1
00:00:36,911 --> 00:00:39,913
(INTRO TO WOMAN
BY WOLFMOTHER PLAYING)

2
00:00:43,043 --> 00:00:45,544
<i>Woman, you know you're a woman</i>

3
00:00:45,628 --> 00:00:47,046
<i>You got to be...</i>

4
00:00:47,130 --> 00:00:50,049
- There she is. Hey.
- Hi, guys.

5
00:00:50,592 --> 00:00:52,176
JESS: All right, baby girl.
You go, baby girl.

6
00:00:52,260 --> 00:00:54,219
You go, baby girl. You go, you go get it.

7
00:00:54,721 --> 00:00:56,805
- (CHEERING)
- Yes!

8
00:00:57,307 --> 00:00:58,849
- You're my baby...
- BOTH: Ba, ba, ba, ba, ba...

9
00:00:59,267 --> 00:01:00,267
JESS: No, no, no, don't make it.

10
00:01:00,977 --> 00:01:02,227
- Oh!
- Damn it!

11
00:01:02,312 --> 00:01:04,563
Oh... Yes!

12
00:01:04,647 --> 00:01:07,149
- (GAGS) Nope. I absolute...
- I got this. I got this.

13
00:01:07,233 --> 00:01:08,776
- I absolutely can't do it.
- Come on, Jess!

14
00:01:08,860 --> 00:01:10,986
But remember, this is
a stupid frat boy ritual, so...

15
00:01:11,071 --> 00:01:12,237
Yeah, but kick their ass! (WHOOPS)

16
00:01:12,322 --> 00:01:13,530
- Yeah, fuck 'em up!
- Hey.

17
00:01:13,615 --> 00:01:14,573
- We're together.
- No.

18
00:01:14,657 --> 00:01:16,450
Cool, cool, cool.

19
00:01:18,203 --> 00:01:19,995
- (CHEERING, GROANING)
- JESS: Yes.

20
00:01:20,663 --> 00:01:23,040
- (SCREAMING, WHOOPING)
- MAN: Yeah, go, Jess!

21
00:01:23,541 --> 00:01:25,542
- Dude!
- (LAUGHING)

22
00:01:25,710 --> 00:01:27,586
Oh, God. Oh, God, Jess.

23
00:01:28,129 --> 00:01:29,838
Only two cups left.

24
00:01:30,131 --> 00:01:32,341
No, there's one cup.
You're just seeing double.

25
00:01:32,675 --> 00:01:35,385
Oh, God! There's only one cups left.

26
00:01:35,470 --> 00:01:37,304
- Oh, I can't do it. It's too much pressure.
- What?

27
00:01:37,388 --> 00:01:38,806
- I can't do it, Jess.
- Look...

28
00:01:38,890 --> 00:01:40,641
- Look at me. Look at me.
- Mmm-hmm?

29
00:01:40,725 --> 00:01:42,559
You got us through
the Wendy's drive-through

30
00:01:42,644 --> 00:01:44,645
when my car had no windshield
and three tires.

31
00:01:44,729 --> 00:01:46,105
(WHISPERS) You can do anything.

32
00:01:46,189 --> 00:01:47,773
(WHISPERING)
Yeah, but everybody's watching me,

33
00:01:47,857 --> 00:01:49,817
and I'm sweating like crazy.

34
00:01:49,901 --> 00:01:52,069
I look like a princess,
but I smell like a peasant.

35
00:01:52,153 --> 00:01:54,446
Let's go, foot job girl!

36
00:01:55,406 --> 00:01:58,200
Excuse me, she has a name! It's Alice.

37
00:01:58,284 --> 00:02:01,995
And she's my best friend,
and she's good and kind.

38
00:02:02,080 --> 00:02:03,288
BOTH: Yeah!

39
00:02:03,540 --> 00:02:06,583
Thank you, but I did jerk
off his roommate with my feet.

40
00:02:06,709 --> 00:02:08,127
I... I know.

41
00:02:08,211 --> 00:02:11,713
The key is, right foot only for,
like, a while.

42
00:02:11,798 --> 00:02:14,716
- You know? Make him beg for...
- The left one. I know. Focus!

43
00:02:15,426 --> 00:02:20,097
If we win this, we will be the only girls
to ever win the Halloween tournament.

44
00:02:20,223 --> 00:02:21,390
(WHISPERS) We've got to do this.

45
00:02:22,767 --> 00:02:24,601
For womankind.

46
00:02:28,231 --> 00:02:30,065
Stop making me horny, and shoot!

47
00:02:31,734 --> 00:02:34,820
<i>MAN: (RAPPING)
Everybody in this bitch gettin' tipsy...</i>

48
00:02:35,697 --> 00:02:38,115
(DISTORTED WHOOSHING)

49
00:02:40,743 --> 00:02:42,744
(CHEERING)

50
00:02:44,747 --> 00:02:46,206
ALICE AND JESS: We did it!
We did it! We did it!

51
00:02:46,291 --> 00:02:48,333
- I want up! I want up! I want up!
- You deserve it.

52
00:02:48,418 --> 00:02:49,418
You've earned it.

53
00:02:50,753 --> 00:02:52,588
(WHOOPING, CHEERING)

54
00:02:52,839 --> 00:02:55,966
Here we go. All right. All right, yes!

55
00:02:57,468 --> 00:02:58,635
I'm the king of the world!

56
00:02:58,761 --> 00:02:59,761
(THUMP)

57
00:02:59,929 --> 00:03:00,929
ALL: Oh!

58
00:03:02,098 --> 00:03:03,932
BLAIR: Oh. Again?

59
00:03:04,058 --> 00:03:05,767
FRANKIE: Dude. Oh, God.
BLAIR: Jess?

60
00:03:05,894 --> 00:03:06,894
WOMAN: Are you all right?

61
00:03:06,978 --> 00:03:09,813
- Oh, my God, are you okay?
- Dude. Come on. Come on.

62
00:03:09,898 --> 00:03:12,941
- I'm fine, Mom.
- (LAUGHING) Oh, my God.

63
00:03:13,026 --> 00:03:14,735
What happened?

64
00:03:16,112 --> 00:03:18,238
Honestly, I don't even know
why we go to these stupid parties.

65
00:03:18,323 --> 00:03:19,531
I just want to hang out with you guys.

66
00:03:19,616 --> 00:03:20,908
- I know. I feel the same way.
- Yes!

67
00:03:20,992 --> 00:03:23,660
Everyone else at this college
is sloppy and gross.

68
00:03:23,745 --> 00:03:25,162
- BLAIR: Water.
- Wait, come here.

69
00:03:25,288 --> 00:03:26,288
Oh.

70
00:03:26,414 --> 00:03:28,290
- Ugh!
- Mmm. Not bad.

71
00:03:28,374 --> 00:03:29,833
- ALICE: Who's grosser?
- (RHYTHMIC WHIRRING)

72
00:03:29,918 --> 00:03:31,210
What is that?

73
00:03:31,294 --> 00:03:32,336
- What is that?
- What's happening?

74
00:03:32,629 --> 00:03:35,672
Oh, it's my vibrator,
it randomly turns on and off.

75
00:03:35,798 --> 00:03:37,633
(ALL LAUGHING)

76
00:03:39,719 --> 00:03:43,347
Oh, my God, you guys,
I'm gonna miss you so much next semester.

77
00:03:43,473 --> 00:03:44,932
- I don't want to talk about it.
- It's sad.

78
00:03:45,016 --> 00:03:46,225
- No, no, no, no.
- FRANKIE: Dude,

79
00:03:46,309 --> 00:03:48,393
Al Gore is guest-lecturing next semester.

80
00:03:48,478 --> 00:03:50,354
Maybe you don't want to go to Australia.
I don't know.

81
00:03:50,438 --> 00:03:52,522
- Yeah.
- On my 21st birthday, though,

82
00:03:52,857 --> 00:03:54,233
my dad's getting us the chopper.

83
00:03:54,317 --> 00:03:55,901
I said I don't want to talk about it.

84
00:03:55,985 --> 00:03:57,402
So I don't know what's happening.

85
00:03:57,487 --> 00:03:58,904
I don't even want to go. I just...

86
00:03:58,988 --> 00:04:01,490
It was so hard to get into
the political science program.

87
00:04:01,574 --> 00:04:04,034
And plus, my gym class
is bungee jumping, so...

88
00:04:04,118 --> 00:04:05,410
Oh, my God, wear a good bra.

89
00:04:05,495 --> 00:04:08,247
Well, look, we'll have
all of senior year together,

90
00:04:08,331 --> 00:04:11,041
and then we'll have the rest
of our lives together, so it's fine.

91
00:04:11,125 --> 00:04:12,918
- BLAIR: Yeah.
- You promise?

92
00:04:13,002 --> 00:04:16,296
You guys, our kids are gonna play together.

93
00:04:16,381 --> 00:04:18,257
- FRANKIE: Oh, my God!
- Oh, my gosh!

94
00:04:18,341 --> 00:04:20,676
- We're so lucky!
- ALICE: Get in here! Come here.

95
00:04:20,760 --> 00:04:22,761
- Oh. Mmm!
- (RHYTHMIC WHIRRING)

96
00:04:22,845 --> 00:04:25,597
- FRANKIE: Okay, that is a second vibrator.
- Yeah, I have a few.

97
00:04:25,682 --> 00:04:26,890
Just... Just, yeah.

98
00:04:28,184 --> 00:04:29,601
BLAIR: No!
JESS: Janine, no!

99
00:04:29,686 --> 00:04:31,311
- No! No! No!
- Janine, get out!

100
00:04:31,396 --> 00:04:32,896
- Come on.
- Janine!

101
00:04:32,981 --> 00:04:33,981
Oh, my God! Stop!

102
00:04:34,065 --> 00:04:35,649
- Bathroom is next-door!
- Cannot believe!

103
00:04:35,733 --> 00:04:37,776
- Every damn weekend with this!
- Stop! She's already peeing.

104
00:04:37,860 --> 00:04:39,027
ALICE: Janine!

105
00:04:39,112 --> 00:04:40,696
<i>MAN: (SINGING)
Whoo!</i>

106
00:04:41,197 --> 00:04:42,531
<i>What! What!</i>

107
00:04:45,118 --> 00:04:46,868
(MELLOW MUSIC PLAYING)

108
00:04:47,287 --> 00:04:51,707
Hi. I'm Jessica Thayer,
and I'm running for state senate.

109
00:04:51,874 --> 00:04:55,252
<i>Crime, underfunded schools, sewage.</i>

110
00:04:55,336 --> 00:04:58,422
<i>These are real problems
that our community is facing.</i>

111
00:04:58,923 --> 00:05:02,050
<i>Looking forward to your vote on November 3.</i>

112
00:05:02,385 --> 00:05:03,969
<i>Thank you.</i>

113
00:05:05,388 --> 00:05:08,432
- It's great.
- Well, 60% of the focus group

114
00:05:08,516 --> 00:05:10,559
did say that it seemed
like you wouldn't put out.

115
00:05:10,893 --> 00:05:13,228
What? Why are they being asked that?

116
00:05:13,313 --> 00:05:15,814
Don't know, but 60% is, like, a lot.

117
00:05:16,357 --> 00:05:17,899
- Yeah.
- We're still so close.

118
00:05:17,984 --> 00:05:21,111
I don't understand,
Wesson literally tweeted out a dick pic.

119
00:05:21,195 --> 00:05:22,154
He apologized.

120
00:05:22,238 --> 00:05:25,032
Yes. He said, "I'm sorry, wrong dick pic,"

121
00:05:25,116 --> 00:05:27,326
- and then he tweeted out another one.
- (GRUNTS)

122
00:05:27,618 --> 00:05:30,954
Look, if Wesson wins, he's literally
gonna cut every single program

123
00:05:31,039 --> 00:05:32,539
that actually helps people.

124
00:05:32,623 --> 00:05:34,124
We know that. Right?

125
00:05:34,250 --> 00:05:36,710
But people want to vote
for someone they can relate to.

126
00:05:36,919 --> 00:05:38,337
They feel safe with Wesson.

127
00:05:38,421 --> 00:05:39,671
They want to have a beer with him.

128
00:05:39,756 --> 00:05:44,009
I'm not sure anyone
wants to have a beer with that.

129
00:05:46,012 --> 00:05:47,012
(GROANS)

130
00:05:47,096 --> 00:05:49,139
- (RINGTONE PLAYING)
- Oh.

131
00:05:50,224 --> 00:05:51,183
Hey, Alice.

132
00:05:51,267 --> 00:05:54,519
Hey. I am so excited for this trip.

133
00:05:54,604 --> 00:05:56,897
I got my IUD taken out for Miami.

134
00:05:56,981 --> 00:05:58,732
Um, is that a good idea?

135
00:05:58,816 --> 00:06:00,734
<i>Uh, yeah. It's your bachelorette weekend.</i>

136
00:06:00,818 --> 00:06:02,694
Jess, Wesson tweeted out another dick pic,

137
00:06:02,779 --> 00:06:04,613
and it's already got 10,000 retweets.

138
00:06:04,697 --> 00:06:06,406
Alice, I... I got to call you back.

139
00:06:06,783 --> 00:06:07,783
(BEEP)

140
00:06:09,660 --> 00:06:11,870
Tulum, give her back her Kindle!

141
00:06:12,789 --> 00:06:14,456
Every fuckin' day.

142
00:06:14,665 --> 00:06:16,958
<i>* *</i>

143
00:06:20,254 --> 00:06:23,048
- Hey.
- Mmm. Hey.

144
00:06:23,132 --> 00:06:26,343
I'm so sorry. I got stuck at the office.

145
00:06:26,427 --> 00:06:27,969
It's okay.

146
00:06:28,429 --> 00:06:29,846
BOTH: Mmm.

147
00:06:29,931 --> 00:06:32,891
- I got you chicken cashew nut, extra nut.
- Oh, no.

148
00:06:33,393 --> 00:06:34,893
I ate an apple

149
00:06:34,977 --> 00:06:38,230
and a bag of very, very
stale pretzels at the office.

150
00:06:38,314 --> 00:06:40,232
It was so hard to get extra nut.

151
00:06:40,316 --> 00:06:43,068
That woman is so mean.
She yells at me all the time.

152
00:06:43,152 --> 00:06:44,903
She thought I hung up,
but I heard her call me a dipshit.

153
00:06:44,987 --> 00:06:48,073
- How much did you tip?
-20%.

154
00:06:48,157 --> 00:06:51,159
- I know. I know, I know.
- Yeah. Like, I couldn't. I...

155
00:06:51,244 --> 00:06:53,078
- You're just such a good person.
- (RINGTONE PLAYING)

156
00:06:54,080 --> 00:06:55,914
Oh, it's Alice. I forgot to call her back.

157
00:06:55,998 --> 00:06:58,667
- It's okay, get it.
- No. I can't, I can't, I can't.

158
00:06:58,751 --> 00:07:00,961
- Enough with my bachelorette itinerary.
- Ah.

159
00:07:01,045 --> 00:07:02,587
<i>- Like, she's planned it to the half hour.
- Wow.</i>

160
00:07:02,672 --> 00:07:06,758
Yeah, I feel like this weekend
has come at the worst possible time.

161
00:07:06,843 --> 00:07:08,093
I'm so stressed out.

162
00:07:08,177 --> 00:07:09,886
You'll see your friends, you'll have fun.

163
00:07:09,971 --> 00:07:10,971
It'll be restorative.

164
00:07:11,055 --> 00:07:13,181
Like that time we took Xanax
and slept for 16 hours.

165
00:07:13,558 --> 00:07:15,058
Oh, God, that was good.

166
00:07:15,143 --> 00:07:16,852
(SIGHS) You know, I love those girls,

167
00:07:16,936 --> 00:07:19,146
but I really just don't want to
have a party weekend right now.

168
00:07:19,230 --> 00:07:22,232
- Mmm-hmm.
- I want to have a weekend with you.

169
00:07:22,358 --> 00:07:24,192
- I miss you.
- Mmm-hmm. I miss you, too.

170
00:07:24,277 --> 00:07:26,111
- You've been at the office, like, nonstop.
- I know.

171
00:07:26,195 --> 00:07:27,195
Mmm.

172
00:07:29,323 --> 00:07:31,366
Mmm. Mmm.

173
00:07:32,034 --> 00:07:34,035
Wait, wait, one... If we keep kissing,

174
00:07:34,120 --> 00:07:35,495
I'm gonna want to have sex.

175
00:07:35,788 --> 00:07:36,830
I'm okay with that.

176
00:07:36,914 --> 00:07:38,290
- I'm down.
- Okay.

177
00:07:38,374 --> 00:07:41,918
But I have, like, four things
I have to do before.

178
00:07:42,044 --> 00:07:44,838
I just have to print out those itineraries
for the city council meeting.

179
00:07:44,922 --> 00:07:46,798
And I have to email the Herald.

180
00:07:46,883 --> 00:07:50,302
I have, like, a 25-minute-ish interview.

181
00:07:50,386 --> 00:07:51,595
- Ooh. Okay.
- I...

182
00:07:51,679 --> 00:07:54,139
I tell you what,
I'm gonna let you do all that,

183
00:07:54,223 --> 00:07:56,391
and I'm gonna go masturbate
in the shower and go to sleep.

184
00:07:57,727 --> 00:07:59,144
- Really?
- Yeah.

185
00:07:59,896 --> 00:08:01,563
- You're the best.
- Well...

186
00:08:01,647 --> 00:08:04,065
- I love you.
- I love you, too.

187
00:08:06,402 --> 00:08:09,029
JESS: So, I texted you the address.
ALICE: Jess! Shots! Shots!

188
00:08:09,113 --> 00:08:11,364
Shots, shots, shots, shots! Shots! Shots!

189
00:08:11,449 --> 00:08:13,867
- Shots, shots, shots!
- (BOTH LAUGHING)

190
00:08:13,993 --> 00:08:16,953
- ALICE: Yay! Yes!
- (BOTH LAUGH)

191
00:08:17,038 --> 00:08:18,371
Oh, my God.

192
00:08:18,456 --> 00:08:20,665
- What's on my head?
- This is it.

193
00:08:20,750 --> 00:08:22,417
Your bachelorette weekend.

194
00:08:22,502 --> 00:08:25,545
I have been waiting for this moment
since the first day of freshman year.

195
00:08:26,005 --> 00:08:28,089
- Get in here.
- You have?

196
00:08:28,216 --> 00:08:31,635
Oh, my God, there's gonna be
so many hot Miami babes.

197
00:08:31,719 --> 00:08:33,595
We are gonna be swimmin' in dick, girl!

198
00:08:34,096 --> 00:08:35,639
Hi, Alice.

199
00:08:35,765 --> 00:08:37,349
- Peter. Hi.
- Hey.

200
00:08:37,433 --> 00:08:39,059
And get out of here, she's mine now.

201
00:08:40,937 --> 00:08:42,521
Don't get in too much trouble, okay?

202
00:08:42,730 --> 00:08:44,981
- Yeah, I won't.
- Let's go, let's do it.

203
00:08:45,107 --> 00:08:46,733
Drive safe.
Have fun at your bachelor party, okay?

204
00:08:46,817 --> 00:08:47,901
Will do.

205
00:08:47,985 --> 00:08:49,528
Hey, Alice, be careful swimming
in all that dick.

206
00:08:49,612 --> 00:08:51,071
ALICE: What are you? Okay, bye.

207
00:08:51,781 --> 00:08:53,114
I'm so happy to see you.

208
00:08:53,449 --> 00:08:55,909
Oh, this weekend's gonna be so much fun.

209
00:08:55,993 --> 00:08:57,953
Can't wait to see my girls!

210
00:08:58,079 --> 00:09:01,540
<i>When the pepper spray
hits your face, and it will,</i>

211
00:09:01,624 --> 00:09:03,708
<i>keep your mouth closed tight.</i>

212
00:09:03,793 --> 00:09:05,877
<i>- We are peaceful protestors.
- Yes!</i>

213
00:09:05,962 --> 00:09:08,380
<i>Yet we fight, you know? Yet we are strong!</i>

214
00:09:08,464 --> 00:09:09,965
<i>- Yeah! Yeah!
- This is war!</i>

215
00:09:10,091 --> 00:09:12,842
<i>- (ALARM BEEPING)
- Okay, I got to head to a bachelorette.</i>

216
00:09:13,135 --> 00:09:15,971
<i>But if anybody from the group disappears
from the protest,</i>

217
00:09:16,055 --> 00:09:18,306
<i>you text my cell phone immediately.</i>

218
00:09:19,475 --> 00:09:20,725
You have a cell phone?

219
00:09:21,060 --> 00:09:22,727
- Uh, no.
- You're one of them!

220
00:09:22,812 --> 00:09:23,812
(FRANKIE GROANS)

221
00:09:24,855 --> 00:09:26,815
I'll pick you up after school
on Monday, okay, sweetie?

222
00:09:27,275 --> 00:09:29,401
Mommy, do you have to go to Miami?

223
00:09:29,819 --> 00:09:32,112
Yes, I really do.

224
00:09:32,196 --> 00:09:34,447
But I'm gonna miss you so much.

225
00:09:34,532 --> 00:09:37,075
Technically, my time started 20 minutes ago,

226
00:09:37,159 --> 00:09:39,995
so, going to note this
for the custody hearing.

227
00:09:41,789 --> 00:09:44,833
Mmm. I love you. Mwah! Mwah!

228
00:09:45,501 --> 00:09:46,543
Bye.

229
00:09:46,627 --> 00:09:47,877
<i>* *</i>

230
00:09:55,595 --> 00:09:57,679
<i>Come on, shake your body,
baby, do the conga</i>

231
00:09:57,763 --> 00:09:59,764
<i>I know you can't control
yourself any longer...</i>

232
00:09:59,932 --> 00:10:01,725
<i>* *</i>

233
00:10:02,184 --> 00:10:04,060
Well, well, well.

234
00:10:05,021 --> 00:10:06,229
Damn.

235
00:10:06,314 --> 00:10:07,814
Damn.

236
00:10:08,149 --> 00:10:09,149
How do you do it?

237
00:10:09,233 --> 00:10:11,776
How do you look
this flawless getting off a plane?

238
00:10:11,902 --> 00:10:13,278
It's honestly rude.

239
00:10:13,362 --> 00:10:14,738
What, are you flirting with me?

240
00:10:15,239 --> 00:10:17,866
I would not flirt with a happily
married woman who broke my heart.

241
00:10:17,950 --> 00:10:20,785
Oh, my God, you broke up with me,
don't even start with that.

242
00:10:20,870 --> 00:10:24,122
Excuse me,
now you are flirting with me, okay?

243
00:10:24,206 --> 00:10:25,957
It's good to see you.

244
00:10:26,709 --> 00:10:28,126
It's good to see you, too.

245
00:10:28,669 --> 00:10:30,462
Girl, I have had a day.

246
00:10:30,546 --> 00:10:34,090
First was full, I had to ride business.
It was disgusting.

247
00:10:34,175 --> 00:10:35,383
(LAUGHS)

248
00:10:35,801 --> 00:10:38,261
- Gross.
- You're serious. Okay. Cool.

249
00:10:38,387 --> 00:10:42,057
Oh, my God, did you hear
Alice is making us go to a foam party?

250
00:10:42,141 --> 00:10:43,183
Ugh! I know.

251
00:10:43,267 --> 00:10:45,310
She has a scary amount of time
on her hands.

252
00:10:45,519 --> 00:10:47,937
Even though she's a full-time teacher,
I'm still like, "Get a job. "

253
00:10:48,022 --> 00:10:49,522
Do you have a job?

254
00:10:50,066 --> 00:10:53,068
Activism is a full-time job, but...

255
00:10:53,611 --> 00:10:55,153
- Also no.
- Mmm-hmm.

256
00:10:55,237 --> 00:10:57,155
Look at them, the magic is still there.

257
00:10:57,239 --> 00:10:58,365
- Hello!
- Hello!

258
00:10:58,658 --> 00:11:01,034
- Hi!
- Hi! Yes! Yes!

259
00:11:01,118 --> 00:11:03,244
(SHOUTS, LAUGHTER)

260
00:11:03,329 --> 00:11:06,164
- Oh, my God!
- It is all happening!

261
00:11:06,290 --> 00:11:08,291
Mmm! God, you smell so good.

262
00:11:08,376 --> 00:11:10,502
- I have, like, half a pound of weed in my bra.
- Ah.

263
00:11:10,586 --> 00:11:14,506
- Hey, Alice, how's your mom?
- Well, Alzheimer's is tough, but she's good.

264
00:11:14,590 --> 00:11:15,757
Good.

265
00:11:15,841 --> 00:11:18,510
The Wallace 5th Floor Girls
are back together again!

266
00:11:18,594 --> 00:11:20,512
(WHOOPING, LAUGHING)

267
00:11:20,596 --> 00:11:22,389
God, when was the last time
we were all together?

268
00:11:22,473 --> 00:11:23,973
I think it was two summers ago

269
00:11:24,058 --> 00:11:25,767
when we came to visit you
in your tree, right?

270
00:11:25,893 --> 00:11:27,977
No, no, no, 'cause Jess
couldn't make it, it was, uh,

271
00:11:28,062 --> 00:11:29,854
New Year's Eve, when Blair was in labor.

272
00:11:30,314 --> 00:11:32,899
- Oh, my God. Crazy.
- God, that was three years ago, then.

273
00:11:32,983 --> 00:11:34,818
Yeah. Well, we only have 55 hours,

274
00:11:34,902 --> 00:11:37,654
so let's stop wasting our motherfucking time

275
00:11:37,780 --> 00:11:39,781
and let's get the party started.

276
00:11:40,866 --> 00:11:42,409
- Yes!
- Alice, you rock!

277
00:11:42,493 --> 00:11:44,077
- The party starts now.
- (CORK POPS)

278
00:11:44,161 --> 00:11:46,121
(PANICKED SHOUTS, SCREAMS)

279
00:11:47,415 --> 00:11:49,124
Oh, my God. That was a bad idea.

280
00:11:49,208 --> 00:11:51,126
- Yeah, we're in an airport.
- That was bad.

281
00:11:51,210 --> 00:11:52,877
- That sounded like a gunshot.
- Yeah.

282
00:11:52,962 --> 00:11:54,003
- Let's go.
- Yep.

283
00:11:54,088 --> 00:11:55,088
JESS: Sorry. Our bad.

284
00:11:55,172 --> 00:11:56,297
ALICE: Sorry, everyone,
bachelorette weekend.

285
00:11:56,882 --> 00:11:59,926
FRANKIE: I was never here! Never! Move!

286
00:12:00,010 --> 00:12:02,512
(CONGA PLAYING)

287
00:12:02,680 --> 00:12:04,764
<i>* *</i>

288
00:12:07,727 --> 00:12:09,644
<i>Come on, shake your body,
baby, do the conga</i>

289
00:12:09,729 --> 00:12:11,229
<i>I know you can't control yourself any longer</i>

290
00:12:11,313 --> 00:12:12,731
BLAIR: Ooh.
FRANKIE: Wow.

291
00:12:12,815 --> 00:12:15,859
ALICE: Nice Miami house, mami.
BLAIR: Very nice.

292
00:12:15,985 --> 00:12:17,902
FRANKIE: Oh, gracias.
JESS: Um...

293
00:12:17,987 --> 00:12:20,989
We are supposed to pick up
the keys from the neighbors.

294
00:12:21,907 --> 00:12:23,241
ALICE: Did you bring a bathing suit?

295
00:12:23,325 --> 00:12:24,534
JESS: Hello?
ALICE: The beach is nice.

296
00:12:24,618 --> 00:12:25,618
Hi.

297
00:12:25,703 --> 00:12:27,454
Sorry, somebody left some keys for...

298
00:12:27,538 --> 00:12:29,247
- Oh, my goodness.
- Oh, sorry, we'll come back.

299
00:12:29,331 --> 00:12:31,166
- So sorry.
- LEA: Oh, hi, girls.

