1
00:00:02,600 --> 00:00:03,655
Brace, brace!
2
00:00:03,680 --> 00:00:05,935
I'm bracing!
CLATTERING
3
00:00:06,680 --> 00:00:07,815
Hmm!
4
00:00:07,840 --> 00:00:12,535
This program me contains
strong language and adult humour
5
00:00:12,560 --> 00:00:13,735
No, no, no, no!
6
00:00:18,320 --> 00:00:19,375
TRUMPET-LIKE HONKING
7
00:00:19,400 --> 00:00:20,455
No!
8
00:00:23,640 --> 00:00:24,615
Ahh!
9
00:00:25,760 --> 00:00:26,935
What?!
10
00:00:26,960 --> 00:00:28,495
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
11
00:00:36,440 --> 00:00:38,415
Hello! Yes!
12
00:00:38,440 --> 00:00:39,855
Yes, it is!
13
00:00:39,880 --> 00:00:42,455
It's the Taskmaster grand final!
14
00:00:42,480 --> 00:00:43,935
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
15
00:00:47,400 --> 00:00:48,655
Welcome to you all.
16
00:00:48,680 --> 00:00:49,775
I'm Greg Davies,
17
00:00:49,800 --> 00:00:52,415
and I'm here to lead you through
this magnificent final hour.
18
00:00:52,440 --> 00:00:55,015
What does it take
to become a champion?
19
00:00:55,040 --> 00:00:58,295
Well, if you want the most prized
trophy in television,
20
00:00:58,320 --> 00:01:00,815
you need to tap into your own soul,
21
00:01:00,840 --> 00:01:03,215
you need an energy source
that hitherto
22
00:01:03,240 --> 00:01:05,935
you may only have been
vaguely aware of.
23
00:01:05,960 --> 00:01:08,335
Each of these people,
if they really want it,
24
00:01:08,360 --> 00:01:13,015
will have to meet whatever
their own version of God might be.
25
00:01:13,040 --> 00:01:15,335
Or - and I mean this -
26
00:01:15,360 --> 00:01:16,895
I'll fix it for 15 grand.
27
00:01:16,920 --> 00:01:19,255
Anyone who pays 15 grand
into my account can win it.
28
00:01:19,280 --> 00:01:22,295
I don't care. Why would I care?
LAUGHTER
29
00:01:22,320 --> 00:01:24,095
So, here they are.
30
00:01:24,120 --> 00:01:26,415
For the last time, please welcome
31
00:01:26,440 --> 00:01:29,615
your five fearless fighters,
Frankie Boyle...
32
00:01:29,640 --> 00:01:30,855
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
33
00:01:30,880 --> 00:01:32,655
...Ivo Graham...
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
34
00:01:32,680 --> 00:01:34,695
...Jenny Eclair...
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
35
00:01:34,720 --> 00:01:37,495
...Kiell Smith-Bynoe...
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
36
00:01:37,520 --> 00:01:40,335
...and Mae Martin.
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
37
00:01:42,760 --> 00:01:44,255
And next to me,
38
00:01:44,280 --> 00:01:46,655
a man who told me
that as a young person
39
00:01:46,680 --> 00:01:48,495
he used to practise kissing
40
00:01:48,520 --> 00:01:51,095
on his grandfather's pet carp
Mr Suckles.
41
00:01:51,120 --> 00:01:52,375
LAUGHTER
42
00:01:52,400 --> 00:01:53,855
It's Little Alex Horne!
43
00:01:53,880 --> 00:01:56,095
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
44
00:01:58,200 --> 00:02:00,775
Hello, everyone.
It's the final, Greg.
45
00:02:00,800 --> 00:02:03,135
It's the final. It's the final.
I'm going to miss you, Greg.
46
00:02:03,160 --> 00:02:04,935
Are you?
Yes, I like sitting next to you.
47
00:02:04,960 --> 00:02:06,015
LAUGHTER
48
00:02:06,040 --> 00:02:07,095
What's this then?
49
00:02:07,120 --> 00:02:09,735
Well, I was wondering if you wanted
to come to my birthday party.
50
00:02:09,760 --> 00:02:12,055
You're going to be
the first person I invited.
51
00:02:12,080 --> 00:02:13,055
AUDIENCE: Aw!
52
00:02:13,080 --> 00:02:14,855
That is a lovely way
to start the grand final.
53
00:02:14,880 --> 00:02:16,015
Great.
54
00:02:16,040 --> 00:02:17,855
"Alex is turning 50."
It's in six years.
55
00:02:17,880 --> 00:02:19,335
LAUGHTER
56
00:02:20,800 --> 00:02:24,215
"Alex would like the pleasure of
Greg's company at my 50th birthday.
57
00:02:24,240 --> 00:02:26,535
"Dress code, naughty but nice.
58
00:02:26,560 --> 00:02:27,815
"Arrival, 3.30pm.
59
00:02:27,840 --> 00:02:30,255
"Carriages, 4.30am."
It's just you and me. Um...
60
00:02:30,280 --> 00:02:32,535
LAUGHTER
61
00:02:32,560 --> 00:02:34,455
"Venue TBC." Probably a farm.
62
00:02:34,480 --> 00:02:37,095
And then you just tear off that bit
and return it if you're coming.
63
00:02:37,120 --> 00:02:38,495
It's an RSVP slip on the bottom.
64
00:02:38,520 --> 00:02:41,215
Right, let's get on with the
show, shall we? OK. LAUGHTER
65
00:02:41,240 --> 00:02:43,815
What have we got for the final
prize task of the show, Alex?
66
00:02:43,840 --> 00:02:45,695
It's a real money-spinner, Greg,
67
00:02:45,720 --> 00:02:47,335
because you've asked them
to bring in
68
00:02:47,360 --> 00:02:49,335
the best Greg Davies merchandise
69
00:02:49,360 --> 00:02:52,535
that isn't on the market
but should be on the market.
70
00:02:52,560 --> 00:02:54,255
LAUGHTER
71
00:02:54,280 --> 00:02:56,815
Of course, there's already
a lot of great stuff out there -
72
00:02:56,840 --> 00:03:01,215
enough to make quite
an alarming shrine, let me tell you.
73
00:03:01,240 --> 00:03:04,015
But Greg's going to judge
his favourite one,
74
00:03:04,040 --> 00:03:06,335
and then the lucky episode winner
will win a lot
75
00:03:06,360 --> 00:03:07,335
of Greg Davies merchandise,
76
00:03:07,360 --> 00:03:09,255
which I can drop round to them
at a later date.
77
00:03:09,280 --> 00:03:10,895
Well, Mae Martin. Hi.
78
00:03:10,920 --> 00:03:13,215
Have you got some good
me merchandise?
79
00:03:13,240 --> 00:03:16,175
Yeah. Um, my...my dad was involved.
80
00:03:16,200 --> 00:03:17,375
How was your dad involved?
81
00:03:17,400 --> 00:03:21,215
Basically, in lockdown,
he kind of became like Geppetto,
82
00:03:21,240 --> 00:03:25,255
so he and I together designed
a Greg Davies puppet.
83
00:03:25,280 --> 00:03:26,775
Yeah, this is what Mr Martin made.
84
00:03:26,800 --> 00:03:29,895
LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE
85
00:03:29,920 --> 00:03:32,935
I really want to show you.
Should be on the market, Greg.
86
00:03:32,960 --> 00:03:34,415
Oh-ho-ho-ho!
87
00:03:34,440 --> 00:03:36,375
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
88
00:03:39,440 --> 00:03:41,775
OK, the mouth opens,
89
00:03:41,800 --> 00:03:44,695
and also it says one
of your famous catchphrases,
90
00:03:44,720 --> 00:03:46,455
if you press a button. OK.
91
00:03:46,480 --> 00:03:48,255
RECORDING OF GREG'S VOICE:
I'm so full of hate!
92
00:03:48,280 --> 00:03:50,495
LAUGHTER
93
00:03:52,000 --> 00:03:54,255
Oh, thank you, Mae.
94
00:03:54,280 --> 00:03:55,775
Oh, God.
95
00:03:55,800 --> 00:03:57,295
It looks like Lord Sugar.
96
00:03:57,320 --> 00:03:59,975
What, the 75-year-old tycoon?
LAUGHTER
97
00:04:00,000 --> 00:04:01,495
Yes. It does.
98
00:04:01,520 --> 00:04:03,815
It's absolutely incredible.
Is your dad a carpenter?
99
00:04:03,840 --> 00:04:06,095
No. Well, how has he made you?
100
00:04:06,120 --> 00:04:08,695
Huh?! I don't think he likes me.
101
00:04:08,720 --> 00:04:10,975
He doesn't like you. Ah!
102
00:04:11,000 --> 00:04:12,655
And there's two of us now!
103
00:04:12,680 --> 00:04:14,335
LAUGHTER
104
00:04:14,360 --> 00:04:16,815
IN SQUEAKY VOICE: I'm coming
to your shit party in six years!
105
00:04:16,840 --> 00:04:18,775
I'm going to do a poo on the carpet.
106
00:04:18,800 --> 00:04:19,975
LAUGHTER
107
00:04:21,880 --> 00:04:23,535
He's a monster.
108
00:04:23,560 --> 00:04:25,375
He's horrible.
109
00:04:25,400 --> 00:04:27,135
Yeah. He is horrible!
110
00:04:27,160 --> 00:04:28,975
Well, this is going
to take some beating.
111
00:04:29,000 --> 00:04:31,055
Thank you, Mae.
He's absolutely amazing.
112
00:04:31,080 --> 00:04:34,095
RECORDING OF GREG'S VOICE:
I'm so full of hate! LAUGHTER
113
00:04:34,120 --> 00:04:35,775
That is a strong start.
114
00:04:35,800 --> 00:04:38,535
That's a high bar, isn't it?
That's really annoying, actually.
115
00:04:38,560 --> 00:04:41,295
Yeah.
LAUGHTER
116
00:04:41,320 --> 00:04:42,975
Very good. Ivo.
117
00:04:43,000 --> 00:04:45,535
Um, Greg, I've actually been
a fan of your work
118
00:04:45,560 --> 00:04:48,095
since before this show
even came into existence.
119
00:04:48,120 --> 00:04:51,255
In 2010 at the Edinburgh Fringe,
I watched your debut show.
120
00:04:51,280 --> 00:04:52,775
What was that show called, Greg?
121
00:04:52,800 --> 00:04:55,095
It was called
Firing Cheeseballs At A Dog, Ivo.
122
00:04:55,120 --> 00:04:56,535
Let's look at what the prize is.
123
00:04:56,560 --> 00:04:57,895
It's this.
124
00:04:57,920 --> 00:05:00,895
It's your very own Greg Davies
cheese ball catapult.
125
00:05:00,920 --> 00:05:02,375
LAUGHTER
126
00:05:02,400 --> 00:05:04,175
Take that, damn pooch!
127
00:05:04,200 --> 00:05:05,535
LAUGHTER
128
00:05:05,560 --> 00:05:06,735
That's lovely.
129
00:05:06,760 --> 00:05:08,775
And even though
it's less and less acceptable
130
00:05:08,800 --> 00:05:11,095
to fire snacks
into the faces of dogs...
131
00:05:11,120 --> 00:05:12,495
I hate this woke shit.
132
00:05:12,520 --> 00:05:14,855
LAUGHTER
Yeah.
133
00:05:14,880 --> 00:05:18,055
I mean, one of a dog's jobs
is to catch snacks, surely?
