1 00:00:02,000 --> 00:00:04,920 {\an2}This programme contains strong language and adult humour 2 00:00:04,960 --> 00:00:07,640 {\an2}Ooh! Oh, no, no. 3 00:00:07,680 --> 00:00:08,680 {\an2}Yes! Ah! 4 00:00:08,720 --> 00:00:09,920 {\an1}SHE HISSES, BELL RINGS 5 00:00:11,520 --> 00:00:12,680 {\an2}Ah! 6 00:00:12,720 --> 00:00:14,280 {\an2}Erm... 7 00:00:14,320 --> 00:00:15,960 {\an2}Quite windy today. Yeah. 8 00:00:16,000 --> 00:00:17,000 {\an2}Christ. 9 00:00:17,040 --> 00:00:19,160 {\an2}Ooh! Wrong way. 10 00:00:19,200 --> 00:00:20,480 {\an2}That's how you do it, baby. 11 00:00:20,520 --> 00:00:21,920 {\an2}OK. 12 00:00:21,960 --> 00:00:23,440 {\an2}Oh, my God! 13 00:00:23,480 --> 00:00:25,000 {\an2}Ah! Ah! Ah! Ooh! 14 00:00:25,040 --> 00:00:26,160 {\an1}SHE BABBLES 15 00:00:26,200 --> 00:00:28,400 {\an1}CHEERING AND APPLAUSE 16 00:00:35,720 --> 00:00:39,600 {\an2}Hello, and welcome to Taskmaster. 17 00:00:39,640 --> 00:00:42,520 {\an2}Or as my nan calls it - blyahr. 18 00:00:42,560 --> 00:00:45,960 {\an2}Being as she is long since dead. 19 00:00:46,000 --> 00:00:47,480 {\an2}Our calamitous comedians are 20 00:00:47,520 --> 00:00:50,160 {\an2}hurtling ever faster towards a total loss of credibility. 21 00:00:50,200 --> 00:00:52,480 {\an2}So please give them an uplifting cheer 22 00:00:52,520 --> 00:00:55,400 {\an2}as we welcome back Joanne McNally... 23 00:00:55,440 --> 00:00:56,440 {\an1}CHEERING AND APPLAUSE 24 00:00:56,480 --> 00:00:58,200 {\an2}..John Robins... CHEERING AND APPLAUSE 25 00:00:58,240 --> 00:01:00,520 {\an2}..Nick Mohammed... CHEERING AND APPLAUSE 26 00:01:00,560 --> 00:01:03,200 {\an2}..Sophie Willan... CHEERING AND APPLAUSE 27 00:01:03,240 --> 00:01:06,920 {\an2}..and Steve Pemberton! CHEERING AND APPLAUSE 28 00:01:08,040 --> 00:01:11,560 {\an2}And next to me, a man who confided in me that he 29 00:01:11,600 --> 00:01:15,400 {\an2}finds his neighbour's wife "hot as hell and twice as spicy". 30 00:01:15,440 --> 00:01:17,800 {\an2}S... LAUGHTER 31 00:01:17,840 --> 00:01:20,400 {\an2}Specifically the neighbours to the left, 32 00:01:20,440 --> 00:01:22,840 {\an2}if you're looking at the house from the road. 33 00:01:23,880 --> 00:01:25,480 {\an2}HIGH-PITCHED: It's little Alex Horne! 34 00:01:25,520 --> 00:01:26,960 {\an1}CHEERING AND APPLAUSE 35 00:01:27,000 --> 00:01:29,440 {\an2}That's the worst-ever one. 36 00:01:29,480 --> 00:01:30,480 {\an2}No. 37 00:01:32,000 --> 00:01:34,560 {\an2}She is nice, you said. They watch the show. Yep. 38 00:01:34,600 --> 00:01:37,240 {\an2}You said you like it when she puts the washing out. 39 00:01:37,280 --> 00:01:38,760 {\an1}LAUGHTER 40 00:01:39,800 --> 00:01:41,120 {\an2}Hi, Greg. All right? 41 00:01:41,160 --> 00:01:43,280 {\an2}Yeah, I'm great. I'm great, actually, now. 42 00:01:43,320 --> 00:01:44,520 {\an2}You thinking about her? No. 43 00:01:44,560 --> 00:01:46,040 {\an2}Pegging those... 44 00:01:46,080 --> 00:01:47,480 {\an2}Pegging those sheets up. 45 00:01:49,000 --> 00:01:50,920 {\an2}Anyway, I've got some statistics for you. Yeah. 46 00:01:50,960 --> 00:01:53,080 {\an2}From the channel, about how people watch the show. 47 00:01:53,120 --> 00:01:54,480 {\an2}So this is interesting. OK. 48 00:01:54,520 --> 00:01:57,080 {\an2}20% of people apparently now watch it on a device... 49 00:01:57,120 --> 00:01:59,520 {\an2}..like a mobile or a juicer. Erm, we've got six... 50 00:02:00,600 --> 00:02:03,360 {\an2}64% of people, most people, project it onto 51 00:02:03,400 --> 00:02:05,800 {\an2}a sort of large bui...large building into...in a town. 52 00:02:05,840 --> 00:02:08,080 {\an2}Erm, normally a big hall. And, 53 00:02:08,120 --> 00:02:10,880 {\an2}uh, the other 16% - traditional flatscreen TV still. 54 00:02:10,920 --> 00:02:13,040 {\an2}Right. Uh, but on the floor and looking down at it 55 00:02:13,080 --> 00:02:14,840 {\an2}and dancing around it with some music on. 56 00:02:14,880 --> 00:02:17,640 {\an2}That's, erm, some statistics about the show. OK. 57 00:02:17,680 --> 00:02:18,840 {\an2}Ready? Yeah, that was my bit. 58 00:02:18,880 --> 00:02:21,880 {\an2}All right, we're off to an absolute buzzing start. 59 00:02:21,920 --> 00:02:23,960 {\an1}LAUGHTER 60 00:02:24,000 --> 00:02:27,120 {\an2}Right, what's the prize category this week, Alex? 61 00:02:27,160 --> 00:02:31,720 {\an2}It's the best thing for a person that is meant for an animal. OK? 62 00:02:31,760 --> 00:02:33,440 {\an2}Greg will give the best thing five points 63 00:02:33,480 --> 00:02:35,360 {\an2}and Greg will give the worst thing one point. 64 00:02:35,400 --> 00:02:36,840 {\an2}John, I'm starting with you. 65 00:02:36,880 --> 00:02:39,200 {\an2}Well, I wanted to get something that was fitting of 66 00:02:39,240 --> 00:02:41,600 {\an2}a man of your standing and stature. 67 00:02:41,640 --> 00:02:42,640 {\an2}Lovely. 68 00:02:42,680 --> 00:02:45,520 {\an2}So I have brought an elephant chair. 69 00:02:45,560 --> 00:02:47,880 {\an2}Yes, here it is. It's called a howdah. 70 00:02:47,920 --> 00:02:48,960 {\an2}Ooh. 71 00:02:49,000 --> 00:02:51,240 {\an2}ALL: Ooh. 72 00:02:51,280 --> 00:02:52,880 {\an2}I sort of actually like it, though. 73 00:02:52,920 --> 00:02:54,560 {\an1}LAUGHTER 74 00:02:54,600 --> 00:02:57,120 {\an2}It's meant for an elephant's back 75 00:02:57,160 --> 00:03:00,080 {\an2}and you would sit on it on long journeys in the past. 76 00:03:00,120 --> 00:03:02,600 {\an2}However... Sorry... Yeah? Oh, I see! 77 00:03:02,640 --> 00:03:04,000 {\an1}LAUGHTER 78 00:03:04,040 --> 00:03:06,800 {\an2}God, I mean, I genuinely did imagine an elephant with 79 00:03:06,840 --> 00:03:08,080 {\an2}a bad back sitting on it. 80 00:03:08,120 --> 00:03:11,160 {\an2}LAUGHTER Genuinely. 81 00:03:11,200 --> 00:03:12,920 {\an2}However, they are, uh, 82 00:03:12,960 --> 00:03:15,040 {\an2}quite cruel to be used on elephants. 83 00:03:15,080 --> 00:03:17,560 {\an2}They're damaging to their skin and their back. 84 00:03:17,600 --> 00:03:19,280 {\an2}Yes. So by taking one off 85 00:03:19,320 --> 00:03:22,800 {\an2}the open market, I feel we're all doing a little bit of good today. 86 00:03:22,840 --> 00:03:25,680 {\an2}Wow, so if I give this five points, I'm... 87 00:03:25,720 --> 00:03:27,600 {\an2}..I'm taking one for the elephant team? 88 00:03:27,640 --> 00:03:30,240 {\an2}Big time, big time. You're sending out a message. 89 00:03:30,280 --> 00:03:33,400 {\an2}You're welcome, big ears. LAUGHTER 90 00:03:33,440 --> 00:03:34,720 {\an2}Nick, what have you brought in? 91 00:03:34,760 --> 00:03:36,280 {\an2}You know when a pet is ill... Yes. 92 00:03:36,320 --> 00:03:38,040 {\an2}..and you give it one of those cones? 93 00:03:38,080 --> 00:03:39,200 {\an2}To stop... One of those. 94 00:03:39,240 --> 00:03:42,240 {\an2}I just think one of those for a human - if you had, like, 95 00:03:42,280 --> 00:03:46,240 {\an2}an itch or something, you could wear one on your hand 96 00:03:46,280 --> 00:03:47,920 {\an2}to prevent you from itching. 97 00:03:47,960 --> 00:03:50,320 {\an2}Shall I show you his cone that he's brought in? Thank you. 98 00:03:50,360 --> 00:03:52,240 {\an2}I mean, you can if you want but I already know... 99 00:03:52,280 --> 00:03:54,800 {\an2}..I already know how many points it's getting. Yeah. 100 00:03:54,840 --> 00:03:56,680 {\an2}I already regret it, Greg. 101 00:03:56,720 --> 00:03:58,240 {\an2}Here's the cone, quite a small one. 102 00:03:58,280 --> 00:04:00,480 {\an2}Not going to be a surprise, but there you go. 103 00:04:00,520 --> 00:04:02,880 {\an2}Wow, well, cheers, Nick. It's, uh... Thank you. 104 00:04:02,920 --> 00:04:05,160 {\an2}It's pretty bad. LAUGHTER 105 00:04:06,280 --> 00:04:07,760 {\an2}Steve. 106 00:04:07,800 --> 00:04:09,960 {\an2}It's, uh, a scratching brush. 107 00:04:10,000 --> 00:04:11,800 {\an2}Here is your scratching brush. 108 00:04:11,840 --> 00:04:13,920 {\an2}Now, this promotes skin health, 109 00:04:13,960 --> 00:04:16,600 {\an2}uh, gets rid of parasites. 110 00:04:16,640 --> 00:04:20,120 {\an2}And, erm, I was imagining you in the shower. 111 00:04:20,160 --> 00:04:22,320 {\an2}Were you? Yes. 112 00:04:22,360 --> 00:04:25,360 {\an2}Before the task was set? Yeah! 113 00:04:25,400 --> 00:04:28,320 {\an2}You've got one of these attached to your towel rail. Yes. 114 00:04:28,360 --> 00:04:31,280 {\an2}And, yeah, you go up and down on that and, uh... 115 00:04:31,320 --> 00:04:33,800 {\an2}Y-You've... ..give yourself a good scratch. 116 00:04:33,840 --> 00:04:36,520 {\an2}You've imagined that I have some 117 00:04:36,560 --> 00:04:39,400 {\an2}difficult skin to slew off, have you? 118 00:04:39,440 --> 00:04:40,800 {\an2}No, it's skin health. 119 00:04:40,840 --> 00:04:43,440 {\an2}It's an impressive load of bullshit for a brush. 120 00:04:43,480 --> 00:04:44,840 {\an1}LAUGHTER 121 00:04:44,880 --> 00:04:47,680 {\an2}Joanne. Yes. Uh, can you beat a brush? Yes, you can. 122 00:04:47,720 --> 00:04:51,040 {\an2}The present I've brought you this week, Greg, 123 00:04:51,080 --> 00:04:52,680 {\an2}is a trough. 