God, you did.

1349
01:07:19,619 --> 01:07:21,494
- Oh!
- I know.

1350
01:07:21,495 --> 01:07:22,829
Oh, my God.

1351
01:07:22,830 --> 01:07:24,414
I know.

1352
01:07:24,415 --> 01:07:26,166
Oh, you still throwing up?

1353
01:07:26,167 --> 01:07:27,751
Throwing up and diarrhea.

1354
01:07:27,752 --> 01:07:29,044
- Oh, out both ends?
- Yes.

1355
01:07:29,045 --> 01:07:31,672
It's like a war going on, but
right now, it's stopped.

1356
01:07:31,673 --> 01:07:33,632
I'm sorry, babe.

1357
01:07:33,633 --> 01:07:34,709
Well...

1358
01:07:36,177 --> 01:07:38,046
you're gonna be great.

1359
01:07:38,888 --> 01:07:40,089
Thank you.

1360
01:07:40,682 --> 01:07:42,683
I'm sorry you can't do it.
I really am.

1361
01:07:42,684 --> 01:07:44,260
It's okay.

1362
01:07:45,519 --> 01:07:48,056
I can't wait to see you do it.

1363
01:07:49,065 --> 01:07:51,392
But you're the best at it.

1364
01:07:52,151 --> 01:07:55,362
Okay, Alvin, do my sister good.

1365
01:07:55,363 --> 01:07:56,981
I'll be watching from the wings.

1366
01:07:57,448 --> 01:07:58,649
All right.

1367
01:08:02,036 --> 01:08:03,404
I love that you came.

1368
01:08:05,039 --> 01:08:06,532
Bathroom's on the left.

1369
01:08:07,250 --> 01:08:09,334
<i>Ladies and gentlemen,</i>

1370
01:08:09,335 --> 01:08:13,581
<i>from Amelia Earhart College
for Women in Mississippi,</i>

1371
01:08:14,298 --> 01:08:17,168
<i>Alvin the Armadillo.</i>

1372
01:09:10,563 --> 01:09:13,349
<i>The mind bounces and
maybe won't stop.</i>

1373
01:09:46,015 --> 01:09:47,640
<i>My shell.</i>

1374
01:09:47,641 --> 01:09:49,343
<i>My shell.</i>

1375
01:10:04,158 --> 01:10:05,902
<i>What is language?</i>

1376
01:10:06,535 --> 01:10:07,736
<i>Trapped.</i>

1377
01:10:08,121 --> 01:10:09,780
This smells like good stuff.

1378
01:10:10,289 --> 01:10:11,699
Does the job, Greg.

1379
01:10:14,043 --> 01:10:18,922
Um, here in the United States, we
have, in the state of South Carolina,

1380
01:10:18,923 --> 01:10:21,084
a place called Mount Rushmore,

1381
01:10:21,550 --> 01:10:24,552
I don't know if you've heard of
it, where they have a facade

1382
01:10:24,553 --> 01:10:27,806
of four of our Founding
Fathers on this mountain.

1383
01:10:27,807 --> 01:10:29,516
- Oh, yeah.
- Yeah, you've heard of it.

1384
01:10:29,517 --> 01:10:31,226
George Washington...

1385
01:10:31,227 --> 01:10:32,803
uh...

1386
01:10:34,939 --> 01:10:37,607
Well, hell, everyone knows
the Founding Fathers.

1387
01:10:37,608 --> 01:10:38,809
Oh.

1388
01:10:40,611 --> 01:10:41,737
Dicknuts.

1389
01:10:41,738 --> 01:10:44,197
What are you doing, Zook? Let's go, man.
We gotta get you suited up.

1390
01:10:44,198 --> 01:10:45,866
- Is that today?
- Yeah.

1391
01:10:45,867 --> 01:10:48,194
- I'll be over in a minute.
- Hurry up.

