1 00:00:02,560 --> 00:00:03,720 Ah! 2 00:00:03,760 --> 00:00:05,280 Nh, spla. Ooh! 3 00:00:05,320 --> 00:00:06,440 BELL DINGS 4 00:00:08,200 --> 00:00:09,240 Is this a joke? 5 00:00:10,240 --> 00:00:11,280 Yeah! 6 00:00:14,080 --> 00:00:15,240 Mm-mm! Oh! 7 00:00:19,200 --> 00:00:20,200 Oh! 8 00:00:20,240 --> 00:00:21,920 Oh, I like that! 9 00:00:23,040 --> 00:00:24,560 Oh! Wow. Mm! 10 00:00:26,000 --> 00:00:28,400 This programme contains strong language and adult humour. 11 00:00:28,440 --> 00:00:30,720 Taskmaster was recorded in accordance with all social 12 00:00:30,760 --> 00:00:33,120 distancing guidelines in place at the time of filming 13 00:00:34,320 --> 00:00:35,760 CHEERING AND APPLAUSE 14 00:00:35,800 --> 00:00:37,920 Hello, one and all! 15 00:00:37,960 --> 00:00:40,320 I'm Greg Davies, and I am the Taskmaster, 16 00:00:40,360 --> 00:00:42,040 and this is Taskmaster! 17 00:00:42,080 --> 00:00:44,760 It's a brand-new series with a brand-new cast 18 00:00:44,800 --> 00:00:46,560 and a brand-new set of tasks. 19 00:00:46,600 --> 00:00:48,440 But I'm not brand-new. 20 00:00:48,480 --> 00:00:49,880 Quite the contrary. 21 00:00:49,920 --> 00:00:52,240 I'm a living relic, an almighty deity, 22 00:00:52,280 --> 00:00:54,400 resurrected time and time again. 23 00:00:54,440 --> 00:00:58,880 I'm not as good as God, but I sure am one swell guy. 24 00:00:58,920 --> 00:01:03,960 So, who are the five so desperate to get their hands on my golden goblet 25 00:01:04,000 --> 00:01:07,480 that they would go against the explicit advice of their agents? 26 00:01:07,520 --> 00:01:10,920 Well, let's cast our eyes across five faces of fear, 27 00:01:10,960 --> 00:01:13,720 and please welcome Alan Davies... 28 00:01:13,760 --> 00:01:15,080 CHEERS AND APPLAUSE 29 00:01:15,120 --> 00:01:17,640 ..Desiree Burch... CHEERS AND APPLAUSE 30 00:01:17,680 --> 00:01:19,920 ..Guz Khan... CHEERS AND APPLAUSE 31 00:01:19,960 --> 00:01:22,640 ..Morgana Robinson... CHEERS AND APPLAUSE 32 00:01:22,680 --> 00:01:25,400 ..and Victoria Coren-Mitchell. 33 00:01:25,440 --> 00:01:26,880 CHEERS AND APPLAUSE 34 00:01:26,920 --> 00:01:28,760 And now, to my assistant. 35 00:01:28,800 --> 00:01:31,000 Usually I introduce him in a derogatory way 36 00:01:31,040 --> 00:01:33,920 but, for a change, I thought he could read the introduction 37 00:01:33,960 --> 00:01:35,680 I've written for him. Over to you. 38 00:01:35,720 --> 00:01:38,040 My name is Alex and, in interviews, 39 00:01:38,080 --> 00:01:39,960 I pretend Greg and I are friends in real life. 40 00:01:40,000 --> 00:01:41,760 But, in truth, we barely know each other. 41 00:01:41,800 --> 00:01:43,080 Also, I've got a little winkie. 42 00:01:43,120 --> 00:01:45,320 It's little Alex Horne! 43 00:01:45,360 --> 00:01:47,400 CHEERS AND APPLAUSE 44 00:01:48,520 --> 00:01:51,040 Do you want to play a quick game of "whose face am I sitting on"? 45 00:01:51,080 --> 00:01:53,000 Yes, cos I know this is the pre-prepared banter 46 00:01:53,040 --> 00:01:54,880 you've got for us. It's a little game for you. 47 00:01:54,920 --> 00:01:57,440 I thought you'd enjoy this. Whose face am I sitting on, Greg? 48 00:01:57,480 --> 00:02:00,080 I don't know, Alex. You can have 120 guesses. OK. 49 00:02:01,520 --> 00:02:02,720 LAUGHTER 50 00:02:02,760 --> 00:02:04,640 I can do an impression of them. OK. 51 00:02:04,680 --> 00:02:06,440 "Oh, would you like a present?" 52 00:02:06,480 --> 00:02:07,880 Er, Father Christmas! 53 00:02:07,920 --> 00:02:08,920 Yes! Father Christmas. 54 00:02:08,960 --> 00:02:11,040 That was really good. 55 00:02:11,080 --> 00:02:13,400 You can't sit on Father Christmas' face. 56 00:02:13,440 --> 00:02:14,760 Oh, yes, you can. 57 00:02:14,800 --> 00:02:15,920 LAUGHTER 58 00:02:17,040 --> 00:02:19,000 Right, same old prize task, is it? 59 00:02:19,040 --> 00:02:20,560 Yes, way, Jose. 60 00:02:20,600 --> 00:02:23,240 And for this first episode, they've been asked to bring in 61 00:02:23,280 --> 00:02:25,960 the thing that, if you put it in a bag and sit on it, 62 00:02:26,000 --> 00:02:27,360 it would feel the nicest. 63 00:02:27,400 --> 00:02:30,160 There are five enormous points available for the best thing 64 00:02:30,200 --> 00:02:32,480 that would feel the nicest when sat on in a big bag, 65 00:02:32,520 --> 00:02:35,400 and the winner of tonight's episode will win all five things, 66 00:02:35,440 --> 00:02:37,440 and therefore require an even bigger bag. 67 00:02:37,480 --> 00:02:39,120 And a much bigger bottom. 68 00:02:39,160 --> 00:02:42,560 This task, to me, feels fraught with dangers, 69 00:02:42,600 --> 00:02:46,400 but I know I'm going to start with a mature man who I know 70 00:02:46,440 --> 00:02:47,640 won't have gone route one. 71 00:02:48,760 --> 00:02:51,320 Alan Davies. Welcome to the show, what have you brought in? 72 00:02:51,360 --> 00:02:53,480 It's an inflatable cushion... 73 00:02:53,520 --> 00:02:55,920 OK. ..which I have for the kids in the car. 74 00:02:55,960 --> 00:02:58,160 But as an optional extra, 75 00:02:58,200 --> 00:02:59,800 an electric toothbrush. 76 00:02:59,840 --> 00:03:01,800 A car seat and a toothbrush. There you go, Greg. 77 00:03:01,840 --> 00:03:04,800 You probably would put the toothbrush inside the cushion. 78 00:03:04,840 --> 00:03:05,960 It's got a little zip. 79 00:03:06,000 --> 00:03:09,600 Then you turn it on and, of course, it buzzes and vibrates. 80 00:03:09,640 --> 00:03:12,760 And that's always a bonus in a seat, isn't it? 81 00:03:12,800 --> 00:03:16,040 Do you imagine the toothbrush to be lengthways? 82 00:03:16,080 --> 00:03:18,120 Of course. Or sideways? Oh, don't be ridiculous. 83 00:03:19,120 --> 00:03:20,480 LAUGHTER 84 00:03:21,480 --> 00:03:24,200 I expect questions, but come on, there's a level of common sense. 85 00:03:24,240 --> 00:03:27,080 You'd have to recharge it, so there's a limited amount of time 86 00:03:27,120 --> 00:03:30,480 for you to enjoy the vibration of your seat, Alan. 87 00:03:30,520 --> 00:03:33,400 And that, my friend, is where the whole thing falls down. 88 00:03:33,440 --> 00:03:34,560 LAUGHTER 89 00:03:38,120 --> 00:03:39,800 Des... Desiree. 90 00:03:39,840 --> 00:03:43,040 The most comfortable thing, I think, on planet Earth are boobs. 91 00:03:43,080 --> 00:03:46,200 and you can't put human boobs in a bag because...sick. 92 00:03:46,240 --> 00:03:49,440 But you can get a replica of those in a bag. 93 00:03:49,480 --> 00:03:53,120 So, what we got were those chicken cutlets, like, that replicate boobs. 94 00:03:53,160 --> 00:03:55,000 Chicken fillets? Yeah, those little guys. 95 00:03:55,040 --> 00:03:57,600 Oh, you mean that thing you...? Yeah, that go bloop, right? 96 00:03:57,640 --> 00:03:59,400 And they feel boob-like in a bag. 97 00:03:59,440 --> 00:04:01,320 Here's a bunch of boobs for you. OK. 98 00:04:01,360 --> 00:04:05,560 ALAN: Static boobs, no variety, no variation, no rotation. 99 00:04:05,600 --> 00:04:08,440 Well, I mean, you can go to a couple different shops, if you want, 100 00:04:08,480 --> 00:04:10,280 and get different boobs, all right? 101 00:04:10,320 --> 00:04:11,880 To be honest, they can all laugh, 102 00:04:11,920 --> 00:04:14,600 but we've managed to get guys home with those. Yeah! So... 103 00:04:14,640 --> 00:04:16,600 LAUGHTER 104 00:04:16,640 --> 00:04:19,520 You haven't managed to get any guys home with them in a bag. 105 00:04:22,240 --> 00:04:23,920 Guz, what have you brought? 106 00:04:23,960 --> 00:04:27,520 I bought a chair, and then, I put it in a bag. 107 00:04:29,320 --> 00:04:32,280 Here is the chair. It's the same one as he's sitting on at the moment. 108 00:04:32,320 --> 00:04:34,400 Right, so he didn't bring a chair, he's just... 109 00:04:34,440 --> 00:04:36,280 No, I might've bought it, you don't know. 110 00:04:36,320 --> 00:04:38,480 It's important that you and I form a bond of honesty 111 00:04:38,520 --> 00:04:40,760 at this stage in the series. So, I ask you this now... 112 00:04:42,960 --> 00:04:44,360 ..last minute, did you think, 113 00:04:44,400 --> 00:04:46,280 "I'm just going to say I brought this chair?" 114 00:04:46,320 --> 00:04:48,400 Yeah, a little bit. Right, good. 115 00:04:49,400 --> 00:04:50,800 Last place. Morgana. 116 00:04:50,840 --> 00:04:52,680 LAUGHTER 117 00:04:52,720 --> 00:04:54,280 What have you brought in? 118 00:04:54,320 --> 00:04:56,560 I've brought in a spinning washing machine. 119 00:04:56,600 --> 00:04:59,040 But it's got to be on spin, not just any old washing machine. 