124 00:04:52,720 --> 00:04:54,920 {\an1}LAUGHTER 125 00:04:54,960 --> 00:04:58,560 {\an2}Here is...Here is Joanne's trough. Meant for an animal, 126 00:04:58,600 --> 00:05:00,840 {\an2}but better for a human. LAUGHTER 127 00:05:00,880 --> 00:05:04,240 {\an2}Yes. It's both insulting and yet appeals. 128 00:05:04,280 --> 00:05:06,400 {\an2}LAUGHTER Keep talking. 129 00:05:06,440 --> 00:05:08,760 {\an2}People are going back to the earth, building their own 130 00:05:08,800 --> 00:05:11,360 {\an2}vegetable patches. I feel the trough is next. Is it? 131 00:05:12,520 --> 00:05:14,960 {\an2}You're imagining trough parties, are you? Yeah. 132 00:05:16,120 --> 00:05:19,320 {\an2}It's all very Bear Grylls-survival stuff. Is it? Yeah! 133 00:05:19,360 --> 00:05:21,680 {\an2}Yeah.It's very... LAUGHTER 134 00:05:21,720 --> 00:05:23,920 {\an2}You know lads - they love making their own ham. 135 00:05:23,960 --> 00:05:26,040 {\an2}This is, I feel like... LAUGHTER 136 00:05:26,080 --> 00:05:27,680 {\an2}This is what's next. It'll be like... 137 00:05:27,720 --> 00:05:30,440 {\an2}You quite often make your own ham. We're always making our own ham. 138 00:05:30,480 --> 00:05:33,200 {\an2}It's all... They're all going back to the land with the moustaches 139 00:05:33,240 --> 00:05:35,840 {\an2}and eating off the ham hock and all, and I feel like this is next. 140 00:05:35,880 --> 00:05:37,520 {\an1}GREG WHEEZES 141 00:05:39,480 --> 00:05:40,640 {\an2}Sophie, come on. 142 00:05:40,680 --> 00:05:42,280 {\an2}I've gone in a different direction. 143 00:05:42,320 --> 00:05:43,720 {\an2}Thank God. 144 00:05:43,760 --> 00:05:45,160 {\an1}LAUGHTER 145 00:05:45,200 --> 00:05:48,120 {\an2}Well, I've got a pet feeder. 146 00:05:48,160 --> 00:05:51,440 {\an2}Yes, one of these timed cat feeders. Here it is. Timed cat feeder. 147 00:05:51,480 --> 00:05:54,040 {\an2}I thought it could be quite good for you. For me? 148 00:05:54,080 --> 00:05:55,600 {\an1}LAUGHTER 149 00:05:55,640 --> 00:05:58,320 {\an2}Just a little bit of discipline and structure in your life. 150 00:05:58,360 --> 00:06:00,520 {\an1}LAUGHTER 151 00:06:00,560 --> 00:06:02,840 {\an2}I mean, basically, what you're saying in that prize is 152 00:06:02,880 --> 00:06:05,160 {\an2}you're saying, "I think you're fat." 153 00:06:05,200 --> 00:06:08,000 {\an2}LAUGHTER I was worried about fat shaming. 154 00:06:08,040 --> 00:06:09,640 {\an2}Yeah. I did ask the producer. 155 00:06:09,680 --> 00:06:12,400 {\an2}They said, "No, no, it'll be fine. He needs to hear it." 156 00:06:16,480 --> 00:06:18,600 {\an1}APPLAUSE 157 00:06:21,240 --> 00:06:23,960 {\an2}Well, I'll hand out some...some, uh, points. 158 00:06:24,000 --> 00:06:26,520 {\an2}OK. You're going to start with the... With Nick, correct. Right. 159 00:06:26,560 --> 00:06:27,560 {\an1}LAUGHTER 160 00:06:27,600 --> 00:06:28,800 {\an2}So Nick gets one point. 161 00:06:28,840 --> 00:06:30,680 {\an2}Steve, sorry. Two points. 162 00:06:30,720 --> 00:06:32,680 {\an2}There we go, OK. Aw. I don't want Sophie 163 00:06:32,720 --> 00:06:34,760 {\an2}to be in control of when I can have a treat. 164 00:06:34,800 --> 00:06:36,040 {\an1}LAUGHTER 165 00:06:36,080 --> 00:06:38,640 {\an2}Are you sure? I'm pretty sure, so I'm giving her three points. 166 00:06:38,680 --> 00:06:40,080 {\an2}OK. Three to you, Sophie. Right. 167 00:06:40,120 --> 00:06:41,880 {\an2}There's something about these young lads 168 00:06:41,920 --> 00:06:43,520 {\an2}munching on the ham hocks that got me. 169 00:06:44,720 --> 00:06:48,800 {\an2}Joanne, four points. And, uh, I just want the elephant chair. So... 170 00:06:48,840 --> 00:06:50,800 {\an2}Fair enough! Five points to John Robins! 171 00:06:50,840 --> 00:06:54,800 {\an2}Get your straps ready. CHEERING AND APPLAUSE 172 00:06:54,840 --> 00:06:56,360 {\an2}Let's have a task proper, shall we? 173 00:06:56,400 --> 00:06:57,680 {\an2}I don't want to alarm you, Greg, 174 00:06:57,720 --> 00:07:00,000 {\an2}but there's something mysterious lurking in our tent. 175 00:07:00,040 --> 00:07:01,360 {\an1}THEY GASP 176 00:07:18,080 --> 00:07:19,080 {\an2}Hi, Joanne. 177 00:07:20,120 --> 00:07:22,280 {\an2}Hi, John.Hello, Alex. LAUGHTER 178 00:07:22,320 --> 00:07:24,920 {\an2}You're taking extreme measures to keep the sun off your face. 179 00:07:24,960 --> 00:07:27,640 {\an2}Yeah, I feel like I should be in Gilead or something. 180 00:07:27,680 --> 00:07:30,480 {\an2}Feel like I'm in Handmaiden's Tale. 181 00:07:31,680 --> 00:07:33,840 {\an2}Hey, Alex.Hello, Nick. LAUGHTER 182 00:07:33,880 --> 00:07:35,760 {\an2}How are ya? Wowsers. 183 00:07:37,040 --> 00:07:39,640 {\an2}Work out who is following you. 184 00:07:39,680 --> 00:07:44,080 {\an2}Oh! Oh, gosh. Work out who is following you. 185 00:07:44,120 --> 00:07:47,200 {\an2}You must stare at the duck at all times. 186 00:07:47,240 --> 00:07:48,320 {\an2}Yes. 187 00:07:48,360 --> 00:07:50,280 {\an2}And take an average-length step 188 00:07:50,320 --> 00:07:52,640 {\an2}towards the duck every time it quacks. 189 00:07:52,680 --> 00:07:55,360 {\an2}If the person following you agrees with you, 190 00:07:55,400 --> 00:07:57,880 {\an2}they will say the name of a mammal. 191 00:07:57,920 --> 00:08:00,880 {\an8}If the person following you disagrees with you, 192 00:08:00,920 --> 00:08:03,160 {\an2}they will say the name of a bird. 193 00:08:03,200 --> 00:08:05,160 {\an2}If the person following you doesn't know 194 00:08:05,200 --> 00:08:07,200 {\an2}if they agree or disagree with you, they will say 195 00:08:07,240 --> 00:08:09,360 {\an3}the name of an amphibian, of course. 196 00:08:09,400 --> 00:08:12,200 {\an2}I've very little animal experience. 197 00:08:12,240 --> 00:08:14,120 {\an2}Why have you got so little animal experience? 198 00:08:14,160 --> 00:08:16,760 {\an2}Cos I didn't study zoology. I don't know what an amphibian is. 199 00:08:16,800 --> 00:08:20,160 {\an2}Right. The correct answer furthest from the duck wins. 200 00:08:20,200 --> 00:08:23,160 {\an2}Your time starts when the duck quacks. 201 00:08:23,200 --> 00:08:26,360 {\an2}When I say "now", press the green button. OK. 202 00:08:26,400 --> 00:08:27,960 {\an8}I'm going to release the follower. 203 00:08:28,000 --> 00:08:29,960 {\an8}You need to keep looking at the duck. All right. 204 00:08:32,080 --> 00:08:35,080 {\an2}OK, Steve. You may press the green button. 205 00:08:36,960 --> 00:08:39,640 {\an8}Oh!I'm so sorry. LAUGHTER 206 00:08:39,680 --> 00:08:41,320 {\an2}Oh, my goodness. 207 00:08:41,360 --> 00:08:43,280 {\an2}Argh! No, don't...don't start yet. 208 00:08:44,440 --> 00:08:47,240 {\an2}Ow. Are you OK? Yes. 209 00:08:51,000 --> 00:08:53,640 {\an2}Joanne, tell me about your lack of experience with animals. 210 00:08:53,680 --> 00:08:56,160 {\an2}Isn't that terrible? I don't know what an amphibian is. Yeah. 211 00:08:56,200 --> 00:08:58,240 {\an2}What is it? Like a fishy... 212 00:08:58,280 --> 00:09:00,080 {\an2}Like a... You don't know either! 213 00:09:00,120 --> 00:09:01,640 {\an2}Is it like a lizard? An amphibian 214 00:09:01,680 --> 00:09:03,840 {\an2}has an aquatic, gill-breathing larval stage, 215 00:09:03,880 --> 00:09:04,920 {\an2}followed by, typically, 216 00:09:04,960 --> 00:09:06,840 {\an2}a terrestrial lung-breathing adult stage. 217 00:09:06,880 --> 00:09:07,960 {\an2}Huh! Yes, OK. 218 00:09:08,000 --> 00:09:11,640 {\an2}Newts, salamanders and, obviously, caecilians. Love them. 219 00:09:13,520 --> 00:09:16,280 {\an2}Let's go. We begin with keen golfer John Robins 220 00:09:16,320 --> 00:09:18,400 {\an2}being chased by a keen golf trolley. 221 00:09:20,960 --> 00:09:22,280 {\an2}Wait for the quack. 222 00:09:24,840 --> 00:09:26,840 {\an2}QUACK Are you a man? 223 00:09:26,880 --> 00:09:29,360 {\an2}Badger. Are you a sportsman? 224 00:09:29,400 --> 00:09:30,480 {\an2}Crane. 225 00:09:30,520 --> 00:09:32,240 {\an2}Are you a actor? 226 00:09:32,280 --> 00:09:33,680 {\an2}Kiwi. 227 00:09:33,720 --> 00:09:36,040 {\an2}Are you a politician? 228 00:09:36,080 --> 00:09:37,240 {\an2}Turtle dove. 229 00:09:37,280 --> 00:09:38,440 {\an2}Are you famous? 230 00:09:38,480 --> 00:09:39,840 {\an2}Wildebeest. 231 00:09:39,880 --> 00:09:41,200 {\an2}Are you a chef? 232 00:09:42,320 --> 00:09:43,440 {\an2}Common ostrich. 233 00:09:44,440 --> 00:09:46,080 {\an2}I don't know what... Are you a comedian? 234 00:09:47,200 --> 00:09:48,280 {\an2}Ruddy duck. 235 00:09:48,320 --> 00:09:50,120 {\an2}Are you...Are you human? 236 00:09:50,160 --> 00:09:51,240 {\an2}Typical pigeon. 237 00:09:52,840 --> 00:09:54,920 {\an8}Are you a male...? Are you an animal? 238 00:09:54,960 --> 00:09:56,080 {\an8}Yellow hammer. 239 00:09:56,120 --> 00:09:57,280 {\an8}Are you a robot? 240 00:09:57,320 --> 00:09:59,120 {\an8}Gouldian finch. 241 00:09:59,160 --> 00:10:01,240 {\an2}So you're... Ah, hang on. 242 00:10:01,280 --> 00:10:03,560 {\an2}You're male, but you're not human. 243 00:10:03,600 --> 00:10:05,280 {\an2}And you're not an animal. 