1
00:00:10,766 --> 00:00:13,633
We went shopping for a whiskey
night the other day.

2
00:00:18,333 --> 00:00:20,766
That's a big fuck‐off bottle
of Gus N' Bru.

3
00:00:20,800 --> 00:00:22,633
It's better to be looking
at it then looking
for it.

4
00:00:22,666 --> 00:00:23,933
You boys getting
into it tonight?

5
00:00:23,966 --> 00:00:25,666
Yeah, it's a Texas‐sized
ten‐four.

6
00:00:25,700 --> 00:00:27,233
That's a Texas‐sized
two‐six.

7
00:00:27,266 --> 00:00:30,366
That's a Texas Micky,
super shooters,
let's get cracking.

8
00:00:30,400 --> 00:00:31,866
Wayne.

9
00:00:31,900 --> 00:00:33,033
What's the problem,
Katy?

10
00:00:33,066 --> 00:00:35,133
It happened again.
What did?

11
00:00:35,166 --> 00:00:37,633
Gus left a Mr. Big
on the floor
this morning.

12
00:00:37,666 --> 00:00:38,966
No, he never.

13
00:00:39,000 --> 00:00:40,400
He dropped a Hershey bar
in the living room
just last Tuesday,

14
00:00:40,433 --> 00:00:43,700
although upon closer inspection,
it did look more like
a Hershey's mint.

15
00:00:43,733 --> 00:00:45,833
Well, I'd sooner believe
that was you, Squirrelly Dan.

16
00:00:45,866 --> 00:00:47,633
So watch how
you speak on his name,
you know?

17
00:00:47,666 --> 00:00:50,400
Hey, buddy... He left
a Twix on the floor
just yesterday.

18
00:00:50,433 --> 00:00:53,033
And what made it a Twix
as opposed to a Big Turk, Dary?

19
00:00:53,066 --> 00:00:55,366
Well, there were
two of 'em.

20
00:00:55,400 --> 00:00:57,133
They're identical,
and they're side
by each.

21
00:00:57,166 --> 00:00:59,300
Over and out.
How would you ask somebody
if you wanted just

22
00:00:59,333 --> 00:01:01,266
one of their Twix's?

23
00:01:01,300 --> 00:01:03,866
Well, just what you said.
"Can I have one of your Twix's?"

24
00:01:03,900 --> 00:01:05,333
No, it'd be...
"Could I have a Twick?"

25
00:01:05,366 --> 00:01:08,333
In any event, it's starting
to look like Willy Wonka's
emptying his pockets

26
00:01:08,366 --> 00:01:09,500
around your house,
good buddy.

27
00:01:09,533 --> 00:01:12,000
Now, you's realize
the weight of
these allegations.

28
00:01:12,033 --> 00:01:13,166
These accusations.

29
00:01:13,200 --> 00:01:14,666
Can confirm.

30
00:01:14,700 --> 00:01:17,000
And you's realize
the consequences at hand
should your claim be false.

31
00:01:17,033 --> 00:01:19,133
Claims is's this.
Can confirm's.

32
00:01:19,166 --> 00:01:21,366
I'll only give you's
one more chance
to retract.

33
00:01:21,400 --> 00:01:23,066
No questions asked.

34
00:01:23,100 --> 00:01:25,666
Before this conversation
becomes a confrontation.

35
00:01:25,700 --> 00:01:28,400
We wouldn't be bringing it
to you if it weren't worth
being brought'en.

36
00:01:28,433 --> 00:01:29,700
‐But...
‐Bring it on.

37
00:01:29,733 --> 00:01:30,900
Oh, it has been broughten.

38
00:01:33,200 --> 00:01:35,066
I'm just kidding around.

39
00:01:35,100 --> 00:01:36,866
He's a ten‐year‐old boy, now.

40
00:01:36,900 --> 00:01:39,166
He's made me proud
for a goddamn decade.

41
00:01:39,200 --> 00:01:40,633
He's been a real good bo.

42
00:01:40,666 --> 00:01:42,266
He's been such a bo.

43
00:01:42,300 --> 00:01:43,633
But he's a senior now.

44
00:01:43,666 --> 00:01:46,333
He's on the home stretch,
and I'm trying to let him
enjoy it.

45
00:01:46,366 --> 00:01:49,033
Snoozin' on the furniture,
lots of human food.

46
00:01:49,066 --> 00:01:50,666
Leash is so long now,
she's limp.

47
00:01:50,700 --> 00:01:51,966
And he's earned it.

48
00:01:52,000 --> 00:01:54,900
So you're just gonna
let him drop Baby Ruth's
all over the house?

49
00:01:54,933 --> 00:01:55,966
As opposed to what, Katy?

50
00:01:56,000 --> 00:01:58,166
Just give him
a real good, stern
talking to.

51
00:01:58,200 --> 00:01:59,800
Oh, yeah, and how's
that gonna shake down?

52
00:01:59,833 --> 00:02:01,200
He's probably
half fuckin' deaf.

