1 00:00:04,359 --> 00:00:05,758 News Anchor: In the early aughts, 2 00:00:05,760 --> 00:00:08,828 looking to cement his power and overthrow Yeltsin loyalists, 3 00:00:08,830 --> 00:00:11,764 President Vladimir Putin looked to some of his closest allies 4 00:00:11,766 --> 00:00:13,966 from his former KGB days. 5 00:00:13,968 --> 00:00:16,435 One such man is Dimislav Molokov, 6 00:00:16,437 --> 00:00:17,837 a devout Russian Orthodox man 7 00:00:17,839 --> 00:00:21,107 who at the time ran a small dairy farm in Rostov Oblast. 8 00:00:21,109 --> 00:00:23,710 Putin invited Mr. Molokov to the Kremlin, 9 00:00:23,712 --> 00:00:25,512 where he sampled his milk. 10 00:00:25,514 --> 00:00:27,246 Molokov struck gold. 11 00:00:27,248 --> 00:00:28,647 White gold, that is. 12 00:00:28,649 --> 00:00:30,917 Putin liked it so much that in the ensuing months, 13 00:00:30,919 --> 00:00:32,719 there was a systematic shutdown of dairy farms 14 00:00:32,721 --> 00:00:34,120 across the country, 15 00:00:34,122 --> 00:00:36,923 which Mr. Molokov snapped up for literal pennies. 16 00:00:36,925 --> 00:00:38,591 The farmers who opposed the purchases 17 00:00:38,593 --> 00:00:42,128 from the newly minted oligarch, now known simply as Dima, 18 00:00:42,130 --> 00:00:44,597 were either incarcerated for opposition politics 19 00:00:44,599 --> 00:00:47,199 or simply never heard from again. 20 00:00:47,201 --> 00:00:49,268 And while most of you think how does one become 21 00:00:49,270 --> 00:00:51,404 a multi-billionaire from milk? 22 00:00:51,406 --> 00:00:53,339 The answer is simple. 23 00:00:53,341 --> 00:00:55,373 He also mines uranium. 24 00:00:55,374 --> 00:00:58,811 - Say what now? - [Laughter] 25 00:00:58,813 --> 00:01:02,881 The point is... the point is Russia [bleep] up. 26 00:01:02,883 --> 00:01:04,551 [Laughter] 27 00:01:04,553 --> 00:01:08,177 [Cow moos] _ 28 00:01:09,224 --> 00:01:11,023 - That's not a joke. - He doesn't need to make jokes. 29 00:01:11,025 --> 00:01:12,959 He's just pointing out how messed up Russia is. 30 00:01:12,961 --> 00:01:14,761 He does the news better than the news does. 31 00:01:14,763 --> 00:01:16,095 What are you talking about? 32 00:01:16,097 --> 00:01:17,163 That was the news. 33 00:01:17,165 --> 00:01:19,232 All he did was swear and make a stupid face. 34 00:01:19,234 --> 00:01:20,567 All right, guys. Listen to me. 35 00:01:20,569 --> 00:01:23,502 We are in the middle of a very dangerous situation right now. 36 00:01:23,504 --> 00:01:25,504 Dealing with an oligarch who's forcing your father 37 00:01:25,506 --> 00:01:26,839 to marry his daughter 38 00:01:26,841 --> 00:01:28,975 all because my father is running a black market 39 00:01:28,977 --> 00:01:31,778 of Canadian homo milk that's undercutting his monopoly. 40 00:01:31,780 --> 00:01:34,647 See? Russia [bleep] up. You don't need to make jokes. 41 00:01:34,649 --> 00:01:36,115 Why don't we just run away? 42 00:01:36,117 --> 00:01:37,516 Yeah, there's not that many guards. 43 00:01:37,518 --> 00:01:39,185 - We can probably outrun 'em. - I'm not doing that. 44 00:01:39,187 --> 00:01:40,654 I'm not putting you guys in any more danger. 45 00:01:40,656 --> 00:01:43,189 Let's just have your dad say his fake "I do's" 46 00:01:43,191 --> 00:01:45,124 and take his Russian bride back to the states, 47 00:01:45,126 --> 00:01:47,126 where we will deal with this diplomatically 48 00:01:47,128 --> 00:01:48,060 with the State Department. 49 00:01:48,062 --> 00:01:49,328 Okay? Trust me. 50 00:01:49,330 --> 00:01:51,330 This is no picnic for your dad, either. 51 00:01:51,332 --> 00:01:54,601 [Laughs] 52 00:01:54,603 --> 00:01:57,470 You're so funny! 53 00:01:57,472 --> 00:01:58,671 [Russian accent] It's the vodka. 54 00:01:58,673 --> 00:02:02,942 It make me funny! It's the voice, too. 55 00:02:02,944 --> 00:02:04,877 Kiss me. 56 00:02:04,879 --> 00:02:06,345 Hmm? 57 00:02:06,347 --> 00:02:09,081 [Normally] Okay, umm... 58 00:02:09,083 --> 00:02:10,483 - Hey! - Yeah? 59 00:02:10,485 --> 00:02:13,019 [Gasps] 60 00:02:13,021 --> 00:02:13,886 Ow. 61 00:02:13,888 --> 00:02:15,221 Can't sample milk 62 00:02:15,223 --> 00:02:16,489 until you're paid for the cow. 63 00:02:16,491 --> 00:02:20,026 ♪ 64 00:02:20,028 --> 00:02:23,496 Sergeant Pepper is such a dick. 65 00:02:23,498 --> 00:02:27,367 [Man singing in Russian] 66 00:02:30,505 --> 00:02:34,773 [Buzzing] 67 00:02:34,775 --> 00:02:40,046 ♪ 68 00:02:40,048 --> 00:02:41,914 [Clears throat] 69 00:02:41,916 --> 00:02:46,319 ♪ 70 00:02:46,321 --> 00:02:47,920 - Hey. - Oh, hey. 71 00:02:47,922 --> 00:02:49,922 I can't do it. I can't do this marriage thing. 