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This program me contains
strong language and adult humour

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BELL RINGS
Good evening.

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Argh!
SLURPS LOUDLY

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Argh! Ah!

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HE VOCALISES

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I trained at RADA.

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What have I created?!

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So sorry.

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How we laughed.

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Ahh!

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Huh?

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CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
Hello!

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Hello, everyone!

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I'm Greg Davies, and I would
like to welcome you to

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the Taskmaster grand final!

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CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

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This is where we finally sort
the wheat from the chaff,

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the culmination of ten weeks of
fundamentally pointless activity

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pops its cork right here, right now.

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At the end of this episode,
one of our fearless five

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will be able to hold aloft
my gilded dome

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and scream like a feral wolf
into the night sky,

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"My parents may well have
thought my chosen career path

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"was disappointing,
given the opportunities

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"I was afforded in life!

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"But no-one, no-one can
take this from me!"

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Please give them a huge round of
applause for the final time,

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they are Julian Clary...
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

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...Lucy Beaumont...
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

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...Sam Campbell...
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

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...Sue Perkins...
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

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...and Susan Wokoma!
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

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And now, for a man
who once confided in me that

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he considered Welsh people to
only be suited to menial work...

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HIGH-PITCHED:
..it's little Alex Hooorne!

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CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
Not all, not all. Some. Most.

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Hello. Ahh!

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Hello, there. Oh, I'm so excited,
it's the live final.

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Oh, it is, are you excited? Yes.

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Yeah, well, I am, cos it's live

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the first-ever live edition
of Taskmaster.

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Anything could happen. OK.

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Cos we're live on Channel 4!

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Yeah, we're not live. Whoo!

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We're live, look.
Look at the watch, just after 9pm.

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So, it must be live.

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Yeah, you've changed
your watch, yeah.

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You can't change a watch Greg!
Oh, man.

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Look I'll send a tweet right now.

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Oh, so look at your phones.

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LAUGHTER

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They'll have just got that.

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If you're watching the show,
go to your windows

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and I want you to shout...

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..."What's the weather like?"

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AUDIENCE: Mild. It's mild!

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It's mild!
LAUGHTER

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How would I know it's mild?

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Yeah, God, it doesn"t sound like
two people planted in

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the same room as us.

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Right, it's time to find out what
the final prize task category is.

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The final category is the thing
that, when you turn it round,

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gives you the biggest shock.

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AUDIENCE OOHS
Thank you.

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5 points for the most shocking
thing when turned around and,

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at the end of the show, the overall
winner will take them all home.

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What a shocking turnaround!

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LAUGHTER

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FLATLY: That's comedy. Sue!

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Erm, what's the thing
that you've brought in that,

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when you turn around,
will give me a shock?

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Well, let's see the thing from,
er, the first position.

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Pre-turn around. Pre-turn around.

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All right. Uh-oh.

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Let's turn it round,
what could be there?

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Er, here we go.

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LAUGHTER

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Not a penis. Wow.

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Why are you smooth from the back?

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I do sort of rub, I guess,
I rub...I rub around a bit.

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LAUGHTER

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I-I rub mo-more on the back
than the front.

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Fidgeting will otter a man down.

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Sam. Yes. You all right?
I'm good.

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Have you done something
different with your...?

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It was all a bit grey.

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LAUGHTER
Yeah.

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Erm, what thing have you brought in
that, when you turn it around,

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will shock me? A baby.

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OK, so here's the baby
from the back.

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AUDIENCE GROANS

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Oh, God. Look at it. Yeah.
Look at it.

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LAUGHTER
Aww! No way!

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You can't be serious!

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Jesus Christ.

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I mean, I'm not that shocked
because I knew it would be

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something like that. Susan.

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Er, my prize is
some vanilla ice cream.

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And I actually have it here
for you, Greg. OK.

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Is it something horrible, though?

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Erm...

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LAUGHTER

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Hmm. If it's made out of
human breast milk...

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LAUGHTER

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Now, would you turn the label round?

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Yeah, and that's the ingredients.

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Yeah, a mixture of anal secretions
and urine of beavers.

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Yeah, it's a standard ingredient in

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vanilla ice cream castoreum.

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Are you serious? I'm serious.

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They've all got beaver piss in them?

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Not all of them,
but that one, yes. Oh, yuck.

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It's normally categorised
under "natural ingredients,”

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so you won't know that you're
sucking on some secretion of beaver.

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LAUGHTER
Well, where are all these beavers?

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OK.

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Yeah, that's, er, genuinely
horrific, thank you.

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Julian, what have you brought in?

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It's an urn containing the, erm,

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ashes of a friend of mine.

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LAUGHTER

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It's a first for the show.

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So, here's the urn from the front.

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Turn the urn!

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LAUGHTER

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So, let me explain. Please!

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I was on tour in Norwich,
and I saw this in a shop window

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and I really liked it.

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So, I bought it, and then,
a week later, my friend died.

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And that was his favourite word,
and this was his favourite program me

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so I thought he'd love to
appear on this show.

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ALL: Aww!

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Well, you're clearly going to win.

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LAUGHTER

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Because the idea that you might -
genuinely might make me feel moved

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with an urn that's got "shit"
written on it...

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LAUGHTER
You're doing very well Julian.

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Hi, Lucy.

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Erm...it's a lamp.

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So, my daughter had her hair braid,

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and then, it sparked a memory.

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My mum was at our house, and I said
"Oh, I used to have one of them,"

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cos like I untaffled my daughter's
when she didn't want it in,

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and I said. Er...

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Untaffled? Fairly sure
"untaffled” isn't a word.

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What? Untaffled?

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Are you joking me?

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"Your search did not
match any documents.

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"Did you mean unruffled, unmuffled,
unravelled or unbaffled?"

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No! OK.
LAUGHTER

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I tell you what, there'll be people
screaming at the TV now.

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No. Well, we can listen.

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Fuck 'em.
LAUGHTER

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APPLAUSE

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Fair play to the boy.

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OK, you were untaffling a thing?

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So, I untaffled it, but my mum -

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I said, "You just cut mine
out of my hair,"

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and she said, "Yeah, I know."

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And she said, "I've still got it.
Have you never noticed?

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"It's the light pulley for
the downstairs toilet.”

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Yeah, and it's on this
lamp here now.

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LAUGHTER

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But has it shocked you?

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Yeah, I don't know why I
find it so unsettling.

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MUTTERING: Jesus Christ.

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Do you need a second,
or you all right?

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Well, we're live, aren't we?
So I should... Yeah.

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...speed through it if I can.

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Honestly, I knew it was going
to be his horrible bottom.

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1 point to Sue Perkins.

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I mean, I am shocked by Sam's baby,
but I'm not shocked -

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because Sam's brought something
like that in every week.

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OK, so 2 points to Sam.

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I'll give 3 points to Susan,

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4 points, inexplicably, for
that braid - it's unsettled me.

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And 5 points because
he pulled a sweet story out of

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one of the darkest things ever
to appear on the show.

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Julian Clary gets 5 points!

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Well done, Julian.
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

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OK, what's next, Alex?

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OK, well, we're sticking with
the shocking theme, Greg,

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and combining it with one
of your five-a-day.

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Hello. Hello, Julian.

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I like a sitting-down task.

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WHISPERING: Oh, wow.

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I love doughnuts.

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"Do something shocking...

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"..but family-friendly
with this doughnut.

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"Do something shocking, but
family-friendly with this doughnut."

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Oh, cos I mean, obviously,
you would want to put it on

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a penis, wouldn't you?

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"Most shocking doughnut deed wins.

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"You've got 15 minutes."

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Right. And what did your time do?

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Oh, yes. "The time starts now."
Erm... Thank you.

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Yeah.

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Nothing going through my head
is family-friendly.

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Oh, really? Not one idea.

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Well, I...what if I like tried
to marry it or something, like,

201
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just, you know, just like,
that's crazy?

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What would my child find shocking?

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Anything to do with faeces,
she finds shocking.

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Can't do that,
put a poo through it?

205
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No, like, every single
thing is filthy.

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No, that's filthy,
that's filthy...

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that's filthy.

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Had it been a jam doughnut,
then there could've been

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all kinds of, you know,
slight filth.

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I've thought of something.

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Is it family-friendly?

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Well, my family wouldn't mind.

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LAUGHTER

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APPLAUSE

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I think Lucy spoke for the nation,
really, by voicing the first thing

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that we all think of,
which is to pop it on a penis.

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00:09:55,160 --> 00:09:57,615
Yeah. We agree on that,
but I'm intrigued, Susan,

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that you thought of at least three
more filthy things internally.

219
00:10:01,280 --> 00:10:02,975
Yeah. Do you want to
share any of them?

220
00:10:03,000 --> 00:10:05,015
Ah, really? Just one.

221
00:10:05,040 --> 00:10:06,935
Erm, bite it apart, and then,

222
00:10:06,960 --> 00:10:08,575
shove the rest up your arse.

223
00:10:08,600 --> 00:10:11,575
LAUGHTER

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00:10:11,600 --> 00:10:13,215
SAM: Wokoma.

225
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That's the number-two
thing you go to?

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00:10:18,440 --> 00:10:21,575
OK, thanks, Susan.
Yeah, of course, let's crack on.

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00:10:21,600 --> 00:10:25,215
OK, we're going to begin
with Lucy and Sam.

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What do you find more shocking
and saucy out of these two?

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00:10:30,640 --> 00:10:32,375
It's gotta be red.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.

