1
00:00:10,733 --> 00:00:13,966
One of your dogs was being a
degen the other day...

2
00:00:14,000 --> 00:00:15,900
What's up, what's up...

3
00:00:15,933 --> 00:00:18,266
Don't let the dog
lick your boot.

4
00:00:18,300 --> 00:00:20,200
Off you go. Way y'go.
Way y'go. Way y'go.

5
00:00:22,666 --> 00:00:26,900
‐What's the problem?
‐Your boots are covered in piss.

6
00:00:26,933 --> 00:00:29,200
Are you accusing me of washing
my boots in the toilet again?

7
00:00:29,233 --> 00:00:31,033
All dudes' shoes are
covered in piss.

8
00:00:31,066 --> 00:00:33,066
From standin' in front of the
toilet or a urinal.

9
00:00:33,100 --> 00:00:36,666
Your stream hits the water or
the porcelain and it goes
fuckin' everywhere.

10
00:00:36,700 --> 00:00:38,200
‐Prove it.
‐No, he's right.

11
00:00:38,233 --> 00:00:41,066
Have you ever taken a look at
the area half a foot in fronts
of a urinal?

12
00:00:41,100 --> 00:00:42,666
It's like a miniature swamps.

13
00:00:42,700 --> 00:00:44,166
Ants could ride
sea‐doos through it.

14
00:00:44,200 --> 00:00:45,633
Ants can't ride
no sea‐doos.

15
00:00:45,666 --> 00:00:47,766
Of course ants can't ride
no sea‐doos!

16
00:00:47,800 --> 00:00:49,600
Just don't let the dog
lick your boots.

17
00:00:49,633 --> 00:00:53,766
I mean not to be an expert on
the subject, 'cause of course,
everybody's a fuckin' expert.

18
00:00:53,800 --> 00:00:55,866
Everybody's a fuckin' expert.
Must be nice.

19
00:00:55,900 --> 00:00:58,066
You know, when I was coming
up we'd be lucky to even
have a dog.

20
00:00:58,100 --> 00:01:00,266
Now everyone's a fuckin' expert.
Must be nice.

21
00:01:00,300 --> 00:01:03,933
You guys notice that whenever
there's a problem everybody
turns into a dog expert?

22
00:01:03,966 --> 00:01:05,566
We oughtta leave
this world behind.

23
00:01:09,600 --> 00:01:10,633
Maybe they could.

24
00:01:12,700 --> 00:01:14,266
‐Maybe who could?
‐Ants.

25
00:01:14,300 --> 00:01:16,200
‐Could what?
‐Ride sea‐doos.

26
00:01:19,033 --> 00:01:20,166
Good buddy?

27
00:01:20,200 --> 00:01:22,900
See, there's a lot of variables
at play here, obviously.

28
00:01:22,933 --> 00:01:25,933
But if you ask me if I've heard
crazier things than
ants riding sea‐doos...

29
00:01:26,900 --> 00:01:27,933
I'd say sure.

30
00:01:27,966 --> 00:01:28,866
You'd need a scientist.

31
00:01:28,900 --> 00:01:30,366
You'd need a team
of scientists, I think.

32
00:01:30,400 --> 00:01:33,900
Well, ants are smart
enough to walk single file
and protect their queen.

33
00:01:33,933 --> 00:01:36,533
So, you know, they're just a
stone's throw away from
humans intelligence‐wise.

34
00:01:36,566 --> 00:01:38,633
They're a hop, skip and a jump,
if you really think about it.

35
00:01:38,666 --> 00:01:40,300
You get a scientist to make
a sea‐doo for an ant?

36
00:01:40,333 --> 00:01:43,900
Well, I think a team of
scientists, a good one,
for sure could.

37
00:01:43,933 --> 00:01:46,733
A scientist making
sea‐doos for ants
would be a tireless job.

38
00:01:46,766 --> 00:01:47,966
Thankless, likely, too.

39
00:01:48,000 --> 00:01:50,666
Well, you operates the gas
with your thumb on the
sea‐doo so,

40
00:01:50,700 --> 00:01:53,300
ants don't got thumbs.
That right there is
your first obstacles.

41
00:01:53,333 --> 00:01:56,866
No, you'd have to get
scientists to make the
gas a push button

42
00:01:56,900 --> 00:01:58,300
so the ant could just
put his foot on it.

43
00:01:58,333 --> 00:02:01,033
It's like if a team of
scientists was building
a sea‐doo for an ant,

44
00:02:01,066 --> 00:02:04,766
they could likely just as easily
build the ant a bionic thumb
to operate the gas with.

45
00:02:04,800 --> 00:02:06,066
So, there's options there.

46
00:02:06,100 --> 00:02:09,700
Yeah. Ant would need a license
to operate a personal
watercraft.

47
00:02:09,733 --> 00:02:12,633
That's not a big deal.
You can get that
over the weekend.

48
00:02:12,666 --> 00:02:14,166
But the scientists would
have to build them a PFD

49
00:02:14,200 --> 00:02:15,600
because they wouldn't let them
take the course without it.

50
00:02:15,633 --> 00:02:18,700
Ants would have no problem
stabilizing themselves
out on the sea‐doo

51
00:02:18,733 --> 00:02:20,800
on accounts that they got more
arms and legs than we do.

52
00:02:20,833 --> 00:02:23,166
They've got a leg up on us
there, if you wants to be
clever about it.

53
00:02:23,200 --> 00:02:26,000
If I'm an ant I'm operating the
sea‐doo with my antennas.

54
00:02:26,033 --> 00:02:29,100
That way I've got all those arms
and legs to stabilize myself
on the machine,

55
00:02:29,133 --> 00:02:31,966
which you'd need like,
if it's a wavy day on the water.

56
00:02:32,000 --> 00:02:34,133
It'd still take a lot of
concentration from an ant.

57
00:02:34,166 --> 00:02:37,100
Like Dan's gonna fall off two
or three times when
he gets going.

58
00:02:37,133 --> 00:02:38,233
So it's just trial and error.

59
00:02:38,833 --> 00:02:39,900
I don't know.

60
00:02:41,066 --> 00:02:42,233
You don't know what?

