- ♪ Crashing through the crowded halls ♪
♪ Dodging girls like Ping-Pong balls ♪
♪ Just to reach the bathroom on time ♪
♪ Leaping over laundry piles ♪
♪ Diapers you can smell for miles ♪
♪ Guy's got to do what he can to survive ♪
- ♪ In the Loud house ♪
♪ In the Loud house ♪
- ♪ Duck, dodge, push, and shove ♪
♪ Is how we show our love ♪
- ♪ In the Loud house, in the Loud house ♪
- ♪ One boy and ten girls ♪
♪ Wouldn't trade it for the world ♪
- ♪ Loud Loud Loud ♪
♪ Loud house ♪
- Poo-poo.
[rock music]
♪ ♪
- 33, 89, 52...
Hike!
Loud looks for a receiver,
but no one's open!
And there she goes! The quarterback sneak!
- Get her!
[crash] - [screams]
Oof. [thud]
[all gasp]
[dramatic musical tone]
- Lynn, are you okay?
- Yes! That's still a TD, people!
- Yeah, she's fine.
- Oh, what the heck did you do, LJ?
- Sorry, Dad. Sorry, Mom.
I've been getting pretty ripped lately.
- I don't think that's why the wall broke.
Look!
- Dang it! Termites.
We're going to have to call an exterminator.
- What? You can't!
Look how cute these little guys are.
[tranquil music]
- [screams]
- [sighs] Lana, shoe?
Sorry, honey,
but we can't let the termites
eat our whole house.
- Dah! Termites!
- They're just a few little bugs.
How much damage can they really do?
It's not fair!
[uneasy music]
- Okay, we obviously can't stay here,
so we called around to see
if anyone could take all 13 of us.
Once we'd had enough of the laughter,
your mother came up with a new plan.
- Half of us will be staying with Pop Pop
at Sunset Canyon...
all: Ooh!
- And half of us will be staying with Aunt Ruth.
[all groan]
- Dibs on Pop Pop's! all: Dibs!
[all squabbling]
- Kids, no one's calling dibs.
- Mom, I can't go to Aunt Ruth.
Last time, I literally got botulism
from expired yogurt.
- Yeah, I'm out, too.
Her water contains unsafe levels of chromium-6.
- I also must decline. Her cats hate me,
even the black ones.
- Come on, guys, let's have
a good attitude about this.
Aunt Ruth is doing us a huge favor,
and she's family.
- You know what? We'll draw names from a hat.
That's the only fair way.
- Okay, then, it's settled.
Lily, Leni, Luan, Lucy, Lana, and Lisa
will be staying with Pop Pop.
[cheering]
And Lincoln, Lori, Lola, Lynn, and Luna
will be staying at Aunt Ruth's.
[all groaning]
[insects chittering]
- Guys, don't be like that.
You can make the best of any situation.
- Honey, you didn't draw a name yet.
- [laughs nervously]
[suspenseful music]
- No! Aunt Ruth?
Dang it! This is so unfair!
[jazz riff]
- Those other guys might be stuck at Aunt Ruth's,
but Lincoln Loud doesn't roll that way.
There's one member of Team Pop Pop
who might be willing to switch with me.
I just gotta spin it the right way.
Hey, Lans, you got a sec?
- [sighs] It's just you.
I thought you were Mom. Don't tell her,
but I'm throwing the termites one last party.
I think they deserve that.
Now, Chewy, share that cookie with Chompy.
- Hey, I was thinking,
maybe you'd like to switch teams with me
so you can go to Aunt Ruth's.
- [scoffs] Why would I want to do that?
- Eh, maybe it was a bad idea.
I just thought you might enjoy scooping all that cat litter
and eating all that expired food.
Plus, I heard she's got
some fresh boils that need popping,
but yeah, probably not your thing.
- Wait! How many boils?
[jazz riff]
[easygoing music]
- [strains]
Pool party, here I come.
- Lincoln, will you help me pack?
My nails are wet.[gasps]
Wait a minute.
Why are you in your swimming trunks?
[dramatic musical tone]
And bringing pool floats?
Aunt Ruth doesn't havea pool!
