(Thunder crashing)
♪
(Screaming)
♪
(Baby crying)
MAVIS: Front desk. Please hold.
Uh, front desk. Could you please hold?
(Caller babbling indistinctly)
Yes, Mrs. Fearmonger. I am trying to move you...
Are they all calling about Blendy's crying?
...to a room that is closer to the baby.
Yes, I know you paid extra for a premium‐cry location.
Every‐monster wants to be as close to Blendy as possible.
They just can't get enough of her wailing.
She does have a lovely, pained wail.
(Crying continues)
That's right. Never escape the cries
with these portable beats by baby banshee.
Woo!
(Baby crying to techno beat)
(Gasping)
Who's the most awful baby in all of Transylvania?
Who is it? Oh, is it you?
Psst. Baby, I think it's you.
A baby that cries 24/7.
Aren't we so unblessed?
(Speaking Blobbish)
(Yawning, snoring)
A crying baby is great and all,
but your parents look really tired.
Agreed.
They need a break, away from all of this.
Away from Blendy.
Yeah. But then, who's going to look after her?
Oh, no. I can't believe I said that.
We just decided.
You guys need to get out of here.
We'll babysit.
For the record, I did not decide that.
Really? I mean, I have been
just undying to go to the Lava Pits.
(Speaking Blobbish)
Daddy, please.
You left I tons of times and look how me well out it turned.
Trust me. I am so good with babies.
They don't call me the best sitter in Transylvania
for nothing.
Uh, yeah. They don't call her that.
Then Lava Pits, here we come.
(Speaking Blobbish)
(Crying)
(Speaking Blobbish)
Got it.
No tickle‐torture before bedtime,
and use the spiky soother.
I know. The extra sharp one.
Okay.
Goodbye, honey‐goo.
Oh, we will miss you.
Don't worry.
If we have questions, we'll call you.
Now, scoot.
(Crying)
(Tires squealing)
(Crying)
(Giggling)
Uh‐oh.
Blendy stopped crying.
Do not put me anywhere near that giggling baby.
Ugh. What a non‐monster.
(Giggling)
Must've missed her nap. She's normally not like this.
(Giggling)
Why isn't she crying? What did you do?
Make it stop.
Ah. That's better.
I can't sleep with all this infernal non‐crying.
Mavis! If that baby does not start crying,
it will be you who is soon crying.
What do you know?
I don't even need ears to know Aunt Lydia is mad.
(Giggling)
(Gulping) Don't worry.
Mr. Blob left a list of surefire Blendy cry tactics.
(Cooing, giggling)
(Roaring)
(Giggling)
The only monster not tired is Blendy.
She will not stop smiling!
Won't someone make it stop?
Hello.
Blob‐Moomay residence, where everything is fine and normal.
SHONDA: Uh, Mavis?
Why don't I hear crying? That's it.
Sugar‐Squish, we're going home.
No. Wait. Blendy is fine.
Come on. Huh? Oh.
Listen.
(Baby crying to techno beat)
SHONDA: Music to Mama's ears.
Slippy‐Goo, unpack our bags.
Phew.
Maybe we're doing this wrong.
We're soothing Blendy like a regular monster,
but she's a Mumblob.
(Giggling)
When I was a mum‐baby, cursery rhymes made me cry.
Still do.
"Mumpty‐Dumpty sat on a pyramid.
Mumpty‐Dumpty had a big"‐‐
(Babbling)
(Crying)
(Wailing)
Oh, thank goblins.
Booston, we have lift‐off.
(Babbling)
(Gasping) Blendy just said her first words.
Nah, nah. Blendy just said her first curse.
But babies don't have any control,
so it's kind of dangerous for them to do mummy curses.
Oh, yeah. She looks real dangerous.
(Babbling curse)
PEDRO: Don't say I didn't warn you.
Um, Pedro, can you say that again?
PEDRO: Don't say I‐‐
WENDY: O‐M‐Jelly. You're me.
Huh?
PEDRO: I am?
(Screaming) And you're me!
Don't you dare go wash my wraps.
WENDY: And don't you go putting bugs in my jelly.
Just kidding. Bugs are cool.
Just like you're cool, with glitter. Whee!
PEDRO: Oh, no.
We should call our folks, ASAP.
No. No way.
Please don't say you can fix this yourself.
I can't fix this myself.
It's time to tell‐‐ Don't say "Aunt Lydia."
Okay.
Aunt Lydia, we have a problem.
Mavis.
(Giggling)
Why is this baby still not crying?
Guests are leaving faster
than a bat out of bat‐hunter's belfry.
I promise to get Blendy crying again,
but we have a bigger problem.
A bigger problem than...
(Babbling curse)
AUNT LYDIA: ...a non‐crying baby?
Uh‐oh. It happened again.
HANK: What happened again?
Oh, no. No!
(Clucking)
AUNT LYDIA: Why am I in this?
HANK: Hey. Watch what you're calling "this."
(Growling) (Screaming) Fire!
(Clucking)
AUNT LYDIA: I better go follow him‐me
to make sure he‐me doesn't damage me‐him.