134
00:05:18,080 --> 00:05:20,455
Why can't they catch them
at velocity?
135
00:05:20,480 --> 00:05:21,855
LAUGHTER
136
00:05:21,880 --> 00:05:23,095
I think it's delightful.
137
00:05:23,120 --> 00:05:24,615
OK. Jenny.
138
00:05:24,640 --> 00:05:25,895
OK, Greg,
139
00:05:25,920 --> 00:05:30,535
for you, I had commissioned
a coffee stencil, and I thought,
140
00:05:30,560 --> 00:05:33,655
oh, just buying a coffee
with your face on it...
141
00:05:33,680 --> 00:05:36,615
And maybe if you got together
with that cafe place
142
00:05:36,640 --> 00:05:38,375
that has the same name as you,
143
00:05:38,400 --> 00:05:40,695
and then you could have
a Gregg's Greg coffee...
144
00:05:40,720 --> 00:05:41,895
Yeah, I mean...
145
00:05:41,920 --> 00:05:44,255
...and then you could give
some of the money to charity.
146
00:05:44,280 --> 00:05:46,775
Yeah, yeah.
LAUGHTER
147
00:05:46,800 --> 00:05:48,655
There's a lot relying
on this picture, I feel.
148
00:05:48,680 --> 00:05:50,975
Yeah, yeah.
This is what... Let's have a look.
149
00:05:51,000 --> 00:05:53,215
LAUGHTER
150
00:05:55,600 --> 00:05:57,055
But wait for the magic.
151
00:05:57,080 --> 00:05:58,935
That's the before,
and this is the coffee.
152
00:05:58,960 --> 00:06:00,775
LAUGHTER
153
00:06:00,800 --> 00:06:03,135
Why do I suddenly feel like chicken?
154
00:06:03,160 --> 00:06:05,095
LAUGHTER
155
00:06:06,720 --> 00:06:08,615
It's not bad at all, Jenny.
156
00:06:08,640 --> 00:06:10,295
Kiell, you all right?
157
00:06:10,320 --> 00:06:14,815
Well, I think as much
as people would like
158
00:06:14,840 --> 00:06:17,575
to have, like, bits
and pieces to play with,
159
00:06:17,600 --> 00:06:20,375
I think it's much more fun
to be you.
160
00:06:20,400 --> 00:06:22,655
Oh, it is not.
161
00:06:22,680 --> 00:06:24,335
LAUGHTER
162
00:06:24,360 --> 00:06:25,695
But keep talking.
163
00:06:25,720 --> 00:06:28,175
Well, when you last felt like that,
164
00:06:28,200 --> 00:06:29,775
you might've wanted something
like this.
165
00:06:29,800 --> 00:06:31,015
Have a look.
166
00:06:31,040 --> 00:06:32,495
LAUGHTER
167
00:06:32,520 --> 00:06:34,775
It's a Greg Davies morph suit.
168
00:06:34,800 --> 00:06:36,535
LAUGHTER
169
00:06:36,560 --> 00:06:38,535
It's so awful.
170
00:06:38,560 --> 00:06:40,095
I think if this goes on sale,
171
00:06:40,120 --> 00:06:43,335
I'm going to be arrested
for multiple attacks on people.
172
00:06:43,360 --> 00:06:44,375
LAUGHTER
173
00:06:44,400 --> 00:06:45,975
Wow. Thanks, Kiell.
174
00:06:46,000 --> 00:06:47,855
That's all right. Hi, Frankie.
175
00:06:47,880 --> 00:06:49,055
Do you know how we're both
176
00:06:49,080 --> 00:06:51,375
essentially trembling
on the brink of death?
177
00:06:51,400 --> 00:06:52,375
LAUGHTER
178
00:06:52,400 --> 00:06:53,775
With every morning,
179
00:06:53,800 --> 00:06:56,815
I cannot believe I see the sun again.
180
00:06:56,840 --> 00:06:58,495
And the real...
181
00:06:58,520 --> 00:07:01,815
The real test of the ageing process
is the beanbag.
182
00:07:01,840 --> 00:07:04,175
Once you have to commando roll
out of a beanbag...
183
00:07:04,200 --> 00:07:07,775
Yeah. ..that's a sign
it's pretty much game over.
184
00:07:07,800 --> 00:07:10,095
So, what I've developed is
185
00:07:10,120 --> 00:07:12,815
a euthaniser beanbag...
LAUGHTER
186
00:07:12,840 --> 00:07:16,575
...that if you sit in it
for more than an hour,
187
00:07:16,600 --> 00:07:19,775
it folds itself round you
and euthanises you...
188
00:07:19,800 --> 00:07:20,935
LAUGHTER
189
00:07:20,960 --> 00:07:23,255
...and then zips itself up
like a body bag.
190
00:07:23,280 --> 00:07:24,615
LAUGHTER
191
00:07:24,640 --> 00:07:27,255
Yeah, so,
this is Frankie's Greg Davies merch.
192
00:07:28,560 --> 00:07:31,255
So, it's just got Greg Davies
written...?
193
00:07:31,280 --> 00:07:32,975
LAUGHTER
Yes.
194
00:07:33,000 --> 00:07:35,255
After a while, this would happen.
195
00:07:35,280 --> 00:07:37,015
LAUGHTER
196
00:07:37,040 --> 00:07:39,975
You would start
to be subsumed by the beanbag.
197
00:07:40,000 --> 00:07:42,255
And then... And then...
198
00:07:42,280 --> 00:07:43,695
LAUGHTER
199
00:07:43,720 --> 00:07:44,775
...he's gone.
200
00:07:44,800 --> 00:07:46,335
...mercy is delivered.
201
00:07:46,360 --> 00:07:47,895
LAUGHTER
202
00:07:49,360 --> 00:07:51,295
So, it's a beanbag that determines...
203
00:07:51,320 --> 00:07:52,935
Whether you live or die.
LAUGHTER
204
00:07:52,960 --> 00:07:54,215
OK.
205
00:07:54,240 --> 00:07:56,655
We've been on a journey.
Who has won the journey?
206
00:07:56,680 --> 00:07:58,975
Well... Hmm. ..and this is
going to surprise you -
207
00:07:59,000 --> 00:08:00,175
not Frankie.
208
00:08:00,200 --> 00:08:01,415
LAUGHTER
209
00:08:01,440 --> 00:08:04,615
I don't want the Greg Davies
death beanbag to be on the market.
210
00:08:04,640 --> 00:08:06,895
So, is it one point to Frankie?
211
00:08:06,920 --> 00:08:08,175
One point. Yes.
212
00:08:08,200 --> 00:08:09,375
Kiel, two points.
213
00:08:09,400 --> 00:08:11,255
You're joking. Yeah.
214
00:08:11,280 --> 00:08:12,495
Oh, it's better than yours.
215
00:08:12,520 --> 00:08:15,495
Mine was better than yours,
simple as that.
216
00:08:15,520 --> 00:08:17,055
OK, two points to Kiell.
217
00:08:17,080 --> 00:08:18,575
Jenny gets three points.
218
00:08:18,600 --> 00:08:20,895
I sort of don't want to give...
219
00:08:20,920 --> 00:08:23,455
LAUGHTER
..that horrible thing five points,
220
00:08:23,480 --> 00:08:25,215
but I have to acknowledge
the amount of work
221
00:08:25,240 --> 00:08:26,295
that's gone into it.
222
00:08:26,320 --> 00:08:28,175
And you are talking
about the puppet, not Mae.
223
00:08:28,200 --> 00:08:29,695
Yeah.
LAUGHTER
224
00:08:29,720 --> 00:08:32,055
So, I'm going to give Ivo
four points.
225
00:08:32,080 --> 00:08:35,495
You stuck a sticker
of Greg's face on a catapult...
226
00:08:35,520 --> 00:08:40,535
...and that's better
than my high-concept death bag?
227
00:08:40,560 --> 00:08:41,975
Ivo's admittedly cheap
228
00:08:42,000 --> 00:08:43,935
but well-researched catapult
gets four.
229
00:08:43,960 --> 00:08:47,535
OK.
And my animated corpse gets five.
230
00:08:47,560 --> 00:08:49,215
Well done, Mae Martin. Five points.
231
00:08:49,240 --> 00:08:50,895
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
232
00:08:52,360 --> 00:08:55,255
Right, let's have the first
proper task of the final.
233
00:08:55,280 --> 00:08:59,215
Gotcha, and I hope you find
this one deeply fulfilling.
234
00:09:13,440 --> 00:09:14,855
Hello, Alex.
235
00:09:14,880 --> 00:09:16,055
Mae.
236
00:09:16,080 --> 00:09:17,335
Alex.
237
00:09:17,360 --> 00:09:18,775
Remember me?
238
00:09:18,800 --> 00:09:21,055
How could I forget?
239
00:09:21,080 --> 00:09:22,455
Everything all right with you?
240
00:09:22,480 --> 00:09:25,695
Yeah, pretty good. Can't complain.
241
00:09:25,720 --> 00:09:27,135
No. But I do.
242
00:09:27,160 --> 00:09:30,735
"Fill the glass up to the line
from the furthest distance."”
243
00:09:30,760 --> 00:09:33,055
“If you use a hose
and someone else uses a hose,
244
00:09:33,080 --> 00:09:35,415
"both hose users are disqualified."
245
00:09:35,440 --> 00:09:37,375
Will somebody have used the hose?
246
00:09:37,400 --> 00:09:40,215
Because there's the danger
of being disqualified.
247
00:09:40,240 --> 00:09:42,535
"Furthest distance between
contestant and pint glass
248
00:09:42,560 --> 00:09:43,815
"while filling wins."
249
00:09:43,840 --> 00:09:48,575
"You have a maximum of 20 minutes.
Your time starts now."
250
00:09:48,600 --> 00:09:50,335
Surely, why doesn't it just say,
251
00:09:50,360 --> 00:09:52,335
“If you use the hose,
you'll be disqualified,
252
00:09:52,360 --> 00:09:54,135
or, "You must not use the hose"?
253
00:09:54,160 --> 00:09:56,095
Who else is going to use the hose
with me?
254
00:09:56,120 --> 00:09:58,455
So, in Taskmaster,
it's you against four other people.
255
00:09:58,480 --> 00:10:00,015
Yeah.
LAUGHTER
256
00:10:00,040 --> 00:10:01,935
And if one of them
also uses a hose...
257
00:10:01,960 --> 00:10:04,495
Yeah.
..then you'll both be disqualified.
258
00:10:04,520 --> 00:10:06,815
Ahh!
LAUGHTER
259
00:10:06,840 --> 00:10:08,375
Now you've suggested it,
260
00:10:08,400 --> 00:10:12,015
we're all locked in
a complex game of quadruple bluff.
261
00:10:12,040 --> 00:10:13,415
LAUGHTER
262
00:10:13,440 --> 00:10:15,095
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
263
00:10:17,000 --> 00:10:18,735
Well, we're not going
to get a better intro
264
00:10:18,760 --> 00:10:20,135
to this whole task than the quote,
265
00:10:20,160 --> 00:10:21,615
"Now the hose has been mentioned,
266
00:10:21,640 --> 00:10:23,975
"we're all locked
in a game of quadruple bluff."
267
00:10:24,000 --> 00:10:26,335
It's a sort of classic
Taskmaster task.
268
00:10:26,360 --> 00:10:29,735
First up, Ivo,
Jenny, Frankie, and Mae.
