1
00:00:02,560 --> 00:00:04,200
Brace, brace! I'm bracing!

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00:00:04,240 --> 00:00:06,880
This programme contains strong
language and adult humour

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Hmm!

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No, no, no, no!

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No!

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Ahh!

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What?!

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Hello! Hello, everyone. Hello.

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I'm Greg Davies
and this is Taskmaster.

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00:00:43,560 --> 00:00:46,120
It's funny what counts
as entertainment these days.

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We see people clamouring
for true crime stories,

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and anyone can start a podcast
and chat about socks or whatever,

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but what happened to
the good old-fashioned tradition

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of humiliating people?

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As a young man,

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my father regularly pulled my
trousers down at public events...

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..and I always found it funny,

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even during the backlash
at my grandmother's funeral.

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Can we please get back
to wholesome fun? Can we?

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It's a complicated world, guys,
let's pull together.

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Let's identify the victims,
and all pile on.

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Boop-boop! Oh,
here comes the victim train now.

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Please welcome Frankie Boyle,

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Ivo Graham,

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Jenny Eclair,

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Kiell Smith-Bynoe,

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and Mae Martin.

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And next to me,
a man who told me his father

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has only ever given him
one Christmas present in his life,

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a beautifully wrapped
piece of Welsh slate

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that had one solitary
word engraved upon it.

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That word? Toad.

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It's...
..little Alex Horne!

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Hi, Dad.

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Hello, everyone.

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Well. What have you got for me?

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Well, I've invented a new
feature for the show. Oh!

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It's called Taskmaster Karaoke. Yes.

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Yes. So, all you've got to do

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is turn down the volume of your TVs
and turn on the subtitles

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and then you can speak along
with the show.

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I think you can do this
with any TV show.

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I think it's a really good idea.

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It's really good.
I don't know, it might be fun.

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It's a really good thing. Yeah!
It might be fun, it might catch on.

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I do it with the news.

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And, uh, is all well with the world?

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Shall we begin with the prize task?

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Yes, we have to,
because that's the format

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and we're simply the eye candy, Greg.
Let's go.

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This week they've been
asked to bring in

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the best thing you take
everywhere with you

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but struggle to fit in your bag.

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Best ill-fitting thing
wins five points

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and the best winner of
the show takes them all home

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in a skip-sized bag, Greg.

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Right, first up, Frankie.

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It's a struggle
because I do take it everywhere.

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This photograph of when
I was doing a gig

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and my son wandered onstage
to tell a joke.

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He's 6'1" now but he, uh,

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had a uniquely penetrating voice
as a child

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and I took him to
the Scotland women's football game.

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The women's football, they all have
their hair up in some fashion,

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it's all scrunched up in some way,

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and he had a look around and went,

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"There's a lot of
tight buns out there."

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Quite the voice he had on him.

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Quite the voice,

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and he was going to tell a joke
which, little did that crowd know,

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would have been
at an astonishing volume

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but he didn't, I didn't let him.

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Do you know what the joke
was that he had planned?

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He was simply going to say
the word, "Yellow."

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How big is it?
Don't look that big.

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Hmm, it's not that big
but I have quite a small bag.

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Ivo, what did you bring in?

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I'm going to, unusually,

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follow Frankie down
a sentimental route. Hmm.

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I've had very few points
for LOLs-based prize tasks,

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so here's some goddamn feeling.

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You sound like a psychopath.

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I've brought in one
of several puzzles that I do

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with my daughter, who is three.

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Here it is.

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My daughter and I will occasionally
have to kill half an hour

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between nursery and ballet,
for example.

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Nursery for her, ballet for you?
That's exactly it.

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Obviously, the box
is an absolute faff,

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so what I've taken to doing is
pouring out the pieces of the puzzle

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and, while this is very useful
for compact packing,

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it does mean that occasionally
I've just got random pieces of

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dismembered horse just rolling
around the bottom of my bag.

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I think I enjoyed it. Thanks. OK.

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Jenny, what have you brought in
that's massive and you carry around?

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I get very tired, Greg, I don't
know about you. Oh, God.

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But you know when...
You have no idea.

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Most of the time
I just want to lie down,

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so it's an inflatable bed.

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Yeah.

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It's a small double.
It's a small double!

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I think the fact that you carry
a bed round with you is insane.

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Have you ever considered that
that's maybe why you're tired?

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David Schwimmer always
sleeps on an inflatable bed.

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Even at home?

106
00:05:13,240 --> 00:05:15,440
Why does David Schwimmer sleep
in an inflatable bed?

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It's...it's...it's a guess.

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Very good. Kiell. GD.

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Can you beat these three?

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Well, I mean,
mine's the same as Jenny's.

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A folding chair.

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Do you carry it around
with you, really?

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- Occasionally.
- Yeah!

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I saw a make-up artist do it once,
and I was like, "That's sick."

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Would it help if I told you that

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Matthew Perry always sits
on a folding chair?

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I think that's true.

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One left. OK.
It's up to you to save this, Mae.

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It's not going to happen.

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Whatever it is, I can't wait to hear
about Jennifer Aniston using it.

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What I bring around everywhere
is a very fine...

122
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- ..whisky.
- A very fine whh-isky.

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Yeah. Do continue.

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Uh, in a flask. We can have
a look at it. Here it is.

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This is the reason I wish
I'd gone before Frankie,

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because I also have
a very small bag,

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and I have also, like,
a really tiny wallet.

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Tiny phone.

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When Frankie said,
"Oh, I've got a really small bag,"

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you went, "Arrggh!"

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Did you see my face?

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Yeah, it was exactly
the same as Kiell's face

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when Jenny brought out the bed
which was better than the chair.

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How's a bed better than a chair?
Bigger, better.

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Wait, no. Yeah.

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Because you can sit down
in public, right? Oh, yeah.

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I can lie down in public, love,
nothing's going to stop me.

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Why is your photograph of
a child better than a bed, Frankie?

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Who gives a fuck?

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I mean, unbelievably I'm going
to give the bed five points. Yeah!

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Well done,
that's five points to Jenny.

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Don't look at me, Kiell.
You don't even carry that.

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You don't even carry
that bloody thing anywhere.

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I mean,
I do like that Mae made an effort.

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00:07:15,120 --> 00:07:18,720
OK. You know, they put a joke
together but it's not a great one.

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If you want to hear a good joke...

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Yellow!

148
00:07:27,120 --> 00:07:30,040
Even though these prizes
have been rubbish... Right.

149
00:07:30,080 --> 00:07:34,680
..let's start the show on
a high-scoring, uplifting...

150
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Why not? OK. Why not?

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00:07:36,600 --> 00:07:38,360
Let's say Jenny gets five,

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and everyone else gets four.
Why not?

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Well done, everyone.

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We're off.

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Do you have a fruit-based task
to start us off today, please?

156
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Would've thought so.

157
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Ready and...fetch!

158
00:08:05,240 --> 00:08:08,760
Ah. Hi. Hello. Welcome to the club.

159
00:08:08,800 --> 00:08:10,280
Oh, thank you so much.

160
00:08:10,320 --> 00:08:12,960
Hello, Alex. Hmm, and you are?

161
00:08:13,000 --> 00:08:15,040
Ivo Graham.

162
00:08:15,080 --> 00:08:17,680
Ah, yes, your name is down,
you can come in.

163
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You may not leave.

164
00:08:19,720 --> 00:08:23,040
I may not leave? But you may
go anywhere in that direction.

165
00:08:23,080 --> 00:08:25,960
This is the opposite
of when I go to clubs.

166
00:08:26,000 --> 00:08:29,880
Trapped in VIP. Not a bad life.

167
00:08:29,920 --> 00:08:33,680
I'm getting an intense
whiff of kind of...sewage.

168
00:08:33,720 --> 00:08:37,360
Yeah. Anyway. Unless it's you?

169
00:08:41,240 --> 00:08:44,200
"Pile the pineapples on the path."

170
00:08:44,240 --> 00:08:47,720
"Pile the pineapples on the path."

171
00:08:47,760 --> 00:08:49,120
"You must not get wet."

172
00:08:49,160 --> 00:08:52,120
"Most pineapples piled on
the path wins."

173
00:08:52,160 --> 00:08:54,360
"You have 15 minutes. Your time...

174
00:08:56,680 --> 00:08:58,760
"..starts...

175
00:08:58,800 --> 00:09:00,240
"..now."

