1 00:00:02,022 --> 00:00:03,292 - Mmm. 2 00:00:03,290 --> 00:00:04,830 I know coming here was inconvenient, 3 00:00:04,825 --> 00:00:07,055 but they really do have the best cookies in the city. 4 00:00:07,060 --> 00:00:08,330 - Well, they better. 5 00:00:08,328 --> 00:00:09,428 It couldn’t be any more out of the way. 6 00:00:09,429 --> 00:00:10,759 - Hey, lady, keep ’em coming. 7 00:00:10,763 --> 00:00:12,373 If you can find a vein, you can find 8 00:00:12,365 --> 00:00:14,795 more high-glucose cookies for your favorite volunteers. 9 00:00:14,802 --> 00:00:17,042 - Oh, "volunteer." I’m not allowed to give blood... 10 00:00:17,037 --> 00:00:19,037 because I’m gay! 11 00:00:19,039 --> 00:00:20,409 - So fucked up. 12 00:00:20,407 --> 00:00:22,177 Everybody should be allowed to give blood, 13 00:00:22,175 --> 00:00:23,475 not just boring straight people. 14 00:00:23,476 --> 00:00:25,006 - Well, I actually think we can now, 15 00:00:25,012 --> 00:00:26,852 as long as we haven’t had sex in the past year. 16 00:00:26,847 --> 00:00:28,477 And then before that, the law was 17 00:00:28,481 --> 00:00:30,921 as long as we haven’t had sex since 1978, 18 00:00:30,918 --> 00:00:33,288 so you can be a crystal meth addict and waltz in here, 19 00:00:33,286 --> 00:00:35,486 and as long as you haven’t eaten ass in the past year, 20 00:00:35,488 --> 00:00:36,888 it’s blood-ahoy! 21 00:00:36,890 --> 00:00:38,060 I hate this place, 22 00:00:38,058 --> 00:00:40,528 and I hate this whole homophobic country! 23 00:00:40,527 --> 00:00:43,097 - Sex before 1978 seems like it was very magical. 24 00:00:43,096 --> 00:00:44,896 - Well, we’d have to ask Truman Capote. 25 00:00:44,898 --> 00:00:46,528 - Hmm. - Oh, but at least 26 00:00:46,533 --> 00:00:48,673 they have this week’s "Time Out New York." 27 00:00:48,668 --> 00:00:52,768 The magazine for the loneliest people in the world. 28 00:00:52,772 --> 00:00:54,342 - I think that magazine is left behind 29 00:00:54,341 --> 00:00:55,981 more than actual suicide notes. 30 00:00:55,976 --> 00:00:58,246 - Oh, Shelley Long is going into "Fiddler on the Roof" 31 00:00:58,245 --> 00:00:59,745 on the 6th. 32 00:00:59,746 --> 00:01:01,746 That’ll work out. - Yeah, beautifully. 33 00:01:01,748 --> 00:01:03,978 - Oh, and it’s Fashion Week! - Oh! 34 00:01:03,984 --> 00:01:06,094 I better put my Crocs in the dishwasher. 35 00:01:06,086 --> 00:01:08,086 - Oh, listen to this: Christian Siriano 36 00:01:08,088 --> 00:01:10,618 is debuting his new clown-inspired couture 37 00:01:10,623 --> 00:01:13,963 at a runway show, and instead of using models, 38 00:01:13,961 --> 00:01:15,661 he’s using female comedians. 39 00:01:15,662 --> 00:01:17,102 Hey, you should be in that show. 40 00:01:17,097 --> 00:01:18,927 - [muffled] Yeah, I should be a fashion model. 41 00:01:18,932 --> 00:01:20,632 - Yeah. Oh, shit. I gotta go. 42 00:01:20,633 --> 00:01:22,543 I have my audition. - What’s it for? 43 00:01:22,535 --> 00:01:24,135 - It’s to play an animated beaver 44 00:01:24,137 --> 00:01:26,567 who teaches kids how to use the toilet using song and dance. 45 00:01:26,573 --> 00:01:28,283 - Oh, I thought "Hannibal" was canceled. 46 00:01:28,275 --> 00:01:29,475 Animation’s great, though. 47 00:01:29,476 --> 00:01:30,806 They never see your face, 48 00:01:30,811 --> 00:01:32,581 so you may as well do something humiliating, 49 00:01:32,579 --> 00:01:33,879 as long as it’s lucrative. 50 00:01:33,881 --> 00:01:35,881 - The good news is, this gig is union, 51 00:01:35,883 --> 00:01:37,323 so I would get my insurance again. 52 00:01:37,317 --> 00:01:39,047 That’s the only reason I’m doing it. 53 00:01:39,052 --> 00:01:40,852 It’s ’cause my shoulder’s still fucked up. 54 00:01:40,854 --> 00:01:42,264 - I’m sorry, Billy. That sucks. 55 00:01:42,255 --> 00:01:43,555 - I’m falling apart. 56 00:01:43,556 --> 00:01:44,926 I wasn’t even that good to begin with. 57 00:01:44,925 --> 00:01:47,425 Like "Scandal." Good-bye. 58 00:01:47,427 --> 00:01:49,327 - Break a leg! - Enjoy your cookies, 59 00:01:49,329 --> 00:01:51,329 my little blood diamond. 60 00:01:51,331 --> 00:01:53,771 - Ma’am. - Now what do you want? 61 00:01:53,766 --> 00:01:55,766 - Can I have some milk? 62 00:01:55,768 --> 00:01:58,968 [driving punk rock music] 63 00:01:58,972 --> 00:02:00,572 ♪ ♪ 64 00:02:00,573 --> 00:02:03,213 Hey, look, a line of overdressed dumdums. 65 00:02:03,210 --> 00:02:04,850 - It’s definitely Fashion Week. 66 00:02:04,845 --> 00:02:06,345 - Me-ow. 67 00:02:06,346 --> 00:02:07,946 Who recast "Reservoir Dogs," 68 00:02:07,948 --> 00:02:09,948 and where do I send a thank-you note? 69 00:02:09,950 --> 00:02:11,780 - Oh, yeah, those are the Ten Tens. 70 00:02:11,784 --> 00:02:13,294 - What? - The Ten Tens. 71 00:02:13,286 --> 00:02:15,416 It’s that group of, like, super-hot gay guys 72 00:02:15,422 --> 00:02:16,992 that go to parties that become orgies 73 00:02:16,990 --> 00:02:19,260 and orgies that become parties. - Seriously? 74 00:02:19,259 --> 00:02:20,559 I’ll bet nobody in there 75 00:02:20,560 --> 00:02:22,200 has ever heard an episode of "Serial." 76 00:02:22,195 --> 00:02:23,495 - Oh... - Heaven! 