1 00:00:09,630 --> 00:00:13,434 You were playing crib with your pals the other day... 2 00:00:13,467 --> 00:00:17,471 (Wind gusting) 3 00:00:17,538 --> 00:00:19,306 Fuck it's windy out there, eh? 4 00:00:24,278 --> 00:00:25,446 Dary? 5 00:00:25,479 --> 00:00:26,914 - Wayne. - Get involved. 6 00:00:26,947 --> 00:00:29,750 - Got somethin' on my mind. - Somethin' importants? 7 00:00:29,784 --> 00:00:31,619 It's almost not even worth thinkin' about. 8 00:00:31,652 --> 00:00:33,087 - Good enough! - Three-hander then. 9 00:00:33,120 --> 00:00:34,321 I prefers a three-hander. 10 00:00:34,388 --> 00:00:35,890 I was actually hoping Dary wouldn't be here, 11 00:00:35,923 --> 00:00:37,124 so that we could play a three-hander. 12 00:00:37,158 --> 00:00:38,559 Playing with three is good for me. 13 00:00:38,592 --> 00:00:40,061 Three-way gives you leeway. 14 00:00:40,094 --> 00:00:41,562 Can I bend your ear about something? 15 00:00:41,595 --> 00:00:43,431 Yep. Just go ahead and leave right after that, though, 16 00:00:43,464 --> 00:00:45,433 since we're playing a three- hander and I don't appreciate 17 00:00:45,466 --> 00:00:47,334 when you look at my cards over my shoulder. 18 00:00:47,401 --> 00:00:48,636 Yous know Mother Hutchins? 19 00:00:48,669 --> 00:00:50,805 'Course. Mother of 17. Great gal. 20 00:00:50,838 --> 00:00:52,139 By the way, can you grab us some Puppers 21 00:00:52,173 --> 00:00:54,842 out of the fridge on your way out? 22 00:00:54,909 --> 00:00:57,611 17 kids. One less than a baseball game. 23 00:00:57,645 --> 00:00:59,346 Giving birth 17 times... 24 00:00:59,413 --> 00:01:01,115 the war zone that must've left behind. 25 00:01:01,148 --> 00:01:03,484 Fuckin' Ma Hutchins just birthin' 'em. 26 00:01:03,517 --> 00:01:06,087 Anyhoo, Dary, can you make sure that the screen door latches? 27 00:01:06,120 --> 00:01:07,588 I don't want it blowing in the wind. 28 00:01:07,621 --> 00:01:10,024 I seen Mother Hutchins today and she was whistling 29 00:01:10,091 --> 00:01:12,193 when there's no way that she could've been whistling. 30 00:01:15,830 --> 00:01:16,964 What's that? 31 00:01:16,997 --> 00:01:19,633 I seen Mother Hutchins uptown 32 00:01:19,667 --> 00:01:21,368 in a beautiful dress. 33 00:01:23,204 --> 00:01:25,172 And then... 34 00:01:25,206 --> 00:01:28,609 a slight gust of wind came by... 35 00:01:28,642 --> 00:01:31,112 and I heard a very faint... 36 00:01:32,213 --> 00:01:33,848 (Low whistling) 37 00:01:33,881 --> 00:01:35,816 That's enough. 38 00:01:35,850 --> 00:01:38,886 Why couldn't she's have been whistling. 39 00:01:38,953 --> 00:01:41,288 On account of she was eating an ice cream cone. 40 00:01:41,322 --> 00:01:44,024 (Katy sighing) There's no possible way you can whistle 41 00:01:44,058 --> 00:01:45,526 when you're eating an ice cream cone. 42 00:01:45,559 --> 00:01:47,361 - Pert' near. - So... 43 00:01:47,394 --> 00:01:50,231 where do you think the whistle sound was coming from? 44 00:01:52,466 --> 00:01:53,901 It's... 45 00:01:55,736 --> 00:01:57,204 It's almost not worth thinking about. 46 00:01:57,238 --> 00:01:59,073 Well, I think we're all thinking the same thing. 47 00:01:59,140 --> 00:02:00,474 - But what if we're not? - What do you mean? 48 00:02:00,508 --> 00:02:02,143 Like, if we aren't all thinking the same thing 49 00:02:02,176 --> 00:02:04,211 about, like... like where the... 50 00:02:04,245 --> 00:02:06,514 whistle sound was coming from on her body... 51 00:02:06,547 --> 00:02:07,715 Mother of 17... 52 00:02:07,748 --> 00:02:09,750 ...on a windy day, 53 00:02:09,817 --> 00:02:12,520 if it wasn't coming from her mouth? 54 00:02:12,553 --> 00:02:14,088 Yeah. 55 00:02:14,155 --> 00:02:17,258 What if we are not all in agreement about what the... 56 00:02:18,225 --> 00:02:20,361 ...source of the whistle is? 57 00:02:20,394 --> 00:02:23,063 Then, you'd have egg on your face. 58 00:02:23,097 --> 00:02:24,932 There's only one way to find out. 59 00:02:31,205 --> 00:02:33,240 Okay, Dary. Dary, okay. 60 00:02:33,274 --> 00:02:37,077 Are you suggesting that wind went up Ma Hutchins' skirt 61 00:02:37,111 --> 00:02:39,713 and hit her... vagina... 62 00:02:41,115 --> 00:02:43,184 ...and made a whistle sound? 63 00:02:44,118 --> 00:02:45,753 Is that what you were thinking, Katy? 64 00:02:45,786 --> 00:02:47,087 Is that what you were thinking, Dan? 65 00:02:47,121 --> 00:02:48,722 It's quite obvious that's what Wayne was thinking. 66 00:02:48,756 --> 00:02:51,292 Put me outta my misery here. Do I have egg on my face or not? 67 00:02:53,961 --> 00:02:55,362 - No. - DAN AND KATY: No. 68 00:02:57,264 --> 00:02:59,900 I'm not... 69 00:02:59,934 --> 00:03:01,435 unconvinced... 70 00:03:01,468 --> 00:03:04,972 that wind... 71 00:03:05,039 --> 00:03:08,709 hitting the womanhood of a mother of 17... 72 00:03:08,742 --> 00:03:12,313 at the right speed and angles 73 00:03:12,379 --> 00:03:17,418 could create vibrations... 74 00:03:17,451 --> 00:03:19,420 causing sounds. 75 00:03:21,455 --> 00:03:23,557 I'm just not convinced it would be a whistle. 76 00:03:24,992 --> 00:03:29,563 I think we need to take into consideration that... 77 00:03:29,597 --> 00:03:31,465 17 melons have passed 78 00:03:31,498 --> 00:03:33,667 through that particular greengrocer's... 79 00:03:35,669 --> 00:03:37,238 ...and that.. 80 00:03:37,271 --> 00:03:41,175 the wind hittin' her... 81 00:03:43,677 --> 00:03:44,979 vagina... 82 00:03:45,012 --> 00:03:48,482 would sounds more likes a... 83 00:03:49,483 --> 00:03:52,152 balloons leaking air out of a very thin hole. 84 00:03:52,186 --> 00:03:54,355 How would that sound, Dan? 85 00:03:54,421 --> 00:03:57,825 Be more of a... be more of a high-pitched whistle. 86 00:03:57,858 --> 00:03:59,627 Uh... 87 00:03:59,660 --> 00:04:02,363 like a... 88 00:04:02,429 --> 00:04:04,865 (Air whistling through Dan's teeth) 89 00:04:04,932 --> 00:04:06,367 Cool it. 90 00:04:06,433 --> 00:04:10,771 Well, I was there, and what I heard... 