1
00:00:04,400 --> 00:00:06,027
-NARRATOR: One boy...
-Yeah!

2
00:00:07,570 --> 00:00:08,571
NARRATOR: One worm.

3
00:00:08,655 --> 00:00:09,906
You know it.

4
00:00:09,989 --> 00:00:11,783
(GROANS)

5
00:00:11,866 --> 00:00:12,867
(BEEPS)

6
00:00:12,951 --> 00:00:15,328
NARRATOR: These are their adventures.

7
00:00:17,163 --> 00:00:18,623
(ROARS)

8
00:00:18,706 --> 00:00:20,041
(WHOOPING)

9
00:00:22,794 --> 00:00:23,795
Sweet!

10
00:00:26,506 --> 00:00:28,800
(BOTH LAUGHING)

11
00:00:30,635 --> 00:00:33,721
-Whoo!
-All right, yeah. Pretty fun. Future-Worm.

12
00:00:36,891 --> 00:00:39,978
Steak, that civilian transport
is flagging us for help.

13
00:00:40,061 --> 00:00:42,605
Mira Faye! Get 'em
on the comm-link, ASAP-stat.

14
00:00:43,857 --> 00:00:44,858
(ALARM BEEPING)

15
00:00:44,941 --> 00:00:46,860
-WOMAN: Take us aboard.
-MAN: We are in distress.

16
00:00:46,943 --> 00:00:48,111
-WOMAN: Mayday!
-(BOTH GASP)

17
00:00:48,194 --> 00:00:50,113
-Captain!
-MAN: Please! Save us! Help us!

18
00:00:50,196 --> 00:00:52,824
Mayday! Mayday!
Please, come! Rescue us!

19
00:00:52,907 --> 00:00:54,993
I got some help. Coming right up.

20
00:00:55,076 --> 00:00:57,245
-Models... Ramming speed!
-(ALL GASP)

21
00:00:57,328 --> 00:01:00,957
Uh, Steak? Are you sure
that's a good idea?

22
00:01:01,040 --> 00:01:02,959
You kiddin'?
It's the best idea I've ever had.

23
00:01:04,878 --> 00:01:06,296
(WOMAN SCREAMING)

24
00:01:06,379 --> 00:01:08,464
-No!
-What just happened?

25
00:01:08,548 --> 00:01:10,425
That ship was full of civilians!

26
00:01:10,508 --> 00:01:13,177
Was it? Or was it full of

27
00:01:13,261 --> 00:01:15,138
parasitic Emumorphs.

28
00:01:15,221 --> 00:01:16,222
(ALL GASP)

29
00:01:16,306 --> 00:01:18,141
That's right, ladies. It was a trap.

30
00:01:18,224 --> 00:01:20,685
Lucky for you,
ol' Steak saw through it.

31
00:01:20,768 --> 00:01:23,771
Once they got aboard our ship,
the Emumorphs would have infected us all.

32
00:01:23,855 --> 00:01:25,356
Then we'd be...

33
00:01:26,441 --> 00:01:27,609
dead meat!

34
00:01:27,901 --> 00:01:29,944
(NARRATOR READING ON TV)

35
00:01:31,821 --> 00:01:34,699
NARRATOR: If you love science,
fantasy and Steak Starbolt,

36
00:01:34,782 --> 00:01:37,243
then come to Sci-Fi-Fanti-Con!

37
00:01:37,327 --> 00:01:39,704
You wanna get
Steak Starbolt's autograph? Too bad!

38
00:01:39,787 --> 00:01:41,998
You'll have to settle
for Randy Mulewinder.

39
00:01:42,081 --> 00:01:46,211
Prepare to suffer
my Emumorphic rage. (LAUGHS WICKEDLY)

40
00:01:46,294 --> 00:01:49,380
NARRATOR: Get his autograph today
and today only at the Tord Bottom Mall.

41
00:01:49,464 --> 00:01:50,882
What's that? You're too sick to go?

42
00:01:50,965 --> 00:01:53,593
Too bad, guess you're hosed!

43
00:01:53,676 --> 00:01:56,763
Oh, man! You gotta be
(SNEEZES) kidding me!

44
00:01:56,846 --> 00:01:59,849
Randy Mulewinder's
the third-to-last auto... (SNEEZES)

45
00:01:59,933 --> 00:02:01,768
Autograph I need to complete my...

46
00:02:01,851 --> 00:02:03,436
(SNEEZES) To complete...

47
00:02:03,519 --> 00:02:06,105
(SNEEZING)

48
00:02:06,189 --> 00:02:07,732
Danny! Snap out of it, man!

49
00:02:07,815 --> 00:02:09,651
Oh! Whoa, thanks, Fyootch!

50
00:02:09,734 --> 00:02:11,319
Sneezes got a hold of me bad.

51
00:02:11,402 --> 00:02:12,612
But did you hear that ad?

52
00:02:12,695 --> 00:02:14,322
I'm hosed because
I'm too sick to...

53
00:02:14,405 --> 00:02:16,407
-(SLAPS)
-(SNEEZES) Thanks!

54
00:02:16,491 --> 00:02:18,576
Ah! Kills me to see you like this, Danny.

55
00:02:18,660 --> 00:02:21,913
You've got the sickness
and that autograph is the cure.

56
00:02:21,996 --> 00:02:23,581
We're getting you to that convention.

57
00:02:23,665 --> 00:02:25,041
I'll carry you if I have to!

58
00:02:25,124 --> 00:02:27,627
(COUGHS) Aw, thanks, Fyootch,
but you should...

59
00:02:27,710 --> 00:02:30,421
(COUGHS) You should just
go ahead without me.

60
00:02:30,505 --> 00:02:31,839
I don't wanna get anyone else sick.

61
00:02:31,923 --> 00:02:32,966
And that goes for you too.