1392
01:10:50,079 --> 01:10:52,448
<i>Hello. This is Cindi.</i>

1393
01:10:54,375 --> 01:10:55,701
<i>Hello?</i>

1394
01:10:56,502 --> 01:10:59,288
<i>Hello, Cindi. Who is this?</i>

1395
01:11:00,048 --> 01:11:02,083
<i>Why are you calling?</i>

1396
01:11:03,134 --> 01:11:06,545
<i>Why are you... you?</i>

1397
01:11:09,390 --> 01:11:11,217
<i>Who is this?</i>

1398
01:11:11,851 --> 01:11:13,927
<i>You've got the wrong number.</i>

1399
01:11:17,690 --> 01:11:19,725
<i>Was I ever here?</i>

1400
01:11:22,278 --> 01:11:24,362
<i>What happened?</i>

1401
01:11:24,363 --> 01:11:26,281
<i>We're sorry, the
number you have dialed</i>

1402
01:11:26,282 --> 01:11:28,151
<i>is not in service at this time.</i>

1403
01:11:34,707 --> 01:11:36,117
Oh.

1404
01:11:37,460 --> 01:11:38,543
Hmm.

1405
01:11:38,544 --> 01:11:41,914
<i>That was Alvin the Armadillo.</i>

1406
01:11:49,680 --> 01:11:52,891
You were amazing.
You were so good.

1407
01:11:52,892 --> 01:11:54,893
Thank you. Thank you.

1408
01:11:54,894 --> 01:11:56,262
We did it.

1409
01:12:00,316 --> 01:12:02,101
- We did it.
- Yeah.

1410
01:12:02,819 --> 01:12:05,821
<i>Sid the Hedgehog to
the stage, please.</i>

1411
01:12:05,822 --> 01:12:07,940
<i>Sid the Hedgehog to the stage.</i>

1412
01:12:12,453 --> 01:12:14,329
<i>Our next contestant,</i>

1413
01:12:14,330 --> 01:12:17,165
<i>from the Willingham Rovers
in London, England,</i>

1414
01:12:17,166 --> 01:12:19,835
<i>Sid the Hedgehog.</i>

1415
01:12:19,836 --> 01:12:22,038
Whoo!

1416
01:12:34,808 --> 01:12:36,552
It's a squirrel.

1417
01:12:37,353 --> 01:12:38,846
Hedgehog.

1418
01:13:30,448 --> 01:13:32,733
Oh!

1419
01:13:40,959 --> 01:13:43,035
It's a good routine.

1420
01:14:21,040 --> 01:14:22,825
Oh, gosh!

1421
01:15:20,599 --> 01:15:24,144
<i>Sid the Hedgehog,
from London, England.</i>

1422
01:15:24,145 --> 01:15:25,270
Very nice.

1423
01:15:25,271 --> 01:15:26,680
- Lovely.
- Wow!

1424
01:15:29,317 --> 01:15:31,269
He did it!

1425
01:15:31,777 --> 01:15:34,062
Let's go and see him!
Let's go and see him!

1426
01:15:44,457 --> 01:15:47,876
<i>The Fist to the stage, please.
The Fist to the stage.</i>

1427
01:15:47,877 --> 01:15:49,377
All right? Good luck, mate.

1428
01:15:49,378 --> 01:15:53,798
<i>Ladies and gentlemen, from the
Blue Lake Mallards in Canada,</i>

1429
01:15:53,799 --> 01:15:55,084
<i>the Fist.</i>

1430
01:17:13,337 --> 01:17:14,622
Babe.

1431
01:17:15,631 --> 01:17:17,257
- Hey.
- Oh, my God.

1432
01:17:17,258 --> 01:17:18,383
Oh, my God.

1433
01:17:18,384 --> 01:17:19,884
Was it all right? Was it good?

1434
01:17:19,885 --> 01:17:21,261
Emotions.

1435
01:17:21,262 --> 01:17:23,054
- Yeah, tell me about it.
- Laughing.

1436
01:17:23,055 --> 01:17:25,140
- Ladders, up, down...
- What?

1437
01:17:25,141 --> 01:17:26,308
Without breaking my spine.

1438
01:17:26,309 --> 01:17:27,843
- Hello.
- Hello.

1439
01:17:29,562 --> 01:17:30,853
It was immense.

1440
01:17:30,854 --> 01:17:32,397
Oh, thanks, Dad.

1441
01:17:32,398 --> 01:17:35,107
All those years in the shop,
I used to say to you,

1442
01:17:35,108 --> 01:17:37,569
- "Every carcass is different."
- You did.

1443
01:17:37,570 --> 01:17:39,321
Never listened to my
own advice, did I?

