1
00:00:02,694 --> 00:00:04,704
‐ I love that they
tracked us down for an audition.
2
00:00:04,698 --> 00:00:06,488
‐ I know. This is how all of
Heather Graham's dates start.
3
00:00:06,494 --> 00:00:10,134
‐ Julie, Billy, welcome.
This is Gennifer from OpenTable.
4
00:00:10,125 --> 00:00:12,295
‐ Oh, the website where people
make restaurant reservations?
5
00:00:12,296 --> 00:00:14,296
‐ Now they're doing
original content.
6
00:00:14,300 --> 00:00:16,140
Gennifer is their
VP of Development
7
00:00:16,137 --> 00:00:18,347
and brunch reservations
for parties over four.
8
00:00:18,350 --> 00:00:20,650
Gennifer's first directive
is to copy things
9
00:00:20,647 --> 00:00:22,357
that work on other networks.
10
00:00:22,358 --> 00:00:24,528
She talked my ear off
about it all morning.
11
00:00:24,530 --> 00:00:27,660
Gennifer, you wanna explain?
‐ Mm.
12
00:00:27,661 --> 00:00:29,541
‐ So they're doing
a New Year's Eve special
13
00:00:29,539 --> 00:00:31,129
loosely inspired by CNN's
14
00:00:31,125 --> 00:00:33,085
with Kathy Griffin
and Anderson Cooper.
15
00:00:33,088 --> 00:00:35,588
We know from your guys'
dinner reservation history
16
00:00:35,593 --> 00:00:37,933
that neither of you
have New Year's Eve plans.
17
00:00:37,931 --> 00:00:40,771
‐ Not yet,
but 2018's gonna be different.
18
00:00:40,770 --> 00:00:42,770
‐ Yeah.
‐ Sure.
19
00:00:42,774 --> 00:00:45,994
Let's hear you guys be bubbly
and perky on various topics.
20
00:00:45,989 --> 00:00:48,539
Go!
‐ Oh! Okay, I think
21
00:00:48,536 --> 00:00:50,666
that we as a nation
moved on way too quickly
22
00:00:50,665 --> 00:00:52,835
after Michael Douglas claimed
that Catherine Zeta‐Jones'
23
00:00:52,836 --> 00:00:54,796
poor pussy gave him
throat cancer.
24
00:00:54,798 --> 00:00:56,838
‐ Yes, but I think we spent
exactly the right amount of time
25
00:00:56,844 --> 00:00:58,854
talking about how
Rebecca Gayheart,
26
00:00:58,848 --> 00:01:00,808
Brandy and Caitlyn Jenner
all allegedly
27
00:01:00,810 --> 00:01:03,650
killed people with their cars.
‐ Yes, think fun.
28
00:01:03,649 --> 00:01:05,319
Think positive.
29
00:01:05,319 --> 00:01:06,659
‐ Positive, positive.
‐ Fun and positive.
30
00:01:06,655 --> 00:01:08,485
‐ Oh, HIV positive.
‐ Yes.
31
00:01:08,492 --> 00:01:10,332
Here's the thing
about women with AIDS.
32
00:01:10,329 --> 00:01:11,579
‐ We are good.
33
00:01:11,582 --> 00:01:13,542
Thank you for coming in.
34
00:01:13,544 --> 00:01:15,214
You didn't do
a very good job.
35
00:01:15,213 --> 00:01:16,803
‐ No, we didn't.
‐ No, we really didn't.
36
00:01:16,800 --> 00:01:19,220
[both laughing]
‐ [snores] Mm.
37
00:01:19,221 --> 00:01:21,811
Can we order lunch?
‐ Okay, "Feud" season three,
38
00:01:21,810 --> 00:01:24,270
Michael Douglas versus
Catherine Zeta‐Jones' pussy.
39
00:01:24,273 --> 00:01:26,113
‐ Oh, I love it.
You know, you never sound gayer
40
00:01:26,110 --> 00:01:27,320
than when you say
the word pussy.
41
00:01:27,321 --> 00:01:28,781
‐ What? Pussy!
42
00:01:28,783 --> 00:01:32,873
[driving punk rock music]
43
00:01:32,874 --> 00:01:34,594
‐ Loose change, I'm home.
44
00:01:34,586 --> 00:01:38,216
‐ Hey. How was Florida?
‐ A swampy hellscape
45
00:01:38,218 --> 00:01:40,058
out of a dystopic crime novel.
46
00:01:40,055 --> 00:01:41,845
Plus, it's either hot
or freezing.
47
00:01:41,850 --> 00:01:43,810
Florida AC is nuts.
‐ Mm, yeah.
48
00:01:43,813 --> 00:01:45,113
I hate air conditioning
that goes
49
00:01:45,107 --> 00:01:46,647
from 100 to 0 in a second.
50
00:01:46,652 --> 00:01:47,992
It's like the temperature
equivalent of
51
00:01:47,987 --> 00:01:49,777
a Hitachi Magic Wand.
52
00:01:49,783 --> 00:01:51,543
You know, ease me into it.
Play with my nipples.
53
00:01:51,537 --> 00:01:55,417
‐ Plus, it's given me this
constant low‐grade cold.
54
00:01:55,419 --> 00:01:57,259
Is the pizza on its way?
‐ Pizza?
55
00:01:57,256 --> 00:01:59,796
I hope so.
‐ Credit sequence, I asked you
56
00:01:59,803 --> 00:02:01,893
to order a pizza
when I landed at JFK.
57
00:02:01,890 --> 00:02:03,810
‐ No, you didn't.
‐ Yes, I‐‐
58
00:02:03,811 --> 00:02:05,771
It's okay. I don't wanna fight.
59
00:02:05,773 --> 00:02:07,693
I'll order it.
It's just a stupid pizza.
60
00:02:07,694 --> 00:02:09,824
‐ Well, there's no reason
to say that about pizza.
61
00:02:09,823 --> 00:02:13,003
‐ Hey, guys.
‐ Greg peed, Jellybeans
62
00:02:12,996 --> 00:02:14,706
fell asleep while
she was pooping.
63
00:02:14,708 --> 00:02:17,378
‐ Atta girl!
[as Kate Hepburn] I did it,
64
00:02:17,379 --> 00:02:18,759
Mother!
I'm a multitasker.
65
00:02:18,758 --> 00:02:20,638
‐ See you next time.
66
00:02:20,636 --> 00:02:23,266
High five.
67
00:02:23,266 --> 00:02:24,346
All right.
68
00:02:24,351 --> 00:02:26,771
‐ Bye, Dave.
69
00:02:26,774 --> 00:02:28,444
‐ That new dog walker
is shady.
70
00:02:28,443 --> 00:02:30,113
‐ He is not.
You're just not used to guys
71
00:02:30,113 --> 00:02:32,203
who know what March Madness is.
72
00:02:32,201 --> 00:02:34,751
Besides, it doesn't matter.
You're barely even here to‐‐
73
00:02:34,748 --> 00:02:36,248
‐ [sighs]
74
00:02:36,250 --> 00:02:38,800
‐ Forget it.
I don't wanna fight.
75
00:02:38,798 --> 00:02:41,008
‐ I don't wanna fight, either.
76
00:02:41,010 --> 00:02:42,890
‐ You wanna have sex?
77
00:02:42,889 --> 00:02:44,979
‐ Sure. Pizza's on its way.
78
00:02:44,976 --> 00:02:46,306
We have 30 minutes or less.