53
00:02:01,233 --> 00:02:02,900
Aren't you,
you fuckin' geezer?

54
00:02:02,933 --> 00:02:05,700
The same way it shook down
for the last decade before
you stopped disciplining him,

55
00:02:05,733 --> 00:02:06,600
just 'cause he's old.

56
00:02:06,633 --> 00:02:09,800
Okay, Katy.
Katy, okay, I'm going in.

57
00:02:09,833 --> 00:02:11,766
Wish me luck.

58
00:02:11,800 --> 00:02:15,633
All right, was that you
leaving Crispy Crunchers
all over the floor?

59
00:02:15,666 --> 00:02:18,833
'Cause that's a bad dog,
don't you do that again,
that's bad.

60
00:02:18,866 --> 00:02:20,000
Lickety‐split.

61
00:02:20,033 --> 00:02:21,200
Ah, that's a wee bit
aggressive.

62
00:02:21,233 --> 00:02:22,333
Oh is that what
I'm being, Dary?

63
00:02:22,366 --> 00:02:23,600
Well, that's your pal
you're talking to over there,

64
00:02:23,633 --> 00:02:26,200
fairly accusatory.
I'd say give him
benefit of the doubt.

65
00:02:26,233 --> 00:02:28,700
I wouldn't.
Well, you didn't even ask
him if he did it there.

66
00:02:28,733 --> 00:02:30,266
You just assumed,
I think you're better
than that.

67
00:02:30,300 --> 00:02:33,833
Okay, Dary. Dary, okay,
I'm going back in,
wish me luck.

68
00:02:34,733 --> 00:02:36,633
Aye.

69
00:02:36,666 --> 00:02:38,733
Was that you leaving
Jersey Milks on the floor?

70
00:02:38,766 --> 00:02:40,933
Because that's bad,
if that was you,
that was bad.

71
00:02:40,966 --> 00:02:43,266
Don't you do that
again ever,
'cause I'll be there.

72
00:02:44,266 --> 00:02:46,200
You're not taking
this seriously.

73
00:02:46,233 --> 00:02:47,666
Oh, is that what
I'm not doing, Katy?

74
00:02:47,700 --> 00:02:49,366
No, you're joking around
and he knows it.

75
00:02:49,400 --> 00:02:51,900
It's, "Bad boy,
this is a bad boy."

76
00:02:51,933 --> 00:02:55,000
Hey, he knows that
I'm joking but he doesn't
know that you're joking.

77
00:02:55,033 --> 00:02:57,233
Don't say "bad"
unless you mean bad.

78
00:02:57,266 --> 00:02:58,266
I'm sorry, Gus.

79
00:02:58,300 --> 00:03:01,733
That's okay, he's a good boy,
he's such a boy.

80
00:03:01,766 --> 00:03:04,700
Why don't you just try
using your real voice?
It may permeate better.

81
00:03:04,733 --> 00:03:07,166
Okay, Katy. Katy, okay,
I'm going back in.

82
00:03:07,200 --> 00:03:08,366
Wish me luck.

83
00:03:08,400 --> 00:03:09,666
Hey, bud.

84
00:03:09,700 --> 00:03:12,133
I noticed that you've
been leaving Caramilks
all over the floor,

85
00:03:12,166 --> 00:03:14,700
you know what's gonna
happen? Someone's gonna
step on one in the night

86
00:03:14,733 --> 00:03:17,366
and take a header,
someone's gonna pull
a full gainer down the stairs.

87
00:03:17,400 --> 00:03:19,166
Or at the very least,
a half gainer.

88
00:03:19,200 --> 00:03:21,933
So what you wanna do
is do that outside
like a good boy.

89
00:03:21,966 --> 00:03:23,033
Please and thanks.

90
00:03:23,833 --> 00:03:24,866
I thinks we're almost there.

91
00:03:24,900 --> 00:03:26,366
Oh, is that where
we almost are, Squirrelly Dan?

92
00:03:26,400 --> 00:03:29,366
Now, Professor Tricia says
that when you're bringing
a complaints to someone,

93
00:03:29,400 --> 00:03:31,833
they'll be more receptive
to altering their behavior

94
00:03:31,866 --> 00:03:33,100
if you make it
your problem.

95
00:03:33,133 --> 00:03:36,200
Make it personal
rather than placing
the blames on them.

96
00:03:36,233 --> 00:03:38,333
What are you fuckin'
getting on about
over there?

97
00:03:38,366 --> 00:03:40,866
May I's?
Okay, Dan. Dan, okay.

98
00:03:40,900 --> 00:03:42,300
Go on in, good luck.

99
00:03:43,666 --> 00:03:45,400
Gus, how are you now?

100
00:03:45,433 --> 00:03:48,100
Now, we've all noticed
the Coffee Crisps around
the house,

101
00:03:48,133 --> 00:03:51,833
and that's completely
natural and nothing for youse
to be embarrassed about.