1444
01:17:39,322 --> 01:17:41,156
- No.
- I'll tell you what,

1445
01:17:41,157 --> 01:17:43,325
I was a better Sid
than my dad ever was,

1446
01:17:43,326 --> 01:17:47,655
but... you, you're a better Sid
than I could have ever been.

1447
01:17:48,038 --> 01:17:49,914
- Oh, shut up, Dad.
- No. No, I mean it.

1448
01:17:49,915 --> 01:17:51,958
- Record that.
- Don't be silly.

1449
01:17:51,959 --> 01:17:53,543
- That's family progress, eh?
- Wow.

1450
01:17:53,544 --> 01:17:55,621
- That was progress.
- All right.

1451
01:18:22,114 --> 01:18:24,858
Fist! Fist! Fist!

1452
01:18:30,539 --> 01:18:32,240
- Wow.
- Great.

1453
01:18:36,295 --> 01:18:38,087
Fist! Fist!

1454
01:18:38,088 --> 01:18:39,456
Great.

1455
01:18:40,799 --> 01:18:44,176
So, I hate to put you on the spot,
but which mascot was your favorite?

1456
01:18:44,177 --> 01:18:47,179
Favorite? Well, they're all about
as good as each other, I think.

1457
01:18:47,180 --> 01:18:48,681
I thought the pencil
was pretty great.

1458
01:18:48,682 --> 01:18:50,308
He was great, wasn't he?

1459
01:18:50,309 --> 01:18:53,436
<i>Please take 15 minutes
to stretch your legs</i>

1460
01:18:53,437 --> 01:18:55,764
<i>while the judges deliberate.</i>

1461
01:18:56,232 --> 01:18:59,317
And I can't tell you how much I appreciate
you coming all the way from New York.

1462
01:18:59,318 --> 01:19:00,402
New York?

1463
01:19:00,403 --> 01:19:02,194
Well, yeah. Your network's
in New York, right?

1464
01:19:02,195 --> 01:19:04,572
No, we're at the Burbank office.

1465
01:19:04,573 --> 01:19:05,823
Oh.

1466
01:19:05,824 --> 01:19:08,034
Yeah, we're in the
Burbank office.

1467
01:19:08,035 --> 01:19:10,320
We just came down the
5, took 30 minutes.

1468
01:19:10,913 --> 01:19:13,623
I didn't know that. Would you
excuse me just for a second?

1469
01:19:13,624 --> 01:19:14,916
- Yeah.
- Hey!

1470
01:19:14,917 --> 01:19:16,543
Get back here.

1471
01:19:16,544 --> 01:19:19,045
I got you this time. You
get back here right now.

1472
01:19:19,046 --> 01:19:21,415
Get back here. Stop that rabbit!

1473
01:19:22,591 --> 01:19:27,136
<i>Why not take this opportunity to
visit our snack bar in the lobby?</i>

1474
01:19:27,137 --> 01:19:31,509
<i>We have a great selection
of candy and soft drinks.</i>

1475
01:19:32,225 --> 01:19:35,312
I want him out of the building.
I want him on the street.

1476
01:19:35,313 --> 01:19:38,015
I hope you rot in hell.

1477
01:19:42,194 --> 01:19:47,149
<i>Ladies and gentlemen, this year's
winners will now be announced.</i>

1478
01:19:52,330 --> 01:19:56,116
<i>Please welcome back
our celebrity judges.</i>

1479
01:19:58,961 --> 01:20:00,287
Well, the time is here.

1480
01:20:01,171 --> 01:20:03,172
It's what we've all
been waiting for.

1481
01:20:03,173 --> 01:20:05,125
Can you feel the
excitement in the air?

1482
01:20:05,718 --> 01:20:07,510
Yes!

1483
01:20:07,511 --> 01:20:10,930
And next year, fingers crossed,
if we're really, really lucky,

1484
01:20:10,931 --> 01:20:13,933
we just might be televised.

1485
01:20:13,934 --> 01:20:15,803
Oh, my.

1486
01:20:16,520 --> 01:20:18,480
And of course, none of
this would be possible

1487
01:20:18,481 --> 01:20:22,392
without our main sponsor, Mr.
Buddy Campbell.