79
00:02:46,312 --> 00:02:47,942
‐ Grab the Hitachi Magic Wand.
80
00:02:47,941 --> 00:02:49,531
We can fit in an episode
of "Larry Sanders."
81
00:02:49,528 --> 00:02:51,488
TODD: What are you doing
Thursday night?
82
00:02:51,490 --> 00:02:52,740
BILLY: Trying to figure out
if that movie
83
00:02:52,742 --> 00:02:54,502
"The Founder" really happened.
84
00:02:54,496 --> 00:02:56,366
‐ Oh, let me save you
the trouble. It did not.
85
00:02:56,374 --> 00:02:59,094
So now you're free to come
with me to a work thing.
86
00:02:59,088 --> 00:03:00,378
‐ I don't know if I've ever
really gone with
87
00:03:00,382 --> 00:03:02,552
a guy to his work thing before.
88
00:03:02,554 --> 00:03:05,064
Unless you count Rentboy,
in which case his work
89
00:03:05,058 --> 00:03:06,688
was really our thing.
90
00:03:06,687 --> 00:03:08,817
Look, you don't wanna
take me anywhere
91
00:03:08,816 --> 00:03:10,696
where I'm gonna have to
talk to a person
92
00:03:10,695 --> 00:03:13,155
who isn't you, Julie,
or Andie MacDowell's Twitter.
93
00:03:13,157 --> 00:03:16,407
Just do what any self‐respecting
gay in Hollywood would do:
94
00:03:16,414 --> 00:03:19,214
bring Kelly Preston
and a confusing hair system.
95
00:03:19,211 --> 00:03:22,131
[rock music]
96
00:03:22,134 --> 00:03:24,514
‐ Hey, guys,
Denise and I are going
97
00:03:24,514 --> 00:03:27,024
to a parenting retreat
in Scarsdale
98
00:03:27,019 --> 00:03:29,149
so our baby grows up
knowing nothing practical
99
00:03:29,148 --> 00:03:31,068
but is pressured to succeed.
100
00:03:31,068 --> 00:03:35,198
So while we're gone,
the manager will be...
101
00:03:35,201 --> 00:03:36,711
Matthew.
‐ Oh!
102
00:03:36,705 --> 00:03:38,785
‐ No. Are you
fucking kidding me?
103
00:03:38,792 --> 00:03:41,262
‐ Oh, my God. Oh, my God.
Oh, um, thank you so much!
104
00:03:41,255 --> 00:03:43,585
Nate, I will not let you down.
105
00:03:43,594 --> 00:03:46,524
In fact, recently
while recovering from
106
00:03:46,516 --> 00:03:48,226
a Fire‐Island related fissure,
107
00:03:48,227 --> 00:03:50,397
I saw an episode of
"Undercover Boss."
108
00:03:50,398 --> 00:03:51,938
Which I assumed was about
bossy bottoms,
109
00:03:51,943 --> 00:03:54,203
so I watched it for research.
110
00:03:54,198 --> 00:03:55,868
You guys know I'm a top,
right?
111
00:03:55,868 --> 00:03:57,538
‐ Oh, yeah. And I'm bi.
112
00:03:57,538 --> 00:03:58,918
You fuckin' idiot.
113
00:03:58,916 --> 00:04:00,246
‐ I'm a top.
114
00:04:00,251 --> 00:04:02,591
‐ Don't dress up
as a new employee
115
00:04:02,590 --> 00:04:04,720
and try to make
the business better.
116
00:04:04,719 --> 00:04:06,639
‐ Okay, sure, Nate.
117
00:04:06,640 --> 00:04:08,180
I won't do that.
118
00:04:08,184 --> 00:04:09,904
‐ I'm serious.
119
00:04:09,896 --> 00:04:12,026
‐ I won't do that at all,
Nate.
120
00:04:12,652 --> 00:04:14,572
‐ Marilyn,
as a first‐time author,
121
00:04:14,572 --> 00:04:17,082
you might find it hard getting
notes on your manuscript.
122
00:04:17,077 --> 00:04:18,617
‐ Well, I didn't get to be
where I am
123
00:04:18,622 --> 00:04:20,502
because I have a fragile ego.
124
00:04:20,501 --> 00:04:23,051
‐ Okay. I was wondering
125
00:04:23,047 --> 00:04:25,677
if we could swap
chapters two and three.
126
00:04:25,678 --> 00:04:27,348
‐ Great idea, Dr. Mengele.
127
00:04:27,347 --> 00:04:28,677
Especially if you don't
want the book
128
00:04:28,684 --> 00:04:30,104
to make any fucking sense.
129
00:04:30,103 --> 00:04:31,193
We're gonna keep the chapters
130
00:04:31,188 --> 00:04:33,568
just the way they are.
131
00:04:33,569 --> 00:04:35,949
Wait, why do you have
"Joy of Sex"?
132
00:04:35,948 --> 00:04:38,578
‐ It's a reissue. It turns out
people are nostalgic for bush‐‐
133
00:04:38,579 --> 00:04:41,129
both the administration
and beaver fur.
134
00:04:41,125 --> 00:04:43,795
‐ This look familiar?
135
00:04:43,797 --> 00:04:46,887
‐ Vaguely, but I haven't had sex
since my fling with Bob Durst.
136
00:04:46,887 --> 00:04:49,517
Not to brag, but he said
anyone who sucks dick that well
137
00:04:49,517 --> 00:04:51,687
deserves to die
of natural causes.
138
00:04:51,688 --> 00:04:55,148
‐ Well, see this happy
cunnilingus recipient?
139
00:04:55,153 --> 00:04:57,583
She'd be me.
140
00:04:57,575 --> 00:05:01,035
‐ Bullshit! I bet you the most
bohemian thing you've ever done
141
00:05:01,040 --> 00:05:03,670
is have a second spritzer
at a Debby Boone concert.
142
00:05:03,670 --> 00:05:06,260
‐ Well, joke's on you.
Jews hate Debby Boone.
143
00:05:06,258 --> 00:05:07,548
It was Phoebe Snow.
144
00:05:07,553 --> 00:05:10,233
Look closer.
Look closer!
145
00:05:10,225 --> 00:05:13,395
Ahh. Ah!
146
00:05:13,397 --> 00:05:14,817
‐ Oh, my God.
That is you.
147
00:05:14,818 --> 00:05:17,108
♪ ♪
148
00:05:17,114 --> 00:05:19,454
‐ What did you decide to do
about Todd's work thing?
149
00:05:19,451 --> 00:05:20,961
‐ Oh, I don't know.
150
00:05:20,955 --> 00:05:22,705
I mean, I wanna go.
I just‐‐
151
00:05:22,708 --> 00:05:24,548
I don't know what
I'm gonna say to these people.
152
00:05:24,546 --> 00:05:27,086
‐ They're advertisers.
Just go in and be funny.
153
00:05:27,092 --> 00:05:28,262
They'll eat it up
like Ben Affleck
154
00:05:28,261 --> 00:05:29,761
at a nanny convention.
155
00:05:29,764 --> 00:05:31,644
Be glad he doesn't
work for PBS.
156
00:05:31,643 --> 00:05:33,813
Last year's Christmas party
was a tap water social.
157
00:05:33,814 --> 00:05:35,484
‐ You're right. I'm gonna go.
‐ Good.
158
00:05:35,484 --> 00:05:37,074
‐ I'm gonna do it.
