- ♪ Crashing through the crowded halls ♪
♪ Dodging girls like Ping-Pong balls ♪
♪ Just to reach the bathroom on time ♪
♪ Leaping over laundry piles ♪
♪ Diapers you can smell for miles ♪
♪ Guy's got to do what he can to survive ♪
- ♪ In the Loud house ♪
♪ In the Loud house ♪
- ♪ Duck, dodge, push, and shove ♪
♪ Is how we show our love ♪
- ♪ In the Loud house, in the Loud house ♪
- ♪ One boy and ten girls ♪
♪ Wouldn't trade it for the world ♪
- ♪ Loud Loud Loud ♪
♪ Loud house ♪
- Poo-poo.
♪ ♪
- Welcome back to the Little Miss Royal Woods Pageant
Up next, we are kicking off the talent portion
with Lola Loud and her famous ribbon dance.
♪ ♪
- It's Lola.
- Go Lola, Go Lola! [cheering]
- Notice how the ribbon never touches the floor.
Sign of a real pro.
- How would you define true beauty?
- To me, true beauty means having big hair
and an even bigger heart.
all: Aww!
- Yes, perfect balance of sap and sass.
- Okay, how do you know this junk?
- Do you seriously not remember when I was
the twins' pageant coach?
Shh! They're announcing the winner!
- And your next Little Miss Royal Woods is...
[all gasp] You guessed it...
[all gasp] Lola!
- What? [cheering]
- Ohh, we are so proud of you, sweetie.
- Thanks, you guys. It was nothin'.
- I have some exciting news,sweetie.
Winning this title qualifies you
for the Little Miss Southeastern Michigan Pageant!
- What? A regional pageant?
I--I've never competed at that level before.
- Pack your bags, 'cause it's-a coming up next weekend!
- Wow! - Next weekend?
Ugh, I have my pastry workshop.
- And I have my dental conference.
- But--but it's my first shot at the big time.
- Are you looking at me?
I can feel you looking at me.
Uh, look, no offense, but being a pageant chaperone
isn't really how I planned to spend my weekend.
- What if we threw in a spa package? Hmm?
- You literally have a deal. - [laughs] Thanks, Lori!
Lola Loud, checking in for Little Miss
Southeastern Michigan.
Hi, I'm Lola. Isn't it exciting
to be competing in the big leagues? [laughs]
- Well, not as exciting as nationals last year.
But it could be fun.
- Hi, I'm Chinah, with two Hs.
- She holds the record for the most titles won
before age seven. - Oh, that's nothing.
Jackie here does toothpaste commercials.
- And my name is Claudette. - Whoa!
Are those sequins French crystal?
- Oui. All of my gowns are made in Paris.
And yours? - [laughs nervously]
- Come on, Lola, I got our room key.
- [chuckles] Oh, darn. Gotta run.
Okay, okay, stay cool, Lola.
Just 'cause these girl shave fancy dresses,
shiny teeth and names with extra letters
doesn't mean you can't compete with them. [laughs]
[groans] - [struggling efforts]
Ah, ah, ah! Ahh!
[crashing] [grunts]
Well, good luck at rehearsal.
Not that you need it. - Thanks, sis!
Enjoy your spa day! - Uh, believe me,
I will. [spine cracks]
What do you mean you're full?
Can't you please squeeze me in?
I'll take your worst masseuse.
- Hmm, I'm afraid Greg's booked too.
We had, like, 12 pageant moms request deep tissue.
- [sighs] Yeah, I get that.
It's okay. I'll just try again tomorrow.
[cracking] - Ow, Greg! That's my spleen!
- Next up, talent. Jackie, let's see
your gymnastics routine.
- Oh, [laughs] tumbling. Cute.
- And there she goes!
Giant swing move with a full release.
She spins 360 degrees and then a half turn
with a glide jump and a handstand.
- [sighs] - Eh, not my best.
- Next up, we have Lola performing...
oh, uh, a--a ribbon dance.
Cute. - [chuckles softly]
[groans]
Ahh! [crashing]
[grunts]
- What is the single most significant event
in human history? - Great question.
