1 00:00:01,235 --> 00:00:03,337 Another Yom Kippur. 2 00:00:03,437 --> 00:00:05,239 You think Bethenny Frankel's fasting today? 3 00:00:05,339 --> 00:00:07,408 Uh, yeah, but not because she knows what day it is. 4 00:00:07,508 --> 00:00:09,277 Ugh, these fucking shoes. 5 00:00:09,377 --> 00:00:11,011 - Oh, are you all right? - Yeah, I'm all right. 6 00:00:11,112 --> 00:00:12,046 I never see you in a chunky heel, 7 00:00:12,146 --> 00:00:13,414 only a sassy flat. 8 00:00:13,514 --> 00:00:15,316 Well, I'm going to my mom's break-fast later, 9 00:00:15,416 --> 00:00:17,285 and Nicole's gonna be there, and she's always dressed up. 10 00:00:17,385 --> 00:00:18,619 Wait, which one is Nicole again? 11 00:00:18,719 --> 00:00:20,054 Is that the Uber driver that tried to sell us 12 00:00:20,154 --> 00:00:21,222 a friendship bracelet? 13 00:00:21,322 --> 00:00:22,556 No, it's another person we hate. 14 00:00:22,656 --> 00:00:24,425 She's that annoying psychology student 15 00:00:24,525 --> 00:00:25,559 who's obsessed with my mom. 16 00:00:25,659 --> 00:00:27,228 She looks great without makeup. 17 00:00:27,328 --> 00:00:28,362 She likes hiking. 18 00:00:28,462 --> 00:00:30,164 She has no food issues. 19 00:00:30,264 --> 00:00:32,066 She's basically the daughter my mom always wanted. 20 00:00:32,166 --> 00:00:33,434 Yeah, family is the worst way 21 00:00:33,534 --> 00:00:35,303 to meet someone that you have nothing in common with. 22 00:00:35,403 --> 00:00:36,537 So how did you get suckered into going 23 00:00:36,637 --> 00:00:37,605 to your brother's for Yom Kippur? 24 00:00:37,705 --> 00:00:39,407 You said last year, "Never again," 25 00:00:39,507 --> 00:00:41,309 which, honestly, was a little on the nose. 26 00:00:41,409 --> 00:00:44,645 I know. I got a call from an unknown number, 27 00:00:44,745 --> 00:00:46,580 and I thought it was that agent, Skippy Truce, 28 00:00:46,680 --> 00:00:48,082 the one that likes me. 29 00:00:48,182 --> 00:00:49,317 But it wasn't. It was Garry. 30 00:00:49,417 --> 00:00:51,152 Does your brother spell "Gary" with one R? 31 00:00:51,252 --> 00:00:53,121 Oh, I wish. Two Rs. 32 00:00:53,221 --> 00:00:54,622 - The bad "Garry." - Of course. 33 00:00:54,722 --> 00:00:56,457 [phone chiming] Sorry. Hello. 34 00:00:56,557 --> 00:00:58,592 Yeah. 35 00:00:58,692 --> 00:01:00,194 Oh, my God, yes! 36 00:01:00,294 --> 00:01:01,462 Yes, that's amazing! That's so great! 37 00:01:01,562 --> 00:01:02,530 [mouthing words] 38 00:01:02,630 --> 00:01:04,064 Okay, thank you. Thank you. 39 00:01:04,165 --> 00:01:05,199 Okay, bye. I got an agent! 40 00:01:05,299 --> 00:01:07,535 [screams] That's amazing! 41 00:01:07,635 --> 00:01:09,170 - I'm sorry I'm screaming. - I'm so happy for you. 42 00:01:09,270 --> 00:01:10,471 I know; I'll buy your agave syrup. 43 00:01:10,571 --> 00:01:12,140 I can't believe it. I'm represented. 44 00:01:12,240 --> 00:01:13,507 - I am represented. - Finally. 45 00:01:13,607 --> 00:01:15,443 I am represented. Yes! 46 00:01:15,543 --> 00:01:16,477 That's amazing. 47 00:01:16,577 --> 00:01:18,078 Oh, I can't. 48 00:01:18,179 --> 00:01:19,347 He said I have a John C. Reilly quality. 49 00:01:19,447 --> 00:01:21,249 - I've always thought that. - Yes. 50 00:01:21,349 --> 00:01:23,517 Do you think it's a little weird he called on Yom Kippur? 51 00:01:23,617 --> 00:01:24,618 No, no, no, he's not Jewish. 52 00:01:24,718 --> 00:01:25,619 [growling] 53 00:01:25,719 --> 00:01:27,087 Julie, no. 54 00:01:27,188 --> 00:01:28,122 Julie, no, no, no. 55 00:01:28,222 --> 00:01:29,390 It's fine. He's good. 56 00:01:29,490 --> 00:01:30,491 I'm telling you, he's legit. 57 00:01:30,591 --> 00:01:32,293 He knows all those guys at HBO. 58 00:01:32,393 --> 00:01:33,694 * What more do you need 59 00:01:33,794 --> 00:01:36,330 You have to pitch a series to HBO about a network 60 00:01:36,430 --> 00:01:37,598 that passed on all the good shows 61 00:01:37,698 --> 00:01:40,100 and all it was left with was The Leftovers. 62 00:01:40,201 --> 00:01:41,402 - Whoa! - [laughs] Yes. 63 00:01:41,502 --> 00:01:43,237 Or what about a Fraggle Rock reboot 64 00:01:43,337 --> 00:01:44,672 except all the Fraggles are trans? 65 00:01:44,772 --> 00:01:46,374 You think that's too close to Looking? 66 00:01:46,474 --> 00:01:47,708 [laughs] 67 00:01:47,808 --> 00:01:51,612 [driving punk rock music] 68 00:01:53,414 --> 00:01:54,415 [laughter] 69 00:01:54,515 --> 00:01:57,117 Julie, come in. Hug Nicole. 70 00:01:57,218 --> 00:01:58,619 She's helping me because you were late. 71 00:01:58,719 --> 00:02:00,388 - Julie. - Hey, Nicole. 72 00:02:00,488 --> 00:02:02,590 Oh, look at you. I'm still in my workout clothes. 73 00:02:02,690 --> 00:02:04,425 Oh. Natural beauty. 74 00:02:04,525 --> 00:02:06,894 Julie, get the juice out of the fridge, please, 75 00:02:06,994 --> 00:02:09,497 before your father comes back with the lox. 76 00:02:09,597 --> 00:02:11,532 So, Julie, are you still writing? 77 00:02:11,632 --> 00:02:14,335 Well, I just live-blogged the Emmys last month. 78 00:02:14,435 --> 00:02:17,371 12 of the people I took improv classes with 79 00:02:17,471 --> 00:02:19,440 won statues, and one of them hosted. 80 00:02:19,540 --> 00:02:20,508 Oh. That's impressive. 81 00:02:20,608 --> 00:02:21,609 Yeah, for them. 82 00:02:21,709 --> 00:02:23,677 How's psychology school? 83 00:02:23,777 --> 00:02:25,446 Uh, I'm already done. 84 00:02:25,546 --> 00:02:28,516 Yeah, she's got a graduation party on Sunday. 85 00:02:28,616 --> 00:02:30,251 Do you have a clean dress? 