- ♪ Crashing through the crowded halls ♪
♪ Dodging girls like Ping-Pong balls ♪
♪ Just to reach the bathroom on time ♪
♪ Leaping over laundry piles ♪
♪ Diapers you can smell for miles ♪
♪ Guy's got to do what he can to survive ♪
- ♪ In the Loud house ♪
♪ In the Loud house ♪
- ♪ Duck, dodge, push, and shove ♪
♪ Is how we show our love ♪
- ♪ In the Loud house, in the Loud house ♪
- ♪ One boy and ten girls ♪
♪ Wouldn't trade it for the world ♪
- ♪ Loud Loud Loud ♪
♪ Loud house ♪
- Poo-poo.
- Wow, Clyde.
Perfect attendance since kindergarten?
That's really impressive. - Thanks, Lincoln,
but it's not that big of a deal.
- Are you kidding? You're the first kid
at our school to get this award in 30 years!
- You're right! It is a big deal!
I gotta document it in my school journal.
[pleasant jazzy music]
"Got attendance award at school today.
Beautiful ceremony."
- You write in that every day?
- Yup, every day since kindergarten.
Great way to preserve important memories.
Here.
"Stayed after school to clap erasers.
It was amazing."
"Traded my dad's quiche for Rusty's leftover pizza.
Big mistake."
"Accidentally bumped into Mollie in the hall.
Felt guilty the rest of the day."
"Didn't go to school today."
"Aced a math test." Wait, what?
"Didn't go to school today"?!
No!
I can't believe it! I'm a fraud!
I'm gonna have to return this. - Clyde, don't you dare.
- But I don't deserve it!
- Are you kidding? So you missed one day
out of, what, 1,000?
That's still pretty awesome, Clyde.
- Perfect attendance, Lincoln.
What do you think that means?
- That's fair, buddy. You've got my support.
Do what you need to do. - [sighs]
[melancholy music]
"Took back plaque. Devastating blow,
but the right thing to do."
[bell rings]
Principal Huggins, got a second?
- I always have time for a VIP like you,
Mr. Perfect Attendance.
- You shouldn't call me that, sir.
- Don't be so modest, son.
I know what a big deal this award is.
You know the last kid to win it 30 years ago?
This good-looking guy right here.
- Actually, I, uh...
just discovered that I, uh...
- I'd like to make you my junior administrator.
It's a lot of responsibility.
You'll raise the flag every day,
help Cheryl with the clerical work,
weigh in on the cafeteria menu,
oversee the hall monitors,
and read the morning announcements!
- M--m-- morning announcements?
- Well, if you're going to stutter like that,
you can't do it. And if all goes well,
who knows, McBride? Who knows?
Maybe someday you'll be sitting at this very desk!
- [gasps]
Lincoln Loud Jr., please report to the principal's office...
again.
- So what do you say?
[tense music]
- I accept, sir!
[triumphant music]
♪ ♪
[horn honks]
[gasps] The golf cart? No way.
- Just one of the perks of being junior administrator.
Later, Mr. Junior Administrator!
- Wow, Clyde! Junior administrator?
So Principal Huggins didn't care
that you missed one day of school?
- Actually, I didn't tell him.
He offered me this job and said
he thinks I could be principal someday.
It's the dream I never knew I had.
Do you think less of me for not being honest?
- Not at all.
And I think you'd make
a great principal. - Thanks, buddy.
I'll try not to be too hard on Lincoln Jr.
- What?
[purposeful music]
- Mm-hmm.
♪ ♪
[slurps]Mm-hmm.
Perhaps a bit more oregano.
Very good. Yes, yes.
Lookin' good, troops!
Now, Norm just waxed the floors,
so let's be extra careful out there, people.
- Knock 'em dead, sugar. Going live in three, two...
- Good morning, Royal Woods Elementary.
This is Junior Administrator Clyde McBride
with today's announcements.