72 00:02:49,924 --> 00:02:51,190 Look what she makes me wear. 73 00:02:51,192 --> 00:02:52,458 I say I just keep stalling 74 00:02:52,460 --> 00:02:53,726 until maybe your dad shows up. 75 00:02:53,728 --> 00:02:55,061 That's who this Dima guy wants, anyway. 76 00:02:55,063 --> 00:02:56,795 Bill, honey, my dad is not showing up, all right? 77 00:02:56,797 --> 00:02:59,131 He's not some hand of God who cares more about his family 78 00:02:59,133 --> 00:03:00,267 than he does risking his own life. 79 00:03:00,268 --> 00:03:01,334 That's not gonna happen. 80 00:03:01,336 --> 00:03:03,202 Okay, then, I say we make a run for it. Okay? 81 00:03:03,204 --> 00:03:04,904 - I was talking to Nico. - I don't know who that is. 82 00:03:04,905 --> 00:03:05,872 That's the ponytail guy. 83 00:03:05,873 --> 00:03:07,010 Sergei? 84 00:03:07,290 --> 00:03:08,292 One of the names. 85 00:03:08,294 --> 00:03:09,942 Okay, anyway, he said a couple of his workers 86 00:03:09,944 --> 00:03:11,210 escaped through the mines. 87 00:03:11,212 --> 00:03:12,545 - The uranium mines? - Yeah. 88 00:03:12,547 --> 00:03:14,413 Are you out of your... No, honey, we're not doing that. 89 00:03:14,415 --> 00:03:15,482 You know what you're gonna do? 90 00:03:15,484 --> 00:03:16,684 You're gonna marry this ugly Russian broad. 91 00:03:16,685 --> 00:03:17,819 We're gonna go back to the States, 92 00:03:17,820 --> 00:03:19,018 and we're gonna be a family, okay? 93 00:03:19,020 --> 00:03:21,420 I don't want to marry a stranger, okay? 94 00:03:21,422 --> 00:03:25,824 [Sing-song voice] Future husband! 95 00:03:25,826 --> 00:03:28,895 Where are you in here? 96 00:03:28,897 --> 00:03:30,998 - That's her? - Yeah, she's gross. 97 00:03:31,900 --> 00:03:34,166 - Hey. [Chuckles nervously] - Ugh. 98 00:03:34,168 --> 00:03:36,302 - It's so gross in here. - I know. I just said that. 99 00:03:37,428 --> 00:03:39,274 _ 100 00:03:39,275 --> 00:03:40,710 _ 101 00:03:40,711 --> 00:03:42,711 _ 102 00:03:42,911 --> 00:03:44,243 [Laughs] 103 00:03:44,245 --> 00:03:48,047 Mm! Mm. Mnh-mnh. 104 00:03:48,049 --> 00:03:49,688 [Exhales heavily] 105 00:03:49,689 --> 00:03:52,409 - Let's go. - Yeah. Yeah, I will. I'll catch up. 106 00:03:52,410 --> 00:03:54,516 I'm just gonna finish yelling at these milkers. 107 00:03:55,256 --> 00:03:56,923 "Milkieskers." "Milkies." 108 00:03:56,925 --> 00:03:58,591 Hey, hey, can we circle back to the thing... 109 00:03:58,593 --> 00:03:59,792 - your thing about leaving? - Yeah. 110 00:03:59,794 --> 00:04:01,561 Yeah. Let's make a run for it. 111 00:04:03,331 --> 00:04:04,731 Delilah: We should not be in here. 112 00:04:04,733 --> 00:04:06,399 Jared: Yeah, a Uranus mine doesn't sound safe. 113 00:04:06,401 --> 00:04:08,067 Robin: It's fine. Just don't breathe too deeply. 114 00:04:08,069 --> 00:04:10,136 Yet another stupid plan made by the Parkers. 115 00:04:10,138 --> 00:04:12,138 - Hey, you're a Parker, too, you know? - Oh, my God. 116 00:04:12,140 --> 00:04:13,940 Okay, and you've made plenty of stupid plans. 117 00:04:13,942 --> 00:04:15,208 You can't escape your genes. 118 00:04:15,210 --> 00:04:16,475 Look at this one. 119 00:04:16,477 --> 00:04:18,211 He doesn't want to be like his mom, but he is. 120 00:04:18,213 --> 00:04:20,079 - I'm not like my mom. - I wanna be like my mom. 121 00:04:20,081 --> 00:04:22,081 - Your mom's dead. No, she's not. - She lives in Italy. 122 00:04:22,083 --> 00:04:23,484 - How could you not tell me this? - I know. 123 00:04:23,485 --> 00:04:25,084 It's the one place I've always wanted to go. 124 00:04:25,086 --> 00:04:25,735 Why would you think that? 125 00:04:25,737 --> 00:04:27,037 Why are you so surprised by any of this? 126 00:04:27,038 --> 00:04:28,805 [High-pitched voice] I'm already assuming that her mom 127 00:04:28,806 --> 00:04:30,957 is just another crazy sister that wants to have sex with Dad. 128 00:04:30,959 --> 00:04:32,292 [High-pitched voice] Wait, what's wrong with your voice? 