62
00:02:33,049 --> 00:02:34,801
Dad says it's highly-contagious.

63
00:02:34,884 --> 00:02:38,221
No way! I'm not afraid of some
bottom-feeding viral scum!

64
00:02:38,304 --> 00:02:41,099
You hear me? Come get some!

65
00:02:41,182 --> 00:02:43,309
Yeah! Tell 'em how it is, Fyootch!

66
00:02:44,644 --> 00:02:46,646
(SIGHS) You can do this, Doug.

67
00:02:49,148 --> 00:02:50,733
(EXHALES DEEPLY)

68
00:02:51,901 --> 00:02:55,238
DOUG'S CONSCIENCE: Ah-ah-ah,
what do you think you're doing, Doug?

69
00:02:55,321 --> 00:02:56,990
-Huh?
-Oh, Douglas,

70
00:02:57,073 --> 00:02:58,825
do I really have to remind you about

71
00:02:59,742 --> 00:03:01,286
the germs?

72
00:03:01,369 --> 00:03:03,913
Those highly-contagious,
infectious, parasitic,

73
00:03:03,997 --> 00:03:06,165
poisonous, spreadable
and catchable germs!

74
00:03:06,249 --> 00:03:07,792
(GERMS LAUGHING)

75
00:03:08,459 --> 00:03:10,336
We're coming for you.

76
00:03:10,420 --> 00:03:13,131
ALL: Dougie, we're coming for you.

77
00:03:13,214 --> 00:03:15,842
Dougie, Dougie, Dougie...

78
00:03:15,925 --> 00:03:18,928
(SINGING) Dougie, Dougie, Dougie

79
00:03:19,012 --> 00:03:20,471
(EXCLAIMS)

80
00:03:20,555 --> 00:03:21,973
(BREATHES DEEPLY)

81
00:03:24,183 --> 00:03:25,184
Okay.

82
00:03:25,268 --> 00:03:27,979
Little bit closer here.
Little bit closer...

83
00:03:28,062 --> 00:03:29,772
Just knock on the door here.

84
00:03:30,190 --> 00:03:31,858
(INHALES DEEPLY)

85
00:03:31,941 --> 00:03:33,484
CONSCIENCE: You touched the door?

86
00:03:33,568 --> 00:03:35,236
Oh, no! Danny?
(CHUCKLES NERVOUSLY)

87
00:03:35,320 --> 00:03:36,696
How's the cold?

88
00:03:36,779 --> 00:03:38,156
It's...

89
00:03:38,239 --> 00:03:40,325
(COUGHING)

90
00:03:40,408 --> 00:03:42,869
Fulfilling its biological imperative.

91
00:03:42,952 --> 00:03:44,120
Well, not for long!

92
00:03:44,204 --> 00:03:47,081
The three keys to defeating
a cold have arrived.

93
00:03:47,165 --> 00:03:51,002
Water, rest...
That's the, uh, pillow here. (CHUCKLES)

94
00:03:51,085 --> 00:03:53,296
And your dad's own
home remedy hot tea.

95
00:03:53,379 --> 00:03:56,132
Guaran-"tea'd" to burn
that filthy, disgusting,

96
00:03:56,216 --> 00:03:58,259
highly-contagious virus to death.

97
00:03:58,343 --> 00:04:00,136
Wow, that sounds... (COUGHS)

98
00:04:00,220 --> 00:04:01,679
Great. Thanks, Dad!

99
00:04:01,763 --> 00:04:03,765
(COUGHING)

100
00:04:03,848 --> 00:04:06,184
CONSCIENCE: (WHISTLES)
Wow, a cough like that?

101
00:04:06,267 --> 00:04:09,479
Bet it could blast a microscopic virus
right through a wooden door

102
00:04:09,562 --> 00:04:11,856
and into your vulnerable lungs
where it'll slowly...

103
00:04:11,940 --> 00:04:15,151
But you know!
The first step is, uh, prevention!

104
00:04:15,235 --> 00:04:19,155
(SHUDDERING) Which is why
I'm gonna go sanitize everything.

105
00:04:19,239 --> 00:04:21,824
Uh, honey, have you seen
my surgical scrubs?

106
00:04:23,910 --> 00:04:28,081
Water? Tea? Rest?
Those are great cures...

107
00:04:28,164 --> 00:04:30,416
(SPITS) for babies!

108
00:04:30,500 --> 00:04:32,502
If the cold doesn't kill you,
the boredom will.

109
00:04:32,585 --> 00:04:35,922
Yeah, you're right.
But maybe we can cure it ourselves

110
00:04:36,005 --> 00:04:37,465
with science!

111
00:04:38,508 --> 00:04:40,718
-(CRASHES)
-All right, Fyootch, cures are ready.

112
00:04:40,802 --> 00:04:43,388
Experimental-trial montage, go!

113
00:04:47,016 --> 00:04:48,017
Nope.

114
00:04:50,478 --> 00:04:51,521
Nope-ay.

115
00:04:53,106 --> 00:04:54,399
Uh-uh! Nope.

116
00:04:54,482 --> 00:04:55,859
(HEN CLUCKS)

117
00:04:55,942 --> 00:04:56,943
Double nope.

118
00:04:58,611 --> 00:04:59,737
Nope squared.

119
00:05:01,030 --> 00:05:02,615
(SNEEZES)

120
00:05:02,699 --> 00:05:05,451
(AUTO-TUNED VOICE)
This throbbing clown hair is sweet.

121
00:05:05,535 --> 00:05:09,831
Whoa! My voice is weird.

122
00:05:11,624 --> 00:05:13,001
Still nope.

123
00:05:13,084 --> 00:05:16,796
Okay, I'm sanitized,
suited up and going in.

124
00:05:16,880 --> 00:05:18,715
CONSCIENCE: Well, looky here!

125
00:05:18,798 --> 00:05:21,342
Got ourselves a real cowboy, huh?

