1
00:00:03,840 --> 00:00:04,920
{\an2}Well, well, well.
2
00:00:04,960 --> 00:00:06,280
{\an2}Ooh! Oh, no, no.
3
00:00:07,560 --> 00:00:08,640
{\an2}Yes! Ah!
4
00:00:08,680 --> 00:00:09,800
{\an1}SHE HISSES, BELL RINGS
5
00:00:11,480 --> 00:00:12,640
{\an2}Ah!
6
00:00:12,680 --> 00:00:14,280
{\an2}Um...
7
00:00:14,320 --> 00:00:15,800
{\an2}Quite windy today. Yeah.
8
00:00:15,840 --> 00:00:16,840
{\an2}Christ!
9
00:00:16,880 --> 00:00:17,960
{\an2}Ooh! Wrong way.
10
00:00:19,120 --> 00:00:20,280
{\an2}That's how you do it, baby.
11
00:00:20,320 --> 00:00:21,560
{\an2}OK.
12
00:00:21,600 --> 00:00:23,480
{\an2}Oh, my God!
13
00:00:23,520 --> 00:00:25,120
{\an2}Ah! Ah! Ah! Ooh!
14
00:00:25,160 --> 00:00:26,480
{\an1}SHE BABBLES
15
00:00:26,520 --> 00:00:28,160
{\an1}CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
16
00:00:35,840 --> 00:00:38,760
{\an2}Hello! Hello!
17
00:00:38,800 --> 00:00:41,520
{\an2}Welcome! Welcome!
18
00:00:41,560 --> 00:00:42,680
{\an2}I'm Greg Davies.
19
00:00:42,720 --> 00:00:46,000
{\an2}Welcome to a brand-new series
of Taskmaster.
20
00:00:46,040 --> 00:00:47,520
{\an1}CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
21
00:00:49,600 --> 00:00:52,760
{\an2}It's great to be back,
and since we were last on air,
22
00:00:52,800 --> 00:00:54,880
{\an2}I've met so many of you
on my travels.
23
00:00:54,920 --> 00:00:57,200
{\an2}And just to start
the new series as I mean to go,
24
00:00:57,240 --> 00:01:00,920
{\an2}can I just say, genuinely,
if you're one of the many people
that came up to me on the street
25
00:01:00,960 --> 00:01:03,720
{\an2}over the last couple of months
and had a photograph with me
on your phone,
26
00:01:03,760 --> 00:01:05,240
{\an2}I want you to know this -
27
00:01:05,280 --> 00:01:09,040
{\an2}despite my smiles and what I said,
I did resent being asked...
28
00:01:09,080 --> 00:01:10,320
{\an1}LAUGHTER
29
00:01:10,360 --> 00:01:12,040
{\an2}..and you did ruin my night.
30
00:01:12,080 --> 00:01:13,360
{\an1}LAUGHTER
31
00:01:13,400 --> 00:01:15,760
{\an2}Stop it!
LAUGHTER
32
00:01:15,800 --> 00:01:19,120
{\an2}Let's crack on and see what
the new five look like,
33
00:01:19,160 --> 00:01:23,600
{\an2}huddled together on their chairs,
their eyes on this prize -
34
00:01:23,640 --> 00:01:28,080
{\an2}a trophy of a man
who doesn't have a beard or glasses.
35
00:01:28,120 --> 00:01:30,320
{\an2}It's not me!
LAUGHTER
36
00:01:30,360 --> 00:01:33,480
{\an2}Please welcome Joanne McNally...
37
00:01:33,520 --> 00:01:35,240
{\an1}CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
38
00:01:35,280 --> 00:01:38,280
{\an2}..John Robins...
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
39
00:01:38,320 --> 00:01:41,080
{\an2}..Nick Mohammed...
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
40
00:01:41,120 --> 00:01:43,920
{\an2}..Sophie Willan...
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
41
00:01:43,960 --> 00:01:45,880
{\an2}..and Steve Pemberton!
42
00:01:45,920 --> 00:01:47,760
{\an1}CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
43
00:01:47,800 --> 00:01:51,320
{\an2}And sitting next to me
is the Harry to my Meghan Markle.
44
00:01:51,360 --> 00:01:52,760
{\an1}LAUGHTER
45
00:01:52,800 --> 00:01:56,240
{\an2}A little ginger who's started
to realise that he's paired up
46
00:01:56,280 --> 00:01:58,320
{\an2}with one sassy queen.
47
00:01:58,360 --> 00:01:59,720
{\an1}LAUGHTER
48
00:01:59,760 --> 00:02:01,800
{\an2}IN HIGH-PITCHED VOICE:
It's little Alex Horne!
49
00:02:01,840 --> 00:02:03,000
{\an1}CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
50
00:02:03,040 --> 00:02:05,640
{\an2}Yeah. Hello!
51
00:02:06,960 --> 00:02:08,880
{\an2}All right? Hello, Greg.
How are you doing?
52
00:02:08,920 --> 00:02:11,200
{\an2}Dangerous, as always.Good.
LAUGHTER
53
00:02:11,240 --> 00:02:12,760
{\an2}Just a bad boy.
54
00:02:12,800 --> 00:02:14,040
{\an1}LAUGHTER
55
00:02:14,080 --> 00:02:15,160
{\an2}I'll do anything.
56
00:02:15,200 --> 00:02:18,600
{\an2}Honestly, I'd do absolutely
anything. I don't care. Yeah?
57
00:02:18,640 --> 00:02:20,160
{\an2}See this, right? Here we go.
58
00:02:20,200 --> 00:02:21,480
{\an2}Can of worms.
59
00:02:21,520 --> 00:02:23,160
{\an1}LAUGHTER
60
00:02:23,200 --> 00:02:24,320
{\an2}I'll... I'll open that.
61
00:02:24,360 --> 00:02:26,120
{\an1}LAUGHTER
62
00:02:26,160 --> 00:02:27,560
{\an2}Go on, open it.
63
00:02:30,080 --> 00:02:32,520
{\an2}Oh, it is actually worms.
Yes, it's worms, yeah.
64
00:02:32,560 --> 00:02:34,120
{\an1}LAUGHTER
65
00:02:34,160 --> 00:02:36,280
{\an2}I'll tell you now without
looking at him,
66
00:02:36,320 --> 00:02:38,120
{\an2}that's the end of what he's prepared.
67
00:02:38,160 --> 00:02:40,560
{\an2}LAUGHTER
Are you saying I...
there should be more stuff now?
68
00:02:40,600 --> 00:02:42,760
{\an2}Well, there should be some
sort of punchline, yeah.
69
00:02:42,800 --> 00:02:44,440
{\an2}So, this bit now is the punchline.
70
00:02:44,480 --> 00:02:45,800
{\an1}LAUGHTER
71
00:02:45,840 --> 00:02:48,560
{\an2}But everyone was in a great mood
and really looking forward to it,
72
00:02:48,600 --> 00:02:50,880
{\an2}and now look at this.
That's what happens when you open...
73
00:02:50,920 --> 00:02:53,840
{\an2}Because there's a room full...
LAUGHTER
74
00:02:53,880 --> 00:02:56,320
{\an1}CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
75
00:02:56,360 --> 00:02:57,920
{\an2}OK. All right.
76
00:02:57,960 --> 00:02:59,960
{\an2}I mean, you got
a round of applause out of it.
77
00:03:00,000 --> 00:03:01,440
{\an1}LAUGHTER
78
00:03:01,480 --> 00:03:04,000
{\an2}In quite manipulative fashion,
I think.
79
00:03:04,040 --> 00:03:05,160
{\an1}LAUGHTER
80
00:03:05,200 --> 00:03:07,800
{\an2}Let's get the first of our prize
tasks underway then, shall we?
81
00:03:07,840 --> 00:03:09,080
{\an2}Underway right away,
82
00:03:09,120 --> 00:03:10,560
{\an2}and for this episode
you've asked them
83
00:03:10,600 --> 00:03:12,080
{\an2}to bring in something
pretty important.
84
00:03:12,120 --> 00:03:13,120
{\an2}It's this -
85
00:03:13,160 --> 00:03:15,720
{\an2}the most glorious thing that sounds
a bit like "Greg Davies"
86
00:03:15,760 --> 00:03:16,920
{\an2}if you mumble it.
87
00:03:16,960 --> 00:03:18,440
{\an1}LAUGHTER
88
00:03:18,480 --> 00:03:20,840
{\an2}The most glorious thing
will get five points,
89
00:03:20,880 --> 00:03:22,320
{\an2}and the winner
of this first episode
90
00:03:22,360 --> 00:03:24,120
{\an2}will take home five things
which all sound
91
00:03:24,160 --> 00:03:25,640
{\an2}a bit like "Greg Davies" if mumbled.
92
00:03:25,680 --> 00:03:27,520
{\an2}Over to you... Yeah.
MUMBLES: ..Greg Davies.
93
00:03:27,560 --> 00:03:28,960
{\an2}Right, Joanne. Yeah.
94
00:03:29,000 --> 00:03:30,280
{\an2}What have you brought in?
95
00:03:30,320 --> 00:03:32,640
{\an2}I brought in a jug.
LAUGHTER
96
00:03:34,160 --> 00:03:36,760
{\an2}That sounds like "Greg Davies"
when mumbled?
97
00:03:36,800 --> 00:03:39,040
{\an2}Yeah. Glug...glug gre...
98
00:03:39,080 --> 00:03:40,960
{\an2}SHE BABBLES
Glug gravies.
99
00:03:41,000 --> 00:03:42,160
{\an1}LAUGHTER
100
00:03:42,200 --> 00:03:44,880
{\an2}A jug of gravy.
Yes! Thank you, Steve.
101
00:03:44,920 --> 00:03:48,160
{\an2}She has brought in a Glug Jug
of gravy. Yeah, Glug Jug.
It looks like this.
102
00:03:48,200 --> 00:03:50,040
{\an2}It's called a Glug...?
There you go, look.
103
00:03:50,080 --> 00:03:52,120
{\an2}Oh. That's called a Glug...
That's full of gravy.
104
00:03:52,160 --> 00:03:53,840
{\an2}What do you mean
it's called a Glug Jug?
105
00:03:53,880 --> 00:03:55,720
{\an2}When you pour it out,
it makes a glug sound.
106
00:03:55,760 --> 00:03:58,320
{\an2}That's it. It makes a glug sound.
It has glug acoustics.
107
00:03:58,360 --> 00:04:00,720
{\an2}It goes glug, glug, glug, glug,
glug, glug, glug, Greg Davies.
108
00:04:00,760 --> 00:04:03,600
{\an2}Yes, I know.
LAUGHTER
109
00:04:03,640 --> 00:04:04,960
{\an2}So, what rhymes with "Davies"?
110
00:04:05,000 --> 00:04:06,080
{\an2}"Gravies". Thank you.
111
00:04:06,120 --> 00:04:08,600
{\an2}I think we've established
everything I need to establish
112
00:04:08,640 --> 00:04:09,920
{\an2}before I give you one point.
113
00:04:09,960 --> 00:04:11,360
{\an1}LAUGHTER
114
00:04:11,400 --> 00:04:12,880
{\an2}John, what have you brought in?
115
00:04:12,920 --> 00:04:14,960
{\an2}I brought in...
MUMBLES: ..Grieg diaries.
116
00:04:15,000 --> 00:04:16,880
{\an1}LAUGHTER
117
00:04:16,920 --> 00:04:18,560
{\an2}It sounded like
he said "Greg Davies".
118
00:04:18,600 --> 00:04:20,200
{\an2}You've actually brought me in, John?
119
00:04:20,240 --> 00:04:22,200
{\an2}I've brought in Grieg's diaries.
120
00:04:22,240 --> 00:04:23,520
{\an1}LAUGHTER
121
00:04:23,560 --> 00:04:27,080
{\an2}The diaries of Edvard Grieg,
the Norwegian composer. Here they...
Yeah. Here they are.
122
00:04:27,120 --> 00:04:28,760
{\an1}LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE
123
00:04:32,000 --> 00:04:34,440
{\an2}Wow, that's good, isn't it?
Is it a glorious thing, though?
124
00:04:34,480 --> 00:04:36,160
{\an2}It is meant to be
the most glorious thing.
125
00:04:36,200 --> 00:04:38,840
{\an2}Have you heard his concertos?!
LAUGHTER
126
00:04:38,880 --> 00:04:40,560
{\an2}I'm just saying,
I had to read the book,
127
00:04:40,600 --> 00:04:43,320
{\an2}and it's mainly about
his desperate unhappiness at school.
128
00:04:43,360 --> 00:04:44,480
{\an2}LAUGHTER
His...
129
00:04:44,520 --> 00:04:46,640
{\an2}His glorious unhappiness at school.
130
00:04:46,680 --> 00:04:47,880
{\an1}LAUGHTER
131
00:04:47,920 --> 00:04:49,720
{\an2}I like Grieg's diaries.
132
00:04:49,760 --> 00:04:51,240
{\an1}LAUGHTER
133
00:04:52,920 --> 00:04:53,960
{\an2}Nick.
134
00:04:54,000 --> 00:04:55,000
{\an2}Hi, Greg.
135
00:04:55,040 --> 00:04:57,160
{\an2}We are contrasting
physical characters.
136
00:04:57,200 --> 00:04:59,680
{\an2}We are. In what regard?
137
00:04:59,720 --> 00:05:01,760
{\an1}LAUGHTER
138
00:05:03,280 --> 00:05:05,200
{\an1}APPLAUSE
139
00:05:05,240 --> 00:05:08,640
{\an2}I'll leave it as a mystery.
LAUGHTER
140
00:05:08,680 --> 00:05:09,840
{\an2}What have you brought in?
141
00:05:09,880 --> 00:05:11,720
{\an2}I went for...
HE MUMBLES INDISTINCTLY
142
00:05:11,760 --> 00:05:13,160
{\an1}LAUGHTER
143
00:05:13,200 --> 00:05:15,440
{\an2}Can you say it again?
MUMBLES: Eggs Benedict.
144
00:05:15,480 --> 00:05:18,040
{\an2}Are you saying "eggs Benedict"?
I am.
145
00:05:18,080 --> 00:05:19,440
{\an1}LAUGHTER
146
00:05:19,480 --> 00:05:22,000
{\an2}Who would've thought Joanne
would be back in the game?
147
00:05:22,040 --> 00:05:23,320
{\an1}LAUGHTER
148
00:05:23,360 --> 00:05:25,040
{\an2}Whoo!
CHEERING
149
00:05:25,080 --> 00:05:27,680
{\an2}Yeah, here's the eggs Benedict.