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CROW CAWS

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LUCY SQUAWKS LOUDLY

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Are you hungry, baby bird?

233
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SHE SQUAWKS

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00:10:50,360 --> 00:10:51,815
Yes, I am quite hungry, actually.

235
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Ohh!
SHE TRILLS

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I'll go and get you
something to eat. OK.

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SHE SQUAWKS

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How does that grab you?

239
00:11:02,000 --> 00:11:04,735
I'm quite excited. Really?

240
00:11:04,760 --> 00:11:06,655
I know you're a married man,
but, er...

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HE CHUCKLES

242
00:11:07,720 --> 00:11:09,015
SHE SQUAWKS

243
00:11:09,040 --> 00:11:10,295
Mm!

244
00:11:12,720 --> 00:11:14,095
Mm!

245
00:11:14,120 --> 00:11:15,695
SHE CHIRPS

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00:11:22,600 --> 00:11:25,695
AUDIENCE EXCLAIMS

247
00:11:27,720 --> 00:11:29,015
SHE SQUAWKS

248
00:11:30,200 --> 00:11:31,855
Oh, Horne-dog!

249
00:11:35,400 --> 00:11:36,615
Wow,

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SHE SQUAWKS

251
00:11:42,680 --> 00:11:44,255
SHE RETCHES

252
00:11:45,800 --> 00:11:48,015
RETCHING CONTINUES

253
00:11:50,880 --> 00:11:53,175
Here you go, little baby.

254
00:11:53,200 --> 00:11:55,095
Here's a little breakfast.
Do you like it?

255
00:11:55,120 --> 00:11:57,455
AUDIENCE SCREAMS
Is it nice?

256
00:11:57,480 --> 00:12:00,095
Want some more? OK, here you go.

257
00:12:00,120 --> 00:12:02,575
SHE SQUAWKS

258
00:12:02,600 --> 00:12:04,895
Oh! Good boy!
AUDIENCE SCREAMS

259
00:12:04,920 --> 00:12:06,135
Ohh!

260
00:12:06,160 --> 00:12:09,975
SHE SQUAWKS

261
00:12:16,720 --> 00:12:17,695
Oh.

262
00:12:22,000 --> 00:12:22,935
She's very high up.

263
00:12:22,960 --> 00:12:25,215
Close to the heavens.

264
00:12:25,240 --> 00:12:27,055
You finished?

265
00:12:27,080 --> 00:12:28,815
Let's go back inside.

266
00:12:28,840 --> 00:12:30,415
SAM CACKLES SUSPICIOUSLY

267
00:12:33,160 --> 00:12:34,855
CROW CAWS

268
00:12:40,400 --> 00:12:42,615
DRAMATIC MUSICAL STING

269
00:12:44,200 --> 00:12:45,775
EXPLOSION

270
00:12:47,320 --> 00:12:50,535
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

271
00:12:52,240 --> 00:12:55,695
Oh...my God.

272
00:12:55,720 --> 00:12:57,175
LAUGHTER

273
00:12:57,200 --> 00:12:59,535
We all knew, as soon as you
came out as a bird,

274
00:12:59,560 --> 00:13:01,255
I went, "Oh, no."

275
00:13:02,440 --> 00:13:05,815
Because, if you ask Alex to eat
anything, he always says yes.

276
00:13:05,840 --> 00:13:07,295
We were at a wedding together once,

277
00:13:07,320 --> 00:13:09,135
and I made him eat
a whole pat of butter.

278
00:13:09,160 --> 00:13:10,815
He's weird, he just went, "Yeah."

279
00:13:10,840 --> 00:13:13,215
I'm not the one who gobbled
a beaver's anal gland.

280
00:13:18,040 --> 00:13:21,215
Genuinely absolutely disgusting.

281
00:13:21,240 --> 00:13:24,495
But that's nature, I mean,
Richard Attenborough wouldn't find.

282
00:13:24,520 --> 00:13:28,295
David. David, sorry.
LAUGHTER

283
00:13:31,400 --> 00:13:35,855
Sam, I don't know...

284
00:13:35,880 --> 00:13:38,935
Yeah, it's not really that
complicated, so I created a small,

285
00:13:38,960 --> 00:13:41,775
bikini-clad doughnut just...
I know that.

286
00:13:41,800 --> 00:13:44,535
Kind of, I guess, a femme fatale.
Yeah.

287
00:13:44,560 --> 00:13:47,495
And she was feasted upon
by this bird.

288
00:13:47,520 --> 00:13:50,175
But we can't give you credit
for the bird that happened

289
00:13:50,200 --> 00:13:51,775
to come along. That was nature.

290
00:13:51,800 --> 00:13:53,175
It was part of his plan.

291
00:13:53,200 --> 00:13:55,535
We're not allowed
to work with nature?

292
00:13:55,560 --> 00:13:57,895
LAUGHTER
Would you say to David Attenborough,

293
00:13:57,920 --> 00:14:01,695
"Yeah, pretty good documentary
but he had all those foxes?

294
00:14:01,720 --> 00:14:05,095
"Oh, it was all right!
The dolphins, where'd you get them?"

295
00:14:05,120 --> 00:14:06,615
LAUGHTER

296
00:14:06,640 --> 00:14:09,095
OK, new rule -
if you cooked tonight,

297
00:14:09,120 --> 00:14:11,135
someone else makes the teas.

298
00:14:11,160 --> 00:14:13,975
If you went to work today,
someone else makes the teas.

299
00:14:14,000 --> 00:14:16,695
I'm saying if you're a child
who gets to go to school and

300
00:14:16,720 --> 00:14:19,135
talk about TikTok and
Taylor Swift, or whatever,

301
00:14:19,160 --> 00:14:20,415
you make the bloody teas!

302
00:14:20,440 --> 00:14:21,775
They're parasites!

303
00:14:21,800 --> 00:14:23,455
Children are parasites!

304
00:14:23,480 --> 00:14:24,855
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

305
00:14:31,560 --> 00:14:34,175
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
Hello!

306
00:14:34,200 --> 00:14:38,015
It is part two of our grand final,

307
00:14:38,040 --> 00:14:39,935
and we're in a state of
shock and awe.

308
00:14:39,960 --> 00:14:42,175
AUDIENCE GASPS

309
00:14:43,440 --> 00:14:45,015
LAUGHTER

310
00:14:45,040 --> 00:14:46,535
See, he's absolutely right.

311
00:14:46,560 --> 00:14:49,175
Yes, the finalists are all
trying to do the most shocking,

312
00:14:49,200 --> 00:14:51,495
yet family-friendly thing
with a doughnut.

313
00:14:51,520 --> 00:14:53,735
And next, it's Sue Perkins.

314
00:14:54,920 --> 00:14:57,655
DRAMATIC CHORAL MUSIC

315
00:15:07,120 --> 00:15:08,895
Prepare to face
the Doughnut of Doom!

316
00:15:08,920 --> 00:15:11,935
Excuse the, er, American spelling.

317
00:15:11,960 --> 00:15:13,255
Are you ready?

318
00:15:15,200 --> 00:15:17,735
SUSPENSEFUL MUSIC PLAYS

319
00:15:20,920 --> 00:15:22,575
LAUGHTER

320
00:15:23,680 --> 00:15:24,855
Shocking!

321
00:15:26,840 --> 00:15:28,055
OK, this is it.

322
00:15:33,520 --> 00:15:34,735
SUE LAUGHS

323
00:15:40,720 --> 00:15:43,935
DISTORTED LAUGHTER

324
00:15:43,960 --> 00:15:47,215
Listen, I know some element of
the surprise has gone now...

325
00:15:47,240 --> 00:15:49,015
You've got four minutes left, Sue.

326
00:15:49,040 --> 00:15:50,175
We'll do it.

327
00:15:56,560 --> 00:15:59,215
Yeah!
LAUGHS EXCITEDLY

328
00:15:59,240 --> 00:16:02,855
VICTORIOUS CHORAL MUSIC

329
00:16:05,440 --> 00:16:08,335
APPLAUSE

330
00:16:08,360 --> 00:16:11,215
Well, I think that the studio
audience should have a good,

331
00:16:11,240 --> 00:16:14,375
long think about what
they just cheered then.

332
00:16:14,400 --> 00:16:18,815
It might be the least-shocking
thing I've ever seen.

333
00:16:18,840 --> 00:16:22,415
The shocking thing is I actually
managed to hit him once.

334
00:16:22,440 --> 00:16:24,175
LAUGHTER

335
00:16:24,200 --> 00:16:25,415
Who's next, please?

336
00:16:25,440 --> 00:16:28,255
Well, here are Julian and Susan.

337
00:16:28,280 --> 00:16:29,495
OK.

338
00:16:29,520 --> 00:16:31,895
Could you come over here, please?
Right, yes, of course.

339
00:16:31,920 --> 00:16:33,775
I'd like you to kneel down here.

340
00:16:33,800 --> 00:16:34,775
Right.

341
00:16:58,040 --> 00:17:00,495
AUDIENCE EXCLAIMS
Coffee? Mm-hm.

342
00:17:11,640 --> 00:17:13,855
Uh-oh. Chilli sauce?

343
00:17:20,440 --> 00:17:21,615
JULIAN SNICKERS

344
00:17:24,080 --> 00:17:25,815
Ah, ketchup. MMM!