86 00:02:30,351 --> 00:02:32,653 Why isn't your mom hosting a graduation party for you? 87 00:02:32,753 --> 00:02:36,257 (Marilyn) Because her mother just joined Scientology. 88 00:02:36,357 --> 00:02:39,159 It's terrible. Those people hate psychologists. 89 00:02:39,260 --> 00:02:41,529 You know we're the chief competitor of any cult. 90 00:02:41,629 --> 00:02:44,365 Wait a minute. Nicole, does this mean you know Anne Archer? 91 00:02:44,465 --> 00:02:46,400 - Okay, just ignore her. - I love her. 92 00:02:46,500 --> 00:02:47,935 Honey, help me with the bagels. 93 00:02:48,035 --> 00:02:50,204 Nicole is fasting. 94 00:02:50,304 --> 00:02:51,739 I can't because it's uncomfortable, 95 00:02:51,839 --> 00:02:54,508 and Julie can't because she's hungry all the time. 96 00:02:54,608 --> 00:02:56,344 Oh, is that because you work out? 97 00:02:56,444 --> 00:02:57,511 Come on, Nicole. 98 00:02:57,611 --> 00:02:59,179 No, Nicole's doing this-- 99 00:02:59,280 --> 00:03:00,548 what is the name of that? 100 00:03:00,648 --> 00:03:02,250 That great new exercise thing? 101 00:03:02,350 --> 00:03:03,584 - What is it? - Oh, Bernie's Boot Camp. 102 00:03:03,684 --> 00:03:05,686 - Yeah, that's right. - Every day at 6:00 a.m. 103 00:03:05,786 --> 00:03:08,322 Can you believe that? Private Benjamin stuff. 104 00:03:08,422 --> 00:03:12,192 (Nicole) I do mud trenches and chin-ups, 105 00:03:12,293 --> 00:03:14,194 and there's an Army guy with a whistle. 106 00:03:14,295 --> 00:03:15,763 That's what you've got to do to have this body. 107 00:03:15,863 --> 00:03:18,399 Show that off. Look at that, beautiful. 108 00:03:18,499 --> 00:03:20,734 - Stop it. - Yeah, yeah. I'm sorry. 109 00:03:20,834 --> 00:03:23,304 I guess I just find that a little offensive. 110 00:03:23,404 --> 00:03:25,673 Honey, what is your problem? 111 00:03:25,773 --> 00:03:28,976 I don't know, just a military-themed exercise class. 112 00:03:29,076 --> 00:03:31,579 I think it minimizes the contributions 113 00:03:31,679 --> 00:03:34,282 that veterans have made to society. 114 00:03:34,382 --> 00:03:35,616 Well, I had no idea that you were so concerned 115 00:03:35,716 --> 00:03:37,751 about protecting veterans in society. 116 00:03:37,851 --> 00:03:40,788 Yeah, well, I have a lot of friends who were veterans. 117 00:03:40,888 --> 00:03:42,222 No, you don't. 118 00:03:42,323 --> 00:03:43,591 Of course I do. 119 00:03:43,691 --> 00:03:45,359 There's a lot you don't know about me, Nicole. 120 00:03:45,459 --> 00:03:46,694 Well, how did you meet them? 121 00:03:46,794 --> 00:03:48,596 - Volunteering. - But you don't volunteer. 122 00:03:48,696 --> 00:03:50,464 Tell that to my comedy career, 123 00:03:50,564 --> 00:03:52,266 'cause it's basically just one big unpaid internship. 124 00:03:52,366 --> 00:03:53,401 I don't believe you. 125 00:03:53,501 --> 00:03:55,002 I've seen you with one friend, 126 00:03:55,102 --> 00:03:57,405 and it's that loud gay guy that you bring around. 127 00:03:57,505 --> 00:03:58,739 I have lots of friends, Nicole, 128 00:03:58,839 --> 00:04:01,275 so many of whom are veterans. 129 00:04:01,375 --> 00:04:04,612 In fact, I'm gonna bring one of them to your graduation party. 130 00:04:04,712 --> 00:04:06,714 How do you like that? Huh? 131 00:04:06,814 --> 00:04:08,015 That would be amazing. 132 00:04:08,115 --> 00:04:09,317 I can't wait to meet that person. 133 00:04:09,417 --> 00:04:10,484 I can't wait for you to meet him. 134 00:04:10,584 --> 00:04:11,485 (Marilyn) Arthur's here. 135 00:04:11,585 --> 00:04:13,020 Chag sameach, Marilyn. 136 00:04:13,120 --> 00:04:15,489 You look like Julie's beautiful sister. 137 00:04:15,589 --> 00:04:17,658 (Marilyn) You know, this looks like something 138 00:04:17,758 --> 00:04:20,027 that you would love to drink, Arthur. 139 00:04:20,127 --> 00:04:22,496 Hey, Mom, just because Arthur's a WASP 140 00:04:22,596 --> 00:04:24,031 doesn't mean he's an alcoholic. 141 00:04:24,131 --> 00:04:25,699 Hmm. It probably does. 142 00:04:25,799 --> 00:04:27,501 (Julie) Arthur, you remember Nicole, right? 143 00:04:27,601 --> 00:04:28,769 - Yes. - Want to hear something funny? 144 00:04:28,869 --> 00:04:30,704 Her mom knows John Travolta. 145 00:04:30,804 --> 00:04:31,772 - Oh, really? - Isn't that great? 146 00:04:31,872 --> 00:04:33,441 - Let it go. - John Travolta. 147 00:04:33,541 --> 00:04:34,808 Let it go! 148 00:04:34,908 --> 00:04:37,811 [lively music] 149 00:04:37,911 --> 00:04:43,050 * 150 00:04:43,150 --> 00:04:46,320 Billy! Come in. Chag sameach. 151 00:04:46,420 --> 00:04:48,055 Hey, Garry. How are you? 152 00:04:48,155 --> 00:04:50,391 Come in. It's freezing out there. 153 00:04:50,491 --> 00:04:51,559 - Take your coat off. - Sure. 154 00:04:51,659 --> 00:04:54,795 Boy, sorry, I was just, uh-- 155 00:04:54,895 --> 00:04:57,297 you got a lot of mezuzahs out there. 156 00:04:57,398 --> 00:04:58,499 Three of them are doorbells. 157 00:04:58,599 --> 00:04:59,467 Oh, really? 158 00:04:59,567 --> 00:05:00,868 Come in. Here, I got it. I got it. I got it. 159 00:05:00,968 --> 00:05:03,504 Let go. Let go. Let--here we are. 160 00:05:03,604 --> 00:05:05,072 Wow, you guys keep it smelling like pot roast 161 00:05:05,172 --> 00:05:07,541 and boiled carrots around here all year long. 162 00:05:07,641 --> 00:05:09,076 [laughs] Thank you very much. 163 00:05:09,176 --> 00:05:10,511 Ruchel, look who's here. 164 00:05:10,611 --> 00:05:12,613 Tal, Renee, get out of the God damn kitchen 165 00:05:12,713 --> 00:05:14,615 and say hello to your Uncle Billy. 166 00:05:14,715 --> 00:05:16,417 Hey, Tal. Hey, Renee. 