120 00:04:59,080 --> 00:05:01,520 OK. But it's got to be, you know, on "vibrate" for the last bit. 121 00:05:01,560 --> 00:05:03,720 And we can see it spinning right now, Greg. OK. 122 00:05:04,960 --> 00:05:07,960 There it is. See, there it goes. That's going to... Yeah, yeah. 123 00:05:08,000 --> 00:05:09,120 I've got... Same vibe. 124 00:05:09,160 --> 00:05:11,520 Same vibe, but a little bit less subtle, I think, Morgana, 125 00:05:11,560 --> 00:05:14,440 but there you are. I put it to you, it's a hugely uncomfortable seat. 126 00:05:14,480 --> 00:05:16,920 I just think it's a bit like - I mean, I'm not saying I want to 127 00:05:16,960 --> 00:05:19,680 spend all night on it, but... How long do you want to spend on it? 128 00:05:19,720 --> 00:05:21,280 Five, ten? 129 00:05:21,320 --> 00:05:22,520 LAUGHTER 130 00:05:23,920 --> 00:05:25,840 I think it'll give me bum problems. Do you think? 131 00:05:25,880 --> 00:05:28,400 I think it'll tighten everything up. It isn't. I think it'll do 132 00:05:28,440 --> 00:05:30,880 the opposite and work things out I wouldn't want worked out. 133 00:05:32,160 --> 00:05:33,840 Victoria. Yes. 134 00:05:33,880 --> 00:05:35,360 You got a nice sitting thing? 135 00:05:35,400 --> 00:05:36,400 Diamonds. 136 00:05:36,440 --> 00:05:37,720 Interesting. 137 00:05:37,760 --> 00:05:41,560 All this soft things and squishy things, and vibrating things 138 00:05:41,600 --> 00:05:42,960 are all very well. 139 00:05:43,000 --> 00:05:47,560 I'm looking for the greater comfort of long-term financial security. 140 00:05:47,600 --> 00:05:49,360 LAUGHTER 141 00:05:50,400 --> 00:05:53,200 So, these are the diamonds that the winner is going to sit on. 142 00:05:53,240 --> 00:05:56,000 Quite a few. You've brought those in, Victoria? 143 00:05:56,040 --> 00:05:57,440 No, of course not. 144 00:05:57,480 --> 00:06:01,080 If I had that many diamonds, I wouldn't be here. 145 00:06:01,120 --> 00:06:03,680 So, what you're offering up is the concept? 146 00:06:03,720 --> 00:06:07,360 You asked what, if you put them in a bag and sat on them, 147 00:06:07,400 --> 00:06:10,200 would feel the nicest - and I say diamonds. 148 00:06:10,240 --> 00:06:14,080 As a rule... I don't enjoy this kind of attitude. 149 00:06:19,760 --> 00:06:23,080 There's an over-confidence to it that I've stamped out of Alex. 150 00:06:23,120 --> 00:06:24,800 LAUGHTER 151 00:06:26,120 --> 00:06:27,560 Thank you. 152 00:06:27,600 --> 00:06:29,000 Here are my judgments. 153 00:06:30,440 --> 00:06:32,440 In last place, guess who? 154 00:06:33,840 --> 00:06:36,040 Is it Guz Khan? It's Guz Khan! 155 00:06:36,080 --> 00:06:38,400 One point to Guz... Guz, you're in the lead currently. 156 00:06:39,680 --> 00:06:41,520 Obviously, er, the washing machine, 157 00:06:41,560 --> 00:06:44,320 the second-laziest thing here, two points. 158 00:06:44,360 --> 00:06:46,720 Controversially... Oh, now this is interesting. 159 00:06:46,760 --> 00:06:48,960 ..it's the diamond-bum girl, three points. Oh! 160 00:06:50,800 --> 00:06:53,080 Above a lifetime's supply of diamonds, I'm going to have 161 00:06:53,120 --> 00:06:54,680 a vibrating toothbrush. 162 00:06:54,720 --> 00:06:56,520 So, four points to Alan Davies. Four points. 163 00:06:56,560 --> 00:06:58,320 And five points to Desiree! 164 00:06:58,360 --> 00:07:01,320 Congratulations. And we're off! Desiree, five points. 165 00:07:01,360 --> 00:07:03,880 Well done, Desiree. CHEERING AND APPLAUSE 166 00:07:05,560 --> 00:07:08,040 Whoo! Feel the rush! 167 00:07:08,080 --> 00:07:09,280 LAUGHTER 168 00:07:09,320 --> 00:07:11,640 What's first on our agenda? 169 00:07:11,680 --> 00:07:16,120 OK, we are starting with a new non-non-contact sport. 170 00:07:35,240 --> 00:07:36,600 MORGANA: Where's Alex? 171 00:07:37,600 --> 00:07:39,040 Is he off sick? 172 00:07:42,280 --> 00:07:43,880 Cheeky cacti, yeah. 173 00:07:43,920 --> 00:07:45,520 OK. 174 00:07:45,560 --> 00:07:47,800 Thought I was going to call it a cactuses. 175 00:07:47,840 --> 00:07:49,320 It's cacti. 176 00:07:49,360 --> 00:07:51,880 ALAN: It's not a real cactus. 177 00:07:54,600 --> 00:07:57,680 "Strike Alex with a ball." 178 00:07:57,720 --> 00:07:59,520 "Alex may not run..." 179 00:07:59,560 --> 00:08:00,800 "..Hide..." 180 00:08:00,840 --> 00:08:02,600 "..or leave the Taskmaster grounds. 181 00:08:02,640 --> 00:08:03,960 "Fastest wins. 182 00:08:04,000 --> 00:08:06,320 So, I've got to find the little bastard. 183 00:08:06,360 --> 00:08:08,200 VICTORIA: "Your time starts now." 184 00:08:10,720 --> 00:08:11,800 But... 185 00:08:13,440 --> 00:08:15,600 ..do I have to find the ball? 186 00:08:15,640 --> 00:08:16,840 Where's Alex? 187 00:08:16,880 --> 00:08:19,080 APPLAUSE 188 00:08:22,040 --> 00:08:24,080 A sneaky task, Greg. 189 00:08:24,120 --> 00:08:25,200 Why is it sneaky? 190 00:08:25,240 --> 00:08:27,800 Well, they had a little camera there. Yeah. 191 00:08:27,840 --> 00:08:30,880 And I could see what the camera was showing on my little screen here, 192 00:08:30,920 --> 00:08:33,920 so I could see where they were moving, but they didn't necessarily 193 00:08:33,960 --> 00:08:35,480 know that I could see that. 194 00:08:35,520 --> 00:08:36,880 Well, I don't want to mess around, 195 00:08:36,920 --> 00:08:38,680 I want to get going. Who are we seeing first? 196 00:08:38,720 --> 00:08:41,920 The first two people we're going to see share their names with old men, 197 00:08:41,960 --> 00:08:43,320 it's Des and Vic. 198 00:08:44,880 --> 00:08:47,520 DESIREE: Erm...er... 199 00:08:47,560 --> 00:08:50,440 Where the hell would a ball - would probably be in here? 200 00:08:51,720 --> 00:08:52,760 Erm... 201 00:08:56,600 --> 00:08:57,920 Oh. 202 00:08:57,960 --> 00:09:00,640 Hello. Hello. SHE LAUGHS 203 00:09:00,680 --> 00:09:02,480 Do you have a ball with you? No. 204 00:09:02,520 --> 00:09:05,880 Why...why am I looking in here? This doesn't make any sense. 205 00:09:05,920 --> 00:09:08,200 Er, OK, abort, abort. Abort! 206 00:09:12,440 --> 00:09:13,520 I don't need two, do I? 207 00:09:14,960 --> 00:09:16,360 Wait, wha...? 208 00:09:18,000 --> 00:09:19,240 I thought you couldn't... 209 00:09:20,720 --> 00:09:22,640 It says you can't hide! 210 00:09:22,680 --> 00:09:24,800 This is...this is a ball. 211 00:09:24,840 --> 00:09:26,760 All right, where's the Alex? 212 00:09:28,440 --> 00:09:30,120 But he can't hide. 213 00:09:30,160 --> 00:09:31,840 Not there, OK. 214 00:09:31,880 --> 00:09:34,480 Well, this is ridiculous. 215 00:09:34,520 --> 00:09:37,400 Are you watching all this on camera and knowing where to go? 216 00:09:37,440 --> 00:09:40,520 Cos that is horrible. 217 00:09:40,560 --> 00:09:42,280 This is hiding! 218 00:09:44,120 --> 00:09:45,920 If I can't see you, it's hiding. 219 00:09:49,400 --> 00:09:51,440 Where have you hidden this tall man?! 220 00:09:51,480 --> 00:09:53,120 There's...and there he goes. 221 00:09:54,520 --> 00:09:55,840 There, right. 222 00:09:57,520 --> 00:09:58,760 I'm not good at throwing. 223 00:09:59,880 --> 00:10:01,080 I'm so sorry! 224 00:10:05,200 --> 00:10:07,120 OK, where the hell haven't I looked? 225 00:10:08,920 --> 00:10:09,920 Oh, hello! 226 00:10:11,680 --> 00:10:13,840 Shouldn't run, but I saw you! 227 00:10:15,720 --> 00:10:18,160 Stop doing the thing I know you're doing, man! 228 00:10:20,520 --> 00:10:22,400 No...no! SHE LAUGHS 229 00:10:23,760 --> 00:10:26,840 Ah! I gotcha! Wha-ha-ha! 230 00:10:26,880 --> 00:10:28,120 What a blow. 231 00:10:28,160 --> 00:10:30,440 You're running, you're running. I'm not allowed to run. 232 00:10:32,280 --> 00:10:33,320 There, there! 233 00:10:33,360 --> 00:10:35,800 SLOWED-DOWN: There! 234 00:10:37,080 --> 00:10:38,600 I've stopped the clock. 235 00:10:38,640 --> 00:10:41,800 That...is the most exercise I've done since I was at school. 236 00:10:43,200 --> 00:10:45,720 APPLAUSE 237 00:10:46,960 --> 00:10:49,080 Desiree, there's a book of Taskmaster quotes, 238 00:10:49,120 --> 00:10:51,720 and, er, "Stop doing the thing I know you're doing"... 239 00:10:51,760 --> 00:10:53,600 LAUGHTER 240 00:10:53,640 --> 00:10:56,880 ..is going immediately into it. 241 00:10:56,920 --> 00:10:59,000 Desiree spent the longest looking for the ball. 242 00:10:59,040 --> 00:11:02,200 We didn't expect that to be... part of the task. 243 00:11:02,240 --> 00:11:03,840 No. 244 00:11:03,880 --> 00:11:07,280 What I enjoyed, though, is your natural anger towards Alex. Yes! 245 00:11:07,320 --> 00:11:10,960 And for you to feel rage this early bodes very well for you. 246 00:11:12,400 --> 00:11:14,200 Now, it seems to me, Victoria, 247 00:11:14,240 --> 00:11:16,880 that you were baffled by the rules of the game. 248 00:11:16,920 --> 00:11:19,520 And you sought to impose your own rules. 249 00:11:19,560 --> 00:11:21,800 "If I can't see you, it's hiding." 250 00:11:23,280 --> 00:11:26,240 Is everyone you can't see now hiding from you? 251 00:11:26,280 --> 00:11:27,360 LAUGHTER 252 00:11:28,520 --> 00:11:30,640 I thought that I'd found him. 253 00:11:30,680 --> 00:11:32,880 "OK, there he is, great. Now I'll get the ball." 254 00:11:32,920 --> 00:11:35,480 And then, I came back, and he wasn't there - that is hiding. 