300
00:12:31,250 --> 00:12:32,834
No, no, I'm sorry.

301
00:12:33,294 --> 00:12:35,211
Let me put something on.

302
00:12:35,504 --> 00:12:36,504
FRANKIE: Oh.

303
00:12:36,630 --> 00:12:38,089
- LEA: Come on in.
- Very funny.

304
00:12:38,174 --> 00:12:39,382
- Is it really?
- I love it.

305
00:12:39,467 --> 00:12:40,967
- Hello.
- Hi.

306
00:12:41,051 --> 00:12:42,927
- Thank you. Oh.
- Hi. Oh.

307
00:12:43,012 --> 00:12:44,053
Okay.

308
00:12:44,180 --> 00:12:45,263
What brings you to Miami?

309
00:12:45,890 --> 00:12:47,682
Business? Pleasure?

310
00:12:48,350 --> 00:12:49,476
The business of pleasure?

311
00:12:49,685 --> 00:12:51,394
Oh, bachelorette weekend.

312
00:12:51,479 --> 00:12:53,688
- Jess is getting married.
- Ah.

313
00:12:53,856 --> 00:12:55,523
- Congratulations!
- JESS: Thank you.

314
00:12:55,608 --> 00:12:56,858
This marriage, will it be open?

315
00:12:57,777 --> 00:12:59,110
You know, we haven't discussed it.

316
00:12:59,195 --> 00:13:01,112
But, probably closed. Yeah.

317
00:13:01,197 --> 00:13:02,989
Tightly, tightly closed.

318
00:13:03,073 --> 00:13:05,784
Lea, does she not remind you

319
00:13:05,868 --> 00:13:08,036
of our French girl from Turks and Caicos?

320
00:13:08,162 --> 00:13:10,538
- Oh.
- She does.

321
00:13:11,081 --> 00:13:12,415
Thank you. Thanks.

322
00:13:13,876 --> 00:13:16,044
Well, we're gonna try to keep it down.

323
00:13:16,128 --> 00:13:18,004
- BLAIR: Mmm-hmm.
- Oh, well, we'll try not to.

324
00:13:18,088 --> 00:13:19,547
- ALICE: Oh.
- (LAUGHTER)

325
00:13:19,632 --> 00:13:20,757
Ah! Yes!

326
00:13:20,841 --> 00:13:21,883
- They're serious.
- Go. Go, go, downstairs.

327
00:13:22,843 --> 00:13:24,427
She is delicious.

328
00:13:24,970 --> 00:13:26,888
- I want that.
- Mmm.

329
00:13:28,140 --> 00:13:30,058
(WOMEN LAUGHING)

330
00:13:30,768 --> 00:13:32,560
Ooh, yes.

331
00:13:32,895 --> 00:13:35,480
Oh, Real World, baby! Miami!

332
00:13:35,564 --> 00:13:38,316
Ew. This house represents everything I hate.

333
00:13:38,400 --> 00:13:39,984
I'm gonna go take a protest dump.

334
00:13:40,069 --> 00:13:42,028
I call the room next to Jess! Ah.

335
00:13:42,404 --> 00:13:43,863
Oh, I think that room has bunk beds,

336
00:13:43,948 --> 00:13:45,073
so you're gonna have to share with Pippa.

337
00:13:45,491 --> 00:13:46,533
Uh, who that?

338
00:13:47,117 --> 00:13:49,410
Pippa, my Australian friend
from semester abroad.

339
00:13:49,495 --> 00:13:51,204
She's been CC'd on, like,
every single email.

340
00:13:51,288 --> 00:13:52,914
Oh, right.

341
00:13:52,998 --> 00:13:54,874
Well, if my snoring bothers her,
she can take the couch.

342
00:13:54,959 --> 00:13:56,876
Or she can just start on the couch
and we'll go from there.

343
00:13:56,961 --> 00:13:58,586
We'll figure it out.
She'll start on the couch.

344
00:14:00,005 --> 00:14:01,089
- JESS: Blair.
- What?

345
00:14:01,173 --> 00:14:04,342
Can you be careful with the red wine
on the white carpet, please?

346
00:14:04,426 --> 00:14:06,553
My biggest and only donor

347
00:14:06,637 --> 00:14:08,471
generously lent us this house
for the weekend.

348
00:14:08,889 --> 00:14:11,266
- So, please be careful.
- Okay.

349
00:14:11,350 --> 00:14:13,852
I'm telling you, she's got bigger problems
than a wine stain

350
00:14:13,936 --> 00:14:16,437
if she wants to sell this place
for 3.4 in this market.

351
00:14:16,772 --> 00:14:18,731
- How do you know that?
- Zillow.

352
00:14:18,816 --> 00:14:20,900
- I Zillow everybody.
- Really?

353
00:14:20,985 --> 00:14:23,111
Like, do you know
how much my house is worth?

354
00:14:24,029 --> 00:14:25,822
- Mmm-hmm.
- ALICE: Okay, atención.

355
00:14:26,156 --> 00:14:27,657
Bachelorette kit time.

356
00:14:27,783 --> 00:14:28,950
Let me get your attention.

357
00:14:29,034 --> 00:14:30,368
We got it all.

358
00:14:30,452 --> 00:14:33,079
Bride-to-be bathrobe for our lovely Jess,

359
00:14:33,372 --> 00:14:37,542
penis straws, penis sunglasses,
penis sprinkles, penis gum,

360
00:14:37,626 --> 00:14:39,544
penis hats, penis pasta.

361
00:14:39,628 --> 00:14:41,796
And yes, I did get a little
drunk and ate some of that dry.

362
00:14:42,381 --> 00:14:44,382
- Don't judge.
- No judgment.

363
00:14:44,717 --> 00:14:46,968
Also, I wrote you a card.
But don't read it now, read it later.

364
00:14:47,428 --> 00:14:48,928
- Thanks, Alice.
- Yeah.

365
00:14:49,013 --> 00:14:50,597
(FRANKIE SCREAMS UPSTAIRS)

366
00:14:50,806 --> 00:14:52,974
Oh, shit. Frankie?

367
00:14:53,809 --> 00:14:55,894
- Frankie?
- Frankie.

368
00:14:55,978 --> 00:14:57,395
(LAUGHS) Oh, my God!

369
00:14:58,355 --> 00:14:59,480
- What?
- JESS: Oh!

370
00:14:59,565 --> 00:15:01,399
BLAIR: Oh, my God.
FRANKIE: Oh, yes, mami.

371
00:15:01,483 --> 00:15:03,151
Is that a sex swing?

372
00:15:03,235 --> 00:15:05,403
Ooh, your donor is a freak, Jess.

373
00:15:05,487 --> 00:15:07,196
Please. She rents this house out.

374
00:15:07,281 --> 00:15:09,073
I'm sure somebody else
left it here accidentally.

375
00:15:09,158 --> 00:15:11,743
And installed a load-bearing beam
to support it accidentally.

376
00:15:11,827 --> 00:15:13,077
- Yeah.
- Oh, my God, Jess.

377
00:15:13,162 --> 00:15:14,746
I want to audition some dresses for tonight.

378
00:15:14,830 --> 00:15:16,331
I brought 14. Come on!

379
00:15:16,415 --> 00:15:17,415
<i>WOMAN: (SINGING)
Yeah, I wanna burn</i>

380
00:15:17,499 --> 00:15:19,459
<i>Break, crash, explode</i>

381
00:15:19,543 --> 00:15:22,211
<i>Every time you look at me, you look at me...</i>

382
00:15:22,296 --> 00:15:23,254
Jess, if you are working,

383
00:15:23,339 --> 00:15:25,214
- I'm gonna smack you in the face right now.
- I'm not. I'm not.

384
00:15:25,299 --> 00:15:26,424
- One second.
- I'm gonna smack your face.

385
00:15:26,508 --> 00:15:28,676
- Wait, wait, let me send it. Send, send, send.
- Put it down.

386
00:15:28,802 --> 00:15:30,595
All right, come on, let's take a picture.

387
00:15:30,679 --> 00:15:33,389
- Say, um, "Miami forever. "
- Uh, forever.

388
00:15:33,474 --> 00:15:34,599
- (CAMERA CLICKS)
- (ALICE CHUCKLES)

389
00:15:34,683 --> 00:15:37,101
- You want us in the picture or not?
- Do you guys want us in the photo...

390
00:15:37,186 --> 00:15:39,020
- We're here, too.
- ALICE: Oh, my gosh,

391
00:15:39,104 --> 00:15:40,104
- we both look killer in that.
- Cool.

392
00:15:40,189 --> 00:15:41,981
I'm so bummed I can't tag you
in this, on Facebook.

393
00:15:42,066 --> 00:15:43,399
Why did you delete your account?

394
00:15:43,484 --> 00:15:45,276
I had to. You were, you were tagging me

395
00:15:45,361 --> 00:15:47,695
- on things that could literally ruin my career.
- (LAUGHS)

396
00:15:47,780 --> 00:15:48,988
- Yeah.
- (PHONE CHIMES)

397
00:15:49,073 --> 00:15:50,490
It's Pip! She's here!

398
00:15:50,574 --> 00:15:52,617
- What? Who's that?
- Hi!

399
00:15:52,701 --> 00:15:53,826
- JESS: Pip!
- Oh.

400
00:15:53,953 --> 00:15:55,203
(SQUEALS SOFTLY)

401
00:15:55,871 --> 00:15:57,038
Sorry. Whoops.

402
00:15:57,122 --> 00:15:58,164
- I'm sorry. Whoops.
- MAN: Hey.

403
00:15:58,791 --> 00:16:01,501
Hello, hello, hello.

404
00:16:01,669 --> 00:16:02,961
Oh, my God. Oh, my God.

405
00:16:03,045 --> 00:16:04,045
(BOTH SQUEAL)

406
00:16:04,630 --> 00:16:08,299
- (LAUGHS)
- You're a goddess. You're literally a goddess.

407
00:16:08,384 --> 00:16:09,592
- Guys...
- Hi.

408
00:16:09,677 --> 00:16:11,552
This is Pippa.

409
00:16:11,637 --> 00:16:12,971
- Hello.
- BLAIR: The famous...

410
00:16:13,055 --> 00:16:14,889
Frankie, Blair, Alice.

411
00:16:15,057 --> 00:16:16,224
Hey, what's up?

412
00:16:16,308 --> 00:16:18,559
My God, you guys are meeting
for the first time, this is so exciting.

413
00:16:18,644 --> 00:16:20,186
- I know.
- Nice to meet you.

414
00:16:20,270 --> 00:16:23,982
This is so weird, you guys,
because it's sort of like

415
00:16:24,066 --> 00:16:26,693
you're all Jess's best friends,
I'm Jess's best friend.

416
00:16:26,777 --> 00:16:30,613
And so it's sort of like
we're all already best friends, you know?

417
00:16:30,698 --> 00:16:33,032
Well, it's a little different for us,
sorry to interrupt,

418
00:16:33,117 --> 00:16:35,994
but, uh, Jess and I were
freshman year roommates,

419
00:16:36,078 --> 00:16:38,413
so it's kind of like family. Eh.

420
00:16:38,664 --> 00:16:41,833
- I know, I know.
- Um, okay, I'm going to grab a chair.

421
00:16:41,917 --> 00:16:43,209
Feel free to gel.

422
00:16:43,293 --> 00:16:45,086
PIPPA: Just gonna sit on my suitcase here.

423
00:16:45,379 --> 00:16:47,213
Ooh. I'm famished.

424
00:16:47,297 --> 00:16:49,215
- Do you want my leftovers?
- Oh, shoot. We just finished.

425
00:16:49,299 --> 00:16:50,883
No, I was gonna wrap that up
and take it to go.

426
00:16:50,968 --> 00:16:52,427
I think we're done. Check, please!

427
00:16:52,886 --> 00:16:56,723
It's okay. I'm just gonna take
some of this bread from the bread basket.

428
00:16:56,807 --> 00:16:59,392
When you got bread and Vegemite,
you got yourself a meal.

429
00:16:59,476 --> 00:17:00,977
What? Vegemite?

430
00:17:01,061 --> 00:17:03,312
They should call you cuckoos
instead of Kiwis.

431
00:17:03,397 --> 00:17:04,522
Am I right?

432
00:17:04,606 --> 00:17:05,732
- Alice.
- Oh, my God.

433
00:17:05,816 --> 00:17:07,233
That's funny on several levels,

434
00:17:07,317 --> 00:17:10,445
because I'm actually Australian
and a Kiwi is a New Zealander.

435
00:17:10,779 --> 00:17:13,489
There's nothing wrong with being a Kiwi,
we all love Kiwis,

436
00:17:13,574 --> 00:17:16,701
but, um, it's sort of like calling
a Chinese person Japanese.

437
00:17:16,785 --> 00:17:18,536
It's just sort of like, little bit racist

438
00:17:18,620 --> 00:17:21,414
to not recognize the cultural
differences there, you know?

439
00:17:21,498 --> 00:17:22,623
Oh, my gosh.

440
00:17:22,750 --> 00:17:24,792
Eat me out. It's a fruit, Kiwi.

441
00:17:24,877 --> 00:17:26,627
(LAUGHS) I'll take it.

442
00:17:27,171 --> 00:17:28,254
Pippa, what do you do?

443
00:17:28,797 --> 00:17:31,340
Well, singer-songwriter is the dream.

444
00:17:31,425 --> 00:17:33,259
Uh, party clown is the reality.

445
00:17:34,303 --> 00:17:36,637
- Hmm.
- Check. Just, anyone, a check.

446
00:17:37,139 --> 00:17:38,347
(WHISPERS) A chair.

447
00:17:38,432 --> 00:17:40,058
(MOUTH FULL) Oh, a chair.

448
00:17:40,142 --> 00:17:42,393
Right. (SIGHS)

449
00:17:43,062 --> 00:17:45,146
I'm so excited to see you.
It's been so long.

450
00:17:45,230 --> 00:17:46,898
- Tell me everything.
- I'm dying.

451
00:17:46,982 --> 00:17:49,317
The flight was literally amazoir.

452
00:17:49,401 --> 00:17:51,986
- (SILVERWARE TAPPING GLASS)
- Ding, ding, ding, ding, da-dang, ding, ding.

453
00:17:52,154 --> 00:17:54,030
Uh, it's toast, toast time.

454
00:17:54,156 --> 00:17:55,406
- JESS: Oh.
- (LAUGHS)

455
00:17:55,491 --> 00:17:57,825
Raise your glasses, Jess.

456
00:17:57,910 --> 00:18:00,161
Gosh, I can't believe
you're getting married.

457
00:18:00,245 --> 00:18:02,914
Feels like just yesterday
you were showing me

458
00:18:02,998 --> 00:18:05,792
how to hide that cat scratch on my face
with that cover-up.

459
00:18:05,876 --> 00:18:07,126
I remember that.

460
00:18:07,211 --> 00:18:08,920
And even though we don't
get to see you all the time

461
00:18:09,004 --> 00:18:12,048
because you're so busy
with Peter and the campaign

462
00:18:12,132 --> 00:18:15,218
and changing your Brita filters
or whatever it is you white people do,

463
00:18:16,136 --> 00:18:19,013
(VOICE BREAKS) I love you,
and you're my best friend.

464
00:18:21,016 --> 00:18:24,185
Uh... To me and Jess.

465
00:18:24,561 --> 00:18:26,062
- Be-cheers.
- BLAIR: Cheers. Again.

466
00:18:26,146 --> 00:18:27,355
I love you, Alice. Thank you.

467
00:18:27,856 --> 00:18:29,649
Three toasts is the limit tonight, though.
You're cut off.

468
00:18:29,733 --> 00:18:30,942
If you're gonna do another one, do it now,

469
00:18:31,026 --> 00:18:32,110
'cause I'm gonna go to the bathroom.

470
00:18:32,194 --> 00:18:34,278
- Do you want to come?
- Why would I come with you?

471
00:18:34,363 --> 00:18:36,364
It's a heteronormative thing that girls do.

472
00:18:37,157 --> 00:18:38,950
ALICE: Okay, guys,
no one responded to my emails

473
00:18:39,034 --> 00:18:40,743
about which club we were gonna go to,

474
00:18:40,828 --> 00:18:43,955
so I printed out the
top 10 according to Yelp.

475
00:18:44,039 --> 00:18:47,291
I have my personal favorite,
but I don't want to sway anyone, so...

476
00:18:47,376 --> 00:18:49,210
- Is it the one that's circled in big red?
- Yeah.

477
00:18:49,503 --> 00:18:53,923
I was kind of hoping that
we could make it an early night.

478
00:18:54,550 --> 00:18:56,926
(LAUGHS) Yeah, right. What?

479
00:18:57,010 --> 00:18:59,345
- That doesn't feel right.
- No, I'm just so exhausted.

480
00:18:59,429 --> 00:19:00,638
I mean, I've been so overworked...

481
00:19:00,722 --> 00:19:02,682
No, not gonna happen, baby girl, all right?

482
00:19:02,766 --> 00:19:06,644
'Cause this is the biggest weekend
of our lives, all right?

483
00:19:07,521 --> 00:19:09,188
Ooh, girls. Ooh, girls.

484
00:19:09,273 --> 00:19:10,940
Hi. I just got some coke from the busboy.

485
00:19:11,066 --> 00:19:12,275
- You fucking what?
- What?

486
00:19:12,359 --> 00:19:13,818
America. Already?

487
00:19:13,902 --> 00:19:15,653
Sort of right on the nose.

488
00:19:15,737 --> 00:19:17,488
- Yes, okay, now we're talking.
- Ba-bam! Booyah!

489
00:19:17,573 --> 00:19:18,739
Now, okay, I'm in. I'm in.

490
00:19:18,824 --> 00:19:21,742
Okay, guys, I can't do any cocaine.

491
00:19:21,827 --> 00:19:23,119
I'm running for office.

492
00:19:23,203 --> 00:19:24,787
What? No one's gonna find out
you did a little coke...

493
00:19:24,872 --> 00:19:27,165
- Stop.
- Did a little coke at your bachelorette.

494
00:19:27,249 --> 00:19:30,334
I haven't really done drugs
myself since I sort of...

495
00:19:30,419 --> 00:19:33,546
I smoked this bit of shoji root

496
00:19:33,630 --> 00:19:36,966
on an excursion in the desert, and I died.

497
00:19:38,177 --> 00:19:40,052
Anyway, I'm very jet-lagged,

498
00:19:40,137 --> 00:19:41,596
so I will do cocaine, yes.

499
00:19:41,930 --> 00:19:43,598
- So everyone's in? Yep?
- Dope, dope, dope.

500
00:19:43,682 --> 00:19:45,600
You guys, hold on. I don't know.

501
00:19:45,684 --> 00:19:48,978
Stop being a stupid fucking cunt
and do a little fucking cocaine!

502
00:19:49,062 --> 00:19:50,479
- (SILVERWARE CLATTERS)
- Jesus, Frankie.

503
00:19:51,064 --> 00:19:52,732
Sorry, I did a little bit of it.

504
00:19:53,275 --> 00:19:54,442
(SNIFFS)

505
00:19:54,526 --> 00:19:55,651
ALICE: Jess.

506
00:19:57,571 --> 00:19:59,071
It would mean...

507
00:19:59,948 --> 00:20:01,073
(WHISPERS) Yeah.

508
00:20:01,992 --> 00:20:04,076
It would mean so much to me,

509
00:20:05,954 --> 00:20:08,873
if we could do a little bit
of cocaine together.

510
00:20:09,499 --> 00:20:10,833
<i>* *</i>

511
00:20:10,959 --> 00:20:12,293
(ALL INHALING DEEPLY)

512
00:20:12,502 --> 00:20:14,712
- (GRUNTS) So disgusting!
- (FRANKIE COUGHING)

513
00:20:14,796 --> 00:20:16,130
- Let me get a little more.
- Yep.

514
00:20:16,215 --> 00:20:20,426
Before, I was very tired,
and now I'm sort of very awake.

515
00:20:21,303 --> 00:20:22,511
That's the cocaine.

516
00:20:22,596 --> 00:20:23,804
- (CHUCKLES) I figured.
- Yeah.

517
00:20:23,889 --> 00:20:26,140
I love this. I love Miami!

518
00:20:26,225 --> 00:20:27,516
- Yeah, girl!
- Miami!

519
00:20:27,643 --> 00:20:30,144
(ALL WHOOPING)

520
00:20:30,520 --> 00:20:31,812
Whoo!

521
00:20:32,064 --> 00:20:34,315
Okay, now put on these fucking sashes.

522
00:20:34,858 --> 00:20:37,526
(TROUBLE BY NEON JUNGLE PLAYING)

523
00:20:42,741 --> 00:20:43,741
<i>Trouble</i>

524
00:20:43,825 --> 00:20:46,410
<i>I don't look for trouble,
but trouble looks for me</i>

525
00:20:46,495 --> 00:20:50,248
<i>And it's been waiting
around corners since I was 17</i>

526
00:20:50,332 --> 00:20:54,710
<i>They say, "Here comes a hurricane
Trouble is her middle name"</i>

527
00:20:54,795 --> 00:20:57,713
<i>But I don't look for trouble,
yeah, trouble looks for me</i>

528
00:20:57,839 --> 00:20:58,798
<i>Hey, hey</i>

529
00:20:58,882 --> 00:21:01,050
<i>I just want to live a quiet life</i>

530
00:21:01,134 --> 00:21:02,843
<i>I'll make an excellent wife</i>

531
00:21:02,970 --> 00:21:05,680
<i>Man, I swear I really try</i>

532
00:21:06,098 --> 00:21:08,432
<i>But some boys, they just can't eat it whole</i>

533
00:21:08,558 --> 00:21:10,268
<i>Trouble is my name, you know</i>

534
00:21:10,352 --> 00:21:12,353
<i>Trouble is my name, you know</i>

535
00:21:12,521 --> 00:21:13,896
(CHEERING)

536
00:21:15,691 --> 00:21:17,024
- Thank you!
- All right.

537
00:21:17,651 --> 00:21:19,652
(PIPPA VOCALIZING)

538
00:21:21,363 --> 00:21:22,363
Mmm.

539
00:21:22,698 --> 00:21:25,157
- (BURPS, GROANS)
- Oh, my God!

540
00:21:25,242 --> 00:21:26,993
- (SCREAMING)
- Yes, yes, yes!

541
00:21:27,077 --> 00:21:29,328
- Oh, my God!
- No, no, no.

542
00:21:29,413 --> 00:21:30,830
Man, it smells like barf over here.

543
00:21:30,914 --> 00:21:32,623
- Let's get the fuck out of here.
- God!

544
00:21:32,708 --> 00:21:35,293
<i>(KNOCKOUT BLURRY
BY MARKAHOLIC PLAYING)</i>

545
00:21:35,877 --> 00:21:37,044
<i>Blurry</i>

546
00:21:39,464 --> 00:21:41,590
<i>Blurry, blurry</i>

547
00:21:44,886 --> 00:21:46,387
<i>Blurry</i>

548
00:21:48,557 --> 00:21:50,224
<i>Blurry, blurry</i>

549
00:21:50,600 --> 00:21:52,351
<i>Knock 'em back, one, two</i>

550
00:21:52,436 --> 00:21:53,894
<i>But it's gettin' kinda blurry</i>

551
00:21:53,979 --> 00:21:55,313
<i>Get blurry with it</i>

552
00:21:55,397 --> 00:21:56,731
<i>Got my eyes on you</i>

553
00:21:56,815 --> 00:21:59,900
<i>But you're gettin' kinda blurry,
no hurry with it</i>

554
00:21:59,985 --> 00:22:02,111
<i>Rock your body, and it all makes sense</i>

555
00:22:02,237 --> 00:22:04,322
<i>Got me up under your influence</i>

556
00:22:04,406 --> 00:22:06,073
I'm getting us drinks.

557
00:22:06,158 --> 00:22:08,451
<i>Knockout blurry, no worries</i>

558
00:22:08,744 --> 00:22:11,954
You guys, you guys,
let's get Jess a stripper!

559
00:22:12,039 --> 00:22:13,998
- Yes!
- Oh, yeah. Okay.

560
00:22:14,082 --> 00:22:15,166
Right?

561
00:22:15,250 --> 00:22:19,545
You guys, you guys, you guys,
male or female, though?

562
00:22:19,629 --> 00:22:21,714
Male. I'm thinking male for her.

563
00:22:21,798 --> 00:22:24,091
- Yeah.
- Okay, I got it.

564
00:22:25,469 --> 00:22:27,470
Frankie, do you have a tampon?

565
00:22:27,554 --> 00:22:28,929
- I need one.
- Uh-huh, yup.

566
00:22:29,014 --> 00:22:30,681
- Thank you.
- Got one. Here we go.

567
00:22:30,766 --> 00:22:33,726
What day of your flow are you on?

568
00:22:33,810 --> 00:22:36,103
Oh, no, no. It's our code.

569
00:22:36,188 --> 00:22:38,272
In college, we would
ask each other for tampons

570
00:22:38,398 --> 00:22:41,317
if some guy was skeezing us out
and we wanted to be saved.

571
00:22:41,401 --> 00:22:43,194
You just say "tampon," and they run.

572
00:22:43,278 --> 00:22:44,779
PIPPA: Oh, my God, I love that.

573
00:22:44,863 --> 00:22:48,199
I used to use tampons,
but now I use David cups.

574
00:22:48,283 --> 00:22:50,785
- You mean DivaCups.
- No, no, David.

575
00:22:51,078 --> 00:22:52,995
They were designed by my neighbor, David,

576
00:22:53,080 --> 00:22:55,706
to collect blood for an art
installation he's doing.

577
00:22:55,791 --> 00:22:57,958
Let's stop talking about periods now.

578
00:22:58,126 --> 00:22:59,293
Cool.

579
00:22:59,378 --> 00:23:03,172
<i>All right, everybody, we have a special
request from a Caucasian named</i>

580
00:23:03,256 --> 00:23:04,840
- (SINGSONGY) Alice!
- (CHEERING)

581
00:23:04,966 --> 00:23:07,343
That's me. I'm Caucasian Alice.

582
00:23:07,427 --> 00:23:09,220
<i>Bring all your girls up here. Grab 'em.</i>

583
00:23:09,304 --> 00:23:10,805
Jess, come on. Come on.

584
00:23:10,889 --> 00:23:14,141
Give her the drinks. Go on.
Girls, get up there.

585
00:23:14,976 --> 00:23:17,812
We won the talent show freshman year
with this little routine.

586
00:23:17,896 --> 00:23:20,481
Might want to stand back.
No, physically, get back!

587
00:23:20,565 --> 00:23:22,191
(CHUCKLES) Okay.

588
00:23:22,275 --> 00:23:24,402
If you didn't go to college with us,
you're not in the routine.

589
00:23:24,486 --> 00:23:25,569
Okay, get into places.

590
00:23:25,821 --> 00:23:26,821
(WHOOPS)

591
00:23:27,322 --> 00:23:30,157
<i>All you ladies pop your pussy like this</i>

592
00:23:30,242 --> 00:23:32,243
<i>Shake your body, don't stop, don't miss</i>

593
00:23:32,327 --> 00:23:34,745
<i>All you ladies pop your pussy like this</i>

594
00:23:34,913 --> 00:23:36,747
<i>Shake your body, don't stop, don't miss</i>

595
00:23:36,832 --> 00:23:41,710
<i>Just do it, do it, do it, do it, do it now</i>

596
00:23:41,837 --> 00:23:43,629
<i>Lick it good, suck this pussy</i>

597
00:23:43,713 --> 00:23:45,256
<i>- Just like you should
- Yeah!</i>

598
00:23:45,340 --> 00:23:49,009
<i>My neck, my back,
lick my pussy and my crack</i>

599
00:23:49,594 --> 00:23:54,140
<i>My neck, my back, lick
my pussy and my crack</i>

600
00:23:54,349 --> 00:23:57,852
<i>My neck, my back,
lick my pussy and my crack</i>

601
00:23:58,019 --> 00:23:59,645
You're doing so good!