167 00:05:16,517 --> 00:05:18,552 - Hi, Uncle Billy. - Why aren't you famous yet? 168 00:05:18,652 --> 00:05:20,821 Renee is going through her cunt phase. 169 00:05:20,921 --> 00:05:23,090 That's okay. Me too. Hello, Ruchel. 170 00:05:23,190 --> 00:05:24,692 Tal, you want to tell Billy 171 00:05:24,792 --> 00:05:26,694 what your bat mitzvah party theme's gonna be? 172 00:05:26,794 --> 00:05:27,895 "It gets better." 173 00:05:27,995 --> 00:05:30,698 - Are you gay? - I wish. Just chubby. 174 00:05:30,798 --> 00:05:32,099 [sighs] 175 00:05:32,199 --> 00:05:33,834 Renee, put away your cell phone, 176 00:05:33,934 --> 00:05:36,637 or I'll take your flat iron and bury it so far up your ass, 177 00:05:36,737 --> 00:05:38,439 your throat will burn. 178 00:05:38,539 --> 00:05:39,573 That's a real threat. 179 00:05:39,673 --> 00:05:41,909 Yom Kippur! [laughs nervously] 180 00:05:42,009 --> 00:05:44,578 Sit down. I got to hear it all day long. 181 00:05:44,678 --> 00:05:46,113 I'm sure. I'm sure. I'm sure. 182 00:05:46,213 --> 00:05:47,648 That's great, huh? 183 00:05:47,748 --> 00:05:49,850 Yeah. It's a real treat having you here, you know? 184 00:05:49,950 --> 00:05:51,719 I don't see you enough. 185 00:05:51,819 --> 00:05:54,455 I've seen you, I think, twice since Dad's funeral. 186 00:05:54,555 --> 00:05:56,390 - Mm-hmm. - Let me tell you something. 187 00:05:56,490 --> 00:05:58,125 There's only two of us left. 188 00:05:58,225 --> 00:05:59,627 That's it. The last people on Earth. 189 00:05:59,727 --> 00:06:01,562 - The last people. - It's up to us. 190 00:06:01,662 --> 00:06:03,697 The last people on Earth, and we're sitting in this house. 191 00:06:03,797 --> 00:06:05,799 Yes. Dad died, and that's it. 192 00:06:05,899 --> 00:06:06,900 Uh, no. I know. I know. 193 00:06:07,000 --> 00:06:08,502 And I'm sorry about that. 194 00:06:08,602 --> 00:06:09,703 I should see you guys more, 195 00:06:09,803 --> 00:06:11,472 but I don't want to. 196 00:06:11,572 --> 00:06:12,706 I'm just kidding. We just--we always talk-- 197 00:06:12,806 --> 00:06:14,475 Ruchel, Billy did a joke, and he said, 198 00:06:14,575 --> 00:06:16,376 "I would see you more, but I don't want to." 199 00:06:16,477 --> 00:06:17,478 (Ruchel) He's very funny. 200 00:06:17,578 --> 00:06:18,612 I was kidding. Thank you. 201 00:06:18,712 --> 00:06:20,481 Uh, no, but, you know, 202 00:06:20,581 --> 00:06:22,382 you don't have to mention that every time I come over. 203 00:06:22,483 --> 00:06:25,385 It's not like I'm gonna forget Dad died, you know, 204 00:06:25,486 --> 00:06:27,921 like it's my keys or Minnie Driver. 205 00:06:28,021 --> 00:06:30,891 [both chuckle] 206 00:06:30,991 --> 00:06:32,626 I have two pieces of good news 207 00:06:32,726 --> 00:06:34,695 that I wanted to share from my world. 208 00:06:34,795 --> 00:06:35,829 I can't wait to hear it. 209 00:06:35,929 --> 00:06:37,631 Number one, 210 00:06:37,731 --> 00:06:40,634 John Stamos was delightful on The Chew yesterday. 211 00:06:40,734 --> 00:06:42,470 How about it? That's great! 212 00:06:42,570 --> 00:06:43,804 No, no. I'm kidding. 213 00:06:43,904 --> 00:06:44,905 - You're joking? - It was a joke. 214 00:06:45,005 --> 00:06:46,540 Billy... 215 00:06:46,640 --> 00:06:49,176 And number two, I got a new agent. 216 00:06:49,276 --> 00:06:50,778 - Two bits of good news. - Thank you. 217 00:06:50,878 --> 00:06:52,846 Ruchel, you hear that? Billy's got a new agent. 218 00:06:54,515 --> 00:06:55,849 But you got to remember, you know, 219 00:06:55,949 --> 00:06:57,685 there's other things in your life you need. 220 00:06:57,785 --> 00:06:59,920 You know, you need that special someone to share this with. 221 00:07:00,020 --> 00:07:01,855 (Ruchel) Garry, pick up your fucking shoes. 222 00:07:01,955 --> 00:07:03,724 They stink! 223 00:07:03,824 --> 00:07:05,759 All right. Sorry about that. 224 00:07:05,859 --> 00:07:08,596 Um, how's the dry-cleaning business? 225 00:07:08,696 --> 00:07:10,598 - Better than ever. - Really? 226 00:07:10,698 --> 00:07:12,199 - Better than ever. - Great. 227 00:07:12,299 --> 00:07:13,901 There's a fun overlap, actually, 228 00:07:14,001 --> 00:07:16,870 is that a lot of the Broadway shows are coming to me now, 229 00:07:16,970 --> 00:07:19,673 doing, uh--I'm cleaning the costumes for On the Town. 230 00:07:19,773 --> 00:07:20,808 Oh, wow. 231 00:07:20,908 --> 00:07:21,842 Do you know that show, On the Town? 232 00:07:21,942 --> 00:07:22,910 Of course, yes. 233 00:07:23,010 --> 00:07:24,545 Everybody into the dining room. 234 00:07:24,645 --> 00:07:26,647 It's time for the first hour of blessings. 235 00:07:26,747 --> 00:07:28,749 [rock music] 236 00:07:28,849 --> 00:07:30,450 Of all the self-satisfied-- 237 00:07:30,551 --> 00:07:31,819 I mean, where does Nicole even get off 238 00:07:31,919 --> 00:07:33,687 saying I don't have any veteran friends? 239 00:07:33,787 --> 00:07:34,988 Well, noodles, you don't. 240 00:07:35,088 --> 00:07:36,824 Yeah, I know. But who is she? Nobody. 241 00:07:36,924 --> 00:07:38,659 Just a beautiful, obedient redhead 242 00:07:38,759 --> 00:07:39,993 that my mother wishes that I was. 243 00:07:40,093 --> 00:07:41,795 Well, I don't wish you were anybody else. 244 00:07:41,895 --> 00:07:43,463 And she has the nerve 245 00:07:43,564 --> 00:07:45,465 to tell me how she thinks I live my life? 246 00:07:45,566 --> 00:07:46,834 I don't think so. 247 00:07:46,934 --> 00:07:48,736 You watch me become the person 248 00:07:48,836 --> 00:07:51,238 Nicole doesn't believe I am just to teach her a lesson. 249 00:07:51,338 --> 00:07:52,573 I'll find some veteran friends. 