269
00:10:29,760 --> 00:10:32,615
I think Kiell's going
to use the hose.
270
00:10:32,640 --> 00:10:35,375
I'm convinced
he's going to go, "Nah."
271
00:10:35,400 --> 00:10:38,935
That's my impersonation of him -
"Nah, I'm using the hose."
272
00:10:38,960 --> 00:10:42,135
I think I can win
this task hose-free.
273
00:10:42,160 --> 00:10:44,415
I think it might be down to pipes.
274
00:10:44,440 --> 00:10:45,615
Where's the glass?
275
00:10:45,640 --> 00:10:46,855
Glass is in the bath.
276
00:10:46,880 --> 00:10:48,015
Ah.
277
00:10:54,120 --> 00:10:56,535
LAUGHTER
278
00:10:56,560 --> 00:10:57,815
It's not full.
279
00:10:57,840 --> 00:10:59,455
Nah. Nah, nah, nah.
280
00:10:59,480 --> 00:11:02,135
You've got five minutes, Ivo.
281
00:11:02,160 --> 00:11:03,855
Not even on the string yet.
282
00:11:03,880 --> 00:11:05,495
FRANKIE GRUNTS
283
00:11:08,120 --> 00:11:10,815
Right, so that's just going
to fill that glass, is it? Yeah.
284
00:11:10,840 --> 00:11:11,895
I'm pretty confident,
285
00:11:11,920 --> 00:11:14,295
but I'm just going to get
out of the way of it slightly.
286
00:11:14,320 --> 00:11:16,215
Yeah. I'd...I'd like to do that.
287
00:11:16,240 --> 00:11:17,575
LAUGHTER
288
00:11:19,080 --> 00:11:20,495
That's what I need to do.
289
00:11:20,520 --> 00:11:24,455
I need, um, tubes,
cos that's not working.
290
00:11:24,480 --> 00:11:26,775
I've never tied a glass
to a piece of string before.
291
00:11:26,800 --> 00:11:28,295
You haven't got that long, Ivo.
292
00:11:28,320 --> 00:11:30,175
How confident are you
in your system?
293
00:11:30,200 --> 00:11:31,615
I think it's very flawed. OK.
294
00:11:31,640 --> 00:11:32,695
LAUGHTER
295
00:11:32,720 --> 00:11:35,335
I bet no other bastard
used that hose.
296
00:11:35,360 --> 00:11:38,055
OK, now I'm going to get
a big jug of water...
297
00:11:38,080 --> 00:11:39,135
Yeah.
298
00:11:39,160 --> 00:11:40,575
...and it's going to flow.
299
00:11:40,600 --> 00:11:42,535
Can't see what's going to go wrong.
300
00:11:42,560 --> 00:11:43,935
There was sarcasm.
301
00:11:43,960 --> 00:11:46,215
Yeah. Yeah. A lot.
LAUGHTER
302
00:11:47,560 --> 00:11:49,095
LAUGHTER
303
00:11:52,120 --> 00:11:54,575
LAUGHTER
304
00:11:54,600 --> 00:11:56,335
FRANKIE LAUGHS
305
00:11:56,360 --> 00:11:57,415
I have another idea.
306
00:11:57,440 --> 00:11:58,695
Oh, good.
LAUGHTER
307
00:11:59,760 --> 00:12:02,015
Has it come out the other end, Alex?
308
00:12:02,040 --> 00:12:03,215
No.
309
00:12:06,000 --> 00:12:07,975
I have a theory. Ah.
310
00:12:08,000 --> 00:12:10,415
Perhaps some bubbles
will deaden the fall.
311
00:12:10,440 --> 00:12:12,695
LAUGHTER
Right. You've got three minutes.
312
00:12:15,280 --> 00:12:17,815
Someone's going to use the hose,
and the hose is long.
313
00:12:17,840 --> 00:12:19,415
Oh, the hose is long, yeah.
314
00:12:20,960 --> 00:12:23,255
OK, we'll start that again there.
315
00:12:25,000 --> 00:12:26,575
It's filling.
316
00:12:26,600 --> 00:12:28,375
Jenny, I've logged that distance.
317
00:12:28,400 --> 00:12:31,095
You still have five minutes if
you wanted to have a second attempt.
318
00:12:31,120 --> 00:12:34,095
OK. I'd like a balloon
of water and a dart.
319
00:12:34,120 --> 00:12:35,775
What have I got,
a couple of minutes?
320
00:12:35,800 --> 00:12:37,695
Yeah. You've got one minute
and a half, Frankie.
321
00:12:37,720 --> 00:12:39,295
I'm going to lob the glass.
322
00:12:39,320 --> 00:12:40,775
It'll be cushioned by the bubbles.
323
00:12:40,800 --> 00:12:43,455
It will fill up with water...
HE LAUGHS
324
00:12:43,480 --> 00:12:46,215
...and, uh,
I'll have completed the task.
325
00:12:46,240 --> 00:12:48,535
Thank you for being
my assistant, Alex.
326
00:12:50,320 --> 00:12:51,655
All or nothing.
327
00:12:53,560 --> 00:12:54,615
GLASS SHATTERS
328
00:12:54,640 --> 00:12:56,055
LAUGHTER AND CHEERING
329
00:12:59,000 --> 00:13:01,255
That wasn't an encouraging noise.
330
00:13:01,280 --> 00:13:03,255
No, it didn't sound great, but...
331
00:13:03,280 --> 00:13:05,575
Could've been some
bubbles bursting.
332
00:13:05,600 --> 00:13:07,095
LAUGHTER
333
00:13:07,120 --> 00:13:08,615
You've got four seconds.
334
00:13:08,640 --> 00:13:11,095
Three, two, one.
335
00:13:14,240 --> 00:13:15,615
WHISTLE BLOWS
336
00:13:15,640 --> 00:13:19,135
We lost a bit.
We lost a bit on entry.
337
00:13:19,160 --> 00:13:20,495
AUDIENCE: Aw!
338
00:13:20,520 --> 00:13:21,615
Watch your eyes.
339
00:13:24,120 --> 00:13:25,575
SHE LAUGHS
340
00:13:25,600 --> 00:13:27,895
It's not to the line
and you've got one more balloon.
341
00:13:27,920 --> 00:13:28,895
OK.
342
00:13:32,000 --> 00:13:34,455
AUDIENCE LAUGH AND EXCLAIM
343
00:13:34,480 --> 00:13:35,575
Oh!
344
00:13:37,000 --> 00:13:38,855
Did it say over the line?
345
00:13:38,880 --> 00:13:41,455
As long as it's to the line.
346
00:13:41,480 --> 00:13:43,815
It's to the line. You done?
WHISTLE BLOWS
347
00:13:43,840 --> 00:13:45,015
Thanks, Mae.
AUDIENCE APPLAUD
348
00:13:45,040 --> 00:13:47,695
Now, Jenny, you've got one minute.
OK.
349
00:13:48,800 --> 00:13:49,935
So close.
350
00:13:52,440 --> 00:13:54,175
AUDIENCE: Ooh!
351
00:13:58,040 --> 00:13:59,415
It's over the line.
352
00:13:59,440 --> 00:14:00,655
OK. Thank you, everyone.
353
00:14:00,680 --> 00:14:01,895
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
354
00:14:01,920 --> 00:14:03,215
That was great, Jenny.
355
00:14:03,240 --> 00:14:04,495
It was probably the best thing
356
00:14:04,520 --> 00:14:06,175
you've done on the whole series,
I feel.
357
00:14:06,200 --> 00:14:08,535
Honestly, it was possibly one
of the coolest things
358
00:14:08,560 --> 00:14:09,935
I've ever done in my life.
359
00:14:09,960 --> 00:14:13,495
It was so cool,
and you filled it twice, so...
360
00:14:13,520 --> 00:14:15,455
Yeah, doubler. Doubler.
It was a doubler, yeah.
361
00:14:15,480 --> 00:14:17,815
Write that down.
Oh, I have written it down. Doubler.
362
00:14:17,840 --> 00:14:20,175
Do you want me to write it down
again? Doubler! I'll double it.
363
00:14:20,200 --> 00:14:22,535
LAUGHTER
3.8 metres - half a London bus.
364
00:14:22,560 --> 00:14:25,175
OK. Well done. Thank you.
365
00:14:25,200 --> 00:14:27,535
Mae, was it genuinely your intention
366
00:14:27,560 --> 00:14:29,855
to just throw a pint of water
in the air...
367
00:14:29,880 --> 00:14:30,935
LAUGHTER
368
00:14:30,960 --> 00:14:32,855
...and hope that it all landed
in a glass?
369
00:14:32,880 --> 00:14:34,015
Yeah.
370
00:14:34,040 --> 00:14:36,055
I think in my head I was a cartoon,
371
00:14:36,080 --> 00:14:38,375
and it would be like... Blahhh!
Yeah. Yeah.
372
00:14:38,400 --> 00:14:39,335
LAUGHTER
373
00:14:39,360 --> 00:14:42,695
You did manage to get 8.10 metres -
the same as a London bus.
374
00:14:42,720 --> 00:14:44,335
Well done, Mae. Exactly? Well done.
375
00:14:44,360 --> 00:14:46,295
Exactly. Exactly.
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
376
00:14:46,320 --> 00:14:49,895
Frankie, I thought the initial thing,
you put some thought into...
377
00:14:49,920 --> 00:14:51,015
Yeah.
378
00:14:51,040 --> 00:14:54,495
...but when I saw you
just tossing Fairy Liquid
379
00:14:54,520 --> 00:14:56,415
into a bath...
LAUGHTER
380
00:14:56,440 --> 00:14:59,615
You thought, "I'm going to burn
this whole task to the ground.”
381
00:14:59,640 --> 00:15:00,855
I thought it might work.
382
00:15:00,880 --> 00:15:03,335
Uh, I still think
it might have worked,
383
00:15:03,360 --> 00:15:05,135
because all the glass was submerged.
384
00:15:05,160 --> 00:15:07,135
It was broken but it was submerged,
385
00:15:07,160 --> 00:15:10,015
so, in a way, the water
was over the line.
386
00:15:10,040 --> 00:15:13,575
Doesn't... Doesn't say that
you don't have to break the glass.
387
00:15:13,600 --> 00:15:16,815
I mean, it wasn't full,
but it was covered in water.
388
00:15:16,840 --> 00:15:18,215
It was fuller,
389
00:15:18,240 --> 00:15:20,535
because it was covered
in water on both sides.
390
00:15:20,560 --> 00:15:21,895
LAUGHTER
391
00:15:21,920 --> 00:15:24,735
Onto Ivo's cascading roller-coaster.
392
00:15:24,760 --> 00:15:26,375
Hmm. From the very beginning,
393
00:15:26,400 --> 00:15:29,415
it looked like a sure-fire edition
to your list of failures, I thought,
394
00:15:29,440 --> 00:15:30,895
but, in fact, a partial success.
395
00:15:30,920 --> 00:15:32,215
Yeah, the system worked,
396
00:15:32,240 --> 00:15:34,775
but he was let down cos he didn't
put enough water in the glass.
397
00:15:34,800 --> 00:15:36,615
And was he a good distance
from there? He was.
398
00:15:36,640 --> 00:15:39,255
He was about two and a bit
London buses, 18.30 metres.
399
00:15:39,280 --> 00:15:40,655
Ooh, that's good. Yeah.
