[dramatic music]
¶ ¶
- I'd like to do the trout line,
which basically means
I have to swim out into the cold water.
[bleep]. It inflated on its own.
I was in the water for 35 minutes.
Not sure I'm okay.
- I'd like to start bringing rocks up to the fireplace.
¶ ¶
Oh! [bleep]. Oh!
Got to be so careful with that ankle.
It's the one thing that'll take me out of the game.
- Bad news: 4 to 6 inches of snow last night.
It is time to get my ass in gear
and get some warmth in my shelter.
[bleep].
The deer meat that I have left,
that's not enough to keep a fella going.
There's bear tracks right freaking here.
I have to be prepared to engage a bear
to protect this meat.
[air horn blares]
- Oh, there he is, right there.
[bleep].
I am alone with a grizzly bear that is hunting me.
Get!
¶ ¶
[dark music]
¶ ¶
narrator: In "Alone"s most terrifying location yet,
ten participants face the deadliest predator
in North America...
- There he is, right there.
- Grizzly bears. - Hey, bear!
- We got a lot of grizzly here.
I'm gonna have to live with them.
- Go on! Get!
- Every second we're on the land, we're being hunted.
- Holy [bleep]. Mountain lion.
- He's circling around my shelter.
narrator: Bone-chilling cold...
- Winter's coming.
- You combine with the wind with the rain and the cold,
this place could make the Arctic look easy.
- Oh, [bleep].
narrator: And complete isolation.
- You cannot hide from yourself,
mentally and emotionally.
- [screams]
- There's no place to go.
- I am suffering from loneliness.
narrator: Who will survive?
- Yes! Yes!
- This could be the end.
- I don't want to tap, but I don't want to die either.
- You have to duffer before you can succeed.
- [vomiting]
narrator: The last one standing wins.
- At one point do I push the button?
¶ ¶
[tense music]
¶ ¶
- Welcome to mouseland.
Last night, I had a visit from a mouse.
I had to chase him off a few times.
The mouse ate holes in my clothing last night.
Since when do they eat wool?
[tense ambient music]
He ate a giant hole in my tunic.
¶ ¶
Two of them.
I'm so mad about that.
I've had this tunic for ages.
¶ ¶
Take what you want, mice.
Just please, don't destroy my stuff.
Fun times here at the troll cave.
[dramatic music]
My body's deteriorating,
but my mind doesn't have to.
What I really need is some fish oils in my life.
¶ ¶
Some omegas.
Good for the brain.
¶ ¶
I'd really like to get something in me.
¶ ¶
[shouts]
See?
See what I mean?
Easy for me to hurt myself when it's slippery out.
I just tweaked my ankle again.
[sighs] That's why I have to play it so careful out here.
¶ ¶
I really want to catch some fish.
¶ ¶
The smartest thing for me to do
with my body, my weak ankle,
is keep playing it safe.
Fish when I can, drink water,
conserve my calories as much as possible.
So beautiful.
I wish it would feed me.
¶ Why, oh why, Chilko Lake, are you so rude? ¶
¶ Why do you make me wish and dream ¶
¶ In my bed at night of food? ¶
Doing my best to stay okay out here.
¶ ¶
I know that I can safely lose 100 pounds
without causing serious damage to my body.
As I was gearing out to come out here,
I ate like it was my job to eat for a couple months,
gained about 45 pounds in, like, two or three months.
¶ ¶
I reached over 300 pounds,
and it's the heaviest I've ever been.
Gaining the extra weight is gonna put more stress
on my weak ankle.
¶ ¶
Being lighter would have been
a better choice for my ankle.
But worst-case scenario,
if things aren't working out for me,
I'll be able to stay longer
off that extra weight that I put on,
and that's ultimately why I went for it.
¶ ¶
I'm getting cold. I might head in.
¶ ¶
[in dramatic voice] Good evening, little masters.
It's a cold, stormy night.