61
00:02:42,266 --> 00:02:44,900
Well, think about
Honey, I Shrunk the Kids.

62
00:02:44,933 --> 00:02:49,000
Think about how helpful and
resilient the ant was
the entire journey.

63
00:02:49,033 --> 00:02:50,866
Well, know what, I'm just gonna
come right out and say it,

64
00:02:50,900 --> 00:02:53,100
the kids might never have got
un‐shrunk if it weren't
for the ant.

65
00:02:53,133 --> 00:02:56,100
That's all well and good,
but I'm actually quite surprised
you guys would suggest that the

66
00:02:56,133 --> 00:03:00,100
ants would just up and abandon
his post protecting the queen to
go ride on sea‐doos.

67
00:03:00,133 --> 00:03:01,633
Well, you don't know that
ant, Dan.

68
00:03:01,666 --> 00:03:03,000
You know nothing about
the ant, Dan.

69
00:03:03,033 --> 00:03:04,933
That's rather presumptuous
of youse.

70
00:03:04,966 --> 00:03:06,966
You're an ant comin' up in a
tough neighbourhood.

71
00:03:07,000 --> 00:03:08,533
Never caught a break
in your life.

72
00:03:08,566 --> 00:03:12,600
All of a sudden there's a team
of scientists outside your door
with a sea‐doo.

73
00:03:12,633 --> 00:03:14,866
Dan, look me in the eye
right now and tell me
you don't ride it.

74
00:03:14,900 --> 00:03:16,600
The ant's buddies would be
thrilled to help him out.

75
00:03:16,633 --> 00:03:18,600
They'd happily cover his shift
protecting the queen.

76
00:03:18,633 --> 00:03:21,066
An opportunity like that?
They'd be linin' up
around the anthill.

77
00:03:21,100 --> 00:03:23,500
How many more opportunities
like that you think the
ant's going to get?

78
00:03:24,033 --> 00:03:25,633
Not many.

79
00:03:25,666 --> 00:03:27,633
That's the first ant in the
colony to ride a sea‐doo.
That's his legacy.

80
00:03:27,666 --> 00:03:29,700
They'd be talking about that
ant inter‐colonial.

81
00:03:29,733 --> 00:03:31,200
Fire ants wouldn't
fuck with him.

82
00:03:31,233 --> 00:03:32,800
He rides sea‐doos.

83
00:03:32,833 --> 00:03:34,600
‐What's the alternative?
‐Yeah, what's the alternative?

84
00:03:34,633 --> 00:03:36,066
Work on an ant farm?

85
00:03:36,100 --> 00:03:38,833
That ant's got a life on the
outside, he's got to live it
God dammit.

86
00:03:38,866 --> 00:03:40,066
His hours might have got cut.

87
00:03:40,100 --> 00:03:41,933
He might have mouths to feed.
You don't know.

88
00:03:41,966 --> 00:03:43,966
His wife's thinking about
leaving, taking the kids too.

89
00:03:44,000 --> 00:03:45,866
I was out of line.

90
00:03:45,900 --> 00:03:47,866
Well, good people make
mistakes, Dan.

91
00:03:47,900 --> 00:03:49,600
Yeah, it's all right. Just...
just like,

92
00:03:49,633 --> 00:03:53,000
I don't know, like, down the
road, I think, if you hear
somebody talkin' about somebody

93
00:03:53,033 --> 00:03:55,200
that they don't really know,
you'll swiftly correct them.

94
00:03:55,233 --> 00:03:58,533
I think it's important that they
just learn something here.

95
00:03:58,566 --> 00:04:00,700
Not to be an expert,
'cause everybody's
a fuckin' expert.

96
00:04:01,666 --> 00:04:02,800
Must be nice.

97
00:04:21,100 --> 00:04:22,800
Can you get me some
sour candies?

98
00:04:25,733 --> 00:04:26,966
Sure, Katy‐Kat.

99
00:04:32,300 --> 00:04:34,033
You got him well trained,
don't ya?

100
00:04:40,566 --> 00:04:44,100
Wayne, how'r ya now. Not s'bad.
Good 'n you? Now... now hold on,
Wayne, Wayne.

101
00:04:44,133 --> 00:04:46,133
Wayne, we aint' got time for the
pleasantries, all right?

102
00:04:46,166 --> 00:04:49,000
Youse guys heard what the hockey
coach is up to at the
golf course?

103
00:04:49,033 --> 00:04:50,300
Fuck golf.

104
00:04:50,333 --> 00:04:52,100
Fuckin' ankle sock wearin'
sallies, that's all I know.

105
00:04:52,133 --> 00:04:53,466
That fuckin' twat

106
00:04:53,500 --> 00:04:56,700
says there's too much shits from
Canada Gooses on the
golf course.

107
00:04:56,733 --> 00:04:58,800
There's too much shit from
Canada Gooses everywhere.

108
00:04:58,833 --> 00:05:00,300
Just keep your dog out of it
and keep walkin'.

109
00:05:00,333 --> 00:05:02,133
Exactly. But get this.

110
00:05:02,166 --> 00:05:05,000
To curb the amount of shits from
Canada Gooses,

111
00:05:05,033 --> 00:05:07,933
that degenerate son‐of‐a‐bitch
has put the wheels in motion

112
00:05:07,966 --> 00:05:10,233
to oil and grease up the eggs!
Hot Jimmy!

113
00:05:10,266 --> 00:05:12,633
What the fuck ya talkin' about
oil and grease up the eggs?

114
00:05:12,666 --> 00:05:14,266
They track down the
Canada Gooses nests,

115
00:05:14,300 --> 00:05:16,600
put oil on Canada Gooses eggs
so they won't hatch.

116
00:05:16,633 --> 00:05:18,166
‐Oh!
‐(ALL) What?!

117
00:05:18,200 --> 00:05:23,133
So mother Canada Gooses sit on
their eggs and wait diligently
for them to‐‐

118
00:05:23,166 --> 00:05:25,033
Hatch, but they never hatch.

119
00:05:25,066 --> 00:05:27,066
Canada Gooseslings die
inside the egg.