126
00:05:21,426 --> 00:05:23,595
What do you think
you are now, Dougie?

127
00:05:23,678 --> 00:05:25,054
Germ-proof?

128
00:05:25,138 --> 00:05:27,849
You think infectious germs
aren't going to pollute your insides

129
00:05:27,932 --> 00:05:29,475
just because you're dressed like...

130
00:05:29,559 --> 00:05:32,186
What, a nurse? (LAUGHING)

131
00:05:33,646 --> 00:05:34,856
Oh, Dougie.

132
00:05:35,440 --> 00:05:39,152
You... You, uh, okay in there, Danny?
Need anything?

133
00:05:39,235 --> 00:05:40,945
No, all good, Dad!

134
00:05:41,029 --> 00:05:42,363
(SIGHS)

135
00:05:42,447 --> 00:05:44,407
Does this make me a bad parent?

136
00:05:44,490 --> 00:05:46,784
CONSCIENCE: No.
No, of course not, Doug.

137
00:05:47,952 --> 00:05:50,705
It makes you a coward.

138
00:05:50,788 --> 00:05:51,915
(SHUDDERS)

139
00:05:51,998 --> 00:05:54,626
I can't take this
anymore, Danny. (SHOUTS)

140
00:05:54,709 --> 00:05:57,670
Let me at that wussy virus! (SHOUTS)

141
00:05:57,754 --> 00:05:59,797
Dude, that's it!
I'll shrink you down

142
00:05:59,881 --> 00:06:01,925
and you can fight
the virus from inside my body!

143
00:06:02,008 --> 00:06:03,134
Awesome plan!

144
00:06:03,218 --> 00:06:05,470
But what about you?
You'll miss out on all the fun.

145
00:06:05,553 --> 00:06:09,849
I say we grow it huge
so we can both crack its capsid in two!

146
00:06:09,933 --> 00:06:10,934
Good call!

147
00:06:15,104 --> 00:06:17,524
(SCREECHING)

148
00:06:17,607 --> 00:06:20,318
Whoa! I don't wanna alarm you,
but that virus is, like,

149
00:06:20,401 --> 00:06:22,195
way up in your brain, man.

150
00:06:22,278 --> 00:06:23,863
(GASPS) Really? What's it doing?

151
00:06:23,947 --> 00:06:25,823
I don't know,
reading your brain diary?

152
00:06:27,116 --> 00:06:31,037
Hurry up and get it out so I can
grind it into sand on my titanium abs.

153
00:06:31,120 --> 00:06:32,830
All right, Fyootch. Let's do it!

154
00:06:34,791 --> 00:06:36,334
Suck stuff! Grow stuff!

155
00:06:37,210 --> 00:06:40,088
(SNEEZING)

156
00:06:40,171 --> 00:06:41,923
(SCREECHING)

157
00:06:42,006 --> 00:06:43,633
Holy cow!

158
00:06:43,716 --> 00:06:45,843
(SCREECHING)

159
00:06:45,927 --> 00:06:47,637
Yeah. It's pretty big, I guess.

160
00:06:47,720 --> 00:06:50,056
You've stood in the way
of that autograph for too long!

161
00:06:50,139 --> 00:06:52,100
It's time to dance, Clementine.

162
00:06:52,183 --> 00:06:53,226
(BOTH GRUNTING)

163
00:06:53,309 --> 00:06:54,686
All right, that thing can hit.

164
00:06:54,769 --> 00:06:56,980
(SCREECHING)

165
00:06:58,106 --> 00:06:59,607
-This calls for...
-(BEEPS)

166
00:06:59,691 --> 00:07:02,777
-Robo-Carp.
-Robo-Carp, catch that cold!

167
00:07:02,861 --> 00:07:04,612
Activate cure for the common cold!

168
00:07:04,696 --> 00:07:06,865
Revolutionizing modern medicine.

169
00:07:06,948 --> 00:07:08,700
Infected! Infected!

170
00:07:09,659 --> 00:07:10,660
-Oh, weak!
-Weak!

171
00:07:10,743 --> 00:07:12,161
Danny? Danny, are you okay?

172
00:07:12,245 --> 00:07:14,831
CONSCIENCE: You're too late, Dougie.
He's just a germ now.

173
00:07:14,914 --> 00:07:18,293
Your son is 100% pure infectious germ.

174
00:07:18,376 --> 00:07:19,502
(SHUDDERS) No...

175
00:07:20,169 --> 00:07:21,212
No!

176
00:07:21,296 --> 00:07:23,089
Re-shrink! Re-shrink!

177
00:07:24,924 --> 00:07:28,052
Hey! Danny spent a lot
of time on that, you virus!

178
00:07:28,136 --> 00:07:30,096
-Fyootch!
-(SCREECHING)

179
00:07:31,180 --> 00:07:32,432
Future-Worm, help!

180
00:07:32,515 --> 00:07:34,058
Danny! No!

181
00:07:34,475 --> 00:07:36,477
(SHRIEKING)

182
00:07:36,561 --> 00:07:39,314
That's it. I'm going in!
It's just a cold.

183
00:07:39,397 --> 00:07:40,982
(CHUCKLES) Not a giant monster.

184
00:07:41,065 --> 00:07:42,567
(SCREECHING)

185
00:07:43,359 --> 00:07:45,028
(SCREAMING)

186
00:07:45,111 --> 00:07:47,322
Get it off, get it off me!
Get it off me!

187
00:07:47,405 --> 00:07:49,032
Back off my dad!

188
00:07:49,532 --> 00:07:51,159
-(ROARING)
-Whoa!

189
00:07:52,911 --> 00:07:54,913
-(SNARLING)
-(HORNS HONKING)

190
00:07:54,996 --> 00:07:56,915
(CAR ALARM BLARING)

191
00:07:56,998 --> 00:07:58,416
Well, all right, there it goes.

