1 00:00:01,669 --> 00:00:05,169 [driving punk rock music] 2 00:00:05,273 --> 00:00:06,373 [indistinct chatter] 3 00:00:06,474 --> 00:00:08,444 (man) Where'd you get that? 4 00:00:08,542 --> 00:00:10,182 Have you ever seen people laugh less 5 00:00:10,278 --> 00:00:12,108 than comedians at a comedy party? 6 00:00:12,213 --> 00:00:13,253 Ugh, I know, right? 7 00:00:13,347 --> 00:00:15,417 [indistinct chatter] 8 00:00:15,516 --> 00:00:17,186 Oh, Carl retweeted my joke 9 00:00:17,285 --> 00:00:19,285 about how Miles Teller looks exactly like K.D. Lang. 10 00:00:19,387 --> 00:00:21,087 - How is Carl? - He's supersweet. 11 00:00:21,189 --> 00:00:23,159 - But he's almost too sweet. - Mm-hmm. 12 00:00:23,257 --> 00:00:25,157 Sometimes, I just think I want a guy to come up to me 13 00:00:25,259 --> 00:00:27,359 and be like, "Hey," and then within five minutes, 14 00:00:27,461 --> 00:00:30,031 we're just videotaping ourselves having sex 15 00:00:30,131 --> 00:00:31,571 for some James Franco art project. 16 00:00:31,665 --> 00:00:33,065 Maybe you just don't want a boyfriend. 17 00:00:33,167 --> 00:00:34,397 Well, at least not one so kind. 18 00:00:34,502 --> 00:00:36,202 The only kind of kind I like is Richard Kind. 19 00:00:36,304 --> 00:00:38,444 Oh, God, I would love to fuck Richard Kind. 20 00:00:38,539 --> 00:00:39,609 [laughs] 21 00:00:39,707 --> 00:00:41,207 I just want Carl to be a little meaner. 22 00:00:41,309 --> 00:00:42,479 Mean people are the ones you remember. 23 00:00:42,576 --> 00:00:44,376 Like, on my recaps, the only commenter 24 00:00:44,478 --> 00:00:47,318 I ever remember is this HappyHour37. 25 00:00:47,415 --> 00:00:50,075 She posts the nastiest stuff about me every day. 26 00:00:50,184 --> 00:00:51,454 Like, what does she do? Just attack your writing? 27 00:00:51,552 --> 00:00:53,492 She used to, but now it's gotten personal. 28 00:00:53,587 --> 00:00:54,657 She found out what I look like, 29 00:00:54,755 --> 00:00:56,285 and she started calling me Fat Reba. 30 00:00:56,390 --> 00:00:57,430 [glass shatters] 31 00:00:57,525 --> 00:00:58,625 [laughter, indistinct chatter] 32 00:00:58,726 --> 00:01:00,256 Who invited Frank Zappa? 33 00:01:00,361 --> 00:01:01,431 That's Sonny Kilburg. 34 00:01:01,529 --> 00:01:04,569 He hosts this podcast called The Godless Podcast. 35 00:01:04,665 --> 00:01:07,295 You know what? The NSA needs to shut down iTunes. 36 00:01:07,401 --> 00:01:10,441 Hey, Sonny, Julie Kessler, Billy Epstein. 37 00:01:10,538 --> 00:01:12,068 - Hey. - We're big fans. 38 00:01:12,173 --> 00:01:13,443 - How are you doing? - I'm shitty. 39 00:01:13,541 --> 00:01:15,341 My guest just dropped out for tomorrow morning. 40 00:01:15,443 --> 00:01:17,513 Wow, well, it sounds like you're asking us to fill in. 41 00:01:17,611 --> 00:01:19,281 And we would love to. 42 00:01:19,380 --> 00:01:21,180 - Well, thank you for asking. - All right. Okay. 43 00:01:21,282 --> 00:01:23,482 Well, guys, the podcast is for comedians who are atheists. 44 00:01:23,584 --> 00:01:25,524 So I don't even know if you guys are comedians. 45 00:01:25,619 --> 00:01:27,419 Yes, we are very much comedians. 46 00:01:27,521 --> 00:01:29,091 And we are very much atheists. 47 00:01:29,190 --> 00:01:30,520 I mean, we think people that do believe in God 48 00:01:30,624 --> 00:01:31,564 are huge dumb-dumbs. 49 00:01:31,659 --> 00:01:33,389 Yeah, if God exists, 50 00:01:33,494 --> 00:01:35,464 then why isn't Mo'Nique one of the new Ghostbusters? 51 00:01:35,563 --> 00:01:37,573 (Julie) And what kind of God 52 00:01:37,665 --> 00:01:40,495 would've taken away my mother's legs? 53 00:01:40,601 --> 00:01:42,241 - Seriously? - Yeah. 54 00:01:42,336 --> 00:01:43,666 - Your mom lost her legs? - She lost her legs. 55 00:01:43,771 --> 00:01:45,641 (Billy) One of them is cut off right at the hip, 56 00:01:45,739 --> 00:01:48,639 and the other is pretty much capri length. 57 00:01:51,179 --> 00:01:52,249 See you tomorrow? 58 00:01:52,346 --> 00:01:56,346 [driving punk rock music] 59 00:01:56,450 --> 00:01:58,250 Hey, guys. 60 00:01:58,352 --> 00:02:01,522 I'm here with atheist comics, Julie Kessler and Billy Epstein. 61 00:02:01,622 --> 00:02:04,632 You're gay; you're a redheaded, brassy broad. 62 00:02:04,725 --> 00:02:06,155 Tell me why. 63 00:02:06,260 --> 00:02:07,530 Well, we're like Will and Grace 64 00:02:07,628 --> 00:02:09,298 if one were a six and the other were a seven. 65 00:02:09,397 --> 00:02:10,697 Yeah, or like Bette Midler and Bruce Vilanch 66 00:02:10,798 --> 00:02:12,398 if they were broader. 67 00:02:12,500 --> 00:02:14,540 - If you had to choose... - Mm-hmm. 68 00:02:14,635 --> 00:02:16,335 Lisa Rinna or Hitler? 69 00:02:16,437 --> 00:02:17,537 - Hitler. - Hitler. 70 00:02:17,638 --> 00:02:19,408 Okay. Now, guys, I hate God. 71 00:02:19,507 --> 00:02:21,277 Drives me crazy. What gets you going? 72 00:02:21,375 --> 00:02:22,605 (Billy) I hate people in the business who are like, 73 00:02:22,710 --> 00:02:24,280 "Oh, you're so great, 74 00:02:24,378 --> 00:02:26,148 but we don't know what to do with you." 75 00:02:26,247 --> 00:02:27,417 I'm like, "Oh, you don't know what to do with me, 76 00:02:27,515 --> 00:02:28,475 "but you figured out Peter Dinklage? 