602
00:23:59,771 --> 00:24:01,647
<i>Lick it now, lick it good</i>

603
00:24:01,731 --> 00:24:04,483
<i>- Lick this pussy just like you should
- Come on</i>

604
00:24:04,568 --> 00:24:06,652
<i>Right now, lick it good</i>

605
00:24:06,736 --> 00:24:07,945
These are my new friends.

606
00:24:08,447 --> 00:24:10,865
<i>My neck, my back, lick</i>

607
00:24:10,949 --> 00:24:12,116
Jess, Jess, Jess!

608
00:24:12,325 --> 00:24:14,368
- Oh!
- (CROWD GASPING)

609
00:24:14,828 --> 00:24:16,370
- Oh, shit.
- Oh, my God.

610
00:24:16,455 --> 00:24:18,622
Are you okay? You all right?

611
00:24:19,624 --> 00:24:20,958
Did anybody see me fall?

612
00:24:21,042 --> 00:24:22,710
- Everybody saw. Everybody saw.
- No. Well, yeah.

613
00:24:22,794 --> 00:24:25,296
- Alice! You fell!
- Yeah.

614
00:24:25,380 --> 00:24:27,631
It was be-gorgeous!

615
00:24:27,716 --> 00:24:30,009
Jess, you were supposed to catch me.

616
00:24:30,093 --> 00:24:32,136
You know, I forgot that one part
I'm so sorry.

617
00:24:32,220 --> 00:24:33,512
It's a pretty important part!

618
00:24:34,264 --> 00:24:36,974
Would some more cocaine
make you feel better?

619
00:24:37,058 --> 00:24:38,184
Yes!

620
00:24:38,560 --> 00:24:40,978
<i>- I'm gonna party till the break of day
- (ALL SNIFFING)</i>

621
00:24:41,104 --> 00:24:42,980
(SNIFFS)

622
00:24:43,773 --> 00:24:47,109
This Montepulciano is majestic
and rebellious.

623
00:24:47,360 --> 00:24:49,361
Tell me, what are you tasting?

624
00:24:50,113 --> 00:24:51,280
Pepper.

625
00:24:51,364 --> 00:24:52,531
Pass. I need more time.

626
00:24:53,074 --> 00:24:54,074
(MOANS)

627
00:24:54,284 --> 00:24:55,284
Forest floor.

628
00:24:55,368 --> 00:24:56,368
Licorice.

629
00:24:57,078 --> 00:24:59,622
- There's a nostalgia to it, you know?
- OTHERS: Mmm-hmm. Yes.

630
00:24:59,706 --> 00:25:02,082
- You are all correct!
- ALL: Oh!

631
00:25:02,584 --> 00:25:04,668
- Yes!
- PATRICK: I need more time.

632
00:25:04,753 --> 00:25:06,670
(RINGTONE PLAYING)

633
00:25:06,755 --> 00:25:08,005
Oh. (HISSING INHALE)

634
00:25:08,089 --> 00:25:09,507
It's Jess.

635
00:25:09,591 --> 00:25:12,051
- Take it.
- Okay. Hello.

636
00:25:12,135 --> 00:25:15,638
I'm drunk! I lost two credit cards already.

637
00:25:15,722 --> 00:25:17,139
PETER: Oh, no. Okay.

638
00:25:17,224 --> 00:25:19,892
- Well, it's getting pretty wild over here, too.
- JESS: Really?

639
00:25:20,101 --> 00:25:22,019
I'm getting, like, a light beeswax.

640
00:25:22,103 --> 00:25:23,604
- Oh, I like that.
- Oh.

641
00:25:23,730 --> 00:25:26,857
- Jess, guy says that we can drive his Lambo.
- (LAUGHING)

642
00:25:26,942 --> 00:25:29,151
<i>- I, um, I... Babe, I got to go.
- All right.</i>

643
00:25:29,236 --> 00:25:30,277
Call me when you're home safe.

644
00:25:30,362 --> 00:25:32,446
<i>- I will. I love you.
- Love you, too.</i>

645
00:25:32,572 --> 00:25:33,697
ALICE: Get off the phone.

646
00:25:34,157 --> 00:25:36,200
Are we ready to get crazy?

647
00:25:36,535 --> 00:25:38,285
- Yeah.
- Sure.

648
00:25:38,453 --> 00:25:41,872
This Lambrusco is served...

649
00:25:42,958 --> 00:25:43,999
Chilled!

650
00:25:44,125 --> 00:25:46,252
(ALL EXCLAIMING)

651
00:25:46,336 --> 00:25:49,129
(LAUGHTER AND WHOOPING)

652
00:25:49,714 --> 00:25:50,881
Do you guys remember Michelle?

653
00:25:50,966 --> 00:25:53,759
BLAIR: Oh, Michelle,
she was obsessed with Nickelback.

654
00:25:53,843 --> 00:25:55,678
(LAUGHTER)

655
00:25:56,137 --> 00:25:58,430
- ALICE: Ooh, beauty, Jess!
- (PIPPA GASPS)

656
00:25:58,640 --> 00:26:01,225
- I know what this soiree needs.
- What?

657
00:26:01,309 --> 00:26:02,476
Pizza!

658
00:26:02,602 --> 00:26:03,894
- (FRANKIE WHOOPS)
- OTHERS: Yeah!

659
00:26:04,354 --> 00:26:06,397
- PIPPA: Pizza! Pizza!
- Yes, yes, yes.

660
00:26:06,481 --> 00:26:08,274
- Yes!
- Nice! Sweet!

661
00:26:08,483 --> 00:26:09,608
Okay, I love her.

662
00:26:09,693 --> 00:26:11,068
- Right?
- Yes.

663
00:26:11,152 --> 00:26:13,654
She is... Be-mazing?
I don't know how she would say it,

664
00:26:13,738 --> 00:26:14,863
but she is incredible!

665
00:26:14,948 --> 00:26:17,533
I am telling you, she is one of us.

666
00:26:17,617 --> 00:26:19,702
- She is so free-spirited.
- BOTH: Totally.

667
00:26:19,995 --> 00:26:21,787
- I just... I love her.
- I don't know about that.

668
00:26:21,871 --> 00:26:23,539
- I totally feel it.
- Do you guys feel like

669
00:26:23,623 --> 00:26:26,333
she's here on a work visa,

670
00:26:26,418 --> 00:26:29,211
or, like, a tourist visa or,
like, illegally?

671
00:26:29,588 --> 00:26:31,255
- Like, what's her deal?
- What, dude?

672
00:26:31,339 --> 00:26:33,173
- She's here for a bachelorette party.
- JESS: That is crazy.

673
00:26:33,341 --> 00:26:34,592
- BLAIR: Build a wall.
- I just, like, don't...

674
00:26:34,676 --> 00:26:36,135
I don't want to do anything illegal tonight.

675
00:26:36,386 --> 00:26:37,511
- JESS: What?
- You don't?

676
00:26:37,596 --> 00:26:39,221
You just snorted a mound of cocaine.

677
00:26:39,306 --> 00:26:42,391
- Simultaneously.
- That was, like, in the name of Jess.

678
00:26:42,475 --> 00:26:44,018
That was, like, for Jess.

679
00:26:44,102 --> 00:26:45,769
- Don't put that on me.
- FRANKIE: Oh, check you out.

680
00:26:45,854 --> 00:26:46,979
You're literally cuckoo.

681
00:26:47,063 --> 00:26:48,564
I'm just, like, voicing
what some people are thinking,

682
00:26:48,648 --> 00:26:50,941
- you know what I mean?
- Do you have snags?

683
00:26:52,902 --> 00:26:54,903
Okay, no snags.

684
00:26:54,988 --> 00:26:58,115
Um, is... This is a pizza shop, yeah?

685
00:26:58,199 --> 00:26:59,742
God, it is so warm.

686
00:26:59,826 --> 00:27:01,493
- You guys have to get in.
- JESS: Mmm,

687
00:27:01,870 --> 00:27:03,037
I am coming.

688
00:27:03,121 --> 00:27:04,747
I am gonna warn you now.

689
00:27:04,831 --> 00:27:09,460
Uh, did not have time to self-wax,
so it is like a jungle down there.

690
00:27:09,544 --> 00:27:10,878
- BLAIR: Self-wax?
- Yeah.

691
00:27:10,962 --> 00:27:13,464
Like, with those weird little,
like, paper strips?

692
00:27:13,548 --> 00:27:14,923
Yikes, dude.

693
00:27:15,008 --> 00:27:17,468
Even I'm like, "Yikes, dude. "

694
00:27:17,552 --> 00:27:20,971
Look, you guys, I don't understand.
Why all the hate?

695
00:27:21,056 --> 00:27:22,222
- (DOORBELL RINGS)
- Ooh.

696
00:27:22,307 --> 00:27:23,891
- Mmm.
- Okay, I got it, I got it.

697
00:27:23,975 --> 00:27:25,392
- Well, that was fast.
- But, seriously,

698
00:27:25,477 --> 00:27:27,353
we're gonna talk about
this self-wax thing later.

699
00:27:27,437 --> 00:27:28,562
- Okay, come on.
- Ooh.

700
00:27:28,813 --> 00:27:30,522
(POUNDING ON DOOR)

701
00:27:34,027 --> 00:27:35,778
- Hey...
- Oh, not bad.

702
00:27:35,862 --> 00:27:38,822
- Stripper's here!
- (ALICE WHOOPS)

703
00:27:38,907 --> 00:27:40,157
- You guys!
- Yes!

704
00:27:40,241 --> 00:27:41,241
I don't want a stripper!

705
00:27:41,534 --> 00:27:42,826
Did you bring a CD or anything?

706
00:27:42,994 --> 00:27:44,953
<i>Like, Now That's What I Call Music!
or anything?</i>

707
00:27:45,205 --> 00:27:46,955
- No. No, I didn't.
- No? It's all right.

708
00:27:47,040 --> 00:27:48,582
I got some pretty filthy music on my phone.

709
00:27:48,667 --> 00:27:50,542
- I'll hook you up. (CLICKS TONGUE)
- Thanks.

710
00:27:52,045 --> 00:27:53,212
- Hey.
- Hi.

711
00:27:53,296 --> 00:27:56,090
Hey, um, I, uh, I got to take a piss.

712
00:27:56,675 --> 00:27:58,300
Oh, yeah, there's a bathroom down there.

713
00:27:59,052 --> 00:28:00,094
All right.

714
00:28:00,595 --> 00:28:02,179
It's, like, down there.

715
00:28:02,931 --> 00:28:03,931
JESS: Mmm.

716
00:28:04,265 --> 00:28:05,724
I bet he's going to fluff his junk!

717
00:28:05,809 --> 00:28:07,976
Let's give him room,
let's make a stage, yes.

718
00:28:08,061 --> 00:28:09,687
You guys, I don't want a stripper.

719
00:28:09,771 --> 00:28:11,397
I think he looks like he's on something.

720
00:28:11,481 --> 00:28:13,941
He's definitely on something.
Like bath salts.

721
00:28:14,275 --> 00:28:16,193
Oh, my God, he's gonna eat our faces.

722
00:28:16,277 --> 00:28:19,279
- Oh, God, he would!
- Ugh, this vintage remote is so confusing.

723
00:28:19,364 --> 00:28:22,366
JESS: I've never even had a striptease.
I mean...

724
00:28:22,450 --> 00:28:23,534
- Nope.
- Well, there was that one time.

725
00:28:23,618 --> 00:28:25,035
<i>- I love myself
- ALICE: Yes!</i>

726
00:28:25,120 --> 00:28:26,578
Maybe somebody else should go.

727
00:28:26,663 --> 00:28:28,872
- Stripper. Stripper, stripper.
- So, this is Jess,

728
00:28:28,957 --> 00:28:31,458
the bride-to-be, your subject, okay?

729
00:28:31,543 --> 00:28:34,086
And lucky for you, so lucky,

730
00:28:34,170 --> 00:28:35,963
you get to do whatever you want.

731
00:28:36,047 --> 00:28:37,047
Fuck her!

732
00:28:37,132 --> 00:28:38,257
- Alice!
- Jesus.

733
00:28:38,341 --> 00:28:39,717
- Too much.
- What? If it happens.

734
00:28:39,801 --> 00:28:41,176
(WHOOPS)

735
00:28:41,261 --> 00:28:43,137
- Okay, whoo! Here we go.
- PIPPA: Do it.

736
00:28:44,055 --> 00:28:45,597
(WHOOPING)

737
00:28:45,890 --> 00:28:48,726
- First layer, off.
- (WHOOPING)

738
00:28:48,810 --> 00:28:50,185
<i>I touch myself</i>

739
00:28:50,311 --> 00:28:51,437
- Oh, shit.
- ALICE: Yeah!

740
00:28:53,064 --> 00:28:54,565
JESS: Okay.
BLAIR: Come on, Jess!

741
00:28:54,649 --> 00:28:56,150
Here he comes. He's looking at me.

742
00:28:56,443 --> 00:28:58,819
(EXCITED SHOUTS, WHOOPING)

743
00:28:59,070 --> 00:29:00,863
Ooh, happy Boxing Day.

744
00:29:01,281 --> 00:29:02,531
ALICE: Yes!

745
00:29:02,615 --> 00:29:04,908
It's kind of turning me on,
but I really have to pee,

746
00:29:04,993 --> 00:29:06,827
so it's, like, so confusing.

747
00:29:06,911 --> 00:29:09,830
- Mansploitation, bitch! Yes!
- (WHOOPING)

748
00:29:09,998 --> 00:29:11,665
Let's get to the beans,
let's get to the beans.

749
00:29:11,750 --> 00:29:12,875
Yeah, just do it.

750
00:29:12,959 --> 00:29:14,752
Get it over with. Get it over with!

751
00:29:14,836 --> 00:29:17,880
- (LAUGHING) So good!
- Love her.

752
00:29:17,964 --> 00:29:19,757
Make her feel special.

753
00:29:19,841 --> 00:29:20,841
(GASPS)

754
00:29:20,967 --> 00:29:22,384
ALICE: Yes!
BLAIR: Get that!

755
00:29:22,469 --> 00:29:24,178
- (WHOOPING)
- JESS: Oh, he's warm.

756
00:29:24,262 --> 00:29:26,221
Ooh, all right. I like it.

757
00:29:26,556 --> 00:29:27,556
- (WHOOPS)
- JESS: Okay.

758
00:29:28,099 --> 00:29:29,349
I know you want it, you little slut.

759
00:29:29,642 --> 00:29:31,351
Oh, God! No! Ew.

760
00:29:31,478 --> 00:29:33,228
Gross. You sit down.

761
00:29:33,354 --> 00:29:34,855
- (CLEARS THROAT)
- So aggressive.

762
00:29:35,148 --> 00:29:37,483
- FRANKIE: I'm definitely gay.
- Okay, my turn!

763
00:29:37,567 --> 00:29:38,859
- (GRUNTS)
- Whoa, whoa, whoa.

764
00:29:40,028 --> 00:29:41,945
- Oh!
- Oh, shit!

765
00:29:42,030 --> 00:29:43,030
FRANKIE: Holy shit.

766
00:29:44,073 --> 00:29:45,741
- I'm good!
- JESS: Hey.

767
00:29:45,825 --> 00:29:47,451
Are you okay?

768
00:29:47,869 --> 00:29:50,454
Oh, him? He's fine. You're okay, right, bud?

769
00:29:50,705 --> 00:29:51,914
Oh, God.

770
00:29:51,998 --> 00:29:54,500
- Oh, my God. Oh, my God.
- Oh, shit! That's blood!

771
00:29:54,918 --> 00:29:56,460
ALICE: What the fuck? Oh, God.

772
00:29:56,544 --> 00:29:58,587
- Oh, my God, he's not breathing!
- (GASPS)

773
00:29:58,671 --> 00:30:00,214
- JESS: Shit!
- Does anybody know CPR?

774
00:30:00,298 --> 00:30:02,508
- ALICE: Oh, my God.
- I'll look it up on YouTube!

775
00:30:02,592 --> 00:30:04,134
- No, no, no.
- PIPPA: Oh, my God.

776
00:30:04,260 --> 00:30:05,636
We got to do something!

777
00:30:05,720 --> 00:30:08,347
Bugger! It's playing an advert
for toilet tissue.

778
00:30:08,431 --> 00:30:09,515
ALICE: Jess, do something!

779
00:30:09,599 --> 00:30:10,641
- Shit.
- No, no, no.

780
00:30:10,809 --> 00:30:12,017
BLAIR: Holy shit!

781
00:30:12,268 --> 00:30:14,645
Oh, please, God,
please don't let this happen.

782
00:30:14,729 --> 00:30:16,730
He's bleeding out. I can't stop the blood!

783
00:30:16,815 --> 00:30:19,441
I have some Advil.
I'll get it out of my bag.

784
00:30:19,526 --> 00:30:21,151
What's Advil gonna do, Alice?

785
00:30:21,236 --> 00:30:24,238
- It's extra-strength, bitch!
- Somebody call an ambulance!

786
00:30:25,365 --> 00:30:27,574
- Four, five, six, seven, eight...
- He doesn't have a pulse.

787
00:30:30,620 --> 00:30:31,745
Fuck.

788
00:30:32,747 --> 00:30:33,914
He's dead.

789
00:30:36,251 --> 00:30:37,918
- Oh, shit.
- Oh, shit.

790
00:30:38,002 --> 00:30:40,087
<i>I...</i>

791
00:30:40,255 --> 00:30:43,715
<i>I don't want anybody else</i>

792
00:30:43,800 --> 00:30:44,925
<i>When I think about you</i>

793
00:30:45,009 --> 00:30:47,553
BLAIR: Turn off the fucking music!

794
00:30:48,012 --> 00:30:51,640
<i>Oh, I don't want anybo...</i>

795
00:30:51,724 --> 00:30:54,017
- (TURNS OFF MUSIC)
- (QUIET CRYING)

796
00:30:56,437 --> 00:30:58,063
- FRANKIE: Oh, shit.
- I'm so sorry.

797
00:30:58,731 --> 00:30:59,731
I didn't mean to.

798
00:30:59,858 --> 00:31:02,109
- Oh, my God.
- Oh, God, I'm so sorry.

799
00:31:02,443 --> 00:31:03,527
- (GAGS)
- I'm so sorry.

800
00:31:03,653 --> 00:31:05,320
- No, no, no.
- Oh, God, the blood,

801
00:31:05,697 --> 00:31:07,072
(GASPS) it's going everywhere.

802
00:31:07,156 --> 00:31:08,782
Paper towels! Somebody get paper towels!

803
00:31:08,950 --> 00:31:10,200
Why don't you do something, Blair!

804
00:31:10,285 --> 00:31:11,618
I'm delegating!

805
00:31:13,162 --> 00:31:14,705
- I killed a guy.
- It's okay.

806
00:31:15,206 --> 00:31:16,415
Oh, God.

807
00:31:16,499 --> 00:31:18,542
- Oh, not the bathroom towels.
- Oh, shit.

808
00:31:18,626 --> 00:31:19,751
What are you talking about!

809
00:31:19,836 --> 00:31:21,128
Who cares about towels right now?

810
00:31:21,212 --> 00:31:23,046
Well, I don't know! I don't know what to do!

811
00:31:23,256 --> 00:31:25,090
I killed a guy!

812
00:31:25,466 --> 00:31:26,800
Oh, God!

813
00:31:27,176 --> 00:31:28,719
- I killed a guy today.
- Okay, okay.

814
00:31:28,803 --> 00:31:30,637
- Deep breaths, deep breaths.
- "What'd you do?"

815
00:31:30,722 --> 00:31:32,514
- Deep breath.
- "I killed a guy. "

816
00:31:32,640 --> 00:31:34,182
"What have you been up to?"

817
00:31:34,267 --> 00:31:35,726
(SNIFFS) "Death. "

818
00:31:35,810 --> 00:31:37,311
(INHALES, EXHALES)

819
00:31:37,395 --> 00:31:38,979
- Keep it in there.
- That's better. That's better.

820
00:31:40,023 --> 00:31:41,481
Time to call the police. Yeah?

821
00:31:41,649 --> 00:31:43,442
No, no, no, don't call the police.
We're all high.

822
00:31:43,526 --> 00:31:46,111
Let's get rid of the drugs,
and then we'll call the police.

823
00:31:46,195 --> 00:31:47,988
Yeah, we'll just,
we'll clean up a dead stripper, cool.

824
00:31:48,364 --> 00:31:50,198
Well, technically, he's a prostitute.

825
00:31:50,658 --> 00:31:51,658
(COUGHING)

826
00:31:51,784 --> 00:31:53,952
- He's a prostitute?
- No.

827
00:31:54,037 --> 00:31:55,245
I got him from Craigslist.

828
00:31:55,330 --> 00:31:57,205
He is a stripper, but then also an escort.

829
00:31:57,832 --> 00:31:59,833
You hired a gigolo?

830
00:31:59,959 --> 00:32:02,044
Don't judge sex work, Blair!

831
00:32:02,295 --> 00:32:03,921
- Oh, my God!
- Frankie!

832
00:32:04,005 --> 00:32:06,757
You know I'm running for public office!
How could you do this to me?

833
00:32:06,841 --> 00:32:08,592
It's worse for me. I have two strikes.

834
00:32:08,676 --> 00:32:11,219
If I get a third,
I could go to jail for 25 to life.

835
00:32:11,304 --> 00:32:13,221
I'm not even supposed to be
out of the state right now.

836
00:32:13,306 --> 00:32:15,474
I had to pry my ankle monitor off
with a shoehorn to get here!

837
00:32:16,142 --> 00:32:17,517
Oh, God.

838
00:32:18,269 --> 00:32:19,394
It's the chair's fault.

839
00:32:19,729 --> 00:32:22,105
Fuckin' shit chair!

840
00:32:22,190 --> 00:32:25,192
Wait a minute. You guys, wait a minute!

841
00:32:25,276 --> 00:32:27,110
It was an accident. Right?

842
00:32:27,236 --> 00:32:29,488
So, like, we're not gonna
get in trouble for an accident.

843
00:32:29,739 --> 00:32:31,073
FRANKIE: We're in Florida, Alice.

844
00:32:31,532 --> 00:32:33,659
A white dude is dead at
the hands of a bunch of women.

845
00:32:33,743 --> 00:32:34,993
BLAIR: Yeah, white women.

846
00:32:35,078 --> 00:32:37,537
I'm black, in case any
of you have forgotten.

847
00:32:37,705 --> 00:32:39,122
I think the only person
who's forgotten that is you.

848
00:32:39,749 --> 00:32:41,416
How dare you.

849
00:32:41,918 --> 00:32:43,210
I rest my case.

850
00:32:43,962 --> 00:32:46,880
I knew this weekend was a terrible idea.

851
00:32:46,965 --> 00:32:48,340
What? No.

852
00:32:48,424 --> 00:32:51,551
This can still be the best
weekend of our fucking lives!

853
00:32:51,636 --> 00:32:55,681
Let's just smile a little bit about it. Right?
Smile more. (AWKWARD CHUCKLING)

854
00:32:55,848 --> 00:32:57,099
Okay, we're gonna be fine.

855
00:32:57,183 --> 00:32:58,892
- We're gonna call the cops, but Jess is right.
- Definitely.

856
00:32:58,977 --> 00:33:00,727
We need to make this seem
as innocent as possible,

857
00:33:00,853 --> 00:33:02,062
so let's get rid of all the drugs.

858
00:33:02,355 --> 00:33:03,772
I'm on it. (SNIFFS)

859
00:33:04,649 --> 00:33:06,775
- Alice, not by doing them!
- (COUGHS)

860
00:33:07,276 --> 00:33:10,195
Okay, someone tell me what to do,
and I will do it.

861
00:33:11,155 --> 00:33:12,739
- (SHUDDERS) Uh?
- (DOORBELL RINGS)

862
00:33:12,907 --> 00:33:14,366
- (ALICE AND PIPPA GRUNT)
- What the...

863
00:33:15,535 --> 00:33:17,703
- Oh. Oh.
- Shit, shit, shit.

864
00:33:19,038 --> 00:33:21,039
(PIPPA PANTING HEAVILY)

865
00:33:22,041 --> 00:33:23,291
It's pizza.

866
00:33:24,127 --> 00:33:25,961
You guys, what are we gonna do?

867
00:33:26,045 --> 00:33:28,505
The house is made of glass. He can see in.

868
00:33:29,007 --> 00:33:30,590
We got to move him, you guys.

869
00:33:30,675 --> 00:33:31,800
- (KNOCKING)
- Do it, do it, do it.

870
00:33:31,926 --> 00:33:34,344
- (PANICKED CHATTER)
- (DOORBELL RINGS)

871
00:33:35,096 --> 00:33:36,471
JESS: Go, go, go.

872
00:33:38,599 --> 00:33:40,017
Wait, wait, wait, you guys.

873
00:33:40,101 --> 00:33:43,061
You guys, you guys, you guys,
wait, wait, wait. One second.

874
00:33:43,146 --> 00:33:45,272
- (KNOCKING)
- Watch the couch.

875
00:33:46,274 --> 00:33:47,274
(SQUEALS)

876
00:33:47,442 --> 00:33:48,442
(DOORBELL RINGS)

877
00:33:48,609 --> 00:33:49,901
- Shit.
- Somebody answer the door.

878
00:33:50,111 --> 00:33:52,029
Does anyone have cash for a tip?

879
00:33:52,113 --> 00:33:53,363
I have Australian dollars.

880
00:33:53,448 --> 00:33:55,032
They're stronger than American dollars.

881
00:33:58,703 --> 00:34:00,037
DELIVERY MAN: Castelucci Pizza.

882
00:34:02,790 --> 00:34:04,708
- What's this?
- Leave.

883
00:34:06,419 --> 00:34:07,794
- Oh, God.
- Oh, fuck.

884
00:34:08,046 --> 00:34:09,046
I was natural.

885
00:34:09,630 --> 00:34:11,006
Okay, open it.

886
00:34:11,090 --> 00:34:12,758
Open it up.

887
00:34:13,426 --> 00:34:14,634
Oh, yes.

888
00:34:15,511 --> 00:34:17,137
How can you eat right now?

889
00:34:17,472 --> 00:34:20,891
Eating is the number one way
people deal with stress, okay?

890
00:34:20,975 --> 00:34:22,642
Don't give me shit.

891
00:34:22,727 --> 00:34:24,019
You guys want some?

892
00:34:24,729 --> 00:34:26,938
- Oh, yeah, I'd go for a slice. One second.
- I'll have a slice. Yeah.

893
00:34:27,899 --> 00:34:31,234
Okay, I think now it's time for us
to call the cops, yeah?

894
00:34:31,319 --> 00:34:33,570
Wait, wait, wait.
I think we should call a lawyer first,

895
00:34:33,654 --> 00:34:35,655
so we know exactly what to say
during the interrogation.

896
00:34:35,865 --> 00:34:37,616
- Okay.
- Wait, I'm sorry, what's going on?

897
00:34:37,909 --> 00:34:38,992
We're gonna be interrogated?

898
00:34:39,577 --> 00:34:41,828
We are 100% gonna be interrogated.

899
00:34:41,913 --> 00:34:44,039
Somebody died in a sketchy way.

900
00:34:44,123 --> 00:34:45,791
They're gonna separate us into little cells,

901
00:34:45,875 --> 00:34:47,459
you know, with swinging lights.

902
00:34:47,543 --> 00:34:50,128
The coppers are gonna try
to crack us, fucking pigs!

903
00:34:50,421 --> 00:34:52,672
Okay, let's definitely call a lawyer, then.

904
00:34:53,257 --> 00:34:55,008
Oh, my God. My Uncle Jack.

905
00:34:55,426 --> 00:34:57,260
He was on the team
that defended Bernie Madoff.