244 00:10:05,320 --> 00:10:08,160 {\an8}Are you some kind of connection for like a...? 245 00:10:08,200 --> 00:10:10,560 {\an8}Are you a cable? LAUGHTER 246 00:10:10,600 --> 00:10:13,040 {\an8}Short-toed treecreeper. 247 00:10:13,080 --> 00:10:16,400 {\an2}Uh... Does your name begin with A? 248 00:10:17,480 --> 00:10:18,480 {\an8}Emu. 249 00:10:18,520 --> 00:10:19,680 {\an8}Does your name begin with B? 250 00:10:19,720 --> 00:10:21,080 {\an8}Olive baboon. 251 00:10:22,120 --> 00:10:23,640 {\an2}And you're not hu... 252 00:10:23,680 --> 00:10:25,600 {\an2}Are you a human? 253 00:10:25,640 --> 00:10:27,640 {\an2}Californian condor. 254 00:10:27,680 --> 00:10:29,320 {\an2}Do you have genitals? 255 00:10:29,360 --> 00:10:30,840 {\an2}Holy cross frog. 256 00:10:30,880 --> 00:10:32,840 {\an2}That's ambiguous. 257 00:10:32,880 --> 00:10:34,560 {\an2}How is that ambiguous? 258 00:10:34,600 --> 00:10:35,720 {\an2}Is the second letter 259 00:10:35,760 --> 00:10:36,760 {\an2}of your name an R? 260 00:10:36,800 --> 00:10:37,800 {\an2}Grey parrot. 261 00:10:37,840 --> 00:10:38,840 {\an2}An L? 262 00:10:38,880 --> 00:10:39,960 {\an2}Capybara. 263 00:10:40,000 --> 00:10:41,480 {\an2}Uh... 264 00:10:41,520 --> 00:10:43,840 {\an2}Is the third letter a vowel? 265 00:10:43,880 --> 00:10:45,920 {\an2}Malayan tapir. 266 00:10:45,960 --> 00:10:47,040 {\an2}Is it A? 267 00:10:47,080 --> 00:10:48,160 {\an2}Golden pheasant. 268 00:10:48,200 --> 00:10:49,760 {\an8}Is it E? Is it I? 269 00:10:49,800 --> 00:10:50,800 {\an8}O? 270 00:10:50,840 --> 00:10:51,840 {\an8}Pygmy hippopotamus. 271 00:10:51,880 --> 00:10:53,680 {\an2}OK so B-L-O. 272 00:10:55,680 --> 00:10:57,480 {\an2}Are you Mr Blobby? 273 00:10:57,520 --> 00:10:59,080 {\an2}Bactrian camel. 274 00:10:59,120 --> 00:11:00,600 {\an2}Yeah, so you're Mr Blobby. 275 00:11:00,640 --> 00:11:01,920 {\an2}You may have a look. 276 00:11:08,040 --> 00:11:10,640 {\an2}Fucking hell. Not bad! 277 00:11:10,680 --> 00:11:12,680 {\an1}APPLAUSE 278 00:11:12,720 --> 00:11:15,120 {\an2}Come on, you. Let's get you home. 279 00:11:17,280 --> 00:11:18,880 {\an2}Well done, John. 280 00:11:18,920 --> 00:11:21,400 {\an2}Well, I guess we should briefly discuss, "Are you a cable?" 281 00:11:23,720 --> 00:11:27,520 {\an2}Cable is surely the only thing that's not human that has a gender. 282 00:11:27,560 --> 00:11:30,880 {\an2}Oh. Like, male-to-female connections. Oh, I see! OK. Oh, wow. 283 00:11:30,920 --> 00:11:33,040 {\an2}So I thought it might be a scart lead. 284 00:11:36,840 --> 00:11:39,960 {\an2}Well, you got there. He was 19 paces from the duck. 285 00:11:40,000 --> 00:11:42,480 {\an2}OK. Let's see how Steve and Joanne got on with, 286 00:11:42,520 --> 00:11:44,400 {\an2}to quote Joanne from episode one, 287 00:11:44,440 --> 00:11:46,960 {\an2}"The best physical comedian of our generation." 288 00:11:48,320 --> 00:11:50,520 {\an2}QUACK Jesus Christ! 289 00:11:51,560 --> 00:11:53,560 {\an1}QUACK 290 00:11:53,600 --> 00:11:55,680 {\an8}Hey, it's good being a man, isn't it? 291 00:11:55,720 --> 00:11:56,840 {\an8}Badger. 292 00:11:56,880 --> 00:11:58,120 {\an2}Are you a human? 293 00:11:58,160 --> 00:11:59,160 {\an2}Kiwi. 294 00:11:59,200 --> 00:12:00,200 {\an8}Is a kiwi a mammal? 295 00:12:00,240 --> 00:12:01,440 {\an8}What the fuck is a kiwi? 296 00:12:01,480 --> 00:12:03,560 {\an8}LAUGHTER Keep stepping, Joanne. 297 00:12:03,600 --> 00:12:04,720 {\an8}So reading the news, 298 00:12:04,760 --> 00:12:05,760 {\an8}do you enjoy that? 299 00:12:05,800 --> 00:12:07,280 {\an8}Vulturine guinea fowl. 300 00:12:07,320 --> 00:12:08,520 {\an8}Another step please, Steve. 301 00:12:08,560 --> 00:12:10,240 {\an8}OK. Every quack. 302 00:12:10,280 --> 00:12:12,720 {\an2}Are you...food? 303 00:12:12,760 --> 00:12:14,000 {\an2}Glaucous gull. 304 00:12:14,040 --> 00:12:15,600 {\an2}Are you a famous thing? 305 00:12:15,640 --> 00:12:16,680 {\an2}Badger. 306 00:12:16,720 --> 00:12:19,560 {\an2}Are you the Eiffel Tower, like, something like that? 307 00:12:19,600 --> 00:12:20,920 {\an2}Tawny frogmouth. 308 00:12:22,680 --> 00:12:24,280 {\an2}What else is there? 309 00:12:24,320 --> 00:12:27,320 {\an2}Being operated by another human is tough, right? 310 00:12:27,360 --> 00:12:29,560 {\an2}Hairy-eared dwarf lemur. 311 00:12:29,600 --> 00:12:31,880 {\an8}Can I get inside you? 312 00:12:31,920 --> 00:12:34,000 {\an7}LAUGHTER 313 00:12:34,040 --> 00:12:35,160 {\an2}Aardvark. 314 00:12:37,680 --> 00:12:39,520 {\an2}Are you a glove puppet? 315 00:12:39,560 --> 00:12:40,600 {\an2}Gouldian finch. 316 00:12:40,640 --> 00:12:41,960 {\an8}Are you some kind of 317 00:12:42,000 --> 00:12:43,560 {\an8}children's TV character? 318 00:12:43,600 --> 00:12:45,840 {\an8}QUACK Pygmy jerboa.A jerboa! 319 00:12:45,880 --> 00:12:48,200 {\an2}Please step. LAUGHTER 320 00:12:48,240 --> 00:12:49,560 {\an2}Do you have a one-word name? 321 00:12:49,600 --> 00:12:50,720 {\an2}Northern shoveler. 322 00:12:50,760 --> 00:12:52,840 {\an2}Oh! Is it Mr something? 323 00:12:52,880 --> 00:12:54,800 {\an2}Rondo dwarf bushbaby. 324 00:12:54,840 --> 00:12:56,320 {\an2}OK, Mr something. 325 00:12:56,360 --> 00:12:58,400 {\an8}Have I met you? Have I been in you? 326 00:12:58,440 --> 00:13:00,520 {\an8}Common midwife toad. 327 00:13:00,560 --> 00:13:01,560 {\an2}What's that? 328 00:13:01,600 --> 00:13:04,120 {\an2}We don't know if you've met him or her. 329 00:13:04,160 --> 00:13:05,840 {\an8}Has it been on telly? 330 00:13:05,880 --> 00:13:07,120 {\an8}Olive baboon. 331 00:13:09,680 --> 00:13:11,200 {\an8}Are you Mr Blobby? 332 00:13:11,240 --> 00:13:13,080 {\an8}AUDIENCE EXCLAIMS Donkey. 333 00:13:13,120 --> 00:13:15,080 {\an2}What's that? QUACK 334 00:13:15,120 --> 00:13:16,360 {\an2}Amphibian? 335 00:13:16,400 --> 00:13:17,800 {\an2}LAUGHTER Does that mean they don't know 336 00:13:17,840 --> 00:13:18,920 {\an2}if they're Mr Blobby? 337 00:13:20,440 --> 00:13:22,360 {\an8}QUACK Sorry, her replies are more 338 00:13:22,400 --> 00:13:24,800 {\an8}confusing than anything else. 339 00:13:24,840 --> 00:13:28,000 {\an2}Is it B, C, D, F, G, H? 340 00:13:28,040 --> 00:13:29,320 {\an2}Eurasian lynx. 341 00:13:29,360 --> 00:13:30,440 {\an2}Is it B, C? 342 00:13:30,480 --> 00:13:31,680 {\an2}Etruscan shrew. 343 00:13:31,720 --> 00:13:33,160 {\an2}So it's... Is it B? 344 00:13:33,200 --> 00:13:34,400 {\an2}Slender loris. 345 00:13:34,440 --> 00:13:36,640 {\an2}Mr B. Mr Bojangles. 346 00:13:36,680 --> 00:13:37,960 {\an2}Are you Mr Blobby? 347 00:13:38,000 --> 00:13:40,000 {\an2}Bengal tiger. QUACK 348 00:13:40,040 --> 00:13:42,200 {\an2}That's a tiger. QUACK 349 00:13:42,240 --> 00:13:43,960 {\an2}Agrees. 350 00:13:44,000 --> 00:13:46,760 {\an8}Mr...Blobby! 351 00:13:46,800 --> 00:13:49,360 {\an2}Exotic Shorthair cat. QUACK 352 00:13:51,120 --> 00:13:53,440 {\an2}I'm stopping there cos I think I'm right. 353 00:13:53,480 --> 00:13:55,560 {\an2}So you ARE Mr Blobby. Fuck off! 354 00:13:55,600 --> 00:13:57,200 {\an2}Ah! Oh, my God! 355 00:13:59,560 --> 00:14:01,000 {\an2}Come on, Blob. 356 00:14:05,560 --> 00:14:07,560 {\an2}I don't want him. It's coming for you, baby. 357 00:14:11,520 --> 00:14:13,520 {\an1}LAUGHTER 358 00:14:18,520 --> 00:14:19,840 {\an2}Well, Steve. 359 00:14:19,880 --> 00:14:23,160 {\an2}If someone said Mr B, I wouldn't have gone Bojangles. 360 00:14:23,200 --> 00:14:26,280 {\an2}Hearing the quacks with the Handmaid's Tale bonnet on, 361 00:14:26,320 --> 00:14:29,920 {\an2}thinking about statements that had to be not questions, 362 00:14:29,960 --> 00:14:33,240 {\an2}being chased by Mr fucking Blobby... LAUGHTER 363 00:14:33,280 --> 00:14:35,480 {\an2}That is his first name. ..who kept hitting you. 364 00:14:35,520 --> 00:14:38,640 {\an2}So like John, I only came up with the sort of alphabet thing 365 00:14:38,680 --> 00:14:41,840 {\an2}when the duck was pretty close. 15 paces from the duck. 366 00:14:41,880 --> 00:14:44,320 {\an2}Joanne. Yeah. It's quite the contrast to 367 00:14:44,360 --> 00:14:47,480 {\an2}the forensic things we've seen so far. Uh-huh. 368 00:14:47,520 --> 00:14:50,440 {\an2}Uh, "Is a kiwi a mammal?" 369 00:14:50,480 --> 00:14:53,200 {\an2}Pause. "What's a fucking kiwi?" 370 00:14:53,240 --> 00:14:54,440 {\an1}LAUGHTER 371 00:14:54,480 --> 00:14:57,320 {\an2}And then you went, "If you're not human, 372 00:14:57,360 --> 00:15:00,720 {\an2}"you must be the Eiffel Tower." The Eiffel Tower. 373 00:15:02,200 --> 00:15:04,400 {\an2}Then your next question was, 374 00:15:04,440 --> 00:15:06,960 {\an2}"Can I get inside you?" Yeah. 375 00:15:07,000 --> 00:15:11,960 {\an2}So I'm thinking, "Is it a building?" Ah! "Can I step inside you?" 376 00:15:12,000 --> 00:15:14,840 {\an2}Not, "Can I, like, penetrate you?" Oh, right. Yeah. 377 00:15:14,880 --> 00:15:16,800 {\an2}But you were kind of hurling out just objects. 378 00:15:16,840 --> 00:15:19,080 {\an2}And then, suddenly - Blobby. Yeah. 379 00:15:19,120 --> 00:15:21,240 {\an2}And that's because your go-to thing is Blob. 380 00:15:21,280 --> 00:15:23,600 {\an2}I genuinely am a really big Mr Blobby fan. 381 00:15:23,640 --> 00:15:25,640 {\an2}Think he's amazing. I tried to buy his outfit. 