LAUGHTER
150
00:05:27,720 --> 00:05:31,600
{\an2}It's difficult to mumble
"Benedict" into "Davies", for sure.
151
00:05:31,640 --> 00:05:34,760
{\an2}Not if you breathe out.
If you breath out...
HE EXHALES AND MUMBLES: Benedict.
152
00:05:34,800 --> 00:05:37,240
{\an2}Let me give it a go. Yeah.
HE EXHALES AND MUMBLES: Benedict.
153
00:05:37,280 --> 00:05:39,160
{\an1}LAUGHTER
154
00:05:39,200 --> 00:05:40,360
{\an2}Sophie?
155
00:05:40,400 --> 00:05:43,720
{\an2}I've met your aunt and uncle.
LAUGHTER
156
00:05:43,760 --> 00:05:44,960
{\an2}Pam and Willy.
157
00:05:45,000 --> 00:05:47,760
{\an2}She was Miss Wem in 1962.
158
00:05:47,800 --> 00:05:51,560
{\an2}And she was saying,
"Oh, he's on telly, he's my nephew."
159
00:05:51,600 --> 00:05:55,400
{\an2}Yeah. "He's tall."
It took us ages, but we got there.
160
00:05:55,440 --> 00:05:56,760
{\an1}LAUGHTER
161
00:05:56,800 --> 00:05:59,520
{\an2}Do you know what's genuinely
fascinating about this? Yeah?
162
00:05:59,560 --> 00:06:01,800
{\an2}Is I know very well
who my aunties and uncles are,
163
00:06:01,840 --> 00:06:03,440
{\an2}and they are not Pam and Willy.
LAUGHTER
164
00:06:03,480 --> 00:06:05,400
{\an2}You're joking!
165
00:06:06,680 --> 00:06:08,160
{\an2}I can't believe that.
166
00:06:08,200 --> 00:06:10,200
{\an2}They've been telling a lot of fibs.
Yeah, yeah.
167
00:06:10,240 --> 00:06:12,520
{\an2}They're lying, all right.
Uh, what have you brought in?
168
00:06:12,560 --> 00:06:15,640
{\an2}Egg babies.
LAUGHTER
169
00:06:15,680 --> 00:06:18,000
{\an2}"Greg Davies".
Will you mumble it for me?
170
00:06:18,040 --> 00:06:20,040
{\an2}MUMBLES:Egg babies.
LAUGHTER
171
00:06:20,080 --> 00:06:21,320
{\an2}Yes!
172
00:06:21,360 --> 00:06:23,080
{\an2}Egg babies. AUDIENCE: Aw!
173
00:06:23,120 --> 00:06:26,520
{\an2}Ah, that's good.
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
174
00:06:26,560 --> 00:06:29,440
{\an2}Man, that is good. Thank you.
175
00:06:29,480 --> 00:06:30,480
{\an2}Egg babies do exist.
176
00:06:30,520 --> 00:06:33,000
{\an2}People train to be a parent
by holding an egg baby... Yeah.
177
00:06:33,040 --> 00:06:34,880
{\an2}..for up to two months.
Who are these people?
178
00:06:34,920 --> 00:06:36,480
{\an2}Well, me and my wife. Right.
179
00:06:36,520 --> 00:06:37,600
{\an1}LAUGHTER
180
00:06:37,640 --> 00:06:39,320
{\an2}That's very good, Sophie.
181
00:06:39,360 --> 00:06:40,960
{\an2}Thank you. I'm quite proud of them.
182
00:06:41,000 --> 00:06:43,480
{\an2}Steve, what have you brought in
that rhymes with Greg Davies?
183
00:06:43,520 --> 00:06:46,200
{\an2}So, I was mumbling your name
and I came up with, uh...
184
00:06:46,240 --> 00:06:47,480
{\an1}HE MUMBLES INDISTINCTLY
185
00:06:48,800 --> 00:06:50,040
{\an2}What was that?
186
00:06:50,080 --> 00:06:51,600
{\an2}MUMBLES: Peg Mavis. Meg Mavis?
187
00:06:51,640 --> 00:06:53,200
{\an2}MUMBLES: Peg... Peg Mavis.
188
00:06:53,240 --> 00:06:54,320
{\an2}Peg Mavis.
189
00:06:54,360 --> 00:06:56,800
{\an2}It's Mavis from Coronation Street
as a peg doll.
190
00:06:56,840 --> 00:06:57,920
{\an2}Oh, God.
LAUGHTER
191
00:06:57,960 --> 00:06:59,240
{\an2}And here she comes.
192
00:06:59,280 --> 00:07:02,480
{\an1}LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE
193
00:07:02,520 --> 00:07:04,800
{\an2}This is tough.
Yeah, yeah. It's not bad.
194
00:07:04,840 --> 00:07:07,680
{\an2}Reece Shearsmith did the picture.
Did he? Yeah.
195
00:07:07,720 --> 00:07:10,760
{\an2}Mavis Riley, Mavis Wilton, uh,
played by Thelma Barlow.
196
00:07:10,800 --> 00:07:14,840
{\an2}So, I actually sent Peg Mavis
to Thelma Barlow
197
00:07:14,880 --> 00:07:18,320
{\an2}to see if I could get
her endorsement of Peg Mavis,
198
00:07:18,360 --> 00:07:20,800
{\an2}and she sent me
a lovely signed card.
199
00:07:20,840 --> 00:07:23,320
{\an8}There she is. OTHERS: Aw!
That's Thelma.
200
00:07:23,360 --> 00:07:24,840
{\an8}"To Steve, good luck, from Thelma."
201
00:07:24,880 --> 00:07:27,600
{\an2}After I got Peg Mavis back
from Thelma Barlow,
202
00:07:27,640 --> 00:07:31,520
{\an2}I sent Peg Mavis
to the actual Coronation Street.
203
00:07:31,560 --> 00:07:34,680
{\an8}And I think it was
a very windy day, as you can see.
204
00:07:34,720 --> 00:07:37,160
{\an8}If anything,
it's a bit too bum-licky, innit,
205
00:07:37,200 --> 00:07:38,800
{\an8}the whole thing?It is a bit.
LAUGHTER
206
00:07:38,840 --> 00:07:40,520
{\an2}He's gone a bit over the top,
if anything.
207
00:07:40,560 --> 00:07:41,760
{\an2}Right, you've seen all five.
208
00:07:41,800 --> 00:07:44,160
{\an2}I mean, it's not hard
to give Joanne one point, obviously.
209
00:07:44,200 --> 00:07:45,240
{\an1}LAUGHTER
210
00:07:45,280 --> 00:07:47,720
{\an2}Nick, two points, and you can
thank me for them. What?!
211
00:07:47,760 --> 00:07:49,440
{\an2}I will. Thank you.
212
00:07:49,480 --> 00:07:51,160
{\an2}I'm going to give egg babies
three points.
213
00:07:51,200 --> 00:07:52,440
{\an2}Fabulous, thank you.
214
00:07:52,480 --> 00:07:54,240
{\an2}I think I have to reward Steve,
215
00:07:54,280 --> 00:07:56,120
{\an2}because it's the beginning
of a new series
216
00:07:56,160 --> 00:07:58,760
{\an2}and I'm trying to be more upbeat
about life...
LAUGHTER
217
00:07:58,800 --> 00:08:00,760
{\an2}..for all of his efforts,
but I want you to know
218
00:08:00,800 --> 00:08:02,680
{\an2}that "Grieg diaries" is
a very close second.
219
00:08:02,720 --> 00:08:04,960
{\an2}Thank you. There we go.
Five points to Steve Pemberton.
220
00:08:05,000 --> 00:08:08,200
{\an2}CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
Well done. Well done. Well done.
221
00:08:08,240 --> 00:08:10,360
{\an2}Right, we're off. Let's task.
222
00:08:10,400 --> 00:08:12,760
{\an2}And we begin with a task
involving my two middle names -
223
00:08:12,800 --> 00:08:15,520
{\an2}Danger and Eggs.
LAUGHTER
224
00:08:33,440 --> 00:08:34,920
{\an2}Hey, Alex.
LAUGHTER
225
00:08:34,960 --> 00:08:36,040
{\an2}Hi, Nick.
226
00:08:36,080 --> 00:08:37,680
{\an2}Ooh, an egg.
227
00:08:37,720 --> 00:08:39,440
{\an2}Welcome, Sophie.
228
00:08:39,480 --> 00:08:40,760
{\an2}Hello. Ooh!
229
00:08:44,160 --> 00:08:45,240
{\an1}LAUGHTER
230
00:08:46,640 --> 00:08:47,800
{\an2}Egg, is it?
231
00:08:47,840 --> 00:08:49,360
{\an1}LAUGHTER
232
00:08:50,600 --> 00:08:51,960
{\an2}Hello, my G.
233
00:08:52,000 --> 00:08:54,000
{\an2}Hello, Steve.
LAUGHTER
234
00:08:54,040 --> 00:08:56,280
{\an8}Hmm. He's cute.
235
00:08:56,320 --> 00:08:58,040
{\an8}Who do you think it looks like?
236
00:08:58,080 --> 00:09:00,200
{\an8}Mr Blobby.
LAUGHTER
237
00:09:00,240 --> 00:09:02,280
{\an2}Best physical comedian
of our generation.
238
00:09:02,320 --> 00:09:04,400
{\an2}Uh, we should CRACK on.
239
00:09:04,440 --> 00:09:05,920
{\an2}AUDIENCE GROANS
Lovely.Yeah?
240
00:09:05,960 --> 00:09:09,000
{\an2}"Do the riskiest thing
involving this egg..."
241
00:09:09,040 --> 00:09:10,880
{\an2}"..without breaking this egg."
242
00:09:10,920 --> 00:09:12,080
{\an2}Love that.
243
00:09:12,120 --> 00:09:15,280
{\an2}"The egg in the greatest danger
that doesn't break wins"!
244
00:09:15,320 --> 00:09:19,480
{\an2}"You have 20 minutes.
Your time starts now."
245
00:09:19,520 --> 00:09:21,880
{\an2}Can you swallow an egg whole?
246
00:09:21,920 --> 00:09:24,360
{\an2}And get it out again?
And get it out again?
247
00:09:24,400 --> 00:09:26,280
{\an2}Not sure that's going to happen
in 20 minutes.
248
00:09:26,320 --> 00:09:27,360
{\an1}LAUGHTER
249
00:09:27,400 --> 00:09:28,480
{\an2}20 minutes.
250
00:09:28,520 --> 00:09:32,000
{\an2}So, I'm going to take a minute
to think before I plough in,
251
00:09:32,040 --> 00:09:34,440
{\an2}cos that's always good, in't it?
252
00:09:34,480 --> 00:09:35,800
{\an2}When you say... Oh, hang on.
253
00:09:35,840 --> 00:09:38,360
{\an2}When you say "crack",
do you mean the shell,
254
00:09:38,400 --> 00:09:41,200
{\an2}or do you mean the egg comes out?
255
00:09:42,240 --> 00:09:43,400
{\an1}LAUGHTER
256
00:09:43,440 --> 00:09:44,920
{\an2}So, this spoke to me.
257
00:09:44,960 --> 00:09:47,240
{\an2}There's a little thing...
number nine on there.
258
00:09:47,280 --> 00:09:50,200
{\an2}Now, I do a show called
Inside No. 9. Oh, yeah.
259
00:09:50,240 --> 00:09:52,440
{\an2}If I put the egg in there,
260
00:09:52,480 --> 00:09:54,880
{\an2}we'll take this egg
on a hell of a ride.
261
00:09:54,920 --> 00:09:56,640
{\an2}Ah, I'm so disgusting,
262
00:09:56,680 --> 00:09:59,280
{\an2}but I'm not going to do what
I immediately thought of doing.
263
00:09:59,320 --> 00:10:01,440
{\an1}LAUGHTER, CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
264
00:10:02,840 --> 00:10:05,320
{\an2}Both of your instincts -
yours and John's -
265
00:10:05,360 --> 00:10:09,480
{\an2}was to eat the egg and then,
uh, defecate it out.
266
00:10:09,520 --> 00:10:12,560
{\an2}No, mine was...
Mine wasn't... Sorry!
267
00:10:12,600 --> 00:10:13,680
{\an1}LAUGHTER
268
00:10:13,720 --> 00:10:16,280
{\an2}Excuse me! What sort of animal
do you think I am?
269
00:10:16,320 --> 00:10:17,520
{\an2}I wasn't going to defecate.
270
00:10:17,560 --> 00:10:20,720
{\an2}I was going to add it to
the rest of my eggs for safety...
271
00:10:20,760 --> 00:10:21,960
{\an2}..in there!
272
00:10:22,000 --> 00:10:23,960
{\an1}LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE
273
00:10:25,320 --> 00:10:27,240
{\an2}I-I was planning
to defecate the egg.
274
00:10:27,280 --> 00:10:29,160
{\an2}LAUGHTER
Let's have a look.
275
00:10:29,200 --> 00:10:35,040
{\an2}OK, well, our first two risk-takers
are Nick Mohammed and Jo McNally.
276
00:10:35,080 --> 00:10:39,120
{\an2}Do we have, um, puffer wrap?
Bubble wrap?
277
00:10:39,160 --> 00:10:40,440
{\an2}Yes.
278
00:10:40,480 --> 00:10:42,280
{\an2}Is it hard-boiled?
279
00:10:42,320 --> 00:10:43,320
{\an2}I don't know.
280
00:10:43,360 --> 00:10:45,240
{\an2}Then let's go and boil it.
I've got 20 minutes.
281
00:10:45,280 --> 00:10:46,440
{\an2}Round one.
282
00:10:49,840 --> 00:10:51,280
{\an2}See how that egg's doing.
283
00:10:52,560 --> 00:10:55,120
{\an2}OK. Let's take it outside.
284
00:10:58,840 --> 00:11:02,240
{\an2}I'm going to try and throw bricks
and get as close as I can.
285
00:11:02,280 --> 00:11:04,000
{\an8}LAUGHTER
That's a bit risky.
286
00:11:04,040 --> 00:11:05,520
{\an8}I mean,
it sounds really risky, right?
287
00:11:05,560 --> 00:11:07,160
{\an2}You ready?
288
00:11:07,200 --> 00:11:08,560
{\an2}Yes, I'm ready.
289
00:11:10,000 --> 00:11:11,120
{\an2}LAUGHTER
Ooh.
290
00:11:11,160 --> 00:11:12,240
{\an2}Felt risky.
291
00:11:17,000 --> 00:11:18,240
{\an2}That was quite close.
292
00:11:18,280 --> 00:11:19,320
{\an2}Yeah.
293
00:11:19,360 --> 00:11:20,720
{\an2}You ready? Uh-huh.