250 00:07:52,673 --> 00:07:53,874 I'll even volunteer. 251 00:07:53,974 --> 00:07:55,709 That'll show the bitch. 252 00:07:55,809 --> 00:07:57,745 [phone chimes] 253 00:07:57,845 --> 00:08:00,848 Siri, where can I volunteer tonight with veterans? 254 00:08:00,948 --> 00:08:03,717 Tonight? I don't want you cavorting around New York City 255 00:08:03,817 --> 00:08:04,918 at night with military men. 256 00:08:05,018 --> 00:08:06,486 Oh, Arthur, I'll be fine. 257 00:08:06,587 --> 00:08:07,821 I insist on coming with you. 258 00:08:07,921 --> 00:08:09,657 I don't want you to be you-know-whatted. 259 00:08:11,592 --> 00:08:13,026 Did I ever tell you about the time that Laura Linney 260 00:08:13,126 --> 00:08:14,962 tried to walk to her car alone after a day of recording intros 261 00:08:15,062 --> 00:08:16,263 to Downton Abbey? 262 00:08:16,363 --> 00:08:17,765 No. 263 00:08:17,865 --> 00:08:18,866 Well, she kept telling me to go, 264 00:08:18,966 --> 00:08:20,267 but I wouldn't hear of it. 265 00:08:20,367 --> 00:08:21,935 You have to escort a lady to her vehicle. 266 00:08:22,035 --> 00:08:25,973 And sure enough, she was followed by a crazy fan. 267 00:08:26,073 --> 00:08:27,875 He kept shouting, "Hey, Laura Dern! 268 00:08:27,975 --> 00:08:29,843 Amy Adams! Holly Hunter!" 269 00:08:29,943 --> 00:08:31,078 It wasn't until I told him who she was 270 00:08:31,178 --> 00:08:32,813 that he left her alone. 271 00:08:32,913 --> 00:08:37,084 Before I bless the bread and the wine and the salad forks 272 00:08:37,184 --> 00:08:39,787 and the napkin holders, 273 00:08:39,887 --> 00:08:42,022 I want to say something to Uncle Billy, 274 00:08:42,122 --> 00:08:44,858 and I'm sure I speak for everybody here when I say 275 00:08:44,958 --> 00:08:49,029 that we are absolutely fine with you being gay. 276 00:08:51,665 --> 00:08:53,533 Okay. 277 00:08:53,634 --> 00:08:56,637 And, um, I am still coming to terms 278 00:08:56,737 --> 00:08:59,539 with the fact that you like Billy Joel. 279 00:08:59,640 --> 00:09:01,942 So... [laughs] 280 00:09:02,042 --> 00:09:03,010 I'm proud of my record collection. 281 00:09:03,110 --> 00:09:04,612 I'll admit that. 282 00:09:04,712 --> 00:09:07,915 But, Billy, look around the table. 283 00:09:08,015 --> 00:09:10,751 Move your head around, and just take it all in. 284 00:09:10,851 --> 00:09:13,020 We are your family, 285 00:09:13,120 --> 00:09:16,056 and we want you to feel comfortable in our home. 286 00:09:16,156 --> 00:09:18,325 Well, I don't. 287 00:09:19,793 --> 00:09:20,961 I'm just kidding. 288 00:09:21,061 --> 00:09:22,095 You were being honest. 289 00:09:22,195 --> 00:09:23,731 No, I wasn't. I'm kidding. 290 00:09:23,831 --> 00:09:25,132 I don't know if you're just kidding. 291 00:09:25,232 --> 00:09:26,333 - Stop it, please. - No, I'm not gonna stop it. 292 00:09:26,433 --> 00:09:27,735 Come on, let's eat. 293 00:09:27,835 --> 00:09:29,569 Can you take smaller bites, please? 294 00:09:29,670 --> 00:09:30,938 I can't let out the seams in your bat mitzvah dress. 295 00:09:31,038 --> 00:09:32,072 There's not enough fabric. 296 00:09:32,172 --> 00:09:34,007 Norma Aranoff got her dress at Saks. 297 00:09:34,107 --> 00:09:36,677 That's because Moscha Aranoff invented a laser 298 00:09:36,777 --> 00:09:38,078 you can use on skin tags 299 00:09:38,178 --> 00:09:39,146 and he was smart enough to patent it. 300 00:09:39,246 --> 00:09:40,914 That's besides the point. 301 00:09:41,014 --> 00:09:42,750 (Tal) Why would you say that to your child? 302 00:09:42,850 --> 00:09:44,351 That is not a patent. He had permission-- 303 00:09:44,451 --> 00:09:46,353 - How is it not a patent? - You look fine, by the way. 304 00:09:46,453 --> 00:09:48,588 (Tal) And you would never say that to Renee. 305 00:09:48,689 --> 00:09:52,359 [all arguing] 306 00:09:52,459 --> 00:09:54,127 What's not comfortable about this? 307 00:09:54,227 --> 00:09:55,729 So, Billy, why are you uncomfortable? 308 00:09:55,829 --> 00:09:57,364 I'm not uncomfortable; 309 00:09:57,464 --> 00:10:00,768 I just don't understand when everything got so Jewish. 310 00:10:02,402 --> 00:10:04,004 It's fine. It's just not who we were as kids. 311 00:10:04,104 --> 00:10:06,707 I mean, we didn't even fast when we were kids. 312 00:10:06,807 --> 00:10:08,375 Look, I don't know what you people are doing. 313 00:10:08,475 --> 00:10:09,777 If it works for you, great. 314 00:10:09,877 --> 00:10:11,044 It's the holiest day of the year. 315 00:10:11,144 --> 00:10:12,846 But, Garry, here's the thing. 316 00:10:12,946 --> 00:10:14,682 You know what the holiest day of the year is for me? 317 00:10:14,782 --> 00:10:15,983 The Golden Globes. 318 00:10:16,083 --> 00:10:17,384 I don't care about the blessings. 319 00:10:17,484 --> 00:10:20,087 I care about the SAG Awards. 320 00:10:20,187 --> 00:10:23,056 And no one cares about those. 321 00:10:23,156 --> 00:10:25,726 Show business, Garry-- 322 00:10:25,826 --> 00:10:28,696 that's what I care about. 323 00:10:28,796 --> 00:10:30,831 That's the most Jewish thing I've ever heard. 324 00:10:32,800 --> 00:10:34,768 VA hospitals never close. 325 00:10:34,868 --> 00:10:37,137 They are perfect for late-night impulse volunteering. 326 00:10:37,237 --> 00:10:39,006 Noods, I don't think you can just show up 327 00:10:39,106 --> 00:10:41,108 and start eyeing the hospital for friends unannounced. 328 00:10:41,208 --> 00:10:43,076 Oh, I'll announce myself. 329 00:10:47,114 --> 00:10:50,217 Hello. Hello. Hello. 330 00:10:50,317 --> 00:10:52,152 My name is Julie Kessler, 331 00:10:52,252 --> 00:10:54,888 and I'm here to volunteer with some veterans. 