77 00:02:23,496 --> 00:02:24,966 - Jealous. - We have to try to get in. 78 00:02:24,965 --> 00:02:26,795 Should we do, "I left my purse in the bathroom"? 79 00:02:26,800 --> 00:02:28,940 - I think we should do Donatella. 80 00:02:28,936 --> 00:02:31,806 - Hey, Donatella! - Donatella! 81 00:02:31,805 --> 00:02:34,935 [both mimic speaking Italian] 82 00:02:40,814 --> 00:02:42,684 Why’d we want to go to this party again? 83 00:02:42,682 --> 00:02:44,322 These people--ugh. 84 00:02:44,317 --> 00:02:46,147 Somehow fashion people are more superficial 85 00:02:46,153 --> 00:02:48,423 than entertainment people. - Oh, and even meaner. 86 00:02:48,421 --> 00:02:50,761 All you need to do is be rude to the right person, 87 00:02:50,757 --> 00:02:52,857 and suddenly, everybody wants to be your best friend. 88 00:02:52,860 --> 00:02:54,690 Watch this. Hey, bitch. 89 00:02:54,694 --> 00:02:56,734 Are you too stupid to eat a sandwich 90 00:02:56,729 --> 00:02:58,299 or too drunk to keep it down? 91 00:02:58,298 --> 00:03:00,098 - Hey, queen. 92 00:03:00,100 --> 00:03:01,800 I am living for her. 93 00:03:01,802 --> 00:03:03,642 - Wow. That works. 94 00:03:03,636 --> 00:03:05,966 - Oh, my God. I am so fucked. 95 00:03:05,973 --> 00:03:07,813 Now Tig dropped out. What am I gonna do? 96 00:03:07,808 --> 00:03:09,478 How am I gonna go back and tell Christian 97 00:03:09,476 --> 00:03:11,036 we lost another lady comic? 98 00:03:11,044 --> 00:03:13,884 - I’m sorry, are you talking about Christian Siriano? 99 00:03:13,881 --> 00:03:16,221 ’Cause I’m a lady comic. - You are? 100 00:03:16,216 --> 00:03:18,216 - Yeah, of course she is, you coke straw. 101 00:03:18,218 --> 00:03:19,648 This is Julie Kessler, 102 00:03:19,652 --> 00:03:21,292 the comedian’s comedian’s comedian. 103 00:03:21,288 --> 00:03:22,658 - Oh, totally. 104 00:03:22,655 --> 00:03:24,185 You have to do the show. Okay, don’t move. 105 00:03:24,191 --> 00:03:26,361 I’m sending my assistant over to get your info. 106 00:03:26,359 --> 00:03:28,229 - Ah! Oh, my God, Billy! 107 00:03:28,228 --> 00:03:31,158 Did I just become a model? - Yeah, I think so. 108 00:03:31,164 --> 00:03:33,534 You’ll be falling asleep listening to Leonardo DiCaprio 109 00:03:33,533 --> 00:03:35,203 talk about the environment in no time. 110 00:03:35,202 --> 00:03:37,302 - Okay, now you try it on the Ten Tens. 111 00:03:37,304 --> 00:03:39,214 It’s your turn to be one of the cool kids. 112 00:03:39,206 --> 00:03:41,706 Be really mean, okay? - Okay. On my way. 113 00:03:41,708 --> 00:03:43,278 If I don’t come back-- - I know. I know. 114 00:03:43,276 --> 00:03:45,106 You’re either high, getting fucked, or dead. 115 00:03:45,112 --> 00:03:47,052 This ain’t my first rodeo. - Wow. 116 00:03:47,047 --> 00:03:50,077 Didn’t know they tested prep on the cast of "Jersey Boys." 117 00:03:50,083 --> 00:03:51,893 [rock music] 118 00:03:51,885 --> 00:03:54,745 Oh, fuck, my shoulder. - Finish the story! 119 00:03:54,754 --> 00:03:56,824 [sneezes] - So it’s 5:00 a. m. 120 00:03:56,824 --> 00:03:58,964 Me and the Ten Tens end up at Marc Jacobs’ 121 00:03:58,959 --> 00:04:01,659 "Good-bye Grindr" party, and then all the sudden, 122 00:04:01,661 --> 00:04:03,401 it turns into an orgy. - [huffs] 123 00:04:03,396 --> 00:04:05,426 - One guy tied up a bunch of John Varvatos slacks 124 00:04:05,432 --> 00:04:07,002 and turned it into a fuck swing. 125 00:04:07,000 --> 00:04:10,270 - You deserve to be part of New York’s seedy gay elite. 126 00:04:10,270 --> 00:04:12,340 - Thanks. I totally see why we can’t give blood now. 127 00:04:12,339 --> 00:04:14,539 Oh, and one of the guys there is gonna be the DJ 128 00:04:14,541 --> 00:04:16,381 Christian Siriano fashion show. 129 00:04:16,376 --> 00:04:17,736 - You mean the fashion show 130 00:04:17,744 --> 00:04:19,614 where I’ll be making my modeling debut? 131 00:04:19,612 --> 00:04:21,082 Oh, that reminds me, 132 00:04:21,081 --> 00:04:23,081 Christian’s coming over later to measure me. 133 00:04:23,083 --> 00:04:25,093 Should I serve snacks? - Maybe. 134 00:04:25,085 --> 00:04:26,615 Hey, Matthew, what do twinks eat? 135 00:04:26,619 --> 00:04:28,119 - Ass! - Oh. 136 00:04:28,121 --> 00:04:29,961 Oh, Julie, hold on. I’m getting another call. 137 00:04:29,957 --> 00:04:31,887 It’s probably the audition. - [groans] 138 00:04:31,892 --> 00:04:34,592 - Hold on. Hello? - [groaning] 139 00:04:35,896 --> 00:04:38,126 - Ma’am, are you choking? - [groaning] 140 00:04:38,131 --> 00:04:39,671 - You’re not--I can’t hear you. 141 00:04:39,666 --> 00:04:41,026 You’re sort of eating your words. 142 00:04:41,034 --> 00:04:43,974 Are you choking? Oh, my God, she’s choking! 143 00:04:43,971 --> 00:04:45,471 - Well, give her the Heimlich! - I don’t know how. 144 00:04:45,472 --> 00:04:47,142 You do it. - Oh, God, don’t look at me! 145 00:04:47,140 --> 00:04:48,880 I’m terrible in a crisis. - Uh, the poster! 