255 00:11:35,520 --> 00:11:38,080 I had moved, that's true. How did they both do? 256 00:11:38,120 --> 00:11:41,240 Victoria was the slower of the two, seven minutes, 24. Hm. 257 00:11:41,280 --> 00:11:44,560 But only 63 seconds quicker, over here, six minutes and three seconds 258 00:11:44,600 --> 00:11:46,120 is in the lead at the moment. 259 00:11:46,160 --> 00:11:48,880 There we are. Six minutes spent looking for the ball. 260 00:11:48,920 --> 00:11:50,920 Yeah, yeah. LAUGHTER 261 00:11:50,960 --> 00:11:53,560 Lovely start. Right, we're going to have a break now. 262 00:11:53,600 --> 00:11:56,720 Let's see if Alex can finally buff my bottom well enough 263 00:11:56,760 --> 00:11:58,680 to see his crooked tooth in it! 264 00:11:58,720 --> 00:11:59,920 LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE 265 00:12:09,400 --> 00:12:13,640 Hello, and welcome back to the first part two of the series. 266 00:12:13,680 --> 00:12:16,160 Before the break, the new cast were partaking 267 00:12:16,200 --> 00:12:19,720 in one of my favourite pastimes of hitting Alex with a ball. 268 00:12:19,760 --> 00:12:22,160 Yes, you're so good at it, big guy. 269 00:12:22,200 --> 00:12:24,280 We've learnt that Desiree and Victoria 270 00:12:24,320 --> 00:12:26,400 prefer not to travel above walking pace, 271 00:12:26,440 --> 00:12:29,280 but are Alan and Guz more au fait with urgency? 272 00:12:29,320 --> 00:12:30,960 Let's find out. 273 00:12:32,720 --> 00:12:34,640 I think, uh, find a ball first. 274 00:12:54,720 --> 00:12:57,520 Oh, that's annoying cos I saw him and he's gone, but he's not hiding. 275 00:12:57,560 --> 00:12:58,880 He's just moved. 276 00:12:58,920 --> 00:13:00,840 Alex? 277 00:13:00,880 --> 00:13:02,240 Alex! 278 00:13:10,440 --> 00:13:12,160 Alex! Yeah? 279 00:13:12,200 --> 00:13:13,920 Alex? Yeah? 280 00:13:13,960 --> 00:13:16,200 Alex? Yes? 281 00:13:16,240 --> 00:13:17,640 Alex! 282 00:13:23,240 --> 00:13:25,040 I've looked in all the bits. 283 00:13:27,520 --> 00:13:30,400 Alex? Hello? Alex? 284 00:13:31,560 --> 00:13:35,560 Alex! It's me! Hey! 285 00:13:35,600 --> 00:13:40,840 Maybe I'll just have a, a snack, since I can't find him. 286 00:13:40,880 --> 00:13:42,000 Guz? 287 00:13:45,320 --> 00:13:46,640 Hello, Guz? Alex? 288 00:13:51,360 --> 00:13:52,880 Guz? 289 00:13:55,040 --> 00:13:58,800 Is there anywhere you can go? Is there an upstairs? 290 00:13:58,840 --> 00:14:01,040 Alex? Yes? 291 00:14:01,080 --> 00:14:03,120 Are you in there? 292 00:14:08,400 --> 00:14:11,920 Alex? Alex! 293 00:14:14,880 --> 00:14:18,960 Ow! I was calling you for, like, half an hour. I was calling you. 294 00:14:19,000 --> 00:14:21,440 There's pictures of Alex with a ball. 295 00:14:25,160 --> 00:14:27,320 Oh, got me! 296 00:14:29,920 --> 00:14:31,520 APPLAUSE AND LAUGHTER 297 00:14:33,560 --> 00:14:36,680 Two very different energies there, 298 00:14:36,720 --> 00:14:39,800 and I have to say that normally when we do a series, it, 299 00:14:39,840 --> 00:14:41,760 it takes a few episodes 300 00:14:41,800 --> 00:14:46,600 for the tired middle-aged contestant to make themselves known. 301 00:14:48,560 --> 00:14:50,240 So I'd like to thank Alan 302 00:14:50,280 --> 00:14:56,960 for plodding around the house before stopping for a snack. 303 00:15:01,280 --> 00:15:03,000 Very different energy from Guz. 304 00:15:03,040 --> 00:15:06,160 It seemed to me that you wanted to, uh, murder Alex. 305 00:15:06,200 --> 00:15:07,480 Yeah, I asked somebody as well, 306 00:15:07,520 --> 00:15:09,280 "Have you got any heavier balls than this?" 307 00:15:09,320 --> 00:15:11,200 I really wanted to... You did wanna hurt him. 308 00:15:11,240 --> 00:15:12,720 ..some substantial damage, yeah. 309 00:15:12,760 --> 00:15:14,440 This is good, my boy. Thank you, thank you. 310 00:15:14,480 --> 00:15:16,160 OK, so who did better, 311 00:15:16,200 --> 00:15:21,960 the, uh, psychopath who was in pursuit of you, or my lovely uncle? 312 00:15:22,000 --> 00:15:25,160 Well, bearing in mind we thought Victoria's time was slow, 313 00:15:25,200 --> 00:15:28,120 Alan was three minutes slower than Victoria. Ten minutes 22. 314 00:15:28,160 --> 00:15:31,280 But Guz was also five seconds slower than Victoria, so, uh, 315 00:15:31,320 --> 00:15:33,160 seven minutes 29. 316 00:15:33,200 --> 00:15:36,240 Uh, how am I suddenly the benchmark for slowness? 317 00:15:36,280 --> 00:15:39,080 What we found is, I move quite fast. That's what we've established. 318 00:15:39,120 --> 00:15:42,320 Nice. Who's left? It's time for the Morgana show. 319 00:15:42,360 --> 00:15:45,720 Ready? Ready. Time starts now. 320 00:15:45,760 --> 00:15:48,000 Ball! Balls. 321 00:15:49,320 --> 00:15:52,600 Does anyone know, uh, are there any balls anywhere? 322 00:15:52,640 --> 00:15:54,320 Well, I mean, I've got to find a ball. 323 00:15:54,360 --> 00:15:56,240 Oh, I know where a ball is. 324 00:16:02,800 --> 00:16:06,000 I've just seen him, the little... but I don't have a ball! 325 00:16:18,960 --> 00:16:20,920 Aah! 326 00:16:20,960 --> 00:16:22,560 Oh! 327 00:16:39,960 --> 00:16:41,200 Oh! 328 00:16:41,240 --> 00:16:42,640 APPLAUSE 329 00:16:46,200 --> 00:16:50,040 Now, now we're talking. 330 00:16:50,080 --> 00:16:52,520 Now we've got some spirit. Bit of verve. 331 00:16:52,560 --> 00:16:55,360 Got quite a ducky run, though, haven't I, which I wasn't aware of. 332 00:16:55,400 --> 00:16:58,000 A slightly ducky run. I thought you looked like a primed athlete. 333 00:16:58,040 --> 00:17:01,800 Victoria, under her breath, during it said, "So athletic". 334 00:17:01,840 --> 00:17:05,480 Yes, I thought it was great. I love sitting next to Victoria. 335 00:17:05,520 --> 00:17:06,960 I barely give them out. 336 00:17:07,000 --> 00:17:09,760 I think there's been a handful of occasions across 11 series. 337 00:17:09,800 --> 00:17:12,520 I'm going to give Morgana a bonus point for her attempt. Wow. 338 00:17:12,560 --> 00:17:14,720 Before we even give her a score. 339 00:17:14,760 --> 00:17:16,960 Why are you giving, uh, Morgana a bonus point? 340 00:17:17,000 --> 00:17:19,480 You would think it was because you set a trap for Alex, 341 00:17:19,520 --> 00:17:21,400 which I really enjoyed and thought, 342 00:17:21,440 --> 00:17:24,920 "I'm gonna give her an extra point for that, it's so clever." 343 00:17:24,960 --> 00:17:27,920 But it's not, it's cos you called Alex a little... Ah. 344 00:17:27,960 --> 00:17:29,440 Amazing, so a bonus point. Yeah. 345 00:17:29,480 --> 00:17:31,440 Yes, you are setting quite a precedent there 346 00:17:31,480 --> 00:17:33,560 for the future. Yeah. Don't care. 347 00:17:33,600 --> 00:17:36,800 And I've probably said quite a few in the show, actually. 348 00:17:36,840 --> 00:17:39,880 Yeah, well, let's watch those points rack up. 349 00:17:39,920 --> 00:17:43,360 No, listen, I can't fault it. It was a spirited attempt. 350 00:17:43,400 --> 00:17:44,840 Was it a good time, though? 351 00:17:44,880 --> 00:17:48,920 It was five times faster than Uncle Alan, two minutes and four seconds. 352 00:17:48,960 --> 00:17:50,240 Oh, Uncle Alan. 353 00:17:50,280 --> 00:17:52,000 Impressive... Impressive. 354 00:17:52,040 --> 00:17:53,920 So tell me some stuff. 355 00:17:53,960 --> 00:17:56,440 Yes, well, Alan only gets one point. 356 00:17:56,480 --> 00:17:58,760 Then it was Guz, then Victoria, 357 00:17:58,800 --> 00:18:02,480 then Desiree. Morgana, I mean, this is unprecedented, gets six points. 358 00:18:02,520 --> 00:18:05,320 I don't have a six function on this, but five plus one. 359 00:18:05,360 --> 00:18:07,520 So Morgana wins the task. 360 00:18:10,640 --> 00:18:12,080 Go on, then, let's have a scoreboard. 361 00:18:12,120 --> 00:18:14,120 OK, well, Guz and Alan are at the bottom 362 00:18:14,160 --> 00:18:17,360 and Desiree's at the top with nine points. 363 00:18:17,400 --> 00:18:20,160 Well done, Desiree, well done. 364 00:18:20,200 --> 00:18:21,520 What's next? 365 00:18:21,560 --> 00:18:25,440 It's a creeping task for our creepy cast. 366 00:18:41,720 --> 00:18:44,320 Hello. Welcome, Alan. 367 00:18:44,360 --> 00:18:48,800 This is a creeper. Please could you lie down on it? 368 00:18:48,840 --> 00:18:50,960 Now? Yes. 369 00:18:51,000 --> 00:18:53,920 Oh, I don't feel like I've got full range of movement in this outfit. 370 00:18:53,960 --> 00:18:57,440 No. Belly, you want me to go belly first? No. Back first? 371 00:18:57,480 --> 00:19:00,400 Yes, please. Oh. All right. It's called a car creeper. 