332 00:10:54,988 --> 00:10:58,158 Good morning, Vietnam! 333 00:10:59,927 --> 00:11:01,661 What did you say you were here for? 334 00:11:01,762 --> 00:11:02,730 To volunteer. 335 00:11:02,830 --> 00:11:04,397 Well, you can't just walk in. 336 00:11:04,497 --> 00:11:06,700 Are you here with a group? 337 00:11:06,800 --> 00:11:08,869 Yeah. I'm in the Bee Gees. 338 00:11:08,969 --> 00:11:10,738 This is why healthcare is broken. 339 00:11:10,838 --> 00:11:12,005 No, no, no, it should be easy to volunt-- 340 00:11:12,105 --> 00:11:14,041 We got a screamer! 341 00:11:14,141 --> 00:11:15,876 Now! Now! 342 00:11:15,976 --> 00:11:18,846 [man screaming] 343 00:11:20,848 --> 00:11:24,084 Ten minutes. I'll find a friend, and then we'll go home, okay? 344 00:11:24,184 --> 00:11:26,053 I love you! 345 00:11:26,153 --> 00:11:29,022 [upbeat classical music] 346 00:11:29,122 --> 00:11:30,891 Candles, I know you want to show up Nicole, 347 00:11:30,991 --> 00:11:32,860 but maybe this is not the way. 348 00:11:32,960 --> 00:11:34,227 This is exactly the way. 349 00:11:34,327 --> 00:11:37,064 Hello? Hello? 350 00:11:37,164 --> 00:11:38,465 Oh, it's probably just like Bloomingdale's. 351 00:11:38,565 --> 00:11:39,767 As soon as you find what you need, 352 00:11:39,867 --> 00:11:40,768 then someone shows up to help you. 353 00:11:40,868 --> 00:11:42,936 (man) Oh, please. 354 00:11:43,036 --> 00:11:44,772 I need a friend. 355 00:11:44,872 --> 00:11:47,007 Oof. Pass. 356 00:11:49,042 --> 00:11:51,144 This one goes out to my favorite captain, 357 00:11:51,244 --> 00:11:53,046 Captain Crunch. 358 00:11:53,146 --> 00:11:56,249 [plays Taps poorly] 359 00:11:56,349 --> 00:11:58,752 Coven was perfect. Coven was a lot of fun. 360 00:11:58,852 --> 00:12:01,789 Emma Roberts didn't even bother me in Coven. 361 00:12:01,889 --> 00:12:03,791 You know what my triggers are? 362 00:12:03,891 --> 00:12:05,759 Sugar. 363 00:12:05,859 --> 00:12:08,195 Uh, I try not to Google my exes. 364 00:12:08,295 --> 00:12:10,964 * 365 00:12:11,064 --> 00:12:12,465 Do you even know what brunch is? 366 00:12:12,565 --> 00:12:15,135 Do you guys have brunch? Do soldiers have brunch? 367 00:12:15,235 --> 00:12:18,806 * 368 00:12:18,906 --> 00:12:20,040 Whoo! [laughs] 369 00:12:20,140 --> 00:12:21,274 Taps. 370 00:12:21,374 --> 00:12:22,509 I don't mind walking in circles, 371 00:12:22,609 --> 00:12:23,811 but that's what we're doing. 372 00:12:23,911 --> 00:12:25,078 We're not walking in a circle. 373 00:12:25,178 --> 00:12:27,247 (woman) Hey! Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. 374 00:12:27,347 --> 00:12:28,949 What do you think you're doing? 375 00:12:29,049 --> 00:12:30,483 Listen, I'm gonna level with you, okay? 376 00:12:30,583 --> 00:12:33,253 I need to meet a veteran so I can take him to a party 377 00:12:33,353 --> 00:12:36,089 and make my mother's surrogate daughter, this bitch Nicole, 378 00:12:36,189 --> 00:12:38,959 who's got eyes like fucking swimming pools-- 379 00:12:39,059 --> 00:12:41,862 I need to make her angry with this veteran friend. 380 00:12:41,962 --> 00:12:43,797 Out. 381 00:12:46,266 --> 00:12:47,968 - Thank you. - Why are you thanking her? 382 00:12:48,068 --> 00:12:50,804 - I love you. - I don't care. 383 00:12:50,904 --> 00:12:53,106 All right. I really wish I could see you more, you know? 384 00:12:53,206 --> 00:12:54,975 And no more funeral talk, I swear. 385 00:12:55,075 --> 00:12:56,543 And, you know, you don't have to come all the way out here. 386 00:12:56,643 --> 00:12:57,845 I can go to you. 387 00:12:57,945 --> 00:12:59,546 Okay, yeah. That'd be great. 388 00:12:59,646 --> 00:13:01,114 Good idea, Garry. 389 00:13:01,214 --> 00:13:02,249 You know, we don't have to go to a gay club 390 00:13:02,349 --> 00:13:03,250 or anything like that. 391 00:13:03,350 --> 00:13:05,518 [laughs] 392 00:13:05,618 --> 00:13:08,021 I was not planning on taking you to a gay club. 393 00:13:08,121 --> 00:13:09,122 Well, I would if you wanted to. 394 00:13:09,222 --> 00:13:10,257 I would--I'd certainly go. 395 00:13:10,357 --> 00:13:11,992 - Maybe we should do that. - Okay. 396 00:13:12,092 --> 00:13:13,560 I think Ruchel would love the flaming saddle. 397 00:13:13,660 --> 00:13:15,795 Or you know what? I could go to your apartment. 398 00:13:15,896 --> 00:13:17,164 We could have a movie night. 399 00:13:17,264 --> 00:13:18,531 Remember when we were kids, 400 00:13:18,631 --> 00:13:19,900 how much fun we had during movie night? 401 00:13:20,000 --> 00:13:21,068 I do. I do. 402 00:13:21,168 --> 00:13:22,535 You had your tapes. 403 00:13:22,635 --> 00:13:25,005 You had Mannequin and Big Business. 404 00:13:25,105 --> 00:13:27,574 - You loved Mannequin. - RIP Meshach Taylor. 405 00:13:27,674 --> 00:13:30,310 Yeah, and I had Shoah and Fiddler. 406 00:13:30,410 --> 00:13:32,579 Well, you always had a soft spot for Topol. 407 00:13:32,679 --> 00:13:34,814 - I did. - We could agree on that. 408 00:13:34,915 --> 00:13:36,149 Yes, and you know what else? 409 00:13:36,249 --> 00:13:37,350 Born on the Fourth of July. 410 00:13:37,450 --> 00:13:39,853 - That's right. - You remember that? 411 00:13:39,953 --> 00:13:40,854 Yes. 412 00:13:40,954 --> 00:13:42,022 We're never, never 413 00:13:42,122 --> 00:13:43,290 gonna let the people of the United States 414 00:13:43,390 --> 00:13:45,025 forget that war! 415 00:13:48,295 --> 00:13:49,897 All right, I'll call you, Garry. 416 00:13:49,997 --> 00:13:51,164 - Okay, I'll see you later. - Okay. 417 00:13:51,264 --> 00:13:52,165 All right. 