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{\an5}This programme contains some dubious
beauty tricks you probably want to avoid,
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and strong language
and adult humour
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Is this a joke?
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Yeah.
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Mm.
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Ooh. Ah.
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Oh, I like that.
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Wow. Mmm.
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Hello, and welcome to Taskmaster.
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{\an5}I know a lot of you out there
in social media land
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{\an5}think that sometimes when it comes
to judgments,
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I don't always get it right.
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Well, you're wrong, and you'd better
make sure those comments come from
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a server in Central Europe.
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It's not hard for a man
with my connections to get
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a name, do you understand?
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You might be Dumbledore online,
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but I'll find you
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and I'll disguise myself as
a giant crow in
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a tree outside your house.
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You ever been jumped on by
a six foot eight crow?!
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Then maybe keep your opinions
to yourself.
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Right, let's meet
the people brave enough
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to use their real names.
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Alan Davies,
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Desiree Burch,
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Guz Khan,
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Morgana Robinson,
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and Victoria Coren Mitchell.
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And sitting to my left,
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a man who is the answer to
the question -
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what happens when you throw chunks
of pork
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at a revolving carwash brush?
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It's little Alex Horne. Ta-da.
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Here I am. We've got to be quick,
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got a meeting after this, so let's
go. Yeah.
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I'm meeting with Hollywood, so
let's, let's hurry up. All right.
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What's your meeting
with Hollywood about?
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It's for both of us. Got an email
from Spielberg
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who wants to make
Taskmaster the movie.
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He said he wants
to cast Arnold Schwarzenegger as you
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and Danny DeVito as me, and they're
brothers,
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and it's going to be a lot of fun.
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We're going to go to Hollywood.
All right, then.
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OK. On with the prize task.
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Yes, on we go, and your chosen
category for them this week is
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the best thing you use for something
other than its actual purpose.
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Five points will be awarded for the
best thing used for something
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other than its actual purpose and,
at the end of the show,
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the things will go home with a
winner of the episode, and that
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person can do whatever they want
with all the things. Lovely. Mm-hm.
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So we're looking
for something that's
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a great thing in its own right,
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that you happen to use
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for something else.
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Victoria, hello.
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Yes. I brought the breadbin.
This is Victoria's...
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Hang on a minute. Victoria, you may
have grown tired of this format.
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No, I haven't.
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But the viewers haven't.
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Here is Victoria's breadbin
in situ.
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There it is.
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There it is. A four-slice toaster.
Someone's doing well.
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It's got a bagel setting. Yes.
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Here's the problem with putting
bread products in the breadbin.
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You forget they're in there,
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then you find them weeks later and
they've gone all mouldy. Mm.
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So now I'm frightened
to put things in there,
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but I put things on the top of it,
and they're sort of elevated
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so that you know what kind of bread
you've got to choose from,
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and you can see it from all round
the kitchen.
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I sometimes think you
want to score badly in this round.
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What's in it at the moment, the
breadbin?
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Nothing. It's empty. Ooh. OK.
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It's always empty.
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Nice and clean. No mould,
no crumbs.
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I mean, if you put the bread in,
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it will keep it a bit fresher
for longer.
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Yes, but if you miss the window,
it's not fresh.
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All right. I can't talk about
breadbins any more. No.
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I've given it a fair crack of the
whip. Yes.
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And some. Desiree,
can you beat a breadbin?
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I guess what I have.
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I don't know if
the official name a cat WC?
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But you know when you have a cat,
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and you buy things for the cat,
and the cat's like,
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"Ha, that is not for me,"
and just ignores it,
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so I have this very expensive
cupboard into which I put books
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and some, like, gardening soil
and things like that.
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You have an obsolete integrated cat
latrine. Yes. Ooh. Ooh.
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So it was going to be so quaint,
but the cat's like
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"I need to poop in the raw."
Like, "I'm alive," you know?
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Yeah, me too. Wow. It's a very
expressive cat. I mean,
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I quite like it as an item.
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This is the solution
to your problem.
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Pop your bread in, and it's got a
window for you to check.
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Yeah, that is actually good.
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Alan, can you beat cat toilet?
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Well, I've brought in
a child's toothbrush.
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OK. Ooh. You can see it there.
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With a sucky base. Yeah.
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Secondary use is it's ideal
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for changing halogen lightbulbs that
are recessed in
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the ceiling.
Something of a lifehack.
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I presume we can hear that
description again on your
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YouTube channel?
"Something of a lifehack."
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Here's a lightbulb being changed
with a toothbrush.
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Ooh, the sucky.
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Look what happens. Ooh. Wow. That's
weirdly satisfying. Yeah. Isn't it?
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Cos you can be scrabbling away
at those bulbs for a while.
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Thanks, Alan.
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Guz, what have you brought in?
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I've got, er,
a clothes hanger iPhone holder.
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It is homemade,
despite appearances. Here it is.
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If I please may explain, yeah?
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Before you carry on. Yes?
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This is supposed to be something you
already use for a secondary purpose.
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Now, I need to take you back a few
years, yeah? Mm-hm.
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I just finished my PGCE,
and money was very tight,
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and this coincided with
the time we had our first child.
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I've had many since then, but I only
really cared about the first one.
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So when you have your first kid,
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it's your responsibility
to keep him alive,
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so I used that to put
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the baby monitor on whilst
I was washing dishes,
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doing hoover, and ever since then,
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it's such an effective tool,
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I now watch like football games
and do the hoovering.
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Do you promise me?
Look me in the eye.
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Guz? Yeah, go on. Look at me.
Yeah, go on, yeah, yeah, yeah.
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I want you to promise me... Mm.
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..that the story you've just told
me. Yeah. ..is true?
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And that you've subsequently gone on
to use it while you're doing
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the hoovering, and it's become part
of your life. I just want to say...
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You mean like everyday life
or like...? I just want you
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to say you've regularly used it.
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Tell the truth. Nah, I used it like
four or five times.
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OK. Fine.
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Morgana, what have you brought in?
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Arse cream.
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It's extremely good for puffy eyes.
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Pop it under on the under-eye of
an evening, and it's like...
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Are you really using bum cream on
your eyes?
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I swear to God. That is a thing.
It is a beauty thing.
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It really is a thing. But is it
a good thing to win in a quiz?
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No. I don't think I want any bum
cream on my face.
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You sure? Yeah.
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You ready? You're dishing out
points.
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And I'm not being mean
to you this time,
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Morgana, but great news,
I want Victoria's breadbin less.
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One point for Victoria's breadbin.
One point, Victoria.
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Two points for Morgana's arse cream.
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Now we're getting into
difficult territory.
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Because he told me the truth,
he can have three points.
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Three points to Guz. At the top of
the tree? Woo, which one?
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I've got so many of those bulbs
in my home.
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But I want a weird cupboard
with a little window in it.
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Yes!
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Four points to Alan,
five points to Desiree.
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Congratulations, Desiree.
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Is it time for the first task
proper, Alex?
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It most certainly isn't not.
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This is quite intense.
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Is this like an initiation in some
kind of secret society? Maybe.
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Just got to just focus.
It's a very cold place,
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and it's old, and there might be
spirits,
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so you'll see a different
Guz Khan today. Sensible.
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I'm not trying to mess with
the supernatural, OK, bro?
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OK.
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Make and wear a popcorn necklace
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with at least five pieces
of popcorn,
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and then do the opposite of
the following.
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Then do the opposite of
the following.
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Then do the opposite of
the following.
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You must under no circumstances not
avoid not make... Wait.
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Not avoid not making... What the...?
OK. Hold on.
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It's going to take me ages
to work out this sentence.
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The task is over when you have
either rung
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the bell or not run the bell and...
Are you serious?
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00:08:51,600 --> 00:08:54,560
This is like a...
this is an anxiety dream.
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The task is over when you have
either rung the bell
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or not rung the bell and said I did
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the right thing three it...
This is going summon something.
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That's what's going to happen here.
This...
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Ooh, lot of mercy.
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Fastest to not do...
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You OK, Desiree?
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00:09:14,240 --> 00:09:16,160
No. Is anything ever
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00:09:16,200 --> 00:09:18,520
going to be OK ever again,
Alex? All right.
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Fastest to not do the wrong thing.
Ooh, wait.
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So if you don't do
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the right thing,
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you lose five points.
Wow. There's a penalty.
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My time started when
I started reading the task.
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Yeah, that was nearly two
minutes ago. OK, Jesus Christ.
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00:09:37,680 --> 00:09:40,080
The thing that will take a long time
is threading the needle.