129 00:04:32,293 --> 00:04:34,026 Nothing. I think it's just an echo in here. 130 00:04:34,028 --> 00:04:36,028 [High-pitched voice] No, your voice definitely sounds higher. 131 00:04:36,029 --> 00:04:38,697 [High-pitched voice] Your voice sounds... [Indistinct arguing] 132 00:04:38,699 --> 00:04:40,899 We gotta go. We gotta go. 133 00:04:40,901 --> 00:04:43,902 Guys, guys, guys, guys, keep your voices down, please! 134 00:04:43,904 --> 00:04:45,704 What's the point? They're already high. 135 00:04:45,706 --> 00:04:47,240 - Yeah, I'm going back. - No, stop, stop! 136 00:04:47,242 --> 00:04:48,975 Stop! No, what are you doing? 137 00:04:48,977 --> 00:04:51,778 We just got this family back together, okay? 138 00:04:51,780 --> 00:04:53,045 The core four. 139 00:04:53,047 --> 00:04:55,714 We've gone through hell trying to keep us together. 140 00:04:55,716 --> 00:04:57,850 Please, don't rip us apart again. 141 00:04:57,852 --> 00:04:59,986 I don't even know why you guys want me back. 142 00:04:59,988 --> 00:05:02,054 You do realize we're 18 in 2 years, right? 143 00:05:02,056 --> 00:05:04,457 Yes, but we want to be in your life forever. 144 00:05:04,459 --> 00:05:06,459 Yeah, just like you guys are in your parents' life forever. 145 00:05:06,461 --> 00:05:07,795 That's different. Our parents are shitty. 146 00:05:07,796 --> 00:05:10,464 So are mine! And we're in a mine. 147 00:05:11,800 --> 00:05:13,600 Sorry. It sounded really funny in my head. 148 00:05:13,602 --> 00:05:15,468 I think it's all the poisonous gases we're inhaling. 149 00:05:15,470 --> 00:05:17,136 You know, you guys pay a lot of lip service 150 00:05:17,138 --> 00:05:18,671 to this family is everything bullshit, 151 00:05:18,673 --> 00:05:20,473 but I don't see a lot of evidence of it. 152 00:05:20,475 --> 00:05:23,009 Delilah. You know what the happiest moments of my life was? 153 00:05:23,011 --> 00:05:24,611 Let me guess. Sitting on the beach, 154 00:05:24,613 --> 00:05:26,212 watching me play in the water. 155 00:05:26,214 --> 00:05:27,680 Did you tell her my speech? 156 00:05:27,682 --> 00:05:29,549 We spent a lot of time together in the last little while. 157 00:05:29,551 --> 00:05:30,952 We didn't have anything else to talk about. 158 00:05:30,953 --> 00:05:32,151 What do you want from us? 159 00:05:32,153 --> 00:05:34,553 Please, just tell us, and we will deliver. 160 00:05:34,555 --> 00:05:36,112 I promise. 161 00:05:37,959 --> 00:05:40,759 First, let's just get the hell out of this mine. 162 00:05:40,761 --> 00:05:41,894 Well... 163 00:05:42,297 --> 00:05:43,896 that we can do. Let's do it. 164 00:05:43,898 --> 00:05:45,764 Your mom and I always know where we're going. 165 00:05:45,766 --> 00:05:47,634 Let's get some. Shit. 166 00:05:47,636 --> 00:05:49,902 - Oh, no! - You can't even hear that. 167 00:05:49,904 --> 00:05:53,973 I know. The helium of the mine is fun to talk with. 168 00:05:53,975 --> 00:05:56,575 Makes you sound like you're in a popular Russian show 169 00:05:56,577 --> 00:05:59,178 "Ivan and Squirrels." 170 00:05:59,180 --> 00:06:01,247 Ivan! 171 00:06:01,249 --> 00:06:03,916 [Laughter] Ivan! 172 00:06:03,918 --> 00:06:07,854 And we also use it to test for leaks. 173 00:06:07,856 --> 00:06:12,325 You need intensive toxic cleansing. 174 00:06:12,327 --> 00:06:14,861 - Aah! - Ow! 175 00:06:14,863 --> 00:06:16,329 - Ow! - Shit! 176 00:06:16,331 --> 00:06:19,532 ♪ 177 00:06:19,534 --> 00:06:21,534 The loofah's a little scratchy. 178 00:06:21,536 --> 00:06:24,803 ♪ 179 00:06:24,805 --> 00:06:26,605 Better? 180 00:06:26,607 --> 00:06:29,275 Ehh. [Spits] A little bit. 181 00:06:29,277 --> 00:06:33,612 ♪ 182 00:06:33,614 --> 00:06:35,548 Don't tickle me. Get in there. 183 00:06:37,480 --> 00:06:44,152 ♪ 184 00:06:44,681 --> 00:06:51,418 ♪ 185 00:06:51,420 --> 00:06:58,092 ♪ 186 00:06:58,094 --> 00:07:01,605 I always wanted to moved to downtown Syracuse, 187 00:07:01,630 --> 00:07:05,499 but my father said he wants to buy us a house at Stratmore. 188 00:07:07,035 --> 00:07:08,035 You know what's funny? 189 00:07:08,036 --> 00:07:10,103 You strike me a modern-day feminist woman 190 00:07:10,105 --> 00:07:12,439 who doesn't need to obey her father. 191 00:07:12,441 --> 00:07:14,307 Why don't we skip this whole wedding thing 192 00:07:14,309 --> 00:07:15,508 and move right to America 193 00:07:15,510 --> 00:07:17,253 and talk directly to immigration? 