1488
01:20:23,110 --> 01:20:25,820
Thank you. Thanks very much.

1489
01:20:25,821 --> 01:20:27,731
Campbell Tile and Carpet.
You say it, we lay it.

1490
01:20:28,824 --> 01:20:32,327
You know, as judges we had some
very difficult decisions to make.

1491
01:20:32,328 --> 01:20:34,037
And no winner was unanimous.

1492
01:20:34,038 --> 01:20:36,331
Each one of us had to
serve as a tiebreaker.

1493
01:20:36,332 --> 01:20:39,542
So, I think that goes to show
the high level of competition,

1494
01:20:39,543 --> 01:20:42,545
and so, certainly, congratulations
to all the finalists.

1495
01:20:42,546 --> 01:20:47,258
And it is now my honor to introduce
to you, Gabby Monkhouse.

1496
01:20:47,259 --> 01:20:48,634
Whoo!

1497
01:20:48,635 --> 01:20:52,005
Thank you, Buddy.
Thank you so much.

1498
01:20:52,640 --> 01:20:58,136
And now, the World Mascot Association
Bronze Fluffy goes to...

1499
01:20:59,271 --> 01:21:03,691
Jack the Plumber, Beaumont
College, Modesto, California.

1500
01:21:03,692 --> 01:21:06,103
Plumber time!

1501
01:21:11,492 --> 01:21:13,368
Congratulations, Jack.
Well deserved.

1502
01:21:13,369 --> 01:21:14,570
Hi, there.

1503
01:21:15,162 --> 01:21:17,163
Thank you, Gabby.
Thank you so much.

1504
01:21:17,164 --> 01:21:19,916
The second place, or
silver category of Fluffy,

1505
01:21:19,917 --> 01:21:22,919
from the World Mascot
Association goes to...

1506
01:21:22,920 --> 01:21:28,090
Heshe the Rabbi and Willy the Worm,
Tussolon Tigers Canoe Team, Israel.

1507
01:21:28,091 --> 01:21:29,501
Shalom.

1508
01:21:32,345 --> 01:21:34,097
Congratulations, Heshe.

1509
01:21:34,098 --> 01:21:35,390
And now we'll go on,

1510
01:21:35,391 --> 01:21:38,476
to keep things moving, to the
first place, or gold, category...

1511
01:21:38,477 --> 01:21:40,186
No, I announce the
gold category.

1512
01:21:40,187 --> 01:21:42,104
- You gave out the bronze.
- I gave out the bronze.

1513
01:21:42,105 --> 01:21:43,731
You gave out the silver.
Then I do the gold.

1514
01:21:43,732 --> 01:21:44,816
I'm getting a hand signal.

1515
01:21:44,817 --> 01:21:47,985
- I think they want me to continue.
- No, I am the senior judge, so...

1516
01:21:47,986 --> 01:21:49,612
- Just give it to her.
- I am the senior judge.

1517
01:21:49,613 --> 01:21:51,447
I will then surrender
the mic to the lady.

1518
01:21:51,448 --> 01:21:55,201
Thank you. I wrote a book, and I
got more applause than you did.

1519
01:21:55,202 --> 01:21:57,036
- Oh, please.
- All right.

1520
01:21:57,037 --> 01:22:00,164
Well, it is my honor,
ladies and gentlemen,

1521
01:22:00,165 --> 01:22:03,918
to present the World Mascot
Association's highest honor.

1522
01:22:03,919 --> 01:22:07,748
The Gold Fluffy goes to...

1523
01:22:09,675 --> 01:22:11,384
Oh, I could read it if you
don't have it prepared.

1524
01:22:11,385 --> 01:22:12,919
No, I can do that.

1525
01:22:13,345 --> 01:22:17,932
Sid the Hedgehog, Willingham
Rovers, South Croydon.

1526
01:22:17,933 --> 01:22:20,010
Merry old England.

1527
01:22:26,233 --> 01:22:28,894
Congratulations, Sid.
Congratulations.

1528
01:22:29,361 --> 01:22:33,865
Congratulations to Sid the Hedgehog
and all of our contestants!

1529
01:22:33,866 --> 01:22:36,701
Thank you all so much
for coming today.

1530
01:22:36,702 --> 01:22:40,322
We really appreciate it. We'll
see you here next year.

