-NARRATOR: One boy... -Yeah!
-NARRATOR: One worm. -You know it.
(GROANS)
(BEEPS)
NARRATOR: These are their adventures.
(ROARS)
(WHOOPING)
Sweet!
(BOTH LAUGHING)
-Whoo! -All right, yeah. Pretty fun. Future-Worm.
(BELL RINGING)
Future-Worm, I still can't believe a member
of Titanium White is our new music teacher.
They're the sickest band of all time.
Then why is he teaching a lame music class?
I'm not sure. But he left the band under mysterious circumstances.
Maybe he'll give us the untold story after he signs my merch.
(EXCLAIMS)
(HEAVY METAL PLAYING)
(MAN GROWLING)
Keep the lights goin', all right?
Hello, class!
And yeah, I'm Tawny Bleaker,
the Tawny Bleaker.
I'll let that sink in for a sec.
Wow!
Some of you may know that I basically founded one of the most...
Come on. You're not bringin' it!
(SWITCH CLICKING)
Like I said, I founded one of the most successful bands ever
before leaving under mysterious circumstances.
I've been told not to discuss that.
I've been told to teach you to play recorders.
(GASPS)
But recorders stink.
I hate them.
(WHIMPERS)
Instead you're gonna learn how Titanium White kicked me out of the band
for being too talented and way too good looking.
-You know it! -Ooh, brother!
The year was 1986.
Back then everybody had long hair.
Titanium White was rising to super stardom because of me.
Flynn did mention "Titanium White" as a name first,
but I recognized that it was a good name.
Obviously the only reason they kicked an actual genius out
was 'cause they were jealous.
And that's how all those dudes conspired to rob me of my destiny.
(STAMMERS) Bunch of jerks.
Mr. Bleaker, will you sign my merch?
Please, please, please...
Show's over, you pleebs.
No autographs. (SOBBING)
(SIGHS) I can't believe it. Doesn't he know I'm their biggest fan?
CHADD: (SCOFFS) I doubt it!
'Cause I'm a bigger fan than you.
Yeah, right, Chadd!
Since when do you care about Titanium White?
Yeah, Chadd, take a lap.
Um, since my dad ran out of mini-snowmobiles to get me
and I needed a new hobby. Check it out, please, if you would.
(EXCLAIMS)
That was me doing sound effects for your reaction.
Oh, wow! That's some nice merch, too, pal.
I know 'cause I have all of it.
That doesn't mean you're a bigger fan!
No, but this does.
Oh, you don't have a selfie with Flynn?
Or CC Sultana? Or Jayce T?
Or even, oh, oh, Blurch?
Oh... Ouch, you are not much of a fan after all, are you?
(CHUCKLES)
(IMITATING ELECTRIC GUITAR PLAYING)
-Blurch. -(GRUNTS)
Stupid Chadd!
Thinks he's a bigger fan just 'cause he gets selfies with the band!
-I'll show him! -Yup.
Showin' him you're above all that junk will drive him nuts.
Pssh, what? I got to figure out a way to one-up him.
Then I'll (IMITATES FALSETTO) him.
(SOBBING)
I wish I could go back in time and make them all quit the band.
Then I'd be the rich and famous one!
DANNY: I know! We go back in the time machine lunch box...
-Huh? -to when Bleaker was in the band
and get the rarest pic ever!
Time machine lunch box?
Wait! Wait!
Take me with you...
(SCREAMS)
(GROANS)
Hey, wait a second,
you're not Past Bleaker, you're Teacher Bleaker.
It worked? It worked!
-(LAUGHS) -(THUDDING)
Lord Bleaker. The populace is once again ready to rock out.
Huh, what?
I got a dumb feeling about this.
Hey, wait! Stop!
(GRUNTS)
What're you... Doing?
This doesn't seem right.
AUDIENCE: (CHANTING) Bleaker!
(METAL MUSIC PLAYING)
(AUDIENCE CONTINUES CHANTING)
Finally!
(AUDIENCE CHANTING AND CHEERING)
Dang! By hangin' onto the lunch box,
Bleaker must've yanked us into an alternate reality.
(HOCKS AND SPITS)
We're in a sick and twisted Bleakerverse!
Told you we gotta start booby-trapping the box.
But no! (IMITATES DANNY) "It's not right to hurt people
"with hand-guillotines, Fyootch."
Whoa! That sounds just like me.
-That's good. -(CHUCKLES) Thanks.
I've been working on that one.
BLEAKER: Yeah, I'm Bleaker!
Let's rock and roll!
(PLAYING GUITAR)
(AUDIENCE CHEERING)
Uh... Yeesh!
Bleaker's the worst bass player I've ever heard!
And he's kind of a jerk, too, huh?