91 00:04:12,039 --> 00:04:16,176 was more of a standard whistle, like this... 92 00:04:18,946 --> 00:04:20,381 (Whistling lowly) 93 00:04:20,447 --> 00:04:21,949 Uh-uh. 94 00:04:21,982 --> 00:04:23,851 No. What yous aren't taking into account 95 00:04:23,884 --> 00:04:27,821 are the... grooming styles 96 00:04:27,855 --> 00:04:31,458 of older women or lack thereof. 97 00:04:31,492 --> 00:04:33,394 I had not taken that into account. 98 00:04:33,460 --> 00:04:36,130 As a woman, I... 99 00:04:36,163 --> 00:04:40,134 I do think that the whistle sound is more plausible. 100 00:04:40,167 --> 00:04:44,705 But I feel like there would be an addition... 101 00:04:44,738 --> 00:04:48,509 of a... rustling sound of sorts. 102 00:04:49,977 --> 00:04:53,681 Like a wind rustling in the bush. 103 00:04:55,182 --> 00:04:59,153 Dary... make the whistle sound, again. 104 00:05:03,090 --> 00:05:04,992 - (Whistling lowly) - (Hair rustling) 105 00:05:05,025 --> 00:05:07,428 We respect our fuckin' elders. 106 00:05:07,494 --> 00:05:10,364 Yeah, it be more what it sounds like. Yeah. 107 00:05:11,932 --> 00:05:13,767 Look, any of yous ever been in a cave? 108 00:05:13,834 --> 00:05:14,902 You mean a real cave? 109 00:05:14,935 --> 00:05:16,203 - Fuckin' sake, Dary. - No. 110 00:05:16,236 --> 00:05:17,438 - Nope. - No. 111 00:05:17,504 --> 00:05:19,673 - You? - Yeah. 112 00:05:19,707 --> 00:05:21,442 Down Disney. 113 00:05:21,508 --> 00:05:25,412 Now, as the only one here who's even been in a cave, 114 00:05:25,446 --> 00:05:27,915 and witnessed the dull hum 115 00:05:27,948 --> 00:05:31,685 of wind hittin' something cavernous... 116 00:05:31,719 --> 00:05:35,255 ...like Dary, okay, the whistle sound is plausible, 117 00:05:35,289 --> 00:05:38,025 and, Dan, I can picture the accompaniment 118 00:05:38,058 --> 00:05:41,128 of air being released balloon, 119 00:05:41,195 --> 00:05:43,364 and, okay, Katy... 120 00:05:45,299 --> 00:05:48,635 Katy, okay. I suppose the grooming styles 121 00:05:48,702 --> 00:05:49,770 of older ladies-- 122 00:05:49,803 --> 00:05:51,105 Or lack thereof. 123 00:05:51,138 --> 00:05:54,541 --oughtta be considered as well. 124 00:05:54,575 --> 00:05:57,611 But what I think we're missing here from the equation 125 00:05:57,644 --> 00:06:00,948 is the... dull hum. 126 00:06:00,981 --> 00:06:03,217 What would that sound like? 127 00:06:03,250 --> 00:06:05,719 A bit like an idle lightsaber, I think. 128 00:06:05,753 --> 00:06:08,989 - Like a Star Wars lightsaber? - Don't piss me off, Dary. 129 00:06:09,056 --> 00:06:11,625 So, like? 130 00:06:14,328 --> 00:06:18,399 (Imitating high-pitch hum of lightsaber) 131 00:06:18,432 --> 00:06:20,434 - That holds water. - Most caves do. 132 00:06:20,467 --> 00:06:22,136 However... like, if we were to combine 133 00:06:22,169 --> 00:06:24,638 all our assumptions here, and... 134 00:06:24,671 --> 00:06:29,476 well, I think that just might be the ticket. 135 00:06:34,181 --> 00:06:37,184 And a-one, and a-two, and a one, two three and... 136 00:06:37,251 --> 00:06:40,988 (Whistling, rustling, humming) 137 00:06:41,021 --> 00:06:42,523 Now... 138 00:06:42,589 --> 00:06:46,093 it's almost not worth thinkin' about. 139 00:06:46,126 --> 00:06:50,297 (Theme music playing) 140 00:06:53,467 --> 00:06:56,003 DAN: Fuckin' piece of shit. God damn assholes. 141 00:06:56,036 --> 00:06:58,972 (Muttering) Kids today have got fuckin' problems! 142 00:06:59,006 --> 00:07:00,007 You're kidding. 143 00:07:00,040 --> 00:07:01,942 Aren't you surly, Squirrelly. 144 00:07:01,975 --> 00:07:03,343 Some little shits 145 00:07:03,377 --> 00:07:05,279 stole the mailbox from the end of the laneways. 146 00:07:05,312 --> 00:07:06,847 Yous use to steal mailboxes 147 00:07:06,880 --> 00:07:09,183 at the end of laneways all the time when you were kids. 148 00:07:09,216 --> 00:07:10,350 DAN, WAYNE: Allegedly. 149 00:07:10,384 --> 00:07:11,685 That's a federal crime. 150 00:07:11,718 --> 00:07:13,520 The feds are the real fuckin' criminals! 151 00:07:13,554 --> 00:07:15,956 But that's my fuckin' mailbox! 152 00:07:15,989 --> 00:07:19,026 DARY: (Muttering) Motherfucker... 153 00:07:19,059 --> 00:07:20,527 I've had it with kids with problems! 154 00:07:20,561 --> 00:07:23,197 WAYNE: Sounds like you've had it with kids then. 155 00:07:23,230 --> 00:07:25,566 - A bit hairy, Dary? - Some little fuckers 156 00:07:25,632 --> 00:07:27,367 put shit in a bag, put it on my stoop. 157 00:07:27,401 --> 00:07:28,735 How could they stoop so low? 158 00:07:28,802 --> 00:07:30,471 Yous used to put shit in bags and leave 'em places 159 00:07:30,504 --> 00:07:32,172 all the time when you were kids, too. 160 00:07:32,206 --> 00:07:33,373 ALL: Allegedly. 161 00:07:33,407 --> 00:07:34,842 Yous should have motion sensing cameras 162 00:07:34,875 --> 00:07:38,011 set up around your homes. It's the new norm. 163 00:07:38,045 --> 00:07:39,413 What am I? The FBI? 164 00:07:39,480 --> 00:07:40,881 Yeah, take it easy there Double-O7. 165 00:07:40,914 --> 00:07:42,249 Yeah. What am I? The CIAs? 166 00:07:42,316 --> 00:07:43,684 WAYNE: Fuckin' Carmen Sandiego over here. 167 00:07:43,717 --> 00:07:46,053 Cameras are a bit MI5, cousint'. 168 00:07:46,086 --> 00:07:47,488 Tinker Gailer soldier spy. 169 00:07:47,521 --> 00:07:49,389 Guess that was a bit Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D. 170 00:07:50,390 --> 00:07:52,025 Oh, here come the men in black. 171 00:07:52,059 --> 00:07:54,261 Do you know how many kids have problems in this town? 172 00:07:54,328 --> 00:07:56,063 - All of 'em. - They all wait for the bus 173 00:07:56,096 --> 00:07:57,498 on the corner of my yard. 174 00:07:57,531 --> 00:07:59,533 Oh, no. It's your mother's yard. 175 00:07:59,566 --> 00:08:03,871 Fuck! And they're out there fighting every day. 176 00:08:03,904 --> 00:08:05,339 And name calling! 