400
00:15:40,680 --> 00:15:43,975
Frankie was two thirds
of a London bus, 5.40 metres.
401
00:15:44,000 --> 00:15:46,375
But the outside of your glass,
dry as a bone.
402
00:15:46,400 --> 00:15:47,935
LAUGHTER
403
00:15:49,560 --> 00:15:52,695
Break time now, and as
an inspiration for our competitors,
404
00:15:52,720 --> 00:15:55,775
I've been training Alex
to fart Land Of Hope And Glory.
405
00:15:55,800 --> 00:15:58,895
So, please, Alex, take it away.
406
00:15:58,920 --> 00:16:00,575
ALEX GRUNTS
407
00:16:00,600 --> 00:16:02,535
Ahh, no, Daddy! It's whoops!
408
00:16:02,560 --> 00:16:04,495
LAUGHTER
409
00:16:04,520 --> 00:16:05,935
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
410
00:16:12,120 --> 00:16:14,575
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
411
00:16:14,600 --> 00:16:16,615
Hello! Welcome back.
412
00:16:16,640 --> 00:16:20,255
It's great to have you here
for this almighty final.
413
00:16:20,280 --> 00:16:24,615
And it's time to see whether Kiell
did opt for the hose option
414
00:16:24,640 --> 00:16:26,375
in the glass-filling task.
415
00:16:26,400 --> 00:16:29,335
I feel like no-one else
is going to use the hose.
416
00:16:29,360 --> 00:16:31,015
Even though you might get
disqualified
417
00:16:31,040 --> 00:16:32,255
if someone else uses the hose?
418
00:16:32,280 --> 00:16:33,695
No risk, no reward.
419
00:16:33,720 --> 00:16:34,975
Is that true?
420
00:16:35,000 --> 00:16:36,815
I don't know.
LAUGHTER
421
00:16:36,840 --> 00:16:40,215
Right, if I'm someone else
and I've read that...
422
00:16:40,240 --> 00:16:41,695
Who are you pretending to be?
423
00:16:41,720 --> 00:16:43,015
Mae.
424
00:16:43,040 --> 00:16:44,695
LAUGHTER
And what are they doing?
425
00:16:44,720 --> 00:16:48,615
IMITATES MAE: I'm not going
to use the hose. It's too scary.
426
00:16:48,640 --> 00:16:50,975
So, I'd quite like you
to be Frankie now.
427
00:16:51,000 --> 00:16:54,855
IMITATES FRANKIE: I think
that the hose should be left alone.
428
00:16:54,880 --> 00:16:55,975
LAUGHTER
429
00:16:56,000 --> 00:16:58,455
Uh, I'll do the rest
just cause I'm here. Yeah, lvo.
430
00:16:58,480 --> 00:17:01,415
IMITATES 1VO: Hose? Uh...
Uh, no. I don't think so. Uh...
431
00:17:01,440 --> 00:17:04,335
Well, maybe... Uh, no.
I'm not going to use the hose.
432
00:17:04,360 --> 00:17:05,735
LAUGHTER
Mm-hm. And then Jenny.
433
00:17:05,760 --> 00:17:07,335
Uh, Jenny.
HE CHUCKLES
434
00:17:07,360 --> 00:17:09,335
IMITATES JENNY: Where is the hose?
Where is it?
435
00:17:09,360 --> 00:17:11,655
I can't be bothered with it.
I've changed my mind.
436
00:17:11,680 --> 00:17:12,695
LAUGHTER
437
00:17:12,720 --> 00:17:15,015
Right, are you going
to use the hose then? Yes.
438
00:17:15,040 --> 00:17:16,695
Nobody else is going to do this.
439
00:17:16,720 --> 00:17:18,255
No way, hose-y.
440
00:17:22,680 --> 00:17:23,895
Oh, shit!
LAUGHTER
441
00:17:23,920 --> 00:17:25,495
Oh, my God.
442
00:17:25,520 --> 00:17:29,135
Ahh! Make it stop! The children!
LAUGHTER
443
00:17:29,160 --> 00:17:31,095
On, please.
444
00:17:31,120 --> 00:17:33,375
Hose on!
445
00:17:33,400 --> 00:17:35,775
Come on. Yeah.
446
00:17:37,080 --> 00:17:39,015
Is it doing it?
447
00:17:39,040 --> 00:17:41,575
Doesn't look like it is.
448
00:17:41,600 --> 00:17:44,055
Is there anything in that cup?
449
00:17:45,600 --> 00:17:47,215
You've got to be kidding me.
LAUGHTER
450
00:17:47,240 --> 00:17:48,735
I might need to get closer.
451
00:17:48,760 --> 00:17:50,335
I will move the measuring gnome.
452
00:17:51,600 --> 00:17:54,015
I thought this was going
to be really easy.
453
00:17:54,040 --> 00:17:55,495
Come on.
454
00:17:55,520 --> 00:17:57,135
That's nowhere near it.
455
00:17:57,160 --> 00:17:59,455
45 seconds left.
456
00:17:59,480 --> 00:18:00,855
Shit!
LAUGHTER
457
00:18:04,000 --> 00:18:06,255
Ahh!
458
00:18:06,280 --> 00:18:08,095
Oh, boy.
459
00:18:08,120 --> 00:18:11,135
WHISTLE BLOWS
Please turn the hose off.
460
00:18:14,160 --> 00:18:16,455
AUDIENCE LAUGH AND EXCLAIM
461
00:18:17,880 --> 00:18:20,775
JENNY LAUGHS EXCITEDLY
462
00:18:20,800 --> 00:18:22,495
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
463
00:18:22,520 --> 00:18:24,295
What a drama.
464
00:18:24,320 --> 00:18:25,815
Oh... Yeah.
465
00:18:25,840 --> 00:18:29,575
We certainly couldn't have predicted
a grown man shouting at water,
466
00:18:29,600 --> 00:18:31,095
"Go in the glass, bruv."
467
00:18:31,120 --> 00:18:32,735
LAUGHTER
468
00:18:32,760 --> 00:18:35,095
I thought it was going
to be so easy.
469
00:18:35,120 --> 00:18:37,135
You made the hose sound
like it was, like, the dream.
470
00:18:37,160 --> 00:18:39,135
That's what he does -
he lures people in.
471
00:18:39,160 --> 00:18:41,535
No, it is...it is the dream.
Did you just watch that?
472
00:18:41,560 --> 00:18:43,335
I think I'm not
the only one here thinking,
473
00:18:43,360 --> 00:18:45,135
"Put the end of the hose
in the glass,
474
00:18:45,160 --> 00:18:46,415
"make it as long as possible,
475
00:18:46,440 --> 00:18:48,415
"go to the tap..."
476
00:18:48,440 --> 00:18:50,775
LAUGHTER
477
00:18:50,800 --> 00:18:52,775
"..turn the tap on.”
478
00:18:52,800 --> 00:18:54,295
APPLAUSE
479
00:18:55,760 --> 00:18:56,855
Oh, dear.
480
00:18:56,880 --> 00:18:58,375
You were 8.5 metres away.
481
00:18:58,400 --> 00:19:00,415
I mean, bear in mind,
Ivo was 18 metres away.
482
00:19:00,440 --> 00:19:02,975
Please stop using me as
a yardstick for failure.
483
00:19:03,000 --> 00:19:04,615
LAUGHTER
484
00:19:04,640 --> 00:19:06,695
That could be your merchandise.
485
00:19:06,720 --> 00:19:08,975
LAUGHTER
A yardstick for failure?
486
00:19:10,280 --> 00:19:11,815
Oh, dear, dear.
487
00:19:11,840 --> 00:19:15,255
No points to Kiell, amazingly.
No points to Ivo.
488
00:19:15,280 --> 00:19:17,655
No points, probably, to Frankie -
that's up to you.
489
00:19:17,680 --> 00:19:18,695
Come on.
490
00:19:18,720 --> 00:19:19,975
I'm not giving Frankie a point
491
00:19:20,000 --> 00:19:22,335
for having water outside
the broken glass.
492
00:19:22,360 --> 00:19:24,295
That's very creative, but come on.
493
00:19:24,320 --> 00:19:25,375
No to Frankie,
494
00:19:25,400 --> 00:19:27,415
which means it's four
to Jenny with the darts
495
00:19:27,440 --> 00:19:29,295
and solid tube technique,
and five to Mae Martin.
496
00:19:29,320 --> 00:19:30,615
Ah!
497
00:19:30,640 --> 00:19:32,295
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
Very good.
498
00:19:32,320 --> 00:19:34,615
Can we see what's happening
on the scoreboard, please?
499
00:19:34,640 --> 00:19:35,655
Yes.
500
00:19:35,680 --> 00:19:38,175
We have Frankie on one point,
and at the other end of the table,
501
00:19:38,200 --> 00:19:39,775
Mae Martin has a full ten points.
502
00:19:39,800 --> 00:19:42,615
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
503
00:19:44,280 --> 00:19:45,695
Right, what's next?
504
00:19:45,720 --> 00:19:47,175
Ooh. Thank goodness.
505
00:19:47,200 --> 00:19:48,735
It's chess o'clock.
506
00:19:59,160 --> 00:20:02,055
Oh, dear. Mm. I know.
507
00:20:02,080 --> 00:20:03,295
I see.
508
00:20:03,320 --> 00:20:04,855
IVO LAUGHS
509
00:20:04,880 --> 00:20:06,215
What's so funny?
510
00:20:06,240 --> 00:20:09,375
Uh, most of the things,
but I'll start with the Vaseline.
511
00:20:09,400 --> 00:20:11,655
This...
512
00:20:11,680 --> 00:20:13,575
...sinister implications.
513
00:20:15,040 --> 00:20:16,535
Ooh.
514
00:20:16,560 --> 00:20:20,335
"Do what Alex does immediately
after Alex does it
515
00:20:20,360 --> 00:20:23,015
"in exactly
the same time as Alex does it."
516
00:20:23,040 --> 00:20:25,335
"You must press your button
when you're satisfied
517
00:20:25,360 --> 00:20:27,655
"you have done what Alex has done."
518
00:20:27,680 --> 00:20:30,015
"If you do not complete
an activity,
519
00:20:30,040 --> 00:20:32,695
"ten seconds will be
added to your time."
520
00:20:32,720 --> 00:20:36,135
"Closest to the same
total time wins."
521
00:20:36,160 --> 00:20:39,935
"The time starts
when Alex presses his button.”
522
00:20:45,120 --> 00:20:47,415
We haven't started yet. Yep.
LAUGHTER
523
00:20:47,440 --> 00:20:48,735
So, we take turns, yes?
524
00:20:48,760 --> 00:20:50,815
We're playing chess. Oh.
525
00:20:50,840 --> 00:20:53,175
This clock... Yeah.
..will tell you what time...
526
00:20:53,200 --> 00:20:55,055
Is there any point
me looking at that? No. No.
527
00:20:55,080 --> 00:20:57,535
LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE
528
00:20:57,560 --> 00:20:59,815
OK, so, it's a sort of copycat chess.
529
00:20:59,840 --> 00:21:00,695
Exactly that.
530
00:21:00,720 --> 00:21:03,095
I just want to point out
that Jenny's version of "hello"
531
00:21:03,120 --> 00:21:04,455
has morphed across this series
532
00:21:04,480 --> 00:21:08,455
to be almost always something along
the lines of, "Oh, no."
533
00:21:08,480 --> 00:21:11,175
LAUGHTER
"Oh, dear."