176
00:09:01,560 --> 00:09:03,280
This is the path? That's the path.

177
00:09:03,320 --> 00:09:05,280
That's a couple of pineapples.
How many pineapples?

178
00:09:05,320 --> 00:09:08,960
Hmm. There's the big gold pineapple,

179
00:09:09,000 --> 00:09:10,920
there's a real pineapple,

180
00:09:10,960 --> 00:09:12,680
there's a sort of little lampshade,

181
00:09:12,720 --> 00:09:14,920
there's an inflatable pineapple.

182
00:09:14,960 --> 00:09:17,200
I don't really know what's on
the inflatable pineapple but...

183
00:09:17,240 --> 00:09:18,960
Oh, but it's clearly
a candyfloss pineapple.

184
00:09:19,000 --> 00:09:21,440
It's a candyfloss pineapple.

185
00:09:21,480 --> 00:09:23,040
And then, well, then there's a tin

186
00:09:23,080 --> 00:09:25,600
which I reckon has got
some pineapples in.

187
00:09:25,640 --> 00:09:27,320
Correct. Chunks.

188
00:09:31,880 --> 00:09:35,520
OK, smelly bouncer, let's see them
retrieve some pineapples.
All right, then.

189
00:09:35,560 --> 00:09:40,120
Our first two golden pineapple
retrievers are Frankie and Kiell.

190
00:09:41,240 --> 00:09:43,360
OK, well, that's a start.
A magnet's a start.

191
00:09:43,400 --> 00:09:44,720
Right.

192
00:09:46,400 --> 00:09:48,040
Urgh, man.

193
00:09:52,880 --> 00:09:55,480
That sort of made things worse.

194
00:09:58,600 --> 00:09:59,920
Hmm.

195
00:10:01,400 --> 00:10:02,960
Aw, man.

196
00:10:06,080 --> 00:10:07,960
That's bad.

197
00:10:08,000 --> 00:10:11,960
Wow, you really don't want
to get this near metal.

198
00:10:12,000 --> 00:10:14,360
Well, let's look at it this way,

199
00:10:14,400 --> 00:10:17,080
we've now anchored
that successfully.

200
00:10:37,120 --> 00:10:38,600
Well, something happened.

201
00:10:40,080 --> 00:10:42,000
Ow!

202
00:10:42,040 --> 00:10:43,040
Oh, yeah!

203
00:10:43,080 --> 00:10:44,760
I've gotta get some points for that.

204
00:10:44,800 --> 00:10:46,920
Oh!

205
00:10:49,880 --> 00:10:52,760
I'm just throwing a log
at a pineapple, aren't I?

206
00:10:57,840 --> 00:10:59,200
What's that made out of?

207
00:10:59,240 --> 00:11:00,720
Pineapple.

208
00:11:00,760 --> 00:11:03,080
This whole time
you've watched me trying

209
00:11:03,120 --> 00:11:05,920
to get that magnet
on a piece of rubber?

210
00:11:05,960 --> 00:11:07,640
Yep.

211
00:11:07,680 --> 00:11:09,840
Maybe it's my technique
that's wrong.

212
00:11:13,160 --> 00:11:14,720
Good for distance.

213
00:11:14,760 --> 00:11:15,960
Over here.

214
00:11:16,000 --> 00:11:17,880
Oh, no, no, no. Look.

215
00:11:17,920 --> 00:11:20,480
No, it's going to fall. Ahh!

216
00:11:20,520 --> 00:11:21,960
Three minutes 40.

217
00:11:25,560 --> 00:11:27,480
Something's in the water.

218
00:11:27,520 --> 00:11:29,160
Gotcha.

219
00:11:30,280 --> 00:11:32,520
One pineapple. Five to go.

220
00:11:32,560 --> 00:11:33,720
Five?

221
00:11:33,760 --> 00:11:35,840
Wait, that one's floating
down a bit.

222
00:11:35,880 --> 00:11:37,480
45 seconds, Frankie.

223
00:11:40,240 --> 00:11:42,600
One pineapple.

224
00:11:44,320 --> 00:11:45,800
I think he's bloody got it.

225
00:11:45,840 --> 00:11:47,240
Yes!

226
00:11:52,120 --> 00:11:53,960
It was a slightly sad end.

227
00:11:55,600 --> 00:11:57,080
Bye, Kiell.

228
00:11:59,000 --> 00:12:00,760
Argh!

229
00:12:00,800 --> 00:12:02,200
You all right?

230
00:12:13,120 --> 00:12:14,880
No, good for you.

231
00:12:16,120 --> 00:12:17,840
I'm glad.

232
00:12:23,200 --> 00:12:25,600
Quite an act of aggression there,

233
00:12:25,640 --> 00:12:27,320
kicking that one plant pot over.

234
00:12:27,360 --> 00:12:28,720
Who knows what he's up to?

235
00:12:28,760 --> 00:12:30,040
This is his life energy.

236
00:12:30,080 --> 00:12:31,480
He hides those pineapples.

237
00:12:31,520 --> 00:12:34,720
He'd be like...

238
00:12:34,760 --> 00:12:37,560
Did you not notice the pineapples
or did you just not care?

239
00:12:37,600 --> 00:12:39,880
I thought it was just
they'd left them there

240
00:12:39,920 --> 00:12:41,720
to set up for
the next contestant.

241
00:12:41,760 --> 00:12:45,000
I didn't think they were supposed
to anger me in any way. Oh, yeah.

242
00:12:45,040 --> 00:12:48,440
I don't think that we had to be
on something that was magnetic.

243
00:12:48,480 --> 00:12:50,280
I think that was a bad choice.

244
00:12:50,320 --> 00:12:53,480
I couldn't have enjoyed it more.

245
00:12:53,520 --> 00:12:57,440
You got twice as many pineapples
as Frankie, who got one.

246
00:12:57,480 --> 00:13:02,360
If I had a good strategy for
fishing rubbish out of some sewage,

247
00:13:02,400 --> 00:13:04,280
what sort of person would I be?

248
00:13:05,760 --> 00:13:07,360
Very good.

249
00:13:07,400 --> 00:13:09,080
It is the end of part one, then,

250
00:13:09,120 --> 00:13:11,920
and if you can hear your neighbours
noisily making love

251
00:13:11,960 --> 00:13:14,880
instead of watching Taskmaster,
just think,

252
00:13:14,920 --> 00:13:17,960
maybe they are watching Taskmaster.

253
00:13:18,000 --> 00:13:20,600
Maybe you're the one
doing this wrong.

254
00:13:29,400 --> 00:13:30,640
Oh, hello.

255
00:13:30,680 --> 00:13:33,960
You're just in the nick of time
for part two of Taskmaster.

256
00:13:34,000 --> 00:13:37,040
Phew. Yes, we're in the thick of
a pineapple retrieval task.

257
00:13:37,080 --> 00:13:39,000
Most pineapples piled up wins,

258
00:13:39,040 --> 00:13:41,800
and we even put easy to retrieve ones
around the corner for them,

259
00:13:41,840 --> 00:13:44,600
much easier to get than the ones
in the middle of the mill pond.

260
00:13:44,640 --> 00:13:46,480
Now for the attempts of Jenny and

261
00:13:46,520 --> 00:13:49,840
Ivo, Ivo, it's off to work he goes.

262
00:13:53,760 --> 00:13:55,720
Does that, is that
the longest it'll go?

263
00:13:55,760 --> 00:13:57,400
Yes, it's, it's not very good.

264
00:13:57,440 --> 00:13:58,800
That's rubbish.

265
00:14:02,160 --> 00:14:04,400
It's not long enough. Ah.

266
00:14:04,440 --> 00:14:05,640
What does this do?

267
00:14:12,960 --> 00:14:14,920
I don't think that's happening.

268
00:14:17,800 --> 00:14:20,760
I don't know what to do.

269
00:14:31,080 --> 00:14:32,120
I've done it.

270
00:14:32,160 --> 00:14:34,400
I've done a Taskmaster task.

271
00:14:44,800 --> 00:14:46,120
Five.

272
00:14:47,360 --> 00:14:50,040
But I can't just sort
of rest on those laurels.

273
00:14:51,320 --> 00:14:53,600
My trousers are falling down. Right.

274
00:14:53,640 --> 00:14:56,440
What's this going to do?
Nothing. Nothing!

275
00:15:04,360 --> 00:15:06,400
I can't even hear it any more.