294
00:11:28,920 --> 00:11:30,560
{\an1}AUDIENCE EXCLAIMS
295
00:11:32,040 --> 00:11:33,240
{\an1}AUDIENCE EXCLAIMS
296
00:11:34,760 --> 00:11:35,920
{\an2}Ooh!
297
00:11:35,960 --> 00:11:38,360
{\an2}It jumped over it. That's risky.
298
00:11:38,400 --> 00:11:39,560
{\an2}That's really risky.
299
00:11:41,880 --> 00:11:43,040
{\an2}This is fun, isn't it?
300
00:11:43,080 --> 00:11:44,360
{\an2}It is quite fun. Oh!
301
00:11:44,400 --> 00:11:45,720
{\an8}Go on.
302
00:11:45,760 --> 00:11:47,200
{\an7}AUDIENCE EXCLAIMS
303
00:11:51,360 --> 00:11:52,800
{\an1}LAUGHTER
304
00:11:55,200 --> 00:11:56,280
{\an2}Right.
305
00:11:56,320 --> 00:11:57,600
{\an1}LAUGHTER
306
00:11:57,640 --> 00:11:59,800
{\an2}Are you finished? Yeah, I think so.
307
00:12:03,240 --> 00:12:04,960
{\an7}AUDIENCE LAUGHS
308
00:12:05,000 --> 00:12:06,280
{\an7}AUDIENCE EXCLAIMS
309
00:12:07,880 --> 00:12:10,040
{\an7}AUDIENCE EXCLAIMS AND LAUGHS
310
00:12:11,240 --> 00:12:12,640
{\an2}I'd say it's cracked.
311
00:12:12,680 --> 00:12:13,800
{\an1}LAUGHTER
312
00:12:13,840 --> 00:12:15,160
{\an2}Oh, I'm sorry.
313
00:12:17,840 --> 00:12:19,800
{\an1}LAUGHTER
314
00:12:19,840 --> 00:12:20,960
{\an2}Thank you!
315
00:12:21,000 --> 00:12:22,320
{\an2}Thank you, Nick.
316
00:12:28,560 --> 00:12:30,320
{\an1}LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE
317
00:12:32,920 --> 00:12:35,000
{\an2}Did you think at the time
that hard-boiling the egg
318
00:12:35,040 --> 00:12:36,280
{\an2}would protect it from a brick?
319
00:12:36,320 --> 00:12:38,480
{\an2}I thought hard-boiling the egg
would make it firmer.
320
00:12:38,520 --> 00:12:41,920
{\an2}Yeah, but, I mean, I did feel
an element of risk there. Yeah.
It was surprisingly exciting.
321
00:12:41,960 --> 00:12:44,000
{\an2}It looked quite sad
at the end, didn't it? Yeah.
322
00:12:44,040 --> 00:12:46,160
{\an2}Yeah, well, you murdered it.
LAUGHTER
323
00:12:46,200 --> 00:12:47,760
{\an2}Um, Joanne, probably the bricks
324
00:12:47,800 --> 00:12:49,520
{\an2}would've bounced
off that bubble wrap.
325
00:12:49,560 --> 00:12:51,320
{\an2}But no-one gasped at my task.
326
00:12:51,360 --> 00:12:53,840
{\an2}They were gasping at Nick's,
which means it's more risky.
327
00:12:53,880 --> 00:12:55,880
{\an2}Well, that's the second comment
I'm coming on to,
328
00:12:55,920 --> 00:12:57,720
{\an2}which is you then did
the least risky thing
329
00:12:57,760 --> 00:13:00,000
{\an2}I've ever seen.
LAUGHTER
330
00:13:00,040 --> 00:13:02,640
{\an2}She did say, "Right, I'm going
to fuck it against a brick wall
331
00:13:02,680 --> 00:13:04,440
{\an2}"like a mad bastard."
LAUGHTER
332
00:13:04,480 --> 00:13:05,920
{\an2}I did say that.
333
00:13:05,960 --> 00:13:07,720
{\an2}That was... That was the plan.
334
00:13:07,760 --> 00:13:09,520
{\an2}It was... It was riskier in my head.
335
00:13:09,560 --> 00:13:12,320
{\an2}Do you want to find out
if the egg survived? Yeah. It did.
336
00:13:12,360 --> 00:13:13,800
{\an1}LAUGHTER
337
00:13:13,840 --> 00:13:16,120
{\an2}Was that not the point,
to keep the egg alive?
338
00:13:16,160 --> 00:13:19,720
{\an2}Yeah, it means you've definitely
got points... Yeah.
..because the egg had to survive.
339
00:13:19,760 --> 00:13:22,840
{\an2}I protected it.
Yeah, the egg had to survive.
Oh, no. Do I not get anything?
340
00:13:22,880 --> 00:13:24,840
{\an2}No, not if the egg didn't survive.
341
00:13:24,880 --> 00:13:27,360
{\an2}Yours got eaten by a crow. I know.
342
00:13:27,400 --> 00:13:29,360
{\an2}And there's something
quite cannibalistic
343
00:13:29,400 --> 00:13:30,880
{\an2}about another bird eating an egg.
344
00:13:30,920 --> 00:13:32,760
{\an2}Of course. Eugh! Oh, God.
345
00:13:32,800 --> 00:13:34,760
{\an2}OK, do you want to see another one?
Yes, please.
346
00:13:34,800 --> 00:13:38,360
{\an2}OK, it's now time for old
Risky Robins. Ooh! Here we go.
347
00:13:45,480 --> 00:13:47,520
{\an2}Thank you so much
for taking me out for a ride.
348
00:13:47,560 --> 00:13:49,880
{\an2}I know your husband's
at his cow-riding lesson.
349
00:13:49,920 --> 00:13:51,240
{\an1}LAUGHTER
350
00:13:51,280 --> 00:13:53,120
{\an2}Look out!
COW BELLOWS
351
00:13:54,720 --> 00:13:57,160
{\an1}PITCHED-DOWN SHOUTING
352
00:13:59,160 --> 00:14:00,800
{\an1}TYRES SCREECH, COW BELLOWS
353
00:14:06,280 --> 00:14:07,760
{\an1}COW BELLOWS
354
00:14:07,800 --> 00:14:08,920
{\an2}Look out!
355
00:14:11,840 --> 00:14:13,440
{\an2}Oh, my God! Are you OK?
356
00:14:15,240 --> 00:14:16,840
{\an2}You saved my life.
357
00:14:16,880 --> 00:14:18,320
{\an2}That... That was incredible.
358
00:14:18,360 --> 00:14:19,480
{\an1}DING!
359
00:14:19,520 --> 00:14:22,640
{\an1}LAUGHTER, CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
360
00:14:22,680 --> 00:14:23,680
{\an2}Very nice.
361
00:14:23,720 --> 00:14:26,360
{\an2}Shall we, uh, drill down into
the narrative a little bit there?
362
00:14:26,400 --> 00:14:28,840
{\an2}So, the egg is giving me
a lift home.
363
00:14:28,880 --> 00:14:30,640
{\an2}Unbeknownst to the egg,
364
00:14:30,680 --> 00:14:34,240
{\an2}the egg's husband's
cow-riding lesson is nearby.
365
00:14:34,280 --> 00:14:35,440
{\an2}LAUGHTER
Yeah.
366
00:14:35,480 --> 00:14:38,840
{\an2}The egg...egg wife was...
was heading towards the very cow
367
00:14:38,880 --> 00:14:40,800
{\an2}the egg's husband
was learning to ride.
368
00:14:40,840 --> 00:14:42,120
{\an2}Oh, my God, the irony.
369
00:14:42,160 --> 00:14:45,840
{\an2}So, uh, she swerves,
hits a brick wall... Yeah.
370
00:14:45,880 --> 00:14:47,840
{\an2}..we both survive intact. Yes.
371
00:14:47,880 --> 00:14:51,200
{\an2}And if you have any doubt
as to the riskiness
372
00:14:51,240 --> 00:14:53,160
{\an2}of that procedure,
373
00:14:53,200 --> 00:14:55,120
{\an2}please speak
to the production staff
374
00:14:55,160 --> 00:14:57,920
{\an2}about the two-hour meeting
we had about...
375
00:14:57,960 --> 00:14:59,760
{\an1}LAUGHTER
376
00:14:59,800 --> 00:15:02,440
{\an1}APPLAUSE
377
00:15:04,160 --> 00:15:06,600
{\an2}All right, time for
the first break of the series.
378
00:15:06,640 --> 00:15:09,840
{\an2}Show the adverts
the respect they deserve.
379
00:15:09,880 --> 00:15:16,280
{\an2}Alex, arms up, legs wide, big smile,
tongue out, and wiggle.
380
00:15:16,320 --> 00:15:17,720
{\an2}Everywhere!
381
00:15:17,760 --> 00:15:19,600
{\an2}Wiggle your tongue!
382
00:15:19,640 --> 00:15:21,160
{\an1}CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
383
00:15:25,520 --> 00:15:27,720
{\an1}CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
384
00:15:28,960 --> 00:15:30,240
{\an2}Hello!
385
00:15:30,280 --> 00:15:33,440
{\an2}Welcome back to this
box-fresh series of Taskmaster,
386
00:15:33,480 --> 00:15:35,800
{\an2}where we've started big
with a task about risk.
387
00:15:35,840 --> 00:15:36,880
{\an2}Yes, Greg.
388
00:15:36,920 --> 00:15:40,400
{\an2}They're doing the riskiest thing
with an egg right now...on TV!
389
00:15:40,440 --> 00:15:43,200
{\an2}Next up, it's Steve Pemberton.
390
00:15:43,240 --> 00:15:44,400
{\an1}EAGLE SCREECHES
391
00:15:44,440 --> 00:15:46,120
{\an2}I want to tell you a story
about risk.
392
00:15:46,160 --> 00:15:48,360
{\an2}We're in the mining town
of Yolkston,
393
00:15:48,400 --> 00:15:50,080
{\an2}population half a dozen.
394
00:15:50,120 --> 00:15:51,280
{\an2}It's a Friday.
395
00:15:51,320 --> 00:15:53,280
{\an2}Beautiful day, sunny side up.
396
00:15:53,320 --> 00:15:57,720
{\an2}Into town rides intrepid explorer,
Eggbert Nobacon...
397
00:15:57,760 --> 00:15:59,760
{\an2}LAUGHTER
..on his trusty goat Shelly.
398
00:16:01,760 --> 00:16:03,320
{\an2}And they're trundling through here.
399
00:16:03,360 --> 00:16:05,600
{\an2}As you can see,
there's lots of CCTV,
400
00:16:05,640 --> 00:16:07,800
{\an2}and this alerts the local poachers.
401
00:16:07,840 --> 00:16:09,320
{\an1}HORSE NEIGHS
402
00:16:09,360 --> 00:16:11,720
{\an2}And they are chasing Eggbert.
403
00:16:11,760 --> 00:16:14,360
{\an2}And there's huge risks,
so Shelly has to go quickly.
404
00:16:16,560 --> 00:16:18,720
{\an2}But there's the Omelette Express.
405
00:16:18,760 --> 00:16:20,560
{\an1}BELL RINGS, LAUGHTER
406
00:16:20,600 --> 00:16:22,240
{\an2}Shelly's rearing up.
407
00:16:22,280 --> 00:16:23,480
{\an1}HORSE NEIGHS
408
00:16:23,520 --> 00:16:25,440
{\an2}The poachers run out of breath.
409
00:16:25,480 --> 00:16:28,680
{\an2}But here's the greatest danger
and the greatest risk of all.
410
00:16:28,720 --> 00:16:33,440
{\an2}Eggbert has to run
over the Crackatoa Falls.
411
00:16:35,480 --> 00:16:38,800
{\an2}And there he goes through
the Cape of Good Horne...
412
00:16:38,840 --> 00:16:40,160
{\an1}LAUGHTER
413
00:16:40,200 --> 00:16:43,800
{\an2}..and off into the sunset,
having allayed all risk.
414
00:16:43,840 --> 00:16:48,600
{\an2}His brain was scrambled,
but Eggbert and Shelly go on.
415
00:16:51,200 --> 00:16:53,800
{\an2}AUDIENCE EXCLAIMS
Ah!
416
00:16:54,840 --> 00:16:56,400
{\an2}You did it. Thank you.
417
00:16:57,840 --> 00:16:59,760
{\an2}He's happy, is he? He's happy, yeah.
418
00:16:59,800 --> 00:17:01,760
{\an2}Yeah. Happy as Larry. Sweaty.
419
00:17:01,800 --> 00:17:03,480
{\an2}Yeah, he's really sweaty.
LAUGHTER
420
00:17:03,520 --> 00:17:05,920
{\an2}But you would be.
Just had all that risk.
421
00:17:05,960 --> 00:17:08,880
{\an1}CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
422
00:17:08,920 --> 00:17:11,160
{\an2}God, I was really torn
between thinking,
423
00:17:11,200 --> 00:17:12,840
{\an2}"Oh, God, there's...
424
00:17:12,880 --> 00:17:15,360
{\an2}"It's quite complex puppetry skills
going on here,"
425
00:17:15,400 --> 00:17:18,240
{\an2}and the thought that I was watching
a very lonely boy in his bedroom.
426
00:17:18,280 --> 00:17:20,600
{\an1}LAUGHTER
427
00:17:20,640 --> 00:17:22,480
{\an2}Yeah. I had Alex with me.
428
00:17:22,520 --> 00:17:24,080
{\an1}LAUGHTER
429
00:17:24,120 --> 00:17:26,240
{\an2}I did as many different risks
as I could.
430
00:17:26,280 --> 00:17:30,920
{\an2}Which brings us to our controversy
of this particular piece of film.
431
00:17:30,960 --> 00:17:32,840
{\an2}LAUGHTER
Mm.
432
00:17:32,880 --> 00:17:35,680
{\an2}Did Eggbert crack
when he fell from the stagecoach?
433
00:17:35,720 --> 00:17:38,560
{\an2}Oh, you mean after the task
had been completed?
434
00:17:38,600 --> 00:17:40,160
{\an2}LAUGHTER
Ah!
435
00:17:41,480 --> 00:17:43,200
{\an2}There may have been some albumen.
436
00:17:43,240 --> 00:17:46,360
{\an2}And you were so enjoying yourself,
weren't you? I really was.
437
00:17:46,400 --> 00:17:49,080
{\an2}You were having a lovely time.
I did have a lovely time.
438
00:17:49,120 --> 00:17:51,160
{\an2}Good. Shame you failed.
439
00:17:51,200 --> 00:17:52,320
{\an1}LAUGHTER
440
00:17:52,360 --> 00:17:53,720
{\an2}Shall we have a look at Sophie?