120
00:05:27,100 --> 00:05:28,200
What?!

121
00:05:28,233 --> 00:05:29,700
What?!

122
00:05:29,733 --> 00:05:30,766
What?!

123
00:05:30,800 --> 00:05:31,866
What?!

124
00:05:31,900 --> 00:05:33,966
I've never been so irate in
my whole fuckin' life!

125
00:05:34,000 --> 00:05:36,733
You fuck with mother nature!
You don't fuck with it,
cocksucker.

126
00:05:36,766 --> 00:05:38,233
You don't fuck with motherhood!

127
00:05:38,266 --> 00:05:40,900
There's a special place in
heaven for animal lovers,
that's all I know.

128
00:05:40,933 --> 00:05:42,166
Those are fuckin' Canada Gooses.

129
00:05:43,666 --> 00:05:45,533
Those are Canada's fuckin'
gooses.

130
00:05:45,566 --> 00:05:47,800
Canada Gooses are majestics.

131
00:05:47,833 --> 00:05:50,833
Barrel‐chested.
The envys of all ornithologys.

132
00:05:50,866 --> 00:05:53,266
They are leaders.
Born and bred leaders.

133
00:05:53,300 --> 00:05:55,133
Canada Gooses are
van‐fuckin'‐garde.

134
00:05:55,166 --> 00:05:56,200
Avant‐fuckin'‐garde.

135
00:05:56,233 --> 00:05:57,933
Guardians of the fuckin' galaxy!

136
00:05:57,966 --> 00:05:59,900
You wanna know what? You got a
problem with Canada Gooses,

137
00:05:59,933 --> 00:06:02,600
you got a problem with me,
and I suggest you let that
one marinate.

138
00:06:02,633 --> 00:06:05,633
Now coach is an expert on
Canada Gooses.
Must be fuckin' nice!

139
00:06:05,666 --> 00:06:07,966
When I was comings up you'd be
lucky to even have
Canada Gooses.

140
00:06:08,000 --> 00:06:12,033
Now we got so manys you want to
start killin' their babies.
Must be fuckin' nice.

141
00:06:12,066 --> 00:06:13,766
You guys ever notice

142
00:06:13,800 --> 00:06:17,200
that as soon as there's a
problem around here everybody
starts killin' Canada Gooses?

143
00:06:17,233 --> 00:06:18,400
We oughtta leave this
world behind.

144
00:06:18,433 --> 00:06:21,933
Canada Gooses mate for life.
They're just like you and me.

145
00:06:21,966 --> 00:06:24,300
Those cocksuckers help each
other fly when they're
in the air.

146
00:06:24,333 --> 00:06:25,900
They look out for each other.

147
00:06:25,933 --> 00:06:27,300
Now you wanna kill them for
takin' shits.

148
00:06:27,333 --> 00:06:30,233
You know, I saw two Canada
Gooses mount a swan one time

149
00:06:30,266 --> 00:06:32,633
and you gotta think that swan
told her friends about it.

150
00:06:32,666 --> 00:06:34,066
You're goddamn right she did.

151
00:06:34,100 --> 00:06:37,266
I think we all need to take a
good look in the mirror
and ask ourselves,

152
00:06:37,300 --> 00:06:40,266
where we would be without
Canada Gooses.

153
00:06:40,300 --> 00:06:42,266
We cannot allows this to happen.

154
00:06:42,300 --> 00:06:44,833
We will not allow
this to happen.

155
00:06:44,866 --> 00:06:47,600
I'm about ready to put some
anthrax in the fuckin' mail
here, that's all I know.

156
00:06:47,633 --> 00:06:49,900
ooh! Settle down, baby.
Settle down.

157
00:06:49,933 --> 00:06:52,600
Hey! Let's hit the golf course!

158
00:06:58,000 --> 00:06:59,800
‐Hey. Hey, buddy.
‐Oh, hey, buddy.

159
00:06:59,833 --> 00:07:02,000
You, uh, throwin' some weights
around, eh?

160
00:07:02,033 --> 00:07:03,633
Beastin' it up.

161
00:07:03,666 --> 00:07:05,233
Nice. Muscle confusing.

162
00:07:05,266 --> 00:07:06,733
Progressive overloading.

163
00:07:06,766 --> 00:07:07,966
Gettin' yolked.

164
00:07:08,000 --> 00:07:09,166
Gettin' yolked.

165
00:07:09,200 --> 00:07:14,266
Nice. Could use a spot every now
and then, though, you know.

166
00:07:14,300 --> 00:07:16,166
Could use a spot sometimes too.

167
00:07:18,333 --> 00:07:19,533
But I'm... I'm fine, though,
man. Like, I'm good.

168
00:07:19,566 --> 00:07:23,200
Oh, yeah. No, I'm good, dude.
Super good, man. Thanks for...

169
00:07:28,033 --> 00:07:29,100
Sweet...

170
00:07:30,100 --> 00:07:31,700
Who brought the rockets, boys?

171
00:07:31,733 --> 00:07:34,133
Whose billet brothers are
fuckin' rockets, boys?

172
00:07:34,166 --> 00:07:35,900
I'll celebrate your biscuit all
night, bud.

173
00:07:35,933 --> 00:07:37,033
Ever gone bar upski?

174
00:07:37,066 --> 00:07:38,366
Fag.

175
00:07:38,400 --> 00:07:40,833
How'd you know your dad's
safe word when I fist
his ass, bud?

176
00:07:40,866 --> 00:07:42,766
We got real dirty with
his dangle, bud.

177
00:07:42,800 --> 00:07:44,866
I fucked your dad with
chapped lips and a runny nose.

178
00:07:44,900 --> 00:07:46,866
Fucked your dad with bad bread
and B. O.

179
00:07:48,666 --> 00:07:50,166
Olympic rules in this
shoot‐out boys.

180
00:07:50,200 --> 00:07:53,933
Order of shooters is me, me,
me and then me, again.

181
00:07:53,966 --> 00:07:55,266
I'm fuckin' T. J Oshie.

182
00:07:55,300 --> 00:07:58,600
You've never seen a two‐way
centre‐man with jam
like this, boys.