Due to a statewide investigation
into the effects of chalk dust,
no erasers are to be clapped until further notice.
- I'm so happy you're here, Clyde.
Land sakes, I can sure use the help with my new project:
digitizing all the student files.
- Student files?
Does that include attendance records?
- Well, why wouldn't it, june bug?
- [groans dizzily]
- [screams]
- Lincoln! I've got a code butterscotch!
- Cheryl's digitizing the school records
and is going to find out that your attendance isn't perfect?
- Exactly. But I've got a plan.
- I'm in.
- I'm going back to school
after Principal Huggins and Cheryl leave to remove my file.
- I'm in. - Now I know it sounds risky,
and I understand if you don't wanna get involved.
- I'm in! - But it would really mean
a lot to me if-- wait, did you say you're in?
- Three times.
- Oh, you're the best, buddy.
[mysterious music]
♪ ♪
- Whoa. This could take a while.
Well, that took less time than I thought it would.
- We did it!
And with my file safely in my possession,
my little secret is perfectly safe.
[exhales] Now no one will ever know I lied
about my perfect attendance.
Success! - Success!
[sloshing sound]
[dark music]
[both shout]
- What is Norm still doing here?
Do you think he heard what I just said?
- Probably not. - He must've!
These halls echo like the Grand Canyon.
Now he's gonna tell Principal Huggins,
who will interrogate me, and I'll crumble like a cookie!
It's what I do.
There goes the dream I just discovered I had.
- Okay, take it easy, Clyde.
- We have to make sure Norm stays quiet.
And I know how to do it.
[toilet flushes]
Toilets are all clean. How's it going out here?
- The soap scum and mildew are almost gone.
I think we may be stuck with the smell forever, though.
- Loud? McBride?
Are you boys...cleaning?
- Yup, just thought you could use a little help.
- Wow! Much appreciated.
I haven't touched this bathroom since the great flood of 2012.
- Well, now you don't have to.
And you know what they say, Norm:
I scratch your back, you scratch mine.
So we're good, right?
- I scratch... [stammers] Wha--
- Ah-ah. You don't have to say anything.
You said it all with your eyes.
We did it!
Now no one will ever know
I lied about my attendance record.
[mechanical clicking]
[dark music]
Do you think Coach Pacowski heard what I just said?
- Probably not. - He must've!
The acoustics in here are like Carnegie Hall!
- Clyde, I really think--
- We have to make sure Coach stays quiet.
And I know how to do it.
[both gasping] - Loud? McBride?
What are you doing under my boat?
- Just taking care of those pesky barnacles for you, Coach.
Gotta keep your vessel in tip-top shape.
- Why would you do that?
- Well, you know what they say, Coach:
I scratch your back, you scratch mine.
- I don't think you got enough oxygen down there, McBride.
Ma! I just scraped all the barnacles off the boat!
Can I have my allowance now?
- [exhales] That was a close one.
If Coach P told Principal Huggins
that I lied about my attendance record,
ooh, I'd be sunk.
[both shout]
[pop music playing through headphones]
Did Nurse Patti hear what I said
about my attendance record?
- Does it even matter what I say?
- Of course she heard.
The lake breeze carried my melodious voice!
We have to make sure Nurse Patti stays quiet.
And I know just how to do it.
Okay, Petey, you seem to be all clear.
Don't forget your lollipop.
both: Hey, Nurse Patti. - Oh, uh,
what are you boys doing in my office?
- We just checked all of the kindergartners
for head lice.
- Uh, okay.
I'm a little confused here.
- Are you? I think it's pretty clear.
I scratch your back, you scratch mine.
Now that we have an understanding,
I'll just take a lollipop and be on my way.
Yes! That was the last loose end.
Now no one will ever know that I--
- This is the part where you get into trouble,
so I'm gonna stop you right here.
[horn honks] - McBride.
I got you something.
Your very own golf cart. Here's the key.
- Wow. She's beautiful.
But why are you doing this?