77 00:02:28,582 --> 00:02:30,152 Fuck you." 78 00:02:30,251 --> 00:02:31,191 Have you ever met a girl that's like... 79 00:02:31,285 --> 00:02:32,445 Yes. Ugh. 80 00:02:32,553 --> 00:02:34,263 "Do you know what's crazy about me? 81 00:02:34,355 --> 00:02:37,255 I, a normal-size woman, would fuck Peter Dinklage." 82 00:02:37,358 --> 00:02:38,528 (Billy) Isn't that amazing? 83 00:02:38,626 --> 00:02:40,326 Someone give me a Kennedy Center honor. 84 00:02:40,428 --> 00:02:41,558 [laughing] 85 00:02:41,662 --> 00:02:44,232 (Sonny) Man, you guys were hilarious. 86 00:02:44,332 --> 00:02:45,602 - Oh, thanks. - Thank you. 87 00:02:45,699 --> 00:02:47,299 How come you don't have your own podcast? 88 00:02:47,401 --> 00:02:48,441 Well, we did years ago, 89 00:02:48,536 --> 00:02:49,666 but we couldn't get an audience. 90 00:02:49,770 --> 00:02:51,310 Yeah, we may as well have been on NBC. 91 00:02:51,405 --> 00:02:52,505 Hi-ho. 92 00:02:52,606 --> 00:02:54,166 Well, you know, things have changed. 93 00:02:54,275 --> 00:02:55,505 I mean, if you get on a podcast network, 94 00:02:55,609 --> 00:02:57,449 podcast can lead to a book deal, 95 00:02:57,545 --> 00:02:59,475 which can lead to a basic cable holding deal, 96 00:02:59,580 --> 00:03:01,480 which can lead to Hulu, which leads to Amazon, 97 00:03:01,582 --> 00:03:03,382 which leads to a Golden Globe speech 98 00:03:03,484 --> 00:03:04,794 where you're thanking the trans community. 99 00:03:04,885 --> 00:03:05,785 I like all those things. 100 00:03:05,886 --> 00:03:07,186 Except Amazon. 101 00:03:07,288 --> 00:03:08,458 They gave Woody Allen a show, 102 00:03:08,556 --> 00:03:10,586 and they wouldn't take my humidifier back. 103 00:03:10,691 --> 00:03:11,631 Well, if you guys do a new podcast, 104 00:03:11,725 --> 00:03:13,325 I'll put it on my network. 105 00:03:13,427 --> 00:03:14,527 - Let's do it. - Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. 106 00:03:14,628 --> 00:03:15,698 - Let's do it. - Yeah. 107 00:03:15,796 --> 00:03:17,266 We're gonna have a podcast again. 108 00:03:17,365 --> 00:03:18,465 And you're the funniest atheists 109 00:03:18,566 --> 00:03:19,596 I've had in here since Penn Jillette. 110 00:03:19,700 --> 00:03:20,670 - Thank you. - Fuck you. 111 00:03:20,768 --> 00:03:21,738 We have fun. 112 00:03:21,835 --> 00:03:23,495 Then let's celebrate. 113 00:03:23,604 --> 00:03:25,414 I'm going to a bar where podcasters hang out. 114 00:03:25,506 --> 00:03:26,606 - Oh, wow! - Ooh. 115 00:03:26,707 --> 00:03:28,637 That sounds pretty crazy. 116 00:03:28,742 --> 00:03:30,482 Oh, trivia night's insane. 117 00:03:30,578 --> 00:03:33,478 Sarah Koenig wore shorts with tights one time. 118 00:03:33,581 --> 00:03:37,321 [rock music] 119 00:03:37,418 --> 00:03:38,648 (Julie) Babies. 120 00:03:38,752 --> 00:03:40,622 So what are we going wear to the podcast bar? 121 00:03:40,721 --> 00:03:43,421 Oh, Julie, we could wear an adult diaper 122 00:03:43,524 --> 00:03:44,634 and a Kevin Smith hockey jersey 123 00:03:44,725 --> 00:03:46,655 and still be the coolest ones there. 124 00:03:46,760 --> 00:03:48,230 Are you going to bring Carl? 125 00:03:48,329 --> 00:03:49,759 Ugh, I don't know. 126 00:03:49,863 --> 00:03:52,673 I liked him better when he was just a stranger with a big dick. 127 00:03:52,766 --> 00:03:55,366 Now he's a nice person. 128 00:03:55,469 --> 00:03:56,769 Okay. 129 00:03:56,870 --> 00:03:58,440 More importantly, podcast. 130 00:03:58,539 --> 00:03:59,709 How are we going to afford equipment? 131 00:03:59,807 --> 00:04:01,807 I bet my mom still has those mics. 132 00:04:01,909 --> 00:04:05,309 Do you remember last year when she did that that hypnosis CD? 133 00:04:05,413 --> 00:04:06,753 Oh, my God, how could I forget? 134 00:04:06,847 --> 00:04:08,477 She was so upset when Starbucks refused to carry it. 135 00:04:08,582 --> 00:04:09,522 I know, and the last five tracks 136 00:04:09,617 --> 00:04:11,417 were of her singing standards. 137 00:04:13,587 --> 00:04:14,857 (Floy) Who am I? 138 00:04:14,955 --> 00:04:17,685 I am nothing without my husband. 139 00:04:17,791 --> 00:04:20,391 (Floy) I am nobody alone. 140 00:04:20,494 --> 00:04:21,864 (Hazel) Divorce. 141 00:04:21,962 --> 00:04:23,262 (Floy) Divorce. 142 00:04:23,364 --> 00:04:24,674 The vorce. 143 00:04:24,765 --> 00:04:28,835 May the vorce be with him? 144 00:04:28,936 --> 00:04:30,296 Mom, what's going on? 145 00:04:30,404 --> 00:04:32,414 Honey, I am working. 146 00:04:32,506 --> 00:04:34,676 Ladies, continue. 147 00:04:34,775 --> 00:04:37,375 I started this drama therapy group for divorced women 148 00:04:37,478 --> 00:04:39,348 to come together to empower themselves 149 00:04:39,447 --> 00:04:41,277 through theater exercises. 150 00:04:41,382 --> 00:04:43,682 Floy and Hazel are the only people that haven't dropped out. 151 00:04:43,784 --> 00:04:45,724 Floy, bring it down. 152 00:04:45,819 --> 00:04:47,559 These are real people. 153 00:04:47,655 --> 00:04:49,415 (Julie) So now you guys are putting on a play? 154 00:04:49,523 --> 00:04:51,333 Do you know how much money Menopause The Musical 155 00:04:51,425 --> 00:04:53,325 has made in this godforsaken country? 