1 00:00:09,609 --> 00:00:13,409 You were playing crib with your pals the other day... 2 00:00:13,446 --> 00:00:17,446 (Wind gusting) 3 00:00:17,517 --> 00:00:19,287 Fuck it's windy out there, eh? 4 00:00:24,257 --> 00:00:25,427 Dary? 5 00:00:25,458 --> 00:00:26,888 - Wayne. - Get involved. 6 00:00:26,926 --> 00:00:29,726 - Got somethin' on my mind. - Somethin' importants? 7 00:00:29,763 --> 00:00:31,603 It's almost not even worth thinkin' about. 8 00:00:31,631 --> 00:00:33,071 - Good enough! - Three-hander then. 9 00:00:33,099 --> 00:00:34,299 I prefers a three-hander. 10 00:00:34,367 --> 00:00:35,867 I was actually hoping Dary wouldn't be here, 11 00:00:35,902 --> 00:00:37,102 so that we could play a three-hander. 12 00:00:37,137 --> 00:00:38,537 Playing with three is good for me. 13 00:00:38,571 --> 00:00:40,041 Three-way gives you leeway. 14 00:00:40,073 --> 00:00:41,543 Can I bend your ear about something? 15 00:00:41,574 --> 00:00:43,414 Yep. Just go ahead and leave right after that, though, 16 00:00:43,443 --> 00:00:45,413 since we're playing a three- hander and I don't appreciate 17 00:00:45,445 --> 00:00:47,305 when you look at my cards over my shoulder. 18 00:00:47,380 --> 00:00:48,620 Yous know Mother Hutchins? 19 00:00:48,648 --> 00:00:50,778 'Course. Mother of 17. Great gal. 20 00:00:50,817 --> 00:00:52,117 By the way, can you grab us some Puppers 21 00:00:52,152 --> 00:00:54,822 out of the fridge on your way out? 22 00:00:54,888 --> 00:00:57,588 17 kids. One less than a baseball game. 23 00:00:57,624 --> 00:00:59,334 Giving birth 17 times... 24 00:00:59,392 --> 00:01:01,092 the war zone that must've left behind. 25 00:01:01,127 --> 00:01:03,457 Fuckin' Ma Hutchins just birthin' 'em. 26 00:01:03,496 --> 00:01:06,066 Anyhoo, Dary, can you make sure that the screen door latches? 27 00:01:06,099 --> 00:01:07,569 I don't want it blowing in the wind. 28 00:01:07,600 --> 00:01:10,000 I seen Mother Hutchins today and she was whistling 29 00:01:10,070 --> 00:01:12,170 when there's no way that she could've been whistling. 30 00:01:15,809 --> 00:01:16,939 What's that? 31 00:01:16,976 --> 00:01:19,606 I seen Mother Hutchins uptown 32 00:01:19,646 --> 00:01:21,346 in a beautiful dress. 33 00:01:23,183 --> 00:01:25,153 And then... 34 00:01:25,185 --> 00:01:28,585 a slight gust of wind came by... 35 00:01:28,621 --> 00:01:31,091 and I heard a very faint... 36 00:01:32,192 --> 00:01:33,832 (Low whistling) 37 00:01:33,860 --> 00:01:35,800 That's enough. 38 00:01:35,829 --> 00:01:38,869 Why couldn't she's have been whistling. 39 00:01:38,932 --> 00:01:41,272 On account of she was eating an ice cream cone. 40 00:01:41,301 --> 00:01:44,001 (Katy sighing) There's no possible way you can whistle 41 00:01:44,037 --> 00:01:45,507 when you're eating an ice cream cone. 42 00:01:45,538 --> 00:01:47,338 - Pert' near. - So... 43 00:01:47,373 --> 00:01:50,213 where do you think the whistle sound was coming from? 44 00:01:52,445 --> 00:01:53,875 It's... 45 00:01:55,715 --> 00:01:57,175 It's almost not worth thinking about. 46 00:01:57,217 --> 00:01:59,047 Well, I think we're all thinking the same thing. 47 00:01:59,119 --> 00:02:00,449 - But what if we're not? - What do you mean? 48 00:02:00,487 --> 00:02:02,117 Like, if we aren't all thinking the same thing 49 00:02:02,155 --> 00:02:04,185 about, like... like where the... 50 00:02:04,224 --> 00:02:06,494 whistle sound was coming from on her body... 51 00:02:06,526 --> 00:02:07,686 Mother of 17... 52 00:02:07,727 --> 00:02:09,727 ...on a windy day, 53 00:02:09,796 --> 00:02:12,496 if it wasn't coming from her mouth? 54 00:02:12,532 --> 00:02:14,072 Yeah. 55 00:02:14,134 --> 00:02:17,244 What if we are not all in agreement about what the... 56 00:02:18,204 --> 00:02:20,344 ...source of the whistle is? 57 00:02:20,373 --> 00:02:23,043 Then, you'd have egg on your face. 58 00:02:23,076 --> 00:02:24,906 There's only one way to find out. 59 00:02:31,184 --> 00:02:33,224 Okay, Dary. Dary, okay. 60 00:02:33,253 --> 00:02:37,063 Are you suggesting that wind went up Ma Hutchins' skirt 61 00:02:37,090 --> 00:02:39,690 and hit her... vagina... 62 00:02:41,094 --> 00:02:43,164 ...and made a whistle sound? 63 00:02:44,097 --> 00:02:45,727 Is that what you were thinking, Katy? 64 00:02:45,765 --> 00:02:47,065 Is that what you were thinking, Dan? 65 00:02:47,100 --> 00:02:48,700 It's quite obvious that's what Wayne was thinking. 66 00:02:48,735 --> 00:02:51,265 Put me outta my misery here. Do I have egg on my face or not? 67 00:02:53,940 --> 00:02:55,340 - No. - DAN AND KATY: No. 68 00:02:57,243 --> 00:02:59,883 I'm not... 69 00:02:59,913 --> 00:03:01,413 unconvinced... 70 00:03:01,447 --> 00:03:04,947 that wind... 71 00:03:05,018 --> 00:03:08,688 hitting the womanhood of a mother of 17... 72 00:03:08,721 --> 00:03:12,291 at the right speed and angles 73 00:03:12,358 --> 00:03:17,398 could create vibrations... 74 00:03:17,430 --> 00:03:19,400 causing sounds. 75 00:03:21,434 --> 00:03:23,544 I'm just not convinced it would be a whistle. 76 00:03:24,971 --> 00:03:29,541 I think we need to take into consideration that... 77 00:03:29,576 --> 00:03:31,436 17 melons have passed 78 00:03:31,477 --> 00:03:33,647 through that particular greengrocer's... 79 00:03:35,648 --> 00:03:37,218 ...and that.. 80 00:03:37,250 --> 00:03:41,150 the wind hittin' her... 81 00:03:43,656 --> 00:03:44,956 vagina... 82 00:03:44,991 --> 00:03:48,461 would sounds more likes a... 83 00:03:49,462 --> 00:03:52,132 balloons leaking air out of a very thin hole. 84 00:03:52,165 --> 00:03:54,325 How would that sound, Dan? 85 00:03:54,400 --> 00:03:57,800 Be more of a... be more of a high-pitched whistle. 86 00:03:57,837 --> 00:03:59,607 Uh... 87 00:03:59,639 --> 00:04:02,339 like a... 88 00:04:02,408 --> 00:04:04,838 (Air whistling through Dan's teeth) 89 00:04:04,911 --> 00:04:06,351 Cool it. 90 00:04:06,412 --> 00:04:10,752 Well, I was there, and what I heard... 