So what's happening?
159
00:05:37,070 --> 00:05:38,660
How's Arthur?
‐ Well, when he's home,
160
00:05:38,657 --> 00:05:40,577
we wanna have sex,
but the sex we're having
161
00:05:40,578 --> 00:05:41,998
is get it out of the way sex.
162
00:05:41,997 --> 00:05:43,247
And I'd say something about it,
163
00:05:43,249 --> 00:05:44,709
but I don't wanna fight.
164
00:05:44,711 --> 00:05:46,461
'Cause that's the last thing
we need.
165
00:05:46,463 --> 00:05:48,183
‐ Well, I'd argue that the last
thing we need
166
00:05:48,176 --> 00:05:49,716
is another peep out of
the Duplass brothers.
167
00:05:49,721 --> 00:05:53,231
‐ Oh, well, hello.
I'm Marionette.
168
00:05:53,227 --> 00:05:55,977
I am the new employee here.
169
00:05:55,983 --> 00:06:00,033
Oh, who will help me
learn the ways...
170
00:06:00,033 --> 00:06:02,873
of this integrated
luncheonette?
171
00:06:02,872 --> 00:06:05,542
‐ Is he "Undercover Bossing"?
‐ Yes, thank God.
172
00:06:05,544 --> 00:06:07,844
Because that means I can
get out of work. Watch this.
173
00:06:07,840 --> 00:06:10,050
Uh, hey, Marionette?
‐ Mm?
174
00:06:10,053 --> 00:06:12,643
‐ I'm so sorry, dear,
Denise said that
175
00:06:12,642 --> 00:06:17,072
you have to cover my shift.
‐ Sure thing, doll.
176
00:06:17,067 --> 00:06:19,987
Um, who's Denise?
177
00:06:19,989 --> 00:06:22,119
‐ Let's go see
the new Wes Anderson movie.
178
00:06:22,118 --> 00:06:23,828
‐ Oh, yes.
I heard that a tumbleweed
179
00:06:23,830 --> 00:06:25,580
just blows past a frame
full of Lego people
180
00:06:25,584 --> 00:06:28,094
in a shoebox for three hours.
181
00:06:28,089 --> 00:06:30,339
‐ Did they clean your ears
at the groomers, Jellybeans?
182
00:06:30,343 --> 00:06:32,313
‐ [as Hepburn]
Yes, they did, Mother.
183
00:06:32,305 --> 00:06:34,135
But I think they were plenty
velvety when I came in.
184
00:06:34,142 --> 00:06:36,062
‐ Oh, no, no way, what?
No, no, it is them!
185
00:06:36,063 --> 00:06:38,533
‐ Back off, Brock Turners!
‐ No, we just wanted a photo
186
00:06:38,527 --> 00:06:40,107
of Football and Touchdown.
187
00:06:40,113 --> 00:06:42,283
‐ What the fuck
are you talking about?
188
00:06:42,284 --> 00:06:44,504
‐ Your dogs.
Football and Touchdown.
189
00:06:44,497 --> 00:06:46,417
[scoffs] Dude, they're like
the two coolest
190
00:06:46,417 --> 00:06:48,917
Instagram dog celebrities
in the sports world.
191
00:06:48,922 --> 00:06:51,342
‐ No, they're not.
I hate sports.
192
00:06:51,343 --> 00:06:52,853
‐ No, check it.
193
00:06:52,847 --> 00:06:54,807
‐ Oh, my God.
Those are my dogs.
194
00:06:54,809 --> 00:06:58,069
‐ Right? That's sick, dude.
Up top!
195
00:06:58,065 --> 00:06:59,485
What the fuck was that?
196
00:06:59,485 --> 00:07:02,575
‐ That piece of shit
dog walker.
197
00:07:02,575 --> 00:07:05,905
He must've rebranded my pets
without my consent!
198
00:07:05,914 --> 00:07:08,464
‐ Consent?
There's that word again, dude.
199
00:07:08,461 --> 00:07:10,631
Like, why do chicks
keep using that?
200
00:07:10,632 --> 00:07:12,892
‐ Hey, relax.
They're gonna love you.
201
00:07:12,887 --> 00:07:15,727
‐ I know. I'm fine.
I feel confident
202
00:07:15,726 --> 00:07:17,516
and I am in no way
uncomfortable.
203
00:07:17,521 --> 00:07:18,771
‐ Nice.
204
00:07:18,774 --> 00:07:21,784
[upbeat club music]
205
00:07:21,780 --> 00:07:25,200
♪ ♪
206
00:07:25,203 --> 00:07:26,833
‐ Welcome to Boobies.
207
00:07:26,831 --> 00:07:29,341
‐ I am in every way
uncomfortable.
208
00:07:29,336 --> 00:07:32,376
‐ Football and Touchdown?
Are you fucking kidding me?
209
00:07:32,383 --> 00:07:34,933
I spent my whole life
avoiding sports.
210
00:07:34,931 --> 00:07:36,731
Now look at me.
I'm sleeping with the enemy.
211
00:07:36,726 --> 00:07:38,226
‐ [laughs]
‐ What are these?
212
00:07:38,229 --> 00:07:39,859
‐ Oh, that's‐‐that's just‐‐
213
00:07:39,857 --> 00:07:41,647
ah, we're doing a 38‐part
"Nova"
214
00:07:41,653 --> 00:07:43,783
on the effects
of planetary alignment
215
00:07:43,782 --> 00:07:46,542
on human sexuality.
‐ Ohh, well, kudos to PBS
216
00:07:46,538 --> 00:07:48,828
for making sex boring.
‐ [laughs]
217
00:07:48,834 --> 00:07:51,264
‐ "How to Spice Up
a Long Distance Relationship."
218
00:07:51,255 --> 00:07:53,005
Arthur,
is this really for PBS?
219
00:07:53,008 --> 00:07:54,758
‐ There's a suggestion
about role play in there
220
00:07:54,762 --> 00:07:57,522
that seems interesting.
‐ Ugh! Role play? Gross.
221
00:07:57,518 --> 00:07:58,978
That's just improv naked.
222
00:07:58,979 --> 00:08:00,649
Like on "Modern Family,"
when Julie Bowen
223
00:08:00,649 --> 00:08:02,439
pretends to be someone
slightly less boring
224
00:08:02,443 --> 00:08:04,113
for Valentine's Day.
‐ I just wanna do
225
00:08:04,114 --> 00:08:06,334
something special
before I leave on Wednesday.
226
00:08:06,326 --> 00:08:08,286
‐ You told me you were
leaving on Thursday.
227
00:08:08,289 --> 00:08:10,709
I canceled plans
for Wednesday night.
228
00:08:10,711 --> 00:08:12,421
Forget it.
I don't wanna fight.
229
00:08:12,422 --> 00:08:14,512
‐ I don't wanna
fight either. [coughs]
230
00:08:14,510 --> 00:08:16,050
Excuse me.
‐ What do you think
231
00:08:16,054 --> 00:08:17,984
of that new dog walker,
Jellybeans?
232
00:08:17,975 --> 00:08:20,055
[as Hepburn]
I don't care for him.
233
00:08:20,062 --> 00:08:21,322
Mommy and Daddy would never
make we wear
234
00:08:21,315 --> 00:08:23,065
such vulgar uniforms.
235
00:08:23,068 --> 00:08:26,328
‐ [coughs] Pageview,
what do you want for dinner?