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00:09:45,640 --> 00:09:48,640
OK. Mm. Interesting. Mm.
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00:09:48,680 --> 00:09:50,480
Only one person saw that
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00:09:50,520 --> 00:09:53,840
the most challenging part of this
was the popcorn necklace.
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00:09:53,880 --> 00:09:57,960
It was Victoria, presumably because
the riddle... Yeah.
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00:09:58,000 --> 00:10:01,600
Was solved in an instant. Let's see
some attempts.
202
00:10:01,640 --> 00:10:04,640
All right, well, we're going to
start with one man, another man,
203
00:10:04,680 --> 00:10:06,080
and a Morgana. Here they are.
204
00:10:06,120 --> 00:10:08,600
OK, so I've got to make the
necklace.
205
00:10:08,640 --> 00:10:10,560
Let's just get on with that.
206
00:10:10,600 --> 00:10:13,400
Who knows what was going on in here
back in the day.
207
00:10:13,440 --> 00:10:15,520
Do you know what I mean? I'm not
sure.
208
00:10:15,560 --> 00:10:18,280
There's a couple of Ethels and that
lot still walking around here.
209
00:10:18,320 --> 00:10:21,000
Couple of Ethels? Yeah. Or whatever
their names would've been.
210
00:10:21,040 --> 00:10:23,720
You think there are some dead nuns
called Ethel wondering around?
211
00:10:23,760 --> 00:10:25,760
Why you got to be so specific
for, man?
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00:10:25,800 --> 00:10:27,600
Just keep it do
you know what I mean?
213
00:10:27,640 --> 00:10:29,360
This bit I'm very good at.
Are you?
214
00:10:29,400 --> 00:10:33,280
Yeah. I'm very, very, very talented
in the threading area.
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00:10:34,320 --> 00:10:38,160
I can't even see this.
I'm telling you, I really can't.
216
00:10:39,240 --> 00:10:43,640
Boom. Told you. That's one.
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00:10:43,680 --> 00:10:47,960
Maybe I don't need to thread the
needle to make a necklace.
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00:10:48,000 --> 00:10:51,440
I mean, I could just tie it around
the popcorn.
219
00:10:51,480 --> 00:10:53,560
You're trying to get all
the popcorn on the needle?
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00:10:53,600 --> 00:10:55,880
I don't think it says that's against
the rules, is it?
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00:10:55,920 --> 00:10:58,240
You people underestimate me.
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Oh, shit.
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How's it done that?
224
00:11:03,280 --> 00:11:05,960
I mean, that actually how has it
done that?
225
00:11:08,280 --> 00:11:09,440
Right.
226
00:11:13,360 --> 00:11:16,600
Every time I attach it,
it ties itself in a knot.
227
00:11:16,640 --> 00:11:18,800
I'm going to have to make another
one.
228
00:11:18,840 --> 00:11:21,560
Do you know I recently
completed a master's degree?
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00:11:26,920 --> 00:11:28,920
Goodness sake.
230
00:11:33,560 --> 00:11:35,360
I'm going to take a pew.
231
00:11:37,360 --> 00:11:38,760
No, I'll tell you what I'll do.
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00:11:38,800 --> 00:11:41,400
I'll attach that one
to the new bit of cotton. OK.
233
00:11:51,240 --> 00:11:52,400
Sorry, Ethel.
234
00:11:58,360 --> 00:12:00,280
I did the right thing.
I did the right thing.
235
00:12:00,320 --> 00:12:02,560
I did the right thing.
I did the right thing.
236
00:12:03,520 --> 00:12:05,880
I did the right thing.
I did the right thing.
237
00:12:07,520 --> 00:12:10,640
I did the right thing.
I've stopped the clock.
238
00:12:10,680 --> 00:12:13,200
I'm not confident I've scored
well there.
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00:12:18,520 --> 00:12:23,200
Lovely. Um, you seem uncomfortable
in that venue.
240
00:12:23,240 --> 00:12:24,840
Yeah, well, you know.
241
00:12:24,880 --> 00:12:28,360
Cos of Ethel? Yeah.
242
00:12:28,400 --> 00:12:30,040
It was a former nunnery and, er,
243
00:12:30,080 --> 00:12:32,960
Guz really thought the nuns still
inhabited the place.
244
00:12:33,000 --> 00:12:35,120
Yeah, I've not got any proof
to say they were there,
245
00:12:35,160 --> 00:12:37,200
but you ain't got no proof
to say they wasn't there.
246
00:12:37,240 --> 00:12:40,320
Ethel, at least she recognised
I didn't disrespect her yard.
247
00:12:40,360 --> 00:12:43,520
You know what I mean? Yeah. She'll
haunt the others, all right.
248
00:12:43,560 --> 00:12:46,040
Nice to be able to say take
a pew and mean it, isn't it?
249
00:12:46,080 --> 00:12:47,840
Yeah. Mm. It's ever so satisfying.
250
00:12:47,880 --> 00:12:49,840
Isn't that nice? Well done.
Thank you.
251
00:12:49,880 --> 00:12:53,680
Do you want me to tell you how long
it took Morgana to thread a needle?
252
00:12:53,720 --> 00:12:57,480
Go on. 16 minutes to make the
necklace and ring the bell.
253
00:12:57,520 --> 00:12:59,560
It took Alan just 11 minutes
to do the same thing.
254
00:12:59,600 --> 00:13:01,000
Guz, five minutes 37.
255
00:13:01,040 --> 00:13:02,920
OK. Ohh!
256
00:13:02,960 --> 00:13:05,960
People do underestimate you.
257
00:13:06,000 --> 00:13:07,680
Time for a break.
258
00:13:07,720 --> 00:13:10,680
{\an5}You can let your nan back into the
room for a few minutes if you want,
259
00:13:10,720 --> 00:13:12,960
{\an5}but I want her gone by
the time I return.
260
00:13:13,000 --> 00:13:15,200
Honestly, I cannot stand the woman.
261
00:13:24,760 --> 00:13:28,120
Woo. Yes. Hello.
262
00:13:28,160 --> 00:13:29,960
Welcome back to
the second part of the show.
263
00:13:30,000 --> 00:13:31,080
Yes, my tweeps,
264
00:13:31,120 --> 00:13:34,320
I hope you're bear well and totes
ready for some more mega LOLs.
265
00:13:34,360 --> 00:13:37,960
Before the break, our contestants
were making popcorn necklaces
266
00:13:38,000 --> 00:13:40,960
whilst trying to work out whether to
ring a bell or not.
267
00:13:41,000 --> 00:13:44,200
Now it's ding, ding,
round two. Or perhaps it isn't.
268
00:13:44,240 --> 00:13:46,440
Here's Desiree and Victoria.
269
00:13:47,680 --> 00:13:49,880
You must avoid making the bell...
270
00:13:49,920 --> 00:13:52,240
OK, the bell has to not ring,
got it.
271
00:13:52,280 --> 00:13:53,760
I either ring or don't ring
the bell.
272
00:13:53,800 --> 00:13:56,240
I'm going to spend the rest
of my life trying to figure out
273
00:13:56,280 --> 00:13:58,040
what the right answer to that one
was, so...
274
00:14:01,680 --> 00:14:05,040
I mean, seriously.
This is going to take hours. Mm.
275
00:14:05,080 --> 00:14:08,680
You know when there's one little,
tiny thread of the thread hanging
276
00:14:08,720 --> 00:14:12,120
off, and you're like, "You're going
to thwart all of my plans?"
277
00:14:14,800 --> 00:14:16,400
It's really difficult.
278
00:14:16,440 --> 00:14:19,880
Why haven't you got one with
a bigger thing?
279
00:14:19,920 --> 00:14:21,520
Agh!
280
00:14:21,560 --> 00:14:27,160
And I'm in. Un, deux, trois, quatre,
cinq. Look at that.
281
00:14:27,200 --> 00:14:30,680
All right, cool.
Putting things on my neck is hard.
282
00:14:33,680 --> 00:14:35,520
Right. And the thing is,
after a while,
283
00:14:35,560 --> 00:14:38,080
you just start to feel sort
of queasy.
284
00:14:38,120 --> 00:14:40,760
I think this is really unfair
285
00:14:40,800 --> 00:14:43,240
because the actual sewing bit,
I'd be all right.
286
00:14:43,280 --> 00:14:44,920
And I don't mind a double negative.
287
00:14:44,960 --> 00:14:47,760
But threading a needle.
And what if I just can't do it?
288
00:14:47,800 --> 00:14:50,520
Do we all stay here forever?
289
00:14:50,560 --> 00:14:53,120
I did the right thing.
I did the right thing.