91 00:04:12,018 --> 00:04:16,158 was more of a standard whistle, like this... 92 00:04:18,925 --> 00:04:20,355 (Whistling lowly) 93 00:04:20,426 --> 00:04:21,926 Uh-uh. 94 00:04:21,961 --> 00:04:23,831 No. What yous aren't taking into account 95 00:04:23,863 --> 00:04:27,803 are the... grooming styles 96 00:04:27,834 --> 00:04:31,444 of older women or lack thereof. 97 00:04:31,471 --> 00:04:33,371 I had not taken that into account. 98 00:04:33,439 --> 00:04:36,109 As a woman, I... 99 00:04:36,142 --> 00:04:40,112 I do think that the whistle sound is more plausible. 100 00:04:40,146 --> 00:04:44,676 But I feel like there would be an addition... 101 00:04:44,717 --> 00:04:48,487 of a... rustling sound of sorts. 102 00:04:49,956 --> 00:04:53,656 Like a wind rustling in the bush. 103 00:04:55,161 --> 00:04:59,131 Dary... make the whistle sound, again. 104 00:05:03,069 --> 00:05:04,969 - (Whistling lowly) - (Hair rustling) 105 00:05:05,004 --> 00:05:07,414 We respect our fuckin' elders. 106 00:05:07,473 --> 00:05:10,343 Yeah, it be more what it sounds like. Yeah. 107 00:05:11,911 --> 00:05:13,751 Look, any of yous ever been in a cave? 108 00:05:13,813 --> 00:05:14,883 You mean a real cave? 109 00:05:14,914 --> 00:05:16,184 - Fuckin' sake, Dary. - No. 110 00:05:16,215 --> 00:05:17,415 - Nope. - No. 111 00:05:17,483 --> 00:05:19,653 - You? - Yeah. 112 00:05:19,686 --> 00:05:21,416 Down Disney. 113 00:05:21,487 --> 00:05:25,387 Now, as the only one here who's even been in a cave, 114 00:05:25,425 --> 00:05:27,885 and witnessed the dull hum 115 00:05:27,927 --> 00:05:31,657 of wind hittin' something cavernous... 116 00:05:31,698 --> 00:05:35,228 ...like Dary, okay, the whistle sound is plausible, 117 00:05:35,268 --> 00:05:37,998 and, Dan, I can picture the accompaniment 118 00:05:38,037 --> 00:05:41,107 of air being released balloon, 119 00:05:41,174 --> 00:05:43,344 and, okay, Katy... 120 00:05:45,278 --> 00:05:48,608 Katy, okay. I suppose the grooming styles 121 00:05:48,681 --> 00:05:49,751 of older ladies-- 122 00:05:49,782 --> 00:05:51,082 Or lack thereof. 123 00:05:51,117 --> 00:05:54,517 --oughtta be considered as well. 124 00:05:54,554 --> 00:05:57,594 But what I think we're missing here from the equation 125 00:05:57,623 --> 00:06:00,933 is the... dull hum. 126 00:06:00,960 --> 00:06:03,200 What would that sound like? 127 00:06:03,229 --> 00:06:05,699 A bit like an idle lightsaber, I think. 128 00:06:05,732 --> 00:06:08,972 - Like a Star Wars lightsaber? - Don't piss me off, Dary. 129 00:06:09,035 --> 00:06:11,595 So, like? 130 00:06:14,307 --> 00:06:18,377 (Imitating high-pitch hum of lightsaber) 131 00:06:18,411 --> 00:06:20,411 - That holds water. - Most caves do. 132 00:06:20,446 --> 00:06:22,116 However... like, if we were to combine 133 00:06:22,148 --> 00:06:24,618 all our assumptions here, and... 134 00:06:24,650 --> 00:06:29,460 well, I think that just might be the ticket. 135 00:06:34,160 --> 00:06:37,160 And a-one, and a-two, and a one, two three and... 136 00:06:37,230 --> 00:06:40,970 (Whistling, rustling, humming) 137 00:06:41,000 --> 00:06:42,500 Now... 138 00:06:42,568 --> 00:06:46,068 it's almost not worth thinkin' about. 139 00:06:46,105 --> 00:06:50,275 (Theme music playing) 140 00:06:53,446 --> 00:06:55,976 DAN: Fuckin' piece of shit. God damn assholes. 141 00:06:56,015 --> 00:06:58,945 (Muttering) Kids today have got fuckin' problems! 142 00:06:58,985 --> 00:06:59,985 You're kidding. 143 00:07:00,019 --> 00:07:01,919 Aren't you surly, Squirrelly. 144 00:07:01,954 --> 00:07:03,324 Some little shits 145 00:07:03,356 --> 00:07:05,256 stole the mailbox from the end of the laneways. 146 00:07:05,291 --> 00:07:06,831 Yous use to steal mailboxes 147 00:07:06,859 --> 00:07:09,159 at the end of laneways all the time when you were kids. 148 00:07:09,195 --> 00:07:10,325 DAN, WAYNE: Allegedly. 149 00:07:10,363 --> 00:07:11,663 That's a federal crime. 150 00:07:11,697 --> 00:07:13,497 The feds are the real fuckin' criminals! 151 00:07:13,533 --> 00:07:15,943 But that's my fuckin' mailbox! 152 00:07:15,968 --> 00:07:19,008 DARY: (Muttering) Motherfucker... 153 00:07:19,038 --> 00:07:20,508 I've had it with kids with problems! 154 00:07:20,540 --> 00:07:23,180 WAYNE: Sounds like you've had it with kids then. 155 00:07:23,209 --> 00:07:25,549 - A bit hairy, Dary? - Some little fuckers 156 00:07:25,611 --> 00:07:27,351 put shit in a bag, put it on my stoop. 157 00:07:27,380 --> 00:07:28,710 How could they stoop so low? 158 00:07:28,781 --> 00:07:30,451 Yous used to put shit in bags and leave 'em places 159 00:07:30,483 --> 00:07:32,153 all the time when you were kids, too. 160 00:07:32,185 --> 00:07:33,345 ALL: Allegedly. 161 00:07:33,386 --> 00:07:34,816 Yous should have motion sensing cameras 162 00:07:34,854 --> 00:07:37,994 set up around your homes. It's the new norm. 163 00:07:38,024 --> 00:07:39,394 What am I? The FBI? 164 00:07:39,459 --> 00:07:40,859 Yeah, take it easy there Double-O7. 165 00:07:40,893 --> 00:07:42,233 Yeah. What am I? The CIAs? 166 00:07:42,295 --> 00:07:43,655 WAYNE: Fuckin' Carmen Sandiego over here. 167 00:07:43,696 --> 00:07:46,026 Cameras are a bit MI5, cousint'. 168 00:07:46,065 --> 00:07:47,465 Tinker Gailer soldier spy. 169 00:07:47,500 --> 00:07:49,370 Guess that was a bit Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D. 170 00:07:50,369 --> 00:07:51,999 Oh, here come the men in black. 171 00:07:52,038 --> 00:07:54,238 Do you know how many kids have problems in this town? 172 00:07:54,307 --> 00:07:56,037 - All of 'em. - They all wait for the bus 173 00:07:56,075 --> 00:07:57,475 on the corner of my yard. 174 00:07:57,510 --> 00:07:59,510 Oh, no. It's your mother's yard. 175 00:07:59,545 --> 00:08:03,845 Fuck! And they're out there fighting every day. 176 00:08:03,883 --> 00:08:05,323 And name calling! 