276
00:15:08,520 --> 00:15:11,080
Yeah, it's so far away.

277
00:15:14,840 --> 00:15:17,320
If I had longer arms... Hmm.

278
00:15:17,360 --> 00:15:19,000
Would you just pick up the pineapple?

279
00:15:20,040 --> 00:15:22,840
Is it tethered?

280
00:15:22,880 --> 00:15:24,800
It might be.

281
00:15:24,840 --> 00:15:26,160
Use the scissors.

282
00:15:30,280 --> 00:15:31,480
Nope.

283
00:15:31,520 --> 00:15:34,280
I think standing in
the wheelbarrow's a nonstarter.

284
00:15:38,520 --> 00:15:40,000
Ha-ha-ha!

285
00:15:40,040 --> 00:15:41,640
Oh, my God.

286
00:15:41,680 --> 00:15:44,080
Is she coming downstream?

287
00:15:45,360 --> 00:15:49,120
Getting even one will be
the triumph of the century.

288
00:15:49,160 --> 00:15:51,400
Come to Mummy. Come to Mummy.

289
00:15:51,440 --> 00:15:53,560
Whoa... Oh, no!

290
00:15:53,600 --> 00:15:55,040
Oh, oh...

291
00:15:59,400 --> 00:16:01,120
Oh! Ooh...

292
00:16:01,160 --> 00:16:02,760
I'm getting a bit wet,

293
00:16:02,800 --> 00:16:05,000
but, like,
only magnet-retrieval wet,

294
00:16:05,040 --> 00:16:07,480
not falling-off-a-wheelbarrow wet.

295
00:16:11,600 --> 00:16:13,040
Two pineapples.

296
00:16:15,080 --> 00:16:16,200
Right, come on.

297
00:16:16,240 --> 00:16:17,560
Come on big boy.

298
00:16:17,600 --> 00:16:19,920
Please. Please!

299
00:16:19,960 --> 00:16:22,760
30 seconds. Pleeease!

300
00:16:24,000 --> 00:16:26,400
Ah...Ah. Well done, well done.

301
00:16:30,520 --> 00:16:32,520
Where's my chunks?

302
00:16:34,640 --> 00:16:37,640
Oh, not more fucking pineapples.

303
00:16:43,080 --> 00:16:46,600
How did Jenny do using her
come-to-Mummy long arms technique?

304
00:16:46,640 --> 00:16:48,880
That technique yielded
zero pineapples

305
00:16:48,920 --> 00:16:52,000
but when you cut the thread
that was tethering the pineapple,

306
00:16:52,040 --> 00:16:54,960
she piled four pineapples. Not bad.

307
00:16:55,000 --> 00:16:58,080
There were two little phrases
that came involuntarily out of Ivo

308
00:16:58,120 --> 00:17:00,440
that I think
will come to define him.

309
00:17:00,480 --> 00:17:02,560
At first,
I thought it was this one.

310
00:17:02,600 --> 00:17:05,320
Please. Please!

311
00:17:05,360 --> 00:17:07,480
Pleeease!

312
00:17:09,720 --> 00:17:13,480
The escalating pleases haunted me.
Yep.

313
00:17:13,520 --> 00:17:15,440
But, in fact,
I think this one cancelled it out.

314
00:17:15,480 --> 00:17:17,600
Where's my chunks?

315
00:17:19,920 --> 00:17:21,360
I loved, "Where's my chunks?"

316
00:17:21,400 --> 00:17:23,600
I got "Where's my chunks?"
tattooed on my shin.

317
00:17:25,960 --> 00:17:27,480
Love "Where's my chunks?"

318
00:17:27,520 --> 00:17:29,720
I mean, he got loads of chunks,
didn't he? Yep.

319
00:17:29,760 --> 00:17:32,560
We've doubled each time.
One, two, four, now nine!

320
00:17:36,760 --> 00:17:38,840
One left. One left.

321
00:17:38,880 --> 00:17:41,080
Of course, it's Mae Martin.

322
00:17:41,120 --> 00:17:43,920
Are there any hidden pineapples?
That's what I want to know.

323
00:17:43,960 --> 00:17:47,760
Like, there must be
hidden pineapples.

324
00:17:53,480 --> 00:17:54,560
OK.

325
00:17:59,160 --> 00:18:01,520
This is pretty good.

326
00:18:02,640 --> 00:18:04,440
Ahh! Fuck!

327
00:18:04,480 --> 00:18:07,320
No...no!
No, no, no, no, no.

328
00:18:11,080 --> 00:18:12,640
One pineapple.

329
00:18:14,200 --> 00:18:16,120
Oh.

330
00:18:16,160 --> 00:18:18,160
Pineapple, I presume?

331
00:18:19,440 --> 00:18:20,720
Yeah.

332
00:18:21,720 --> 00:18:25,480
I like doing a task like this
where I'm just on my own,

333
00:18:25,520 --> 00:18:28,920
and I don't have to deal
with anyone else's, uh...

334
00:18:28,960 --> 00:18:30,960
..ideas.

335
00:18:31,000 --> 00:18:33,240
You don't miss your team-mates?

336
00:18:33,280 --> 00:18:35,320
No. No.

337
00:18:37,080 --> 00:18:39,400
Could I have help? Yeah.

338
00:18:39,440 --> 00:18:41,560
Thank you.

339
00:18:41,600 --> 00:18:42,880
Oh, yeah.

340
00:18:42,920 --> 00:18:44,880
Oh, what is that?

341
00:18:44,920 --> 00:18:46,720
There's a pineapple in there.

342
00:18:48,280 --> 00:18:49,320
Five pineapples.

343
00:18:49,360 --> 00:18:51,360
Urgh! OK.

344
00:18:51,400 --> 00:18:53,680
Now I'm looking
for hidden pineapples.

345
00:18:53,720 --> 00:18:56,040
Right, you've got five minutes
ten seconds.

346
00:19:09,360 --> 00:19:11,000
Do you have a pen and paper?

347
00:19:11,040 --> 00:19:12,440
Yeah.

348
00:19:17,560 --> 00:19:20,040
13 pineapples there. Mm-hm.

349
00:19:23,480 --> 00:19:25,640
I lost your pen!
Yeah, that was my pen.

350
00:19:25,680 --> 00:19:28,480
OK, you're done, Mae.Oh, no.

351
00:19:28,520 --> 00:19:31,040
Right. You owe me a pen.

352
00:19:31,080 --> 00:19:33,040
I owe you a pen. Sorry.

353
00:19:34,880 --> 00:19:37,400
Oh! No!

354
00:19:46,120 --> 00:19:50,680
I just want to remind you that
Frankie has argued with such passion

355
00:19:50,720 --> 00:19:54,120
that the word "banana" written
on a card constitutes a banana.

356
00:19:54,160 --> 00:19:56,160
And I will argue that again.

357
00:19:57,200 --> 00:20:00,200
A drawing of a pineapple
can be called a pineapple.

358
00:20:00,240 --> 00:20:02,080
Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey.

359
00:20:03,720 --> 00:20:05,920
Kiell, wherever you go,
I'm ready to follow.

360
00:20:10,400 --> 00:20:12,280
You did very well

361
00:20:12,320 --> 00:20:14,200
bringing the prepared
pineapples out,

362
00:20:14,240 --> 00:20:16,480
it's just whether I allow
the drawn pineapples, isn't it?

363
00:20:16,520 --> 00:20:19,480
Well, it's not...
It's not a question.

364
00:20:19,520 --> 00:20:22,520
There are several
pineapple effigies involved here

365
00:20:22,560 --> 00:20:24,320
that aren't really pineapples.

366
00:20:24,360 --> 00:20:27,400
They're a bit more real
than those drawings.

367
00:20:27,440 --> 00:20:29,840
But all words and images
are metaphors

368
00:20:29,880 --> 00:20:31,880
for the things they represent.

369
00:20:36,760 --> 00:20:41,120
In no other environment does that
sentence get whoops and cheers.

370
00:20:42,280 --> 00:20:44,480
I think Mae's pineapples
look more like the pineapple

371
00:20:44,520 --> 00:20:46,160
than the candyfloss pineapple
as well.

372
00:20:46,200 --> 00:20:49,360
Yeah. That you had designed
for the show that's your show

373
00:20:49,400 --> 00:20:51,520
and we're trying to do our best on,

374
00:20:51,560 --> 00:20:53,320
in a conventional fashion.