146 00:04:48,876 --> 00:04:50,536 Go to the poster! - Uh... 147 00:04:50,543 --> 00:04:52,183 Lay the victim on his back. 148 00:04:52,179 --> 00:04:54,009 Of course they would assume it was a man. 149 00:04:54,014 --> 00:04:55,884 - Forget that part. Just tell me what’s next. 150 00:04:55,883 --> 00:04:57,893 - Face the victim, and kneel astride his hips. 151 00:04:57,885 --> 00:05:00,385 - Okay, is this astride? Or, no, that’s a side saddle. 152 00:05:00,387 --> 00:05:02,757 - Hey, did you know we’re entitled to paid vacation? 153 00:05:02,755 --> 00:05:04,685 I want to see Belize. 154 00:05:04,691 --> 00:05:06,891 WOMAN: Get off of me! I can’t breathe. 155 00:05:06,894 --> 00:05:09,234 - Oh, my God! I got it! I’m an animated beaver! 156 00:05:09,229 --> 00:05:11,029 Julie, I’m a beaver! - Shut up, nobody cares! 157 00:05:11,031 --> 00:05:12,731 We’re saving lives here. 158 00:05:12,732 --> 00:05:15,442 Ma’am, ma’am, are you okay? 159 00:05:15,435 --> 00:05:16,635 Listen, dessert’s on the house. 160 00:05:16,636 --> 00:05:18,066 We don’t have any cakes, 161 00:05:18,071 --> 00:05:20,671 but I will spread jam on anything you’d like. 162 00:05:20,673 --> 00:05:23,383 - Oh, oh, oh, oh. Astride. 163 00:05:23,376 --> 00:05:25,676 Oh, they should just call it "Mary Martin pose." 164 00:05:25,678 --> 00:05:28,118 [cawing] 165 00:05:28,115 --> 00:05:30,275 - Mom, remember that Columbian shape wear 166 00:05:30,283 --> 00:05:31,853 you give me every year for Hanukah? 167 00:05:31,852 --> 00:05:33,822 - And you refuse. - And then you rewrap it 168 00:05:33,821 --> 00:05:35,461 and give it to me again? - Yes, yes. 169 00:05:35,455 --> 00:05:36,985 - I need it. - Oh! 170 00:05:36,990 --> 00:05:39,890 Well, let me see if I can find this year’s batch. 171 00:05:39,893 --> 00:05:41,093 What’s it for? 172 00:05:41,094 --> 00:05:42,804 - I’m going to be modeling 173 00:05:42,796 --> 00:05:45,526 in Christian Siriano’s fashion show. 174 00:05:45,532 --> 00:05:47,702 - Seriously? - Yes, yes. 175 00:05:47,700 --> 00:05:50,170 - A real fashion show? You? 176 00:05:50,170 --> 00:05:52,010 - I know, it’s for Fashion Week and everything. 177 00:05:52,005 --> 00:05:53,365 I’m so excited. - Oh, my God. 178 00:05:53,373 --> 00:05:54,773 Julie, this is huge. 179 00:05:54,774 --> 00:05:56,044 - I knew you’d be proud. 180 00:05:56,043 --> 00:05:58,653 - No, this waist shaper. It’s huge. 181 00:05:58,645 --> 00:06:00,375 Well, that’s Siriano’s problem. 182 00:06:00,380 --> 00:06:01,580 Maybe the boning will help. 183 00:06:01,581 --> 00:06:03,181 You know, I used to model. 184 00:06:03,183 --> 00:06:05,423 Lord and Taylor, 1978. - Taylor, 1978. 185 00:06:05,418 --> 00:06:08,118 - I was a living model, and even though my metabolism 186 00:06:08,121 --> 00:06:11,121 skipped a generation, you now get to wear haute couture! 187 00:06:11,124 --> 00:06:13,664 - I’m happy that you’re happy. - Oh. 188 00:06:13,660 --> 00:06:16,100 - [coughs] - Are you getting sick? 189 00:06:16,096 --> 00:06:18,266 - Oh, no, I’m fine. My throat’s a little--I’m fine. 190 00:06:18,265 --> 00:06:19,795 - All right, you can not get sick. 191 00:06:19,800 --> 00:06:21,000 You stay right there. 192 00:06:21,001 --> 00:06:22,201 I’m gonna get you a Cipro. 193 00:06:22,202 --> 00:06:23,842 I have a whole suitcase upstairs. 194 00:06:23,837 --> 00:06:25,367 Let me see. 195 00:06:25,372 --> 00:06:27,312 Oh, you feel fat. 196 00:06:28,708 --> 00:06:30,308 I meant warm. - Did you? 197 00:06:30,310 --> 00:06:32,210 - Yes. 198 00:06:32,212 --> 00:06:34,512 - I’m keeping you tonight because none of you guys 199 00:06:34,514 --> 00:06:38,094 know the Heimlich Maneuver, and we almost got sued. 200 00:06:38,085 --> 00:06:40,715 So we have Marcy here to teach us CPR. 201 00:06:40,720 --> 00:06:42,720 - Hi, guys. Who here hates choking? 202 00:06:42,722 --> 00:06:44,222 - Oh, yeah, not for me. 203 00:06:44,224 --> 00:06:46,264 One time, a guy asked me to put a belt around his neck, 204 00:06:46,259 --> 00:06:48,399 and I was like, "Slow your roll, Al Pacino." 205 00:06:48,395 --> 00:06:51,095 - Well, I know all about autoerotic asphyxiation. 206 00:06:51,098 --> 00:06:53,298 I used to teach CPR at the women’s shelter, 207 00:06:53,300 --> 00:06:55,770 so I’ve met my share of sex workers. 208 00:06:55,768 --> 00:06:57,368 - Fuck you, Marcy. 209 00:06:57,370 --> 00:06:59,510 Just because I’m trans, you think I’m a sex worker? 210 00:06:59,506 --> 00:07:01,236 The closest I’ve come to working the streets 211 00:07:01,241 --> 00:07:03,641 is the summer I spent with Greenpeace and a clipboard. 212 00:07:03,643 --> 00:07:05,153 - Oh. Okay. 213 00:07:05,145 --> 00:07:08,145 Well, this is Choking Chucky. 214 00:07:08,148 --> 00:07:09,848 - Choking Chucky by day, maybe. 215 00:07:09,850 --> 00:07:11,420 Kevin Spacey’s pool boy by night. 216 00:07:11,418 --> 00:07:14,148 - Well, Chucky was enjoying a nice taco salad 217 00:07:14,154 --> 00:07:17,024 when a little piece of tortilla went down the wrong pipe. 218 00:07:17,024 --> 00:07:18,864 Uh-oh! - Uh-oh! 219 00:07:18,859 --> 00:07:21,029 - Okay, now let’s save his life. 220 00:07:21,028 --> 00:07:23,158 First, wrap your arms around his waist. 221 00:07:23,163 --> 00:07:24,603 - Oh, my God. - What? 222 00:07:24,597 --> 00:07:27,027 Did you realize no one can reach around your waist? 