- I heard about everything you did for our school,
even scrubbing Coach's boat so he could get his allowance.
You've earned it, son.
- Well, I don't know about that.
- There's that winning McBride humility.
You know what?
You've got more than perfect attendance.
You've got perfect character.
- Good morning, Royal Woods Elementary.
Here are today's announcements. Due to a pending lawsuit,
there will be no more dodgeball until further notice.
The spelling team took first place last night
in the regionals.
Today is Girl Jordan's birthday,
so if you see her in the hall, be sure to wish her well.
[sighs] Oh, and one more thing:
Clyde McBride is a big, fat liar.
- [yelps]
- My attendance isn't perfect at all
and neither is my character.
I don't deserve to be a junior administrator
or a future principal.
And because of all that,
I hereby resign my post,
effective immediately.
- [yelps]
- Oh, and today's lunch is macaroni and cheese.
- Clyde! What are you doing?
- I decided I can't live a lie anymore, Lincoln.
- Well, I wish you had realized that
before we scrubbed the toilets, but I get it.
- McBride, someone was just on the loudspeaker
impersonating you!
- No, sir, that was me.
I haven't been honest with you. I actually missed a day.
I'm sorry about everything.
- Hold on now, cheese and grits.
You never missed a day of school!
- Yes, I did.
April 5, 2012. It's in my school journal.
- Well, nobody was at school that day, sugar dumpling.
That was the great flood of 2012.
"School closed due to toilet explosion.
Norm the janitor applies for emergency leave of absence."
- So my attendance record is perfect after all?
- As perfect as my mama's plum pudding on a Christmas morning!
- [sighs happily]
[purposeful music]
- Well, now that we've cleared this up,
McBride, there's some cupcakes that need tasting
in the cafeteria. - On it, sir!
- He'll probably need an assist with that.
- Back to class, Loud.
- Dang it.
[pleasant jazzy music]
- "Amazing day.
"Turns out dreams you never knew you had
"really can come true.
"Head itches.
Better see Nurse Patti tomorrow."
- Liam, would you be interested in my hand-cut sushi?
It's yellowtail.
- [chuckles] You know I am!
Hey, you want my deviled eggs? They're farm-to-table.
- Lincoln, is that your dad's homemade pudding?
- It is. What are you offering?
- One bologna sandwich, fridge-to-table.
- Throw in your buffalo chips, and we've got a deal.
- So no takers on my tuna kit?
- Your mom's still buying those, huh?
- Guys, here comes the new girl--
the one I met on the bus!
[dreamy doo-wop music]
- Ooh-whee. She sure is easy on the eyes.
- Oh, yeah.
And I hear she speaks three languages.
- Have you guys heard her laugh?
It's so...contagious.
- I like the way her hair smells.
What? Too far?
- Here she comes! Be cool, be cool!
- Hey, guys.
Anybody wanna trade for my carrots?
[awkward music]
- [gulps, chokes]
- [yelps, coughs]
- Uh...right.
So, yeah, I'll just, uh...yeah.
- Wonder what that was all about.
- I don't know, but I'm glad we played it so cool.
- Okay, guys. Snake formation.
- [hissing]
- Keep an eye out for Girl Jordan.
Last time, she blindsided us.
- Hey, guys. What do you have going on here?
Some kind of defensive maneuver?
Can I get in on this?
[awkward music]
O...kay. Well, good luck.
- Seriously, why does she keep coming over to us?
[grunts] - Aw, come on, Girl Jordan!
Coach didn't even blow the whistle yet.
- I think we can all agree
I should handle the Bunsen burner
after what happened last time. - Yeah.
Rusty and his aftershave.
- What can I say? It sets the ladies on fire too.
- Hey, guys. Need another lab partner?
Otherwise, I have to be with Mrs. Johnson.
Not that she doesn't seem cool, but you know what I mean.
- You burned off my moustache, Zach.
- It was, like, two hairs, Rusty.