375
00:20:53,360 --> 00:20:56,240
Also, let's...
I've got something else as well.

376
00:20:56,280 --> 00:20:59,640
To go on some weird reverie about
how you like being on your own

377
00:20:59,680 --> 00:21:02,280
cos your team-mates just ruin it
for you, and then immediately

378
00:21:02,320 --> 00:21:06,480
saying to Alex, "Can you help me get
this pineapple out of the water?"

379
00:21:06,520 --> 00:21:07,880
Pathetic.

380
00:21:07,920 --> 00:21:09,440
I am going to allow
the drawn pineapples.

381
00:21:09,480 --> 00:21:11,400
What?!

382
00:21:13,920 --> 00:21:15,320
What, cos of the banana?

383
00:21:15,360 --> 00:21:17,040
Because of the nature
of language, man!

384
00:21:18,920 --> 00:21:21,640
So we're allowing the pineapples,
are we? I'm afraid we are.

385
00:21:21,680 --> 00:21:22,880
Fuck's sake.

386
00:21:24,440 --> 00:21:26,640
OK, well Frankie, well done.
You get one point.

387
00:21:26,680 --> 00:21:28,960
Two to Kiell,
three to Jenny, four to Ivo

388
00:21:29,000 --> 00:21:31,280
and five to Mae Martin!

389
00:21:33,520 --> 00:21:35,160
Scoreboard time.

390
00:21:35,200 --> 00:21:36,760
In this episode it's tight.

391
00:21:36,800 --> 00:21:38,400
Frankie on the bottom with five,

392
00:21:38,440 --> 00:21:41,200
Mae Martin's in the lead with
nine points. Here we are.

393
00:21:44,720 --> 00:21:46,920
Do you have a really good
task standing by, Alex?

394
00:21:46,960 --> 00:21:48,320
Let's have a look.

395
00:21:48,360 --> 00:21:51,400
Yes, I think this
one's pro-brolly OK.

396
00:22:02,280 --> 00:22:03,720
Mae. Hi.

397
00:22:03,760 --> 00:22:05,800
Hiya. Frankie.

398
00:22:05,840 --> 00:22:08,760
Ooh, brolly mad in here.

399
00:22:08,800 --> 00:22:10,600
Barrel fulla' brollies.

400
00:22:11,760 --> 00:22:15,720
Before you do that, pick
an umbrella, any umbrella.

401
00:22:17,960 --> 00:22:19,600
Tartan.

402
00:22:19,640 --> 00:22:22,800
A classic, simple black.

403
00:22:22,840 --> 00:22:24,400
Oh, God. Oh, dear.

404
00:22:24,440 --> 00:22:26,760
I know that a lot
will depend on this.

405
00:22:26,800 --> 00:22:28,440
I'm going to go big bugger.

406
00:22:32,800 --> 00:22:34,200
Very nice.

407
00:22:34,240 --> 00:22:37,360
"Repurpose this umbrella
and demonstrate its new purpose."

408
00:22:37,400 --> 00:22:40,720
"Most inventive repurposing
of an umbrella wins."

409
00:22:40,760 --> 00:22:42,400
"You have 20 minutes."

410
00:22:42,440 --> 00:22:44,920
"Time starts now."

411
00:22:44,960 --> 00:22:46,880
And that's yours to do
what you want with.

412
00:22:46,920 --> 00:22:48,320
They were all going to be discarded.

413
00:22:48,360 --> 00:22:50,160
These are...they're
rescue umbrellas.

414
00:22:50,200 --> 00:22:52,520
They are rescue umbrellas.
We're doing our bit.

415
00:22:52,560 --> 00:22:58,320
I hate my umbrella.
OK. Right. What else could it be?

416
00:23:02,360 --> 00:23:04,040
I've said it before,
I'll say it again,

417
00:23:04,080 --> 00:23:07,040
you always get a little
performance flourish with Kiell.

418
00:23:07,080 --> 00:23:09,320
Didn't need to toss
that umbrella up.

419
00:23:09,360 --> 00:23:11,680
You're a real showman sometimes,
you know that?

420
00:23:11,720 --> 00:23:13,000
All the time.

421
00:23:13,040 --> 00:23:15,120
Good. Shall we start?
Good boy. Yes, please.

422
00:23:15,160 --> 00:23:18,800
OK. Up first it's KSB,
Kiell Smith-Bynoe,

423
00:23:18,840 --> 00:23:21,160
the bank that likes to say yes.

424
00:23:24,800 --> 00:23:27,440
So that's different to what it was.
Mm-hm.

425
00:23:29,760 --> 00:23:31,280
That's something.

426
00:23:34,840 --> 00:23:36,560
It's like a trap.

427
00:23:38,640 --> 00:23:40,200
Gotcha.

428
00:23:41,200 --> 00:23:42,840
What can I catch?

429
00:23:47,880 --> 00:23:50,160
Ahh, it's been a long day at work,

430
00:23:50,200 --> 00:23:52,600
I can't wait to sit down
and put my feet up.

431
00:23:52,640 --> 00:23:54,200
Paws.

432
00:23:54,240 --> 00:23:57,480
Hang on a minute, that's ma family.

433
00:23:57,520 --> 00:23:58,760
What's happened?

434
00:24:01,800 --> 00:24:03,960
I can't hear you. Hang on.

435
00:24:04,000 --> 00:24:05,920
What's that?

436
00:24:05,960 --> 00:24:07,280
Bread?

437
00:24:07,320 --> 00:24:11,200
I want to save ma family,
but the bread's so beautiful.

438
00:24:13,200 --> 00:24:15,000
It's a trap!

439
00:24:16,600 --> 00:24:22,440
Oh, no, I'm trapped and
I didn't get any of the bread.

440
00:24:22,480 --> 00:24:24,600
Oh, no!

441
00:24:25,720 --> 00:24:28,480
Ha-ha-ha. Ha-ha-ha-ha-ha. Ha-ha.

442
00:24:28,520 --> 00:24:29,960
The duck catcher!

443
00:24:30,000 --> 00:24:32,800
That's your time up, Kiell.

444
00:24:36,480 --> 00:24:38,200
Duck for dinner!

445
00:24:44,560 --> 00:24:46,880
The ducks are from
Scotland, clearly?

446
00:24:46,920 --> 00:24:49,560
Yeah, because
the umbrella was tartan.

447
00:24:49,600 --> 00:24:51,120
Oh, that makes sense.

448
00:24:52,520 --> 00:24:55,560
And what's the backstory of
the ducks? Father Duck's been out.

449
00:24:55,600 --> 00:24:57,240
He was also Braveheart.

450
00:24:57,280 --> 00:25:00,080
Um, that's why
he had the blue face.

451
00:25:00,120 --> 00:25:02,280
Driving his car home from battle.

452
00:25:02,320 --> 00:25:03,600
Yeah...

453
00:25:03,640 --> 00:25:05,080
And, uh,

454
00:25:05,120 --> 00:25:08,680
he came home and his wife
and children had been...

455
00:25:08,720 --> 00:25:10,480
..DUCK taped...

456
00:25:13,080 --> 00:25:16,480
..and he wanted to save them
but there was a picture of bread.

457
00:25:18,640 --> 00:25:22,160
A lot to take in with, "Ha-ha-ha,
ha-ha-ha, the duck catcher,"

458
00:25:22,200 --> 00:25:23,920
but I thoroughly enjoyed it.

459
00:25:23,960 --> 00:25:25,680
Right, what time is it?

460
00:25:25,720 --> 00:25:28,040
It's break time.
What are you doing here?

461
00:25:37,200 --> 00:25:41,320
Hello...hello, good people,
welcome back to Taskmaster,

462
00:25:41,360 --> 00:25:43,440
where the cast are being ever-so eco

463
00:25:43,480 --> 00:25:45,360
and repurposing their umbrellas.

464
00:25:45,400 --> 00:25:48,280
About bloody time, Greg.

465
00:25:48,320 --> 00:25:50,360
But they are and it's a good thing,

466
00:25:50,400 --> 00:25:52,360
so we're gonna see
two more of them now.

467
00:25:52,400 --> 00:25:55,120
Let's say, "Hivo," to Ivo
and, "Hey," to Mae.

468
00:26:02,920 --> 00:26:05,440
Hello, Alex. Hello, Ivo.

469
00:26:05,480 --> 00:26:09,320
Have you repurposed the umbrella?
I've repurposed the umbrella.