192
00:07:58,499 --> 00:08:00,126
All's well that ends well, right?

193
00:08:00,210 --> 00:08:03,421
No, Fyootch, we can't just let that thing
run around attacking people.

194
00:08:03,504 --> 00:08:05,840
-DOUG: Boys? Boys? Help me.
-Dad!

195
00:08:05,924 --> 00:08:07,592
-(SHUDDERING)
-Hang in there, Dad.

196
00:08:07,675 --> 00:08:10,011
Just keep sanitizing
till we beat that runaway cold.

197
00:08:10,094 --> 00:08:11,221
Watch the eyes, watch the eyes.

198
00:08:11,304 --> 00:08:12,388
But how?

199
00:08:12,472 --> 00:08:15,600
I don't know.
You're the science guy. I just hit stuff.

200
00:08:16,726 --> 00:08:17,894
And spit.

201
00:08:17,977 --> 00:08:20,313
If a virus's goal is to spread itself,

202
00:08:20,396 --> 00:08:22,732
it's gonna go where there's
the most people to infect.

203
00:08:22,815 --> 00:08:25,151
Which means... Oh, no!

204
00:08:32,867 --> 00:08:34,035
-(CAMERA CLICKS)
-Hey, hey!

205
00:08:34,118 --> 00:08:36,204
Photos are 20 bucks, kid.
You're a thief.

206
00:08:37,163 --> 00:08:38,206
(ROARING)

207
00:08:38,289 --> 00:08:39,749
(ALL SCREAMING)

208
00:08:39,832 --> 00:08:43,002
Oh, great!
Another obsessive cosplayer.

209
00:08:43,086 --> 00:08:46,839
It's not even close to
what an Emumorph looks like. Hello!

210
00:08:46,923 --> 00:08:48,758
-(ROARS)
-(ALL SCREAMING)

211
00:08:48,841 --> 00:08:50,385
Fyootch, look!

212
00:08:50,843 --> 00:08:52,929
I've been looking for
one of these for months!

213
00:08:53,012 --> 00:08:54,430
Wow, thought I'd never...

214
00:08:54,514 --> 00:08:57,517
No! We can't let the sweet
siren song of Steak Starbolt swag

215
00:08:57,600 --> 00:08:59,352
sway us from our mission, Fyootch.

216
00:08:59,435 --> 00:09:01,187
Good call. Pretty sure
it's just a porterhouse

217
00:09:01,271 --> 00:09:02,814
somebody covered in lacquer, anyway.

218
00:09:02,897 --> 00:09:04,065
-(VIRUS SCREECHING)
-Oh, no!

219
00:09:04,148 --> 00:09:06,025
He's infecting that
Fats Jellybottom cosplayer!

220
00:09:06,109 --> 00:09:08,695
Dude! Your costume is tight!

221
00:09:08,778 --> 00:09:10,488
Let me get a photo. (SCREAMS)

222
00:09:10,572 --> 00:09:14,033
What? No one hurts
Fats Jellybottom!

223
00:09:14,117 --> 00:09:15,243
(PANTING)

224
00:09:15,326 --> 00:09:16,828
(SHOUTS)

225
00:09:16,911 --> 00:09:18,121
(GROANING)

226
00:09:19,330 --> 00:09:22,375
Hey! Can't you just, like,
not infect people?

227
00:09:22,458 --> 00:09:24,878
You could write crime novels
or open a bed and breakfast.

228
00:09:24,961 --> 00:09:27,005
Or... (SCREAMING)

229
00:09:27,088 --> 00:09:29,757
Danny? Danny,
I brought tea in case... (GASPS)

230
00:09:31,384 --> 00:09:32,594
Danny! No!

231
00:09:32,677 --> 00:09:34,095
(GRUNTING) Dad!

232
00:09:34,178 --> 00:09:35,889
(GRUNTING)

233
00:09:36,723 --> 00:09:39,517
CONSCIENCE: Uh, Dougie boy,
I wouldn't do that if I were you.

234
00:09:39,601 --> 00:09:42,562
(GERMS SINGING) Dougie, Dougie, Dougie

235
00:09:42,645 --> 00:09:45,106
Oh, yeah?
Well, you are me, mister.

236
00:09:45,190 --> 00:09:47,025
And I don't care if "me" gets sick.

237
00:09:47,108 --> 00:09:48,651
I'm saving my son.

238
00:09:49,777 --> 00:09:51,446
(GRUNTING)

239
00:09:51,529 --> 00:09:52,530
No!

240
00:09:53,239 --> 00:09:56,659
Hey, you! Why don't you
make like a tea and leave?

241
00:09:56,743 --> 00:09:58,203
(SCREAMING)

242
00:09:58,786 --> 00:09:59,787
(SHOUTS)

243
00:10:00,246 --> 00:10:01,372
(SHRIEKING)

244
00:10:01,456 --> 00:10:02,665
Whoa!

245
00:10:03,374 --> 00:10:05,543
Whoa! Dad! That ruled!

246
00:10:06,544 --> 00:10:08,087
Whoa! You all right?

247
00:10:08,171 --> 00:10:10,548
That's it! We need
to use Dad's cures to beat it!

248
00:10:10,632 --> 00:10:12,926
(SHRIEKING)

249
00:10:13,718 --> 00:10:16,429
Leave my pillows...
I mean, my heart and innards alone!

250
00:10:16,512 --> 00:10:18,848
Oh, yeah. Hitting stuff.
Now we're talking.

251
00:10:18,932 --> 00:10:20,475
-(SHRIEKING)
-Plenty of rest!

252
00:10:20,558 --> 00:10:22,477
Eat Jellybottom fat, virus.

253
00:10:22,560 --> 00:10:24,187
(SHRIEKING)

254
00:10:24,270 --> 00:10:26,898
Prepare to get hosed, sucker.