102
00:03:51,866 --> 00:03:54,933
But I am quite worried
I am going to slip on one
and take a full gainer,

103
00:03:54,966 --> 00:03:57,000
or... Please look
at me when I'm talking, Gus.

104
00:03:57,033 --> 00:03:59,066
Now, while I know
that that is my problem,

105
00:03:59,100 --> 00:04:01,400
I know you don't want
this to happen any more
than I do.

106
00:04:01,433 --> 00:04:05,066
So I'm hoping we can
works together to find
a resolution to this problem.

107
00:04:05,100 --> 00:04:08,866
But besides that, we want you
to know, we think you're doing
a terrific job around here

108
00:04:08,900 --> 00:04:11,033
and we don't want
to bothers you anymore
than we needs to,

109
00:04:11,066 --> 00:04:13,966
so you have yourself
a great day.

110
00:04:14,000 --> 00:04:17,800
I'm not going to make you
sit through that butt‐fuckery,
Bud, away you go.

111
00:04:17,833 --> 00:04:19,266
You're a good boy,
away you go.

112
00:04:19,300 --> 00:04:20,533
Away you go.

113
00:04:20,566 --> 00:04:23,100
Look, I know he's just
snoozing on the furniture
all day,

114
00:04:23,133 --> 00:04:25,400
but you take him out
for routine number twos.

115
00:04:25,433 --> 00:04:26,433
Ten‐four?

116
00:04:26,466 --> 00:04:28,733
You try taking him out,
Katy, he don't wanna.

117
00:04:28,766 --> 00:04:30,466
You can say,
"Hey, Gus,
wanna rock one?"

118
00:04:30,500 --> 00:04:33,633
And if he could talk,
he'd say, "I've had to rock one
for a good seven, eight hours.

119
00:04:33,666 --> 00:04:35,133
"Don't worry about
that right now.

120
00:04:35,166 --> 00:04:37,833
"I'm gonna grab another
quick 20, 25 shut‐eye here,
we'll circle back

121
00:04:37,866 --> 00:04:39,266
"on the conversation later.

122
00:04:39,300 --> 00:04:41,766
"But how about some good
itchings and scratchings
in the meantime?"

123
00:04:43,233 --> 00:04:45,166
(SNIFFING)

124
00:04:45,200 --> 00:04:46,600
Whoo!

125
00:04:46,633 --> 00:04:50,066
Smells like Mr. Wonka's
just emptied his pockets
in the other room.

126
00:04:50,100 --> 00:04:51,933
(SIGHS) Fuck.

127
00:04:51,966 --> 00:04:55,400
Well, everybody up,
help me look.

128
00:04:55,433 --> 00:04:58,166
Better to be looking at it,
than looking for it, eh?

129
00:04:58,200 --> 00:05:00,200
(THEME MUSIC PLAYING)

130
00:05:09,233 --> 00:05:11,033
Ladies.
Women.

131
00:05:11,066 --> 00:05:16,933
It has come to our attention
that there may be a young man
who has come between you girls.

132
00:05:16,966 --> 00:05:19,000
I mean...
How do you mean?

133
00:05:19,033 --> 00:05:21,300
Well, Betty‐Anne,
Mary‐Anne.

134
00:05:21,333 --> 00:05:24,266
We were told that you
may be going for
the same guy.

135
00:05:24,300 --> 00:05:28,400
Or, or that the same
guy may be going
for both of you.

136
00:05:28,433 --> 00:05:30,766
Impossible.
How do you mean?

137
00:05:30,800 --> 00:05:35,066
The last guy that was
into Mary‐Anne was the priest
at Catholic school in grade six.

138
00:05:35,100 --> 00:05:36,866
And only 'cause he thought
she was a boy.

139
00:05:36,900 --> 00:05:39,666
Well done, Betty‐Anne.
Catholic school, grade six.

140
00:05:39,700 --> 00:05:43,166
Isn't that the same year
you got the nickname
"Fisted Sister"?

141
00:05:43,200 --> 00:05:44,633
Which you gave yourself?

142
00:05:44,666 --> 00:05:46,100
Ladies.
"Women."

143
00:05:46,133 --> 00:05:48,300
And a fitting nickname
it was, Betty‐Anne.

144
00:05:48,333 --> 00:05:51,400
Your mitt looks like
a boa constrictor
unhinged its jaw

145
00:05:51,433 --> 00:05:53,833
in an effort to consume
a combat submarine.

146
00:05:53,866 --> 00:05:55,300
BETTY‐ANNE: Speaking
of consumption,

147
00:05:55,333 --> 00:05:58,066
your mitt looks like
the drooping jowls
of a shar‐pei

148
00:05:58,100 --> 00:06:00,666
with a palsy
and a water wing
in its mouth.

149
00:06:00,700 --> 00:06:04,866
Your mitt looks like
the back of Kelsey Grammer's
head circa Frasier '94

150
00:06:04,900 --> 00:06:08,933
if the cast each autographed
his bald spot
with multi‐colored lipsticks.