441
00:17:53,760 --> 00:17:54,840
{\an2}Sure, yes.
442
00:17:54,880 --> 00:17:57,600
{\an2}It's our final risk-taker.
It's Sophie Willan.
443
00:17:57,640 --> 00:17:58,960
{\an1}SHE EXHALES
444
00:17:59,000 --> 00:18:01,000
{\an2}Well, it'd be risky
to get it on your head,
445
00:18:01,040 --> 00:18:02,480
{\an2}wouldn't it?
446
00:18:02,520 --> 00:18:04,120
{\an2}My grandma used to do,
447
00:18:04,160 --> 00:18:06,240
{\an2}you know, the posture test
with an apple on her head.
448
00:18:06,280 --> 00:18:08,360
{\an2}Did she? Yeah, or a book.
449
00:18:11,040 --> 00:18:13,920
{\an2}If you keep your back straight,
she says, like this.
450
00:18:15,080 --> 00:18:16,080
{\an2}Do you know what?
451
00:18:16,120 --> 00:18:18,320
{\an2}I'm going to try
with just this for a start,
452
00:18:18,360 --> 00:18:20,320
{\an2}just to kind of edge in.
453
00:18:22,280 --> 00:18:24,160
{\an2}Right.
454
00:18:24,200 --> 00:18:26,360
{\an2}Your head's a little bit
like a nest.
455
00:18:26,400 --> 00:18:28,040
{\an2}Yeah, well, that helps, doesn't it?
456
00:18:28,080 --> 00:18:30,320
{\an2}But it's not...
It's still risky, though. Yeah.
457
00:18:31,360 --> 00:18:32,520
{\an2}Hang on, right.
458
00:18:33,800 --> 00:18:35,000
{\an2}Risky.
459
00:18:40,720 --> 00:18:42,480
{\an2}Right, hang on.
460
00:18:42,520 --> 00:18:43,720
{\an2}Oh, no.
461
00:18:45,360 --> 00:18:46,800
{\an2}I'm going to...
462
00:18:46,840 --> 00:18:48,160
{\an2}AUDIENCE EXCLAIMS
Oh!
463
00:18:48,200 --> 00:18:49,720
{\an2}He's gone!
464
00:18:49,760 --> 00:18:50,880
{\an2}Oh!
465
00:18:52,280 --> 00:18:54,080
{\an1}AUDIENCE EXCLAIMS
466
00:18:54,120 --> 00:18:55,960
{\an2}He's gone!
467
00:18:56,000 --> 00:18:57,760
{\an2}Oh, no.
468
00:18:57,800 --> 00:18:59,200
{\an2}I felt so confident.
469
00:18:59,240 --> 00:19:02,280
{\an2}I was going to do a lunge
and everything.
470
00:19:02,320 --> 00:19:03,480
{\an1}LAUGHTER
471
00:19:03,520 --> 00:19:05,800
{\an2}He looks so sad, doesn't he?
472
00:19:05,840 --> 00:19:08,440
{\an2}Thanks. No, thank you, Sophie.
473
00:19:08,480 --> 00:19:10,640
{\an2}Well, I still get a point
for trying, don't I?
474
00:19:10,680 --> 00:19:13,240
{\an2}APPLAUSE
So, that's... Yeah?
475
00:19:15,560 --> 00:19:18,560
{\an2}I don't want to do an offensive
caricature of your accent...
476
00:19:18,600 --> 00:19:20,480
{\an2}Yes, do, though. Go on. ..but...
Carry on.
477
00:19:20,520 --> 00:19:22,040
{\an2}..I put it to you
478
00:19:22,080 --> 00:19:26,120
{\an2}that your version of creating risk
in a situation like this
479
00:19:26,160 --> 00:19:28,760
{\an2}is to occasionally
look at the camera and go...
480
00:19:28,800 --> 00:19:30,040
{\an2}IMITATES SOPHIE: ..Risky!
481
00:19:30,080 --> 00:19:32,920
{\an1}LAUGHTER
482
00:19:32,960 --> 00:19:35,440
{\an2}I'm not Johnny fucking Vegas.
483
00:19:35,480 --> 00:19:37,440
{\an1}LAUGHTER
484
00:19:37,480 --> 00:19:38,880
{\an2}Fucking hell.
485
00:19:38,920 --> 00:19:40,720
{\an2}I said it would be offensive.
LAUGHTER
486
00:19:40,760 --> 00:19:42,360
{\an2}It was a very risky thing to do.
487
00:19:42,400 --> 00:19:44,920
{\an2}To put an egg on your head? Yeah.
488
00:19:44,960 --> 00:19:46,880
{\an1}LAUGHTER
489
00:19:49,360 --> 00:19:51,120
{\an2}With an egg? Come on.
490
00:19:51,160 --> 00:19:52,600
{\an1}LAUGHTER
491
00:19:52,640 --> 00:19:55,720
{\an2}Wow. I think you're going
to be a delight for this series.
492
00:19:55,760 --> 00:19:57,280
{\an1}LAUGHTER
493
00:19:57,320 --> 00:20:00,160
{\an2}So, three people broke their egg.
Do they get any points, Greg?
494
00:20:00,200 --> 00:20:01,240
{\an2}Well, no.
495
00:20:01,280 --> 00:20:04,360
{\an2}OK, in which case only John
and Joanne's eggs survived.
496
00:20:04,400 --> 00:20:06,800
{\an2}I thought that the bubble wrap
was very clever,
497
00:20:06,840 --> 00:20:08,880
{\an2}but I don't think
there was a lot of risk,
498
00:20:08,920 --> 00:20:11,520
{\an2}so I can't give you five points.
OK. OK.
499
00:20:11,560 --> 00:20:13,720
{\an2}But I can give you four... Oh!
..which is a miracle.
500
00:20:13,760 --> 00:20:16,120
{\an2}LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE
Because you...Thrilled.Yeah.
501
00:20:16,160 --> 00:20:17,520
{\an2}You came second.
502
00:20:17,560 --> 00:20:20,240
{\an2}And obviously, we'll give
John Robin's effort five points.
503
00:20:20,280 --> 00:20:22,040
{\an2}There we go. Five points.
Four points.
504
00:20:22,080 --> 00:20:23,240
{\an1}CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
505
00:20:23,280 --> 00:20:25,800
{\an2}Is it time for the first scoreboard
of series 17, Alex?
506
00:20:25,840 --> 00:20:27,280
{\an2}Yes. I can show you the scores.
507
00:20:27,320 --> 00:20:29,440
{\an2}At the bottom of the table,
it's Nick with just two.
508
00:20:29,480 --> 00:20:31,160
{\an2}At the top, it's John with nine.
509
00:20:31,200 --> 00:20:32,920
{\an2}CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
Wow.There we go.
510
00:20:35,720 --> 00:20:37,040
{\an2}More, please.
511
00:20:37,080 --> 00:20:40,520
{\an2}OK, Greg,
and it's time to meet the teams.
512
00:20:52,440 --> 00:20:54,960
{\an2}There we go. Ah-ha!
513
00:20:55,000 --> 00:20:56,160
{\an2}Hi, Alex.
514
00:20:56,200 --> 00:20:57,720
{\an2}What am I looking at?
515
00:20:57,760 --> 00:20:59,160
{\an2}Oh. That's where you stand.
516
00:20:59,200 --> 00:21:00,760
{\an2}Behind the line?
517
00:21:00,800 --> 00:21:02,800
{\an2}No. Here?
518
00:21:02,840 --> 00:21:03,920
{\an2}Yes, please.
519
00:21:03,960 --> 00:21:05,760
{\an2}Yeah, facing you. Not yet.
520
00:21:05,800 --> 00:21:07,080
{\an2}No.
521
00:21:07,120 --> 00:21:09,800
{\an2}Hello! Sophie. Hello.
522
00:21:09,840 --> 00:21:12,200
{\an2}In the red bit, please. Righto.
523
00:21:17,920 --> 00:21:19,080
{\an2}Ah.
524
00:21:21,880 --> 00:21:23,080
{\an2}I'm going to open it.
525
00:21:25,160 --> 00:21:26,640
{\an2}"Create the best single picture
526
00:21:26,680 --> 00:21:28,880
{\an2}"of an animal doing
something surprising.
527
00:21:28,920 --> 00:21:31,160
{\an2}"All six blinds must be fully
528
00:21:31,200 --> 00:21:33,200
{\an2}"and equally involved
in your picture.
529
00:21:33,240 --> 00:21:36,480
{\an2}"You may not see each other's work."
530
00:21:36,520 --> 00:21:37,880
{\an2}What?!
531
00:21:37,920 --> 00:21:39,480
{\an2}Is there someone else here?
532
00:21:39,520 --> 00:21:41,160
{\an2}I don't know.
533
00:21:41,200 --> 00:21:42,960
{\an2}Hello! Hello! Hello!
534
00:21:43,000 --> 00:21:44,560
{\an2}Is it Steve? It is!
535
00:21:44,600 --> 00:21:47,000
{\an2}Hi, Steve. I literally
recognised your voice. It's Nick.
536
00:21:47,040 --> 00:21:49,760
{\an2}What's your name
and where'd you come from?
537
00:21:49,800 --> 00:21:51,320
{\an2}I'm John and I come from Bristol.
538
00:21:51,360 --> 00:21:52,800
{\an2}Hello! Hello, John.
539
00:21:52,840 --> 00:21:54,280
{\an2}Sophie from Bolton.
540
00:21:54,320 --> 00:21:55,920
{\an2}Oh, lovely stuff.
541
00:21:55,960 --> 00:21:57,760
{\an2}Oh, hello! Who's that?
542
00:21:57,800 --> 00:21:59,080
{\an2}There's more of us.
543
00:21:59,120 --> 00:22:01,320
{\an2}Hello! Hello. Hello.
544
00:22:01,360 --> 00:22:03,000
{\an2}I'm Joanne. Hello, Joanne.
545
00:22:03,040 --> 00:22:05,320
{\an8}Hello, Steve. Hello.
546
00:22:05,360 --> 00:22:06,360
{\an8}Hey, Alex.
547
00:22:06,400 --> 00:22:07,440
{\an2}Right, OK.
548
00:22:07,480 --> 00:22:09,480
{\an2}"Create the best single picture
549
00:22:09,520 --> 00:22:12,640
{\an2}"of an animal doing
something surprising."
550
00:22:12,680 --> 00:22:14,520
{\an8}"All six blinds must be fully
551
00:22:14,560 --> 00:22:16,720
{\an8}"and equally involved
in your picture.
552
00:22:16,760 --> 00:22:18,520
{\an2}"You may not see each other's work
553
00:22:18,560 --> 00:22:21,640
{\an2}"and you may only say two words
at a time."
554
00:22:21,680 --> 00:22:24,520
{\an2}"You may only say two words
at a time."
555
00:22:24,560 --> 00:22:25,600
{\an2}Right?
556
00:22:25,640 --> 00:22:27,600
{\an2}"After the task,
your pieces will be lined up
557
00:22:27,640 --> 00:22:29,200
{\an2}"next to each other in this order.
558
00:22:29,240 --> 00:22:32,480
{\an8}"One, shortest Wikipedia entry.
559
00:22:32,520 --> 00:22:35,720
{\an8}"Two, Best Show at
the Edinburgh Fringe winner."
560
00:22:35,760 --> 00:22:37,720
{\an8}"Smallest shoe size."
561
00:22:37,760 --> 00:22:39,400
{\an8}I think that's me.
562
00:22:39,440 --> 00:22:43,040
{\an8}"The person whom Alex
said hello to first."
563
00:22:43,080 --> 00:22:44,960
{\an8}"Five, most Twitter followers.
564
00:22:45,000 --> 00:22:48,560
{\an8}"Six, lowest-scoring full name
in Scrabble."
565
00:22:48,600 --> 00:22:51,200
{\an8}"You may not move outside
of your segment.
566
00:22:51,240 --> 00:22:53,000
{\an8}"You have 15 minutes.
567
00:22:53,040 --> 00:22:55,800
{\an8}"Your time starts
when Alex blows his whistle."
568
00:22:55,840 --> 00:22:56,840
{\an7}ALEX BLOWS WHISTLE
569
00:22:57,920 --> 00:22:59,560
{\an8}ALEX BLOWS WHISTLE
Hi, Nick.
570
00:22:59,600 --> 00:23:00,800
{\an8}Hi, Steve.
571
00:23:00,840 --> 00:23:02,000
{\an8}Pulling blinds.
572
00:23:02,040 --> 00:23:03,320
{\an8}Me, too.
573
00:23:03,360 --> 00:23:04,480
{\an7}LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE
574
00:23:07,400 --> 00:23:09,240
{\an2}But it's funny,
at this stage of the game
575
00:23:09,280 --> 00:23:11,200
{\an2}you're all being
so sickeningly friendly
576
00:23:11,240 --> 00:23:12,560
{\an2}and polite to each other.
577
00:23:12,600 --> 00:23:16,240
{\an2}I'd love to see how that will change
over time.
578
00:23:16,280 --> 00:23:17,320
{\an2}Shall we?
579
00:23:17,360 --> 00:23:20,400
{\an2}Yes, so, they had to paint
one picture per team,
580
00:23:20,440 --> 00:23:23,000
{\an2}and their six segments
were going to be lined up
581
00:23:23,040 --> 00:23:24,240
{\an2}in a certain order. Yes.
582
00:23:24,280 --> 00:23:27,320
{\an2}But the main problem is they could
only use two words at a time each.
583
00:23:27,360 --> 00:23:29,480
{\an2}So, here's how they all got on
at painting on blinds,
584
00:23:29,520 --> 00:23:31,840
{\an2}and talking two words at a time,
and that sort of thing.
585
00:23:31,880 --> 00:23:33,640
{\an8}Colour?
586
00:23:33,680 --> 00:23:34,920
{\an8}Uh, green.
587
00:23:36,400 --> 00:23:37,520
{\an2}Lovely.
588
00:23:39,480 --> 00:23:40,720
{\an2}Animal?
589
00:23:42,280 --> 00:23:43,320
{\an2}Giraffe?
590
00:23:44,640 --> 00:23:46,920
{\an2}Lying down?
591
00:23:46,960 --> 00:23:48,280
{\an2}Giving birth.
592
00:23:48,320 --> 00:23:49,320
{\an1}LAUGHTER
593
00:23:49,360 --> 00:23:50,760
{\an8}Dog car.
594
00:23:50,800 --> 00:23:52,040
{\an8}What?
595
00:23:52,080 --> 00:23:53,280
{\an8}Dog car.
596
00:23:53,320 --> 00:23:56,000
{\an8}Oh. OK. Dog driving.