418 00:13:52,265 --> 00:13:54,601 * 419 00:13:54,701 --> 00:13:56,369 I feel like I need two weeks of recovery 420 00:13:56,469 --> 00:13:58,171 for every day I spend with my family. 421 00:13:58,271 --> 00:14:00,173 Family is like religion; 422 00:14:00,273 --> 00:14:01,875 it's just for when you're dying or getting married. 423 00:14:01,975 --> 00:14:03,243 Any other time is just superfluous. 424 00:14:03,343 --> 00:14:05,178 (man) This month on HBO, 425 00:14:05,278 --> 00:14:08,281 from producers Tom Hanks, Steven Spielberg, 426 00:14:08,381 --> 00:14:11,051 and Steven "Little Steven" Van Zandt, 427 00:14:11,151 --> 00:14:13,386 comes the true story of Stanley Pilburn, 428 00:14:13,486 --> 00:14:15,122 a World War II soldier 429 00:14:15,222 --> 00:14:18,291 who put six other soldiers' lives above his. 430 00:14:18,391 --> 00:14:20,360 Wow. Now, there's an impressive veteran friend. 431 00:14:20,460 --> 00:14:22,095 Yeah, where was that guy last night? 432 00:14:22,195 --> 00:14:23,931 Wait a minute. 433 00:14:24,031 --> 00:14:26,066 Didn't you say your agent was friends with someone at HBO? 434 00:14:26,166 --> 00:14:27,867 Yeah. 435 00:14:27,968 --> 00:14:30,003 Oh, maybe he could get us into that premiere party. 436 00:14:30,103 --> 00:14:35,142 [regal music] 437 00:14:35,242 --> 00:14:36,376 I don't know a single person at this party, 438 00:14:36,476 --> 00:14:38,345 and I have never felt more at home. 439 00:14:38,445 --> 00:14:39,612 There's the cast of Getting On. 440 00:14:39,712 --> 00:14:41,248 We have to say hi to Niecy Nash. 441 00:14:41,348 --> 00:14:42,615 - Oh, and it's Little Steven. - Where? 442 00:14:42,715 --> 00:14:44,117 Little Steven. Look, between those two. 443 00:14:44,217 --> 00:14:45,352 Oh, my God. 444 00:14:45,452 --> 00:14:46,886 He's wearing his luxury bandanna. 445 00:14:46,987 --> 00:14:48,321 - What a class act. - I love him. 446 00:14:48,421 --> 00:14:50,223 Have you seen Stanley Pilburn anywhere yet? 447 00:14:50,323 --> 00:14:51,358 No, but, I mean, you know, he'll come. 448 00:14:51,458 --> 00:14:53,326 He's the guest of honor. 449 00:14:53,426 --> 00:14:55,228 God, I can't wait to show up to Nicole's graduation party 450 00:14:55,328 --> 00:14:56,964 and see her stupid face 451 00:14:57,064 --> 00:14:59,632 when she sees that I'm not only with a veteran, 452 00:14:59,732 --> 00:15:01,068 I'm with a famous veteran. 453 00:15:01,168 --> 00:15:02,369 Oh, hold on. 454 00:15:02,469 --> 00:15:04,337 That guy's Cab Culver. He works at HBO. 455 00:15:04,437 --> 00:15:05,905 He knows my agent. Let's say hi. 456 00:15:06,006 --> 00:15:07,975 - Excuse me. - Excuse us. 457 00:15:08,075 --> 00:15:10,643 (Billy) Hey. Cab Culver, right? You work at HBO? 458 00:15:10,743 --> 00:15:11,678 I'm Billy Epstein. 459 00:15:11,778 --> 00:15:13,113 My agent, Skippy Truce, 460 00:15:13,213 --> 00:15:14,314 mentioned that you guys were friends. 461 00:15:14,414 --> 00:15:16,216 - Oh, yeah. Skippy. - Yes, exactly. 462 00:15:16,316 --> 00:15:18,051 The agent that's not Jewish. 463 00:15:18,151 --> 00:15:20,253 Oh, this is my colleague Marcy Stein. 464 00:15:20,353 --> 00:15:22,355 - Hello. - Hi, nice to meet you. 465 00:15:25,358 --> 00:15:27,427 So we know who we are. Who are you? 466 00:15:27,527 --> 00:15:29,029 I'm a comedian with an agent. 467 00:15:29,129 --> 00:15:30,697 I write recaps on the internet. 468 00:15:32,265 --> 00:15:33,967 Great meeting you. 469 00:15:36,269 --> 00:15:37,670 Nice to meet you too. 470 00:15:37,770 --> 00:15:41,041 Yes, you seem like very warm people. 471 00:15:41,141 --> 00:15:42,442 No, very nice. 472 00:15:42,542 --> 00:15:45,345 And by the way, when did HBO stop making comedies 473 00:15:45,445 --> 00:15:48,148 and only start making gently funny comedies? 474 00:15:48,248 --> 00:15:50,217 Oh, yeah, and while we have your attention, can I just say, 475 00:15:50,317 --> 00:15:52,419 is there any way we can give Ricky Gervais another show? 476 00:15:52,519 --> 00:15:55,122 Yes, is it true that your slogan now is, "It's not TV; 477 00:15:55,222 --> 00:15:57,290 Let's Give Ricky Gervais More Chances"? 478 00:15:57,390 --> 00:15:58,591 Oh, and remember that really huge story where you guys 479 00:15:59,926 --> 00:16:01,361 accidentally turned down Breaking Bad and Mad Men? 480 00:16:02,495 --> 00:16:04,697 And then turned around and made John from Cincinnati? 481 00:16:04,797 --> 00:16:06,099 - Please give us a show. - Just give us a show. 482 00:16:06,199 --> 00:16:07,367 - Please. - Anyone. 483 00:16:07,467 --> 00:16:09,036 Anyone in this party, please give us a show. 484 00:16:09,136 --> 00:16:10,703 - Please give us a show. - [gasps] Billy, look. 485 00:16:10,803 --> 00:16:12,305 (Julie) It's Private Pilburn, right by the restrooms. 486 00:16:12,405 --> 00:16:13,740 (Billy) Oh, perfect. 487 00:16:13,840 --> 00:16:15,308 You go do that. I'll get more champagne. 488 00:16:15,408 --> 00:16:16,309 Good luck. 489 00:16:18,378 --> 00:16:21,348 Private Pilburn? I am such a fan of your work. 490 00:16:21,448 --> 00:16:23,050 Aren't you kind? 491 00:16:23,150 --> 00:16:26,453 My name is Julie, and I respect veterans. 492 00:16:26,553 --> 00:16:29,456 In fact, Gary Sinise and I have a contest every year 493 00:16:29,556 --> 00:16:31,358 to see who respects veterans more, 494 00:16:31,458 --> 00:16:34,061 and every time we just tie, 495 00:16:34,161 --> 00:16:37,064 because we love our nation's veterans. 