290
00:14:53,160 --> 00:14:55,440
I did the right thing, I think.
291
00:14:55,480 --> 00:14:56,920
I've stopped the clock. Great.
292
00:14:56,960 --> 00:14:58,680
And I am admiring your choker.
293
00:14:58,720 --> 00:15:00,520
Thank you very much.
294
00:15:00,560 --> 00:15:01,840
OK, thank you, Desiree.
295
00:15:03,120 --> 00:15:04,320
Are you secretly laughing
296
00:15:04,360 --> 00:15:06,360
cos I haven't got to the difficult
bit yet?
297
00:15:06,400 --> 00:15:07,840
I'm not not laughing.
298
00:15:09,720 --> 00:15:12,000
No. Is that it? Is it through?
299
00:15:12,040 --> 00:15:16,760
Oh, oh, oh, oh, thank the Lord for
that. One.
300
00:15:20,360 --> 00:15:22,200
There we go. I did the right thing,
301
00:15:22,240 --> 00:15:24,280
I did the right thing,
I did the right thing.
302
00:15:24,320 --> 00:15:25,880
I've stopped the clock.
303
00:15:25,920 --> 00:15:27,520
This is the future of television.
304
00:15:33,360 --> 00:15:36,520
They made some popcorn
necklaces relatively efficiently.
305
00:15:36,560 --> 00:15:40,400
Yes. Desiree was the quickest,
five minutes 35.
306
00:15:40,440 --> 00:15:42,160
And out of the five of them,
307
00:15:42,200 --> 00:15:46,320
Victoria was the third quickest
with seven minutes 38.
308
00:15:46,360 --> 00:15:50,360
Now... Now. ..to business. Right.
309
00:15:50,400 --> 00:15:53,160
Who did ring the bell? Hands up.
310
00:15:53,200 --> 00:15:55,760
And how comfortable do you feel
about your decision?
311
00:15:55,800 --> 00:15:57,000
50% comfortable.
312
00:15:57,040 --> 00:15:59,800
Yeah. Correct answer.
313
00:15:59,840 --> 00:16:02,880
Guz? Minus 25%.
314
00:16:02,920 --> 00:16:06,360
You two, er, didn't ring the bell.
How confident are you, Victoria?
315
00:16:06,400 --> 00:16:10,040
Is it you must on no circumstances
not avoid... Not.
316
00:16:10,080 --> 00:16:12,720
..making the bell not ring? You
must avoid making the bell ring.
317
00:16:12,760 --> 00:16:15,320
That's what that sentence means.
Yeah, you mustn't ring it.
318
00:16:15,360 --> 00:16:17,240
I put this to Susie Dent.
319
00:16:17,280 --> 00:16:19,520
This is the only thing you can do in
this circumstance.
320
00:16:19,560 --> 00:16:21,680
And she said there's
five negatives. Mm.
321
00:16:21,720 --> 00:16:23,640
Not making the bell not ring is a
double negative
322
00:16:23,680 --> 00:16:26,000
and comes to the same thing as
making the bell ring. Yeah.
323
00:16:26,040 --> 00:16:28,640
Not avoid is a double negative that
renders itself redundant.
324
00:16:28,680 --> 00:16:32,080
We know this. Yeah. So you end up
with you must under no circumstances
325
00:16:32,120 --> 00:16:34,760
make the bell ring.
Aww, shitsticks. Yeah.
326
00:16:34,800 --> 00:16:36,640
So they shouldn't have made
the bell ring?
327
00:16:36,680 --> 00:16:39,720
Well, I said to Susie Dent, "Thank
you." I emailed her and said... Yes.
328
00:16:39,760 --> 00:16:42,440
.."Just wondering, Susie,
did you include the first line,
329
00:16:42,480 --> 00:16:44,400
"which was do the opposite of
the following?"
330
00:16:44,440 --> 00:16:48,560
Oh. Oi. And Susie said oh, "I missed
that bit, which of course reverses
331
00:16:48,600 --> 00:16:51,600
"the instruction of the paragraph
that I analysed."
332
00:16:51,640 --> 00:16:54,920
If you got that right at home,
get out more. Yeah. Good.
333
00:16:54,960 --> 00:16:56,000
Unfortunately,
334
00:16:56,040 --> 00:16:59,920
that is bad news for Desiree
and Victoria, who lose five points.
335
00:16:59,960 --> 00:17:01,440
Aww. So that means, unfortunately,
336
00:17:01,480 --> 00:17:03,600
Desiree has lost all
the points she gained... Man.
337
00:17:03,640 --> 00:17:05,400
..in the first task.
She gets minus five,
338
00:17:05,440 --> 00:17:08,080
as does Victoria. Morgana gets three
points, Alan four,
339
00:17:08,120 --> 00:17:10,480
but Guz Khan wins the task
and five points.
340
00:17:10,520 --> 00:17:12,400
Yes!
341
00:17:12,440 --> 00:17:14,800
You will show me a scoreboard.
342
00:17:14,840 --> 00:17:17,040
Guz and Alan are both in
the lead with eight,
343
00:17:17,080 --> 00:17:20,400
and Victoria has got her first-ever
negative score with minus four.
344
00:17:23,480 --> 00:17:25,760
Congratulations. Thank you.
345
00:17:25,800 --> 00:17:28,160
I think we're due a team task.
346
00:17:28,200 --> 00:17:30,320
You're right again.
And for this one,
347
00:17:30,360 --> 00:17:31,840
we ventured just outside
348
00:17:31,880 --> 00:17:34,400
the Taskmaster grounds
for sports day.
349
00:17:47,760 --> 00:17:50,680
It'd be nice to play football
all afternoon.
350
00:17:50,720 --> 00:17:55,520
Hello, team. Come and have a seat.
Please have a seat.
351
00:17:55,560 --> 00:17:57,040
There's a task.
352
00:17:57,080 --> 00:17:58,360
Mm-hm.
353
00:18:00,320 --> 00:18:02,080
Provide the most iconic
354
00:18:02,120 --> 00:18:03,840
and memorable commentary
355
00:18:03,880 --> 00:18:07,760
for this brilliant one minute
of socially distanced sport.
356
00:18:07,800 --> 00:18:10,480
One of you must commentate on
the action,
357
00:18:10,520 --> 00:18:13,360
the other must provide analysis.
358
00:18:15,640 --> 00:18:17,440
The best commentary on
359
00:18:17,480 --> 00:18:21,720
the most brilliant
socially distanced sport wins.
360
00:18:21,760 --> 00:18:24,920
You have 15 minutes,
your time starts now.
361
00:18:24,960 --> 00:18:27,040
Would you like me to run the VT?
Yes, please.
362
00:18:27,080 --> 00:18:28,760
Let's just watch it for now.
Run VT.
363
00:18:31,880 --> 00:18:34,440
Oh, no, it's a football thing.
364
00:18:36,040 --> 00:18:39,160
If you could all stand on a spot,
that'd be great.
365
00:18:39,200 --> 00:18:40,920
Welcome to the arena.
366
00:18:40,960 --> 00:18:42,600
Everyone all right?
367
00:18:42,640 --> 00:18:44,720
Yes. Lovely day.
368
00:18:46,000 --> 00:18:47,800
It's like being on holiday
in the '70s.
369
00:18:49,600 --> 00:18:54,400
Play the most brilliant minute
of socially distanced sport.
370
00:18:55,400 --> 00:18:58,400
You have ten minutes.
371
00:18:58,440 --> 00:19:00,800
Your time starts now.
372
00:19:00,840 --> 00:19:04,240
OK, it's a double task, Greg. Hmm.
Hmm. Explain what's going on there.
373
00:19:04,280 --> 00:19:06,720
Yes, so first of all, they all get
the task to do a minute
374
00:19:06,760 --> 00:19:08,760
of socially distanced sport, the
best minute,
375
00:19:08,800 --> 00:19:11,480
and after they did that, they came
back out again and got the task
376
00:19:11,520 --> 00:19:13,440
to commentate on the sport they'd
just done.
377
00:19:13,480 --> 00:19:16,040
So it's a double task for you
to judge.
378
00:19:16,080 --> 00:19:20,000
All right. Here is the sport in its
planning stages.
379
00:19:20,040 --> 00:19:22,000
Can we play golf club boxing?
380
00:19:22,040 --> 00:19:23,560
Which is where one person has a golf
381
00:19:23,600 --> 00:19:24,640
and we stick that glove on
382
00:19:24,680 --> 00:19:27,320
the end, and then we hit each other.
You do what again?
383
00:19:27,360 --> 00:19:28,880
You just beat somebody with a...?