194 00:07:17,885 --> 00:07:21,555 - What is word "feminist"? Dip. - Oh, yeah. Sorry. 195 00:07:21,784 --> 00:07:23,583 - Drag. - Yeah. 196 00:07:23,585 --> 00:07:26,186 Feminist is like equal rights, men and women, you know? 197 00:07:26,188 --> 00:07:27,788 50/50. 198 00:07:27,790 --> 00:07:31,528 It's freedom to do whatever you want including wearing flats. 199 00:07:32,060 --> 00:07:37,397 Russia have equal rights, 50/50 for many years. 200 00:07:37,399 --> 00:07:39,866 It was called Communism. 201 00:07:39,868 --> 00:07:41,210 It didn't work. 202 00:07:41,403 --> 00:07:43,670 The world of equality in dystopia 203 00:07:43,672 --> 00:07:46,426 where only ugly lesbians are happy. 204 00:07:46,809 --> 00:07:49,142 I want an American life. 205 00:07:49,144 --> 00:07:52,679 Looking beautiful, having children, 206 00:07:52,681 --> 00:07:56,704 wearing high heels, watching fireworks. 207 00:07:57,419 --> 00:07:59,752 [Both chuckle] 208 00:07:59,754 --> 00:08:00,953 Who doesn't? 209 00:08:00,955 --> 00:08:02,288 Mnh-mnh. Mnh-mnh. 210 00:08:02,290 --> 00:08:03,156 [Giggles] 211 00:08:03,158 --> 00:08:05,592 - You did good. - Thanks. 212 00:08:05,593 --> 00:08:07,593 _ 213 00:08:09,027 --> 00:08:10,308 _ 214 00:08:12,234 --> 00:08:14,501 Again? Jesus. 215 00:08:14,503 --> 00:08:17,570 ♪ 216 00:08:17,572 --> 00:08:20,773 Hello, sir? Hi, sir. 217 00:08:20,775 --> 00:08:22,655 Can I just have a moment of your time? 218 00:08:23,512 --> 00:08:25,445 Listen, I want to talk about your daughter. 219 00:08:25,447 --> 00:08:27,180 Your daughter will do anything you say. 220 00:08:27,182 --> 00:08:28,515 She loves you. 221 00:08:28,517 --> 00:08:31,184 If you just went up to her and said, "Look, this guy Nate." 222 00:08:31,186 --> 00:08:32,452 Who's Nate? 223 00:08:32,454 --> 00:08:34,187 I'm Nate. 224 00:08:34,189 --> 00:08:35,922 And you said, "Nate is such a loser." 225 00:08:35,924 --> 00:08:37,696 I've already done that. 226 00:08:38,060 --> 00:08:39,726 Good, good, yeah, 227 00:08:39,728 --> 00:08:41,528 then you just put your foot down about this wedding. 228 00:08:41,530 --> 00:08:43,796 Say no. I know you don't want this to happen. 229 00:08:43,798 --> 00:08:46,332 I could find her another guy to marry in a second. 230 00:08:46,334 --> 00:08:47,668 Trust me, I've tried. 231 00:08:47,670 --> 00:08:50,136 She'll say, "I'll only marry a man from Syracuse." 232 00:08:50,138 --> 00:08:53,673 So I invite whole plane of losers from Syracuse area 233 00:08:53,675 --> 00:08:56,008 just to show her how much they suck. 234 00:08:56,010 --> 00:08:58,345 Pay for elaborate Russian bride bullshit thing, 235 00:08:58,347 --> 00:09:01,614 and she says, "I like the guy, but no, he's from Ithaca." 236 00:09:01,616 --> 00:09:04,284 That guy okay, but no, he's from Binghampton." 237 00:09:04,286 --> 00:09:06,887 No to guy from Rochester. Then you show up from Syracuse. 238 00:09:06,889 --> 00:09:08,688 What's so great about Syracuse? 239 00:09:08,690 --> 00:09:10,290 I Google, it sucks! 240 00:09:10,292 --> 00:09:12,024 - It's got its charms. - What? 241 00:09:12,026 --> 00:09:13,560 Erie Canal Museum is shit. 242 00:09:13,562 --> 00:09:15,228 It was quite an engineering feat. 243 00:09:15,230 --> 00:09:17,230 I mean, 18 aqueducts, 72 locks, 244 00:09:17,232 --> 00:09:20,166 but you don't care about shipping history, 245 00:09:20,168 --> 00:09:23,703 connecting the Great Lakes to the Atlantic. 246 00:09:23,705 --> 00:09:25,305 Listen, your daughter's such a beautiful woman. 247 00:09:25,307 --> 00:09:26,773 Then you marry. 248 00:09:26,775 --> 00:09:28,441 That's the problem. I can't. 249 00:09:28,443 --> 00:09:31,003 I'm kind of already married. 250 00:09:31,580 --> 00:09:33,463 To homo milk man's daughter? 251 00:09:33,848 --> 00:09:35,319 Yeah. 252 00:09:36,451 --> 00:09:37,733 Okay. 253 00:09:38,320 --> 00:09:39,652 I'm religious man. 254 00:09:39,654 --> 00:09:41,788 I respect those who enter the holiest matrimony 255 00:09:41,790 --> 00:09:43,123 in the face of God. 256 00:09:43,125 --> 00:09:45,898 You show proof for married, I no force you. 257 00:09:46,861 --> 00:09:49,195 And that's the second problem. 