183
00:07:58,633 --> 00:08:01,933
Let's see some jam, boys.
Let's see you jam it
right up there.

184
00:08:01,966 --> 00:08:03,266
You need a pest on your roster?

185
00:08:03,300 --> 00:08:04,833
I'm a shit disturber.

186
00:08:04,866 --> 00:08:06,533
I'll disturb your shit
all night.

187
00:08:11,000 --> 00:08:12,533
Wanna play some Chel?

188
00:08:12,566 --> 00:08:14,733
I should... I should really get
back to Katy, buddy.

189
00:08:15,233 --> 00:08:16,833
Good call.

190
00:08:16,866 --> 00:08:19,633
Man, she makes me do stuff for
her like all the time.

191
00:08:19,666 --> 00:08:24,933
I'll play Chel with you, buddy.
Let's hit that A button.
Ay, ay, ay, ay...

192
00:08:24,966 --> 00:08:29,833
If he gets tired I'll be right
there to hit ay, ay, ay, ay,
for him.

193
00:08:31,066 --> 00:08:33,266
I'll cover his point... any day.

194
00:08:34,900 --> 00:08:36,166
Must be nice.

195
00:08:40,800 --> 00:08:42,933
Thank you. I am very good.

196
00:08:42,966 --> 00:08:44,933
So, ladies and gentlemen of the

197
00:08:44,966 --> 00:08:49,866
Letterkenny Grey Granite Copper
Crick Whistle Ridge
Golf & Country Club,

198
00:08:49,900 --> 00:08:53,066
goose droppings will no longer
be impeding our play on this
lovely course.

199
00:08:53,933 --> 00:08:55,233
Thank you. Thank you.

200
00:08:55,266 --> 00:08:58,133
Now let's hit the links!

201
00:08:58,166 --> 00:09:01,666
Has someone around here got a
problem with Canada Gooses
takin' Canada deuces?

202
00:09:03,100 --> 00:09:05,200
Must be nice!

203
00:09:05,233 --> 00:09:07,933
When I was comings up we'd be
luck to even have oils for
our tractors.

204
00:09:07,966 --> 00:09:11,800
Now you got so much of it you
want to pour it on eggs.
Must be fuckin' nice!

205
00:09:11,833 --> 00:09:14,633
Whenever anybody's got a problem
these days it's straight to
dumpin' oil on it.

206
00:09:14,666 --> 00:09:15,733
We oughtta leave this
world behind.

207
00:09:15,766 --> 00:09:17,833
Wanna know what? You got a
problem with Canada Gooses,

208
00:09:17,866 --> 00:09:21,200
you got a problem with me and I
suggest you let that
one marinate.

209
00:09:21,233 --> 00:09:24,900
Leave the egg painting to the
Easter Bunny, you pile of shit!

210
00:09:26,600 --> 00:09:29,600
Your wardrobe colour scheme
looks like a bi‐polar spell!

211
00:09:30,700 --> 00:09:32,600
Get those cocksuckers
off your feet!

212
00:09:32,633 --> 00:09:35,600
‐Pardon?
‐The ankle socks,
you fuckin' sally.

213
00:09:35,633 --> 00:09:37,633
How does your wife let you leave
the house lookin' like that,
huh?

214
00:09:37,666 --> 00:09:39,533
My wife died three years ago.

215
00:09:39,566 --> 00:09:42,300
Yeah, well, one look at you and
it's clear she's in a better
place now, you fuckin' asshole!

216
00:09:42,333 --> 00:09:46,700
Look! The oiling of goose eggs
was approved by the board,
all right?

217
00:09:46,733 --> 00:09:48,700
And a fine board it is.

218
00:09:48,733 --> 00:09:52,800
So your little breaking‐glass
display is not going to work.

219
00:09:52,833 --> 00:09:55,833
That's why we have a new by‐law
that prohibits glass bottles.

220
00:09:55,866 --> 00:09:58,700
So all of you are going
to get fined.

221
00:09:58,733 --> 00:10:03,933
Fine my balls, you fuckin'
dandy. Fine 'em and suck 'em
while you're at it, you chooch!

222
00:10:03,966 --> 00:10:06,233
I will do neither of those
things, good sir.

223
00:10:06,266 --> 00:10:09,000
There's a special place in
heaven for animal lovers,
that's what I always say.

224
00:10:09,033 --> 00:10:12,066
Yes. And those animals will now
have a special place in heaven,
as well.

225
00:10:12,100 --> 00:10:15,766
Along with my wife, Barbara.
So, let's hit the links!

226
00:10:16,600 --> 00:10:17,800
Fuckin' embarrassing.

227
00:10:19,600 --> 00:10:21,933
I'm ready to drive my car
into a crowd.

228
00:10:21,966 --> 00:10:23,766
Just calm down, baby.

229
00:10:23,800 --> 00:10:27,000
Let's get to work on getting the
Canada Gooses off the
golf course.

230
00:10:27,033 --> 00:10:28,933
We have some coyote decoys
in the shed.

231
00:10:28,966 --> 00:10:30,966
Worked for that golf course off
the Maitlands River.

232
00:10:31,000 --> 00:10:32,533
Uh‐hm, it'll work here too.

233
00:10:32,566 --> 00:10:35,800
‐Pitter‐patter.
‐We'll get to work on getting
ankle socks off the golf course.

234
00:10:35,833 --> 00:10:37,500
‐Ain't that right, baby.
‐Uh‐hm.

235
00:10:38,133 --> 00:10:39,500
Let's do this!

236
00:11:09,866 --> 00:11:11,266
‐'Sup boys?
‐Nothing.

237
00:11:11,300 --> 00:11:12,833
You?

238
00:11:12,866 --> 00:11:14,300
Nothin'

239
00:11:14,333 --> 00:11:17,600
I'm not doing a whole lot of
anything these days.

240
00:11:17,633 --> 00:11:22,066
Oh. Oh. Be my altar boy, man.
Be my altar man.

241
00:11:22,100 --> 00:11:27,000
The Lord worketh dayeth and
nighteth in his battle to
castaway heathenethses.