You think this bass-playin' is bad,
steer clear of Doug's band during his mid-life crisis.
(SHUDDERS) And his fedora.
Luckily he ditches it pretty quick 'cause he's allergic to the feather.
(LAUGHS) Now let's bounce.
These alt-reality pocket dimensions are all paradox-y and unstable.
Fabric's tearing right in front of us. See?
Wait a second...
(GASPS) An alternate dimension selfie with the band?
You win, sir. You win.
You'll always win.
(GRUNTS)
Uh, what're you doing?
Okay, Fyootch, come on.
We gotta get the band back together
so I can get a selfie with everyone, to outdo Chadd.
You seriously care if that bratty turdlet says he's a bigger fan than you?
Check that ego, kid.
Ego-schmeego!
Hop on and let's find that band!
Well, this place is tearing apart real quick, kid. We don't got much time.
Here we are, Fyootch!
-Look familiar? -Uh...
Hmm. Is this that town
we shot into space and lost by mistake?
Nope. Oh, yeah, we should try and find that soon, though!
The T-Dub dudes, they grew up here!
Yeah! And their worst fear was being stuck here forever!
So this is where Bleaker must've stashed them.
(GASPS) It's worse than I thought.
Bleaker songs 24/7?
(GROANS) Can you imagine a worse place to work?
I don't imagine nothin' about workin'.
Not when I got these babies workin' for me.
Overtime! Billed by the hour!
$10.99. Independent contractors.
You know, you get it.
(KIDS LAUGHING)
DANNY: No! This is what Titanium White's stuck here doing?
We need to snap them out of it
and get them back to their normal selves ASAP!
Yo, D, we doing this 'cause you wanna help 'em,
or is this about topping Chadd?
Uh, little of both. Come on. This'll take two seconds, man.
-(BAND PLAYING MUSIC) -(KIDS LAUGHING)
Thank you!
You may now approach the feeding troughs.
(KIDS EXCLAIMING)
Flynn, my man!
You and the others gotta come with me!
Oh, no, did we violate the Bleaker Protocols again?
-Please don't... -What?
No. I'm your guys' biggest fan!
Way bigger than Chadd Gold!
-Who? -You're a fan of food shovelers?
No, I'm a fan of your true selves.
As Titanium White, the greatest rockin' hair band ever.
(METAL MUSIC PLAYING)
See?
I'm changing!
Oh, yeah, me too.
Uh-oh, they're reinventing themselves.
Everybody down!
(GRUNTING)
-(GASPS) -Whoo!
I remember now, we rock!
-(PLAYING GUITAR RIFF) -(ALL VOCALIZE)
Awesome!
Uh, yeah, guys, and Lord Bleaker
requires your presence to rock out with him!
All right. Let's go!
Let's do it!
-(OFF-KEY BASS PLAYING) -(ALL GROAN)
Lord Bleaker. You rock mightily, but the populace requires sleep.
You saying they're bored?
You think you're better than me?
I command you to self-destruct!
All of you!
-(EXCLAIMS) -(PLAYING BASS GUITAR)
(ALL GROAN)
-(METAL MUSIC PLAYING) -(GASPS)
Whaa!
Titanium White?
Yep. We're getting the band back together.
You know what that means, selfie time with Danny.
Let's go, come on!
No! (LAUGHS)
I'm the rich and famous one.
(EXCLAIMS)
-(PLAYING MUSIC) -Whoa!
Now this is some rare merch!
Way better than a selfie. Come on, let's go.
Yeah, about time.
(GRUNTS)
-Why can't we leave? -Dang!
Because Bleaker helped create this reality, we can't leave without him!
(ALARM BLARING)
(BLEAKER LAUGHING)
-(PEOPLE SCREAMING) -Oh, no!
(SCREAMS)
Worship me or be destroyed, peons!
We really are gonna bite it, man!
And it's all because I wanted to prove I was better than Chadd Gold.
Egos, man. Always steering you straight into disintegration.
(BLEAKER LAUGHS)
Oh, wait! If my ego can sink us, maybe Bleaker's ego can sink him!
(LAUGHING)
Dear me, Fyootch!
Oh, no, the perfect Bleakerverse is collapsing.
Shall we travel to an even more perfect world?
One where Bleaker gets the full butt-kissing he deserves?
(MICROPHONE SQUEALS)
Oh, my turn? Yes, uh, Daniel. We must definitely...
Do that thing you said,
-or whatever. Line? -Wait!
-He bought it! -Of course he did.
BLEAKER: Wait!
You can't have a perfect world without me!
(GRUNTS)
(ALL LAUGH)
(GASPS) What! No!
Back in the classroom. Everything taken from me!
Again!
I may not be a rock god anymore, but I'm still a teacher!