534
00:21:11,200 --> 00:21:13,455
I think something horrible happens.
535
00:21:13,480 --> 00:21:14,695
Yes, it does.
536
00:21:14,720 --> 00:21:16,255
LAUGHTER
537
00:21:16,280 --> 00:21:18,295
All right, then. It's intense.
538
00:21:18,320 --> 00:21:20,255
Forget Kasparov versus Deep Blue.
539
00:21:20,280 --> 00:21:22,655
This is Kiell and Mae
versus Deep Horne.
540
00:21:22,680 --> 00:21:23,855
Argh.
541
00:21:23,880 --> 00:21:25,055
LAUGHTER
542
00:21:25,080 --> 00:21:26,775
Good luck, Mae. Thank you.
543
00:21:26,800 --> 00:21:28,135
Good luck, Kiell.
544
00:21:28,160 --> 00:21:29,375
Good luck, Alex.
545
00:21:29,400 --> 00:21:30,495
TIMER BEEPS
546
00:21:30,520 --> 00:21:31,895
I'm going to eat a banana.
547
00:21:41,000 --> 00:21:42,255
TIMER BEEPS
548
00:21:52,000 --> 00:21:53,015
TIMER BEEPS
549
00:21:57,440 --> 00:21:59,175
LAUGHTER
550
00:22:02,000 --> 00:22:03,495
Quite slow.
551
00:22:03,520 --> 00:22:05,735
I'm now going to sharpen a pencil.
552
00:22:09,120 --> 00:22:11,375
TIMER BEEPS
I'm going to sharpen a pencil.
553
00:22:12,560 --> 00:22:13,855
TIMER BEEPS
554
00:22:15,720 --> 00:22:16,775
TIMER BEEPS
555
00:22:16,800 --> 00:22:18,255
I'm going to have 40 winks.
556
00:22:20,080 --> 00:22:21,455
LAUGHTER
557
00:22:25,280 --> 00:22:26,415
TIMER BEEPS
558
00:22:26,440 --> 00:22:28,175
I'm now going to do some maths.
559
00:22:28,200 --> 00:22:30,215
Oh, Christ.
560
00:22:30,240 --> 00:22:31,855
I'm going to do some maths.
561
00:22:34,240 --> 00:22:35,815
MAE WHIMPERS
562
00:22:35,840 --> 00:22:37,735
Should've sharpened
this pencil properly.
563
00:22:37,760 --> 00:22:39,455
Uh, pfft!
564
00:22:39,480 --> 00:22:41,775
I don't remember how to do this.
565
00:22:41,800 --> 00:22:43,015
TIMER BEEPS
I did some.
566
00:22:43,040 --> 00:22:45,495
I'm now going to put
five rubber bands on my face.
567
00:22:48,040 --> 00:22:49,295
HE CHUCKLES
568
00:22:49,320 --> 00:22:51,575
LAUGHTER
569
00:22:51,600 --> 00:22:52,935
TIMER BEEPS
570
00:22:55,200 --> 00:22:57,175
You avoided your eyes.
571
00:22:57,200 --> 00:22:58,335
Yeah.
572
00:22:58,360 --> 00:22:59,535
Yeah, smart.
573
00:23:00,840 --> 00:23:03,095
TIMER BEEPS
I'm going to open the box.
574
00:23:04,400 --> 00:23:05,775
LAUGHTER
575
00:23:08,440 --> 00:23:10,015
TIMER BEEPS
576
00:23:12,280 --> 00:23:14,015
How can I open the box?
577
00:23:14,040 --> 00:23:15,255
Well, you need the code.
578
00:23:15,280 --> 00:23:16,575
Where's the code?
579
00:23:16,600 --> 00:23:18,095
I don't know the code.
580
00:23:18,120 --> 00:23:20,415
You should have
a four-digit number, Mae.
581
00:23:20,440 --> 00:23:21,255
Should 17
582
00:23:21,280 --> 00:23:22,815
Could you just hold this for a sec?
583
00:23:24,480 --> 00:23:25,895
LAUGHTER
584
00:23:31,720 --> 00:23:32,775
TIMER BEEPS
585
00:23:32,800 --> 00:23:34,615
I'm going to inflate
an entire balloon.
586
00:23:34,640 --> 00:23:35,735
TIMER BEEPS
587
00:23:39,000 --> 00:23:40,175
TIMER BEEPS
588
00:23:40,200 --> 00:23:43,095
I'm now going to put my
banana skin in the Vaseline pot.
589
00:23:43,120 --> 00:23:45,375
OK.
AUDIENCE GROANS
590
00:23:49,800 --> 00:23:50,815
TIMER BEEPS
591
00:23:56,800 --> 00:23:58,695
TIMER BEEPS
I'm going to make a dog.
592
00:24:03,360 --> 00:24:04,815
LAUGHTER
Oh, my God.
593
00:24:04,840 --> 00:24:06,295
TIMER BEEPS
594
00:24:10,320 --> 00:24:13,455
I'm going to use this to tie that.
595
00:24:14,720 --> 00:24:16,255
There. It lives.
596
00:24:16,280 --> 00:24:17,375
LAUGHTER
597
00:24:17,400 --> 00:24:18,735
TIMER BEEPS
598
00:24:18,760 --> 00:24:20,335
It's got short back legs.
LAUGHTER
599
00:24:20,360 --> 00:24:22,655
TIMER BEEPS
I'm going to pop my dog.
600
00:24:22,680 --> 00:24:26,455
Yeah.
601
00:24:26,480 --> 00:24:28,175
TIMER BEEPS
We're finished.
602
00:24:28,200 --> 00:24:30,535
Thank you, Alex. Good game.
603
00:24:30,560 --> 00:24:32,495
LAUGHTER
604
00:24:32,520 --> 00:24:34,375
APPLAUSE
605
00:24:35,600 --> 00:24:38,095
Kiell, why did you take
so long with that banana?
606
00:24:38,120 --> 00:24:39,215
LAUGHTER
607
00:24:39,240 --> 00:24:40,655
I like to enjoy my meals.
608
00:24:40,680 --> 00:24:43,055
Interesting.
And sinister for some reason.
609
00:24:43,080 --> 00:24:44,095
LAUGHTER
610
00:24:44,120 --> 00:24:45,495
Well, they both did pretty well.
611
00:24:45,520 --> 00:24:48,175
Kiell was three minutes
five seconds slower than me.
612
00:24:48,200 --> 00:24:51,175
Mae, who has been very good
at Taskmaster throughout Taskmaster,
613
00:24:51,200 --> 00:24:53,495
two minutes and eight seconds
slower than me,
614
00:24:53,520 --> 00:24:54,695
which is pretty impressive.
615
00:24:54,720 --> 00:24:56,335
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
616
00:24:58,080 --> 00:25:00,695
Next, here's a very Jenny attempt
by Jenny.
617
00:25:00,720 --> 00:25:02,175
Oh, God.
618
00:25:02,200 --> 00:25:04,215
Yes, are you ready, Jenny?
Yeah, I'm ready, Alex.
619
00:25:04,240 --> 00:25:06,095
Here we go.
TIMER BEEPS
620
00:25:06,120 --> 00:25:07,535
I'm going to eat a banana.
621
00:25:10,720 --> 00:25:12,975
TIMER BEEPS
I'm going to eat a banana.
622
00:25:16,000 --> 00:25:17,335
LAUGHTER
623
00:25:21,880 --> 00:25:23,135
LAUGHTER
624
00:25:24,520 --> 00:25:26,775
This is my fifth banana today.
625
00:25:26,800 --> 00:25:28,015
LAUGHTER
626
00:25:30,920 --> 00:25:34,295
OK. All right.
I've finished that banana.
627
00:25:34,320 --> 00:25:37,775
TIMER BEEPS
I'm going to sharpen my pencil. Mm.
628
00:25:37,800 --> 00:25:40,095
Shall I do your face as well?
629
00:25:40,120 --> 00:25:41,335
LAUGHTER
Is that what I did? Yeah.
630
00:25:41,360 --> 00:25:42,535
Oh.
631
00:25:47,680 --> 00:25:49,095
I'm going to do some maths.
632
00:25:49,120 --> 00:25:50,855
I'm going to do some maths.
633
00:25:50,880 --> 00:25:52,455
Eight eights are 56.
634
00:25:52,480 --> 00:25:54,095
Carry five.
635
00:25:54,120 --> 00:25:55,415
It takes...
636
00:25:57,160 --> 00:25:58,815
I know an easier way.
637
00:25:58,840 --> 00:26:00,215
LAUGHTER
638
00:26:02,600 --> 00:26:04,495
Instantly face-lifted.
LAUGHTER
639
00:26:04,520 --> 00:26:06,375
Maybe I should've done it like that.
SHE LAUGHS
640
00:26:06,400 --> 00:26:08,735
TIMER BEEPS
I'm going to open the box.
641
00:26:08,760 --> 00:26:10,455
Well, I'm going to open the box.
OK.
642
00:26:12,160 --> 00:26:14,495
I've done the fucking sum wrong.
LAUGHTER
643
00:26:14,520 --> 00:26:16,415
I've done the fucking sum wrong,
haven't I?
644
00:26:17,680 --> 00:26:19,655
OK, give me a minute. OK.
645
00:26:22,480 --> 00:26:25,255
469... Eight sixes...
646
00:26:25,280 --> 00:26:26,375
Yeah.
647
00:26:30,440 --> 00:26:31,695
TIMER BEEPS
648
00:26:33,600 --> 00:26:36,375
LAUGHTER
649
00:26:36,400 --> 00:26:40,015
It's like the worst
birthday party ever!
650
00:26:40,040 --> 00:26:41,415
LAUGHTER
651
00:26:41,440 --> 00:26:42,735
TIMER BEEPS
652
00:26:42,760 --> 00:26:45,175
I'm going to put my banana skin
in my Vaseline pot.
653
00:26:45,200 --> 00:26:46,855
You fucking weird freak.
LAUGHTER
654
00:26:51,440 --> 00:26:53,375
Oh, Alex, it's really good.
There he is.
655
00:26:55,280 --> 00:26:56,735
BALLOON POPS, SHE LAUGHS
656
00:27:00,520 --> 00:27:02,815
It's curled up in its basket.
LAUGHTER
657
00:27:02,840 --> 00:27:04,815
Yeah. I'm going to pop my dog.
658
00:27:04,840 --> 00:27:06,175
BALLOON POPS, SHE SHOUTS
659
00:27:06,200 --> 00:27:07,335
TIMER BEEPS
660
00:27:09,600 --> 00:27:10,655
Why did you do that?
661
00:27:12,800 --> 00:27:14,415
I'm going to pop my dog.
BALLOON POPS
662
00:27:14,440 --> 00:27:15,575
Ahh!
663
00:27:15,600 --> 00:27:17,215
TIMER BEEPS
And we're done.
664
00:27:17,240 --> 00:27:20,055
I'm going to go and take
some paracetamol for my face.
665
00:27:20,080 --> 00:27:22,335
OK. Thank you. Goodbye.
666
00:27:22,360 --> 00:27:24,015
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
667
00:27:24,040 --> 00:27:25,695
I only understood the chess thing
668
00:27:25,720 --> 00:27:30,215
cos I'd seen that rather good drama
with... What's that girl called?
669
00:27:30,240 --> 00:27:31,535
HE LAUGHS
670
00:27:31,560 --> 00:27:33,335
LAUGHTER
671
00:27:33,360 --> 00:27:35,695
Queen's... The Queen's Gambit.