1531
01:22:47,921 --> 01:22:50,339
There have been some
big, big changes.

1532
01:22:50,340 --> 01:22:52,759
- Good, good changes.
- Good changes.

1533
01:22:52,760 --> 01:22:54,051
Um...

1534
01:22:54,052 --> 01:22:57,388
The mascot competition was
a tipping point for us.

1535
01:22:57,389 --> 01:22:58,515
- Yeah.
- You know.

1536
01:22:58,516 --> 01:23:03,269
I mean, it was just a fiasco.
Emotionally, professionally, personally.

1537
01:23:03,270 --> 01:23:06,313
So, you know, we just took a
long, hard look at our lives

1538
01:23:06,314 --> 01:23:08,065
and said, "It ain't working."

1539
01:23:08,066 --> 01:23:09,392
Yeah.

1540
01:23:10,360 --> 01:23:13,070
And what do we need to do?
We need to change it.

1541
01:23:13,071 --> 01:23:14,489
Mm-hmm.

1542
01:23:14,490 --> 01:23:16,491
And we have.

1543
01:23:16,492 --> 01:23:19,076
And I feel born anew.

1544
01:23:19,077 --> 01:23:20,912
- That's nice.
- Well, I do.

1545
01:23:20,913 --> 01:23:23,330
And, you know, it's springtime.

1546
01:23:23,331 --> 01:23:24,791
Oh.

1547
01:23:24,792 --> 01:23:26,034
Okay.

1548
01:23:31,924 --> 01:23:34,967
- Sorry about that.
- Sorry. I guess we can't help ourselves.

1549
01:23:34,968 --> 01:23:36,586
We're those people now.

1550
01:23:37,888 --> 01:23:41,224
The kind you're like, "Could
they really be that in love?"

1551
01:23:41,225 --> 01:23:44,268
And that really... I mean, that
used to, literally, never happen.

1552
01:23:44,269 --> 01:23:46,771
No. I couldn't resist.

1553
01:23:46,772 --> 01:23:51,275
Part of what's helped, and
probably the biggest change,

1554
01:23:51,276 --> 01:23:53,778
is that we are no
longer mascotting.

1555
01:23:53,779 --> 01:23:56,447
- The team was sold, and we were let go.
- Yeah.

1556
01:23:56,448 --> 01:23:58,991
And we get to spend way
more time together.

1557
01:23:58,992 --> 01:24:00,117
Yeah.

1558
01:24:00,118 --> 01:24:01,828
Uh, we hired Courtney.

1559
01:24:01,829 --> 01:24:04,455
- Yeah, you hired her.
- Yeah, I did. She's our nanny.

1560
01:24:04,456 --> 01:24:05,783
Yeah.

1561
01:24:13,131 --> 01:24:15,132
- You've got something on your nose.
- Oops.

1562
01:24:15,133 --> 01:24:16,342
- Sorry about that.
- What was that?

1563
01:24:16,343 --> 01:24:17,635
You got something on
your nose, I think.

1564
01:24:17,636 --> 01:24:18,970
- Where? Here?
- Yeah.

1565
01:24:18,971 --> 01:24:20,380
You got it. Yeah.

1566
01:24:21,181 --> 01:24:22,507
You're good.

1567
01:24:22,891 --> 01:24:25,518
- You're welcome.
- Oh, sorry.

1568
01:24:25,519 --> 01:24:28,312
It's hard to thank people
when they hurt your face.

1569
01:24:28,313 --> 01:24:32,066
Oh! He's a little baby.
He's a little baby.

1570
01:24:32,067 --> 01:24:35,653
I'm a baby with
an abusive mommy.

1571
01:24:35,654 --> 01:24:37,363
- Bad baby.
- Yeah.

1572
01:24:37,364 --> 01:24:39,198
She has Munchausen syndrome.

1573
01:24:39,199 --> 01:24:42,402
Help. Help!

1574
01:24:43,536 --> 01:24:46,038
But, you know, and that's the kind
of chemistry that we have now.

1575
01:24:46,039 --> 01:24:47,825
- Yeah, it's fun.
- And it's fun.

1576
01:24:52,379 --> 01:24:54,255
Hello, Miss B.

1577
01:24:54,256 --> 01:24:55,506
How are you?