And I still hate Titanium White.
(GASPS AND STAMMERS) That's my merch.
My merch. (WHISPERS) My merch.
Well, there's one class you won't be getting an A in.
-At least you got to meet the band. -Eh, it was cool.
Tough break, Chadd. Here, you should have this.
-(METAL MUSIC PLAYING) -(GASPS) What is it?
Alternate reality versions of Titanium White
that got stuck in this weird snow globe thingy.
Enjoy!
(STUTTERS) This is the rarest merch ever!
No true biggest fan would give it up!
Which makes me the biggest fan.
(IMITATES PLAYING GUITAR)
Merch!
Cool by me, Chadd.
Hiya, boys! How was your day?
Mine was pretty cool.
BOTH: Fedora!
(SNEEZES)
NARRATOR: Future-Worm!
(BELL RINGING)
And Maude, your report will be on the Children's Revolt of 1720.
(CHEERING) Yes!
A report on the most spectacular magician escapes in history?
I'm so excited I can't feel my face!
(ALL CLAMORING)
BOY: These topics really cater to our interests.
Did I miss anyone?
Ooh! Me, Mrs. Frumpenbatch!
Oh! Right.
The topic for your report is, uh...
Lobsters.
What? Why's mine all boring when everybody else's is sick?
My, my, the grass is always greener, isn't it, Mr. Douglas?
(GROANS)
DANNY: It's inhumane, man!
Taking notes. Citing sources.
Highlighting!
(GRUNTING)
Fyootch! You gotta help me find a way to do this that won't crush my soul!
(EXCLAIMS) You gotta get out of the books and into the action, son!
Let's see here. (MUMBLING) Lobster Kingdom.
500,000 years ago.
Only lasted a little before it went bazoom.
My man!
-Later, suckas! -Come on, let's go.
Whoa!
-(BELL RINGING) -(LOBSTERS LAUGHING)
Uh, excuse me, do you have a sec?
(SIGHS, MUTTERS) They can't expect me to do this!
Dude, your teachers make you do tedious junk, too?
You should skip it and come to the future with us.
Thanks, but I better get cracking on this stupid project.
Aw, man!
Psst.
You want the lowdown on lobsters?
All you need is right here...
In these Lobster History textbooks!
-What? -That's right, I'm a teacher!
I'm a teacher and now you gotta hit the books.
Beat it, you sea cockroach.
(EXCLAIMS)
Thanks, Fyootch.
Is there any way to escape this boring crud?
'Member what I said about "bazoom"?
(ALL CLAMORING)
All right! Who wants to punch a future-ticket now?
(SCREAMING)
Stay! Meet your destiny with dignity!
Doing so assures us a higher place in future lives!
I see...
buckets of liquid gold
that others shall anoint us with.
In tribute, I assume!
(ALL CHEERING)
Uh-huh! Yeah, okay. Yeah, I'll go with you.
You all probably think lobsters are just disgusting sea beetles
rich people smash open and suck on.
Heck, I did, too!
Until I dug in, did the research and discovered...
Lobster Boy!
(CLAPPING FAINTLY)
And he'll tell you the rest.
So, there ya go. That's what us lobsters are all about.
Bravo, Lobster Boy!
Enthralling!
I'm sorry most of the children's questions were about
how your people use the bathroom.
KID: We have a right to know!
(RINGING)
DANNY: So rad!
Thanks to you, Lobster Boy,
I rocked that report and I didn't even have to crack a book open!
Sweet! What's next for us, guys?
Now, it's on to our next adventure!
So, back in the lunchbox for you.
What? You can't just take me back!
The comet! It was gonna destroy everything!
I hear you, but, y'know, one-worm, one-boy team here and all,
so hows about we take ya to the future?
They got good food, you know.
This is the future to me!
And I think I've come to love it!
You've only seen this room.
There's more?
(WHISTLE BLOWING)
(SCREAMS) What is that?
That? That's football.
(WHISTLE BLOWING)
I have to do it! I have to!
Please, Danny, teach me to football!
Me? I don't know, LB.
Football's not really my thing.
I can maybe teach you how to build a time machine or something?
(EXCLAIMS) Can't ya see, man?
Football's all I've got now!
My home, my family, they're all gone!
(SOBS) All gone!
Keep him talkin', I'll start nudgin' him towards the box.
No way, man!
(SIGHS) Oh, boy! I took him out of his world.
I'm responsible! And I kinda owe him for the easy A!
(SOBBING) Someday, someday it'll be you out there, LB.
Wearing number one.
Number one to symbolize my one and only wish I've ever wished,
to play football.
Come on, LB, we're gonna help you get your football on!
You're tellin' me that a lobster boy wants to play on my team?
