(BOTH LAUGHING)
Whoo!
All right, yeah. Pretty fun. Future-Worm.
NARRATOR: The Snords of Snordville
lived happy, peaceful lives, until...
The Gobbler's here, that hungry beast!
And now I fear that we're his feast!
(ROARING)
Oh, no, this frost! We cannot see!
Our lives are lost! What hope have we?
Glow-Worm, with your magic glow,
will you guide us through this snow?
You know it!
(ALL GROANING)
(YELLS)
(SNARLING)
NARRATOR: Learn the true story
behind the Snords' most treasured holiday.
And see how one brave worm's dancing
saved them all from a gobbling in...
(NARRATOR READING)
FUTURE-WORM: No!
(GRUNTING) I thought I told you to stay out of my "stuff to burn" box!
Sorry! (CHUCKLING) I was looking for firewood, and...
You starred in a future musical holiday movie?
'Course not! Different worm! Doesn't even look like me!
NARRATOR: Starring Future-Worm.
That's right, the Future...
Why are you freaking out, dude?
You're a movie star!
Pssh, movie joke is more like it.
The picture bombed hard.
So, who cares? It's not like you made it!
NARRATOR: Written, directed, edited, scored,
and financed by Future...
(GRUNTS)
-(PANTING) -Whoa! Take it easy, dude.
I used to love Snordfest. Exchanging jarps.
Lighting Snord sticks.
Celebrating a worm's selfless sacrifice for Snordkind.
But it turns out I started a new Snord tradition.
Making fun of the 54 Days of Snordfest Musical.
Ah, nuts to the haters, man!
You can love Snordfest again if you try...
No! Everything's tainted now.
I'll never Jubilee Two-Step again!
Snordfest is stupid!
Wait, you'll never what?
-(VOCALIZING) -(CROWD CHEERING)
(SINGING) Snord
To escape death we've got to dance!
The Jubilee Two-Step's our only chance!
Uh, yeah, that sounds pretty wack.
(GRUNTING) I should've torched this junk years ago.
Also, I'm gonna need to erase your mind.
Just the last 20 minutes or so.
Whoa, whoa, wait, wait!
How about instead of burning stuff, we re-ignite your love of Snordfest
with a trip to where it all began!
Mmm, you're right.
We should go back to the origin of Snordfest
to stop it from happening!
What? No!
What about all the joy and love and self-sacrifice...
Over it!
Just gotta find Glow-Worm and send him packing.
No Glow-Worm, no Snordfest, no movie.
But without Glow-Worm's glow to lead them through the storm,
what'll happen to the Snords?
(CHUCKLES) Gobbled for sure. You in?
No!
Great, let's go.
There he is.
The lowly jarpenter, destined to...
Well, destined for nothing soon. (CHUCKLES)
Hello!
I snord you are snording a good snord, my fellow Snords?
Pssh. You even know what you're saying?
Snord, care for a jarp?
Not even real words.
You know, we'd love some jarps.
Future-Worm here is a big fan of jarps.
-And of you... -(GRUNTS)
Sorry, Gee-dub, kid's... Uh, don't listen to him.
Look, this jarpenter thing is going nowhere.
Just do the world a favor, and leave town, and go...
Uh, become a dentist.
(EXCLAIMS)
How do you snord my secret dream?
Uh, just a guess.
Not usin' future knowledge or anything like that.
No! You can't abandon your jarpenter stand!
Hmm. Perhaps I need time to think, I...
(YELPING)
(GROANING)
(GASPS)
Oh, no!
Boom! (LAUGHS) Have a merry Snordfest!
Hey, you set that up!
I ate a banana.
What happens to the peel ain't my problem. (LAUGHS)
-Excuse me. -(GASPS)
Where's Glow-Worm?
Lil' Larry!
From the movie!
And he's even more lovable in real life.
I was told his glow might warm my broken soul.
Nope.
Now my sadness will be infinite.
(CRYING)
-Aw, don't cry! -Oh, brother.
-(GASPS) -Glow-Worm's right here!
Turn on your visor. You'll glow!
-Why would I do that? -Look how sad he is!
-I'm not bein' Glow-Worm again! -Dude!
-(BOTH CLAMORING) -I'll never tell you how it glows!
(GOBBLER ROARING)
What in Snord...
The Gobbler!
(GASPS) What's a Gobbler?
Enjoy your afternoon!
(WHISTLES)
(ALL SCREAMING)
Why is it snowing in the desert?
And why does that monster want to eat us?
I don't know, that stuff wasn't in the trailer!
Don't worry, Lil' Lar', Glow-Worm will save us! Fyootch!
(GOBBLER ROARING)
Uh, BRB!
Dude, come on! We gotta save the Snords!
Making a sacrifice will get your Snord-spirit levels jacked back up!