470
00:26:09,360 --> 00:26:11,560
Come on, Bosco.

471
00:26:16,520 --> 00:26:22,240
He's a wire-haired border brolly.

472
00:26:24,160 --> 00:26:27,120
Start with the gin.
In...in an umbrella?

473
00:26:27,160 --> 00:26:30,720
In a repurposed umbrella.

474
00:26:30,760 --> 00:26:33,560
I don't know if you can see
his tail. Oh, that's nice.

475
00:26:33,600 --> 00:26:35,520
Can he wag his tail
without shaking his head?

476
00:26:35,560 --> 00:26:37,680
Why would he wanna do that?

477
00:26:37,720 --> 00:26:41,120
A bit of elderflower?
I do like elderflower.

478
00:26:41,160 --> 00:26:43,080
Traditionally we'd have
a little lemon or lime.

479
00:26:43,120 --> 00:26:46,480
Due to a citrus shortage,
bit of pineapple?

480
00:26:46,520 --> 00:26:48,360
Perfect.

481
00:26:48,400 --> 00:26:50,320
Who's your best friend?

482
00:26:50,360 --> 00:26:52,400
Mae Martin.

483
00:26:52,440 --> 00:26:54,760
Who's your enemy?
Alex Horne.

484
00:26:56,840 --> 00:26:59,040
Well, that just sounded like
a man saying, "Alex Horne."

485
00:26:59,080 --> 00:27:02,320
No, that was 100% Bosco.

486
00:27:02,360 --> 00:27:04,840
This is where the art
of it really comes in.

487
00:27:08,440 --> 00:27:10,400
I dropped that on the floor
at some point.

488
00:27:10,440 --> 00:27:11,960
Yeah, put it in the drink then.

489
00:27:12,000 --> 00:27:13,960
I would like to see him
leave the room.

490
00:27:14,000 --> 00:27:17,080
Ah. Yes, OK. See you later.

491
00:27:17,120 --> 00:27:19,160
Thank you, Bosco.

492
00:27:19,200 --> 00:27:20,920
Good luck.

493
00:27:20,960 --> 00:27:24,240
Bye Bosco. Watch out for the
door frame, Bosco.

494
00:27:24,280 --> 00:27:25,960
He's still learning.

495
00:27:29,080 --> 00:27:30,200
Well, thank you.

496
00:27:33,320 --> 00:27:37,360
Are you meant to dilute,
the elderflower?

497
00:27:37,400 --> 00:27:39,400
Very heavy on the elderflower,
isn't it? Mm.

498
00:27:39,440 --> 00:27:42,680
Bye-bye.Bye-bye. Thank you, Ivo.

499
00:27:46,600 --> 00:27:48,880
It's very creative. Thanks.

500
00:27:48,920 --> 00:27:50,120
I did warm to Bosco

501
00:27:50,160 --> 00:27:52,240
when he started to reveal
that he despised Alex.

502
00:27:52,280 --> 00:27:54,280
Yeah.

503
00:27:54,320 --> 00:27:56,680
And was that your stitching work?
Staple gun.

504
00:27:56,720 --> 00:27:57,880
Yeah. Mae made it instantly.

505
00:27:57,920 --> 00:27:59,720
Took 20 minutes.
It was impressive to watch.

506
00:27:59,760 --> 00:28:03,480
Yeah, it was. Um, Ivo,
do you think this is, a new low?

507
00:28:07,200 --> 00:28:10,080
I'm sorry I didn't staple-gun
a monstrous dog together.

508
00:28:12,000 --> 00:28:14,000
You will be when
I hand the points out!

509
00:28:17,600 --> 00:28:20,760
Right. Good. It's time for
the final two attempts now

510
00:28:20,800 --> 00:28:22,920
and what a bespectacled
spectacle it is,

511
00:28:22,960 --> 00:28:26,840
as Frankie Boyle and
Jenny Eclair hit the catwalk.

512
00:28:40,560 --> 00:28:42,200
Oh, hi, Frankie. Hey.

513
00:28:42,240 --> 00:28:44,040
What are you gonna do
with your umbrella?

514
00:28:44,080 --> 00:28:49,720
I have turned it into this
skirt and fascinator combination.

515
00:28:51,800 --> 00:28:53,840
I'm wearing House of Eclair

516
00:28:53,880 --> 00:28:57,760
and this is a handmade
hiking and writing cagoule.

517
00:28:57,800 --> 00:29:00,160
It's for those who
like...uh...outdoors,

518
00:29:00,200 --> 00:29:03,160
maybe climb a mountain
and then write a poem at the top.

519
00:29:03,200 --> 00:29:05,280
Wow.

520
00:29:06,320 --> 00:29:09,440
It's surprisingly good.

521
00:29:09,480 --> 00:29:13,440
I'll go and mull over that comment.
Yeah.

522
00:29:18,920 --> 00:29:21,920
Well, the House of Eclair employs
quite a sassy runway model,

523
00:29:21,960 --> 00:29:23,960
I thought.

524
00:29:24,000 --> 00:29:25,800
It looked pretty good.
All her own work.

525
00:29:25,840 --> 00:29:28,040
Oh, oh, really?

526
00:29:28,080 --> 00:29:31,640
I thought she'd cheated and
parachuted a team in from Paris.

527
00:29:33,800 --> 00:29:36,480
It had a pocket for my notebook.

528
00:29:36,520 --> 00:29:39,040
For when you write poetry up
the mountain? Up the mountain.

529
00:29:39,080 --> 00:29:41,520
And the metal frame of
the umbrella, what was that for?

530
00:29:41,560 --> 00:29:44,760
That was for, warding off anything
that needed warding off.

531
00:29:47,080 --> 00:29:49,640
For when you're up the mountain?
Up the mountain,

532
00:29:49,680 --> 00:29:52,760
looking a bit sexy in my...in
my hiking and writing cagoule.

533
00:29:52,800 --> 00:29:55,080
Hiking and writing,
is that what you said?

534
00:29:55,120 --> 00:29:57,680
Hiking and writing. Oh, I thought
you were speaking in German.

535
00:29:59,760 --> 00:30:03,200
Hiking and writing
and...warding off the boys.

536
00:30:05,280 --> 00:30:06,880
You've... I hope
this is appropriate,

537
00:30:06,920 --> 00:30:09,400
you've got a good sturdy set
of legs on you, Frankie.

538
00:30:09,440 --> 00:30:10,520
Thanks.

539
00:30:10,560 --> 00:30:12,960
Do you know what it felt like,
waiting to watch that?

540
00:30:13,000 --> 00:30:14,400
When I was a kid, uh,

541
00:30:14,440 --> 00:30:18,240
our local library had
a Christmas drawing competition

542
00:30:18,280 --> 00:30:21,520
and I drew a snowman
and they put it up on the wall

543
00:30:21,560 --> 00:30:23,920
and then everyone else's
started to go up

544
00:30:23,960 --> 00:30:25,760
and they were, like, really good.

545
00:30:25,800 --> 00:30:28,600
And when I saw Mae's entry,
that's how I felt.

546
00:30:28,640 --> 00:30:31,760
I felt like when I'd gone
to the library as a little boy

547
00:30:31,800 --> 00:30:33,800
and said, "Could I have
my snowman back?"

548
00:30:33,840 --> 00:30:35,720
Aww!

549
00:30:35,760 --> 00:30:39,360
And they said, "No."

550
00:30:39,400 --> 00:30:41,840
Oh, but Frankie, come on,
you had a fascinator.

551
00:30:43,560 --> 00:30:45,920
There, you've seen all five.
I have. Least inventive?

552
00:30:45,960 --> 00:30:48,520
Well, I mean, just tossing
a load of drinks into it.

553
00:30:48,560 --> 00:30:51,520
Less inventive than two people
both making clothes out of it?

554
00:30:51,560 --> 00:30:52,800
Yep.

555
00:30:54,400 --> 00:30:56,080
I'm gonna give Jenny two points,

556
00:30:56,120 --> 00:30:58,160
because Frankie used
a whole umbrella

557
00:30:58,200 --> 00:31:00,200
and I just think that Jenny was left

558
00:31:00,240 --> 00:31:02,640
with the frame of the umbrella
and just carried it around.

559
00:31:02,680 --> 00:31:05,160
Warding off the boys.

560
00:31:05,200 --> 00:31:06,640
To ward off the boys.

561
00:31:06,680 --> 00:31:10,120
OK. Two points to Jenny,
three points to Frankie. Great.