And as the storm rolls on through,
one troll...
man thing...
holds fast,
knowing that he can weather this storm,
for he has built a strong troll cave.
¶ ¶
And on this dark, cold, howling night,
he dreams of his long-lost lover...
thousands of miles away,
holding his young in her tummy.
He knows that, one day,
his suffering in the Chilcotin Mountains will be over,
and he may return to her.
¶ ¶
But until that day arrives,
he knows he must hold steadfast...
¶ ¶
For in the end, only I will remain.
¶ ¶
[wind whistling]
[in normal voice] I hope. [laughs]
[dramatic music]
¶ ¶
[bleep]. Mouse.
¶ ¶
I woke up...
to the sound...
of something nibbling on something.
And it was that little [bleep] mouse eating my bow silencers.
So I've decided at this point, it's self-defense.
He's destroying important tools of mine.
So I'm gonna lie in wait with--for him...
with the troll club.
¶ ¶
I'm gonna wait... till he comes out again.
But this time, when he comes out,
he's gonna get a quick troll club smash.
Man, if my cats were around,
there wouldn't be no freaking mouse eating my stuff in here.
¶ ¶
- Let's see if I can get that deer hide strung up.
This deer hide may be too dry already,
or maybe it's just frozen.
A little of both, maybe.
You ain't supposed to be pointing that way.
Talk about the deer hide,
and you looking up at the deer skull.
¶ ¶
I need to put food up, because that deer
is not gonna be enough for the next two months.
Winter's coming fast,
and the berries are going away,
the mushrooms are going away.
These things are ephemeral.
I need to catch fish and smoke them
to power the work that needs to be done.
But I haven't caught a fish in close to a month.
Wish I had a fish. It would be delish.
But it shall remain a wish.
Should have been a poet.
First time I ever took Koi out fishing in the Gulf,
we were catching big snapper.
Now, Finn, I haven't taken him out in the Gulf yet.
He gets carsick,
and so I'm almost certain he'd get seasick.
¶ ¶
But both my sons love fishing.
Ooh.
[dark music]
What is that?
¶ ¶
There's a grizz walking down the beach.
600 pounds, maybe.
¶ ¶
Pretty cool.
¶ ¶
In grizzly country, you have a heightened level of awareness,
'cause you could bump into one at any time.
But I'm not overly concerned about this particular bear.
He would have to show some sort of aggression.
You know, there's so much of this
that just freaking sucks, like standing out here for days
and days, freezing and not catching any fish.
But it's moments like that that makes it worth it.
¶ ¶
I mean, you're not gonna get that unless you're out here.
Just thinking about the experience so far,
and then the wonder of what else there is out here for me.
I've already got a much deeper appreciation
for my family than I've ever had before.
I've always loved them, of course.
But I've spent a lot of time away from them,
doing things like this.
And even if that's all I walk away with,
it will have been worth it for me.
¶ ¶
Look at that.
¶ ¶
Son of a gun's back.
¶ ¶
[bleep].
¶ ¶
[bleep]. Man, what?
It's the same freaking grizzly, walking down the beach.
¶ ¶
He was right here.
He was within 40 yards of me.
Just right there's where I was originally filming from.
Check out where he went.
I do have a healthy respect for grizzly bears.
You know, if you come across the wrong grizzly,
you could find yourself in real danger.
I think he's just cruising the beach, looking for,
you know, whatever might have wished up.
Old fish or whatever.
¶ ¶
See this track right here.
¶ ¶
He's gonna run right by camp.
¶ ¶
You can avoid most of the problems,
but it's when they come in and get something
and get a reward for coming in,
then you've taught that bear to come back.
That's what I want to avoid.
So I really want to get up there and check my camp.
¶ ¶
He came right down this creek here.
I'm gonna go back here,
see if we can find where that bear crossed.
There's his track right there.
¶ ¶
Let's see where he went from here.
¶ ¶
Look at this. Oh, man.