156 00:04:53,427 --> 00:04:54,897 Listen, I just came to borrow your microphones. 157 00:04:54,995 --> 00:04:57,395 We'll talk about it after we finish act four. 158 00:04:57,498 --> 00:04:58,698 Good. 159 00:04:58,799 --> 00:05:00,529 Hazel, I'm feeling something, finally. 160 00:05:00,634 --> 00:05:01,744 Hey, what's up? 161 00:05:01,835 --> 00:05:03,695 Get off the phone, Billy. 162 00:05:03,804 --> 00:05:05,774 I'm so sorry to ask, but I'm stuck at my mom's. 163 00:05:05,873 --> 00:05:07,483 Could you please pick up 164 00:05:07,575 --> 00:05:09,435 Senator Jellybeans and Greg from the groomer? 165 00:05:09,543 --> 00:05:10,643 Julie, we have an understanding. 166 00:05:10,744 --> 00:05:12,414 You don't ask me to deal with your dogs. 167 00:05:12,513 --> 00:05:13,613 I know, and you don't ask me to go to the gym. 168 00:05:13,714 --> 00:05:14,854 And I appreciate those boundaries, 169 00:05:14,948 --> 00:05:15,848 but I'm really in a pinch. 170 00:05:15,949 --> 00:05:17,449 It's freezing. 171 00:05:17,551 --> 00:05:18,651 Where am I supposed to take your dogs? 172 00:05:18,752 --> 00:05:19,722 Can you take them to that indoor dog run 173 00:05:19,820 --> 00:05:20,790 on Delancey? 174 00:05:20,888 --> 00:05:21,858 Get off the phone, Billy. 175 00:05:21,955 --> 00:05:23,455 All right. Fine. 176 00:05:23,557 --> 00:05:24,857 No problem. Actually, it's good. 177 00:05:24,958 --> 00:05:26,588 It'll get me away from Matthew and his boyfriend. 178 00:05:26,694 --> 00:05:27,804 You should see what's happening here. 179 00:05:27,895 --> 00:05:29,495 It's like Russian nesting dolls 180 00:05:29,597 --> 00:05:31,927 covered in fur, liver spots, and smegma. 181 00:05:32,032 --> 00:05:34,772 Barry, can we do Rent again tonight? 182 00:05:34,868 --> 00:05:36,398 We can sing Light My Candle 183 00:05:36,504 --> 00:05:39,344 and order from that mush place you like. 184 00:05:39,440 --> 00:05:40,840 - Who's my baby? - We are. 185 00:05:40,941 --> 00:05:42,641 [both smooching] 186 00:05:42,743 --> 00:05:44,383 It's the most disgusting thing I've ever seen. 187 00:05:44,478 --> 00:05:45,548 I'll talk to you later. 188 00:05:45,646 --> 00:05:47,476 (Denise) Matthew, what have I told you 189 00:05:47,581 --> 00:05:48,951 about bringing your dog into the café? 190 00:05:49,049 --> 00:05:50,649 - That I'm... - You're... 191 00:05:50,751 --> 00:05:52,891 (both) The only one allowed to do it. 192 00:05:52,986 --> 00:05:56,716 Oh, Matthew, I appreciate you. 193 00:05:56,824 --> 00:05:58,964 Billy, table nine needs their check. 194 00:05:59,059 --> 00:06:02,399 * I'm just wild about Barry 195 00:06:02,496 --> 00:06:05,626 (both) * And Barry's wild about me 196 00:06:05,733 --> 00:06:06,673 Take it, Denise. 197 00:06:06,767 --> 00:06:08,437 * He's just wild about 198 00:06:08,536 --> 00:06:09,896 * Cannot do without 199 00:06:10,003 --> 00:06:13,513 (all) * He's just wild about me 200 00:06:13,607 --> 00:06:14,907 Up here. I'm up here. 201 00:06:15,008 --> 00:06:18,678 (all) * Me 202 00:06:18,779 --> 00:06:20,909 What the fuck is going on here? 203 00:06:21,014 --> 00:06:22,884 (all) * Me 204 00:06:22,983 --> 00:06:26,453 [driving rock music] 205 00:06:26,554 --> 00:06:28,994 (Billy) Hey, dogs. Here we are at the dog park. 206 00:06:29,089 --> 00:06:30,689 Oh, look. Other dogs like you. 207 00:06:30,791 --> 00:06:31,891 What a thrill. 208 00:06:31,992 --> 00:06:33,732 Oh, well, oh, that one got out. 209 00:06:33,827 --> 00:06:35,527 That's too bad. All right. 210 00:06:35,629 --> 00:06:38,399 (Billy) Oh, yep. Have fun. 211 00:06:38,499 --> 00:06:41,399 (man over PA) Welcome to the Delancey indoor dog park. 212 00:06:41,502 --> 00:06:43,802 Please clean up after your pet. 213 00:06:53,514 --> 00:06:54,624 [dog barks] 214 00:06:54,715 --> 00:06:56,745 - Hey. - Hey, what's up? 215 00:06:56,850 --> 00:06:59,690 I know this is crazy. We just met. 216 00:06:59,787 --> 00:07:03,487 But I was wondering if you-- I don't know-- 217 00:07:03,591 --> 00:07:05,491 wanted to jerk off together behind this building? 218 00:07:05,593 --> 00:07:06,833 Yeah. I would do that. 219 00:07:06,927 --> 00:07:08,427 Great. 220 00:07:10,531 --> 00:07:11,701 Very good. 221 00:07:11,799 --> 00:07:13,099 Let's reconvene in ten for notes. 222 00:07:13,200 --> 00:07:16,200 I have plenty. 223 00:07:16,303 --> 00:07:19,743 (Julie) So, mom, about those microphones for my new podcast. 224 00:07:19,840 --> 00:07:22,110 I have to ask the housekeeper to dig them up, 225 00:07:22,209 --> 00:07:23,609 and I don't like talking to her. 226 00:07:23,711 --> 00:07:25,111 (Julie) But I want to start a podcast. 227 00:07:25,212 --> 00:07:26,682 If I don't get them from you, 228 00:07:26,780 --> 00:07:28,480 what am I supposed to do, buy them used? 229 00:07:28,582 --> 00:07:29,852 No. Of course not. 230 00:07:29,950 --> 00:07:32,220 Anything used is crawling with bedbugs. 231 00:07:32,319 --> 00:07:33,819 You know they found them on the 7 train? 232 00:07:33,921 --> 00:07:36,521 And the South Street Seaport Abercrombie. 