562
00:31:10,160 --> 00:31:11,200
Inventive is the word,

563
00:31:11,240 --> 00:31:14,840
so Bosco the dog can only have four
points on this occasion... Wow.

564
00:31:14,880 --> 00:31:16,960
..because of the complex
narrative surrounding...

565
00:31:17,000 --> 00:31:19,720
..the Scottish.

566
00:31:21,520 --> 00:31:23,240
Five points to Kiell!

567
00:31:24,400 --> 00:31:26,960
Do you have another one on standby?

568
00:31:27,000 --> 00:31:28,800
Ahh...ahh. I don't know!

569
00:31:28,840 --> 00:31:29,840
Whaa...ahh!

570
00:31:29,880 --> 00:31:31,840
Sorry, I had a bit
of a wobble there.

571
00:31:31,880 --> 00:31:34,080
Here we go.

572
00:31:45,080 --> 00:31:49,800
Hiya. Morning. Jelly? Yeah.
With a duck in it. Course.

573
00:31:49,840 --> 00:31:52,880
Ooh, a jelly mould.
It's jelly, Jenny.

574
00:31:52,920 --> 00:31:54,240
Yes, it is.

575
00:31:59,360 --> 00:32:01,240
This is funny to me already. Great.

576
00:32:01,280 --> 00:32:03,920
Nice little jiggle. Yeah.

577
00:32:05,520 --> 00:32:11,200
Put the most stuff on top of this
jelly, without breaking the jelly.

578
00:32:11,240 --> 00:32:14,120
"Without breaking the jelly".

579
00:32:14,160 --> 00:32:17,600
If anything other than jelly touches
the duck, you are disqualified.

580
00:32:17,640 --> 00:32:22,760
Heaviest stuff on the jelly exactly
ten minutes from now, wins.

581
00:32:22,800 --> 00:32:25,600
Put the most stuff on top of this
jelly, without breaking the jelly.

582
00:32:25,640 --> 00:32:28,280
Heaviest stuff on the jelly exactly
ten minutes from now, wins.

583
00:32:28,320 --> 00:32:32,160
Yeah, this is vintage.

584
00:32:36,480 --> 00:32:38,680
Are...are you starting
to get bored of the format?

585
00:32:38,720 --> 00:32:40,960
That was day one,
that was the first task.

586
00:32:43,120 --> 00:32:44,440
Let's just get on with it.

587
00:32:44,480 --> 00:32:47,280
You've got to balance a load
of heavy stuff on a jelly, right?

588
00:32:47,320 --> 00:32:48,960
Yeah, and I think it's appropriate

589
00:32:49,000 --> 00:32:50,720
if we start with Ivo,
all by himself.

590
00:32:50,760 --> 00:32:53,040
Ah. Agreed? Yes.

591
00:32:55,920 --> 00:33:00,680
I think, encasing the jelly
will stop it pushing outwards.

592
00:33:01,680 --> 00:33:04,080
Yeah, I...I...I like that,
actually. Mm-hm.

593
00:33:06,320 --> 00:33:07,760
I guess I might ask you

594
00:33:07,800 --> 00:33:10,120
whether you think those bricks
are balanced on the jelly?

595
00:33:10,160 --> 00:33:12,920
It is a bit of an interesting
physical question, isn't it?

596
00:33:15,000 --> 00:33:16,800
Well, what do you think?

597
00:33:16,840 --> 00:33:20,120
I think if you took the jelly away,
the bricks wouldn't move.

598
00:33:20,160 --> 00:33:22,840
That's undeniable.

599
00:33:22,880 --> 00:33:25,920
The answer is in the wobble, isn't
it? The answer is in the wobble?

600
00:33:25,960 --> 00:33:28,000
The answer is in the wobble.

601
00:33:28,040 --> 00:33:29,560
Where's the wobble gone?

602
00:33:29,600 --> 00:33:31,200
Fine.

603
00:33:35,760 --> 00:33:38,960
I mean, there's even
a bit of a surface incision.

604
00:33:39,000 --> 00:33:41,440
If it was a wound it would heal
within the week.

605
00:33:41,480 --> 00:33:44,000
Four minutes 40 left.

606
00:33:44,040 --> 00:33:46,280
Ahh. Yeah.

607
00:33:58,280 --> 00:33:59,960
Oh.

608
00:34:15,200 --> 00:34:17,160
Well, why don't you
talk me through your technique?

609
00:34:17,200 --> 00:34:18,360
Obviously, watching it back,

610
00:34:18,400 --> 00:34:20,720
the jump from nought bananas
to six bananas was aggressive.

611
00:34:20,760 --> 00:34:22,240
Yeah.

612
00:34:22,280 --> 00:34:25,240
You said afterwards you should've
taken a banana-by-banana approach.

613
00:34:25,280 --> 00:34:28,800
Yeah, or even broken
the banana down into, uh...

614
00:34:28,840 --> 00:34:30,920
Chunks. Yeah, chunks.

615
00:34:32,440 --> 00:34:37,480
Who's next? OK, well how about
Mae and Kiell next? Here we go.

616
00:34:37,520 --> 00:34:42,080
The most stuff. That's a start.

617
00:34:42,120 --> 00:34:45,400
I'm gonna test the strength
of the jelly.

618
00:34:45,440 --> 00:34:49,520
I want a flat base that's going
to sort of displace the weight,

619
00:34:49,560 --> 00:34:53,280
so that I'm pressing on
the widest possible surface area.

620
00:34:53,320 --> 00:34:54,840
Sounds like you've done
this before.

621
00:34:54,880 --> 00:34:57,200
I've done this a couple of times.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.

622
00:34:58,920 --> 00:35:01,480
Ah, we're talking physics. Are we?

623
00:35:01,520 --> 00:35:02,760
Yeah.

624
00:35:04,280 --> 00:35:07,720
Ooh, it's sticky, the jelly.

625
00:35:07,760 --> 00:35:08,880
What flavour is this?

626
00:35:08,920 --> 00:35:10,400
Lemon jelly. Hate it.

627
00:35:11,920 --> 00:35:14,400
OK. It's...it's hard.

628
00:35:14,440 --> 00:35:16,560
And soft.

629
00:35:16,600 --> 00:35:19,400
There's no way this is
the best flavour you could find.

630
00:35:19,440 --> 00:35:21,640
Ooh.

631
00:35:21,680 --> 00:35:25,880
Very...light. Yep. Lovely.

632
00:35:25,920 --> 00:35:27,920
OK, that'll definitely work.

633
00:35:29,000 --> 00:35:30,000
But it's not enough.

634
00:35:31,480 --> 00:35:32,480
It's not enough.

635
00:35:33,760 --> 00:35:35,160
Oh, my God.

636
00:35:35,200 --> 00:35:38,640
If I can get that
EXACTLY on the middle...

637
00:35:40,240 --> 00:35:42,400
Oh, my God.

638
00:35:42,440 --> 00:35:43,640
Wait.

639
00:35:43,680 --> 00:35:45,240
What's happened to the duck?

640
00:35:45,280 --> 00:35:46,560
Oh, no, no, no.

641
00:35:46,600 --> 00:35:52,000
There. There. There. There.

642
00:35:52,040 --> 00:35:53,200
There?

643
00:35:53,240 --> 00:35:55,560
No. There. Hang on.

644
00:35:55,600 --> 00:35:57,040
There...

645
00:35:59,520 --> 00:36:00,960
There.

646
00:36:01,960 --> 00:36:03,360
Some things have happened.

647
00:36:03,400 --> 00:36:04,840
A lot's happened.

648
00:36:06,040 --> 00:36:07,520
Oh, no!

649
00:36:07,560 --> 00:36:08,640
Aw!

650
00:36:08,680 --> 00:36:11,560
It's what's on there exactly
ten minutes after the task started.

651
00:36:11,600 --> 00:36:14,960
Well, in that case, I'll just wait.

652
00:36:15,000 --> 00:36:18,880
I might just wait till
the last possible second...

653
00:36:18,920 --> 00:36:21,560
Will you tell me when I've got 30
seconds? Yeah, there's a clock here.

654
00:36:21,600 --> 00:36:24,440
Ooh.
Well, what shall we do till then?

655
00:36:24,480 --> 00:36:25,640
Rugby?

656
00:36:26,880 --> 00:36:30,960
I don't know if we could do rugby,
just cos of the crockery.