372 00:19:00,440 --> 00:19:04,400 Is this how you get underneath cars to fix them? Yes, it is. 373 00:19:04,440 --> 00:19:07,280 Little head that rests on the little black pillow. Comfortable? 374 00:19:07,320 --> 00:19:11,760 I mean, I've been more comfortable. Here it comes. 375 00:19:11,800 --> 00:19:17,600 "Paint the most flattering picture of the Taskmaster in action." 376 00:19:17,640 --> 00:19:20,120 "On the canvas in the lab." 377 00:19:20,160 --> 00:19:21,520 SHE LAUGHS 378 00:19:21,560 --> 00:19:23,640 OK! 379 00:19:23,680 --> 00:19:26,680 "The canvas will either be six inches or six feet above you." 380 00:19:28,440 --> 00:19:33,840 "You must lie flat on your back on the creeper at all times. 381 00:19:33,880 --> 00:19:36,040 "You have ten minutes." 382 00:19:36,080 --> 00:19:39,520 "Your time starts now and you must tell Alex 383 00:19:39,560 --> 00:19:41,800 "if you want the canvas to be six inches... 384 00:19:41,840 --> 00:19:45,240 "Or six feet above you within the next ten seconds." Hmm. 385 00:19:45,280 --> 00:19:50,120 I think I want it six, uh, dammit. Uh... 386 00:19:50,160 --> 00:19:54,600 But if it's six feet, uh, how would I reach it? 387 00:19:54,640 --> 00:19:56,760 Good question. With a very long paintbrush? 388 00:19:56,800 --> 00:20:00,320 Six inches! Six inches. 389 00:20:00,360 --> 00:20:02,560 I think, uh, I think I'll go six feet. 390 00:20:02,600 --> 00:20:06,720 Six feet? Yeah. Up we go. All right, then, Alan. 391 00:20:06,760 --> 00:20:09,320 Six inches. I'll go six feet. 392 00:20:09,360 --> 00:20:10,800 Good luck. Thank you. 393 00:20:10,840 --> 00:20:12,680 You must stay lying down, though. Oh. 394 00:20:13,920 --> 00:20:17,200 Hmm, right. Yes, yes. Good. 395 00:20:17,240 --> 00:20:19,640 Now, I'm not gonna make a feature of this throughout the series 396 00:20:19,680 --> 00:20:21,440 because it would become very tiresome, 397 00:20:21,480 --> 00:20:23,440 but I will point out that everybody agonised 398 00:20:23,480 --> 00:20:27,080 over the height of the canvas above their heads apart from Alan, who, 399 00:20:27,120 --> 00:20:29,840 when he said, "I think I'll go six feet", 400 00:20:29,880 --> 00:20:34,640 may as well have said, "What does it matter? I'll be dead soon." 401 00:20:34,680 --> 00:20:37,360 I found Guz Khan absolutely adorable 402 00:20:37,400 --> 00:20:40,400 for one beat during that introduction. 403 00:20:40,440 --> 00:20:43,760 He became a ten-year-old boy and I wanted to hold him. 404 00:20:43,800 --> 00:20:46,760 Yes, I can... I think I've got the beat here. Here it is. 405 00:20:46,800 --> 00:20:49,280 Back first. Yes, please. Oh. 406 00:20:52,000 --> 00:20:55,280 Yes! Cute little thing. 407 00:20:55,320 --> 00:20:57,400 Right, we're going to leave this task hanging 408 00:20:57,440 --> 00:20:59,680 like the very worst smell 409 00:20:59,720 --> 00:21:02,000 because it's time for us to go to the adverts, 410 00:21:02,040 --> 00:21:05,760 or as Alex calls them, the tiny films. 411 00:21:14,480 --> 00:21:16,520 CHEERING AND APPLAUSE 412 00:21:16,560 --> 00:21:19,840 Hello! Welcome back to Taskmaster. 413 00:21:19,880 --> 00:21:20,880 Before the break, 414 00:21:20,920 --> 00:21:23,640 the cast were manoeuvring themselves about on a car creeper. 415 00:21:23,680 --> 00:21:25,200 We've seen the decisions they made. 416 00:21:25,240 --> 00:21:27,520 There's the six-footers, Alan and Victoria, 417 00:21:27,560 --> 00:21:29,960 and the six-inchers, Morgana, Desiree, and Guz. 418 00:21:30,000 --> 00:21:32,360 Here's how all of them got on. 419 00:21:32,400 --> 00:21:33,680 SHE LAUGHS 420 00:21:33,720 --> 00:21:35,880 I don't really know where the lab is. 421 00:21:35,920 --> 00:21:37,360 Where am I going? 422 00:21:40,720 --> 00:21:42,280 DESIREE: Oh, er... 423 00:21:42,320 --> 00:21:43,560 OK. 424 00:21:43,600 --> 00:21:44,880 GUZ: Take these with me. 425 00:21:46,560 --> 00:21:50,000 ALAN: This is the most bizarre and unnerving experience. 426 00:21:50,040 --> 00:21:51,920 Am I in the lab yet? 427 00:21:51,960 --> 00:21:53,360 Whoa. 428 00:21:53,400 --> 00:21:54,400 Fuck! OK, sorry. 429 00:21:54,440 --> 00:21:56,000 Oh, I feel like I'm in an MRI. 430 00:21:56,040 --> 00:21:58,000 What, this is way closer. 431 00:21:58,040 --> 00:21:59,040 This is six inches? 432 00:21:59,080 --> 00:22:02,200 Guys always think this is six inches. This is five. 433 00:22:02,240 --> 00:22:06,040 I'll tell you what, six feet is further than I thought it would be. 434 00:22:06,080 --> 00:22:07,440 What can I do it with? 435 00:22:07,480 --> 00:22:09,720 I've provided with you with some paints, and... 436 00:22:09,760 --> 00:22:11,520 Wh-Where? Have I gone past them? 437 00:22:11,560 --> 00:22:12,920 Is this a joke? 438 00:22:15,120 --> 00:22:16,840 Oh, shit! 439 00:22:16,880 --> 00:22:19,680 This is kind of the position I like to be in, brother, when I'm at work, 440 00:22:19,720 --> 00:22:21,040 you know what I mean? 441 00:22:21,080 --> 00:22:22,520 This is not art. 442 00:22:22,560 --> 00:22:24,800 This is a nightmare. 443 00:22:24,840 --> 00:22:27,120 Where? Oh, I see. 444 00:22:27,160 --> 00:22:28,840 Honestly...oh, my God! 445 00:22:28,880 --> 00:22:30,840 Oh, look at all this shit! OK. 446 00:22:31,920 --> 00:22:34,640 MORGANA: Ah! Oh, lovely OK. 447 00:22:34,680 --> 00:22:36,720 Have you got any brushes on poles? 448 00:22:36,760 --> 00:22:39,240 Paintbrushes, where were they? 449 00:22:39,280 --> 00:22:43,920 Yeah, I feel like this is the first task, bro, where, er... 450 00:22:43,960 --> 00:22:46,320 ..I really feel zen-like, you know? 451 00:22:46,360 --> 00:22:50,840 What you've done is reduce the ability for me to cause chaos, 452 00:22:50,880 --> 00:22:52,000 do you know what I mean? 453 00:22:55,000 --> 00:22:57,800 VICTORIA: What are these? Big pencils? 454 00:22:57,840 --> 00:22:59,440 It's just a stick! 455 00:22:59,480 --> 00:23:01,520 Oh... 456 00:23:01,560 --> 00:23:03,520 I'm exhausted. 457 00:23:03,560 --> 00:23:05,160 Haven't seen any brushes? 458 00:23:05,200 --> 00:23:06,680 Guys, is this a wind... 459 00:23:06,720 --> 00:23:08,120 Oh, little bastard! 460 00:23:10,080 --> 00:23:13,280 GUZ: I genuinely wouldn't mind if you extended this task 461 00:23:13,320 --> 00:23:14,920 to three-and-a-half hours. 462 00:23:14,960 --> 00:23:17,840 DESIREE: Let's get some features on this blob. 463 00:23:17,880 --> 00:23:20,280 I think this is just appalling, the way this has been organised, 464 00:23:20,320 --> 00:23:22,040 to be honest with you. 465 00:23:23,720 --> 00:23:26,000 I'm just going to concentrate on eyebrows. 466 00:23:26,040 --> 00:23:28,240 It's a gold throne, isn't it, that he sits on? 467 00:23:28,280 --> 00:23:30,360 Oh, I've got no fucking gold. 468 00:23:30,400 --> 00:23:32,000 You've got six-and-a-half minutes. 469 00:23:32,040 --> 00:23:33,560 Oh, no, no, no, no, no! 470 00:23:33,600 --> 00:23:35,760 There wasn't a time thing on the actual thing. 471 00:23:35,800 --> 00:23:37,120 There was. 472 00:23:38,400 --> 00:23:40,680 I wish I'd done the six inches. HE LAUGHS 473 00:23:42,440 --> 00:23:44,560 Anyone can paint from six feet. 474 00:23:44,600 --> 00:23:46,200 Oh, this is too long. 475 00:23:46,240 --> 00:23:48,680 This is not how painting should be done. 476 00:23:48,720 --> 00:23:51,240 I think I've strained every muscle in my body. 477 00:23:51,280 --> 00:23:53,640 GUZ: Don't have to rush. Still got some time. 478 00:23:53,680 --> 00:23:56,120 If there's some kind of bowel movements from me, 479 00:23:56,160 --> 00:23:57,880 it's a natural part of life, innit? 480 00:23:59,040 --> 00:24:00,880 20 seconds, Alan. Oh, come on! 481 00:24:00,920 --> 00:24:02,800 20 seconds to give a man a soul? 482 00:24:02,840 --> 00:24:04,240 Do you what I think is the problem? 483 00:24:04,280 --> 00:24:06,680 It's the paint brush. 484 00:24:06,720 --> 00:24:08,400 This is not uplifting for people! 485 00:24:10,120 --> 00:24:12,000 SHE LAUGHS This is awful. 486 00:24:12,040 --> 00:24:13,040 WHISTLE BLOWS 487 00:24:14,240 --> 00:24:16,280 APPLAUSE 488 00:24:16,320 --> 00:24:18,880 Guz, did you expect, for the first time in your life, 489 00:24:18,920 --> 00:24:22,040 to find inner peace whilst trapped under a canvas? 490 00:24:22,080 --> 00:24:23,320 Listen, absolutely not. 491 00:24:23,360 --> 00:24:25,480 You learn something new about yourself every day. 492 00:24:25,520 --> 00:24:27,480 But it was a very nice break 493 00:24:27,520 --> 00:24:30,120 from running around like a dickhead all day. 494 00:24:30,160 --> 00:24:32,640 I just want to say, though, I was covered in paint. 