597
00:23:56,040 --> 00:23:57,560
{\an8}Front car.
598
00:23:57,600 --> 00:23:59,160
{\an2}Giraffe lying.
599
00:23:59,200 --> 00:24:01,120
{\an2}Giraffe lying?
600
00:24:01,160 --> 00:24:03,320
{\an2}Long picture.
601
00:24:03,360 --> 00:24:06,200
{\an2}Yes. Portrait.
602
00:24:06,240 --> 00:24:07,960
{\an2}Yes.
603
00:24:08,000 --> 00:24:10,280
{\an2}Which...? Which...? You paint.
604
00:24:10,320 --> 00:24:11,560
{\an2}Which blind?
605
00:24:11,600 --> 00:24:13,000
{\an2}First was?
606
00:24:13,040 --> 00:24:14,880
{\an2}Shortest Wiki.
607
00:24:14,920 --> 00:24:16,240
{\an2}What? Ah.
608
00:24:16,280 --> 00:24:18,600
{\an2}I don't have a fucking clue
what's going on.I do.
LAUGHTER
609
00:24:18,640 --> 00:24:20,760
{\an8}Oh! Up there!
610
00:24:20,800 --> 00:24:22,160
{\an8}Up where?
611
00:24:22,200 --> 00:24:23,480
{\an2}Above door.
612
00:24:23,520 --> 00:24:25,560
{\an2}Ah, fuck!
613
00:24:25,600 --> 00:24:27,320
{\an2}Sophie Wiki?
614
00:24:27,360 --> 00:24:29,880
{\an2}Vole. Bold?
615
00:24:29,920 --> 00:24:32,880
{\an2}Vole dancing.
616
00:24:32,920 --> 00:24:35,160
{\an2}Sophie Wiki. What?
617
00:24:35,200 --> 00:24:37,080
{\an2}One, Nick. Head, Nick.
618
00:24:37,120 --> 00:24:40,080
{\an8}Yes. Two, Steve.
619
00:24:40,120 --> 00:24:41,640
{\an8}Neck, yes?
620
00:24:41,680 --> 00:24:42,720
{\an8}Yes.
621
00:24:42,760 --> 00:24:44,120
{\an8}Wiki length.
622
00:24:44,160 --> 00:24:46,120
{\an8}Uh, small.
623
00:24:46,160 --> 00:24:47,520
{\an2}Joanne length?
624
00:24:47,560 --> 00:24:49,000
{\an2}Mine's longer.
625
00:24:49,040 --> 00:24:50,720
{\an2}OK. Wrote myself.
626
00:24:50,760 --> 00:24:52,960
{\an1}LAUGHTER
627
00:24:53,000 --> 00:24:55,120
{\an2}Sophie first. You what?
628
00:24:55,160 --> 00:24:57,200
{\an2}Bonnet profile.
629
00:24:57,240 --> 00:24:58,600
{\an2}"Bonnet profile"?
630
00:24:58,640 --> 00:25:00,960
{\an2}Side-on. You what?
631
00:25:01,000 --> 00:25:02,520
{\an2}Side-on.
632
00:25:02,560 --> 00:25:04,160
{\an8}Head height?
633
00:25:04,200 --> 00:25:05,560
{\an2}Mine?
634
00:25:05,600 --> 00:25:06,840
{\an2}Nipple.
635
00:25:06,880 --> 00:25:08,800
{\an1}LAUGHTER
636
00:25:08,840 --> 00:25:10,720
{\an2}Confused, Steve.
637
00:25:10,760 --> 00:25:12,080
{\an2}Sophie bonnet.
638
00:25:12,120 --> 00:25:13,560
{\an8}Side-on.
639
00:25:13,600 --> 00:25:15,120
{\an8}What the fuck?
LAUGHTER
640
00:25:15,160 --> 00:25:16,840
{\an8}Two words. What? What?
641
00:25:16,880 --> 00:25:18,320
{\an2}Private parts?
642
00:25:18,360 --> 00:25:19,720
{\an2}Big ones.
643
00:25:19,760 --> 00:25:21,280
{\an2}Legs akimbo?
644
00:25:21,320 --> 00:25:22,600
{\an2}Yes, please.
645
00:25:22,640 --> 00:25:24,360
{\an2}Car colour? Car red.
646
00:25:24,400 --> 00:25:25,760
{\an2}Thank you.
647
00:25:25,800 --> 00:25:27,560
{\an2}Paint fence? Fence paint?
648
00:25:27,600 --> 00:25:28,760
{\an2}Two words.
649
00:25:28,800 --> 00:25:29,920
{\an2}Using roller.
650
00:25:29,960 --> 00:25:31,400
{\an8}Shit.
651
00:25:31,440 --> 00:25:33,320
{\an8}Catching up.
652
00:25:36,240 --> 00:25:38,400
{\an2}Ten seconds left.
653
00:25:40,360 --> 00:25:41,840
{\an7}ALEX BLOWS WHISTLE
654
00:25:41,880 --> 00:25:44,400
{\an8}That was really... Yeah.
You can't look at each other's work,
655
00:25:44,440 --> 00:25:46,920
{\an2}so if you just head towards
the front door... Both of us? Mm-hm.
656
00:25:46,960 --> 00:25:48,480
{\an2}We get to say hello to each other?
657
00:25:48,520 --> 00:25:50,320
{\an2}SOPHIE LAUGHS
Hello!
658
00:25:50,360 --> 00:25:51,360
{\an2}Hello!
659
00:25:51,400 --> 00:25:52,800
{\an2}THEY LAUGH
How are you?
660
00:25:52,840 --> 00:25:53,920
{\an2}I'm very good! How are you?
661
00:25:53,960 --> 00:25:55,440
{\an2}Look at your hands. I know.
662
00:25:55,480 --> 00:25:57,960
{\an2}I got a bit carried away, actually,
cos I got very confused.
663
00:25:58,000 --> 00:26:00,400
{\an1}LAUGHTER
664
00:26:02,720 --> 00:26:05,040
{\an1}APPLAUSE
665
00:26:06,320 --> 00:26:08,840
{\an2}Did you think you understood
what was happening?
666
00:26:08,880 --> 00:26:10,080
{\an2}Yeah, yeah.
667
00:26:10,120 --> 00:26:11,520
{\an2}Well, your team-mates did.
668
00:26:11,560 --> 00:26:14,000
{\an2}In fact, one of my favourite moments
was when you announced
669
00:26:14,040 --> 00:26:16,760
{\an2}for the third time you didn't know
what the fuck was going on,
670
00:26:16,800 --> 00:26:19,280
{\an2}and Joanne went, "I do."
671
00:26:19,320 --> 00:26:21,080
{\an1}LAUGHTER
672
00:26:21,120 --> 00:26:23,280
{\an2}I was like, "Come on!"
673
00:26:25,200 --> 00:26:27,400
{\an2}Why were you shouting
"vogue dancing"?
LAUGHTER
674
00:26:27,440 --> 00:26:29,640
{\an2}She was shouting "vole".
That was "vole". She was...
675
00:26:29,680 --> 00:26:31,200
{\an2}"Vole dancing"? Yeah.
676
00:26:31,240 --> 00:26:33,520
{\an2}They'd agreed to do
a dog driving, but... Yeah.
677
00:26:33,560 --> 00:26:34,680
{\an2}..she had other ideas.
678
00:26:34,720 --> 00:26:35,800
{\an1}LAUGHTER
679
00:26:35,840 --> 00:26:37,440
{\an2}Yeah, I thought,
"I can draw a vole."
680
00:26:37,480 --> 00:26:41,960
{\an2}Right. Uh, you two, however,
seemed like an absolute dream team.
681
00:26:42,000 --> 00:26:45,440
{\an2}We had some Chuckle Brothers energy
going on, I think, between us.
682
00:26:45,480 --> 00:26:48,040
{\an2}There was a little confusion
about nipple height.
683
00:26:48,080 --> 00:26:49,160
{\an1}LAUGHTER
684
00:26:49,200 --> 00:26:50,400
{\an2}Yes. Yes.
685
00:26:50,440 --> 00:26:51,560
{\an2}Correct me if I'm wrong -
686
00:26:51,600 --> 00:26:53,800
{\an2}the giraffe will specifically
have big genitals.
687
00:26:53,840 --> 00:26:55,320
{\an2}Yes, that exchange went,
688
00:26:55,360 --> 00:26:56,440
{\an2}"Legs akimbo?"
689
00:26:56,480 --> 00:26:58,440
{\an2}"Yes, please." "Private parts?"
"Big ones."
690
00:26:58,480 --> 00:27:00,040
{\an1}LAUGHTER
691
00:27:01,720 --> 00:27:03,160
{\an2}Right. Break time.
692
00:27:03,200 --> 00:27:04,920
{\an2}I know you want
to see their pictures,
693
00:27:04,960 --> 00:27:07,120
{\an2}but you're just impatient
these days, aren't you?
694
00:27:07,160 --> 00:27:08,360
{\an2}so you'll have to wait.
695
00:27:08,400 --> 00:27:09,840
{\an2}I said you'll have to wait!
696
00:27:09,880 --> 00:27:11,120
{\an1}CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
697
00:27:18,240 --> 00:27:20,440
{\an1}CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
698
00:27:20,480 --> 00:27:22,160
{\an2}Yes!
699
00:27:22,200 --> 00:27:25,800
{\an2}Welcome back to Taskmaster.
Is it finally time, Alex?
700
00:27:25,840 --> 00:27:27,280
{\an2}It's time, Greg.
701
00:27:27,320 --> 00:27:29,080
{\an2}The teams have painted
their best pictures
702
00:27:29,120 --> 00:27:30,720
{\an2}of animals doing
something surprising
703
00:27:30,760 --> 00:27:31,880
{\an2}on their roller blinds,
704
00:27:31,920 --> 00:27:33,560
{\an2}and we're going to see
their creations.
705
00:27:33,600 --> 00:27:35,640
{\an2}The order they had to be put in
was very specific,
706
00:27:35,680 --> 00:27:37,240
{\an2}which is why it's so impressive
707
00:27:37,280 --> 00:27:41,840
{\an2}that Steve and Nick's giraffe
giving birth looks like this.
708
00:27:41,880 --> 00:27:43,280
{\an1}SOPHIE GASPS, AUDIENCE EXCLAIMS
709
00:27:43,320 --> 00:27:45,160
{\an2}Oh, wow!
APPLAUSE
710
00:27:45,200 --> 00:27:48,120
{\an2}Not bad, is it? Not bad.
711
00:27:48,160 --> 00:27:50,960
{\an2}Sorry, but that's sort of
what it looks like.
712
00:27:51,000 --> 00:27:52,000
{\an1}LAUGHTER
713
00:27:52,040 --> 00:27:53,880
{\an2}Unfortunately,
one of them did do landscape,
714
00:27:53,920 --> 00:27:55,040
{\an2}one of them did do portrait,
715
00:27:55,080 --> 00:27:57,560
{\an2}so it actually looks like this
when you line them up.
716
00:27:57,600 --> 00:27:59,760
{\an1}LAUGHTER
717
00:28:01,520 --> 00:28:03,440
{\an1}APPLAUSE
718
00:28:04,760 --> 00:28:07,840
{\an2}I mean, that certainly helps
with the big genitals part of it.
719
00:28:07,880 --> 00:28:09,480
{\an1}LAUGHTER
720
00:28:09,520 --> 00:28:10,960
{\an2}It certainly does.
721
00:28:11,000 --> 00:28:14,400
{\an2}It's not a bad start. OK.
Uh, dare I ask for the next one?
722
00:28:14,440 --> 00:28:15,520
{\an2}Sure.
723
00:28:15,560 --> 00:28:18,280
{\an2}Here is their picture
of a dog driving
724
00:28:18,320 --> 00:28:20,800
{\an2}and a cow dancing and bird smoking.
725
00:28:20,840 --> 00:28:23,000
{\an1}LAUGHTER
726
00:28:24,720 --> 00:28:26,280
{\an2}It's good!
727
00:28:26,320 --> 00:28:27,520
{\an2}I like it.
728
00:28:27,560 --> 00:28:28,960
{\an1}APPLAUSE
729
00:28:30,080 --> 00:28:32,880
{\an2}I mean, it's accidental, but
I kind of like it as a bit of art.
730
00:28:32,920 --> 00:28:35,720
{\an2}Yeah, yeah, yeah. We'll put
the two of them next to each other
731
00:28:35,760 --> 00:28:37,160
{\an2}and you can judge them, Greg. Yeah.
732
00:28:37,200 --> 00:28:38,880
{\an2}Uh, there we go. Oh.
733
00:28:38,920 --> 00:28:41,960
{\an2}I will give the giraffe five points,
which is over-generous. OK.
734
00:28:42,000 --> 00:28:44,240
{\an2}The other one is absolute madness...
735
00:28:44,280 --> 00:28:45,400
{\an1}LAUGHTER
736
00:28:45,440 --> 00:28:47,520
{\an2}..but there's some enjoyable
individual effort,
737
00:28:47,560 --> 00:28:49,280
{\an2}so I'm going to give
them three points,
738
00:28:49,320 --> 00:28:50,840
{\an2}which is again hugely generous. OK.
739
00:28:50,880 --> 00:28:53,400
{\an2}The winners are Nick and Steve.
Five points each. Well done.
740
00:28:53,440 --> 00:28:54,800
{\an1}APPLAUSE
741
00:28:54,840 --> 00:28:57,320
{\an2}Right, can we please
have another one, Alex?
742
00:28:57,360 --> 00:28:59,360
{\an2}Yes. Yes, we can, Greg,
743
00:28:59,400 --> 00:29:02,480
{\an2}and for this series we've gone down
to the Taskmaster farm.
744
00:29:02,520 --> 00:29:04,080
{\an2}AUDIENCE: Ooh! Ooh.
745
00:29:18,240 --> 00:29:19,600
{\an1}LAUGHTER
746
00:29:19,640 --> 00:29:21,160
{\an2}Hey, Alex.
747
00:29:21,200 --> 00:29:23,000
{\an2}This is really exciting.
748
00:29:23,040 --> 00:29:25,720
{\an2}Never seen anything like it,
that run. I know.
749
00:29:25,760 --> 00:29:27,240
{\an2}Right. Here we are.
750
00:29:27,280 --> 00:29:29,080
{\an2}Right. The Nile.
751
00:29:29,120 --> 00:29:32,320
{\an2}The Nile. Not really, no.
752
00:29:32,360 --> 00:29:34,280
{\an2}Look at that water. I cannot wait.
753
00:29:34,320 --> 00:29:36,120
{\an2}No.