It depends whether we approach from a socioeconomic
or geopolitical perspective.
- Ahh! Excuse me. excuse me!
- Oh, hey, beauty queen. How were rehearsals?
Did you kill it? - Uh, yeah. [laughs nervously]
You know it! Crown's in the bag.
Uh, I'm just gonna go steam my pores for tomorrow.
[inhales, exhales deeply]
[dialing]
- Lola! What's wrong?
[gasps] Did your hair fall flat?
- No, it's not my hair.
It's the other contestants.
They're...um...eh...
[whispering inaudibly]
- What was that? - They're...better than I am!
What if I don't win?
What if I lo--lo--
[stomach rumbles] [retches]
I can't even say it without getting nauseous!
- Lola, you're not going to lose.
You're a pageant powerhouse.
Now make sure you get to bed early tonight.
You don't wanna wake up all puffy-eyed and blotchy.
- Yeah, yeah.
[mischievous music]
Or do I?
- [yawns]
Ah! [gasps]Lola!
What happened? - [coughs]
I don't know. I do feel a little under the weather,
but the pageant must go on.
- Whoa, whoa, whoa.
You are clearly sick. I'm so sorry, Lola.
I know how much you wanted to compete,
but you just can't.
- [sighs] That's all right.
I'll get over it.
Someday.
Well, enjoy the spa!
- Psh, forget the spa.
I am staying right here. Maybe a fun sister day
will help cheer you up. - What?! No!
You don't have to do that.
- I know I don't have to. I want to.
Now, sit tight. I'm gonna hit the gift shop for supplies.
[giggles]
- [groaning]
- I'm back! [gasps] Oh, good!
The flowers and balloons arrived.
First up, mani-pedis.
I got coral and sea foam. You get first pick.
- Whoa, these are the fancy brand.
- What's money when you have a sick sister?
- Ugh. - Room service, I'd like
two chocolate chip cookies.
Warm, please, with your coldest milk.
- But those cookies are $5.95 each!
- What else am I gonna do with my really hard-earned
babysitting money?
And the winner of the Little Miss Unsightly
Skin Rash Pageants is...
Miss Lola Loud!
♪ Oh, Little Miss Unsightly Skin Rash ♪
♪ Da, da, da, da, da ♪
- [crying]
- Lola! What's wrong?
Is your condition getting worse?
- No, I don't have a condition...
unless you count being a terrible person.
I'm not really sick. I faked all this with makeup
to get out of the pageant. [sniffles]
- But why? I don't understand.
- Well, I've never competed at this level before,
and the other girls are really talented.
I couldn't stand the idea of lo--lo--lo--
[retches]
- Losing?
- Yeah, that thing.
I'm sorry I lied. I understand if you're mad.
- Actually, Loles, I'm not.
- Really? - No, I get it.
I almost skipped homecoming because I was worried
I wouldn't win queen.
But in the end, I sucked it up,
put on my dress and went anyway.
And I'm so glad I did.
- But I thought Carol Pingrey won homecoming queen.
- Oh, she totally did.
And it definitely hurt at first.
But if I hadn't gone, I would've missed out
on an amazing night.
The competition is going to get tougher as you get older.
But you can't let it stop you from--
- Doing what makes me happy?
- Exactly! So what do you say?
You still wanna do this thing?
- Yes. But it's too late.
The pageant starts in ten minutes
and look at me, I'm complete disaster.
- Don't worry. I'm calling an expert.
[phone dialing] - Okay, Lori,
grab a makeup wipe--the one with the green tea extract.
We don't need to be irritating the skin right now.
- One with green tea extract. Check.
- And start warming up the curling iron
while you're at it.
Ugh! The one inch barrel,
not the three quarters!
Have you ever heat styled before, woman?
- Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to the Little Miss
Southeastern Michigan Pageant.
♪ Beautiful girls I'm talkin' 'bout ♪
♪ The beautiful girls ♪
♪ Just crazy for the beautiful girls ♪
- Go get 'em, Lola! - Remember:
eyes forward, chin up, tushy clenched.
- Let's meet our contestants.
♪ Let's hear it for these beautiful girls ♪
[cheers and applause]
Lola Loud and her ribbon dance.