- No, but Pop Pop does,
and that's where I'm staying.
- Excuse me?
- I switched spots with Lana.
It's not a big deal.
You don't have to... - You guys!
Lincoln got out of going to Aunt Ruth's!
- Tell everyone.
- What? - How?
- He made a deal with Lana.
- Ooh, you little sneak!
- [sighs]
Hey, you guys could've done
the same thing..
All you have to do
is convince someone to swap with you.
[scheming music] all: Hm...
- So, if you switch with me,
I'll literally give you everything you want
from my side of the closet.
- Really?
Even your acid-washed Bermuda shorts?
- [teeth gritted] Those were a gift from Bobby,
but sure.
- Lisa, if you switch with me,
I'll give you all my desserts for a month.
- Mm, tempting, but I prefer cash.
Just lost out on some grant money.
- Understood.
[bright '50s-esque music]
- Okay, but only if you promise
to be a cadaver for my practice funerals.
- Open casket?
- Deal.
- So if I switch with you,
you'll let me saw you in half for my magic show?
- Think about it, honey.
I'm offering 100 Lily diaper changes
including... [exhales deeply] blowouts.
- Huh. Tell you what:
Throw in potty training and teaching her to drive,
and you've got yourself a deal.
♪ ♪
You guys want to come in and see Aunt Ruth
before you take off?
[cheering] - We so win!
- Okay, I'll tell her you said hi.
- Aha! There's my family!
- No time for small talk, Pop Pop!
I gotta hit the pool. Jackknife!
- Oh, sorry, kiddo.
Pool's closed.
Seymour's noodle jammed up the filter.
- Uh, no problem. We'll just play shuffleboard.
- Whoa. Can't do that, either.
They shut down the courts. Some... geese
attacked Miss Ratley,
and now it's a crime scene.
- Don't tell me the pudding machine's out, too!
- Nope. That's working.
And we just got a new flavor: butterscotch.
- Out of my way!
- You saw nothing.
[laughs maniacally]
[foreboding music]
- [growls]
[grunts, yells]
- Easy there, slugger.
If you're hungry, we could eat dinner.
They start serving at 3:00.
[jazz riff]
- Ugh, what's this purple stuff?
- I think it's beets. Or steak.
The fun part's guessing.
- [coughs, sputters]
- Ugh, look. I'm literally done.
- Al, is there salt somewhere?
Just need to add a little zest.
- Oh, we haven't had salt
since the high blood pressure epidemic of 2013.
- Ah, no worries. A chef is always prepared.
[dramatic musical tone] - No salt on the premises!
- Here we are.
Bernie said you could stay in his room
while he's visiting his lady friend in Boca.
- Sweet. Okay, what should we do next?
Play a game? Watch a movie?
- I love that spunk, kiddo,
but it's almost lights out.
- But it's only 6:00.
- That late?
No wonder I'm bushed.
- Can I at least get a glass of milk?
- Sorry, honey. No liquids allowed before bed.
Nighty-night!
[jazz riff]
- Dudes, what's up with the temp in here?
- Let me check the AC.
[electrical sparking noise] Great.
The ding-dang thing's busted.
[all groan, cry]
Well, at least we're not at Aunt Ruth's.
Speaking of which, maybe we should check in
with the rest of the family.
- Oh, yes!
Hearing how miserable they are will make me feel better.
[phone rings]
- Hey, Dad. - Hey, sweetie!
So, how are things going over there?
- OM gosh. So great.
We're all loving the lake house!
- Uh, the what house now?
- Yeah, Aunt Ruth didn't want us
to stay at her place.
We stress out her cats.
- Since when does Aunt Ruth have a lake house?
- She just got a time-share.
It's a four-bed, two-bath,
with tons of natural light,
private dock, and central AC.
- [teeth gritted] That is so... [laughs]
Great. [imitates static]
[imitates telephone ringing]
Ah, there's a fax coming in. Gotta go.
Are you joking me right now?
- They get a lake house, and we're stuck
in this sweat box with no pudding?
- [sighs] Let's just go to bed, you guys.
At least we know things can't get any worse.
[flatulence]
[all groan]
- Sorry. It was definitely
the beet-steak.