Pfft. Snord-spirit's dead, kid.
Now, where'd you park the lunch box?
I can't see a dang thing!
Then you better turn on your visor light, so we can find our way.
Oh, good idea.
Oh, what's that, Fyootch? You're a little chilly?
Kinda, yeah, hmm. Wait, wait, wait. What the...
Do you feel the Snord-spirit flowing through you yet?
Get it off! Get it off! Get it off!
(GROANING)
(GASPS) Look! It's Glow-Worm! He's here to save us!
-You bet your snord he is! -No, I'm not.
Come on, everyone! Follow Glow-Worm to safety!
Get outta here!
Yeah, get outta here
by following Glow-Worm!
(ALL CHEERING)
(SIGHS)
I think we finally lost the Gobbler.
Yep, yep, that's great.
Thank you, Glow-Worm, for leading us across the desert.
I'm not leading anybody anywhere.
We just happen to be...
Escaping in the same direction.
But it is awfully Snord-festive of you
to make such a selfless sacrifice, Glow-Worm.
And I know one Snord who'd love to meet you.
Lil' Larry's lil' sister, Lil'er Lucy!
Glow-Worm!
Nope, for the last time, I'm not...
Oh, boy.
I love you, Glow-Worm.
Uh... Mmm.
Yeah. Come on, kid. Yeah, all right. Enough... Enough hugging.
(SIGHS)
(ALL SNORING)
-(GOBBLER ROARING) -The Gobbler!
Huh?
Fyootch? I mean, Glow-Worm! Where are you, man?
Glow-Worm left us.
We're doomed!
(ROARING)
No, no, it's okay. It's okay. He's probably just taking a snord!
(LAUGHS NERVOUSLY)
Lil'est Lily. (GRUMBLING)
Pssh. Who needs Snords? Not me.
FUTURE FUTURE-WORM: Look at yourself.
-What the... -You! You look like a failure.
You can't even ruin the events that inspired
the beloved holiday that you ruined with a terrible movie.
Hey, I'm soul-searching here.
I need advice, not a verbal beat-down.
Yes, more like that.
-You are a coward. -What?
You're afraid of the Gobbler.
I'm not afraid of the Gobbler.
You're afraid of the Gobbler.
I'm not afraid of the Gobbler.
I'm afraid of the Jubilee Two-Step, and being humiliated all over again!
Oh, dang.
Use your love of Snordfest to conquer your fear.
Yeah, hmm.
How about I use these abs to conquer your face, sucker!
(LAUGHS)
(SPITS) Dang!
Stupid conscience always bein' right.
Well, at least we figured that out, before the Gobbler caught up.
(SNORDS SCREAMING)
I'm comin'!
I'm snording!
Run for your snording lives!
(YELLING)
Fyootch, I could really use some Snordfest spirit right about now!
Aw, dude! Who'd you eat before us?
Rancid-mayonnaise people?
-Here. -(ROARS)
(YELPING)
Fyootch!
(ALL SCREAMING)
Hey, Gobbler!
It's me, Future-Worm. I mean, uh...
Uh...
Glow-Worm!
It's Glow-Worm!
Glow-Worm! I knew you had it in you!
Ever hear of the Jubilee Two-Step?
Uh, no.
'Cause it's the last thing you'll ever hear.
(SHOES CLACKING)
(VOCALIZING)
(CROWD MURMURING)
Uh...
(SINGING) Jubilee Two-Step for you
-What's happening? -We're all doomed.
(VOCALIZING)
Maybe I should just let him eat me.
-(ROARS) -Fyootch!
You gotta believe in Snordfest!
(ROARS)
(DANNY SCREAMS)
(EXCLAIMING)
Huh?
-I did it! -(SNORDS CHEERING)
I saved Snordfest!
-(COUGHING) -Snord, snord, snord!
Give it up for Glow-Worm!
Um, yeah, I'm pretty sure that was an unrelated cosmic event, Fyootch.
No way! That's the magic of Snordfest!
-(SNORDS CHEERING) -I want to snord it from the rooftops.
I love Snordfest!
You know what?
You're right, you did it, buddy.
No, Danny, you did.
You reminded me of what it's all about.
You're the snordest friend I ever had.
We should celebrate this every year in a holiday called...
"Jarple-graf Furpin-derp"!
Uh, okay.
Uh, yeah. Okay. Yeah, sounds good.
ALL: Jarple-graf Furpin-derp! Jarple-graf Furpin-derp!
(ALL CHEERING)
Jarple-graf Furpin-derp!
(GRUNTING)
-You! -Uh-oh.
(YELLS) There was a banana peel!
What is this? 1920?
NARRATOR: Future-Worm!
It's Holiday Eve! This is a time for family.