Holy crap.
¶ ¶
There's the shack right there.
Bear track.
Shack. Bear track.
That sucker was coming for a visit, man.
He walked right by my berry cache.
I wonder if he found that. Hope not.
¶ ¶
He stepped on it.
My berries are buried right there.
He freaking stepped on it.
That's definitely closer than I want him.
I don't know what to expect from this bear.
¶ ¶
That's all right.
The blisters popped. That's kind of gross.
I've burned my right knee
and the inside of both
of my thighs have very light burns as well.
My knee actually has blisters on it
from squatting around the bonfire
to rewarm myself after the swimming incident.
¶ ¶
This is my needle.
It's made from a fishhook.
Whole incident seems a little bit
like a really weird, crazy dream.
I was just so out of it.
You're very real, you're very present,
it's just that you're not in your right state of mind
at all.
¶ ¶
And tada-tada.
Can't even see it. It's pretty much gone.
¶ ¶
I'm gonna head off to the trout line
and check the trout line.
¶ ¶
Glad to see it's still here.
¶ ¶
Ice is gonna be an interesting issue
down the line.
Especially if this starts freezing up.
¶ ¶
Wow. My line is frozen.
¶ ¶
This is kind of a potential problem, for sure.
I think the lines are crossed out there.
[sobbing] Everything was so tangled because of the...
¶ ¶
I had a lot invested in this...
in this project.
¶ ¶
I risked my life, almost died,
to set a line that fished for me for a day.
Makes me wonder how we're gonna make it.
I'm just too tired. I'm too thin.
And it's just gotten past the point of any kind of fun.
[crying]
All I want to do is go home.
[crying]
¶ ¶
- Wow.
Wow. Wow.
So...
have you ever
taken a [bleep] in your living room?
'Cause I have.
And it was phenomenal.
I loved it. It's my new [bleep] spot.
It hit me quick, man. I was like, "Ah, I gotta pee."
And then, like, "Oh, man, I don't need to pee."
"I need to poop."
Anyhow, it felt wonderful.
¶ ¶
Ah.
I just wish I had food.
I haven't had meat in three days.
¶ ¶
Do some fishing. Check the fish trap.
¶ ¶
Let's see.
¶ ¶
I know I'm losing weight, but now I'm feeling it.
Every movement, I'm feeling just how weak,
just how tired, just how lack of muscle in reserves I have.
Let's turn you around.
¶ ¶
The fish trap has not been bringing me in fish.
¶ ¶
It was a pretty big investment,
and I'm hoping it pays off.
¶ ¶
But I think this is fish trap country, though.
I think it's gonna produce.
Here we go.
¶ ¶
[sighs] All right.
¶ ¶
Could this be my-- let's get this trap.
¶ ¶
Oh, I need it to pay off. I have no meat.
All right, I'm about to pull my fish trap
for about the tenth time.
It's never caught a fish.
We're gonna check it, though.
Today could be the day, you guys.
Today could be the day.
¶ ¶
Come on, fish trap.
Here we go.
Oh.
Fish today.
Oh, man.
This thing feels like it's damn near stuck.
¶ ¶
This is not good.
¶ ¶
[bleep].
Ooh, that fish trap is stuck.
¶ ¶
Gah.
[grunts]
Any bets on whether I'm gonna fall in?
Oh, God.
¶ ¶
Ahh!
¶ ¶
Ahh!
Damn it.
[bleep].
Something got stuck,
either the trap or the excess paracord line.
Nope.
Definitely don't want to be [bleep]ing with this all day.
Damn.
Nothing is going right today.
All right. Operation:
Try and Salvage Fish Trap and/or As Much Paracord
As Possible begins right now.
¶ ¶
All right. I'm cutting it.
¶ ¶
There she goes.
Put the boat away and go home.
¶ ¶
Coming in hot. [groans]
¶ ¶
Holy [bleep].