1578
01:24:55,507 --> 01:24:57,300
<i>After the competition,</i>

1579
01:24:57,301 --> 01:25:02,088
we both decided to volunteer at
the retirement home for mascots.

1580
01:25:02,806 --> 01:25:04,932
- And I find it very rewarding, you know.
- Yeah.

1581
01:25:04,933 --> 01:25:09,729
I can use my dance, and I can
help heal people, really.

1582
01:25:09,730 --> 01:25:12,607
And I can move, and
they can watch me move,

1583
01:25:12,608 --> 01:25:15,818
and I see that they're movin'
through me and what I do.

1584
01:25:15,819 --> 01:25:18,154
I find it so peaceful,
and I just...

1585
01:25:18,155 --> 01:25:20,781
I love old people, so...
I always have.

1586
01:25:20,782 --> 01:25:25,620
I love talking to them, and I
love being just quiet with them.

1587
01:25:25,621 --> 01:25:27,872
So I'm lovin' it.

1588
01:25:27,873 --> 01:25:29,874
And I feel so fulfilled, too,

1589
01:25:29,875 --> 01:25:34,204
because she's working on the insides
and I'm working on people's outsides.

1590
01:25:34,713 --> 01:25:37,965
I brought my nail art
here, to the seniors.

1591
01:25:37,966 --> 01:25:40,551
And, um... you know,
couple times a week,

1592
01:25:40,552 --> 01:25:45,723
I show up with my bottles of paint, and
my nail files and my brushes and...

1593
01:25:45,724 --> 01:25:49,977
You know, these seniors have, like,
gnarled up fingers like this.

1594
01:25:49,978 --> 01:25:51,471
Almost like a T. rex.

1595
01:25:52,355 --> 01:25:56,484
And they put their
hands in my hands

1596
01:25:56,485 --> 01:25:58,687
and they open 'em up.

1597
01:25:58,987 --> 01:26:02,698
It's been an emotional day
'cause we lost someone today.

1598
01:26:02,699 --> 01:26:03,825
Steve Redington.

1599
01:26:03,826 --> 01:26:07,570
He was Randy the Elephant.
He was a great, great man.

1600
01:26:16,171 --> 01:26:18,248
<i>You know, Randy will
always be alive.</i>

1601
01:26:18,882 --> 01:26:21,926
'Cause, you know,
mascots, they don't die.

1602
01:26:21,927 --> 01:26:23,135
That's right. They don't.

1603
01:26:23,136 --> 01:26:24,880
They don't. They just, uh...

1604
01:26:25,555 --> 01:26:26,931
They just hang in a closet.

1605
01:26:26,932 --> 01:26:30,351
Yeah, 'cause they're...
It's an outfit.

1606
01:26:30,352 --> 01:26:32,262
It is. It's an outfit.

1607
01:26:33,063 --> 01:26:35,690
So much has changed
since the competition.

1608
01:26:35,691 --> 01:26:37,893
The biggest news being...

1609
01:26:38,318 --> 01:26:39,895
Ta-da!

1610
01:26:40,696 --> 01:26:43,280
- We done a little baby, didn't we?
- Yeah.

1611
01:26:43,281 --> 01:26:44,949
We done a girl baby.

1612
01:26:44,950 --> 01:26:46,701
The best sort of baby.

1613
01:26:46,702 --> 01:26:48,535
Like you, yes.

1614
01:26:48,536 --> 01:26:49,661
It's Daddy.

1615
01:26:49,662 --> 01:26:51,580
Well, what else has happened?
Oh, um...

1616
01:26:51,581 --> 01:26:52,908
I sold the butcher's...

1617
01:26:53,416 --> 01:26:58,587
and Sarah and I now run a lovely
little vegetarian café in Purley.

1618
01:26:58,588 --> 01:26:59,756
- Posh.
- Ooh!

1619
01:26:59,757 --> 01:27:02,049
Excuse me. Purley.

1620
01:27:02,050 --> 01:27:03,384
Very posh, isn't it?

1621
01:27:03,385 --> 01:27:05,052
- Is Purley posh?
- We're posh.

1622
01:27:05,053 --> 01:27:07,596
I still eat meat... obviously.

1623
01:27:07,597 --> 01:27:09,766
I'm not mental. I love meat.