384
00:19:28,920 --> 00:19:31,440
I will be the referee. I would love
to see you two swing it out.
385
00:19:31,480 --> 00:19:33,040
What, hit each other on the head?
386
00:19:33,080 --> 00:19:35,920
Of course. That's exhilarating.
Very exhilarating to me.
387
00:19:35,960 --> 00:19:39,080
You watch sport, don't you? You
would physically...? I love sport.
388
00:19:39,120 --> 00:19:43,040
Can you distil what's interesting
about looking at it?
389
00:19:43,080 --> 00:19:45,680
Some sort of expertise. Athleticism.
390
00:19:45,720 --> 00:19:47,280
I might fall at that hurdle.
391
00:19:47,320 --> 00:19:49,640
Moments of surprise. That I can do.
392
00:19:51,200 --> 00:19:53,280
How do we decide who wins at
the hitting match?
393
00:19:53,320 --> 00:19:56,720
What if it's us trying
to just hit him with many balls?
394
00:19:56,760 --> 00:19:58,840
I don't know how you turned his
around on me.
395
00:19:58,880 --> 00:20:00,920
Come on. I'm coming. OK.
396
00:20:03,920 --> 00:20:06,400
Yes! You've got to get things into
that net,
397
00:20:06,440 --> 00:20:09,000
I've got to stop them going in.
398
00:20:09,040 --> 00:20:10,400
OK. That be fun?
399
00:20:10,440 --> 00:20:12,600
Yes. But there's got
to be surprises.
400
00:20:12,640 --> 00:20:16,280
You said there should be surprises.
So there's... Surprises are good.
401
00:20:16,320 --> 00:20:18,880
Got to be surprises.
GuzBall, GuzBall, GuzBall.
402
00:20:18,920 --> 00:20:21,560
I just want to say this is very
ironic, considering I initially
403
00:20:21,600 --> 00:20:23,800
came up with a game that involved me
not getting hit.
404
00:20:23,840 --> 00:20:24,960
That's karma, boo.
405
00:20:25,000 --> 00:20:27,200
If you get a goal, it's a point.
406
00:20:27,240 --> 00:20:29,360
If I get it back over the net,
it's a point. OK.
407
00:20:29,400 --> 00:20:31,360
It is a pretty brilliant sport.
408
00:20:31,400 --> 00:20:34,120
And prepare yourself
for the element of surprise.
409
00:20:39,360 --> 00:20:41,120
That's the planning stages, Greg.
410
00:20:41,160 --> 00:20:42,320
Sorry, I'm just putting
411
00:20:42,360 --> 00:20:46,040
a copyright on the phrase
"That's karma, boo."
412
00:20:46,080 --> 00:20:47,760
Some good TM merch.
413
00:20:47,800 --> 00:20:49,480
Guz, you suggest you want to watch
414
00:20:49,520 --> 00:20:51,800
two women hitting each other with
golf clubs.
415
00:20:51,840 --> 00:20:54,560
Not completely golf. I said like,
"Put a boxing glove..."
416
00:20:54,600 --> 00:20:57,760
Boxing gloves on the end of it. Oh,
you, you're not a monster. Yeah.
417
00:20:57,800 --> 00:21:00,360
With boxing gloves on
the end of them. Um, your sport, er,
418
00:21:00,400 --> 00:21:03,240
the main thing that struck me is
that sometimes, Victoria,
419
00:21:03,280 --> 00:21:05,600
you sound like a robot who's
learning how to be a human.
420
00:21:05,640 --> 00:21:10,160
"Could you please distil what's
interesting about sport?"
421
00:21:10,200 --> 00:21:12,840
Well, you said it's
the most interesting sport,
422
00:21:12,880 --> 00:21:15,120
so I said what's
the thing that makes it interesting?
423
00:21:15,160 --> 00:21:16,800
And we'll do that. I mean, to be
fair,
424
00:21:16,840 --> 00:21:19,600
Alan did distil it very
quickly into three factors.
425
00:21:19,640 --> 00:21:22,600
Ability, hand-eye coordination,
surprise. That is sport.
426
00:21:22,640 --> 00:21:24,800
Yeah. And, see, this is where
I think I went wrong.
427
00:21:24,840 --> 00:21:26,960
Because when I said surprise,
I meant, you know,
428
00:21:27,000 --> 00:21:30,120
the great sportsman will sometimes
surprise their opponent
429
00:21:30,160 --> 00:21:33,080
with an unexpected manoeuvre,
bit of skill.
430
00:21:33,120 --> 00:21:36,800
And I think Victoria thought
I meant surprise as in a magician.
431
00:21:40,440 --> 00:21:43,040
That's right, because the sports
robot just loaded up
432
00:21:43,080 --> 00:21:45,000
the word "surprise".
433
00:21:45,040 --> 00:21:46,600
ROBOTIC: What a surprise.
434
00:21:46,640 --> 00:21:50,040
Let's see how well I learned.
435
00:21:52,960 --> 00:21:55,680
OK, well,
we can look first of all at Alan
436
00:21:55,720 --> 00:21:59,040
and Victoria commentating on
Multi Sport.
437
00:21:59,080 --> 00:22:00,480
ROBOTIC: Actuate.
438
00:22:04,920 --> 00:22:07,520
Well, it's a magnificent afternoon,
er, for sport.
439
00:22:07,560 --> 00:22:10,240
We're looking at the competitors
coming into the paddock now.
440
00:22:10,280 --> 00:22:11,680
What do you think, they look ready?
441
00:22:11,720 --> 00:22:14,000
Well, Multi Sport's fascinating,
isn't it, Victoria?
442
00:22:14,040 --> 00:22:17,120
With the option here to either score
a goal against the cricketer,
443
00:22:17,160 --> 00:22:19,720
or the cricketer hit
the football over the tennis net.
444
00:22:19,760 --> 00:22:21,240
Either way, it's a point each.
445
00:22:21,280 --> 00:22:24,120
It promises a lot of excitement.
Let's have a look at the action.
446
00:22:24,160 --> 00:22:27,640
OK, your minute of sport begins.
447
00:22:27,680 --> 00:22:30,360
{\an5}Oh, Coren Mitchell's first up.
She's lining up a shot.
448
00:22:30,400 --> 00:22:32,640
{\an5}Ah. Oh,
she surprised him with a noise.
449
00:22:32,680 --> 00:22:35,320
{\an5}Ooh, nicely done. He's trying
to get that back over the net there,
450
00:22:35,360 --> 00:22:36,960
but it's a feeble attempt.
451
00:22:37,000 --> 00:22:39,920
{\an5}This time, the surprise is you have
to remain within these cones.
452
00:22:39,960 --> 00:22:43,120
{\an5}No way. Oh, it's the cones. She's
bringing in the element of surprise,
453
00:22:43,160 --> 00:22:45,760
{\an5}which is key, I recently learned,
to sport. This is vengeful.
454
00:22:45,800 --> 00:22:49,280
{\an5}There's something bitter about this
approach.
455
00:22:49,320 --> 00:22:51,960
{\an5}I mean, he really seems backed into
a corner there. But really,
456
00:22:52,000 --> 00:22:54,200
{\an5}he's got no chance here.
She must score.
457
00:22:54,240 --> 00:22:57,240
{\an5}He saved. Ooh, that's an exceptional
save. And not quite a score,
458
00:22:57,280 --> 00:22:58,640
but it keeps the scores level.
459
00:22:58,680 --> 00:23:00,720
{\an5}You're halfway through
the minute of sport.
460
00:23:00,760 --> 00:23:03,040
{\an5}She's just put that into play.
That's a gift.
461
00:23:03,080 --> 00:23:05,240
{\an5}Oh, and he's scored. Unbelievable
goal.
462
00:23:05,280 --> 00:23:07,080
Absolutely incredible.
463
00:23:07,120 --> 00:23:09,720
{\an5}Davies a goal up now.
Wielding that bat happily.
464
00:23:09,760 --> 00:23:12,440
{\an5}Oh, she's going
for the green ball. Easier to see.
465
00:23:12,480 --> 00:23:15,280
{\an5}Surprise number two, you've got to
face in the other direction. What?
466
00:23:15,320 --> 00:23:19,760
{\an5}Coren Mitchell's made him turn
around. Oh, she's got one in.
467
00:23:19,800 --> 00:23:23,800
{\an5}Is that legitimate? It's all
legitimate. It's gloves off.
468
00:23:23,840 --> 00:23:25,560
{\an5}Surprise number three. Look down
here.
469
00:23:25,600 --> 00:23:28,640
{\an5}Oh, she's inviting him to look down
her top. He's not been distracted.