906
00:34:57,345 --> 00:34:59,346
- Ah, thank God.
- Thank God.

907
00:34:59,847 --> 00:35:02,641
Wait. We should use a burner phone
so there's no record.

908
00:35:02,892 --> 00:35:04,434
- JESS: Good idea.
- That's actually a good point.

909
00:35:04,519 --> 00:35:06,353
- Shit!
- ALL: What, Alice?

910
00:35:06,687 --> 00:35:07,979
The foam party!

911
00:35:08,064 --> 00:35:09,689
Should I sell our passes?

912
00:35:10,983 --> 00:35:12,025
BLAIR: Wow.

913
00:35:12,610 --> 00:35:14,778
You're right. Let's play it by ear.

914
00:35:15,029 --> 00:35:16,196
Smart, Jess.

915
00:35:17,198 --> 00:35:18,615
(RINGTONE PLAYING)

916
00:35:18,699 --> 00:35:19,699
Oh, shit! Peter!

917
00:35:20,034 --> 00:35:21,535
- Okay.
- I forgot to call him when I got home.

918
00:35:21,619 --> 00:35:23,078
- Do not answer that.
- I have to.

919
00:35:23,162 --> 00:35:24,287
- No!
- Jess. Jess, stop.

920
00:35:24,372 --> 00:35:25,413
Hello!

921
00:35:25,540 --> 00:35:27,791
- Hey, babe.
- Hi. How's it going?

922
00:35:27,875 --> 00:35:29,960
<i>- Stop.
- Are you home safe? You never called.</i>

923
00:35:30,044 --> 00:35:31,169
- Hang up. Hang up.
- Yeah, I am.

924
00:35:31,254 --> 00:35:32,337
Yeah, everything's great.

925
00:35:32,505 --> 00:35:34,422
Did you do whippets again?
You sound really weird.

926
00:35:34,715 --> 00:35:36,633
<i>- What?
- Is everything all right?</i>

927
00:35:36,801 --> 00:35:38,593
- Hang up. Hang up. Hang up.
- Stop, stop, stop.

928
00:35:38,719 --> 00:35:40,512
- Peter, something really bad happened.
- No.

929
00:35:40,596 --> 00:35:42,430
- What?
- No, this guy came over.

930
00:35:42,515 --> 00:35:44,057
He was a stripper, like, a prostitute.

931
00:35:44,142 --> 00:35:45,183
<i>- A prostitute?
- And we were drunk,</i>

932
00:35:45,351 --> 00:35:47,727
and coked up, and I don't know what to do.

933
00:35:47,812 --> 00:35:48,979
About what? The wedding?

934
00:35:49,272 --> 00:35:51,565
- (FRANTIC WHISPERING)
- Jess, do you still want to get married?

935
00:35:51,691 --> 00:35:53,150
- You can't, you can't...
- JESS: No! (GASPS)

936
00:35:53,818 --> 00:35:54,985
- Jess!
- (CLICK)

937
00:35:57,238 --> 00:35:58,530
I can't believe you just did that.

938
00:35:58,614 --> 00:36:01,449
We can't talk to anybody
until we consult with a lawyer.

939
00:36:01,534 --> 00:36:02,701
She's right. You know what,

940
00:36:02,785 --> 00:36:04,828
I'm collecting everyone's phones
until we know what the plan is.

941
00:36:04,912 --> 00:36:06,538
- Agreed?
- Mmm-hmm, mmm-hmm.

942
00:36:06,622 --> 00:36:07,831
- Yes.
- Agreed.

943
00:36:07,915 --> 00:36:08,915
- Mmm-hmm.
- Fine.

944
00:36:10,751 --> 00:36:13,295
- Well, I have a game on it that relaxes me.
- Give it.

945
00:36:14,922 --> 00:36:15,964
Thank you.

946
00:36:16,174 --> 00:36:17,966
<i>* *</i>

947
00:36:18,342 --> 00:36:20,927
Okay, so we got to get this burner phone
from a convenience store.

948
00:36:21,012 --> 00:36:22,220
- Smart.
- Yeah, good idea.

949
00:36:22,305 --> 00:36:23,513
Frankie and I can go.

950
00:36:23,598 --> 00:36:24,681
- Great.
- ALICE: Um...

951
00:36:24,765 --> 00:36:27,475
- Or, like, anybody else could go.
- BLAIR: Why?

952
00:36:27,560 --> 00:36:30,020
- Do we argue?
- We bicker. Yeah, we bicker.

953
00:36:30,229 --> 00:36:32,522
- (CHUCKLES) It's true, but...
- No. I think that we debate,

954
00:36:32,607 --> 00:36:34,399
which is a normal part of talking.

955
00:36:34,483 --> 00:36:36,943
That's funny.
That's the same thing, debating and arguing.

956
00:36:37,028 --> 00:36:38,361
- It's semantics.
- "Semantics. "

957
00:36:38,446 --> 00:36:40,447
Wow, I didn't realize
I was talking to a wordsmith.

958
00:36:40,531 --> 00:36:42,115
- They used to be lovers, yeah?
- FRANKIE: Three syllables.

959
00:36:42,200 --> 00:36:44,117
I'm a wordsmith 'cause
I read the news regularly.

960
00:36:44,202 --> 00:36:45,368
- Is it that obvious?
- BLAIR: Oh, my God.

961
00:36:45,453 --> 00:36:49,372
- I'm too busy shopping, right?
- I have a sort of a sense of these things.

962
00:36:49,457 --> 00:36:52,751
- (OTHERS CONTINUE ARGUING)
- Also, she's been fixated on her nips.

963
00:36:52,835 --> 00:36:54,711
Just because I don't use
Tom's of Maine deodorant, which,

964
00:36:54,795 --> 00:36:55,879
by the way, does not work...

965
00:36:55,963 --> 00:36:57,214
I don't use Tom's deodorant...

966
00:36:57,298 --> 00:36:59,633
- It's kind of nasty to watch, isn't it?
- ... into my body.

967
00:37:00,551 --> 00:37:02,510
PETER: Yeah, so, I call. She picks up.

968
00:37:02,845 --> 00:37:04,221
- Uh-huh.
- She sounds very strange.

969
00:37:04,305 --> 00:37:05,513
I know something's wrong immediately.

970
00:37:05,598 --> 00:37:07,098
And then, finally, she admits it.

971
00:37:07,183 --> 00:37:08,808
She says something really bad
happened with a prostitute.

972
00:37:08,976 --> 00:37:10,977
- OTHERS: Ooh!
- That does not mean she cheated.

973
00:37:11,354 --> 00:37:13,939
But if she was going to cheat,
this is when she would do it.

974
00:37:14,148 --> 00:37:16,816
- Oh, God.
- Miami, bachelorette party.

975
00:37:16,901 --> 00:37:18,735
- It's pretty classic.
- Mmm...

976
00:37:18,861 --> 00:37:21,988
It's not cheating if it's
with a prostitute. Technically.

977
00:37:22,323 --> 00:37:24,157
- TOBEY: What?
- What? Yes, it is.

978
00:37:24,242 --> 00:37:26,618
Look, guys, we have
to have realistic attitudes

979
00:37:26,702 --> 00:37:28,245
about sexual exclusivity.

980
00:37:28,496 --> 00:37:30,997
Whatever. It doesn't even matter, because...

981
00:37:31,082 --> 00:37:32,791
I asked her if she still
wanted to get married.

982
00:37:32,875 --> 00:37:34,918
She screamed "no" and then she hung up!

983
00:37:35,002 --> 00:37:36,753
So, guess what, guys,

984
00:37:36,837 --> 00:37:39,172
there's no wedding for you to go to,
so return your tuxes.

985
00:37:39,382 --> 00:37:40,674
OTHERS: No!

986
00:37:40,758 --> 00:37:42,509
- No. Hell, no.
- Fine, keep your tuxes,

987
00:37:42,593 --> 00:37:43,843
but my wedding's off.

988
00:37:44,553 --> 00:37:45,804
It's not a shock, right?

989
00:37:45,888 --> 00:37:49,599
I mean, buddy, I love you,
you're one of my best friends,

990
00:37:49,684 --> 00:37:52,227
but you're a six and she's a...

991
00:37:52,311 --> 00:37:54,104
(TAKES BREATH) Twenty.

992
00:37:54,188 --> 00:37:56,523
- Oh, my God. Oh, my God.
- JOE: He can hear you.

993
00:37:56,607 --> 00:37:58,566
Oh, I'm feeling... I'm feeling weak.

994
00:37:58,651 --> 00:38:00,193
- I'm feeling dizzy, I'm...
- Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.

995
00:38:00,278 --> 00:38:02,195
- Hey, hey, hey, hey.
- Oh, my God.

996
00:38:02,363 --> 00:38:04,656
I knew I shouldn't date out of my league,
I knew it.

997
00:38:04,740 --> 00:38:07,075
When she first asked me out,
I thought it was a prank.

998
00:38:07,159 --> 00:38:10,078
I could feel her pulling away,
but I thought it was work.

999
00:38:10,162 --> 00:38:11,538
- (BELCHES) I'm gonna be sick.
- No, no, no.

1000
00:38:11,831 --> 00:38:13,248
- Give him some Madeira.
- Yeah, yeah, yeah.

1001
00:38:13,332 --> 00:38:15,417
- Yeah.
- Peter, that's it. Just take a sip.

1002
00:38:15,501 --> 00:38:17,460
- Chug-a-lug. Bup-bup-bup-bup.
- Oh, I'll get you a soft cheese!

1003
00:38:17,545 --> 00:38:18,545
Yes!

1004
00:38:20,047 --> 00:38:21,464
FRANKIE: This is so stupid.

1005
00:38:21,549 --> 00:38:25,218
Yeah, but this way no one can
definitively ID our face.

1006
00:38:25,594 --> 00:38:27,262
FRANKIE: Old people. Perfect.

1007
00:38:28,889 --> 00:38:31,057
Any brand is fine.

1008
00:38:31,183 --> 00:38:32,517
What's that on your face?

1009
00:38:32,768 --> 00:38:33,977
A detoxifying mud mask.

1010
00:38:34,061 --> 00:38:36,146
Look, we need a burner phone, okay?

1011
00:38:36,230 --> 00:38:40,150
- Here's some cash.
- Again, a burner phone,

1012
00:38:40,234 --> 00:38:42,902
and you can find that behind the counter.

1013
00:38:43,029 --> 00:38:44,738
- MAN: Okay. We heard you.
- Inside.

1014
00:38:44,822 --> 00:38:48,033
You baby boomers are so demanding.

1015
00:38:48,117 --> 00:38:49,409
WOMAN: I know.

1016
00:38:49,493 --> 00:38:51,745
- Jesus. Come on, Ma.
- I'm sick and tired of this shit.

1017
00:38:53,956 --> 00:38:55,206
ALICE: I can't believe he's dead.

1018
00:38:56,667 --> 00:38:59,753
- And it's, like, all my fault.
- No, no.

1019
00:39:00,338 --> 00:39:02,714
It really is a tragedy, you know?

1020
00:39:04,842 --> 00:39:08,345
He could have been a scientist
that was gonna cure cancer or something.

1021
00:39:09,430 --> 00:39:11,931
- It's nice of you to say.
- Yeah.

1022
00:39:13,392 --> 00:39:15,602
Guys, is he looking, like, straight at me?

1023
00:39:18,022 --> 00:39:19,522
- Oh, my God, he's...
- Yeah. Yeah.

1024
00:39:19,607 --> 00:39:21,566
He's looking at me, right? (CRIES SOFTLY)

1025
00:39:21,650 --> 00:39:22,859
PIPPA: Mmm-hmm.

1026
00:39:25,780 --> 00:39:27,197
Hi, baby boy.

1027
00:39:28,032 --> 00:39:29,699
Mummy Hubbard's here.

1028
00:39:30,076 --> 00:39:31,868
She's gonna send you home.

1029
00:39:33,704 --> 00:39:35,205
Okay.

1030
00:39:35,289 --> 00:39:36,623
Sleep now.

1031
00:39:37,541 --> 00:39:39,918
- Oh, no. Jesus, no. No, no, no.
- (JESS GAGS)

1032
00:39:40,044 --> 00:39:41,669
- Okay, why don't we...
- I don't like it, I don't like it,

1033
00:39:41,796 --> 00:39:42,879
- I don't like it.
- Guys, I got it.

1034
00:39:43,255 --> 00:39:44,881
- I got it.
- JESS: I'm done.

1035
00:39:44,965 --> 00:39:46,674
- I'm done.
- ALICE: There we go.

1036
00:39:47,134 --> 00:39:48,468
He looks good, right?

1037
00:39:49,303 --> 00:39:51,179
ALL: Totally.

1038
00:39:56,811 --> 00:39:58,978
- PIPPA: Oh, my God, Jess. (LAUGHS)
- What?

1039
00:39:59,105 --> 00:40:00,522
Look at this ring.

1040
00:40:00,648 --> 00:40:02,941
It's even bigger in real life
than it is on Skype.

1041
00:40:03,025 --> 00:40:04,651
- Yeah, he did a good job.
- Oh.

1042
00:40:05,319 --> 00:40:06,361
You guys Skype?

1043
00:40:06,654 --> 00:40:08,321
- Yes.
- Oh, do we?

1044
00:40:08,739 --> 00:40:09,823
Yes.

1045
00:40:10,282 --> 00:40:14,369
It's really nice to just sort of,
you know, see the person

1046
00:40:14,578 --> 00:40:16,496
when you're talking to them.

1047
00:40:16,872 --> 00:40:18,456
- I didn't know that.
- Yes.

1048
00:40:18,541 --> 00:40:19,874
You don't know Skype?

1049
00:40:19,959 --> 00:40:22,043
Skype is a free video calling app.

1050
00:40:22,169 --> 00:40:23,586
- You should...
- No, I know what Skype is.

1051
00:40:23,671 --> 00:40:25,880
Jess, you said you couldn't
remember your password.

1052
00:40:27,174 --> 00:40:29,175
Well, it is really hard to sign in.

1053
00:40:29,844 --> 00:40:31,886
(BARKING)

1054
00:40:32,388 --> 00:40:33,430
- Oh, shit!
- Shit!

1055
00:40:33,556 --> 00:40:35,473
- Whose dog is that?
- Go away! Go away!

1056
00:40:35,683 --> 00:40:37,183
- Go! Go, go.
- MAN: Charlie? Here, boy!

1057
00:40:37,351 --> 00:40:39,519
- The owner is coming towards the house.
- Oh, God.

1058
00:40:39,603 --> 00:40:41,521
No, no, no. You're being too loud.

1059
00:40:41,939 --> 00:40:43,940
I can speak to animals,
we have a deep understanding,

1060
00:40:44,024 --> 00:40:45,066
- so I got this.
- MAN: Charlie?

1061
00:40:45,192 --> 00:40:46,693
ALICE: Just go!
JESS: Okay, be careful, though.

1062
00:40:46,777 --> 00:40:48,027
PIPPA: Okay.
MAN: Here, boy!

1063
00:40:48,112 --> 00:40:50,321
Okay, Charlie. Come on.

1064
00:40:50,406 --> 00:40:52,490
- Come on, come on.
- (VICIOUS GROWLING, LOUD CHOMP)

1065
00:40:52,575 --> 00:40:54,200
PIPPA: Aah! Ow! Aah!
BOTH: Oh, shit!

1066
00:40:54,493 --> 00:40:56,035
- Ow. Ow.
- (GROWLING)

1067
00:40:56,120 --> 00:40:57,537
- MAN: Charlie!
- You stay. I'm bringing him to you.

1068
00:40:57,621 --> 00:40:59,664
This is impossible, anybody can see
into the house from the beach.

1069
00:40:59,748 --> 00:41:01,166
- This is crazy.
- I know.

1070
00:41:01,250 --> 00:41:03,209
If someone reports it
before we do, we're dead.

1071
00:41:03,544 --> 00:41:06,045
Well, we just... We have
to get the body out of sight, that's all.

1072
00:41:06,130 --> 00:41:07,797
- Yeah, okay.
- All right.

1073
00:41:07,882 --> 00:41:08,965
- Okay.
- ALICE: You all right?

1074
00:41:09,049 --> 00:41:10,091
- You all right?
- Good.

1075
00:41:10,468 --> 00:41:13,011
Oh, my God, Pip,
I can see all of his teeth marks.

1076
00:41:13,095 --> 00:41:14,637
That looks really bad.

1077
00:41:14,722 --> 00:41:16,473
No, no, no. This is...

1078
00:41:16,557 --> 00:41:17,974
That's not... I'm good.

1079
00:41:18,058 --> 00:41:19,767
Yeah, she's fine. Look at her in the eyes.

1080
00:41:19,977 --> 00:41:22,395
Okay? So let's just get
the body out of sight,

1081
00:41:22,480 --> 00:41:24,772
and then we'll put him back
before we call the cops. Yeah?

1082
00:41:24,857 --> 00:41:26,024
- Let's do it. Right?
- Yes.

1083
00:41:26,108 --> 00:41:27,942
- Let's go! Okay!
- Let's do it.

1084
00:41:28,360 --> 00:41:29,861
PIPPA: Hold the door. Hang on one sec.

1085
00:41:29,945 --> 00:41:31,654
ALICE: Got it.
JESS: There's two steps here. Hold on.

1086
00:41:31,739 --> 00:41:33,031
- Yeah, we got it. Ow.
- ALICE: Oh, there's two steps.

1087
00:41:33,115 --> 00:41:34,115
(LOUD CRASH)

1088
00:41:34,241 --> 00:41:35,658
PIPPA: Put him down.
ALICE: That was me.

1089
00:41:35,743 --> 00:41:37,243
JESS: Can somebody turn the lights on?

1090
00:41:37,328 --> 00:41:39,120
- PIPPA: I'll get it.
- Oh, there we go.

1091
00:41:39,205 --> 00:41:40,330
- That's better.
- Oh, God!

1092
00:41:40,414 --> 00:41:42,457
Shit! Alice, cover the body!

1093
00:41:42,541 --> 00:41:43,875
Why? Why? Why?

1094
00:41:43,959 --> 00:41:45,460
JESS: Pippa, what did you do?

1095
00:41:46,045 --> 00:41:48,338
This is a poltergeist situation.

1096
00:41:48,422 --> 00:41:49,839
I'm not doing anything.

1097
00:41:49,924 --> 00:41:51,466
- All right.
- There's got to be a fuse box.

1098
00:41:53,219 --> 00:41:55,553
- Oh, God. There is a taxi.
- PIPPA: Oh, no, no.

1099
00:41:55,638 --> 00:41:57,013
There is a taxi right here.

1100
00:41:57,264 --> 00:41:59,557
No! No, no, no.

1101
00:42:00,142 --> 00:42:01,226
No, thank you.

1102
00:42:01,477 --> 00:42:02,810
- Cover the body.
- Hide me. Hide me.

1103
00:42:03,145 --> 00:42:04,479
- Balls!
- Jesus Christ.

1104
00:42:04,605 --> 00:42:06,439
Find a quilt. Find a fucking quilt.

1105
00:42:06,774 --> 00:42:08,650
- DRIVER: What the...
- Jesus!

1106
00:42:08,776 --> 00:42:11,694
- Oh, no. My water broke! My water broke!
- What?

1107
00:42:11,779 --> 00:42:12,946
No, no, I just peed.

1108
00:42:13,239 --> 00:42:15,031
- PIPPA: I have no control over this.
- Pippa.

1109
00:42:15,699 --> 00:42:17,534
Close, you fuck.

1110
00:42:18,118 --> 00:42:20,245
- Here you go, sir. Thank you.
- Thought I peed. I didn't pee.

1111
00:42:20,329 --> 00:42:22,121
- Thank you very much for the ride.
- Thank you.

1112
00:42:22,206 --> 00:42:24,874
- Safe home!
- What the fuck is going on in here?

1113
00:42:24,959 --> 00:42:26,960
We're starting a garage band.
Do you guys play bass?

1114
00:42:27,044 --> 00:42:28,920
We're hiding a body.
What do you think we're doing?

1115
00:42:29,046 --> 00:42:30,922
BLAIR: Stop saying "body" so many times.

1116
00:42:31,006 --> 00:42:32,382
- Alice, what the hell are you doing, man?
- Sorry.

1117
00:42:32,466 --> 00:42:33,841
- Come on.
- FRANKIE: God!

1118
00:42:33,926 --> 00:42:35,718
Lift him up with your legs.
Lift with your legs.

1119
00:42:36,345 --> 00:42:38,263
JESS: I swear to God,
he's getting heavier every time.

1120
00:42:38,347 --> 00:42:39,472
Just hold one second.

1121
00:42:39,557 --> 00:42:40,890
- There's two stairs up here.
- No!

1122
00:42:40,975 --> 00:42:42,850
- I got it.
- Let's take a break. Let's take a break.

1123
00:42:42,935 --> 00:42:43,977
Break, break, break.

1124
00:42:44,103 --> 00:42:45,353
- ALICE: No, no, no.
- Okay.

1125
00:42:45,479 --> 00:42:47,105
- Okay.
- BLAIR: I am out of shape.

1126
00:42:47,189 --> 00:42:49,482
- PIPPA: Really good.
- Quick question.

1127
00:42:50,067 --> 00:42:51,484
Why are we moving the dead stripper?

1128
00:42:52,152 --> 00:42:54,237
The whole house is made out of glass.

1129
00:42:54,321 --> 00:42:57,115
This is impossible.
You can see in everywhere.

1130
00:42:57,616 --> 00:42:59,867
Where could we put him
that he's not gonna be seen?

1131
00:43:03,831 --> 00:43:07,041
(SQUEAKING, CREAKING)

1132
00:43:12,047 --> 00:43:13,590
<i>BLAIR: (ON PHONE)
So, what do you think, Uncle Jack?</i>

1133
00:43:13,674 --> 00:43:16,426
They could charge you
with involuntary manslaughter,

1134
00:43:16,510 --> 00:43:17,885
but it's not that easy to prove.

1135
00:43:18,012 --> 00:43:19,637
- Ah, thank God.
- Well, that's not bad.

1136
00:43:19,722 --> 00:43:21,306
<i>- That's okay.
- JACK: Just don't touch the body</i>

1137
00:43:21,390 --> 00:43:23,933
<i>- or the scene, and you'll be fine.
- What?</i>

1138
00:43:24,018 --> 00:43:26,144
Okay, so actually,
we have already moved him

1139
00:43:26,228 --> 00:43:27,437
to a sex swing, Your Honor.

1140
00:43:27,771 --> 00:43:28,813
What?

1141
00:43:28,897 --> 00:43:32,775
I said, "Actually, we have already moved him
to a sex swing, Your Honor. "

1142
00:43:32,860 --> 00:43:33,985
<i>I heard you.</i>

1143
00:43:35,195 --> 00:43:37,113
You knowingly tampered with the scene,

1144
00:43:37,197 --> 00:43:39,449
<i>which means you're guilty
of accessory after the fact,</i>

1145
00:43:39,533 --> 00:43:43,870
and they'll have a strong case
for involuntary manslaughter.

1146
00:43:43,996 --> 00:43:45,622
Wait, what does that mean?

1147
00:43:45,706 --> 00:43:47,665
<i>Up to 15 years in prison.</i>

1148
00:43:47,791 --> 00:43:50,168
- What?
- Fifteen?

1149
00:43:50,252 --> 00:43:52,962
- ALICE: Well, what can we do?
- Are we on an open line here, girls?

1150
00:43:53,047 --> 00:43:54,881
<i>- It's a burner phone.
- Good.</i>

1151
00:43:55,049 --> 00:43:56,716
Like I told Rob Lowe,

1152
00:43:57,217 --> 00:44:00,887
if there's no body, there's no case.

1153
00:44:04,308 --> 00:44:06,142
We can't just chop him up.

1154
00:44:06,810 --> 00:44:09,812
You know what?
I'll just tell the cops it was just me.

1155
00:44:10,230 --> 00:44:12,273
No, we all moved the body.

1156
00:44:13,067 --> 00:44:14,317
It's a crime.

1157
00:44:14,401 --> 00:44:17,654
Well, yeah, but if we just,
like, explain the situation...

1158
00:44:17,738 --> 00:44:19,697
FRANKIE: What are you talking about,
"Explain"?

1159
00:44:19,782 --> 00:44:22,450
Last year, a guy in Tampa,
he threatened to kill his wife,

1160
00:44:22,534 --> 00:44:23,868
so she fired a warning shot,

1161
00:44:23,952 --> 00:44:26,079
and she went to jail for 20 years.

1162
00:44:26,705 --> 00:44:29,415
This country
should be burned to the ground!

1163
00:44:31,585 --> 00:44:33,044
Shit.

1164
00:44:34,546 --> 00:44:36,589
I was so close. Peter.

1165
00:44:37,299 --> 00:44:38,758
My career.

1166
00:44:38,884 --> 00:44:40,426
It's all over, just like that.

1167
00:44:41,595 --> 00:44:43,513
I'm gonna do real time.

1168
00:44:43,889 --> 00:44:44,931
Maybe life.

1169
00:44:45,015 --> 00:44:46,474
You guys are gonna get off with a few years.

1170
00:44:46,558 --> 00:44:49,435
I can't do any years.
I'm in the middle of a custody battle.

1171
00:44:49,770 --> 00:44:50,728
- What?
- What?

1172
00:44:50,813 --> 00:44:51,854
What?

1173
00:44:54,316 --> 00:44:56,150
Malcolm and I separated six months ago.

1174
00:44:57,111 --> 00:44:58,361
You didn't tell me.

1175
00:44:59,154 --> 00:45:01,072
Yeah, you've been
a little preoccupied, Jess.

1176
00:45:02,157 --> 00:45:03,700
Why didn't you tell me?

1177
00:45:04,535 --> 00:45:06,160
I didn't need your judgment.

1178
00:45:06,453 --> 00:45:08,705
Blair, I would never judge you
for something like that.

1179
00:45:10,499 --> 00:45:13,418
Oh, my God, my students.

1180
00:45:13,502 --> 00:45:15,294
They idolize me.

1181
00:45:15,379 --> 00:45:18,548
They think I'm, like, the best fucking adult

1182
00:45:18,632 --> 00:45:21,050
in the whole fucking world.

1183
00:45:21,135 --> 00:45:22,552
They'll turn to crime.

1184
00:45:23,137 --> 00:45:24,804
I can't go to jail.

1185
00:45:24,930 --> 00:45:26,764
I couldn't even make it
through the first episode

1186
00:45:26,849 --> 00:45:28,141
<i>of Orange Is the New Black.</i>

1187
00:45:28,726 --> 00:45:29,976
(CRYING) None of us can.

1188
00:45:30,144 --> 00:45:32,228
(SNIFFLES) It's too soapy, right?

1189
00:45:32,604 --> 00:45:35,231
No, I meant none of us can go to jail.
(SNIFFLES)

1190
00:45:35,315 --> 00:45:36,482
PIPPA: Wait, you guys.

1191
00:45:36,775 --> 00:45:39,777
Even if we don't get charged
with this tampering with evidence thing,

1192
00:45:39,862 --> 00:45:41,404
we don't know who this man is.

1193
00:45:41,488 --> 00:45:43,239
His family could come seek revenge.

1194
00:45:43,323 --> 00:45:46,117
He could be part of a cartel
that's gonna cut off our toes

1195
00:45:46,201 --> 00:45:47,243
and stick them up our bums.

1196
00:45:47,327 --> 00:45:48,327
BLAIR: She's right.

1197
00:45:48,495 --> 00:45:50,872
We'll have to look over our shoulders
for the rest of our lives.

1198
00:45:52,249 --> 00:45:54,000
He did say that

1199
00:45:55,335 --> 00:45:57,754
it would be hard to convict

1200
00:45:58,672 --> 00:46:00,840
with no body.

1201
00:46:01,508 --> 00:46:04,385
I mean, it was an accident.