More than anything I've ever wanted in my entire life in your world.
Yeah, he's pretty pumped on it.
You think I'm gonna take on a rookie lobster
that doesn't know a pooch kick from his cephalothorax?
Yes?
Ha! You gotta be kidding me, kid!
So take that Lobster Kid of yours and kid your way outta my coaching space!
Clear off!
(SIGHS)
I'm gonna do what I should have done in the first place.
Ah, finally...
I'm going to study.
Better sit this one out.
I'll learn everything about football, and then I'll teach you!
Oh, really?
(SPITS) Let's do this!
('80s MONTAGE MUSIC PLAYING)
(SINGING) Do, do, do, doo
Do, do, do, football
Learn to football
Let's learn to football!
Let's practice football 'til the dawn's early light!
You're gonna use your claws You're gonna know the plays
You're gonna keep your spiral tight!
Do, do, do, doo
Do, do, do, football
Do, do, do, doo
Learn to football
'Til the end of the night!
Yeah!
(GASPS) My lungs! I'm dyin', Fyootch.
(MUMBLES)
-(WHISTLE BLOWS) -COACH: Danny Douglas!
What're you doing on my field, son?
Taking a catnap? Clear off!
We got practice in five! Not you!
Been watching you.
Gotta heckuva throw,
and you're right quick on them lil' pereiopods.
(BLOWS WHISTLE) Looks like we've got our new star quarterback.
-Sweet! -Yeah, Lobster Boy! Yeah!
-(ALL CHEERING) -Best quarterback ever!
Wait, I'm a football star and I'm popular? (LAUGHS)
-We did it! -Great!
I'll never forget you, Davey, and you either, Future-Snake!
Ugh! Smells like lobster sweat!
We bust our butts all week,
and he thanks us with a sweaty towel to the face?
Coulda at least let me suck the meat outta one of his claws or something.
(SIGHS) I'm wiped, man.
That was way harder than reading those lobster books would've been.
But at least I've got this lil' guy to handle my math homework!
Oh, hey there!
I'm from a planet where we simply love pointless homework!
It was gonna blow up so Danny brought me over here!
Now shut this dang thing so I can get back to my work! Whoo-hoo!
(CHUCKLES) Look at him.
NARRATOR: Future-Worm!
NARRATOR: The story of a Lobster Boy,
who dared to dream...
LOBSTER BOY: Ever since I was a little lobster boy,
all I wanted was to play football.
Lobster Boy?
Son, you's hardly more than a crawfish boy.
What makes you think you can play on my team?
Just give me a chance, Coach!
Son, you just don't have the heart for this game.
I do have heart, and a combination liver-pancreas!
That's what the green stuff inside the shell is!
(SCREAMS) That's what the green stuff is!
(DRAMATIC MUSIC PLAYING)
Red 42! Red 42! Hut!
(ALL CHEERING)
(WHISTLES) Wow! Who is that?
That's Lobster Boy, and he's my new starting quarterback!
NARRATOR: But life rolls in faster than the tide.
I'm yours, now, and you're mine.
Lobsters don't belong in football!
Either that freak goes, or we're all pulling our kids off the team!
Son, I ain't got no choice. You're off the team.
(THUNDER RUMBLES)
Cowards!
(SNIFFS) You never told me you were a lobster, Lobster Boy!
Hope! Hope! I can't lose you!
(SOBBING)
NARRATOR: But on the path to glory,
sometimes the best protection
is a tough shell.
COMMENTATOR: What's this?
They say they won't play without the Lobster Boy!
(CHANTING) Lobster Boy! Lobster Boy!
You must be the guy who asked about the job inside our lobster tank, eh?
-Yeah. -Okay, yeah. Get in.
PLAYERS: (CHANTING) Lobster Boy!
Lobster Boy! Lobster Boy!
NARRATOR: Lobster Boy.
(CHANTING CONTINUES)
Huh? Hope!
You came back!
I was here all along, Lobster Boy.
But I need to tell you something.
-Huh? -My full name is Hopelius-V.
I've actually been sent here by the Solar System Senate.
Only you can save outer space from an inter-dimensional menace.
(BEEPS)
-Are you in? -(CHUCKLES) Oh, yeah.
(SCREAMS)
(LAUGHS)
NARRATOR: Lobster Boy: Battle for the Solar System.
Based on a true story.
Sneak preview tonight. In theaters everywhere Friday.
What? They're making a movie about Lobster Boy?
-Whatever! -They're not making a movie
about this lobster boy!
Pass the butter!
(SINGING) Do, do, do, doo
Do, do, do, football
Do, do, do, doo
Learn to football
Do, do, do, doo
Do, do, do, football
Do, do, do, doo
Learn to football