177 00:08:05,351 --> 00:08:08,391 Yous used to scrap all the time when you were kids. 178 00:08:08,421 --> 00:08:10,391 Yous scrap all the time as adults. 179 00:08:10,423 --> 00:08:12,233 I'm surprised we're not havin'-- 180 00:08:12,258 --> 00:08:13,888 (Clearing throat) 181 00:08:13,926 --> 00:08:16,026 I said I'm surprised we're not having a scrap right now. 182 00:08:16,062 --> 00:08:17,062 ROSIE: You sorted? 183 00:08:17,096 --> 00:08:18,556 Wee of frog in my throat today. 184 00:08:18,598 --> 00:08:20,568 BONNIE: I'm sorry I'm late. 185 00:08:20,600 --> 00:08:22,500 I hate being late. I am never late! 186 00:08:22,535 --> 00:08:24,265 Shift doesn't start for another five. 187 00:08:24,337 --> 00:08:26,367 If you're not ten minutes early, you're late! 188 00:08:26,405 --> 00:08:27,935 - Why are you-- - Not now, Daryl! 189 00:08:28,007 --> 00:08:29,777 What's the fuss, Bon? 190 00:08:29,842 --> 00:08:31,242 Kids with problems! 191 00:08:31,277 --> 00:08:33,207 I'm glad yous are all finally catching up here. 192 00:08:33,246 --> 00:08:34,846 What did kids with problems do now? 193 00:08:34,881 --> 00:08:37,621 - Grab assin'! - ALL: Oh! 194 00:08:37,683 --> 00:08:39,923 Looks I can tolerates mailbox stealin'. 195 00:08:39,952 --> 00:08:41,352 I'll tolerate shit throwin'. 196 00:08:41,387 --> 00:08:43,457 - Worse things than fighting. - Name calling! 197 00:08:43,523 --> 00:08:46,263 But grab assin' young womens, that's where I draws the line! 198 00:08:46,292 --> 00:08:48,792 Something must be dones! 199 00:08:51,731 --> 00:08:53,031 Dart? 200 00:08:53,065 --> 00:08:55,265 Next time, it could be my ass that gets grabbed. 201 00:08:55,301 --> 00:08:56,441 Then mine. 202 00:08:56,469 --> 00:08:57,599 Then, with any luck, mine. 203 00:08:57,637 --> 00:08:59,237 Well, yous better get it sorted. 204 00:08:59,272 --> 00:09:00,812 You're not gonna help? 205 00:09:00,873 --> 00:09:02,073 - No. - Why not? 206 00:09:02,108 --> 00:09:04,078 Rosie and I have decided to take a dance class. 207 00:09:04,110 --> 00:09:05,240 BOTH: Really? 208 00:09:05,278 --> 00:09:06,978 - Fuck no! Get real. - Ha! 209 00:09:07,046 --> 00:09:08,306 But you're going. 210 00:09:08,381 --> 00:09:09,721 - Oh yeah? - Oh yeah. 211 00:09:09,749 --> 00:09:10,719 Okay. 212 00:09:10,750 --> 00:09:12,390 Look, we'll bring them down here. 213 00:09:12,418 --> 00:09:15,118 You don't even have to go anywhere. 214 00:09:15,154 --> 00:09:17,224 Can-- Can we get hammered? 215 00:09:17,256 --> 00:09:19,256 No. 216 00:09:19,292 --> 00:09:21,992 We do it once. We do it right. 217 00:09:22,061 --> 00:09:23,131 Patience. 218 00:09:23,162 --> 00:09:24,802 'Kay. 219 00:09:24,830 --> 00:09:27,400 Booze usually helps these things along, that's all I'm sayin'. 220 00:09:27,433 --> 00:09:28,973 (Clearing throat) 221 00:09:29,001 --> 00:09:30,471 - Hey, buddy? - Bro. 222 00:09:30,503 --> 00:09:31,843 Any part of you feel like 223 00:09:31,904 --> 00:09:33,514 you've done all you're gonna to do in hockey? 224 00:09:33,573 --> 00:09:36,313 - No. - I mean, we won a 'ship. 225 00:09:36,342 --> 00:09:38,582 'Coupla 'ships, on the ice and behind the bench. 226 00:09:38,611 --> 00:09:40,351 So, what comes next? 227 00:09:40,413 --> 00:09:42,483 I don't know. Some back checking. 228 00:09:42,515 --> 00:09:45,315 Some learning defensive responsibilities. 229 00:09:45,351 --> 00:09:47,021 Not skipping leg day. 230 00:09:47,086 --> 00:09:48,816 Oh my God. See, that's the thing. 231 00:09:48,854 --> 00:09:50,194 I'm sick of back checking. 232 00:09:50,256 --> 00:09:52,526 I'm sick of defensive responsibilities. 233 00:09:52,592 --> 00:09:54,962 Fuck leg day. What if I told you 234 00:09:54,994 --> 00:09:57,264 there's a league where you didn't have to do any of that? 235 00:09:57,296 --> 00:09:59,196 - I'd call you a liar. - (Snapping) 236 00:09:59,265 --> 00:10:00,295 Full on selfish hockey. 237 00:10:00,333 --> 00:10:01,473 That only exists in dreams. 238 00:10:01,500 --> 00:10:02,940 And there's beer. 239 00:10:02,969 --> 00:10:04,139 Are we-- 240 00:10:04,170 --> 00:10:05,370 - Are we dreaming? - Are we dreaming? 241 00:10:05,438 --> 00:10:06,868 COACH: Oh, no. 242 00:10:06,939 --> 00:10:11,009 Would you like to join my beer league hockey team? 243 00:10:14,113 --> 00:10:16,123 (Laughing) There's beer. 244 00:10:17,316 --> 00:10:19,386 You're gonna love it. 245 00:10:20,720 --> 00:10:23,860 There's hockey... (Laughing) and there's beer. 246 00:10:23,889 --> 00:10:26,389 (Laughing) 247 00:10:29,328 --> 00:10:31,328 (Sighing) 248 00:10:31,364 --> 00:10:33,574 - You in? - (Whistle blowing) 249 00:10:47,413 --> 00:10:50,223 (Clearing throat) 250 00:10:50,249 --> 00:10:51,979 How are you now? 251 00:10:52,018 --> 00:10:55,388 Guess I'll start by saying, uh, we appreciate yous 252 00:10:55,421 --> 00:10:57,661 taking the time to come down here today, 253 00:10:57,690 --> 00:10:59,730 taking time away from... 254 00:10:59,759 --> 00:11:01,829 well, being little fuckin' idiots. 255 00:11:01,861 --> 00:11:03,761 Guess, as a sort of peace offering, 256 00:11:03,829 --> 00:11:05,599 we've arranged a little surprise for yous. 257 00:11:05,665 --> 00:11:07,325 Now, just for being here, 258 00:11:07,366 --> 00:11:10,836 yous each get a hot dog, pop and a bag of chips. 259 00:11:10,870 --> 00:11:13,940 Now, I see you've already got your pops and bags of chips. 260 00:11:14,006 --> 00:11:17,176 We'll have the hot dogs a little wee bit later, so... 261 00:11:19,211 --> 00:11:22,581 Gail, if you wouldn't mind joining me on the floor, please. 262 00:11:24,917 --> 00:11:26,587 This is Gail. 263 00:11:26,619 --> 00:11:27,919 Just like to say a quick thanks to Gail 264 00:11:27,953 --> 00:11:29,593 for providing us with a venue today, 265 00:11:29,622 --> 00:11:32,962 as the hot dogs, pops and bags of chips. 