1202
00:46:04,636 --> 00:46:06,637
And he's not part
of an escort company, you know?

1203
00:46:06,722 --> 00:46:08,514
So I don't think anybody knows he's here.

1204
00:46:09,308 --> 00:46:10,892
Mmm-hmm.

1205
00:46:15,355 --> 00:46:16,689
We got to get rid of him.

1206
00:46:16,857 --> 00:46:17,982
- We gotta, right?
- Yeah.

1207
00:46:18,066 --> 00:46:19,192
- We do.
- We have to.

1208
00:46:19,276 --> 00:46:21,444
- I mean, we don't want to.
- No, of course we don't want to.

1209
00:46:21,570 --> 00:46:22,737
We didn't want to kill him.

1210
00:46:22,821 --> 00:46:24,113
- We have no other option.
- But we have to.

1211
00:46:24,198 --> 00:46:25,448
- Of course we have to.
- Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

1212
00:46:25,532 --> 00:46:26,532
Must.

1213
00:46:27,075 --> 00:46:28,659
(LINE RINGING)

1214
00:46:28,744 --> 00:46:30,703
<i>ON VOICE MAIL: Hey, it's Blair.
Don't leave a message.</i>

1215
00:46:30,996 --> 00:46:33,623
Okay. That's it.
None of them are picking up.

1216
00:46:33,707 --> 00:46:35,166
That means something really bad happened.

1217
00:46:35,250 --> 00:46:39,003
Dude, this is, like, the third girlfriend
that's cheated on you.

1218
00:46:39,421 --> 00:46:41,464
What is that? What's going on, buddy?

1219
00:46:41,548 --> 00:46:43,633
Does your dick bend weird
when it gets hard?

1220
00:46:43,717 --> 00:46:44,759
No.

1221
00:46:44,885 --> 00:46:46,385
- All right.
- JAKE: Doesn't matter.

1222
00:46:46,720 --> 00:46:49,722
Let's get you on Tinder right now,
so you can start on a rebound.

1223
00:46:49,890 --> 00:46:52,558
- No, I don't want to be on Tinder, okay?
- PATRICK: Come on.

1224
00:46:52,643 --> 00:46:55,186
You've gotten over other girls,
you can get over her.

1225
00:46:55,270 --> 00:46:59,190
Yeah, this isn't some girl, this is Jess.
I'm not gonna get over her, you know?

1226
00:46:59,274 --> 00:47:00,483
And I don't want to get over her.

1227
00:47:00,651 --> 00:47:02,401
Then, this time, do something
about it, Peter.

1228
00:47:02,569 --> 00:47:03,569
(TOBEY SCOFFS)

1229
00:47:07,074 --> 00:47:08,282
You're right.

1230
00:47:08,784 --> 00:47:10,993
You're right, I got to go to Miami,
and I got to win her back.

1231
00:47:11,078 --> 00:47:13,496
- Yes, dude. Yes. Awesome.
- Okay, okay.

1232
00:47:13,580 --> 00:47:17,458
The first flight out of Charleston
gets in at 10:00 a. m. tomorrow morning.

1233
00:47:17,543 --> 00:47:18,668
TOBEY: No.
JOE: Oh. There is a train

1234
00:47:18,752 --> 00:47:22,171
that gets there tomorrow afternoon
and there's room in the quiet car.

1235
00:47:22,589 --> 00:47:24,423
Not quick enough. You got to sad astronaut.

1236
00:47:25,968 --> 00:47:27,093
- What?
- Huh?

1237
00:47:27,678 --> 00:47:29,136
He has to sad astronaut.

1238
00:47:29,471 --> 00:47:30,721
- Okay, what is that?
- JAKE: That's nothing to me.

1239
00:47:30,806 --> 00:47:32,682
- Sad astronaut?
- TOBEY: That news story?

1240
00:47:32,766 --> 00:47:34,934
Okay. (EXHALES)

1241
00:47:35,853 --> 00:47:37,603
Lisa Marie Nowak was an astronaut.

1242
00:47:39,690 --> 00:47:42,108
And she was in love
with another astronaut named Will.

1243
00:47:42,734 --> 00:47:45,736
Now, Will cheated on Lisa
with some hottie Air Force captain.

1244
00:47:45,863 --> 00:47:48,948
Lisa found out and was pissed.

1245
00:47:49,324 --> 00:47:51,784
So, Lisa decided to deal with it.

1246
00:47:53,036 --> 00:47:55,538
Once and for all.
And she got a bunch of adult diapers,

1247
00:47:55,873 --> 00:47:57,206
so she wouldn't have to piss on the way,

1248
00:47:57,583 --> 00:47:59,750
and she drove straight from
Houston to Orlando

1249
00:47:59,960 --> 00:48:04,130
to, like, kidnap the Air Force...
It's... The story gets dark quick.

1250
00:48:04,548 --> 00:48:08,426
Point is, she used that crazy
astrophysicist brain

1251
00:48:09,011 --> 00:48:10,553
to find the quickest way to Florida.

1252
00:48:11,471 --> 00:48:14,265
- You... You want to get Jess back, right?
- Yeah.

1253
00:48:14,975 --> 00:48:17,768
Then you got to sad astronaut, bro.

1254
00:48:19,354 --> 00:48:21,147
Let's get some diapers.

1255
00:48:21,231 --> 00:48:22,648
<i>MAN: (RAPPING)
La-da-da-da-dah</i>

1256
00:48:22,733 --> 00:48:24,734
<i>It's the motherfuckin'D-O-double-G</i>

1257
00:48:24,818 --> 00:48:26,319
<i>Snoop Dogg!</i>

1258
00:48:26,403 --> 00:48:28,696
<i>La-da-da-da-dah, you know I'm mobbin'</i>

1259
00:48:28,822 --> 00:48:30,406
<i>With the D-R-E</i>

1260
00:48:30,490 --> 00:48:32,450
<i>Yeah, yeah, yeah, you know who's back</i>

1261
00:48:32,534 --> 00:48:34,660
<i>Up in this motherfucker?</i>

1262
00:48:34,745 --> 00:48:36,537
<i>What, what, what, what...</i>

1263
00:48:36,622 --> 00:48:38,873
Not this brand! These leak!

1264
00:48:39,041 --> 00:48:41,250
<i>* *</i>

1265
00:48:49,051 --> 00:48:50,468
<i>La-da-da-da-dah</i>

1266
00:48:50,552 --> 00:48:52,511
<i>It's the motherfuckin'D-R-E</i>

1267
00:48:52,596 --> 00:48:54,096
<i>- Dr. Dre, motherfucker
- What, what, what, what</i>

1268
00:48:54,181 --> 00:48:55,431
<i>La-da-da-da-dah</i>

1269
00:48:55,515 --> 00:48:57,934
<i>You know I'm mobbin' with the D-O-double-G</i>

1270
00:48:58,018 --> 00:49:00,311
<i>Straight off the fuckin' streets of C-P-T</i>

1271
00:49:00,395 --> 00:49:02,188
<i>King of the beats, you ride to 'em</i>

1272
00:49:02,272 --> 00:49:03,564
<i>- In your Fleet
- Fleetwood</i>

1273
00:49:03,649 --> 00:49:05,775
<i>Or Coupe de Ville rollin' on dubs</i>

1274
00:49:05,859 --> 00:49:08,110
<i>How you feel? Whoopty-whoop, nigga, what?</i>

1275
00:49:08,195 --> 00:49:09,528
<i>It's the next episode</i>

1276
00:49:09,613 --> 00:49:10,863
(OTHERS GRUNTING)

1277
00:49:10,948 --> 00:49:13,574
JESS: Jesus Christ.
ALICE: It's not that bad.

1278
00:49:13,784 --> 00:49:16,327
- I think it's the body on top.
- (OTHERS GRUNTING)

1279
00:49:16,495 --> 00:49:18,287
- Okay, okay, okay, okay.
- Okay.

1280
00:49:19,039 --> 00:49:21,791
Okay, wait, does anyone know
how to actually drive this thing, or...

1281
00:49:21,875 --> 00:49:22,875
PIPPA: I could do it.

1282
00:49:23,043 --> 00:49:28,214
I, uh, I took one to school every day
growing up, so, I feel pretty confident.

1283
00:49:28,298 --> 00:49:29,423
- Great.
- Perfect.

1284
00:49:30,550 --> 00:49:31,676
LEA: Hello!
JESS: Oh, shit.

1285
00:49:32,219 --> 00:49:34,679
- Hello!
- FRANKIE: Oh, my gosh. Shit!

1286
00:49:34,763 --> 00:49:36,055
- The neighbors!
- Get him off. Get him off.

1287
00:49:36,139 --> 00:49:37,473
Okay, oh, my God, oh, my God,
what do we do?

1288
00:49:37,557 --> 00:49:39,350
- No, no... Okay. All right.
- JESS: No, no!

1289
00:49:39,726 --> 00:49:41,268
(LAUGHING)

1290
00:49:42,813 --> 00:49:44,271
- So happy to see you.
- Okay, uh...

1291
00:49:44,439 --> 00:49:46,357
- Nope.
- Dang.

1292
00:49:46,984 --> 00:49:48,818
We hoped you were skinny-dipping.

1293
00:49:49,403 --> 00:49:50,528
- No. (LAUGHING)
- No.

1294
00:49:50,612 --> 00:49:51,654
- Nope.
- Okay.

1295
00:49:51,863 --> 00:49:54,740
- My, my.
- What do we have here?

1296
00:49:55,409 --> 00:49:56,659
FRANKIE: Oh.

1297
00:49:56,743 --> 00:49:58,327
WOMEN: Oh.
BLAIR: Oh, wow.

1298
00:49:58,412 --> 00:50:02,707
Um, you know, I think they just wanted
to make love in international waters.

1299
00:50:02,958 --> 00:50:05,251
- PIETRO: Ah, yeah.
- Maybe they need our help.

1300
00:50:05,836 --> 00:50:09,547
Uh, no. I think we should probably let them
do their thing, you know?

1301
00:50:09,798 --> 00:50:11,215
So, let's just...

1302
00:50:11,633 --> 00:50:13,718
Well, this certainly gets me in the mood.

1303
00:50:14,386 --> 00:50:15,803
- JESS: Hey, Blair.
- Oh. Uh-huh?

1304
00:50:15,887 --> 00:50:19,140
- You need a tampon?
- Um, maybe. (LAUGHS)

1305
00:50:19,224 --> 00:50:21,517
We just opened
a bottle of Chateauneuf du Pape,

1306
00:50:21,601 --> 00:50:24,228
and we're listening to some
remastered Fleetwood Mac.

1307
00:50:24,354 --> 00:50:26,939
- Oh, that's so nice.
- Oh! It is so good,

1308
00:50:27,024 --> 00:50:29,358
you could hear the cocaine
in Stevie's voice.

1309
00:50:29,443 --> 00:50:30,735
- I bet.
- We'd love for you to join us.

1310
00:50:30,819 --> 00:50:32,737
- Oh, that's so sweet.
- Um, no pressure.

1311
00:50:32,821 --> 00:50:35,072
Unless it's asked for.

1312
00:50:35,323 --> 00:50:37,324
(LAUGHS) Okay.

1313
00:50:37,868 --> 00:50:39,368
I am fully exhausted.

1314
00:50:39,453 --> 00:50:41,579
- So tired, you know?
- Oh, understood.

1315
00:50:41,663 --> 00:50:43,330
We're fluent in body language.

1316
00:50:43,415 --> 00:50:44,915
Oh, I bet you are.

1317
00:50:45,125 --> 00:50:47,293
(SPEAKING SPANISH)

1318
00:50:47,669 --> 00:50:49,086
- Goodnight.
- Goodnight.

1319
00:50:49,296 --> 00:50:51,130
ALICE: All right.

1320
00:50:51,465 --> 00:50:53,507
- (BLAIR LAUGHS)
- (THUDS)

1321
00:50:53,800 --> 00:50:54,842
- Oh, God.
- Oh, my God.

1322
00:50:54,926 --> 00:50:56,677
- Pippa. They're gone. Pippa.
- They're moving out.

1323
00:50:56,762 --> 00:50:58,345
- What is going on there?
- Pippa!

1324
00:50:58,430 --> 00:50:59,638
- Pippa!
- What?

1325
00:50:59,848 --> 00:51:01,348
Oh, my God. Wow.

1326
00:51:01,433 --> 00:51:02,808
Yeah. Okay.

1327
00:51:02,976 --> 00:51:03,976
(EXHALES)

1328
00:51:05,228 --> 00:51:06,562
- Sorry.
- ALICE: Wow, dude.

1329
00:51:06,688 --> 00:51:08,355
- Let's dump him, yeah?
- ALICE: Yeah, let's dump him.

1330
00:51:08,440 --> 00:51:09,648
PIPPA: Let's do the dump.

1331
00:51:11,860 --> 00:51:13,944
(QUIET GRUNTING)

1332
00:51:15,572 --> 00:51:18,032
- Oof.
- Okay, Spanish language CDs.

1333
00:51:18,158 --> 00:51:19,784
Uh, if Jess hooked up
with a Spanish speaker,

1334
00:51:19,868 --> 00:51:21,535
<i>- you're gonna want to reason with him.
- Gracias.</i>

1335
00:51:22,204 --> 00:51:24,080
Oh, um, and I got this
generic Russian Adderall.

1336
00:51:24,164 --> 00:51:25,581
My little brother ordered it online.

1337
00:51:25,665 --> 00:51:26,874
It will help you focus.

1338
00:51:26,958 --> 00:51:29,960
It's super strong, but it is expired, so...

1339
00:51:30,212 --> 00:51:31,462
- Thank you so much.
- Hey.

1340
00:51:31,546 --> 00:51:32,963
- I love you.
- I love you, too, dude.

1341
00:51:33,048 --> 00:51:35,299
- Get her back.
- Thanks.

1342
00:51:36,009 --> 00:51:38,094
- Mmm...
- (LIQUID SPLATTERING)

1343
00:51:38,303 --> 00:51:39,553
You are peeing.

1344
00:51:39,638 --> 00:51:41,138
I'm so scared.

1345
00:51:42,849 --> 00:51:45,559
I feel like we should say something.

1346
00:51:45,852 --> 00:51:46,977
FRANKIE: Yeah.
BLAIR: Yeah. Good idea.

1347
00:51:48,522 --> 00:51:50,231
We're really sorry.

1348
00:51:50,732 --> 00:51:51,899
You deserved better.

1349
00:51:51,983 --> 00:51:53,067
BLAIR: Mmm.
FRANKIE AND ALICE: Yeah.

1350
00:51:53,318 --> 00:51:56,028
There's nothing we could do
to bring you back, but...

1351
00:51:56,363 --> 00:51:59,824
We promise to spend the rest of our lives
trying to be better people.

1352
00:52:01,660 --> 00:52:04,203
- We owe that to you.
- ALICE: Mmm-hmm.

1353
00:52:05,288 --> 00:52:06,580
God, we're so sorry.

1354
00:52:07,290 --> 00:52:08,332
So sorry.

1355
00:52:08,708 --> 00:52:09,875
So sorry, man.

1356
00:52:10,418 --> 00:52:11,669
We suck.

1357
00:52:12,045 --> 00:52:14,755
(SIGHING, SNIFFLING)

1358
00:52:15,549 --> 00:52:17,299
Okay, you can dump him now!

1359
00:52:17,676 --> 00:52:19,301
Aye aye, Captain.

1360
00:52:19,886 --> 00:52:22,263
(STARTS ENGINE)

1361
00:52:24,015 --> 00:52:26,100
This never happened. Right?

1362
00:52:26,852 --> 00:52:28,811
- Nope.
- It... It happened.

1363
00:52:29,104 --> 00:52:30,271
Right?

1364
00:52:30,897 --> 00:52:32,773
- No, we're not gonna talk about it.
- Oh, got it, got it.

1365
00:52:34,818 --> 00:52:36,610
Okay, bye. (GRUNTS)

1366
00:52:36,695 --> 00:52:37,862
BLAIR: Oh.
JESS: Whoa.

1367
00:52:37,946 --> 00:52:40,156
That could have been more delicate, huh?

1368
00:52:40,365 --> 00:52:42,616
(ENGINE ROARING)

1369
00:52:43,743 --> 00:52:44,994
She's going really fast.

1370
00:52:45,620 --> 00:52:46,745
I did it!

1371
00:52:46,830 --> 00:52:49,582
- Oh, my God, what the fuck is she doing?
- What is she doing?

1372
00:52:50,500 --> 00:52:52,710
- (YELLS)
- BLAIR: Holy shit!

1373
00:52:53,378 --> 00:52:55,629
ALICE: Oh, my God!
JESS: Are you okay?

1374
00:52:56,423 --> 00:52:58,257
- I'm good. I'm really good.
- (NECK CRACKS)

1375
00:52:59,009 --> 00:53:01,677
Are you sure,
'cause you landed right on your neck.

1376
00:53:01,887 --> 00:53:04,889
Yeah, I just did a sort of straight shot,
landed on the neck...

1377
00:53:04,973 --> 00:53:06,724
- (CRACK)
- ... snap, and we're back up.

1378
00:53:07,142 --> 00:53:08,267
- It was good.
- What happened?

1379
00:53:08,351 --> 00:53:09,768
I thought you knew
how to drive those things.

1380
00:53:09,853 --> 00:53:13,564
Yeah, no, I definitely do, but, um,
I think the gas and the brake are different

1381
00:53:13,648 --> 00:53:15,274
- in Australia, so I got confused.
- (CRACK)

1382
00:53:15,442 --> 00:53:18,360
- How are you alive right now?
- I don't know.

1383
00:53:18,486 --> 00:53:20,112
But I'll take it.

1384
00:53:20,697 --> 00:53:21,989
(LAUGHING)

1385
00:53:22,532 --> 00:53:24,909
Well, body dumped, girl's alive.

1386
00:53:25,827 --> 00:53:27,912
- What's next?
- We should get the fuck out of here.

1387
00:53:27,996 --> 00:53:29,580
- Great idea.
- Yeah, I like that.

1388
00:53:30,123 --> 00:53:32,333
JESS: Let's do that.
BLAIR: You sure you're okay?

1389
00:53:36,755 --> 00:53:37,755
Guys?

1390
00:53:38,173 --> 00:53:40,049
She should probably get a CAT scan.

1391
00:53:40,133 --> 00:53:41,258
PIPPA: Okay.

1392
00:53:43,011 --> 00:53:44,094
She's fine.

1393
00:53:44,804 --> 00:53:46,972
- (WOMEN GRUNTING)
- (WHEELS SQUEAKING)

1394
00:53:47,390 --> 00:53:50,059
- Is there any more pizza left?
- I don't think so.

1395
00:53:50,143 --> 00:53:51,143
No!

1396
00:53:51,478 --> 00:53:52,728
Jesus, dude, we can order more.

1397
00:53:52,812 --> 00:53:54,438
No, not that. That!

1398
00:53:54,731 --> 00:53:56,565
BLAIR: What?
ALICE: The sexy neighbors!

1399
00:53:56,650 --> 00:53:58,525
- Oh...
- They have footage of us dumping the body.

1400
00:53:58,902 --> 00:54:00,569
We should just turn ourselves in, right?

1401
00:54:00,737 --> 00:54:02,238
- We're fucked.
- No.

1402
00:54:02,489 --> 00:54:05,324
We got rid of the body. We just have to
get rid of the footage, that's all.

1403
00:54:05,408 --> 00:54:06,450
- Right?
- ALICE: Yes.

1404
00:54:06,701 --> 00:54:07,868
- Yep. Yep.
- Yeah, okay.

1405
00:54:07,953 --> 00:54:09,662
- Yes.
- Well, how?

1406
00:54:10,121 --> 00:54:12,665
FRANKIE: Um...

1407
00:54:15,377 --> 00:54:16,502
No.

1408
00:54:17,254 --> 00:54:18,295
Absolutely not.

1409
00:54:18,380 --> 00:54:19,755
Thank you. Oh.

1410
00:54:19,839 --> 00:54:21,840
<i>WOMAN: (SINGING)
Make love to me</i>

1411
00:54:22,092 --> 00:54:24,051
(CHUCKLES NERVOUSLY)

1412
00:54:24,803 --> 00:54:26,512
BLAIR: Mmm.

1413
00:54:27,264 --> 00:54:29,014
Your house is so, um...

1414
00:54:30,725 --> 00:54:32,851
- Funky.
- Thank you.

1415
00:54:33,144 --> 00:54:34,311
You should see our panic room.

1416
00:54:34,396 --> 00:54:35,854
(LAUGHING)

1417
00:54:37,482 --> 00:54:38,482
(CHUCKLES)

1418
00:54:39,651 --> 00:54:40,734
Mmm.

1419
00:54:41,069 --> 00:54:42,236
May I?

1420
00:54:42,904 --> 00:54:44,363
Uh-huh. Mmm-hmm.

1421
00:54:45,699 --> 00:54:46,699
(GASPS)

1422
00:54:49,286 --> 00:54:52,121
It's happening. God, you make me red-hot.

1423
00:54:54,457 --> 00:54:56,375
(BOTH MOAN)

1424
00:55:00,547 --> 00:55:02,423
(ALL MOANING)

1425
00:55:03,466 --> 00:55:06,635
(LAUGHS) You know what would be
really, really sexy?

1426
00:55:07,012 --> 00:55:08,220
Please tell me.

1427
00:55:08,888 --> 00:55:10,014
If we got this on tape.

1428
00:55:12,017 --> 00:55:14,101
Oh, you naughty girl.

1429
00:55:14,227 --> 00:55:15,728
BLAIR: Mmm-hmm.
LEA: Ooh.

1430
00:55:15,895 --> 00:55:17,313
BLAIR: Oh! (LAUGHS)

1431
00:55:17,397 --> 00:55:21,984
Actually, I noticed that you guys have
these cameras outside and it's always been

1432
00:55:22,485 --> 00:55:26,238
a fantasy of mine to get caught
on a security camera, so...

1433
00:55:29,034 --> 00:55:30,075
<i>Mesdemoiselles?</i>

1434
00:55:30,952 --> 00:55:32,411
Oh, okay. Okay.

1435
00:55:32,495 --> 00:55:33,912
(LEA GIGGLES)

1436
00:55:35,665 --> 00:55:36,832
(WHISPERS) Thank you.

1437
00:55:37,167 --> 00:55:39,501
(PIETRO AND LEA MOANING)

1438
00:55:39,586 --> 00:55:44,048
<i>WOMAN: (SINGING)
It's all I can do to see this through</i>

1439
00:55:44,132 --> 00:55:45,424
(NERVOUS CHUCKLING)

1440
00:55:45,550 --> 00:55:47,801
<i>See it through</i>

1441
00:55:47,886 --> 00:55:49,011
Okay.

1442
00:55:49,095 --> 00:55:51,972
<i>It's all that I want</i>

1443
00:55:52,932 --> 00:55:56,143
- Oh, okay. Yeah.
- Is it okay that we're watching this?

1444
00:55:56,561 --> 00:56:00,314
Yeah, we're watching for Blair.
You know, for her safety. We're monitoring.

1445
00:56:00,440 --> 00:56:02,775
- Man, Blair looks great.
- Yeah, she looks great.

1446
00:56:03,151 --> 00:56:05,361
- LEA: You ready?
- Uh...

1447
00:56:06,071 --> 00:56:07,863
- Yeah, think so.
- All right.

1448
00:56:08,281 --> 00:56:09,281
(CHUCKLES)

1449
00:56:09,366 --> 00:56:11,950
- Oh! (GASPING, LAUGHING)
- Relax.

1450
00:56:12,619 --> 00:56:13,660
- Oh!
- I've got you.

1451
00:56:13,995 --> 00:56:15,412
- BLAIR: Holy shit!
- Oh, my...

1452
00:56:15,622 --> 00:56:17,915
- Interesting.
- She's showing off. To me.

1453
00:56:18,249 --> 00:56:19,666
- BLAIR: Yes! Yes!
- (LAUGHS) Whoa.

1454
00:56:19,751 --> 00:56:21,001
Give me those. Give me those.

1455
00:56:22,128 --> 00:56:24,963
<i>- Oh...
- (HORN HONKS)</i>

1456
00:56:25,131 --> 00:56:28,467
<i>Sadness, look at us now</i>

1457
00:56:28,593 --> 00:56:31,053
- (SLURPS)
- (CLATTERS)

1458
00:56:31,137 --> 00:56:33,305
<i>The best of me, sadness</i>

1459
00:56:33,390 --> 00:56:34,765
(LINE RINGING)

1460
00:56:34,849 --> 00:56:36,642
<i>ON VOICE MAIL: Hey,
it's Jess. Leave a message.</i>

1461
00:56:37,018 --> 00:56:38,394
Jess, it's Peter.

1462
00:56:39,646 --> 00:56:41,814
How are you? Um...

1463
00:56:43,650 --> 00:56:46,985
Just calling again. Okay.
(CHUCKLES) Oh, man.

1464
00:56:47,404 --> 00:56:49,071
What a story this'll be, huh?

1465
00:56:49,572 --> 00:56:51,657
For the grandkids. If we get married.

1466
00:56:51,866 --> 00:56:54,952
Um, do me a favor, call me back.
Let me know you're okay.

1467
00:56:55,161 --> 00:56:57,579
<i>Got burned but I learned
it was all for the better</i>

1468
00:56:57,914 --> 00:56:59,998
I love you so much. Please call me. Bye.

1469
00:57:00,166 --> 00:57:03,794
<i>Back together, never thought
I could take all the wrongs</i>

1470
00:57:03,920 --> 00:57:07,005
<i>And turn them to right</i>

1471
00:57:08,258 --> 00:57:11,760
<i>Tonight</i>

1472
00:57:11,928 --> 00:57:14,972
<i>Sadness, look at us now</i>

1473
00:57:15,181 --> 00:57:16,849
(LINE RINGING)

1474
00:57:17,016 --> 00:57:18,684
<i>ON VOICE MAIL: Hey,
it's Jess. Leave a message.</i>

1475
00:57:18,852 --> 00:57:20,936
- (BEEPS)
- Jess!

1476
00:57:21,312 --> 00:57:22,438
BLAIR: Yes!

1477
00:57:22,522 --> 00:57:24,815
- (PANTING)
- (MOANING)

1478
00:57:24,899 --> 00:57:26,191
(CHUCKLES)

1479
00:57:26,276 --> 00:57:28,152
- (PANTING)
- (WHOOPS)

1480
00:57:28,236 --> 00:57:30,237
- (EXHALES) Ho!
- Oh.

1481
00:57:30,321 --> 00:57:34,199
Um, I would love
a copy of the tape, you know,

1482
00:57:34,284 --> 00:57:37,119
for, like, jerking off later, whatever.

1483
00:57:37,620 --> 00:57:39,329
Me, too. What's the tape?

1484
00:57:40,290 --> 00:57:42,875
The tape. The, uh...
The naughty tape we just made.

1485
00:57:42,959 --> 00:57:44,501
You know, the DVD or the...

1486
00:57:44,836 --> 00:57:46,587
You know, from the cameras.

1487
00:57:46,713 --> 00:57:49,214
- Oh. (SCOFFS) Those don't work.
- (CHUCKLES)

1488
00:57:49,507 --> 00:57:52,718
- Excuse me, what?
- Yeah, they don't work, like she said.

1489
00:57:52,844 --> 00:57:54,887
But we know that's not what this was about.

1490
00:57:54,971 --> 00:57:56,763
Right? This was fantasy fulfillment.

1491
00:57:57,307 --> 00:57:59,725
- Creating a mise en scčne.
- I'm sorry. Why, um...

1492
00:58:01,269 --> 00:58:04,229
Why would someone have
security cameras that don't work?

1493
00:58:04,481 --> 00:58:05,898
They didn't charge us
for the first three months.

1494
00:58:05,982 --> 00:58:07,357
After that, we didn't want
to pay for the service.