[upbeat music]
[cheering]
♪ ♪
- It's like she's one with the ribbon.
- Literally.
- As partial as I am to a sparkly tiara,
I'd have to say that a girl's most important accessory is
her brain.
[cheering] - Oh, good answer!
- Yes! - So good.
- Ladies and gentlemen, the results are in.
Can we please bring out all our
♪ beautiful girls ♪?
[cheers and applause]
The second runner up to Little Miss
Southeastern Michigan is...
Claudette! [cheers and applause]
The first runner up is...
Jackie! [cheers and applause]
- Oh, my gosh. One left.
I could win! I could still...
- And your next Little Miss
Southeastern Michigan is...
Chinah! [cheers and applause]
♪ She's Little Miss Southeastern Michigan ♪
- Loles! Way to go! - You were so great, Lola.
- Congratulations, Chinah!
- Great job, Chinah! - Chinah!
- Ah, you done good out there, sis.
- Your best work since last fall's
Little Miss Fusion Cuisine Pageant.
- Thanks, guys.
You were right, Lori.
Even though I lo--lo-- [exhales]
didn't win, I'm really glad I did it.
- Nice job, Lola.
We're gonna have to watch out for you next year.
- Speaking of next year, Lola, I think we should
add some tumbling moves to your ribbon dance.
I'll-- - Good-bye, Lincoln.
Now come on, you and I are going to hit the spa
for some well-deserved pampering.
Word of advice, though: do not ask for Greg.
[upbeat rock music]
♪ ♪
- Kids, let's go! You're late for school.
[rumbling] [door slams]
[cowbell rattling]
Whoo! - Oh, lookin' good, sweetie.
- Thanks, honey. I'm ready to ring in the funk at Cowbella.
Two days of nothing but cowbell music.
Can you imagine?
- Not in a million years.
I hope you and Kotaro have a wonderful time.
'Could you guys do me a favor and drop Lily
at daycare on your way?
I've got my hands full today.
- Bah bell! - That's right, sweetie.
Ahh, watch the drool. [chuckles]
It rusts.
Come on, K-Dog. Don't wanna miss the Red Hot Bell Peppers.
[phone chimes]
[gasps]
[dialing] [phone line trilling]
- Hi, honey. What's-- - Emergency!
Daycare is closed for the day. The Koch kid
flushed a diaper down the toilet again
and flooded the place!
Can you come home and watch Lily?
- Oh, honey, my day is packed.
The Fox quintuplets are all getting their cavities filled
and we only have enough gas for four of them.
- Wh-what? - Oops.
Don't worry about that, sweetie.
- How about I drop Lily there? Huh?
I'm sure she'll be fine around all those
sharp dental tools. - I think you're gonna
have to skip the music festival today.
- Ohh! - I'm sorry, honey.
You can still go tomorrow. Gotta run, okay?
Good luck.
- [sighs] Okay, Lily, Daddy needs
to call Uncle Kotaro and cancel Cowbella.
I'll try not to hold it against you.
I mean, it's not technically your fault.
Maybe I don't need to cancel.
Hello, Mr. Grouse!
Lovely day, isn't it?
- It'd be a whole lot better if my gout wasn't flaring up.
- Ahh, cool, cool.
Uh, say, how would you like to spend this beautiful day
at my house, babysitting this adorable ragamuffin, huh?
- Goo-goo. - I don't know anything
about babies, except they don't like me.
- Oh, no, there's nothing to it!
And Lily'll love you. Heck, she already does,
don't you, Lily? - [cries]
- See? Tears of love!
- Nice try, Loud. I'm not running a kennel here.
[door opens] - I'll make you a lasagna.
[door slams] - Ten lasagnas.
- Three. - Seven.
both: Five. Deal!
- Here's everything you need.
Call me if there's any problems.
[horn honks]
- Hey, Lily. Hi, Mr. Grouse.
You ready to ring it and ding it, Lynn?
- You bet your bells I am!
[cowbells clanging] - Whoa, whoa, whoa.
How 'bout ringin' it and dingin' it
in the van, there, pal? - Cool.