266 00:11:33,025 --> 00:11:36,855 (Applauding) 267 00:11:36,896 --> 00:11:39,766 - Thanks very much, Gail. - 'Kay. 268 00:11:46,972 --> 00:11:48,612 Now, yous are all down here today 269 00:11:48,641 --> 00:11:50,211 'cause yous've been mailbox stealin', 270 00:11:50,242 --> 00:11:54,582 shit throwin', fightin', name callin' and grab assin'. 271 00:11:54,613 --> 00:11:57,153 Well, I think yous have all had too much sugar cereal. 272 00:11:58,317 --> 00:12:01,117 So, what we've done here today, is arranged 273 00:12:01,153 --> 00:12:03,623 a panel of local experts on this sort of thing 274 00:12:03,656 --> 00:12:08,326 to see if we can't help yous sort yourselves out. 275 00:12:08,394 --> 00:12:10,634 So, what's say we get this rig rollin'? 276 00:12:13,132 --> 00:12:15,802 Like to hand over the floor to my good friend Dary. 277 00:12:15,835 --> 00:12:17,895 I'd like yous to give him your full attention 278 00:12:17,937 --> 00:12:19,737 'cause he's a pretty good guy. 279 00:12:19,772 --> 00:12:22,142 Dary, you have the floor. 280 00:12:22,174 --> 00:12:24,784 (Applauding) 281 00:12:35,454 --> 00:12:38,164 One or more of you 282 00:12:38,190 --> 00:12:42,160 dropped a shit in a bag and put it on my stoop. 283 00:12:42,194 --> 00:12:44,504 Yous used to do that, too. 284 00:12:44,530 --> 00:12:47,370 DAN, WAYNE: Allegedly. 285 00:12:47,433 --> 00:12:49,343 I'm thinking the reason 286 00:12:49,368 --> 00:12:50,838 that you guys are acting up so much 287 00:12:50,870 --> 00:12:52,840 is because you've got too much time on your hands. 288 00:12:52,872 --> 00:12:55,612 The idle mind is the devil's playground! 289 00:12:58,711 --> 00:13:01,681 So, if yous have got time for acting up, 290 00:13:01,714 --> 00:13:04,224 I think you've got time to learn a skilled trade. 291 00:13:04,283 --> 00:13:06,653 Learning a skilled trade will help you later on in life 292 00:13:06,685 --> 00:13:08,545 because everybody always needs a skilled tradesman. 293 00:13:08,621 --> 00:13:10,661 Now, Katy, would you help me 294 00:13:10,689 --> 00:13:12,529 with the dry-erase board, please? 295 00:13:12,558 --> 00:13:14,328 You're way closer to it. 296 00:13:14,360 --> 00:13:17,630 If yous can be one thing, yous should be efficient. 297 00:13:21,567 --> 00:13:24,537 Now, one or maybe more of you 298 00:13:24,570 --> 00:13:26,040 seem to need a bit of a reminder 299 00:13:26,071 --> 00:13:29,011 that shit... goes in the toilet. 300 00:13:30,509 --> 00:13:33,709 Now, who has a toilet? Well, everybody. 301 00:13:33,746 --> 00:13:35,206 And a question for you: 302 00:13:35,247 --> 00:13:37,217 Who is going to need their toilet fixer sooner or later? 303 00:13:37,249 --> 00:13:38,319 Answer: everybody. 304 00:13:38,350 --> 00:13:39,720 So, get your toilet ticket. 305 00:13:39,752 --> 00:13:41,492 That's for plumbers and pipefitters. 306 00:13:41,520 --> 00:13:42,860 Question for you: 307 00:13:42,888 --> 00:13:44,758 What happens in the summertime? 308 00:13:46,225 --> 00:13:47,985 That's right. It gets hot. 309 00:13:49,395 --> 00:13:51,895 People are always gonna need to stay cool, so get your fridge ticket. 310 00:13:51,931 --> 00:13:53,731 That's for AC, deep freeze 311 00:13:53,766 --> 00:13:56,166 and other air conditioning cooling systems. 312 00:13:56,202 --> 00:13:57,542 (Chuckling) 313 00:13:57,570 --> 00:13:59,570 You there, I see you like the use 314 00:13:59,605 --> 00:14:00,865 of your phone quite a bit. 315 00:14:00,906 --> 00:14:03,206 Is that what you like? Really nice. 316 00:14:03,242 --> 00:14:06,112 It's my phone now, okay? 317 00:14:09,215 --> 00:14:10,775 Bet you don't like it 318 00:14:10,850 --> 00:14:12,850 when that phone runs out of battery, do ya? 319 00:14:12,885 --> 00:14:14,285 No. 320 00:14:14,353 --> 00:14:17,063 Get your electrician's ticket. 321 00:14:17,089 --> 00:14:19,229 Everybody's always gonna need power. 322 00:14:19,258 --> 00:14:21,958 And if all else fails, yous can drive truck. 323 00:14:23,629 --> 00:14:26,429 So, there you see, to fix essential services 324 00:14:26,465 --> 00:14:28,095 in a person's home or business, 325 00:14:28,133 --> 00:14:30,103 you need to learn a skilled trade, that way, 326 00:14:30,135 --> 00:14:32,435 you'll always have work and you'll always stay busy. 327 00:14:32,471 --> 00:14:33,911 This is so gay. 328 00:14:33,939 --> 00:14:35,609 ALL: Oh! Hey! (All shouting at once) 329 00:14:35,641 --> 00:14:37,541 You want your mouth washed out with soap? 330 00:14:37,576 --> 00:14:39,806 You want your mouth washed out with soap?! 331 00:14:39,879 --> 00:14:42,079 I see you like that pop and bag a chips pretty good! 332 00:14:42,114 --> 00:14:43,654 I'll take it away from you just as fast 333 00:14:43,716 --> 00:14:45,276 as I fuckin' gave it to you-- 334 00:14:45,317 --> 00:14:47,147 (All yelling) 335 00:14:47,219 --> 00:14:49,419 Beers before games, buddy? 336 00:14:49,455 --> 00:14:51,415 Loving beer league already, bro. 337 00:14:52,725 --> 00:14:54,625 Hey, save some for the rest of us, Coach. 338 00:14:54,660 --> 00:14:56,600 (Chuckling) 339 00:14:56,629 --> 00:14:58,499 You guys ever seen the sun 340 00:14:58,564 --> 00:14:59,974 crest over the Blue Ridge Mountains? 341 00:14:59,999 --> 00:15:01,229 No, Coach. 342 00:15:01,267 --> 00:15:03,337 Fifteen years ago, me and Barb rented an RV, 343 00:15:03,402 --> 00:15:06,572 and we decided to drive across the United States... 344 00:15:06,605 --> 00:15:08,105 of America. 345 00:15:08,140 --> 00:15:11,080 Well, we camped outside the Blue Ridge Mountains. 346 00:15:11,110 --> 00:15:15,350 Just as the sun was cresting over that majestic scenery, 347 00:15:15,414 --> 00:15:17,954 Barb took some olive oil and squirted it into her hand 348 00:15:17,983 --> 00:15:22,493 and took my shaft and started stroking it slowly. 349 00:15:22,521 --> 00:15:24,091 Sorry. She what? 350 00:15:24,123 --> 00:15:26,163 Then, she popped a couple of winter fresh mints 351 00:15:26,191 --> 00:15:28,761 and it tingled as she took me orally. 