177 00:08:05,372 --> 00:08:08,408 Yous used to scrap all the time when you were kids. 178 00:08:08,442 --> 00:08:10,410 Yous scrap all the time as adults. 179 00:08:10,444 --> 00:08:12,246 I'm surprised we're not havin'-- 180 00:08:12,279 --> 00:08:13,914 (Clearing throat) 181 00:08:13,947 --> 00:08:16,049 I said I'm surprised we're not having a scrap right now. 182 00:08:16,083 --> 00:08:17,084 ROSIE: You sorted? 183 00:08:17,117 --> 00:08:18,585 Wee of frog in my throat today. 184 00:08:18,619 --> 00:08:20,587 BONNIE: I'm sorry I'm late. 185 00:08:20,621 --> 00:08:22,523 I hate being late. I am never late! 186 00:08:22,556 --> 00:08:24,291 Shift doesn't start for another five. 187 00:08:24,358 --> 00:08:26,393 If you're not ten minutes early, you're late! 188 00:08:26,426 --> 00:08:27,961 - Why are you-- - Not now, Daryl! 189 00:08:28,028 --> 00:08:29,796 What's the fuss, Bon? 190 00:08:29,863 --> 00:08:31,265 Kids with problems! 191 00:08:31,298 --> 00:08:33,233 I'm glad yous are all finally catching up here. 192 00:08:33,267 --> 00:08:34,868 What did kids with problems do now? 193 00:08:34,902 --> 00:08:37,638 - Grab assin'! - ALL: Oh! 194 00:08:37,704 --> 00:08:39,940 Looks I can tolerates mailbox stealin'. 195 00:08:39,973 --> 00:08:41,375 I'll tolerate shit throwin'. 196 00:08:41,408 --> 00:08:43,477 - Worse things than fighting. - Name calling! 197 00:08:43,544 --> 00:08:46,280 But grab assin' young womens, that's where I draws the line! 198 00:08:46,313 --> 00:08:48,815 Something must be dones! 199 00:08:51,752 --> 00:08:53,053 Dart? 200 00:08:53,086 --> 00:08:55,289 Next time, it could be my ass that gets grabbed. 201 00:08:55,322 --> 00:08:56,456 Then mine. 202 00:08:56,490 --> 00:08:57,624 Then, with any luck, mine. 203 00:08:57,658 --> 00:08:59,259 Well, yous better get it sorted. 204 00:08:59,293 --> 00:09:00,827 You're not gonna help? 205 00:09:00,894 --> 00:09:02,095 - No. - Why not? 206 00:09:02,129 --> 00:09:04,097 Rosie and I have decided to take a dance class. 207 00:09:04,131 --> 00:09:05,265 BOTH: Really? 208 00:09:05,299 --> 00:09:07,000 - Fuck no! Get real. - Ha! 209 00:09:07,067 --> 00:09:08,335 But you're going. 210 00:09:08,402 --> 00:09:09,736 - Oh yeah? - Oh yeah. 211 00:09:09,770 --> 00:09:10,737 Okay. 212 00:09:10,771 --> 00:09:12,406 Look, we'll bring them down here. 213 00:09:12,439 --> 00:09:15,142 You don't even have to go anywhere. 214 00:09:15,175 --> 00:09:17,244 Can-- Can we get hammered? 215 00:09:17,277 --> 00:09:19,279 No. 216 00:09:19,313 --> 00:09:22,015 We do it once. We do it right. 217 00:09:22,082 --> 00:09:23,150 Patience. 218 00:09:23,183 --> 00:09:24,818 'Kay. 219 00:09:24,851 --> 00:09:27,421 Booze usually helps these things along, that's all I'm sayin'. 220 00:09:27,454 --> 00:09:28,989 (Clearing throat) 221 00:09:29,022 --> 00:09:30,490 - Hey, buddy? - Bro. 222 00:09:30,524 --> 00:09:31,858 Any part of you feel like 223 00:09:31,925 --> 00:09:33,527 you've done all you're gonna to do in hockey? 224 00:09:33,594 --> 00:09:36,330 - No. - I mean, we won a 'ship. 225 00:09:36,363 --> 00:09:38,599 'Coupla 'ships, on the ice and behind the bench. 226 00:09:38,632 --> 00:09:40,367 So, what comes next? 227 00:09:40,434 --> 00:09:42,502 I don't know. Some back checking. 228 00:09:42,536 --> 00:09:45,339 Some learning defensive responsibilities. 229 00:09:45,372 --> 00:09:47,040 Not skipping leg day. 230 00:09:47,107 --> 00:09:48,842 Oh my God. See, that's the thing. 231 00:09:48,875 --> 00:09:50,210 I'm sick of back checking. 232 00:09:50,277 --> 00:09:52,546 I'm sick of defensive responsibilities. 233 00:09:52,613 --> 00:09:54,982 Fuck leg day. What if I told you 234 00:09:55,015 --> 00:09:57,284 there's a league where you didn't have to do any of that? 235 00:09:57,317 --> 00:09:59,219 - I'd call you a liar. - (Snapping) 236 00:09:59,286 --> 00:10:00,320 Full on selfish hockey. 237 00:10:00,354 --> 00:10:01,488 That only exists in dreams. 238 00:10:01,521 --> 00:10:02,956 And there's beer. 239 00:10:02,990 --> 00:10:04,157 Are we-- 240 00:10:04,191 --> 00:10:05,392 - Are we dreaming? - Are we dreaming? 241 00:10:05,459 --> 00:10:06,893 COACH: Oh, no. 242 00:10:06,960 --> 00:10:11,031 Would you like to join my beer league hockey team? 243 00:10:14,134 --> 00:10:16,136 (Laughing) There's beer. 244 00:10:17,337 --> 00:10:19,406 You're gonna love it. 245 00:10:20,741 --> 00:10:23,877 There's hockey... (Laughing) and there's beer. 246 00:10:23,910 --> 00:10:26,413 (Laughing) 247 00:10:29,349 --> 00:10:31,351 (Sighing) 248 00:10:31,385 --> 00:10:33,587 - You in? - (Whistle blowing) 249 00:10:47,434 --> 00:10:50,237 (Clearing throat) 250 00:10:50,270 --> 00:10:52,005 How are you now? 251 00:10:52,039 --> 00:10:55,409 Guess I'll start by saying, uh, we appreciate yous 252 00:10:55,442 --> 00:10:57,678 taking the time to come down here today, 253 00:10:57,711 --> 00:10:59,746 taking time away from... 254 00:10:59,780 --> 00:11:01,848 well, being little fuckin' idiots. 255 00:11:01,882 --> 00:11:03,784 Guess, as a sort of peace offering, 256 00:11:03,850 --> 00:11:05,619 we've arranged a little surprise for yous. 257 00:11:05,686 --> 00:11:07,354 Now, just for being here, 258 00:11:07,387 --> 00:11:10,857 yous each get a hot dog, pop and a bag of chips. 259 00:11:10,891 --> 00:11:13,960 Now, I see you've already got your pops and bags of chips. 260 00:11:14,027 --> 00:11:17,197 We'll have the hot dogs a little wee bit later, so... 261 00:11:19,232 --> 00:11:22,602 Gail, if you wouldn't mind joining me on the floor, please. 262 00:11:24,938 --> 00:11:26,606 This is Gail. 263 00:11:26,640 --> 00:11:27,941 Just like to say a quick thanks to Gail 264 00:11:27,974 --> 00:11:29,609 for providing us with a venue today, 265 00:11:29,643 --> 00:11:32,979 as the hot dogs, pops and bags of chips. 