1495
00:58:07,650 --> 00:58:09,109
LEA: You know, they keep out the riffraff.

1496
00:58:09,444 --> 00:58:11,820
You'll just have to jerk off
as the Italians do.

1497
00:58:12,363 --> 00:58:13,989
- To your memories.
- Mmm.

1498
00:58:16,576 --> 00:58:20,287
Wait, so, Blair, so there's no footage?

1499
00:58:20,788 --> 00:58:22,498
- (URINATING)
- No.

1500
00:58:22,916 --> 00:58:24,958
- Ah!
- Oh, my gosh. So we're in the clear!

1501
00:58:25,043 --> 00:58:26,919
- (LAUGHING)
- That is... That's great.

1502
00:58:27,003 --> 00:58:29,421
- Yeah.
- BLAIR: She was so intuitive.

1503
00:58:31,424 --> 00:58:33,634
She was inside me.

1504
00:58:34,636 --> 00:58:36,178
And then she was outside me.

1505
00:58:38,515 --> 00:58:40,140
And then she was me.

1506
00:58:41,351 --> 00:58:44,895
- So, we're good.
- Almost, except I probably have HPV now.

1507
00:58:45,313 --> 00:58:46,438
Whatever. We all have HPV.

1508
00:58:46,648 --> 00:58:48,982
Oh, uh, I mean, I don't have HPV.

1509
00:58:49,484 --> 00:58:54,112
Alice, they say if you had sex
after the year 1991, you have HPV.

1510
00:58:54,781 --> 00:58:56,740
Then, I mean, I definitely have HPV then.

1511
00:58:56,991 --> 00:58:59,034
I have, like, clumps and clumps of it.

1512
00:59:00,578 --> 00:59:03,038
Cool. Uh, let's clean up
and get the hell out of here.

1513
00:59:03,248 --> 00:59:04,331
<i>- Okay.
- Whatcha, whatcha gon' do?</i>

1514
00:59:05,083 --> 00:59:06,583
<i>I call it housework</i>

1515
00:59:06,668 --> 00:59:08,627
<i>'Cause it's light Work</i>

1516
00:59:08,711 --> 00:59:10,254
<i>- Whatcha, whatcha gon' do?
- I'm-a throw shapes</i>

1517
00:59:10,338 --> 00:59:12,256
<i>Feeling the bass till my feet hurt</i>

1518
00:59:12,674 --> 00:59:15,968
<i>I call it housework, 'cause it's light work</i>

1519
00:59:16,094 --> 00:59:17,970
<i>- Whatcha, whatcha gon' do?
- But I'm-a throw shade</i>

1520
00:59:18,137 --> 00:59:19,930
<i>If I don't get paid for this housework</i>

1521
00:59:20,431 --> 00:59:21,974
<i>Would you come along</i>

1522
00:59:22,058 --> 00:59:23,767
<i>Oh, with my friends</i>

1523
00:59:23,851 --> 00:59:25,852
<i>And to leave, I'm working</i>

1524
00:59:26,312 --> 00:59:28,438
<i>- Every weekend
- Housework</i>

1525
00:59:28,690 --> 00:59:29,690
Wow.

1526
00:59:30,108 --> 00:59:31,567
- Okay.
- Looks pretty good.

1527
00:59:31,651 --> 00:59:33,026
- We did good.
- Got it.

1528
00:59:33,111 --> 00:59:36,071
- Yes. Nice. High five, everyone.
- Lovely.

1529
00:59:36,573 --> 00:59:38,615
<i>Whatcha gon' do, gon' do?</i>

1530
00:59:38,741 --> 00:59:40,826
(WOMAN SPEAKING SPANISH ON TAPE)

1531
00:59:41,077 --> 00:59:43,704
(SPEAKING SPANISH)

1532
00:59:44,122 --> 00:59:46,206
<i>WOMAN: (ON TAPE) This child is not my son.</i>

1533
00:59:47,500 --> 00:59:49,251
(SIREN WAILING)

1534
00:59:51,546 --> 00:59:53,171
(WOMAN SPEAKING SPANISH ON TAPE)

1535
00:59:53,381 --> 00:59:55,465
- (SIREN WHOOPING)
- No, no, no, no, no, no, no.

1536
00:59:56,384 --> 00:59:58,427
(WOMAN SPEAKING SPANISH ON TAPE)

1537
00:59:59,220 --> 01:00:01,305
PETER: Shit. My pants.

1538
01:00:01,889 --> 01:00:04,850
- (GROANS)
- (CLATTERING)

1539
01:00:05,226 --> 01:00:07,185
(SINGSONGY) I don't have time for this.

1540
01:00:16,779 --> 01:00:18,030
Good evening, Officer.

1541
01:00:18,156 --> 01:00:19,656
How can I be of service to you?

1542
01:00:20,199 --> 01:00:22,159
- Sir, you been drinking?
- Absolutely not.

1543
01:00:22,452 --> 01:00:25,120
I did do a wine tasting earlier this evening,
Italian reds mostly,

1544
01:00:25,204 --> 01:00:26,788
but you don't really drink it,
you mostly spit.

1545
01:00:26,873 --> 01:00:28,165
You take sips and you spit into a bucket.

1546
01:00:28,249 --> 01:00:30,667
What the... All right, sir, I'm gonna ask
you to get out of the vehicle.

1547
01:00:30,752 --> 01:00:31,835
- No.
- Now!

1548
01:00:31,919 --> 01:00:33,211
- Officer...
- Now!

1549
01:00:33,421 --> 01:00:35,255
Hands. Move slow.

1550
01:00:38,551 --> 01:00:40,469
(CLATTERING)

1551
01:00:42,305 --> 01:00:43,597
Officer, I can explain.

1552
01:00:44,307 --> 01:00:45,390
She's a 20!

1553
01:00:46,517 --> 01:00:47,601
ALICE: Okay, before we go,

1554
01:00:48,019 --> 01:00:49,519
we got to do human friendtipede, yeah?

1555
01:00:49,604 --> 01:00:50,646
- What?
- Alice.

1556
01:00:50,730 --> 01:00:52,022
- No way.
- ALICE: Yes.

1557
01:00:52,482 --> 01:00:54,900
- It's tradition.
- Alice, quick "Q."

1558
01:00:55,526 --> 01:00:57,235
What is a human friendtipede?

1559
01:00:57,445 --> 01:01:00,405
It's a photo we always take
that's like the movie Human Centipede.

1560
01:01:00,573 --> 01:01:03,992
Where they're sewn together,
mouth to anus, but it's with friends,

1561
01:01:04,118 --> 01:01:06,328
- so it's special.
- Come on now, Alice.

1562
01:01:06,454 --> 01:01:08,288
- I don't know about that.
- I feel like not the appropriate...

1563
01:01:08,498 --> 01:01:11,333
Guys, if I don't post a ton of pictures
from this weekend,

1564
01:01:11,501 --> 01:01:12,918
it's gonna look suspicious.

1565
01:01:13,086 --> 01:01:14,211
Like we killed someone.

1566
01:01:14,796 --> 01:01:17,005
(SIGHS) Okay. I can't believe
I'm saying this,

1567
01:01:17,090 --> 01:01:18,590
but I think we should
do the human friendtipede.

1568
01:01:18,758 --> 01:01:21,927
- Yes!
- But we cannot photograph the crime scene.

1569
01:01:22,011 --> 01:01:23,595
(CHUCKLES) Okay. I get the middle.

1570
01:01:24,681 --> 01:01:26,473
(GROANS) Why do you want the middle?

1571
01:01:27,058 --> 01:01:29,142
Okay. Oh, my God, amazoir.

1572
01:01:29,769 --> 01:01:31,436
Say "friendtipede. "

1573
01:01:31,521 --> 01:01:32,979
ALL: Friendtipede!

1574
01:01:33,481 --> 01:01:35,649
(GASPS) Cute.

1575
01:01:35,817 --> 01:01:37,526
(LAUGHS) Yes!

1576
01:01:37,610 --> 01:01:39,319
- Let's see it.
- It's ridiculous.

1577
01:01:39,404 --> 01:01:40,487
(ALICE SCREAMS)

1578
01:01:40,571 --> 01:01:43,740
- Alice, stop. You look really pretty.
- No, look!

1579
01:01:44,826 --> 01:01:45,826
(GASPING)

1580
01:01:46,077 --> 01:01:49,579
- Oh, my God.
- No! Come on! No!

1581
01:01:50,081 --> 01:01:52,332
- Oh, shit! Damn it!
- Is that our guy?

1582
01:01:52,417 --> 01:01:53,417
(JESS GROANING)

1583
01:01:53,543 --> 01:01:55,127
- Are you kidding me?
- Oh, shit!

1584
01:01:55,420 --> 01:01:56,795
Oh, my God, oh, my God!

1585
01:01:57,004 --> 01:01:59,089
(GRUNTING) God,
I thought you weighed him down.

1586
01:01:59,215 --> 01:02:02,384
I did. I put rocks in his pockets.
I guess his pants fell off.

1587
01:02:02,552 --> 01:02:04,219
Men need to wear belts.

1588
01:02:04,345 --> 01:02:06,805
Yeah. How dare they not sink
when we murder them.

1589
01:02:08,307 --> 01:02:11,226
Z, Y, X, W, V, U, T, S, R, Q, P, O,

1590
01:02:11,310 --> 01:02:15,063
N, M, L, K, J, I, H, G, F, E, D, C, B, A.

1591
01:02:15,523 --> 01:02:17,649
(GRUNTING)

1592
01:02:19,026 --> 01:02:21,111
(EXHALING)

1593
01:02:24,782 --> 01:02:25,907
Okay.

1594
01:02:26,576 --> 01:02:28,118
(EXHALES)

1595
01:02:28,327 --> 01:02:30,328
(WAVERING SCOFFS)

1596
01:02:31,914 --> 01:02:33,290
Did you see that?

1597
01:02:34,542 --> 01:02:38,962
- You only had to walk a straight line.
- I know. I just followed my body.

1598
01:02:39,380 --> 01:02:40,964
- Are you a dancer or...
- No.

1599
01:02:41,048 --> 01:02:43,008
I've never done anything
like that before in my life.

1600
01:02:43,468 --> 01:02:44,843
I still got to give you a speeding ticket.

1601
01:02:45,178 --> 01:02:46,803
Please. That's great.

1602
01:02:47,263 --> 01:02:48,346
Slow down.

1603
01:02:48,639 --> 01:02:50,515
- Thank you, Officer.
- I almost shot you.

1604
01:02:50,641 --> 01:02:53,852
(CHUCKLES) I know. That was nuts.
Also, don't shoot anybody.

1605
01:02:54,854 --> 01:02:56,813
(GROANING)

1606
01:02:56,898 --> 01:02:59,107
We can't get rid of his body
in broad daylight, you guys.

1607
01:02:59,192 --> 01:03:01,193
We have to think of something. Come on.

1608
01:03:01,319 --> 01:03:02,778
- (SIGHS)
- Ideas?

1609
01:03:02,862 --> 01:03:04,446
- (SNORING)
- Kiwi! You up?

1610
01:03:04,530 --> 01:03:05,906
Yeah. Yeah.

1611
01:03:05,990 --> 01:03:09,117
- We need everyone's brain on this, so...
- Yeah. Yeah. Okay.

1612
01:03:09,452 --> 01:03:11,870
So, um, here's what I'm gonna do.

1613
01:03:12,205 --> 01:03:13,705
I'm gonna go to the beach

1614
01:03:13,998 --> 01:03:15,957
and do a bit of mindful meditation.

1615
01:03:16,167 --> 01:03:18,210
And, um, when I come back,

1616
01:03:18,336 --> 01:03:20,128
I'm gonna have a be-genius idea.

1617
01:03:20,671 --> 01:03:22,756
Yeah? All right.

1618
01:03:23,299 --> 01:03:24,758
(YAWNS) We got it.

1619
01:03:25,218 --> 01:03:27,928
(GASPS) We're never gonna
get rid of his body.

1620
01:03:28,513 --> 01:03:30,388
He's gonna follow us around
for the rest of our lives.

1621
01:03:30,723 --> 01:03:32,307
BLAIR: Oh, God.
FRANKIE: Oh, no.

1622
01:03:32,475 --> 01:03:33,475
- (LOUD POUNDING)
- MAN: Police!

1623
01:03:33,559 --> 01:03:35,811
- Shit.
- Oh, my God. Oh, my God.

1624
01:03:35,895 --> 01:03:37,938
Do you think the neighbors called them?
Maybe they got suspicious.

1625
01:03:38,397 --> 01:03:40,106
- Oh, my God.
- Police! Open up! Now!

1626
01:03:40,358 --> 01:03:43,527
Women, this is my world. I will handle this.
I got you.

1627
01:03:44,195 --> 01:03:45,529
Turn out the lights and hide.

1628
01:03:45,696 --> 01:03:48,240
(POUNDING CONTINUES)

1629
01:03:52,578 --> 01:03:54,496
(MIMICS GUN COCKING, BLOWS)

1630
01:03:57,917 --> 01:04:01,294
(HIGH-PITCHED) Oh, good evening, Officer.
(CHUCKLES)

1631
01:04:01,629 --> 01:04:02,879
Step aside, miss.

1632
01:04:03,214 --> 01:04:04,714
What's this all about?

1633
01:04:05,007 --> 01:04:06,132
Put your hands where I can see them.

1634
01:04:06,384 --> 01:04:10,053
(NORMAL VOICE) Officer, I am cooperating.
You see? Hello.

1635
01:04:10,137 --> 01:04:11,471
Get your hands against the wall.

1636
01:04:11,556 --> 01:04:12,681
- I am not...
- Get your hands against the wall!

1637
01:04:12,765 --> 01:04:14,808
FRANKIE: I am taking a passive stance.

1638
01:04:14,892 --> 01:04:16,685
My body is limp for you!

1639
01:04:17,061 --> 01:04:18,436
Spread them.

1640
01:04:18,604 --> 01:04:20,939
(FRANKIE WHIMPERING)

1641
01:04:23,442 --> 01:04:25,527
What are you doing? No.

1642
01:04:25,987 --> 01:04:27,279
No! No!

1643
01:04:27,446 --> 01:04:28,947
(GRUNTING)

1644
01:04:29,365 --> 01:04:31,199
- Fuck!
- Jesus!

1645
01:04:32,118 --> 01:04:35,161
- Frankie! Frankie!
- Oh, my God.

1646
01:04:35,454 --> 01:04:37,706
Now we have a dead guy
and an unconscious cop?

1647
01:04:37,790 --> 01:04:39,457
- What is wrong with you?
- Are you kidding me?

1648
01:04:39,542 --> 01:04:42,335
He's obviously a rape cop.
This is what they do!

1649
01:04:42,545 --> 01:04:44,296
When they have dirt on you,
they sexually assault you,

1650
01:04:44,380 --> 01:04:45,672
knowing you won't report it.

1651
01:04:45,923 --> 01:04:48,383
- Daniel Holtzclaw, Oklahoma City?
- Who?

1652
01:04:48,634 --> 01:04:50,218
He sexually assaulted eight women.

1653
01:04:50,970 --> 01:04:52,846
Like Matt Dillon in Crash.

1654
01:04:53,139 --> 01:04:55,765
- Oh, my God, that was horrendous.
- What a nightmare.

1655
01:04:55,850 --> 01:04:58,226
Information is power, guys.
I mean it. I mean it.

1656
01:04:58,311 --> 01:04:59,603
Okay, chill out. You're from Brentwood,

1657
01:04:59,687 --> 01:05:01,479
and your dad used to be
John Mayer's accountant.

1658
01:05:02,064 --> 01:05:05,567
Okay. "You are not your father's daughters
but mothers unto your own. "

1659
01:05:05,651 --> 01:05:06,943
Wait, is that John Mayer?

1660
01:05:07,278 --> 01:05:08,987
It's Malcolm X.

1661
01:05:09,697 --> 01:05:11,281
- Pretty sure it's John Mayer.
- (SINGING) Fathers, fathers

1662
01:05:11,490 --> 01:05:13,283
Okay, you guys, you guys,
we have to move this guy

1663
01:05:13,367 --> 01:05:15,911
before the neighbors return
to eat Blair out again.

1664
01:05:16,162 --> 01:05:17,996
- (GROANS)
- I'd be fine with that.

1665
01:05:18,080 --> 01:05:19,289
- All right.
- Fuck.

1666
01:05:19,373 --> 01:05:21,291
All right, one, two, three.

1667
01:05:22,710 --> 01:05:24,169
(ALL GASP)

1668
01:05:25,296 --> 01:05:26,296
Uh...

1669
01:05:27,340 --> 01:05:30,800
Frankie, how many strippers did you order?

1670
01:05:32,219 --> 01:05:33,511
Just the one.

1671
01:05:34,388 --> 01:05:36,264
Then who's this guy?

1672
01:05:37,808 --> 01:05:39,225
- Let me see his dick real quick.
- Good call.

1673
01:05:39,393 --> 01:05:41,811
- Wait, what?
- The stripper I ordered had a dick pic

1674
01:05:41,896 --> 01:05:43,396
in his ad. No face.

1675
01:05:43,481 --> 01:05:46,858
- But I can ID him by his member.
- Cool. Okay.

1676
01:05:48,319 --> 01:05:49,319
(SIGHS)

1677
01:05:51,697 --> 01:05:53,073
I'm not sure.

1678
01:05:53,157 --> 01:05:54,741
He had a boner in his ad.

1679
01:05:54,825 --> 01:05:56,201
This one's soft.

1680
01:05:56,619 --> 01:05:59,454
I can get it hard. Let's go, feet.

1681
01:05:59,747 --> 01:06:02,040
- What? No. No, no, no, no.
- Stop. No, wait. Stop, please.

1682
01:06:03,709 --> 01:06:04,709
(SIGHS)

1683
01:06:06,712 --> 01:06:07,712
(ELASTIC SNAPS)

1684
01:06:08,005 --> 01:06:10,173
Okay, yes. This is the stripper I ordered.

1685
01:06:10,633 --> 01:06:12,217
This is Scotty with the Body.

1686
01:06:13,594 --> 01:06:14,886
Then who did we kill?

1687
01:06:17,264 --> 01:06:19,766
- (WOMAN SPEAKING SPANISH ON TAPE)
- (TIRES SCREECHING)

1688
01:06:32,905 --> 01:06:33,905
(BEEPS)

1689
01:06:35,449 --> 01:06:37,409
(RINGTONE PLAYS)

1690
01:06:38,786 --> 01:06:40,704
- Hello?
- AUTOMATED VOICE: This is Banknorth.

1691
01:06:40,788 --> 01:06:43,289
<i>We have detected unusual activity
on your account.</i>

1692
01:06:43,541 --> 01:06:45,041
<i>If you have attempted a purchase at</i>

1693
01:06:45,126 --> 01:06:48,336
<i>Quickie Stop in Port St. Lucie,
please press one.</i>

1694
01:06:49,880 --> 01:06:50,880
(BEEPS)

1695
01:06:51,048 --> 01:06:52,340
<i>Thank you for pressing two.</i>

1696
01:06:52,675 --> 01:06:55,051
<i>Your card has been suspended
due to unusual activity.</i>

1697
01:06:55,136 --> 01:06:56,428
No. No.

1698
01:06:57,304 --> 01:06:58,304
(SIGHS)

1699
01:06:59,432 --> 01:07:01,433
Oh, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no.

1700
01:07:02,351 --> 01:07:03,351
(SIGHS)

1701
01:07:07,690 --> 01:07:09,065
(GROANS)

1702
01:07:11,736 --> 01:07:13,111
BLAIR: How's that?
ALICE: Yeah, that's good.

1703
01:07:15,281 --> 01:07:17,449
If you're looking for our cell phones,
I locked them in this drawer

1704
01:07:17,533 --> 01:07:18,783
and I'm not gonna open it, okay?

1705
01:07:19,076 --> 01:07:22,704
Please let me at least text Peter.
I feel like he's totally freaking out right now.

1706
01:07:22,830 --> 01:07:24,414
FRANKIE: Not until everything is sorted out.

1707
01:07:24,498 --> 01:07:25,749
We made a plan.

1708
01:07:26,542 --> 01:07:28,043
Um, Alice.

1709
01:07:28,127 --> 01:07:29,627
- What's up, dude? What are you doing?
- What?

1710
01:07:30,546 --> 01:07:32,630
Oh, I'm just making sure nothing's broken.

1711
01:07:33,007 --> 01:07:34,257
I think he's fine.

1712
01:07:34,550 --> 01:07:35,842
Yeah, he's really fine.

1713
01:07:36,177 --> 01:07:37,427
- Jesus.
- BLAIR: Oh, my God.

1714
01:07:37,511 --> 01:07:40,805
You need to masturbate more.
You're, like, severely horny.

1715
01:07:41,015 --> 01:07:44,309
(SIGHS) I know. I just don't like
to do it in front of my cockatiel.

1716
01:07:44,435 --> 01:07:45,769
She's very smart.

1717
01:07:46,103 --> 01:07:48,480
- Why don't you put her in a cage?
- She is in a cage.

1718
01:07:48,856 --> 01:07:50,482
But I'm loud. I'm a screamer.

1719
01:07:50,816 --> 01:07:52,484
- I remember.
- Oh, yeah, I forgot about that.

1720
01:07:52,568 --> 01:07:54,861
And it kind of sounds like her.

1721
01:07:55,279 --> 01:07:56,738
So she thinks I'm talking to her.

1722
01:07:57,490 --> 01:07:59,365
I'm like,
"No, I'm just fucking touching myself. "

1723
01:07:59,450 --> 01:08:01,409
- Like, "Back off. "
- Mmm-hmm. Mmm-hmm.

1724
01:08:01,827 --> 01:08:03,620
Cool, so back to our
life-changing emergency?

1725
01:08:03,788 --> 01:08:06,956
- (DISGUSTED GROANS)
- Okay, the stripper's here, he's alive.

1726
01:08:07,249 --> 01:08:09,501
- That's good. Right?
- JESS: Yeah.

1727
01:08:10,086 --> 01:08:12,253
Um, there is still a dead guy
in the closet, so...

1728
01:08:12,338 --> 01:08:14,047
- Who is that guy?
- BLAIR: We could get rid

1729
01:08:14,131 --> 01:08:16,091
of him if we just had a car, you know?

1730
01:08:16,425 --> 01:08:18,426
Oh, my God. How did this guy get here?

1731
01:08:19,428 --> 01:08:20,428
(BLAIR GASPS)

1732
01:08:22,014 --> 01:08:23,515
FRANKIE: Oh, yeah.

1733
01:08:23,849 --> 01:08:25,433
That'll work.

1734
01:08:26,227 --> 01:08:27,769
- Thank God!
- BLAIR: Will it?

1735
01:08:28,395 --> 01:08:31,106
All right, we're gonna drive
to the alligator bog, dump the body.

1736
01:08:31,649 --> 01:08:32,982
We're gonna return the Smart car,

1737
01:08:33,067 --> 01:08:36,027
wake up the G-string guy,
tell him he hit his head really hard.

1738
01:08:36,112 --> 01:08:37,987
- Blair's gonna give him a ton of cash.
- Wait, what?

1739
01:08:38,072 --> 01:08:40,115
- And then we're home free.
- I love it. Yeah.

1740
01:08:40,282 --> 01:08:42,534
<i>* *</i>

1741
01:08:48,499 --> 01:08:49,999
ALICE: Alligator bog.

1742
01:08:50,084 --> 01:08:53,336
<i>GPS VOICE: You will arrive
at your destination in 45 minutes.</i>

1743
01:08:53,921 --> 01:08:55,380
<i>MAN: (SINGING)
I'm a hustler, baby</i>

1744
01:08:55,464 --> 01:08:56,673
(QUIETLY) Yeah.

1745
01:08:56,841 --> 01:08:59,092
<i>That's what my daddy's made me</i>

1746
01:08:59,510 --> 01:09:01,469
Can I do your...
Do you mind if I do your thing?

1747
01:09:02,805 --> 01:09:04,597
(LAUGHTER)

1748
01:09:04,682 --> 01:09:06,057
Ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha.

1749
01:09:06,142 --> 01:09:07,183
Don't litter.

1750
01:09:08,644 --> 01:09:10,770
<i>Yeah, I'm a hustler, baby</i>

1751
01:09:12,565 --> 01:09:14,566
<i>That's what my daddy's made me</i>

1752
01:09:14,900 --> 01:09:16,860
<i>* *</i>

1753
01:09:29,874 --> 01:09:31,332
All right.

1754
01:09:31,584 --> 01:09:33,918
Hey, thanks a lot, man.

1755
01:09:34,670 --> 01:09:36,171
- For you.
- Thank you so much.

1756
01:09:36,255 --> 01:09:38,089
So, I got meth.

1757
01:09:38,632 --> 01:09:40,425
You looking? 40 bucks.

1758
01:09:40,634 --> 01:09:43,636
No, thank you so much.
I just need gas money.

1759
01:09:44,471 --> 01:09:47,265
Hey, listen, do you want
to suck my dick for 15 bucks?

1760
01:09:48,350 --> 01:09:50,185
- No. Thank you.
- Okay.

1761
01:09:50,519 --> 01:09:51,769
Good luck, man.

1762
01:09:51,979 --> 01:09:53,188
Thanks, man.

1763
01:09:53,814 --> 01:09:55,732
<i>* *</i>

1764
01:09:56,108 --> 01:09:58,443
(WHISTLING A TUNE)

1765
01:09:59,486 --> 01:10:01,446
<i>GPS VOICE: You will arrive in 25 minutes.</i>

1766
01:10:01,530 --> 01:10:03,114
BLAIR: (SCOFFS) This is so uncomfortable.

1767
01:10:03,407 --> 01:10:05,325
I mean, does this thing go any faster?

1768
01:10:08,454 --> 01:10:10,705
BLAIR: Wait!
JESS: No, no, no, no, no, no, no!

1769
01:10:10,998 --> 01:10:13,041
(GASPING, SCREAMING)

1770
01:10:13,334 --> 01:10:15,960
(GASPING BREATHS, WHIMPERING)

1771
01:10:19,173 --> 01:10:20,840
So it does go faster?

1772
01:10:21,342 --> 01:10:22,342
Mmm-hmm.

1773
01:10:22,635 --> 01:10:24,802
<i>* *</i>

1774
01:10:26,555 --> 01:10:27,555
(SIGHS)

1775
01:10:30,976 --> 01:10:33,061
- Hi, sir. May I...
- Whoa! Get the fuck away from my car.

1776
01:10:33,270 --> 01:10:34,812
- Okay. Sorry, sorry, sorry.
- God.

1777
01:10:35,439 --> 01:10:36,981
Let me suck your dick real fast.

1778
01:10:37,149 --> 01:10:38,233
What?

1779
01:10:38,776 --> 01:10:41,110
- Please?
- No. What is with this place?

1780
01:10:41,612 --> 01:10:43,071
Okay, listen...

1781
01:10:43,572 --> 01:10:44,739
Do you have any meth?

1782
01:10:46,325 --> 01:10:47,659
<i>I'm a hustler, baby</i>

1783
01:10:49,870 --> 01:10:52,372
- I could sell you meth, yeah. Um...
- Really?

1784
01:10:53,791 --> 01:10:56,084
-80 bucks.
-80, uh, dollars...

1785
01:10:56,627 --> 01:10:58,044
There you go.

1786
01:10:58,254 --> 01:11:00,004
<i>* *</i>

1787
01:11:03,175 --> 01:11:04,842
- (ELECTRONIC CHIMING)
- CLIFF: Do-do-do-do

1788
01:11:04,927 --> 01:11:06,261
- Hey, man.
- Hey.

1789
01:11:07,137 --> 01:11:09,681
- (WHISPERS) Um, I want to buy some meth.
- (GASPS) Oh!

1790
01:11:10,891 --> 01:11:12,684
Only thing is, though,

1791
01:11:12,977 --> 01:11:15,979
you got to do a little bump, though,
so I know that you're not a cop.