470
00:23:28,680 --> 00:23:30,080
He's blocked it, it's into the net.
471
00:23:30,120 --> 00:23:32,960
{\an5}She's complaining to the referee,
but what about? Five seconds.
472
00:23:33,000 --> 00:23:35,720
{\an5}It's the last seconds. If you let me
get this in, I'll give you £5.
473
00:23:35,760 --> 00:23:37,840
{\an5}It's 1-1. And it's oh, my word,
it's a winner.
474
00:23:37,880 --> 00:23:39,760
{\an5}She doesn't know.
She hasn't seen it go in.
475
00:23:39,800 --> 00:23:43,600
{\an5}She doesn't know where the ball is.
She doesn't know the rules. Go on.
476
00:23:48,600 --> 00:23:51,040
It's a great game. Great game.
It was a great game.
477
00:23:51,080 --> 00:23:53,200
There was definitely
the element of surprise in it.
478
00:23:53,240 --> 00:23:55,720
My favourite element
of surprise - agh!
479
00:23:56,760 --> 00:23:59,880
Happy with Victoria making
Alan look down her shirt?
480
00:23:59,920 --> 00:24:02,840
I didn't make him. I shouted, "Look
down here," and pulled it down.
481
00:24:02,880 --> 00:24:04,320
He wasn't distracted at all.
482
00:24:04,360 --> 00:24:07,440
That's why I was complaining to
the referee. I was just...
483
00:24:07,480 --> 00:24:09,520
Because he wouldn't stare down
your top?
484
00:24:11,120 --> 00:24:12,560
That's a lovely twist on
485
00:24:12,600 --> 00:24:14,920
professional sport.
486
00:24:14,960 --> 00:24:17,560
Referee, they were out.
487
00:24:19,520 --> 00:24:20,720
It's the litmus test
488
00:24:20,760 --> 00:24:23,920
for how much a man's really
interested in sport.
489
00:24:23,960 --> 00:24:25,480
All right, I'm calling time out.
490
00:24:25,520 --> 00:24:28,640
{\an5}Please come back soon to witness
the birth of GuzBall.
491
00:24:37,400 --> 00:24:40,400
{\an5}Hello. Thank you for coming back
to us.
492
00:24:40,440 --> 00:24:43,720
{\an5}Thank you so much,
it means the world.
493
00:24:43,760 --> 00:24:45,960
There's a whole lot of new
sport going on.
494
00:24:46,000 --> 00:24:48,560
We've had nonstop surprises
with Multi Sport and now,
495
00:24:48,600 --> 00:24:52,160
at last, let's play GuzBall!
496
00:24:55,440 --> 00:24:58,000
Now, it's the finals here.
It's really exciting.
497
00:24:58,040 --> 00:25:00,320
There's quite a crowd.
I don't know about you,
498
00:25:00,360 --> 00:25:02,120
Rodders,
but how you feeling about that?
499
00:25:02,160 --> 00:25:03,920
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, so,
500
00:25:03,960 --> 00:25:06,480
this is a mental game more than
it is a physical game.
501
00:25:06,520 --> 00:25:09,000
I know it looks like you're just
hitting balls, but really,
502
00:25:09,040 --> 00:25:11,440
there's an underlying zen
of hitting balls,
503
00:25:11,480 --> 00:25:13,040
and sometimes a crowd gives you life
504
00:25:13,080 --> 00:25:14,720
and sometimes it takes it from you.
505
00:25:14,760 --> 00:25:16,200
The thing is, all day long,
506
00:25:16,240 --> 00:25:18,680
I respect this very illustrious
player over there,
507
00:25:18,720 --> 00:25:21,080
more about the mental than
the physical.
508
00:25:21,120 --> 00:25:23,520
I've had my bollocks permanently
damaged from this game,
509
00:25:23,560 --> 00:25:26,280
so I'll put it out there.
Yeah, but I mean, you know,
510
00:25:26,320 --> 00:25:27,760
your balls can be damaged here,
511
00:25:27,800 --> 00:25:30,280
but if your ball's damaged up here,
512
00:25:30,320 --> 00:25:32,360
that's where the real problem comes
in, man.
513
00:25:32,400 --> 00:25:34,000
That's right.
I say let's play the game.
514
00:25:34,040 --> 00:25:36,520
Ooh, let's do this.
I'm so excited, that's right.
515
00:25:36,560 --> 00:25:39,720
Here we go.
Your minute of GuzBall starts.
516
00:25:39,760 --> 00:25:45,400
You see both players ready.
Oh, and they're off.
517
00:25:45,440 --> 00:25:47,480
Burch already in with
the first point.
518
00:25:47,520 --> 00:25:49,240
Great poise and balance there.
519
00:25:49,280 --> 00:25:50,800
Oh, Robinson right there.
520
00:25:50,840 --> 00:25:52,920
Khan there in the centre protecting
the gold.
521
00:25:52,960 --> 00:25:56,400
Yeah, what I draw respect to
the amount of damage... Aye.
522
00:25:56,440 --> 00:25:58,320
..to Khan in the middle there.
523
00:25:58,360 --> 00:26:01,000
Children are something he can
never enjoy.
524
00:26:01,040 --> 00:26:05,680
You better look after your own bits.
Ah. Ooh. Right in the nelly.
525
00:26:05,720 --> 00:26:08,080
That's minus ten points there. Yeah.
Yeah, but I mean,
526
00:26:08,120 --> 00:26:10,720
you can tell by their stance that
she feels like it was worth it.
527
00:26:10,760 --> 00:26:13,520
If we keep an eye on Robinson, hey?
She's got a reputation.
528
00:26:13,560 --> 00:26:15,840
Outstanding player,
but a dirty bastard.
529
00:26:15,880 --> 00:26:20,520
She is quite a wild one when she's
not on the pitch. That's for sure.
530
00:26:20,560 --> 00:26:24,960
Ooh, simultaneous, that one. Yes.
Guz, it's your turn, Guz.
531
00:26:25,000 --> 00:26:27,560
Guz is quite arrogant. Yeah.
He brings on that arrogance,
532
00:26:27,600 --> 00:26:29,720
that swagger when he comes on to do
the pitch.
533
00:26:29,760 --> 00:26:32,480
It takes that arrogance to stand in
the centre of the ring, you know?
534
00:26:32,520 --> 00:26:34,800
Like nobody wants to be that guy,
but everybody
535
00:26:34,840 --> 00:26:37,480
looks up to that guy, right?
Guz, you've got three more seconds.
536
00:26:37,520 --> 00:26:40,160
I'll take it. Ooh,
right through the legs.
537
00:26:40,200 --> 00:26:42,240
Khan is shitting in it.
538
00:26:42,280 --> 00:26:45,440
That's right.
Where does this ball want to live?
539
00:26:45,480 --> 00:26:47,800
Ooh, look at that.
Dodged to perfection.
540
00:26:47,840 --> 00:26:49,240
OK.
541
00:26:49,280 --> 00:26:53,320
I've got to say, Burch is smashing
this to pieces. Yeah.
542
00:26:53,360 --> 00:26:56,320
This is a really shit game.
Looks like it's going to be enough.
543
00:26:56,360 --> 00:26:59,760
Yes. GuzBall champion.
544
00:27:01,160 --> 00:27:03,600
Wow. Woo. Very exhilarating game of
GuzBall there.
545
00:27:03,640 --> 00:27:06,080
Thank you to Rodney and Rodders.
Always a pleasure.
546
00:27:06,120 --> 00:27:09,800
See you next week, if you like.
547
00:27:09,840 --> 00:27:11,960
Aw, man.
548
00:27:15,440 --> 00:27:17,960
I mean, I think Guz,
with the greatest of respect,
549
00:27:18,000 --> 00:27:20,800
summed up GuzBall as a sport.
Just to himself quietly,
550
00:27:20,840 --> 00:27:23,520
he said it's a really shit game at
the end there.
551
00:27:23,560 --> 00:27:26,040
But I think he might have a point.
552
00:27:26,080 --> 00:27:30,280
But the commentary was sensational.
Great.
553
00:27:30,320 --> 00:27:31,840
It had it all.
554
00:27:31,880 --> 00:27:37,040
It had a rock-solid regional anchor
who I absolutely trusted.
555
00:27:37,080 --> 00:27:38,400
Mm-hm. She was called Rod.
556
00:27:38,440 --> 00:27:41,640
Then we had an ex-player, I presume?
Yeah, Rodders. Rodders.
557
00:27:41,680 --> 00:27:44,120
Rodders,
quite bitter about his career.