Mwah. Bye, honey. Be good for Mr. Grouse.
Whoo!
[tires screeching]
- It's just you and me, kiddo.
How are we gonna spend the day?
- Poo-poo. - Ah, that's not
what I wanted to hear.
[cowbell-based rock music]
♪ ♪
[cheering]
[cell phone rings]
- Oh, excuse me, ah, pardon me.
Ow, ow. [phone ringing]
- Loud, your daughter won't stop crying.
I turned off my hearing aid, but I can still hear.
You gotta come home. - Now, now, Mr. Grouse,
no need to panic.
It's just an easy fix, okay?
Just speak to her with a British accent.
- Oh, yeah, I could do that.
Or you could just get your butt back here.
- [stammers] Give it a try.
I'll--I'll guide you through it, okay?
[with English accent]Cheerio!
Jolly good! Pip pip!
- This is ridiculous.
Cheerio. Jolly good.
I forget the rest. - [laughs]
- Oh, there you go! You're a natural!
- I wouldn't mind another lasagna for my troubles.
- You got it!
[inhales deeply]
[playing cowbells] - Whoo!
[phone rings]
Loud! Your crazy daughter won't stop
throwing her toys at me! - [grunting]
- I'm not doing this anymore! - No, no, no, hold on!
No need to overreact. Uh, this is just
Lily's midday cranky time.
Try doing pratfalls. Always works for me.
- [grunting] - Fat chance, Loud!
At my age, if I go down, I stay down.
- Ahh--what if I throw in another lasagna?
- And I'm fallin'. - [grunts]
- Ohh! [groans] - [laughs]
- Hey! Lily sounds good.
- Yeah, better than me.
I landed on some jacks. - Cool, cool.
- [playing cowbell]
[phone rings] - Aww!
- Loud, your kid won't eat anything I give her.
I'm done. You need to get back here.
- Ah, easy, Mr. G. She's just fussy.
I keep some homemade peach puree in the fridge
for times just like this.
- Ahh, homemade peach puree,
why didn't you say that in the first place?
- [sniffs] [munching happily]
- Whoa! She gobbled that right up!
- Ha, that's a relief.
Oh, and speaking of relief,
it's my turn.
- Ahh, for Pete's sake, Loud! Hang up!
[both hooting and hollering] [cowbell-based rock music]
[phone rings]
- Ugh, ding dong dang it.
Okay, Mr. Grouse. You win.
I'm on my way home. - What? Why?
Everything's swell. - I--but--it is?
- You bet! We're having a gas.
I was just calling because the little tike
spit up on my shirt.
You mind if I borrow one of your sweaters?
- Oh! Not at all.
- good, 'cause I already did. - [cooing]
- I won't bother you again, Loud.
Enjoy your silly bell thing.
- Should I get the van? - Bell no.
We're good for the rest of the day.
- Sweet!
[tires screech] - Whoo-hoo!
- Whoo-hoo! I can't wait for tomorrow!
- Me neither, K-dog.Day two!
[cowbells rattling]
- Here you go, Mr. Grouse.
Seven trays of lasagna, as promised.
Looks like this worked out bell for both of us.
[laughs] - [grunts]
- Dada. Dada!
- [chuckles softly]
No, no, no, that's Mr. Grouse, sweetie.
I--I'm Dada. - Dada! Dada!
- Aww, isn't that cute? She thinks I'm Dada.
- Yes, yeah, downright adorable. [laughs]
- Dada! Dada!
- Okay, sweetie. That--that's enough of that.
- Dada! Dada! Dada! Dada!
- [gasps] What have I done?
[whimpering]
- Honey, are you okay? How was your day with Lily?
- I have a confession to make.
I went to Cowbella and left her with Mr. Grouse.
- [gasps] Lynn!
- Ah, before you get mad at me,
I'm already paying for it.
Lily got along so well with Mr. Grouse--
[gasps] And now she's calling him Dada.
[crying] - Oh, honey.
Lily is just getting used to words.
She probably doesn't know who any of us are yet.
- Do you think so?
Maybe I'm overre-- - Mama! Mama! Mama!
- [sobbing]
I lost her.