236
00:08:26,325 --> 00:08:27,995
‐ [as Hepburn]
You know, with that cold,
237
00:08:27,995 --> 00:08:29,665
you sound like Bernie Sanders.
238
00:08:29,665 --> 00:08:31,335
‐ [as Sanders]
Well, your Jellybeans voice
239
00:08:31,335 --> 00:08:33,585
sounds like Blythe Danner.
‐ Blythe Danner?
240
00:08:33,590 --> 00:08:35,720
I was hoping it was a bit more
Kate Hepburn.
241
00:08:35,719 --> 00:08:37,509
‐ [as Sanders]
No, it's Blythe! Believe me.
242
00:08:37,514 --> 00:08:40,144
‐ Say, Bernie,
what's it like to be Jewish?
243
00:08:40,144 --> 00:08:41,904
‐ It's a hoot!
244
00:08:41,898 --> 00:08:44,608
What's it like to be
not always out of breath,
245
00:08:44,612 --> 00:08:46,782
you randy shiksa minx?
246
00:08:46,783 --> 00:08:49,293
‐ I'll tell you later,
you slovenly Semitic
247
00:08:49,287 --> 00:08:51,287
fire plug.
‐ Mm!
248
00:08:54,464 --> 00:08:56,134
‐ I thought this would be
at a classier location.
249
00:08:56,134 --> 00:08:57,724
Why are all these waitresses
walking around
250
00:08:57,721 --> 00:08:59,101
with their tits out
like Helen Mirren?
251
00:08:59,099 --> 00:09:00,599
‐ Well, Karen's the one
retiring
252
00:09:00,602 --> 00:09:02,772
and Boobies is
her favorite restaurant.
253
00:09:02,773 --> 00:09:04,653
‐ She's a little young
to be retiring, no?
254
00:09:04,652 --> 00:09:06,742
‐ Oh, no. It's not her choice.
She turned 40.
255
00:09:06,739 --> 00:09:09,579
That's the mandatory retirement
age for women in advertising.
256
00:09:09,579 --> 00:09:11,709
‐ Hey, Todd!
‐ Hey!
257
00:09:11,708 --> 00:09:13,708
‐ Hey, what's up, bro?
‐ Bruce, hey.
258
00:09:13,712 --> 00:09:15,972
‐ Sam! You lost weight!
‐ Oh, no, Bruce.
259
00:09:15,966 --> 00:09:18,296
This is Billy.
‐ Who's Sam?
260
00:09:18,304 --> 00:09:20,934
‐ Nobody. My ex.
261
00:09:20,934 --> 00:09:23,364
‐ That douche Sam ruined
our office Christmas party.
262
00:09:23,355 --> 00:09:25,895
Good thing Karen took off her
top and we all had a good laugh
263
00:09:25,902 --> 00:09:27,992
at her ancient melons.
264
00:09:27,990 --> 00:09:30,830
‐ You know, I'm new to
the Boobies culinary experience.
265
00:09:30,829 --> 00:09:34,249
Perhaps there's a sommelier
that I can motorboat.
266
00:09:34,252 --> 00:09:35,592
‐ Uhh‐‐
267
00:09:35,589 --> 00:09:37,219
‐ Oh, I was joking.
268
00:09:37,216 --> 00:09:39,556
‐ Weird joke.
269
00:09:39,555 --> 00:09:42,225
‐ Hi, I'm David's wife.
270
00:09:42,226 --> 00:09:45,526
‐ Oh, hi.
‐ You must be Todd's boyfriend.
271
00:09:45,525 --> 00:09:47,485
Let's leave the boys alone
and I'll introduce you
272
00:09:47,488 --> 00:09:48,988
to the other wives.
273
00:09:48,990 --> 00:09:51,330
‐ Wait‐‐okay.
274
00:09:51,328 --> 00:09:54,668
‐ This is Lance's wife.
This is Keith's wife.
275
00:09:54,669 --> 00:09:57,589
Andrew's wife
and Adam's boyfriend.
276
00:09:57,591 --> 00:09:59,511
‐ Lyle, right? We met.
277
00:09:59,512 --> 00:10:01,892
‐ Adam's boyfriend's fine.
278
00:10:07,653 --> 00:10:09,703
‐ All right, well.
It was great to meet you guys.
279
00:10:09,699 --> 00:10:12,079
‐ It's probably better
you stay here with us.
280
00:10:12,078 --> 00:10:14,958
You don't wanna Sam this up.
‐ [chuckles]
281
00:10:14,959 --> 00:10:16,459
‐ What happened with Sam?
282
00:10:16,461 --> 00:10:17,971
‐ He didn't really
know his place.
283
00:10:17,965 --> 00:10:20,635
We're the wives.
Let them be the stars.
284
00:10:20,637 --> 00:10:22,347
‐ Yeah, he kept telling
jokes all the time.
285
00:10:22,348 --> 00:10:26,268
It's like, cool it, Paul Reiser.
286
00:10:26,273 --> 00:10:27,993
‐ So, Billy, what do you do?
287
00:10:27,985 --> 00:10:30,065
‐ Actually, I'm a co‐‐
288
00:10:30,072 --> 00:10:32,952
Um‐‐
289
00:10:32,953 --> 00:10:34,123
You know what?
You can just call me
290
00:10:34,122 --> 00:10:35,752
Todd's boyfriend.
291
00:10:35,751 --> 00:10:37,881
all: Aww.
‐ Yay!
292
00:10:37,880 --> 00:10:40,640
‐ They sat you at
the wifey table?
293
00:10:40,635 --> 00:10:42,635
‐ Yeah, and now
I'm feeling pressure
294
00:10:42,639 --> 00:10:44,769
to be as supportive to Todd
as they are of their spouses.
295
00:10:44,769 --> 00:10:46,439
Because that's all
they talk about.
296
00:10:46,438 --> 00:10:47,938
And I don't know
what Todd's ex‐boyfriend did,
297
00:10:47,941 --> 00:10:49,491
but whatever he did,
he really blew it
298
00:10:49,487 --> 00:10:51,157
at those parties.
‐ Well, can't you just
299
00:10:51,156 --> 00:10:52,736
pretend to be supportive
so you get what you want?
300
00:10:52,743 --> 00:10:54,083
I'm not Blythe Danner,
but she had
301
00:10:54,078 --> 00:10:55,708
the sex of her life last night
302
00:10:55,707 --> 00:10:57,377
with Bernie Sanders.
‐ That's the thing.
303
00:10:57,376 --> 00:10:58,796
You're getting fucked.
I'm just standing there,
304
00:10:58,797 --> 00:11:01,177
laughing at non‐jokes.
305
00:11:01,176 --> 00:11:03,306
I've been miscast.
‐ It's a trend!
306
00:11:03,305 --> 00:11:06,845
My adorably faggy dogs have
been miscast as sports fans.
307
00:11:06,854 --> 00:11:08,654
‐ How many Instagram followers
do they have now?
308
00:11:08,650 --> 00:11:11,400
‐ Last time I checked,
something like 60,000.
309
00:11:11,404 --> 00:11:12,954
‐ Wow.
‐ What kind of world is this
310
00:11:12,950 --> 00:11:14,790
that we live in
where my dogs
311
00:11:14,787 --> 00:11:16,747
have more Instagram followers
than I'll ever have?
312
00:11:16,749 --> 00:11:19,709
‐ These Internet celebrity
animals, that's a gold mine.