345
00:17:27,760 --> 00:17:29,695
AUDIENCE GROANS

346
00:17:33,480 --> 00:17:35,775
PANICKED CLOSED-MOUTH SCREAM

347
00:17:37,640 --> 00:17:39,895
AUDIENCE GROANS

348
00:17:44,200 --> 00:17:46,175
GROANING CONTINUES

349
00:17:49,360 --> 00:17:51,855
It's all in, is it? Hmm.

350
00:17:51,880 --> 00:17:53,175
SHE SNORTS

351
00:17:54,440 --> 00:17:58,695
CLOSED-MOUTH SCREAMING

352
00:17:59,640 --> 00:18:01,855
AUDIENCE GROANS

353
00:18:03,160 --> 00:18:06,455
RELIEVED SIGHING

354
00:18:08,120 --> 00:18:09,455
Good luck. Mm-hm!

355
00:18:10,840 --> 00:18:14,215
MUFFLED SCREAMING

356
00:18:14,240 --> 00:18:16,495
FOOD EXITS
RELIEVED LAUGH

357
00:18:18,480 --> 00:18:19,975
MUFFLED: Close your eyes.

358
00:18:22,960 --> 00:18:24,495
AUDIENCE EXCLAIMS

359
00:18:27,360 --> 00:18:28,615
Family-friendly?

360
00:18:28,640 --> 00:18:31,415
I'd probably encourage people not
to do it too often at home.

361
00:18:31,440 --> 00:18:32,735
OK. Yeah, thanks, Julian.

362
00:18:32,760 --> 00:18:34,375
Good luck to you and your family.

363
00:18:34,400 --> 00:18:36,295
LAUGHTER

364
00:18:36,320 --> 00:18:38,735
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

365
00:18:43,480 --> 00:18:45,815
Susan, it's a first,
congratulations.

366
00:18:45,840 --> 00:18:49,215
You made me retch on Taskmaster.
I actually gipped.

367
00:18:49,240 --> 00:18:52,735
We were all expecting there to be
a point to it, but no. No.

368
00:18:52,760 --> 00:18:55,615
I was there, and things were
coming out that hadn't gone in.

369
00:18:59,960 --> 00:19:02,895
But I'm telling you, the look on
everybody's faces was, like,

370
00:19:02,920 --> 00:19:05,535
the high point of Taskmaster,
for me, as I did that.

371
00:19:05,560 --> 00:19:09,935
Write that down, that's the thing
she's enjoyed most.

372
00:19:09,960 --> 00:19:12,775
Erm, Julian,
I was not expecting that.

373
00:19:12,800 --> 00:19:17,135
No, I wasn't really knowing if
I would follow through, as it were.

374
00:19:17,160 --> 00:19:18,575
LAUGHTER

375
00:19:18,600 --> 00:19:21,335
But, once I'd started,
he was going to get it.

376
00:19:21,360 --> 00:19:22,935
LAUGHTER

377
00:19:22,960 --> 00:19:25,215
All right, here's some points.

378
00:19:25,240 --> 00:19:26,575
Guess who only gets 1 point?

379
00:19:26,600 --> 00:19:28,895
Give it to me, Uncle Greg!

380
00:19:28,920 --> 00:19:31,455
LAUGHTER
1 point to Sue.

381
00:19:31,480 --> 00:19:32,975
I don't know, Sam.

382
00:19:33,000 --> 00:19:34,255
Come on, Gruncle.

383
00:19:34,280 --> 00:19:36,175
LAUGHTER

384
00:19:36,200 --> 00:19:38,495
Just give him 3 points. 3 to Sam.

385
00:19:38,520 --> 00:19:43,175
Erm, | think that both Susan and
Julian are disgusting.

386
00:19:43,200 --> 00:19:47,575
I'm giving them 4 points, but if
a woman regurgitates a doughnut

387
00:19:47,600 --> 00:19:50,895
into a man's mouth, she takes
5 points on this show. Always.

388
00:19:50,920 --> 00:19:53,255
Lucy Beaumont!
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

389
00:19:53,280 --> 00:19:56,375
OK. Can I have a score board,
please? Oh, dear.

390
00:19:56,400 --> 00:19:59,055
You can. Julian and Lucy
both have 9 points.

391
00:19:59,080 --> 00:20:02,415
Ooh!
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

392
00:20:02,440 --> 00:20:05,375
Right, on with the next!

393
00:20:05,400 --> 00:20:08,095
Yes, sir, and it's time for PE.

394
00:20:25,120 --> 00:20:26,695
There you are.

395
00:20:26,720 --> 00:20:29,215
What could it be? I thought
we were going to be trampolining,

396
00:20:29,240 --> 00:20:31,975
but that was wrong, wasn't it?
I'm sorry, you're not trampolining.

397
00:20:32,000 --> 00:20:33,535
It's very good for your liver.

398
00:20:33,560 --> 00:20:37,255
Is it? Yes, shakes it all up,
gets the toxins out.

399
00:20:37,280 --> 00:20:38,535
Oh, for goodness' sake.

400
00:20:38,560 --> 00:20:41,335
"Demonstrate the most
effective high-intensity

401
00:20:41,360 --> 00:20:43,775
"four-part exercise routine.

402
00:20:43,800 --> 00:20:46,255
"Each of your four exercises
must be original,

403
00:20:46,280 --> 00:20:49,215
"and must take place on this mat.

404
00:20:49,240 --> 00:20:51,895
"The first must last eight seconds.

405
00:20:51,920 --> 00:20:54,615
"The second, four.

406
00:20:54,640 --> 00:20:58,335
"The third, two, and fourth,
one-second long.

407
00:20:58,360 --> 00:21:00,815
"Also, each move must start
with a 'whoops,'

408
00:21:00,840 --> 00:21:03,295
"and 'yeah' is how it ends.

409
00:21:03,320 --> 00:21:06,575
"Each move must start with a 'yeah',

410
00:21:06,600 --> 00:21:08,655
"and end with a scream.

411
00:21:08,680 --> 00:21:13,055
"Must start with a scream
and end with a gasp.

412
00:21:13,080 --> 00:21:16,055
"Must start with a gasp and
end with an 'ahhh'.

413
00:21:16,080 --> 00:21:17,895
"Must start with an 'ahhh'

414
00:21:17,920 --> 00:21:19,815
"and end with a 'whoops"."

415
00:21:19,840 --> 00:21:22,735
I think most things I do, do that.

416
00:21:22,760 --> 00:21:27,655
"You've a maximum of 15 minutes.
Your time starts now."

417
00:21:27,680 --> 00:21:30,975
When I think exercise,
I think exorcism.

418
00:21:31,000 --> 00:21:33,935
So, when you think exercise,
you think of a different word?

419
00:21:33,960 --> 00:21:35,855
Yeah.

420
00:21:35,880 --> 00:21:39,815
I'm guessing this is just for fuel,
just a bit of like, "Ahhh."

421
00:21:39,840 --> 00:21:41,695
Yes, hydration. Yeah.

422
00:21:41,720 --> 00:21:44,375
Just because I want to
increase my body temperature,

423
00:21:44,400 --> 00:21:46,775
I think, let's gaffer me up
real good.

424
00:21:48,680 --> 00:21:51,015
So, you've gotta be
speaking in tongues.

425
00:21:51,040 --> 00:21:53,335
Could you give me
a little demonstration of that?

426
00:21:53,360 --> 00:21:56,575
HE SHOUTS GIBBERISH

427
00:21:56,600 --> 00:21:57,615
OK.

428
00:21:57,640 --> 00:21:59,855
LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE

429
00:22:02,320 --> 00:22:05,015
I mean, it's got to the stage now,
Sam, where I'm not even

430
00:22:05,040 --> 00:22:06,655
surprised any more.

431
00:22:06,680 --> 00:22:08,295
We know each other.

432
00:22:08,320 --> 00:22:11,815
We-We do know each other, yeah.

433
00:22:11,840 --> 00:22:15,215
Erm, do you know what phrase
I want to take us into the break?

434
00:22:15,240 --> 00:22:17,015
It's "gaffer me up...

435
00:22:17,040 --> 00:22:18,415
STULTRILY: "..real good."

436
00:22:18,440 --> 00:22:20,055
LAUGHTER

437
00:22:20,080 --> 00:22:22,295
APPLAUSE

438
00:22:29,600 --> 00:22:31,335
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

439
00:22:31,360 --> 00:22:35,775
Hello! Welcome back to our final.

440
00:22:35,800 --> 00:22:38,655
I think it's about time we had
a decent workout, Alex.

441
00:22:38,680 --> 00:22:40,975
Yes, time to see
their exercise routines.

442
00:22:41,000 --> 00:22:42,735
Let's go to the gym!

443
00:22:42,760 --> 00:22:44,055
Ahhh!

444
00:22:52,880 --> 00:22:53,895
SHE SIGHS

445
00:22:53,920 --> 00:22:56,455
ALEX SHOUTS GIBBERISH

446
00:22:57,560 --> 00:22:59,255
May the power of Christ compel you.

447
00:23:02,680 --> 00:23:04,295
HE SIGHS
Ahhh.

448
00:23:11,800 --> 00:23:12,975
BOTH: Whoops!

449
00:23:16,400 --> 00:23:17,815
Thank you for the hydration.

450
00:23:21,000 --> 00:23:22,655
BOTH: Yeah!

451
00:23:22,680 --> 00:23:25,455
JULIAN GROANS RHYTHMICALLY

452
00:23:30,240 --> 00:23:31,455
Ahhh. Ahhh!