352 00:15:28,794 --> 00:15:31,634 She was like a Hoover with perfect suction, 353 00:15:31,664 --> 00:15:34,674 you know, and just, ooh, latched on there 354 00:15:34,700 --> 00:15:36,770 and took me for a ride. 355 00:15:36,802 --> 00:15:41,112 Finally, I just ejaculated all my semen, 356 00:15:41,140 --> 00:15:44,110 just sat back, so much peace. 357 00:15:44,143 --> 00:15:46,853 Just looked at the mountains and the sun. 358 00:15:46,879 --> 00:15:49,779 Course, Barb went and washed her face. 359 00:15:50,983 --> 00:15:52,953 You ready to win us a beer league hockey game? 360 00:15:52,985 --> 00:15:55,885 Let's, uh, do this! 361 00:15:58,490 --> 00:15:59,860 (Beers clinking) 362 00:15:59,892 --> 00:16:02,562 And I'll put what's left of yous in a standard envelope 363 00:16:02,628 --> 00:16:05,298 and mail you back to your goddamn parents! 364 00:16:13,405 --> 00:16:14,865 (Clearing throat) 365 00:16:14,907 --> 00:16:18,177 I'd just like to thank Surly Dan for his explosive, 366 00:16:18,210 --> 00:16:20,580 yet compelling message on mailbox stealin' 367 00:16:20,646 --> 00:16:22,376 and how that's a federal crime. 368 00:16:22,414 --> 00:16:23,684 Feds are the real criminals! 369 00:16:23,716 --> 00:16:24,976 Yeah, we heard you, bud. 370 00:16:25,017 --> 00:16:27,047 But that's my fuckin' mailbox! 371 00:16:27,086 --> 00:16:29,356 Sun's getting real low, big fella. Come on. 372 00:16:34,760 --> 00:16:36,360 WAYNE: Well, it looks like yous are starting 373 00:16:36,395 --> 00:16:38,695 to settle into this. That's a pretty good thing, 374 00:16:38,731 --> 00:16:41,501 'cause guess what's right up 'round the corner? 375 00:16:41,533 --> 00:16:42,943 Hot dogs. 376 00:16:44,269 --> 00:16:47,009 Like to hand over the floor to Stewart, Roald, 377 00:16:47,039 --> 00:16:49,339 Tyson and Joint Boy, who are gonna have a quick chat 378 00:16:49,375 --> 00:16:50,835 with yous about fightin'. 379 00:16:50,876 --> 00:16:53,606 - And name calling! - Yup fightin' and name callin'. 380 00:16:53,679 --> 00:16:55,879 So, Stewart, Roald, Tyson, Joint Boy, 381 00:16:55,914 --> 00:16:57,584 yous have the floor. 382 00:16:57,616 --> 00:16:59,946 (Applauding) 383 00:17:02,554 --> 00:17:04,564 Oh, allow me. 384 00:17:08,794 --> 00:17:10,464 Bet he tells them to self-medicate. 385 00:17:10,529 --> 00:17:13,199 The reason you're all fighting and mailbox stealing 386 00:17:13,232 --> 00:17:15,702 and shit throwing and grab assing... 387 00:17:15,734 --> 00:17:17,044 And name calling! 388 00:17:17,069 --> 00:17:19,609 ...is because you have too much energy! 389 00:17:19,638 --> 00:17:21,908 You must expend the energy 390 00:17:21,940 --> 00:17:25,440 that leads to poor choices and to do that... 391 00:17:25,477 --> 00:17:27,777 you must exercise. 392 00:17:27,813 --> 00:17:29,583 What is happening here? 393 00:17:31,650 --> 00:17:33,450 Our solution is two-fold. 394 00:17:33,485 --> 00:17:35,785 You seem to enjoy fighting, 395 00:17:35,821 --> 00:17:39,631 so you will get your exercise by learning to... 396 00:17:39,658 --> 00:17:41,288 fight. 397 00:17:41,326 --> 00:17:43,456 Fuckin' idiot. 398 00:17:43,495 --> 00:17:45,795 Tyson. Joint Boy. 399 00:17:45,831 --> 00:17:48,501 (Applause) 400 00:17:52,905 --> 00:17:55,165 So, we're gonna teach you how to box. 401 00:17:55,240 --> 00:17:57,280 Boxing is the superior discipline 402 00:17:57,309 --> 00:17:59,109 when it comes to physical combat. 403 00:17:59,144 --> 00:18:01,254 That's why they call it the sweet science. 404 00:18:01,280 --> 00:18:02,580 - Huh? - What? 405 00:18:02,614 --> 00:18:04,124 Muay Thai is the superior discipline. 406 00:18:04,149 --> 00:18:05,849 Boxing actually teaches you 407 00:18:05,918 --> 00:18:08,488 footwork and self-defence. 408 00:18:08,520 --> 00:18:11,320 I'd evade your straight-on attack and knock you out. 409 00:18:11,356 --> 00:18:13,286 You'd be able to evade my eight points of attack 410 00:18:13,325 --> 00:18:15,155 and knock me out with your two points of attack? 411 00:18:15,194 --> 00:18:17,334 You'd be surprised what I can do with my left and right hands. 412 00:18:17,362 --> 00:18:19,772 You'd be surprised what I can do with my left and right hand, 413 00:18:19,798 --> 00:18:21,998 my left and right elbow, my left and right knee 414 00:18:22,034 --> 00:18:23,344 and my left and right foot. 415 00:18:23,368 --> 00:18:25,338 Also, too, your boxing stance exposes your knee. 416 00:18:25,370 --> 00:18:27,510 What are you gonna do when I break it? 417 00:18:27,539 --> 00:18:29,509 (Chuckling) Try it. 418 00:18:29,541 --> 00:18:30,611 All right. 419 00:18:36,482 --> 00:18:37,622 Yeah. 420 00:18:39,118 --> 00:18:41,488 JOINT BOY: Come on! 421 00:18:55,033 --> 00:18:57,003 I smell hot dogs. 422 00:18:57,035 --> 00:19:00,235 Buddy! This is sick! 423 00:19:00,305 --> 00:19:02,735 Two genos, two apples. All while you're half cut. 424 00:19:02,808 --> 00:19:04,208 I love beer league, buddy. 425 00:19:04,243 --> 00:19:05,743 Rockin' a hat trick and a helper, 426 00:19:05,811 --> 00:19:07,651 all while working a little day fade. 427 00:19:07,679 --> 00:19:09,849 True dat! Coach, how you doing? 428 00:19:09,882 --> 00:19:12,222 You guys ever been to the Grand Canyon. 429 00:19:12,251 --> 00:19:14,051 - It's beautiful. - No, Coach. 430 00:19:14,086 --> 00:19:15,986 No, Coach, but if this is another one of your stories, 431 00:19:16,021 --> 00:19:17,391 it's all right, you-- 432 00:19:17,422 --> 00:19:19,832 Me and Barb parked the RV right beside that canyon 433 00:19:19,858 --> 00:19:22,488 and we got so overtaken with its beauty 434 00:19:22,528 --> 00:19:26,168 that I put down the kitchen table, it turns into a bed, 435 00:19:26,198 --> 00:19:28,228 and I just lowered her onto it, 436 00:19:28,267 --> 00:19:31,267 took her clothes off that voluptuous body. 437 00:19:31,336 --> 00:19:34,266 She had the biggest fuckin' tits. 438 00:19:34,339 --> 00:19:36,069 Guys... 439 00:19:36,108 --> 00:19:39,408 she had one nipple that was the size of a silver dollar. 