754
00:29:36,160 --> 00:29:39,840
{\an2}"Hoopla Gary before
he crosses the finish line."
755
00:29:39,880 --> 00:29:43,640
{\an2}"Your time is doubled every time
one of your limbs gets wet."
756
00:29:43,680 --> 00:29:45,360
{\an2}"Fastest wins."
757
00:29:45,400 --> 00:29:47,200
{\an2}"Your time starts now."
758
00:29:47,240 --> 00:29:48,960
{\an2}Is this Gary?
759
00:29:49,000 --> 00:29:50,120
{\an2}I don't know.
760
00:29:50,160 --> 00:29:52,600
{\an2}Is something coming down there?
Down the river?
761
00:29:54,880 --> 00:29:58,160
{\an2}Gary?!
LAUGHTER
762
00:29:58,200 --> 00:29:59,600
{\an2}Oh, here we go.
763
00:30:04,440 --> 00:30:05,680
{\an2}You found Gary.
764
00:30:05,720 --> 00:30:07,200
{\an2}There's a gorilla on a boat.
765
00:30:07,240 --> 00:30:08,640
{\an1}LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE
766
00:30:11,160 --> 00:30:13,360
{\an2}I really loved watching Dracula
run towards the task.
767
00:30:13,400 --> 00:30:15,280
{\an2}LAUGHTER
Thank you.
768
00:30:15,320 --> 00:30:17,960
{\an2}It's really quite life-affirming.
769
00:30:18,000 --> 00:30:20,120
{\an2}Shall we crack on? Sure. Yes, OK.
770
00:30:20,160 --> 00:30:22,240
{\an2}And if you've always wanted
to see a vampire attempt
771
00:30:22,280 --> 00:30:24,160
{\an2}to get a hoop over a gorilla
on a raft,
772
00:30:24,200 --> 00:30:25,840
{\an2}you're going
to absolutely love this.
773
00:30:25,880 --> 00:30:27,400
{\an2}It's Nick.
774
00:30:27,440 --> 00:30:29,840
{\an2}So, I've got to hoopla him
around the head?
775
00:30:37,880 --> 00:30:39,120
{\an2}No.
776
00:30:39,160 --> 00:30:40,360
{\an2}Tricky, innit?
777
00:30:41,440 --> 00:30:42,680
{\an2}Come on, Gary.
778
00:30:47,160 --> 00:30:48,400
{\an2}Oh, God.
779
00:30:48,440 --> 00:30:49,920
{\an2}You've only got one hoop left.
780
00:30:52,600 --> 00:30:54,000
{\an1}HE EXHALES
781
00:30:58,360 --> 00:30:59,680
{\an1}LAUGHTER
782
00:31:02,400 --> 00:31:05,000
{\an2}What a let-down.
I was really excited about that.
783
00:31:05,040 --> 00:31:07,760
{\an2}All right. Come on, then.
784
00:31:07,800 --> 00:31:09,840
{\an2}Ooh, it's cold!
785
00:31:09,880 --> 00:31:11,480
{\an1}LAUGHTER
786
00:31:11,520 --> 00:31:14,680
{\an2}Is this safe? Cos I'm quite short.
LAUGHTER
787
00:31:14,720 --> 00:31:17,120
{\an2}All right. Oh, my God!
788
00:31:19,000 --> 00:31:20,840
{\an2}You've got to hoopla Gary
pretty quick now.
789
00:31:26,400 --> 00:31:28,440
{\an2}Come on, Gary.
LAUGHTER
790
00:31:28,480 --> 00:31:31,200
{\an2}Oh, it...it is cold, innit?
791
00:31:31,240 --> 00:31:33,280
{\an1}APPLAUSE
792
00:31:33,320 --> 00:31:35,120
{\an2}Can I ask you if your arms are wet?
793
00:31:35,160 --> 00:31:37,040
{\an2}My arms aren't wet at all. OK.
794
00:31:37,080 --> 00:31:39,600
{\an2}I'll tell you what's wet - my legs.
795
00:31:39,640 --> 00:31:41,400
{\an2}Well, I'd guessed that.
796
00:31:41,440 --> 00:31:43,920
{\an2}Right, Gary. Which one shall we do?
797
00:31:45,960 --> 00:31:47,120
{\an2}Nailed it.
798
00:31:47,160 --> 00:31:48,880
{\an2}I've stopped the clock.
799
00:31:48,920 --> 00:31:51,200
{\an1}APPLAUSE
800
00:31:52,720 --> 00:31:55,440
{\an2}I think you're in danger
of ruining Dracula's reputation.
801
00:31:55,480 --> 00:31:57,840
{\an2}LAUGHTER
It's like...
He's quite camp, isn't he?
802
00:31:57,880 --> 00:31:59,240
{\an2}I just...
803
00:31:59,280 --> 00:32:01,400
{\an2}He is, but so adorably so.
804
00:32:01,440 --> 00:32:04,200
{\an2}I genuinely enjoyed it.
I hadn't been in a river in years.
805
00:32:04,240 --> 00:32:06,120
{\an2}I mean, you don't.
LAUGHTER
806
00:32:06,160 --> 00:32:08,000
{\an2}Past a certain age,
you don't, do you? No.
807
00:32:08,040 --> 00:32:09,920
{\an2}Unless you kind of have,
like, a midlife crisis
808
00:32:09,960 --> 00:32:12,760
{\an2}and start wild swimming and stuff,
but I've not reached that yet.
809
00:32:12,800 --> 00:32:16,240
{\an2}Yeah, wild swimming, or as
it was once called, swimming.
810
00:32:16,280 --> 00:32:17,440
{\an2}LAUGHTER
Yes.
811
00:32:17,480 --> 00:32:19,040
{\an2}Well done, Nick. Thank you.
812
00:32:19,080 --> 00:32:21,120
{\an2}OK, well, it's time
for three more attempts.
813
00:32:21,160 --> 00:32:23,000
{\an2}Not you, Sophie.
You're going to have to wait.
814
00:32:23,040 --> 00:32:24,200
{\an2}You know what you've done.
815
00:32:24,240 --> 00:32:25,560
{\an1}LAUGHTER
816
00:32:26,960 --> 00:32:30,040
{\an2}It's time for John,
Joanne, and Steve.
817
00:32:30,080 --> 00:32:33,760
{\an2}There's a boat. Ah, there he is!
818
00:32:33,800 --> 00:32:35,480
{\an2}Hey, Gary. Wait there a sec.
819
00:32:35,520 --> 00:32:38,160
{\an2}I'm going to try
with the small one first.
820
00:32:42,400 --> 00:32:44,120
{\an1}AUDIENCE EXCLAIMS
821
00:32:45,560 --> 00:32:46,640
{\an2}Ooh!
AUDIENCE EXCLAIMS
822
00:32:46,680 --> 00:32:47,800
{\an2}Skimmed.
823
00:32:47,840 --> 00:32:49,160
{\an2}Gary! OK.
824
00:32:58,440 --> 00:33:01,200
{\an2}CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
Brilliant. Keep going?
825
00:33:01,240 --> 00:33:05,560
{\an2}Well, if you want, but I've stopped
the clock. You've stopped the clock?
You did it.
826
00:33:05,600 --> 00:33:07,200
{\an2}The wind isn't great now.
827
00:33:07,240 --> 00:33:10,280
{\an2}Ah!
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
828
00:33:10,320 --> 00:33:12,840
{\an2}Yes!
829
00:33:12,880 --> 00:33:16,240
{\an2}Alex, I'm running out of things.
830
00:33:16,280 --> 00:33:19,640
{\an2}CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
There we go.
831
00:33:19,680 --> 00:33:21,280
{\an2}You've done well. Thank you.
832
00:33:21,320 --> 00:33:23,320
{\an2}Can I have a couple
of distance goes for fun?
833
00:33:26,360 --> 00:33:28,280
{\an1}AUDIENCE EXCLAIMS
834
00:33:28,320 --> 00:33:30,560
{\an1}CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
835
00:33:34,640 --> 00:33:39,080
{\an2}The pleased-with-yourself walk-off.
Not really ironic, was it?
You were genuinely thrilled.
836
00:33:39,120 --> 00:33:41,080
{\an2}I'm still pleased with myself.
LAUGHTER
837
00:33:41,120 --> 00:33:44,040
{\an2}I would've been as well.
Fair play. Enjoy it, Steve?
838
00:33:44,080 --> 00:33:45,080
{\an2}Yeah, I enjoyed it.
839
00:33:45,120 --> 00:33:46,800
{\an2}It was like being
in the fairground again.
840
00:33:46,840 --> 00:33:48,040
{\an2}Boom. Joanne?
841
00:33:48,080 --> 00:33:51,240
{\an2}Loved it. My memory is
that I got it the first time.
842
00:33:51,280 --> 00:33:53,040
{\an2}Second time for you.
Second time, not bad.
843
00:33:53,080 --> 00:33:56,040
{\an2}All three of you, at the end
of the day, it's not exciting,
844
00:33:56,080 --> 00:33:59,600
{\an2}but...you did quite well.
845
00:33:59,640 --> 00:34:04,400
{\an2}Now, that tells me...that there's
a reason why Sophie's been left.
846
00:34:04,440 --> 00:34:06,680
{\an1}LAUGHTER
847
00:34:06,720 --> 00:34:08,400
{\an2}It's the last break of the episode.
848
00:34:08,440 --> 00:34:10,680
{\an2}Come back to see who's going
to win three things
849
00:34:10,720 --> 00:34:14,160
{\an2}that sound a bit like "Greg Davies",
a jug, and some eggs Benedict.
850
00:34:14,200 --> 00:34:17,880
{\an1}LAUGHTER, CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
851
00:34:28,040 --> 00:34:30,760
{\an2}Hello, again. Welcome back
to the final part of the episode.
852
00:34:30,800 --> 00:34:34,160
{\an2}Yes. Hello to you all, including
anyone watching from prison.
853
00:34:34,200 --> 00:34:36,400
{\an1}LAUGHTER
854
00:34:38,120 --> 00:34:41,480
{\an2}The current task sees our cast
trying to throw a hoop over Gary,
855
00:34:41,520 --> 00:34:42,880
{\an2}the non-endangered gorilla.
856
00:34:42,920 --> 00:34:46,360
{\an2}So far, four people have tried
and four people have succeeded.
857
00:34:46,400 --> 00:34:47,920
{\an2}Now...
858
00:34:50,200 --> 00:34:52,120
{\an2}..it's Sophie's turn.
859
00:34:54,440 --> 00:34:56,160
{\an2}I think what I'm going to do is
860
00:34:56,200 --> 00:34:57,960
{\an2}I'm going to wait for Gary
to get over here.
861
00:34:58,000 --> 00:35:00,080
{\an2}Right, OK.
862
00:35:00,120 --> 00:35:04,560
{\an2}He's taking his time.
Come on, Gary. Step it up.
863
00:35:05,960 --> 00:35:07,040
{\an1}LAUGHTER
864
00:35:07,080 --> 00:35:10,080
{\an8}Right, let's get going, then.
Hang on.
865
00:35:10,120 --> 00:35:11,160
{\an8}Come on!
866
00:35:13,040 --> 00:35:14,240
{\an7}LAUGHTER
867
00:35:15,360 --> 00:35:16,760
{\an8}No.
868
00:35:16,800 --> 00:35:19,040
{\an8}Right, this is my chance,
really, in't it?
869
00:35:19,080 --> 00:35:20,800
{\an8}Oh...
870
00:35:20,840 --> 00:35:22,600
{\an8}If I don't get him now,
I never will.
871
00:35:23,840 --> 00:35:24,880
{\an2}Shit.
872
00:35:24,920 --> 00:35:26,040
{\an2}Come on, Gary.
873
00:35:27,320 --> 00:35:28,840
{\an2}No!
874
00:35:28,880 --> 00:35:30,240
{\an2}Come on, Gary.
875
00:35:30,280 --> 00:35:31,720
{\an2}Oh, shit.
LAUGHTER
876
00:35:35,480 --> 00:35:37,600
{\an2}Come on.
877
00:35:37,640 --> 00:35:39,160
{\an2}Nearly!
AUDIENCE EXCLAIMS
878
00:35:39,200 --> 00:35:40,520
{\an2}Shit.
879
00:35:41,960 --> 00:35:43,240
{\an2}It's not gone well.
880
00:35:43,280 --> 00:35:44,960
{\an2}Well, you've got about ten seconds.
881
00:35:45,000 --> 00:35:47,120
{\an2}Well, how...? I've not...
I don't want...
882
00:35:47,160 --> 00:35:48,640
{\an2}Ah!
883
00:35:48,680 --> 00:35:50,200
{\an2}I can't get a limb wet.
884
00:35:51,480 --> 00:35:52,720
{\an2}I'll just get one limb...
885
00:35:52,760 --> 00:35:54,800
{\an2}Just one. Ah! Oh, my...!
LAUGHTER
886
00:35:57,160 --> 00:35:59,280
{\an2}Ah! Gary!
887
00:35:59,320 --> 00:36:00,520
{\an2}Ah!
888
00:36:00,560 --> 00:36:02,360
{\an2}Oh!
889
00:36:02,400 --> 00:36:03,800
{\an2}Oh! Oh!
890
00:36:03,840 --> 00:36:06,240
{\an2}LAUGHTER
Oh, oh! Ah! Oh, oh!
891
00:36:06,280 --> 00:36:08,120
{\an2}Ah! Ah!
892
00:36:09,440 --> 00:36:10,800
{\an2}I'm going down!
893
00:36:10,840 --> 00:36:12,520
{\an2}Oh, my God, Alex!
894
00:36:12,560 --> 00:36:15,280
{\an2}Are you all right? Get me out!
895
00:36:15,320 --> 00:36:18,280
{\an2}I'll get you out in a bit.
Fuck! I nearly drowned.
896
00:36:18,320 --> 00:36:20,480
{\an2}Yeah, no, that's very dangerous.
Yeah.
897
00:36:20,520 --> 00:36:21,920
{\an2}I think I got carried away.
898
00:36:21,960 --> 00:36:23,640
{\an2}Yeah. Almost drowned.
899
00:36:23,680 --> 00:36:25,040
{\an2}Are you out?
900
00:36:25,080 --> 00:36:26,360
{\an2}It's very...
901
00:36:26,400 --> 00:36:29,120
{\an2}It's like quicksand in the middle.
LAUGHTER
902
00:36:29,160 --> 00:36:31,280
{\an2}Oh, my God.
903
00:36:31,320 --> 00:36:33,640
{\an2}Yeah. Have to check on your limbs.
904
00:36:33,680 --> 00:36:35,160
{\an2}I think this... this arm's quite...