382 00:15:25,680 --> 00:15:27,320 {\an2}Do you remember he went on sale? Yeah! 383 00:15:27,360 --> 00:15:29,800 {\an2}I mean, the woman's Blobby-obsessed! 384 00:15:29,840 --> 00:15:32,160 {\an2}And it really helped. She got to the correct answer 385 00:15:32,200 --> 00:15:33,480 {\an2}much before the other two. 386 00:15:33,520 --> 00:15:35,560 {\an2}She got 26 steps away from the duck, 387 00:15:35,600 --> 00:15:38,040 {\an2}and that was after not believing it was Blobby. She carried on 388 00:15:38,080 --> 00:15:40,520 {\an2}stepping for quite a while after getting the correct answer. 389 00:15:40,560 --> 00:15:43,200 {\an2}And she was overjoyed when she turned around and saw her hero. 390 00:15:43,240 --> 00:15:46,360 {\an2}Right. So, yeah, at the moment, it's Joanne, then John, then Steve. 391 00:15:46,400 --> 00:15:47,680 {\an2}All right, advert time now. 392 00:15:47,720 --> 00:15:50,240 {\an2}Hopefully, one of them will make health claims for 393 00:15:50,280 --> 00:15:53,520 {\an2}a food that they know full well is pumped full of sugar. 394 00:15:53,560 --> 00:15:55,000 {\an2}See you in a minute. 395 00:16:05,000 --> 00:16:08,040 {\an2}Hello! Welcome back to Taskmaster. 396 00:16:08,080 --> 00:16:10,880 {\an2}What were our contestants doing in a field, young man? 397 00:16:10,920 --> 00:16:13,120 {\an2}Well, it's a fine question. They were trying to work out 398 00:16:13,160 --> 00:16:15,760 {\an2}who's following them on an automatic golf trolley, Greg. 399 00:16:15,800 --> 00:16:17,520 {\an2}They can ask questions or make statements. 400 00:16:17,560 --> 00:16:19,680 {\an2}If the person agrees, they'll hear a mammal in response. 401 00:16:19,720 --> 00:16:20,880 {\an2}If they disagree, it's a bird. 402 00:16:20,920 --> 00:16:22,880 {\an2}And if it's ambiguous, they'll hear an amphibian 403 00:16:22,920 --> 00:16:25,080 {\an2}because it sounds a little bit like ambiguous. LAUGHTER 404 00:16:25,120 --> 00:16:27,840 {\an2}Finally, how long will it take Nick and Sophie to work out that 405 00:16:27,880 --> 00:16:30,720 {\an2}Mr Blobby's following them? Here we go. 406 00:16:30,760 --> 00:16:33,320 {\an2}QUACK Erm... 407 00:16:33,360 --> 00:16:34,960 {\an2}Have you got blonde hair? 408 00:16:35,000 --> 00:16:37,360 {\an8}Kiwi. Kiwi?! 409 00:16:37,400 --> 00:16:39,920 {\an8}That's a fruit! LAUGHTER 410 00:16:39,960 --> 00:16:43,280 {\an2}Are you, uh, human? 411 00:16:43,320 --> 00:16:44,760 {\an2}Kiwi. 412 00:16:44,800 --> 00:16:47,440 {\an2}Are you smaller than a large tree? 413 00:16:47,480 --> 00:16:48,560 {\an2}Donkey. 414 00:16:48,600 --> 00:16:49,920 {\an8}Are we friends from school? 415 00:16:49,960 --> 00:16:52,800 {\an8}LAUGHTER No, no, no, cos it's... 416 00:16:52,840 --> 00:16:55,040 {\an2}Did I meet you in the last five years? 417 00:16:55,080 --> 00:16:57,080 {\an2}Common midwife toad. 418 00:16:57,120 --> 00:16:59,320 {\an2}Ugh! Do you have four legs? 419 00:16:59,360 --> 00:17:01,320 {\an2}Californian condor. 420 00:17:01,360 --> 00:17:02,680 {\an2}Do you have two legs? 421 00:17:02,720 --> 00:17:04,040 {\an2}Bengal tiger. 422 00:17:04,080 --> 00:17:05,760 {\an2}Are you over 30? 423 00:17:05,800 --> 00:17:08,200 {\an2}Donkey. OK. 424 00:17:08,240 --> 00:17:10,720 {\an2}Have you used an Excel sheet? 425 00:17:10,760 --> 00:17:12,760 {\an1}LAUGHTER 426 00:17:12,800 --> 00:17:14,160 {\an2}Glaucous gull. 427 00:17:14,200 --> 00:17:15,880 {\an2}Are you on TV? 428 00:17:15,920 --> 00:17:17,360 {\an2}Pygmy jerboa. 429 00:17:17,400 --> 00:17:19,240 {\an2}Are you on BBC? 430 00:17:19,280 --> 00:17:20,680 {\an2}Capybara. 431 00:17:20,720 --> 00:17:22,680 {\an2}Oh, no. This duck's approaching. 432 00:17:22,720 --> 00:17:26,280 {\an2}Have we ever been drunk together? LAUGHTER 433 00:17:26,320 --> 00:17:28,120 {\an2}Common mudpuppy. 434 00:17:28,160 --> 00:17:31,080 {\an8}That means, yeah, I think. Doesn't it? 435 00:17:31,120 --> 00:17:32,960 {\an2}Oh, I can't wait... If you get to the duck, 436 00:17:33,000 --> 00:17:34,960 {\an2}you can just keep sort of pacing at the duck 437 00:17:35,000 --> 00:17:36,640 {\an2}and we'll just do it on time instead. 438 00:17:36,680 --> 00:17:37,680 {\an2}Uh, British? 439 00:17:37,720 --> 00:17:39,160 {\an2}Pygmy hippopotamus. 440 00:17:39,200 --> 00:17:40,440 {\an2}Oh, you ARE British. 441 00:17:40,480 --> 00:17:41,680 {\an2}Are you an athlete? 442 00:17:41,720 --> 00:17:42,760 {\an2}Northern shoveler. 443 00:17:42,800 --> 00:17:44,280 {\an2}Are you a cartoon character? 444 00:17:44,320 --> 00:17:45,680 {\an2}Are you a big grasshopper? 445 00:17:45,720 --> 00:17:47,520 {\an2}Are you a mascot of some kind? 446 00:17:47,560 --> 00:17:50,800 {\an2}Are you on the box of any kind of food-related stuff? 447 00:17:50,840 --> 00:17:52,120 {\an2}Is it Alex? 448 00:17:52,160 --> 00:17:54,160 {\an2}LAUGHTER All right.Erm, yeah. 449 00:17:54,200 --> 00:17:57,520 {\an2}I think you're just going to stay here with the duck. Am I? Oh, right. OK. 450 00:17:57,560 --> 00:18:00,200 {\an2}Are you on a particular time of day? Mid-afternoon? 451 00:18:00,240 --> 00:18:01,360 {\an2}Crane. 452 00:18:01,400 --> 00:18:02,400 {\an2}Early evening? 453 00:18:02,440 --> 00:18:04,440 {\an2}Possum. 454 00:18:04,480 --> 00:18:05,840 {\an2}QUACK OK. 455 00:18:05,880 --> 00:18:08,560 {\an2}Right. So I can take the duck where I want? 456 00:18:08,600 --> 00:18:10,240 {\an8}If you want, yeah. Oh! Oh! 457 00:18:10,280 --> 00:18:12,360 {\an8}I'm so sorry, I saw him. LAUGHTER 458 00:18:12,400 --> 00:18:14,040 {\an2}I saw him! 459 00:18:14,080 --> 00:18:16,400 {\an2}QUACK It's Mr Blobby! 460 00:18:16,440 --> 00:18:17,960 {\an2}Pygmy jerboa. 461 00:18:18,000 --> 00:18:19,680 {\an2}You're welcome to say hello to Mr Blobby. 462 00:18:19,720 --> 00:18:22,000 {\an2}Yeah, thank you. God! 463 00:18:22,040 --> 00:18:24,000 {\an8}BBC, larger than a human 464 00:18:24,040 --> 00:18:26,480 {\an8}but smaller than a large tree, 465 00:18:26,520 --> 00:18:28,800 {\an8}walks on two legs. DUCK QUACKS 466 00:18:31,600 --> 00:18:34,360 {\an8}On BBC One? LAUGHTER 467 00:18:36,120 --> 00:18:37,520 {\an2}Pangolin. 468 00:18:42,320 --> 00:18:43,880 {\an8}OK. 469 00:18:43,920 --> 00:18:46,080 {\an8}What's on at that time? 470 00:18:46,120 --> 00:18:47,480 {\an8}Mr Blobby? 471 00:18:47,520 --> 00:18:48,760 {\an7}CHEERING 472 00:18:48,800 --> 00:18:51,760 {\an9}Pink fairy armadillo. 473 00:18:51,800 --> 00:18:54,720 {\an8}Yaaaaaay! 474 00:18:59,240 --> 00:19:02,240 {\an2}I mean, the question I've got, Nick, is that you asked every 475 00:19:02,280 --> 00:19:06,280 {\an2}question about every subject ever... Yes. ..before you arrived at Blobby. 476 00:19:06,320 --> 00:19:08,920 {\an2}Yeah, that was, I mean, just to do it by process of elimination. 477 00:19:08,960 --> 00:19:10,160 {\an2}I guess that's what that was. 478 00:19:10,200 --> 00:19:11,840 {\an2}By eliminating everything in the world? 479 00:19:11,880 --> 00:19:14,440 {\an2}In the world. In the universe. Yeah, yeah. 480 00:19:14,480 --> 00:19:16,160 {\an2}I like the question, 481 00:19:16,200 --> 00:19:18,760 {\an2}"Are you smaller than a large tree?" 482 00:19:21,200 --> 00:19:23,640 {\an2}Cos how tall's a tree? A tree can be various sizes. Wow. 483 00:19:23,680 --> 00:19:27,480 {\an2}I mean, one of the great philosophical questions of our time. 484 00:19:27,520 --> 00:19:30,320 {\an2}How large is large? How large IS large? 485 00:19:30,360 --> 00:19:33,000 {\an2}This is large.You're larger than me, yeah. LAUGHTER 486 00:19:33,040 --> 00:19:34,480 {\an2}Small. Yeah. 487 00:19:35,880 --> 00:19:38,360 {\an2}Was there a logic to Sophie's questions? 488 00:19:40,320 --> 00:19:42,400 {\an2}I've written some down. 489 00:19:42,440 --> 00:19:44,320 {\an2}"Have I met you in the last five years?" 490 00:19:46,160 --> 00:19:48,040 {\an2}"Have I got drunk with you?" 491 00:19:48,080 --> 00:19:51,320 {\an2}"Have you used an Excel sheet?" 492 00:19:52,400 --> 00:19:55,320 {\an2}I mean, you literally sound like a dropped Alexa. 493 00:19:57,440 --> 00:19:59,440 {\an2}I just thought you were going to do something 494 00:19:59,480 --> 00:20:02,160 {\an2}a bit like Surprise Surprise. I thought you were going to... 495 00:20:02,200 --> 00:20:05,720 {\an2}I thought it could've been my mate Amy, to be honest. Right. 496 00:20:05,760 --> 00:20:07,960 {\an2}I was really thinking she was going to pop out. Yeah. 497 00:20:08,000 --> 00:20:11,000 {\an2}And that we'd mounted her on a golf trolley?Yeah. LAUGHTER 498 00:20:11,040 --> 00:20:13,000 {\an2}Obviously, Sophie can't have a point, can she? 499 00:20:13,040 --> 00:20:15,000 {\an2}Cos she saw Blobby. AUDIENCE: Aw! 500 00:20:15,040 --> 00:20:16,200 {\an2}I know. Terrible, actually. 