233 00:07:36,624 --> 00:07:37,864 Well, that was an act of God. 234 00:07:37,958 --> 00:07:40,128 [laughs] Oh, fine. 235 00:07:40,227 --> 00:07:42,127 But in exchange, will you do me a favor 236 00:07:42,229 --> 00:07:43,599 and come to see my play? 237 00:07:43,697 --> 00:07:45,227 Um... 238 00:07:45,332 --> 00:07:47,172 Now, isn't that interesting 239 00:07:47,267 --> 00:07:49,497 that you cannot be supportive when it's my time to shine? 240 00:07:49,603 --> 00:07:51,143 I try to be supportive of you... 241 00:07:51,238 --> 00:07:53,208 You know how many times I've come to see your shows? 242 00:07:53,306 --> 00:07:54,706 That's true, and I appreciate that. 243 00:07:54,808 --> 00:07:56,208 You know how long I have worked on this? 244 00:07:56,309 --> 00:07:57,749 Fine. Yes. I'll be there. 245 00:07:57,845 --> 00:07:59,245 - I'm sorry. - Wonderful. 246 00:07:59,346 --> 00:08:01,876 Please, distribute these to all your showbiz friends. 247 00:08:01,982 --> 00:08:03,752 Esmeralda! 248 00:08:03,851 --> 00:08:07,151 Micrófonos! 249 00:08:07,254 --> 00:08:10,724 [dog barks] 250 00:08:10,824 --> 00:08:11,834 That was really hot. 251 00:08:11,925 --> 00:08:12,925 We should do that again tomorrow. 252 00:08:13,026 --> 00:08:14,756 I am definitely up for that. 253 00:08:14,862 --> 00:08:16,632 Excuse me. 254 00:08:16,730 --> 00:08:17,900 Are these your basset hounds? 255 00:08:17,998 --> 00:08:19,268 While you were gone, they attacked me. 256 00:08:19,366 --> 00:08:20,696 What are you talking about? 257 00:08:20,801 --> 00:08:21,841 You can't just leave aggressive dogs 258 00:08:21,935 --> 00:08:22,935 unattended, dummy. 259 00:08:23,036 --> 00:08:24,566 - Asshole. - I'm so sorry. 260 00:08:24,672 --> 00:08:25,642 Who's gonna pay for the doctor? 261 00:08:25,739 --> 00:08:26,639 I can't afford this. 262 00:08:26,740 --> 00:08:27,810 It was my idea to leave. 263 00:08:27,908 --> 00:08:28,938 I'll pay for your doctors. 264 00:08:29,042 --> 00:08:30,582 No. It's my responsibility. 265 00:08:30,678 --> 00:08:31,778 Here, take everything I have. 266 00:08:31,879 --> 00:08:33,509 I am so sorry. 267 00:08:33,614 --> 00:08:35,224 (Billy) Oh, my God. You're bleeding. 268 00:08:35,315 --> 00:08:36,975 [rock music] 269 00:08:37,084 --> 00:08:39,654 I just can't believe they bit somebody. 270 00:08:39,753 --> 00:08:41,523 They've never bitten anyone before. 271 00:08:41,622 --> 00:08:42,792 I know. I know. 272 00:08:42,890 --> 00:08:43,860 I was a little distracted at the time, 273 00:08:43,957 --> 00:08:45,527 but I'm so sorry. 274 00:08:45,626 --> 00:08:47,926 - I feel terrible. - It's okay. 275 00:08:48,028 --> 00:08:49,798 Oh, my God. 276 00:08:49,897 --> 00:08:54,597 HappyHour37 just called me Kathy Griffin with less jokes. 277 00:08:54,702 --> 00:08:57,542 Julie, put your phone down and look at these mutant podcasters. 278 00:08:57,638 --> 00:09:00,538 [driving rock music] 279 00:09:00,641 --> 00:09:08,021 * 280 00:09:08,115 --> 00:09:10,215 Oh, Julie, Billy! 281 00:09:10,317 --> 00:09:12,847 (Sonny) Oh, man, I'm glad you guys came. 282 00:09:12,953 --> 00:09:14,693 I've been telling everybody about you. 283 00:09:14,788 --> 00:09:15,958 They cannot wait to meet you. 284 00:09:16,056 --> 00:09:17,626 - Oh, awesome. Thank you. - Oh, great. 285 00:09:17,725 --> 00:09:19,685 - This is Arthur. - Hey, man. 286 00:09:19,793 --> 00:09:22,033 (Julie) And we're just waiting on Billy's date, Carl. 287 00:09:22,129 --> 00:09:23,959 No, we're not. I told him I had food poisoning. 288 00:09:24,064 --> 00:09:25,004 He's too nice. 289 00:09:25,098 --> 00:09:26,598 Good one, man. Good one. 290 00:09:26,700 --> 00:09:28,000 Why not lie? 291 00:09:28,101 --> 00:09:29,741 Because there's no heaven and there's no hell. 292 00:09:29,837 --> 00:09:31,737 Yeah, because guess what. 293 00:09:31,839 --> 00:09:33,809 Punch line here. 294 00:09:33,907 --> 00:09:35,777 (both) There's no God! 295 00:09:35,876 --> 00:09:37,036 Yeah. 296 00:09:37,144 --> 00:09:39,684 - There we go. [laughter] 297 00:09:39,780 --> 00:09:40,980 Pushpin, what's going on? 298 00:09:41,081 --> 00:09:42,581 Hey. These them? 299 00:09:42,683 --> 00:09:43,853 Yep, this is Billy, and this is Julie. 300 00:09:43,951 --> 00:09:45,621 - How you doing? - And this is Jenny Miller. 301 00:09:45,719 --> 00:09:47,349 (Sonny) She hosts a quiz podcast 302 00:09:47,454 --> 00:09:48,964 called No, No, Take It Back. 303 00:09:49,056 --> 00:09:50,916 And this is Brett Glass. 304 00:09:51,024 --> 00:09:52,664 No relation to Ira. 305 00:09:52,760 --> 00:09:54,360 [laughter] 306 00:09:54,461 --> 00:09:56,661 (Sonny) He hosts a podcast called Bros Dissing Shows. 307 00:09:56,764 --> 00:09:58,004 (Brett) My three brothers and I, 308 00:09:58,098 --> 00:10:00,698 we go to bad theater ironically and rip them apart. 309 00:10:00,801 --> 00:10:02,871 Well, here is your next episode. 310 00:10:02,970 --> 00:10:05,070 My mother directed a play. 311 00:10:05,172 --> 00:10:06,972 (Julie) Seriously? It's your funeral. 312 00:10:07,074 --> 00:10:08,084 Oh, no. 313 00:10:08,175 --> 00:10:09,705 - What's wrong? - I have to go. 314 00:10:09,810 --> 00:10:11,310 That's Angela Peasley from NPR. 315 00:10:11,411 --> 00:10:15,051 Arthur, the whole NPR/PBS rivalry is in your head. 316 00:10:15,148 --> 00:10:17,078 Don't mock, tambourine. We really hate each other. 