440 00:19:39,444 --> 00:19:41,114 The other one didn't even have a nipple, 441 00:19:41,180 --> 00:19:43,020 so I just stayed away from there. 442 00:19:43,048 --> 00:19:44,748 Then, I took some olive oil, 443 00:19:44,783 --> 00:19:46,193 'cause we were in the kitchen, right? 444 00:19:46,218 --> 00:19:49,018 I just dumped that all over her, right? 445 00:19:49,054 --> 00:19:51,724 And then, I took my sword 446 00:19:51,757 --> 00:19:55,087 and I just-- I took Camelot. 447 00:19:55,127 --> 00:19:58,527 Or as we called it "Cumalot". 448 00:19:58,564 --> 00:20:02,604 Then, I was so tired, I just fell asleep. 449 00:20:02,634 --> 00:20:04,904 Barb, of course, went outside 450 00:20:04,937 --> 00:20:06,937 and washed up with the garden hose. 451 00:20:06,972 --> 00:20:08,112 PLAYER: Let's go! Come on! 452 00:20:08,140 --> 00:20:09,270 BOTH: Thank God. 453 00:20:09,308 --> 00:20:10,708 - Fuck. Let's wheel. - Wheel, wheel. 454 00:20:10,742 --> 00:20:12,442 Wheel, wheel, wheel! 455 00:20:12,477 --> 00:20:13,747 (Whistle blowing) 456 00:20:13,779 --> 00:20:15,279 Did yous all get a hot dog? 457 00:20:15,314 --> 00:20:17,454 Give 'em all hot dogs? Pretty good hot dogs? 458 00:20:17,482 --> 00:20:19,752 Boy, I love hot dogs. 459 00:20:22,454 --> 00:20:25,294 Well, here's a scoop I'm gonna tell ya, 460 00:20:25,324 --> 00:20:27,834 yous have all been little shits. 461 00:20:27,893 --> 00:20:29,233 But the worst of it all, 462 00:20:29,261 --> 00:20:33,331 like, by far, is grab assin'. 463 00:20:33,398 --> 00:20:36,598 Now, to explain to yous why that's super bad, 464 00:20:36,635 --> 00:20:39,265 I've enlisted the help of my sister Katy, 465 00:20:39,304 --> 00:20:41,914 as well as my sweetie Rosie. 466 00:20:41,940 --> 00:20:44,010 (Clearing throat) 467 00:20:45,344 --> 00:20:48,314 Katy, Rosie, yous have the floor. 468 00:20:48,347 --> 00:20:49,777 (Applauding) 469 00:20:56,288 --> 00:20:59,958 So, I hear you little boys like to grab ass, eh? 470 00:20:59,992 --> 00:21:01,532 You like grabbin' girls by the ass? 471 00:21:01,593 --> 00:21:03,963 - Um... - Let me tell you a little something 472 00:21:03,996 --> 00:21:06,156 about little boys who grab asses. 473 00:21:06,198 --> 00:21:08,268 Grabbin' ass, otherwise known as assault 474 00:21:08,300 --> 00:21:10,170 and sometimes molestation. 475 00:21:10,202 --> 00:21:12,172 - Guys-- - No, Bonnie. We got this. 476 00:21:12,204 --> 00:21:14,344 - Straight to the slammer. - The clink. 477 00:21:14,373 --> 00:21:15,813 - The pen. - The cage. 478 00:21:15,841 --> 00:21:17,341 - The pound. - Prison. 479 00:21:17,376 --> 00:21:19,276 Wanna know what happens to little boys in prison? 480 00:21:19,311 --> 00:21:21,311 Let's try to keep this PGs. 481 00:21:21,346 --> 00:21:23,016 KATY: Well, you wanna know what happens 482 00:21:23,048 --> 00:21:25,318 to little boys after they've served time in prison? 483 00:21:25,350 --> 00:21:26,620 Katy... 484 00:21:26,652 --> 00:21:28,652 Bonnie, we've got this. 485 00:21:28,687 --> 00:21:32,017 KATY: Do you guys know what the sex offender registry is? 486 00:21:32,057 --> 00:21:33,157 - Yes. - Stewart! 487 00:21:33,191 --> 00:21:35,061 For the rest of your life, 488 00:21:35,127 --> 00:21:36,857 wherever you decide to set up shop, 489 00:21:36,895 --> 00:21:38,625 you'll have to go door to door 490 00:21:38,664 --> 00:21:41,474 and introduce yourself to your neighbours and be like, 491 00:21:41,500 --> 00:21:43,540 "Hi, I'm Kyle" or "I'm Kendrick," 492 00:21:43,568 --> 00:21:46,538 or "I'm Kenny and I'm a sex offender." 493 00:21:46,571 --> 00:21:49,471 Yeah. I'm not sure if you little boys have noticed, 494 00:21:49,508 --> 00:21:51,708 but we've got some big dudes here in Letterkenny. 495 00:21:51,743 --> 00:21:54,713 Would you like to knock on this fella's door? 496 00:21:54,746 --> 00:21:57,316 Huh? Huh? Huh? 497 00:21:57,349 --> 00:22:00,489 A fella who looks like... this? Huh? 498 00:22:00,519 --> 00:22:03,519 Say "Hey, fella, I'm a sex offender" and see what happens. 499 00:22:03,555 --> 00:22:04,915 Rosie... 500 00:22:04,990 --> 00:22:07,760 KATY: No, Bonnie. Bonnie, no. You've suffered enough. 501 00:22:07,826 --> 00:22:09,486 Let's get to the bottom of this. 502 00:22:09,528 --> 00:22:12,598 Okay, which one of you little boys 503 00:22:12,664 --> 00:22:14,774 grabbed Bonnie's ass? 504 00:22:18,670 --> 00:22:20,410 Not so tough now, eh? 505 00:22:20,439 --> 00:22:23,909 Not so tough, now that you've been called to the carpet. 506 00:22:23,942 --> 00:22:26,452 Which one of you little shits did it? 507 00:22:26,511 --> 00:22:28,181 (Gasping) 508 00:22:29,948 --> 00:22:31,578 Why'd you grab her ass? 509 00:22:31,616 --> 00:22:32,946 It's a great ass. 510 00:22:33,018 --> 00:22:34,518 (All murmuring) 511 00:22:34,553 --> 00:22:36,523 We're not arguing that it's a great ass. 512 00:22:36,555 --> 00:22:40,055 But she did have one of those poop bags for dogs 513 00:22:40,092 --> 00:22:41,692 sticking out of her back pocket. 514 00:22:41,727 --> 00:22:43,427 I just went to grab it and hand it to her. 515 00:22:43,462 --> 00:22:47,102 Well, you can see how Ms. McMurray 516 00:22:47,132 --> 00:22:49,432 would, uh... not have seen it that way. 517 00:22:49,468 --> 00:22:51,538 Then she called me a skank. 518 00:22:51,570 --> 00:22:53,210 ALL: Oh! 519 00:22:53,238 --> 00:22:54,868 - ROSIE: No! Bonnie! - (All yelling) 520 00:22:54,906 --> 00:22:57,306 Bonnie, this is a young girl-- 521 00:22:59,144 --> 00:23:01,414 REILLY: Six genos and six apples, buddy. 522 00:23:01,446 --> 00:23:02,906 Five tucks and seven helpers, bro. 523 00:23:02,948 --> 00:23:03,948 No back checking. 524 00:23:03,982 --> 00:23:05,952 No defensive responsibilities. 