258 00:09:49,197 --> 00:09:50,931 We never officially actually 259 00:09:50,933 --> 00:09:52,399 ever got around to getting married. 260 00:09:52,401 --> 00:09:53,678 Why not? 261 00:09:54,202 --> 00:09:56,336 [Sighs] I don't know. 262 00:09:56,338 --> 00:09:58,791 Well, then, you're getting married to my daughter tomorrow. 263 00:10:00,342 --> 00:10:02,240 And that's final? That's...? 264 00:10:03,946 --> 00:10:06,479 I get it. You've got a tank. 265 00:10:06,481 --> 00:10:07,614 I've just got roller sk... 266 00:10:07,616 --> 00:10:09,482 Whoa! [Chuckles] 267 00:10:09,484 --> 00:10:11,151 Finally getting the hang of these. 268 00:10:13,555 --> 00:10:16,990 I did not mean to put my mouth on your penis. 269 00:10:19,828 --> 00:10:21,296 I'm very sorry. 270 00:10:21,696 --> 00:10:23,497 [Chuckles nervously] 271 00:10:25,434 --> 00:10:26,600 [Loud clatter] 272 00:10:29,772 --> 00:10:31,171 I'll leave. 273 00:10:31,173 --> 00:10:37,844 ♪ 274 00:10:37,846 --> 00:10:41,047 By the power vested in me by the great state of Alaska... 275 00:10:41,049 --> 00:10:42,849 - I wonder if I'm still the mayor. - You're not. 276 00:10:42,851 --> 00:10:44,851 The box turtle won a special election. 277 00:10:44,853 --> 00:10:45,986 Oh, good for Nigel. 278 00:10:45,988 --> 00:10:47,788 Well, with the little power I have left, 279 00:10:47,790 --> 00:10:49,756 I now pronounce you husband and wife. 280 00:10:52,995 --> 00:10:54,795 I know this doesn't change anything. 281 00:10:54,797 --> 00:10:56,329 It's gonna help me get through this, okay, 282 00:10:56,331 --> 00:10:57,665 and I know this isn't your dream wedding, 283 00:10:57,666 --> 00:11:00,403 but at least you're still in white. 284 00:11:01,069 --> 00:11:02,935 - I just love you so much. - I love you, too, but baby, 285 00:11:02,937 --> 00:11:04,924 I think they're asking us to go in there and... do it. 286 00:11:06,875 --> 00:11:09,810 Are you suggesting we go in there and... 287 00:11:09,812 --> 00:11:11,812 - Oh, that's... - Bless your heart. 288 00:11:11,814 --> 00:11:14,080 That's very sweet, but these are our kids. 289 00:11:14,082 --> 00:11:15,215 That'd be weird. 290 00:11:15,217 --> 00:11:16,749 You know we really don't care anymore. 291 00:11:16,751 --> 00:11:18,251 Yeah, between the farting and the cud chewing, 292 00:11:18,252 --> 00:11:19,352 we really can't hear anything. 293 00:11:19,354 --> 00:11:20,420 Yeah, no, it's way too weird. 294 00:11:20,422 --> 00:11:21,554 Thank you, though. 295 00:11:21,556 --> 00:11:22,823 Okay, well, we're gonna be in here. 296 00:11:22,825 --> 00:11:24,758 Don't be too loud. 297 00:11:27,962 --> 00:11:29,904 Actually... actually, you know what, babe? 298 00:11:29,905 --> 00:11:31,698 I think we should consummate this thing. 299 00:11:31,700 --> 00:11:33,167 It's our wedding night. Come on, let's do it. 300 00:11:33,168 --> 00:11:33,900 All right. All right. 301 00:11:33,901 --> 00:11:35,768 Let's do it. Thank you. 302 00:11:35,770 --> 00:11:38,505 Oh, it's lovely. You got a beautiful home. 303 00:11:38,507 --> 00:11:40,573 Look at that. I love it. 304 00:11:40,575 --> 00:11:41,908 [Chuckles] 305 00:11:41,910 --> 00:11:45,378 Okay. Oh, oh. Wait a minute. Hold on. 306 00:11:45,380 --> 00:11:47,447 [Groans] 307 00:11:47,449 --> 00:11:50,116 [Yells in Russian] 308 00:11:50,118 --> 00:11:51,952 - Aah! - [Bucket clanks] 309 00:11:53,942 --> 00:11:59,113 ♪ 310 00:11:59,695 --> 00:12:04,898 ♪ 311 00:12:04,900 --> 00:12:07,901 [Singing in Russian] 312 00:12:07,903 --> 00:12:13,307 ♪ 313 00:12:13,309 --> 00:12:18,613 ♪ 314 00:12:18,613 --> 00:12:20,880 You look like Czar Feodore the Third. 315 00:12:20,882 --> 00:12:21,814 Thank you. 316 00:12:21,816 --> 00:12:23,749 He was sickly due to the inbreeding 317 00:12:23,751 --> 00:12:26,485 and being kicked in head by horse. 318 00:12:26,487 --> 00:12:28,687 Wore a diaper to the coronation 319 00:12:28,689 --> 00:12:31,957 and could not put his hat on, either. 320 00:12:32,627 --> 00:12:36,161 Okay, okay. It's just so tight. 321 00:12:36,163 --> 00:12:38,531 ♪ 322 00:12:41,102 --> 00:12:42,701 You look good. 323 00:12:42,703 --> 00:12:44,260 I feel like an idiot. 324 00:12:45,039 --> 00:12:46,572 [Sighs] 325 00:12:46,574 --> 00:12:48,507 I'm sorry we're such shitty parents. 