266 00:11:33,046 --> 00:11:36,883 (Applauding) 267 00:11:36,917 --> 00:11:39,786 - Thanks very much, Gail. - 'Kay. 268 00:11:46,993 --> 00:11:48,628 Now, yous are all down here today 269 00:11:48,662 --> 00:11:50,230 'cause yous've been mailbox stealin', 270 00:11:50,263 --> 00:11:54,601 shit throwin', fightin', name callin' and grab assin'. 271 00:11:54,634 --> 00:11:57,170 Well, I think yous have all had too much sugar cereal. 272 00:11:58,338 --> 00:12:01,141 So, what we've done here today, is arranged 273 00:12:01,174 --> 00:12:03,643 a panel of local experts on this sort of thing 274 00:12:03,677 --> 00:12:08,348 to see if we can't help yous sort yourselves out. 275 00:12:08,415 --> 00:12:10,650 So, what's say we get this rig rollin'? 276 00:12:13,153 --> 00:12:15,822 Like to hand over the floor to my good friend Dary. 277 00:12:15,856 --> 00:12:17,924 I'd like yous to give him your full attention 278 00:12:17,958 --> 00:12:19,760 'cause he's a pretty good guy. 279 00:12:19,793 --> 00:12:22,162 Dary, you have the floor. 280 00:12:22,195 --> 00:12:24,798 (Applauding) 281 00:12:35,475 --> 00:12:38,178 One or more of you 282 00:12:38,211 --> 00:12:42,182 dropped a shit in a bag and put it on my stoop. 283 00:12:42,215 --> 00:12:44,518 Yous used to do that, too. 284 00:12:44,551 --> 00:12:47,387 DAN, WAYNE: Allegedly. 285 00:12:47,454 --> 00:12:49,356 I'm thinking the reason 286 00:12:49,389 --> 00:12:50,857 that you guys are acting up so much 287 00:12:50,891 --> 00:12:52,859 is because you've got too much time on your hands. 288 00:12:52,893 --> 00:12:55,629 The idle mind is the devil's playground! 289 00:12:58,732 --> 00:13:01,701 So, if yous have got time for acting up, 290 00:13:01,735 --> 00:13:04,237 I think you've got time to learn a skilled trade. 291 00:13:04,304 --> 00:13:06,673 Learning a skilled trade will help you later on in life 292 00:13:06,706 --> 00:13:08,575 because everybody always needs a skilled tradesman. 293 00:13:08,642 --> 00:13:10,677 Now, Katy, would you help me 294 00:13:10,710 --> 00:13:12,546 with the dry-erase board, please? 295 00:13:12,579 --> 00:13:14,347 You're way closer to it. 296 00:13:14,381 --> 00:13:17,651 If yous can be one thing, yous should be efficient. 297 00:13:21,588 --> 00:13:24,558 Now, one or maybe more of you 298 00:13:24,591 --> 00:13:26,059 seem to need a bit of a reminder 299 00:13:26,092 --> 00:13:29,029 that shit... goes in the toilet. 300 00:13:30,530 --> 00:13:33,733 Now, who has a toilet? Well, everybody. 301 00:13:33,767 --> 00:13:35,235 And a question for you: 302 00:13:35,268 --> 00:13:37,237 Who is going to need their toilet fixer sooner or later? 303 00:13:37,270 --> 00:13:38,338 Answer: everybody. 304 00:13:38,371 --> 00:13:39,739 So, get your toilet ticket. 305 00:13:39,773 --> 00:13:41,508 That's for plumbers and pipefitters. 306 00:13:41,541 --> 00:13:42,876 Question for you: 307 00:13:42,909 --> 00:13:44,778 What happens in the summertime? 308 00:13:46,246 --> 00:13:48,014 That's right. It gets hot. 309 00:13:49,416 --> 00:13:51,918 People are always gonna need to stay cool, so get your fridge ticket. 310 00:13:51,952 --> 00:13:53,753 That's for AC, deep freeze 311 00:13:53,787 --> 00:13:56,189 and other air conditioning cooling systems. 312 00:13:56,223 --> 00:13:57,557 (Chuckling) 313 00:13:57,591 --> 00:13:59,593 You there, I see you like the use 314 00:13:59,626 --> 00:14:00,894 of your phone quite a bit. 315 00:14:00,927 --> 00:14:03,230 Is that what you like? Really nice. 316 00:14:03,263 --> 00:14:06,132 It's my phone now, okay? 317 00:14:09,236 --> 00:14:10,804 Bet you don't like it 318 00:14:10,871 --> 00:14:12,873 when that phone runs out of battery, do ya? 319 00:14:12,906 --> 00:14:14,307 No. 320 00:14:14,374 --> 00:14:17,077 Get your electrician's ticket. 321 00:14:17,110 --> 00:14:19,246 Everybody's always gonna need power. 322 00:14:19,279 --> 00:14:21,982 And if all else fails, yous can drive truck. 323 00:14:23,650 --> 00:14:26,453 So, there you see, to fix essential services 324 00:14:26,486 --> 00:14:28,121 in a person's home or business, 325 00:14:28,154 --> 00:14:30,123 you need to learn a skilled trade, that way, 326 00:14:30,156 --> 00:14:32,459 you'll always have work and you'll always stay busy. 327 00:14:32,492 --> 00:14:33,927 This is so gay. 328 00:14:33,960 --> 00:14:35,629 ALL: Oh! Hey! (All shouting at once) 329 00:14:35,662 --> 00:14:37,564 You want your mouth washed out with soap? 330 00:14:37,597 --> 00:14:39,833 You want your mouth washed out with soap?! 331 00:14:39,900 --> 00:14:42,102 I see you like that pop and bag a chips pretty good! 332 00:14:42,135 --> 00:14:43,670 I'll take it away from you just as fast 333 00:14:43,737 --> 00:14:45,305 as I fuckin' gave it to you-- 334 00:14:45,338 --> 00:14:47,173 (All yelling) 335 00:14:47,240 --> 00:14:49,442 Beers before games, buddy? 336 00:14:49,476 --> 00:14:51,444 Loving beer league already, bro. 337 00:14:52,746 --> 00:14:54,648 Hey, save some for the rest of us, Coach. 338 00:14:54,681 --> 00:14:56,616 (Chuckling) 339 00:14:56,650 --> 00:14:58,518 You guys ever seen the sun 340 00:14:58,585 --> 00:14:59,986 crest over the Blue Ridge Mountains? 341 00:15:00,020 --> 00:15:01,254 No, Coach. 342 00:15:01,288 --> 00:15:03,356 Fifteen years ago, me and Barb rented an RV, 343 00:15:03,423 --> 00:15:06,593 and we decided to drive across the United States... 344 00:15:06,626 --> 00:15:08,128 of America. 345 00:15:08,161 --> 00:15:11,097 Well, we camped outside the Blue Ridge Mountains. 346 00:15:11,131 --> 00:15:15,368 Just as the sun was cresting over that majestic scenery, 347 00:15:15,435 --> 00:15:17,971 Barb took some olive oil and squirted it into her hand 348 00:15:18,004 --> 00:15:22,509 and took my shaft and started stroking it slowly. 349 00:15:22,542 --> 00:15:24,110 Sorry. She what? 350 00:15:24,144 --> 00:15:26,179 Then, she popped a couple of winter fresh mints 351 00:15:26,212 --> 00:15:28,782 and it tingled as she took me orally. 