I was--I was pulling hard on that.
I was pulling hard on that fish trip.
Harder than I have energy for.
¶ ¶
Not my day.
Not in any stretch of the imagination.
[bleep]ing fish trap stuck.
Had to cut the paracord.
Just piss-poor performance.
Oh, let's head home and get a fire going.
¶ ¶
- Getting sick of being dirty and stinky
and just crusty, man.
Pretty sick of picking the beard.
I'm gonna put it in braids.
¶ ¶
And that's probably how it's gonna stay...
¶ ¶
Until I get out of here and can take a shower.
¶ ¶
I haven't been clean-shaven since I was in,
like, mid-high school, probably.
I definitely couldn't see myself being, you know,
short-haired and clean-shaven.
I have no idea what I would even look like.
¶ ¶
I don't really care how they look.
¶ ¶
It's just...
¶ ¶
To make things easier for me.
¶ ¶
One.
¶ ¶
Oh, crap, I braided some of my hair into that.
¶ ¶
My hair is part of who I am, man.
It's part of my power.
¶ ¶
My hair is close to dreading.
I really hope it doesn't have to be shaved off,
and that I'm able to pick it out,
while crying, with a giant bottle of conditioner.
Plus, you can't headbang without long hair.
What are you supposed to do
while the guitarist is soloing?
Just stand there?
[chuckles]
¶ ¶
All right.
Beard is dealt with.
This is how it will stay.
¶ ¶
I heard a sound over there, like something scurried.
There ain't nothing for you here, mouse.
I've got it all hidden away.
¶ ¶
Oh, that little [bleep].
Little [bleep] bastard.
I'm killing him. I'll [bleep]ing kill him.
That little [bleep]ing mouse came back finally.
And what did he go for this time?
He chewed the laces off of my $120 ankle brace.
And he even left me a nice little mouse turd on them.
So, he [bleep]ed up my ankle brace now.
¶ ¶
That [bleep] sucks, man. He destroyed it.
He chewed it--chewed the laces off in two different places.
¶ ¶
He destroyed the entire upper brace.
¶ ¶
Damn.
That's not good, y'all.
I don't have an ankle brace anymore.
¶ ¶
Means I gotta be even more careful.
¶ ¶
That really [bleep]ing pisses me off.
¶ ¶
I'm gonna have to go [bleep]ing tame a bobcat
and live with it...
just to keep these [bleep]ing vermin out of my shelter.
I will blast air horns at them, though.
Those mice can [bleep] off.
[air horn blasts]
¶ ¶
- Good morning.
I've been up for many hours again.
I think it's just my time I get up.
I get up at 4:30-ish at home and...
I feel good this morning.
I'm hungry.
That's the normal.
Hopeful there's something in my snares today.
¶ ¶
My nose is already frozen. My back of my neck is cold.
It is brutally beautiful out here.
It's crazy.
I'm having zero success fishing.
So bunnies are an important part of me staying here.
¶ ¶
Obviously, I can get a rabbit. I got one.
I've been skimping and rationing but...
¶ ¶
My body just needs a little bit more
than what I've been giving it.
¶ ¶
What is that?
¶ ¶
But he came from that way.
¶ ¶
These are coming right down my trail.
¶ ¶
He went down there, back down to my snare line.
¶ ¶
That one's sprung.
Look at that.
That cat went right under where my snare is.
Right there, too.
¶ ¶
Here he is out here, in my other patch.
These cat tracks go right in. Out here hunting bunnies.
The same bunnies that I'm hunting.
¶ ¶
Oh, my goodness.
Maybe there's a healthy balance,
but I feel like the predators
are just far outnumbering the other animals.
¶ ¶
Every single day out here is hard work.
Every day is exhausting. Every day I'm hungry.
But, as a child, I didn't have it easy,
so this is kind of what I am used to.
I'm just gonna keep going.
¶ ¶
I really need to pay attention to these toes.