317 00:10:17,184 --> 00:10:18,994 (Sonny) I'm with you, Artie. 318 00:10:19,086 --> 00:10:21,016 Those NPR folks think they're better than everybody else 319 00:10:21,121 --> 00:10:23,691 just because their shows get millions of downloads? 320 00:10:23,791 --> 00:10:24,931 [scoffs] Please. 321 00:10:25,025 --> 00:10:26,955 Seriously, like, millions of downloads? 322 00:10:27,060 --> 00:10:29,630 Oh, multiple millions. 323 00:10:29,730 --> 00:10:31,030 - Let's get a round of drinks. - Yeah. 324 00:10:31,131 --> 00:10:33,671 Let's get our fucking asses on NPR. 325 00:10:36,269 --> 00:10:37,809 (Billy) Angela, how crazy is it that we met tonight, 326 00:10:37,905 --> 00:10:38,935 don't you think? 327 00:10:39,039 --> 00:10:40,769 We are NPR people. 328 00:10:40,874 --> 00:10:41,984 - Do you understand? - All the way. 329 00:10:42,075 --> 00:10:44,375 (Billy) We like crossword puzzles. 330 00:10:44,477 --> 00:10:46,247 Beans in bulk, 331 00:10:46,346 --> 00:10:48,376 a cardigan sweater that you put in the wash once 332 00:10:48,481 --> 00:10:49,951 and it already starts to pill. 333 00:10:50,050 --> 00:10:52,290 Yeah, a cat that sleeps on your face. 334 00:10:52,385 --> 00:10:53,945 (Julie) Um, um... 335 00:10:54,054 --> 00:10:55,994 - Tom's of Maine. - Books. 336 00:10:56,089 --> 00:10:57,729 (Billy) Oh! 337 00:10:57,825 --> 00:10:58,885 Books. 338 00:10:58,992 --> 00:11:00,262 We love books. 339 00:11:00,360 --> 00:11:01,700 - We love books. - You have no idea. 340 00:11:01,795 --> 00:11:02,995 I love books too. 341 00:11:03,096 --> 00:11:04,896 I love books so much, Angela, 342 00:11:04,998 --> 00:11:06,768 I have tote bags at home, 343 00:11:06,867 --> 00:11:08,337 and they just say funny things about books, 344 00:11:08,435 --> 00:11:09,835 like, "Leave me alone. I'm reading." 345 00:11:09,937 --> 00:11:11,297 (Billy) Yes, yes, yes, and, 346 00:11:11,404 --> 00:11:12,744 "Give me of book and a cat on a rainy day, 347 00:11:12,840 --> 00:11:13,810 and, boy, am I in heaven." 348 00:11:13,907 --> 00:11:14,877 - Aw. [laughter] 349 00:11:14,975 --> 00:11:18,875 Public radio, ooh. 350 00:11:18,979 --> 00:11:20,809 Oh, my God, poem books-- love those! 351 00:11:20,914 --> 00:11:22,284 Ogden Nash. 352 00:11:22,382 --> 00:11:24,022 - Nash Bridges. - What is your podcast about? 353 00:11:24,117 --> 00:11:25,817 (both) Books. 354 00:11:25,919 --> 00:11:27,389 But I thought you said your show is about atheism. 355 00:11:27,487 --> 00:11:28,717 Atheism and books. 356 00:11:28,822 --> 00:11:30,022 Mostly books. 357 00:11:30,123 --> 00:11:31,763 (Arthur) What you have to understand 358 00:11:31,859 --> 00:11:34,029 is that the rivalry between PBS and NPR 359 00:11:34,127 --> 00:11:35,997 goes back hundreds of years 360 00:11:36,096 --> 00:11:37,966 if not thousands, and I could just-- 361 00:11:38,065 --> 00:11:42,035 You should be a guest on our podcast about books. 362 00:11:42,135 --> 00:11:43,765 - Yes. - We can interview you. 363 00:11:43,871 --> 00:11:45,911 - You have to. - That is very flattering. 364 00:11:46,006 --> 00:11:49,006 I mean, no one asks the curator of a podcast network 365 00:11:49,109 --> 00:11:50,379 to be the guest on a podcast. 366 00:11:50,477 --> 00:11:51,777 - Why? - That is fucked up. 367 00:11:51,879 --> 00:11:53,109 What? 368 00:11:53,213 --> 00:11:54,753 You are clearly podcast guest material. 369 00:11:54,848 --> 00:11:56,018 It's written all over your clothes 370 00:11:56,116 --> 00:11:58,416 and your hair and your shoes. 371 00:11:59,820 --> 00:12:04,060 [punk rock music] 372 00:12:04,157 --> 00:12:06,327 (Julie) I'm worried we still don't have enough books. 373 00:12:06,426 --> 00:12:08,496 The apartment needs to look more NPR-y. 374 00:12:08,595 --> 00:12:09,925 Well, Angela's not coming over 375 00:12:10,030 --> 00:12:11,770 for her interview until tomorrow. 376 00:12:11,865 --> 00:12:13,825 We have time to get more dusty crap by then. 377 00:12:13,934 --> 00:12:14,904 You think so? 378 00:12:15,002 --> 00:12:17,942 [electronic beeping] 379 00:12:18,038 --> 00:12:19,408 Ugh, it's Sonny calling again. 380 00:12:19,506 --> 00:12:21,006 You think he knows we're shopping around 381 00:12:21,108 --> 00:12:22,408 for a new podcast network? 382 00:12:22,509 --> 00:12:24,479 I don't know what podcasters can intuit. 383 00:12:24,577 --> 00:12:27,107 I'll just keep dodging his calls until we get on NPR. 384 00:12:27,214 --> 00:12:28,954 I am back from the bookstore, lozenge. 385 00:12:29,049 --> 00:12:31,079 [gasps] Thank you, Arthur. 386 00:12:31,184 --> 00:12:33,454 Oh, my God, these books look amazing. 387 00:12:33,553 --> 00:12:34,993 Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. 388 00:12:35,088 --> 00:12:36,358 Oh, these are definitely going to make us 389 00:12:36,456 --> 00:12:38,126 look like serious readers. 390 00:12:38,225 --> 00:12:40,385 Yes, just let it be known that I disapprove of your 391 00:12:40,493 --> 00:12:43,803 redecorating the apartment to appease the enemy, NPR. 392 00:12:43,897 --> 00:12:45,427 I appreciate your sacrifice. 393 00:12:45,532 --> 00:12:47,802 You're welcome, spinach. 394 00:12:47,901 --> 00:12:49,371 (Billy) Any more from your Internet stalker? 