Yeah. Yeah, yeah.
672
00:27:35,720 --> 00:27:38,055
I've never seen anything
that's further removed
673
00:27:38,080 --> 00:27:40,815
from The Queen's Gambit.
LAUGHTER
674
00:27:40,840 --> 00:27:43,175
Your balloon dog
looked like intestines.
675
00:27:43,200 --> 00:27:45,495
I was amazed
that you hadn't shat yourself
676
00:27:45,520 --> 00:27:46,935
because you'd had so many bananas.
677
00:27:46,960 --> 00:27:49,455
It was just very stressful
to watch, to be honest.
678
00:27:49,480 --> 00:27:51,415
LAUGHTER
679
00:27:53,160 --> 00:27:54,935
Good. We're halfway
through the final.
680
00:27:54,960 --> 00:27:56,655
Before long,
one person will take home
681
00:27:56,680 --> 00:27:58,175
some Greg Davies merchandise,
682
00:27:58,200 --> 00:28:01,375
and one person will take home
this Greg Davies trophy,
683
00:28:01,400 --> 00:28:04,495
but who will take home Greg Davies?
684
00:28:04,520 --> 00:28:06,175
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
685
00:28:14,960 --> 00:28:17,335
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
686
00:28:17,360 --> 00:28:18,855
Hello!
687
00:28:18,880 --> 00:28:22,175
Welcome back to the penultimate part
of this Taskmaster final.
688
00:28:22,200 --> 00:28:24,855
Alex, please
sit on the edge of your chair,
689
00:28:24,880 --> 00:28:27,415
recap the current task
like it's a half-time pep talk
690
00:28:27,440 --> 00:28:28,615
for a sports team.
691
00:28:28,640 --> 00:28:30,455
DRAMATIC MUSIC PLAYS
Ten little tasks,
692
00:28:30,480 --> 00:28:31,895
four minutes on the clock.
693
00:28:31,920 --> 00:28:33,935
Closest to those four minutes wins.
694
00:28:33,960 --> 00:28:36,735
Ivo, Frankie,
you're going to smash it!
695
00:28:36,760 --> 00:28:38,615
OK, ready? Let's go.
696
00:28:38,640 --> 00:28:39,975
LAUGHTER
697
00:28:40,000 --> 00:28:41,895
OK, I'm just going to mirror you
in every way.
698
00:28:41,920 --> 00:28:43,455
In every way? Every way.
699
00:28:45,560 --> 00:28:46,815
Good luck.
700
00:28:49,600 --> 00:28:51,895
Here we go.
701
00:28:51,920 --> 00:28:53,455
TIMER BEEPS
I'm going to eat a banana.
702
00:28:53,480 --> 00:28:54,775
I'm going to eat a banana.
703
00:29:00,800 --> 00:29:02,495
Think I've got plenty of time.
704
00:29:02,520 --> 00:29:04,815
You seem to be quite a slow eater.
705
00:29:04,840 --> 00:29:06,815
It's like you were trying
to establish an alibi.
706
00:29:06,840 --> 00:29:08,135
LAUGHTER
707
00:29:08,160 --> 00:29:09,535
TIMERS BEEP
708
00:29:09,560 --> 00:29:11,095
I'm going to sharpen my pencil.
709
00:29:11,120 --> 00:29:12,535
I'm going to sharpen my pencil.
710
00:29:14,080 --> 00:29:18,455
You did that quickly and
with some bitterness behind it.
711
00:29:18,480 --> 00:29:20,735
TIMER BEEPS
I'm going to have 40 winks.
712
00:29:23,200 --> 00:29:24,575
LAUGHTER
713
00:29:26,600 --> 00:29:27,935
I'm going to do some maths now.
714
00:29:27,960 --> 00:29:29,055
Ah.
715
00:29:35,280 --> 00:29:37,855
You can always take the hit
and press the button.
716
00:29:40,480 --> 00:29:41,775
TIMER BEEPS
717
00:29:41,800 --> 00:29:43,655
OK, I'm going to put
five rubber bands on my face.
718
00:29:46,680 --> 00:29:48,615
Oh, yeah. That's a good idea.
719
00:29:48,640 --> 00:29:50,015
FRANKIE LAUGHS
720
00:29:51,720 --> 00:29:53,255
LAUGHTER
721
00:29:55,280 --> 00:29:56,575
what?
722
00:29:56,600 --> 00:29:57,815
Oh.
TIMER BEEPS
723
00:30:02,760 --> 00:30:04,095
LAUGHTER
724
00:30:04,120 --> 00:30:05,695
Oh.
725
00:30:05,720 --> 00:30:07,095
Opened.
726
00:30:07,120 --> 00:30:08,975
TIMER BEEPS
All right.
727
00:30:13,520 --> 00:30:14,695
TIMER BEEPS
728
00:30:14,720 --> 00:30:17,735
I'm going to put the banana skin
in the tub.
729
00:30:21,400 --> 00:30:22,775
HE SCOFFS
730
00:30:22,800 --> 00:30:24,695
I'm going to put the banana skin
in the tub.
731
00:30:24,720 --> 00:30:26,295
All the way in, please.
732
00:30:26,320 --> 00:30:28,575
AUDIENCE GROAN AND LAUGH
733
00:30:32,880 --> 00:30:34,415
LAUGHTER
734
00:30:46,520 --> 00:30:48,295
TIMER BEEPS, BUZZER
735
00:30:48,320 --> 00:30:52,295
I feel this is the same dog
after it got run over.
736
00:30:52,320 --> 00:30:54,615
'I stick it down with
the Vaseline. There we are.
737
00:30:54,640 --> 00:30:55,495
TIMER BEEPS
738
00:30:55,520 --> 00:30:56,815
I'm going to pop the dog.
739
00:30:59,160 --> 00:31:00,415
TIMER BEEPS
740
00:31:00,440 --> 00:31:01,775
We're finished.
741
00:31:07,680 --> 00:31:10,095
Ivo, do you think there was
something you did that might've
742
00:31:10,120 --> 00:31:12,455
sabotaged your attempt a little?
Narrow it down.
743
00:31:12,480 --> 00:31:16,175
It was the moment where you blinded
yourself with the elastic bands.
744
00:31:16,200 --> 00:31:20,175
When I was on the, uh, train
about five hours after this task,
745
00:31:20,200 --> 00:31:23,015
someone on the train asked
if I'd been in an accident.
746
00:31:23,040 --> 00:31:24,535
LAUGHTER
747
00:31:27,040 --> 00:31:29,495
It sort of looked like
an Ann Summers party
748
00:31:29,520 --> 00:31:30,615
that'd gone wrong.
749
00:31:30,640 --> 00:31:32,975
You know, the balloons
and the Vaseline and all that.
750
00:31:33,000 --> 00:31:34,375
Yeah, or gone right. Or very...
LAUGHTER
751
00:31:34,400 --> 00:31:36,255
...very right.
752
00:31:36,280 --> 00:31:37,775
Were you surprised when
753
00:31:37,800 --> 00:31:40,135
Frankie stamped
all over the little box?
754
00:31:40,160 --> 00:31:41,815
I wasn't surprised at all.
LAUGHTER
755
00:31:41,840 --> 00:31:44,295
I'm not great
when I'm under pressure.
756
00:31:44,320 --> 00:31:46,255
Or when I'm not.
LAUGHTER
757
00:31:47,520 --> 00:31:49,495
But you were great
at this kind of thing.
758
00:31:49,520 --> 00:31:52,295
You got there one minute 32
after me.
759
00:31:52,320 --> 00:31:53,615
Ivo?
760
00:31:53,640 --> 00:31:57,255
Ivo had two ten-second penalties
cos he didn't open the box,
761
00:31:57,280 --> 00:31:59,615
so he didn't get the gloves,
and that was funny.
762
00:31:59,640 --> 00:32:03,575
And he also didn't make a dog
because of his moist, moist hands.
763
00:32:03,600 --> 00:32:07,975
So, Frankie, 1.32.
Ivo, 1.3... Is that...? ..5.
764
00:32:08,000 --> 00:32:10,335
AUDIENCE: Aw!
I'm sorry. But pretty good.
765
00:32:10,360 --> 00:32:12,055
Which means that Jenny...
HE CHUCKLES
766
00:32:12,080 --> 00:32:14,415
...one point for
your eight minutes 50,
767
00:32:14,440 --> 00:32:16,055
LAUGHTER
Kiel, two points.
768
00:32:16,080 --> 00:32:17,175
Mae, three points.
769
00:32:17,200 --> 00:32:18,495
Ivo, four points.
770
00:32:18,520 --> 00:32:20,055
But Frankie Boyle gets five points!
771
00:32:20,080 --> 00:32:22,335
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
772
00:32:22,360 --> 00:32:24,775
Can I have another one, please?
773
00:32:24,800 --> 00:32:27,055
You may, but it's the last one.
774
00:32:27,080 --> 00:32:28,135
AUDIENCE: Aw!
775
00:32:28,160 --> 00:32:30,615
I know. And then, bedtime.
776
00:32:47,400 --> 00:32:49,295
Hello, Frankie. Hello.
777
00:32:49,320 --> 00:32:51,575
Hello, Ivo. Hello, Alex.
778
00:32:51,600 --> 00:32:52,895
Ahh!
779
00:32:52,920 --> 00:32:55,575
I thought I stole this pen.
LAUGHTER
780
00:32:55,600 --> 00:32:58,015
The outside of the task says,
781
00:32:58,040 --> 00:33:01,615
"Write the name of
a profession in this hole,
782
00:33:01,640 --> 00:33:03,695
“then open the task."
783
00:33:03,720 --> 00:33:06,655
Hmm.
Plumber. Architect. That's smart.
784
00:33:06,680 --> 00:33:09,015
I'm trying to think what
the task is going to be.
785
00:33:09,040 --> 00:33:11,335
Let's write something
that's going to be easy.
786
00:33:11,360 --> 00:33:12,615
If we put "dog walker",
787
00:33:12,640 --> 00:33:14,975
we might at least
get to meet a dog.
788
00:33:15,000 --> 00:33:16,495
LAUGHTER
what about artist?
789
00:33:16,520 --> 00:33:19,055
Artist is good because... Yeah.
Cos it's a bit... Open-ended.
790
00:33:19,080 --> 00:33:22,175
...open-ended. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Yeah? Let's do artist. Yeah. Right.
791
00:33:22,200 --> 00:33:23,815
I'm writing "artist". Artist.
792
00:33:23,840 --> 00:33:26,175
So, you're counting dog walker
as a profession?
793
00:33:26,200 --> 00:33:28,615
Yeah, I don't want to...
I don't want to be too down on...
794
00:33:28,640 --> 00:33:30,215
Yeah. I mean, it's...
795
00:33:30,240 --> 00:33:32,975
If it's very rarely
in the drop-down menu, but...
796
00:33:33,000 --> 00:33:34,695
LAUGHTER
797
00:33:34,720 --> 00:33:37,215
...but nor is...
you know, nor is stand-up.
798
00:33:37,240 --> 00:33:39,135
OK. Fingers crossed.
799
00:33:41,760 --> 00:33:45,615
"Perform an original lullaby
for a dog walker."
800
00:33:45,640 --> 00:33:48,775
"Perform an original lullaby
for an artist."
801
00:33:48,800 --> 00:33:52,775
"Most soporific, profession-specific
lullaby wins.