453
00:23:36,800 --> 00:23:38,055
THEY SIGH

454
00:23:39,720 --> 00:23:42,095
May the power of Christ compel you.

455
00:23:42,120 --> 00:23:43,535
HE SIGHS
Ahhh.

456
00:23:47,840 --> 00:23:49,095
BOTH: Whoops!

457
00:23:53,240 --> 00:23:54,495
BOTH: Yeah!

458
00:23:59,600 --> 00:24:00,895
BOTH: Ahhh!

459
00:24:02,960 --> 00:24:03,975
THEY GASP

460
00:24:04,000 --> 00:24:06,295
May the power of Christ compel you.

461
00:24:06,320 --> 00:24:07,455
HE SIGHS
Ahhh.

462
00:24:09,080 --> 00:24:10,055
BOTH: Whoops!

463
00:24:12,000 --> 00:24:13,095
BOTH: Yeah!

464
00:24:15,080 --> 00:24:16,935
BOTH: Ahhh!

465
00:24:16,960 --> 00:24:18,015
SHE GASPS

466
00:24:18,040 --> 00:24:20,935
BOTH: May the power of Christ
compel you. Ahhh.

467
00:24:20,960 --> 00:24:22,895
BOTH: Whoops!

468
00:24:22,920 --> 00:24:24,215
BOTH: Yeah!

469
00:24:25,520 --> 00:24:26,655
Ahhh!

470
00:24:28,560 --> 00:24:31,455
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

471
00:24:36,040 --> 00:24:39,695
Sue, I think you only did
one exercise.

472
00:24:39,720 --> 00:24:42,575
Let me tell you what was going
on there, all right? Yeah.

473
00:24:42,600 --> 00:24:43,775
Hot yoga, it's a thing.

474
00:24:43,800 --> 00:24:47,215
Is that why you gaffered yourself up
real good, for hot yoga reasons?

475
00:24:47,240 --> 00:24:50,495
Of course!
My kid-erneys were on fire.

476
00:24:50,520 --> 00:24:52,135
Kid-erney!

477
00:24:52,160 --> 00:24:54,735
Wow! You were so over-hot,
you started pronouncing

478
00:24:54,760 --> 00:24:56,655
the name of organs incorrectly.
Kidneys.

479
00:24:56,680 --> 00:24:58,695
No, you can say that to my liv-eur.

480
00:24:58,720 --> 00:25:01,615
LAUGHTER

481
00:25:01,640 --> 00:25:04,655
Lucy, what exercises were
there within yours?

482
00:25:04,680 --> 00:25:06,615
Erm, there was head-butt ball.

483
00:25:06,640 --> 00:25:09,095
You did call it "head-butt ball",
yeah. Head intensity...

484
00:25:09,120 --> 00:25:11,695
Yes, you reminded me of one
of those birds from the '70s.

485
00:25:11,720 --> 00:25:14,055
What, like, that go on
Top Of The Pops?

486
00:25:14,080 --> 00:25:16,495
Yeah, on Top Of The Pops.
LAUGHTER

487
00:25:17,800 --> 00:25:20,575
Susan, you lost me a little bit
when you were rolling those

488
00:25:20,600 --> 00:25:22,215
little dumb bells on the floor.

489
00:25:22,240 --> 00:25:24,575
Ah, no, and that does
look deceptive,

490
00:25:24,600 --> 00:25:27,975
but it's to help get hench,
er, wrists...

491
00:25:28,000 --> 00:25:29,855
LAUGHTER

492
00:25:29,880 --> 00:25:31,655
...so I get nice and thick.

493
00:25:31,680 --> 00:25:34,815
Julian, my observation is
none of them involved

494
00:25:34,840 --> 00:25:36,295
you doing very much work.

495
00:25:37,400 --> 00:25:40,135
Oh, no, there was pelvic floor.
Mm-hm.

496
00:25:40,160 --> 00:25:42,495
Do you want me to tell you what
you called them? Yes.

497
00:25:42,520 --> 00:25:44,415
Well, the first,
you called it "Stirrups”.

498
00:25:44,440 --> 00:25:48,815
The third was called
"The Flying Homosexual".

499
00:25:48,840 --> 00:25:51,175
The fourth was called
"Horsey Hamstrings".

500
00:25:51,200 --> 00:25:53,895
Remember what the second was called?
The one where you were punching me

501
00:25:53,920 --> 00:25:55,655
with your feet? "Punch the BLEEP."

502
00:25:55,680 --> 00:25:57,455
SHOCKED LAUGHTER

503
00:25:57,480 --> 00:25:59,695
APPLAUSE

504
00:26:03,320 --> 00:26:06,375
And, to the eternal quandary.

505
00:26:06,400 --> 00:26:07,975
LAUGHTER

506
00:26:08,000 --> 00:26:09,655
What I'll need you to do is

507
00:26:09,680 --> 00:26:14,815
to justify how you exorcising
Alex exercised you.

508
00:26:14,840 --> 00:26:17,695
We had to get rid of his da-hemons.

509
00:26:17,720 --> 00:26:19,615
LAUGHTER

510
00:26:21,120 --> 00:26:23,575
Well, we did flip it round,
the last two, I was exorcising him.

511
00:26:23,600 --> 00:26:25,975
He was upside down in the last one.
Oh, yeah.

512
00:26:26,000 --> 00:26:27,615
<i>Right, I just score them.</i>

513
00:26:27,640 --> 00:26:33,055
I can't separate Sue, Susan,
and Lucy, I don't think.

514
00:26:33,080 --> 00:26:34,975
I don't think I deserve that many.

515
00:26:35,000 --> 00:26:36,255
Oh, right, great.

516
00:26:36,280 --> 00:26:38,535
LAUGHTER

517
00:26:38,560 --> 00:26:41,215
So, if I give Lucy 2 points,

518
00:26:41,240 --> 00:26:43,535
I'll give the Susans 3.

519
00:26:43,560 --> 00:26:45,935
I think there was a variety
in the weird exorcism,

520
00:26:45,960 --> 00:26:47,775
I'm going to give him 4 points.

521
00:26:47,800 --> 00:26:50,495
But Julian, I think there were
four distinct exercises. Wow.

522
00:26:50,520 --> 00:26:51,575
I'll give him 5 points.

523
00:26:51,600 --> 00:26:53,895
There we go,
5 points to Julian Clary!

524
00:26:53,920 --> 00:26:55,455
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

525
00:26:55,480 --> 00:26:58,735
Do we have something special
lined up for our last task, Alex?

526
00:26:58,760 --> 00:27:00,335
Oh, we certainly do, Greg!

527
00:27:00,360 --> 00:27:03,255
And for the very first time,
I'd like to welcome everybody

528
00:27:03,280 --> 00:27:05,015
to the Taskmaster Hotel.

529
00:27:24,880 --> 00:27:26,175
Oh.

530
00:27:26,200 --> 00:27:27,175
HE CHUCKLES

531
00:27:28,800 --> 00:27:31,095
"Sue, Susan" -
shall we put these on?

532
00:27:31,120 --> 00:27:32,815
Yeah. Go on, then.

533
00:27:32,840 --> 00:27:35,095
Get confused. OK.

534
00:27:35,120 --> 00:27:37,375
Alex isn't here.

535
00:27:37,400 --> 00:27:38,535
Or is he?

536
00:27:40,120 --> 00:27:42,095
Oh, there are keys!
It's very exciting.

537
00:27:42,120 --> 00:27:44,535
I've got some reservations.
Oh, we're busy.

538
00:27:44,560 --> 00:27:48,975
Brian O'Yoghurt is in room one
which is good, that's good. So...

539
00:27:49,000 --> 00:27:50,735
Do you want to read the...?

540
00:27:50,760 --> 00:27:51,975
Do you want me to? Yeah.

541
00:27:52,000 --> 00:27:55,295
"Give your guest the best service.
..Best service.

542
00:27:55,320 --> 00:27:57,295
"He has 30 minutes.

543
00:27:57,320 --> 00:27:59,175
"His time starts now!"

544
00:27:59,200 --> 00:28:02,135
"HIS time starts now."
Who's our guest?

545
00:28:02,160 --> 00:28:04,455
Shall we go find Alex?
Shall we go find a mannequin.

546
00:28:04,480 --> 00:28:05,775
Guest! Is he going to come in?

547
00:28:05,800 --> 00:28:06,775
Normally they...

548
00:28:08,400 --> 00:28:10,015
Ah, good evening.

549
00:28:10,040 --> 00:28:12,295
Hi, can I check in, please.

550
00:28:12,320 --> 00:28:13,335
Bonjour! Hello.

551
00:28:13,360 --> 00:28:16,495
Bienvenu, er, Hotel Taskmaster!

552
00:28:16,520 --> 00:28:18,735
APPLAUSE

553
00:28:19,960 --> 00:28:22,735
Erm, I know what you two
are going to be like,

554
00:28:22,760 --> 00:28:27,375
playing together as hotel managers
is right up your street.

555
00:28:27,400 --> 00:28:31,135
I wouldn't be surprised
if you opened a B&B, honestly.

556
00:28:31,160 --> 00:28:35,535
And the other group, I imagine
it's a case of Uncle Julian

557
00:28:35,560 --> 00:28:38,495
managing the two lunatics.
LAUGHTER

558
00:28:38,520 --> 00:28:43,975
OK, so first up, let's see how Susan
and Sue do at being hoteliers.