496 00:16:37,164 --> 00:16:38,331 Oh, thank you. 497 00:16:38,431 --> 00:16:40,767 It's nice to know that your generation 498 00:16:40,867 --> 00:16:44,204 appreciates the freedoms we fought for. 499 00:16:44,304 --> 00:16:46,739 Absolutely, and in gratitude, 500 00:16:46,839 --> 00:16:49,008 I was wondering if you would do me the honor 501 00:16:49,109 --> 00:16:52,779 of being my special guest at a graduation party. 502 00:16:52,879 --> 00:16:55,748 You and me? At a party? 503 00:16:55,848 --> 00:16:58,385 - Yes. - Ooh, why, yes. 504 00:16:58,485 --> 00:17:00,753 [laughs] Oh, Private Pilburn! 505 00:17:00,853 --> 00:17:03,156 You've made my night, sir. 506 00:17:03,256 --> 00:17:06,493 And may I say also, thank you for your service. 507 00:17:06,593 --> 00:17:08,228 I'll tell you what. 508 00:17:08,328 --> 00:17:09,229 Let's skip the party, 509 00:17:09,329 --> 00:17:11,531 walk over to the restroom. 510 00:17:11,631 --> 00:17:13,500 You can service me there. 511 00:17:15,168 --> 00:17:16,403 What? 512 00:17:16,503 --> 00:17:19,172 You remind me of Maureen O'Hara. 513 00:17:19,272 --> 00:17:21,508 I always wanted her to suck me off. 514 00:17:21,608 --> 00:17:23,143 Billy! 515 00:17:23,243 --> 00:17:25,345 This veteran is disgusting! 516 00:17:25,445 --> 00:17:26,546 [crowd gasps] 517 00:17:26,646 --> 00:17:29,116 Hey, hey. What did I say, huh? 518 00:17:31,884 --> 00:17:34,087 That man's a pervert. 519 00:17:34,187 --> 00:17:35,555 - Getting On girl! - Getting On girl! 520 00:17:35,655 --> 00:17:37,090 - We've seen it. - Getting On, we love you! 521 00:17:37,190 --> 00:17:39,192 Laurie Metcalf! MADtv! MADtv! 522 00:17:39,292 --> 00:17:41,094 All right, we're going! 523 00:17:41,194 --> 00:17:43,196 - They're comics or something. - They're nobody. 524 00:17:43,296 --> 00:17:44,497 Fine. You don't have to touch us. 525 00:17:44,597 --> 00:17:46,233 I'm getting gift bags. No, excuse me. 526 00:17:46,333 --> 00:17:48,268 I'm getting gift bags! 527 00:17:50,137 --> 00:17:52,372 I'm coming up the stairs. 528 00:17:52,472 --> 00:17:54,307 I know how to walk up stairs! 529 00:17:54,407 --> 00:17:57,810 How many parties have we been kicked out of now? 530 00:17:57,910 --> 00:17:59,512 What am I going to do? 531 00:17:59,612 --> 00:18:02,315 Nicole's graduation party is in less than 24 hours, 532 00:18:02,415 --> 00:18:03,850 and I haven't met a single veteran 533 00:18:03,950 --> 00:18:05,452 that I could use to make her look like an asshole. 534 00:18:05,552 --> 00:18:07,187 Well, maybe don't go to the party. 535 00:18:07,287 --> 00:18:09,389 Just once, I wanted to show up Nicole 536 00:18:09,489 --> 00:18:11,424 and prove to her that I'm the better person, 537 00:18:11,524 --> 00:18:14,527 even if that is a total lie. 538 00:18:14,627 --> 00:18:16,563 This is really important to you? 539 00:18:16,663 --> 00:18:19,832 Yes. Yes, it is. 540 00:18:21,434 --> 00:18:22,535 What? 541 00:18:24,471 --> 00:18:26,139 You want to go see On the Town again? 542 00:18:26,239 --> 00:18:28,475 I know someone who cleans their costumes. 543 00:18:28,575 --> 00:18:32,145 [upbeat music] 544 00:18:32,245 --> 00:18:34,381 Okay, so you can have as much food as you want. 545 00:18:34,481 --> 00:18:36,149 I don't know what's kosher or not. 546 00:18:36,249 --> 00:18:39,419 And, um, if Nicole asks, you've been to battle, okay? 547 00:18:39,519 --> 00:18:41,254 - Okay. - And by the way, Garry. 548 00:18:41,354 --> 00:18:42,889 Thank you so much for doing this. 549 00:18:42,989 --> 00:18:45,158 - You look great. - Oh, I'm so happy to be here. 550 00:18:45,258 --> 00:18:47,427 (Nicole) Excuse me, everyone. 551 00:18:47,527 --> 00:18:48,828 Hi. 552 00:18:48,928 --> 00:18:51,298 I just want to thank all of you for coming 553 00:18:51,398 --> 00:18:52,865 to my graduation party. 554 00:18:52,965 --> 00:18:54,467 But most of all, 555 00:18:54,567 --> 00:18:59,539 I want to thank the mom I never had, Marilyn Kessler. 556 00:18:59,639 --> 00:19:02,409 I cannot wait to follow in your footsteps. 557 00:19:02,509 --> 00:19:04,844 Well, you can try, but I have tiny feet. 558 00:19:04,944 --> 00:19:06,513 Tiny tiny. 559 00:19:06,613 --> 00:19:08,281 [laughs] That's so cute. 560 00:19:08,381 --> 00:19:12,219 Julie, would you like to say a few words about your mom? 561 00:19:12,319 --> 00:19:14,887 Sure, yeah. Thank you. 562 00:19:14,987 --> 00:19:17,324 Thanks, Mom. 563 00:19:17,424 --> 00:19:18,625 Thank you, Nicole. Okay. 564 00:19:18,725 --> 00:19:20,593 No, I know where to stand. Thanks, Nicole. 565 00:19:20,693 --> 00:19:24,864 I just wanted to say that today isn't about us. 566 00:19:24,964 --> 00:19:26,466 It's about our troops, 567 00:19:26,566 --> 00:19:28,301 it's about our veterans, 568 00:19:28,401 --> 00:19:31,538 and it's about how they fought for our freedoms. 569 00:19:31,638 --> 00:19:36,376 So please join me in boycotting Bernie's Boot Camp. 570 00:19:36,476 --> 00:19:37,910 Thank you. 571 00:19:38,010 --> 00:19:42,549 And for a few words about that and our country, 572 00:19:42,649 --> 00:19:46,553 I want to bring to the stage right now my best friend, 573 00:19:46,653 --> 00:19:48,655 Sergeant Garry Epstein, 574 00:19:48,755 --> 00:19:51,358 who's a veteran! 575 00:19:53,426 --> 00:19:55,362 Thank you. At ease. 576 00:19:57,697 --> 00:20:01,334 We are never, never gonna let the people of the United States 577 00:20:01,434 --> 00:20:02,569 forget that war. 578 00:20:02,669 --> 00:20:03,936 Born on the Fourth of July. 579 00:20:04,036 --> 00:20:06,573 (Garry) Because the moment we do, 580 00:20:06,673 --> 00:20:08,608 there's gonna be another war 581 00:20:08,708 --> 00:20:11,544 and another and another. 582 00:20:11,644 --> 00:20:14,281 I'd like to say one more thing. 