495 00:24:32,680 --> 00:24:35,080 And I had to go two-and-a-half hours back to Cov, 496 00:24:35,120 --> 00:24:37,320 and the brother that was driving me back said, 497 00:24:37,360 --> 00:24:40,200 IN ACCENT: "I don't want you have any paint on my car, so sit." 498 00:24:40,240 --> 00:24:41,240 LAUGHTER 499 00:24:41,280 --> 00:24:43,720 So, the whole zen-like thing didn't last that long? No. 500 00:24:43,760 --> 00:24:46,520 It was well, sort of, Sistine Chapel vibes, weren't it? 501 00:24:46,560 --> 00:24:49,480 I just imagine, you know, like... Yeah, it's very Michelangelo. Yeah. 502 00:24:49,520 --> 00:24:53,800 Unlike Desiree who, er, shouted, "Whoa! Fuck!" 503 00:24:53,840 --> 00:24:55,760 LAUGHTER 504 00:24:55,800 --> 00:24:58,360 That's right. When she got to her canvas. 505 00:24:58,400 --> 00:25:01,280 And there's a feeling to you, Morgana - I feel, watching you, 506 00:25:01,320 --> 00:25:04,880 that at any minute, you could just smash everything up and run away. 507 00:25:04,920 --> 00:25:06,640 But it was very contained. 508 00:25:06,680 --> 00:25:07,960 I was composed. 509 00:25:08,000 --> 00:25:11,800 I don't think that Victoria knew what show she was signing up to. 510 00:25:11,840 --> 00:25:14,800 ALL LAUGH 511 00:25:14,840 --> 00:25:16,400 Alan, you'll be pleased to know 512 00:25:16,440 --> 00:25:20,400 you've made it into the Taskmaster heritage book of quotes with, 513 00:25:20,440 --> 00:25:23,200 "Oh, come on, 20 seconds to give a man a soul." 514 00:25:23,240 --> 00:25:25,880 LAUGHTER 515 00:25:25,920 --> 00:25:27,800 And I can't wait to see my soul. 516 00:25:27,840 --> 00:25:30,720 Well, I thought it'd be nice to see the six-inchers first, 517 00:25:30,760 --> 00:25:32,960 so we can compare and contrast. Five. Five! 518 00:25:33,000 --> 00:25:34,320 A gentleman's six. 519 00:25:34,360 --> 00:25:36,040 LAUGHTER 520 00:25:36,080 --> 00:25:38,840 Well, Desiree tried to get some "faces on the blob", 521 00:25:38,880 --> 00:25:42,320 that was her quote. And this is what she did. Yeah. 522 00:25:42,360 --> 00:25:44,160 I love that. That looks really good. 523 00:25:44,200 --> 00:25:46,320 Very expressive! There's a lot of action in that. 524 00:25:46,360 --> 00:25:48,560 You were also emerging from the sea. 525 00:25:48,600 --> 00:25:50,800 Is it a reflection of him at the top? 526 00:25:50,840 --> 00:25:53,640 There was a, sort of, a myth of Narcissus thing going on, 527 00:25:53,680 --> 00:25:57,400 with your reflection rippling in the water that you had just destroyed 528 00:25:57,440 --> 00:25:59,600 because you were in action. Ooh! Right. 529 00:25:59,640 --> 00:26:02,320 Just really bullshitted that one. Did that come out all right? Yeah. 530 00:26:02,360 --> 00:26:04,240 Great. We've got Guz next. 531 00:26:04,280 --> 00:26:05,880 Yes, Guz. He did that. 532 00:26:05,920 --> 00:26:07,840 LAUGHTER 533 00:26:07,880 --> 00:26:09,320 I think it's very excellent. 534 00:26:09,360 --> 00:26:12,000 LAUGHTER CONTINUES 535 00:26:12,040 --> 00:26:16,520 Yeah, obviously in my spare time, I do enjoy smoking a big reefer! 536 00:26:18,200 --> 00:26:19,560 What are the hand prints? 537 00:26:19,600 --> 00:26:21,960 Kind of like a signat... what do you call it? A signature. 538 00:26:22,000 --> 00:26:23,160 A signature, yeah. Yeah. 539 00:26:23,200 --> 00:26:25,760 He's got your bags, hasn't he, Greg, under the eyes? 540 00:26:25,800 --> 00:26:27,160 Yeah, yeah. I noticed them. 541 00:26:27,200 --> 00:26:29,600 I was giving him the benefit of the doubt. Right. 542 00:26:29,640 --> 00:26:33,040 The last six-incher is Morgana. Here we go. All right. 543 00:26:33,080 --> 00:26:35,720 Oh, that looks like a majestic deer. 544 00:26:35,760 --> 00:26:37,960 You're playing football, by the way. Oh, am I? 545 00:26:38,000 --> 00:26:40,400 Yeah, that's a ball and a net on the left there. 546 00:26:40,440 --> 00:26:41,960 You've just scored a goal. 547 00:26:42,000 --> 00:26:45,080 But you're still a little bit pissed off, so hence the eyebrows. 548 00:26:45,120 --> 00:26:47,280 Oh, they're eyebrows. Couple of quotes from Morgana. 549 00:26:47,320 --> 00:26:48,720 "He's basically all eyebrows." 550 00:26:48,760 --> 00:26:51,200 "He's got a pointy nose." "He's nostrilly and angry." 551 00:26:51,240 --> 00:26:53,440 He's "basically all eyebrows"? Basically. 552 00:26:53,480 --> 00:26:54,800 Thanks, Alex, thanks. 553 00:26:54,840 --> 00:26:57,080 Who's next? Well, Alan said you've got a dark soul, 554 00:26:57,120 --> 00:26:59,480 you're red in the face, and you're piggy-eyed... 555 00:26:59,520 --> 00:27:01,320 LAUGHTER ..and he did this picture. 556 00:27:01,360 --> 00:27:02,960 LAUGHTER CONTINUES 557 00:27:03,000 --> 00:27:04,480 Ooh! I like it. 558 00:27:04,520 --> 00:27:07,080 Up to the last second, you didn't have any eyes at all, 559 00:27:07,120 --> 00:27:09,560 and then, it really looked terrifying. Yeah. 560 00:27:09,600 --> 00:27:11,920 But I really have given you a soul there and now, 561 00:27:11,960 --> 00:27:13,600 who wouldn't want that man? 562 00:27:13,640 --> 00:27:16,440 He was making the "rage of Taskmaster". That was his title. 563 00:27:16,480 --> 00:27:19,320 Well, the rage of Taskmaster comes through. I like the face. 564 00:27:19,360 --> 00:27:20,520 OK, well, there's one left. 565 00:27:20,560 --> 00:27:23,440 It's sort of the minimal approach, this is Victoria's painting. 566 00:27:23,480 --> 00:27:24,800 Oh, here we go. 567 00:27:24,840 --> 00:27:27,400 LAUGHTER 568 00:27:27,440 --> 00:27:29,640 Oh, come on, Victoria. 569 00:27:29,680 --> 00:27:31,920 You've got to dig deep. We're here for ten weeks. 570 00:27:31,960 --> 00:27:34,960 LAUGHTER CONTINUES 571 00:27:35,000 --> 00:27:38,680 I don't know if my self-esteem is going to survive this series. 572 00:27:38,720 --> 00:27:42,200 I...Desiree did the myth of Narcissus. 573 00:27:42,240 --> 00:27:45,680 LAUGHTER 574 00:27:45,720 --> 00:27:47,560 I couldn't do a face! 575 00:27:47,600 --> 00:27:51,040 That would be more like me if you'd just fallen into it. 576 00:27:52,360 --> 00:27:55,320 OK well, here are all five for you, Greg. 577 00:27:55,360 --> 00:27:58,840 Unfortunately... Yeah? ..even though I'm worried about her, 578 00:27:58,880 --> 00:28:00,680 I'm going to give Victoria one point. 579 00:28:00,720 --> 00:28:03,280 One point, well done, Victoria. I know. I'm grateful for that. 580 00:28:03,320 --> 00:28:06,520 I'm going to give Morgana two points, and it's basically 581 00:28:06,560 --> 00:28:09,160 because Desiree really bullshitted her way to three points. 582 00:28:09,200 --> 00:28:10,760 Yes! 583 00:28:10,800 --> 00:28:13,160 So, it's between Guz and Alan, then, for the five points. 584 00:28:13,200 --> 00:28:15,840 Yeah, and that is tough, because... 585 00:28:15,880 --> 00:28:19,840 ..Alan really did check in with my soul. Yeah. 586 00:28:19,880 --> 00:28:21,800 But I guess Guz just knows me. 587 00:28:21,840 --> 00:28:23,080 LAUGHTER 588 00:28:23,120 --> 00:28:25,160 Five points to Guz Khan. Correct. 589 00:28:25,200 --> 00:28:26,960 Congratulations, Guz! 590 00:28:27,000 --> 00:28:29,840 APPLAUSE AND CHEERING 591 00:28:29,880 --> 00:28:32,560 I think we should have another task, you messy little boy. 592 00:28:32,600 --> 00:28:35,080 I think we should, too, and this one involves me 593 00:28:35,120 --> 00:28:37,120 running my very own shop. 594 00:28:37,160 --> 00:28:38,720 Ooh! 595 00:28:53,080 --> 00:28:54,440 "Pop the balloon." 596 00:28:54,480 --> 00:28:55,680 What balloon? 597 00:29:00,040 --> 00:29:01,680 Ah. 598 00:29:01,720 --> 00:29:04,400 MORGANA: "You must stay behind the rope at all times." 599 00:29:05,640 --> 00:29:07,720 This...ah, this rope here. 600 00:29:07,760 --> 00:29:09,680 "You must not move the rope. 601 00:29:09,720 --> 00:29:12,800 "You may buy the tools you need with time." 602 00:29:12,840 --> 00:29:14,000 That's Shakespearian. 603 00:29:14,040 --> 00:29:16,040 "You may buy the tools you need with time." 604 00:29:16,080 --> 00:29:17,640 It is Shakespeare you're right. 605 00:29:17,680 --> 00:29:19,520 "Fastest wins." 606 00:29:19,560 --> 00:29:23,960 My time starts when Alex "has shown me his tool shop." 607 00:29:24,000 --> 00:29:25,720 Awesome, OK. 608 00:29:25,760 --> 00:29:27,160 Hello, Alan. Hello. 609 00:29:27,200 --> 00:29:28,960 This is my tool shop. Nice. 610 00:29:29,000 --> 00:29:32,200 I can offer you a slingshot and a bucket of stones for one minute. 611 00:29:32,240 --> 00:29:35,960 OK. The pebbles cost you one minute, 30 per pebble. 612 00:29:36,000 --> 00:29:38,480 SHE LAUGHS 613 00:29:38,520 --> 00:29:41,320 You OK? Yes! OK. 614 00:29:41,360 --> 00:29:43,800 I just... I'm getting the concept, yeah, OK. 615 00:29:43,840 --> 00:29:47,560 Two minutes per fork, or the darts are two minutes, 30... 616 00:29:47,600 --> 00:29:49,360 Two minutes, 30, of course. ..per dart. 617 00:29:49,400 --> 00:29:51,440 The rubber ducks are free, Alan. 618 00:29:51,480 --> 00:29:53,720 We've also got these nice portcullis scissors, 619 00:29:53,760 --> 00:29:56,040 and that costs you eight minutes. 