657
00:36:32,720 --> 00:36:38,560
I don't think the duck is touching
the record, I would argue,

658
00:36:38,600 --> 00:36:41,880
but I've really disturbed
the integrity of the jelly.

659
00:36:41,920 --> 00:36:44,520
Yes, you have.

660
00:36:44,560 --> 00:36:47,000
50 seconds, all right.
Let's do this, baby.

661
00:36:50,160 --> 00:36:51,880
20 seconds.

662
00:36:51,920 --> 00:36:53,560
It doesn't look like it used to look.

663
00:36:53,600 --> 00:36:56,440
I think it's in the heat
in the room.

664
00:36:56,480 --> 00:36:58,320
Wow.

665
00:36:58,360 --> 00:36:59,480
Ten seconds.

666
00:36:59,520 --> 00:37:01,600
Any more? No, thank you,
I'm sweet enough.

667
00:37:05,360 --> 00:37:08,200
When I blow the whistle,
you can't be touching it.

668
00:37:11,880 --> 00:37:13,640
Was the duck compromised at all?

669
00:37:13,680 --> 00:37:15,840
Not in the slightest.
He's having a lovely time.

670
00:37:15,880 --> 00:37:17,440
He doesn't even know
what's gone on.

671
00:37:17,480 --> 00:37:19,360
All right. Thanks, Kiell. Thanks.

672
00:37:28,880 --> 00:37:31,960
It started off with a very
scientific approach from Mae,

673
00:37:32,000 --> 00:37:34,120
talking about displacement,

674
00:37:34,160 --> 00:37:36,560
whereas you popped
the task card on top of it and went,

675
00:37:36,600 --> 00:37:38,480
"That's a start."

676
00:37:38,520 --> 00:37:41,360
But soon, we were talking physics.
Yep. Yep.

677
00:37:41,400 --> 00:37:44,720
From that point onwards,
it didn't look very scientific, Mae.

678
00:37:44,760 --> 00:37:46,000
What happened?

679
00:37:46,040 --> 00:37:49,360
Oh, the jelly started breaking.

680
00:37:49,400 --> 00:37:51,680
Did you not consider putting
a bowl on top of the jelly

681
00:37:51,720 --> 00:37:54,120
and just repeatedly saying
the word, "There?"

682
00:37:55,240 --> 00:37:56,240
Yeah.

683
00:37:56,280 --> 00:37:57,800
I mean, it worked.

684
00:37:57,840 --> 00:38:02,120
Kiell got 1,773 grams on the jelly.

685
00:38:02,160 --> 00:38:05,360
That's one Chihuahua. Right.

686
00:38:05,400 --> 00:38:08,280
Join us again for the dramatic
conclusion of tonight's show,

687
00:38:08,320 --> 00:38:10,240
involving the worst
selection of prizes

688
00:38:10,280 --> 00:38:13,480
anyone's ever won
on a television show. Bye!

689
00:38:22,000 --> 00:38:25,440
Hello. Here we are,
the final part of tonight's show

690
00:38:25,480 --> 00:38:28,480
and the jelly balancing act
is nearly complete.

691
00:38:28,520 --> 00:38:30,240
Yes, they're trying
to put as much stuff on

692
00:38:30,280 --> 00:38:32,200
the jelly as possible
without splitting it.

693
00:38:32,240 --> 00:38:35,640
Two people left to go,
and it's Frankie and Jelly.

694
00:38:41,280 --> 00:38:44,480
I've been gripped by
an overwhelming sense of crisis.

695
00:38:44,520 --> 00:38:47,560
I don't see how anything
particularly heavy can go on there.

696
00:38:47,600 --> 00:38:50,640
I should start with
maybe layering up.

697
00:38:50,680 --> 00:38:53,200
I've got a necklace,
I've got my pants,

698
00:38:53,240 --> 00:38:56,320
I've got shoes, I've got a watch.
I've got a watch.

699
00:38:56,360 --> 00:38:59,560
I could argue
the definition of heavy.

700
00:39:02,440 --> 00:39:04,520
I've been in the kitchen
and I've found that.

701
00:39:04,560 --> 00:39:06,280
Now, if I just did that

702
00:39:06,320 --> 00:39:08,760
and then put things on there,
would that be cheating?

703
00:39:08,800 --> 00:39:10,680
Will the things be
on top of the jelly?

704
00:39:10,720 --> 00:39:13,360
I don't know, Alex, cos I was
going to stand on top of that.

705
00:39:13,400 --> 00:39:15,120
Were you now? Yeah.

706
00:39:15,160 --> 00:39:16,640
Well, I wouldn't mind watching that.

707
00:39:16,680 --> 00:39:19,400
What I don't want you
to do is weigh me publicly.

708
00:39:19,440 --> 00:39:21,680
If you do weigh me,
you have to do it in kilos

709
00:39:21,720 --> 00:39:24,200
cos I don't understand kilos.

710
00:39:24,240 --> 00:39:26,440
Well, don't I have
to hold this like that?

711
00:39:26,480 --> 00:39:28,480
Obviously the jelly is plugged in.

712
00:39:28,520 --> 00:39:30,120
Right. There we go.

713
00:39:30,160 --> 00:39:32,960
I'm slightly worried about
that taking my weight

714
00:39:33,000 --> 00:39:36,080
and it collapsing,
and the Tupperware splintering

715
00:39:36,120 --> 00:39:37,800
and then I go through the jelly.

716
00:39:37,840 --> 00:39:39,440
Maybe a cushion?

717
00:39:41,040 --> 00:39:42,080
Here we go.

718
00:39:42,120 --> 00:39:44,480
You don't get much heavier
than this.

719
00:39:44,520 --> 00:39:46,640
The third law of thermodynamics
means that

720
00:39:46,680 --> 00:39:50,240
the universe will eventually end
through a phase of heat death,

721
00:39:50,280 --> 00:39:54,240
with all life and
all energy extinguished.

722
00:40:01,240 --> 00:40:02,760
One, two, three.

723
00:40:05,520 --> 00:40:07,640
They're off, they're off.

724
00:40:07,680 --> 00:40:11,200
So, this is as far as I can go.

725
00:40:18,320 --> 00:40:19,520
You were on it. I was.

726
00:40:19,560 --> 00:40:21,280
You were on it when
the whistle went, yeah.

727
00:40:21,320 --> 00:40:22,600
And the jelly's fine.

728
00:40:22,640 --> 00:40:24,080
Jelly's fine.

729
00:40:24,120 --> 00:40:25,600
Thanks for sitting
on the jelly, Jenny.

730
00:40:25,640 --> 00:40:26,800
It's no problem, I enjoyed it.

731
00:40:26,840 --> 00:40:29,640
There's clubs that cater
for this kind of thing, you know.

732
00:40:29,680 --> 00:40:31,480
Right you are. Right you are.

733
00:40:31,520 --> 00:40:33,160
Thank you.

734
00:40:35,960 --> 00:40:38,160
First things first,
let's talk about Jenny's.

735
00:40:38,200 --> 00:40:40,160
Were you on the jelly?
On top of it.

736
00:40:40,200 --> 00:40:43,040
Cos I might argue
that you were on a box.

737
00:40:44,760 --> 00:40:47,880
Well, yeah, if I sat on
the jelly, it would've split.

738
00:40:52,120 --> 00:40:55,120
That's physics
staring you in the face.

739
00:40:55,160 --> 00:40:58,840
It all seems trivial next to the
heat death of the universe. Yeah.

740
00:40:58,880 --> 00:41:01,800
Don't worry, you're safe.

741
00:41:01,840 --> 00:41:03,000
Jenny, to be absolutely clear,

742
00:41:03,040 --> 00:41:05,680
I very much enjoyed watching you
balancing on that box,

743
00:41:05,720 --> 00:41:08,200
and I'd probably pay to see it.

744
00:41:08,240 --> 00:41:10,760
Not a lot of money, but I'd pay.

745
00:41:10,800 --> 00:41:12,920
But I don't think
you were on the jelly.

746
00:41:12,960 --> 00:41:15,520
So it's just a question of
whether that quote

747
00:41:15,560 --> 00:41:17,280
is heavier than a Chihuahua.

748
00:41:20,080 --> 00:41:22,800
The destruction of the universe is
about as heavy as it gets, right?

749
00:41:22,840 --> 00:41:24,680
The first sentence was,
"Put the most stuff..."