151
00:06:08,966 --> 00:06:12,166
Your mitt has more
spiderwebs than a No Doubt
set list, Mary‐Anne.

152
00:06:12,200 --> 00:06:16,033
Betty‐Anne, your mitt
is so dusty, I can hear it
singing Son of a Preacher Man.

153
00:06:18,000 --> 00:06:21,033
We've gotta go
to the source, buddy.
It's our only hope, buddy.

154
00:06:21,066 --> 00:06:23,066
BOTH: Ferda.

155
00:06:23,100 --> 00:06:25,166
(FARTS, PLOPPING)
SHORESY: I'm not helping you
tit‐fuckers or those twats.

156
00:06:25,200 --> 00:06:26,833
Give your balls
a tug.

157
00:06:26,866 --> 00:06:28,033
We're at the bottom
of the line here, Shoresy.

158
00:06:28,066 --> 00:06:30,033
SHORESY: You wanna talk about
lines, you fuckin' loser?

159
00:06:30,066 --> 00:06:32,966
I woke up to your mum
rippin' dick‐dingers
off my foreskin,

160
00:06:33,000 --> 00:06:34,933
tell her to keep
her hands off my scoops.

161
00:06:34,966 --> 00:06:36,833
(FARTS)
JONESY: Fuck you,
Shoresy.

162
00:06:36,866 --> 00:06:39,333
Fuck you, Jonesy,
I made your mum cum
so hard

163
00:06:39,366 --> 00:06:43,066
they made a Canadian
Heritage Minute out of it and
Don McKellar played my dick.

164
00:06:43,100 --> 00:06:45,233
REILLY: Fuck you, Shoresy.
Fuck you, Reilly.

165
00:06:45,266 --> 00:06:49,100
I made your mum so wet,
Trudeau deployed a 24‐hour
infantry unit

166
00:06:49,133 --> 00:06:51,233
to stack sand bags
around my bed.
(FARTS)

167
00:06:51,266 --> 00:06:52,566
BOTH: Fuck you, Shoresy.

168
00:06:52,600 --> 00:06:55,366
SHORESY: Fuck you both,
your lives are so
fuckin' pathetic,

169
00:06:55,400 --> 00:06:59,333
I ran a charity 15K
to raise awareness for it,
you fuckin' losers.

170
00:06:59,366 --> 00:07:01,300
(ALL FART)

171
00:07:02,000 --> 00:07:04,066
(ALL GROANING)

172
00:07:09,700 --> 00:07:13,333
STEWART: Where is he?
He was supposed to be
here an hour ago.

173
00:07:13,366 --> 00:07:16,666
Everyone stay composed.
I'm going to sever Everett's
phalanges one by one,

174
00:07:16,700 --> 00:07:18,966
and force‐feed them
to him, fondue style.

175
00:07:19,000 --> 00:07:20,500
Your terms are
not acceptable, Roald.

176
00:07:20,533 --> 00:07:24,166
STEWART: I'm going to rip off
his ears and use them
to tickle his taint.

177
00:07:24,200 --> 00:07:25,833
Oh, Jesus Christ.

178
00:07:25,866 --> 00:07:29,233
STEWART: I'm going to scalp
him of his skin, wear it
like a costume, and perform

179
00:07:29,266 --> 00:07:33,033
The Rocky Horror Picture
Show in its entirety,
while he watches.

180
00:07:33,066 --> 00:07:34,966
I need to lie down.

181
00:07:36,200 --> 00:07:37,700
The end is nigh.

182
00:07:38,300 --> 00:07:40,100
Stewart!

183
00:07:40,133 --> 00:07:42,033
Would you come down
here, please?

184
00:07:46,833 --> 00:07:48,133
Everett.

185
00:07:48,166 --> 00:07:49,966
Hey, dude.

186
00:07:50,000 --> 00:07:52,166
Did you hear
all of that?

187
00:07:52,200 --> 00:07:55,366
Bits and pieces, something about
a picture show in the Rockies.

188
00:07:55,400 --> 00:07:56,900
(ALL LAUGHING)

189
00:07:56,933 --> 00:07:58,800
Everett.

190
00:07:58,833 --> 00:08:00,333
Give me the...
(TRAILS OFF)

191
00:08:01,933 --> 00:08:03,066
Stewart.

192
00:08:05,866 --> 00:08:06,966
Glen?

193
00:08:07,866 --> 00:08:08,966
Stewart.

194
00:08:10,900 --> 00:08:13,066
Glen.
This is...

195
00:08:13,100 --> 00:08:15,066
No it's not!
...an intervention.

196
00:08:15,100 --> 00:08:17,933
Roald.
Stewart...

197
00:08:17,966 --> 00:08:19,700
Roald!
(CHOKING)

198
00:08:19,733 --> 00:08:21,000
Stewart.

199
00:08:23,833 --> 00:08:25,133
Unhand Roaldie.