242
00:11:27,033 --> 00:11:30,200
That's a lot of work for the
Lordeth alone. The Lord could
useth some helpeth

243
00:11:30,233 --> 00:11:32,833
in his fight against the
heathensetheseses...

244
00:11:32,866 --> 00:11:35,533
No! The Lordeth have all the
help in the world.

245
00:11:35,566 --> 00:11:39,600
And all they want is your money
anyway. Join us.

246
00:11:40,566 --> 00:11:42,666
Connect. Conjugate.

247
00:11:43,100 --> 00:11:44,866
Coalesce.

248
00:11:44,900 --> 00:11:47,600
‐I'm not really religious, boys.
‐That'll do.

249
00:11:47,633 --> 00:11:50,066
‐Have nothing really against it,
though.
‐That'll do.

250
00:11:50,100 --> 00:11:51,700
Can't we all just hang out?

251
00:11:51,733 --> 00:11:52,866
(ALL) No!

252
00:12:00,100 --> 00:12:03,600
Coyotes. The most obnoxious
predators of rural Canadas.

253
00:12:03,633 --> 00:12:06,533
The town'll still give you
sixty‐five bucks a tail for
pickin' 'em off.

254
00:12:06,566 --> 00:12:10,166
To kill coyotes is okay.
Coyotes'll raid your hen house.

255
00:12:10,200 --> 00:12:13,300
Coyotes attack your livestock,
too. You don't see no Canada
Gooses steal with nobody,

256
00:12:13,333 --> 00:12:14,833
good or bad.

257
00:12:14,866 --> 00:12:16,533
No. You know what
Canada Gooses do?

258
00:12:16,566 --> 00:12:20,000
Canada Gooses help the people
who what's stolen from.
That's what Canada Gooses do.

259
00:12:20,033 --> 00:12:22,066
Tell you what, if you're
accusing Canada Gooses
of stealing,

260
00:12:22,100 --> 00:12:24,833
you're accusing me of stealing
and I suggest you let
that one marinate.

261
00:12:24,866 --> 00:12:27,600
Let's get real here. Coyote
decoys work on Canada Gooses,

262
00:12:27,633 --> 00:12:31,333
but there's not a coyote on
planet Earth who wants nothin'
to do with no Canada Gooses.

263
00:12:31,366 --> 00:12:35,500
Lions is lucky Canada Gooses
don't migrate to Africa.
Then they'd be's extinct.

264
00:12:35,533 --> 00:12:38,966
The only animal in the animal
kingdom what wants anything to
do with Canada Gooses

265
00:12:39,000 --> 00:12:40,000
is Canada Mooses.

266
00:12:40,033 --> 00:12:42,000
Well, Mike Tyson had
a pretty good
run of things.

267
00:12:42,033 --> 00:12:43,100
Do you wanna know why?

268
00:12:43,133 --> 00:12:44,633
No Canada Gooses
in his weight class.

269
00:12:44,666 --> 00:12:47,200
Don't you remember
when that plane had to land
on the river in New York

270
00:12:47,233 --> 00:12:48,800
'cause Canada Gooses
flew into the engine?

271
00:12:48,833 --> 00:12:51,866
It's 'cause Canada Gooses
likely had intel there was
a pedophile or two

272
00:12:51,900 --> 00:12:53,866
on board and took matters
into their own hands.

273
00:12:53,900 --> 00:12:54,966
As they should!

274
00:12:55,000 --> 00:12:56,200
No innocent
people hurt either.

275
00:12:56,233 --> 00:12:58,033
You think that's a fluke?
You tell me that's a fluke.

276
00:12:58,066 --> 00:12:59,333
Go ahead and try
and tell me that's a fluke.

277
00:12:59,366 --> 00:13:00,433
You try to tell me
that's a fluke right now.

278
00:13:00,466 --> 00:13:03,533
Okay, look!
No Canada Gooses
on the golf course

279
00:13:03,566 --> 00:13:06,266
means no eggs to be oiled.
Animal cruelty avoided.

280
00:13:06,300 --> 00:13:07,766
Fuckin' eh.

281
00:13:07,800 --> 00:13:09,966
You know, when I was comin' up
you'd be lucky to even have
any animals.

282
00:13:10,000 --> 00:13:11,833
Now you got so many animals
you wants to be cruel to them?

283
00:13:11,866 --> 00:13:12,866
Must be fuckin' nice!

284
00:13:12,900 --> 00:13:14,466
Any time anybody's got
a problem these days

285
00:13:14,500 --> 00:13:16,400
it's straight to being
cruel to animals.

286
00:13:16,433 --> 00:13:18,000
We gotta leave
this world behind.

287
00:13:18,033 --> 00:13:20,966
Keep it movin'.
I wanna get some sun today
and there's still lots to do.

288
00:13:21,000 --> 00:13:22,400
For Canada Gooses?

289
00:13:22,433 --> 00:13:23,800
ALL: Anything!

290
00:13:25,866 --> 00:13:27,333
MAN: Quack! Who's that?

291
00:13:29,100 --> 00:13:30,066
Fuckin' embarrassing.

292
00:13:30,100 --> 00:13:32,866
You gonna replace
that divot there, asshole?

293
00:13:32,900 --> 00:13:36,433
(GLASS SMASHING)
That cocksucker went farther
than your ball did, you sally.

294
00:13:36,466 --> 00:13:38,400
‐Whoa!
‐You got your pitchin'
wedge in there?

295
00:13:38,433 --> 00:13:40,600
I got a pitch for you.
Go fuck yourself.

296
00:13:40,633 --> 00:13:41,766
That's impressive.

297
00:13:41,800 --> 00:13:44,433
Heard you were
sexually harassing
all the beer‐kart girls.

298
00:13:44,466 --> 00:13:46,600
Well, we have
a beer‐kart boy
in this club so...

299
00:13:46,633 --> 00:13:47,766
‐Bingo!
‐(LAUGHING)

300
00:13:47,800 --> 00:13:51,033
WOMAN:
Have some self‐respect
you fuckin' sally.

301
00:13:51,066 --> 00:13:52,566
You're on Canada Gooses land.

302
00:13:52,600 --> 00:13:56,466
You better fix that divot
'cause Canada Gooses
would fix it for you.