558
00:27:44,160 --> 00:27:47,480
Then the pretentious pundit on the
end there. Rodney?
559
00:27:47,520 --> 00:27:48,960
Unbelievable. Mm-hm.
560
00:27:49,000 --> 00:27:50,960
I mean, no-one wants to be that guy,
561
00:27:51,000 --> 00:27:53,640
but everyone looks up
to that guy, right?
562
00:27:53,680 --> 00:27:56,440
Am I wrong? Am I really wrong?
563
00:27:56,480 --> 00:27:58,280
Yeah, do you ring the bell or not?
564
00:27:58,320 --> 00:28:00,960
Well, you've got to judge
the commentary
565
00:28:01,000 --> 00:28:02,440
and you've got to judge the sport.
566
00:28:02,480 --> 00:28:05,840
I enjoyed Multi Sport more as
a sport,
567
00:28:05,880 --> 00:28:08,920
but I preferred this
dedicated team.
568
00:28:08,960 --> 00:28:12,520
OK. So I think I'm going to have to
give everybody the same points.
569
00:28:12,560 --> 00:28:15,120
Level Neville. I'll just give them
five points each.
570
00:28:15,160 --> 00:28:16,200
Hooray.
571
00:28:16,240 --> 00:28:20,280
Yay. That's what feels right. Woo.
It feels right to me.
572
00:28:20,320 --> 00:28:22,360
I want another task,
and I want one now.
573
00:28:22,400 --> 00:28:23,840
OK, coming right up,
574
00:28:23,880 --> 00:28:27,040
and it's time to turn that frown
upside down.
575
00:28:40,080 --> 00:28:42,240
Lovely little cat.
Oh, I see it through the window.
576
00:28:42,280 --> 00:28:45,240
Ooh. Let me not break my
face, though.
577
00:28:50,000 --> 00:28:53,920
Smells like s spicy something,
like Chinese five spice in here.
578
00:28:57,000 --> 00:29:01,160
Oh. Well, that's not creepy,
you looming in the window.
579
00:29:01,200 --> 00:29:03,120
Good, is that more casual? Yes.
580
00:29:04,280 --> 00:29:05,360
Task...
581
00:29:06,440 --> 00:29:07,960
..Master.
582
00:29:08,000 --> 00:29:12,040
Make your face look like another
face when your face is
583
00:29:12,080 --> 00:29:13,360
turned upside-down.
584
00:29:16,080 --> 00:29:18,960
Make your face look like another
face
585
00:29:19,000 --> 00:29:21,880
when your face is turned upside
down.
586
00:29:23,000 --> 00:29:26,840
Most expressive and radically
different upside down face wins.
587
00:29:30,320 --> 00:29:31,600
Er...
588
00:29:31,640 --> 00:29:36,320
You have 15 minutes.
Your time starts now.
589
00:29:36,360 --> 00:29:38,800
Is there a mirror? Would you like me
to get you a mirror?
590
00:29:38,840 --> 00:29:40,120
I'd like a mirror.
591
00:29:40,160 --> 00:29:42,400
Can I assume anything I can find
will wash off?
592
00:29:42,440 --> 00:29:44,160
Definitely worth assuming that.
593
00:29:46,640 --> 00:29:48,040
Well, I don't know what to do.
594
00:29:52,920 --> 00:29:54,520
Is it interesting, isn't it?
595
00:29:54,560 --> 00:29:56,320
During a task where you have to do
596
00:29:56,360 --> 00:29:58,200
the most expressive upside face,
597
00:29:58,240 --> 00:30:00,640
Alan employs the least expressive.
598
00:30:02,440 --> 00:30:05,800
I was genuinely worried about him
for a while. Right.
599
00:30:05,840 --> 00:30:06,880
Right. First,
600
00:30:06,920 --> 00:30:08,440
let's see them making their faces in
601
00:30:08,480 --> 00:30:10,920
a sort of throwaway
make-up tutorial.
602
00:30:18,240 --> 00:30:20,360
Oh, hello. Hello. Cute.
603
00:30:20,400 --> 00:30:22,720
You got moustaches?
604
00:30:22,760 --> 00:30:24,120
That's going to happen.
605
00:30:24,160 --> 00:30:26,720
Hang on. Right.
606
00:30:26,760 --> 00:30:29,480
Holy schnikeys,
there's all kinds of stuff in here.
607
00:30:43,080 --> 00:30:48,520
So if that's a beard,
this is my mouth, right? Wait.
608
00:30:53,800 --> 00:30:58,000
You know what? 15 minutes passes way
quicker than you think, OK?
609
00:30:58,040 --> 00:31:00,280
Oh, my God, right,
I'm going to try and do that.
610
00:31:00,320 --> 00:31:02,120
But that needs to be upside
down, right?
611
00:31:02,160 --> 00:31:06,160
Well, are you going to be happy or
sad? Let's find out.
612
00:31:11,080 --> 00:31:13,000
It might be someone wearing
a balaclava.
613
00:31:22,600 --> 00:31:23,920
Googly eyes.
614
00:31:32,160 --> 00:31:33,480
Six minutes left, Alan. OK.
615
00:31:33,520 --> 00:31:35,480
So far you've stuck two eyes on
your chin.
616
00:31:35,520 --> 00:31:38,040
I'm not going to get much further
than that either.
617
00:31:38,080 --> 00:31:40,240
Look at that. Yeah. That's proper.
618
00:31:40,280 --> 00:31:43,360
Yeah, that's a good shape.
Are you putting glue all over you?
619
00:31:43,400 --> 00:31:45,440
Yeah, I think that's going to be
quicker.
620
00:31:45,480 --> 00:31:47,040
That's not worked.
621
00:31:52,080 --> 00:31:55,120
Hm. Going to need more smile.
622
00:31:58,120 --> 00:31:59,560
Yeah, yeah.
623
00:32:00,680 --> 00:32:02,920
Need to get me some...
624
00:32:02,960 --> 00:32:05,120
Oh, I tell you what,
I have to have a patch.
625
00:32:09,640 --> 00:32:12,560
How does that look? It looks like
you're holding a piece of paper.
626
00:32:12,600 --> 00:32:14,760
Yeah, ignore the paper. Don't focus
on the paper.
627
00:32:14,800 --> 00:32:17,200
I'll try and not focus on
the paper.
628
00:32:17,240 --> 00:32:18,680
Yeah.
629
00:32:18,720 --> 00:32:20,320
I mean, I think I'm done.
630
00:32:20,360 --> 00:32:23,080
Yeah. Are my eyes moving?
631
00:32:23,120 --> 00:32:26,840
How's that? I can't see the eye, the
eyepatch, or the moustache.
632
00:32:29,520 --> 00:32:31,680
Right, are you done? Yeah. OK.
633
00:32:31,720 --> 00:32:34,400
You know, I pulled out the
professional make-up.
634
00:32:38,080 --> 00:32:39,720
Didn't even touch it.
635
00:32:44,200 --> 00:32:47,680
I like it when logic gives away to a
grown woman just throwing a handful
636
00:32:47,720 --> 00:32:51,320
of googly eyes against her chin. You
know when you've thrown enough shit
637
00:32:51,360 --> 00:32:54,600
at the walls, something will stick.
Something will stick.
638
00:32:54,640 --> 00:32:57,080
Yes, slightly different technique
to Alan.
639
00:32:57,120 --> 00:32:59,880
Sometimes the backing
music captures
640
00:32:59,920 --> 00:33:01,280
an image perfectly,
641
00:33:01,320 --> 00:33:04,280
and there was such
a great sadness when
642
00:33:04,320 --> 00:33:07,280
Alan was holding his two googly eyes
against his chin,
643
00:33:07,320 --> 00:33:11,760
and there was just one haunting
violin string played across it.
644
00:33:11,800 --> 00:33:13,920
And I'd love to resee it.
Here we go.
645
00:33:18,040 --> 00:33:22,120
I was... So beautiful. ..clearly
waiting for the glue to dry.
646
00:33:26,520 --> 00:33:29,880
{\an5}Right, everyone,
to see their upside-down makeovers,
647
00:33:29,920 --> 00:33:33,640
{\an5}you're going to have to come back in
a few minutes. Wait!
648
00:33:43,760 --> 00:33:47,320
Hello. It feels like part four.
Is it part four, Alex?
649
00:33:47,360 --> 00:33:48,480
It's part four, Greg,
650
00:33:48,520 --> 00:33:50,920
{\an5}and it's time to pop our casts
heads off,
651
00:33:50,960 --> 00:33:53,240
{\an5}turn them 180 degrees,
pop them back on,
652
00:33:53,280 --> 00:33:55,440
and see how expressive they look.