559
00:28:44,000 --> 00:28:45,935
I've booked a room. Yes.
So, if I could check in,

560
00:28:45,960 --> 00:28:47,335
that'd be great. Yeah.

561
00:28:47,360 --> 00:28:48,775
Are you Mr Brian O'Yoghurt?

562
00:28:48,800 --> 00:28:50,575
Why do you think
I'm Mr Brian O'Yoghurt?

563
00:28:50,600 --> 00:28:52,935
Well, I-I don't think that,
but we just had a, we...

564
00:28:52,960 --> 00:28:55,295
It's our mistake, sir.
What is your name, sir? Qrs.

565
00:28:55,320 --> 00:28:57,255
Chris. What's your surname?
Tuvwxyz.

566
00:28:57,280 --> 00:29:00,055
OK, how do you spell that.
T-U-V-W-X-Y-Z.

567
00:29:01,240 --> 00:29:03,815
LAUGHTER
Tuvwxyz.

568
00:29:03,840 --> 00:29:05,255
How do you spell Chris? Qrs.

569
00:29:05,280 --> 00:29:08,335
Oh, no, we have it here.
Here we go. Room 13.

570
00:29:08,360 --> 00:29:10,615
ENTHUSIASTICALLY: Room 13!

571
00:29:10,640 --> 00:29:11,895
OK!

572
00:29:13,360 --> 00:29:15,815
And here is your room!
Room 13. Great. There we go,

573
00:29:15,840 --> 00:29:17,775
we'll just bring your bags in,
as well. Lovely.

574
00:29:17,800 --> 00:29:20,255
Thank you very much, thanks.
All right, then, sir take care.

575
00:29:20,280 --> 00:29:22,175
Thank you so much, thank you.
All right, OK.

576
00:29:22,200 --> 00:29:25,055
You've worked in the hospitality
industry. I have! Yeah.

577
00:29:25,080 --> 00:29:26,135
Extraordinary.

578
00:29:26,160 --> 00:29:29,535
I think he's going to ring us,
that's what I think.

579
00:29:29,560 --> 00:29:32,015
Check, check, check this -
these are different rooms, right?

580
00:29:32,040 --> 00:29:33,735
These are different rooms. Yeah.

581
00:29:33,760 --> 00:29:35,335
Shall we ring and see if he's OK?

582
00:29:35,360 --> 00:29:37,335
No, that's oppressive. No, no, no.

583
00:29:37,360 --> 00:29:39,175
PHONE RINGS
Well done.

584
00:29:39,200 --> 00:29:41,535
Hello, Taskmaster Hotel.
Sue speaking.

585
00:29:41,560 --> 00:29:43,895
Oh, hello, Sue, it's Qrs Tuvwxyz,
in Room 13.

586
00:29:43,920 --> 00:29:46,335
I was hoping to order some room
service, if that's all right.

587
00:29:46,360 --> 00:29:48,975
Absolutely. Have you got the menu?
Do you know what you'd like?

588
00:29:49,000 --> 00:29:51,615
Yes, a hot cucumber sandwich
and a, er, glass of milk.

589
00:29:51,640 --> 00:29:53,175
Thank you. Bye-bye.

590
00:29:53,200 --> 00:29:55,655
"Cucumber served between
two warm slices of bread."”

591
00:29:55,680 --> 00:29:58,375
Bung, two of those in there.
OK got you, got you, got you.

592
00:29:58,400 --> 00:29:59,895
Do you think he'd like butter?

593
00:29:59,920 --> 00:30:03,575
Oh. Hi.
PHONE RINGS

594
00:30:03,600 --> 00:30:05,935
Hello, Taskmaster Hotel,
how may I help you?

595
00:30:05,960 --> 00:30:08,255
When I booked, I asked for
a room with a view,

596
00:30:08,280 --> 00:30:10,575
and all I can see is a hedge.

597
00:30:10,600 --> 00:30:12,575
I would love a-a better room.

598
00:30:12,600 --> 00:30:15,455
I can double-check and see
whether Room 20 is free,

599
00:30:15,480 --> 00:30:17,375
that's a much nicer view, I think.

600
00:30:17,400 --> 00:30:20,335
Well, that would've been nice
to have been in that to begin with,

601
00:30:20,360 --> 00:30:22,135
if I'm honest.
I'm ever so sorry sir. OK.

602
00:30:22,160 --> 00:30:24,815
Yeah, I have been waiting for quite
some times for the food, so...

603
00:30:24,840 --> 00:30:27,295
I deeply apologise.
We will be with you shortly.

604
00:30:27,320 --> 00:30:28,855
Bye-bye.

605
00:30:28,880 --> 00:30:30,815
I prefer Alex. OK.

606
00:30:30,840 --> 00:30:32,855
LAUGHTER

607
00:30:32,880 --> 00:30:35,375
Hello, sir!
Do you mind if I come in?

608
00:30:35,400 --> 00:30:37,735
Thank you.
Thank you for granting me...

609
00:30:37,760 --> 00:30:39,535
LAUGHING HEARTILY
Ooh-hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo!

610
00:30:39,560 --> 00:30:42,135
Yes, if you wouldn't mind
bringing the bags through.

611
00:30:42,160 --> 00:30:44,855
Er, your hot cucumber sandwich,
Mr Tuvwxyz.

612
00:30:44,880 --> 00:30:46,855
Are you a cutlery salesman,
Mr Tuvwxyz?

613
00:30:46,880 --> 00:30:50,735
Yes, I've got a meeting
in 21 minutes. OK.

614
00:30:50,760 --> 00:30:54,775
Was the room not to your liking?
No, have you not seen the view?

615
00:30:54,800 --> 00:30:57,815
LAUGHING: Why does he have
so many forks?!

616
00:30:57,840 --> 00:31:00,415
Sue, is it? Yes, it is.
Thank you so much. Thanks, Sue.

617
00:31:03,240 --> 00:31:04,655
Where's my milk?

618
00:31:05,880 --> 00:31:08,415
PHONE RINGS

619
00:31:10,680 --> 00:31:13,015
RINGING CONTINUES

620
00:31:13,040 --> 00:31:14,455
Taskmaster Hotel.

621
00:31:14,480 --> 00:31:16,775
It's so dry. I didn't get my milk.

622
00:31:16,800 --> 00:31:18,775
Oh, I'm so sorry,
I'm so very sorry, sorry.

623
00:31:18,800 --> 00:31:21,055
Let me bring that immediately.

624
00:31:21,080 --> 00:31:22,215
Everything OK, Sue?

625
00:31:22,240 --> 00:31:25,615
Yeah, I've gotta give him his milk,
which I'll go and do now. Milk, OK.

626
00:31:25,640 --> 00:31:28,495
Running a business is bullshit.

627
00:31:28,520 --> 00:31:31,135
Do you want to...? Oh, thanks love.

628
00:31:31,160 --> 00:31:32,375
Oh, OK.

629
00:31:32,400 --> 00:31:34,735
I think it says a lot about us,
the fact that we've done

630
00:31:34,760 --> 00:31:37,615
seven minutes... Hello, sir!
Oh, sir! Wonderful to see you.

631
00:31:37,640 --> 00:31:40,335
I've got some laundry, because
I've got a meeting in 15 minutes,

632
00:31:40,360 --> 00:31:43,375
I need to wear that outfit.
Fabulous. Thank you. Wonderful.

633
00:31:43,400 --> 00:31:45,855
Erm, Susan, there might be
a problem here.

634
00:31:45,880 --> 00:31:48,895
PHONE RINGS
Oh, God. Right.

635
00:31:48,920 --> 00:31:52,495
Hello? Sue, I would love to book
a spa session, if that's possible.

636
00:31:52,520 --> 00:31:53,735
Wonderful, wonderful.

637
00:31:53,760 --> 00:31:55,535
Just relax, just relax. Yeah.

638
00:31:55,560 --> 00:31:58,215
Any particular products
that you use?

639
00:31:58,240 --> 00:32:01,215
I-I'm allergic. I'm a...hmm.

640
00:32:01,240 --> 00:32:04,135
Er, lot of...water in my eyes,
more than anything, yeah.

641
00:32:04,160 --> 00:32:05,975
Sorry. Let's just sort that.

642
00:32:07,840 --> 00:32:10,135
APPLIANCE STARTS UP
What is that?

643
00:32:10,160 --> 00:32:11,615
what is that sound?

644
00:32:11,640 --> 00:32:13,935
Oh, my God! What's going on?

645
00:32:13,960 --> 00:32:16,215
Why is there smoke?

646
00:32:16,240 --> 00:32:17,735
I was just going to put a wash on!

647
00:32:17,760 --> 00:32:19,695
And can I ask what
the meeting's about?

648
00:32:19,720 --> 00:32:22,015
It's forks and marbles,
always forks and marbles.

649
00:32:22,040 --> 00:32:23,655
We evacuate everyone, I guess.

650
00:32:23,680 --> 00:32:25,575
Oh, yeah, it's in the back here,
isn't it?

651
00:32:25,600 --> 00:32:27,495
Oh, yeah.
Nine minutes till my meeting, Sue.

652
00:32:27,520 --> 00:32:29,815
"Press the nearest..."
ALARM BLARES

653
00:32:29,840 --> 00:32:31,335
Fire alarm!

654
00:32:31,360 --> 00:32:33,775
If you'd like to just follow me,
sir, we'll just go

655
00:32:33,800 --> 00:32:35,255
to the assembly point. All right.