313
00:11:19,713 --> 00:11:21,383
Why don't you Google,
"Grumpy Cat owner
314
00:11:21,383 --> 00:11:22,973
annual income"?
‐ My God.
315
00:11:22,970 --> 00:11:25,930
Holy shit, Billy.
You're right.
316
00:11:25,934 --> 00:11:28,024
Where does someone that rich
even live?
317
00:11:28,021 --> 00:11:30,191
‐ Where does Oprah live?
Montecito?
318
00:11:30,192 --> 00:11:33,912
‐ Oh, Billy.
Oprah doesn't live in Montecito.
319
00:11:33,908 --> 00:11:34,908
She lives on...
320
00:11:34,910 --> 00:11:37,370
♪ ♪
321
00:11:37,373 --> 00:11:40,923
BOTH: ♪ Easy street ♪
322
00:11:40,922 --> 00:11:44,102
♪ Easy street ♪
323
00:11:44,095 --> 00:11:48,345
♪ Where the rich folks play ♪
324
00:11:48,353 --> 00:11:51,573
♪ Yeah, yeah, yeah ♪
325
00:11:51,569 --> 00:11:54,989
♪ Move them feet ♪
326
00:11:54,992 --> 00:11:58,252
♪ To easy street ♪
327
00:11:58,248 --> 00:12:03,298
♪ That's where we're gonna ♪
328
00:12:03,300 --> 00:12:10,310
♪ Be ♪
329
00:12:10,314 --> 00:12:12,784
♪ ♪
330
00:12:12,778 --> 00:12:15,488
‐ Surprise.
331
00:12:15,492 --> 00:12:17,622
I brought you a hot wing
chicken casserole.
332
00:12:17,621 --> 00:12:20,541
‐ Oh! W‐why?
333
00:12:20,543 --> 00:12:22,553
‐ Just 'cause.
Hey, while I'm here,
334
00:12:22,547 --> 00:12:25,257
how do I get two Internet famous
dogs to be in a TV commercial?
335
00:12:25,260 --> 00:12:27,600
Julie is‐‐
and I don't mean this sexually‐‐
336
00:12:27,599 --> 00:12:30,689
I think she's sitting
on the next Grumpy Cat.
337
00:12:30,689 --> 00:12:32,609
‐ Holy shit, it's Touchdown
and Football.
338
00:12:32,609 --> 00:12:34,279
Those dogs are fuckin'
hysterical.
339
00:12:34,278 --> 00:12:36,198
‐ Your wife said
you knew funny.
340
00:12:36,199 --> 00:12:38,119
‐ Bruce, do we have any
campaigns they'd be good for?
341
00:12:38,120 --> 00:12:40,330
‐ How about fuckin' all of them?
342
00:12:40,332 --> 00:12:42,212
If you can make them
more than Internet famous,
343
00:12:42,211 --> 00:12:44,421
you can make enough money
where you can retire at‐‐
344
00:12:44,424 --> 00:12:45,434
how old are you?
345
00:12:45,426 --> 00:12:47,296
56?
346
00:12:47,304 --> 00:12:49,984
Get them on TV.
I'll take it from there.
347
00:12:49,977 --> 00:12:53,477
‐ Wow. If any Internet celebrity
could get a TV show that easily,
348
00:12:53,484 --> 00:12:55,454
Miranda Sings would have
her own series on Netflix.
349
00:12:55,446 --> 00:12:57,486
‐ Mm.
‐ But she does.
350
00:12:58,786 --> 00:13:01,036
‐ I'm so sorry.
I'm so stupid.
351
00:13:01,041 --> 00:13:02,881
I should leave the comedy
to you guys.
352
00:13:02,878 --> 00:13:05,378
Bye!
‐ Bye.
353
00:13:05,382 --> 00:13:07,182
‐ Bruce, don't touch that.
354
00:13:07,178 --> 00:13:10,688
‐ Hey, Mom, does Dad
still do taxes for ESPN?
355
00:13:10,685 --> 00:13:12,685
I know these two up‐and‐comers
in the sports world
356
00:13:12,689 --> 00:13:15,239
and I really need a connection.
357
00:13:15,235 --> 00:13:17,275
Are you reading
"The Joy of Sex"?
358
00:13:17,281 --> 00:13:18,831
‐ Did you know this is me?
359
00:13:18,826 --> 00:13:20,616
‐ [screams]
Oh, my God!
360
00:13:20,622 --> 00:13:22,502
Mom, what the hell?!
361
00:13:22,501 --> 00:13:25,261
‐ Oh, your mother was
a different woman in the '70s.
362
00:13:25,255 --> 00:13:28,925
This was pre‐AIDS
and post‐"I Dream of Jeannie."
363
00:13:28,930 --> 00:13:30,640
‐ Okay, you know what?
Just have Dad call me.
364
00:13:30,642 --> 00:13:32,732
‐ I just miss
the free spirit I was
365
00:13:32,729 --> 00:13:35,569
before your birth stopped it
dead in its tracks.
366
00:13:35,568 --> 00:13:37,108
‐ Are you contemplating
an affair?
367
00:13:37,113 --> 00:13:38,743
I told you,
Michael Bublé is married.
368
00:13:38,741 --> 00:13:41,581
‐ No, I just wanna feel
like who I was
369
00:13:41,580 --> 00:13:43,080
isn't gone forever.
370
00:13:43,083 --> 00:13:44,883
‐ Well, good luck, Mom.
371
00:13:44,878 --> 00:13:46,798
I'm sure you'll
track that person down.
372
00:13:46,799 --> 00:13:49,559
‐ You mean Dusty.
That's him I'm making love to
373
00:13:49,555 --> 00:13:50,845
in these illustrations.
374
00:13:50,849 --> 00:13:52,729
I wonder where he is.
375
00:13:52,727 --> 00:13:56,687
And if you're wondering
how I got that into here,
376
00:13:56,694 --> 00:13:58,494
short answer: trapeze class.
377
00:13:58,489 --> 00:14:01,539
‐ Oh, my God!
Why did I turn around?!
378
00:14:01,537 --> 00:14:03,827
♪ ♪
379
00:14:03,833 --> 00:14:05,753
So my dad heard back
from ESPN.
380
00:14:05,753 --> 00:14:07,763
They have this show
that's about sports
381
00:14:07,757 --> 00:14:10,597
that's on after the sports
where people talk about sports.
382
00:14:10,597 --> 00:14:12,517
I don't know. It sounds like
"Watch What Happens Live"
383
00:14:12,517 --> 00:14:14,017
for straight people.
384
00:14:14,020 --> 00:14:15,770
‐ I just don't wanna pull
a Dennis Miller.
385
00:14:15,773 --> 00:14:17,533
‐ That could mean
so many bad things.
386
00:14:17,527 --> 00:14:19,237
‐ If we're gonna go on TV
and talk about sports,
387
00:14:19,238 --> 00:14:20,868
we need to know
what we're talking about.
388
00:14:20,867 --> 00:14:22,747
‐ Let's start studying.
389
00:14:22,746 --> 00:14:24,536
[claps]
All right, you dogs,
390
00:14:24,541 --> 00:14:27,001
sit up straight like
you're excited to be on TV.
391
00:14:27,004 --> 00:14:28,554
‐ Are we gonna do anything
besides this
392
00:14:28,549 --> 00:14:30,179
for my last night in town?