653
00:33:55,480 --> 00:33:58,280
Let's see all their upside-down
faces.
654
00:34:00,400 --> 00:34:03,760
Hi, Morgana. Hey.
655
00:34:03,800 --> 00:34:06,840
How's it going? I'm good.
656
00:34:06,880 --> 00:34:08,920
What have you guys been getting up
to in here?
657
00:34:08,960 --> 00:34:10,560
What is it? No idea.
658
00:34:10,600 --> 00:34:14,200
Alex, I don't want to blow my own
trumpet here, brother,
659
00:34:14,240 --> 00:34:18,520
but I think your probably obsession
with me is I'm quite cool.
660
00:34:18,560 --> 00:34:19,600
OK.
661
00:34:19,640 --> 00:34:22,280
Oh, I don't know what to do.
662
00:34:24,360 --> 00:34:26,360
Oh, my God, it's brilliant.
663
00:34:26,400 --> 00:34:29,560
So we can see any one
of them again, Greg.
664
00:34:29,600 --> 00:34:32,600
Well, I want to see them all again,
obviously. Here are all five.
665
00:34:32,640 --> 00:34:36,400
Oh, my God.
Desiree just looks like Desiree.
666
00:34:36,440 --> 00:34:37,840
Yeah.
667
00:34:37,880 --> 00:34:40,320
Just looks like Desiree after
she's been
668
00:34:40,360 --> 00:34:42,160
a bit clumsy eating her breakfast.
669
00:34:43,880 --> 00:34:45,480
Which is every morning.
670
00:34:45,520 --> 00:34:48,240
So the mouth is the red bit,
is that right?
671
00:34:48,280 --> 00:34:52,000
Yeah. And then I tried
to go around my actual nose
672
00:34:52,040 --> 00:34:55,680
to use the holes, you know? It's
like found poetry, right? Yeah.
673
00:34:55,720 --> 00:35:00,080
And then, and then there's just some
inconvenient eyeballs on my cheeks.
674
00:35:00,120 --> 00:35:02,440
But she's justified
the nostrils as found poetry, Greg.
675
00:35:02,480 --> 00:35:06,120
Yeah, I heard that.
I heard found poetry.
676
00:35:06,160 --> 00:35:10,600
All right. Here's Guz. So his mouth,
in case you're wondering,
677
00:35:10,640 --> 00:35:13,600
is underneath the grey stuff on the
top. His real mouth.
678
00:35:13,640 --> 00:35:16,560
But you forget all about that,
I think. Yeah. You really do.
679
00:35:16,600 --> 00:35:19,000
I think he looks like
a children's TV character that's
680
00:35:19,040 --> 00:35:22,640
a friendly llama. Yeah. Mm. Yeah, I
didn't say it had to be human.
681
00:35:22,680 --> 00:35:25,040
It's expressive. Certainly isn't
human.
682
00:35:25,080 --> 00:35:26,720
Oh, man. OK, back to the five.
683
00:35:26,760 --> 00:35:29,160
That's a work of art. So I sort of
684
00:35:29,200 --> 00:35:31,800
want to know what Morgana's
character got in her mouth.
685
00:35:31,840 --> 00:35:35,160
That's Morgana's tongue.
That's a great tongue.
686
00:35:35,200 --> 00:35:38,120
She's got one of those tongues that
extends out the back of her head.
687
00:35:39,800 --> 00:35:41,040
Like a woodpecker.
688
00:35:41,080 --> 00:35:45,160
What is your character going through
emotionally do you think?
689
00:35:45,200 --> 00:35:47,560
Utter turmoil, I think.
Yeah. Turmoil.
690
00:35:47,600 --> 00:35:50,720
Two left. This is Victoria's.
Ooh. Yeah.
691
00:35:50,760 --> 00:35:53,680
I feel you have to keep looking at
it. It's like a magic eye picture.
692
00:35:53,720 --> 00:35:55,200
It's really good actually.
693
00:35:55,240 --> 00:35:58,400
Yeah, it's more expressive than you
first think, isn't it? Yeah. Ooh.
694
00:35:58,440 --> 00:35:59,680
It's a bit Jack Nicholson.
695
00:35:59,720 --> 00:36:00,840
Any sort of backstory you
696
00:36:00,880 --> 00:36:04,000
want to pop on there,
Victoria, for us, or..?
697
00:36:04,040 --> 00:36:09,720
Well, grossly a sort of deep
professional regret, but the...
698
00:36:09,760 --> 00:36:11,080
Spread out over ten weeks?
699
00:36:13,920 --> 00:36:15,160
It's a contender.
700
00:36:15,200 --> 00:36:16,960
Oh, OK. There's one left.
701
00:36:17,000 --> 00:36:18,960
We took a few different shots
of Alan.
702
00:36:19,000 --> 00:36:20,840
That was when one of the eyes fell
off,
703
00:36:20,880 --> 00:36:24,000
so he turned it into an eyepatch.
I mean, it looks to me
704
00:36:24,040 --> 00:36:28,600
like a drunk man thrashing from
a car park fight at this stage.
705
00:36:28,640 --> 00:36:33,080
It's all kicked off out
the back of the White Swan.
706
00:36:34,760 --> 00:36:37,640
Alan, calm down, calm down.
707
00:36:37,680 --> 00:36:39,240
Car park Alan.
708
00:36:39,280 --> 00:36:40,640
At the very end of the montage,
709
00:36:40,680 --> 00:36:43,120
there was one with both eyes on
and a tongue poking out.
710
00:36:43,160 --> 00:36:46,880
Yeah. Now this guy.
This is before he's gone out.
711
00:36:46,920 --> 00:36:50,040
It's an awful story.
Look how happy he is.
712
00:36:50,080 --> 00:36:52,320
"Can't wait to go out for
a lovely pint?
713
00:36:52,360 --> 00:36:55,040
"I hope I don't get
the shit kicked out of me in
714
00:36:55,080 --> 00:36:56,480
"the car park and lose an eye."
715
00:36:56,520 --> 00:36:59,240
"I wonder if anyone will notice how
close together my eyes are
716
00:36:59,280 --> 00:37:00,680
"and take against me."
717
00:37:00,720 --> 00:37:03,560
Well, Greg, you're going to have to
judge these faces.
718
00:37:03,600 --> 00:37:07,640
I am. Well, I think I'm marking
pre-fight Alan...
719
00:37:07,680 --> 00:37:09,600
"Alan, all right?" "Yeah."
720
00:37:09,640 --> 00:37:11,720
It's pre-fight Alan.
721
00:37:11,760 --> 00:37:16,400
The range of expressions in
Victoria's, I think, needs
722
00:37:16,440 --> 00:37:18,640
to be rewarded on this occasion.
Right.
723
00:37:18,680 --> 00:37:21,480
But tragedy of the story of Alan
724
00:37:21,520 --> 00:37:25,520
means that his initial expression
of hope...
725
00:37:25,560 --> 00:37:28,680
I think I'm going to give them both
five points.
726
00:37:28,720 --> 00:37:35,680
Ooh. And I'm going to follow closely
by old, old tongue neck.
727
00:37:35,720 --> 00:37:38,120
OK, so four points to Morgana,
is that right?
728
00:37:38,160 --> 00:37:41,480
I'm going to give four, but I'm also
going to give four points
729
00:37:41,520 --> 00:37:45,320
to the menacing eyes of
the smiling llama.
730
00:37:46,960 --> 00:37:48,720
And then it's just Desiree left.
731
00:37:48,760 --> 00:37:50,680
And then it's how big the gulf...
732
00:37:52,480 --> 00:37:54,280
..between the others,
733
00:37:54,320 --> 00:37:56,480
and old breakfast face.
734
00:37:58,920 --> 00:38:02,960
I'm going to give Desiree,
two sweet points. Two sweet points.
735
00:38:03,000 --> 00:38:06,920
All right. Thank you. But it's five
to Alan and Victoria. There it is.
736
00:38:09,280 --> 00:38:11,480
Oh, what are the scores?
Hi, Greg.
737
00:38:11,520 --> 00:38:14,000
Well, Victoria's back to her
traditional fifth place at
738
00:38:14,040 --> 00:38:15,440
the moment, er, and in the lead,
739
00:38:15,480 --> 00:38:18,720
it's Alan with 18, then Guz with 17.
Oh. Lovely.
740
00:38:21,720 --> 00:38:25,080
Right. can you please make your way
to the stage for, guess what?
741
00:38:25,120 --> 00:38:27,040
It's the final task of the show.