802
00:33:52,800 --> 00:33:56,215
"You have 30 minutes.
Your time starts now."
803
00:33:56,240 --> 00:33:57,935
What sort of artist is this?
804
00:33:57,960 --> 00:33:59,255
Watercolours.
805
00:33:59,280 --> 00:34:02,615
We can go through
all the paint colours, can't we?
806
00:34:02,640 --> 00:34:04,975
Can we find a dog
that would fall asleep?
807
00:34:05,000 --> 00:34:07,295
Something that's really
on its last legs from the vet.
808
00:34:07,320 --> 00:34:08,535
LAUGHTER
809
00:34:08,560 --> 00:34:10,855
You want to use
our allotted half hour...
810
00:34:10,880 --> 00:34:12,695
...to seek out a nearly dead dog?
811
00:34:12,720 --> 00:34:14,055
LAUGHTER
812
00:34:14,080 --> 00:34:17,975
Uh, "aquamarine” -
that's a good word.
813
00:34:18,000 --> 00:34:19,535
Can you harmonise?
814
00:34:19,560 --> 00:34:20,895
No, not really.
815
00:34:20,920 --> 00:34:25,935
But I can certainly think
of some dog species that rhyme.
816
00:34:25,960 --> 00:34:28,215
Look what I birthed, that's a baby.
817
00:34:28,240 --> 00:34:29,335
Looks at this little artist.
818
00:34:29,360 --> 00:34:31,655
There. I'll put a body
so it's got...
819
00:34:31,680 --> 00:34:32,455
LAUGHTER
820
00:34:32,480 --> 00:34:34,815
Oh. ..a bit of a body.
I'm glad you wrapped it up.
821
00:34:34,840 --> 00:34:36,815
Let's wrap that back up.
Wrap that back up, like that.
822
00:34:36,840 --> 00:34:38,015
Let's swaddle.
823
00:34:38,040 --> 00:34:39,855
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
824
00:34:41,440 --> 00:34:45,015
Well, a limbless potato baby
and a dead dog.
825
00:34:45,040 --> 00:34:47,495
Oh, I'm feeling lovely
and sleepy already.
826
00:34:47,520 --> 00:34:48,975
LAUGHTER
827
00:34:49,000 --> 00:34:50,055
"Can you harmonise?"
828
00:34:50,080 --> 00:34:52,695
“No, but I can certainly think
of some dog species that rhyme."
829
00:34:52,720 --> 00:34:56,015
With that, the new Lennon
and McCartney were born.
830
00:34:56,040 --> 00:34:58,375
LAUGHTER
Thank you very much.
831
00:34:58,400 --> 00:35:00,335
Performing a lullaby
for a dog walker,
832
00:35:00,360 --> 00:35:02,655
it's Frankie B and Ivo G.
833
00:35:02,680 --> 00:35:06,655
# It's a long day walking
with a Labrador
834
00:35:06,680 --> 00:35:11,055
# Now you're coming home
through your own front door
835
00:35:11,080 --> 00:35:14,975
# Your legs are tired
and your knees are weak
836
00:35:15,000 --> 00:35:17,935
# Soon like a dog
you will be put to sleep... #
837
00:35:17,960 --> 00:35:19,095
LAUGHTER
838
00:35:19,120 --> 00:35:22,375
# Your work is vital
Don't misconstrue it
839
00:35:22,400 --> 00:35:25,255
# Without you, we'd have
to walk our own dogs
840
00:35:25,280 --> 00:35:27,735
# Or get a neighbour to do it... #
LAUGHTER
841
00:35:27,760 --> 00:35:31,295
# Your bed is where
you feel nice and smug
842
00:35:31,320 --> 00:35:35,295
# Recoil your face up like
an ancient pug
843
00:35:35,320 --> 00:35:38,575
# You live your whole life
with eight dogs on a lead
844
00:35:38,600 --> 00:35:42,415
# Trying to work out
if they pooed or they peed
845
00:35:42,440 --> 00:35:46,015
# You spend your whole life
in your local park
846
00:35:46,040 --> 00:35:48,935
# But no more dogging
for you after dark... #
847
00:35:48,960 --> 00:35:50,095
LAUGHTER
848
00:35:50,120 --> 00:35:53,775
BOTH: # It's a long day
walking with a Labrador
849
00:35:53,800 --> 00:35:58,175
# Now you're coming home
through your own front door
850
00:35:58,200 --> 00:36:01,455
# Your legs are tired
and your knees are weak
851
00:36:01,480 --> 00:36:05,055
# Soon like a dog,
you will be put to sleep
852
00:36:05,080 --> 00:36:08,815
# Dog walker, you sure ain't cheap
853
00:36:08,840 --> 00:36:11,775
# Dog walker,
go the fuck to sleep. #
854
00:36:11,800 --> 00:36:13,295
LAUGHTER
855
00:36:13,320 --> 00:36:15,575
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
856
00:36:18,160 --> 00:36:19,775
What a kind reaction.
857
00:36:19,800 --> 00:36:20,975
LAUGHTER
858
00:36:21,000 --> 00:36:24,015
Yep, within four lines,
something was euthanised.
859
00:36:24,040 --> 00:36:26,975
And were you playing percussion
on a dog mess bag?
860
00:36:27,000 --> 00:36:29,375
Yep. Nice touch.
861
00:36:29,400 --> 00:36:32,855
And then right at the end,
Ivo referenced group sex.
862
00:36:32,880 --> 00:36:36,175
LAUGHTER
It's the most horrific lullaby.
863
00:36:36,200 --> 00:36:38,575
It seems like an attack
on dog walkers.
864
00:36:38,600 --> 00:36:40,895
But if don't tune in,
it is soporific, I think.
865
00:36:40,920 --> 00:36:42,055
It was soporific, yeah.
866
00:36:42,080 --> 00:36:43,335
I was hoping for a bridge.
867
00:36:43,360 --> 00:36:44,735
LAUGHTER
868
00:36:44,760 --> 00:36:47,055
I'd have jumped off anything
by the end of that.
869
00:36:47,080 --> 00:36:48,255
LAUGHTER
870
00:36:48,280 --> 00:36:51,255
Right, we're going to stop again
with just one part to go
871
00:36:51,280 --> 00:36:52,975
before our winner is crowned.
872
00:36:53,000 --> 00:36:56,015
But before the break,
I just want to give you this, Alex.
873
00:36:57,480 --> 00:36:59,135
Oh.
874
00:36:59,160 --> 00:37:01,535
I'm really looking forward to it.
875
00:37:01,560 --> 00:37:03,975
It's the greatest day of my life!
AUDIENCE: Aw!
876
00:37:04,000 --> 00:37:06,215
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
877
00:37:11,680 --> 00:37:14,135
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
878
00:37:14,160 --> 00:37:15,975
Hello,
879
00:37:16,000 --> 00:37:19,535
and welcome back to our grand final!
880
00:37:19,560 --> 00:37:22,135
I can't believe it's nearly over.
I need soothing, Alex.
881
00:37:22,160 --> 00:37:25,615
Well, then,
I've got good news, by big baby boy,
882
00:37:25,640 --> 00:37:28,895
because I have a soothing lullaby
for you all good to go.
883
00:37:28,920 --> 00:37:32,775
It's Jenny, Kiell, and Mae
with their song Baby Artist.
884
00:37:32,800 --> 00:37:34,615
MAE PLAYS SOOTHING MELODY, SNORING
885
00:37:46,320 --> 00:37:49,775
MAE AND KIELL: # Sleep, baby artist
886
00:37:49,800 --> 00:37:53,815
# You're very, very tired
887
00:37:53,840 --> 00:37:56,895
# Sleep, baby artist
888
00:37:56,920 --> 00:38:00,215
# Your pains have expired
889
00:38:00,240 --> 00:38:04,015
# You're breathing in turps
890
00:38:04,040 --> 00:38:06,895
# we'll give you a burp... #
891
00:38:06,920 --> 00:38:08,415
MAE BURPS
892
00:38:08,440 --> 00:38:12,095
# You're our baby artist
893
00:38:12,120 --> 00:38:17,495
# You're loved, baby artist,
tonight
894
00:38:21,560 --> 00:38:25,175
# Aquamarine... #
LAUGHTER
895
00:38:25,200 --> 00:38:28,335
# Cadmium yellow
896
00:38:28,360 --> 00:38:31,375
# Viridian
897
00:38:31,400 --> 00:38:34,855
# Mars black
898
00:38:34,880 --> 00:38:38,095
# Burnt umber
899
00:38:38,120 --> 00:38:41,855
# Indigo blue
900
00:38:41,880 --> 00:38:45,335
# Raw sienna
901
00:38:45,360 --> 00:38:49,855
# Light ochre
902
00:38:49,880 --> 00:38:53,335
# Alizarin crimson
903
00:38:53,360 --> 00:38:55,975
# Magenta
904
00:38:56,000 --> 00:38:59,655
# French ultramarine
905
00:38:59,680 --> 00:39:06,495
# Cerulean blue. #
906
00:39:06,520 --> 00:39:08,775
SNORING
907
00:39:08,800 --> 00:39:11,015
LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE
908
00:39:16,200 --> 00:39:17,495
I didn't see how Jenny closed
909
00:39:17,520 --> 00:39:19,855
the eyes of the baby like that
at the end.
910
00:39:19,880 --> 00:39:21,375
That was... That was horrible.
LAUGHTER
911
00:39:21,400 --> 00:39:24,455
When Jenny started
randomly listing colours,
912
00:39:24,480 --> 00:39:26,855
I swear I saw that baby's eyes
pop open.
913
00:39:26,880 --> 00:39:28,255
LAUGHTER
914
00:39:28,280 --> 00:39:30,215
Its head span.
915
00:39:30,240 --> 00:39:32,655
She's very much
the Bez in the group.
916
00:39:32,680 --> 00:39:34,935
LAUGHTER
917
00:39:34,960 --> 00:39:36,215
Which one was most soothing, Greg?
918
00:39:36,240 --> 00:39:38,735
I mean there wasn't much in it,
if I'm honest.
919
00:39:38,760 --> 00:39:41,055
What, you think they were the same?
920
00:39:41,080 --> 00:39:42,855
I'm judging it on
what was the most soporific,
921
00:39:42,880 --> 00:39:44,295
what would make me go to sleep,
922
00:39:44,320 --> 00:39:46,615
and I think that the group of three
923
00:39:46,640 --> 00:39:48,695
may only just clinch it,
924
00:39:48,720 --> 00:39:50,535
and that's only because
every now and again,
925
00:39:50,560 --> 00:39:52,855
I might come out of my lovely slumber
926
00:39:52,880 --> 00:39:54,735
to hear something's being murdered.
LAUGHTER
927
00:39:54,760 --> 00:39:57,455
OK, so, we're giving five points
to the team of three, are we?
928
00:39:57,480 --> 00:39:59,815
Yeah, but I'm giving them four.
Well, there we go.
929
00:39:59,840 --> 00:40:02,415
Four points for the team of two,
five for the team of three. Yeah.
930
00:40:02,440 --> 00:40:04,735
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
Well done. Well done, you.
931
00:40:04,760 --> 00:40:06,415
OK, everyone, for the last time,
932
00:40:06,440 --> 00:40:10,975
please make your way to the stage
for the final task of the show!
933
00:40:11,000 --> 00:40:12,855
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
934
00:40:21,640 --> 00:40:23,055
DRAMATICALLY: Welcome.