656
00:32:35,280 --> 00:32:38,535
I have a meeting in seven minutes,
I do need to be dressed. Yes.

657
00:32:38,560 --> 00:32:39,615
PHONE RINGS

658
00:32:39,640 --> 00:32:41,935
Hello, Taskmaster Hotel,
how may I help you?

659
00:32:41,960 --> 00:32:43,615
Hello, it's Qrs Tuvwxyz in Room 20.

660
00:32:43,640 --> 00:32:46,295
I would love another glass of milk
and a bedtime story.

661
00:32:46,320 --> 00:32:47,775
LAUGHTER

662
00:32:47,800 --> 00:32:49,495
Hello? Hello!

663
00:32:49,520 --> 00:32:51,375
You get him the milk and story.
PHONE RINGS

664
00:32:51,400 --> 00:32:53,695
But you... No, don't worry.
Oh, my God!

665
00:32:54,760 --> 00:32:56,375
I don't have any bedding.

666
00:32:56,400 --> 00:32:59,175
Oh, I was just speaking to your
colleague, I don't have any bedding.

667
00:32:59,200 --> 00:33:01,535
What does he mean? Why did he
just figure that out now?!

668
00:33:01,560 --> 00:33:05,015
"Once upon a time,
there was a very big bear."

669
00:33:05,040 --> 00:33:08,575
MOCKINGLY: "I don't have bedding."

670
00:33:08,600 --> 00:33:10,375
Thank you, I'd love my clothes now.

671
00:33:10,400 --> 00:33:13,175
It's proving quite difficult.
I do have an alternative.

672
00:33:13,200 --> 00:33:15,495
Would you like this?
Well, I need to wear dungarees.

673
00:33:15,520 --> 00:33:16,935
Well, this is dungarees.

674
00:33:18,920 --> 00:33:21,655
Er, these are freshly-laundered.
They're warm still.

675
00:33:21,680 --> 00:33:24,735
Customer satisfaction every time.
Brought the phone with me.

676
00:33:26,240 --> 00:33:27,775
Oh, sir. Oh! Wonderful.

677
00:33:27,800 --> 00:33:30,415
And if I may say, a perfect
accompaniment to a forks

678
00:33:30,440 --> 00:33:31,815
and marbles conferences.

679
00:33:31,840 --> 00:33:33,815
Can we help you out
with these bags?

680
00:33:33,840 --> 00:33:36,375
No, no, I'll be fine from here,
thank you so much for having me.

681
00:33:36,400 --> 00:33:38,735
BOTH: We'll send on your dungarees.
OK. Thank you both.

682
00:33:38,760 --> 00:33:42,055
Take care! Bye.
Thank you, bye-bye. Bye-bye.

683
00:33:42,080 --> 00:33:43,095
SUSAN SQUEALS

684
00:33:43,120 --> 00:33:44,615
THEY GIGGLE

685
00:33:44,640 --> 00:33:46,535
APPLAUSE

686
00:33:49,920 --> 00:33:53,295
Well, the first
Taskmaster Hotel is a hit.

687
00:33:53,320 --> 00:33:55,615
Erm, what did you both think
of Mr Tuvwxyz?

688
00:33:55,640 --> 00:33:57,015
Tuvwxyz. Tuvwxyz?

689
00:33:57,040 --> 00:34:00,295
Demanding tool, I thought.
LAUGHTER

690
00:34:00,320 --> 00:34:02,775
Did you think that you were
professional when you

691
00:34:02,800 --> 00:34:05,855
discovered what Mr... Tuvwxyz...
..did for his living?

692
00:34:05,880 --> 00:34:08,295
What, the - just forks and marbles?

693
00:34:08,320 --> 00:34:10,775
I-I've spent ten episodes
watching you laugh,

694
00:34:10,800 --> 00:34:13,335
and | have never heard you
laugh like this.

695
00:34:13,360 --> 00:34:15,895
"Ooh-hoo-hoo-hoo!"

696
00:34:17,480 --> 00:34:19,735
"Ooh-hoo-hoo-hoo!"

697
00:34:20,880 --> 00:34:24,175
But that was a real third-eye moment
looking at what I was doing,

698
00:34:24,200 --> 00:34:27,335
and there was just a suitcase
with forks and marbles,

699
00:34:27,360 --> 00:34:31,015
and I've never seen forks and
marbles together... Me neither.

700
00:34:31,040 --> 00:34:33,295
...ever in my life! So many.

701
00:34:33,320 --> 00:34:34,895
It was just...

702
00:34:34,920 --> 00:34:37,535
LAUGHING: I just got
so overwhelmed...

703
00:34:37,560 --> 00:34:40,295
SQUEAKILY: ..and I didn't know
what I was doing!

704
00:34:40,320 --> 00:34:43,255
LAUGHTER

705
00:34:43,280 --> 00:34:47,135
You know, I tipped Sue throughout,
and not Susan, but Sue split

706
00:34:47,160 --> 00:34:49,695
all the tips with Susan,
they were an amazing team.

707
00:34:49,720 --> 00:34:52,015
ALL: Aww!
Absolutely sickening!

708
00:34:52,040 --> 00:34:54,295
That hotel is going to get opened.

709
00:34:54,320 --> 00:34:56,575
"Ooh-hoo-hoo."

710
00:34:56,600 --> 00:34:57,935
A potential name!

711
00:34:57,960 --> 00:34:59,815
LAUGHTER

712
00:34:59,840 --> 00:35:01,375
All right. Ah-hoo-hoo.

713
00:35:01,400 --> 00:35:03,735
Time for the last ad break
of the series.

714
00:35:03,760 --> 00:35:06,615
Soon, we will crown
our mighty new champion.

715
00:35:06,640 --> 00:35:10,975
Also, someone will take home
the melted anal glands of a beaver.

716
00:35:11,000 --> 00:35:12,495
Win! Win! Win!

717
00:35:12,520 --> 00:35:13,895
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

718
00:35:17,560 --> 00:35:21,935
Welcome to the final part
of the grand final!

719
00:35:21,960 --> 00:35:24,975
Alex, what's the latest from
the Taskmaster Hotel?

720
00:35:25,000 --> 00:35:28,455
Well, Greg, Qrs Tuvwxyz informs me
he had quite an acceptable stay

721
00:35:28,480 --> 00:35:31,375
at the Taskmaster Hotel while
the Sues were in charge.

722
00:35:31,400 --> 00:35:34,655
But now, he's heading back,
and it's under new management,

723
00:35:34,680 --> 00:35:37,055
with Sam, Julian, and Lucy
running the joint.

724
00:35:38,560 --> 00:35:39,655
Can I check in please?

725
00:35:39,680 --> 00:35:41,015
Yes, certainly. Yes, yes.

726
00:35:41,040 --> 00:35:43,655
Great. This is, er, complimentary.

727
00:35:43,680 --> 00:35:46,375
Really?
LAUGHTER

728
00:35:46,400 --> 00:35:47,895
Fine, what room am I in?

729
00:35:47,920 --> 00:35:49,855
Erm, what's your favourite number?

730
00:35:49,880 --> 00:35:52,135
Well, is that how it works?

731
00:35:52,160 --> 00:35:53,455
There you are, Room 13.

732
00:35:53,480 --> 00:35:54,815
And where is Room 137

733
00:35:54,840 --> 00:35:58,255
Room 13, is just this...this way.

734
00:35:58,280 --> 00:36:00,055
Is it not? Wait.

735
00:36:00,080 --> 00:36:02,335
Does it have it in your
information booklet?

736
00:36:04,000 --> 00:36:06,455
Is there any information
about Room 137

737
00:36:06,480 --> 00:36:08,775
You don't know where
Room 13 is, do you?

738
00:36:08,800 --> 00:36:10,695
Couldn't tell you.

739
00:36:10,720 --> 00:36:12,335
Wouldn't be outside, would it?

740
00:36:12,360 --> 00:36:15,655
I think I've found it.
Oh, great, I'd love to check in.

741
00:36:15,680 --> 00:36:17,135
FORKS AND MARBLES CLATTER

742
00:36:17,160 --> 00:36:18,535
There you are. There we...

743
00:36:18,560 --> 00:36:20,895
OK, I'd love to have a bit of
alone-time, thank you.

744
00:36:20,920 --> 00:36:22,855
I offer a service, sir,
where I sit by this window

745
00:36:22,880 --> 00:36:24,855
and I sing to you, if you want.
No, thank you.

746
00:36:24,880 --> 00:36:26,575
# Sitting by my window

747
00:36:26,600 --> 00:36:29,735
# Looking at birdsong... #

748
00:36:29,760 --> 00:36:32,015
Do you think he's calling reception?

749
00:36:32,040 --> 00:36:35,255
PHONE RINGS

750
00:36:37,520 --> 00:36:40,135
RINGING CONTINUES

751
00:36:40,160 --> 00:36:41,255
What's up?

752
00:36:41,280 --> 00:36:43,575
It's Qrs Tuvwxyz here, from Room 13.

753
00:36:43,600 --> 00:36:44,815
Oh, how are you, man?

754
00:36:44,840 --> 00:36:47,535
I was just wondering if I could
order something from room service,

755
00:36:47,560 --> 00:36:49,415
and I am also looking
out of the window,

756
00:36:49,440 --> 00:36:51,735
and I did request a room
with a view.

757
00:36:51,760 --> 00:36:53,255
He wants a different room. OK.