303
00:13:56,500 --> 00:13:58,866
There's a special place
in heaven
for friggin' animal lovers,

304
00:13:58,900 --> 00:14:00,966
‐that's what I always say.
‐Um‐hmm.

305
00:14:01,000 --> 00:14:02,933
‐Watch yourself, baby.
‐(GLASS SMASHING)

306
00:14:02,966 --> 00:14:04,100
You suck!

307
00:14:05,233 --> 00:14:07,400
Go fuck yourself,
ya sally!

308
00:14:08,266 --> 00:14:09,500
Dookus...

309
00:14:11,300 --> 00:14:13,033
All right, Jonesy.

310
00:14:13,066 --> 00:14:16,000
Despite catastrophic
contrariness in character

311
00:14:16,033 --> 00:14:18,200
and concerning contrast
in conduct.

312
00:14:18,233 --> 00:14:19,500
Disturbing disparity
in demeanour.

313
00:14:19,533 --> 00:14:20,900
Don't be redundant, Roald.

314
00:14:20,933 --> 00:14:23,100
(SNORING)
Oh my God,
I just woke up.

315
00:14:23,133 --> 00:14:24,333
Remind me.

316
00:14:25,166 --> 00:14:26,533
Do you enjoy gaming?

317
00:14:26,566 --> 00:14:27,600
‐Yeah.
‐Dancing.

318
00:14:27,633 --> 00:14:28,866
Dancing.

319
00:14:28,900 --> 00:14:30,400
‐No.
‐Hard drugs?

320
00:14:30,433 --> 00:14:34,033
‐That's a fight on sight, buddy.
‐Qui! C'est parfait!

321
00:14:34,066 --> 00:14:38,933
‐Pardon?
‐I think you mean pardone.
Donc ... Faque allons‐y!

322
00:14:38,966 --> 00:14:41,333
Jonesy.
Do you like bread?

323
00:14:41,366 --> 00:14:42,566
‐Yeah.
‐Uh‐hmm.

324
00:14:42,600 --> 00:14:44,833
That's the body
of Christ, buddy.
Do you like wine?

325
00:14:44,866 --> 00:14:47,966
‐Sure.
‐That's the blood of Christ.
Do you like singing?

326
00:14:48,000 --> 00:14:50,133
‐Um...
‐Doot do do do do...

327
00:14:50,166 --> 00:14:52,500
‐Do do.
‐Oh, Lord, did you hear it?

328
00:14:52,533 --> 00:14:56,333
It's the voice of an angel.
I think the choice
is clear. Just do it!

329
00:14:56,366 --> 00:14:59,100
‐But... gaming!
‐Gaming.

330
00:14:59,133 --> 00:15:00,433
‐I love Chel, boys.
‐Chel it is.

331
00:15:00,466 --> 00:15:01,366
Chel it is.

332
00:15:01,400 --> 00:15:06,266
Chel? Uh, no!
No! What about... cheese.

333
00:15:07,166 --> 00:15:08,233
Cheese?

334
00:15:09,033 --> 00:15:11,433
Yes. Cheese.

335
00:15:11,466 --> 00:15:16,300
Everyone knows
cheese is the milk of Christ.

336
00:15:16,333 --> 00:15:19,933
You've hit the motherlode
of cheesie yumminess
when you pick Christ.

337
00:15:19,966 --> 00:15:21,600
It's a classic.
Bread, wine, cheese.

338
00:15:21,633 --> 00:15:24,900
And also cured
in salted dried meats.

339
00:15:24,933 --> 00:15:27,533
That's the flesh of Christ.

340
00:15:27,566 --> 00:15:29,333
‐Huh?
‐See Corinthians!

341
00:15:29,366 --> 00:15:32,166
Bread, wine, cheese, meat!

342
00:15:32,200 --> 00:15:34,233
Christianity is
a charcuterie board.

343
00:15:34,266 --> 00:15:36,466
Come have some charcuterie
with Christ, Jonesy.

344
00:15:36,500 --> 00:15:37,566
You'll like it. It's yummy.

345
00:15:37,600 --> 00:15:39,033
‐Blasphemy!
‐Sacrilege!

346
00:15:39,066 --> 00:15:40,133
What would you know?

347
00:15:40,166 --> 00:15:41,200
(CAR DOOR CLOSES)

348
00:15:43,033 --> 00:15:44,133
Hey, buddy.

349
00:15:44,166 --> 00:15:45,566
Hey, buddy.

350
00:15:45,600 --> 00:15:48,033
Katy send you for some
sour candies again?

351
00:15:48,066 --> 00:15:49,333
Yeah, buddy.

352
00:15:49,366 --> 00:15:52,066
Buddy, you should just
buy a bunch of packs
of sour candies.

353
00:15:52,100 --> 00:15:55,866
You put all the packs
of sour candies in a jar
at Katy's,

354
00:15:55,900 --> 00:15:58,100
then you won't have
to keep coming into town
to get sour candies.

355
00:15:58,133 --> 00:16:02,366
She'll have
all the sour candies
she wants right there.

356
00:16:02,400 --> 00:16:05,833
Did you know that
you're the smartest person
that I've ever met?

357
00:16:05,866 --> 00:16:08,266
Back off, Reilly.
Jonesy's coming with me.

358
00:16:08,300 --> 00:16:12,100
No he is not!
He's coming with us.

359
00:16:12,133 --> 00:16:14,200
I need a crew, buddy.

360
00:16:14,233 --> 00:16:16,000
Jonesy want some
charcuterie of Christ?

361
00:16:16,033 --> 00:16:17,200
You must be hungry.
You want a snacky?

362
00:16:17,233 --> 00:16:19,466
‐Christ gives you snackies.
‐Jones... come here Jonesy.

363
00:16:19,500 --> 00:16:21,033
You want a little snackie,
just... shhh‐‐

364
00:16:21,066 --> 00:16:22,466
‐Jonesy. Come here, Jonesy.
‐(SPEAKING INDISTINCTLY)

365
00:16:22,500 --> 00:16:23,600
Yummy, yummy.
Come here, Jonesy.