It's this middle one that's so sore,
and he's purple.
And everybody else is white.
And then this one is turning purple in here.
¶ ¶
So, on the side of him, he's really sore.
¶ ¶
I feel like it's probably a circulation issue,
because it's coming from the inside of my toe.
¶ ¶
I have negative 50 boots on,
heavy wool and heavy alpaca socks.
They have not gotten wet at all.
This will impact my ability to stay out
for extended periods of time,
so I won't be very efficient in what I'm doing.
I'm gonna have to come in and make sure
that I'm warming my feet up every couple of hours.
¶ ¶
I can handle grizzly bears. I can recover from that.
But if there's something seriously wrong with my feet,
then that's not something...
I highly doubt that there is.
[exciting music]
¶ ¶
- [slurps]
Oh, man.
That is nice, right there.
Might not do anything to this deer hide.
I'll just keep it like this. Have me a little recliner.
Whew.
Now why you want to do that?
Just drop snow right in my tea?
That's just not cool.
What in the world is that?
¶ ¶
I just saw the bear walking down the beach.
Going down here and see if I can see him again.
¶ ¶
What this is is now I'm curious.
This bear is doing what I really didn't want him
to do--poking around camp.
¶ ¶
Let's go back in here and see if we can
walk on back past the food cache,
just to see.
¶ ¶
Oh, my God.
¶ ¶
[bear groans]
Holy [bleep].
[cannister sprays, bear grunts]
Oh, my God! Holy [bleep]!
[bleep], that was a big [bleep]ing bear.
Oh, my God! That was...
that was [bleep]ing amazing.
God, he was so close.
When I sprayed, he stopped at not even ten yards.
I was standing right here.
And the bear was right freaking there.
He's, like, eight yards.
¶ ¶
That is something you never forget.
[exhales]
Don't ask me why I tried to track down a grizzly bear,
but that's what I did. So.
¶ ¶
That was one of the coolest things
that's ever happened to me in the woods.
He heard me walking and thought I was a deer
or something that he wanted to eat.
And so he was coming back to...
to get me.
I think he knows what I am now, though.
[exhales]
When he started loping towards me,
I was like, "Holy, [bleep]."
I've been close to grizzlies,
but I've never had one run at me.
So it was awesome, but it was not advisable.
Not a good survival tactic.
The way he was running, he'd have run right through camp.
¶ ¶
Hey, bear! Yee! Hey!
¶ ¶
Hey now!
Get on up out of here!
And don't come back!
¶ ¶
Probably laying up in my bunk, waiting on me.
¶ ¶
I don't know why I thought that was a good idea.
¶ ¶
Probably not one of the brightest things
I've ever done.
¶ ¶
Liz ain't gonna be happy with me about that.
She'll say, "What the hell were you thinking?"
¶ ¶
I don't know, darling.
I knew I wanted to see a grizzly up close,
and I damn sure got it--got what I wanted.
¶ ¶
In the last...
¶ ¶
13 years, I've been in the West.
I've been in grizzly country. I've been in lion country.
I've been all over the mountains.
¶ ¶
But I ain't never had a cat stalk up on me,
and I ain't never had a grizzly charge me.
So it must not be as wild as this.
¶ ¶
Yep, that's close enough for me.
I'm satisfied.
Won't be tracking another one down.
¶ ¶
- What are these?
Oh, interesting.
Not tried that before.
Here we go.
All right, your turn.
¶ ¶
Well, there you go. Is the picture better?
¶ ¶
Yeah, potentially.
Yeah, the picture's so good, it makes my hair look nice.
Yeah, right.
¶ ¶
Okay, so we're ready to go gathering now.
I know I need to be getting in more calories.
That's really the end of it. I need to eat more.
¶ ¶
It's hard to bring in enough plant calories
to make ends meet.
And I did not expect to come out on "Alone"
and be a vegan.