583 00:20:14,381 --> 00:20:17,450 I have a gay brother, and I am not ashamed. 584 00:20:17,550 --> 00:20:19,719 So let's end this whole Don't Ask, Don't Tell thing. 585 00:20:19,819 --> 00:20:22,389 Thank you very much. 586 00:20:22,489 --> 00:20:24,357 Thank you. 587 00:20:24,457 --> 00:20:26,426 Everyone, enjoy the party. 588 00:20:26,526 --> 00:20:28,261 [laughs] 589 00:20:28,361 --> 00:20:29,396 Huh? 590 00:20:29,496 --> 00:20:31,230 It was great. Thank you. 591 00:20:31,331 --> 00:20:33,232 I think I got bitten by that showbiz bug. 592 00:20:33,333 --> 00:20:34,534 (Billy) Well, you know what they say. 593 00:20:34,634 --> 00:20:36,235 Friends and families come and go, 594 00:20:36,336 --> 00:20:37,570 but show business is forever. 595 00:20:37,670 --> 00:20:39,306 (Garry) Forever and ever. 596 00:20:39,406 --> 00:20:41,341 [phone chiming] - Oh, speaking of which... 597 00:20:41,441 --> 00:20:42,375 My agent. Gotta go. 598 00:20:42,475 --> 00:20:43,676 I love this guy. 599 00:20:43,776 --> 00:20:44,677 He calls Billy on a Sunday. 600 00:20:44,777 --> 00:20:45,945 He reaches out on Yom Kippur. 601 00:20:46,045 --> 00:20:47,380 Once he texts him on Ramadan, 602 00:20:47,480 --> 00:20:48,548 I'm gonna make him put a ring on it. 603 00:20:48,648 --> 00:20:50,650 - Sweetheart. - Hi, Mom. 604 00:20:50,750 --> 00:20:53,252 I can't wait to throw you a graduation party. 605 00:20:53,353 --> 00:20:54,321 Or a wedding. 606 00:20:54,421 --> 00:20:55,555 Or a baby shower. 607 00:20:55,655 --> 00:20:59,592 I know you mean well, but that really hurts my feelings. 608 00:20:59,692 --> 00:21:01,528 What if I went blonde? 609 00:21:01,628 --> 00:21:03,430 Now, I'm not talking about anything age-inappropriate. 610 00:21:03,530 --> 00:21:05,565 I'm just talking about something to give me a little lift. 611 00:21:05,665 --> 00:21:07,266 Would-- - Billy, what's wrong? 612 00:21:07,367 --> 00:21:09,436 My agent committed suicide this morning. 613 00:21:09,536 --> 00:21:13,039 - He what? - You have an agent? 614 00:21:13,139 --> 00:21:15,442 Oh, my God. I'm so sorry. 615 00:21:15,542 --> 00:21:16,643 Don't worry, Billy. 616 00:21:16,743 --> 00:21:18,411 It probably has nothing to do with you. 617 00:21:18,511 --> 00:21:19,979 Oh, well, thanks for the grief counseling, Marilyn. 618 00:21:20,079 --> 00:21:21,981 Well, if you want to talk any more about it, 619 00:21:22,081 --> 00:21:23,516 you know where to reach me. 620 00:21:23,616 --> 00:21:24,584 Julie has my number. 621 00:21:27,654 --> 00:21:29,322 I got to say, Billy, 622 00:21:29,422 --> 00:21:33,025 after the events of today, life is short, you know? 623 00:21:33,125 --> 00:21:34,661 * 624 00:21:34,761 --> 00:21:36,496 Don't spend too much of it with your family. 625 00:21:36,596 --> 00:21:38,398 This is getting too real. 626 00:21:38,498 --> 00:21:39,532 You want to duck out of here 627 00:21:39,632 --> 00:21:40,733 and see that new Rachel McAdams movie? 628 00:21:40,833 --> 00:21:41,734 It's supposed to be terrible. 629 00:21:41,834 --> 00:21:44,337 The worst. 630 00:21:44,437 --> 00:21:46,373 (Julie) Excuse us. Pardon us. 631 00:21:46,473 --> 00:21:49,476 (Billy) I'm so glad we survived that party. 632 00:21:49,576 --> 00:21:51,611 You know, in a way, we're veterans. 633 00:21:51,711 --> 00:21:53,346 Yes. 634 00:21:55,648 --> 00:21:59,018 So ends a week of family awfulness. 635 00:21:59,118 --> 00:22:00,787 - You're my family. - You're my family. 636 00:22:00,887 --> 00:22:01,821 You're my family. 637 00:22:01,921 --> 00:22:03,756 I know. 638 00:22:03,856 --> 00:22:06,493 (Scotto) A World War II veteran currently the subject 639 00:22:06,593 --> 00:22:09,396 of a new documentary was arrested last night 640 00:22:09,496 --> 00:22:12,665 after following the cast of Getting O into the restroom. 641 00:22:12,765 --> 00:22:15,568 Let me alone, you mother[bleep]. 642 00:22:15,668 --> 00:22:17,737 I'll get you for this [bleep], you [bleep]. 643 00:22:17,837 --> 00:22:19,439 Oh, my God. 644 00:22:19,539 --> 00:22:21,374 (Scotto) Spokespeople for the actors involved 645 00:22:21,474 --> 00:22:22,542 did not make an official comment, 646 00:22:22,642 --> 00:22:24,043 but as the story breaks, 647 00:22:24,143 --> 00:22:26,078 we will continue to bring you updates. 648 00:22:26,178 --> 00:22:27,580 I hope Laurie Metcalf is okay. 649 00:22:27,680 --> 00:22:29,115 You see, I should have stayed with her. 650 00:22:29,215 --> 00:22:31,651 Always walk Laura Linney to her car. 651 00:22:31,751 --> 00:22:33,520 (Scotto) In other show business news, 652 00:22:33,620 --> 00:22:36,623 HBO is developing a heartbreaking true story 653 00:22:36,723 --> 00:22:38,658 about an agent who committed suicide 654 00:22:38,758 --> 00:22:42,429 just days after he was diagnosed with a brain hemorrhage 655 00:22:42,529 --> 00:22:45,532 that caused him to sign random people. 656 00:22:45,632 --> 00:22:47,767 Ricky Gervais is slated to star. 657 00:22:52,605 --> 00:22:54,674 * Duh, duh, duh 658 00:22:54,774 --> 00:22:57,677 [both singing] 659 00:22:57,777 --> 00:23:01,881 * 660 00:23:01,981 --> 00:23:03,816 (man) Ow! 661 00:23:03,916 --> 00:23:06,486 * Thought it'd be easy 662 00:23:06,586 --> 00:23:09,121 * Thought they didn't know 663 00:23:09,221 --> 00:23:14,427 * You thought it was the only way to go * 664 00:23:14,527 --> 00:23:16,696 * Another way out 665 00:23:16,796 --> 00:23:19,532 * Found on the way home 666 00:23:19,632 --> 00:23:20,800 * Thought you were living fast 667 00:23:20,900 --> 00:23:23,570 * But you were living slow 668 00:23:23,670 --> 00:23:31,544 *