905
00:36:35,200 --> 00:36:37,080
{\an2}No, that's wet as well.
LAUGHTER
906
00:36:37,120 --> 00:36:38,360
{\an2}Is that Gary?
907
00:36:38,400 --> 00:36:41,080
{\an2}No, that's the scarecrow wearing
some waders to keep you dry.
908
00:36:41,120 --> 00:36:42,360
{\an2}Oh, yeah.
909
00:36:42,400 --> 00:36:44,200
{\an1}AUDIENCE EXCLAIMS
910
00:36:44,240 --> 00:36:46,120
{\an2}Long walk back as well.
911
00:36:47,400 --> 00:36:49,640
{\an1}LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE
912
00:36:51,280 --> 00:36:52,840
{\an2}Just fascinating.
913
00:36:52,880 --> 00:36:54,160
{\an2}Alex didn't help.
914
00:36:54,200 --> 00:36:56,280
{\an2}Did you notice when I was grappling
with my life...
915
00:36:56,320 --> 00:36:57,880
{\an2}LAUGHTER
Yeah.
916
00:36:57,920 --> 00:36:58,960
{\an2}He doesn't.
917
00:36:59,000 --> 00:37:01,560
{\an2}There's this myth going around
that he's a nice guy. Yeah.
918
00:37:01,600 --> 00:37:03,440
{\an2}I saw it. Yeah.
He's an arsehole. Yeah. Yeah.
919
00:37:03,480 --> 00:37:04,800
{\an1}LAUGHTER
920
00:37:04,840 --> 00:37:06,320
{\an2}This is where I got intrigued.
921
00:37:06,360 --> 00:37:09,360
{\an2}You seemed to attempt
to hop across a river.
922
00:37:09,400 --> 00:37:10,760
{\an1}LAUGHTER
923
00:37:11,800 --> 00:37:14,360
{\an2}Yeah, I don't think
I'd do well in an apocalypse.
924
00:37:14,400 --> 00:37:15,440
{\an1}LAUGHTER
925
00:37:15,480 --> 00:37:17,920
{\an2}You know, under pressure.
It's a lot, isn't it?
926
00:37:17,960 --> 00:37:19,480
{\an2}It is, yeah.
LAUGHTER
927
00:37:19,520 --> 00:37:22,000
{\an2}Do you know what you shouted? What?
928
00:37:22,040 --> 00:37:23,680
{\an2}"I'm going down."
929
00:37:23,720 --> 00:37:25,720
{\an1}LAUGHTER
930
00:37:25,760 --> 00:37:29,160
{\an2}And actually, she did look... I was!
..genuinely panicked... Yes.
931
00:37:29,200 --> 00:37:32,040
{\an2}..at one point. Yes. No, I would...
I would like to apologise... I was.
932
00:37:32,080 --> 00:37:33,680
{\an2}..for not doing
anything at all to help.
933
00:37:33,720 --> 00:37:35,240
{\an2}LAUGHTER
I am sorry. I do regret that.
934
00:37:35,280 --> 00:37:36,960
{\an2}Well, absolutely awful.
935
00:37:37,000 --> 00:37:39,080
{\an2}So, shall we give some points out?
936
00:37:39,120 --> 00:37:41,200
{\an2}Well, Sophie, first of all,
didn't actually complete the task,
937
00:37:41,240 --> 00:37:42,680
{\an2}and then got all four limbs wet,
938
00:37:42,720 --> 00:37:44,760
{\an2}so I don't know
what you want to do with that.
939
00:37:44,800 --> 00:37:47,080
{\an2}Well, I want to give her no points.
Right.
940
00:37:47,120 --> 00:37:49,000
{\an1}LAUGHTER
941
00:37:49,040 --> 00:37:50,920
{\an2}But you're the people's champion.
942
00:37:50,960 --> 00:37:52,120
{\an2}Yeah.
943
00:37:52,160 --> 00:37:55,200
{\an1}CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
944
00:37:56,720 --> 00:37:58,840
{\an2}Uh, Nick took two minutes 45.
945
00:37:58,880 --> 00:38:02,400
{\an2}Two limbs got wet, so that doubles
twice to 11 minutes.
946
00:38:02,440 --> 00:38:03,920
{\an2}John, two minutes five seconds.
947
00:38:03,960 --> 00:38:05,800
{\an2}Steve, one minute 28 seconds.
948
00:38:05,840 --> 00:38:09,520
{\an2}And a new European record,
Joanne 48 seconds and five points!
949
00:38:09,560 --> 00:38:13,000
{\an2}Wow!
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
950
00:38:13,040 --> 00:38:15,520
{\an2}Let's have a look at the scores.
Yes, unfortunately, Sophie,
951
00:38:15,560 --> 00:38:17,480
{\an2}you do still have quite
a low number - six.
952
00:38:17,520 --> 00:38:20,880
{\an2}At the other end, Joanne, 13,
Steve, 14, and John has 15 points.
953
00:38:20,920 --> 00:38:23,200
{\an1}CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
954
00:38:25,960 --> 00:38:27,240
{\an2}Very good. OK, everyone.
955
00:38:27,280 --> 00:38:29,000
{\an2}For the first time this series,
956
00:38:29,040 --> 00:38:30,800
{\an2}will you please make your way
to the stage
957
00:38:30,840 --> 00:38:33,000
{\an2}for the final task of the show?
958
00:38:33,040 --> 00:38:34,880
{\an1}CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
959
00:38:41,320 --> 00:38:44,040
{\an2}Hi, Alex. Oh, hi, Greg. Who's going
to read the task out for us?
960
00:38:44,080 --> 00:38:45,880
{\an2}Oh, I think Nick Mohammed's
going to read it.
961
00:38:45,920 --> 00:38:49,080
{\an2}Here we go.
"Bring your sausage to life.
962
00:38:49,120 --> 00:38:50,920
{\an2}"You have 30 seconds.
963
00:38:50,960 --> 00:38:53,200
{\an2}"You may not write any words
on your drawing.
964
00:38:53,240 --> 00:38:54,600
{\an2}"Best sausage wins."
965
00:38:54,640 --> 00:38:56,640
{\an2}Yes, so, there's going
to be four rounds of this,
966
00:38:56,680 --> 00:38:59,120
{\an2}and you're bringing your sausage
to life in different ways.
967
00:38:59,160 --> 00:39:00,600
{\an2}This is their sausage, Greg.
968
00:39:00,640 --> 00:39:01,840
{\an2}Oh, what a lovely sausage.
969
00:39:01,880 --> 00:39:05,320
{\an2}So, every round,
you add to the one picture?
970
00:39:05,360 --> 00:39:07,320
{\an2}Yes, I'll give you
a new characteristic
971
00:39:07,360 --> 00:39:08,920
{\an2}for that sausage. Oh!
972
00:39:08,960 --> 00:39:10,920
{\an2}The worst sausage each time
will be eliminated.
973
00:39:10,960 --> 00:39:12,040
{\an2}Oh, God.
974
00:39:12,080 --> 00:39:14,720
{\an2}So, Greg will now give you
the first category.
975
00:39:14,760 --> 00:39:18,680
{\an2}After Alex's whistle,
make your sausage human.
976
00:39:18,720 --> 00:39:20,440
{\an1}ALEX BLOWS WHISTLE
977
00:39:20,480 --> 00:39:22,800
{\an2}The least human sausage
will be eliminated.
978
00:39:22,840 --> 00:39:24,680
{\an2}And they're off, Greg.
979
00:39:24,720 --> 00:39:27,000
{\an2}I will be eliminating someone.
980
00:39:27,040 --> 00:39:29,400
{\an2}Sophie hasn't started. Make it...
I've finished.
981
00:39:29,440 --> 00:39:30,880
{\an2}Oh, apologies.
982
00:39:30,920 --> 00:39:32,360
{\an1}ALEX BLOWS WHISTLE
983
00:39:32,400 --> 00:39:34,000
{\an2}Pens down!
984
00:39:34,040 --> 00:39:37,080
{\an2}Round one is over, Greg. Would you
like to see Joanne's sausage?
985
00:39:37,120 --> 00:39:38,400
{\an2}I would, thank you.
986
00:39:38,440 --> 00:39:39,720
{\an2}Oh!
987
00:39:39,760 --> 00:39:41,160
{\an2}Oh, great.
LAUGHTER
988
00:39:41,200 --> 00:39:43,880
{\an2}I just immediately
drew reproductive organs
989
00:39:43,920 --> 00:39:45,200
{\an2}of both sexes, so...
990
00:39:45,240 --> 00:39:46,520
{\an2}Oh, I see.
991
00:39:46,560 --> 00:39:48,440
{\an2}That's just eyes -
obviously, very human.
992
00:39:48,480 --> 00:39:51,240
{\an2}Teeth, very human.
Reproductive organs there.
993
00:39:51,280 --> 00:39:53,000
{\an2}That's the fallopian tubes.
994
00:39:53,040 --> 00:39:55,400
{\an2}The vulva.
995
00:39:55,440 --> 00:39:56,840
{\an2}And then the penis and testes.
996
00:39:56,880 --> 00:39:58,320
{\an2}You don't get more human than that.
997
00:39:58,360 --> 00:40:01,880
{\an2}Exactly! That's what I was thinking.
Nice. That is a strong opener.
998
00:40:01,920 --> 00:40:04,480
{\an2}John, please show Greg your sausage.
999
00:40:04,520 --> 00:40:06,200
{\an1}LAUGHTER
1000
00:40:08,080 --> 00:40:09,360
{\an2}I like it, John.
1001
00:40:09,400 --> 00:40:11,840
{\an2}I wanted to give
human characteristics
1002
00:40:11,880 --> 00:40:15,680
{\an2}without putting all of my eggs
into one human basket.
1003
00:40:15,720 --> 00:40:18,560
{\an2}Lovely. I like John's smile. OK.
1004
00:40:18,600 --> 00:40:21,760
{\an2}Not necessarily any more
than I like Joanne's penis.
1005
00:40:21,800 --> 00:40:23,840
{\an1}LAUGHTER
1006
00:40:23,880 --> 00:40:25,960
{\an2}OK, it's Nick Mohammed next.
1007
00:40:26,000 --> 00:40:28,240
{\an2}It's similar to John's, in a way.
1008
00:40:28,280 --> 00:40:31,480
{\an2}Ah. That took 30 seconds, Greg.
1009
00:40:31,520 --> 00:40:32,680
{\an1}LAUGHTER
1010
00:40:32,720 --> 00:40:35,480
{\an2}Yeah. You're sticking
with the Dracula thing, yeah?
1011
00:40:35,520 --> 00:40:38,480
{\an2}I just suddenly thought that doesn't
make it human, though, does it? No.
1012
00:40:38,520 --> 00:40:40,200
{\an1}LAUGHTER
1013
00:40:40,240 --> 00:40:42,040
{\an2}Let's have a look
at Sophie's drawing.
1014
00:40:42,080 --> 00:40:44,200
{\an2}I think I've shown humanity
in a sausage.
1015
00:40:44,240 --> 00:40:45,600
{\an2}And we've gone portrait as well.
1016
00:40:45,640 --> 00:40:46,920
{\an2}Oh.
1017
00:40:46,960 --> 00:40:48,640
{\an2}Existentialism.
1018
00:40:48,680 --> 00:40:50,160
{\an1}LAUGHTER
1019
00:40:50,200 --> 00:40:52,120
{\an2}He's going through
a crisis, all right.
1020
00:40:52,160 --> 00:40:53,400
{\an2}He's asking questions.
1021
00:40:53,440 --> 00:40:56,800
{\an2}He is. "Who am I?"
It's lovely. Thank you.
Do you want to see my sausage?
1022
00:40:56,840 --> 00:40:59,560
{\an2}Oh, I... I really do,
and I'm hoping it's shit.
1023
00:40:59,600 --> 00:41:01,280
{\an2}Oh, no, it's not. Oh, hang on.
1024
00:41:01,320 --> 00:41:02,440
{\an2}Pop it up the other way.
1025
00:41:02,480 --> 00:41:05,120
{\an2}We've been here before,
haven't we, Steve?
1026
00:41:05,160 --> 00:41:07,160
{\an1}LAUGHTER
1027
00:41:07,200 --> 00:41:08,560
{\an2}Sausage party girl.
1028
00:41:08,600 --> 00:41:10,320
{\an2}She's quite fey, isn't she?
1029
00:41:10,360 --> 00:41:11,800
{\an2}Yeah, she's off to a festival.
1030
00:41:11,840 --> 00:41:14,400
{\an2}You know, she's hoping
to hear some bangers and, um...
1031
00:41:14,440 --> 00:41:16,680
{\an2}Yeah.
AUDIENCE GROANS AND LAUGHS
1032
00:41:16,720 --> 00:41:18,400
{\an2}Come on, Greg!
1033
00:41:22,080 --> 00:41:24,680
{\an2}This guy's going to push me
to the edge over the series.
LAUGHTER
1034
00:41:24,720 --> 00:41:26,800
{\an2}So, you're going to have
eliminate one of these,
1035
00:41:26,840 --> 00:41:29,040
{\an2}and this person will get one point,
so who is that Greg?
1036
00:41:29,080 --> 00:41:33,000
{\an2}I'm going to have to get rid
of Dracula. Sorry. Aw. One point
to Nick Mohammed. That's all right.
1037
00:41:33,040 --> 00:41:34,240
{\an1}APPLAUSE
1038
00:41:34,280 --> 00:41:36,760
{\an2}Please collect in your sausages.
Round two, Greg.
1039
00:41:36,800 --> 00:41:39,080
{\an2}Make your sausage scary.
1040
00:41:39,120 --> 00:41:41,440
{\an2}Least scary sausage is eliminated.
1041
00:41:41,480 --> 00:41:43,200
{\an2}Adapt that sausage.
ALEX BLOWS WHISTLE
1042
00:41:48,560 --> 00:41:50,320
{\an2}ALEX BLOWS WHISTLE
Pens down!
1043
00:41:50,360 --> 00:41:52,400
{\an2}Would you like to see some
scary sausages, Greg?
1044
00:41:52,440 --> 00:41:53,800
{\an2}Yes, I would. Joanne.
1045
00:41:53,840 --> 00:41:55,920
{\an2}Here's my sausage. Oh!
1046
00:41:55,960 --> 00:41:57,120
{\an2}Wow.
1047
00:41:57,160 --> 00:41:58,320
{\an2}Thank you.
1048
00:41:58,360 --> 00:41:59,560
{\an2}That is...
1049
00:41:59,600 --> 00:42:01,800
{\an2}And I got rid of the womb,
cos men are scarier.