352 00:15:28,815 --> 00:15:31,651 She was like a Hoover with perfect suction, 353 00:15:31,685 --> 00:15:34,688 you know, and just, ooh, latched on there 354 00:15:34,721 --> 00:15:36,790 and took me for a ride. 355 00:15:36,823 --> 00:15:41,127 Finally, I just ejaculated all my semen, 356 00:15:41,161 --> 00:15:44,130 just sat back, so much peace. 357 00:15:44,164 --> 00:15:46,866 Just looked at the mountains and the sun. 358 00:15:46,900 --> 00:15:49,803 Course, Barb went and washed her face. 359 00:15:51,004 --> 00:15:52,973 You ready to win us a beer league hockey game? 360 00:15:53,006 --> 00:15:55,909 Let's, uh, do this! 361 00:15:58,511 --> 00:15:59,879 (Beers clinking) 362 00:15:59,913 --> 00:16:02,582 And I'll put what's left of yous in a standard envelope 363 00:16:02,649 --> 00:16:05,318 and mail you back to your goddamn parents! 364 00:16:13,426 --> 00:16:14,894 (Clearing throat) 365 00:16:14,928 --> 00:16:18,198 I'd just like to thank Surly Dan for his explosive, 366 00:16:18,231 --> 00:16:20,600 yet compelling message on mailbox stealin' 367 00:16:20,667 --> 00:16:22,402 and how that's a federal crime. 368 00:16:22,435 --> 00:16:23,703 Feds are the real criminals! 369 00:16:23,737 --> 00:16:25,005 Yeah, we heard you, bud. 370 00:16:25,038 --> 00:16:27,073 But that's my fuckin' mailbox! 371 00:16:27,107 --> 00:16:29,376 Sun's getting real low, big fella. Come on. 372 00:16:34,781 --> 00:16:36,383 WAYNE: Well, it looks like yous are starting 373 00:16:36,416 --> 00:16:38,718 to settle into this. That's a pretty good thing, 374 00:16:38,752 --> 00:16:41,521 'cause guess what's right up 'round the corner? 375 00:16:41,554 --> 00:16:42,956 Hot dogs. 376 00:16:44,290 --> 00:16:47,027 Like to hand over the floor to Stewart, Roald, 377 00:16:47,060 --> 00:16:49,362 Tyson and Joint Boy, who are gonna have a quick chat 378 00:16:49,396 --> 00:16:50,864 with yous about fightin'. 379 00:16:50,897 --> 00:16:53,633 - And name calling! - Yup fightin' and name callin'. 380 00:16:53,700 --> 00:16:55,902 So, Stewart, Roald, Tyson, Joint Boy, 381 00:16:55,935 --> 00:16:57,604 yous have the floor. 382 00:16:57,637 --> 00:16:59,973 (Applauding) 383 00:17:02,575 --> 00:17:04,577 Oh, allow me. 384 00:17:08,815 --> 00:17:10,483 Bet he tells them to self-medicate. 385 00:17:10,550 --> 00:17:13,219 The reason you're all fighting and mailbox stealing 386 00:17:13,253 --> 00:17:15,722 and shit throwing and grab assing... 387 00:17:15,755 --> 00:17:17,057 And name calling! 388 00:17:17,090 --> 00:17:19,626 ...is because you have too much energy! 389 00:17:19,659 --> 00:17:21,928 You must expend the energy 390 00:17:21,961 --> 00:17:25,465 that leads to poor choices and to do that... 391 00:17:25,498 --> 00:17:27,801 you must exercise. 392 00:17:27,834 --> 00:17:29,602 What is happening here? 393 00:17:31,671 --> 00:17:33,473 Our solution is two-fold. 394 00:17:33,506 --> 00:17:35,809 You seem to enjoy fighting, 395 00:17:35,842 --> 00:17:39,646 so you will get your exercise by learning to... 396 00:17:39,679 --> 00:17:41,314 fight. 397 00:17:41,347 --> 00:17:43,483 Fuckin' idiot. 398 00:17:43,516 --> 00:17:45,819 Tyson. Joint Boy. 399 00:17:45,852 --> 00:17:48,521 (Applause) 400 00:17:52,926 --> 00:17:55,195 So, we're gonna teach you how to box. 401 00:17:55,261 --> 00:17:57,297 Boxing is the superior discipline 402 00:17:57,330 --> 00:17:59,132 when it comes to physical combat. 403 00:17:59,165 --> 00:18:01,267 That's why they call it the sweet science. 404 00:18:01,301 --> 00:18:02,602 - Huh? - What? 405 00:18:02,635 --> 00:18:04,137 Muay Thai is the superior discipline. 406 00:18:04,170 --> 00:18:05,872 Boxing actually teaches you 407 00:18:05,939 --> 00:18:08,508 footwork and self-defence. 408 00:18:08,541 --> 00:18:11,344 I'd evade your straight-on attack and knock you out. 409 00:18:11,377 --> 00:18:13,313 You'd be able to evade my eight points of attack 410 00:18:13,346 --> 00:18:15,181 and knock me out with your two points of attack? 411 00:18:15,215 --> 00:18:17,350 You'd be surprised what I can do with my left and right hands. 412 00:18:17,383 --> 00:18:19,786 You'd be surprised what I can do with my left and right hand, 413 00:18:19,819 --> 00:18:22,021 my left and right elbow, my left and right knee 414 00:18:22,055 --> 00:18:23,356 and my left and right foot. 415 00:18:23,389 --> 00:18:25,358 Also, too, your boxing stance exposes your knee. 416 00:18:25,391 --> 00:18:27,527 What are you gonna do when I break it? 417 00:18:27,560 --> 00:18:29,529 (Chuckling) Try it. 418 00:18:29,562 --> 00:18:30,630 All right. 419 00:18:36,503 --> 00:18:37,637 Yeah. 420 00:18:39,139 --> 00:18:41,508 JOINT BOY: Come on! 421 00:18:55,054 --> 00:18:57,023 I smell hot dogs. 422 00:18:57,056 --> 00:19:00,260 Buddy! This is sick! 423 00:19:00,326 --> 00:19:02,762 Two genos, two apples. All while you're half cut. 424 00:19:02,829 --> 00:19:04,230 I love beer league, buddy. 425 00:19:04,264 --> 00:19:05,765 Rockin' a hat trick and a helper, 426 00:19:05,832 --> 00:19:07,667 all while working a little day fade. 427 00:19:07,700 --> 00:19:09,869 True dat! Coach, how you doing? 428 00:19:09,903 --> 00:19:12,238 You guys ever been to the Grand Canyon. 429 00:19:12,272 --> 00:19:14,073 - It's beautiful. - No, Coach. 430 00:19:14,107 --> 00:19:16,009 No, Coach, but if this is another one of your stories, 431 00:19:16,042 --> 00:19:17,410 it's all right, you-- 432 00:19:17,443 --> 00:19:19,846 Me and Barb parked the RV right beside that canyon 433 00:19:19,879 --> 00:19:22,515 and we got so overtaken with its beauty 434 00:19:22,549 --> 00:19:26,186 that I put down the kitchen table, it turns into a bed, 435 00:19:26,219 --> 00:19:28,254 and I just lowered her onto it, 436 00:19:28,288 --> 00:19:31,291 took her clothes off that voluptuous body. 437 00:19:31,357 --> 00:19:34,294 She had the biggest fuckin' tits. 438 00:19:34,360 --> 00:19:36,095 Guys... 439 00:19:36,129 --> 00:19:39,432 she had one nipple that was the size of a silver dollar. 