- Those guys might be stuck here,
but as I stated earlier,
Lincoln Loud does not roll that way.
[gags] That is ripe.
Hey, Lis. You wouldn't believe it.
There's a 118-year-old man here.
- [gasps]
A supercentenarian?
I've always wanted to study one of those.
- Oh, really? Well, I guess
I could swap places with you.
- Throw in a pint of your plasma,
and we might be talking.
- You're going to the lake house?
No fair!
- Hey, instead of getting mad at me,
why don't you guys do something
to better your own situations?
- Oh, like giving you a mega-wedgie?
- Easy, LJ. Lincoln may have a point.
- I am telling you, Leni,
Seymour's grandson is a total hunk.
- Yeah, Lans, the pool guy said he's never seen
a plumbing crisis like this before.
- Luce, you know that psychic you used to watch on TV?
She's a resident here!
- Luan, check it out!
The TV in the rec room'sbusted,
and the oldies are jonesing for some laughs.
- You know, Rita, there's so many
great life stories here.
It could be a real gold mine
for a writer as talentedas you.
I love you.
- I'll switch,
if you throw in your hair crimper.
- Okay, but I also want
five rides to the dump.
No blackout dates.
- My bats get your side of the closet.
- If you agree to de-tangle all my clown wigs.
- Okay, but you have to go
to the next 20 parent-teacher conferences,
Lola's included.
all: Deal!
- Ah, this place is literally paradise!
- Heck, yeah!
I say we celebrate
with some Loud family football!
Watch out!
Looks like star QB Lynn Loud
is going for the TD!
[crash] Ah!
[splashing] Oof!
- LJ, you okay?
- [sputtering] That's still a TD.
- Yeah, she's fine.
- But the wall isn't.Look.
- [gasps] Termites?
This house has them, too?
- I think these are the same ones.
I recognize this disco ball.
Lana must have brought them here
to save them from being fumigated.
- Where are we supposed to go now?
[cat yowls]
- This majorly bites.
Ow! Ow! Ow!
- Well, Aunt Ruth's isn't the greatest,
but I'm sure the others aren't having much fun
at Sunset Canyon.
- [gasps] Let's call them.
It'll cheer me up to know they're suffering, too.
[cell phone rings] - Hm?
Hey, Dad! - Hey, sweetie.
How are you guys doing over there?
Surviving the heat?
- Actually, the boat is pretty cool.
- I'm s--the what, now?
- Oh, yeah. They couldn't fix the AC
at Sunset Canyon,
so they rented out a cruise ship
for all the residents.
[bright music] - Oh, goody!
The limbo contest is starting!
- Oh! [all kvetch]
[rock music]
♪ ♪
- Good morning, class!
I have some exciting news.
This week's unit will be woodworking.
It's an important life skill,
and I know you won't be... "board".
[laughs]
Really? Nobody?
- Woodworking? Clyde, I'm hosed!
- Hang on, I need to pity laugh for Mrs. Johnson.
[forced laughter]
Good one, Mrs. J.
I "saw" what you did there.
[laughs]
Okay, now why are you hosed?
- Woodworking's just not my thing.
Every time I try to build something,
I get jelly legs, my vision goes blurry,
my hands get sweaty and my ears start ringing...
- Ah, like me blowing up balloons.
[weakly] Tell my story...
- Exactly.
[jazz riff]
[breathes deeply]
Okay, step one.
Oh, boy. Here comes the blurry vision.
[groans]
- Lincoln! Are you okay? Oh!
Oh, are you playing dead with Lucy?
- No I have to build
a step stool for class.
- Oh, honey. I know how you are
about woodworking.
But this looks pretty easy,
and I can help you!
- Really? Thanks, Mom.
So here are my materials...
- Lincoln, we are not building with pine.
Let's go get some hardwood.
- There's different kinds of wood?
[jazz riff]
- "Shoulda Coulda Wooda"?
I don't get it.
Oh, now I get it.
[jazz riff]
I thought we were just getting wood.
- Well, I found a few things I needed for other projects.
- Oh, look! They have step stools.
Why don't we just buy one?
They're only $12.99.
- Lincoln, we are doing this the right way.