501 00:20:16,240 --> 00:20:18,360 {\an2}Tough shit. LAUGHTER 502 00:20:18,400 --> 00:20:19,880 {\an2}Shall we give out the points? Yes. 503 00:20:19,920 --> 00:20:21,960 {\an2}Well, it's Sophie, unfortunately, zero. 504 00:20:22,000 --> 00:20:23,920 {\an2}Two points to Nick, three to Steve, four to John. 505 00:20:23,960 --> 00:20:25,520 {\an2}But the winner, the future Mrs Blobby, 506 00:20:25,560 --> 00:20:27,280 {\an2}is Joanne McNally! Whoa! 507 00:20:27,320 --> 00:20:28,320 {\an1}CHEERING 508 00:20:30,760 --> 00:20:32,480 {\an2}May I see a scoreboard, please? 509 00:20:32,520 --> 00:20:34,760 {\an2}At the bottom, and it's been typical of the series so far, 510 00:20:34,800 --> 00:20:36,680 {\an2}we've got Sophie and Nick with three points. 511 00:20:36,720 --> 00:20:39,040 {\an2}At the top, it's John and Joanne, both with nine points. 512 00:20:44,000 --> 00:20:45,400 {\an2}Good. What's next? 513 00:20:45,440 --> 00:20:46,920 {\an2}Ooh! Oh, no. 514 00:20:46,960 --> 00:20:49,640 {\an2}It's childcare. AUDIENCE: Ooh! 515 00:20:51,480 --> 00:20:54,400 {\an1}BABY CRIES 516 00:20:59,960 --> 00:21:03,360 {\an2}Hi. Hi, and congratulations. 517 00:21:03,400 --> 00:21:05,840 {\an2}Thank you. This takes me back. 518 00:21:06,960 --> 00:21:08,560 {\an2}Have you worn one of them before? 519 00:21:08,600 --> 00:21:11,440 {\an2}Well, in my head it's a bulletproof vest. 520 00:21:11,480 --> 00:21:14,200 {\an2}And I am Detective Robins, homicide. 521 00:21:14,240 --> 00:21:16,880 {\an2}Oh, hi, Joanne. What's going on? 522 00:21:16,920 --> 00:21:18,320 {\an2}You've got to look after a baby. 523 00:21:20,320 --> 00:21:21,400 {\an8}What is it? 524 00:21:21,440 --> 00:21:24,520 {\an2}I'll pop her or him in. I can't remember the gender. 525 00:21:24,560 --> 00:21:25,720 {\an2}Oh, God. 526 00:21:25,760 --> 00:21:27,440 {\an2}Ah! 527 00:21:27,480 --> 00:21:30,280 {\an8}There we go. Nothing to be frightened of. 528 00:21:30,320 --> 00:21:32,600 {\an2}This is actually quite comfortable. Good. 529 00:21:32,640 --> 00:21:34,120 {\an2}Nice on the shoulders. 530 00:21:35,280 --> 00:21:38,160 {\an8}Complete the jobstacle course. 531 00:21:38,200 --> 00:21:42,200 {\an2}Each job must completed to a satisfactory-quality level. 532 00:21:42,240 --> 00:21:44,760 {\an8}The baby must remain in the baby carrier at all times 533 00:21:44,800 --> 00:21:47,600 {\an8}except during nappy change. Yes. Yes. 534 00:21:47,640 --> 00:21:49,640 {\an2}You must complete the jobstacle course 535 00:21:49,680 --> 00:21:51,200 {\an2}within eight minutes. 536 00:21:51,240 --> 00:21:53,640 {\an2}The least baby spilled wins. 537 00:21:53,680 --> 00:21:55,560 {\an2}I'd actually like to spill a bit of it. 538 00:21:56,920 --> 00:22:01,920 {\an2}LAUGHTER We want a wet baby and a dry Steve. 539 00:22:01,960 --> 00:22:03,800 {\an2}Your time starts when Alex blows his whistle. 540 00:22:03,840 --> 00:22:05,840 {\an2}WHISTLE BLOWS Oh, God. 541 00:22:08,040 --> 00:22:10,040 {\an2}Nick looks terrified of the baby. 542 00:22:10,080 --> 00:22:12,200 {\an2}I've got three kids! Have you really got three kids? 543 00:22:12,240 --> 00:22:15,800 {\an2}Yeah, genuinely. It's weird, isn't it? Yeah, I have, yeah. It is! 544 00:22:15,840 --> 00:22:17,600 {\an2}Sorry, kids. 545 00:22:19,040 --> 00:22:21,920 {\an2}Let's crack on. All right, then. The first to look after 546 00:22:21,960 --> 00:22:24,120 {\an2}the big wet baby are Joanne and Sophie. 547 00:22:25,200 --> 00:22:28,560 {\an2}I think my approach is going to be to glide. 548 00:22:28,600 --> 00:22:32,960 {\an2}Swift, fast and smooth, like a swan. Do the dishes. 549 00:22:33,000 --> 00:22:34,920 {\an2}They're in the caravan. 550 00:22:34,960 --> 00:22:37,560 {\an2}I am curious about motherhood, so I think this'll be good for me. 551 00:22:37,600 --> 00:22:38,800 {\an2}Yeah, this'll be a good test. 552 00:22:39,800 --> 00:22:41,120 {\an2}Like a swan. 553 00:22:42,760 --> 00:22:45,880 {\an2}Daddy Horne hanging around outside doing fuck all. 554 00:22:45,920 --> 00:22:48,160 {\an1}LAUGHTER 555 00:22:50,120 --> 00:22:51,440 {\an2}That's it. Done. 556 00:22:52,440 --> 00:22:54,640 {\an2}Oh! That was unfortunate. 557 00:22:56,360 --> 00:22:57,800 {\an2}Ah, now. 558 00:22:57,840 --> 00:22:59,760 {\an2}Alex, pick up the basket. 559 00:22:59,800 --> 00:23:00,960 {\an8}I'll pick up the basket. 560 00:23:01,960 --> 00:23:03,720 {\an8}And the thing... I can't pick up the thing. 561 00:23:06,000 --> 00:23:07,320 {\an2}Bend from the knees. 562 00:23:08,720 --> 00:23:09,920 {\an2}Now. 563 00:23:13,440 --> 00:23:14,480 {\an2}Oh, no. 564 00:23:16,000 --> 00:23:17,880 {\an2}His shoes need cleaning now. 565 00:23:19,800 --> 00:23:21,640 {\an2}Argh. 566 00:23:21,680 --> 00:23:23,600 {\an2}The state of your shoes, Greg. 567 00:23:23,640 --> 00:23:26,720 {\an2}I'm trying to raise a jug of water here. LAUGHTER 568 00:23:27,720 --> 00:23:31,880 {\an2}There's a suffragette turning in her grave somewhere. LAUGHTER 569 00:23:31,920 --> 00:23:33,480 {\an2}Oh, fabulous. Done. 570 00:23:34,600 --> 00:23:37,360 {\an2}OK. Does your big wet baby have a name? 571 00:23:37,400 --> 00:23:39,400 {\an2}Juicy. LAUGHTER 572 00:23:41,080 --> 00:23:42,160 {\an2}Get in. Get in. 573 00:23:42,200 --> 00:23:43,640 {\an2}This is why women breast-feed, 574 00:23:43,680 --> 00:23:45,120 {\an2}cos this is a pain in the hole. 575 00:23:46,360 --> 00:23:48,440 {\an2}Watch your own baby, yeah. 576 00:23:48,480 --> 00:23:51,120 {\an2}Is the last one done?Yeah. WHISTLE BLOWS 577 00:23:51,160 --> 00:23:53,920 {\an2}Whack it in, whack it in. WHISTLE BLOWS 578 00:23:53,960 --> 00:23:55,080 {\an2}Thank you. 579 00:23:59,080 --> 00:24:02,080 {\an2}I think it's very impressive, Joanne, for you to make points about 580 00:24:02,120 --> 00:24:05,120 {\an2}the patriarchy when you've got a bucket of water strapped to you. 581 00:24:05,160 --> 00:24:06,360 {\an2}Any excuse. 582 00:24:06,400 --> 00:24:09,440 {\an2}Can you tell me statistics about who was the most effective parent? 583 00:24:09,480 --> 00:24:11,920 {\an2}Sophie spilt a fifth of her baby, 584 00:24:11,960 --> 00:24:14,600 {\an2}used some of the baby to clean the shoes with. Ah! 585 00:24:15,600 --> 00:24:18,000 {\an2}I spilt some out at the start. Yeah. Cos I was like, 586 00:24:18,040 --> 00:24:20,440 {\an2}"That's going to go anyway. I might as well get rid of it." 587 00:24:20,480 --> 00:24:23,280 {\an2}Not stress it. Speed up. Yeah, you only spilt a sixth of your baby, 588 00:24:23,320 --> 00:24:25,120 {\an2}so you are currently in the lead, Joanne. 589 00:24:25,160 --> 00:24:30,320 {\an2}Next up, it's two dads of three - it's Nick and it's Steve. 590 00:24:30,360 --> 00:24:32,800 {\an2}OK, let's do the shoes first. 591 00:24:32,840 --> 00:24:35,240 {\an2}Oh, God. Right, here we go. 592 00:24:35,280 --> 00:24:37,160 {\an2}For... Oh, what am I going to clean them with? 593 00:24:37,200 --> 00:24:39,480 {\an2}Oh, I can't use the baby! 594 00:24:39,520 --> 00:24:40,800 {\an2}Sorry, baby. 595 00:24:40,840 --> 00:24:42,760 {\an2}Just... I'm patting the baby's head. 596 00:24:42,800 --> 00:24:45,480 {\an2}Baby's fine, though. Argh! Baby's fine. 597 00:24:45,520 --> 00:24:47,960 {\an2}You're not cleaning with the baby at all, are you? 598 00:24:48,000 --> 00:24:50,800 {\an2}A little bit of her went in the...in the soapy water. 599 00:24:50,840 --> 00:24:53,480 {\an2}# With rings on her fingers 600 00:24:53,520 --> 00:24:56,080 {\an2}# And bells on her toes... # 601 00:24:57,520 --> 00:25:00,080 {\an2}Ooh. LAUGHTER 602 00:25:00,120 --> 00:25:01,400 {\an2}I think your baby's been sick. 603 00:25:01,440 --> 00:25:04,920 {\an2}Hang the laundry twixt the cow and the caravan. 604 00:25:04,960 --> 00:25:07,440 {\an2}Bit of baby spilt on your knee, then. Yeah, but that... 605 00:25:07,480 --> 00:25:09,640 {\an2}A lot of... Oh. That's handy. 606 00:25:09,680 --> 00:25:12,760 {\an2}I'm assuming I have to create my own line, yeah? 607 00:25:12,800 --> 00:25:16,800 {\an2}To hang the... Sure, yeah. ..laundry. 608 00:25:18,280 --> 00:25:20,080 {\an2}# Ta-da-da-da. # 609 00:25:20,120 --> 00:25:23,160 {\an2}There we go. Is that... Are you satisfied with that? Well, yeah. 610 00:25:23,200 --> 00:25:26,320 {\an2}Yeah? So, hang the laundry, dust the carpet. 611 00:25:26,360 --> 00:25:30,120 {\an2}Oh, was that dusting the carpet? CACKLES 612 00:25:30,160 --> 00:25:32,720 {\an2}OK, best way to dust a carpet... 613 00:25:35,040 --> 00:25:37,240 {\an1}LAUGHTER 614 00:25:39,320 --> 00:25:40,680 {\an2}Satisfied? 615 00:25:40,720 --> 00:25:41,720 {\an2}No. 616 00:25:42,800 --> 00:25:44,840 {\an2}Oh, baby's not happy with this. 617 00:25:46,280 --> 00:25:48,480 {\an2}Are you...thirsty? 618 00:25:48,520 --> 00:25:51,280 {\an2}Oh, there we go. 619 00:25:51,320 --> 00:25:53,440 {\an2}Now let's get that nap-nap changed. 620 00:25:53,480 --> 00:25:54,480 {\an2}Ugh. 621 00:25:56,320 --> 00:25:58,000 {\an2}She loves that. 622 00:25:58,040 --> 00:26:00,040 {\an2}WHISTLE BLOWS There you go. That's not bad. 623 00:26:00,080 --> 00:26:01,400 {\an2}You've got three seconds left. 624 00:26:01,440 --> 00:26:04,160 {\an2}Uh... Love you. WHISTLE BLOWS 625 00:26:09,480 --> 00:26:15,360 {\an2}Two actual fathers. And with very contrasting approaches. 