393
00:14:30,177 --> 00:14:31,967
‐ [as Blythe]
Gee, I don't know, Bernie.
394
00:14:31,972 --> 00:14:33,892
We could do what I planned
to do Wednesday night
395
00:14:33,893 --> 00:14:35,733
but canceled because I thought
you'd still be in town.
396
00:14:35,730 --> 00:14:37,360
‐ [as Bernie]
What plans are those, Blythe?
397
00:14:37,358 --> 00:14:39,198
Complaining to the dogs
in the bathroom
398
00:14:39,195 --> 00:14:41,235
or complaining to the dogs
in the kitchen?
399
00:14:41,240 --> 00:14:43,160
‐ [as Blythe]
Speaking of the dogs,
400
00:14:43,161 --> 00:14:45,081
I can't help but notice
how unsympathetic you've been
401
00:14:45,082 --> 00:14:46,632
around this whole
Instagram debacle.
402
00:14:46,627 --> 00:14:48,457
‐ [as Bernie]
It's too bad nobody said,
403
00:14:48,463 --> 00:14:51,093
"I got a bad feeling
about that dog walker."
404
00:14:51,094 --> 00:14:52,604
Oh, right, I did.
405
00:14:52,597 --> 00:14:54,847
‐ It's all coming out now,
Bernie,
406
00:14:54,851 --> 00:14:58,111
you Ben & Jerry's guzzling
piece of shit!
407
00:14:58,108 --> 00:15:00,948
Where's your fucking podium,
Bern, to save you now?
408
00:15:03,577 --> 00:15:05,157
‐ [as Bernie] Do you realize
409
00:15:05,163 --> 00:15:06,673
how much harder
my job is in Florida?
410
00:15:06,667 --> 00:15:08,587
Judy Woodruff
keeps skipping work
411
00:15:08,587 --> 00:15:10,297
to ride Space Mountain!
‐ [as Blythe] I'm sick of you
412
00:15:10,298 --> 00:15:13,678
taking care of everybody
in the world but me.
413
00:15:13,681 --> 00:15:16,391
[normal voice]
Oh, Arthur.
414
00:15:16,394 --> 00:15:18,364
This is so stupid.
415
00:15:18,356 --> 00:15:22,696
Role playing for arguing
is fucking idiotic.
416
00:15:22,699 --> 00:15:26,369
‐ Okay, let's retire
Bernie and Blythe.
417
00:15:26,372 --> 00:15:28,752
I'm sorry that my travel
schedule has made sex
418
00:15:28,753 --> 00:15:31,473
just another item
to check off my to‐do list
419
00:15:31,466 --> 00:15:33,966
like buy more cream cheese.
420
00:15:33,971 --> 00:15:35,271
Where does that go,
by the way?
421
00:15:35,265 --> 00:15:36,595
You use that as a lotion?
422
00:15:36,602 --> 00:15:38,402
‐ No, I just eat a lot of it.
423
00:15:38,396 --> 00:15:40,526
‐ Let's go back
to the way things were?
424
00:15:40,526 --> 00:15:42,356
‐ Yeah, I like that idea.
425
00:15:42,362 --> 00:15:43,872
When we fuck, we fuck.
426
00:15:43,866 --> 00:15:45,496
And when we fight,
427
00:15:45,495 --> 00:15:47,745
we fight about
you fucking up.
428
00:15:47,749 --> 00:15:50,129
♪ ♪
429
00:15:50,128 --> 00:15:51,718
‐ What the hell?
430
00:15:51,715 --> 00:15:53,965
‐ Oh, hello, young man.
431
00:15:53,969 --> 00:15:55,969
How many are in your party?
432
00:15:55,973 --> 00:15:59,983
‐ Matthew, what did I tell you
about "Undercover Bossing"?
433
00:15:59,981 --> 00:16:02,191
‐ [laughing]
But who is Matthew?
434
00:16:02,194 --> 00:16:03,664
I am Marionette.
435
00:16:03,656 --> 00:16:05,276
‐ Where's Lola?
Where's Billy?
436
00:16:05,283 --> 00:16:07,793
‐ Oh, they gave themselves
the night off,
437
00:16:07,789 --> 00:16:11,209
and I fell a little behind,
as you can see.
438
00:16:11,212 --> 00:16:14,552
You must understand,
my mother died from a sandwich
439
00:16:14,553 --> 00:16:16,893
before she could teach me
how to clean.
440
00:16:16,890 --> 00:16:19,230
And here is more
of my back story:
441
00:16:19,228 --> 00:16:22,528
you see, I have a teeny,
tiny tear in my clitoral hood‐‐
442
00:16:22,527 --> 00:16:24,527
‐ Matthew!
‐ From horseback riding
443
00:16:24,531 --> 00:16:27,161
in England,
where I'm from.
444
00:16:27,161 --> 00:16:30,081
[exaggerated accent] So why
the Southern accent, you ask?
445
00:16:30,083 --> 00:16:32,213
‐ From now on, we're just
gonna close the cafe
446
00:16:32,212 --> 00:16:33,922
instead of leaving you
in charge.
447
00:16:33,924 --> 00:16:37,224
‐ All right. Um, by the way,
448
00:16:37,222 --> 00:16:40,862
there is $1,000 missing
from the cash register.
449
00:16:40,855 --> 00:16:42,435
Toodley‐doo!
450
00:16:42,441 --> 00:16:44,911
‐ Can't believe Karen
killed herself.
451
00:16:44,905 --> 00:16:47,195
‐ Only one day into retirement.
452
00:16:47,201 --> 00:16:49,081
‐ "Happy Funeral, Karen."
453
00:16:49,079 --> 00:16:51,629
Well, I wonder who thought
of that snappy copy.
454
00:16:51,627 --> 00:16:53,757
‐ My husband.
455
00:16:53,756 --> 00:16:55,966
I don't wanna brag,
but have you all seen
456
00:16:55,968 --> 00:16:57,928
his new Lean Cuisine spots
where the single woman
457
00:16:57,931 --> 00:16:59,431
makes a noose out of linguini?
458
00:16:59,433 --> 00:17:01,063
[light chuckles]
‐ Well, have you seen
459
00:17:01,062 --> 00:17:02,522
my husband's commercial
for lady razors
460
00:17:02,523 --> 00:17:03,823
where the woman's a gorilla
461
00:17:03,817 --> 00:17:05,357
and she gets shot like Harambe?
462
00:17:05,362 --> 00:17:09,832
‐ Well, my husband's cock
is huge.
463
00:17:09,829 --> 00:17:11,749
‐ So how about you guys?
Any of you have jobs
464
00:17:11,750 --> 00:17:13,840
or interests or something?
465
00:17:13,837 --> 00:17:16,467
‐ There's only room for one
personality in a relationship.
466
00:17:16,467 --> 00:17:18,177
‐ You know it's working
when you vanish.
467
00:17:18,179 --> 00:17:19,979
It's like my husband's
spot for Yoplait
468
00:17:19,975 --> 00:17:22,645
where the woman gets so thin
that she disappears
469
00:17:22,647 --> 00:17:25,947
and the man says, "Now that's
a wife I don't wanna punch."
470
00:17:25,945 --> 00:17:27,355
[laughter]
471
00:17:27,364 --> 00:17:28,954
‐ I can't fucking do this.
472
00:17:28,951 --> 00:17:30,501
Excuse me.