395 00:12:49,469 --> 00:12:50,499 Any nasty comments? 396 00:12:50,603 --> 00:12:52,143 Oh, yes, as a matter of fact. 397 00:12:52,239 --> 00:12:54,809 That troll found my private Facebook page this morning 398 00:12:54,908 --> 00:12:57,538 and wrote the word "anus" on every one of my photos. 399 00:12:57,644 --> 00:12:59,484 Oh, I think she's flirting with you. 400 00:12:59,579 --> 00:13:01,879 I dared her to say whatever she had to say to me 401 00:13:01,982 --> 00:13:04,082 to my face and meet up in person. 402 00:13:04,184 --> 00:13:05,524 I don't know if she lives in New York or wherever. 403 00:13:05,618 --> 00:13:07,118 You know what's gonna happen. 404 00:13:07,220 --> 00:13:08,990 It's gonna end up like every sitcom ever. 405 00:13:09,089 --> 00:13:10,819 You mean she's going to end up being an obese shut-in 406 00:13:10,924 --> 00:13:12,534 or Nev from Catfish? 407 00:13:12,625 --> 00:13:14,155 Yeah, or it's going to end up being like a child or something. 408 00:13:14,261 --> 00:13:15,561 Oh, right. Right. 409 00:13:15,662 --> 00:13:17,002 You know, your bully is going to end up being 410 00:13:17,097 --> 00:13:18,197 more of a bigger loser than you are. 411 00:13:18,298 --> 00:13:19,828 You're going to feel bad. 412 00:13:19,933 --> 00:13:21,003 Then you'll want to bond with them. 413 00:13:21,101 --> 00:13:23,841 Oh, my God, Billy. She wrote back. 414 00:13:23,937 --> 00:13:25,407 DM from HappyHour37. 415 00:13:25,505 --> 00:13:27,165 She wants to meet me at a restaurant in Midtown. 416 00:13:27,274 --> 00:13:28,544 Whoa. 417 00:13:28,641 --> 00:13:30,541 She says, "Restaurants serve food, 418 00:13:30,643 --> 00:13:33,183 so you'll be happy, ginger piggy." 419 00:13:33,280 --> 00:13:34,510 Oh, you know, that's how my dad 420 00:13:34,614 --> 00:13:36,154 asked my mom out on their first date. 421 00:13:36,249 --> 00:13:37,149 Oh, really? 422 00:13:37,250 --> 00:13:40,150 [upbeat rock music] 423 00:13:40,253 --> 00:13:48,163 * 424 00:13:52,665 --> 00:13:55,035 Call me HappyHour37. 425 00:13:55,135 --> 00:13:56,165 Kathie Lee Gifford? 426 00:13:58,071 --> 00:14:00,041 There's no way you're not pranking me. 427 00:14:00,140 --> 00:14:01,440 Pranks aren't my thing. 428 00:14:01,541 --> 00:14:03,141 You're thinking of Kelly Ripa. 429 00:14:03,243 --> 00:14:06,383 But why would anybody as famous and successful as you 430 00:14:06,479 --> 00:14:08,179 start an anonymous commenter account 431 00:14:08,281 --> 00:14:10,181 just to trash some nobody? 432 00:14:10,283 --> 00:14:12,023 Well, not just any nobody. 433 00:14:12,119 --> 00:14:16,419 Julie, you represent the absolute worst 434 00:14:16,523 --> 00:14:17,993 in an audience member. 435 00:14:18,091 --> 00:14:20,531 The only reason that you watch television 436 00:14:20,627 --> 00:14:22,857 or go to the movies or, when you can afford it, 437 00:14:22,963 --> 00:14:26,103 the theater is so you can tear it down. 438 00:14:26,199 --> 00:14:27,569 No. That's not true. 439 00:14:27,667 --> 00:14:29,397 I want things to be good. 440 00:14:29,502 --> 00:14:30,642 People have been making fun of me 441 00:14:30,737 --> 00:14:33,867 since before the Internet existed. 442 00:14:33,974 --> 00:14:35,414 I know people like you. 443 00:14:35,508 --> 00:14:37,608 You just want to be funny, don't you? 444 00:14:37,710 --> 00:14:39,980 But you can't be funny, can you? 445 00:14:40,080 --> 00:14:42,880 Unless you rag on somebody. 446 00:14:42,983 --> 00:14:45,453 Aim higher. 447 00:14:45,552 --> 00:14:47,592 I feel like after this, you're just going to disappear 448 00:14:47,687 --> 00:14:49,987 into glitter and leave me here. 449 00:14:50,090 --> 00:14:51,620 Well, I do have tickets for Mamma Mia!, but-- 450 00:14:51,724 --> 00:14:52,894 Oh. 451 00:14:52,993 --> 00:14:54,133 But before I go, 452 00:14:54,227 --> 00:14:55,627 I want to leave you with a challenge. 453 00:14:55,728 --> 00:14:57,558 Anything, Kathie Lee Gifford. 454 00:14:57,664 --> 00:15:01,534 Be the kind of audience member who has an open heart. 455 00:15:01,634 --> 00:15:05,614 "Intend to enjoy and judge nothing," 456 00:15:05,705 --> 00:15:07,165 as Goldie Hawn once said. 457 00:15:07,274 --> 00:15:09,444 And then she turned around and made Housesitter. 458 00:15:09,542 --> 00:15:10,912 See, there you go. 459 00:15:11,011 --> 00:15:12,651 You just can't help yourself, can you? 460 00:15:12,745 --> 00:15:15,045 You're right. I'm sorry. 461 00:15:15,148 --> 00:15:18,448 I'm gonna carry this advice into my new podcast as well. 462 00:15:18,551 --> 00:15:20,491 Thank you for meeting me. 463 00:15:20,587 --> 00:15:22,057 You're welcome. 464 00:15:22,155 --> 00:15:24,485 I'll see you on the Internet, Fat Reba. 465 00:15:24,591 --> 00:15:26,091 [Kathie laughs] 466 00:15:26,193 --> 00:15:28,633 Oh, there is one last thing I want you to know. 467 00:15:28,728 --> 00:15:30,628 God loves you. 468 00:15:30,730 --> 00:15:32,630 Even you. 469 00:15:35,235 --> 00:15:38,205 [funky music] 470 00:15:38,305 --> 00:15:44,035 * 471 00:15:44,144 --> 00:15:45,614 Billy. 472 00:15:45,712 --> 00:15:47,282 Fancy running into you here. 473 00:15:47,380 --> 00:15:50,020 Carl, what's happening? 