750
00:41:24,720 --> 00:41:26,760
But he's put the concept
of the whole universe,

751
00:41:26,800 --> 00:41:29,720
how much stuff do you want?

752
00:41:29,760 --> 00:41:32,360
The third law of thermodynamics
encompasses

753
00:41:32,400 --> 00:41:34,240
all the energy in the universe.

754
00:41:34,280 --> 00:41:37,520
That's more than your bowl
and your fucking spoon.

755
00:41:42,960 --> 00:41:44,880
I've got to allow it,
it's the heaviest thing.

756
00:41:44,920 --> 00:41:48,760
OK. And we're saying zero points
to Ivo, Mae and Jenny?

757
00:41:48,800 --> 00:41:50,640
I didn't break
the skin of the jelly.

758
00:41:50,680 --> 00:41:53,240
That is true. Just give her
a lovely charity one point.

759
00:41:53,280 --> 00:41:56,480
So, in summary,
it's zero to Ivo, zero to Mae,

760
00:41:56,520 --> 00:41:58,880
one to Jenny, four to Kiell,

761
00:41:58,920 --> 00:42:01,880
and five to Frankie Boyle!
Seems very fair.

762
00:42:03,240 --> 00:42:06,320
OK. Ooh! Seems very measured to me.

763
00:42:06,360 --> 00:42:08,480
Well done, Greg. Good.

764
00:42:09,760 --> 00:42:11,160
Let's have a look at the scores.

765
00:42:11,200 --> 00:42:13,880
Frankie has not won an episode,
this is your chance.

766
00:42:13,920 --> 00:42:15,280
Kiell's in the lead with 15,

767
00:42:15,320 --> 00:42:18,160
but Frankie has 13 points
in joint second.

768
00:42:22,160 --> 00:42:23,720
Good. Right, here we go then,

769
00:42:23,760 --> 00:42:26,720
please go up to the stage for
the final task of the show.

770
00:42:37,120 --> 00:42:40,600
Ah, look how happy
Frankie the clown is.

771
00:42:40,640 --> 00:42:42,000
Who's going to read the task?

772
00:42:42,040 --> 00:42:45,000
Well, it's a team task and
Frankie Boyle's going to read it.

773
00:42:46,400 --> 00:42:48,080
"Using only the scratching posts,

774
00:42:48,120 --> 00:42:51,760
"remove as many balls
from your suit as possible.

775
00:42:51,800 --> 00:42:53,920
"Your team-mates may throw balls
from

776
00:42:53,960 --> 00:42:56,440
"the throwing spots throughout.

777
00:42:56,480 --> 00:42:58,800
"The throwing spots
may not be moved.

778
00:42:58,840 --> 00:43:01,560
"Fewest balls on a suit
after two minutes wins.

779
00:43:01,600 --> 00:43:03,360
"Also, if you're in a team of three,

780
00:43:03,400 --> 00:43:07,240
"the two non-suit wearers must hold
hands throughout the two minutes."

781
00:43:07,280 --> 00:43:09,240
So what's gonna happen is that,
Mae and Frankie,

782
00:43:09,280 --> 00:43:11,080
you're going to use
these scratching sticks.

783
00:43:11,120 --> 00:43:13,120
The other three will be on
the throwing circles.

784
00:43:13,160 --> 00:43:15,880
Frankie will be near
the team of three's throwers

785
00:43:15,920 --> 00:43:18,040
so they can throw balls onto his suit

786
00:43:18,080 --> 00:43:20,160
as he tries to scratch his balls off.

787
00:43:20,200 --> 00:43:23,440
That's a nice...very nice sentence.

788
00:43:23,480 --> 00:43:26,720
So, Frankie and Mae, please make your
way this way down to the stage.

789
00:43:26,760 --> 00:43:28,760
Good luck. Thank you.

790
00:43:28,800 --> 00:43:32,000
Oh, there's lots of Velcro
on their bottoms, I see.

791
00:43:32,040 --> 00:43:34,040
Please stand on the circle.

792
00:43:36,520 --> 00:43:37,760
Anything you want to say?

793
00:43:37,800 --> 00:43:41,160
I think I really should've
had a few less joke scandals

794
00:43:41,200 --> 00:43:43,920
and not ended up in this position.

795
00:43:46,160 --> 00:43:50,280
So, they are starting
with 25 balls on their suits.

796
00:43:50,320 --> 00:43:53,360
Two minutes. Good luck.

797
00:43:53,400 --> 00:43:54,560
And they're off.

798
00:43:58,000 --> 00:43:59,160
Aw, fuck.

799
00:43:59,200 --> 00:44:01,400
They don't come off too easy.

800
00:44:03,240 --> 00:44:05,880
Oh, you got one, you got one,
you got one.

801
00:44:10,800 --> 00:44:14,280
Oh, no! No, you can't do that!

802
00:44:14,320 --> 00:44:16,520
Well, he can do that
and he has done that.

803
00:44:17,480 --> 00:44:19,960
Oh, Frankie's suit has popped open.

804
00:44:21,760 --> 00:44:23,800
Yeah, big one on the bum!

805
00:44:23,840 --> 00:44:25,400
I've got loads.

806
00:44:27,440 --> 00:44:29,680
Well done, Kiell.

807
00:44:29,720 --> 00:44:32,520
Frankie, one at the back. The back!

808
00:44:32,560 --> 00:44:35,360
I got one! I got two!

809
00:44:41,920 --> 00:44:43,120
I got another!

810
00:44:44,800 --> 00:44:47,280
Ten seconds left.

811
00:44:47,320 --> 00:44:49,360
Mae, scratch!

812
00:44:49,400 --> 00:44:54,680
Five, four, three, two, one...

813
00:44:56,080 --> 00:44:57,920
Stop it! Stop it!

814
00:44:59,160 --> 00:45:02,680
Come back down, we'll see how
that's affected the final scores!

815
00:45:06,600 --> 00:45:07,840
What a thriller.

816
00:45:07,880 --> 00:45:11,760
Yes. Well, I think what happened
was that the team of three decided

817
00:45:11,800 --> 00:45:15,200
to hold opposite hands so they both
had their throwing hands out,

818
00:45:15,240 --> 00:45:16,680
and that's what won it for them.

819
00:45:16,720 --> 00:45:20,400
They managed to land more balls on
their opposition than poor old Ivo.

820
00:45:20,440 --> 00:45:23,160
I loved it. There wasn't even any
drama to revealing who'd won.

821
00:45:23,200 --> 00:45:24,560
We all know they won. Exactly.

822
00:45:24,600 --> 00:45:27,120
Oh, I forgot, yeah, I should've
mentioned that. By miles, yeah.

823
00:45:29,160 --> 00:45:33,280
There were 29 balls on Frankie
at the end. 25 to start off with.

824
00:45:35,200 --> 00:45:37,520
17 left on Mae,
so they get five points.

825
00:45:37,560 --> 00:45:40,000
How many for the team of two? Three.

826
00:45:40,040 --> 00:45:42,680
Three. Fair enough.
Three points and five points.

827
00:45:44,680 --> 00:45:47,480
Shall I tell you how that's affected
the episode scores? God, will you?

828
00:45:47,520 --> 00:45:51,320
I will. Ooh, it's my favourite,
Greg, they've all got even numbers.

829
00:45:51,360 --> 00:45:54,840
Ivo's on 12, and at the top of
the pile it's Kiell with 20 points!

830
00:45:54,880 --> 00:45:56,240
There it is!

831
00:45:57,640 --> 00:46:00,440
Kiell Smith-Bynoe wins.

832
00:46:00,480 --> 00:46:02,920
Please pop up to collect
your unbaggable bits.

833
00:46:04,920 --> 00:46:07,520
So, what have we learned today?

834
00:46:07,560 --> 00:46:10,320
We've learned that if you
want to achieve something in life,

835
00:46:10,360 --> 00:46:12,920
use your intelligence,
use lateral thinking,

836
00:46:12,960 --> 00:46:15,280
use gut instinct, if you will.

837
00:46:15,320 --> 00:46:17,520
Failing that, maybe give this a go.

838
00:46:17,560 --> 00:46:21,560
Please. Please! Pleeease!

839
00:46:23,640 --> 00:46:26,640
And, please, let's marvel at
tonight's winner once more,

840
00:46:26,680 --> 00:46:30,160
it is Kiell Smith-Bynoe!

841
00:46:30,200 --> 00:46:34,560
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