200
00:08:26,800 --> 00:08:28,000
(GASPS)

201
00:08:28,366 --> 00:08:29,700
Come.

202
00:08:30,866 --> 00:08:31,933
Sit.

203
00:08:34,700 --> 00:08:35,800
Stay.

204
00:08:35,833 --> 00:08:37,000
But...
(TSKS)

205
00:08:37,033 --> 00:08:38,166
But...
(TSKS)

206
00:08:38,200 --> 00:08:39,266
Oh, I like you.

207
00:08:40,300 --> 00:08:41,700
You're coming
with me and Glen.

208
00:08:42,000 --> 00:08:43,333
Where?

209
00:08:43,366 --> 00:08:46,100
To a place where
you can get away.

210
00:08:46,133 --> 00:08:47,233
Yeah.

211
00:08:47,266 --> 00:08:49,200
You can't mean...
Oh, yes, Stewart.

212
00:08:49,233 --> 00:08:51,633
You don't mean...
Yes, Stewart.

213
00:08:51,666 --> 00:08:52,933
No!
Stewart...

214
00:08:52,966 --> 00:08:54,700
You're going to rehab.

215
00:08:54,733 --> 00:08:56,033
No!
Yes.

216
00:08:56,066 --> 00:08:57,766
No.
Yes.

217
00:08:57,800 --> 00:08:58,933
No!

218
00:08:59,900 --> 00:09:01,066
Yes.

219
00:09:03,400 --> 00:09:04,933
(WHIMPERS)

220
00:09:05,700 --> 00:09:07,000
Ladies.

221
00:09:07,333 --> 00:09:09,066
Women.

222
00:09:09,100 --> 00:09:10,633
(SOFTLY) Sorry.
(SOFTLY) It's okay.

223
00:09:10,666 --> 00:09:12,300
Um, we spoke with
Shoresy.

224
00:09:12,333 --> 00:09:13,800
You did?
And?

225
00:09:13,833 --> 00:09:16,200
And he, um...
What?

226
00:09:16,233 --> 00:09:17,900
He said...
What?

227
00:09:19,133 --> 00:09:21,100
He said you suck
at hockey.

228
00:09:23,800 --> 00:09:26,900
Huh?
Yeah, he said
you should stick

229
00:09:26,933 --> 00:09:28,366
to Ringette.
Huh?

230
00:09:28,400 --> 00:09:33,333
Yeah, he said that you
should never ever let
a woman do a man's job.

231
00:09:33,366 --> 00:09:35,266
He did?
BOTH: Yeah.

232
00:09:35,300 --> 00:09:39,133
I was standing there like,
"What is this guy saying?"

233
00:09:39,166 --> 00:09:41,200
And then he said,
"Who let the broads out
of the kitchen?"

234
00:09:41,233 --> 00:09:42,833
He did not.
Yeah.

235
00:09:42,866 --> 00:09:45,066
And we were like,
"What?

236
00:09:45,100 --> 00:09:46,900
"You can't say that."
And he's like,

237
00:09:46,933 --> 00:09:49,633
"Yeah, I can. They should be
making me my supper."

238
00:09:49,666 --> 00:09:50,866
And I was,
"Whoa, dude."

239
00:09:50,900 --> 00:09:52,700
Did he?
Yeah.

240
00:09:52,733 --> 00:09:56,766
I mean, we're like,
"Dude, you're crazy."

241
00:09:56,800 --> 00:10:00,066
Then he said, "I mean,
how'd they find time
for hockey,

242
00:10:00,100 --> 00:10:02,700
"while they're cleaning
the floors and doing
my laundry."

243
00:10:02,733 --> 00:10:03,966
Did he?
Yeah,

244
00:10:04,000 --> 00:10:06,366
and that's not even...
That's not even
the craziest part.

245
00:10:06,400 --> 00:10:08,700
Like we were...
And believe us,

246
00:10:08,733 --> 00:10:10,733
we had had enough
at this point, but
we were like,

247
00:10:10,766 --> 00:10:11,833
"Are you sure
about this?"

248
00:10:11,866 --> 00:10:15,266
And he was like,
"Anybody can go
back‐to‐back."

249
00:10:15,300 --> 00:10:19,333
Yeah, and we're like,
"Dude, you better stop
talking about those girls

250
00:10:19,366 --> 00:10:20,500
"like that."
Mmm.

251
00:10:20,533 --> 00:10:23,300
"Better stop talking
about those women
like that."

252
00:10:23,333 --> 00:10:26,233
But he said, "Talk to me
when they go back‐to‐back‐

253
00:10:26,933 --> 00:10:28,033
"to‐back."

254
00:10:28,066 --> 00:10:29,066
That's what he said.

255
00:10:32,866 --> 00:10:33,966
Mary‐Anne.
Betty‐Anne.

256
00:10:34,000 --> 00:10:35,266
What rhymes with
hip, lip and dip?

257
00:10:35,300 --> 00:10:36,833
Ship.
What rhymes with
coat, note and tote?