- We need to work on your timing, sweetheart.
Okay, kids, let's go! [rumbling]
[door slams] Honey, we're off!
I just called the daycare and they're open.
Can you drop Lily off before Cowbella?
- That's a negative. I'm not going to Cowbella.
I have something more important to do today:
win my daughter back! [blows raspberry]
- Win her back? Lynn, you're making too much of this.
- Oh, it's easy for you to say.
She still loves you.
Okay, Lily, time for Operation Remind You I'm Your Daddy
and That Guy Next Door is Just an Old Coot
With a Bad Lasagna Addiction.
[with English accent] "And the pig and the goat
"lived happily ever after.
The end."
Bob's your uncle. Grouse isn't your father.
Pip pip!
[humming] And, boom.
There, all clean.
Whoa, whoa, whoa!
Ow. - [laughs]
Landed on some jacks but totally worth it.
Here you go, honey. Daddy's homemade peach puree.
- [squeals] - So just to review,
I'm Daddy. This is my peach puree,
and I made it just for you.
- [munching happily] - Ah, yeah.
If you like it now, wait till I put sprinkles on it.
- [squeals in delight]
- Sure, they're bad for her teeth,
but I'm waging a war here.
Uh, Lily?
- Dada. Dada!
- Dang it!
Well, if I'm gonna win you back,
I gotta get you away from that geezer's magnetic pull.
- Oons, ah-ba-oons! [ding]
- You want a balloon? Daddy's on it.
♪ ♪
Mr. Grouse probably would only buy you one balloon.
But your real daddy thinks you deserve them all.
[screams]
- [laughs]
♪ ♪
Teddy! - You want a new teddy bear?
Daddy's got you covered.
[grunting]
Mr. Grouse probably would've bought you
that rinky-dink one.
Real daddy goes the extra mile.
Oh!
- Goo. [laughs]
- That's fun, isn't it?
And real daddy will do this all day if you want.
- Dada! - [gasps] Ah, that's right!
Uh! I--I'm Dada!
You did it, Lynn. You got her back.
- Dada! - Yes, yes, yes!
I'm Dada! Underdog! - [laughs]
Dada! Dada!
Ohh! Ah, you're breakin' your father's heart.
Oh! And his nose.
[crying]
I chose cowbell over my daughter
and now I've lost her forever.
- Honey. - Uh, it's--it's all right.
The most important thing is that Lily is happy.
And if that means spending time with Mr. Grouse
instead of me, then I'll just have to...accept that.
[dialing] [line trills]
Hello. Mr. Grouse? [sniffs]
Uh, I was wondering if you'd let--
Lynn, Lynn Loud.
Yeah.
I was wondering if you'd like to--
to come over for--for dinner tonight.
I know Lily--
I know Lily would love to see you.
- Yes, fine. We'll have lasagna.
- Hey there, Loud! Took my gout pills.
I'm ready to eat! Here's your sweater back.
Didn't have time to wash it.
Didn't feel like it, either. - Okay. [sighs]
Lily, say hi to-- - Dada!
Yes, I know you think Mr. Grouse is--
- Dada! Dada!
- Wait, me? I--I don't understand.
What's happening?
- Dada! Dada, Dada!
- Honey, I get what's going on.
Mr. Grouse was wearing your favorite sweater!
That's why Lily was calling him Dada!
- [gasps] Holy smokes, you're right!
Ah! [laughs] What a relief.
You hear that, Mr. Grouse?
She knows I'm her dad!
Isn't that wonderful?
- Cool, cool. You got any pepper flakes?
- ♪ Cramped inside this tiny space ♪
♪ May sound bad but ain't the case ♪
♪ In the Loud house ♪ - ♪ Loud house ♪
- ♪ Duck and dodge and push and shove ♪
♪ That's the way we show our love in the Loud house ♪
- ♪ Loud house ♪
♪ Laundry piles stacked up high ♪
♪ Hand-me-downs that make me cry ♪
♪ Stand in line to take a pee ♪
♪ Never any privacy ♪
♪ Chaos with 11 kids ♪
♪ That's the way it always is ♪
♪ In the Loud house ♪