474 00:15:50,117 --> 00:15:51,217 Doing some shopping, I see. 475 00:15:51,318 --> 00:15:53,188 Guilty. How's your stomach? 476 00:15:53,286 --> 00:15:55,256 Is it feeling better than the other night? 477 00:15:55,355 --> 00:15:57,285 Oh, yeah. Yes. It is. 478 00:15:57,390 --> 00:15:59,230 Oh, my God, food poisoning is the worst. 479 00:15:59,326 --> 00:16:00,556 Oh, you've got to stop eating takeout. 480 00:16:00,660 --> 00:16:02,100 I know. 481 00:16:02,195 --> 00:16:03,625 Hey, why don't you come over some night this week? 482 00:16:03,730 --> 00:16:05,000 - I'll cook you dinner. - Maybe. 483 00:16:05,098 --> 00:16:06,728 For sure. I am so sorry. I got to go. 484 00:16:06,833 --> 00:16:09,103 Oh, don't be sorry. You go do you. 485 00:16:09,202 --> 00:16:11,242 Okay. 486 00:16:14,641 --> 00:16:18,181 [rock music] 487 00:16:18,278 --> 00:16:20,278 What's going on? 488 00:16:20,380 --> 00:16:21,510 - Is this your dog? - It bit me. 489 00:16:21,614 --> 00:16:23,084 (man) Me too. 490 00:16:23,183 --> 00:16:24,653 You can't just leave an aggressive dog unattended. 491 00:16:24,751 --> 00:16:26,221 Where were you, dummy? 492 00:16:26,319 --> 00:16:27,649 (man) Who's gonna pay for this, huh? 493 00:16:27,754 --> 00:16:29,264 Is this a scam? 494 00:16:29,356 --> 00:16:31,016 A scam? Oh, man. 495 00:16:31,124 --> 00:16:33,534 I mean, if coming to a dog park 496 00:16:33,626 --> 00:16:36,026 to take advantage of sad, lonely gay guys 497 00:16:36,129 --> 00:16:37,629 with the offer of mutual jerking off 498 00:16:37,730 --> 00:16:39,670 and then having your a cappella group 499 00:16:39,766 --> 00:16:42,696 extort as much money as possible from them is a scam, 500 00:16:42,802 --> 00:16:45,672 then maybe, but I wouldn't use that word. 501 00:16:45,772 --> 00:16:47,172 You're telling me I blew off a nice guy for, 502 00:16:47,274 --> 00:16:48,544 what, a prostitute? 503 00:16:48,641 --> 00:16:50,011 - Hey. - That's what you are. 504 00:16:50,110 --> 00:16:51,680 You're a prostitute except with more steps. 505 00:16:51,778 --> 00:16:53,208 Hey, hey, don't give them your money. 506 00:16:53,313 --> 00:16:54,213 It's a scam. 507 00:16:54,314 --> 00:16:56,784 - Billy? - Matthew? 508 00:16:56,883 --> 00:16:58,293 Please, please, please, don't tell Barry. 509 00:16:58,385 --> 00:17:00,085 He can't take the stress. 510 00:17:00,187 --> 00:17:01,347 - He's so close to death. - Are you kidding me? 511 00:17:01,454 --> 00:17:03,024 You jerked off Matthew? 512 00:17:03,123 --> 00:17:05,023 You two know each other? This city... 513 00:17:05,125 --> 00:17:09,295 It takes a real creep to spoil some innocent, public jerk-off. 514 00:17:09,396 --> 00:17:12,296 Everyone who does a cappella is a sick pervert. 515 00:17:12,399 --> 00:17:15,169 (Julie) I knew my dogs wouldn't have bitten three strangers. 516 00:17:15,268 --> 00:17:17,298 Their assholes. They're not monsters. 517 00:17:17,404 --> 00:17:18,714 I don't think you're paying attention 518 00:17:18,805 --> 00:17:20,265 to the right parts of the story. 519 00:17:20,373 --> 00:17:22,113 I'm sorry that your sexy stranger 520 00:17:22,209 --> 00:17:25,179 turned out to be a con man who hooked up with Matthew. 521 00:17:25,278 --> 00:17:27,178 - [sighs] - But look on the bright side. 522 00:17:27,280 --> 00:17:28,720 You got a second chance with a nice guy. 523 00:17:28,815 --> 00:17:30,645 - Hi. - Hey. 524 00:17:30,750 --> 00:17:32,220 So glad this worked out. 525 00:17:32,319 --> 00:17:33,589 Yeah. Thanks for coming. 526 00:17:33,686 --> 00:17:35,686 So what play are we seeing? 527 00:17:35,788 --> 00:17:37,188 Oh, my God. Okay, so-- 528 00:17:37,290 --> 00:17:40,360 No. I made a promise to Kathie Lee Gifford. 529 00:17:40,460 --> 00:17:43,130 Let's watch it with an open mind. 530 00:17:43,230 --> 00:17:44,330 Love that. 531 00:17:44,431 --> 00:17:48,341 [jazzy instrumental music] 532 00:17:48,435 --> 00:17:50,795 I am alone. 533 00:17:50,903 --> 00:17:52,313 I am unloved. 534 00:17:52,405 --> 00:17:53,765 My husband is gone. 535 00:17:53,873 --> 00:17:56,083 Uh-oh. 536 00:17:56,176 --> 00:17:59,206 I never would have gotten through this without you. 537 00:17:59,312 --> 00:18:03,182 You are the most brilliant person alive. 538 00:18:03,283 --> 00:18:05,353 I'm just a woman. 539 00:18:05,452 --> 00:18:08,222 I'm an extraordinary woman. 540 00:18:08,321 --> 00:18:12,431 * I've helped so many women * 541 00:18:12,525 --> 00:18:15,085 * Just by being an example * 542 00:18:15,195 --> 00:18:16,325 [gentle piano music] 543 00:18:16,429 --> 00:18:19,399 * Whenever you are hurting 544 00:18:19,499 --> 00:18:22,269 * Think of me 545 00:18:22,369 --> 00:18:24,669 * Me 546 00:18:24,771 --> 00:18:26,241 [whispers] Me. 547 00:18:26,339 --> 00:18:28,309 * 548 00:18:28,408 --> 00:18:31,278 [scattered applause] 549 00:18:35,515 --> 00:18:37,645 Well, I'll say this. 550 00:18:37,750 --> 00:18:39,420 It was long, but in her defense, 551 00:18:39,519 --> 00:18:41,789 it was also very, very slow. 552 00:18:41,888 --> 00:18:43,318 Thank you for coming. 553 00:18:43,423 --> 00:18:45,193 Thank you. Hello. 554 00:18:45,292 --> 00:18:46,362 Thank you. 555 00:18:46,459 --> 00:18:47,659 What did you think? 