223 00:07:27,034 --> 00:07:28,644 - One of the Ten Tens died. - [gasps] 224 00:07:28,635 --> 00:07:30,695 - They were doing a photo shoot on a Ferris wheel 225 00:07:30,703 --> 00:07:31,943 for David LaChapelle. 226 00:07:31,939 --> 00:07:33,269 It was very windy. 227 00:07:33,273 --> 00:07:35,483 They all fell off, and one of them died. 228 00:07:35,475 --> 00:07:36,975 Oh, my God! 229 00:07:36,977 --> 00:07:38,777 Now they want me to be one of the Ten Tens, now-- 230 00:07:38,778 --> 00:07:41,078 ’cause they’re down to nine! - But you’re barely a two! 231 00:07:41,081 --> 00:07:43,151 - You know what, Matthew? You make me think Matt Damon 232 00:07:43,150 --> 00:07:45,350 was right when he told gay actors to remain closeted. 233 00:07:45,352 --> 00:07:47,222 - Are you guys paying attention? - Are you? 234 00:07:47,220 --> 00:07:49,590 Because we’re being lied to every day by our government, 235 00:07:49,589 --> 00:07:50,859 and you know what else? 236 00:07:50,858 --> 00:07:52,228 Steve Rannazzisi from "The League," 237 00:07:52,225 --> 00:07:54,385 he was in the World Trade Center that day. 238 00:07:54,394 --> 00:07:56,104 Don’t believe everything you read. 239 00:07:56,096 --> 00:07:58,096 - So like this? - Oh, no, no. 240 00:07:58,098 --> 00:07:59,928 Not like that, not like that. Just get off him. 241 00:07:59,933 --> 00:08:01,503 - Okay, don’t yell at me! 242 00:08:01,501 --> 00:08:03,571 I’m just trying to do what you said, Marcy! 243 00:08:03,570 --> 00:08:06,440 - This is my one free night. I have to listen to Marcy? 244 00:08:06,439 --> 00:08:08,579 Get the fuck out of here, Marcy. - Fuck you, Marcy. 245 00:08:08,575 --> 00:08:10,835 - We hate each other, but we all agree that, "Fuck you." 246 00:08:10,844 --> 00:08:12,384 - Fuck you; get the fuck out of here, Marcy. 247 00:08:12,379 --> 00:08:14,009 - There’s the fucking door, Marcy. 248 00:08:14,014 --> 00:08:15,554 - Yeah. Fuck you. - Get the fuck out of here. 249 00:08:15,548 --> 00:08:17,278 - Such gender-privileged women’s shelter bullshit. 250 00:08:17,284 --> 00:08:18,754 - Give it a rest. - Yeah. 251 00:08:18,751 --> 00:08:20,991 Take Choking Chucky, and get back on the bus, Marcy. 252 00:08:20,988 --> 00:08:23,058 - Yeah. Bus is that way, and sit in the back, by the way. 253 00:08:23,056 --> 00:08:24,716 - On the bus back to your cisgender, 254 00:08:24,724 --> 00:08:25,934 transphobic women’s shelter. 255 00:08:25,926 --> 00:08:27,326 Fuck you! 256 00:08:27,327 --> 00:08:29,497 - Yeah, I’m one of the Ten Tens now, bitch. 257 00:08:29,496 --> 00:08:31,596 - I’m sorry. I’m sorry, Marcy. 258 00:08:31,598 --> 00:08:39,268 - It’s okay. 259 00:08:39,272 --> 00:08:40,412 NATE: Thank you. 260 00:08:42,475 --> 00:08:44,335 - Push! 261 00:08:44,344 --> 00:08:48,154 [eerie music] 262 00:08:48,148 --> 00:08:50,148 - [thinking] Oh, no. 263 00:08:50,150 --> 00:08:52,990 Maybe I am getting sick. 264 00:08:52,986 --> 00:08:55,986 [dramatic music] 265 00:08:55,989 --> 00:09:04,129 ♪ ♪ 266 00:09:08,836 --> 00:09:10,896 Truman Capote? 267 00:09:10,904 --> 00:09:15,944 - Sex before 1978 was the living end. 268 00:09:15,943 --> 00:09:18,953 [dramatic music] 269 00:09:18,946 --> 00:09:26,116 ♪ ♪ 270 00:09:26,119 --> 00:09:28,519 BOTH: Come walk us, Julie. 271 00:09:28,521 --> 00:09:29,521 ♪ ♪ 272 00:09:29,522 --> 00:09:30,922 Forever... 273 00:09:30,924 --> 00:09:32,594 and ever... 274 00:09:32,592 --> 00:09:35,062 and ever. 275 00:09:35,062 --> 00:09:38,272 [eerie music] 276 00:09:38,265 --> 00:09:40,225 ♪ ♪ 277 00:09:40,233 --> 00:09:42,773 - Eyeshadow palette. Did you forget? 278 00:09:42,769 --> 00:09:45,839 You have your fitting for the fashion show. 279 00:09:45,839 --> 00:09:47,169 - Hi, I’m Christian Siriano. 280 00:09:47,174 --> 00:09:49,014 Thank you so much for doing this, Julie. 281 00:09:50,410 --> 00:09:53,350 - [scratchy voice] Julie’s not here, Mr. Siriano. 282 00:10:00,962 --> 00:10:02,102 - Boy, I’m so glad 283 00:10:02,096 --> 00:10:03,966 my assistant ran into you at that party. 284 00:10:03,965 --> 00:10:06,325 We’ve had so many comedians and female Muppets drop out. 285 00:10:06,334 --> 00:10:07,544 I can’t tell you what a fan I am. 286 00:10:07,535 --> 00:10:09,365 - Oh, that’s so sweet. 287 00:10:09,371 --> 00:10:12,111 - No, I literally can’t tell you ’cause I don’t know who you are. 288 00:10:12,106 --> 00:10:13,906 - Oh, that’s so sweet. 289 00:10:13,908 --> 00:10:16,578 - Hmm. Lunch? 290 00:10:16,578 --> 00:10:19,148 - What is that? Like a yogurt sauce, or... 291 00:10:19,146 --> 00:10:21,376 - It’s curried brook trout, actually. 292 00:10:21,383 --> 00:10:23,453 - Ugh, that smell will wake you up. 293 00:10:23,451 --> 00:10:25,351 Arthur, uh, will you open a window, please? 294 00:10:25,353 --> 00:10:26,693 - Sure thing, paint chip. 295 00:10:26,688 --> 00:10:30,058 - You have a lot of neck sweat going on. 296 00:10:30,057 --> 00:10:32,087 - Oh, thank you. 297 00:10:32,093 --> 00:10:33,803 - I hope you’re not getting sick. 298 00:10:33,795 --> 00:10:35,725 I already lost Whitney Cummings to a nasty back rash. 299 00:10:35,730 --> 00:10:37,060 - Oh, no, no, I mixed Cipro 300 00:10:37,064 --> 00:10:39,574 with high-glucose cookies and diet pills. 