326 00:12:48,509 --> 00:12:49,524 Don't be. 327 00:12:49,844 --> 00:12:51,911 You're marrying the daughter of a Russian oligarch 328 00:12:51,913 --> 00:12:55,114 so we can get back to Syracuse and live a normal, boring life. 329 00:12:55,116 --> 00:12:58,251 You're doing all this for less than two years family time. 330 00:12:58,253 --> 00:13:00,652 You're not great parents, but you're not shitty. 331 00:13:02,189 --> 00:13:03,523 That means a lot. 332 00:13:03,658 --> 00:13:06,125 - Don't start crying. - I always cry at weddings. [Sniffles] 333 00:13:06,127 --> 00:13:07,927 Aw, shit. 334 00:13:07,929 --> 00:13:09,328 Now I gotta ride. No, get up, please. 335 00:13:09,330 --> 00:13:10,996 I'm not stepping on your back. Okay? 336 00:13:10,998 --> 00:13:13,818 I'll get on the... small horse myself. 337 00:13:14,669 --> 00:13:16,001 Honey, it's so small. 338 00:13:16,003 --> 00:13:17,736 - I'm gonna break its back. - I know. 339 00:13:17,738 --> 00:13:19,872 If I don't get on it, he's gonna break my back. 340 00:13:19,874 --> 00:13:21,752 God, I'm sorry. 341 00:13:22,610 --> 00:13:25,611 I just ripped my pants. I just ripped my pants. 342 00:13:25,613 --> 00:13:28,681 Yep. 343 00:13:28,683 --> 00:13:30,215 - Be careful. - I know. 344 00:13:30,217 --> 00:13:32,217 I'm just trying not to break its back. 345 00:13:32,219 --> 00:13:34,419 Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. 346 00:13:34,421 --> 00:13:36,355 - Whoa, whoa, whoa! - [Audience chuckles] 347 00:13:39,289 --> 00:13:40,960 Um... my pants ripped wide open. 348 00:13:43,431 --> 00:13:45,248 How long do we have to stay here for? 349 00:13:45,608 --> 00:13:46,846 I mean, I gotta go to work. 350 00:13:46,995 --> 00:13:48,680 These cows aren't gonna shovel their own shit. 351 00:13:48,747 --> 00:13:49,948 I don't know. Maybe she realized she 352 00:13:49,949 --> 00:13:51,837 was stealing some other woman's man. 353 00:13:51,839 --> 00:13:54,207 Is she coming soon? These people are getting restless. 354 00:13:55,534 --> 00:13:57,534 _ 355 00:13:58,135 --> 00:14:00,636 _ 356 00:14:01,316 --> 00:14:04,653 Funky Bunch, no Mark! 357 00:14:06,121 --> 00:14:07,920 ♪ Aw, yeah ♪ 358 00:14:07,922 --> 00:14:10,055 ♪ Funky Bunch in the building ♪ 359 00:14:10,057 --> 00:14:13,192 ♪ Come on, come on ♪ 360 00:14:13,194 --> 00:14:14,927 ♪ Look out, sons, or you're gonna get punched ♪ 361 00:14:14,929 --> 00:14:19,198 ♪ Step back, Mother, Father, here comes the Funky Bunch ♪ 362 00:14:19,200 --> 00:14:21,000 ♪ Ugh ♪ 363 00:14:21,002 --> 00:14:22,935 ♪ Yo, we're back from the '90s like one, two, three ♪ 364 00:14:22,937 --> 00:14:24,737 ♪ Scotty Gee, Hector Booty and your boy ♪ 365 00:14:24,739 --> 00:14:27,206 ♪ DJ T. We heard the jumps and the smack and the stuff ♪ 366 00:14:27,208 --> 00:14:28,274 Together: ♪ But believe in the bunch ♪ 367 00:14:28,275 --> 00:14:29,475 ♪ We just as good without Mark ♪ 368 00:14:29,477 --> 00:14:31,076 ♪ We don't need Mark with his fat, tight body ♪ 369 00:14:31,078 --> 00:14:33,212 ♪ We disassociate with his agent in crime ♪ 370 00:14:33,214 --> 00:14:34,947 ♪ We don't need Mark, we don't need Mark ♪ 371 00:14:34,949 --> 00:14:36,149 ♪ We're the brains and the brawn ♪ 372 00:14:36,151 --> 00:14:37,416 ♪ And the balls and the spark ♪ 373 00:14:37,418 --> 00:14:38,951 ♪ We don't need Mark, we don't need Mark ♪ 374 00:14:38,953 --> 00:14:40,085 ♪ We're the brain and the brawn ♪ 375 00:14:40,087 --> 00:14:41,620 ♪ And the balls and the spark ♪ 376 00:14:41,622 --> 00:14:43,889 - Is this actually the Funky Bunch? - No. 377 00:14:43,891 --> 00:14:45,891 Well, why would you tell everybody that it was? 378 00:14:45,893 --> 00:14:47,460 No one knows the difference. 379 00:14:49,364 --> 00:14:51,096 ♪ We don't need Mark, we don't need Mark ♪ 380 00:14:51,098 --> 00:14:52,431 ♪ We're the brains and the brawn ♪ 381 00:14:52,433 --> 00:14:53,699 ♪ And the balls and the spark ♪ 382 00:14:53,701 --> 00:14:57,370 ♪ Oh, say can you see ♪ 383 00:14:57,372 --> 00:14:59,772 ♪ By the dawn's early light ♪ 384 00:14:59,774 --> 00:15:01,640 Oh, no, no! 385 00:15:01,642 --> 00:15:05,345 ♪ What so proudly we hailed... ♪ 386 00:15:07,515 --> 00:15:09,880 [Clears throat] 387 00:15:09,926 --> 00:15:10,983 Dad? 388 00:15:10,985 --> 00:15:11,984 - Pee Paw? - Pee Paw? 389 00:15:11,986 --> 00:15:14,253 Hand of God! I knew he'd be back! 390 00:15:14,255 --> 00:15:16,255 [Cheers] What the hell are you guys doing here? 391 00:15:16,257 --> 00:15:18,323 We're being forced to work here until you surrender, 392 00:15:18,325 --> 00:15:21,290 and because of that, Nate has to marry that guy's daughter. 