440 00:19:39,465 --> 00:19:41,134 The other one didn't even have a nipple, 441 00:19:41,201 --> 00:19:43,036 so I just stayed away from there. 442 00:19:43,069 --> 00:19:44,771 Then, I took some olive oil, 443 00:19:44,804 --> 00:19:46,206 'cause we were in the kitchen, right? 444 00:19:46,239 --> 00:19:49,042 I just dumped that all over her, right? 445 00:19:49,075 --> 00:19:51,744 And then, I took my sword 446 00:19:51,778 --> 00:19:55,114 and I just-- I took Camelot. 447 00:19:55,148 --> 00:19:58,551 Or as we called it "Cumalot". 448 00:19:58,585 --> 00:20:02,622 Then, I was so tired, I just fell asleep. 449 00:20:02,655 --> 00:20:04,924 Barb, of course, went outside 450 00:20:04,958 --> 00:20:06,960 and washed up with the garden hose. 451 00:20:06,993 --> 00:20:08,127 PLAYER: Let's go! Come on! 452 00:20:08,161 --> 00:20:09,295 BOTH: Thank God. 453 00:20:09,329 --> 00:20:10,730 - Fuck. Let's wheel. - Wheel, wheel. 454 00:20:10,763 --> 00:20:12,465 Wheel, wheel, wheel! 455 00:20:12,498 --> 00:20:13,766 (Whistle blowing) 456 00:20:13,800 --> 00:20:15,301 Did yous all get a hot dog? 457 00:20:15,335 --> 00:20:17,470 Give 'em all hot dogs? Pretty good hot dogs? 458 00:20:17,503 --> 00:20:19,772 Boy, I love hot dogs. 459 00:20:22,475 --> 00:20:25,311 Well, here's a scoop I'm gonna tell ya, 460 00:20:25,345 --> 00:20:27,847 yous have all been little shits. 461 00:20:27,914 --> 00:20:29,249 But the worst of it all, 462 00:20:29,282 --> 00:20:33,353 like, by far, is grab assin'. 463 00:20:33,419 --> 00:20:36,623 Now, to explain to yous why that's super bad, 464 00:20:36,656 --> 00:20:39,292 I've enlisted the help of my sister Katy, 465 00:20:39,325 --> 00:20:41,928 as well as my sweetie Rosie. 466 00:20:41,961 --> 00:20:44,030 (Clearing throat) 467 00:20:45,365 --> 00:20:48,334 Katy, Rosie, yous have the floor. 468 00:20:48,368 --> 00:20:49,802 (Applauding) 469 00:20:56,309 --> 00:20:59,979 So, I hear you little boys like to grab ass, eh? 470 00:21:00,013 --> 00:21:01,547 You like grabbin' girls by the ass? 471 00:21:01,614 --> 00:21:03,983 - Um... - Let me tell you a little something 472 00:21:04,017 --> 00:21:06,185 about little boys who grab asses. 473 00:21:06,219 --> 00:21:08,288 Grabbin' ass, otherwise known as assault 474 00:21:08,321 --> 00:21:10,189 and sometimes molestation. 475 00:21:10,223 --> 00:21:12,191 - Guys-- - No, Bonnie. We got this. 476 00:21:12,225 --> 00:21:14,360 - Straight to the slammer. - The clink. 477 00:21:14,394 --> 00:21:15,828 - The pen. - The cage. 478 00:21:15,862 --> 00:21:17,363 - The pound. - Prison. 479 00:21:17,397 --> 00:21:19,299 Wanna know what happens to little boys in prison? 480 00:21:19,332 --> 00:21:21,334 Let's try to keep this PGs. 481 00:21:21,367 --> 00:21:23,036 KATY: Well, you wanna know what happens 482 00:21:23,069 --> 00:21:25,338 to little boys after they've served time in prison? 483 00:21:25,371 --> 00:21:26,639 Katy... 484 00:21:26,673 --> 00:21:28,675 Bonnie, we've got this. 485 00:21:28,708 --> 00:21:32,045 KATY: Do you guys know what the sex offender registry is? 486 00:21:32,078 --> 00:21:33,179 - Yes. - Stewart! 487 00:21:33,212 --> 00:21:35,081 For the rest of your life, 488 00:21:35,148 --> 00:21:36,883 wherever you decide to set up shop, 489 00:21:36,916 --> 00:21:38,651 you'll have to go door to door 490 00:21:38,685 --> 00:21:41,487 and introduce yourself to your neighbours and be like, 491 00:21:41,521 --> 00:21:43,556 "Hi, I'm Kyle" or "I'm Kendrick," 492 00:21:43,589 --> 00:21:46,559 or "I'm Kenny and I'm a sex offender." 493 00:21:46,592 --> 00:21:49,495 Yeah. I'm not sure if you little boys have noticed, 494 00:21:49,529 --> 00:21:51,731 but we've got some big dudes here in Letterkenny. 495 00:21:51,764 --> 00:21:54,734 Would you like to knock on this fella's door? 496 00:21:54,767 --> 00:21:57,337 Huh? Huh? Huh? 497 00:21:57,370 --> 00:22:00,506 A fella who looks like... this? Huh? 498 00:22:00,540 --> 00:22:03,543 Say "Hey, fella, I'm a sex offender" and see what happens. 499 00:22:03,576 --> 00:22:04,944 Rosie... 500 00:22:05,011 --> 00:22:07,780 KATY: No, Bonnie. Bonnie, no. You've suffered enough. 501 00:22:07,847 --> 00:22:09,515 Let's get to the bottom of this. 502 00:22:09,549 --> 00:22:12,618 Okay, which one of you little boys 503 00:22:12,685 --> 00:22:14,787 grabbed Bonnie's ass? 504 00:22:18,691 --> 00:22:20,426 Not so tough now, eh? 505 00:22:20,460 --> 00:22:23,930 Not so tough, now that you've been called to the carpet. 506 00:22:23,963 --> 00:22:26,466 Which one of you little shits did it? 507 00:22:26,532 --> 00:22:28,201 (Gasping) 508 00:22:29,969 --> 00:22:31,604 Why'd you grab her ass? 509 00:22:31,637 --> 00:22:32,972 It's a great ass. 510 00:22:33,039 --> 00:22:34,540 (All murmuring) 511 00:22:34,574 --> 00:22:36,542 We're not arguing that it's a great ass. 512 00:22:36,576 --> 00:22:40,079 But she did have one of those poop bags for dogs 513 00:22:40,113 --> 00:22:41,714 sticking out of her back pocket. 514 00:22:41,748 --> 00:22:43,449 I just went to grab it and hand it to her. 515 00:22:43,483 --> 00:22:47,120 Well, you can see how Ms. McMurray 516 00:22:47,153 --> 00:22:49,455 would, uh... not have seen it that way. 517 00:22:49,489 --> 00:22:51,557 Then she called me a skank. 518 00:22:51,591 --> 00:22:53,226 ALL: Oh! 519 00:22:53,259 --> 00:22:54,894 - ROSIE: No! Bonnie! - (All yelling) 520 00:22:54,927 --> 00:22:57,330 Bonnie, this is a young girl-- 521 00:22:59,165 --> 00:23:01,434 REILLY: Six genos and six apples, buddy. 522 00:23:01,467 --> 00:23:02,935 Five tucks and seven helpers, bro. 523 00:23:02,969 --> 00:23:03,970 No back checking. 524 00:23:04,003 --> 00:23:05,972 No defensive responsibilities. 