626 00:26:15,400 --> 00:26:19,600 {\an2}Nick, you seemed a very cautious and caring parent, I thought. Yeah. 627 00:26:19,640 --> 00:26:21,320 {\an2}Did Nick spill a lot of baby? 628 00:26:21,360 --> 00:26:23,520 {\an2}Yes, Nick spilt a quarter of his baby, 629 00:26:23,560 --> 00:26:26,160 {\an2}whereas Steve, in the end, only 7% of baby spilt. 630 00:26:26,200 --> 00:26:29,480 {\an2}Who would've thought that you would come across in this competition as 631 00:26:29,520 --> 00:26:32,000 {\an2}a more effective parent by force-feeding your baby? 632 00:26:33,040 --> 00:26:35,480 {\an2}I feel like I have to apologise to my own children now, 633 00:26:35,520 --> 00:26:37,560 {\an2}if that was anything like the upbringing they had. 634 00:26:37,600 --> 00:26:38,760 {\an2}Yeah. 635 00:26:38,800 --> 00:26:41,680 {\an2}Time for a break now. I say that, it doesn't seem to matter 636 00:26:41,720 --> 00:26:45,840 {\an2}how much pressure I apply to Alex's pelvis, it just won't snap. 637 00:26:45,880 --> 00:26:48,240 {\an1}LAUGHTER 638 00:27:00,040 --> 00:27:05,320 {\an2}Hello. Yes, you're back with us on Taskmaster. Mm-mm. 639 00:27:05,360 --> 00:27:07,320 {\an2}Comedy entertainment at its finest. Am I right, guys? 640 00:27:08,320 --> 00:27:10,640 {\an2}The current task... LAUGHTER 641 00:27:10,680 --> 00:27:13,760 {\an2}..sees our comedians busy trying to complete a jobstacle course 642 00:27:13,800 --> 00:27:16,200 {\an2}of household chores whilst looking after their water bottle in 643 00:27:16,240 --> 00:27:19,040 {\an2}a baby carrier. Least baby spilled wins. 644 00:27:19,080 --> 00:27:21,640 {\an2}Last up - Rohn Jobins. LAUGHTER 645 00:27:23,120 --> 00:27:24,680 {\an2}What are you going to do first, John? 646 00:27:24,720 --> 00:27:26,600 {\an2}Well, I'm going to take the baby out of this. 647 00:27:26,640 --> 00:27:28,600 {\an2}It must stay in the baby carrier. 648 00:27:28,640 --> 00:27:31,400 {\an2}It must remain in the baby carrier. 649 00:27:31,440 --> 00:27:34,440 {\an2}But the baby carrier doesn't have to remain on me. 650 00:27:34,480 --> 00:27:36,400 {\an2}AUDIENCE: Ooh! 651 00:27:39,400 --> 00:27:41,360 {\an2}There we go. Right. 652 00:27:41,400 --> 00:27:44,440 {\an2}LAUGHTER Do the dishes.Caravan. 653 00:27:47,680 --> 00:27:49,680 {\an2}Dishes...done! 654 00:27:51,680 --> 00:27:53,280 {\an2}Thank you, Greg. 655 00:27:53,320 --> 00:27:54,920 {\an2}Dust the carpet! 656 00:27:54,960 --> 00:27:56,080 {\an2}Four minutes left. 657 00:27:56,120 --> 00:27:57,120 {\an2}Four minutes! 658 00:27:58,400 --> 00:27:59,920 {\an2}Never done this before. 659 00:28:01,000 --> 00:28:03,680 {\an2}The way my life's going, I'll probably never do it again. 660 00:28:03,720 --> 00:28:05,840 {\an2}LAUGHTER Ugh! 661 00:28:05,880 --> 00:28:07,720 {\an2}A lot easier without a baby on your front. 662 00:28:07,760 --> 00:28:09,160 {\an2}Oh, it's so much easier, 663 00:28:09,200 --> 00:28:11,440 {\an2}and honestly that baby's been 664 00:28:11,480 --> 00:28:14,240 {\an2}driving me crazy. LAUGHTER 665 00:28:14,280 --> 00:28:15,440 {\an2}One minute left, John. 666 00:28:17,120 --> 00:28:19,040 {\an2}Just taking a bit of care with this, Alex. 667 00:28:19,080 --> 00:28:20,720 {\an2}How much more time have I got? 668 00:28:20,760 --> 00:28:23,880 {\an2}Five, four, 669 00:28:23,920 --> 00:28:28,000 {\an2}three, two... WHISTLE BLOWS 670 00:28:28,040 --> 00:28:30,120 {\an2}Thank you. 671 00:28:32,720 --> 00:28:34,840 {\an2}If anything, he was tad smug. 672 00:28:38,640 --> 00:28:41,640 {\an2}But, you know. Fast, wasn't it? Yeah, and it wasn't even about that. 673 00:28:41,680 --> 00:28:43,800 {\an2}There was zero percentage of the baby spilt. 674 00:28:45,400 --> 00:28:49,400 {\an2}Oh, don't leave a silence where there's a "but" coming and you... 675 00:28:49,440 --> 00:28:51,720 {\an2}No? There's no "but". I'm just allowing you to enjoy it. 676 00:28:51,760 --> 00:28:52,960 {\an2}Oh, that's sweet. 677 00:28:53,000 --> 00:28:55,200 {\an2}How long do you want to give him to enjoy it? 678 00:28:55,240 --> 00:28:57,200 {\an1}LAUGHTER 679 00:28:58,200 --> 00:29:00,120 {\an2}We'll give him ten more seconds, shall we? 680 00:29:04,120 --> 00:29:05,440 {\an1}LAUGHTER 681 00:29:06,440 --> 00:29:08,400 {\an2}No, I unfortunately don't have another VT. 682 00:29:08,440 --> 00:29:09,720 {\an2}He has genuinely nailed it. 683 00:29:09,760 --> 00:29:12,520 {\an2}I know he has, yeah. Which is very frustrating. 684 00:29:12,560 --> 00:29:13,840 {\an1}APPLAUSE 685 00:29:15,480 --> 00:29:16,800 {\an2}So the points are - Nick gets one, 686 00:29:16,840 --> 00:29:18,920 {\an2}Sophie two, Joanne three, Steve four, 687 00:29:18,960 --> 00:29:20,920 {\an2}five points to John Robins! Well done, John. 688 00:29:25,440 --> 00:29:26,960 {\an2}OK, what's next please, Alex? 689 00:29:27,000 --> 00:29:29,480 {\an2}You're going to like this, Greg. We started off in a tent 690 00:29:29,520 --> 00:29:33,960 {\an2}and now we're going to be IN TENTS. Intense. Do you...? Yeah? 691 00:29:34,000 --> 00:29:37,560 {\an1}AUDIENCE CHUCKLES 692 00:29:51,560 --> 00:29:53,480 {\an2}Oh, hello. 693 00:30:00,320 --> 00:30:02,160 {\an2}Hello, Alex. 694 00:30:02,200 --> 00:30:03,200 {\an2}You all right? 695 00:30:04,840 --> 00:30:05,840 {\an2}Oh, no. 696 00:30:07,240 --> 00:30:08,320 {\an2}What now? 697 00:30:14,120 --> 00:30:15,280 {\an2}Is this right? 698 00:30:19,560 --> 00:30:22,440 {\an2}Hello, you OK? 699 00:30:22,480 --> 00:30:25,080 {\an2}Have you seen something bad? 700 00:30:25,120 --> 00:30:26,240 {\an2}Have you had an accident? 701 00:30:27,440 --> 00:30:29,440 {\an1}ALEX GRUMBLES 702 00:30:31,680 --> 00:30:33,400 {\an2}AUDIENCE: Aw. 703 00:30:36,200 --> 00:30:37,760 {\an2}Hmm. 704 00:30:37,800 --> 00:30:38,800 {\an2}Oh, thank you. 705 00:30:42,200 --> 00:30:46,440 {\an2}Create tension and you've just given me a masterclass. 706 00:30:46,480 --> 00:30:49,440 {\an2}Create tension. Oh, 707 00:30:49,480 --> 00:30:52,760 {\an2}you were acting. And you did it well. 708 00:30:52,800 --> 00:30:54,960 {\an2}Most tension created wins. 709 00:30:55,000 --> 00:30:57,760 {\an2}You have 20 minutes - your time starts now. 710 00:31:00,640 --> 00:31:01,960 {\an2}Have you started the attempt? 711 00:31:02,000 --> 00:31:03,920 {\an2}I've started. This is tension. Yeah. 712 00:31:08,640 --> 00:31:10,320 {\an2}So, like, just make it really awkward? 713 00:31:10,360 --> 00:31:12,640 {\an2}What did you think of my tension that I created? 714 00:31:12,680 --> 00:31:13,920 {\an2}Didn't feel tense. 715 00:31:13,960 --> 00:31:15,000 {\an2}No, no. Oh, well. 716 00:31:15,040 --> 00:31:16,840 {\an2}I'd give it a two out of ten... Right. 717 00:31:16,880 --> 00:31:17,880 {\an2}..for tension. 718 00:31:17,920 --> 00:31:18,920 {\an2}Sexual tension? 719 00:31:20,880 --> 00:31:26,200 {\an2}Hmm, I'm going to need some kind of elasticated roping. 720 00:31:26,240 --> 00:31:32,720 {\an2}I would like to challenge you to a duel of... 721 00:31:32,760 --> 00:31:33,800 {\an2}..hangman. 722 00:31:37,680 --> 00:31:40,960 {\an2}Isn't quite working, that, is it? 723 00:31:41,000 --> 00:31:43,560 {\an2}Got a tablecloth? Mm-hm. Yeah. 724 00:31:43,600 --> 00:31:45,920 {\an2}I'm going to get some bits and bobs. 725 00:31:47,320 --> 00:31:49,400 {\an1}APPLAUSE 726 00:31:53,600 --> 00:31:57,000 {\an2}This will be interesting cos I know how to make you tense. 727 00:31:57,040 --> 00:31:59,040 {\an2}Yes, you do. 728 00:31:59,080 --> 00:32:02,760 {\an2}And I'm not going to be the only one, I suspect. Let's go. 729 00:32:02,800 --> 00:32:05,680 {\an2}First of all, we're going to see three lots of tension-makers - 730 00:32:05,720 --> 00:32:07,560 {\an2}Sophie, John and Joanne. 731 00:32:08,720 --> 00:32:11,400 {\an2}Tension. What is tension? 732 00:32:11,440 --> 00:32:12,640 {\an2}Tension is 733 00:32:12,680 --> 00:32:16,400 {\an2}the apprehension that something bad's going to happen, innit? 734 00:32:16,440 --> 00:32:17,880 {\an2}It's tense, we're worried. 735 00:32:18,920 --> 00:32:20,120 {\an2}Alex, sit with me. 736 00:32:22,240 --> 00:32:23,480 {\an2}Sit down beside me. Yeah. 737 00:32:23,520 --> 00:32:25,960 {\an2}Actually, no. Actually hop up here, hop up. 738 00:32:26,000 --> 00:32:27,640 {\an2}Facing you? Like this? 739 00:32:27,680 --> 00:32:29,920 {\an2}This is perfect, yeah. Look at me. 740 00:32:29,960 --> 00:32:31,080 {\an2}Do I relax? No, don't relax. 741 00:32:31,120 --> 00:32:32,400 {\an2}No? I want you on edge. 742 00:32:33,640 --> 00:32:36,440 {\an2}In order to actually measure the tension, 743 00:32:36,480 --> 00:32:40,600 {\an2}we've got both analogue and digital tension scales. 744 00:32:44,920 --> 00:32:48,280 {\an2}Like, so like...tightrope walking, but on a chair? 745 00:32:48,320 --> 00:32:49,320 {\an2}Yeah. 746 00:32:51,560 --> 00:32:54,680 {\an2}What's your salary? AUDIENCE LAUGHS 747 00:32:54,720 --> 00:32:56,280 {\an2}Don't lie, don't lie to your mother. 