(Screaming)
(Clucking)
Blendy, are you only putting curses on people
you can make eye contact with?
Is that why I've been spared?
If so, these should stop you doing any more damage.
Plus you look adorbs.
PEDRO: Mavis, our folks are back.
Also‐‐ (Shrieking)
Holy rabies. They're back already?
Come on, Blendy.
Cry for Auntie Mavis.
Look. A flying baby.
Nothing? Fine.
If you won't cry, then I'll have to cry for you.
(Babbling curse)
Woo! It is good to be home.
Blobs and lava...
(Sneezing)
...do not mix.
(Speaking Blobbish)
I don't hear our little
ooey‐gooey bundle of terror's cries, either.
(Mavis crying)
Oh, there's my little demon‐weemon.
(Mavis crying)
MAVIS: I'm totally a baby.
There, there, child.
Babysitting is a hard job.
You did good.
Mm‐hmm. Okay.
I know it's hard to say goodbye to Blendy, Mavis.
But you can come visit anytime.
And by "anytime," I guess I mean now.
(Blendy giggling)
Aw, we missed you too.
Are you glad to have us back?
Okay.
I'll file your silence under "too excited to talk."
MAVIS: Psst. It's me, Mavis.
I'm inside Blendy's body.
WENDY: Oh, phew. I was beginning to wonder.
MAVIS: Aw. Look how cute I am.
Anyway, I need you to help me get Mavis‐Blendy
to reverse the curse.
(Pedro whispering indistinctly)
PEDRO: Oh. I'll feed Blendy.
(Blendy crying)
WENDY: Okay, okay. Here's your bottle.
PEDRO: Ooh. This is getting freaky.
MAVIS: Here's the plan.
We're going to need Hanken‐Lydia.
PEDRO: Huh?
MAVIS: You'll see.
AUNT LYDIA: Stop scratching my skin.
HANK: Well, stop wearing such itchy clothes.
PEDRO: Are you‐‐
Are you putting glitter on my lips?
WENDY: Yes. They're super dry.
Oh, I'm being rude. Here.
MAVIS: Every‐monster ready to switch?
OTHERS: Yes!
MAVIS: Time to remove Blendy's sunglasses.
(Blendy crying)
(Giggling)
MAVIS: Okay. Can someone hold my actual body up?
(Blendy babbling curse)
HANK: Ha! I'm me again.
Free to scratch.
WENDY: Jelly lips, how I've missed you.
PEDRO: Wraps, I'll never take your solid form for granted again.
MAVIS: Legs that walk!
AUNT LYDIA: Ugh. I need a shower.
(Babbling half the curse)
(Crying)
Aw.
Saperlipopette!
The vault.
Some monster ate from the forbidden jar.
Those cookies were locked up for a terrible, dreadful reason.
(Sighing) Raisins. Got to be raisins.
Wait.
I know who did it... you.
Come here, you.
(Gasping) Guys, do we have an actual mystery on our hands?
Yes!
The Hotel Transylvania mystery‐solving team
has a case.
I can't wait to try out my new magnifying eye.
Ooh. Did someone say "mystery"?
(Sniffing)
Mmm. Somebody get me a Pedro snack.
Oh, wait.
I still got Quasi's forbidden cookies to munch.
Pedro, will you stop eating Quasi's forbidden cookies
for one minute,
so we can figure out who ate all of Quasi's forbidden‐‐
Oh. I see.
Aw. I really wanted to use this.
Oh, why can't we solve one mystery?
Is that too much to ask?
Hey, uh, remember when I thought Esmeralda ate the cookies?
(Chuckling) Huge mistake.
(Chattering)
I said I was sorry. I‐‐
So!
It was you.
What did you do?
Madam Lydia locked those cookies away
because of all the cursed misfortunes inside of them.
Aunt Lydia?
Those were misfortune cookies?
They had stuff inside of them? Hmm.
Let's see. (Clearing throat)
"You will get terrible indigestion."
(Belching)
Kind of on the nose.
"You will eat 1,000 cookies." True.
"Eat like no‐monster is looking." Done.
"You'll never be as good as your brother."
Harsh, but fair.
Okay. This is how we die.
"Change is afoot." I don't get it.
Huh?
The misfortune knows all.
"A thing will be returned to you."
The misfortunes are never wrong.
I don't know, guys.
Those misfortunes could mean anything.
Watch this.
"The object of your desire will soon approach."
Oh, come on.
See? Totally vague, and‐‐
Uh, anyone up for a midday snack?
Get out!
Can't you see there's no time for a love‐interest storyline?
Hey, now.
(Pedro gagging)
Next. Who wants a misfortune?
"Something smells fishy."
(Sniffing)
(Gasping)
Remarkable.
Huh.
Quasimodo must've been wrong.
But why would Aunt Lydia care about this?
These misfortunes don't seem cursed.
They just seem kind of lame.
Next.
(Gagging)
"You are an open book.
Monsters can see right through you."
Hmm. I don't get it.
You know, accidentally eating
a jar of cursed misfortune cookies,
then regurgitating the misfortunes so monsters could
pull them out of my gullet was my best move ever.