393 00:15:21,662 --> 00:15:22,995 Who's Nate? 394 00:15:22,997 --> 00:15:25,130 Hey! [Laughs] 395 00:15:25,132 --> 00:15:26,999 I did not know that. 396 00:15:27,001 --> 00:15:28,201 Then what are you doing here? 397 00:15:28,203 --> 00:15:29,802 I'm here to destroy the rule of this 398 00:15:29,804 --> 00:15:31,401 Keebler Elf. 399 00:15:31,806 --> 00:15:34,940 You're screwed now, pal! [Laughs] 400 00:15:34,942 --> 00:15:36,505 You no ruin me. 401 00:15:36,744 --> 00:15:37,877 Is impossible. 402 00:15:37,879 --> 00:15:39,745 By myself? No. 403 00:15:39,747 --> 00:15:42,882 But with a little family help, it's been surprisingly easy. 404 00:15:45,286 --> 00:15:47,420 - Natalia. - [Audience murmurs] 405 00:15:48,956 --> 00:15:50,839 _ 406 00:15:50,840 --> 00:15:52,892 You always tell me I'm a free woman. 407 00:15:52,894 --> 00:15:54,560 Free to make my choice. 408 00:15:54,562 --> 00:15:57,186 But this? This is all fake. 409 00:15:57,565 --> 00:15:58,697 Nate is not in love with me. 410 00:15:58,699 --> 00:16:00,499 He's in love with this old woman. 411 00:16:00,501 --> 00:16:01,767 She's 39. 412 00:16:01,769 --> 00:16:03,503 That is what I said... old. 413 00:16:04,303 --> 00:16:06,303 _ 414 00:16:06,324 --> 00:16:07,324 _ 415 00:16:07,325 --> 00:16:08,842 _ 416 00:16:08,843 --> 00:16:10,043 You always taught me, 417 00:16:10,045 --> 00:16:13,246 when angry, do not act violently like a night witch. 418 00:16:13,248 --> 00:16:15,581 Instead, channel your energy 419 00:16:15,583 --> 00:16:18,284 to destroy your enemy financially. 420 00:16:18,479 --> 00:16:19,920 _ 421 00:16:19,921 --> 00:16:21,520 You are forcing him to marry me! 422 00:16:21,522 --> 00:16:25,725 I am no feminist, but I will be treated fairly, 423 00:16:25,727 --> 00:16:27,126 and my voice will be heard 424 00:16:27,128 --> 00:16:29,462 regarding my own life and happiness. 425 00:16:29,464 --> 00:16:32,197 You're bluffing. He has no power in Russia. 426 00:16:32,199 --> 00:16:34,066 You're right. I don't. 427 00:16:34,068 --> 00:16:36,708 But then she introduced me to this guy named Vlad. 428 00:16:37,204 --> 00:16:38,604 I forget his last name. 429 00:16:38,606 --> 00:16:41,074 Old KGB buddy of yours, I believe. 430 00:16:41,076 --> 00:16:42,875 Anyhoo, it turns out, 431 00:16:42,877 --> 00:16:45,811 he's grown really tired of your overpriced milk. 432 00:16:45,813 --> 00:16:47,232 He's looking for something a little more... 433 00:16:47,234 --> 00:16:49,615 This is lie. Putin will never go to homo milk. 434 00:16:49,617 --> 00:16:51,150 Oh, he's going homo, all right. 435 00:16:51,152 --> 00:16:52,685 He's completely gay for it. 436 00:16:52,687 --> 00:16:55,554 And pretty soon, all the rest of Russia will be, too. 437 00:16:55,556 --> 00:16:58,090 I don't believe. There are no gays in Russia. 438 00:16:58,092 --> 00:17:02,295 [Laughter] 439 00:17:02,297 --> 00:17:04,163 I know, right? What a douche. 440 00:17:04,165 --> 00:17:05,831 Okay. Don't believe. 441 00:17:05,833 --> 00:17:07,500 And don't believe there's a Federation tank 442 00:17:07,502 --> 00:17:11,370 right behind that stage ready to tear this entire operation down. 443 00:17:11,372 --> 00:17:13,106 - Did you say tank? - No. 444 00:17:13,108 --> 00:17:15,108 Vlad loves my milk. 445 00:17:15,110 --> 00:17:16,309 Okay. 446 00:17:16,311 --> 00:17:17,510 Suit yourself. 447 00:17:17,512 --> 00:17:19,178 Boys! 448 00:17:19,180 --> 00:17:20,780 [Rumbling in distance] 449 00:17:20,782 --> 00:17:23,248 No tank. There's a tank. 450 00:17:23,250 --> 00:17:25,518 It's just a Russian tank, so it's slow. 451 00:17:25,520 --> 00:17:27,720 There is no tank. 452 00:17:27,722 --> 00:17:30,323 [Laughs] 453 00:17:30,325 --> 00:17:35,394 There is no tank. [Laughs] 454 00:17:35,396 --> 00:17:37,396 There is no tank! 455 00:17:37,398 --> 00:17:39,598 - There's a tank! There's a tank! - [Audience gasps] 456 00:17:39,600 --> 00:17:41,200 Everybody, run! Run! 457 00:17:41,202 --> 00:17:48,808 ♪ 458 00:17:48,810 --> 00:17:51,276 That's for my Taurus! 