301 00:10:39,567 --> 00:10:41,267 - Ah, the Evangelista. Mm-hmm. 302 00:10:41,269 --> 00:10:43,909 You’re gonna have a fun night. - We have to get you to bed now. 303 00:10:43,905 --> 00:10:45,765 - Uh-oh. Bedtime. 304 00:10:45,773 --> 00:10:47,713 My boyfriend can’t wait to fuck me. 305 00:10:47,709 --> 00:10:50,309 I’m gonna be wearing Columbian shape wear, 306 00:10:50,312 --> 00:10:52,582 so cut those numbers in half, Chrissy! 307 00:10:52,580 --> 00:10:54,180 [rock music] 308 00:10:54,182 --> 00:10:55,482 - Okay. 309 00:10:55,483 --> 00:10:57,053 Now we’re gonna mark this rehearsal. 310 00:10:57,051 --> 00:10:58,651 Any questions? - Yeah. 311 00:10:58,653 --> 00:11:01,093 So I wear the costume, and then you animate over it, right? 312 00:11:01,088 --> 00:11:04,228 You draw over the footage, like in "Waking Life" or something? 313 00:11:04,226 --> 00:11:05,926 - No, this is live action now. 314 00:11:05,927 --> 00:11:07,697 Didn’t the casting director tell you 315 00:11:07,695 --> 00:11:10,465 that we might be going live instead because of budget? 316 00:11:10,465 --> 00:11:11,665 - Uh, no. 317 00:11:11,666 --> 00:11:13,436 I’m sorry. I can’t do this. 318 00:11:13,435 --> 00:11:15,295 I’m really sorry. 319 00:11:15,303 --> 00:11:17,073 I was doing it for the insurance, 320 00:11:17,071 --> 00:11:21,341 and my shoulder’s on fire, but I can’t be seen like this. 321 00:11:21,343 --> 00:11:22,743 - Relax. 322 00:11:22,744 --> 00:11:24,754 They’re making you a plastic foam head. 323 00:11:24,746 --> 00:11:27,846 That’s why they were measuring you before! 324 00:11:27,849 --> 00:11:29,579 [laughs] 325 00:11:29,584 --> 00:11:32,394 It’s just not ready yet. 326 00:11:32,387 --> 00:11:35,187 - Okay, but you promise no one will see 327 00:11:35,190 --> 00:11:37,960 even a trace of my real face in this, right? 328 00:11:37,959 --> 00:11:39,959 Oddly enough, what Sylvester Stallone 329 00:11:39,961 --> 00:11:42,801 told his plastic surgeon before shooting "Creed." 330 00:11:42,797 --> 00:11:45,567 Know what I mean, kids? "Creed"? 331 00:11:45,567 --> 00:11:47,337 Do you like Stallone? 332 00:11:47,335 --> 00:11:49,065 Major comeback. Hollywood, right? 333 00:11:49,070 --> 00:11:50,640 They bring you up just to rip you down, 334 00:11:50,638 --> 00:11:52,508 then they bring you right back up again. 335 00:11:52,507 --> 00:11:54,537 - [laughs] You’re very funny. 336 00:11:54,542 --> 00:11:57,082 You should be doing comedy. - I know. 337 00:11:57,078 --> 00:11:58,448 - Anyway, action! 338 00:11:58,446 --> 00:11:59,946 [playful music] 339 00:11:59,947 --> 00:12:03,047 - ♪ You know what I like even more than you? ♪ 340 00:12:03,050 --> 00:12:06,650 BOTH: ♪ Using the potty when I pee and poo ♪ 341 00:12:06,654 --> 00:12:09,664 ♪ Wipe, wipe, wipe, till you see the white ♪ 342 00:12:09,657 --> 00:12:11,827 - Come on, kids! - Come on, Billy. 343 00:12:11,826 --> 00:12:14,656 Shake that booty like your diaper is full. 344 00:12:14,662 --> 00:12:16,832 ALL: ♪ Wipe, wipe, wipe, till you see the white ♪ 345 00:12:16,831 --> 00:12:20,201 - ♪ What the hell happened to my life ♪ 346 00:12:20,202 --> 00:12:24,512 ALL: ♪ Wipe, wipe, wipe, till you see the white ♪ 347 00:12:24,506 --> 00:12:26,906 - God, Julie, you are sick. 348 00:12:26,908 --> 00:12:28,838 Here, I brought you some ginger ale. 349 00:12:28,843 --> 00:12:30,713 All right, now let’s find the Hallmark Channel 350 00:12:30,712 --> 00:12:32,552 so you can watch your "Cedar Cove." 351 00:12:32,547 --> 00:12:35,047 - "Cedar Cove" turns off the brain 352 00:12:35,049 --> 00:12:36,719 so the body can heal. 353 00:12:36,718 --> 00:12:38,788 - Jules, how’d you get so sick? 354 00:12:38,786 --> 00:12:41,986 [light instrumental music] 355 00:12:41,989 --> 00:12:49,929 ♪ ♪ 356 00:12:56,571 --> 00:12:58,471 - I have no idea. 357 00:12:58,473 --> 00:13:00,013 Tell me about work. 358 00:13:00,007 --> 00:13:02,307 - Well, I sang about using the toilet 359 00:13:02,310 --> 00:13:03,780 to a bunch of children all day, 360 00:13:03,778 --> 00:13:06,248 which I think means I’m now OT VII. 361 00:13:06,248 --> 00:13:08,318 - How’d they go from animation to live? 362 00:13:08,316 --> 00:13:09,846 That doesn’t make any sense. 363 00:13:09,851 --> 00:13:11,621 - Well, we learned when Scarlett Johansson 364 00:13:11,619 --> 00:13:13,489 recorded an album of Tom Waits covers 365 00:13:13,488 --> 00:13:15,158 that literally anything is possible. 366 00:13:15,156 --> 00:13:17,056 - How are your new friends? - They’re good. 367 00:13:17,058 --> 00:13:19,328 We went to the Prada party and had another orgy, 368 00:13:19,327 --> 00:13:21,457 but I feel like I’m leading a double life. 369 00:13:21,463 --> 00:13:25,033 On the one hand, I hang out with these ten hot gay guys 370 00:13:25,032 --> 00:13:27,672 who I’ve never said more than two words to in my life, 371 00:13:27,669 --> 00:13:29,039 and on the other hand, 372 00:13:29,036 --> 00:13:31,036 I’m walking around in a diaper all day. 373 00:13:31,038 --> 00:13:34,478 - Billy, what if I’m too sick to do the fashion show? 374 00:13:34,476 --> 00:13:35,676 - Oh, no. 375 00:13:35,677 --> 00:13:37,107 You’re gonna be a fashion model, 376 00:13:37,111 --> 00:13:39,881 and I’m gonna be a famous baby beaver. 