- I still don't get it.
Why does Stella keep coming over to talk to us?
That's three times in one day.
- Maybe she's trying to sell us a time-share.
- [gasps] Maybe she's spying on us for the CIA!
- Guys, what you don't know about women
could fill a library.
She obviously has a crush on one of us.
- Now that you mention it, I was picking up some vibes.
- [chuckles] Dang! I wonder who she likes.
- I guess we'll just have to wait
till she makes her next move.
- I hope I have time to grow back my 'stache.
[rousing '50s rock music]
♪ ♪
Anyone want some breath spray?
Sour green apple. It's a total lady-killer.
- I'll take some.
That tuna kit didn't do much for my breath.
- Here she comes. Play it cool.
- Hey, guys.
Lincoln, do you wanna go to the Burpin' Burger after school?
- Yes! I knew it was me!
I mean, sure, I think I'm free.
- Great. My family's on a health kick,
and I'm really craving some fries.
I'll meet you by the buses.
- Ah, lucky! - You dog!
- Congratulations, buddy. - [scoffs] It's always Lincoln.
- What can I say?
I mean, I am having a really good hair week.
You should've seen her on that claw machine!
She was a boss. - Man, she's cool.
- And get this: we both prefer curly fries to regular.
It's like we're meant for each other.
- Well, everyone prefers curly fries.
- Oh, here she comes!
[dreamy doo-wop music]
- Probably gonna ask about date number two, eh, eh?
♪ ♪
- Hey, Rusty.
- Ow! - Do you wanna go
to the flea market with me later?
- Totally, totally. - Cool.
- Gah!
- What was that, man?
Stella and I have a thing going on.
- What do you want me to say?
I guess she decided she prefers red sauce over white sauce.
And then we went out for ice cream,
and it turns out, we both like waffle cones.
- Well, everyone likes waffle cones.
- Hey, check it out, Rusty!
[dreamy doo-wop music]
- Probably wants to lock me down for the whole weekend.
- Hey, Liam.
You wanna go to the mall after school?
I know this sounds weird, but I really like
trying on wigs at the wig store.
- [grunts]
Uh, don't sound weird to me.
I'm in!
- What the heck, Liam?
- Tough break, red sauce.
Guess she's more into biscuits and gravy now.
[upbeat music]
♪ ♪
[groans] I'm so confused.
Why does Stella keep asking out all of us?
What is her deal?
[TV playing]
- Male sibling lacking melanin,
care to join us in viewing "The Dream Boat"?
- Eh, I'm not really in the mood.
- I'm really torn.
They're all great guys,
but I'm still not sure who I want to be my first mate.
Guess I'll just wait till one of them
blows me out of the water.
- Oh! So that's what Stella's doing.
Move over.
[bell rings]
['50s rock music]
♪ ♪
- [sneezes]
- Well, well, well.
Look at you, Mr. Date Khakis.
- It's laundry day. I couldn't find my jeans.
What about you guys? - What?
I happened to have a coupon for teeth whitening.
Ee! [all exclaim]
- And I always wear this much cologne.
- And I've been meaning to ditch my glasses.
- Okay, guys, let's be real.
We all watched "The Dream Boat" last night,
We know Stella hasn't decided who she likes,
and we're all trying to "blow her out of the water."
- You know it! - Darn tootin'.
- You're right. - Well, uh,
this is awkward. - It doesn't have to be.
We can be gentlemen about this. - Yeah.
- Sure, let's be gentlemen. - Okay, I see that.
[dance music playing over headphones]
[tense music]
- [panting]
Stella!
[grunts]
[both panting]
[rock music]
- Ah! Too bright!
♪ ♪
- [shouts]
[grunts] - Yeah!
♪ ♪
- Girl Jordan, I'll trade you my pudding for a meatball.
Thanks!
[shouts]
- [in slow motion] No!
- What? You said she likes red sauce.
- Low blow, man. This is dry-clean only.