255
00:10:26,981 --> 00:10:28,024
(YELPS)

256
00:10:31,861 --> 00:10:33,404
-We did it!
-Yeah, we did it!

257
00:10:33,488 --> 00:10:35,657
-We sure did, son.
-We did. Like always.

258
00:10:35,740 --> 00:10:38,493
(GRUNTS) Stupid spotlight-stealing...

259
00:10:38,576 --> 00:10:40,203
(GROANS)

260
00:10:40,286 --> 00:10:42,247
(ALL LAUGHING)

261
00:10:42,330 --> 00:10:45,291
(IMITATING STEAK STARBOLT)
Alien scum like you make me sick.

262
00:10:48,253 --> 00:10:49,254
Ah!

263
00:10:49,337 --> 00:10:52,799
You don't know how right
you are, Steak.

264
00:10:52,882 --> 00:10:56,844
Prepare to suffer my Emumorphic rage!

265
00:10:56,928 --> 00:10:58,680
(LAUGHS WICKEDLY)

266
00:10:58,763 --> 00:11:01,766
Wow, that was... Excuse me...

267
00:11:01,849 --> 00:11:04,561
(SNIFFLES) Something, uh,
different from crying.

268
00:11:04,644 --> 00:11:06,145
Something up here in my visor.

269
00:11:12,485 --> 00:11:14,404
NARRATOR: The mother sparrow
regurgitates food

270
00:11:14,487 --> 00:11:15,822
into the mouths of its young.

271
00:11:15,905 --> 00:11:17,866
Really, Doug? You don't
see me sitting around

272
00:11:17,949 --> 00:11:20,910
watching shows where dinosaurs
puke humans into each other's mouths.

273
00:11:20,994 --> 00:11:23,204
-(SWITCHES TV OFF)
-Thanks for curing my cold, Dad.

274
00:11:23,288 --> 00:11:25,790
No (SNEEZES) problem, son.

275
00:11:25,874 --> 00:11:27,792
Now, if only we could cure mine.

276
00:11:27,876 --> 00:11:29,460
I was hoping
you'd say that.

277
00:11:30,503 --> 00:11:32,046
Just say "ah."

278
00:11:32,130 --> 00:11:33,631
Ahh!!

279
00:11:33,715 --> 00:11:35,049
NARRATOR: Future-Worm!

280
00:11:37,093 --> 00:11:39,762
Come on, man,
this shoe's not gonna disintegrate itself.

281
00:11:39,846 --> 00:11:42,098
-(BEEPING)
-One, two...

282
00:11:42,181 --> 00:11:43,725
-(BIRDS SQUAWKING)
-Whoa!

283
00:11:43,808 --> 00:11:45,184
(SCREAMS)

284
00:11:45,268 --> 00:11:47,937
Poor ducks.
Here's some bread.

285
00:11:48,021 --> 00:11:49,564
Here, eat some bread.

286
00:11:50,440 --> 00:11:54,402
(LAUGHS) That old man
doesn't know he's got a duck on his head!

287
00:11:54,485 --> 00:11:56,696
How's a duck
not know he's got an old man on his butt?

288
00:11:56,779 --> 00:11:58,740
DANNY: (LAUGHING)
He's sitting down!

289
00:12:03,703 --> 00:12:06,331
I'm laughin' so hard,
my brain's gonna come out of my nose.

290
00:12:07,916 --> 00:12:09,125
(QUACKS)

291
00:12:09,209 --> 00:12:11,211
(BOTH LAUGHING)

292
00:12:13,171 --> 00:12:15,840
Ow, my face!

293
00:12:15,924 --> 00:12:18,635
Oh, my lungs... I can't...
Oh, this is gonna kill me.

294
00:12:18,718 --> 00:12:20,595
I've been all over time and space, kid.

295
00:12:20,678 --> 00:12:22,680
This here's a cosmic comedy alignment.

296
00:12:22,764 --> 00:12:25,934
Super rare, like a clown
getting hit by a comet.

297
00:12:26,684 --> 00:12:28,394
Bozzlebean had it comin', though.

298
00:12:28,478 --> 00:12:29,771
(LAUGHING)

299
00:12:29,854 --> 00:12:31,981
(QUACKING)

300
00:12:33,900 --> 00:12:36,277
I can't breathe...
I wish that could have gone on forever.

301
00:12:36,361 --> 00:12:38,446
It was a classic
Old Man Duck Head.

302
00:12:38,530 --> 00:12:40,198
(SIGHS) Wow.

303
00:12:40,281 --> 00:12:42,200
I may never laugh
that hard again.

304
00:12:42,283 --> 00:12:44,452
Huh. Don't tempt fate, kid.

305
00:12:44,536 --> 00:12:46,037
Laughter loss is real.

306
00:12:48,998 --> 00:12:52,043
(LAUGHING)

307
00:12:53,127 --> 00:12:54,837
(GASPS) Oh, no.

308
00:12:55,255 --> 00:12:57,882
(SAD MUSIC PLAYING)

309
00:12:58,550 --> 00:13:01,302
Oh, sweet laughter why'd you end?

310
00:13:03,304 --> 00:13:06,099
Old Man Duck Head you transcend

311
00:13:08,142 --> 00:13:10,562
All the funny things I've seen

312
00:13:12,981 --> 00:13:15,817
What does humor even mean?

313
00:13:17,735 --> 00:13:22,323
If you can't go back in time

314
00:13:22,407 --> 00:13:26,911
To laugh at laughter so sublime

315
00:13:26,995 --> 00:13:30,164
Oh, wait
I think perhaps you can,

316
00:13:30,248 --> 00:13:33,793
Go back to when this all began

317
00:13:33,877 --> 00:13:39,674
'Cause you have a lunch box
that travels in time!

318
00:13:41,384 --> 00:13:42,719
Fyootch, I'm a no-laugh Danny.