758
00:36:53,280 --> 00:36:54,895
Sir! Ah, hello.

759
00:36:54,920 --> 00:36:57,415
Are you ready to change room?
Yes, I'd love to change rooms.

760
00:36:57,440 --> 00:36:58,815
Supposed to be warm bread.

761
00:36:58,840 --> 00:37:01,215
There we go. Shall we just put it
in the microwave?

762
00:37:01,240 --> 00:37:03,135
Just cut those crusts off.

763
00:37:03,160 --> 00:37:05,415
He won't mind fingers, will he?
No.

764
00:37:09,440 --> 00:37:11,415
Are you good with keys?

765
00:37:11,440 --> 00:37:13,215
How do you get this...?

766
00:37:13,240 --> 00:37:15,135
You want me to do my own? Yes.

767
00:37:17,400 --> 00:37:18,575
Ah, there's no bedding.

768
00:37:18,600 --> 00:37:20,415
If you need to change rooms,

769
00:37:20,440 --> 00:37:23,295
here's the keys to all
the other rooms.

770
00:37:23,320 --> 00:37:24,455
OK.

771
00:37:26,160 --> 00:37:27,855
Oh, there he is. Hi, Qrs!

772
00:37:27,880 --> 00:37:29,215
Here's your milk.

773
00:37:29,240 --> 00:37:31,895
Nice legs.
I don't think that's appropriate.

774
00:37:34,800 --> 00:37:37,095
I'm just going to reception,
is that my bedding?

775
00:37:37,120 --> 00:37:38,175
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

776
00:37:38,200 --> 00:37:40,455
I'll see you at reception.
Great, thank you.

777
00:37:41,480 --> 00:37:42,895
Lovely legs, sir!

778
00:37:45,360 --> 00:37:46,935
Where's the swan?

779
00:37:46,960 --> 00:37:48,215
Hi. Hi.

780
00:37:48,240 --> 00:37:50,575
I've got some laundry.
Some laundry. Yes.

781
00:37:50,600 --> 00:37:52,135
FRENCH HORN PLAYS TUNELESSLY

782
00:37:52,160 --> 00:37:55,055
And... Why is your colleague
playing the French horn?

783
00:37:55,080 --> 00:37:56,775
She's French. Right.

784
00:37:56,800 --> 00:37:58,655
TUNELESS PLAYING CONTINUES

785
00:37:58,680 --> 00:38:00,575
Can I ask the lady to not
do that any more?

786
00:38:00,600 --> 00:38:03,375
You don't like this at all, sir?
Not at all. Thank you.

787
00:38:05,400 --> 00:38:07,695
Oh, that's lovely.

788
00:38:07,720 --> 00:38:09,655
Hi! Oh, what are you doing?
What...?

789
00:38:11,720 --> 00:38:13,095
You shouldn't be in my room.

790
00:38:13,120 --> 00:38:15,575
Is he ready for his spa treatment?

791
00:38:15,600 --> 00:38:17,935
You need treatment!
It says "do not disturb".

792
00:38:17,960 --> 00:38:20,815
But you really to come and have
your treatment now, because

793
00:38:20,840 --> 00:38:23,175
we're all clocking off soon,
you see? All right.

794
00:38:25,160 --> 00:38:27,415
I like your legs.

795
00:38:27,440 --> 00:38:29,935
Oh, is there a fire?

796
00:38:31,360 --> 00:38:33,695
How awful.
LAUGHTER

797
00:38:33,720 --> 00:38:36,535
Shall we open the window a bit?

798
00:38:36,560 --> 00:38:39,135
Well, do you need...?
ALARM BLARES

799
00:38:39,160 --> 00:38:41,095
Is someone after you?

800
00:38:41,120 --> 00:38:42,775
Are you a white-collar criminal?

801
00:38:42,800 --> 00:38:45,255
I don't think that's the police.
What's going on?

802
00:38:45,280 --> 00:38:48,455
I'm sorry, no, we have to
evacuate, cos there's a fire.

803
00:38:48,480 --> 00:38:52,815
Make your way to the fire assembly
point. OK, where is that?

804
00:38:52,840 --> 00:38:54,775
It's just over here. Right.

805
00:38:54,800 --> 00:38:56,695
Why are you holding my arm so tight?

806
00:38:58,680 --> 00:39:01,495
Just, like, stay away here.

807
00:39:01,520 --> 00:39:03,895
Oh, we'll have to do a roll call.
Right.

808
00:39:03,920 --> 00:39:05,495
Er, I'm here. Qrs, are you here?

809
00:39:05,520 --> 00:39:07,495
Put your hand up if you're here.

810
00:39:07,520 --> 00:39:09,775
Right, I'll be fine now,
thank you, guys.

811
00:39:10,960 --> 00:39:13,455
PHONE RINGS
Terrible day we're having.

812
00:39:13,480 --> 00:39:14,775
Hello.

813
00:39:14,800 --> 00:39:16,735
I need to check out
in three minutes,

814
00:39:16,760 --> 00:39:19,055
I'd like one more glass of milk
and a bedtime story,

815
00:39:19,080 --> 00:39:19,935
if that's all right.

816
00:39:19,960 --> 00:39:22,295
Qrs, you haven't got time for
milk if you've gotta leave

817
00:39:22,320 --> 00:39:24,615
in three minutes.
Well, I'd like my milk, please,

818
00:39:24,640 --> 00:39:26,175
and a bedtime story. Thank you.

819
00:39:28,160 --> 00:39:29,815
Yes? Hi! Whoo!

820
00:39:29,840 --> 00:39:31,655
Where do you want your
bedtime story?

821
00:39:31,680 --> 00:39:33,215
Oh, in bed, please, thank you.

822
00:39:33,240 --> 00:39:35,535
And your milk, sir.
That's great.

823
00:39:35,560 --> 00:39:37,815
I-I didn't mean we all get in.

824
00:39:37,840 --> 00:39:39,455
Right, I've literally one minute...

825
00:39:39,480 --> 00:39:42,895
"Once upon a time,
there was a boy called Qrs,

826
00:39:42,920 --> 00:39:44,895
"and he had lovely legs."

827
00:39:44,920 --> 00:39:47,615
Going to check out now.
I-1'd like to check out, please.

828
00:39:47,640 --> 00:39:50,135
Are you sure you don't want a song?
Please get out of my bed.

829
00:39:50,160 --> 00:39:51,735
I'm going to reception.

830
00:39:51,760 --> 00:39:53,015
Qrs!

831
00:39:54,760 --> 00:39:57,215
Hello!
SHE COUGHS

832
00:39:57,240 --> 00:39:59,535
I'd like to check out, please.
How much do I owe?

833
00:39:59,560 --> 00:40:02,575
There's 20, 205...

834
00:40:02,600 --> 00:40:05,095
You're charging me...
Not now, sir, I'm adding up.

835
00:40:05,120 --> 00:40:08,255
That's 385, sir. Is it now?

836
00:40:08,280 --> 00:40:11,655
Hiya. Right, thank you very much.
Thank you.

837
00:40:11,680 --> 00:40:14,855
No, this is... Your bedding, sir.
No, that's your bedding.

838
00:40:14,880 --> 00:40:18,615
Wait, you need some trousers on,
I think. Qrs.

839
00:40:18,640 --> 00:40:21,015
Qrs, you've got a meeting,
you need trousers on.

840
00:40:21,040 --> 00:40:23,375
Come back soon. Don't be a stranger!

841
00:40:23,400 --> 00:40:24,975
LAUGHTER

842
00:40:30,280 --> 00:40:31,775
LAUGHTER CONTINUES

843
00:40:31,800 --> 00:40:34,335
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

844
00:40:39,440 --> 00:40:41,295
Well, it's the perfect hotel.

845
00:40:41,320 --> 00:40:43,895
| don't really know where to start -
well I'll ask the customer.

846
00:40:43,920 --> 00:40:45,335
Hmm. How was your experience?

847
00:40:45,360 --> 00:40:47,135
Hmm, it was turbulent.

848
00:40:48,920 --> 00:40:51,695
Julian charged me £305 for the stay.

849
00:40:51,720 --> 00:40:53,575
I gave him a £20 tip -
he pocketed that.

850
00:40:53,600 --> 00:40:56,735
LAUGHTER
Afraid I did.

851
00:40:58,200 --> 00:41:00,695
Have you worked in a hotel
in real life, Lucy?

852
00:41:00,720 --> 00:41:02,055
What do you think?

853
00:41:02,080 --> 00:41:06,535
I...I think you have worked in some
sort of awful, low-grade motel,

854
00:41:06,560 --> 00:41:08,415
because you've just got
that sort of,

855
00:41:08,440 --> 00:41:11,495
"Well, we're clocking off
in a minute.”

856
00:41:11,520 --> 00:41:12,655
What about you, Sam?

857
00:41:12,680 --> 00:41:15,695
I stayed at a hotel, and I don't
like it when the people

858
00:41:15,720 --> 00:41:18,895
who've been in the pool are
in the lift with non-pool people.

859
00:41:21,880 --> 00:41:24,295
Let's have a lift just for
the pool people. Yeah.

860
00:41:24,320 --> 00:41:26,655
I don't want to be in there
with some wet guy.

861
00:41:26,680 --> 00:41:28,575
I want different lifts.

862
00:41:28,600 --> 00:41:32,655
And how did you apply that anger
to the hotel you were working in?

863
00:41:32,680 --> 00:41:35,415
Oh, I-I've never worked
in a hotel.