473
00:17:30,496 --> 00:17:32,956
Todd, if I have to spend
474
00:17:32,959 --> 00:17:34,959
one more second
at the fucking wifey table,
475
00:17:34,963 --> 00:17:36,263
I'm gonna lose my mind.
476
00:17:36,257 --> 00:17:38,047
It's like gay "Get Out."
477
00:17:38,052 --> 00:17:40,352
And by the way, everyone‐‐
is everyone listening?
478
00:17:40,348 --> 00:17:44,318
Boobies was not Karen's
favorite restaurant!
479
00:17:47,195 --> 00:17:49,865
‐ Well, another fucking party
ruined by Sam.
480
00:17:52,540 --> 00:17:54,670
‐ Billy! Hey, Billy!
481
00:17:54,669 --> 00:17:56,839
Wait. What the hell
happened back there?
482
00:17:56,840 --> 00:18:00,260
‐ Look, work things and being
the quiet, supportive boyfriend,
483
00:18:00,263 --> 00:18:01,893
that is not me, okay?
484
00:18:01,892 --> 00:18:04,442
I'm Billy Epstein,
I am not Billy‐Yi Previn.
485
00:18:04,438 --> 00:18:07,188
‐ Whoever asked you to be
the quiet, supportive boyfriend?
486
00:18:07,194 --> 00:18:09,284
‐ Well, that's why you
broke up with Sam, right?
487
00:18:09,281 --> 00:18:11,201
Because he wasn't that.
‐ I broke up with Sam
488
00:18:11,202 --> 00:18:13,622
because he took a shit
in my boss' office.
489
00:18:13,624 --> 00:18:15,424
Don't fucking overthink this.
490
00:18:15,418 --> 00:18:17,128
I brought you because
you're the first boyfriend
491
00:18:17,130 --> 00:18:19,220
I'm actually excited
about showing off.
492
00:18:19,218 --> 00:18:21,598
‐ Well, that's not true,
because you brought Sam.
493
00:18:21,598 --> 00:18:25,398
‐ No, Sam showed up.
He crashed an office party.
494
00:18:25,397 --> 00:18:27,027
Wait, is that why
you showed up at my office
495
00:18:27,025 --> 00:18:29,355
with half‐frozen chicken wings?
496
00:18:29,363 --> 00:18:31,203
Bob from Accounting's still on
the fucking toilet
497
00:18:31,200 --> 00:18:33,540
from eating those.
‐ Well, that's not my fault
498
00:18:33,539 --> 00:18:35,379
because they don't tell you
how long to keep them
499
00:18:35,375 --> 00:18:36,955
in the microwave
because they just assume
500
00:18:36,962 --> 00:18:39,172
that you're gonna put them
in the oven.
501
00:18:39,174 --> 00:18:40,804
‐ [sighs]
502
00:18:40,803 --> 00:18:44,643
Um, I don't want you
to be anybody
503
00:18:44,644 --> 00:18:46,824
but your asshole self.
504
00:18:46,815 --> 00:18:49,485
I like you
for the asshole you are.
505
00:18:49,487 --> 00:18:51,617
‐ I'm telling you, though.
If I ever have to sit
506
00:18:51,616 --> 00:18:53,236
with the wifeys again,
507
00:18:53,244 --> 00:18:55,504
I'm gonna take a shit
in your office.
508
00:18:55,499 --> 00:18:57,919
‐ Fair.
509
00:19:02,262 --> 00:19:05,522
‐ [sighs]
510
00:19:05,519 --> 00:19:07,689
Ugh.
‐ What?
511
00:19:07,690 --> 00:19:10,570
‐ I can't believe
I wasted this suit on Karen.
512
00:19:14,954 --> 00:19:17,254
‐ Dusty?
513
00:19:17,250 --> 00:19:19,090
‐ Marigold.
‐ Oh!
514
00:19:19,087 --> 00:19:23,387
‐ Wow, wow, wow, wow!
‐ [laughing] Hi.
515
00:19:23,387 --> 00:19:25,977
‐ I'm so glad
you tracked me down.
516
00:19:25,976 --> 00:19:28,106
‐ Oh, well, thank you
for meeting me.
517
00:19:28,105 --> 00:19:30,145
‐ Well, thank you for leaving
your number
518
00:19:30,151 --> 00:19:32,281
at the juice bar where
I get my mail.
519
00:19:32,280 --> 00:19:34,370
‐ Oh, well, of course.
Why don't you have a phone?
520
00:19:34,368 --> 00:19:35,958
‐ Ah, freedom, Marigold.
521
00:19:35,955 --> 00:19:38,495
I'm a bird,
constantly taking wing.
522
00:19:38,502 --> 00:19:40,262
I mean, there's no need
for a landline
523
00:19:40,255 --> 00:19:43,215
if you never really land.
‐ Oh.
524
00:19:43,219 --> 00:19:46,179
‐ Do you mind if I‐‐sort of‐‐
525
00:19:46,183 --> 00:19:47,853
vibe over here?
526
00:19:47,854 --> 00:19:50,364
‐ Oh, well, actually, I‐‐I‐‐
527
00:19:50,358 --> 00:19:51,818
I‐‐I‐‐I, um‐‐
528
00:19:51,820 --> 00:19:54,830
‐ Ooh, ooh, ooh.
529
00:19:54,826 --> 00:19:56,826
‐ Are you kidding?
‐ Does that ring any bells, huh?
530
00:19:56,830 --> 00:19:59,960
‐ Just an internal siren.
‐ Oh.
531
00:19:59,961 --> 00:20:03,091
Do you remember when
both your legs fell asleep
532
00:20:03,092 --> 00:20:05,262
when we were in the entangled
hammock position?
533
00:20:05,263 --> 00:20:07,893
‐ Oh, my God, the tangled ham‐‐
What was that illustrator
534
00:20:07,894 --> 00:20:09,774
even doing?
‐ I‐‐you know,
535
00:20:09,772 --> 00:20:11,072
sharpening his pencils?
536
00:20:11,066 --> 00:20:12,396
You know, I mean, obviously,
537
00:20:12,402 --> 00:20:13,952
he didn't have to
hold the position
538
00:20:13,947 --> 00:20:15,827
for an hour and a half,
right?
539
00:20:15,826 --> 00:20:17,576
‐ Oh...[murmurs].
‐ You know?
540
00:20:17,580 --> 00:20:19,500
‐ Dusty, can I ask you
a question?
541
00:20:19,500 --> 00:20:22,800
‐ Patchouli and mold.
You get used to it.
542
00:20:22,798 --> 00:20:25,848
‐ Do you ever miss
our wild, crazy youth?
543
00:20:25,846 --> 00:20:28,686
‐ No, I don't, man.
I'm unburdened, Marigold.
544
00:20:28,685 --> 00:20:30,935
You know? Always have been,
always will be.
545
00:20:30,940 --> 00:20:32,400
‐ Oh.
‐ You know? Yeah.
546
00:20:32,400 --> 00:20:34,150
‐ You are so lucky.
I have a family.
547
00:20:34,154 --> 00:20:35,994
‐ Mm‐hmm.
‐ I have a practice.
548
00:20:35,991 --> 00:20:37,331
‐ Practice. Ooh.
‐ I've got a mortgage.
549
00:20:37,327 --> 00:20:38,657
‐ Does that mean
you have a house?
550
00:20:38,664 --> 00:20:40,424
‐ Yes.
‐ What‐‐with a roof?
551
00:20:40,416 --> 00:20:42,456
‐ Well, of course.