525 00:23:05,984 --> 00:23:08,124 BOTH: No leg day! 526 00:23:08,153 --> 00:23:09,923 Fuck, buddy, I could get use to beer league. 527 00:23:09,955 --> 00:23:11,255 Beer league for life, bro! 528 00:23:11,289 --> 00:23:13,129 You guys ever seen the Mississippi river? 529 00:23:13,158 --> 00:23:14,488 - No, Coach. - Please, Coach. 530 00:23:14,559 --> 00:23:16,289 We have so much going for us right here. 531 00:23:16,328 --> 00:23:18,398 flow of that river that hot summer night 532 00:23:18,430 --> 00:23:22,630 was only outdone by the flow of Barb's Bartholin glands. 533 00:23:24,069 --> 00:23:28,269 I undid by button-fly acid wash jeans... 534 00:23:28,306 --> 00:23:31,236 pulled out my quarter pounder, I presented it to her. 535 00:23:31,276 --> 00:23:34,606 No pickles, no onions, special order. 536 00:23:34,646 --> 00:23:36,006 Slid it inside her. 537 00:23:36,081 --> 00:23:37,981 There was some air caught up in there, 538 00:23:38,016 --> 00:23:39,846 so it was like... (Blowing raspberry) 539 00:23:39,918 --> 00:23:43,688 (Raspberry continuing) 540 00:23:44,823 --> 00:23:47,163 You gotta get it all out. 541 00:23:47,192 --> 00:23:50,862 And then, I kept going till I was ready to water her 542 00:23:50,929 --> 00:23:52,929 like a bed of Tuscan flowers. 543 00:23:54,433 --> 00:23:56,703 I ejaculated my semen all over her 544 00:23:56,768 --> 00:24:00,468 like I was hosing down an elephant at the circus. 545 00:24:01,840 --> 00:24:03,680 Then, I couldn't move after. 546 00:24:03,708 --> 00:24:06,378 I just laid there and listened to the river. 547 00:24:06,445 --> 00:24:08,505 Of course, Barb went and got a rag 548 00:24:08,547 --> 00:24:11,617 and some Head and Shoulders and cleaned herself up. 549 00:24:13,285 --> 00:24:15,485 Well, every program has its flaws, 550 00:24:15,520 --> 00:24:17,190 but if that's all we have to deal with, 551 00:24:17,222 --> 00:24:19,492 fuck, buddy, I guess we're beer leaguers. 552 00:24:19,524 --> 00:24:21,234 Beer league for life, bro! 553 00:24:21,293 --> 00:24:23,403 - 'Ferda. - 'Ferda. 554 00:24:25,397 --> 00:24:29,697 Guys, you ever been to Disneyland? 555 00:24:31,803 --> 00:24:34,013 Hey, leave it! 556 00:24:34,039 --> 00:24:35,839 Hey! leave it! 557 00:24:35,874 --> 00:24:38,244 He said fuckin' leave it! 558 00:24:44,316 --> 00:24:46,346 Yous mean to tell me I can't even take a piss 559 00:24:46,384 --> 00:24:48,594 without yous horsin' around? 560 00:24:48,653 --> 00:24:51,193 Yous are little shits with your horseplay, 561 00:24:51,223 --> 00:24:53,393 with your roughhouse. 562 00:24:53,425 --> 00:24:56,255 Now, Gail's been back there microwaving smokies 563 00:24:56,328 --> 00:24:58,398 all afternoon, so yous could enjoy a hot dog. 564 00:24:58,430 --> 00:25:00,100 I was gonna leave this as a surprise, 565 00:25:00,165 --> 00:25:02,595 but she's gone to the store to get more pops and chips. 566 00:25:02,667 --> 00:25:05,597 So, how do you feel now? Not very good. 567 00:25:06,771 --> 00:25:08,911 Now, what kids need if they're gonna shape up 568 00:25:08,940 --> 00:25:10,510 is some tough love, 569 00:25:10,542 --> 00:25:13,412 but that's your parents' jobs's. 570 00:25:13,445 --> 00:25:18,245 As your peer, all I can offer yous is logic. 571 00:25:18,283 --> 00:25:21,723 So, what we're gonna do... (Clearing throat) 572 00:25:21,753 --> 00:25:25,893 is sit down here today and logic these problems to death. 573 00:25:25,924 --> 00:25:27,464 Here we go now. 574 00:25:27,526 --> 00:25:29,356 - Mailbox stealin'. - Mailbox stealin'. 575 00:25:29,394 --> 00:25:30,764 Look, this is a small town. 576 00:25:30,795 --> 00:25:32,395 If you get in trouble with the law, 577 00:25:32,430 --> 00:25:34,130 you're gonna get written up in the paper. 578 00:25:34,199 --> 00:25:35,469 Either the police briefs 579 00:25:35,534 --> 00:25:37,444 or the court reports, if you get charged. 580 00:25:37,469 --> 00:25:39,439 So, now, how silly would you feel, 581 00:25:39,471 --> 00:25:41,771 if you get written up in the paper for a crime, 582 00:25:41,806 --> 00:25:44,606 and that crime is mailbox stealin'? 583 00:25:44,643 --> 00:25:46,653 Like, it's about the squarest crime there is. 584 00:25:46,711 --> 00:25:48,981 And fellas, if you want to know how hard it is 585 00:25:49,047 --> 00:25:50,447 to get any attention from girls 586 00:25:50,482 --> 00:25:52,252 after getting written up for mailbox stealin', 587 00:25:52,284 --> 00:25:53,424 fuckin' ask Dary. 588 00:25:53,451 --> 00:25:55,321 Yeah, and how long was it, Dary? 589 00:25:55,387 --> 00:25:57,817 Two calendar years and four fiscal months. 590 00:25:57,889 --> 00:25:58,959 Four fiscal months. 591 00:25:58,990 --> 00:26:00,260 Shit throwin'! 592 00:26:00,292 --> 00:26:01,462 Shit throwin', this one's easy. 593 00:26:01,493 --> 00:26:02,833 How fuckin' old are yas? 594 00:26:02,894 --> 00:26:04,764 Sixteen. 595 00:26:04,796 --> 00:26:06,996 What's your name? I think I know your old man. 596 00:26:07,065 --> 00:26:08,765 - Me? - Fuckin' never mind. 597 00:26:08,800 --> 00:26:10,470 KID: Everyone else here is fifteen though. 598 00:26:10,502 --> 00:26:11,972 I was held back first grade 599 00:26:12,003 --> 00:26:14,013 'cause it took me a little longer to read than most kids. 600 00:26:14,072 --> 00:26:15,642 - Loser. - Stewart. 601 00:26:15,674 --> 00:26:17,844 WAYNE: Well, look, if yous are gonna get involved 602 00:26:17,909 --> 00:26:19,179 in petty vandalism, like, 603 00:26:19,244 --> 00:26:21,314 do graffiti or something, get creative with it. 604 00:26:21,346 --> 00:26:22,976 It's more than a bit fuckin' primitive 605 00:26:23,014 --> 00:26:24,984 to be shittin' in bags and throwin' it places. 606 00:26:25,016 --> 00:26:27,586 Well, yous did that, too, when you were their age. 607 00:26:27,619 --> 00:26:30,189 DAN, WAYNE, DARY: Allegedly. 608 00:26:30,255 --> 00:26:31,955 (Mouthing word silently) 609 00:26:31,990 --> 00:26:33,290 Fighting! 