377 00:13:39,881 --> 00:13:41,781 Dreams are coming true for us. 378 00:13:41,783 --> 00:13:44,153 They just don’t happen to be our dreams. 379 00:13:44,151 --> 00:13:46,391 - Billy, listen to me, okay? This is important. 380 00:13:46,388 --> 00:13:48,218 If I die, I want you to know 381 00:13:48,223 --> 00:13:51,633 you’re the only man in my life that’s ever been worth a shit. 382 00:13:51,626 --> 00:13:53,596 - Uh, Kleenex, I’m right here. 383 00:13:53,595 --> 00:13:55,695 I’ve made you six soups from scratch. 384 00:13:55,697 --> 00:13:59,067 - Arthur, no soup! Soup stinks. 385 00:13:59,066 --> 00:14:01,766 "Cedar Cove." - Yeah, soup stinks! 386 00:14:01,769 --> 00:14:04,539 "Cedar Cove." - All right. 387 00:14:05,873 --> 00:14:08,183 - Julie, I gotta go back to the cafe for a meeting. 388 00:14:08,176 --> 00:14:09,836 Are you sure there isn’t anything I can do 389 00:14:09,844 --> 00:14:11,254 to make you feel better? 390 00:14:11,246 --> 00:14:13,216 Cold compress, or... 391 00:14:13,215 --> 00:14:15,615 I could read you one of Pauley Perrette’s tweets. 392 00:14:15,617 --> 00:14:18,417 - Pauley, why did you block me? 393 00:14:18,420 --> 00:14:19,620 - Here we go. Here’s one. 394 00:14:19,621 --> 00:14:20,991 "Have unshakable image 395 00:14:20,988 --> 00:14:22,788 "of real 8-year-old child I saw 396 00:14:22,790 --> 00:14:24,730 "that had this tattooed on his forehead. 397 00:14:24,726 --> 00:14:26,626 Never forget his face." 398 00:14:26,628 --> 00:14:27,958 And then she sketches a little boy 399 00:14:27,962 --> 00:14:30,062 that has a "666" on his head. 400 00:14:32,767 --> 00:14:35,797 - "Cedar Cove." - "Cedar Cove." 401 00:14:35,803 --> 00:14:37,913 [soup splashes, pot clangs] 402 00:14:42,344 --> 00:14:44,954 - Arthur, I’m worried about Julie under your care. 403 00:14:44,946 --> 00:14:47,006 You know not to let her suck on any lozenges 404 00:14:47,014 --> 00:14:48,724 when she’s laying down; she could choke! 405 00:14:48,716 --> 00:14:50,216 - Can this wait until the commercial? 406 00:14:50,218 --> 00:14:52,588 - I’m watching "The Real Housewives of OC" reunion. 407 00:14:52,587 --> 00:14:54,117 - Well, Julie’s father’s right. 408 00:14:54,121 --> 00:14:55,321 You are gay. 409 00:14:55,323 --> 00:14:56,763 - Marilyn, I’m not gay. 410 00:14:56,758 --> 00:14:58,028 I’m trying to help Julie while she’s sick. 411 00:14:58,025 --> 00:14:59,885 - Well, sounds pretty gay to me. 412 00:14:59,894 --> 00:15:01,634 And please continue watching television 413 00:15:01,629 --> 00:15:03,769 while my only child is in there suffering. 414 00:15:03,765 --> 00:15:05,265 - Julie is behind on her recaps, 415 00:15:05,267 --> 00:15:06,767 and I don’t want her to get fired. 416 00:15:06,768 --> 00:15:08,538 I’m trying to write some on her behalf. 417 00:15:08,536 --> 00:15:09,796 - Don’t you know that 418 00:15:09,804 --> 00:15:12,074 this reality television’s fake, Arthur? 419 00:15:12,073 --> 00:15:15,013 It’s stupid. It’s vacuous--wait. 420 00:15:15,009 --> 00:15:17,649 Why are they all yelling at the one with no chin? 421 00:15:17,645 --> 00:15:19,645 - Her boyfriend faked cancer! 422 00:15:19,647 --> 00:15:21,817 - Oh, my God. 423 00:15:21,816 --> 00:15:24,446 She deserves to be yelled at. 424 00:15:24,452 --> 00:15:27,052 - And if you ask me, Vicki put Brooks up to it. 425 00:15:27,054 --> 00:15:29,524 - How many recaps have to be in by tomorrow? 426 00:15:29,524 --> 00:15:30,734 - Four. - Never gonna happen 427 00:15:30,725 --> 00:15:32,625 with just you. Move over. 428 00:15:32,627 --> 00:15:33,927 All right. 429 00:15:33,928 --> 00:15:36,258 And then the hooker with no education 430 00:15:36,264 --> 00:15:38,934 pretended to cry in front of her gay boyfriend. 431 00:15:38,933 --> 00:15:40,943 - [laughs] You’re a poet, Marilyn. 432 00:15:40,935 --> 00:15:43,435 - Well, Julie’s job is very easy. 433 00:15:43,438 --> 00:15:45,368 - You know, we have been writing recaps together all night. 434 00:15:45,373 --> 00:15:47,543 We haven’t fought once. You can be a real treat. 435 00:15:47,542 --> 00:15:50,652 - Well, you can be a real charmer when you’re not drunk. 436 00:15:50,645 --> 00:15:51,845 - [laughs] Joke’s on you. 437 00:15:51,846 --> 00:15:53,676 I’m drunk right now. - Oh! 438 00:15:53,681 --> 00:15:56,881 - Oh, Julie would be so happy to see us getting along like this. 439 00:15:56,884 --> 00:15:59,724 - Julie’s never happy, unless she’s got a mouthful of cake 440 00:15:59,721 --> 00:16:01,961 and something to complain about. - Do you know, 441 00:16:01,956 --> 00:16:04,726 she once told me my socks were too noisy. 442 00:16:04,726 --> 00:16:08,226 - You know what she said to me? I was a withholding narcissist. 