525 00:23:06,005 --> 00:23:08,141 BOTH: No leg day! 526 00:23:08,174 --> 00:23:09,942 Fuck, buddy, I could get use to beer league. 527 00:23:09,976 --> 00:23:11,277 Beer league for life, bro! 528 00:23:11,310 --> 00:23:13,146 You guys ever seen the Mississippi river? 529 00:23:13,179 --> 00:23:14,514 - No, Coach. - Please, Coach. 530 00:23:14,580 --> 00:23:16,315 We have so much going for us right here. 531 00:23:16,349 --> 00:23:18,418 flow of that river that hot summer night 532 00:23:18,451 --> 00:23:22,655 was only outdone by the flow of Barb's Bartholin glands. 533 00:23:24,090 --> 00:23:28,294 I undid by button-fly acid wash jeans... 534 00:23:28,327 --> 00:23:31,264 pulled out my quarter pounder, I presented it to her. 535 00:23:31,297 --> 00:23:34,634 No pickles, no onions, special order. 536 00:23:34,667 --> 00:23:36,035 Slid it inside her. 537 00:23:36,102 --> 00:23:38,004 There was some air caught up in there, 538 00:23:38,037 --> 00:23:39,872 so it was like... (Blowing raspberry) 539 00:23:39,939 --> 00:23:43,709 (Raspberry continuing) 540 00:23:44,844 --> 00:23:47,180 You gotta get it all out. 541 00:23:47,213 --> 00:23:50,883 And then, I kept going till I was ready to water her 542 00:23:50,950 --> 00:23:52,952 like a bed of Tuscan flowers. 543 00:23:54,454 --> 00:23:56,722 I ejaculated my semen all over her 544 00:23:56,789 --> 00:24:00,493 like I was hosing down an elephant at the circus. 545 00:24:01,861 --> 00:24:03,696 Then, I couldn't move after. 546 00:24:03,729 --> 00:24:06,399 I just laid there and listened to the river. 547 00:24:06,466 --> 00:24:08,534 Of course, Barb went and got a rag 548 00:24:08,568 --> 00:24:11,637 and some Head and Shoulders and cleaned herself up. 549 00:24:13,306 --> 00:24:15,508 Well, every program has its flaws, 550 00:24:15,541 --> 00:24:17,210 but if that's all we have to deal with, 551 00:24:17,243 --> 00:24:19,512 fuck, buddy, I guess we're beer leaguers. 552 00:24:19,545 --> 00:24:21,247 Beer league for life, bro! 553 00:24:21,314 --> 00:24:23,416 - 'Ferda. - 'Ferda. 554 00:24:25,418 --> 00:24:29,722 Guys, you ever been to Disneyland? 555 00:24:31,824 --> 00:24:34,026 Hey, leave it! 556 00:24:34,060 --> 00:24:35,862 Hey! leave it! 557 00:24:35,895 --> 00:24:38,264 He said fuckin' leave it! 558 00:24:44,337 --> 00:24:46,372 Yous mean to tell me I can't even take a piss 559 00:24:46,405 --> 00:24:48,608 without yous horsin' around? 560 00:24:48,674 --> 00:24:51,210 Yous are little shits with your horseplay, 561 00:24:51,244 --> 00:24:53,412 with your roughhouse. 562 00:24:53,446 --> 00:24:56,282 Now, Gail's been back there microwaving smokies 563 00:24:56,349 --> 00:24:58,417 all afternoon, so yous could enjoy a hot dog. 564 00:24:58,451 --> 00:25:00,119 I was gonna leave this as a surprise, 565 00:25:00,186 --> 00:25:02,622 but she's gone to the store to get more pops and chips. 566 00:25:02,688 --> 00:25:05,625 So, how do you feel now? Not very good. 567 00:25:06,792 --> 00:25:08,928 Now, what kids need if they're gonna shape up 568 00:25:08,961 --> 00:25:10,530 is some tough love, 569 00:25:10,563 --> 00:25:13,432 but that's your parents' jobs's. 570 00:25:13,466 --> 00:25:18,271 As your peer, all I can offer yous is logic. 571 00:25:18,304 --> 00:25:21,741 So, what we're gonna do... (Clearing throat) 572 00:25:21,774 --> 00:25:25,912 is sit down here today and logic these problems to death. 573 00:25:25,945 --> 00:25:27,480 Here we go now. 574 00:25:27,547 --> 00:25:29,382 - Mailbox stealin'. - Mailbox stealin'. 575 00:25:29,415 --> 00:25:30,783 Look, this is a small town. 576 00:25:30,816 --> 00:25:32,418 If you get in trouble with the law, 577 00:25:32,451 --> 00:25:34,153 you're gonna get written up in the paper. 578 00:25:34,220 --> 00:25:35,488 Either the police briefs 579 00:25:35,555 --> 00:25:37,456 or the court reports, if you get charged. 580 00:25:37,490 --> 00:25:39,458 So, now, how silly would you feel, 581 00:25:39,492 --> 00:25:41,794 if you get written up in the paper for a crime, 582 00:25:41,827 --> 00:25:44,630 and that crime is mailbox stealin'? 583 00:25:44,664 --> 00:25:46,666 Like, it's about the squarest crime there is. 584 00:25:46,732 --> 00:25:49,001 And fellas, if you want to know how hard it is 585 00:25:49,068 --> 00:25:50,469 to get any attention from girls 586 00:25:50,503 --> 00:25:52,271 after getting written up for mailbox stealin', 587 00:25:52,305 --> 00:25:53,439 fuckin' ask Dary. 588 00:25:53,472 --> 00:25:55,341 Yeah, and how long was it, Dary? 589 00:25:55,408 --> 00:25:57,843 Two calendar years and four fiscal months. 590 00:25:57,910 --> 00:25:58,978 Four fiscal months. 591 00:25:59,011 --> 00:26:00,279 Shit throwin'! 592 00:26:00,313 --> 00:26:01,480 Shit throwin', this one's easy. 593 00:26:01,514 --> 00:26:02,848 How fuckin' old are yas? 594 00:26:02,915 --> 00:26:04,784 Sixteen. 595 00:26:04,817 --> 00:26:07,019 What's your name? I think I know your old man. 596 00:26:07,086 --> 00:26:08,788 - Me? - Fuckin' never mind. 597 00:26:08,821 --> 00:26:10,489 KID: Everyone else here is fifteen though. 598 00:26:10,523 --> 00:26:11,991 I was held back first grade 599 00:26:12,024 --> 00:26:14,026 'cause it took me a little longer to read than most kids. 600 00:26:14,093 --> 00:26:15,661 - Loser. - Stewart. 601 00:26:15,695 --> 00:26:17,863 WAYNE: Well, look, if yous are gonna get involved 602 00:26:17,930 --> 00:26:19,198 in petty vandalism, like, 603 00:26:19,265 --> 00:26:21,334 do graffiti or something, get creative with it. 604 00:26:21,367 --> 00:26:23,002 It's more than a bit fuckin' primitive 605 00:26:23,035 --> 00:26:25,004 to be shittin' in bags and throwin' it places. 606 00:26:25,037 --> 00:26:27,607 Well, yous did that, too, when you were their age. 607 00:26:27,640 --> 00:26:30,209 DAN, WAYNE, DARY: Allegedly. 608 00:26:30,276 --> 00:26:31,978 (Mouthing word silently) 609 00:26:32,011 --> 00:26:33,312 Fighting! 