♪ ♪
- In case anyone's interested, I'm out of the snake formation.
- Well, I actually left it earlier than you.
I just didn't tell you.
- The snake formation is officially dead.
- Fine by me. - Me too!
[whistle blows]
- That's for the meatball.
Ow! - That's for the mustard.
Oof! - That's for blinding me.
- Ah! - Take that!
[all shouting, punches smacking]
[whistle blows]
- Now, how did this happen?
I thought you boys had a snake formation.
- Those days are over.
- Well, that's a shame.
I always thought it was so nice,
the way you all looked out for each other.
- She's right.
What are we doing? Are we really gonna
throw away our friendship over a girl?
- Well, that ain't what I want.
- Me neither. You guys are my support circle.
- I honestly don't think I can make new friends at this point.
- I can't believe we ever let things get this far.
- And the crazy thing is, none of this is even our fault.
It's Stella's for pitting us against each other.
- Yeah. - You're right!
- I say we go give her the what for right now.
Snake formation, fellers?
[all hissing]
- Stella, we need to talk to you.
- Oh, hey, guys. What's up?
- Oh, I think you know.
We're through with your mind games.
Uh, thanks, Lincoln.
- My what? - Don't act all innocent.
You nearly broke up our friendship.
- Asking us all out on dates then making us compete
to see who would "blow you out of the water"?
- Blow me out of the water? What are you talking about?
- Doesn't matter. We're done.
You couldn't choose one of us for a boyfriend,
so now you don't get any of us.
- [laughs] What?
I'm sorry for laughing. It's just...
you guys are so off base.
I don't want a boyfriend. I just wanted to be friends...
with all of you.
- Well, why didn't you just say that in the first place?
- Uh, you may recall that every time I walked up
to you guys as a group, you acted like total weirdos.
That's why I was trying to get to know you one-on-one--
or what you call "dates." all: Ah.
- You know, maybe this was a bad idea.
It seems like you guys just can't handle
being friends with a girl.
I'm gonna go hang out with my lab partner, Mrs. Johnson.
- Oh, man, we really messed up.
- It's too bad, 'cause Stella's really fun.
I was hoping she'd teach me how to master the claw machine.
- Yeah, and I was hoping she'd help me pick out
a wig for my mee-maw.
- And she would've made a great addition
to our snake formation. She could've been the rattle.
- Well, maybe if we go tell her how sorry we are,
she'll give us another chance.
Hey, Stella, we just wanna apologize for how we acted.
- Yeah. You were right.
Just 'cause you're a gal and we're fellers
don't mean you had to be fixing for a romance.
- What we don't know about women could fill a library.
- We just hope you can forgive us,
because we all really liked hanging out with you--
as a friend.
Um, okay, well, that's cool.
I guess we'll just, uh, see you around.
- Hang on.
Lincoln, what's in that thermos?
- My dad's homemade tomato soup.
- I'll trade you my fruit salad for it.
- Deal!
- Hey, how about swapping them there rice cakes
for some hush puppies? - Definitely.
- Any chance you'd trade your juice box
for a tuna kit? - Sorry, dude.
That's where I draw the line. [laughter]
- After lunch, we can work out our new snake formation.
- Just wanna throw it out there:
have you guys ever considered a scorpion formation?
It's 22% more effective.
boys: Ooh! - We're listening.
- ♪ Cramped inside this tiny space ♪
♪ May sound bad but ain't the case ♪
♪ In the Loud house ♪ - ♪ Loud house ♪
- ♪ Duck and dodge and push and shove ♪
♪ That's the way we show our love in the Loud house ♪
- ♪ Loud house ♪
♪ Laundry piles stacked up high ♪
♪ Hand-me-downs that make me cry ♪
♪ Stand in line to take a pee ♪
♪ Never any privacy ♪
♪ Chaos with 11 kids ♪
♪ That's the way it always is ♪
♪ In the Loud house ♪