I have a pretty good set
of trapping and hunting skills,
the whole nine yards.
But there's nothing to trap.
I mean, if there are no rabbits,
why would you spend time trapping rabbits?
I have a trout line that's out there,
but I have no idea if that line
is horrifically tangled out there
to the point where it's not even usable.
¶ ¶
I'm just at the point here that I feel like processing
my plant foods is almost a better use of my time.
And if I can--whoa. Weird.
This was completely covered in water yesterday.
¶ ¶
Wow.
I feel like the lake is lower right now.
This is kind of weird.
¶ ¶
Yeah. Crazy.
¶ ¶
Oh, my God.
¶ ¶
Well!
I'll take beach fish. I'm down for beach fish.
Thank you, lake. [laughs]
Whoo!
Oh, my gosh, I'm so, so super stoked about this.
This fish is the first significant protein
that I have seen outside of mushrooms.
Super-duper awesome.
Smells fine. It's cold out.
I'm not worried.
Wonder if those are claw marks.
I wonder if an eagle caught it and dropped it.
If so, thank you very much, Mr. Eagle.
¶ ¶
All right, let's get back on the road, eh?
Thank you, brother eagle.
I won't turn down the inadvertent gift.
¶ ¶
Maybe that's why the bears wander the beach as well.
Maybe we're competing for beach fish.
[chuckles]
Still staring at the water, like, "Give me another fish."
¶ ¶
Oh, wow.
This is amazing.
[laughs] We got another fish.
All right for beach fish.
How crazy is this?
We found a big fish. And a small fish.
¶ ¶
Ugh, not the most comfortable place in the world to...
¶ ¶
Gut the big 'ol fish, but...
ugh.
It's a bloody slimy fish.
Whilst I am super excited about the fact
that I get some calories,
this is gonna be a choke-it-down meal.
Ugh.
I don't like to eat fish.
I will eat fish, but you're gonna watch me
make all kinds of funny faces on camera.
Let's go give that a rinse out, shall we?
¶ ¶
Well, unexpected start to the morning.
Pretty exciting.
That fish probably weighs...
¶ ¶
A kilo and a half,
so...three and a half pounds, four pounds.
Even say it's one kilo of edible bits,
that's 3,000 calories.
¶ ¶
So that bloody thing would be the most calories
I've gathered in a single go since I came out here.
¶ ¶
I really don't like fish. But I really want some meat.
Oh, my gosh. We're gonna eat it.
That's not really...
¶ ¶
Not really the thing.
It's just whether I have to gag it down the whole time.
Skin...
¶ ¶
Looks like a mucus ball.
¶ ¶
Oh.
Ugh. Did it. It's down.
¶ ¶
This fish represents multiple meals,
multiple days' worth of calories.
And I'm very grateful to the land
for providing me with the thing that I asked for.
When you're in a situation like this,
you don't look a gift fish in the mouth.
¶ ¶
Three days, I have fat and protein.
I'm truly grateful to be alive and here,
and doing exactly what I'm doing.
Right now, I feel fantastic. I could stay out here forever.
Thank you, lake, for the fish.
¶ ¶
- Have a good fire going.
Heat feels good.
Last night was probably the worst night of sleep
I've ever had in my life.
I would love to be all positive and be like,
"Yes, it was so amazing in my sleeping bag."
But I can't do it, 'cause
my left foot felt like it was just
dead all night.
It was frozen.
Ooh.
That one's got crazy purple color.
It's all wrinkled up and purple.
It looks like a little raisin.
It's, like, getting weird purple spots on top.
And then this guy has a sore underneath.
Aw.
Poor toes.
It's definitely, I think, a circulation issue,
because
it's working its way up my foot.
You know?
Just colder and colder farther up my foot.
¶ ¶
Gonna keep that fire going most of the day, here.
I have my med check today.
I'm gonna go get my kettle.
I have to heat that broth. I have to eat something.