610 00:26:33,346 --> 00:26:35,181 Well, look, I love a scrap as much as the next guy, 611 00:26:35,214 --> 00:26:36,882 let's make that good and clear. 612 00:26:36,949 --> 00:26:38,384 (Clearing throat) 613 00:26:38,451 --> 00:26:40,186 But you kids have your phones out all the damn time, 614 00:26:40,219 --> 00:26:42,288 taking videos of everything you see. 615 00:26:42,321 --> 00:26:44,523 So, let's say you get in a fight 616 00:26:44,557 --> 00:26:46,892 you get beat up or, even worse, knocked out, 617 00:26:46,959 --> 00:26:48,694 some young nut sack's got his phone out 618 00:26:48,728 --> 00:26:50,496 and he's taking a video of it, 619 00:26:50,529 --> 00:26:52,198 going home to put it on the fuckin' internet. 620 00:26:52,231 --> 00:26:54,467 And there's no helping you once it's on a few websites. 621 00:26:54,500 --> 00:26:58,304 (Scoffs) And God help you if it reaches the dark web. 622 00:26:58,337 --> 00:26:59,905 Once it's on there, it's on there for good 623 00:26:59,972 --> 00:27:02,208 and it could follow you around for the rest of your lifes. 624 00:27:02,241 --> 00:27:03,843 So, use your fuckin' heads. 625 00:27:03,876 --> 00:27:04,977 Name calling! 626 00:27:05,011 --> 00:27:06,746 Fuckin' sticks and stones. 627 00:27:06,812 --> 00:27:07,747 Grab assin'! 628 00:27:07,813 --> 00:27:10,182 Yous wanna go grab assin' girls? 629 00:27:10,216 --> 00:27:12,184 Okay. 630 00:27:12,218 --> 00:27:15,488 Now, more than likely that girl's got a big brother, 631 00:27:15,521 --> 00:27:17,390 or a big cousint', or an old man 632 00:27:17,423 --> 00:27:19,191 who's been tossin' bales around his whole life 633 00:27:19,225 --> 00:27:20,593 and loves the bottle. 634 00:27:20,660 --> 00:27:22,561 Now, I'm gonna tell ya, 635 00:27:22,595 --> 00:27:24,764 you don't want any of 'em grabbin' a hold of you. 636 00:27:26,932 --> 00:27:28,234 Don't... 637 00:27:28,267 --> 00:27:29,502 fuck... 638 00:27:29,535 --> 00:27:31,170 with girls. 639 00:27:33,272 --> 00:27:35,241 You know what? 640 00:27:35,274 --> 00:27:36,909 I've always wanted to be an actor. 641 00:27:36,942 --> 00:27:41,247 I am going to quit messing around and go do it. 642 00:27:41,280 --> 00:27:43,416 Well, don't fuckin' do that. 643 00:27:43,449 --> 00:27:44,884 Wait till you're older. 644 00:27:44,917 --> 00:27:46,619 Look how fucked up child actors get, 645 00:27:46,686 --> 00:27:48,354 with adults pressuring them to entertain. 646 00:27:48,387 --> 00:27:50,623 You'll have a needle in your arm by the time you're drinking age. 647 00:27:50,690 --> 00:27:53,793 I'm going to be a climate activist just like-- 648 00:27:53,859 --> 00:27:55,861 Don't do that! Well, like, 649 00:27:55,895 --> 00:27:57,697 look at how fucked up child actors get 650 00:27:57,730 --> 00:27:59,565 with adults pressuring them to entertain, 651 00:27:59,598 --> 00:28:02,134 like, fucking imagine how fucked up 652 00:28:02,201 --> 00:28:03,636 child climate activists get 653 00:28:03,703 --> 00:28:05,638 with adults pressuring them to save the fuckin' world! 654 00:28:05,705 --> 00:28:08,974 - (Chuckling) - So, what do we do? 655 00:28:09,041 --> 00:28:10,943 Well look, being a young shithead is a rite of passage. 656 00:28:10,976 --> 00:28:12,645 You're only a young shithead once. 657 00:28:12,712 --> 00:28:15,114 So, you might as well just go out 658 00:28:15,147 --> 00:28:16,816 and be a young shithead. 659 00:28:16,882 --> 00:28:19,719 Get in trouble, take risks, make mistakes, 660 00:28:19,752 --> 00:28:22,088 but, you know, keep it between the lines. 661 00:28:22,121 --> 00:28:25,091 - We all dids. - Yeah, but except for Dary, 662 00:28:25,124 --> 00:28:27,460 who got written up in The Banner for stealin' mailboxes, 663 00:28:27,493 --> 00:28:29,795 and then no girls would touch him for like... 664 00:28:29,829 --> 00:28:30,963 How long was it? 665 00:28:30,996 --> 00:28:34,233 Two calendar years and four fiscal months. 666 00:28:34,266 --> 00:28:36,469 Four fiscal months. 667 00:28:36,502 --> 00:28:39,071 So, here's what I want yous to do, 668 00:28:39,105 --> 00:28:43,109 I want yous to take what you've learned today... 669 00:28:44,643 --> 00:28:46,612 ...and fuck off. 670 00:28:46,645 --> 00:28:47,847 What are yous gonna do? 671 00:28:47,913 --> 00:28:48,781 Get hammered. 672 00:28:48,814 --> 00:28:50,583 Carve my names into the bars. 673 00:28:50,616 --> 00:28:52,685 - Make fun of the skids. - Fight this guy. 674 00:28:52,752 --> 00:28:55,020 Grab a big chunk of that ass. 675 00:28:57,957 --> 00:28:59,592 Well, sounds like we're gonna be 676 00:28:59,625 --> 00:29:02,294 young shitheads for a while yet, too. 677 00:29:02,328 --> 00:29:05,531 ♪ (Fast hard-core punk playing) ♪ 678 00:29:06,465 --> 00:29:14,673 ♪ 679 00:29:14,707 --> 00:29:16,675 ♪ Dancing, by me my love ♪ 680 00:29:16,709 --> 00:29:17,843 ♪ Changing my love ♪ 681 00:29:17,877 --> 00:29:19,712 ♪ Followed for the future ♪ 682 00:29:19,779 --> 00:29:21,680 ♪ She goes slowly ♪ 683 00:29:21,714 --> 00:29:24,216 ♪ So securely, lovesick, lonely... ♪ 684 00:29:24,283 --> 00:29:26,218 ♪ Needed more than ever ♪ 685 00:29:26,285 --> 00:29:28,687 ♪ Concrete face below the surface of the waves ♪ 686 00:29:28,721 --> 00:29:30,689 ♪ An endless chase, a straight line ♪ 687 00:29:30,723 --> 00:29:32,892 ♪ Life is not forever ♪ 688 00:29:32,958 --> 00:29:35,694 ♪ 689 00:29:35,728 --> 00:29:37,363 ♪ Sleep tight, care for no life ♪ 690 00:29:37,396 --> 00:29:38,898 ♪ Try to hope less ♪ 691 00:29:38,964 --> 00:29:41,700 ♪ Eyes wild, like the story, shifting endlessly ♪ 692 00:29:41,734 --> 00:29:43,669 ♪ So securely, lovesick, lonely... ♪ 693 00:29:43,702 --> 00:29:46,705 ♪ Needed more than ever ♪ 694 00:29:46,739 --> 00:29:49,708 ♪ concrete face below the surface of the waves ♪ 695 00:29:49,742 --> 00:29:51,710 ♪ An endless chase, a straight line ♪ 696 00:29:51,744 --> 00:29:53,879 ♪ Life is not forever ♪ 697 00:29:53,913 --> 00:29:58,751 ♪