366
00:16:23,633 --> 00:16:25,866
Yummy, yummy, snack down.
Yummy, yummy, snack down.

367
00:16:25,900 --> 00:16:27,533
‐(ALL SPEAKING INDISTINCTLY)
‐Who's the good Jonesy?

368
00:16:27,566 --> 00:16:28,566
Come here... come here Jonesy.
Come. Come‐‐

369
00:16:31,866 --> 00:16:33,133
Yummy, yummy ... Yummy yummy‐
Oh who's the good Jonesy?

370
00:16:33,166 --> 00:16:34,266
Jonesy, chel, chel, chel... chel
Jonesy, come here buddy.
Come on.

371
00:16:34,300 --> 00:16:36,600
Chel, chel, chel, chel, chel,
chel, chel, chel, chel...

372
00:16:36,633 --> 00:16:41,300
Bujie, bujie, bujie, bujie...

373
00:16:41,333 --> 00:16:45,833
Chel... chel...
Come here, Jonesy.

374
00:16:45,866 --> 00:16:47,833
(GEESE HONKING)

375
00:16:47,866 --> 00:16:50,466
‐MAN: Fuck golf...
‐Fuckin' embarrassing.

376
00:16:50,500 --> 00:16:53,900
Would you stop talkin'
so I can enjoy
this peaceful game?

377
00:16:53,933 --> 00:16:57,000
How fuckin' peaceful
can it be hackin' it up
all day, bud.

378
00:16:57,033 --> 00:16:58,866
‐You fuckin' suck.
‐You're terrible.

379
00:16:58,900 --> 00:17:00,966
I'm not sure time
heals that wound.

380
00:17:01,000 --> 00:17:03,933
Must be nice to have time
to hack it up all day.
Must be nice.

381
00:17:03,966 --> 00:17:06,300
When I was comin' up
we'd be lucky to have
any times to relax.

382
00:17:06,333 --> 00:17:08,933
Now you got enough time
to relax and hacks it up.

383
00:17:08,966 --> 00:17:10,500
Must be fuckin' nice!

384
00:17:10,533 --> 00:17:12,933
Whenever anybody has
a problem these days
it's straight to hacking it up

385
00:17:12,966 --> 00:17:15,366
and make yourself
look like a fuckin' fool
on the links.

386
00:17:15,400 --> 00:17:17,100
Gotta leave this world behind.

387
00:17:17,133 --> 00:17:19,433
‐Look, the geese‐‐
‐Gooses!

388
00:17:19,466 --> 00:17:22,066
...they're just pheasants
with better marketing.

389
00:17:22,100 --> 00:17:24,466
‐(GLASS SHATTERS)
‐You got a problem
with Canada Gooses,

390
00:17:24,500 --> 00:17:27,333
you got a problem with me
and I suggest
you let that one marinate.

391
00:17:27,366 --> 00:17:29,533
‐(GLASS SHATTERS)
‐You play the Beatles
White Album backwards,

392
00:17:29,566 --> 00:17:30,600
you know what you hear?

393
00:17:30,633 --> 00:17:31,666
Canada Gooses.

394
00:17:31,700 --> 00:17:33,100
Same thing
for Michael Jackson's
<i>Thriller.</i>

395
00:17:33,133 --> 00:17:36,900
‐(GLASS SHATTERS)
‐And everything Shania Twain's
ever recorded!

396
00:17:36,933 --> 00:17:39,000
‐(GLASS SHATTERS)
‐They buried
a Canada Gooses feather

397
00:17:39,033 --> 00:17:41,400
at centre ice
for Crosby's golden goal
in 2010!

398
00:17:41,433 --> 00:17:44,166
When Columbus found
North America and the
Native Americans were in it,

399
00:17:44,200 --> 00:17:46,433
you know what helped
them find the way?
Canada Gooses.

400
00:17:46,466 --> 00:17:49,133
And what did you hear
right before JFK's got
assassinated there,

401
00:17:49,166 --> 00:17:50,366
Fuzzy Zellers?

402
00:17:50,400 --> 00:17:52,333
A Canada Goose
trying to warns him.

403
00:17:52,366 --> 00:17:54,200
Did you ever notice how
there's always Canada Gooses

404
00:17:54,233 --> 00:17:56,000
flying overhead
when there's a fire?

405
00:17:56,033 --> 00:17:59,033
They're flapping water on it,
but no one calls them heroes.

406
00:17:59,066 --> 00:18:01,466
They're not in it for the glory;
they're in it for the people.

407
00:18:01,500 --> 00:18:02,900
For the relationships.

408
00:18:02,933 --> 00:18:04,866
I've noticed walking down
the path of my life

409
00:18:04,900 --> 00:18:07,033
usually in the deepest
and darkest and saddest times,

410
00:18:07,066 --> 00:18:09,200
there was always
one set of footprints
in the sand.

411
00:18:09,233 --> 00:18:10,666
And they're webbed.

412
00:18:10,700 --> 00:18:12,966
And if my wife were here
instead of getting us
a cocksucking gin and tonic

413
00:18:13,000 --> 00:18:15,900
she'd say there's
a special place in heaven
for animal lovers.

414
00:18:15,933 --> 00:18:17,433
Fuckin' embarrassing.

415
00:18:17,466 --> 00:18:19,133
Bring it. Bring it.
Bring it.

416
00:18:19,166 --> 00:18:20,366
Come on. Come on!

417
00:18:37,200 --> 00:18:38,566
See anyone up town?

418
00:18:38,600 --> 00:18:42,500
Yeah, uh, Roald, Stewart,

419
00:18:42,533 --> 00:18:47,833
Glen, you know. Jonesy.

420
00:18:47,866 --> 00:18:50,866
I got a whole bag
of sour candies for you
so you can put 'em in a big jar

421
00:18:50,900 --> 00:18:54,033
and put 'em on the counter
it's just... just for you,
Katy‐Kat.

422
00:18:54,066 --> 00:18:57,533
Oh, no I wanted
the sour jellybeans.

423
00:18:57,566 --> 00:19:01,400
Okay, but I just drove
all the way to town
and... and back. So, uh‐‐

424
00:19:01,433 --> 00:19:05,166
Well, maybe Jonesy
can pick them up.
Or is Jonesy gone?