935
00:40:23,080 --> 00:40:24,415
Hi, Greg. Hello, mate.
936
00:40:24,440 --> 00:40:26,335
Got my whistle and my iPad.
I'm happy.
937
00:40:26,360 --> 00:40:28,335
Yes. The final-final task.
Are you excited?
938
00:40:28,360 --> 00:40:29,895
I'm so excited about this one.
939
00:40:29,920 --> 00:40:31,375
And who's going to read it out?
940
00:40:31,400 --> 00:40:33,415
Jenny Eclair. Ahh.
941
00:40:33,440 --> 00:40:36,655
This is such an honour.
Thank you very much.
942
00:40:36,680 --> 00:40:40,135
"Convince the Taskmaster
that your feet are not in ice
943
00:40:40,160 --> 00:40:41,895
"when they are in ice
944
00:40:41,920 --> 00:40:45,855
"or that your feet aren't in ice
when they are in ice.
945
00:40:45,880 --> 00:40:50,575
"You must keep your feet either
in ice or not in ice
946
00:40:50,600 --> 00:40:56,055
"for 30 seconds before
the Taskmaster makes his judgment.
947
00:40:56,080 --> 00:41:00,575
"If the Taskmaster is correct,
you are disqualified.
948
00:41:00,600 --> 00:41:03,335
"Last player standing wins."
949
00:41:03,360 --> 00:41:06,695
Yeah, so, just to explain,
there is ice in their boxes.
950
00:41:06,720 --> 00:41:08,335
There's little trays of ice.
951
00:41:08,360 --> 00:41:09,655
You're going to have 30 seconds
952
00:41:09,680 --> 00:41:11,455
to either get in it
or not get in it.
953
00:41:11,480 --> 00:41:12,775
Greg will be watching you,
954
00:41:12,800 --> 00:41:15,135
so you can do whatever you want
within that box
955
00:41:15,160 --> 00:41:18,295
to convince him you are not
what you are.
956
00:41:18,320 --> 00:41:19,655
OK, everyone ready?
957
00:41:19,680 --> 00:41:20,935
Yes. Mm.
WHISTLE BLOWS
958
00:41:24,480 --> 00:41:26,095
LAUGHTER
959
00:41:26,120 --> 00:41:27,335
He's just... Wait.
960
00:41:28,680 --> 00:41:30,255
AUDIENCE EXCLAIM AND LAUGH
961
00:41:33,280 --> 00:41:34,615
You've got...
962
00:41:34,640 --> 00:41:37,495
You've got 15 seconds
if you want to change your minds.
963
00:41:37,520 --> 00:41:41,375
LAUGHTER
Ah! Oh! Ah!
964
00:41:41,400 --> 00:41:43,695
OK, now stay put for 30 seconds.
WHISTLE BLOWS
965
00:41:43,720 --> 00:41:45,175
Greg, examine.
966
00:41:45,200 --> 00:41:46,775
JENNY GROANS
967
00:41:46,800 --> 00:41:49,255
LAUGHTER
968
00:41:49,280 --> 00:41:50,855
Oh!
969
00:41:50,880 --> 00:41:52,655
LAUGHTER
970
00:41:52,680 --> 00:41:55,295
I take it your feet are really
ice-cold, are they, Jenny?
971
00:41:55,320 --> 00:41:57,095
You might think that.
972
00:41:57,120 --> 00:41:58,455
LAUGHTER
973
00:42:00,560 --> 00:42:03,055
Or are they? Oh! Hmm.
974
00:42:03,080 --> 00:42:04,855
I don't think...
HE LAUGHS
975
00:42:04,880 --> 00:42:05,975
They're all...
976
00:42:06,000 --> 00:42:08,335
They're all trying
to make out they're in ice.
977
00:42:08,360 --> 00:42:10,375
WHISTLE BLOWS
Well, that's your 30 seconds up,
978
00:42:10,400 --> 00:42:12,015
so we're going to go down the line.
Ready?
979
00:42:12,040 --> 00:42:13,495
Ready. Frankie.
980
00:42:15,120 --> 00:42:16,295
Ice.
981
00:42:17,880 --> 00:42:19,455
It is ice.
982
00:42:19,480 --> 00:42:21,215
We've lost Frankie.
983
00:42:21,240 --> 00:42:22,695
AUDIENCE: Aw!
984
00:42:22,720 --> 00:42:24,575
Ivo Graham.
985
00:42:25,840 --> 00:42:27,455
Not ice.
986
00:42:31,000 --> 00:42:32,455
A bad actor.
987
00:42:32,480 --> 00:42:34,215
LAUGHTER
We've lost Ivo.
988
00:42:35,840 --> 00:42:37,135
Jenny Eclair.
989
00:42:38,800 --> 00:42:40,335
Not ice.
990
00:42:41,520 --> 00:42:43,775
Mwah-ha-ha! Oh! Ice!
991
00:42:43,800 --> 00:42:45,215
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
992
00:42:46,680 --> 00:42:48,175
Kiell.
993
00:42:49,760 --> 00:42:51,655
Not ice.
994
00:42:53,600 --> 00:42:56,055
We've lost another one.
This might be Jenny's game.
995
00:42:56,080 --> 00:42:57,135
AUDIENCE: Ooh!
996
00:42:57,160 --> 00:42:59,415
It's my skill, at last!
997
00:42:59,440 --> 00:43:01,415
LAUGHTER
998
00:43:01,440 --> 00:43:02,775
Mae Martin.
999
00:43:05,160 --> 00:43:06,615
Not ice!
1000
00:43:07,960 --> 00:43:10,815
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
1001
00:43:10,840 --> 00:43:12,095
We have a winner.
1002
00:43:12,120 --> 00:43:14,495
Am I the winner? It's Jenny Eclair!
1003
00:43:14,520 --> 00:43:16,135
How did that happen?!
1004
00:43:16,160 --> 00:43:18,135
What a climax to the final.
1005
00:43:18,160 --> 00:43:20,855
Please come down and we'll see
how it's affected the final scores.
1006
00:43:20,880 --> 00:43:22,655
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
1007
00:43:23,840 --> 00:43:25,295
Join me.
1008
00:43:26,680 --> 00:43:28,095
What an ending.
1009
00:43:28,120 --> 00:43:30,015
It's the way
we always wanted it to end.
1010
00:43:30,040 --> 00:43:31,415
LAUGHTER
1011
00:43:31,440 --> 00:43:33,495
With only Jenny Eclair fooling you,
1012
00:43:33,520 --> 00:43:36,015
which means that Jenny Eclair
gets the full five points.
1013
00:43:36,040 --> 00:43:39,175
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
1014
00:43:39,200 --> 00:43:41,975
It does mean something's happened
to the scoreboard.
1015
00:43:42,000 --> 00:43:44,055
Is there a cat amongst the pigeons?
1016
00:43:44,080 --> 00:43:45,775
There's two cats
amongst the pigeons.
1017
00:43:45,800 --> 00:43:46,975
If we look at the top,
1018
00:43:47,000 --> 00:43:49,855
with 18 points,
we have Mae Martin and Jenny Eclair.
1019
00:43:49,880 --> 00:43:51,095
No!
1020
00:43:51,120 --> 00:43:52,975
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
1021
00:43:54,800 --> 00:43:56,495
I proclaim a tie-break.
1022
00:43:56,520 --> 00:43:58,295
Yes, it's the first of the series.
1023
00:43:58,320 --> 00:44:02,775
Simple task - scream the loudest
with your mouth closed.
1024
00:44:02,800 --> 00:44:04,655
LAUGHTER
1025
00:44:04,680 --> 00:44:06,535
And here's how they both got on.
1026
00:44:06,560 --> 00:44:08,855
Right. Silently screaming, OK.
1027
00:44:08,880 --> 00:44:10,615
Well not silently, ideally,
but mouth shut.
1028
00:44:10,640 --> 00:44:12,215
No, I... Yeah, yeah, yeah. OK.
1029
00:44:13,880 --> 00:44:18,135
MUFFLED SCREAMING
1030
00:44:19,400 --> 00:44:22,455
THEY CONTINUE MUFFLED SCREAMING
1031
00:44:22,480 --> 00:44:24,695
LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE
1032
00:44:29,080 --> 00:44:31,535
Yes, Mae Martin's
closed-mouth scream
1033
00:44:31,560 --> 00:44:33,335
registered 98.4 decibels,
1034
00:44:33,360 --> 00:44:35,655
whereas Jenny's was 114.7 decibels,
1035
00:44:35,680 --> 00:44:37,455
which means that Jenny
is the winner!
1036
00:44:37,480 --> 00:44:39,975
There it is!
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
1037
00:44:40,000 --> 00:44:42,695
Jenny Eclair wins the episode!
1038
00:44:42,720 --> 00:44:46,095
Please go and grab
all your Greggy goodies.
1039
00:44:46,120 --> 00:44:48,095
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
1040
00:45:06,040 --> 00:45:07,455
Here we are again,
1041
00:45:07,480 --> 00:45:11,335
the bitter-sweet celebration
that is the end of a series,
1042
00:45:11,360 --> 00:45:14,215
a new champion
just moments from glory.
1043
00:45:14,240 --> 00:45:16,695
Damn, they fought hard,
1044
00:45:16,720 --> 00:45:19,455
and for one of them,
their tenacious tasking
1045
00:45:19,480 --> 00:45:21,095
was actually worthwhile.
1046
00:45:21,120 --> 00:45:24,855
So, please, allow me to beckon forth
my faithful lapdog
1047
00:45:24,880 --> 00:45:26,615
to prove his reason for being.
1048
00:45:26,640 --> 00:45:28,215
Little Alex Horne,
1049
00:45:28,240 --> 00:45:32,255
pray tell, what are the final scores?
1050
00:45:32,280 --> 00:45:36,735
In fifth place,
it's Ivo with 131 points.
1051
00:45:36,760 --> 00:45:39,055
Yay!
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
1052
00:45:39,080 --> 00:45:41,375
The next three are all in the 150s.
1053
00:45:41,400 --> 00:45:44,015
We've got Frankie Boyle
on 150 points.
1054
00:45:44,040 --> 00:45:45,775
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
1055
00:45:45,800 --> 00:45:48,975
With 152 points, suddenly in third,
it's Jenny Eclair.
1056
00:45:49,000 --> 00:45:51,535
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
1057
00:45:51,560 --> 00:45:54,895
And just above them,
with 158 points,
1058
00:45:54,920 --> 00:45:57,495
it's Kiell Smith-Bynoe.
1059
00:45:57,520 --> 00:45:59,375
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
1060
00:45:59,400 --> 00:46:01,775
The winner has been up there
for quite a while now.
1061
00:46:01,800 --> 00:46:05,255
They've got 174 points.
AUDIENCE: Ooh!
1062
00:46:05,280 --> 00:46:06,295
Over to you, Greg.
1063
00:46:06,320 --> 00:46:07,375
Whoa.
1064
00:46:07,400 --> 00:46:10,695
Our new Taskmaster Champion is...
1065
00:46:10,720 --> 00:46:12,975
...Mae Martin!
1066
00:46:13,000 --> 00:46:15,535
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
1067
00:46:18,040 --> 00:46:20,735
Here you go, Mae. Well done.
Well done.
1068
00:46:21,960 --> 00:46:24,855
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE CONTINUES
1069
00:46:48,320 --> 00:46:50,295
Subtitles by Red Bee Media