620 00:29:56,080 --> 00:29:59,760 And, with them, you snip the string behind you and see what happens. 621 00:29:59,800 --> 00:30:02,360 But that's the only time you're allowed to touch the string. 622 00:30:02,400 --> 00:30:05,320 But this will take eight minutes off the time? Eight minutes, yes. 623 00:30:05,360 --> 00:30:07,360 Then, brother, this is not sensible. 624 00:30:07,400 --> 00:30:10,040 THEY LAUGH 625 00:30:10,080 --> 00:30:11,440 Alex, yes. 626 00:30:11,480 --> 00:30:13,560 I'm very excited to see your pop shop in action. 627 00:30:13,600 --> 00:30:14,840 I really loved this one. 628 00:30:14,880 --> 00:30:18,040 We're going to start with Mor-Guz-Khan-a. 629 00:30:18,080 --> 00:30:20,160 Morgana and Guz. 630 00:30:20,200 --> 00:30:21,560 Hello, sir, what would you like? 631 00:30:21,600 --> 00:30:24,360 OK...can I have some darts, please? 632 00:30:24,400 --> 00:30:27,200 I'm just going to have some darts, please. How many would you like? 633 00:30:27,240 --> 00:30:28,640 Can I have two? Two darts. 634 00:30:28,680 --> 00:30:30,760 So, that will cost you five minutes. 635 00:30:30,800 --> 00:30:33,480 One dart is two minutes and 30 seconds? 636 00:30:33,520 --> 00:30:34,640 Would you like one dart? 637 00:30:34,680 --> 00:30:36,120 This is a rip-off, this shop! 638 00:30:37,920 --> 00:30:40,640 That was... oh, it's gone in the concrete. 639 00:30:40,680 --> 00:30:42,920 It's trashed concrete. Are we going to get it repaired? 640 00:30:42,960 --> 00:30:44,520 Yeah, I'll have that repaired. 641 00:30:47,600 --> 00:30:49,280 Can I try one more dart? Yes. 642 00:30:50,640 --> 00:30:51,760 Oh! 643 00:30:51,800 --> 00:30:53,240 Oh, hello. I'll take the lot. 644 00:30:57,640 --> 00:30:59,280 Oh, so close. 645 00:31:01,200 --> 00:31:02,760 You know what I'm going to do? 646 00:31:02,800 --> 00:31:04,520 I'm going to have another...dart. 647 00:31:08,280 --> 00:31:10,200 Can you explain to me how the slingshot works? 648 00:31:10,240 --> 00:31:14,200 If you're using the slingshot, we both have to wear goggles. 649 00:31:14,240 --> 00:31:16,360 Can I touch one of those ducks? 650 00:31:16,400 --> 00:31:18,920 The ducks are free. The ducks are free? 651 00:31:18,960 --> 00:31:20,720 What sort of shop is this? 652 00:31:22,120 --> 00:31:24,040 SHE GIGGLES That's quite aggressive. 653 00:31:24,080 --> 00:31:25,280 Welcome back. 654 00:31:27,400 --> 00:31:28,880 AUDIENCE OOHS 655 00:31:29,960 --> 00:31:32,080 That deserved to pop! 656 00:31:32,120 --> 00:31:35,280 There is a imbalance in the poppability of the balloon. 657 00:31:42,080 --> 00:31:43,480 You're good at that. 658 00:31:43,520 --> 00:31:45,080 Can I have a refund? No. 659 00:31:45,120 --> 00:31:47,040 That'll be seven minutes, 30, please. 660 00:31:49,640 --> 00:31:52,840 I'll have a duck. Ducks are free. Oh, here's a duck. 661 00:31:52,880 --> 00:31:54,800 SHE EXHALES 662 00:31:54,840 --> 00:31:56,520 Ooh, missed by a bee's dick! 663 00:31:56,560 --> 00:31:58,120 Pardon? 664 00:31:58,160 --> 00:32:00,480 Hm. You're already doubting me with that tone. 665 00:32:00,520 --> 00:32:02,320 You don't even have to say a word. OK. 666 00:32:02,360 --> 00:32:04,040 Feels like being at school again. 667 00:32:09,720 --> 00:32:10,920 Oh, for fuck's sake! 668 00:32:18,080 --> 00:32:20,640 Can I have the scissors, please? 669 00:32:20,680 --> 00:32:22,000 That'll be eight minutes. 670 00:32:28,280 --> 00:32:30,600 I've stopped the clock. 671 00:32:30,640 --> 00:32:33,520 Brother, there's a word - I've never used it before in life. 672 00:32:33,560 --> 00:32:34,880 It's called hindsight. 673 00:32:37,720 --> 00:32:40,280 Why have you never used the word "hindsight" before? 674 00:32:40,320 --> 00:32:41,880 Just not in my... 675 00:32:41,920 --> 00:32:44,360 It's amazing that you're asking him to look back on that. 676 00:32:44,400 --> 00:32:45,600 ALAN: Yeah, look back on that! 677 00:32:45,640 --> 00:32:47,440 It's beautiful. Irony, mate. 678 00:32:47,480 --> 00:32:49,880 Shall I tell you some times, Greg? Oh, here we go. 679 00:32:49,920 --> 00:32:53,360 Guz, eight minutes without the time penalties. 680 00:32:53,400 --> 00:32:55,440 It was a total of 36 minutes, 58. 681 00:32:55,480 --> 00:32:57,760 You could've listened to the theme tune to the 682 00:32:57,800 --> 00:32:59,840 Last of the Summer Wine 53 times. 683 00:32:59,880 --> 00:33:03,080 Morgana, 84 Last of the Summer Wine theme tunes. Oh. 684 00:33:03,120 --> 00:33:05,440 That's 56 minutes altogether, cos there were 13 darts, 685 00:33:05,480 --> 00:33:09,320 four pebbles, scissors, and actual time, as well. 686 00:33:09,360 --> 00:33:12,600 Lovely. Would you like to see Queen Victoria II all by herself? 687 00:33:12,640 --> 00:33:14,560 Yes, please! Here she is. 688 00:33:14,600 --> 00:33:16,400 Er, I'll have a dart, please. 689 00:33:16,440 --> 00:33:19,240 OK, a dart will cost you two minutes, 30. 690 00:33:19,280 --> 00:33:20,720 Thank you, madam. Thank you. 691 00:33:26,640 --> 00:33:28,040 I'll have another dart, please. 692 00:33:28,080 --> 00:33:32,200 Welcome back. Yeah, that'll cost you two minutes 30. 693 00:33:32,240 --> 00:33:34,640 Oh! Hello. 694 00:33:34,680 --> 00:33:37,200 How can I help you? I'll have a dart, please. A dart. 695 00:33:39,640 --> 00:33:41,560 You... SHE SHOUTS GIBBERISH 696 00:33:41,600 --> 00:33:44,320 Hello, again. Go on, give me a duck. I just want to...just a duck. 697 00:33:44,360 --> 00:33:45,480 The ducks are free. 698 00:33:45,520 --> 00:33:47,000 I mean, this is... why would it do it? 699 00:33:47,040 --> 00:33:48,280 but I can't even hit the thing. 700 00:33:48,320 --> 00:33:50,520 Duck, duck, duck, I'll have three ducks, please. 701 00:33:50,560 --> 00:33:52,920 'Course. Any particular ducks? I don't mind. A duck. 702 00:33:52,960 --> 00:33:55,160 I'm using the ducks to practise aiming. 703 00:33:55,200 --> 00:33:57,720 OK, I'll have a dart, please. Hello, there, a dart. 704 00:33:57,760 --> 00:34:00,200 That'll cost you two minutes, 30. Lovely. 705 00:34:00,240 --> 00:34:01,240 Oh! 706 00:34:03,000 --> 00:34:05,240 I've already used more than eight minutes, haven't I? 707 00:34:05,280 --> 00:34:07,560 Quite a lot more. I think the move might be to just take 708 00:34:07,600 --> 00:34:09,000 the scissors in the first place. 709 00:34:09,040 --> 00:34:10,400 Ah! OK. 710 00:34:12,480 --> 00:34:13,840 Oh! 711 00:34:13,880 --> 00:34:16,720 CHEERING AND APPLAUSE 712 00:34:20,560 --> 00:34:22,720 So, I've stopped the clock. That's so satisfying! 713 00:34:22,760 --> 00:34:24,040 That was so worth it! 714 00:34:24,080 --> 00:34:26,960 I don't care if it'd taken three days, that was so worth it. 715 00:34:27,000 --> 00:34:29,440 Nh! Splah! Tsh! 716 00:34:29,480 --> 00:34:30,480 Ah! 717 00:34:30,520 --> 00:34:31,960 APPLAUSE 718 00:34:32,000 --> 00:34:33,600 That was really good. That was proper. 719 00:34:33,640 --> 00:34:36,240 That was very impressive. Thank you. Lovely. Now we're cooking. 720 00:34:36,280 --> 00:34:38,280 You enjoyed that one, right? I did enjoy it. 721 00:34:38,320 --> 00:34:41,720 You didn't bank on Victoria using ducks to practise her aim, did you? 722 00:34:41,760 --> 00:34:43,960 I did not. It was a nine-dart finish. 723 00:34:44,000 --> 00:34:46,160 25 minutes, 30 was her total time. 724 00:34:46,200 --> 00:34:48,800 Which puts Victoria in the lead. By miles! 725 00:34:48,840 --> 00:34:50,160 GREG WHISTLES By miles. 726 00:34:50,200 --> 00:34:51,600 Oh, well, that's nice. 727 00:34:51,640 --> 00:34:54,400 OK, you want adverts? You've got them. Don't go anywhere. 728 00:34:54,440 --> 00:34:56,880 Even if you need the toilet. I want to see commitment. 729 00:34:56,920 --> 00:34:59,320 It'll come out with hot water and elbow grease. 730 00:34:59,360 --> 00:35:00,520 LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE 731 00:35:07,480 --> 00:35:08,920 CHEERING AND APPLAUSE 732 00:35:08,960 --> 00:35:11,520 Hello, welcome back to the final part of the show. 733 00:35:11,560 --> 00:35:14,880 Weren't people trying to pop a balloon before the break, Alex? 734 00:35:14,920 --> 00:35:17,760 Yes, my side project is a pop-up pop shop. 735 00:35:17,800 --> 00:35:19,920 I sell all sorts of things which might be useful 736 00:35:19,960 --> 00:35:21,240 for popping balloons. 737 00:35:21,280 --> 00:35:23,400 And the currency I deal in is time. 738 00:35:23,440 --> 00:35:26,240 Two of our five resorted to the portcullis releasing scissors. 739 00:35:26,280 --> 00:35:27,840 One succeeded with a dart. 740 00:35:27,880 --> 00:35:31,440 Last up, it's Alan D and Dessy B! 741 00:35:31,480 --> 00:35:32,840 Yeah. 742 00:35:32,880 --> 00:35:34,280 Oh, I'm going to, I... 743 00:35:34,320 --> 00:35:37,000 I'm not confident I can hit that with a dart first time. 744 00:35:37,040 --> 00:35:38,880 There is a slingshot. 