258
00:10:36,866 --> 00:10:38,200
Boat.
Why don't you say
you, me and the girls

259
00:10:38,233 --> 00:10:39,400
put another one
on the water?

260
00:10:39,433 --> 00:10:41,133
Back‐to‐back‐to‐back!

261
00:10:41,166 --> 00:10:43,300
(ALL CHEERING)

262
00:10:45,166 --> 00:10:47,000
(UPBEAT MUSIC PLAYING)

263
00:12:28,400 --> 00:12:30,800
You're driving.
Would if I could,
but I can't.

264
00:12:30,833 --> 00:12:32,700
Okay.
You boys leaning
into one tonight?

265
00:12:32,733 --> 00:12:34,800
Well, it's better to
be looking at it
than looking for it.

266
00:12:34,833 --> 00:12:36,766
How about our
very own Shamrockettes?

267
00:12:36,800 --> 00:12:38,033
Playing for
the fuckin' 'ship.

268
00:12:38,066 --> 00:12:39,933
When a local team plays
for the championship,
that's something

269
00:12:39,966 --> 00:12:41,733
the whole town
can get behind.

270
00:12:41,766 --> 00:12:43,133
Creates a pretty good
sense of community, too.

271
00:12:43,166 --> 00:12:44,833
And a series sweeps,
no less.

272
00:12:44,866 --> 00:12:46,200
A wee bit
of Meryl Sweep.

273
00:12:46,233 --> 00:12:47,700
Sweep in
wolf's clothing.

274
00:12:47,733 --> 00:12:49,366
The lion sweeps tonight.

275
00:12:51,033 --> 00:12:52,266
Drive safe.

276
00:12:52,300 --> 00:12:54,333
Stewart gets out
of rehab today,
so I'm keeping it local.

277
00:12:54,366 --> 00:12:55,766
Pitter‐patter.

278
00:13:02,200 --> 00:13:03,233
Wayne.
Dwayne.

279
00:13:03,266 --> 00:13:04,366
Daryl.
Cheryl.

280
00:13:04,400 --> 00:13:05,633
Dan.
Pam.

281
00:13:05,666 --> 00:13:06,766
See youse brought your brooms.

282
00:13:06,800 --> 00:13:08,200
Shop's nothing but a couple
side‐roads down, though.

283
00:13:08,233 --> 00:13:11,933
Oh, youse didn't hear?
We're working for
Sweep Country Canada now.

284
00:13:11,966 --> 00:13:13,233
Don't fear the sweeper.

285
00:13:13,266 --> 00:13:14,466
Why don't you use
those brooms and show us

286
00:13:14,500 --> 00:13:15,833
that little dance
those fellows do
in <i>Mary Poppins?</i>

287
00:13:15,866 --> 00:13:19,000
If we offer you a beer
are we sweeping
with the enemies, or...

288
00:13:19,033 --> 00:13:22,633
You should've used those brooms
to sweep the cobwebs off
of Letterkenny's trophy case.

289
00:13:22,666 --> 00:13:24,133
Well, it's good you got
the beer sorted,

290
00:13:24,166 --> 00:13:26,833
but is that Donegal
tap water still stinky, or...

291
00:13:26,866 --> 00:13:28,433
Youse got a liberal
amount of beer there,

292
00:13:28,466 --> 00:13:31,733
not sure it's gonna be
enough to drown your sorrows
after we shit‐kick youse today.

293
00:13:31,766 --> 00:13:33,366
Youse are on the brink
of elimination,

294
00:13:33,400 --> 00:13:34,766
read it and sweep.
Hey.

295
00:13:34,800 --> 00:13:37,866
Win or lose, youse guys
have still got the most
ostrich‐fuckers

296
00:13:37,900 --> 00:13:38,966
per capita, right?

297
00:13:39,000 --> 00:13:40,033
That's the big picture.

298
00:13:40,066 --> 00:13:41,600
Allegedlys.

299
00:13:41,633 --> 00:13:43,266
Bet you wish you could
put your head in the sand
and ignore that one, huh?

300
00:13:43,300 --> 00:13:45,200
May the best town win.

301
00:13:51,300 --> 00:13:54,366
Ladies.
None finer than you,
Mary‐Anne.

302
00:13:54,400 --> 00:13:55,333
Women.

303
00:13:55,366 --> 00:13:58,066
None more admirable
than you, Betty‐Anne.

304
00:13:58,100 --> 00:13:59,866
We've overcome adversity.

305
00:13:59,900 --> 00:14:01,666
Found a way to win.

306
00:14:01,700 --> 00:14:03,033
(YELLS)

307
00:14:04,933 --> 00:14:08,400
Let's get this fucking win,
let's get this fucking sweep!

308
00:14:08,433 --> 00:14:12,800
And let's get this
luxury fucking
sea liner on the lake!

309
00:14:12,833 --> 00:14:16,100
(ALL CHEERING)

310
00:14:16,133 --> 00:14:18,100
League final, buddy.
Game four, buddy.