443 00:16:08,230 --> 00:16:09,300 [both laugh] 444 00:16:09,297 --> 00:16:11,067 Oh, well, we should go check on her. 445 00:16:11,065 --> 00:16:12,795 - I hate to say it, but I think she’s too sick 446 00:16:12,800 --> 00:16:14,200 to go to the fashion show. 447 00:16:14,202 --> 00:16:16,272 - Oh, it’s gonna break my heart to tell her. 448 00:16:16,271 --> 00:16:17,271 [gasps] Ooh! 449 00:16:17,272 --> 00:16:20,542 "Vanderpump Rules" is back on. 450 00:16:20,542 --> 00:16:22,042 - Twist my arm. - Okay. 451 00:16:22,043 --> 00:16:25,483 Future generations will rename STDs "Jax" and "Stassi." 452 00:16:25,480 --> 00:16:26,680 - Zing! 453 00:16:26,681 --> 00:16:29,921 [upbeat music] 454 00:16:29,917 --> 00:16:31,917 - Uh, where’s the rest of it? 455 00:16:31,919 --> 00:16:33,389 There’s a giant hole for my face. 456 00:16:33,388 --> 00:16:35,458 You can totally see me. - This is it! 457 00:16:35,457 --> 00:16:37,827 Jenny McCarthy and Have a Hunch Foundation 458 00:16:37,825 --> 00:16:39,185 weighed in yesterday. 459 00:16:39,194 --> 00:16:41,704 Apparently it’s important for ages 0 to 2 460 00:16:41,696 --> 00:16:45,366 to see the face of the character they are interacting with 461 00:16:45,367 --> 00:16:48,167 so that they can learn to read facial expressions. 462 00:16:48,170 --> 00:16:50,610 - No way I am showing my face on this show. 463 00:16:50,605 --> 00:16:52,035 I said it since the beginning. 464 00:16:52,039 --> 00:16:53,439 It’s literally my one condition. 465 00:16:53,441 --> 00:16:55,441 - You think you’re too cool for this? 466 00:16:55,443 --> 00:16:57,983 You think one of your cool friends is gonna see you 467 00:16:57,979 --> 00:17:00,149 hopping around like a big baby beaver, 468 00:17:00,147 --> 00:17:03,217 and they’re gonna say, "Billy is not cool"? 469 00:17:03,218 --> 00:17:05,448 - Yes, that is exactly what I am afraid of. 470 00:17:05,453 --> 00:17:06,753 - Well, you are the one 471 00:17:06,754 --> 00:17:08,664 who keeps bitching about health insurance. 472 00:17:08,656 --> 00:17:10,786 Do you want this gig or not? 473 00:17:11,793 --> 00:17:13,163 - Okay. 474 00:17:14,829 --> 00:17:16,429 Okay. 475 00:17:18,733 --> 00:17:20,373 - Having a tough day out there? 476 00:17:20,368 --> 00:17:21,598 - Yeah. 477 00:17:21,603 --> 00:17:24,173 - Want a taquito? - No, thank you. 478 00:17:24,172 --> 00:17:26,172 I just--this is the first time in my life 479 00:17:26,174 --> 00:17:28,184 I’m one of the cool guys, and now I’m gonna be what? 480 00:17:28,176 --> 00:17:31,406 A cool guy with a bad shoulder and no health insurance? 481 00:17:32,514 --> 00:17:33,724 [sighs] 482 00:17:33,715 --> 00:17:34,915 I wish Julie was here. 483 00:17:34,916 --> 00:17:36,746 She’d tell me what to do. 484 00:17:36,751 --> 00:17:38,621 - Julie, huh? 485 00:17:38,620 --> 00:17:41,290 Does Julie have a big pussy? 486 00:17:42,790 --> 00:17:45,930 ’Cause I like it when the roast beef goes past the bread. 487 00:17:47,395 --> 00:17:49,755 WOMAN: Last looks, models. Last looks. 488 00:17:49,764 --> 00:17:52,604 - Come on, guys. We got five minutes. 489 00:17:52,600 --> 00:17:55,740 WOMAN: Rita Rudner to the stage, Rita Rudner to the stage. 490 00:17:55,737 --> 00:17:57,167 - Wait, we’re missing one. 491 00:17:57,172 --> 00:17:58,912 Where’s the redhead with the sweaty neck? 492 00:17:58,906 --> 00:18:00,176 - I thought Louie was unavailable, 493 00:18:00,175 --> 00:18:01,505 so you decided to do all women? 494 00:18:01,509 --> 00:18:03,249 - No, the other one that no one knows. 495 00:18:03,245 --> 00:18:05,305 - I’m so very sorry I’m late. 496 00:18:05,313 --> 00:18:08,983 I had the "uh-uhs" in a Dunkin’ Donuts ladies’ room. 497 00:18:08,983 --> 00:18:10,423 - [quietly] Oof... 498 00:18:10,418 --> 00:18:12,388 - But now I’m here! 499 00:18:12,387 --> 00:18:13,717 You’re queer! 500 00:18:13,721 --> 00:18:17,121 Now let’s wear some clothes! 501 00:18:17,124 --> 00:18:18,964 Is there a--a toilet? 502 00:18:23,631 --> 00:18:27,371 - Marilyn, you dozed off during "Manzo’d with Children." 503 00:18:27,369 --> 00:18:29,769 - Dozed off? Girl, please. 504 00:18:29,771 --> 00:18:31,371 My body just shut down to protect me 505 00:18:31,373 --> 00:18:34,743 from the combined stupidity of Chris and Albie. 506 00:18:34,742 --> 00:18:36,042 - [laughs] That’s good. 507 00:18:36,043 --> 00:18:38,413 Noodles, I brought you some dry toa-- 508 00:18:41,249 --> 00:18:43,189 She’s gone. - What? 509 00:18:43,185 --> 00:18:45,885 Arthur, how could you let her leave? 510 00:18:45,887 --> 00:18:47,587 - You were here too! - I know. 511 00:18:47,589 --> 00:18:50,629 But I’ve been lightheaded ever since I went down a dress size. 512 00:18:50,625 --> 00:18:51,825 Why do I keep forgetting to eat? 513 00:18:51,826 --> 00:18:53,396 - Hello, Billy? BILLY: Hey Arthur. 514 00:18:53,395 --> 00:18:54,855 - I went to check on Julie, and she wasn’t there. 515 00:18:54,862 --> 00:18:56,062 - Give me the phone. 516 00:18:56,063 --> 00:18:57,373 ARTHUR: Marilyn, I can handle it. 517 00:18:57,365 --> 00:18:59,025 MARILYN: No, you can’t. Give it to me. 518 00:18:59,033 --> 00:19:00,503 Julie’s gone, and it’s Arthur’s fault. 519 00:19:00,502 --> 00:19:02,442 - Okay. I bet she went to the Siriano show. 520 00:19:02,437 --> 00:19:04,967 I know where it is. I’ll meet you there. 521 00:19:04,972 --> 00:19:07,282 - Hey, baby boom boom! Where you going? 522 00:19:07,275 --> 00:19:09,375 You cannot leave in your costume! 