745 00:35:38,920 --> 00:35:40,920 I would love to purchase one. 746 00:35:40,960 --> 00:35:42,880 Right. That'll cost you one minute. 747 00:35:42,920 --> 00:35:46,160 I'm quite tempted by the scissors, and that'll make it drop on it. 748 00:35:46,200 --> 00:35:48,040 Yeah, I think that's the one I want to do. 749 00:35:48,080 --> 00:35:49,520 You'd like some scissors? Yeah. 750 00:35:49,560 --> 00:35:52,560 OK, this'll cost you eight minutes. OK, thanks. There we go. 751 00:35:54,160 --> 00:35:55,480 Down... 752 00:35:57,760 --> 00:35:59,080 Oh, eat it. 753 00:35:59,120 --> 00:36:00,680 OK, you know what? 754 00:36:00,720 --> 00:36:03,840 Erm..I'm going to go ahead and buy some scissors. 755 00:36:03,880 --> 00:36:05,720 Oh, you're going to buy the scissors. 756 00:36:05,760 --> 00:36:07,960 SHE GROANS 757 00:36:08,000 --> 00:36:10,200 Oh, OK, you know what? Erm... 758 00:36:10,240 --> 00:36:12,920 You know what? I think I'm going to come for some ducks. 759 00:36:12,960 --> 00:36:14,280 Oh, right. 760 00:36:18,200 --> 00:36:19,480 Hi, there. How can I help you? 761 00:36:19,520 --> 00:36:21,560 I would like to purchase those three darts. 762 00:36:21,600 --> 00:36:23,480 Three darts? Yeah. 763 00:36:23,520 --> 00:36:25,000 No. 764 00:36:25,040 --> 00:36:26,240 God, no! 765 00:36:29,440 --> 00:36:30,720 Ding dong, hi. 766 00:36:30,760 --> 00:36:32,160 Let's go ahead and buy three forks. 767 00:36:32,200 --> 00:36:33,320 Why not? Six minutes. 768 00:36:34,440 --> 00:36:35,440 SHE LAUGHS 769 00:36:37,280 --> 00:36:38,560 No! Hello, there. 770 00:36:38,600 --> 00:36:40,680 I think I'd like to get another slingshot. 771 00:36:40,720 --> 00:36:41,920 Another slingshot, OK. 772 00:36:43,080 --> 00:36:45,040 What is wrong with your rocks?! 773 00:36:48,120 --> 00:36:50,040 You keep hitting it with the stones. 774 00:36:50,080 --> 00:36:52,480 Now this is getting ridiculous. Yeah. 775 00:36:52,520 --> 00:36:53,880 Ding dong! Oh, hello, madam. 776 00:36:53,920 --> 00:36:56,680 I would love to get another set of darts. 777 00:36:56,720 --> 00:36:58,320 No. Maybe. 778 00:36:58,360 --> 00:37:00,200 Definitely not. 779 00:37:00,240 --> 00:37:01,520 Hi, there. Ding dong. 780 00:37:01,560 --> 00:37:03,120 One fork and six ducks. 781 00:37:05,520 --> 00:37:07,040 Argh! 782 00:37:09,160 --> 00:37:11,600 Ding dong. I think I would love to get some forks. 783 00:37:11,640 --> 00:37:13,480 Well, I've got a bucket of forks here. 784 00:37:13,520 --> 00:37:14,640 How much is the bucket? 785 00:37:14,680 --> 00:37:15,880 That'll cost you an hour. 786 00:37:15,920 --> 00:37:18,360 It's an hour well spent. OK. Sir, you've got yourself a deal. 787 00:37:18,400 --> 00:37:20,520 Enjoy your forks. Thank you so much. 788 00:37:25,200 --> 00:37:27,120 Ooh. Ooh! 789 00:37:27,160 --> 00:37:28,960 I don't even know how to throw forks! 790 00:37:30,160 --> 00:37:31,160 Yeah! 791 00:37:32,440 --> 00:37:33,800 SLOWED-DOWN: Yeah! 792 00:37:39,520 --> 00:37:40,960 SHE SCREAMS 793 00:37:47,560 --> 00:37:48,960 Hello, madam. 794 00:37:49,000 --> 00:37:50,320 DEFLATED: Ding dong, sir. 795 00:37:50,360 --> 00:37:53,480 How can I help you? You know what? Can I get some scissors? 796 00:37:53,520 --> 00:37:55,360 Some scissors. Yes, we've got one pair left. 797 00:37:55,400 --> 00:37:56,640 They cost eight minutes. 798 00:37:56,680 --> 00:37:59,360 In your own time, Alan. OK. 799 00:37:59,400 --> 00:38:00,720 Righto. 800 00:38:08,040 --> 00:38:10,480 I've stopped the clock. That was very enjoyable. 801 00:38:13,920 --> 00:38:15,680 AUDIENCE LAUGHTER 802 00:38:20,440 --> 00:38:23,480 Well, that would've been great if I could've aimed the scissors. 803 00:38:23,520 --> 00:38:25,160 Are you kidding me?! 804 00:38:26,360 --> 00:38:27,520 What the fuck was that?! 805 00:38:27,560 --> 00:38:29,120 I've stopped the clock. 806 00:38:29,160 --> 00:38:31,320 Does the clock still have time inside of it? 807 00:38:31,360 --> 00:38:34,000 It's nearly run out. Thank you, Desiree. 808 00:38:34,040 --> 00:38:35,040 Thank you. 809 00:38:36,200 --> 00:38:39,160 CHEERING AND APPLAUSE 810 00:38:39,200 --> 00:38:40,640 Wow. Come on. 811 00:38:40,680 --> 00:38:43,360 DESIREE LAUGHS 812 00:38:43,400 --> 00:38:46,080 Right, well, before we get to the main course, 813 00:38:46,120 --> 00:38:47,840 let's deal with the starter, er... 814 00:38:47,880 --> 00:38:49,240 What happened there, Alan? 815 00:38:49,280 --> 00:38:51,080 Have a snack you wanted to go and eat? 816 00:38:51,120 --> 00:38:53,400 There's no way I'm going to hit that balloon from here. 817 00:38:53,440 --> 00:38:55,640 That's what I thought. Very efficient. Eight minutes. 818 00:38:55,680 --> 00:38:58,320 A minute thinking, so a minute plus eight - nine minutes for Alan. 819 00:38:58,360 --> 00:39:00,520 Good. So, he is the winner of the task, five points. 820 00:39:00,560 --> 00:39:02,600 Well done, Alan. Now... 821 00:39:02,640 --> 00:39:06,200 OK, look. For the record, when I got out there, 822 00:39:06,240 --> 00:39:10,120 my head went, "Get the scissors, it's worth the time." 823 00:39:10,160 --> 00:39:13,680 But I was like, "That is not the game, that is not the show." 824 00:39:13,720 --> 00:39:16,040 That's boring, and I was like... That's what I thought. 825 00:39:16,080 --> 00:39:18,640 Like Alan did? Yeah! If I just win it, that's boring. 826 00:39:18,680 --> 00:39:19,880 LAUGHTER 827 00:39:19,920 --> 00:39:22,120 Well, whatever that attempt was, it wasn't boring. 828 00:39:22,160 --> 00:39:25,960 And it looked like we'd set up that portcullis not to work, 829 00:39:26,000 --> 00:39:27,720 but it was genuine, wasn't it? 830 00:39:27,760 --> 00:39:29,880 The portcullis was meant to work, but it had lost... 831 00:39:29,920 --> 00:39:31,760 The will to live. LAUGHTER 832 00:39:31,800 --> 00:39:34,280 That's a fair point! And listen, I'm going to call it - 833 00:39:34,320 --> 00:39:37,600 in 12 series, that's the worst attempt we've ever seen at any task. 834 00:39:37,640 --> 00:39:40,680 Thank you! CHEERING AND APPLAUSE 835 00:39:42,360 --> 00:39:45,240 The time? It's an entire series of Last of the Summer Wine, 836 00:39:45,280 --> 00:39:47,160 two hours, 57 minutes. Wow. 837 00:39:47,200 --> 00:39:48,720 So, Desiree gets just the one point. 838 00:39:48,760 --> 00:39:53,840 Morgana, 2, Guz, 3, Victoria, 4, and Alan Davies, 5 points! 839 00:39:53,880 --> 00:39:56,680 There you go. CHEERING AND APPLAUSE 840 00:39:56,720 --> 00:39:59,800 It's not always about being entertaining, is it? 841 00:40:02,360 --> 00:40:03,880 Quick look at the scores, then? 842 00:40:03,920 --> 00:40:05,360 Yes, it's a close one. 843 00:40:05,400 --> 00:40:07,600 All five of them could win with one task to go, 844 00:40:07,640 --> 00:40:09,760 but Alan is in the lead at the moment with 14 points! 845 00:40:09,800 --> 00:40:11,960 Wow. APPLAUSE 846 00:40:12,000 --> 00:40:13,000 Here we go. 847 00:40:13,040 --> 00:40:15,960 All right, then, everyone, please make your way to the stage 848 00:40:16,000 --> 00:40:17,760 for the final task of the show! 849 00:40:22,600 --> 00:40:25,160 Hello. Hello, Greg. Hello, everyone. 850 00:40:25,200 --> 00:40:28,680 Who will you be choosing to read out the task, young fellow my lad? 851 00:40:28,720 --> 00:40:30,040 Victoria. 852 00:40:31,880 --> 00:40:35,880 "Write down a cool hobby, a fun animal, and a famous person. 853 00:40:35,920 --> 00:40:37,120 "You have 30 seconds." 854 00:40:37,160 --> 00:40:38,800 And those 30 seconds start... 855 00:40:38,840 --> 00:40:40,200 WHISTLE BLOWS 856 00:40:40,240 --> 00:40:43,280 I'll repeat them for anyone struggling. 857 00:40:43,320 --> 00:40:45,240 It's a cool hobby. Ooh. 858 00:40:45,280 --> 00:40:47,080 It's a fun animal. Lovely. 859 00:40:47,120 --> 00:40:49,160 And it's a famous person. 860 00:40:49,200 --> 00:40:51,080 WHISTLE BLOWS Thanks, guys. 861 00:40:52,160 --> 00:40:54,320 How are you getting on with the picking up? Not great. 862 00:40:54,360 --> 00:40:56,160 I hurt my back a little bit. Oh. 863 00:40:56,200 --> 00:40:57,640 My God. 864 00:40:57,680 --> 00:40:59,200 THEY LAUGH 865 00:40:59,240 --> 00:41:00,480 Greg, I've got news. 866 00:41:00,520 --> 00:41:01,960 There's a second part to the task. 867 00:41:02,000 --> 00:41:04,160 Oh, what, you trickster! Oh. 868 00:41:04,200 --> 00:41:08,480 "Strike a pose to represent first, your cool hobby, 869 00:41:08,520 --> 00:41:10,120 "then your fun animal, 870 00:41:10,160 --> 00:41:11,680 "then your famous person. 871 00:41:11,720 --> 00:41:13,760 "You will have ten seconds to strike a pose. 872 00:41:13,800 --> 00:41:16,960 "and must then hold the pose until the end of the round. 