[eerie music]
¶ ¶
Wow. I cannot believe how tired I am.
This feeling of weakness
is not anything I've ever felt before.
I know that I have to eat. There's no way around it.
My rabbit stew is hanging 50 or 60 feet from my shelter,
and I'm gonna go get that, and I'm gonna bring it back
and get some food in me.
¶ ¶
Oh, my gosh.
My heart is pumpin' so hard, like I just ran a marathon.
It's crazy.
¶ ¶
Okay.
¶ ¶
I think I'm in-- I think I'm in trouble.
I think something's wrong.
¶ ¶
I feel like I can't hear, and...
I feel disoriented, and...
[tense music]
¶ ¶
[whimpers]
I need to get back to my cabin, but I can't.
¶ ¶
I have to get up. Okay.
¶ ¶
Okay.
So hot. But I'm so cold.
All right.
Let's go.
¶ ¶
[grunts]
¶ ¶
Can't even see. Everything's out of focus.
Oh, my gosh.
¶ ¶
[tense music]
¶ ¶
- Ouch.
¶ ¶
[communication device blips] - Hey, so just keep me posted
if you get any word from Rose.
¶ ¶
Rose?
¶ ¶
It's, like, all sparkly.
- Okay. - Black and sparkly.
- What kind of food are you eating day-by-day here?
- Broth, 'cause that's all I have left.
I just can't get to it when my feet hurt so bad.
Last night was pretty rough for the left one,
all the way past my ankle.
It was just freezing cold.
The toes just never get warm.
- Sure.
¶ ¶
It's cold.
¶ ¶
- Okay.
- Ah.
They just feel, like, thick, like you're gonna pop them.
¶ ¶
- It's cold.
- Yep.
¶ ¶
- Hi, Rose. - Hi.
- We have some concerns, and I would say that,
between your feet and the troubles you're having today,
which show a systemic drop--you're very cold.
Your blood pressure is very low.
You're not eating enough to
really keep yourself in good condition.
I think, at this point, unfortunately,
I'm gonna have to medically extract you from the field.
¶ ¶
- I know it's probably best,
but I just am not ready to go yet.
I just don't--know I can't sit here with these
wrapped up all day,
because they're not even staying warm.
¶ ¶
If I could figure out what was wrong with them,
I could, you know, fix it.
- Well, what we're noticing is moderate stages
of cold injury in your feet.
We want to make sure that you don't suffer
any irrevocable harm.
I mean, it is actually possible that could cause tissue damage,
and we can't be sure right now that,
if you stay in the field, that won't happen.
¶ ¶
I'm sorry, Rose.
¶ ¶
- Okay.
¶ ¶
I do not want to jeopardize my feet.
I have so much that I do in my life
that it's important that I finish all that with my toes.
But I feel like 37 days is no time at all.
I had so much more I wanted to build.
I had so many more animals that I wanted to hunt.
¶ ¶
- [inaudible]
- Okay, watch out.
- I can't see.
- You're doing well. - Okay. You're doing good.
Lean on me. Take a step forward.
- We're not gonna let you fall. - Take a step forward.
- Like, everything's so blurry. Hang on.
- Okay. - Let's carry her.
Get under her legs.
¶ ¶
Okay. - Rocks are slippery.
- Yep. Take her feet.
¶ ¶
You're on the boat. Okay?
- I didn't win, but I hope that people will take away
that I did this all on my own.
Nobody showed me how to do anything.
It's not something that I had to study.
I'm just a girl that wants to experience stuff
and learn things.
And if I can do that, then anybody can do that.
¶ ¶
[tense music]
¶ ¶
- Rose, thanks for joining me.
- Thanks for having me. It's great to be here.
- Like you, I know how traumatic it was
to be pulled from the show.
How was that experience for you?
- It's been really hard.
There was so much that I still wanted to do.
- Yeah. - And to have that choice
of whether you're going to stay taken away from you,
that's been the hardest thing for me to get over.