1792
01:11:16,063 --> 01:11:18,273
No, man. Please. I'm not a cop.

1793
01:11:18,565 --> 01:11:20,108
You want the meth or not?

1794
01:11:21,527 --> 01:11:22,527
Okay.

1795
01:11:22,778 --> 01:11:26,364
- Yay! Here we go.
- (SNIFFS)

1796
01:11:26,448 --> 01:11:28,908
- And one for Papa Bear.
- It burns. All right.

1797
01:11:29,076 --> 01:11:30,368
40 bucks. Not a cop. Come on.

1798
01:11:32,496 --> 01:11:34,706
- (QUIETLY) Yes. Great. Thank you.
- You're welcome.

1799
01:11:35,124 --> 01:11:37,542
So, uh, still a no-go on the BJ, or...

1800
01:11:38,002 --> 01:11:39,377
No, I'm good. Thanks.

1801
01:11:39,712 --> 01:11:41,296
That's fine.

1802
01:11:42,464 --> 01:11:43,840
Actually,

1803
01:11:44,508 --> 01:11:46,342
there's somebody I want to introduce you to.

1804
01:11:47,052 --> 01:11:48,886
- Right on!
- Very nice to meet you.

1805
01:11:48,971 --> 01:11:50,555
- Good to meet you, too.
- This is so perfect.

1806
01:11:50,639 --> 01:11:53,016
- Yeah, go. Please, go.
- Okay. Okay.

1807
01:11:54,059 --> 01:11:56,519
You got to do it, man. That's true love.

1808
01:11:56,645 --> 01:11:57,645
<i>* *</i>

1809
01:12:13,537 --> 01:12:15,079
Guys, I fell asleep.

1810
01:12:15,164 --> 01:12:16,664
I fell asleep.

1811
01:12:17,041 --> 01:12:20,126
I had this nightmare
where we had all killed a guy.

1812
01:12:21,086 --> 01:12:22,420
- That is a reality.
- No, we killed somebody.

1813
01:12:22,504 --> 01:12:24,714
What? No!

1814
01:12:24,965 --> 01:12:28,801
Oh, my God! Jet lag is insane, you guys.

1815
01:12:29,011 --> 01:12:30,470
It's no joke!

1816
01:12:30,971 --> 01:12:32,221
No joke!

1817
01:12:32,639 --> 01:12:33,890
Damn it!

1818
01:12:34,641 --> 01:12:37,810
Did you happen to come up with
a be-genius idea out there?

1819
01:12:38,062 --> 01:12:39,312
Yeah, I did, actually.

1820
01:12:39,396 --> 01:12:43,566
In my dream, I remembered
that there was this guy in Australia

1821
01:12:43,650 --> 01:12:45,526
who cooked his girlfriend and ate her.

1822
01:12:45,694 --> 01:12:48,154
- Kiwi.
- I can't 'cause I am vegan.

1823
01:12:48,238 --> 01:12:49,322
- But...
- Kiwi.

1824
01:12:49,406 --> 01:12:51,074
JESS: Oh, God, I'm so tired.

1825
01:12:51,950 --> 01:12:53,743
We should turn ourselves in. We're guilty.

1826
01:12:53,827 --> 01:12:56,454
No, we are innocent, because
this was an accident, you guys.

1827
01:12:56,663 --> 01:12:57,705
Stop saying that.

1828
01:12:57,790 --> 01:13:01,125
Maybe if you hadn't been lethally horny,
we wouldn't be in this mess.

1829
01:13:01,293 --> 01:13:03,920
I was coked up
because you bought us drugs.

1830
01:13:04,129 --> 01:13:06,297
I didn't force you to do the drugs, Alice.

1831
01:13:06,382 --> 01:13:08,091
And you know what,
nobody's talking about how it was

1832
01:13:08,175 --> 01:13:10,009
Blair's idea to get a stripper
in the first place.

1833
01:13:10,094 --> 01:13:12,011
Yeah, but you're never to blame, right?

1834
01:13:12,096 --> 01:13:14,514
"Look at me, I'm Frankie.
I live in a storage unit.

1835
01:13:14,640 --> 01:13:15,848
- "I'm saving the world. "
- You know what?

1836
01:13:15,933 --> 01:13:19,394
You act like everybody's so stupid
for not being a merciless asshole like you.

1837
01:13:19,478 --> 01:13:21,771
- I'm the asshole?
- I mean, you're both kind of assholes.

1838
01:13:21,855 --> 01:13:23,356
- Stay out of this.
- Seriously.

1839
01:13:23,899 --> 01:13:25,608
Maybe you're the asshole, Alice.

1840
01:13:25,776 --> 01:13:26,776
Oh, shit.

1841
01:13:27,111 --> 01:13:28,361
Excuse me, bitch?

1842
01:13:28,654 --> 01:13:29,695
(LAUGHS)

1843
01:13:29,780 --> 01:13:31,322
I'm a fucking sweetheart.

1844
01:13:32,282 --> 01:13:35,785
Well, then why do you
insist on calling me Kiwi

1845
01:13:35,869 --> 01:13:38,037
even though I told you
it was culturally insensitive?

1846
01:13:38,372 --> 01:13:42,333
And why did you feel the need
to reach over and try to undo my seat belt

1847
01:13:42,418 --> 01:13:43,960
in the taxicab on the way here?

1848
01:13:44,253 --> 01:13:45,878
- Jesus Christ.
- ALICE: Yeah.

1849
01:13:46,130 --> 01:13:47,880
That's an American bit.

1850
01:13:48,173 --> 01:13:51,008
We do it as a joke. Okay?
We all do it. Right?

1851
01:13:51,385 --> 01:13:52,427
(MUTTERING) Come on, say it.

1852
01:13:52,511 --> 01:13:55,847
- Alice!
- Oh, my God, stop it, please.

1853
01:13:56,014 --> 01:13:57,890
It's bad enough without you two going at it.

1854
01:13:57,975 --> 01:14:00,309
And I thought your bridal shower
was a nightmare.

1855
01:14:00,644 --> 01:14:02,520
What are you talking about?
She didn't have a bridal shower.

1856
01:14:03,147 --> 01:14:04,480
No, she didn't.

1857
01:14:08,777 --> 01:14:10,278
You had a bridal shower?

1858
01:14:11,029 --> 01:14:13,739
(SIGHS) Well, not really. I mean...

1859
01:14:14,658 --> 01:14:17,201
It was, like, work friends.
It wasn't a big deal.

1860
01:14:17,369 --> 01:14:18,411
But Blair went?

1861
01:14:18,704 --> 01:14:20,246
It wasn't even open bar.

1862
01:14:21,123 --> 01:14:22,165
What? It wasn't.

1863
01:14:23,208 --> 01:14:24,709
How could you not invite me?

1864
01:14:25,127 --> 01:14:27,170
Alice, please. Please, can we drop it?

1865
01:14:27,796 --> 01:14:30,840
Please. I'm telling you, it was just...
It was for Peter's family.

1866
01:14:30,924 --> 01:14:32,758
- It wasn't a big deal, man.
- Oh, Peter.

1867
01:14:33,385 --> 01:14:35,052
He is so annoying.

1868
01:14:35,512 --> 01:14:36,846
And I know why he doesn't like me.

1869
01:14:38,015 --> 01:14:39,932
'Cause he's, like, so freaking jealous.

1870
01:14:41,018 --> 01:14:42,268
Peter is not jealous of you.

1871
01:14:42,352 --> 01:14:45,771
Well, then, why would you not invite
your best friend to your bridal shower?

1872
01:14:45,856 --> 01:14:48,524
- Oh, my God, you really want to know why?
- Yes! I do!

1873
01:14:48,609 --> 01:14:50,568
Because I knew that if I invited you,

1874
01:14:50,652 --> 01:14:52,778
you wouldn't let me talk to anybody else.
That's why.

1875
01:14:53,113 --> 01:14:55,239
Okay? You monopolize my time

1876
01:14:55,449 --> 01:14:56,991
and then you make me feel guilty

1877
01:14:57,117 --> 01:14:59,744
about not spending time with you.
How can I win?

1878
01:14:59,828 --> 01:15:00,912
Are you kidding me?

1879
01:15:01,246 --> 01:15:03,498
I do not monopolize your time, Jess!

1880
01:15:03,665 --> 01:15:04,832
I just try to make the most of it,

1881
01:15:04,917 --> 01:15:06,792
'cause you don't even make
an effort to see me anymore.

1882
01:15:06,919 --> 01:15:09,003
- That's not true!
- It is true.

1883
01:15:09,463 --> 01:15:10,630
It is.

1884
01:15:11,215 --> 01:15:13,090
I'm sorry, but you are always at work,

1885
01:15:13,509 --> 01:15:15,343
or you're making plans with Peter.

1886
01:15:16,011 --> 01:15:18,387
Or you're (AUSTRALIAN ACCENT)
Skyping with other people.

1887
01:15:18,472 --> 01:15:20,264
I can't do your stupid fucking accent.

1888
01:15:20,682 --> 01:15:22,725
- No, you can't.
- JESS: Yes, yes.

1889
01:15:22,809 --> 01:15:26,145
We're not in college anymore,
and things do change.

1890
01:15:26,355 --> 01:15:28,523
The only thing that's changed is you.

1891
01:15:28,774 --> 01:15:30,316
You've become obsessed

1892
01:15:30,734 --> 01:15:34,445
with your perfect new life
and your campaign and you ditched me.

1893
01:15:34,571 --> 01:15:38,241
Oh, I am sorry that I don't
want to talk about

1894
01:15:38,325 --> 01:15:40,284
the time that we got drunk

1895
01:15:40,369 --> 01:15:42,745
at O'Flaherty's 10 years ago!

1896
01:15:43,288 --> 01:15:44,288
Well, you know what?

1897
01:15:44,581 --> 01:15:47,291
I guess I never should have planned
such a nice weekend for you.

1898
01:15:47,376 --> 01:15:50,086
You know, you... God, you are so ungrateful.

1899
01:15:50,712 --> 01:15:52,797
- Did you just say I was ungrateful?
- Yes!

1900
01:15:52,881 --> 01:15:54,632
You're an ungrateful person.

1901
01:15:55,008 --> 01:15:57,468
You didn't plan this weekend for me.

1902
01:15:57,553 --> 01:16:00,012
You planned this weekend for yourself,

1903
01:16:00,180 --> 01:16:02,515
so that you could post a bunch of photos

1904
01:16:02,599 --> 01:16:05,476
and not make your life seem so sad!

1905
01:16:05,811 --> 01:16:07,436
<i>* *</i>

1906
01:16:11,275 --> 01:16:12,692
I'm sorry, Jess.

1907
01:16:15,320 --> 01:16:16,320
Uh...

1908
01:16:17,739 --> 01:16:19,073
I'll leave you...

1909
01:16:19,241 --> 01:16:20,992
I'll leave you alone from now on.

1910
01:16:22,202 --> 01:16:23,369
Alice.

1911
01:16:25,539 --> 01:16:26,706
Alice.

1912
01:16:27,332 --> 01:16:28,332
(EXHALES)

1913
01:16:31,211 --> 01:16:32,878
Jess, that was really harsh.

1914
01:16:33,171 --> 01:16:35,464
Oh, my God, I can't.
I can't with the guilt. Please.

1915
01:16:36,508 --> 01:16:38,467
I can't with any of this anymore.

1916
01:16:39,261 --> 01:16:40,511
Jess, come on, dude.

1917
01:16:40,721 --> 01:16:45,516
No. All we have done all night
is make this situation worse, okay?

1918
01:16:45,601 --> 01:16:48,477
We are turning ourselves in
and that's the end. (SNIFFLES)

1919
01:16:48,604 --> 01:16:50,855
Now, I'm going upstairs
to wipe this shit off my face,

1920
01:16:50,939 --> 01:16:53,024
so I can at least look cute for my mug shot.

1921
01:16:55,402 --> 01:16:58,613
(CRYING) And self-waxing is not weird.

1922
01:16:59,364 --> 01:17:02,742
I don't appreciate
your body-hair-removal shaming.

1923
01:17:04,494 --> 01:17:06,329
Shame on you! And you!

1924
01:17:08,540 --> 01:17:09,582
You've been fine.

1925
01:17:17,382 --> 01:17:19,216
(QUIET BEEPING)

1926
01:17:19,301 --> 01:17:21,052
Did you hear that? What is that?

1927
01:17:21,136 --> 01:17:22,219
(BEEPING CONTINUES)

1928
01:17:22,387 --> 01:17:24,221
- What is that?
- Where is it?

1929
01:17:25,140 --> 01:17:26,182
Where's it coming from?

1930
01:17:30,145 --> 01:17:32,605
- PIPPA: Not these pillows.
- Aw, fuck. No.

1931
01:17:33,273 --> 01:17:35,066
(BEEPING CONTINUES)

1932
01:17:35,359 --> 01:17:36,484
(GASPS) Fuck, it's his phone.

1933
01:17:36,652 --> 01:17:38,444
- Someone is looking for this guy.
- PIPPA: Oh, my God.

1934
01:17:38,528 --> 01:17:39,862
- Turn it off.
- I'm trying!

1935
01:17:40,322 --> 01:17:41,947
- What's going on?
- BLAIR: Stop! Oh, my God.

1936
01:17:42,366 --> 01:17:45,117
Someone is trying to track the stripper's
phone and it looks like they're...

1937
01:17:45,202 --> 01:17:47,203
(DOORBELL RINGS)

1938
01:17:48,080 --> 01:17:49,413
Here.

1939
01:17:55,712 --> 01:17:57,630
- Hello?
- Miami PD.

1940
01:17:58,215 --> 01:17:59,674
Have you seen this man?

1941
01:18:00,801 --> 01:18:01,926
(WHISPERS) Oh, shit.

1942
01:18:03,512 --> 01:18:04,845
RUIZ: We tracked his phone to this house.

1943
01:18:04,930 --> 01:18:06,180
We know he's in there.

1944
01:18:08,975 --> 01:18:10,101
It's over.

1945
01:18:10,769 --> 01:18:12,061
The jig is up.

1946
01:18:17,317 --> 01:18:18,609
Hey.

1947
01:18:19,820 --> 01:18:21,153
He's dead.

1948
01:18:22,197 --> 01:18:24,990
<i>(INTRO TO MARILYN MANSON'S
THE BEAUTIFUL PEOPLE PLAYING)</i>

1949
01:18:25,617 --> 01:18:27,410
<i>* *</i>

1950
01:18:29,162 --> 01:18:30,663
<i>And I don't want ya</i>

1951
01:18:30,747 --> 01:18:32,206
<i>- And I don't need ya
- (LOWERS VOLUME)</i>

1952
01:18:32,457 --> 01:18:34,291
(HEART BEATING)

1953
01:18:36,753 --> 01:18:39,964
<i>- (TURNS VOLUME UP HIGH)
- Hey, you, what do ya see?</i>

1954
01:18:40,215 --> 01:18:41,757
<i>Something beautiful</i>

1955
01:18:41,842 --> 01:18:43,759
<i>Or something free?</i>

1956
01:18:52,269 --> 01:18:53,352
RUIZ: You ladies are lucky.

1957
01:18:54,438 --> 01:18:55,813
This man is very dangerous.

1958
01:18:56,064 --> 01:18:58,274
This guy robbed a jewelry store
and killed a security guard.

1959
01:18:58,650 --> 01:19:00,818
- Lot of people looking for him.
- ALICE: Oh, my God. What?

1960
01:19:00,902 --> 01:19:02,361
Mmm-hmm. Yeah. He was on the run.

1961
01:19:02,696 --> 01:19:03,946
Probably came here looking for cover.

1962
01:19:04,072 --> 01:19:06,073
Sir, I'm... I'm sorry.

1963
01:19:06,283 --> 01:19:09,326
Um, foreigner here. Just sort of want
to be clear on the local law.

1964
01:19:09,411 --> 01:19:10,828
So, are we

1965
01:19:11,329 --> 01:19:13,831
sort of, like, no longer in trouble?

1966
01:19:13,999 --> 01:19:15,124
(SMACKS LIPS)

1967
01:19:15,208 --> 01:19:16,834
Sounds like self-defense to me, right?

1968
01:19:17,294 --> 01:19:18,377
FRAZIER: Oh, yeah,
no, DA's not gonna want to

1969
01:19:18,462 --> 01:19:20,504
press any charges on something like this.
You're good.

1970
01:19:21,298 --> 01:19:22,757
- Oh, my God.
- No, you're kidding.

1971
01:19:22,841 --> 01:19:25,384
- (SQUEALING) Oh, my God!
- Are you shitting me?

1972
01:19:25,469 --> 01:19:27,261
Oh, my God!

1973
01:19:27,971 --> 01:19:29,889
- Oh, my God!
- Oh, my God!

1974
01:19:29,973 --> 01:19:31,390
(HAPPY SHOUTING, CHATTER, LAUGHTER)

1975
01:19:31,475 --> 01:19:36,061
We're heroes! We're heroes.
We're American heroes.

1976
01:19:36,146 --> 01:19:38,022
- PIPPA: Thank you, universe.
- Jesus!

1977
01:19:38,148 --> 01:19:41,108
(CHATTER, SHOUTING,
LAUGHING CONTINUE)

1978
01:19:41,443 --> 01:19:44,195
- (PIPPA SINGING)
- We killed a guy! And it was right!

1979
01:19:44,654 --> 01:19:46,697
We were right to kill him!

1980
01:19:46,865 --> 01:19:49,033
- (PIPPA CONTINUES SINGING)
- Fuck, yeah!

1981
01:19:51,036 --> 01:19:52,286
(SHOWER RUNNING)

1982
01:19:52,370 --> 01:19:53,496
Jess.

1983
01:19:53,747 --> 01:19:55,873
Hey, Jess. We're not going to jail.

1984
01:19:56,208 --> 01:19:59,877
I still might be, for unrelated things,
but you're not, you're safe.

1985
01:20:00,796 --> 01:20:02,046
Jess?

1986
01:20:03,799 --> 01:20:06,717
You should've seen us at the beginning.
We were like Squabble City.

1987
01:20:06,802 --> 01:20:07,885
We didn't like each other.

1988
01:20:07,969 --> 01:20:10,679
Now I can't get her away from me.
And I don't want to.

1989
01:20:10,764 --> 01:20:12,681
Did he happen to mention the diamonds?

1990
01:20:12,974 --> 01:20:14,975
Um, no, I think I would have
remembered that.

1991
01:20:15,060 --> 01:20:16,477
He didn't say much of anything.

1992
01:20:17,437 --> 01:20:21,524
Ladies, it's... It's really important
that you try to remember any details.

1993
01:20:21,691 --> 01:20:23,275
He was cis male.

1994
01:20:24,069 --> 01:20:28,447
Looked like he could, like,
wash his car as a hobby activity.

1995
01:20:28,698 --> 01:20:30,491
RUIZ: Okay.
ALICE: Oh, and he did have

1996
01:20:30,575 --> 01:20:31,826
this, like, deep "V."

1997
01:20:31,993 --> 01:20:36,163
Sort of like two large snakes
pointing down to a penis.

1998
01:20:36,540 --> 01:20:38,040
This is a big house.

1999
01:20:38,208 --> 01:20:39,917
Any place he might've been
able to stash something?

2000
01:20:40,210 --> 01:20:44,463
Well, we did clean the entire house
and never came across his coat or phone,

2001
01:20:44,548 --> 01:20:45,840
so it's definitely a possibility.

2002
01:20:45,924 --> 01:20:47,091
Tampon!

2003
01:20:47,300 --> 01:20:48,717
- What?
- PIPPA: Blair.

2004
01:20:48,927 --> 01:20:51,554
- What?
- I need a tampon.

2005
01:20:51,972 --> 01:20:53,806
I thought you use David cups. (CHUCKLES)

2006
01:20:53,974 --> 01:20:55,474
- Yeah.
- No, never.

2007
01:20:55,559 --> 01:20:59,311
Fuck off. Only tampons, the best of tampons!

2008
01:20:59,521 --> 01:21:01,355
You took them from us.

2009
01:21:01,690 --> 01:21:04,108
- What?
- And locked them in there,

2010
01:21:04,234 --> 01:21:06,861
- and you have the key.
- What are you talking about?

2011
01:21:06,945 --> 01:21:09,196
I didn't lock away our tampons.
I locked away our...

2012
01:21:09,823 --> 01:21:11,740
Uh... (CHUCKLES NERVOUSLY)

2013
01:21:12,242 --> 01:21:14,952
Are we on the same page, Blair?

2014
01:21:15,495 --> 01:21:16,912
- Yes.
- (WHISTLES) Yo, yo.

2015
01:21:17,038 --> 01:21:18,956
Lady, you want to get your
friend a tampon or whatever?

2016
01:21:19,833 --> 01:21:23,335
Okay. One tampon coming up.

2017
01:21:23,420 --> 01:21:24,503
Okay...

2018
01:21:24,588 --> 01:21:26,130
Just be right back with that. (CHUCKLES)

2019
01:21:26,381 --> 01:21:28,173
Well, I'm not on my period.

2020
01:21:28,717 --> 01:21:30,217
It's good to know. Thanks.

2021
01:21:34,055 --> 01:21:35,556
Key.

2022
01:21:36,349 --> 01:21:39,018
- Shit. Shit.
- (SOFT GROANING)

2023
01:21:40,437 --> 01:21:41,645
Shh...

2024
01:21:43,315 --> 01:21:44,690
(SCREAMING)

2025
01:21:45,025 --> 01:21:46,191
Quiet, be quiet, be quiet.

2026
01:21:46,276 --> 01:21:47,735
- I just need to get my phone, okay?
- (SCREAMS)

2027
01:21:47,819 --> 01:21:48,986
- What the fuck is that?
- What's that?

2028
01:21:49,070 --> 01:21:50,195
Nothing. It's... I don't know.

2029
01:21:50,488 --> 01:21:53,282
- What the fuck was that?
- This guy, it's another thing.

2030
01:21:53,658 --> 01:21:55,075
- There's more people here?
- FRANKIE: The real stripper.

2031
01:21:55,160 --> 01:21:56,911
- Yeah. That's the real stripper in there.
- The actual guy...

2032
01:21:58,038 --> 01:22:00,122
- I just need to get to my phone.
- Get back! Get back!

2033
01:22:00,540 --> 01:22:03,500
- I will not be your drug mule!
- What? Shh! Stop. Stop. Stop.

2034
01:22:03,752 --> 01:22:05,336
- You better get back. Yeah.
- Stop. Shh!

2035
01:22:06,338 --> 01:22:09,214
<i>Breaking news and
some updated information for everybody.</i>

2036
01:22:09,299 --> 01:22:11,550
<i>These assailants are armed
and they're dangerous.</i>

2037
01:22:11,635 --> 01:22:12,635
PIPPA: No, it's nothing, that's...

2038
01:22:12,719 --> 01:22:13,761
<i>So if you're inside your home,</i>

2039
01:22:13,845 --> 01:22:15,763
<i>make sure your windows
and your doors are locked.</i>

2040
01:22:16,264 --> 01:22:18,933
- Hey, blondie! Come here!
- No, no, no, no, no, no, no.

2041
01:22:19,059 --> 01:22:20,684
- Shh.
- (GASPING)

2042
01:22:21,519 --> 01:22:23,562
- Oh, the tampon.
- Yeah, I know.

2043
01:22:23,647 --> 01:22:25,356
That's what I was... I was using the code.

2044
01:22:25,649 --> 01:22:27,608
- I just want to get my real estate license!
- Shut up.

2045
01:22:27,984 --> 01:22:29,234
- Freeze!
- (SCREAMS)

2046
01:22:29,569 --> 01:22:31,487
Shut the fuck up! Don't move!

2047
01:22:31,947 --> 01:22:34,865
What the hell's going on here? Come on.
Let's go, move it. Let's go, tough guy.

2048
01:22:36,785 --> 01:22:39,828
Everyone in America really does have a gun!

2049
01:22:40,497 --> 01:22:42,539
FRAZIER: Let's go! Come on.
You, too. Move it.

2050
01:22:43,833 --> 01:22:45,626
- Oh, my God.
- RUIZ: Playtime's over.

2051
01:22:45,710 --> 01:22:47,670
- We want those fucking diamonds now.
- FRANKIE: Look.

2052
01:22:48,380 --> 01:22:49,588
I know you're mad at the 1%.

2053
01:22:49,714 --> 01:22:52,132
- I am, too.
- What? Shut up!

2054
01:22:52,217 --> 01:22:54,051
- Tie them up now.
- Let's go!

2055
01:22:54,135 --> 01:22:55,594
(GROANING)

2056
01:23:01,935 --> 01:23:03,060
(SIGHS)

2057
01:23:06,356 --> 01:23:07,356
(SIGHS)

2058
01:23:09,567 --> 01:23:11,902
<i>* *</i>

2059
01:23:15,323 --> 01:23:16,699
(SIGHS HEAVILY)

2060
01:23:16,866 --> 01:23:17,950
ALICE: Jess,

2061
01:23:18,034 --> 01:23:21,161
<i>when I was growing up,
I didn't really have many friends.</i>

2062
01:23:21,454 --> 01:23:24,289
<i>And when I left for college,
my mom was worried about me.</i>

2063
01:23:24,457 --> 01:23:25,874
<i>And so was I.</i>

2064
01:23:25,959 --> 01:23:28,377
<i>But then we met,
and the first night we went out,</i>

2065
01:23:28,461 --> 01:23:30,337
<i>you didn't introduce me
to people as your roommate,</i>

2066
01:23:30,422 --> 01:23:32,214
<i>you introduced me as your friend.</i>

2067
01:23:32,298 --> 01:23:34,425
<i>And I knew everything was gonna be okay.</i>

2068
01:23:34,801 --> 01:23:36,218
<i>When I went home that summer</i>

2069
01:23:36,344 --> 01:23:38,470
<i>and I showed my mom
the photos of us hanging out,</i>

2070
01:23:38,805 --> 01:23:40,431
<i>she was so happy.</i>

2071
01:23:40,974 --> 01:23:44,560
<i>She doesn't always recognize me anymore,
but When I show her those old photos,</i>

2072
01:23:44,644 --> 01:23:47,896
<i>she says to me,
"That's my daughter with all her friends. "</i>

2073
01:23:48,565 --> 01:23:50,190
<i>That's how she remembers me.</i>

2074
01:23:50,692 --> 01:23:51,984
<i>Thanks to you.</i>

2075
01:23:52,068 --> 01:23:54,778
<i>I can't wait to show her
all the photos from this weekend.</i>

2076
01:23:55,280 --> 01:23:58,615
<i>You were there for me,
and I will always be here for you.</i>

2077
01:23:59,034 --> 01:24:00,451
<i>Love, Alice.</i>

2078
01:24:00,660 --> 01:24:04,663
<i>P.S. There are some wet wipes in here,
because I ordered an ice cream cake</i>

2079
01:24:04,748 --> 01:24:07,041
<i>and I know you have issues with dairy.</i>

2080
01:24:07,125 --> 01:24:08,667
<i>Smiliest face.</i>

2081
01:24:09,669 --> 01:24:11,670
(RUIZ SHOUTING INDISTINCTLY)

2082
01:24:15,008 --> 01:24:18,177
RUIZ: Come here. Let's go. Come here.
SCOTTY: They found me on Craigslist.

2083
01:24:18,261 --> 01:24:20,179
I'm not even with them!

2084
01:24:20,638 --> 01:24:21,972
FRAZIER: God damn it.

2085
01:24:23,266 --> 01:24:24,391
(QUIETLY) Oh, shit.

2086
01:24:25,185 --> 01:24:26,477
FRAZIER: Jay double-crossed us,

2087
01:24:26,936 --> 01:24:28,604
and he took off with our score.

2088
01:24:29,314 --> 01:24:30,439
So, tell me,

2089
01:24:30,815 --> 01:24:33,108
- where'd he put it?
- I told you, we don't know.