748 00:33:01,720 --> 00:33:05,400 {\an1}LAUGHTER 749 00:33:14,320 --> 00:33:16,360 {\an2}Are you ready? Yeah, I'm ready. 750 00:33:16,400 --> 00:33:18,520 {\an2}Increase the tension. Oh! 751 00:33:19,600 --> 00:33:22,240 {\an2}Alex, stand firm. Let's take a reading. 752 00:33:23,240 --> 00:33:25,080 {\an2}Alex, that's ten kilos of tension. 753 00:33:28,280 --> 00:33:30,560 {\an2}Our genitals are not touching, just to be clear. 754 00:33:31,760 --> 00:33:32,760 {\an2}Sadly. 755 00:33:39,040 --> 00:33:40,400 {\an2}Can I say something? 756 00:33:40,440 --> 00:33:42,120 {\an8}I don't feel the need to say anything. 757 00:33:47,960 --> 00:33:49,040 {\an2}Two minutes left. 758 00:33:51,400 --> 00:33:54,120 {\an1}SHE HISSES 759 00:33:54,160 --> 00:33:55,160 {\an2}That WAS tense. 760 00:33:55,200 --> 00:33:57,240 {\an1}SHE HISSES 761 00:34:01,480 --> 00:34:02,680 {\an2}Feels so good. 762 00:34:02,720 --> 00:34:05,200 {\an2}It's like my father's alive again. 763 00:34:05,240 --> 00:34:08,080 {\an2}Uh... It's my father's anniversary today - dead 21 years. 764 00:34:08,120 --> 00:34:09,920 {\an2}Oh, is it? You smell just like him. 765 00:34:10,960 --> 00:34:13,840 {\an1}SNIFFS DEEPLY 766 00:34:13,880 --> 00:34:14,960 {\an2}Hmm. 767 00:34:15,000 --> 00:34:17,320 {\an2}What am I doing with the net, John? What are you doing? 768 00:34:17,360 --> 00:34:19,560 {\an2}You're catching the Marble of Certain Death. Oh, I see. 769 00:34:19,600 --> 00:34:21,160 {\an2}OK. OK. 770 00:34:21,200 --> 00:34:22,960 {\an2}Three, two, 771 00:34:23,000 --> 00:34:24,080 {\an2}one. 772 00:34:26,800 --> 00:34:28,160 {\an2}And there you go, 773 00:34:28,200 --> 00:34:29,920 {\an2}the Marble of Certain Death caught by Alex 774 00:34:29,960 --> 00:34:33,480 {\an2}under pretty extreme tension here. That's ten kilos of tension. 775 00:34:33,520 --> 00:34:35,600 {\an1}WHISTLE BLOWS That's your time up, John. Thank you. 776 00:34:35,640 --> 00:34:36,640 {\an2}Phew. 777 00:34:38,600 --> 00:34:40,960 {\an2}Ten seconds, Joanne. My whistle's right down here though. 778 00:34:41,000 --> 00:34:42,000 {\an2}Excuse me? 779 00:34:42,040 --> 00:34:43,880 {\an2}Ignore the whistle - it's just me and you now. 780 00:34:43,920 --> 00:34:45,080 {\an2}I've got to get the whistle. 781 00:34:45,120 --> 00:34:47,440 {\an2}I've asked the cameramen to leave. 782 00:34:47,480 --> 00:34:49,480 {\an2}SNIFFS DEEPLY Stop it. 783 00:34:49,520 --> 00:34:52,360 {\an2}WHISTLE BLOWS Oh, thank God. 784 00:34:52,400 --> 00:34:54,320 {\an2}Don't even look me in the eye ever again. 785 00:34:54,360 --> 00:34:55,360 {\an2}Thanks, Joanne. 786 00:34:59,920 --> 00:35:02,440 {\an1}AUDIENCE LAUGHS 787 00:35:02,480 --> 00:35:04,280 {\an2}I told you someone would crack the code. 788 00:35:06,840 --> 00:35:09,360 {\an2}Consent at every point - every point, there was consent. 789 00:35:09,400 --> 00:35:11,280 {\an2}There was. What the audience didn't hear is 790 00:35:11,320 --> 00:35:12,440 {\an2}what you said as you, uh, 791 00:35:12,480 --> 00:35:15,040 {\an2}walked out which was, "Never look at me again." 792 00:35:17,360 --> 00:35:20,040 {\an2}Sophie, watching you 793 00:35:20,080 --> 00:35:23,240 {\an2}standing on one leg with a cup on your head 794 00:35:23,280 --> 00:35:25,840 {\an2}hissing like a fucking snake... 795 00:35:25,880 --> 00:35:27,720 {\an2}..is the least tense I've ever felt. 796 00:35:27,760 --> 00:35:28,760 {\an2}Oh, really? 797 00:35:29,800 --> 00:35:31,520 {\an2}You've never been in that position 798 00:35:31,560 --> 00:35:34,040 {\an2}cos you're always taller, aren't you? But... Yeah. 799 00:35:34,080 --> 00:35:36,200 {\an2}..actually having somebody... 800 00:35:36,240 --> 00:35:38,560 {\an1}HISSES 801 00:35:38,600 --> 00:35:40,640 {\an2}Well, let me... Let me, yeah, go on. 802 00:35:40,680 --> 00:35:42,560 {\an2}If you sit on the floor. 803 00:35:47,160 --> 00:35:48,280 {\an2}AUDIENCE MEMBER: Woo! 804 00:35:48,320 --> 00:35:50,160 {\an1}HISSES FORCEFULLY 805 00:35:53,000 --> 00:35:54,920 {\an2}No. Nothing? Right. 806 00:35:54,960 --> 00:35:56,160 {\an2}Well, that's fine. 807 00:36:00,040 --> 00:36:02,640 {\an2}What about John, who took a very literal version of tension? 808 00:36:02,680 --> 00:36:04,320 {\an2}Did he create much tension? 809 00:36:04,360 --> 00:36:07,040 {\an2}Well, yes 1kg on Earth 810 00:36:07,080 --> 00:36:10,000 {\an2}is 9.8 Newtons of tension, we know this. "We know this." 811 00:36:10,040 --> 00:36:12,560 {\an2}And you had ten kilos. So it was, yeah, it was 98 Newtons 812 00:36:12,600 --> 00:36:14,920 {\an2}of tension, he created. Which is about the same as 813 00:36:14,960 --> 00:36:16,800 {\an2}a small monkey swinging on a tree. 814 00:36:18,760 --> 00:36:20,640 {\an2}How heavy is the monkey? 815 00:36:22,120 --> 00:36:23,640 {\an2}It said a small monkey. 816 00:36:23,680 --> 00:36:26,840 {\an2}How many pounds of tension did he create? 817 00:36:26,880 --> 00:36:29,840 {\an2}But te...tension's not measured in 818 00:36:29,880 --> 00:36:32,240 {\an2}stones or pounds. It's not measured in monkeys, mate. 819 00:36:32,280 --> 00:36:34,600 {\an2}It's measured in... LAUGHTER 820 00:36:34,640 --> 00:36:36,520 {\an1}APPLAUSE 821 00:36:39,920 --> 00:36:41,080 {\an2}Who's left? 822 00:36:41,120 --> 00:36:43,480 {\an2}Next up, time to vamp up the tension 823 00:36:43,520 --> 00:36:46,200 {\an2}with Nick Mohammed. Ooh. 824 00:36:57,560 --> 00:36:59,160 {\an2}How long, Alex? 825 00:36:59,200 --> 00:37:00,320 {\an2}Got one minute, Nick. 826 00:37:05,000 --> 00:37:10,400 {\an1}OPERATIC MUSIC BUILDS 827 00:37:19,120 --> 00:37:20,760 {\an7}APPLAUSE 828 00:37:23,960 --> 00:37:25,400 {\an8}That's what I intended. 829 00:37:25,440 --> 00:37:27,280 {\an8}Then that then goes over that. 830 00:37:27,320 --> 00:37:29,000 {\an8}We'll do that. And this little... 831 00:37:30,600 --> 00:37:31,600 {\an8}..little finish. 832 00:37:40,680 --> 00:37:42,480 {\an2}Thanks, Alex. See you later. 833 00:37:52,160 --> 00:37:54,680 {\an2}The old egg-misses-the-glass trick, eh? 834 00:37:54,720 --> 00:37:57,760 {\an2}That was genuinely stressful just rewatching that. 835 00:37:57,800 --> 00:37:59,160 {\an2}Yeah, there was tension there. 836 00:37:59,200 --> 00:38:02,120 {\an2}And I've gotta say, it's not looking bad for you on this one. Oh, great. 837 00:38:02,160 --> 00:38:05,240 {\an2}Yeah, and bear in mind who you're sitting next to. 838 00:38:08,160 --> 00:38:10,160 {\an2}Right, we're nearly at the end of the show, 839 00:38:10,200 --> 00:38:12,640 {\an2}when one of the comedians will scream with delight 840 00:38:12,680 --> 00:38:15,200 {\an2}as they head home with their very own trough, 841 00:38:15,240 --> 00:38:18,320 {\an2}but first, have some badverts. 842 00:38:27,920 --> 00:38:30,120 {\an2}Hello, welcome back to the final part of the show, 843 00:38:30,160 --> 00:38:32,160 {\an2}where things have been pretty damn tense. 844 00:38:32,200 --> 00:38:34,120 {\an2}Oh, you've been pretty, I've been tense 845 00:38:34,160 --> 00:38:37,440 {\an2}and that's because we've come to the end of our create-tension task, 846 00:38:37,480 --> 00:38:41,040 {\an2}and it ends with me versus Steve at hangman. 847 00:38:57,520 --> 00:38:58,720 {\an8}No vowels. 848 00:39:04,520 --> 00:39:05,600 {\an2}P. 849 00:39:07,400 --> 00:39:09,480 {\an1}BELL DINGS 850 00:39:13,280 --> 00:39:14,360 {\an2}T. 851 00:39:21,080 --> 00:39:22,680 {\an2}R. 852 00:39:22,720 --> 00:39:24,840 {\an1}BELL DINGS 853 00:39:28,320 --> 00:39:30,160 {\an2}L. 854 00:39:30,200 --> 00:39:32,360 {\an1}BELL DINGS 855 00:39:32,400 --> 00:39:34,880 {\an2}D. 856 00:39:34,920 --> 00:39:36,920 {\an2}H. BELL DINGS 857 00:39:36,960 --> 00:39:39,720 {\an2}M. BELL DINGS 858 00:39:39,760 --> 00:39:41,520 {\an2}S. 859 00:39:41,560 --> 00:39:42,680 {\an2}N. 860 00:39:50,560 --> 00:39:52,640 {\an2}P. BELL DINGS 861 00:39:52,680 --> 00:39:54,280 {\an2}C. 862 00:39:56,440 --> 00:39:57,640 {\an2}B. 863 00:39:59,680 --> 00:40:00,960 {\an2}H. 864 00:40:03,720 --> 00:40:04,720 {\an2}C? 865 00:40:06,160 --> 00:40:07,160 {\an2}G. 866 00:40:10,480 --> 00:40:12,920 {\an2}V. LAUGHTER 867 00:40:12,960 --> 00:40:14,960 {\an1}BELL DINGS 868 00:40:17,800 --> 00:40:18,800 {\an2}Nightclub. 869 00:40:36,920 --> 00:40:38,120 {\an2}It means assistant. 870 00:40:40,920 --> 00:40:43,800 {\an1}APPLAUSE 871 00:40:47,640 --> 00:40:49,400 {\an2}What an impressive production. 872 00:40:49,440 --> 00:40:51,520 {\an2}Hmm. Amazing. 873 00:40:51,560 --> 00:40:55,440 {\an2}The tension in that room between Alex and I, 874 00:40:55,480 --> 00:40:58,000 {\an2}and the no-vowels hangman rule, 875 00:40:58,040 --> 00:41:00,160 {\an2}that really upped it 50%. 876 00:41:00,200 --> 00:41:01,720 {\an2}It did. 877 00:41:01,760 --> 00:41:02,920 {\an2}It was electric. 878 00:41:04,320 --> 00:41:07,520 {\an2}If I were to pick perhaps a small criticism - 879 00:41:07,560 --> 00:41:09,720 {\an2}yoghurt, cheese and hot sauce sounds quite nice. 880 00:41:09,760 --> 00:41:11,760 {\an1}LAUGHTER 881 00:41:11,800 --> 00:41:13,440 {\an2}Right, Sophie's getting one point 882 00:41:13,480 --> 00:41:15,440 {\an2}then there's a gulf between Sophie 883 00:41:15,480 --> 00:41:16,480 {\an2}and the others. 