864
00:41:35,440 --> 00:41:36,975
FLATLY: Wow, no way.

865
00:41:37,000 --> 00:41:38,455
LAUGHTER

866
00:41:38,480 --> 00:41:42,255
Well, I have to score the
Ooh-Hoo-Hoo-Hotel,

867
00:41:42,280 --> 00:41:47,175
I have to score them highly because
inexplicably, they really cared.

868
00:41:47,200 --> 00:41:49,975
This was absolutely carnage.
But I enjoyed watching it.

869
00:41:50,000 --> 00:41:53,335
So, I can't give them nothing,
I can't give them 1 even.

870
00:41:53,360 --> 00:41:55,655
But I can give them 2.

871
00:41:55,680 --> 00:41:58,975
And 2 versus 5. Well done,
the two who gets 5 points.

872
00:41:59,000 --> 00:42:01,655
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
2,2,2,5,5.

873
00:42:01,680 --> 00:42:03,055
LUCY: We were robbed there.

874
00:42:03,080 --> 00:42:04,655
One last glance at the scores.

875
00:42:04,680 --> 00:42:07,735
I can tell you in the leader board,
in terms of the series,

876
00:42:07,760 --> 00:42:09,455
it all comes down to the last task.

877
00:42:09,480 --> 00:42:11,735
AUDIENCE GASPS

878
00:42:11,760 --> 00:42:13,655
There are 2 points in it.

879
00:42:13,680 --> 00:42:15,975
In this episode, it's pretty tight.

880
00:42:16,000 --> 00:42:19,415
At the top, you've got Susan on 15,
and then Julian on 16 points!

881
00:42:19,440 --> 00:42:22,175
Ooh!
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

882
00:42:23,840 --> 00:42:26,335
OK, this is it!

883
00:42:26,360 --> 00:42:30,975
Please make your way to the stage
for the final task of the series!

884
00:42:38,080 --> 00:42:40,735
Hi, there, cutie.
Ooh! Hello!

885
00:42:40,760 --> 00:42:42,695
Who's reading the task out?

886
00:42:42,720 --> 00:42:44,535
Sam Campbell's reading
the last one.

887
00:42:44,560 --> 00:42:47,695
Sam Campbell for the
final time this series.

888
00:42:47,720 --> 00:42:51,215
"Throw a ball into the bath tub
from behind the rope.

889
00:42:51,240 --> 00:42:53,535
"You may not touch the rope.

890
00:42:53,560 --> 00:42:56,975
"If a ball ends up not in
the bath tub, you are eliminated.

891
00:42:57,000 --> 00:42:59,815
"Last player standing wins."

892
00:42:59,840 --> 00:43:02,855
And if a single ball falls out,
or if your ball doesn't stay in,

893
00:43:02,880 --> 00:43:04,455
you're out.

894
00:43:04,480 --> 00:43:06,855
Round One, and we're going
to start with Julian,

895
00:43:06,880 --> 00:43:08,495
we're going from left to right.

896
00:43:08,520 --> 00:43:10,295
Pick a ball, any ball.
Throw it in the bath.

897
00:43:10,320 --> 00:43:13,455
LUCY: Shall the rest of us cuddle
while he does it? Yeah, come on.

898
00:43:13,480 --> 00:43:14,655
LAUGHTER

899
00:43:14,680 --> 00:43:16,015
Like a penalty shoot-out.

900
00:43:16,040 --> 00:43:17,415
Go on, Julian.

901
00:43:17,440 --> 00:43:18,735
So, I'm allowed to lean over?

902
00:43:18,760 --> 00:43:20,735
You can lean over,
just don't touch that rope.

903
00:43:20,760 --> 00:43:23,015
Don't you touch that rope,
Julian Clary.

904
00:43:24,600 --> 00:43:27,935
AUDIENCE OOHS

905
00:43:27,960 --> 00:43:29,495
That was cruel.

906
00:43:29,520 --> 00:43:30,495
That's not great.

907
00:43:33,920 --> 00:43:35,415
You must sit on the bench.

908
00:43:35,440 --> 00:43:38,015
There's a chance they'll all go out
in Round One. It's not easy.

909
00:43:38,040 --> 00:43:39,615
You still could quite easily win.

910
00:43:39,640 --> 00:43:41,655
Oh, there's some heavy balls.

911
00:43:41,680 --> 00:43:43,295
LAUGHTER

912
00:43:46,200 --> 00:43:47,455
Shall I go closer?

913
00:43:47,480 --> 00:43:49,295
That's a great choice,
though, I think.

914
00:43:49,320 --> 00:43:50,815
Because of the surface area.

915
00:43:50,840 --> 00:43:53,535
Cos it's light and it's got a
big surface area, correct.

916
00:43:55,320 --> 00:43:57,735
AUDIENCE EXCLAIMS

917
00:43:57,760 --> 00:44:00,335
That's a miss.
Two down, three to go.

918
00:44:00,360 --> 00:44:03,175
This is shaping up to be
one anti-climax.

919
00:44:08,960 --> 00:44:10,055
Oh, lovely.

920
00:44:12,800 --> 00:44:13,815
Ooh!

921
00:44:13,840 --> 00:44:16,655
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

922
00:44:23,960 --> 00:44:26,255
So it is possible...
which is a relief.

923
00:44:26,280 --> 00:44:27,855
LAUGHTER

924
00:44:31,120 --> 00:44:32,375
Lovely form.

925
00:44:32,400 --> 00:44:33,375
Thank you.

926
00:44:38,920 --> 00:44:41,615
AUDIENCE EXCLAIMS

927
00:44:41,640 --> 00:44:43,015
As expected, goodbye.

928
00:44:43,040 --> 00:44:44,255
LAUGHTER

929
00:44:44,280 --> 00:44:46,575
Well, one left.

930
00:44:46,600 --> 00:44:48,935
Just say, in the rehearsal -
good half an hour, this one.

931
00:44:48,960 --> 00:44:51,375
How many rounds are there?
Well, it looks like one.

932
00:44:53,320 --> 00:44:55,735
If you don't get this, do you know
how I'm going to react?

933
00:44:55,760 --> 00:44:56,895
"Ooh-hoo."

934
00:44:56,920 --> 00:44:58,775
LAUGHTER

935
00:45:02,280 --> 00:45:04,815
LUCY: You're going to get this in.
I know you. Oh, ah.

936
00:45:04,840 --> 00:45:06,055
OK, OK.

937
00:45:14,440 --> 00:45:18,175
AUDIENCE CHEERS

938
00:45:18,200 --> 00:45:21,295
Let's add that to the final scores.
Please come down and join me!

939
00:45:34,920 --> 00:45:36,775
All champions.

940
00:45:36,800 --> 00:45:39,095
Well, one person got a
ball in the bath,

941
00:45:39,120 --> 00:45:41,415
Sam obviously gets 5 points.

942
00:45:41,440 --> 00:45:43,895
The rest are either
all joint-second or joint-last.

943
00:45:43,920 --> 00:45:46,375
They were there,
so they get 1 point.

944
00:45:46,400 --> 00:45:48,775
LAUGHTER
1, 1,51, 1.

945
00:45:48,800 --> 00:45:51,655
Well done, everyone!
CHEERING

946
00:45:51,680 --> 00:45:55,375
And so... A tight episode
for the main part.

947
00:45:55,400 --> 00:45:57,735
Sue, unfortunately,
at the bottom with 11,

948
00:45:57,760 --> 00:46:00,135
but Julian, with 17 points,
wins the episode!

949
00:46:00,160 --> 00:46:03,055
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

950
00:46:03,080 --> 00:46:05,935
Please go and celebrate
your shocking stuff!

951
00:46:19,120 --> 00:46:20,895
Ah, at last!

952
00:46:20,920 --> 00:46:24,735
That moment has arrived where
we crown our new champion,

953
00:46:24,760 --> 00:46:27,775
and revel in the enormity of
their achievements.

954
00:46:27,800 --> 00:46:30,095
Alex, please.

955
00:46:30,120 --> 00:46:32,535
In fifth place, she's been
outstanding throughout the series,

956
00:46:32,560 --> 00:46:34,895
and she's still really outstanding
from the re...

957
00:46:34,920 --> 00:46:37,255
A long way below the rest.
LAUGHTER

958
00:46:37,280 --> 00:46:42,255
Lucy Beaumont scored 129 points!
Lucy Beaumont!

959
00:46:42,280 --> 00:46:45,655
Then, then we come to two people
who've been pretty much inseparable

960
00:46:45,680 --> 00:46:47,655
throughout the last ten episodes,

961
00:46:47,680 --> 00:46:50,775
Sue Perkins on 137,
and Susan Wokoma on 139!

962
00:46:54,120 --> 00:46:58,455
In second place, with 155 points...

963
00:46:58,480 --> 00:46:59,735
HE INHALES

964
00:47:01,440 --> 00:47:03,255
...it's Mr Julian Clary!

965
00:47:07,600 --> 00:47:11,095
And, Greg, Greg,
the winner got 161 points.

966
00:47:11,120 --> 00:47:12,775
It was close at the end.

967
00:47:12,800 --> 00:47:15,855
Your new Taskmaster champion is...

968
00:47:15,880 --> 00:47:17,335
...Sam Campbell!

969
00:47:17,360 --> 00:47:20,055
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

970
00:47:49,400 --> 00:47:52,895
Subtitles by Red Bee Media