I didn't expect my feet to be a problem.
I had no idea that was gonna be an issue.
I mean, I have negative 50 boots.
Like, they shouldn't be--
I don't know why they're doing this.
- I know that feeling very well.
It's almost as if we can't finish our story.
- Yeah, because in my life, I do what I want to do, and--
- Totally. Me too. [both laugh]
- Yeah. I sometimes push my limits.
I always push my limits, not sometimes.
So, in this situation, it probably was a good thing
that the choice was taken away from me.
- You want to just-- - No, I can't.
Everything--I'm dizzy.
- You're safe. You're safe, Rose.
- It got really tough out there for you in the cold.
When was the moment you knew that you were in trouble?
- I had to make a choice between finding food,
building my shelter,
and being able to find a place to have a fire.
And I just ran out of time.
Once my toes hurt so bad, and there was no way for me
to warm them-- I don't have a fire inside--
I knew that I was in trouble.
¶ ¶
Poor toes.
- You had so many bears at your site--
near your shelter, on the beach.
- Oh, there he is, right there.
Get!
Get! Go on!
- How did you overcome your fears
to stay out there and keep going on?
- There were so many bears.
I never anticipated so many bears.
I am a large game hunter, so I am the hunter.
But yeah, in this situation, I was the hunted.
So it was a whole different feeling for me.
- [gasps]
A lot of emotions that hit me all at once,
that I wasn't quite sure how to handle.
But I was able to bring myself back
and just kind of reground myself,
and it just took a couple of minutes.
I've always been really good at,
you know, having that ability
to just kind of calm down and refocus.
All right. Just have to get it together.
- What usually breaks people down on this show
is how raw their emotions become.
It's almost like nature forces your feelings to the surface.
And a lot of people have a problem
dealing with what comes up.
But you didn't seem to have a problem with that at all.
- I went in with the mindset that I have complete control
over my thoughts and my emotions.
So I just didn't dwell on it.
It's like an emotional roller coaster out there.
Sometimes all of this just gets to be too much.
One second, you're, "This is so beautiful,"
and the next, you're thinking of, you know,
something maybe from your childhood.
I just let myself think of those things,
process it real quickly, and then move on.
In the real world, I don't get that time to do that,
because my life moves so quickly.
So I actually just enjoyed that whole process of having
that time to be alone and go through those emotions.
- Being that you've always been able to find a way
to take care of yourself,
you struggled with food and keeping yourself warm.
- That was one of the hardest things for me to deal with,
because I've always taken care of myself and my children.
And here, now,
I don't know where my food is coming from next.
My belly is hungry.
- You had gone almost 30 days without meat.
- Yeah.
- And it was such an unbelievable moment for you.
I mean, that first hare. I mean, what was that like?
- I got a rabbit. Oh, my gosh, that is awesome.
Ta-da! It's a bunny!
There's no way to ever explain to anybody that feeling, like,
just the relief
and the excitement to process it and to taste it.
That first taste of meat is just...
Oh, my gosh.
I kept saying, "This is the best rabbit
I've ever eaten."
Like, you only will know that feeling and how intense it is
if you go through it.
That was so good.
Liver has never tasted so good in my life. That was amazing.
- Rose, it's been so wonderful talking with you.
Thank you so much for being such a great role model
for the young girls out there who love the woods like we do.
- It's been amazing.
And it was so amazing meeting you,
someone who is so much like me.
- Yeah, thank you.
- What an amazing opportunity I was given,
and I'll always be grateful for this experience.
¶ ¶
- Without those high-calorie items, like fish,
game, this is just a descent into starvation.
[bleep].
- Are you kidding me?
There's bears, like, 30 feet away from me right now.
¶ ¶
- This gill net is all kind of tangled up.
- I just have this bad gut feeling
that the boat needs attention.
I need to know it's okay.
This is a dumb idea.
Hey, bear!
¶ ¶