873 00:41:17,000 --> 00:41:21,040 "The Taskmaster will attempt to guess what each pose represents. 874 00:41:21,080 --> 00:41:24,840 "You may not make a noise or movement when posed." 875 00:41:24,880 --> 00:41:29,600 And, just so you know, I am notoriously bad at these games. 876 00:41:29,640 --> 00:41:33,080 Please strike a pose to represent your cool hobby. 877 00:41:33,120 --> 00:41:34,360 BLOWS WHISTLE 878 00:41:34,400 --> 00:41:35,880 GUZ: God. 879 00:41:35,920 --> 00:41:37,640 Oh, my God. BLOWS WHISTLE 880 00:41:37,680 --> 00:41:39,440 OK, what do you think Alan's doing? 881 00:41:39,480 --> 00:41:44,000 I think Alan is...making...a model. 882 00:41:44,040 --> 00:41:45,240 I can't give you that. 883 00:41:45,280 --> 00:41:46,800 He's doing surf-gami. 884 00:41:46,840 --> 00:41:48,320 It's surfing with origami! 885 00:41:48,360 --> 00:41:49,600 Surf-gami. OK. 886 00:41:49,640 --> 00:41:51,080 No points for Alan so far. 887 00:41:51,120 --> 00:41:52,760 What do you think Desiree is doing? 888 00:41:52,800 --> 00:41:56,720 I think Desiree is in a cool bowling alley. 889 00:41:56,760 --> 00:41:57,800 Yes! 890 00:41:57,840 --> 00:41:59,760 MORGANA: Yeah, baby! Correct. 891 00:41:59,800 --> 00:42:00,840 VICTORIA: Yay. 892 00:42:00,880 --> 00:42:04,720 What cool hobby is Guz Khan pretending to do? Oh... 893 00:42:04,760 --> 00:42:07,920 I was going to say trampolining, and that's a mid-air trampolining pose. 894 00:42:07,960 --> 00:42:09,040 Ooh. It's not right. 895 00:42:09,080 --> 00:42:10,160 It's a bobsleigh ting. 896 00:42:10,200 --> 00:42:12,640 Oh, 'course it's a bobsleigh ting. 897 00:42:12,680 --> 00:42:14,480 OK, it's Morgana's turn now. 898 00:42:14,520 --> 00:42:16,720 She is currently representing a cool hobby. 899 00:42:16,760 --> 00:42:17,960 Table tennis? Correct! 900 00:42:18,000 --> 00:42:19,520 Nice. Wow. 901 00:42:19,560 --> 00:42:21,720 Finally, Victoria Coren Mitchell. 902 00:42:21,760 --> 00:42:23,840 OK, I think she's on the wall of death on a motorbike. 903 00:42:23,880 --> 00:42:26,120 No, I don't. LAUGHTER 904 00:42:26,160 --> 00:42:27,680 She's kayaking. 905 00:42:27,720 --> 00:42:30,200 She's doing ice sculpture, Greg. 906 00:42:30,240 --> 00:42:33,280 Oh, of course it was ice sculpture! It's a cool joke. "Cool." 907 00:42:33,320 --> 00:42:35,520 Cool. It was a literal cool thing. 908 00:42:35,560 --> 00:42:39,120 OK. Please pose as your fun animal. 909 00:42:39,160 --> 00:42:40,800 You have ten seconds. Animal! 910 00:42:40,840 --> 00:42:42,160 Starting... 911 00:42:42,200 --> 00:42:43,600 WHISTLE BLOWS 912 00:42:47,400 --> 00:42:48,680 GREG LAUGHS 913 00:42:48,720 --> 00:42:49,720 WHISTLE BLOWS 914 00:42:49,760 --> 00:42:52,240 Alan is one funky orangutan. 915 00:42:52,280 --> 00:42:53,600 Well, unfortunately not. 916 00:42:53,640 --> 00:42:55,000 He's gone for a zebr-onkey. 917 00:42:55,040 --> 00:42:58,320 Oh! A zebr-onkey is a cross between a monkey and zebra, or a donkey? 918 00:42:58,360 --> 00:43:02,600 It's half zebra, half monkey. OK, we move on to Desiree Burch. 919 00:43:02,640 --> 00:43:05,160 It just might be a really fun rabbit. 920 00:43:05,200 --> 00:43:07,840 Ooh! It's the rabbit's cousin, the hamster. 921 00:43:07,880 --> 00:43:11,200 That famous hamster pose. DESIREE LAUGHS 922 00:43:11,240 --> 00:43:13,760 Now, then. Guz has used his clothing. 923 00:43:13,800 --> 00:43:15,120 What animal is that? 924 00:43:15,160 --> 00:43:17,600 I think that is a duck-billed platypus. 925 00:43:17,640 --> 00:43:20,520 It's an aardvark. Oh. 926 00:43:20,560 --> 00:43:24,160 The beak of the aardvark quacking away there. 927 00:43:24,200 --> 00:43:26,640 What animal, is she? She's a fun...puppy? 928 00:43:26,680 --> 00:43:28,720 But I'd like to know what breed you think she is? 929 00:43:28,760 --> 00:43:30,560 Oh, she's a fun little Labrador. 930 00:43:30,600 --> 00:43:32,360 Oh! She's a sausage puppy. 931 00:43:32,400 --> 00:43:35,000 Oh, yeah... Look how long I am! Yeah, you're long, you are long. 932 00:43:35,040 --> 00:43:37,320 Is it half a point for puppy? Yeah, yeah, yeah. 933 00:43:37,360 --> 00:43:39,960 So, what do you think Victoria Coren Mitchell is representing? 934 00:43:40,000 --> 00:43:42,480 It's gotta be a lovely, fun cat. It's more fun than a cat. 935 00:43:42,520 --> 00:43:43,920 It's an otter. 936 00:43:43,960 --> 00:43:45,840 Oh, they are fun, as well. 937 00:43:45,880 --> 00:43:47,320 So fun! Oh... 938 00:43:47,360 --> 00:43:49,880 You've got ten seconds to pose as your famous person. OK. 939 00:43:49,920 --> 00:43:51,720 WHISTLE BLOWS 940 00:43:51,760 --> 00:43:53,560 LAUGHTER 941 00:43:53,600 --> 00:43:56,440 WHISTLE BLOWS OK, so they've all posed. 942 00:43:56,480 --> 00:43:57,800 Good luck with this, Greg. 943 00:43:57,840 --> 00:43:59,440 Well, he's an artist of some kind. 944 00:43:59,480 --> 00:44:01,520 Which one? He's Salvador Dali. 945 00:44:01,560 --> 00:44:04,600 He's Tony Hart, and... Of course he's Tony Hart! 946 00:44:04,640 --> 00:44:07,160 All right, move on to Desiree Burch. 947 00:44:07,200 --> 00:44:09,520 It's a film star. 948 00:44:09,560 --> 00:44:12,520 Which film star? It's Macaulay Culkin. 949 00:44:12,560 --> 00:44:17,040 Ooh, it's Will Smith! Oh! So close! 950 00:44:17,080 --> 00:44:18,680 Now, then, Guz Khan. 951 00:44:18,720 --> 00:44:22,280 My initial feeling is it's Huw Edwards, the news presenter, 952 00:44:22,320 --> 00:44:24,600 but...give me a minute. 953 00:44:24,640 --> 00:44:26,840 LAUGHTER It's a big JC, isn't it? 954 00:44:26,880 --> 00:44:30,080 It is a big JC. It's Jesus Christ himself. Oh, wow. 955 00:44:30,120 --> 00:44:33,160 It is, without question, Madonna. 956 00:44:33,200 --> 00:44:35,000 Morgana is a different pop star. 957 00:44:35,040 --> 00:44:36,400 She's Cheryl Cole. 958 00:44:36,440 --> 00:44:39,880 I was thinking Vogue. No, for fuck's sake. 959 00:44:39,920 --> 00:44:43,080 LAUGHTER It is Cheryl Cole! I know. 960 00:44:43,120 --> 00:44:45,200 And, finally, Victoria. 961 00:44:45,240 --> 00:44:48,800 What can it be, with two hands out like that, 962 00:44:48,840 --> 00:44:52,440 and no tangible expression? 963 00:44:52,480 --> 00:44:55,160 Well, I mean, that's pretty accurate. 964 00:44:55,200 --> 00:44:57,080 It's... Neville Chamberlain. 965 00:44:57,120 --> 00:44:59,640 Ooh. Actually, not that far off. 966 00:44:59,680 --> 00:45:00,920 It's John Craven. 967 00:45:00,960 --> 00:45:03,920 Hey! Well done, everyone. 968 00:45:03,960 --> 00:45:07,480 Come back down here, and we'll add all that to the final scores! 969 00:45:07,520 --> 00:45:10,600 CHEERING AND APPLAUSE 970 00:45:10,640 --> 00:45:13,200 Oh, here we are. Ooh. 971 00:45:13,240 --> 00:45:14,520 That was exciting, wasn't it? 972 00:45:14,560 --> 00:45:17,240 It was lovely to have John Craven and Jesus on the show. 973 00:45:18,880 --> 00:45:22,000 And you did some good guessing - you got one of Desiree's right, 974 00:45:22,040 --> 00:45:23,800 you got one of Guz's right. I did. 975 00:45:23,840 --> 00:45:26,600 But one-and-a-half of Morgana's. DESIREE: Hey. 976 00:45:26,640 --> 00:45:28,360 So, she takes the full five points. 977 00:45:28,400 --> 00:45:30,480 Well done, Morgana. Well done, Morgana. 978 00:45:30,520 --> 00:45:31,840 How does that work? 979 00:45:31,880 --> 00:45:35,440 There's also one point each to Victoria and Alan for coming last, 980 00:45:35,480 --> 00:45:37,920 and three points each for Guz and Desiree. 981 00:45:37,960 --> 00:45:39,280 There you go. 982 00:45:39,320 --> 00:45:41,360 Something for nothing. Well done. 983 00:45:41,400 --> 00:45:43,360 Which means, the final scoreboard - 984 00:45:43,400 --> 00:45:45,840 it's been a tight opening episode, Greg. I'm very excited. 985 00:45:45,880 --> 00:45:47,520 I genuinely don't know who's won. 986 00:45:47,560 --> 00:45:49,560 The winner, with 17 points... 987 00:45:49,600 --> 00:45:51,960 ..is Morgana Robinson! There it is! 988 00:45:52,000 --> 00:45:55,120 CHEERING AND APPLAUSE Morgana Robinson wins. 989 00:45:55,160 --> 00:45:58,400 Please go and have a celebratory sit on your prizes! Whoo! 990 00:45:58,440 --> 00:45:59,880 Thank you. 991 00:46:01,280 --> 00:46:02,920 So, what have we learnt today? 992 00:46:02,960 --> 00:46:05,960 Well, we've learnt that life is a continuous struggle, 993 00:46:06,000 --> 00:46:08,560 but if you apply yourself, you can learn new skills, 994 00:46:08,600 --> 00:46:11,760 make new friends and do great things. 995 00:46:11,800 --> 00:46:16,760 We've also learned you should never borrow Alan Davies' toothbrush. 996 00:46:16,800 --> 00:46:19,800 See you for the second instalment but for now, our first winner 997 00:46:19,840 --> 00:46:22,200 is Morgana Robinson! 998 00:46:46,040 --> 00:46:48,040 Subtitles by Red Bee Media