311
00:14:18,133 --> 00:14:20,266
Suits on deck.
What could go wrong?

312
00:14:22,400 --> 00:14:24,833
BOTH: Shoresy?
Give your balls a tug.

313
00:14:24,866 --> 00:14:26,366
BOTH: Shoresy!
Tit‐fuckers.

314
00:14:26,400 --> 00:14:28,733
We heard what you said
about us, you sack of shit.

315
00:14:28,766 --> 00:14:30,700
"Never let a woman do
a man's job," huh?

316
00:14:30,733 --> 00:14:33,733
Watch this, we're just taking
a break from cooking
and cleaning to win

317
00:14:33,766 --> 00:14:35,933
back‐to‐back‐to‐back
'ships, asshole.

318
00:14:35,966 --> 00:14:37,833
I'll make you a sandwich
afterwards, though,

319
00:14:37,866 --> 00:14:39,333
I'll shove it up
your ass for you, too.

320
00:14:39,366 --> 00:14:42,200
You two are the silliest
twats I've ever met
in my whole fuckin' life.

321
00:14:42,233 --> 00:14:45,700
I didn't say any
of that shit,
you dumb broads.

322
00:14:45,733 --> 00:14:48,400
But I did say your breath
could stop a Mack Truck,
Betty‐Anne,

323
00:14:48,433 --> 00:14:50,233
I'll tell that to anyone
who will listen.

324
00:14:50,466 --> 00:14:51,766
(BLOWS WHISTLE)
Fuck you, Shoresy.

325
00:14:51,800 --> 00:14:55,033
Fuck you, Betty‐Anne,
your breath is an
existential crisis,

326
00:14:55,066 --> 00:14:56,900
made me question
my whole fuckin' life.

327
00:14:56,933 --> 00:14:58,500
(BLOWS WHISTLE)
Fuck you, Shoresy.

328
00:14:58,533 --> 00:15:01,533
Fuck you, Mary‐Anne,
you got legs on you
like redwoods,

329
00:15:01,566 --> 00:15:03,100
you could box‐jump
a bungalow.

330
00:15:03,133 --> 00:15:05,000
(BLOWS WHISTLE)
Fuck you, Shoresy.

331
00:15:05,033 --> 00:15:07,966
Fuck you, Reilly,
your mum groped me
two Halloweens ago,

332
00:15:08,000 --> 00:15:09,966
shut the fuck up
or I'll take it to Twitter.

333
00:15:10,000 --> 00:15:11,333
(BLOWS WHISTLE)
Fuck you, Shoresy.

334
00:15:11,366 --> 00:15:12,600
You're a horrible
fuckin' ref.

335
00:15:12,633 --> 00:15:15,433
Fuck you, Jonesy,
take a look at me,
I'm not even a ref,

336
00:15:15,466 --> 00:15:19,100
I'm a fuckin' linesman,
but you can referee on
my nuts, you piece of shit.

337
00:15:19,133 --> 00:15:20,833
ALL: Fuck you, Shoresy!

338
00:15:20,866 --> 00:15:23,066
I'd still smash you both
if I was bored,

339
00:15:23,100 --> 00:15:25,366
but Reilly and Jonesy's
mums get too jealous.

340
00:15:25,400 --> 00:15:28,133
Make yourselves useful,
grab me a bag of
dill picklers.

341
00:15:28,166 --> 00:15:30,533
(BLOWS WHISTLE)
Good luck, you fuckin' losers.

342
00:15:32,133 --> 00:15:33,866
Let's stick it
to that fuck.

343
00:15:33,900 --> 00:15:35,466
Literally and figuratively.

344
00:15:35,500 --> 00:15:37,100
Who the fuck
skates like that?

345
00:15:37,566 --> 00:15:39,333
(MUSIC PLAYING)

346
00:15:42,900 --> 00:15:44,900
Stewart's recovery
has been...

347
00:15:45,466 --> 00:15:47,066
Remarkable.

348
00:15:47,100 --> 00:15:48,900
(EXHALES)

349
00:15:49,600 --> 00:15:51,100
He is almost...

350
00:15:52,200 --> 00:15:53,800
Unrecognizable.

351
00:15:55,000 --> 00:15:58,233
Are you ready?

352
00:15:58,266 --> 00:15:59,866
Ready!

353
00:15:59,900 --> 00:16:01,233
Calm down, Roald.

354
00:16:01,266 --> 00:16:02,333
Stewart!

355
00:16:04,166 --> 00:16:05,800
(GASPS)

356
00:16:07,566 --> 00:16:09,400
(REFEREE BLOWS WHISTLE)
(ALL CHEERING)

357
00:16:17,433 --> 00:16:19,433
Fuck the wave,
pull your finger
out of your ass.

358
00:16:19,466 --> 00:16:21,133
I remember when
you could smoke in here.

359
00:16:21,166 --> 00:16:22,933
Yeah, we're gonna smoke
youse in here, bud.