319
00:13:42,802 --> 00:13:43,970
You know what we gotta do?

320
00:13:44,053 --> 00:13:46,723
You gotta watch that duck
over and over, till it stops being funny.

321
00:13:46,806 --> 00:13:48,349
Then you'll be as good as new.

322
00:13:48,433 --> 00:13:49,475
Or your head'll explode.

323
00:13:49,559 --> 00:13:51,644
Either way... Boom! Cured!

324
00:13:51,728 --> 00:13:52,812
Let's do it.

325
00:14:01,529 --> 00:14:02,989
(BOTH LAUGHING)

326
00:14:05,491 --> 00:14:07,118
(BOTH LAUGHING)

327
00:14:09,370 --> 00:14:12,165
(DANNY LAUGHING)

328
00:14:12,248 --> 00:14:15,168
-You were right. I feel better already.
-(LAUGHING)

329
00:14:18,755 --> 00:14:20,715
So funny, so choice.

330
00:14:20,798 --> 00:14:22,425
The world needs to see it.

331
00:14:22,508 --> 00:14:23,760
This is a job for...

332
00:14:24,427 --> 00:14:25,470
Robo-Carp!

333
00:14:25,553 --> 00:14:26,888
Record that comedy!

334
00:14:26,971 --> 00:14:30,308
Activate video camera.
Chances of comedy overload, 0%.

335
00:14:32,352 --> 00:14:33,353
(QUACKS)

336
00:14:34,687 --> 00:14:37,023
-Aw, weak! Ugh, fine.
-Uh-huh.

337
00:14:37,106 --> 00:14:38,399
I'll use my phone.

338
00:14:38,483 --> 00:14:39,484
Sick phone, dude.

339
00:14:40,109 --> 00:14:43,279
(BOTH LAUGHING)

340
00:14:46,407 --> 00:14:48,910
MAN: An old man with
a perfectly feathered fedora?

341
00:14:48,993 --> 00:14:52,956
This duck will do nicely.
Quite nicely, indeed.

342
00:14:55,291 --> 00:14:57,669
All right, Fyootch,
let's find something funny on TV

343
00:14:57,752 --> 00:14:58,795
and see if I'm cured.

344
00:14:59,963 --> 00:15:02,215
Oh, snap! Old Man Duck Head?

345
00:15:02,298 --> 00:15:03,341
Is the President?

346
00:15:03,424 --> 00:15:04,801
But he wasn't when we left.

347
00:15:04,884 --> 00:15:06,719
I mean, we must've
cross-wobbled the past

348
00:15:06,803 --> 00:15:07,971
and rejiggered the present.

349
00:15:08,054 --> 00:15:09,138
Sweet!

350
00:15:09,222 --> 00:15:10,515
I wonder what we changed.

351
00:15:10,598 --> 00:15:14,227
Let's find out.
This bad boy's got an X55 holographic...

352
00:15:14,310 --> 00:15:16,604
(STUTTERING) Projectinator.
Something like that.

353
00:15:16,688 --> 00:15:18,523
Buckle your eyeballs, kid.

354
00:15:18,606 --> 00:15:19,941
In today's news...

355
00:15:20,024 --> 00:15:22,026
After some kid's video went viral,

356
00:15:22,110 --> 00:15:24,946
the whole world fell in love
with Old Man Duck Head.

357
00:15:25,029 --> 00:15:27,198
He was elected president
within the hour,

358
00:15:27,282 --> 00:15:30,535
receiving 100% of the vote
in every state.

359
00:15:30,618 --> 00:15:32,203
DANNY: That's so cool!

360
00:15:32,287 --> 00:15:34,205
We turned regular
Old Man Normal Head into

361
00:15:34,289 --> 00:15:36,916
President Old Man Duck Head.

362
00:15:37,000 --> 00:15:39,168
But we turned Regular Duck
into Sad Duck?

363
00:15:39,252 --> 00:15:40,420
(QUACKS SADLY)

364
00:15:40,503 --> 00:15:42,297
Come on, Duck! Cheer up!

365
00:15:42,380 --> 00:15:45,216
(GASPS) It's chained
to the old man's fashionable hoop earring!

366
00:15:45,300 --> 00:15:47,802
(WHISTLES) Man, those things
never go out of style.

367
00:15:47,886 --> 00:15:49,220
This is all my fault.,

368
00:15:49,304 --> 00:15:50,597
I just wanted to laugh.

369
00:15:50,680 --> 00:15:52,390
Now this duck's life
is ruined.

370
00:15:52,473 --> 00:15:55,101
So you wanna, like, break into
the White House and rescue him or what?

371
00:15:55,184 --> 00:15:56,185
Let's do it.

372
00:15:59,898 --> 00:16:01,065
We need to see the President!

373
00:16:01,149 --> 00:16:02,275
(BOTH GROWLING)

374
00:16:02,358 --> 00:16:03,943
Wait, purple jumpsuits?

375
00:16:04,027 --> 00:16:05,737
Those aren't Secret Service guys, Fyootch!

376
00:16:05,820 --> 00:16:08,531
Then they won't mind
if I get some exercise.

377
00:16:08,615 --> 00:16:09,741
(HUFFING)

378
00:16:09,824 --> 00:16:11,993
-(GRUNTS)
-(NARRATOR READING)

379
00:16:12,076 --> 00:16:13,119
(GRUNTS)

380
00:16:13,203 --> 00:16:14,621
(NARRATOR READING)

381
00:16:14,704 --> 00:16:16,039
(BOTH EXCLAIMING)

382
00:16:16,122 --> 00:16:17,582
(GRUNTS)

383
00:16:17,665 --> 00:16:19,584
Duck! We're here to rescue you!

384
00:16:19,667 --> 00:16:22,503
Duck? What duck?
Don't try and stop us.