742
00:38:33,200 --> 00:38:36,280
Hello? Hello. Hello? Hello.
743
00:38:36,320 --> 00:38:38,480
Would you like someone to read the
task? Yeah.
744
00:38:38,520 --> 00:38:39,800
How about pre-fight Alan?
745
00:38:39,840 --> 00:38:41,240
Yes, please.
746
00:38:42,720 --> 00:38:47,520
"Pop up before the object,
but only just.
747
00:38:47,560 --> 00:38:50,200
"You are only allowed
to pop up once.
748
00:38:50,240 --> 00:38:53,880
"Closest to the pop
before the pop wins the round.
749
00:38:53,920 --> 00:38:57,960
"If you pop up after the object,
you get no points that round."
750
00:38:58,000 --> 00:39:00,840
There are going to be three rounds
of best popper.
751
00:39:00,880 --> 00:39:02,920
First of all, it's the toaster.
752
00:39:02,960 --> 00:39:05,880
You've got to pop up before the
toast, but only just. Ooh.
753
00:39:05,920 --> 00:39:08,440
If you pop up after it, you don't
get any points in that round.
754
00:39:08,480 --> 00:39:11,320
If you pop up before it, the closest
to the pop gets five points,
755
00:39:11,360 --> 00:39:14,160
then four points, then three points,
and then over the three rounds,
756
00:39:14,200 --> 00:39:15,760
we'll work out who's the best
popper.
757
00:39:15,800 --> 00:39:17,800
Are we ready for round one? Let's
pop.
758
00:39:17,840 --> 00:39:20,200
OK, I'm going to pop down the bread
759
00:39:20,240 --> 00:39:22,320
and it will pop up as perfect toast.
760
00:39:24,480 --> 00:39:25,720
Good luck, everyone.
761
00:39:38,360 --> 00:39:39,840
Genuinely quite tense.
762
00:40:12,560 --> 00:40:15,120
I think we can safely say now that
they have all popped up.
763
00:40:15,160 --> 00:40:18,520
As slow as my toaster at home.
I should've factored that in. Mm.
764
00:40:18,560 --> 00:40:20,400
Ooh.
765
00:40:20,440 --> 00:40:22,160
Aw, perfect piece of toast.
766
00:40:22,200 --> 00:40:24,920
OK, you can all pop down onto your
chairs again.
767
00:40:24,960 --> 00:40:26,280
De-pop. Fine.
768
00:40:26,320 --> 00:40:29,400
So Morgana popped up closest to
the pop, but you all get points.
769
00:40:29,440 --> 00:40:31,760
She did some lovely pop work.
770
00:40:31,800 --> 00:40:34,240
Round two is the jack-in-the-box.
771
00:40:34,280 --> 00:40:36,960
The Taskmaster will control
the jack-in-the-box
772
00:40:37,000 --> 00:40:39,880
and up it will pop.
You must pop before the jack.
773
00:41:14,520 --> 00:41:16,200
Oh, it's up! Hey.
774
00:41:16,240 --> 00:41:19,120
That time, Victoria was the closest
to the pop. Lovely popping.
775
00:41:19,160 --> 00:41:21,720
Well done, Victoria.
And now we come to round three.
776
00:41:21,760 --> 00:41:24,200
The most tense of all
the three rounds.
777
00:41:24,240 --> 00:41:27,720
There is a giant balloon on that
middle podium.
778
00:41:27,760 --> 00:41:29,400
If you want to put on ear defenders,
779
00:41:29,440 --> 00:41:32,160
they are under your chair.
That's up to you. Get them on.
780
00:41:32,200 --> 00:41:33,800
Me too. OK.
781
00:41:33,840 --> 00:41:36,480
So please pop before the balloon,
but only just.
782
00:41:36,520 --> 00:41:39,520
Good luck. Greg,
please start inflating the balloon.
783
00:41:57,920 --> 00:42:00,960
It's already quite a big balloon,
but it gets bigger.
784
00:42:17,880 --> 00:42:19,360
I am genuinely shitting myself.
785
00:42:20,880 --> 00:42:23,160
It's actually going to be quite
a loud bang, isn't it?
786
00:42:33,080 --> 00:42:34,480
I do think I'm going to scream.
787
00:42:36,440 --> 00:42:37,960
Incredible play.
788
00:42:38,000 --> 00:42:39,400
It's a big balloon now.
789
00:42:50,360 --> 00:42:52,440
This is about to be horrific.
790
00:43:48,000 --> 00:43:50,360
Whoa. Did you pop?
791
00:43:50,400 --> 00:43:54,360
Oh, my. Desiree...
You're still down. Yeah.
792
00:43:54,400 --> 00:43:56,600
She was just about to pop. Ohh!
793
00:43:56,640 --> 00:43:58,880
That was one big pop. Damn.
794
00:43:58,920 --> 00:44:01,200
Please, join me down here,
pop fans.
795
00:44:04,520 --> 00:44:06,800
Goodness me, goodness me.
796
00:44:06,840 --> 00:44:10,240
Desiree was so nearly beating the
pop at the end, but she didn't,
797
00:44:10,280 --> 00:44:12,120
so she got nought points in that
last round.
798
00:44:12,160 --> 00:44:14,040
She came last in the game as
a whole.
799
00:44:14,080 --> 00:44:16,160
So she gets two points because Alan
800
00:44:16,200 --> 00:44:17,640
and Victoria came joint third,
801
00:44:17,680 --> 00:44:19,840
they get three points each.
Guz fourth,
802
00:44:19,880 --> 00:44:21,520
but Morgana was amazing.
She came first,
803
00:44:21,560 --> 00:44:25,400
second, and first in the rounds, so
she gets the full five points. Woo.
804
00:44:26,640 --> 00:44:28,200
And that means, in the series,
805
00:44:28,240 --> 00:44:30,320
Victoria has got to 100 points
exactly.
806
00:44:30,360 --> 00:44:31,960
Yes. Hooray.
807
00:44:32,000 --> 00:44:34,280
And then Desiree on 119,
808
00:44:34,320 --> 00:44:39,120
Alan and Guz both on 131,
Morgana on 132.
809
00:44:39,160 --> 00:44:42,160
Wow. Ooh. Two shows to go.
810
00:44:42,200 --> 00:44:44,560
And it's no less tight in this
particular episode
811
00:44:44,600 --> 00:44:46,400
because Guz has 21 points,
812
00:44:46,440 --> 00:44:49,240
Alan 21 points.
We have joint winners.
813
00:44:49,280 --> 00:44:50,800
Ooh.
814
00:44:52,560 --> 00:44:54,320
I don't know what to do now.
815
00:44:54,360 --> 00:44:57,240
I do. A tie-break. A really good
tie-break. For this one,
816
00:44:57,280 --> 00:44:58,600
they had to blow a feather across
817
00:44:58,640 --> 00:45:00,360
a table as fast as possible.
818
00:45:00,400 --> 00:45:03,560
But they could only blow it
with their noses.
819
00:45:03,600 --> 00:45:07,080
Snot as easy as it sounds.
Let's see how they got on.
820
00:45:07,120 --> 00:45:08,600
Alex, are you ready, baby?
821
00:45:08,640 --> 00:45:10,680
I am. Just your nose.
Good luck, Guz.
822
00:45:21,840 --> 00:45:23,000
Thank you.
823
00:45:25,080 --> 00:45:26,440
That's not a good technique.
824
00:45:42,720 --> 00:45:44,520
Yes, I'm on the edge of my seat.
825
00:45:44,560 --> 00:45:46,840
I know. It was tight.
826
00:45:46,880 --> 00:45:48,760
Alan did it in 9.5 seconds
827
00:45:48,800 --> 00:45:52,160
and Guz in 28.7 seconds,
which means Alan wins.
828
00:45:55,440 --> 00:45:59,760
Alan wins. Please go and pick up
your repurposed prizes.
829
00:46:03,160 --> 00:46:06,280
So what have we learnt today?
Well, people have suggested,
830
00:46:06,320 --> 00:46:09,680
because of the multitude of horrors
we've seen over 12 series,
831
00:46:09,720 --> 00:46:12,640
Alex and I have been left bereft
of feeling.
832
00:46:12,680 --> 00:46:16,880
Today, we found out categorically
that is not true.
833
00:46:22,760 --> 00:46:24,080
Very brave boys.
834
00:46:24,120 --> 00:46:25,760
Brave boys. Bye for now,
835
00:46:25,800 --> 00:46:29,360
and hooray again for Alan Davies.
Thanks for watching. Goodnight.
836
00:46:31,960 --> 00:46:33,880
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