425
00:19:05,200 --> 00:19:09,300
(ECHOING)
Jonesy gone...
Jonesy gone...

426
00:19:09,333 --> 00:19:13,033
Jonesy gone...
Jonesy gone...
Jonesy gone...

427
00:19:13,066 --> 00:19:16,300
‐No!
‐No?

428
00:19:16,333 --> 00:19:19,900
No. No. I'll... I'll...
I'll go get...
I'll go get them.

429
00:19:19,933 --> 00:19:22,433
(UPBEAT MUSIC PLAYING)

430
00:20:09,200 --> 00:20:11,466
(INAUDIABLE)

431
00:20:11,500 --> 00:20:14,366
‐(GLASS SHATTERS)
‐So, if I start taking shits
on your golf course

432
00:20:14,400 --> 00:20:17,866
you can start killing my babies
'cause it's exact same thing
with Canada Gooses.

433
00:20:17,900 --> 00:20:21,266
‐It's exact same thing.
‐Aw, it's fuckin' embarrassing!

434
00:20:21,300 --> 00:20:23,600
‐(GLASS SHATTERS)
‐And how do you thinks
Evil Knievel's made all them

435
00:20:23,633 --> 00:20:26,900
dare devil jumps there,
shitty John Daleys,
Canada Gooses.

436
00:20:26,933 --> 00:20:28,900
Letting them into
their jet streams,
that's how.

437
00:20:28,933 --> 00:20:30,300
That... that is not true.

438
00:20:30,333 --> 00:20:32,533
The same thing goes
for Evil Knievel Junior
and Travis Pastrana.

439
00:20:32,566 --> 00:20:34,566
They owe everything
they have to Canada Gooses.

440
00:20:34,600 --> 00:20:36,233
‐It's not true!
‐(GLASS SHATTERS)

441
00:20:36,266 --> 00:20:37,666
And most people
don't know this

442
00:20:37,700 --> 00:20:41,866
but Canada Gooses
were the deciding factor
in the 1995 Quebec referendum.

443
00:20:41,900 --> 00:20:43,466
They kept
this country together.

444
00:20:43,500 --> 00:20:45,933
‐(GLASS SHATTERS)
‐You got a problem
with animal lovers,

445
00:20:45,966 --> 00:20:48,866
you got a problem with me
and I suggest
you let that one marinate.

446
00:20:48,900 --> 00:20:52,900
Fine! Fine!
The Geese‐‐

447
00:20:52,933 --> 00:20:54,466
‐Gooses!
‐(GRUNTS)

448
00:20:54,500 --> 00:20:57,266
I will call off the oiling
of the Goose eggs, all right,

449
00:20:57,300 --> 00:20:59,233
if you will leave
this golf course, all right,

450
00:20:59,266 --> 00:21:01,433
and let the members
of the Letterkenny

451
00:21:01,466 --> 00:21:04,033
Grey Granite Copper Creek

452
00:21:04,066 --> 00:21:08,300
Whistle Ridge Golf
and goddam Country Club,

453
00:21:08,333 --> 00:21:10,900
play this game in peace!

454
00:21:13,033 --> 00:21:17,033
‐Do we have your word?
‐You have my word!

455
00:21:17,066 --> 00:21:20,300
Then come look me in the eye
and shake my fuckin' hand.

456
00:21:21,400 --> 00:21:22,933
Hop to it!

457
00:21:22,966 --> 00:21:24,566
Get movin',
Tiger stripes Woods.

458
00:21:24,600 --> 00:21:27,366
Horizontal stripes
are never flattering.

459
00:21:30,166 --> 00:21:33,866
Thank fuckin' Christ,
am I happy to leave
this fuckin' Goose factory.

460
00:21:33,900 --> 00:21:36,100
‐Holy shit
do you hack it up...
‐Unreal.

461
00:21:36,133 --> 00:21:38,100
Get some ankle socks,
you dick head.

462
00:21:38,133 --> 00:21:40,333
Come on, come on,
come on, replace those divots.

463
00:21:40,366 --> 00:21:42,300
Those Canada Gooses
will do it for you...

464
00:21:42,333 --> 00:21:44,466
The fuckin' grass grows ...

465
00:21:46,133 --> 00:21:49,900
Go for an Arnold Palmer...

466
00:21:49,933 --> 00:21:55,233
You know, it's hard not to have
Canada Gooses backs when they're
so close to us as humans.

467
00:21:55,266 --> 00:21:59,000
Male Canada Gooses help female
Canada Gooses.

468
00:21:59,033 --> 00:22:00,100
They're fuckin' hammered, eh?

469
00:22:01,600 --> 00:22:04,000
It's pretty hard to believe that
Canada Gooses

470
00:22:04,033 --> 00:22:07,000
are still labelled a pest
species in most rural areas.

471
00:22:07,033 --> 00:22:10,866
Well, if the shoe fits, wear it.
If the truth hurts,
bare it, bud.

472
00:22:10,900 --> 00:22:13,900
I'll always root for
the underdog.

473
00:22:13,933 --> 00:22:17,033
The Canada Gooselings are pretty
cute when they hatch though,
right?

474
00:22:17,066 --> 00:22:18,533
Well, no arguments there,
good buddy.

475
00:22:18,566 --> 00:22:19,966
Fuckin' eh.

476
00:22:20,000 --> 00:22:22,933
Have you ever seen how Canada
Gooses stray feathers floatin'
on water?

477
00:22:22,966 --> 00:22:26,866
They're not even like other bird
feathers that get all
waterlogged and shit.

478
00:22:26,900 --> 00:22:31,033
No. They're aerodynamic.
Aqua‐dynamic.

479
00:22:31,066 --> 00:22:35,300
It's almost like ants could use
their feathers as racing as
kayaks or some shit...

480
00:22:37,000 --> 00:22:39,166
Ants racing on kayaks, baby.

481
00:22:39,200 --> 00:22:42,833
Of course they can't, ants can't
race no kayaks, honey.

482
00:22:44,300 --> 00:22:45,533
But maybe they coulds.