385
00:16:22,587 --> 00:16:25,131
Oh, but I will stop you.

386
00:16:25,215 --> 00:16:26,633
What're you? Some kind of tough guy?

387
00:16:26,716 --> 00:16:29,802
Indeed!
And Old Man Duck Head is mine.

388
00:16:29,886 --> 00:16:31,763
I made your
Duck Head video go viral.

389
00:16:31,846 --> 00:16:34,140
I got him elected.
Now he does my bidding.

390
00:16:34,224 --> 00:16:35,225
(CHUCKLES)

391
00:16:35,308 --> 00:16:39,354
For I am the Bread Baron.

392
00:16:39,437 --> 00:16:41,523
(LAUGHING) Bread?
He's got bread for a head.

393
00:16:41,606 --> 00:16:43,733
You think 'cause
there's a duck in the White House,,

394
00:16:43,816 --> 00:16:45,026
you're gonna sell more bread?

395
00:16:45,109 --> 00:16:47,237
Don't you see? It's already happening.

396
00:16:47,320 --> 00:16:48,738
And we're not stopping with food.

397
00:16:48,821 --> 00:16:50,907
Bread, my friends, is the future.

398
00:16:50,990 --> 00:16:53,910
Bread cars. Bread suitcases.
Bread apples...

399
00:16:53,993 --> 00:16:55,954
Keep him talking, Fyootch!
I'll handle the duck.

400
00:16:56,037 --> 00:16:57,038
You know it.

401
00:16:57,121 --> 00:16:59,666
(GIBBERING)

402
00:16:59,749 --> 00:17:01,334
Uh, how about bread yo-yos?

403
00:17:01,417 --> 00:17:02,961
Yes! Yes, to bread yo-yos!

404
00:17:03,044 --> 00:17:04,963
And bread roller skates!
And bread helmets!

405
00:17:05,046 --> 00:17:06,297
We're just breadstorming here.

406
00:17:06,381 --> 00:17:09,842
Bread airplane cushions that
turn into personal floatation devices.

407
00:17:09,926 --> 00:17:11,678
(EXCLAIMS) Made of bread.

408
00:17:11,761 --> 00:17:13,429
Yes! Yes!

409
00:17:13,513 --> 00:17:14,931
(LAUGHING MANIACALLY)

410
00:17:17,767 --> 00:17:18,977
Bread!

411
00:17:19,102 --> 00:17:20,895
-(JINGLING)
-Stop!

412
00:17:20,979 --> 00:17:23,606
We both know that
if you set that duck free,

413
00:17:23,690 --> 00:17:25,358
you'll never laugh again.

414
00:17:29,404 --> 00:17:30,613
(QUACKS SADLY)

415
00:17:31,155 --> 00:17:32,782
Bread. (LAUGHS)

416
00:17:37,120 --> 00:17:38,371
No!

417
00:17:39,622 --> 00:17:40,623
(QUACKS)

418
00:17:40,707 --> 00:17:42,417
-Ow!
-(GLASS SHATTERS)

419
00:17:42,500 --> 00:17:44,711
Where... Where did
that duck come from?

420
00:17:44,794 --> 00:17:48,089
Sure. You're not
President Old Man Duck Head anymore.

421
00:17:48,172 --> 00:17:50,174
But you're still President Old Man.

422
00:17:50,258 --> 00:17:52,343
I am? Well, that's pretty cool.

423
00:17:52,427 --> 00:17:54,220
And as for you, whatever your name is...

424
00:17:54,304 --> 00:17:55,680
It's Bread Baron!

425
00:17:55,763 --> 00:17:57,682
And you haven't seen the last of me!

426
00:17:59,100 --> 00:18:02,896
Bread Baron!

427
00:18:02,979 --> 00:18:04,814
Oh, well. Easy come, easy go.

428
00:18:04,898 --> 00:18:07,984
(SIGHS) I guess
I'll have to live a life without laughter.

429
00:18:08,067 --> 00:18:09,819
Ah, sure looks that way.

430
00:18:09,903 --> 00:18:13,114
But, hey, next time we see
that Bread Baron,

431
00:18:13,198 --> 00:18:14,824
-he's toast.
-(SNICKERS)

432
00:18:14,908 --> 00:18:17,285
We'll catch
that Bread Baron someday,

433
00:18:17,368 --> 00:18:19,162
bread or alive.

434
00:18:19,245 --> 00:18:21,789
-(LAUGHS)
-Rye so serious, Danny?

435
00:18:21,873 --> 00:18:23,541
Get it? It's a type of bread. Rye.

436
00:18:23,625 --> 00:18:26,836
You're on a roll, Fyootch!
Get it? A roll?

437
00:18:26,920 --> 00:18:30,465
(LAUGHS) Listen to me!
I'm laughing! I'm cured!

438
00:18:30,548 --> 00:18:31,841
(LAUGHING)

439
00:18:31,925 --> 00:18:32,967
Uh-oh.

440
00:18:33,051 --> 00:18:34,052
I don't get it, kid.

441
00:18:34,135 --> 00:18:35,720
NARRATOR: Future-Worm!

442
00:18:36,930 --> 00:18:38,389
Picnics. Fireflies.

443
00:18:38,473 --> 00:18:40,725
Tortillas stuffed with meat,
cheese, beans.

444
00:18:40,808 --> 00:18:42,644
Sometimes rice, too.

445
00:18:42,727 --> 00:18:45,188
Burrito Day is as old as America itself.

446
00:18:45,271 --> 00:18:47,065
But how did
this holiday begin?

447
00:18:47,148 --> 00:18:49,359
Why do we celebrate
the discovery of America

448
00:18:49,442 --> 00:18:51,736
with Burrito Day?

449
00:18:51,819 --> 00:18:53,446
It's time we find out.