1050
00:42:01,840 --> 00:42:05,360
{\an2}Satan's going to be a man... Yeah.
..right, girls? Right.
1051
00:42:05,400 --> 00:42:06,920
{\an2}Am I right?
LAUGHTER
1052
00:42:06,960 --> 00:42:08,720
{\an2}Do you want to see
John's sausage now?
1053
00:42:08,760 --> 00:42:10,040
{\an2}Yes, I do.
1054
00:42:10,080 --> 00:42:14,040
{\an2}Well, it's still a mouth,
but the lipstick...
1055
00:42:14,080 --> 00:42:15,840
{\an2}Ah. ..has become blood!
1056
00:42:15,880 --> 00:42:17,720
{\an2}It's blood!
LAUGHTER
1057
00:42:18,840 --> 00:42:20,000
{\an2}Sophie.
1058
00:42:21,440 --> 00:42:23,760
{\an1}LAUGHTER
1059
00:42:23,800 --> 00:42:27,600
{\an2}It looks to me like your sausage is
just holding up a big oven chip.
1060
00:42:27,640 --> 00:42:29,360
{\an1}LAUGHTER
1061
00:42:29,400 --> 00:42:30,480
{\an2}It's a knife.
1062
00:42:30,520 --> 00:42:32,000
{\an2}Oh, it's a knife. Ah.
1063
00:42:32,040 --> 00:42:33,720
{\an2}If I'd have got the blood in,
1064
00:42:33,760 --> 00:42:36,560
{\an2}an angry sausage on a...
on the rampage.
1065
00:42:36,600 --> 00:42:38,840
{\an2}Steve? Um, so...
1066
00:42:38,880 --> 00:42:40,320
{\an2}Oh, nice.
1067
00:42:40,360 --> 00:42:41,760
{\an2}..she's gone psycho.
1068
00:42:41,800 --> 00:42:43,520
{\an2}It's Texas Chainsaw Sausage.
1069
00:42:43,560 --> 00:42:45,680
{\an2}And she's holding
the head of a human.
1070
00:42:45,720 --> 00:42:48,360
{\an2}Four scary sausages, Greg.
Which one were you least scared of?
1071
00:42:48,400 --> 00:42:51,000
{\an2}I think we all know which one
I was least scared of.
LAUGHTER
1072
00:42:51,040 --> 00:42:52,600
{\an2}I'm afraid Sophie is eliminated.
1073
00:42:52,640 --> 00:42:54,400
{\an2}Two points to Sophie Willan.
1074
00:42:54,440 --> 00:42:56,520
{\an2}APPLAUSE
Unlucky, Sophie.
1075
00:42:58,080 --> 00:42:59,280
{\an2}OK, what's round three, Greg?
1076
00:42:59,320 --> 00:43:02,600
{\an2}Round three is make your sausage
sporty. Adapt that sausage.
1077
00:43:02,640 --> 00:43:03,920
{\an1}ALEX BLOWS WHISTLE
1078
00:43:07,840 --> 00:43:10,120
{\an2}ALEX BLOWS WHISTLE
Stop adapting your sausages.
1079
00:43:10,160 --> 00:43:12,120
{\an2}Would you like to see
Joanne's sporty sausage?
1080
00:43:12,160 --> 00:43:13,800
{\an2}You know I would.
LAUGHTER
1081
00:43:15,040 --> 00:43:16,320
{\an1}LAUGHTER
1082
00:43:16,360 --> 00:43:18,400
{\an2}Tennis racquet.
Oh, is that what it is?
1083
00:43:18,440 --> 00:43:20,160
{\an2}Yeah. Egg and spoon.
LAUGHTER
1084
00:43:21,480 --> 00:43:23,280
{\an2}Footballs. Yeah.
1085
00:43:23,320 --> 00:43:24,680
{\an2}And that's speed.
1086
00:43:24,720 --> 00:43:25,920
{\an1}LAUGHTER
1087
00:43:25,960 --> 00:43:28,240
{\an2}What I'm seeing is
a big sausage on wheels
1088
00:43:28,280 --> 00:43:29,840
{\an2}farting its way towards a lollypop.
1089
00:43:29,880 --> 00:43:31,960
{\an2}LAUGHTER
He's moving, though.
1090
00:43:32,000 --> 00:43:33,800
{\an2}Would you like to see
John's sporty sausage?
1091
00:43:33,840 --> 00:43:34,880
{\an2}Yes, please.
1092
00:43:36,040 --> 00:43:39,000
{\an2}Picture the scene.
LAUGHTER
1093
00:43:39,040 --> 00:43:41,400
{\an2}A velodrome. OK.
1094
00:43:41,440 --> 00:43:45,520
{\an2}Team GB are going
for the, uh, cycling gold.
1095
00:43:45,560 --> 00:43:47,600
{\an2}Uh, they're on their bicycles...
Yeah.
1096
00:43:47,640 --> 00:43:51,400
{\an2}..which are at the bottom,
and they're cycling so fast, Greg,
1097
00:43:51,440 --> 00:43:53,720
{\an2}they've given themselves
terrible gum disease.
1098
00:43:53,760 --> 00:43:56,440
{\an1}LAUGHTER
1099
00:43:56,480 --> 00:43:57,800
{\an2}One sausage left, Greg.
1100
00:43:57,840 --> 00:44:00,400
{\an2}This is, um... Hockey.
..a hockey game.
1101
00:44:00,440 --> 00:44:01,440
{\an2}Yeah.
1102
00:44:01,480 --> 00:44:03,840
{\an2}We've got the hockey stick
with the fingers holding it,
1103
00:44:03,880 --> 00:44:05,120
{\an2}and this person's tackling.
1104
00:44:05,160 --> 00:44:06,160
{\an2}Yeah.
1105
00:44:06,200 --> 00:44:07,560
{\an8}And this is the ball... Yeah.
1106
00:44:07,600 --> 00:44:09,320
{\an8}..and, uh, the sausage character...
is about to score...
1107
00:44:09,360 --> 00:44:11,840
{\an2}Lovely. ..a goal. I could see
it was hockey straight away.
1108
00:44:11,880 --> 00:44:13,480
{\an2}Least sporty sausage, Greg.
1109
00:44:13,520 --> 00:44:16,040
{\an2}I just don't believe
that Team GB suffer
1110
00:44:16,080 --> 00:44:17,960
{\an2}from cracked and bleeding mouths...
1111
00:44:18,000 --> 00:44:19,160
{\an1}LAUGHTER
1112
00:44:19,200 --> 00:44:20,560
{\an2}..so I'm going to eliminate John.
1113
00:44:20,600 --> 00:44:22,560
{\an2}Third place and three points
to John Robins.
1114
00:44:22,600 --> 00:44:24,240
{\an1}APPLAUSE
1115
00:44:24,280 --> 00:44:25,680
{\an2}Woo!
1116
00:44:25,720 --> 00:44:29,200
{\an2}What is the final category, Greg?
Make your sausage sexy.
1117
00:44:30,560 --> 00:44:32,640
{\an2}Adapt those sausages.
ALEX BLOWS WHISTLE
1118
00:44:32,680 --> 00:44:35,560
{\an2}And they're off.Oh, Christ.
LAUGHTER
1119
00:44:37,880 --> 00:44:38,880
{\an1}ALEX BLOWS WHISTLE
1120
00:44:38,920 --> 00:44:40,360
{\an2}Stop making
your sausages sexy, please.
1121
00:44:40,400 --> 00:44:43,000
{\an2}Would you like to see
Joanne's sexy sausage first?
1122
00:44:43,040 --> 00:44:45,640
{\an2}Let's see that sexed-up sausage.
LAUGHTER
1123
00:44:45,680 --> 00:44:47,080
{\an2}This is a stripper pole...
1124
00:44:47,120 --> 00:44:48,560
{\an2}Oh.
1125
00:44:48,600 --> 00:44:51,520
{\an2}..that it's spinning around on.
Yes, the sexiest of all things.
1126
00:44:51,560 --> 00:44:53,480
{\an2}These are, uh, some breasts.
1127
00:44:53,520 --> 00:44:55,240
{\an2}Yes.
1128
00:44:55,280 --> 00:44:56,720
{\an2}Quite... Quite a few breasts.
1129
00:44:56,760 --> 00:44:59,040
{\an2}Yeah, well, it's a sausage.
He's not short of space.
1130
00:44:59,080 --> 00:45:00,760
{\an2}These are kind of, you know,
1131
00:45:00,800 --> 00:45:03,320
{\an2}the kinky boots
that sexy women wear. Uh-huh.
1132
00:45:03,360 --> 00:45:05,000
{\an2}This is some sort of thong.
1133
00:45:05,040 --> 00:45:06,200
{\an2}Yeah. A bit of lingerie.
1134
00:45:06,240 --> 00:45:07,840
{\an2}That's it - a thong on a sausage.
1135
00:45:07,880 --> 00:45:09,120
{\an1}LAUGHTER
1136
00:45:09,160 --> 00:45:11,880
{\an2}Now you've got Poppa's attention.
LAUGHTER
1137
00:45:13,720 --> 00:45:16,280
{\an2}And then this is a gimp mask
on the head. OK.
1138
00:45:16,320 --> 00:45:17,840
{\an1}LAUGHTER
1139
00:45:17,880 --> 00:45:21,240
{\an2}Thank you, Joanne.
APPLAUSE
1140
00:45:21,280 --> 00:45:23,200
{\an2}Steve, the heat is on.
1141
00:45:23,240 --> 00:45:25,040
{\an2}We've gone a little bit S&M.
1142
00:45:25,080 --> 00:45:26,920
{\an2}We've got a nice harness on. Yeah.
1143
00:45:26,960 --> 00:45:29,600
{\an2}We've added some lipstick
for sexiness. Mm. So sexy.
1144
00:45:29,640 --> 00:45:31,120
{\an2}So, that is a sexy mouth. Yeah.
1145
00:45:31,160 --> 00:45:32,280
{\an8}There's the whip there.
1146
00:45:32,320 --> 00:45:35,080
{\an8}Yeah. Can you see the sexy braids?
Absolutely.
1147
00:45:35,120 --> 00:45:37,920
{\an2}If I want to get sexy,
you'd better get them braids in.
1148
00:45:37,960 --> 00:45:39,960
{\an1}LAUGHTER
1149
00:45:40,000 --> 00:45:42,320
{\an2}I can't mark these on sexiness,
1150
00:45:42,360 --> 00:45:45,720
{\an2}so I think what I've got to do
is to give the most points
1151
00:45:45,760 --> 00:45:49,400
{\an2}to the sheer amount
of sexual reference.
1152
00:45:49,440 --> 00:45:52,640
{\an2}There's more sexual references
in Joanne's weird drawing
1153
00:45:52,680 --> 00:45:54,520
{\an2}than there is in
Steve's weird drawing,
1154
00:45:54,560 --> 00:45:55,720
{\an2}so let's go four and five.
1155
00:45:55,760 --> 00:45:58,440
{\an2}There we go. The winner is
Joanne McNally - five points!
1156
00:45:58,480 --> 00:46:00,400
{\an1}CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
1157
00:46:00,440 --> 00:46:02,480
{\an2}So, why don't you all come down here
1158
00:46:02,520 --> 00:46:05,080
{\an2}and we'll see what that's done
to the final scores?
1159
00:46:05,120 --> 00:46:06,600
{\an1}CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
1160
00:46:08,680 --> 00:46:12,320
{\an2}Oh, hi, everyone. Wow.
1161
00:46:12,360 --> 00:46:15,640
{\an2}Oh, so many sausages.
Those sausages rocked. Yeah.
1162
00:46:15,680 --> 00:46:18,920
{\an2}Greg, we have a three-way tie.
Look at the scoreboard.
1163
00:46:18,960 --> 00:46:20,320
{\an2}Whoa!
1164
00:46:20,360 --> 00:46:23,600
{\an2}Yes, Joanne, John,
and Steve are in the lead.
1165
00:46:23,640 --> 00:46:25,880
{\an1}APPLAUSE
1166
00:46:25,920 --> 00:46:27,320
{\an2}Well, what are we going to do?
1167
00:46:27,360 --> 00:46:30,440
{\an2}We do a chess piece in
a chest of peas tie-break, Greg.
1168
00:46:30,480 --> 00:46:31,520
{\an2}Obviously.
1169
00:46:31,560 --> 00:46:33,840
{\an2}Let's see how they all got on.
1170
00:46:33,880 --> 00:46:37,640
{\an2}"Which chess piece is not
in the peas chest?"
1171
00:46:37,680 --> 00:46:40,280
{\an2}"Fastest correct answer wins."
1172
00:46:40,320 --> 00:46:42,480
{\an2}"Your time starts now."
1173
00:46:42,520 --> 00:46:45,920
{\an2}I don't know anything about chess,
so I'm just going to guess.
1174
00:46:45,960 --> 00:46:48,280
{\an2}Sorry, dear. So sorry, dear.
1175
00:46:48,320 --> 00:46:50,240
{\an2}No-one else is going
to know this either,
1176
00:46:50,280 --> 00:46:51,480
{\an2}except for Steve Pemberton.
1177
00:46:51,520 --> 00:46:53,840
{\an2}Six, seven.
My answer is a white pawn.
1178
00:46:53,880 --> 00:46:55,640
{\an2}So, there's a pawn missing, then.
1179
00:46:55,680 --> 00:46:57,560
{\an2}I bet it's one that's somewhere
in the...
1180
00:46:57,600 --> 00:46:59,600
{\an2}Oh, it's this one. Stop.
1181
00:46:59,640 --> 00:47:01,000
{\an2}Ah, yes!
1182
00:47:01,040 --> 00:47:02,840
{\an1}APPLAUSE
1183
00:47:04,560 --> 00:47:06,240
{\an2}Well, I think we have a winner,
don't we?
1184
00:47:06,280 --> 00:47:08,360
{\an2}We do. I can tell you Joanne
was four minutes 28,
1185
00:47:08,400 --> 00:47:09,520
{\an2}John, one minute 26,
1186
00:47:09,560 --> 00:47:11,640
{\an2}Steve Pemberton, 13 seconds,
and the episode.
1187
00:47:11,680 --> 00:47:13,840
{\an1}CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
1188
00:47:15,200 --> 00:47:17,480
{\an2}Steve Pemberton wins!
1189
00:47:17,520 --> 00:47:20,640
{\an2}Please go and fumble with the things
that you can mumble.
1190
00:47:20,680 --> 00:47:23,320
{\an1}CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
1191
00:47:26,240 --> 00:47:28,840
{\an1}CHEERING AND APPLAUSE CONTINUES
1192
00:47:52,000 --> 00:47:54,000
{\an8}Subtitles by Red Bee Media