2090
01:24:33,359 --> 01:24:37,279
Sir, I could wire you $50,000 right now
if you just let us go, okay?

2091
01:24:37,363 --> 01:24:39,740
Whoa, whoa, whoa. 50,000 what?

2092
01:24:40,158 --> 01:24:42,242
There's over $2 million
worth of diamonds in this house,

2093
01:24:42,327 --> 01:24:43,744
and I am going to find them.

2094
01:24:44,996 --> 01:24:46,914
- You shoot anyone who moves.
- (BLAIR CRYING)

2095
01:24:47,207 --> 01:24:48,665
- Oh, my God.
- SCOTTY: Please.

2096
01:24:48,750 --> 01:24:50,125
(SCOTTY CRYING)

2097
01:24:50,752 --> 01:24:52,169
(WOMEN SOBBING)

2098
01:25:03,306 --> 01:25:05,349
(PANTING)

2099
01:25:13,691 --> 01:25:14,983
(BOTTLE CLATTERS TO FLOOR AND ROLLS)

2100
01:25:25,411 --> 01:25:26,620
Fuck!

2101
01:25:26,746 --> 01:25:28,413
Damn it! Fuck!

2102
01:25:30,625 --> 01:25:32,668
Don't make a fucking
sound or I will kill you.

2103
01:25:41,970 --> 01:25:43,011
What?

2104
01:25:43,346 --> 01:25:45,013
Handcuff yourself to the sink.

2105
01:25:45,348 --> 01:25:47,141
- Fuck you.
- Now.

2106
01:25:48,726 --> 01:25:50,102
(PANTING) Okay. Okay.

2107
01:25:55,817 --> 01:25:57,234
(HANDCUFFS CLICKING)

2108
01:26:01,990 --> 01:26:03,490
<i>* *</i>

2109
01:26:04,784 --> 01:26:06,076
What the fuck?

2110
01:26:17,213 --> 01:26:19,381
No... (MUFFLED SHOUTING)

2111
01:26:25,972 --> 01:26:28,390
RUIZ: You don't know anything, huh?
Well, that smells like bullshit.

2112
01:26:28,725 --> 01:26:30,225
Hurry up, man!

2113
01:26:30,935 --> 01:26:32,436
Do I look stupid to you?

2114
01:26:32,896 --> 01:26:36,356
You expect me to believe
that you killed Jay by accident?

2115
01:26:37,233 --> 01:26:39,026
That's a bad accident. (CHUCKLES)

2116
01:26:39,611 --> 01:26:41,403
It's a big fucking accident.

2117
01:26:41,487 --> 01:26:43,322
(GASPING BREATHS)

2118
01:26:45,366 --> 01:26:47,284
RUIZ: I am about to lose my fucking shit.

2119
01:26:47,368 --> 01:26:48,702
Jay's dead, and you expect me
to believe

2120
01:26:48,786 --> 01:26:50,537
that you guys don't know anything? Hmm?

2121
01:26:50,663 --> 01:26:53,081
New plan.
You're gonna watch each other die,

2122
01:26:53,166 --> 01:26:54,833
until one of you opens your fucking mouth!

2123
01:26:55,460 --> 01:26:57,502
- And I'm gonna start with you.
- No!

2124
01:26:57,837 --> 01:26:59,713
- ALICE: Oh, God.
- I love you, Frankie.

2125
01:27:00,298 --> 01:27:01,715
FRANKIE: I love you, too.

2126
01:27:05,220 --> 01:27:06,303
(OTHERS GASPING)

2127
01:27:07,055 --> 01:27:08,805
ALL: Jess! Jess!

2128
01:27:08,973 --> 01:27:10,974
Yes!

2129
01:27:11,100 --> 01:27:12,726
(OVERLAPPING SHOUTING)

2130
01:27:15,647 --> 01:27:16,897
- Not her beautiful face!
- Come on, Jess!

2131
01:27:17,315 --> 01:27:18,565
(JESS GRUNTS)

2132
01:27:20,235 --> 01:27:21,401
(PANTING)

2133
01:27:21,486 --> 01:27:22,527
Whoa.

2134
01:27:22,612 --> 01:27:23,946
- You perv!
- Come on.

2135
01:27:24,948 --> 01:27:25,906
No, hey, hey, hey!

2136
01:27:25,990 --> 01:27:27,032
- (FIERCE GRUNTING)
- Ow! Ow!

2137
01:27:27,283 --> 01:27:28,700
You guys! The gun!

2138
01:27:30,078 --> 01:27:32,287
Shimmy. Shimmy, shimmy, shimmy, shimmy.

2139
01:27:36,209 --> 01:27:37,918
Okay. Okay.

2140
01:27:38,002 --> 01:27:39,670
(GRUNTS, GROANS)

2141
01:27:41,506 --> 01:27:42,589
- Right there.
- PIPPA: Okay. Yeah.

2142
01:27:42,674 --> 01:27:43,840
- One.
- FRANKIE: Two.

2143
01:27:44,008 --> 01:27:45,217
- Three!
- PIPPA: Okay.

2144
01:27:45,301 --> 01:27:46,843
Oh, God. Squat.

2145
01:27:47,428 --> 01:27:49,221
ALICE: Oh, God. Oh, God.
BLAIR: Do you have it?

2146
01:27:49,305 --> 01:27:51,348
ALICE: Yes.

2147
01:27:54,852 --> 01:27:56,103
(GROANS)

2148
01:27:56,604 --> 01:27:57,813
Point me in his direction.

2149
01:28:02,860 --> 01:28:05,195
I don't have a shot! Your leg is in the way!

2150
01:28:05,697 --> 01:28:07,489
- No, no. Please.
- Up!

2151
01:28:07,573 --> 01:28:08,907
JESS: No, please.

2152
01:28:10,034 --> 01:28:12,077
- (GROANS)
- (GASPS)

2153
01:28:12,161 --> 01:28:13,370
I shot a guy!

2154
01:28:13,746 --> 01:28:16,081
- SCOTTY: Yes!
- I killed another person.

2155
01:28:16,749 --> 01:28:18,625
You fucking...

2156
01:28:19,460 --> 01:28:20,502
- (CHEERING)
- ALL: Yes!

2157
01:28:23,339 --> 01:28:25,299
Oh, my God, you guys!

2158
01:28:26,384 --> 01:28:27,426
That was awesome.

2159
01:28:27,510 --> 01:28:29,261
- Alice, I'm so sorry.
- No, I'm sorry.

2160
01:28:29,345 --> 01:28:31,972
No. I said things that I didn't mean.

2161
01:28:32,515 --> 01:28:34,599
I think it was just
the stress of killing somebody

2162
01:28:34,684 --> 01:28:36,518
and then trying to dispose of his body.

2163
01:28:36,978 --> 01:28:38,145
- Wait, what?
- ALICE: Totally.

2164
01:28:38,229 --> 01:28:39,730
- That's a hard thing.
- Yeah, you're right.

2165
01:28:40,023 --> 01:28:41,064
I have changed.

2166
01:28:41,232 --> 01:28:43,191
I thought that I was
making people's lives better,

2167
01:28:43,276 --> 01:28:46,236
but I forgot about the people that
make my life better, and that's you guys.

2168
01:28:46,529 --> 01:28:48,613
- And I love you, and I'm sorry.
- FRANKIE: We love you, too.

2169
01:28:48,698 --> 01:28:49,740
- We love you, too.
- We love you.

2170
01:28:49,824 --> 01:28:51,992
- We love you, Jess!
- ALICE: I'm sorry, too.

2171
01:28:52,243 --> 01:28:54,202
And you know what? I know that I'm a lot.

2172
01:28:54,287 --> 01:28:57,039
And you were right,
I need to stop living in the past

2173
01:28:57,165 --> 01:28:59,416
- and get a hobby, you know?
- Well, it could help, right?

2174
01:28:59,500 --> 01:29:01,668
Next time we see each other,
we can make new memories

2175
01:29:01,753 --> 01:29:03,920
instead of just talking about the old ones.

2176
01:29:04,005 --> 01:29:05,922
Um, these zip ties are
really starting to hurt.

2177
01:29:06,007 --> 01:29:07,591
And I'm sorry about Peter, okay?

2178
01:29:07,675 --> 01:29:10,302
He does not suck.
You should totally marry him.

2179
01:29:10,386 --> 01:29:12,346
- Well, I will.
- Good. You should.

2180
01:29:12,555 --> 01:29:15,182
I mean, I had a sex dream about him,
and I didn't even tell you.

2181
01:29:15,266 --> 01:29:16,475
No, you actually did tell me.

2182
01:29:16,559 --> 01:29:18,518
- You told everybody.
- You started a group text.

2183
01:29:18,811 --> 01:29:20,228
It started with him brushing my hair...

2184
01:29:20,313 --> 01:29:21,605
You know what?
I'm gonna untie you guys now.

2185
01:29:21,814 --> 01:29:22,856
- Awesome.
- Yeah. Okay, great.

2186
01:29:22,982 --> 01:29:24,566
- Here, give me the gun.
- It was morning...

2187
01:29:24,650 --> 01:29:26,109
- FRAZIER: Drop the gun!
- (ALL GASP)

2188
01:29:26,569 --> 01:29:28,236
- Drop it.
- Damn it.

2189
01:29:30,573 --> 01:29:33,950
The keys were taped to the handcuffs,
you fucking idiot.

2190
01:29:35,453 --> 01:29:36,870
You're all dead. All of you.

2191
01:29:36,954 --> 01:29:38,747
- No. No, Jess.
- FRAZIER: Yeah.

2192
01:29:39,123 --> 01:29:41,792
- Oh, really? Come on. Whatever.
- (HAMMER COCKS)

2193
01:29:42,043 --> 01:29:44,211
(ALL SCREAMING)

2194
01:29:44,879 --> 01:29:46,630
- What? What? What?
- (GASPING)

2195
01:29:47,507 --> 01:29:48,632
What?

2196
01:29:52,678 --> 01:29:54,846
- Oh, my God!
- Is that Peter?

2197
01:29:55,431 --> 01:29:56,932
(SPEAKING SPANISH)

2198
01:29:59,185 --> 01:30:00,685
FRANKIE: Oh, my God. Is he...

2199
01:30:00,812 --> 01:30:01,895
(ALL GASP)

2200
01:30:01,979 --> 01:30:03,688
- Peter!
- You guys, what's happening back there?

2201
01:30:03,773 --> 01:30:04,773
I can't see.

2202
01:30:06,317 --> 01:30:08,360
- Peter? Peter.
- Hmm?

2203
01:30:08,444 --> 01:30:09,611
Peter.

2204
01:30:09,779 --> 01:30:11,613
- Jess.
- Are you okay?

2205
01:30:12,573 --> 01:30:14,366
(WHINING) Do you not like my dick?

2206
01:30:15,159 --> 01:30:16,201
What?

2207
01:30:16,327 --> 01:30:18,161
Does it bend weird
when it gets hard, or, like...

2208
01:30:18,454 --> 01:30:20,914
- I don't know, is it...
- What? No, I love it.

2209
01:30:21,374 --> 01:30:22,749
So, you still want to get married?

2210
01:30:23,251 --> 01:30:27,421
(LAUGHING) Yes. More than ever
I want to get married. I love you.

2211
01:30:28,756 --> 01:30:29,881
I want that.

2212
01:30:31,092 --> 01:30:32,342
Peter...

2213
01:30:32,844 --> 01:30:35,595
Let's just get married.
Let's get married this weekend.

2214
01:30:35,680 --> 01:30:37,264
Well, what about the campaign?
Didn't you want to wait

2215
01:30:37,348 --> 01:30:38,557
till after the election, and...

2216
01:30:38,641 --> 01:30:41,393
I don't want to wait.
Everyone I love is right here.

2217
01:30:41,769 --> 01:30:43,061
- That's all that matters.
- Oh.

2218
01:30:43,187 --> 01:30:44,271
What about your parents?

2219
01:30:44,355 --> 01:30:46,314
Oh, my parents aren't gonna care.
They eloped.

2220
01:30:46,858 --> 01:30:49,192
I mean, my mom did say
to lock that down as soon as possible.

2221
01:30:49,902 --> 01:30:51,653
- She did?
- She loves you.

2222
01:30:52,405 --> 01:30:54,322
- I love you. Let's do it.
- Let's do it.

2223
01:30:54,824 --> 01:30:56,533
FRANKIE: Yes!

2224
01:30:56,617 --> 01:30:58,243
Oh, I have the perfect place.

2225
01:30:58,453 --> 01:31:00,078
<i>* *</i>

2226
01:31:01,622 --> 01:31:05,459
Do you, Jessica,
take Peter to be your husband?

2227
01:31:06,127 --> 01:31:07,252
I do.

2228
01:31:07,837 --> 01:31:11,798
And do you, Peter,
take Jessica to be your wife?

2229
01:31:12,258 --> 01:31:13,633
I definitely do.

2230
01:31:14,302 --> 01:31:15,927
- (LONG EXHALE)
- (SOBBING CONTINUES)

2231
01:31:16,888 --> 01:31:18,847
Now, by the power vested in me

2232
01:31:19,724 --> 01:31:22,726
by GetOrdainedNow. net,

2233
01:31:23,102 --> 01:31:25,103
I pronounce you husband and wife.

2234
01:31:25,188 --> 01:31:26,855
You may kiss the groom.

2235
01:31:26,939 --> 01:31:28,315
(ALL CHEERING)

2236
01:31:28,608 --> 01:31:30,734
<i>(WEDDING MARCH PLAYING
WITH DANCE BEAT)</i>

2237
01:31:32,487 --> 01:31:35,155
So glad I didn't sell our passes
to the foam party.

2238
01:31:35,239 --> 01:31:36,239
- Yeah!
- Right?

2239
01:31:39,327 --> 01:31:41,286
<i>* *</i>

2240
01:31:48,085 --> 01:31:50,003
So, you guys are just not in trouble?

2241
01:31:50,463 --> 01:31:52,547
No, we're, like, completely free.

2242
01:31:53,132 --> 01:31:56,551
We've committed what in Florida
is known as a "good murder. "

2243
01:31:56,844 --> 01:31:58,762
That's a direct quote from the Miami PD.

2244
01:31:58,846 --> 01:32:04,017
So, not only do we not have to go to jail,
but we got a sick coupon

2245
01:32:04,352 --> 01:32:06,061
to Romano's Macaroni Grill.

2246
01:32:06,521 --> 01:32:09,022
- Do you want to dance, Pippa?
- Yeah, okay.

2247
01:32:09,232 --> 01:32:11,149
But call me Kiwi, okay?

2248
01:32:11,275 --> 01:32:12,776
All my best friends do.

2249
01:32:16,489 --> 01:32:17,989
- Hey.
- ALICE: Hi.

2250
01:32:18,074 --> 01:32:20,867
- Can I get you a drink?
- Oh. Um...

2251
01:32:21,744 --> 01:32:22,786
No.

2252
01:32:23,162 --> 01:32:25,455
'Cause I'm on a date with
someone else, so...

2253
01:32:26,541 --> 01:32:28,208
- Hey.
- TOBEY: Hot.

2254
01:32:28,459 --> 01:32:30,126
You're a hot guy. Cool.

2255
01:32:34,090 --> 01:32:35,173
- Here you go.
- Oh.

2256
01:32:36,634 --> 01:32:38,009
(GASPS) Oh, my God.

2257
01:32:39,011 --> 01:32:41,763
Has anyone ever told you
how beautiful your feet are?

2258
01:32:43,891 --> 01:32:45,642
No one's ever said that to me before.

2259
01:32:46,269 --> 01:32:48,436
You should've been told
that a million times.

2260
01:32:49,855 --> 01:32:51,481
BOTH: Do you want to...

2261
01:32:51,566 --> 01:32:52,732
- Fuck?
- Fuck?

2262
01:32:53,359 --> 01:32:55,193
Hey.

2263
01:32:55,903 --> 01:32:57,070
Keep it moving. We're a thing.

2264
01:32:58,531 --> 01:32:59,864
Love wins.

2265
01:33:00,825 --> 01:33:01,992
What'd you just say?

2266
01:33:02,785 --> 01:33:05,412
I don't know.
I mean, who knows if it will work out?

2267
01:33:05,496 --> 01:33:08,081
And I don't know how you're gonna get to
New York. I guess hitchhike, but...

2268
01:33:08,374 --> 01:33:10,709
I already have my bags packed,
actually, so...

2269
01:33:10,835 --> 01:33:13,795
- (LAUGHS)
- Well, just 'cause I'm between places...

2270
01:33:14,505 --> 01:33:15,964
Shut up.

2271
01:33:18,843 --> 01:33:20,468
Yeah, yeah.

2272
01:33:21,012 --> 01:33:22,512
Okay. Yeah.

2273
01:33:22,597 --> 01:33:24,014
Babe. It's for you.

2274
01:33:25,182 --> 01:33:27,058
- Hello?
- Jess, it's me.

2275
01:33:27,143 --> 01:33:30,228
That story about you and your friends
taking out those criminals is everywhere!

2276
01:33:30,313 --> 01:33:32,480
Okay?
We're getting donations and volunteers.

2277
01:33:32,565 --> 01:33:35,525
- What?
- Jess, you're gonna win this thing.

2278
01:33:35,610 --> 01:33:37,444
Are you serious? That's amazing.

2279
01:33:37,653 --> 01:33:39,446
Yeah, we're getting a ton of media requests.

2280
01:33:39,530 --> 01:33:41,531
<i>Okay, Good Morning America, Ellen.</i>

2281
01:33:41,824 --> 01:33:45,160
<i>Okay, you have to get back here right now.
I'm gonna get you out on the next flight.</i>

2282
01:33:45,244 --> 01:33:46,703
<i>Do you prefer window or aisle?</i>

2283
01:33:46,787 --> 01:33:48,705
<i>I'm more of a middle seat guy myself, but...</i>

2284
01:33:48,789 --> 01:33:50,832
You know what? I'm actually getting married.

2285
01:33:50,916 --> 01:33:53,418
But, um, I'll be there
first thing Monday morning.

2286
01:33:53,502 --> 01:33:55,879
<i>RAVIV: You're getting married?
Jess, I'm in love with you.</i>

2287
01:33:57,048 --> 01:33:58,381
- Take a picture of us?
- Yeah, yeah, yeah.

2288
01:33:58,466 --> 01:33:59,591
Cool!

2289
01:33:59,675 --> 01:34:00,675
(BLAIR CLEARS THROAT)

2290
01:34:00,760 --> 01:34:02,552
- I love you guys.
- We love you.

2291
01:34:03,220 --> 01:34:04,262
- Three.
- (CLICK)

2292
01:34:04,347 --> 01:34:06,222
<i>* *</i>

2293
01:34:06,307 --> 01:34:07,641
ALICE: Can I see?

2294
01:34:08,142 --> 01:34:09,476
JESS: Um...

2295
01:34:09,560 --> 01:34:11,227
- No.
- ALICE: My arm looks too thick.

2296
01:34:11,312 --> 01:34:13,229
(ALL COMPLAINING)

2297
01:34:13,314 --> 01:34:14,564
- PETER: Another one?
- One more.

2298
01:34:14,649 --> 01:34:15,857
Okay, okay, okay.

2299
01:34:16,734 --> 01:34:17,901
(CLICK)

2300
01:34:20,488 --> 01:34:21,780
JESS: Ooh. I love it.
ALICE: That, I love.

2301
01:34:21,947 --> 01:34:24,491
JESS: Alice, you can tag me.
ALICE: Finally.

2302
01:34:28,204 --> 01:34:30,080
<i>WOMAN: (SINGING)
We are what</i>

2303
01:34:30,164 --> 01:34:32,290
<i>These days we only follow</i>

2304
01:34:32,375 --> 01:34:34,834
<i>These days we're feeling hollow</i>

2305
01:34:34,919 --> 01:34:37,712
<i>Get paid, the only motto</i>

2306
01:34:38,339 --> 01:34:40,131
<i>We are what</i>

2307
01:34:40,216 --> 01:34:42,634
<i>They say it all gets better</i>

2308
01:34:42,718 --> 01:34:45,178
<i>They say it won't last forever</i>

2309
01:34:45,262 --> 01:34:47,889
<i>Then someone pulls the trigger</i>

2310
01:34:48,891 --> 01:34:51,142
<i>We are what</i>

2311
01:34:52,228 --> 01:34:54,979
<i>The fame, the fame</i>

2312
01:34:55,064 --> 01:34:57,190
<i>I want to hear my name</i>

2313
01:34:57,274 --> 01:34:59,275
<i>But I don't care</i>

2314
01:34:59,777 --> 01:35:02,195
What for

2315
01:35:02,780 --> 01:35:05,323
<i>I'll change the world</i>

2316
01:35:05,408 --> 01:35:07,867
<i>Save all those trees and birds</i>

2317
01:35:07,952 --> 01:35:10,120
<i>But first I'll grab a Starbucks</i>

2318
01:35:10,204 --> 01:35:11,996
<i>Then I'll get to work</i>

2319
01:35:12,748 --> 01:35:13,832
<i>All on</i>

2320
01:35:13,916 --> 01:35:15,542
<i>Thank God it's the weekend</i>

2321
01:35:15,626 --> 01:35:16,668
<i>My squad</i>

2322
01:35:16,752 --> 01:35:17,794
<i>Got time, we can waste it</i>

2323
01:35:17,878 --> 01:35:18,920
<i>Don't know</i>

2324
01:35:19,004 --> 01:35:22,465
<i>Should we drive to the sunset or the fire?</i>

2325
01:35:22,550 --> 01:35:23,591
<i>It's like</i>

2326
01:35:23,676 --> 01:35:24,968
<i>We live in the bubble</i>

2327
01:35:25,052 --> 01:35:27,387
<i>Pretending it's 'cause we are young</i>

2328
01:35:27,471 --> 01:35:29,389
<i>We are what</i>

2329
01:35:29,473 --> 01:35:31,641
<i>These days we only follow</i>

2330
01:35:31,726 --> 01:35:34,227
<i>These days we're feeling hollow</i>

2331
01:35:34,311 --> 01:35:36,646
<i>Get paid, the only motto</i>

2332
01:35:37,565 --> 01:35:39,482
<i>We are what</i>

2333
01:35:39,567 --> 01:35:41,860
<i>They say it all gets better</i>

2334
01:35:41,944 --> 01:35:44,529
<i>They say it won't last forever</i>

2335
01:35:44,613 --> 01:35:46,990
<i>Then someone pulls the trigger</i>

2336
01:35:48,284 --> 01:35:51,995
<i>We've got hearts in the right places</i>

2337
01:35:52,079 --> 01:35:55,915
<i>But we're still a danger to ourselves</i>

2338
01:35:56,000 --> 01:35:58,334
<i>Maybe it's 'cause we are young</i>

2339
01:35:58,419 --> 01:36:00,462
<i>We are what</i>

2340
01:36:04,300 --> 01:36:08,261
<i>Congratulations to
State Senator Jess Thayer!</i>

2341
01:36:08,345 --> 01:36:09,429
(WHOOPING)

2342
01:36:09,513 --> 01:36:10,555
Thank you.

2343
01:36:10,681 --> 01:36:13,016
<i>My number one boss bitch! Whoo!</i>

2344
01:36:13,184 --> 01:36:15,351
(APPLAUSE STOPS)

2345
01:36:15,728 --> 01:36:19,147
<i>And now to celebrate her win,
we have a special request.</i>

2346
01:36:19,482 --> 01:36:20,523
Me?

2347
01:36:21,400 --> 01:36:23,485
(APPLAUSE)

2348
01:36:23,694 --> 01:36:25,111
<i>PIPPA: Thank you so much.</i>

2349
01:36:25,488 --> 01:36:28,364
<i>I actually have a surprise
for all of you. Um...</i>

2350
01:36:28,908 --> 01:36:30,617
<i>I've written a song</i>

2351
01:36:30,785 --> 01:36:34,287
<i>that I hope can sort of encapsulate,</i>

2352
01:36:34,580 --> 01:36:37,582
<i>um, the bond of friendship that we all have.</i>

2353
01:36:38,000 --> 01:36:40,293
<i>And so, I want to play it for you now.</i>

2354
01:36:41,921 --> 01:36:45,131
(SINGING) Sometimes

2355
01:36:46,091 --> 01:36:48,092
<i>You kill a man</i>

2356
01:36:49,178 --> 01:36:53,181
<i>When he's taking off his clothes for you</i>

2357
01:36:54,934 --> 01:36:57,352
<i>You kill a man</i>

2358
01:36:58,479 --> 01:37:01,356
<i>You kill him with your friends</i>

2359
01:37:01,524 --> 01:37:03,107
<i>And he dies</i>

2360
01:37:04,527 --> 01:37:06,903
<i>Ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh</i>

2361
01:37:07,446 --> 01:37:08,571
(WHISPERS) Jesus, it's good.

2362
01:37:08,656 --> 01:37:10,865
(SINGING) Other times

2363
01:37:12,243 --> 01:37:14,828
<i>When you kill a man</i>

2364
01:37:15,162 --> 01:37:20,500
<i>You need to toss his body in the ocean</i>

2365
01:37:21,001 --> 01:37:23,253
<i>And you don't care</i>

2366
01:37:24,505 --> 01:37:28,967
<i>'Cause your friends are there by your side</i>

2367
01:37:30,553 --> 01:37:32,136
<i>They make it fun</i>

2368
01:37:33,639 --> 01:37:36,641
<i>I love you, girls</i>

2369
01:37:36,976 --> 01:37:38,059
I love you, Pippa!

2370
01:37:38,143 --> 01:37:40,144
<i>We killed a man</i>

2371
01:37:40,312 --> 01:37:42,939
<i>We made a plan</i>

2372
01:37:43,023 --> 01:37:45,817
<i>You are my friends</i>

2373
01:37:46,527 --> 01:37:49,070
<i>And I'll never forget</i>

2374
01:37:49,697 --> 01:37:52,282
<i>This bachelorette</i>

2375
01:37:53,117 --> 01:37:56,244
<i>This bachelorette</i>

2376
01:37:57,121 --> 01:37:58,872
(SONG ENDS)

2377
01:37:59,790 --> 01:38:00,957
That's the end.

2378
01:38:01,584 --> 01:38:03,293
<i>* *</i>

2379
01:38:20,978 --> 01:38:22,729
<i>* *</i>

2380
01:38:53,928 --> 01:38:56,012
<i>* *</i>

2381
01:39:14,823 --> 01:39:16,950
ALICE: Do you guys want to come up?
JESS: Um...

2382
01:39:17,117 --> 01:39:18,952
No, no, no. Don't come up. Don't come up.

2383
01:39:19,036 --> 01:39:21,704
- 'Cause I got to do stuff.
- PETER: (CHUCKLES) What?

2384
01:39:21,872 --> 01:39:24,624
So, I will see you at Nussbaum's at 10:00.

2385
01:39:24,750 --> 01:39:26,250
No, no. 12:30.

2386
01:39:26,585 --> 01:39:28,294
- JESS: Okay.
- I don't want to get up.

2387
01:39:29,129 --> 01:39:30,630
Okay, you guys, go. Go, go, go.

2388
01:39:30,881 --> 01:39:32,799
We want to make sure that you get in okay.

2389
01:39:32,883 --> 01:39:35,343
- You're obsessed with me. (LAUGHS)
- JESS: We love you.

2390
01:39:35,469 --> 01:39:36,844
I love you.

2391
01:39:46,563 --> 01:39:47,814
Bullshit.

2392
01:39:53,320 --> 01:39:54,487
(LAUGHING) Yes!

2393
01:39:55,572 --> 01:39:57,240
Whoo! Ah...

2394
01:40:00,744 --> 01:40:02,203
<i>* *</i>

2395
01:40:11,422 --> 01:40:13,089
<i>* *</i>

2396
01:40:22,349 --> 01:40:24,600
(CRUNCHING)