459 00:17:51,278 --> 00:17:54,213 [Screaming] 460 00:17:54,215 --> 00:17:55,815 Jesus. 461 00:17:55,817 --> 00:17:58,283 [Screaming] 462 00:17:58,285 --> 00:18:02,077 ♪ 463 00:18:02,079 --> 00:18:03,156 Yeah? 464 00:18:03,158 --> 00:18:04,357 I think we're finally out. 465 00:18:04,359 --> 00:18:07,626 ♪ 466 00:18:07,628 --> 00:18:08,694 Aah! 467 00:18:08,696 --> 00:18:13,899 ♪ 468 00:18:13,901 --> 00:18:19,104 ♪ 469 00:18:19,106 --> 00:18:21,084 It's a good time to get out of here. 470 00:18:21,642 --> 00:18:23,196 You still want to split? 471 00:18:24,045 --> 00:18:25,978 Given a choice between the lesser of two evils, 472 00:18:25,980 --> 00:18:28,357 I think I'm gonna stick with shitty parents. 473 00:18:29,184 --> 00:18:30,686 Okay. Suit yourself. 474 00:18:31,318 --> 00:18:32,518 See ya! 475 00:18:32,520 --> 00:18:37,790 ♪ 476 00:18:37,792 --> 00:18:39,325 [Clears throat] 477 00:18:43,198 --> 00:18:45,064 Hi. [Laughs] 478 00:18:45,066 --> 00:18:46,599 I still want to marry you. 479 00:18:49,136 --> 00:18:50,736 [Laughs] Just kidding! 480 00:18:50,738 --> 00:18:53,138 She's funny. I told you. 481 00:18:53,140 --> 00:18:54,140 Hmm? Hmm? _ 482 00:18:55,743 --> 00:18:57,602 - What'd she say? - I don't know. I don't speak Russian. 483 00:19:01,674 --> 00:19:05,156 ♪ 484 00:19:05,269 --> 00:19:07,076 _ 485 00:19:07,077 --> 00:19:08,185 _ 486 00:19:08,186 --> 00:19:11,854 ♪ How lucky can one guy be? ♪ 487 00:19:11,856 --> 00:19:13,323 ♪ I kissed her, and she kissed me ♪ 488 00:19:13,325 --> 00:19:15,391 - You have 50 new messages. - [ Beep] 489 00:19:15,393 --> 00:19:17,127 Robin: Hey, babe. Are you still coming home tonight? 490 00:19:17,128 --> 00:19:18,261 I haven't heard from you. 491 00:19:18,263 --> 00:19:19,397 If you are, can you pick up milk? 492 00:19:19,398 --> 00:19:20,663 Oh, and bananas. 493 00:19:20,665 --> 00:19:22,332 Natalia: Oh, and tell him to get hot dogs! 494 00:19:22,334 --> 00:19:24,267 I want hot dogs! 495 00:19:24,269 --> 00:19:26,336 Ugh. You-know-who wants hot dogs. 496 00:19:26,338 --> 00:19:28,405 - Dude, I know she pays our rent, but... - [ Beep] 497 00:19:28,407 --> 00:19:31,341 Natalia: I don't know what she told you, but I really want hot dog. 498 00:19:31,343 --> 00:19:33,209 - Robin: I told him that. - [ Speaks Russian] 499 00:19:33,211 --> 00:19:35,478 - [ Beep] - Delilah: Hey, dad. I need 100 bucks. 500 00:19:35,480 --> 00:19:36,813 - Don't ask why. - [ Beep] 501 00:19:36,815 --> 00:19:38,080 Robin: Hey. Me again. 502 00:19:38,082 --> 00:19:39,482 We also need laundry detergent 503 00:19:39,484 --> 00:19:41,551 - and cat food... the wet kind. - [ Beep] 504 00:19:41,552 --> 00:19:43,931 Jared: Hey, Dad. If Delilah's getting 100 bucks, I want 100... 505 00:19:43,932 --> 00:19:45,488 - [ Beep] - Edie: Hey, it's Edie. 506 00:19:45,490 --> 00:19:47,224 Listen, I know we didn't really end on a good note, 507 00:19:47,225 --> 00:19:48,425 - but your son was... - [ Beep] 508 00:19:48,427 --> 00:19:50,127 Robin: Hey, it's me again. Your machine cut me off. 509 00:19:50,128 --> 00:19:51,561 - Machine. [ Chuckles] - [ Beep] 510 00:19:51,563 --> 00:19:54,831 Vanessa: Hey, dumb ass, it's Vanessa. Call me. It's impo... 511 00:19:54,833 --> 00:19:56,633 Man: Hey, it's me. 512 00:19:56,635 --> 00:19:58,969 Looks like you finally made it to the beach, huh? 513 00:20:01,173 --> 00:20:03,774 Listen, I got the package. 514 00:20:03,776 --> 00:20:05,479 Consider us square. 515 00:20:06,178 --> 00:20:08,378 Hey, whatever you do, just don't get in the... 516 00:20:08,380 --> 00:20:09,446 [ Beep] 517 00:20:09,448 --> 00:20:13,116 ♪ I go to sleep and keep grinning ♪ 518 00:20:13,118 --> 00:20:16,853 ♪ If this is just the beginning ♪ 519 00:20:16,855 --> 00:20:21,792 ♪ My life is gonna be beautiful ♪ 520 00:20:21,794 --> 00:20:25,528 ♪ She's telling me we'll be wed ♪ 521 00:20:25,530 --> 00:20:29,199 ♪ She's picked out a king-sized bed ♪ 522 00:20:29,201 --> 00:20:33,936 ♪ I couldn't feel any better or I'd be sick ♪ 523 00:20:33,938 --> 00:20:36,139 ♪ 524 00:20:36,141 --> 00:20:37,674 ♪ Tell me quick ♪ 525 00:20:37,676 --> 00:20:40,943 ♪ Ain't that a kick in the head ♪ 526 00:20:40,945 --> 00:20:44,548 [Rapid gunshots firing] 527 00:20:46,551 --> 00:20:48,185 [Explosion] 528 00:20:54,679 --> 00:20:57,918 Synced and corrected by hawken45 for www.addic7ed.com