-Not... -Move it.
-(GRUNTS) -Let me through!
Get out of the way!
Mindless violence, mister!
It's not mindless violence, honey.
It's shopping!
Yeah! So, come help push, Doug.
Do we need to be a part of all this?
'Course, it's the last day Coffee Attack is servin' their seasonal latte flavor.
(SPITS) I like lattes.
Well, you're in luck, sir, 'cause I make a mean latte.
Yuck! I pass!
Oh, that sounds so nice, honey.
As soon as I see how my new toy, the Action Figure Chair, is selling,
we can go right home.
But I just wanted a nice night at home by the fire,
so we could slow down from this holiday chaos
and just enjoy each other's company.
(GRUNTS) It's no use, Fyootch!
I'm never gonna get a copy of Lettuce Delivery 2!
Lettuce Delivery 1 was, like, the best game of all time.
This has gotta be like, like, like-like-like-like-like...
Danny! Get a hold of yourself!
I'll get us through this mob.
Hey! (WHISTLES)
They're giving out free, uh... They're givin' out free money!
Yeah, over there!
ALL: Free money!
(SCOFFS)
ALL: Free money!
(LAUGHS) Dummies don't even know money's not worth anything.
-(GRUNTS) -(BOTH GASPING)
(ELVES CACKLING)
Who wants free gingerbread cookies?
(ALL GASPING)
Gross. Who wants gingerbread? Bleh!
ALL: Gingerbread!
-Uh-oh! -Ahhh!
They're turning back! Make a break for it!
Danny, hold it! Wait for your mother!
I'll just go, uh, relax in the Scented Candle Co-op!
-(GRUNTS) -ALL: Gingerbread!
Huh?
Hey, he's got the last cookie! Get him!
-(CROWD SCREAMING) -(YELLS)
One seasonal latte, please!
One gingerbread latte, coming right up!
(SHUDDERS) Gingerbread?
(SPUTTERS)
(GASPS)
Wha...
No!
You... You're all sick!
(YELLS)
Ahhh!
What kind of monster drinks bread? Bleh!
(ALL CLAMORING)
(GROANS)
This is taking forever!
-(ALARM BLARING) -What's happening?
Is it a crazy sale?
Oh, they better not be marking down Action Figure Chair.
MAN: (ON PA) Warning! Mall over capacity!
Please stampede the nearest exit!
(ALL SCREAMING)
-(SCREAMS) -Ah! Ah! Ah!
Look out, everyone! Look out! I'm coming through!
(GRUNTS)
I lost out on Lettuce, man!
(ELVES CACKLING)
FUTURE-WORM: Cookie Goblin!
(SIGHS)
Doug!
(GRUNTING)
(SIGHS)
Megan, Danny, where are you?
Did they leave me here?
Oh! Maybe I died in the stampede.
But I better call, just in case I'm alive.
Ahhh! A ghost!
-(YELLS) -(CHUCKLES)
I'm sure their lost-shopper insurance will cover that...
Why didn't that goofus answer his cellphone?
I implanted a tracking chip in Dad for just such an occasion.
According to this GPS, uh, boom!
He's safe and sound in the security office lost and found!
Oh, thank goodness, he's safe.
Typical Doug.
Whole place to himself, and he goes to hang out with mall cops.
Uh, I'm not saying we should stop there,
but Toyasaurus Rex is on the way...
And Doug does love to rummage through the lost and found.
Do whatever you want.
I'm going to fix myself up a proper latte with peppermint.
-(GRUNTING) -MAN: Hey, dude.
(SHRIEKS)
What are you, some kind of spy or something?
Is that why you had a tracker embedded in your neck?
What? No!
(CHUCKLING) See, my son implanted this tracker in me and...
(SHRIEKS)
Did you take it out?
Duh. We put it in the lost and found.
And that's not all that's gonna wind up there,
unless you start to talk, spy.
(HESITATES) I'm no spy!
Listen, my family left me by mistake, I think.
But they'll be back soon.
Yeah, right. What kind of family forgets someone?
-(LAUGHS) -(CHUCKLES)
It's true. They wanted to shop,
but I just wanted a nice night at home by the fire,
so we could slow down from this holiday chaos and just...
(SOBS)
Just enjoy each other's company.
That's so sad.
But you're safe with us, lost one.
You can join us in our...
(WHISPERING) Secret mission.
Your what?
(BOTH GROANING)
Ouch. Could've told you, action figures don't need chairs, Mrs. D.
That's, like, action figure 101.
Okay, here's the deal.
We formed this group this morning.
Why?
Because we like belonging.
And we like acronyms.
"G.O.T.H.S."?
What is our mission?
To find out who's behind this.
Someone is trying to replace regular human families
with fake gingerbread ones.