556 00:18:51,464 --> 00:18:52,674 You hated it. 557 00:18:52,765 --> 00:18:53,825 For what it's worth, 558 00:18:53,933 --> 00:18:55,403 it looked like it was really hard to do, 559 00:18:55,502 --> 00:18:57,472 so good job, Mom. 560 00:18:57,570 --> 00:18:59,840 Yeah. It was. 561 00:19:02,975 --> 00:19:04,375 Oh, there's my doorman. 562 00:19:04,477 --> 00:19:05,907 Oh, of course. 563 00:19:06,012 --> 00:19:07,752 - Remind me-- - Hey, Julie, Billy. 564 00:19:07,847 --> 00:19:10,217 Oh, my God, Sonny. What are you doing here? 565 00:19:10,317 --> 00:19:12,417 Oh, I called you a bunch of times and told you I was coming. 566 00:19:12,519 --> 00:19:14,719 - You never called back. - Oh, God. I'm sorry. 567 00:19:14,821 --> 00:19:16,691 I was beginning to think you were gonna blow me off 568 00:19:16,789 --> 00:19:18,459 the way you blew off that loser 569 00:19:18,558 --> 00:19:20,328 that you didn't want to go out with 570 00:19:20,427 --> 00:19:21,787 so you pretended to have food poisoning. 571 00:19:21,894 --> 00:19:23,164 [Sonny laughs] 572 00:19:23,263 --> 00:19:25,163 You know what, Billy? 573 00:19:25,265 --> 00:19:28,435 Go fuck yourself. 574 00:19:28,535 --> 00:19:30,295 Hey, before I go, can I meet your mom? 575 00:19:30,403 --> 00:19:31,403 Why? 576 00:19:31,504 --> 00:19:32,944 I mean, a shrink who directs, writes, 577 00:19:33,039 --> 00:19:33,939 and has no legs? 578 00:19:34,040 --> 00:19:35,440 Oh, my no God, 579 00:19:35,542 --> 00:19:37,312 introduce me to that woman. 580 00:19:37,410 --> 00:19:38,480 Did I hear compliments? 581 00:19:38,578 --> 00:19:39,778 Hello. 582 00:19:39,879 --> 00:19:41,249 I'm Julie's mom. 583 00:19:41,348 --> 00:19:43,318 You have legs. 584 00:19:43,416 --> 00:19:44,946 Fresh. 585 00:19:45,051 --> 00:19:47,291 - Oh, dear God, help us. - We're going to hell. 586 00:19:47,387 --> 00:19:49,517 I knew you weren't atheists either. 587 00:19:49,622 --> 00:19:52,332 You can go fuck yourselves. 588 00:19:52,425 --> 00:19:55,725 Oh, it's so great having fans. 589 00:19:55,828 --> 00:19:57,328 Oh, there's Floy. 590 00:19:57,430 --> 00:20:00,470 Oh, that poor thing. She's had such a tough year. 591 00:20:00,567 --> 00:20:02,867 Her husband left her, and then she got bedbugs. 592 00:20:02,969 --> 00:20:04,339 - What? - Yeah. 593 00:20:04,437 --> 00:20:05,867 She brought home a microwave cookbook, 594 00:20:05,972 --> 00:20:07,542 and inside were bedbugs. 595 00:20:07,640 --> 00:20:10,210 She bought it from that used book store on Seventh Avenue. 596 00:20:10,310 --> 00:20:11,480 Oh, my God. 597 00:20:11,578 --> 00:20:12,878 Arthur just brought home, 598 00:20:12,979 --> 00:20:14,749 like, a ton of books from that place. 599 00:20:14,847 --> 00:20:17,317 Bedbugs lay eggs in books. 600 00:20:17,417 --> 00:20:18,517 They what? 601 00:20:18,618 --> 00:20:19,888 All right, you got to go home right now 602 00:20:19,986 --> 00:20:21,416 and get rid of them. 603 00:20:21,521 --> 00:20:23,921 - Got to burn everything. - Got to burn it. 604 00:20:24,023 --> 00:20:25,793 And now for my Q&A. 605 00:20:25,892 --> 00:20:28,802 [driving rock music] 606 00:20:28,895 --> 00:20:31,755 * 607 00:20:31,864 --> 00:20:33,904 Ah, nothing like a book burning at night. 608 00:20:34,000 --> 00:20:37,440 I'm glad we got a bedbug scare. 609 00:20:37,537 --> 00:20:38,907 And you know what? 610 00:20:39,005 --> 00:20:40,905 I'm glad our backup plans fell through. 611 00:20:41,007 --> 00:20:42,907 That's right, and we're not backup plan people. 612 00:20:43,009 --> 00:20:44,439 Exactly. 613 00:20:44,544 --> 00:20:46,914 You'll find somebody hotter than dog run guy, 614 00:20:47,013 --> 00:20:48,423 sweeter than Carl. 615 00:20:48,515 --> 00:20:50,245 Yeah, and who needs Sonny Kilburg 616 00:20:50,350 --> 00:20:51,850 and his atheist podcast anyway? 617 00:20:51,951 --> 00:20:53,491 Yeah. 618 00:20:53,586 --> 00:20:54,516 - And you know what? - What? 619 00:20:54,621 --> 00:20:55,921 Here's the best part. 620 00:20:56,022 --> 00:20:57,962 We are going to be 621 00:20:58,057 --> 00:20:59,387 on NPR, bitches! 622 00:20:59,492 --> 00:21:01,932 - Oh, my God! - * NPR 623 00:21:02,028 --> 00:21:04,498 * We're gonna be on NPR 624 00:21:04,597 --> 00:21:06,867 Oh, hey, Billy, Julie. 625 00:21:06,966 --> 00:21:09,496 Oh, I'm ready for my first podcast interview. 626 00:21:09,602 --> 00:21:12,002 - Hi, Angela. - Hey, Angela. 627 00:21:12,104 --> 00:21:13,414 [horn honks] 628 00:21:13,506 --> 00:21:14,436 [book thunks] 629 00:21:14,541 --> 00:21:16,411 You love books, huh? 630 00:21:16,509 --> 00:21:17,579 [fire crackling] 631 00:21:17,677 --> 00:21:20,007 Go fuck yourselves. 632 00:21:23,082 --> 00:21:26,552 [both laughing] 633 00:21:26,653 --> 00:21:28,823 (man) * Ow 634 00:21:28,921 --> 00:21:31,321 * Thought it'd be easy 635 00:21:31,424 --> 00:21:33,934 * Thought they didn't know 636 00:21:34,026 --> 00:21:38,966 * You thought it was the only way to go * 637 00:21:39,065 --> 00:21:41,625 * Another way out 638 00:21:41,734 --> 00:21:44,074 * Found on the way home 639 00:21:44,170 --> 00:21:45,570 * Thought you were living fast 640 00:21:45,672 --> 00:21:48,342 * But you were living slow 641 00:21:48,441 --> 00:21:56,321 *