360
00:16:22,966 --> 00:16:24,733
Came here to do
two things,

361
00:16:24,766 --> 00:16:27,866
launch this broom on the ice
and drink, and the gal at the
bar just told me I'm cut off.

362
00:16:27,900 --> 00:16:29,400
Your gals look slower
than my tractor,

363
00:16:29,433 --> 00:16:30,933
of course, mine's
got a HEMI in her.

364
00:16:30,966 --> 00:16:32,233
Your gals are having
a tougher time

365
00:16:32,266 --> 00:16:35,566
finding the puck
than NHL on Fox
circa 1996.

366
00:16:35,600 --> 00:16:37,466
I've seen more
hustle in chess.

367
00:16:37,500 --> 00:16:41,833
Still no heaters in here,
eh? I remember Letterkenny
mounting the 50.

368
00:16:41,866 --> 00:16:43,900
Let's go, Shamrockettes!

369
00:16:43,933 --> 00:16:47,033
(CLAPPING)
ALL: Let's go, Shamrockettes!

370
00:16:47,066 --> 00:16:48,600
(ALL CLAPPING RHYTHMICALLY)

371
00:16:48,633 --> 00:16:50,533
ALL: Let's go, Shamrockettes.

372
00:16:50,566 --> 00:16:51,966
(CHANTING AND CLAPPING
CONTINUES)

373
00:16:57,333 --> 00:16:58,866
Pass to me!

374
00:17:01,633 --> 00:17:02,933
(FARTS)

375
00:17:02,966 --> 00:17:04,333
(CHANTING AND CLAPPING
CONTINUES)

376
00:17:09,933 --> 00:17:11,833
(ALL CHEERING)

377
00:17:29,600 --> 00:17:33,066
Okay, ladies...
"Women."

378
00:17:33,100 --> 00:17:36,466
SHORESY: Hurry up and score
a fuckin' goal already, I'm
getting the bedtime sillies.

379
00:17:36,500 --> 00:17:38,900
Fuck off, Shoresy,
give us our time‐out.

380
00:17:38,933 --> 00:17:41,300
Fuck you, Reilly,
tell your mum
to give me a time‐out.

381
00:17:41,333 --> 00:17:44,233
The last time I tried that,
she threatened to take
a header on me

382
00:17:44,266 --> 00:17:46,266
into an empty pool
at the Quality Suites.

383
00:17:46,300 --> 00:17:48,266
Fuck you, Shoresy,
leave us alone.

384
00:17:48,300 --> 00:17:50,933
Fuck you, Jonesy,
tell your mum
to leave me alone,

385
00:17:50,966 --> 00:17:53,266
she's been laying
in my fuckin' water bed
since Labor Day.

386
00:17:53,300 --> 00:17:54,633
ALL: Fuck you, Shoresy.

387
00:17:54,666 --> 00:17:58,233
Fuck you all,
your lives are so sad,
I get a charity tax break

388
00:17:58,266 --> 00:17:59,566
just for hanging out
with you.

389
00:17:59,600 --> 00:18:02,200
Nice sweep, no sweep,
give your balls a tug.

390
00:18:08,100 --> 00:18:10,233
Enough fuckin' around.
Let's do this.

391
00:18:11,466 --> 00:18:13,166
(ALL CHEERING)

392
00:18:25,500 --> 00:18:26,933
(BELL DINGING)

393
00:18:31,866 --> 00:18:33,900
(ALL CHEERING)

394
00:19:07,266 --> 00:19:08,966
(CHEERING CONTINUES)

395
00:19:25,900 --> 00:19:27,333
(SOBBING)

396
00:19:30,633 --> 00:19:36,000
ALL: (CHANTING)
Shamrockettes!

397
00:19:42,933 --> 00:19:44,433
(ALL WHOOPING)

398
00:19:56,000 --> 00:19:57,266
We did it, buddy.

399
00:19:58,266 --> 00:19:59,933
Can't believe it, buddy.

400
00:19:59,966 --> 00:20:01,900
(CHUCKLING)

401
00:20:01,933 --> 00:20:04,966
We won
a fuckin' 'ship.

402
00:20:05,000 --> 00:20:06,366
(LAUGHS) We bought
that boat.

403
00:20:17,433 --> 00:20:18,800
(SNIFFS)

404
00:20:25,066 --> 00:20:27,833
(EXHALES)
(EXCLAIMING EXCITEDLY)

405
00:20:29,933 --> 00:20:31,366
(CELL PHONE VIBRATING)

406
00:20:32,333 --> 00:20:33,533
Hmm.

407
00:20:35,400 --> 00:20:37,166
Yeah, it's Mum.

408
00:20:37,200 --> 00:20:40,166
Mine too. (LAUGHS)
Probably wanna say
congratulations.

409
00:20:40,200 --> 00:20:41,800
(BOTH LAUGHING)

410
00:20:49,400 --> 00:20:51,400
(ROCK MUSIC PLAYING)