It's gonna be fun!
Oh, stain.
- Ah! [strains]
[jazz riff]
- Okay...
Let's see if we can crack this together.
"Attach the bottom step to the side rail
using a flathead screwdriver."
- Here we go.
- That's a Phillips head screwdriver.
This is a flathead.
- There's more than one type of screwdriver?
Okay, cool. I got this.
- Whoa, whoa, whoa! Honey...
[laughs] That's a screw, not a nail.
- Ugh, well, how was I supposed to know that?
- Okay, don't get frustrated.
Why don't we just forget about the screws
and just try wood glue instead, okay?
Great. Here, open this,
and put on a nice, fine bead of glue
along the seam.
[squelching]
- Gah! See?
I told you I'm no good at this.
- [sighs] Okay.
[laughs] Lincoln, I'll tell you what.
Why don't I build it, and you can just...
watch how I do it?
- Oh, that sounds great. Let's do that.
- That way, if you ever have to do
something like this again,
you can handle it yourself.
- Oh, totally.
[jazz riff]
- Mm, good effort.
Nice work.
Uh... [laughs] At least
you didn't hurt yourself.
[gasps] Lincoln!
This is amazing!
Way to step it up!
- [laughs]
Too funny, Mrs. J.
Hey, way to overcome your fear, Lincoln.
Makes me want to go blow up a balloon.
- Well... actually, my mom built that for me.
- Okay, class, we're going to move on
to our next woodworking project.
- We're doing another one?
- Birdhouses.
Now, they're a little more challenging,
but since you've all completed the step stool,
I think you can do it.
[bell rings]
- Oh, boy. Here come the jelly legs.
Uh...
[jazz riff]
- Hey, Mom. I stopped by Flip's
and got you a blue raspberry Flippee.
- Oh, that's so sweet, honey. What for?
- Just a little thank-you for helping me out
with the step stool.
- It was my pleasure.
- I'm glad to hear you say that,
because I've got this other little project
I thought we could tackle together:
building a birdhouse.
Huh? Huh? Huh?
- Well, sweetie, you don't need my help, remember?
I already showed you
how to do these projects yourself.
- Oh, totally, but for me,
it's not just about doing the project.
It's about the mother-son bonding.
It's about... this.
- Lincoln, I know what you're up to.
What kind of parent would I be
if I did all your projectsfor you?
- A really nice one? Dang it.
- You have your wood.
You have your plans.
I know you can do this.
- Ugh.
[high-pitched ringing]
Here comes the ear-ringing.
Ah! Ah!
Ugh. I just can't do this.
Hm... Maybe I don't have to.
[mischievous music]
♪ ♪
Hey, Walt. I just need to borrow
your house for a little while.
- [angry squawking] - Ah!
Don't get your feathers in a bunch.
I'll bring it back.
Ah! Oh, whoa!
I promise!
[dramatic musical tone]
[jazz riff]
[triumphant fanfare] - [gasps] Wonderful, Lincoln.
This is incredible!
Oh, is that actual bird poop?
- Oh, uh, I wanted to give it
that lived-in look.
Oh, Lincoln?
How'd you like to earn some extra credit?
- Sure. Never say no to that.
- Great. I need a dresser built ASAP.
My mother's coming to visit this weekend,
and she always complains
there's no place to put her girdles.
Since you're such an expert woodworker,
you could build one in no time!
- Oh, uh,
I'd love to, but I have so much homework.
- You're excused from homework.
- Well, I have to eat right after school,
or my blood sugar gets low.
- I'll feed you. - I have to walk our dog?
- I'll send my dog-walker over.
- Um... Um...
- So we have a deal. Thanks so much!
- Uh...
[jazz riff]
- Here are the plans for the dresser,
and here are all your materials.
If you need anything, just holler!
- Yeah, no.
[radio static] Clyde!
Come in!Clyde!
- Hey, Lincoln. What's up?
- I have a code Forest Green.
I'm at Mrs. Johnson's house,
and I have to build a dresserASAP.
- You know, Lincoln, I hate to be that guy,
but maybe you should've built the step stool
in the first place.