Okay, who's got next?
Hey. That's my line.
What is going on here?
What is so interesting down there?
The things I do for this hotel. I‐‐
(Pedro gagging)
A misfortune?
But I had them all locked away.
Where is Quasimodo?
Zut alors.
(Screaming)
C'est fantastique.
(Screaming)
Get it off me! Get it off.
Aunt Lydia, what is up with you?
(Sighing) It began centuries ago,
when an innocent‐looking misfortune
foretold my total downfall.
No!
Since then, I've avoided misfortunes
like the cure for the plague.
That is, until today.
(Screaming)
Aunt Lydia, take it easy.
Those misfortunes are vague suggestions at best.
Perhaps you are right.
Maybe it is time to face my misfortune.
"You will receive a pleasant surprise."
(Phone ringing)
(Groaning)
It's from Cornelius Shivers.
(Clearing throat)
"Lydia, this is a first edition of my new book
"based on your exploits.
"I call it Dark Baroness in Your Face.
Working title."
A pleasant surprise?
It cannot be.
My misfortune foretold this.
All those wasted years, afraid?
(Laughing)
I have so much catching up to do.
PEDRO: Guys? Help.
(Laughing)
"Unnecessary baggage only weighs you down." Hmm.
Be gone, extra baggage.
How did I ever get by without these delightful misfortunes?
Aunt Lydia, we've got trouble.
We can't find the zombies anywhere,
and no one knows where their bags are.
(Gagging)
"Don't get caught up in meaningless tasks."
You heard the cookie.
That means deal with it.
(Cackling)
(Snoring)
Wake up.
What does my misfortune hold? Huh?
What is the meaning of this?
My misfortune is blank?
(Wheezing)
Easy. Easy, Lydia.
Think calming, horrifying thoughts.
(Breathing deeply)
I shall simply pick another.
(Gagging)
When was the last time some‐monster cleaned in here?
And‐‐ Wait a minute. There are no misfortunes left?
None at all?
(Screaming)
Get me out of here!
No more...
...misfortunes?
(Gasping)
No!
Where in the underworld is that Quasimodo?
I won't say I have no regrets,
but this is better than the alternative.
(Wailing)
Aunt Lydia?
That's not your usual wail of undead anger.
What's wrong?
It is over.
The most cursed misfortune has come back to haunt me,
and not in a good way.
Behold the total downfall of a dark baroness.
Don't you see?
This is the last misfortune.
It is totally blank,
which means I have no future.
(Wailing)
I'm kind of worried that none of us
are going to have futures soon.
Hmm.
Or maybe this is a good thing.
Maybe getting a blank misfortune means your future is
whatever you want it to be.
(Gasping)
Whatever I want it to be?
Oh, yes! Of course.
YOLF.
BOTH: YOLF?
Found it.
My You Only Live Forever list.
YOLF.
No vampire would be caught alive without one.
Take a look.
"Extreme bungee‐jumping. Cold‐air ballooning."
That sounds dangerous.
"Take off shoes to let toes breathe"?
I have not removed my shoes
since that outbreak of bat‐lete's foot 700 years ago.
Let us start there.
(Gasping)
It's really sensitive.
Kind of cool, I guess, 'cept the foot part.
But how are you going to do all this
and run a hotel at the same time?
I've already thought about that.
(Gasping) Holy rabies. This is it.
Aunt Lydia is going to put me in charge.
Oh, hello, brother.
Just a fangs‐up: I'm closing Hotel Transylvania.
But don't worry.
I will box your fang‐whiteners and send them over. YOLF!
The hotel, closed?
You can't.
Oh, but I can.
I have my whole unwritten future to consider
and no time for excuses.
Unless they are in misfortune form.
(Whispering) I don't think Mavis is in charge.
This is a disaster.
Hotel Transylvania, gone forever?
I guess that first misfortune way back when
was right after all.
(Gasping) Hold it.
If Aunt Lydia now only listens to misfortunes‐‐
(Gagging)
Uh, yeah. Here's the thing.
Normally I would eat that,
but I let some zombies pick their misfortunes,
and, well‐‐
(Retching)
My stomach is not in good shape.
Pedro, eat this cookie. Now!
(Screaming)
Did you know she could do that?
I did not.
Attention, all staff and guests.
Hotel Transylvania is permanently shuttered.
Leave immediately.
Oh, and remember: YOLF. That is all.
Not now, Mavis.
I'm about to after‐live my afterlife to the fullest.
Before you do, Pedro has big news.
Uh, yeah, big. Uh, craziest thing.
I think I felt one last misfortune
hiding out behind the old duodenum.
(Chuckling)
Another misfortune? YOLF indeed!
Change of plans.
Hotel Transylvania has re‐opened.
Now, back to work.
"You are the evilest monster in the underworld.
Own it. Stop listening to a cookie."
Wow! These things are never wrong.
Well, guess that's over.
Now to raid Quasimodo's cursed meat locker
and grab a little bite.
Pedro‐‐ Whoa, Mommy.
♪