450
00:18:53,530 --> 00:18:56,157
I'm Baxter Frost. And this

451
00:18:56,241 --> 00:18:59,118
is Unsolved Histories.

452
00:18:59,911 --> 00:19:02,038
-Dude, I'm so hungry.
-(STOMACH GROWLING)

453
00:19:02,121 --> 00:19:04,582
My stomach's grumbling
like a cranky grandpa.

454
00:19:04,666 --> 00:19:06,501
Ah, tell your food bucket to cool out.

455
00:19:06,584 --> 00:19:08,086
You're gonna love this place.

456
00:19:08,169 --> 00:19:11,005
What? Aw! Who closes a burrito stand?

457
00:19:11,089 --> 00:19:13,174
That's like closing the sun.

458
00:19:13,258 --> 00:19:14,968
Ain't ya heard of Columbus Day?

459
00:19:15,051 --> 00:19:17,887
Ain't nothin' open on Columbus Day
on account of him discoverin' America.

460
00:19:17,971 --> 00:19:20,640
Aw, dude, come on.
We just want burritos.

461
00:19:20,723 --> 00:19:23,434
Yeah? I just wanna know
why I gotta stay in this shack all day

462
00:19:23,518 --> 00:19:24,894
even though we're closed.

463
00:19:24,978 --> 00:19:26,020
Thanks, Columbus!

464
00:19:26,104 --> 00:19:29,524
Hey, Danny, was yesterday
Columbus Day, too?

465
00:19:29,607 --> 00:19:31,442
Great idea, Fyootch!

466
00:19:31,526 --> 00:19:33,736
Let's go back to yesterday
when it was open!

467
00:19:34,737 --> 00:19:36,990
Burritos, here we come.

468
00:19:40,451 --> 00:19:42,036
(BOTH SCREAMING)

469
00:19:43,079 --> 00:19:45,206
-(GROANS)
-Whoa!

470
00:19:45,290 --> 00:19:47,625
Yesterday sure got a lot beachier.

471
00:19:47,709 --> 00:19:49,752
Time storm must've blown us off-course.

472
00:19:49,836 --> 00:19:51,462
We could be anywhere, any-when.

473
00:19:51,546 --> 00:19:52,547
(SPITS)

474
00:19:52,630 --> 00:19:54,048
Just how I like it.

475
00:19:54,132 --> 00:19:56,426
Look! And it's open!

476
00:19:56,509 --> 00:19:59,721
Take that, Christopher Columbus. Idiot.

477
00:20:00,430 --> 00:20:03,182
(WHOOPING)

478
00:20:03,266 --> 00:20:06,895
I claim this land in the name of me,
Christopher Columbus.

479
00:20:06,978 --> 00:20:09,522
Henceforth, today shall be Columbus Day,

480
00:20:09,606 --> 00:20:11,524
and all stores must close.

481
00:20:11,608 --> 00:20:13,151
(GASPS) Not again!

482
00:20:13,234 --> 00:20:15,278
Quick! Two burritos, and step on it.

483
00:20:15,361 --> 00:20:17,780
You dare dishonor Columbus Day?

484
00:20:17,864 --> 00:20:20,325
Have at you now, burrito stand!

485
00:20:20,408 --> 00:20:23,036
-(GRUNTING)
-(CRASHES)

486
00:20:24,829 --> 00:20:26,372
Oh, that was pretty lame, dude.

487
00:20:26,456 --> 00:20:28,791
Be still, my greedy heart!

488
00:20:28,875 --> 00:20:32,420
This gold is mine!
All mine! (LAUGHING)

489
00:20:32,503 --> 00:20:34,839
Sandy cheese? Sandy beans?

490
00:20:34,923 --> 00:20:36,674
Christopher Columbus, you're the worst.

491
00:20:36,758 --> 00:20:39,928
Yeah! How you like
these abs, sucker? (GRUNTS)

492
00:20:40,011 --> 00:20:41,304
Hang on, I've got an idea.

493
00:20:41,387 --> 00:20:43,181
Hey, Columbus,
you like "gold," huh?

494
00:20:43,264 --> 00:20:47,268
I'll get you tons of gold if you
change your name to Christopher Burrito.

495
00:20:48,269 --> 00:20:49,437
"Burrito"?

496
00:20:49,520 --> 00:20:53,900
Buh-rito. Bur-ee-toe. Hmm.

497
00:20:53,983 --> 00:20:55,443
It is a deal, young sir!

498
00:20:55,527 --> 00:20:56,694
Cool. Be right back.

499
00:20:58,446 --> 00:21:00,990
Here's your precious "gold,"
Christopher Burrito.

500
00:21:01,074 --> 00:21:03,660
(LAUGHING) Gold!

501
00:21:04,786 --> 00:21:07,330
(SPITS) What japery is this?

502
00:21:07,413 --> 00:21:09,415
I changed my name for chocolate?

503
00:21:09,499 --> 00:21:10,792
It's a binding contract.

504
00:21:10,875 --> 00:21:13,169
No take-backs, sucker! (LAUGHS)

505
00:21:14,629 --> 00:21:16,839
(EXCLAIMS) Not fair!

506
00:21:19,842 --> 00:21:21,970
Whoa, it worked! You're open!

507
00:21:22,053 --> 00:21:24,389
'Course I am. Today's Burrito Day,

508
00:21:24,472 --> 00:21:27,016
on account of
Christopher Burrito discoverin' America.

509
00:21:27,100 --> 00:21:28,142
And?

510
00:21:28,226 --> 00:21:31,813
And everybody gets a free burrito!

511
00:21:31,896 --> 00:21:33,314
Yes! Burrito Day rules!

512
00:21:33,398 --> 00:21:34,399
-Nice one.
-Whoo!

513
00:21:34,482 --> 00:21:36,234
(BAXTER READING)

514
00:21:36,818 --> 00:21:38,820
(THEME MUSIC PLAYING)