‐ Holy‐‐Can I crash with you
552
00:20:42,462 --> 00:20:45,222
if it snows?
‐ What? No!
553
00:20:46,220 --> 00:20:49,100
‐ I understand.
554
00:20:49,101 --> 00:20:51,231
Then if it snows...
555
00:20:51,230 --> 00:20:53,230
could you buy me
a bottle of chocolate syrup
556
00:20:53,234 --> 00:20:54,954
to pour on the snow
for my breakfast?
557
00:20:54,946 --> 00:20:56,616
‐ Get a job!
558
00:20:56,616 --> 00:20:58,496
‐ Oh, my God. I can't believe
559
00:20:58,495 --> 00:21:01,835
that our first ever talk show
appearance is on ESPN
560
00:21:01,835 --> 00:21:04,715
and that the project
we're plugging is my dogs.
561
00:21:08,389 --> 00:21:10,639
‐ That's a lot of soda.
‐ I know.
562
00:21:10,644 --> 00:21:13,404
I get nervous.
This helps, for some reason.
563
00:21:13,399 --> 00:21:15,109
[burps] Oh, my God.
Excuse me.
564
00:21:15,111 --> 00:21:16,701
I know‐‐
‐ Very relatable.
565
00:21:16,698 --> 00:21:19,618
‐ Hey, hey! Football! Touchdown!
‐ Oh, hey!
566
00:21:19,620 --> 00:21:21,330
Yeah, winning! Right? Yeah.
567
00:21:21,331 --> 00:21:22,501
Uh, what do they say in
football?
568
00:21:22,501 --> 00:21:24,001
Oh, tailgate. Tailgate!
569
00:21:24,004 --> 00:21:25,134
‐ Yeah.
‐ Yep, dice,
570
00:21:25,131 --> 00:21:26,591
nothing but Netflix.
571
00:21:26,593 --> 00:21:28,013
‐ [burps] Oh, my God.
Excuse me.
572
00:21:28,012 --> 00:21:29,852
I've had a lot of soda.
573
00:21:29,849 --> 00:21:31,389
Uh, can I just run
to the ladies room, real quick?
574
00:21:31,393 --> 00:21:33,773
‐ Oh, absolutely.
Right this way, Billy.
575
00:21:33,774 --> 00:21:35,864
‐ Okay, let's go, guys.
Football and Touchdown.
576
00:21:35,861 --> 00:21:37,951
‐ Football, Touchdown.
‐ Football and Touchdown!
577
00:21:37,948 --> 00:21:39,448
‐ Get on up!
‐ Let's go, Football
578
00:21:39,451 --> 00:21:40,751
and Touchdown.
‐ Come on, let's go!
579
00:21:40,746 --> 00:21:41,866
‐ Look, Football and Touchdown,
580
00:21:41,873 --> 00:21:43,503
they are raring to go.
581
00:21:43,502 --> 00:21:46,132
‐ So, you big sports fans?
‐ Oh, my God.
582
00:21:46,131 --> 00:21:48,431
Huge. Me and Julie, both.
You know, some people
583
00:21:48,427 --> 00:21:50,887
know things about movies and TV
like who won
584
00:21:50,891 --> 00:21:52,941
the Best Supporting
Actress Oscar this year.
585
00:21:52,937 --> 00:21:55,017
Not us. It's all sports,
all the time.
586
00:21:55,024 --> 00:21:58,364
‐ Who did win?
Oh, Michelle Williams.
587
00:21:58,364 --> 00:22:01,204
‐ It's Viola Davis. Wasn't it?
Yes, it was. Yes.
588
00:22:01,203 --> 00:22:03,043
‐ Okay, they need to get
a mic level.
589
00:22:03,040 --> 00:22:05,090
Billy, can you count?
‐ Oh, sure, yeah.
590
00:22:05,086 --> 00:22:08,506
Ten, nine, eight‐‐
JULIE: Of course I hate sports.
591
00:22:08,510 --> 00:22:10,850
I hate them all.
We both do.
592
00:22:10,848 --> 00:22:13,348
Oh, those stupid hosts‐‐
Rape Rapely
593
00:22:13,352 --> 00:22:15,062
and
She Was Asking For It Jones.
594
00:22:15,064 --> 00:22:17,364
God, I wish I could
kill them all.
595
00:22:17,360 --> 00:22:18,740
[burps]
596
00:22:18,738 --> 00:22:21,158
Oh, and the burping.
[burps]
597
00:22:22,705 --> 00:22:24,705
‐ Is that your friend
who just accused us both
598
00:22:24,709 --> 00:22:26,709
of sexual assault
on a hot mic?
599
00:22:26,713 --> 00:22:30,013
‐ Yeah. She just jinxed,
and I'm not talking about
600
00:22:30,011 --> 00:22:31,721
the 1982 Bette Midler film.
601
00:22:31,723 --> 00:22:33,433
It wasn't Bette's finest hour,
602
00:22:33,434 --> 00:22:34,654
but she didn't get the offer
she expected to
603
00:22:34,645 --> 00:22:35,855
after "The Rose."
604
00:22:35,856 --> 00:22:37,526
‐ Get the fuck out of here.
605
00:22:37,526 --> 00:22:40,026
‐ Fine. Let's go, dogs.
Let's go.
606
00:22:40,031 --> 00:22:41,621
I don't remember your names.
607
00:22:41,618 --> 00:22:43,288
Let's go.
608
00:22:43,287 --> 00:22:45,577
‐ Fuck those dogs.
609
00:22:45,584 --> 00:22:48,724
So, hey, how's your cousin
Karen doing since she retired?
610
00:22:48,715 --> 00:22:51,085
‐ Oh, you didn't hear?
She committed suicide.
611
00:22:52,388 --> 00:22:54,348
‐ Hey, what are you doing
back here‐‐
612
00:22:54,351 --> 00:22:56,561
Oh, no.
613
00:22:56,564 --> 00:22:58,574
They heard me, didn't they?
614
00:22:58,568 --> 00:22:59,858
‐ They sure did.
615
00:22:59,862 --> 00:23:01,112
‐ [sighs]
616
00:23:01,114 --> 00:23:03,044
Well, good thing I only peed.
617
00:23:03,035 --> 00:23:04,865
Hey, are you hungry?
618
00:23:04,872 --> 00:23:07,342
You wanna do wings at Boobies?
‐ I can do Boobies.
619
00:23:07,335 --> 00:23:09,375
‐ Let's do Boobies!
MAN: Wow!
620
00:23:09,381 --> 00:23:12,011
♪ Thought it'd be easy ♪
621
00:23:12,011 --> 00:23:14,601
♪ Thought they didn't know ♪
622
00:23:14,600 --> 00:23:18,440
♪ You thought it was
the only way to go ♪
623
00:23:18,440 --> 00:23:19,940
♪ ♪
624
00:23:19,944 --> 00:23:22,034
♪ Another way out ♪
625
00:23:22,031 --> 00:23:24,791
♪ Found on the way home ♪
626
00:23:24,787 --> 00:23:26,287
♪ Thought you were living fast ♪
627
00:23:26,290 --> 00:23:29,340
♪ But you were living slow ♪
628
00:23:29,337 --> 00:23:36,347
♪ ♪
629
00:23:43,825 --> 00:23:45,325
WOMAN: La la la.
630
00:23:45,328 --> 00:23:46,828
Oh, my God!