-Uh... -We're fighting for families,
because ours never fought for us.
Or, I don't know, we could just chill here and listen to music.
Whatever. (GROANS)
(CHUCKLES NERVOUSLY) I certainly respect your, uh, mission,
but I have to go, my family is worried sick!
I assume.
About that.
As part of our operation,
we also gained access to the live mall security feed.
(INAUDIBLE)
Shopping?
How... How could they?
Join us, Doug.
Guardians of the Holidays needs purists like you.
But you have to prove yourself
by kicking them out of the mall.
(WHIMPERS)
What is it? (GRUNTS)
Are you bread, or are you cookie?
'Cause you sure ain't a man.
Come on, dude. Dad's waiting!
-DOUG: But I'm not waiting anymore. -(ALL GASPING)
-Dad? -You kiddin'?
That's right, it's, uh...
It is I.
Did you pierce your nose?
We sell clip-ons.
Also, hi, Megan.
Thanks for saving my planet.
P.S., I work at the mall now.
So, yeah. That happened.
Hi, Ennuisha! It's so nice to see you on Earth!
We'll have to...
No! Doug Douglas, what is going on?
It's true. I'm part of the G.O.T.H.S. now.
That's, um, Guardians of the Holiday...
...s.
All right. That's my cue. I'll be in the car.
Mrs. D, keys, please?
We're on a mission to protect families from a gingerbread conspiracy.
Oh, hey, I'm listening.
Sweetheart, did you get brainwashed into joining a secret society again?
Blink once for yes. Twice for no.
I didn't get brainwashed! You did!
You got so caught up in wanting stuff
that you forgot what the holidays are all about.
Family and putting other people before yourself!
We're sorry! We rushed over when...
Rushed? You stopped for a latte!
If I knew it was gonna take this long, I'd have gotten two.
Just go!
-(BOTH SIGHING) -(SCOFFS)
Bye, Megan!
Okay, text me.
Hey, snap out of it, dude.
They left, like, a million forevers ago.
And you should have left when you had the chance!
(SHRIEKS)
-ALL: Mrs. Claus? -Wait, who?
(CACKLING)
Mom?
Are we really gonna have holiday morning without Dad?
No.
No!
We let your father down. We're in the wrong here,
and we're gonna make this right!
Just in time. Need a re-up.
(YELPING)
Oh, my son's gonna have a gingerbread dad.
That's the point!
Everyone's going to have a gingerbread dad!
-And gingerbread moms! -(ELVES CACKLING)
And gingerbread children!
I'm going to tear down and rebuild every family in this town!
Why would you do that? I love Megan and Danny! They...
Abandoned you! They don't care about you.
No one cares about their families!
Everyone just wants stuff!
I'm going to give them something better.
Throw the switch!
(YELPING)
No!
-(GRUNTING) -Megan?
You came back for me!
Oh, honey, you're the only holiday present I need.
Gingerbread!
-(POWERS DOWN) -The jig's up, Santa!
"Santa"?
You think Santa could build an army of gingerbread elves? (LAUGHS)
(ELVES SHRIEKING)
Wha...
I made gingerbread the flavor of the season.
I made gingerbread the official sponsor
of the Shop-A-Lympic Mega-Sale.
I made people trust the brand...
Wait, are you the Bread Baron?
See, he's a nemesis of ours.
Ever see the Old Man Duck Head video?
Long story, anyway...
-Are you? -What? No!
-Phew. -I'm the Bread Baroness!
-(CACKLING) -Huh?
She's got gingerbread for a head. (LAUGHS)
Indeed!
My ex-husband Bread Baron failed because he thought too small!
He thought gingerbread wasn't a real bread and left me for a little French croissant.
But I don't need him.
Or anyone else! (CACKLES)
Whoa, 'cause your marriage collapsed,
you're, like, really lonely, huh?
I'm sorry, man, that's a bummer.
No, I'm just... You're wrong!
I'm doing the world a favor!
They'll be glad to have new, better families.
Families you can eat, if they upset you!
-(ELVES GROWLING) -(CACKLING)
No! There's no replacement for family!
And the holiday is about taking the time to show them you love them,
-flaws and all! -Huh?
Dad! We could never have a holiday without you!
(SIGHS) I love you guys so much.
Aw, I love you guys, too.
Let me in on some of that huggin'.
Now let's break some bread!
You, uh...
Suckers!
(ALL YELLING)
FUTURE-WORM: And so, empowered by their love for each other,
and all the living beings on Earth and the great beyond,
they pummeled the gol' darn daylights out of ol' BB's cookie army,
and, well, they saved the holidays for you and me.
Mmm, old holiday tradition,
always puts him right to sleep.
Happy holidays, y'all.
NARRATOR: Future-Worm!
(THEME MUSIC PLAYING)