Then Mrs. Johnson could've seen that you're no expert,
and she would've never asked you
to build a dresser. - Oh, my gosh, Clyde.
You're right! Shoulda, Coulda, Wooda.
- Oh, gee, I'm sorry.
I didn't mean to make you feel bad.
- No, Clyde, the store.
We can just go there right now
and buy a dresser!
- Ah.
- This is gonna cost me
my last few months of allowance,
but it's gotta be done.
["Ride of the Valkyries" playing]
Uh-oh.
[dramatic music]
Uh-oh. Go, go, go!
both: Ah! Ah!
[thud] I really gotta remember
to bring his birdhouse home from school.
[upbeat string music]
♪ ♪
[both straining]
♪ ♪
both: Ah! Ah!
Oof!
- Oh, we're here.
- Now for the hard part.
How are we going to get it upstairs?
[stealthy music]
- Got it.
[both straining]
[knocking] - Lincoln?
I made you a snack.
Don't want that blood sugarto drop.
- I'm good! - Lincoln, you're being rude.
She cooked for you.
- Fine. Hold this.
- Ah!
- Lincoln, I-- - Oh, hi!
Thanks for the sandwich. - How's the dresser coming?
- Uh, uh--it's bad luck to see it before it's finished.
That was a good call, Clyde.
This sandwich is delicious!
I think there's smoked turkeyin here.
- Lincoln! - Oh, right--sorry!
[both straining]
We're almost there.
["Ride of the Valkyries" playing]
[dramatic music]
[both straining]
Hurry!
Ah!
[crash]
- [blows raspberry]
- [gasps]Oh, my!
- Clyde, get out of here! Save yourself.
- No way! I can help!
I know. We'll tell her
you built the dresser,
and I was so jealous how great it was
that I pushed it out the window!
- Clyde, you're a good friend,
but I don't want you to lie for me.
In fact, I'm done lying, period.
[slow jazz music]
- So your mom built the step stool,
and the birdhouse belongs to your pet?
- Yes. I'm really sorry that I lied.
- Well, Lincoln, I'm pretty disappointed.
This isn't like you. I-I think you need
to clean this up and go home.
- Okay.
["Ride of the Valkyries" playing]
Hey, any chance I can get that birdhouse back from you?
[jazz riff]
I feel bad about lying,
but I didn't have a choice.
I'm just not good at woodworking.
- Oh, totally.
Just like me and the balloons.
I tried to hard to blow them up,
but I just couldn't.
Passed out every time.
Even in the ambulance, I kept trying.
When they took the balloons away,
I grabbed some latex gloves, and I tried to blow up those--
- Whoa, Clyde. - I know.
I'm spiraling. - No.
I mean, you actually tried
to conquer blowing up balloons.
I didn't put in any effort.
I just took the easy way out.
- Don't be so hard on yourself, buddy.
Every uh-oh is a chance to grow.
I saw that on a poster in Dr. Lopez's office.
- Huh. Maybe that poster's right.
Come on, Clyde. We have to get
all that wood back.
- Well, most of it landed in ketchup, but okay.
[jazz riff]
[school bell rings]
- Miss Johnson?
I just wanted you to know that I made a step stool.
I don't expect you to change my grade.
I only did it to prove to myself that I could.
- Actually, I haven't done the grading yet.
I'm proud of you for giving it a try.
I can tell how hard you worked.
There's blood all over this.
- Actually, that's ketchup.
Maybe barbecue sauce.
- Well, I think I'm going to give you a pass.
[jazz music]
Okay, class. Our next unit will be...
the clowning arts!
We'll start with balloons.
[inhales deeply]
♪ ♪
- ♪ Cramped inside this tiny space ♪
♪ May sound bad but ain't the case ♪
♪ In the Loud house ♪ - ♪ Loud house ♪
- ♪ Duck and dodge and push and shove ♪
♪ That's the way we show our love in the Loud house ♪
- ♪ Loud house ♪
♪ Laundry piles stacked up high ♪
♪ Hand-me-downs that make me cry ♪
♪ Stand in line to take a pee ♪
♪ Never any privacy ♪
♪ Chaos with 11 kids ♪
♪ That's the way it always is ♪
♪ In the Loud house ♪