1624
01:27:09,767 --> 01:27:13,102
But it's easier to prepare
vegetables than meat.

1625
01:27:13,103 --> 01:27:14,603
What else?

1626
01:27:14,604 --> 01:27:18,607
Sadly, I've had to hand the
mantle of Sid back to Dad.

1627
01:27:18,608 --> 01:27:20,317
He's always loved
it more than I did.

1628
01:27:20,318 --> 01:27:22,895
And plus, I get out on top.

1629
01:27:23,613 --> 01:27:26,365
Quit while you're ahead.
Champion. Undefeated.

1630
01:27:26,366 --> 01:27:29,987
Best mascot in the world, ever...
that year.

1631
01:27:31,830 --> 01:27:35,040
It's been exciting, you know,
just to be celebrated...

1632
01:27:35,041 --> 01:27:38,878
and to be appreciated for
excellence in my field...

1633
01:27:38,879 --> 01:27:40,129
That's one piece of it,

1634
01:27:40,130 --> 01:27:43,875
and then the other piece is that it
has kicked open some doors for me.

1635
01:27:44,551 --> 01:27:46,635
I got a really great job

1636
01:27:46,636 --> 01:27:51,766
playing Jack the Plumber at trade shows
for a company that makes high-end rivets,

1637
01:27:51,767 --> 01:27:55,012
and it's enabled me to quit my
job as a real estate appraiser.

1638
01:27:56,646 --> 01:27:59,565
I make a third of the money,
but I'm 50% happier, so...

1639
01:27:59,566 --> 01:28:01,101
You do the math.

1640
01:28:01,944 --> 01:28:05,071
The gold would have been nice, but...
next year.

1641
01:28:05,072 --> 01:28:07,156
I think a lot of people say,

1642
01:28:07,157 --> 01:28:11,076
"The glass is half empty," and
"The glass is half full,"

1643
01:28:11,077 --> 01:28:14,413
and for me, the glass is not half
empty, and the glass is not half full.

1644
01:28:14,414 --> 01:28:16,616
To me, the glass is full.

1645
01:28:17,876 --> 01:28:19,369
It's always full.

1646
01:28:20,670 --> 01:28:26,626
Sadly, my career in sports mascotry was
cut short due to an injury I sustained

1647
01:28:27,344 --> 01:28:28,928
when a pro wrestler came home

1648
01:28:28,929 --> 01:28:33,015
to find me involved in a very lewd
act with his wife and his sister.

1649
01:28:33,016 --> 01:28:37,019
But when I woke up in the emergency
room, I thought to myself,

1650
01:28:37,020 --> 01:28:40,973
"Tommy, is this it? Is this your life?
Are you at rock bottom?"

1651
01:28:41,691 --> 01:28:45,027
And that was when the nurse told
me that I also had syphilis.

1652
01:28:45,028 --> 01:28:47,238
Now, I didn't even know that
you could still get syphilis,

1653
01:28:47,239 --> 01:28:48,739
but you can.

1654
01:28:48,740 --> 01:28:51,658
And while I'm at it,
if you're a young lady

1655
01:28:51,659 --> 01:28:54,703
between the age of 48 and
68 in Manitoba, Canada,

1656
01:28:54,704 --> 01:28:56,622
you probably have it, too,

1657
01:28:56,623 --> 01:29:00,160
and I'm sorry. I'm sorry
for your syphilis.

1658
01:29:00,710 --> 01:29:02,669
But as I lay there
in the hospital bed,

1659
01:29:02,670 --> 01:29:06,507
nursing my shattered ribs
and my pulsating groin,

1660
01:29:06,508 --> 01:29:10,420
I looked up at the television,
and <i>Highway to Heaven</i> was on...

1661
01:29:11,388 --> 01:29:14,891
and Michael Landon stared back at
me through the screen as if to say,

1662
01:29:14,892 --> 01:29:17,969
"Tommy, become a bloody monk."

1663
01:29:18,728 --> 01:29:20,263
So I did...

1664
01:29:21,064 --> 01:29:22,515
and it's going well.

1665
01:29:23,233 --> 01:29:26,151
Strictly speaking, I
took a vow of silence.

1666
01:29:26,152 --> 01:29:28,313
But you know, fuck it.