884 00:41:16,520 --> 00:41:19,240 {\an2}So we jump up to three points. 885 00:41:19,280 --> 00:41:21,400 {\an2}Right. Who's getting three points? John is. 886 00:41:21,440 --> 00:41:24,720 {\an2}I felt tense with Nick and with Steve. 887 00:41:24,760 --> 00:41:27,520 {\an2}Steve, I felt deliberately tense. 888 00:41:27,560 --> 00:41:30,680 {\an2}And with Nick, I felt his gross incompetence was... 889 00:41:30,720 --> 00:41:33,080 {\an1}LAUGHTER ..as a magician, was going to result 890 00:41:33,120 --> 00:41:34,800 {\an2}in someone being hurt. 891 00:41:34,840 --> 00:41:37,360 {\an2}So I can draw a parallel there and say four points for both. 892 00:41:37,400 --> 00:41:40,120 {\an2}But we all know where the most tension was in the room. Yeah. 893 00:41:40,160 --> 00:41:43,080 {\an2}And it was a grown woman sniffing your beard. 894 00:41:44,400 --> 00:41:46,480 {\an2}So five points to Joanne, and that's the end of it. 895 00:41:50,520 --> 00:41:52,000 {\an2}Scoreboard, boy. 896 00:41:52,040 --> 00:41:53,720 {\an2}Right, OK. Well, unfortunately, Sophie, 897 00:41:53,760 --> 00:41:55,840 {\an2}that means you've only got six points, whereas John 898 00:41:55,880 --> 00:41:58,480 {\an2}and Joanne are in the lead with 17 points. Ooh. 899 00:41:58,520 --> 00:41:59,920 {\an2}AUDIENCE: Ooh! 900 00:41:59,960 --> 00:42:02,360 {\an1}APPLAUSE 901 00:42:02,400 --> 00:42:04,080 {\an2}All right, then. 902 00:42:04,120 --> 00:42:05,720 {\an2}Please can you vacate your chairs, 903 00:42:05,760 --> 00:42:08,240 {\an2}head to the stage for the final task of the show! 904 00:42:18,320 --> 00:42:19,640 {\an2}Who's going to read the task out? 905 00:42:19,680 --> 00:42:21,280 {\an2}Joanne McNally, my friend. 906 00:42:22,640 --> 00:42:24,080 {\an2}Don't look at me, Alex. LAUGHTER 907 00:42:24,120 --> 00:42:25,240 {\an2}Don't look at me. 908 00:42:25,280 --> 00:42:27,720 {\an2}Catch the most monsters in your boxes. 909 00:42:27,760 --> 00:42:30,440 {\an2}The monsters must propel themselves from the table. 910 00:42:30,480 --> 00:42:34,240 {\an2}Most monsters in boxes after two minutes wins. 911 00:42:34,280 --> 00:42:36,680 {\an2}And I should also say - if you catch one in your arm, 912 00:42:36,720 --> 00:42:38,280 {\an2}that's worth one monster. 913 00:42:38,320 --> 00:42:40,520 {\an2}In your hat, that's worth two monsters. 914 00:42:40,560 --> 00:42:42,920 {\an2}It's three on the leg, 915 00:42:42,960 --> 00:42:44,760 {\an2}four on the back bucket, 916 00:42:44,800 --> 00:42:46,440 {\an2}five on the shoulder. 917 00:42:46,480 --> 00:42:48,160 {\an2}Isn't the leg one a bit unfair? 918 00:42:48,200 --> 00:42:50,600 {\an2}Someone's got an advantage. HISSES 919 00:42:54,520 --> 00:42:56,720 {\an2}OK, so it's two minutes, Greg. 920 00:42:56,760 --> 00:42:59,320 {\an2}Let's dance. And they're off. 921 00:42:59,360 --> 00:43:00,960 {\an2}Whoa! 922 00:43:02,040 --> 00:43:04,360 {\an2}It's hard to even get the... Oh! 923 00:43:04,400 --> 00:43:06,680 {\an2}How'd you do it? They're not bouncing. 924 00:43:07,720 --> 00:43:08,720 {\an2}Oh! 925 00:43:11,440 --> 00:43:13,360 {\an2}AUDIENCE: Oh! 926 00:43:15,440 --> 00:43:16,840 {\an2}NOW I'm tense, Sophie. 927 00:43:29,880 --> 00:43:30,920 {\an2}Yes, yes! 928 00:43:30,960 --> 00:43:33,160 {\an1}CHEERING 929 00:43:34,280 --> 00:43:36,240 {\an2}Nick is pulling away here. 930 00:43:38,520 --> 00:43:39,520 {\an2}Ah! 931 00:43:39,560 --> 00:43:41,160 {\an2}24 seconds left now. 932 00:43:41,200 --> 00:43:42,280 {\an2}How are you over there? 933 00:43:42,320 --> 00:43:43,320 {\an2}Yes. 934 00:43:44,560 --> 00:43:46,800 {\an2}Oh, Steve, that was so close. 935 00:43:46,840 --> 00:43:48,320 {\an2}Tip the table, tip that table. 936 00:43:50,320 --> 00:43:51,560 {\an2}Oh. 937 00:43:51,600 --> 00:43:53,680 {\an2}WHISTLE BLOWS Stop. 938 00:43:53,720 --> 00:43:57,880 {\an2}APPLAUSE Oh! 939 00:43:57,920 --> 00:43:59,800 {\an2}Can I clarify one thing? It did say in the task 940 00:43:59,840 --> 00:44:02,160 {\an2}the monsters must propel themselves from the table. 941 00:44:02,200 --> 00:44:05,400 {\an2}Are we happy that the stage is a table for Sophie? 942 00:44:05,440 --> 00:44:07,240 {\an2}I mean, as an act of charity, I think... 943 00:44:07,280 --> 00:44:09,280 {\an1}LAUGHTER 944 00:44:09,320 --> 00:44:11,360 {\an2}OK, I'm going to quickly count the monsters. 945 00:44:11,400 --> 00:44:14,920 {\an2}We have one in the top - that's two monsters for Joanne. 946 00:44:14,960 --> 00:44:16,840 {\an2}Lovely. Not bad. 947 00:44:16,880 --> 00:44:17,920 {\an8}We have one in the top, 948 00:44:17,960 --> 00:44:19,520 {\an8}we also have two bucket monsters, 949 00:44:19,560 --> 00:44:22,160 {\an2}so that's a total of ten monsters. Ooh. Wow. 950 00:44:22,200 --> 00:44:23,440 {\an2}That's a lot of monsters. 951 00:44:24,480 --> 00:44:25,720 {\an2}You have two in the leg - 952 00:44:25,760 --> 00:44:26,960 {\an2}that's six monsters. 953 00:44:27,000 --> 00:44:30,640 {\an2}Right. Unfortunately, the arm is the lowest scoring. 954 00:44:30,680 --> 00:44:33,560 {\an2}There are six in there, which is also a total of six monsters. 955 00:44:37,080 --> 00:44:39,600 {\an2}There is one in the hat and there are two in the bucket, 956 00:44:39,640 --> 00:44:41,680 {\an2}so that's a total of ten monsters. 957 00:44:44,360 --> 00:44:46,120 {\an8}So why don't you all come down here 958 00:44:46,160 --> 00:44:48,240 {\an2}and we'll see what that's done to the final scores? 959 00:44:48,280 --> 00:44:50,320 {\an1}APPLAUSE 960 00:44:55,200 --> 00:44:57,120 {\an2}Greg, I need to show you a couple of things. 961 00:44:57,160 --> 00:44:58,840 {\an2}Oh, good - is it related to the show? 962 00:44:58,880 --> 00:45:01,040 {\an1}LAUGHTER 963 00:45:01,080 --> 00:45:03,800 {\an2}Unfortunately, yes. I need to, uh, get your judgment on 964 00:45:03,840 --> 00:45:06,160 {\an2}a couple of little bits I caught during the task. 965 00:45:06,200 --> 00:45:08,680 {\an1}AUDIENCE OOHS 966 00:45:08,720 --> 00:45:10,280 {\an2}Some impropriety? 967 00:45:10,320 --> 00:45:12,360 {\an1}LAUGHTER 968 00:45:12,400 --> 00:45:15,880 {\an2}You need them - otherwise, you can't see. Oh, yeah. 969 00:45:15,920 --> 00:45:19,040 {\an2}OK, have a look up here. The first thing I was saw this. 970 00:45:21,200 --> 00:45:23,640 {\an2}ALL: Ooh! 971 00:45:23,680 --> 00:45:25,080 {\an2}Outrageous. 972 00:45:25,120 --> 00:45:27,840 {\an2}Yeah, so do you want to dock him one monster or more? 973 00:45:27,880 --> 00:45:30,160 {\an2}Oh, I mean he's disqualified from the whole... 974 00:45:30,200 --> 00:45:33,000 {\an2}GASPS I'm joking. I'm joking. 975 00:45:33,040 --> 00:45:35,560 {\an2}Yeah, just dock him one point, yeah. One monster's gone. 976 00:45:35,600 --> 00:45:38,080 {\an2}And then it's whether or not Steve's final hat monster 977 00:45:38,120 --> 00:45:39,640 {\an2}was before or after the whistle. 978 00:45:41,480 --> 00:45:43,560 {\an2}WHISTLE BLOWS Stop. 979 00:45:45,560 --> 00:45:48,040 {\an2}Well, it was about three years after the whistle. 980 00:45:49,240 --> 00:45:52,560 {\an2}So there's not a lot of tension in that decision, is there? 981 00:45:52,600 --> 00:45:53,720 {\an2}So that means Joanne, uh, 982 00:45:53,760 --> 00:45:56,240 {\an2}is last with the two monsters, then it's Nick with five, 983 00:45:56,280 --> 00:45:58,320 {\an2}Sophie with six, Steve with eight 984 00:45:58,360 --> 00:46:01,120 {\an2}and John takes all five points with the ten monsters. 985 00:46:01,160 --> 00:46:02,560 {\an2}There it is. 986 00:46:05,280 --> 00:46:07,480 {\an2}Exciting what that's done to the final scoreboard. 987 00:46:07,520 --> 00:46:09,480 {\an2}Because so far only Steve has won, of course. 988 00:46:09,520 --> 00:46:13,080 {\an2}Correct. In this episode, Joanne was pipped to the post. 989 00:46:13,120 --> 00:46:15,320 {\an2}She got 18 points and John got 22 points. 990 00:46:17,640 --> 00:46:20,480 {\an2}John Robins is the winner of episode three! 991 00:46:20,520 --> 00:46:23,080 {\an2}Go and gather your alternative animal accessories. 992 00:46:23,120 --> 00:46:25,680 {\an1}APPLAUSE 993 00:46:27,320 --> 00:46:29,880 {\an2}So what have we learnt from today's show? 994 00:46:29,920 --> 00:46:31,480 {\an2}Well, we've learnt that everyone 995 00:46:31,520 --> 00:46:33,960 {\an2}finds themselves in tense situations. 996 00:46:34,000 --> 00:46:36,840 {\an2}A difficult negotiation, perhaps, a feud with a neighbour, 997 00:46:36,880 --> 00:46:38,600 {\an2}an argument with a partner. 998 00:46:38,640 --> 00:46:42,800 {\an2}But remember, there's always a way to defuse that awful tension. 999 00:46:42,840 --> 00:46:44,040 {\an2}And this is it. 1000 00:46:45,000 --> 00:46:47,360 {\an1}HISSES 1001 00:46:50,800 --> 00:46:53,360 {\an2}But there's only one real winner tonight, ladies and gentlemen - 1002 00:46:53,400 --> 00:46:55,280 {\an2}that is John Robins! 1003 00:47:17,720 --> 00:47:21,480 {\an2}Subtitles by Red Bee Media