523 00:19:09,377 --> 00:19:12,247 - He’s probably going to meet his friend. 524 00:19:12,247 --> 00:19:17,077 I think she’s got a big snatch. Huge. 525 00:19:17,084 --> 00:19:20,294 [dance music] 526 00:19:20,288 --> 00:19:24,228 ♪ ♪ 527 00:19:24,226 --> 00:19:25,986 WOMAN: ♪ I just want you here ♪ 528 00:19:25,993 --> 00:19:28,863 MAN: Comedian Judy Gold. 529 00:19:28,863 --> 00:19:30,063 WOMAN: ♪ Like it was 1941 ♪ 530 00:19:30,064 --> 00:19:31,274 - What are you waiting for? 531 00:19:31,266 --> 00:19:33,266 Go, go, go, go, go. Come on. 532 00:19:33,268 --> 00:19:38,738 ♪ ♪ 533 00:19:38,740 --> 00:19:40,510 [music slows] 534 00:19:40,508 --> 00:19:42,708 - [sputters] 535 00:19:42,710 --> 00:19:45,850 [coughing] 536 00:19:48,450 --> 00:19:53,920 WOMAN: ♪ I can’t get enough ♪ 537 00:19:53,921 --> 00:19:57,391 ♪ C’mon, why don’t you show me how to swing? ♪ 538 00:19:57,392 --> 00:19:58,632 - Oh, my God. 539 00:19:58,626 --> 00:20:00,896 She’s choking on that fucking cough drop. 540 00:20:00,895 --> 00:20:04,095 - [gagging] 541 00:20:04,098 --> 00:20:06,598 - Oh... Just like Carrie Bradshaw. 542 00:20:06,601 --> 00:20:08,741 - [gasping] 543 00:20:08,736 --> 00:20:10,606 - Not like Carrie Bradshaw. 544 00:20:10,605 --> 00:20:12,165 Oh... 545 00:20:12,174 --> 00:20:13,884 Good-bye, Ten Tens. 546 00:20:13,875 --> 00:20:15,275 Julie, don’t worry! 547 00:20:15,277 --> 00:20:17,107 Choking Chucky showed me what to do! 548 00:20:17,111 --> 00:20:20,251 - [groaning, gasping] 549 00:20:21,716 --> 00:20:24,586 ALL: Oh! 550 00:20:24,586 --> 00:20:27,456 - Billy, you’re a beaver! - Yeah. 551 00:20:27,455 --> 00:20:32,225 - And you seem to have uncorked the bottle, old friend. 552 00:20:32,227 --> 00:20:33,927 - Oh, use my diaper. Use my diaper. 553 00:20:33,928 --> 00:20:36,728 - [retches] 554 00:20:36,731 --> 00:20:39,331 - Let’s go. Let’s go. Let’s go. 555 00:20:39,334 --> 00:20:41,874 Let’s g--ow! Ow! Ow! My shoulder. 556 00:20:41,869 --> 00:20:43,169 - Oh, my God! I’m so sorry! 557 00:20:43,171 --> 00:20:44,611 Are you okay? 558 00:20:44,606 --> 00:20:46,906 [crowd clamoring] 559 00:20:46,908 --> 00:20:49,538 I’m a pretty girl, Mama. 560 00:20:49,544 --> 00:20:51,654 - Yes, you are. 561 00:20:51,646 --> 00:20:54,416 - [sobbing] 562 00:20:54,416 --> 00:20:57,946 "Clown Whore Pukes On Gay Beaver." 563 00:20:57,952 --> 00:20:59,492 - Which one am I? 564 00:20:59,487 --> 00:21:01,287 - I’m sorry you don’t have health insurance. 565 00:21:01,289 --> 00:21:02,689 - Me, too, but hey. 566 00:21:02,690 --> 00:21:03,790 At least when I picked you up, 567 00:21:03,791 --> 00:21:05,631 it weirdly snapped my shoulder back into place. 568 00:21:05,627 --> 00:21:07,227 - That’s awesome! - I know. 569 00:21:07,229 --> 00:21:08,899 - But you’re still fired, right? - Oh, yeah. 570 00:21:08,896 --> 00:21:11,326 They decided they actually didn’t want to debut the costume 571 00:21:11,333 --> 00:21:13,343 in a photo where someone’s puking on my dick. 572 00:21:13,335 --> 00:21:15,065 - You know, I heard that’s why they got rid of 573 00:21:15,069 --> 00:21:16,799 the original Captain Kangaroo. - Yep. 574 00:21:16,804 --> 00:21:18,544 - And you’re not still part of the Ten Tens? 575 00:21:18,540 --> 00:21:20,710 - Oh, no way. Who am I kidding? 576 00:21:20,708 --> 00:21:22,878 I had no business being one of the cool guys anyway. 577 00:21:22,877 --> 00:21:24,407 - And I have to admit, 578 00:21:24,412 --> 00:21:26,412 I’m a little bummed that I puked all over my chances 579 00:21:26,414 --> 00:21:28,084 to be the pretty girl in the cute clothes, 580 00:21:28,082 --> 00:21:31,752 but the bright side is I’m still pretty hot for a recapper. 581 00:21:31,753 --> 00:21:33,663 - How did you get your stuff in on time? 582 00:21:33,655 --> 00:21:35,655 - Oh, Arthur wrote most of them with my mom, 583 00:21:35,657 --> 00:21:37,657 and then they turned in one I wrote while I was sick. 584 00:21:37,659 --> 00:21:39,489 It was just the words "Cedar Cove" 585 00:21:39,494 --> 00:21:41,904 over and over again, but it never affected my page views. 586 00:21:41,896 --> 00:21:43,296 - Oh, great. - Yeah. 587 00:21:43,298 --> 00:21:44,768 Hey, I’ve got a hankering 588 00:21:44,766 --> 00:21:46,826 for four times the glucose of a regular cookie. 589 00:21:46,834 --> 00:21:48,074 Let’s find that bloodmobile 590 00:21:48,069 --> 00:21:49,499 and trick them into taking your blood. 591 00:21:49,504 --> 00:21:51,174 We could tell them that you’re a virgin. 592 00:21:51,173 --> 00:21:52,773 Or straight! - Ooh, like... 593 00:21:52,774 --> 00:21:55,214 BOTH: Kevin Spacey! 594 00:21:55,210 --> 00:21:58,050 MAN: ♪ Thought it’d be easy ♪ 595 00:21:58,045 --> 00:22:00,675 ♪ Thought they didn’t know ♪ 596 00:22:00,682 --> 00:22:04,722 ♪ You thought it was the only way to go ♪ 597 00:22:04,719 --> 00:22:06,119 ♪ ♪ 598 00:22:06,120 --> 00:22:08,190 ♪ Another way out ♪ 599 00:22:08,190 --> 00:22:10,990 ♪ Found on the way home ♪ 600 00:22:10,992 --> 00:22:12,392 ♪ Thought you were living fast ♪ 601 00:22:12,394 --> 00:22:15,634 ♪ But you were living slow ♪ 602 00:22:15,630 --> 00:22:23,570 ♪ ♪