610 00:26:33,325 --> 00:26:35,155 Well, look, I love a scrap as much as the next guy, 611 00:26:35,193 --> 00:26:36,863 let's make that good and clear. 612 00:26:36,928 --> 00:26:38,358 (Clearing throat) 613 00:26:38,430 --> 00:26:40,170 But you kids have your phones out all the damn time, 614 00:26:40,198 --> 00:26:42,268 taking videos of everything you see. 615 00:26:42,300 --> 00:26:44,500 So, let's say you get in a fight 616 00:26:44,536 --> 00:26:46,866 you get beat up or, even worse, knocked out, 617 00:26:46,938 --> 00:26:48,668 some young nut sack's got his phone out 618 00:26:48,707 --> 00:26:50,477 and he's taking a video of it, 619 00:26:50,508 --> 00:26:52,178 going home to put it on the fuckin' internet. 620 00:26:52,210 --> 00:26:54,450 And there's no helping you once it's on a few websites. 621 00:26:54,479 --> 00:26:58,279 (Scoffs) And God help you if it reaches the dark web. 622 00:26:58,316 --> 00:26:59,876 Once it's on there, it's on there for good 623 00:26:59,951 --> 00:27:02,191 and it could follow you around for the rest of your lifes. 624 00:27:02,220 --> 00:27:03,820 So, use your fuckin' heads. 625 00:27:03,855 --> 00:27:04,955 Name calling! 626 00:27:04,990 --> 00:27:06,730 Fuckin' sticks and stones. 627 00:27:06,791 --> 00:27:07,731 Grab assin'! 628 00:27:07,792 --> 00:27:10,162 Yous wanna go grab assin' girls? 629 00:27:10,195 --> 00:27:12,155 Okay. 630 00:27:12,197 --> 00:27:15,467 Now, more than likely that girl's got a big brother, 631 00:27:15,500 --> 00:27:17,370 or a big cousint', or an old man 632 00:27:17,402 --> 00:27:19,172 who's been tossin' bales around his whole life 633 00:27:19,204 --> 00:27:20,574 and loves the bottle. 634 00:27:20,639 --> 00:27:22,539 Now, I'm gonna tell ya, 635 00:27:22,574 --> 00:27:24,744 you don't want any of 'em grabbin' a hold of you. 636 00:27:26,911 --> 00:27:28,211 Don't... 637 00:27:28,246 --> 00:27:29,476 fuck... 638 00:27:29,514 --> 00:27:31,154 with girls. 639 00:27:33,251 --> 00:27:35,221 You know what? 640 00:27:35,253 --> 00:27:36,893 I've always wanted to be an actor. 641 00:27:36,921 --> 00:27:41,231 I am going to quit messing around and go do it. 642 00:27:41,259 --> 00:27:43,399 Well, don't fuckin' do that. 643 00:27:43,428 --> 00:27:44,858 Wait till you're older. 644 00:27:44,896 --> 00:27:46,596 Look how fucked up child actors get, 645 00:27:46,665 --> 00:27:48,325 with adults pressuring them to entertain. 646 00:27:48,366 --> 00:27:50,596 You'll have a needle in your arm by the time you're drinking age. 647 00:27:50,669 --> 00:27:53,769 I'm going to be a climate activist just like-- 648 00:27:53,838 --> 00:27:55,838 Don't do that! Well, like, 649 00:27:55,874 --> 00:27:57,684 look at how fucked up child actors get 650 00:27:57,709 --> 00:27:59,539 with adults pressuring them to entertain, 651 00:27:59,577 --> 00:28:02,107 like, fucking imagine how fucked up 652 00:28:02,180 --> 00:28:03,620 child climate activists get 653 00:28:03,682 --> 00:28:05,622 with adults pressuring them to save the fuckin' world! 654 00:28:05,684 --> 00:28:08,954 - (Chuckling) - So, what do we do? 655 00:28:09,020 --> 00:28:10,920 Well look, being a young shithead is a rite of passage. 656 00:28:10,955 --> 00:28:12,615 You're only a young shithead once. 657 00:28:12,691 --> 00:28:15,091 So, you might as well just go out 658 00:28:15,126 --> 00:28:16,796 and be a young shithead. 659 00:28:16,861 --> 00:28:19,701 Get in trouble, take risks, make mistakes, 660 00:28:19,731 --> 00:28:22,071 but, you know, keep it between the lines. 661 00:28:22,100 --> 00:28:25,070 - We all dids. - Yeah, but except for Dary, 662 00:28:25,103 --> 00:28:27,443 who got written up in The Banner for stealin' mailboxes, 663 00:28:27,472 --> 00:28:29,772 and then no girls would touch him for like... 664 00:28:29,808 --> 00:28:30,938 How long was it? 665 00:28:30,975 --> 00:28:34,205 Two calendar years and four fiscal months. 666 00:28:34,245 --> 00:28:36,445 Four fiscal months. 667 00:28:36,481 --> 00:28:39,051 So, here's what I want yous to do, 668 00:28:39,084 --> 00:28:43,094 I want yous to take what you've learned today... 669 00:28:44,622 --> 00:28:46,592 ...and fuck off. 670 00:28:46,624 --> 00:28:47,834 What are yous gonna do? 671 00:28:47,892 --> 00:28:48,762 Get hammered. 672 00:28:48,793 --> 00:28:50,563 Carve my names into the bars. 673 00:28:50,595 --> 00:28:52,655 - Make fun of the skids. - Fight this guy. 674 00:28:52,731 --> 00:28:55,001 Grab a big chunk of that ass. 675 00:28:57,936 --> 00:28:59,566 Well, sounds like we're gonna be 676 00:28:59,604 --> 00:29:02,274 young shitheads for a while yet, too. 677 00:29:02,307 --> 00:29:05,507 ♪ (Fast hard-core punk playing) ♪ 678 00:29:06,444 --> 00:29:14,654 ♪ 679 00:29:14,686 --> 00:29:16,646 ♪ Dancing, by me my love ♪ 680 00:29:16,688 --> 00:29:17,818 ♪ Changing my love ♪ 681 00:29:17,856 --> 00:29:19,686 ♪ Followed for the future ♪ 682 00:29:19,758 --> 00:29:21,658 ♪ She goes slowly ♪ 683 00:29:21,693 --> 00:29:24,203 ♪ So securely, lovesick, lonely... ♪ 684 00:29:24,262 --> 00:29:26,202 ♪ Needed more than ever ♪ 685 00:29:26,264 --> 00:29:28,674 ♪ Concrete face below the surface of the waves ♪ 686 00:29:28,700 --> 00:29:30,670 ♪ An endless chase, a straight line ♪ 687 00:29:30,702 --> 00:29:32,872 ♪ Life is not forever ♪ 688 00:29:32,937 --> 00:29:35,667 ♪ 689 00:29:35,707 --> 00:29:37,337 ♪ Sleep tight, care for no life ♪ 690 00:29:37,375 --> 00:29:38,875 ♪ Try to hope less ♪ 691 00:29:38,943 --> 00:29:41,683 ♪ Eyes wild, like the story, shifting endlessly ♪ 692 00:29:41,713 --> 00:29:43,653 ♪ So securely, lovesick, lonely... ♪ 693 00:29:43,681 --> 00:29:46,681 ♪ Needed more than ever ♪ 694 00:29:46,718 --> 00:29:49,688 ♪ concrete face below the surface of the waves ♪ 695 00:29:49,721 --> 00:29:51,691 ♪ An endless chase, a straight line ♪ 696 00:29:51,723 --> 00:29:53,863 ♪ Life is not forever ♪ 697 00:29:53,892 --> 00:29:58,732 ♪